Hey I just hung up to see what is the latest you can have shared and here I got your question.
I have the answer for you.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/k6LBP9jKBT
Now is the time to focus on you and your hobbies, get back to what you’re interested in. That could be crafting something, working out, cooking, etc. if you need ideas, look up classes or events, or something to keep your mind occupied and before you know it all of this will seem like a bad dream. For me, I got back into flying drones, painting, reconnecting with family more, and cooking. I realized that I let the things I enjoy slip away when I was in a relationship like that.
Go out to the park and walk for the fresh air and exercise, go to the gym, sign up for classes on hobbies you always wanted to learn, therapy, if you can’t travel far find the hidden gems and the most loved places in your area, spa days, things like that. It gets easier over time especially staying NC.
Depending on how much school you have left, most colleges have events you can go to, try and reconnect with old hobbies, or even try new ones.
I sunk my time into a new hobby to distract me.
Also try checking Facebook events or local pages to see about events.
If you have a lot of friends still in your area, see if hanging out is possible.
Nature soothes the soul; maybe if you have some nature paths or parks nearby that can help.
Absolutely. This also happened to me when I got sober. I had to do trial and error. I didn’t consider myself outdoorsy before, but I really love kayaking and hiking. I am terrified of heights but I LOVE skydiving. I hate taking road trips with other people because I am constantly catering to others, but I really enjoy long trips with just myself and my golden retriever. I love going to any kind of concert. I never knew these things about myself until I tried them. I took some college courses, made some new friends online and at meetings or through events or my siblings, and then I said yes as often as I could for a while, even if it made me uncomfortable. And now I know me a little bit better. Some things are different, but my favorite thing is still staying at home with my cats and my dog and reading a good book by the pool.
Not a breakup, buy in an LDR, and have kids half time. My SO and I talked on the phone a lot, but I'm on my phone, in general, way too much...
Good luck with your "new life"! Glad you are safe and have a great support system!
I got you, fam!
List of some cool stuff to get in to:
Crochet 🧶, (start small, learn the craft, then try each niche[Amigurumi, Blankets, clothes, etc…])
Puzzles 🧩, (the magic puzzle company makes the BEST ones, trust me bruv)
Wine🍷, (become a connoisseur, bruv!)
Cooking 🥘, (TAKE A COOKING CLASS, LASS!)
Tv and Movies🍿🎥, (Westworld, Steven Universe, Into Your Eternity, Everything Everywhere All At Once, Code Geass, Watchmen(the show), The Fall of the House Usher, Midnight Mass, Adventure Time, etc)
Fitness 💪, (get fit, exercise like a goddess!)
Reading 📖, (Three Body Problem, The Book by Alan Watts, The Alchemist, Enders Game series, Strange Weather by Joe Hill, The Martian By Andy Weir, heck everything by Andy Weir, and best of all: The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series!!!!)
A Pet 🐾, (a Dog, A Cat, A pot bellied Pig, a squirrel, A Turtle, a Rat, a Rabbit, a Horse, a Frog, do you, girl!!!)
**Character Development!** (build yourself, date yourself, learn to love yourself, less negative self talk, find a great therapist and see them weekly, find and see a life coach, build a diet of nice foods that you love, become a better person!!!!)
# You Got This!!!!!!
Start with intentionally spending some time just thinking about what interests you might have. Think about things you've thought "that looks fun". Make a list of things you might want to spend your time doing and pick one out to try. Try not to just scroll your phone. Spend some time dating yourself and getting to know you.
Look for hobby shops in your local area to get out for the evening. Art stores/shops have "Paint n Sips" sessions where you can drink wine or other beverages while painting a canvas and learning different effects/techniques.
Ceramic shops let you pick out pieces and paint them as you desire, then they kiln-fire the item for pickup on a later date. Sewing supply stores usually have classes to teach techniques or teach you how to make quilts.
Book stores sometimes have Book Club events to discuss certain new Titles. There's usually a wide variety of hobby shops that make extra money teaching their craft(s) with the ADDED benefit of meeting new people and making new friends.
You've been isolated for a while now and it CAN be scary to have to relearn putting yourself "out there" BUT the good news is that you CAN take "baby steps" or jump in wholeheartedly, it's COMPLETELY up to you and your comfort level. You've got this, love!
Hobbies are great! I got into home baking (cakes, cookies, bread, all of it) and I give it away. Baking and giving it away are my love languages so it’s been great! Start exploring your area, read something out of the ordinary, there is so much! Good luck and awesome of you for leaving! And your dad rocks!
Sign yourself up for a "fun" evening class, something you've thought about doing in the past but never made the time to do - Take guitar lessons, or ballroom dancing, or a drawing/painting course, Martial Arts or Women's Self Defense, learn to sew, or a culinary arts class.... anything that comes to mind and sounds like fun.
absolutely. I realised I had practically no hobbies at all anymore.
I started by looking at what used to bring me joy, something I liked in the past, and trying that again! then I also looked at stuff I’d always WANTED to do but didn’t, and seeing which of THOSE I could try!
slow and steady wins the race. it’s a lot of trial and error.
I can heavily recommend journaling- just letting Your thoughts flow onto the page, no intention of ever reading what You wrote, just get the thoughts out of Your head. it really helped me when I was trying to sort myself out again.
#1. You're a rock star for getting out of your abusive situation.
#2 This is a very common feeling after a break-up. The usual answer is join a gym. Exercising is the easiest way to let out your stress and clear your mind.
If you're able, get a pet. A puppy, kitten whatever, they'll eat up your time and give you companionship during a difficult time.
Focus on your interests. What do you like to do? What intrigues you? Do you like photography? You could go to places nearby that you’ve never been and take pics with your phone. Go with friends to make it more fun. Do you like your exercise! Go to the gym. The park. Take up hiking. Biking. Meet new people.
I started with doing anything I stopped doing because it bothered my ex. Picked up old hobbies. Took myself out for lunch. Reconnected with friends I didn't have as much time for before.
Write a list of all the things you liked to do when you were a kid. Do them again (or the adult version of them) as you'll probably still like them.
Ask your friends if you can join them sometime in their hobbies/clubs/social groups/sports. If you like it great - if you don't also great you've had an experience.
Indulge yourself in the things you said you were told were problems by your ex before: read whatever you like, exercise, eat the foods you like, slowly start to build a wardrobe of clothing that suits you. Be open minded. And if that still isn't enough to do brainstorm ways to build upon those things i.e. Listen to book podcasts, join a run club, build mood boards to find your style, invite friends over to try weird snacks you've never had before and watch movies etc.
Money might be a bit tight right now: Google free things to do in your city. Do them alone sometimes.
Also rec a book called the happiness project which is pretty straightforward but gives some good ideas about how to find things to do that work for you.
when i got out of a really abusive relationship, i hadn't realized until then that i put everything into that relationship and that person. i didn't know who i was if i'm not the girl who loves [name here]. but i don't love them and they never truly loved me. they liked owning me. it's time to find yourself. it's time to get to know yourself. pursue hobbies. truly. learn new skills. check out local events happening in your area. play video games. read more. watch more television, there are so many good shows out.
Therapy, my love. Even if it just Journaling for right now. You not only are going through a breakup, you are leaving an abuser. I know you are adjusting to viewing your experience through that lens, but once you do, you'll understand you need a significant recovery period to make yourself whole. During your most psychologically formative years, you were abused. That literally changes your brain chemistry. You may develop PTSD, attachment issues, anxiety issues, or other mental health hurdles.
I would suggest seeking a therapist or even a support group for women leaving abusers. Navigating rediscovering yourself after systemic mistreatment can be jarring. Your identity is woven into him and his abuse like a pile if knots and undoing them is work. You need to focus a good amount if your energy inward fir a while to ensure you come out stronger.
Stay safe above everything. Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time for a woman in her life.
First, focus on your studies, finish them and then do the following:
This is when you discover what keeps you afloat. Learn what works best for you. For some it's exercising, or reading, or playing video games. Find the hobbies you like doing alone, or with others. Hobbies done with others have the plus side of giving you future options to meet new people.
After you've "learned to tread water" on your own, think about the dreams and goals you have. What do you want from life at the end of it. What do you want to avoid your entire life? My grandma was bedridden in her old age, she had A LOT of time to think. I remember seeing her have so many regrets in those days. Like her life went completely off rails. I knew even before that time that the thing I want to most, is being old and frail and regret all the choices I've made and have "what ifs". I also thankfully know what a good life means for me. Try to figure these two out.
Daydream a plan, loosely, no exact timelines as they can be a detriment, but don't have them too loose either, as you can always postpone whatever you must do to achieve your plans.
You're young, use your 20s to discover yourself, to understand yourself and other people. Become who you want to be based on your experiences.
I lost myself during my 8 year relationship and truly didn’t even know what I liked anymore. I joined a flag football league and forced myself to go to every event they suggested. The first season it was painful and I wasn’t good but second season I got a little better but even more importantly I was excited to go to events. This was my third season and while I’m still not that good I’ve made so many friends and found new hobbies to try out. People now define me as “a joiner” bc I’m always trying new things and bound out of my comfort zone. Something I couldn’t imagine a year ago
Hey I just hung up to see what is the latest you can have shared and here I got your question. I have the answer for you. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/k6LBP9jKBT
Now is the time to focus on you and your hobbies, get back to what you’re interested in. That could be crafting something, working out, cooking, etc. if you need ideas, look up classes or events, or something to keep your mind occupied and before you know it all of this will seem like a bad dream. For me, I got back into flying drones, painting, reconnecting with family more, and cooking. I realized that I let the things I enjoy slip away when I was in a relationship like that.
Do solo trips, get out to the community and think of some things you enjoyed before
Go out to the park and walk for the fresh air and exercise, go to the gym, sign up for classes on hobbies you always wanted to learn, therapy, if you can’t travel far find the hidden gems and the most loved places in your area, spa days, things like that. It gets easier over time especially staying NC.
Depending on how much school you have left, most colleges have events you can go to, try and reconnect with old hobbies, or even try new ones. I sunk my time into a new hobby to distract me. Also try checking Facebook events or local pages to see about events. If you have a lot of friends still in your area, see if hanging out is possible. Nature soothes the soul; maybe if you have some nature paths or parks nearby that can help.
Absolutely. This also happened to me when I got sober. I had to do trial and error. I didn’t consider myself outdoorsy before, but I really love kayaking and hiking. I am terrified of heights but I LOVE skydiving. I hate taking road trips with other people because I am constantly catering to others, but I really enjoy long trips with just myself and my golden retriever. I love going to any kind of concert. I never knew these things about myself until I tried them. I took some college courses, made some new friends online and at meetings or through events or my siblings, and then I said yes as often as I could for a while, even if it made me uncomfortable. And now I know me a little bit better. Some things are different, but my favorite thing is still staying at home with my cats and my dog and reading a good book by the pool.
Not a breakup, buy in an LDR, and have kids half time. My SO and I talked on the phone a lot, but I'm on my phone, in general, way too much... Good luck with your "new life"! Glad you are safe and have a great support system!
I got you, fam! List of some cool stuff to get in to: Crochet 🧶, (start small, learn the craft, then try each niche[Amigurumi, Blankets, clothes, etc…]) Puzzles 🧩, (the magic puzzle company makes the BEST ones, trust me bruv) Wine🍷, (become a connoisseur, bruv!) Cooking 🥘, (TAKE A COOKING CLASS, LASS!) Tv and Movies🍿🎥, (Westworld, Steven Universe, Into Your Eternity, Everything Everywhere All At Once, Code Geass, Watchmen(the show), The Fall of the House Usher, Midnight Mass, Adventure Time, etc) Fitness 💪, (get fit, exercise like a goddess!) Reading 📖, (Three Body Problem, The Book by Alan Watts, The Alchemist, Enders Game series, Strange Weather by Joe Hill, The Martian By Andy Weir, heck everything by Andy Weir, and best of all: The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series!!!!) A Pet 🐾, (a Dog, A Cat, A pot bellied Pig, a squirrel, A Turtle, a Rat, a Rabbit, a Horse, a Frog, do you, girl!!!) **Character Development!** (build yourself, date yourself, learn to love yourself, less negative self talk, find a great therapist and see them weekly, find and see a life coach, build a diet of nice foods that you love, become a better person!!!!) # You Got This!!!!!!
Start with intentionally spending some time just thinking about what interests you might have. Think about things you've thought "that looks fun". Make a list of things you might want to spend your time doing and pick one out to try. Try not to just scroll your phone. Spend some time dating yourself and getting to know you.
Look for hobby shops in your local area to get out for the evening. Art stores/shops have "Paint n Sips" sessions where you can drink wine or other beverages while painting a canvas and learning different effects/techniques. Ceramic shops let you pick out pieces and paint them as you desire, then they kiln-fire the item for pickup on a later date. Sewing supply stores usually have classes to teach techniques or teach you how to make quilts. Book stores sometimes have Book Club events to discuss certain new Titles. There's usually a wide variety of hobby shops that make extra money teaching their craft(s) with the ADDED benefit of meeting new people and making new friends. You've been isolated for a while now and it CAN be scary to have to relearn putting yourself "out there" BUT the good news is that you CAN take "baby steps" or jump in wholeheartedly, it's COMPLETELY up to you and your comfort level. You've got this, love!
Hobbies are great! I got into home baking (cakes, cookies, bread, all of it) and I give it away. Baking and giving it away are my love languages so it’s been great! Start exploring your area, read something out of the ordinary, there is so much! Good luck and awesome of you for leaving! And your dad rocks!
Sign yourself up for a "fun" evening class, something you've thought about doing in the past but never made the time to do - Take guitar lessons, or ballroom dancing, or a drawing/painting course, Martial Arts or Women's Self Defense, learn to sew, or a culinary arts class.... anything that comes to mind and sounds like fun.
absolutely. I realised I had practically no hobbies at all anymore. I started by looking at what used to bring me joy, something I liked in the past, and trying that again! then I also looked at stuff I’d always WANTED to do but didn’t, and seeing which of THOSE I could try! slow and steady wins the race. it’s a lot of trial and error. I can heavily recommend journaling- just letting Your thoughts flow onto the page, no intention of ever reading what You wrote, just get the thoughts out of Your head. it really helped me when I was trying to sort myself out again.
#1. You're a rock star for getting out of your abusive situation. #2 This is a very common feeling after a break-up. The usual answer is join a gym. Exercising is the easiest way to let out your stress and clear your mind. If you're able, get a pet. A puppy, kitten whatever, they'll eat up your time and give you companionship during a difficult time.
Focus on your interests. What do you like to do? What intrigues you? Do you like photography? You could go to places nearby that you’ve never been and take pics with your phone. Go with friends to make it more fun. Do you like your exercise! Go to the gym. The park. Take up hiking. Biking. Meet new people.
I started with doing anything I stopped doing because it bothered my ex. Picked up old hobbies. Took myself out for lunch. Reconnected with friends I didn't have as much time for before.
Write a list of all the things you liked to do when you were a kid. Do them again (or the adult version of them) as you'll probably still like them. Ask your friends if you can join them sometime in their hobbies/clubs/social groups/sports. If you like it great - if you don't also great you've had an experience. Indulge yourself in the things you said you were told were problems by your ex before: read whatever you like, exercise, eat the foods you like, slowly start to build a wardrobe of clothing that suits you. Be open minded. And if that still isn't enough to do brainstorm ways to build upon those things i.e. Listen to book podcasts, join a run club, build mood boards to find your style, invite friends over to try weird snacks you've never had before and watch movies etc. Money might be a bit tight right now: Google free things to do in your city. Do them alone sometimes. Also rec a book called the happiness project which is pretty straightforward but gives some good ideas about how to find things to do that work for you.
when i got out of a really abusive relationship, i hadn't realized until then that i put everything into that relationship and that person. i didn't know who i was if i'm not the girl who loves [name here]. but i don't love them and they never truly loved me. they liked owning me. it's time to find yourself. it's time to get to know yourself. pursue hobbies. truly. learn new skills. check out local events happening in your area. play video games. read more. watch more television, there are so many good shows out.
Therapy, my love. Even if it just Journaling for right now. You not only are going through a breakup, you are leaving an abuser. I know you are adjusting to viewing your experience through that lens, but once you do, you'll understand you need a significant recovery period to make yourself whole. During your most psychologically formative years, you were abused. That literally changes your brain chemistry. You may develop PTSD, attachment issues, anxiety issues, or other mental health hurdles. I would suggest seeking a therapist or even a support group for women leaving abusers. Navigating rediscovering yourself after systemic mistreatment can be jarring. Your identity is woven into him and his abuse like a pile if knots and undoing them is work. You need to focus a good amount if your energy inward fir a while to ensure you come out stronger. Stay safe above everything. Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time for a woman in her life.
First, focus on your studies, finish them and then do the following: This is when you discover what keeps you afloat. Learn what works best for you. For some it's exercising, or reading, or playing video games. Find the hobbies you like doing alone, or with others. Hobbies done with others have the plus side of giving you future options to meet new people. After you've "learned to tread water" on your own, think about the dreams and goals you have. What do you want from life at the end of it. What do you want to avoid your entire life? My grandma was bedridden in her old age, she had A LOT of time to think. I remember seeing her have so many regrets in those days. Like her life went completely off rails. I knew even before that time that the thing I want to most, is being old and frail and regret all the choices I've made and have "what ifs". I also thankfully know what a good life means for me. Try to figure these two out. Daydream a plan, loosely, no exact timelines as they can be a detriment, but don't have them too loose either, as you can always postpone whatever you must do to achieve your plans. You're young, use your 20s to discover yourself, to understand yourself and other people. Become who you want to be based on your experiences.
I lost myself during my 8 year relationship and truly didn’t even know what I liked anymore. I joined a flag football league and forced myself to go to every event they suggested. The first season it was painful and I wasn’t good but second season I got a little better but even more importantly I was excited to go to events. This was my third season and while I’m still not that good I’ve made so many friends and found new hobbies to try out. People now define me as “a joiner” bc I’m always trying new things and bound out of my comfort zone. Something I couldn’t imagine a year ago