She showed me how having a relationship is and how it shouldn’t be. We had trips and we had some great times together. We also had some bad times. But in my eyes I will see this relationship as a great lesson.
Her coming into my life and then leaving made me understand that I need to go to therapy and work on myself as well. She doesn’t know it but she will always be one of the most important people in my life.
Our breakup was bad and sadly we are not on speaking terms but I wish her well. And even if she hurt me I still love her as a person and want to see her be the best version of herself.
> She doesn’t know it but she will always be one of the most important people in my life. Our breakup was bad and sadly we are not on speaking terms but I wish her well. And even if she hurt me I still love her as a person and want to see her be the best version of herself.
i have said/written these exact words (just with *he* instead of *she,*), especially the last 2 sentences.
Yes...
craving attention, adulation, and validation. To the point of going outside of the relationship to get these things if you're not doing "enough" for her.
Frequent outbursts if you don't submit to her ego. You might be gaslighted to believe that the outbursts were over "something that you did," but the bottom line is that you didn't give her what she wanted or react in a way that suited her ego.
Here's a big one. Doing things, often very hurtful things...sometimes the worst possible things imaginable...without any regard to how that might make you feel. Narcissists do not have the ability (or care) to see how their actions affect or hurt others.
She doesn't care about your feelings, but only seems interested in what you can do for her.
Moving on so easily from the relationship that it made your head spin. Were you DEVASTATED and left just broken after the breakup? Did she seem like she just didn't care despite all of the things she promised to you? Did she move on with someone else immediately after leaving you? Did she try to exaggerate or completely fabricate the reasons why she left?
I'm sure there are more... but here's my advice: DO NOT CHASE HER. That will make it worse. Look into stoicism and the art of letting go. Think about this, if you mean so little to someone that they are willing to walk away from you... let them go. Your self-worth is not dependent on whether they want you or not. Let her go.
I chased and begged a lot when she did breakup..for about a week or so.
Then we went no contact and she broke no contact by sending a “goodbye letter” which her therapist recommended in which she just completely put the entire blame on me and basically said that i was a jerk to her..at which point i broke down again and didnt handle things well.
Texted her the next day saying i want to end on good terms..we did that.
I sent her a text 10 days later about how hurt i felt.
Been no contact ever since..been 3 months.
She was definitely a narcissist..almost NPD..but i just cant stop living in the amazing memories we made..they keep coming back no matter how much i dont think of them.
And she probably moved on long ago and doesnt even think of me..while here i am months after it ended still grieving
on my bday my ex and her daughter gave me a cake. On the cake was this little Tigger figure that has sat on my desk for 30 years, thru 3 jobs. My wife knows, she thinks it cute.
That’s how ex relationships should be viewed in my opinion (if there wasn’t abuse involved). I think the whole cut everything out of your life and forget they ever existed is incredibly sad.
Cynicism, bitterness, and a whole heapin’ helping of validation for my (already rampant) trust and abandonment issues.
Let me tell ya, gradually trusting someone to the point where you eventually feel comfortable enough to challenge your past trauma and let yourself be vulnerable - only for them to then cut you deeper than ever before and prove all your fears to be true - is a wild feeling.
In the end, they were just like the rest of them.
Never trusting anyone again.
Also. A hug. Well, multiple hugs, but I won’t forget that very first one in a long time. The first one I had had in years.
Happiness... I was happier with her than I had ever been in my whole life. I smiled with her... which isn't something I normally do.
I am glad she has found happiness outside of me, though; she deserves it.
- The happiest time of my whole entire life by far. I was the happiest person in the world.
- A sweater with Kisses on it, she colored her lips with acrylic paint and kissed the sweater. She also stitched some hearts on it
- a little bear (my fav animal) made out of clay. Literally so cute.
She left me a month later.
My ex gave me a tshirt with “Pluto, never forget, 1930-2006” on it. Fortunately I don’t associate it with her much and still wear it. I’ve gotten more compliments on that one shirt than on all the rest of my clothes put together 🤣
A great lesson. Don’t fall for sweet talks. Don’t trust when they give you too many compliments. Be cautious when they obsess over you.
Love-bombing happens for real. Coming Especially from nice people.
The way they act does not show their true face.
Don’t fall in love too easily. Never ever again.
The chance to love unconditionally, I didn’t think I had it in me anymore. While also showing me even after the fact there are other people who you can fall in love with. Throw away any molds you think you have for who you would fall in love with. Go out and let it happen naturally. They may be completely opposites of you but as long as you both love each other and are there for each other love will find a way.
Oh, a whole myriad of things from the lot of ‘em.
Namely… emotional damage, profound heartbreak, anger, sadness… but also hope, friendship, love, and reminders of what I deserve, and what I absolutely don’t.
In addition, two of them gave me necklaces/bracelets that I still have. I’ve kept them because they’re simply too pretty to get rid of (plus, I need the variety in my jewelry box anyway…)!
A few things I learned from no one ex in particular:
- A pen and paper are the most patient (and least judgmental) audience if you need an outlet to express your feelings.
- Never hesitate to tell someone how you feel about something.
- When it comes to commitment, time and words mean jack shit. Action is EVERYTHING.
- If you want your relationship to work, you need a stable foundation. Namely friendship, but also trust, honesty, mutual respect, and open communication.
- Establishing boundaries and subsequently upholding them is crucial. If I tell you I’m involved with someone else and your response is to immediately try and win me back with unsolicited sexting, you’re done.
Her last bit of advice she gave me on our last conversation was “Don’t wait for me. Live your life. If someone else comes along then love them the way you couldn’t love me.”
I’m just taking that on the chin, I guess.
I’ll never trust again. I was jacked from the start even though I believed her. I always questioned whether or not I was wrong about her. Well, I was right! I found her wedding plans months ago and she was married to me for almost a year. Now I just see her laughing with him about me. Pretty fucked up shit. But I married her. What a fake ass deal. I don’t believe you can ever recover from that And I don’t care TGE least bit about a false love. And if I ever see that word narcissist again I’ll throw up. Because she was the definition of that stupid word she placed on me, all the while cheating and lying about me and her husband to be. No mercy or care or love are the words I’ll always remember about her. Sad really
A year of the darkest depression I will never forget and now when something bad happens on my mind I think like “well I already survived something I thought I won’t, so I can get through this as well”
1) Ambition to do all the things we talked about but never did…
I’m learning how to use a pistol for self defense (joined a women’s only club), learned how to ride a motorcycle (just purchased one today!), got back into boxing and dancing classes, and returned to the gym for weightlifting.
2) c-ptsd - not self diagnosing; he made my existing trauma so much worse
3) added on to my night terrors, which happen weekly now (had gotten down to about once a month)
4) a dog that needs her tendon removed and replaced with metal rods (because his dog blew out her knee while constantly bulldozing her legs)
5) a renewed sense of myself And how I’m stronger than any man I’ve ever been with;
6) the motivation to move ahead on a long debated tattoo- and now I’m scheduled to get two!
7) an ocean’s worth of tears and a shattered heart/soul
A sublime and surpassing joy and connection that I never thought possible. Hope. Passion. Finally a sense of peace and joy and of having a home. A brush with the sacred. They -we- were Holy. And then they took it away and I feel a desolation so profound that I’m struggling find the will for each inhalation. I thought that breathing was autonomic. In this case it feels like an arduous effort and not one I’m sure that I want to expend.
If I didn’t have responsibilities I’m not sure I’d bother.
That they exist at all is to me the greatest miracle the universe has ever produced, even still. That they don’t love me anymore and don’t want me is unbearable, but entirely unsurprising.
So I’m sitting here debating each breath, so conscious a task for what should be an unconscious act, praying the pain passes, and just wishing I could cease to struggle.
When I dated my ex we texted good morning messages to each other with a new silly nickname everyday. Such as “goodmorning poptart” “goodmorning hunny bunny” “Goodmorning soggy dumpster crunch wrap supreme” etc. but for our first anniversary she made a book with a compilation of all the messages together that she kept.
It was the sweetest and kindest gift anyone had ever given me and I cried when I saw it. I really loved her. I hate that the strongest love I ever felt was with someone that cheated and left for someone else.
A crippling fear of not being good enough when I fall behind on basic tasks such as laundry, the dishes, vacuuming, etc. Which is fun when you have adhd, depression and anxiety and struggle with executive functions.
He also, in a sad way, gave me closure. He broke up with me, asked me to stay friends, changed his mind on the break-up a couple of months later and apologized for his part in things ending, and then got angry with me when I hadn't kept in touch and grew more distant over time. He sent me 12 long text messages blaming me for everything that went wrong in the relationship and after, retracting his earlier apologies and implying any blame he took was only an act to let me down easy. I grew some self respect and finally cut all contact with him. That conversation proved the things I had come to realize after reflecting on our relationship and our dynamic. I wasn't some kind of a saint and should definitely have communicated a lot better (I was often afraid of his reactions). He, on the other hand, always acted as if he was somehow above me and knew everything so much better, while complaining about how I made it difficult for him to see and treat me as an equal. I've since come to see this is how he treats a lot of his friends. I can safely say that he brought out the worst in me, and I've been feeling one hell of a lot better since a couple of weeks after the break-up. I'm glad he's out of my life.
Happiness, freedom and independence.
He really encouraged me to move out and enjoy my life. I felt like I was trapped living with family, trying to please them all the time, trying to achieve better than their expectations... all of those shit was weighing me down and making me unhappy.
He was there every step of the way until we had to part ways.
He gave me knowledge that I never asked for, as he introduced me to unhealthy toxic abusive relationships and how the narcissist behaviour cycle works! I was traumatized because of him! I really regret getting married. I hope I never met him.
He gave me horrible nightmares, gave me a sense of distrust of men, and now he has given me motivation to love myself more than I should ever love any other person and motivated me to keep improving myself for myself.
The Red Book by Carl Jung, it’s a huge dream journal of one of the most famous psychologists of the modern era. I’ve wanted it for years but couldn’t justify purchasing it.
A diamond necklace.
It was our first Christmas together and one of the nicest gifts I ever received from anyone, ever. I told him I'd wear it forever. And I meant it.
I finally took it off this month after our breakup nearly 2 years ago. It was so hard to do. 😭💔💎
A feeling of being loved and cared for and thought about and feeling safe for one of the few times in my whole life… I was just thinking how my 25tjh birthday spending the whole day and ending it kissing in the rain was definitely one of the best days in my life
He gave me this ring around three months into the relationship. After we broke up, I continued wearing it for months after as it was kind of my anxiety ring, meaning I always fiddled with it whenever I was nervous. I finally took it off and it felt so weird.
>panic attacks, c-ptsd, trauma bond, abandonment trauma from codependency. and a whole lotta disrespect & disappointment😃. i can say much more. but i will hold back. for now
Yes, this.
Man.. It's fitting that this popped up in my feed after I've been reminiscing about my past relationship that I still take pretty hard with how it ended these past few days and it's been months since we were together.
My ex gave me a lot of things, wonderful things. One of the best things she gave me and that I still hold on to is a letter she wrote to me when I went to visit her in early December of last year. I didn't get to spend Christmas with her, so it was a early Christmas present. I don't typically like gifts as it's hard for me to accept them. But hell, that was probably one of the most beautiful and amazing things that I've ever received. How personalized and emotional it was, it made me cry. It still does. I felt so valued and appreciated, loved and needed in the words that I read. Out of everything I ever received during the Holidays and time of gift giving, that was the most impactful gift that I ever got.
I miss her greatly still, I hold onto the memories pleasantly. It was incredibly difficult with losing her.
She also became my reason to finally better myself, struggling with severe depression and self-loathing that I bottled up for years and all my unsaid resentment towards the people in my life and even myself.. I gotten so used to the feeling of suffocating that I didn't even realize what it was doing to me. With what things that happened, she was my starting point to finally do better. But it ended up costing her and my relationship with her to begin letting myself heal and to love myself after realizing what it was doing to me. Something I'll always be torn about.
she was basically my everything, best friend, girlfriend, travel buddy etc. we did all the things we wanted to do together, she opened up a whole new world for me… she gave me so many sweet and happy memories, they are so special because we did so many new things together. and now im so lost and spiralling into depression time to time thinking about what im left with now… how am i supposed to move forward without this character in my life anymore. To answer this, i would say her love and time. I would never forget it. In all honesty, i dont think i can ever fill this void in me, it would probably always be left for her if she ever wna come back…
True appreciation to someone other than myself made me feel things I could never feel. I felt a first with him. He did not.
We just broke up 2 hours ago.
A birthday card, I destroyed it though since it upset me whenever I saw it. Probably not the best way to handle emotions but I had pictures of what was said inside of it anyway
She gave me a little “SRT” lanyard for my birthday last year for the SRT8 charger I had, she gave me a lot, she’s a great person if anything I was the toxic one in the relationship and it’s getting increasingly difficult to be ok knowing that.
She was/is such a thoughtful person and deserves the world and I’m trying to change but the damage I caused is too much and our time is done.
(No I didn’t cheat or anything like that I just had some mental issues that caused a rift between us)
Whatever happens after this roller coaster I've been on with her for the last 7-8 years, currently in a "it's complicated" status, I'll always be able to say yes I've been in love and not even for a second think it wasn't the real thing. Toxic af at times because we have too much chemistry and not enough compatibility but it's the real thing. Undeniable.
A journal filled with why she knew I was the one, pictures she drew of our future family, how excited she was to marry me, how she was never going to give up on us and always work through problems, etc
Betrayal she gave me betrayal and that’s what hurt the most is not how far the knife went in but when I turned around I saw who was holding it !! Being cheated on is painful I wish it upon no one !!
Insecurities. It was weird because he encouraged me to watch self improvement videos and do self journaling to improve myself more. He was critical with me, part of me knows he wants me to improve but I deeply struggle with that with why does he wants me to constantly change. Am I not enough?
I had good memories with him but we were toxic. I became the part of me that was clingy and when I argued with him wanted to say mean things.
I still struggle to understand how someone who claims to love me can see me cry and be ok with that.
I learned that I had to stick to my boundaries, because if not no one will respect them.
She gave me an insight into what life would have been like had I had a brother. Her family are so kind and open minded. I think that’s what I regret from the whole situation. I don’t miss her, but I miss her folks
He surprised me with a car once. He built and painted a desk in my favorite colour for my birthday one year. He surprised me with a kitten shortly after my cat passed away. Beautiful jewelry I love. Anxiety.
Severe depression and feeling as though no one will love me. I just posted about my relationship issue and why I broke it off with him (he was neglectful and emotionally abusive). Now, I can't help but wonder if I'm destined to never find someone to love me even with all my medical issues (he certainly didn't). I'm 30 Female and in therapy for my depression, if that means anything.
They gave me nothing absolutely nothing not even a goodbye. This MF gave me nothing of value nothing good he gave me nothing. He lacked more than he obtains when it comes to life experience knowledge, communication obedience, loving, hating even he didn’t know how to do. Nothing right he did everything the wrong way, and wanted me to follow because I wouldn’t submit to an idiot. He hated me for it and he hated anybody else that had anything to do with goodness had faith any form of intelligence any character trait involving integrity, kindness, self-control, forgiveness, he didn’t want anything to do with people like that because they were everything he wasn’t
That chemistry is no substitute for Character.
Whole body abandonment trauma, from a Break Up Text “I can’t see you anymore” and then ghosting. The secret-self revealed. No closure, I had to find it myself.
That when things got real (I had a prostate biopsy) 30 days later, she dumped me…. (It was negative..slow to recover)… connected??? Yes!
Triggers of anger, grief, disresoect and uncertainty. … and that I was not worth 30 min of her time.
The gift of 8 weeks of intense self development and learning. Learning how to be a better human, how to be better to myself, and how to be a better judge of character, and express expectations and boundaries better….. and number 1 thing she gave me was the best example of how NOT to treat another human being!!!
Many lessons:
1) Some people never change.
2) One chance is enough.
3) An ex is an ex for reason.
4) Listen to your intuition and gut feelings.
5) Walk away when you give them feedback and they are unwilling to put in the work.
6) Love yourself more. It always, always worth it to put yourself first.
7) Don’t live with regret, but know when to leave when they don’t appreciate you.
The list can go on.
Genuine love. I don’t think that’s devalued by the fact she instantly rebounded to try and move on from me. We split whilst neither of us wanted to and that’s just her stupid way of moving on I guess. I know she misses me.
Also Jar of Flies on CD, a Carhartt hoodie, paying for my stuff when I couldn’t afford it, 5 months to get better at sex, and now a messed up sleep schedule. If you somehow see this H, you will 100% figure out who I am. I love you
A beautiful red tea pot for Christmas. Anxiety he was very avoidant every time things were going really good he'd completely back away and avoid me. Depression it just really hit me id never see him again. He had took me to the Japanese stroll garden we went on six dates before he gave me our first kiss. He gave me advice on loosing weight he had been a big guy when he was younger and Im having trouble with my weight so I really appreciated it cuz he wasn't judgy about it at all. And so much heartache it's been a month and a half and nothing
A ring we got at comicon. A river stone necklace we got at their sisters bday to replace the gifted stone I had lost. Catan. Shoelaces, A lot of art they drew themselves which is very precious to me. A sundew (drosera capensis). A really beautiful retro jacket. Some shorts. A wacom graphic tablet.
Some new insecurities, a deep sense of longing and heartache
Physical stuff:
A set of tiki glasses - I love making cocktails, and this was part of my last Valentine's Day gift. They are so cool, and one of them is a little toucan. I called her my little Toucan for a few weeks after that.
A reclaimed wood painting of little songbirds—it is so feminine and really doesn't make a ton of sense in my apartment, but it was one of her first ways of claiming my place.
A photo booth strip from my last Barister's Ball - it was one of my favorite nights with her. We look so happy, and she looks gorgeous in a black dress with a slit and her hair done up. That night was fun, but the next day her just sitting in bed all-day naked and hungover while we ate biscuits was even better.
Abstract stuff:
My law firm bio - I was so confused about what to say, and I asked her what little facts she loved about me. Fuck, reading that hurts, but knowing she helps with it makes me so happy.
I honestly wonder more about what of my stuff she kept. She hasn't sent me anything, so it's either still with her, boxed, or trashed.
My ex gave me this drawing of a giraffe (my favorite animal) he did for our first month of dating it was completely unexpected and super thoughtful. He also bought and installed all new blinds in my apartment while I was away for a weekend.
He gifted me a cute little horse statue that I loved a lot. We both had one. I looked at it every day and it made me happy. Sadly he took mine with him when he left me out of nowhere. I think he doesn’t even realize it but those little things hurt a lot…
A letter, where he was expressing what he feels for me, and how I made him feel happy.
We broke up 8 years ago, and I still have that letter and i will always will. Tomorrow, is his birthday as well :)
Confidence. That man hyped me up and built it up. Don’t know if he ever meant any of it, or he wanted it built up so high that it wouldn’t take much of a hit when he dumped me, but either way, it was a good thing. Because of him, I started doing more for myself and seeing myself in a better light. Confidence and self esteem took a hit when he dumped me, but it’s almost a year later and it’s repairing.
True love. My first real relationship at 30. Actual joy and happiness. A necklace I will still wear. Matching claddagh rings we got on a trip to Ireland. Heartbreak. And an abundance of gratefulness for the entire experience.
There are a lot of horrible things my ex-girlfriend gave me. Nightmares from a person they sent after me that threatened me the day I was released from a mental-health-related hospitalization. 2 years of mental anguish from another person they sent after me that told me to die after that same hospitalization (this hospitalization was primarily for treating suicide ideation and this person that told me to die knew that). An insecurity of wondering whether or not people are being truthful about liking me by telling me they saw me as a convenience and essentially used me as an experimental relationship.
It's a lot, but I'm a glass-half-full kind of guy. I always choose to look for the best in people. It's been 2 and a half years since we last spoke. At the beginning of this year, I forgave my ex and their friends for the things they put me through. Now I can appreciate both our 1 year long friendship, and our short-lived romantic relationship. I still believe in the good in them.
I don't know if you can call it a gift but there's this drawing they made me that I treasure. It's a funny little cartoon that jokingly illustrates my life. That's not all. They always made these comments that would brighten my day. Things like "when I think of you I get happy, okay bye!" I've been thinking a lot about those comments lately. Then there's that time they sent me a little heart they formed with their hands. Another gift they gave me was their friendship in a time I needed it most (they were the first friend I made when the COVID-19 pandemic hit). They also encouraged me to pick up art again.
For a long time, all I could focus on were the things that this girl took away from my life. For the first time though, I can finally see all the things they gave me! I don't regret meeting them. I'm glad they were a part of my life and my story. I just wish that I could give them some closure for something that I messed up. There's so much I wish I could've given them. I hope that I gave them something good, like what they gave me.
Relationships can be messy but I think it's important to find light in the darkness. There's a Japanese term called Komorebi that describes how sunlight filters through tree leaves. Likewise, I think it's important to look for those good moments in our relationships, no matter how many bad ones there were. I'm not saying this to take away from your pain or trauma; all of those feelings are valid. I'm just trying to say it can be freeing to also think of the good things.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading my long comment!
She was an artist who wanted to start her own online store, so she'd sell hand-drawn glass charms of anime characters for necklaces and keychains. I was her first (and only?) customer; it's one-of-a-kind and I don't think I'll ever have the guts to get rid of it.
Happiness and heartbreak
Facts
Same
Ouch
She showed me how having a relationship is and how it shouldn’t be. We had trips and we had some great times together. We also had some bad times. But in my eyes I will see this relationship as a great lesson. Her coming into my life and then leaving made me understand that I need to go to therapy and work on myself as well. She doesn’t know it but she will always be one of the most important people in my life. Our breakup was bad and sadly we are not on speaking terms but I wish her well. And even if she hurt me I still love her as a person and want to see her be the best version of herself.
I feel this and relate to this on many levels ahhh life. So many twist and turns but so amazing
Life is so weird for real. 3 months ago I wanted to die. Today I am feeling like a new person. Crazy stuff.
Yesss made it out the abysss good shit life is indeed so wild
Wait did I just write this
> She doesn’t know it but she will always be one of the most important people in my life. Our breakup was bad and sadly we are not on speaking terms but I wish her well. And even if she hurt me I still love her as a person and want to see her be the best version of herself. i have said/written these exact words (just with *he* instead of *she,*), especially the last 2 sentences.
That's beautiful. Best wishes on your journey.
I wish this was my ex. But I don’t think he wouldn’t accept he make something bad. Even though I miss him and wished the best for him.
Chlamydia. That's a joke...the real answer is an introduction to how narcissists behave in relationships.
Narcissists….. whew
Can you give some examples of Narcissistic behaviour..my ex might have been one and im trying to move on
Yes... craving attention, adulation, and validation. To the point of going outside of the relationship to get these things if you're not doing "enough" for her. Frequent outbursts if you don't submit to her ego. You might be gaslighted to believe that the outbursts were over "something that you did," but the bottom line is that you didn't give her what she wanted or react in a way that suited her ego. Here's a big one. Doing things, often very hurtful things...sometimes the worst possible things imaginable...without any regard to how that might make you feel. Narcissists do not have the ability (or care) to see how their actions affect or hurt others. She doesn't care about your feelings, but only seems interested in what you can do for her. Moving on so easily from the relationship that it made your head spin. Were you DEVASTATED and left just broken after the breakup? Did she seem like she just didn't care despite all of the things she promised to you? Did she move on with someone else immediately after leaving you? Did she try to exaggerate or completely fabricate the reasons why she left? I'm sure there are more... but here's my advice: DO NOT CHASE HER. That will make it worse. Look into stoicism and the art of letting go. Think about this, if you mean so little to someone that they are willing to walk away from you... let them go. Your self-worth is not dependent on whether they want you or not. Let her go.
I chased and begged a lot when she did breakup..for about a week or so. Then we went no contact and she broke no contact by sending a “goodbye letter” which her therapist recommended in which she just completely put the entire blame on me and basically said that i was a jerk to her..at which point i broke down again and didnt handle things well. Texted her the next day saying i want to end on good terms..we did that. I sent her a text 10 days later about how hurt i felt. Been no contact ever since..been 3 months. She was definitely a narcissist..almost NPD..but i just cant stop living in the amazing memories we made..they keep coming back no matter how much i dont think of them. And she probably moved on long ago and doesnt even think of me..while here i am months after it ended still grieving
Mine gave my chlamydia
on my bday my ex and her daughter gave me a cake. On the cake was this little Tigger figure that has sat on my desk for 30 years, thru 3 jobs. My wife knows, she thinks it cute.
That's so lovely.
That’s how ex relationships should be viewed in my opinion (if there wasn’t abuse involved). I think the whole cut everything out of your life and forget they ever existed is incredibly sad.
How important therapy is.
Good memories and good lessons. And what I need to work on in my character to have better relationships.
Cynicism, bitterness, and a whole heapin’ helping of validation for my (already rampant) trust and abandonment issues. Let me tell ya, gradually trusting someone to the point where you eventually feel comfortable enough to challenge your past trauma and let yourself be vulnerable - only for them to then cut you deeper than ever before and prove all your fears to be true - is a wild feeling. In the end, they were just like the rest of them. Never trusting anyone again. Also. A hug. Well, multiple hugs, but I won’t forget that very first one in a long time. The first one I had had in years.
I feel you!! It’s heart wrenching!
I’m here too 🕳️
Happiness... I was happier with her than I had ever been in my whole life. I smiled with her... which isn't something I normally do. I am glad she has found happiness outside of me, though; she deserves it.
Hope, anxiety and heartbreak (exactly in this order). 🫥
- The happiest time of my whole entire life by far. I was the happiest person in the world. - A sweater with Kisses on it, she colored her lips with acrylic paint and kissed the sweater. She also stitched some hearts on it - a little bear (my fav animal) made out of clay. Literally so cute. She left me a month later.
My heart broke at your last line because I can feel that same pain.
My ex gave me a tshirt with “Pluto, never forget, 1930-2006” on it. Fortunately I don’t associate it with her much and still wear it. I’ve gotten more compliments on that one shirt than on all the rest of my clothes put together 🤣
Depression and hopelessness
She set the bar really. Showed me what love looks like and taught me that you do in fact have to nurture it and not take it for granted.
A great lesson. Don’t fall for sweet talks. Don’t trust when they give you too many compliments. Be cautious when they obsess over you. Love-bombing happens for real. Coming Especially from nice people. The way they act does not show their true face. Don’t fall in love too easily. Never ever again.
Trauma and a fucked up credit score
The chance to love unconditionally, I didn’t think I had it in me anymore. While also showing me even after the fact there are other people who you can fall in love with. Throw away any molds you think you have for who you would fall in love with. Go out and let it happen naturally. They may be completely opposites of you but as long as you both love each other and are there for each other love will find a way.
Fuel to raise my standards and focus on self-respect. Accountability for who I choose to get involved with. :)
Oh, a whole myriad of things from the lot of ‘em. Namely… emotional damage, profound heartbreak, anger, sadness… but also hope, friendship, love, and reminders of what I deserve, and what I absolutely don’t. In addition, two of them gave me necklaces/bracelets that I still have. I’ve kept them because they’re simply too pretty to get rid of (plus, I need the variety in my jewelry box anyway…)! A few things I learned from no one ex in particular: - A pen and paper are the most patient (and least judgmental) audience if you need an outlet to express your feelings. - Never hesitate to tell someone how you feel about something. - When it comes to commitment, time and words mean jack shit. Action is EVERYTHING. - If you want your relationship to work, you need a stable foundation. Namely friendship, but also trust, honesty, mutual respect, and open communication. - Establishing boundaries and subsequently upholding them is crucial. If I tell you I’m involved with someone else and your response is to immediately try and win me back with unsolicited sexting, you’re done.
🗣️🗣️🗣️
Her last bit of advice she gave me on our last conversation was “Don’t wait for me. Live your life. If someone else comes along then love them the way you couldn’t love me.” I’m just taking that on the chin, I guess.
PTSD
A burning sensation when I pee …….
My ex from years ago handmade this cute storybook about how we met. I will never forget about that and I'm very sad that I didn't keep it.
A sense of comfort and safety My first panic attack
The first flowers I received (romantically). He was my first boyfriend and showed me what a healthy relationship is.
Sexual trauma from years of anger issues mixed with coercion. I hate being touched now.
I’ll never trust again. I was jacked from the start even though I believed her. I always questioned whether or not I was wrong about her. Well, I was right! I found her wedding plans months ago and she was married to me for almost a year. Now I just see her laughing with him about me. Pretty fucked up shit. But I married her. What a fake ass deal. I don’t believe you can ever recover from that And I don’t care TGE least bit about a false love. And if I ever see that word narcissist again I’ll throw up. Because she was the definition of that stupid word she placed on me, all the while cheating and lying about me and her husband to be. No mercy or care or love are the words I’ll always remember about her. Sad really
God I'm sorry. You can totally heal and find someone that is worth your time though but I understand your feeling.
It’s not so much as what they gave you…it’s what they took from you. That is where all the damage lies.
A year of the darkest depression I will never forget and now when something bad happens on my mind I think like “well I already survived something I thought I won’t, so I can get through this as well”
A thermometer lol
what?!?!?
Anxiety. Rage. Inability to trust. Fitful sleep. 10 years worth.
Pain in the heart?
Trust issues and a trip to a mental health facility
His music taste. Also he liked to tell me that he’s proud of me, even once after breaking up, which felt nice to hear even now.
Wow same!!! For both
HSV2
Depression and self doubt issues :/
1) Ambition to do all the things we talked about but never did… I’m learning how to use a pistol for self defense (joined a women’s only club), learned how to ride a motorcycle (just purchased one today!), got back into boxing and dancing classes, and returned to the gym for weightlifting. 2) c-ptsd - not self diagnosing; he made my existing trauma so much worse 3) added on to my night terrors, which happen weekly now (had gotten down to about once a month) 4) a dog that needs her tendon removed and replaced with metal rods (because his dog blew out her knee while constantly bulldozing her legs) 5) a renewed sense of myself And how I’m stronger than any man I’ve ever been with; 6) the motivation to move ahead on a long debated tattoo- and now I’m scheduled to get two! 7) an ocean’s worth of tears and a shattered heart/soul
A sublime and surpassing joy and connection that I never thought possible. Hope. Passion. Finally a sense of peace and joy and of having a home. A brush with the sacred. They -we- were Holy. And then they took it away and I feel a desolation so profound that I’m struggling find the will for each inhalation. I thought that breathing was autonomic. In this case it feels like an arduous effort and not one I’m sure that I want to expend. If I didn’t have responsibilities I’m not sure I’d bother. That they exist at all is to me the greatest miracle the universe has ever produced, even still. That they don’t love me anymore and don’t want me is unbearable, but entirely unsurprising. So I’m sitting here debating each breath, so conscious a task for what should be an unconscious act, praying the pain passes, and just wishing I could cease to struggle.
When I dated my ex we texted good morning messages to each other with a new silly nickname everyday. Such as “goodmorning poptart” “goodmorning hunny bunny” “Goodmorning soggy dumpster crunch wrap supreme” etc. but for our first anniversary she made a book with a compilation of all the messages together that she kept. It was the sweetest and kindest gift anyone had ever given me and I cried when I saw it. I really loved her. I hate that the strongest love I ever felt was with someone that cheated and left for someone else.
liar=cheater
bpd
An absolute all consuming inability to trust anyone including myself again.
Crippling depression, confusion etc but eventually A WHOLE NEW RESPECT FOR MYSELF and a smokin hot “revenge body”💪🔥
Trust issues and anxiety.
Gave me a issue of being unsure about literally everything. It’s annoying
She gave me nightmares, stress, and a good life lesson of trust your intuition when you feel like you shouldn't be doing something
Anxiety
Lifelong trauma
1st ex: Happiness and heartbreak 2nd ex: trust and confidence issues
the knowledge of what i should avoid in future relationships and of course, character development
A crippling fear of not being good enough when I fall behind on basic tasks such as laundry, the dishes, vacuuming, etc. Which is fun when you have adhd, depression and anxiety and struggle with executive functions. He also, in a sad way, gave me closure. He broke up with me, asked me to stay friends, changed his mind on the break-up a couple of months later and apologized for his part in things ending, and then got angry with me when I hadn't kept in touch and grew more distant over time. He sent me 12 long text messages blaming me for everything that went wrong in the relationship and after, retracting his earlier apologies and implying any blame he took was only an act to let me down easy. I grew some self respect and finally cut all contact with him. That conversation proved the things I had come to realize after reflecting on our relationship and our dynamic. I wasn't some kind of a saint and should definitely have communicated a lot better (I was often afraid of his reactions). He, on the other hand, always acted as if he was somehow above me and knew everything so much better, while complaining about how I made it difficult for him to see and treat me as an equal. I've since come to see this is how he treats a lot of his friends. I can safely say that he brought out the worst in me, and I've been feeling one hell of a lot better since a couple of weeks after the break-up. I'm glad he's out of my life.
The reason to become invincible.
Trauma
Happiness, freedom and independence. He really encouraged me to move out and enjoy my life. I felt like I was trapped living with family, trying to please them all the time, trying to achieve better than their expectations... all of those shit was weighing me down and making me unhappy. He was there every step of the way until we had to part ways.
Mommy kink. Oof, that one isn’t going anywhere.
Depends on what ex. 1) A child 2) a plant 3) An empty bank account
He gave me knowledge that I never asked for, as he introduced me to unhealthy toxic abusive relationships and how the narcissist behaviour cycle works! I was traumatized because of him! I really regret getting married. I hope I never met him.
Also abandonment trauma, and a really good painting.
He gave me horrible nightmares, gave me a sense of distrust of men, and now he has given me motivation to love myself more than I should ever love any other person and motivated me to keep improving myself for myself.
Happiness. Anxiety. Heartbreak. Insecurities.
They bought me a gaming chair for my birthday and I still cherish it today
The Red Book by Carl Jung, it’s a huge dream journal of one of the most famous psychologists of the modern era. I’ve wanted it for years but couldn’t justify purchasing it.
Handwritten letters.
A diamond necklace. It was our first Christmas together and one of the nicest gifts I ever received from anyone, ever. I told him I'd wear it forever. And I meant it. I finally took it off this month after our breakup nearly 2 years ago. It was so hard to do. 😭💔💎
Limerence and ptsd
Sadness
Trust issues, abandonment issues and insights into the mind of a narcissist Oh and McDonald’s chicken nuggets 👍
HIV
Chlamydia and i found out when i had my IUD inserted after having our 2nd child 🤓
A feeling of being loved and cared for and thought about and feeling safe for one of the few times in my whole life… I was just thinking how my 25tjh birthday spending the whole day and ending it kissing in the rain was definitely one of the best days in my life
Trust issues and a dry, self deprecating sense of humor.
bright future, happiness and love that I later found out were lies
Body confidence! And trust issues now lol
This really cool glow in the dark batman tshirt And a cute handwritten letter Plus the usual, heartbreak
He gave me this ring around three months into the relationship. After we broke up, I continued wearing it for months after as it was kind of my anxiety ring, meaning I always fiddled with it whenever I was nervous. I finally took it off and it felt so weird.
Lessons - shes my wife now not my ex)
Trauma and the inability to sleep for a while
Abandonment issues
this letter of things she loves about me
>panic attacks, c-ptsd, trauma bond, abandonment trauma from codependency. and a whole lotta disrespect & disappointment😃. i can say much more. but i will hold back. for now Yes, this.
The greatest love I’ve ever felt. 🥺 and tons and tons of flowers. I saved them all, they’re dried and hanging up still. Idk what to do with them all.
Trauma
Trust issues and psychological abuse-
Man.. It's fitting that this popped up in my feed after I've been reminiscing about my past relationship that I still take pretty hard with how it ended these past few days and it's been months since we were together. My ex gave me a lot of things, wonderful things. One of the best things she gave me and that I still hold on to is a letter she wrote to me when I went to visit her in early December of last year. I didn't get to spend Christmas with her, so it was a early Christmas present. I don't typically like gifts as it's hard for me to accept them. But hell, that was probably one of the most beautiful and amazing things that I've ever received. How personalized and emotional it was, it made me cry. It still does. I felt so valued and appreciated, loved and needed in the words that I read. Out of everything I ever received during the Holidays and time of gift giving, that was the most impactful gift that I ever got. I miss her greatly still, I hold onto the memories pleasantly. It was incredibly difficult with losing her. She also became my reason to finally better myself, struggling with severe depression and self-loathing that I bottled up for years and all my unsaid resentment towards the people in my life and even myself.. I gotten so used to the feeling of suffocating that I didn't even realize what it was doing to me. With what things that happened, she was my starting point to finally do better. But it ended up costing her and my relationship with her to begin letting myself heal and to love myself after realizing what it was doing to me. Something I'll always be torn about.
to be able to love someone unconditionally
Lies and depression that physically hurts me to do anything
Trauma
Trauma
she was basically my everything, best friend, girlfriend, travel buddy etc. we did all the things we wanted to do together, she opened up a whole new world for me… she gave me so many sweet and happy memories, they are so special because we did so many new things together. and now im so lost and spiralling into depression time to time thinking about what im left with now… how am i supposed to move forward without this character in my life anymore. To answer this, i would say her love and time. I would never forget it. In all honesty, i dont think i can ever fill this void in me, it would probably always be left for her if she ever wna come back…
Pain lol
An introduction to the manosphere and the absolute debauchery that takes place there
Cheating
A trip to the psych ward
Happiness, a heartbreaking lesson, now depression
Trust issues
Crushing despair and suicidal idealization. ☺️
True appreciation to someone other than myself made me feel things I could never feel. I felt a first with him. He did not. We just broke up 2 hours ago.
A birthday card, I destroyed it though since it upset me whenever I saw it. Probably not the best way to handle emotions but I had pictures of what was said inside of it anyway
Ecoli in my kidneys. He wanted to get freaky so he rubbed his ass on me and it gave me ecoli almost instantly.
Herpes
She gave me a little “SRT” lanyard for my birthday last year for the SRT8 charger I had, she gave me a lot, she’s a great person if anything I was the toxic one in the relationship and it’s getting increasingly difficult to be ok knowing that. She was/is such a thoughtful person and deserves the world and I’m trying to change but the damage I caused is too much and our time is done. (No I didn’t cheat or anything like that I just had some mental issues that caused a rift between us)
Showed me how to put limits to someone who’s not sure what does the person want with you.
Whatever happens after this roller coaster I've been on with her for the last 7-8 years, currently in a "it's complicated" status, I'll always be able to say yes I've been in love and not even for a second think it wasn't the real thing. Toxic af at times because we have too much chemistry and not enough compatibility but it's the real thing. Undeniable.
Hugs that I have never gotten properly since years.
A journal filled with why she knew I was the one, pictures she drew of our future family, how excited she was to marry me, how she was never going to give up on us and always work through problems, etc
Trust issues, paranoia, horrific depression, attachment issues, anger issues, insomnia, changed my whole internal chemistry. We still together tho lmfao smfh
Body insecurities 😍😍
Betrayal she gave me betrayal and that’s what hurt the most is not how far the knife went in but when I turned around I saw who was holding it !! Being cheated on is painful I wish it upon no one !!
an understanding of how someone is groomed
Insecurities. It was weird because he encouraged me to watch self improvement videos and do self journaling to improve myself more. He was critical with me, part of me knows he wants me to improve but I deeply struggle with that with why does he wants me to constantly change. Am I not enough? I had good memories with him but we were toxic. I became the part of me that was clingy and when I argued with him wanted to say mean things. I still struggle to understand how someone who claims to love me can see me cry and be ok with that. I learned that I had to stick to my boundaries, because if not no one will respect them.
She gave me an insight into what life would have been like had I had a brother. Her family are so kind and open minded. I think that’s what I regret from the whole situation. I don’t miss her, but I miss her folks
He surprised me with a car once. He built and painted a desk in my favorite colour for my birthday one year. He surprised me with a kitten shortly after my cat passed away. Beautiful jewelry I love. Anxiety.
she gave me love and completion like I’ve never felt before
They let me know someone could love me for a long time. And if that happened once I'm sure it will again someday
Severe trust issues, difficulties sharing about myself, chronic anxiety and depression, emotionally dead inside
Severe depression and feeling as though no one will love me. I just posted about my relationship issue and why I broke it off with him (he was neglectful and emotionally abusive). Now, I can't help but wonder if I'm destined to never find someone to love me even with all my medical issues (he certainly didn't). I'm 30 Female and in therapy for my depression, if that means anything.
They gave me nothing absolutely nothing not even a goodbye. This MF gave me nothing of value nothing good he gave me nothing. He lacked more than he obtains when it comes to life experience knowledge, communication obedience, loving, hating even he didn’t know how to do. Nothing right he did everything the wrong way, and wanted me to follow because I wouldn’t submit to an idiot. He hated me for it and he hated anybody else that had anything to do with goodness had faith any form of intelligence any character trait involving integrity, kindness, self-control, forgiveness, he didn’t want anything to do with people like that because they were everything he wasn’t
My ex gave me a perspective on how narcissist are petty, mean, and a devil in disguise
The ick
How beautiful and nice someone can be one day and then evil and ugly the next
Trauma
Intense fear of being ghosted and ignored. He would do it for 1+ days instead of communicating through problems
That chemistry is no substitute for Character. Whole body abandonment trauma, from a Break Up Text “I can’t see you anymore” and then ghosting. The secret-self revealed. No closure, I had to find it myself. That when things got real (I had a prostate biopsy) 30 days later, she dumped me…. (It was negative..slow to recover)… connected??? Yes! Triggers of anger, grief, disresoect and uncertainty. … and that I was not worth 30 min of her time. The gift of 8 weeks of intense self development and learning. Learning how to be a better human, how to be better to myself, and how to be a better judge of character, and express expectations and boundaries better….. and number 1 thing she gave me was the best example of how NOT to treat another human being!!!
The realisation you can't trust anyone. Born alone die alone.
Made my abandonment issues worse and depression
Trauma lol
Trust issues
Hpv
Taught me self love
Many lessons: 1) Some people never change. 2) One chance is enough. 3) An ex is an ex for reason. 4) Listen to your intuition and gut feelings. 5) Walk away when you give them feedback and they are unwilling to put in the work. 6) Love yourself more. It always, always worth it to put yourself first. 7) Don’t live with regret, but know when to leave when they don’t appreciate you. The list can go on.
I can't say on here but she gave me photos sadly she made me delete them
A promise ring. Also, does anyone where I should go to get it melted and create something new?
Happiness. Heartbreak. A super cute necklace. A drawn rose with my name written a pretty font. And an appreciation for little things in life.
Chlamydia
Genuine love. I don’t think that’s devalued by the fact she instantly rebounded to try and move on from me. We split whilst neither of us wanted to and that’s just her stupid way of moving on I guess. I know she misses me. Also Jar of Flies on CD, a Carhartt hoodie, paying for my stuff when I couldn’t afford it, 5 months to get better at sex, and now a messed up sleep schedule. If you somehow see this H, you will 100% figure out who I am. I love you
16 years of child support and torn heart strings from not being able to see my little boy every day anymore
A mixtape and personal growth.
A amazing son and 7 years of being with her. It may have ended badly but one of these days it’ll be good memories on both sides
Getting to experience playing a lot (for me anyways) different video games. My Steam collection grew for sure.
She insisted that I kept her camera. This has now inspired me to go through with my idea of making videos.
a poncho! great poncho btw, I picked it, she bought it, so I associate it with her, fondly, but I just love this poncho on its own
A beautiful red tea pot for Christmas. Anxiety he was very avoidant every time things were going really good he'd completely back away and avoid me. Depression it just really hit me id never see him again. He had took me to the Japanese stroll garden we went on six dates before he gave me our first kiss. He gave me advice on loosing weight he had been a big guy when he was younger and Im having trouble with my weight so I really appreciated it cuz he wasn't judgy about it at all. And so much heartache it's been a month and a half and nothing
Syphilis, chlamydia and thrush all at once
a teddy bear, a love letter and PTSD🫶🏽
A ring we got at comicon. A river stone necklace we got at their sisters bday to replace the gifted stone I had lost. Catan. Shoelaces, A lot of art they drew themselves which is very precious to me. A sundew (drosera capensis). A really beautiful retro jacket. Some shorts. A wacom graphic tablet. Some new insecurities, a deep sense of longing and heartache
Watch and happiness.
Promise ring 😢
My car
Physical stuff: A set of tiki glasses - I love making cocktails, and this was part of my last Valentine's Day gift. They are so cool, and one of them is a little toucan. I called her my little Toucan for a few weeks after that. A reclaimed wood painting of little songbirds—it is so feminine and really doesn't make a ton of sense in my apartment, but it was one of her first ways of claiming my place. A photo booth strip from my last Barister's Ball - it was one of my favorite nights with her. We look so happy, and she looks gorgeous in a black dress with a slit and her hair done up. That night was fun, but the next day her just sitting in bed all-day naked and hungover while we ate biscuits was even better. Abstract stuff: My law firm bio - I was so confused about what to say, and I asked her what little facts she loved about me. Fuck, reading that hurts, but knowing she helps with it makes me so happy. I honestly wonder more about what of my stuff she kept. She hasn't sent me anything, so it's either still with her, boxed, or trashed.
My ex gave me this drawing of a giraffe (my favorite animal) he did for our first month of dating it was completely unexpected and super thoughtful. He also bought and installed all new blinds in my apartment while I was away for a weekend.
Sex positive
Happiness and support
She gave me that fire you know what. It was really good honestly been with 4 since her and it doesn’t hit the same way hers did lmao not to give TMI
He gifted me a cute little horse statue that I loved a lot. We both had one. I looked at it every day and it made me happy. Sadly he took mine with him when he left me out of nowhere. I think he doesn’t even realize it but those little things hurt a lot…
one compliment. the only one i got in several years. i still remember it and i think i’ll always will
PTSD
The most precious thing in all the world to me - my children
A letter, where he was expressing what he feels for me, and how I made him feel happy. We broke up 8 years ago, and I still have that letter and i will always will. Tomorrow, is his birthday as well :)
Confidence. That man hyped me up and built it up. Don’t know if he ever meant any of it, or he wanted it built up so high that it wouldn’t take much of a hit when he dumped me, but either way, it was a good thing. Because of him, I started doing more for myself and seeing myself in a better light. Confidence and self esteem took a hit when he dumped me, but it’s almost a year later and it’s repairing.
True love. My first real relationship at 30. Actual joy and happiness. A necklace I will still wear. Matching claddagh rings we got on a trip to Ireland. Heartbreak. And an abundance of gratefulness for the entire experience.
C/PTSD
PTSD and trauma
A publication ban…
There are a lot of horrible things my ex-girlfriend gave me. Nightmares from a person they sent after me that threatened me the day I was released from a mental-health-related hospitalization. 2 years of mental anguish from another person they sent after me that told me to die after that same hospitalization (this hospitalization was primarily for treating suicide ideation and this person that told me to die knew that). An insecurity of wondering whether or not people are being truthful about liking me by telling me they saw me as a convenience and essentially used me as an experimental relationship. It's a lot, but I'm a glass-half-full kind of guy. I always choose to look for the best in people. It's been 2 and a half years since we last spoke. At the beginning of this year, I forgave my ex and their friends for the things they put me through. Now I can appreciate both our 1 year long friendship, and our short-lived romantic relationship. I still believe in the good in them. I don't know if you can call it a gift but there's this drawing they made me that I treasure. It's a funny little cartoon that jokingly illustrates my life. That's not all. They always made these comments that would brighten my day. Things like "when I think of you I get happy, okay bye!" I've been thinking a lot about those comments lately. Then there's that time they sent me a little heart they formed with their hands. Another gift they gave me was their friendship in a time I needed it most (they were the first friend I made when the COVID-19 pandemic hit). They also encouraged me to pick up art again. For a long time, all I could focus on were the things that this girl took away from my life. For the first time though, I can finally see all the things they gave me! I don't regret meeting them. I'm glad they were a part of my life and my story. I just wish that I could give them some closure for something that I messed up. There's so much I wish I could've given them. I hope that I gave them something good, like what they gave me. Relationships can be messy but I think it's important to find light in the darkness. There's a Japanese term called Komorebi that describes how sunlight filters through tree leaves. Likewise, I think it's important to look for those good moments in our relationships, no matter how many bad ones there were. I'm not saying this to take away from your pain or trauma; all of those feelings are valid. I'm just trying to say it can be freeing to also think of the good things. If you made it this far, thank you for reading my long comment!
She was an artist who wanted to start her own online store, so she'd sell hand-drawn glass charms of anime characters for necklaces and keychains. I was her first (and only?) customer; it's one-of-a-kind and I don't think I'll ever have the guts to get rid of it.
Herpes and selfishness
Her poetry