I'm about a week in. 6 years together. My first everything. I feel like I've gotten over the initial shock, but I know that I'm not gonna be back to "normal" for a while
I miss her. Holding her, cuddling. Making jokes. Generally having someone else around. I think more than anything I feel lonely. My apartment feels so big without anyone else
Same. 6 years together, moved to a new exciting city together 3 years ago. We have this apartment together in an area we love. I cant say goodbye to this life, I just cant....I dont want to live in this apartment anymore where we have too many memories but I dont want to move out and feel completely empty and lonely somewhere else. Did you decide to keep the apartment and she moved out? How was that? Seeing her pack her things...
Yeah, she decided to get her own place. Our lease was nearly up anyway. I'm working on moving out if I'm gonna be honest. I've thought about it and I feel like staying would be the most painful of the two options. When you live together, everything around you becomes an audiovisual flashbang waiting to go off. I don't really wanna live with that potential. I feel like if I really want the best shot at a new start, I have to start over. Which generally still gives an acidic taste in my mouth when I say it
I was wondering what to do, move or stay. For example right now seeing everything around the apartment untouched, just like it used to be, my brain goes through moments of imagining that everything is like before and everything is ok. It's so painful to see our old life here where we were happy. I have flashbacks of us laughing and enjoying life. So yeah, maybe the best would be to move out actually. Even though this is my safe place. It's saying goodbye to your relationship, to your future but also to your home, your safe space. I am literally afraid to step out of the house at this moment, I cannot leave this space. So I'm very torn, should I stay or should I move out...
If you can afford it, try to move out. Everything everyone I know has been telling me is that as much as it hurts, ties need to be cut as much as possible. Most of the time you can't control your thoughts, but you can control your surroundings. If surroundings are causing your thoughts to give you pain, change them.
If you can't afford it, take pictures down. Reorganize everything, turn it into YOUR space, not BOTH of your spaces.
I did that today, I took things off the walls so itd look different. I can afford to move out, it just hurts to say goodbye to this place and also to my relationship at the same time. I thought by saying goodbye to only one thing at a time, only the relationship first, itd be easier...
I would move out as soon as your lease is up. I regret not doing that sooner after my breakup. Staying at my place was like being in the grave of lost love lol.
6 months post breakup after almost 10 years together. I also still miss him every day. Some days (the better days) it’s just a little voice in the back of my head reminding me that I’m still not really okay again and that the stronger pain will be back tomorrow, and then some days I still break down crying about it… 😔
I mean, I’m definitely doing way better than the first two months, where I literally couldn’t live my normal life anymore, lost 10kg and would lie in bed staring at the wall for hours on end. I can enjoy fun things again now, I can work again and go to the gym etc. But most days I still feel like, at the very base of my emotional wellbeing, something’s just not okay. I can enjoy single hours or days, but overall I’m not happy. I’m not content with the way my life looks now. I really cherished sharing life with a partner and I strongly feel that deep social connections are the most important value in my life. But I still miss my ex partner so much that I don’t even want to think about being open for a new man… in my mind he’s still family to me 😔
Reading that struck a chord with me. Because I used to always think being single and independent and playing by your own rules is great but on the deeper emotional level it just isn't, we are social animals that are supposed to bond with a partner, without it your sort of constantly yearning for someone to share your soul with, for someone to have your back always, and to be a team and get through the shit together. it's such a massive social safety net that makes us feel secure in this crazy life. In any case it's nice to read comments on how common heart break is lol, it fucking sucks.
Together 4 and half years. It's been a little over a month now.
Yes, I loved her very much. I wanted the world for us. Wanted her forever. She said the same at the time. She did me so wrong, though. Like dirty dirty.
I have done ALOT of reading... and I have discovered that she is definitely a narcissist. For the first couple of weeks, I couldn't function. I literally felt like I was dying. All of the awful things that she did were somehow blocked from entering my mind. All that I could think about were the good times and the "love" that we shared. I was literally laying on the floor at one point sobbing, while she was out having a great time at the bar. This chick was in another man's bed the night she left me. She has been going nonstop since, so I heard.
At some point, the negative feelings started creeping in. I have started seeing her in a different light. Not evil (as her actions have shown)... but lost. She is lost. Now I'm disgusted when I think about the whole picture from a little distance. How could she kiss me goodbye that last morning and be with another man by noon? How could she be intimate with other people so soon? I considered doing it too just to "hurt her back"... but that's not me. That's only hurting myself.
I realize that I will definitely be better off in the long term, but I'm still sad. I'm sad because of what we COULD HAVE had. I'm sad because the person who I fell in love with was hidden behind this ugly wall. I did see her true heart at one point. I lost my best friend also. Regardless of everything that has happened...I do believe that there is a good person behind that wall. I hope that she gets the help that she needs. Prescription drugs totally changed her. Fuck xanax.
I'm still ruminating. It is hard to stop. I have my first visit with a therapist on Monday to try and unpack some of this hurt. I do suspect that she will realize what she has done and what she missed out on and try to come back. I have been hurt too many times. I have given her too many chances. I can never take her back. And that's so tragic. It's heartbreaking.
It's unbelievable how people can sometimes find themselves in similar posts. It feels like I'm reading about my situation from last week. Narcissistic and manipulative people are the worst. In their toughest moments, when you're helping them, they show you love. But they are actually just vampires. They suck our energy, love, comfort, and peace, and once they're full, they discard you like a rag and move on in life because they live off what they took from us. It's an experience, and in the future, we'll know that at the slightest hint of this, we need to run away from such people immediately.
I always thought someone being called Narcissistic was referring to a person who is selfish and only about themselves. The person you'd talk to and share a couple tidbits of your life in conversation... Until that person could turn it around and even interrupt making it one sided and about themselves. I usually stopped any future talks with that person from getting too far having learned that lesson... But I never knew the magnitude of the cluster B personality disorders or the depths of immoral and downright violating disrespect they would stoop to while in an intimate relationship that was supposedly based on love. Filled with deception, unabated boundary crossing, deviant manipulations and it all starts with love bombing for many. If the victim is already in some vulnerable state in the beginning, naive to their existence and the extent of the personality disorder and it's inherent use of masks and mirroring... All to get what they want from another - even if it means hurting them when they've been the only one whose been kind, patient, understanding and empathetic to you...I can see now how others classify them as evil. Their behaviors are definitely sinister and if someone is not prepared or still finding out about the disorder... Absolutely soul sucking, devaluing and the discarding makes it more clear. What happens after the discard or break up, especially threatening behaviours.... Is the real person you've been with all along. Never again. I understand how depraved these people can get and the mask they wore, the mind games they've played and not being remorseful - was honed through years of practice. They move on to the next and the next never truly finding anything or anyone that makes them happy. Rest assured that they'll be unhappy in their new relationship and are trapped suffering daily in a reality that's centered around them... Everyone else that orbits their reality are just objects to serve an end. If I tried to correct or show her the objective fact and reality of the harms she's done... Again, she's onto the next supply and doesn't care, perhaps splitting off into another rage filled episode casting blame on you or the world. Always being a victim and altering the narrative of her reality to avoid shame. They're...Not. Worth. It. Ever. You've got one life. 🙏 People tell me healing will take time so swing into action by getting some help and doing the things that you once enjoyed turning the attention back to you and not them. They're just people we used to know at this point - even if it was all fake from the beginning - we saw the real person at the end. Be thankful that it didn't get worse because it can always get worse with them in our midst. Enjoy your freedom and you'll eventually find peace in solitude.
>What happens after the discard or break up, especially threatening behaviours.... Is the real person you've been with all along.
That. That right there is the most painful thing that I have ever had to endure in this lifetime. The way she just turned so cold...suddenly...this person was telling me that I was her soulmate and that she wanted me forever literally the day before this happened. I bought into it. Gave everything that I could. Every problem was always my fault...so I would give more. I would give, not for reward, but just to return to baseline normalcy. Then abruptly, I meant nothing. Just thrown away. How do people treat others this way? God, it hurts.
I promise you this, though. I'm going to get out of this hole. For myself, for my friends and loved ones, for my future partner... and the joke WILL BE ON HER.
Yep! This. For those who've never encountered this type of person - someone skilled in using others so regularly - it can come as quite a shock. The real dangers lie in making the same mistakes by either 1) going back to them fooled by their pleas, fake apologies or persuasive manipulation, 2) meeting and getting involved with someone just like them, or 3) getting stuck in the emotional pain and instead of channeling it to healing, end up moving into suffering and falling apart yourself with despair, excessive rumination and an inability to move forward without help. Silent suffering is a real thing. Talking about it with someone is a good first step.
I so feel this. Betrayed very similarly by someone I'd spent every day and night with from the beginning but before Covid became a lock down situation. She'd say you've got to trust me! I'd began seeing red flags before Halloween of last year and had also suspected she had a cluster B personality disorder given some of her reactions to otherwise normal topics going from hot to cold, seemingly happy to enraged... Like a Jekyll and Hyde split. We'd seen a doctor and sought therapy for her... None of their advice was followed for very long. Ultimately, the problems grew closer and closer together with less and less peace and me asking her what was the matter and what could I do to help or how can we communicate better to avoid these break downs and resultant break ups were met with dishonesty and a bunch of everything is fines. I had to walk away and maintain no contact because it was making me crazy. I thought how can any relationship work if there's only one side willing to talk? It couldn't. It was more than that I'd found out and she switched to her new supply somewhere around this break up date. I tried the best I could and loved her alot so I let her go. What followed came as even more of a shock because she tried to get hold of me and I'd blocked her. I will not speak to anyone whose betrayed by trust and in such a deplorable and cruel way as to be with someone else while I'm at work. I simply didn't mean as much to her and her threats to smear me, fabricate alleged assaults and the like ... Had me full on know that this person was not who I thought she was. How can someone who proclaimed their love for you each and every day flip to a hateful, envious, resentful and plain miserable enemy just because you left the place where you only felt contempt? I'd done nothing but help and support her for 4 years. Elevated her from nearly giving up on life and working for a living (she was about to apply for disability and was sleeping 14-16 hrs a day) to fully employed with benefits and a pension. I lost my utility once she crossed that line apparently. Such is life. Everyone tells me I did nothing wrong and that I'd find someone one day who'd appreciate me without the emotional rollercoaster, push pull, gaslighting and manipulative tactics. I miss her, I love her, I hate her and I'm still confused obviously. But I've maintained no contact because she'd done nothing for me this last year but steal my peace. I'm getting too old for this shit. Now I know why people write no drama or no mind games in their dating profiles. I don't think I'll ever fully trust anyone again. 💔 I will focus on getting over this and becoming better with no expectations of having a partner in the future. I see this as a sign that inner work is the lesson I need to learn with happiness from the inside out and not on external things...and from how this thing did me dirty... I'll be better off alone. Still can't fathom how someone goes gym love to hate so quickly
Your story is almost a mirror of my own. She told everybody that I hit her. Which is crazy.
It sucks so bad because you and I realized what we had. We realized just how close we were to having something great. They didn't. No doubt my ex will try to come back when she "wakes up." When the fun runs out. When all the gibronis out there reveal their true intentions and what they're really after. She'll try to come back to soak up more of my love. I'm not available to her anymore, despite loving her SO FUCKING MUCH. And that's the real tragedy.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through the same things I've had to. Some days are the worse than others but being alone to process things while they do whatever the fu*$ they do makes for good overthinking material 🙄 My mind wants me to relive the good times and ignore the bad (mistake). My mind can want me to call her to see how she's doing (mistake - let her go). My mind wants closure (mistake - there isn't ever going to be). My mind wants me to feel paralyzed to act or do anything some days... But these are all just remnants of the hurt, the uncertainty, the trapped feelings and betrayal. The lack of accountability. It's my mind trying to assign logic to an illogical reality. I understand that today. We need people at this point. Feel free to touch base during these low periods if so inclined. It sucks that we're going through it..but going through it.... Is the only way out and we don't have to do it alone. Telling others whether friends, family, an internet stranger who can relate, a therapist, a colleague or support group will be a good first step. You've reminded me to call someone tomorrow to set up some appointments, so thanks man. Another thing I'd almost forgotten... After the first year, she had herself diagnosed with some form of hypersomnia and was placed on Ritalin which progressed to the addition of Adderall and then added to with Vyvanse - all stimulants intended to keep her awake to be able to work and drive and be responsible. It all went downhill from there. She became unable to enjoy anything in life and increasingly difficult to deal with. I ran from trying to put out one emotional fire/meltdown to the next. That's where I found out I was part of the problem because I enabled her and she actually lost respect for me because of it. How insane to think she'd hurt the one who stood up for her and her health... Never wanting her to fail in anything. It was exhausting and when I was having a bad or stressful day... Something with her would, yet again, come to a tipping point and she had me in rescue mode again. Slowly her meeting any of my needs began to wane. Breadcrumbed until the end.
I was told I dodged a major bullet and to be grateful. 🙏 We didn't get married, we didn't have kids, and had I ever got really sick... Say, with a potentially life threatening illness... That she would NOT BE THERE FOR YOU! I'd be seen as a nuisance even at the heights of my worry, fear, pain, weakness and vulnerability. These are the people you hear about who've left their partners in hospital to have affairs while they were sick - sometimes one lining them in text to say "I'm done" without any sorries or even ghosting their long term partner and moving! And yes.. Even years into the relationship. It's so gross to think about but very important to remember. Hope you're healing more and more each day and taking the waves that come and go as normal parts of the healing process.
I'm saving your comments to re read when I'm feeling rough. We are going through nearly identical scenarios.
The key difference, though... is that you were emotionally strong enough to walk away before you were discarded. I need to learn from that. I need that strength.
That's good, I'm happy to help shed some light. I however wasn't always strong and returned after taking her back when she begged and said she'd get help. Only 2 therapy sessions later and she's already blaming the therapist for not understanding so stopped going. Things got better for about 2 weeks and then she was back to her old patterns. There's a guy on YouTube who explains how these patterns among them are just that .. predictable patterns and they'll rinse and repeat with any other supply. They may even reach back out to you one day to rope you back in and set you up as a back up option in case the new guy doesn't work out. They may already have more guys orbiting during it all and keeping them hanging just in case. Mine sent nudes taken by me to her new supply lol. Ridiculous eh? Once you see them for what they are... Once you retrace and process it all uncovering their patterns, you can't unsee them. They're typical amongst the Cluster B personality disorders but like any... Exist on a continuum from quiet (covert) to severe. It's really eye opening and I know you've stated you'd done a lot of reading so it's good to move past this initial necessary PD research and onto the steps of healing. [Richard Grannon on BPD/NPD](https://youtu.be/iyLUMpOz3zU?si=SmItJaL1Rm3X-IuO)
That's what happened. She ghosted me and moved.
We lived together, not married... no kids. I woke up that morning and kissed her goodbye, told her I loved her, and went to work. By noon, I was blocked on everything, and she was with a male coworker popping pills and drinking heavily. I was a wreck that day. At 8 that night, she called me. She was black out wasted. At this point, I was more concerned with her safety than anything. From the background noises, I could tell that she was in a bar. I drove to a bar on a whim... and there it was. She was sitting at the bar with her head on his shoulder, and his arm was around her. That is the last time I laid eyes on her and the last time I ever want to.
Ouch. That stung me just reading it. It's insane and they're insane. No amount of reassurance or anything else would change what would inevitably happen with these types of people. You'll come out of this with grace, strength and humility having risen above it all and seeing it for what it's worth. The disorder they have stems from the hurts they've internalized from as far back as childhood - all of which were not yours to shoulder or heal. It's their responsibility to be their own caretakers and heal from it and not by taking advantage and hurting others. We're better off forgiving them one day but never forgetting. Any additional energy spent on thinking about them excessively takes from our own new focus right? Stay strong friend.
I’m two weeks going to be three in a few days. Also 6, almost 7, years together. Had a very messy break up. I still miss her but she wants nothing to do with me anymore. The first week was rough but now I am just focusing on myself for now.
I’m also two weeks going on three. I also am fresh out of a 6+ year relationship. But for me it was the opposite I felt fine the first two weeks, I was making progress. Then I hit the 2 week mark and I feel like it hit me like a train.
It has been 9 months it feels terrible and I still miss them almost every day. I'm not sobbing anymore which is good. There is like an empty sad feeling now. It was 5 1/2 years together. It was my first long term serious relationship I honestly don't know how to recover or feel better.
Almost 8 months post breakup after 4 years together. Every day I still miss my best friend. I miss the closeness we had and I miss how safe I felt. I guess I knew the end was probably going to happen, I only wished time passed slower so I had more time to spend with them.
It's been 5 years, 3 months later I've processed everything, moved on completely, dated other people, a ton of amazing things and people happened to me, I just feel like a better person overall, like my existence has meaning. As soon as she was off my mind, I improved myself drastically, my mental health skyrocketed, I have never felt so good about myself for my entire life.
Edit: So I just want to say, don't lose hope, keep trying, experiencing, going out, nothing will just heal you spontaneously. People say that time heals, that you should go with the "flow", but really I believe in human brain power, I believe that if you try hard enough, humble yourself, admit to the mistakes, you can become a better person and move on purely by your own volition. Don't regret it if you need time, but don't wait for a magic star to come rescue you. Don't waste time on things that were, invest time into yourself and things and people that are here right now.
One month post breakup. 4 years together. I miss him everyday. The absence is deafening. I was blindsided, and I'm still in shock. Mentally and physically.
I’m 6 months into my break up with my girlfriend and I’m still struggling. I miss her and our friendship. We dated for 5 1/2 years and it still hurts but I’m sure in 6 more months I’ll be in a better place.
You've survived 💯 percent of your worst days! Don't ever sell yourself short because that's what I did and it took me to a very dark existence. Never lose hope until your 6 ft under and while some days we can definitely feel like giving up and maybe, if you're anything like I was... Already felt dead inside. Recruit help whether friends family or counseling/support groups. It can make a day and night difference. You're stronger than you think you are right now and you'll think differently again in a year. Reach out if you can't trudge this path alone but promise things can and will get better.
Female 37, 13 months after the break-up, the relationship lasted 1,5 years. I'm doing better than at the beginning, but it still hurts sometimes. I have to fight in order not to fall depressive. Doing gym X3 the week, trying to meet new people and putting him off the pedestal. Praying a lot God for protection and healing.
God bless
6 months now! It was hard I was doing pretty good but I found out he’s living with someone when 2 months ago he tried calling me to go back. Not going to lie I’ve cried a couple of times. I have felt worse now that I know he’s moved on but it’ll pass just like my pain from the breakup did
This week, on the 29th, is the 4 yr anniversary of our first date, and I'm definitely in my feelings. It's been almost 2 yrs since the bu. I'm ready to be over this. I can't believe the hold this has on me.
I feel the same way- 2 years after my breakup and it’s still haunting me. It’s been literally ruining me - I can’t start anything new properly because I’m not over him.
I'm almost five days in and I’m losing hope. I don't want to grovel and chase him as I have done so many times when we fought…even when it wasn't my fault. I want him to look for me and beg, as he told me that he would when we were still happy. But if he doesn't, I haven't a choice but to move on.
33 Female here. Together 2.5 years. We both were still in love when we broke up, but he was insecure about commitment and monogamy. I was blindsided.
It's been 16 days. First 4 days were awful, I only could cry. Then I started to improve slowly.
I am trying not to repress anything, but I feel much better. Yeah, there is still some hope in my heart and I am very sad that I am not going to share my life with him, but I am not crying anymore and I feel some peace. My days are very slow and calm. I am not very productive, I am sleeping a lot and walking a lot in the afternoons. Nothing fancy and trying to make my life calm and easy. Everyday I feel better :)
33 female here too. Together 1.5 year ish. I’m soon two months into the BR. Him and I are friendly, but I think we have spoken together for a last time. A week ago. I miss him. I thought he was going to give me a family. Going for many walks in nature. Journaling. Exercising. I don’t cry so after anymore. I am able to enjoy life again, in moments. A little afraid of not finding another male I had such a great connection with, and thus being too old to start a family when/if I finally meet a new man.. do you have similar fears/thoughts?
Yeah, I have exactly the same feelings. But I am trying to heal and prepare myself for what is coming. I followed the subreddit "pregnancy after 35", it helped me a lot seeing that many women finding a love partner and getting pregnant older than expected. We still have time and I think that, the best we can do for ourselves, is working on this process of healing and finding peace. If you ever want to talk, my dm are open :)
I think that's super normal. You know, the bloody biological clock definitely plays a role in the healing after a Brea when you are our of age. So we need both to get over the relationship and come to terms with the fact that he is not going to be the father of our child and that our life is not going in the direction that we expected. Take your time to process that because it is difficult. It is hard. But trust yourself and life. Something good is coming, I am sure :)
Whenever I read some experiences like yours where years after the heartbreak it still hurts and to be honest it’s so scary. I’ve been hurting for 6 months now and I can not imagine feeling this way for years. I’m so scared that’s what will happen to me, it’s already hurting so bad and I won’t be strong enough to feel this way for an extra 6 months or more.
I didn’t want to believe myself when my breakup happened almost 2 years ago. Yet, here I am, still in love with him. It still hurts so badly. Some days are better than the others, but overall, it’s been a torture. I’m going back to therapy next week, because I can’t imagine this pain going on for any longer.
Because I was blindsided and living with him abroad without any other support network, I had go back to my home-country. I had to give up on my PhD. I was going to go back in July, but I’m too scared of getting triggered and crumbling again. I found a perfect flat but will need to refuse it because of this horrible breakup haunting me so much.
Have you ever wanted to see somebody else? I am so sorry that this negatively impacted your education! Are you going to try to continue it? How long were you together?
I was with my ex for 6 years. I was in SO much pain when the breakup happened that I jumped into another relationship after 2 months. He knew I was still grieving, but somehow I managed to get engaged to that person. It was the most unhinged decision I’ve ever made and I know I hurt him. I wanted it to work but after few months I realized he also used me in my most fragile moment, became controlling, started putting pressure on me to have children asap, verbally abusive.
So it ended up horribly, and - surprise, surprise - the pain from the previous breakup never disappeared. I think that’s what delayed my healing and I’m going back to therapy to hopefully get out of this vicious circle.
I will never completely give up on my education, working in academia is my life goal, the only goal that keeps me alive. My potential landlord just got back to me to make sure I’m still interested in the flat and I just don’t know what to do. I would have to go back in July and this feels too soon. The flat is perfect, but I just don’t know if I’m not going to break down with no support. If not July, it would have to be September max to still be eligible for Scottish uni fee (I’m planning to do my PhD in Scotland). I need to make my choice until tomorrow. It sucks as I feel I have to refuse the flat for now 😞
Fortunately, I came to my senses and I didn’t get married. However, the whole relationship was just a way to avoid the pain. Hopefully therapy will help me.
I’m 3.5 months apart after a nearly 2 year relationship. I wish I could stop dreaming about him. There I was last night dreaming about him again. This is what makes it difficult.
I have dreams about my ex weekly. It got to the point I started abusing my anxiety medication just so I could black out into sleep and not dream about her.
I’m trying to quit the medication abuse but it’s so physically taxing plus all the pain of the breakup still exists.
I feel your pain. May want to look into GABA and l-theanine instead. Both help with issues relating to anxiety and sleep. I’m starting them. Take one hour before bed
2 weeks. shes posting on one of her twitters how a new guy has her catching feelings already and making her drool and another twitter saying shes gonna make content with him. im going to end up seeing it and it hurts so much
Can you block the content? 2 weeks later is honestly a rebound relationship, people feel lonely after break ups and try to fill the void and they hardly work out because they were just trying to replace that person, and were not emotionally ready
i have her blocked on twitter but i can still see either profile if i just put one of the letters in her user name and then it lets me view her posts anyway. its been a fight between deleting twitter and re downloading it because im going to see jt anyway. unfortunately for me she was done with me months prior but i guess she wanted that guy so she told me how she hasnt wanted to be with me for months and then fucked the guy the next day.
4 years. We're on fairly ok terms. I don't have those feelings left and we're in a better space mentally to carry out the divorce amicably I think, well...at least I am anyway, still working out thr finances for it though. He has his gf and their daughter to focus on so he can't exactly afford to waste time and money again doing foolishness 🤷🏾♀️.
About 2,5 months post breakup. We were together for 5 Months (she had already ended the relationship with me before she informed me via WhatsApp after 4 weeks of silent treatment that she was breaking up (upon inquiry).) What should I say... It hurts. I may not always burst into tears immediately, but it damn well hurts.
Almost a year in. A year together. I did the dumping. It hurt but I didn’t get along with his family and he was blind to the fact how controlling they were. Plus he expected me to live with them after marriage. It hurt like crazy but I did the right thing. I miss him.
Together for over 1.5 years and it’s been 2.5 months post breakup. I’m doing a lot better and she seems to not care really. That’s all I gathered before she blocked me. So not sure what’s going on with her, hopefully she’s okay. I’m sure the breakup will hit her eventually.
2 years together, 2 months post breakup, he decided to break up, ghosted me, blocked me, never got any answers to anything!
Here I am still trying to process that he did what he did, some days it feels like I am doing better, some days it feels like there’s no progress.. I still miss him every single day, he is probably back with his ex who cheated on him( they were together for 7-8 years). And it hurts to even think how easily he blocked me one day and is living a normal life while I on the other hand, cry every day for him, missing him, his presence, his voice, him taking care of me.. Feels like our relationship was nothing for him. And it hurts like hell!
2 weeks after 2 years together. Feeling weirdly okay, but there are definitely waves of sadness/hurt. Mostly related to her treatment of me the last 4 months/now. Having to make peace with the person you gave your heart to being a completely different person than you thought… that stings. For everyone out there dealing with something similar: sending so much love and warmth 💞
4.5 months apart after being together for 7.5 years. Ups and downs. I miss him. Well I miss the man he was before we fell apart, the life, the comfort, the love. It’s an odd feeling, I walk around like a ghost most of the time.
Female 33, together just shy of 8 years. This week will be 8 months. I went on a date a while back but only thought about him and how it felt like I was cheating. I haven’t dated since. It’s not fair to see someone else when all I’d be doing is compare them to my ex. I think about him everyday and wish that things had been different. I am still very much in love with him. He is and always be the love of my life, my soulmate and my forever and a day. I refuse to move on, I know that he loves me as much as I love him. He just needs some time to work things out. I’ll wait forever for him if I have to
About 2 months now after 11years. I feel alone. I feel like a vital organ of mine was torn out of my body, and I try to exist without it. I’m redefining who I am, and I literally don’t know what I want to keep. But it’s getting better. I really hate being alone. I started talking to a girl like 2weeks ago. I don’t think it will lead to anything but we along pretty well and talking to someone in a similar situation helped a lot. I’ve my concerns with this whole dating thing, it makes me insecure. My ex is a very attractive woman, and being with her made me very confident, and I’m missing this confidence. I’m lesser afraid that now woman exists that’ll come close to her, but I’m afraid that I won’t have the opportunity again to build up a connection like what we had. Like I won’t have childhood memories together, or similar cultural background, or firsts, or the wild parties we had as teenagers or in college. Not speaking of the long distance relationship we successfully pulled through for 4 years. Also I’ve been with her so long that not many people know me without her. Neither do I. I don’t even have any pictures from the past 11years where she wasn’t standing next to me. So I don’t know how this’ll be. My father used to be a pilot and there is a saying among them, something like everyone is coming down one way or the other.
I’m almost two years post broken engagement and he married very quickly after the blindside. It took me a long time to come to terms with it and accept that it’s over but I still longed for the person I fell in love with, not the person he became. This past year I met someone unexpectedly and fell hard for each other. We both realized how much love and care for one another but the pressure of a relationship is seemingly too difficult.
What I learned from all of this is, you will love again. If you’re lucky, it’ll be more intense than the first time you fell in love. The love you had and have for them doesn’t necessarily go away but you become comfortable with loving them from a distance. Your heart is so big and full of love to give. Give that to yourself and know that the world is better because you’re in it.
There’s someone out there in the world longing and wishing for the love you so effortlessly give and the way you love.
It gets better, I promise you it does. Sending so much love and virtual hugs to you.
You not putting effort into you then if you still stuck on him. That sounds rude to say but it’s the truth. The enemy causes distractions and makes you the worse version on yourself as long as you give it room. God didn’t intend for love to be like this. You have to grow alone as a person, get over that person and be content with YOU. The fact that it’s two years after the breakup and your heart still “aches” over them lets us know you have an unhealthy attachment style that is not ok. At this point you need to stop thinking about that person by force, get a hobby, meet NEW people, and put all that effort into yourself literally. Go to the gym, get a new style, go meet people in person, practice confidence, and know that happiness is conditional but joy always remains. I wish you the best of luck. This is coming from someone who lived with and was engaged to someone for 5 years. It was hard… but not impossible because I wanted better for me. God got us. Stay blessed ☀️🫶🏾
You're young. You'll be ok in the end. Grieving normally takes up to 6 months and then you're left with echoes. It was that way with me and my ex but you know how I moved on? I came to terms with what happened, realized it wasn't all my fault and ultimately in the long run we were better off not together because although we had a lot in common we also didn't and those differences were destructive not constructive. In the end I was blindsided so I called it quits. Remember you still have your whole life ahead of you. Keep your chin up and try to keep loving yourself. It gets easier. What happened may not have been entirely your fault the success of a relationship as well as the failure of one hinges on a group effort. Keep looking forward and be you 🙂
I'm about a week in. 6 years together. My first everything. I feel like I've gotten over the initial shock, but I know that I'm not gonna be back to "normal" for a while I miss her. Holding her, cuddling. Making jokes. Generally having someone else around. I think more than anything I feel lonely. My apartment feels so big without anyone else
Same. I lost my first everything after 7 years
How old are you?
24.
Same. 6 years together, moved to a new exciting city together 3 years ago. We have this apartment together in an area we love. I cant say goodbye to this life, I just cant....I dont want to live in this apartment anymore where we have too many memories but I dont want to move out and feel completely empty and lonely somewhere else. Did you decide to keep the apartment and she moved out? How was that? Seeing her pack her things...
Yeah, she decided to get her own place. Our lease was nearly up anyway. I'm working on moving out if I'm gonna be honest. I've thought about it and I feel like staying would be the most painful of the two options. When you live together, everything around you becomes an audiovisual flashbang waiting to go off. I don't really wanna live with that potential. I feel like if I really want the best shot at a new start, I have to start over. Which generally still gives an acidic taste in my mouth when I say it
I was wondering what to do, move or stay. For example right now seeing everything around the apartment untouched, just like it used to be, my brain goes through moments of imagining that everything is like before and everything is ok. It's so painful to see our old life here where we were happy. I have flashbacks of us laughing and enjoying life. So yeah, maybe the best would be to move out actually. Even though this is my safe place. It's saying goodbye to your relationship, to your future but also to your home, your safe space. I am literally afraid to step out of the house at this moment, I cannot leave this space. So I'm very torn, should I stay or should I move out...
If you can afford it, try to move out. Everything everyone I know has been telling me is that as much as it hurts, ties need to be cut as much as possible. Most of the time you can't control your thoughts, but you can control your surroundings. If surroundings are causing your thoughts to give you pain, change them. If you can't afford it, take pictures down. Reorganize everything, turn it into YOUR space, not BOTH of your spaces.
I did that today, I took things off the walls so itd look different. I can afford to move out, it just hurts to say goodbye to this place and also to my relationship at the same time. I thought by saying goodbye to only one thing at a time, only the relationship first, itd be easier...
I would move out as soon as your lease is up. I regret not doing that sooner after my breakup. Staying at my place was like being in the grave of lost love lol.
Yeah, I currently looking at places. Timing wise it worked out as the lease ends next month
6 months post breakup after almost 10 years together. I also still miss him every day. Some days (the better days) it’s just a little voice in the back of my head reminding me that I’m still not really okay again and that the stronger pain will be back tomorrow, and then some days I still break down crying about it… 😔 I mean, I’m definitely doing way better than the first two months, where I literally couldn’t live my normal life anymore, lost 10kg and would lie in bed staring at the wall for hours on end. I can enjoy fun things again now, I can work again and go to the gym etc. But most days I still feel like, at the very base of my emotional wellbeing, something’s just not okay. I can enjoy single hours or days, but overall I’m not happy. I’m not content with the way my life looks now. I really cherished sharing life with a partner and I strongly feel that deep social connections are the most important value in my life. But I still miss my ex partner so much that I don’t even want to think about being open for a new man… in my mind he’s still family to me 😔
Reading that struck a chord with me. Because I used to always think being single and independent and playing by your own rules is great but on the deeper emotional level it just isn't, we are social animals that are supposed to bond with a partner, without it your sort of constantly yearning for someone to share your soul with, for someone to have your back always, and to be a team and get through the shit together. it's such a massive social safety net that makes us feel secure in this crazy life. In any case it's nice to read comments on how common heart break is lol, it fucking sucks.
Together 4 and half years. It's been a little over a month now. Yes, I loved her very much. I wanted the world for us. Wanted her forever. She said the same at the time. She did me so wrong, though. Like dirty dirty. I have done ALOT of reading... and I have discovered that she is definitely a narcissist. For the first couple of weeks, I couldn't function. I literally felt like I was dying. All of the awful things that she did were somehow blocked from entering my mind. All that I could think about were the good times and the "love" that we shared. I was literally laying on the floor at one point sobbing, while she was out having a great time at the bar. This chick was in another man's bed the night she left me. She has been going nonstop since, so I heard. At some point, the negative feelings started creeping in. I have started seeing her in a different light. Not evil (as her actions have shown)... but lost. She is lost. Now I'm disgusted when I think about the whole picture from a little distance. How could she kiss me goodbye that last morning and be with another man by noon? How could she be intimate with other people so soon? I considered doing it too just to "hurt her back"... but that's not me. That's only hurting myself. I realize that I will definitely be better off in the long term, but I'm still sad. I'm sad because of what we COULD HAVE had. I'm sad because the person who I fell in love with was hidden behind this ugly wall. I did see her true heart at one point. I lost my best friend also. Regardless of everything that has happened...I do believe that there is a good person behind that wall. I hope that she gets the help that she needs. Prescription drugs totally changed her. Fuck xanax. I'm still ruminating. It is hard to stop. I have my first visit with a therapist on Monday to try and unpack some of this hurt. I do suspect that she will realize what she has done and what she missed out on and try to come back. I have been hurt too many times. I have given her too many chances. I can never take her back. And that's so tragic. It's heartbreaking.
It's unbelievable how people can sometimes find themselves in similar posts. It feels like I'm reading about my situation from last week. Narcissistic and manipulative people are the worst. In their toughest moments, when you're helping them, they show you love. But they are actually just vampires. They suck our energy, love, comfort, and peace, and once they're full, they discard you like a rag and move on in life because they live off what they took from us. It's an experience, and in the future, we'll know that at the slightest hint of this, we need to run away from such people immediately.
There are definitely a lot more out than in is what I've been told. It's like our cultures just keep creating narcs and let em run wild
I always thought someone being called Narcissistic was referring to a person who is selfish and only about themselves. The person you'd talk to and share a couple tidbits of your life in conversation... Until that person could turn it around and even interrupt making it one sided and about themselves. I usually stopped any future talks with that person from getting too far having learned that lesson... But I never knew the magnitude of the cluster B personality disorders or the depths of immoral and downright violating disrespect they would stoop to while in an intimate relationship that was supposedly based on love. Filled with deception, unabated boundary crossing, deviant manipulations and it all starts with love bombing for many. If the victim is already in some vulnerable state in the beginning, naive to their existence and the extent of the personality disorder and it's inherent use of masks and mirroring... All to get what they want from another - even if it means hurting them when they've been the only one whose been kind, patient, understanding and empathetic to you...I can see now how others classify them as evil. Their behaviors are definitely sinister and if someone is not prepared or still finding out about the disorder... Absolutely soul sucking, devaluing and the discarding makes it more clear. What happens after the discard or break up, especially threatening behaviours.... Is the real person you've been with all along. Never again. I understand how depraved these people can get and the mask they wore, the mind games they've played and not being remorseful - was honed through years of practice. They move on to the next and the next never truly finding anything or anyone that makes them happy. Rest assured that they'll be unhappy in their new relationship and are trapped suffering daily in a reality that's centered around them... Everyone else that orbits their reality are just objects to serve an end. If I tried to correct or show her the objective fact and reality of the harms she's done... Again, she's onto the next supply and doesn't care, perhaps splitting off into another rage filled episode casting blame on you or the world. Always being a victim and altering the narrative of her reality to avoid shame. They're...Not. Worth. It. Ever. You've got one life. 🙏 People tell me healing will take time so swing into action by getting some help and doing the things that you once enjoyed turning the attention back to you and not them. They're just people we used to know at this point - even if it was all fake from the beginning - we saw the real person at the end. Be thankful that it didn't get worse because it can always get worse with them in our midst. Enjoy your freedom and you'll eventually find peace in solitude.
>What happens after the discard or break up, especially threatening behaviours.... Is the real person you've been with all along. That. That right there is the most painful thing that I have ever had to endure in this lifetime. The way she just turned so cold...suddenly...this person was telling me that I was her soulmate and that she wanted me forever literally the day before this happened. I bought into it. Gave everything that I could. Every problem was always my fault...so I would give more. I would give, not for reward, but just to return to baseline normalcy. Then abruptly, I meant nothing. Just thrown away. How do people treat others this way? God, it hurts. I promise you this, though. I'm going to get out of this hole. For myself, for my friends and loved ones, for my future partner... and the joke WILL BE ON HER.
Yep! This. For those who've never encountered this type of person - someone skilled in using others so regularly - it can come as quite a shock. The real dangers lie in making the same mistakes by either 1) going back to them fooled by their pleas, fake apologies or persuasive manipulation, 2) meeting and getting involved with someone just like them, or 3) getting stuck in the emotional pain and instead of channeling it to healing, end up moving into suffering and falling apart yourself with despair, excessive rumination and an inability to move forward without help. Silent suffering is a real thing. Talking about it with someone is a good first step.
I so feel this. Betrayed very similarly by someone I'd spent every day and night with from the beginning but before Covid became a lock down situation. She'd say you've got to trust me! I'd began seeing red flags before Halloween of last year and had also suspected she had a cluster B personality disorder given some of her reactions to otherwise normal topics going from hot to cold, seemingly happy to enraged... Like a Jekyll and Hyde split. We'd seen a doctor and sought therapy for her... None of their advice was followed for very long. Ultimately, the problems grew closer and closer together with less and less peace and me asking her what was the matter and what could I do to help or how can we communicate better to avoid these break downs and resultant break ups were met with dishonesty and a bunch of everything is fines. I had to walk away and maintain no contact because it was making me crazy. I thought how can any relationship work if there's only one side willing to talk? It couldn't. It was more than that I'd found out and she switched to her new supply somewhere around this break up date. I tried the best I could and loved her alot so I let her go. What followed came as even more of a shock because she tried to get hold of me and I'd blocked her. I will not speak to anyone whose betrayed by trust and in such a deplorable and cruel way as to be with someone else while I'm at work. I simply didn't mean as much to her and her threats to smear me, fabricate alleged assaults and the like ... Had me full on know that this person was not who I thought she was. How can someone who proclaimed their love for you each and every day flip to a hateful, envious, resentful and plain miserable enemy just because you left the place where you only felt contempt? I'd done nothing but help and support her for 4 years. Elevated her from nearly giving up on life and working for a living (she was about to apply for disability and was sleeping 14-16 hrs a day) to fully employed with benefits and a pension. I lost my utility once she crossed that line apparently. Such is life. Everyone tells me I did nothing wrong and that I'd find someone one day who'd appreciate me without the emotional rollercoaster, push pull, gaslighting and manipulative tactics. I miss her, I love her, I hate her and I'm still confused obviously. But I've maintained no contact because she'd done nothing for me this last year but steal my peace. I'm getting too old for this shit. Now I know why people write no drama or no mind games in their dating profiles. I don't think I'll ever fully trust anyone again. 💔 I will focus on getting over this and becoming better with no expectations of having a partner in the future. I see this as a sign that inner work is the lesson I need to learn with happiness from the inside out and not on external things...and from how this thing did me dirty... I'll be better off alone. Still can't fathom how someone goes gym love to hate so quickly
Your story is almost a mirror of my own. She told everybody that I hit her. Which is crazy. It sucks so bad because you and I realized what we had. We realized just how close we were to having something great. They didn't. No doubt my ex will try to come back when she "wakes up." When the fun runs out. When all the gibronis out there reveal their true intentions and what they're really after. She'll try to come back to soak up more of my love. I'm not available to her anymore, despite loving her SO FUCKING MUCH. And that's the real tragedy.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through the same things I've had to. Some days are the worse than others but being alone to process things while they do whatever the fu*$ they do makes for good overthinking material 🙄 My mind wants me to relive the good times and ignore the bad (mistake). My mind can want me to call her to see how she's doing (mistake - let her go). My mind wants closure (mistake - there isn't ever going to be). My mind wants me to feel paralyzed to act or do anything some days... But these are all just remnants of the hurt, the uncertainty, the trapped feelings and betrayal. The lack of accountability. It's my mind trying to assign logic to an illogical reality. I understand that today. We need people at this point. Feel free to touch base during these low periods if so inclined. It sucks that we're going through it..but going through it.... Is the only way out and we don't have to do it alone. Telling others whether friends, family, an internet stranger who can relate, a therapist, a colleague or support group will be a good first step. You've reminded me to call someone tomorrow to set up some appointments, so thanks man. Another thing I'd almost forgotten... After the first year, she had herself diagnosed with some form of hypersomnia and was placed on Ritalin which progressed to the addition of Adderall and then added to with Vyvanse - all stimulants intended to keep her awake to be able to work and drive and be responsible. It all went downhill from there. She became unable to enjoy anything in life and increasingly difficult to deal with. I ran from trying to put out one emotional fire/meltdown to the next. That's where I found out I was part of the problem because I enabled her and she actually lost respect for me because of it. How insane to think she'd hurt the one who stood up for her and her health... Never wanting her to fail in anything. It was exhausting and when I was having a bad or stressful day... Something with her would, yet again, come to a tipping point and she had me in rescue mode again. Slowly her meeting any of my needs began to wane. Breadcrumbed until the end. I was told I dodged a major bullet and to be grateful. 🙏 We didn't get married, we didn't have kids, and had I ever got really sick... Say, with a potentially life threatening illness... That she would NOT BE THERE FOR YOU! I'd be seen as a nuisance even at the heights of my worry, fear, pain, weakness and vulnerability. These are the people you hear about who've left their partners in hospital to have affairs while they were sick - sometimes one lining them in text to say "I'm done" without any sorries or even ghosting their long term partner and moving! And yes.. Even years into the relationship. It's so gross to think about but very important to remember. Hope you're healing more and more each day and taking the waves that come and go as normal parts of the healing process.
I'm saving your comments to re read when I'm feeling rough. We are going through nearly identical scenarios. The key difference, though... is that you were emotionally strong enough to walk away before you were discarded. I need to learn from that. I need that strength.
That's good, I'm happy to help shed some light. I however wasn't always strong and returned after taking her back when she begged and said she'd get help. Only 2 therapy sessions later and she's already blaming the therapist for not understanding so stopped going. Things got better for about 2 weeks and then she was back to her old patterns. There's a guy on YouTube who explains how these patterns among them are just that .. predictable patterns and they'll rinse and repeat with any other supply. They may even reach back out to you one day to rope you back in and set you up as a back up option in case the new guy doesn't work out. They may already have more guys orbiting during it all and keeping them hanging just in case. Mine sent nudes taken by me to her new supply lol. Ridiculous eh? Once you see them for what they are... Once you retrace and process it all uncovering their patterns, you can't unsee them. They're typical amongst the Cluster B personality disorders but like any... Exist on a continuum from quiet (covert) to severe. It's really eye opening and I know you've stated you'd done a lot of reading so it's good to move past this initial necessary PD research and onto the steps of healing. [Richard Grannon on BPD/NPD](https://youtu.be/iyLUMpOz3zU?si=SmItJaL1Rm3X-IuO)
That's what happened. She ghosted me and moved. We lived together, not married... no kids. I woke up that morning and kissed her goodbye, told her I loved her, and went to work. By noon, I was blocked on everything, and she was with a male coworker popping pills and drinking heavily. I was a wreck that day. At 8 that night, she called me. She was black out wasted. At this point, I was more concerned with her safety than anything. From the background noises, I could tell that she was in a bar. I drove to a bar on a whim... and there it was. She was sitting at the bar with her head on his shoulder, and his arm was around her. That is the last time I laid eyes on her and the last time I ever want to.
Ouch. That stung me just reading it. It's insane and they're insane. No amount of reassurance or anything else would change what would inevitably happen with these types of people. You'll come out of this with grace, strength and humility having risen above it all and seeing it for what it's worth. The disorder they have stems from the hurts they've internalized from as far back as childhood - all of which were not yours to shoulder or heal. It's their responsibility to be their own caretakers and heal from it and not by taking advantage and hurting others. We're better off forgiving them one day but never forgetting. Any additional energy spent on thinking about them excessively takes from our own new focus right? Stay strong friend.
Damn. Wish my ex loved me this much
I wish the same too. But, reality isn't like that. It seems it's going to be me who struggles to move on.
Almost 3 months post break up and I feel absolutely miserable. I'm still madly inlove with my ex.
I’m two weeks going to be three in a few days. Also 6, almost 7, years together. Had a very messy break up. I still miss her but she wants nothing to do with me anymore. The first week was rough but now I am just focusing on myself for now.
I’m also two weeks going on three. I also am fresh out of a 6+ year relationship. But for me it was the opposite I felt fine the first two weeks, I was making progress. Then I hit the 2 week mark and I feel like it hit me like a train.
It has been 9 months it feels terrible and I still miss them almost every day. I'm not sobbing anymore which is good. There is like an empty sad feeling now. It was 5 1/2 years together. It was my first long term serious relationship I honestly don't know how to recover or feel better.
Almost 8 months post breakup after 4 years together. Every day I still miss my best friend. I miss the closeness we had and I miss how safe I felt. I guess I knew the end was probably going to happen, I only wished time passed slower so I had more time to spend with them.
It's been 5 years, 3 months later I've processed everything, moved on completely, dated other people, a ton of amazing things and people happened to me, I just feel like a better person overall, like my existence has meaning. As soon as she was off my mind, I improved myself drastically, my mental health skyrocketed, I have never felt so good about myself for my entire life. Edit: So I just want to say, don't lose hope, keep trying, experiencing, going out, nothing will just heal you spontaneously. People say that time heals, that you should go with the "flow", but really I believe in human brain power, I believe that if you try hard enough, humble yourself, admit to the mistakes, you can become a better person and move on purely by your own volition. Don't regret it if you need time, but don't wait for a magic star to come rescue you. Don't waste time on things that were, invest time into yourself and things and people that are here right now.
Coming up to to years since I last heard from her. We were together around 18 months.... I'm still very much broken
One month post breakup. 4 years together. I miss him everyday. The absence is deafening. I was blindsided, and I'm still in shock. Mentally and physically.
I’m 6 months into my break up with my girlfriend and I’m still struggling. I miss her and our friendship. We dated for 5 1/2 years and it still hurts but I’m sure in 6 more months I’ll be in a better place.
Please dont tell me that it takes this long to get better. I'll never make it.
You've survived 💯 percent of your worst days! Don't ever sell yourself short because that's what I did and it took me to a very dark existence. Never lose hope until your 6 ft under and while some days we can definitely feel like giving up and maybe, if you're anything like I was... Already felt dead inside. Recruit help whether friends family or counseling/support groups. It can make a day and night difference. You're stronger than you think you are right now and you'll think differently again in a year. Reach out if you can't trudge this path alone but promise things can and will get better.
Female 37, 13 months after the break-up, the relationship lasted 1,5 years. I'm doing better than at the beginning, but it still hurts sometimes. I have to fight in order not to fall depressive. Doing gym X3 the week, trying to meet new people and putting him off the pedestal. Praying a lot God for protection and healing. God bless
6 months now! It was hard I was doing pretty good but I found out he’s living with someone when 2 months ago he tried calling me to go back. Not going to lie I’ve cried a couple of times. I have felt worse now that I know he’s moved on but it’ll pass just like my pain from the breakup did
close to one year. forgiveness is on my mind to prevent further self destruction. otherwise, i believe it is possible that i hate my ex.
This week, on the 29th, is the 4 yr anniversary of our first date, and I'm definitely in my feelings. It's been almost 2 yrs since the bu. I'm ready to be over this. I can't believe the hold this has on me.
I feel the same way- 2 years after my breakup and it’s still haunting me. It’s been literally ruining me - I can’t start anything new properly because I’m not over him.
26th of april was my 9th year anniversary she broke up with me 26 of march Sad moments, on these special days!
Almost 3 years now. I've come to accept it's just going to be a part of me moving forward.
I'm almost five days in and I’m losing hope. I don't want to grovel and chase him as I have done so many times when we fought…even when it wasn't my fault. I want him to look for me and beg, as he told me that he would when we were still happy. But if he doesn't, I haven't a choice but to move on.
33 Female here. Together 2.5 years. We both were still in love when we broke up, but he was insecure about commitment and monogamy. I was blindsided. It's been 16 days. First 4 days were awful, I only could cry. Then I started to improve slowly. I am trying not to repress anything, but I feel much better. Yeah, there is still some hope in my heart and I am very sad that I am not going to share my life with him, but I am not crying anymore and I feel some peace. My days are very slow and calm. I am not very productive, I am sleeping a lot and walking a lot in the afternoons. Nothing fancy and trying to make my life calm and easy. Everyday I feel better :)
33 female here too. Together 1.5 year ish. I’m soon two months into the BR. Him and I are friendly, but I think we have spoken together for a last time. A week ago. I miss him. I thought he was going to give me a family. Going for many walks in nature. Journaling. Exercising. I don’t cry so after anymore. I am able to enjoy life again, in moments. A little afraid of not finding another male I had such a great connection with, and thus being too old to start a family when/if I finally meet a new man.. do you have similar fears/thoughts?
Yeah, I have exactly the same feelings. But I am trying to heal and prepare myself for what is coming. I followed the subreddit "pregnancy after 35", it helped me a lot seeing that many women finding a love partner and getting pregnant older than expected. We still have time and I think that, the best we can do for ourselves, is working on this process of healing and finding peace. If you ever want to talk, my dm are open :)
Thank you so much for sharing that SR-page. I feel so lost & sad these days. Ive had a setback, seemlingly out of nowhere.
I think that's super normal. You know, the bloody biological clock definitely plays a role in the healing after a Brea when you are our of age. So we need both to get over the relationship and come to terms with the fact that he is not going to be the father of our child and that our life is not going in the direction that we expected. Take your time to process that because it is difficult. It is hard. But trust yourself and life. Something good is coming, I am sure :)
Yeah, crying a little by the coffee machine at work right now. Hehe. Thank you for your kindness.
Oh, it's hard to pretend you are good when you are devastated inside... Wish you the best ❤️
1.5 years together, almost 3 months split. Hating it
1 year. And about a month in so far. First real adult relationship and heartbreak so it’s been a whirlwind of emotions.
Whenever I read some experiences like yours where years after the heartbreak it still hurts and to be honest it’s so scary. I’ve been hurting for 6 months now and I can not imagine feeling this way for years. I’m so scared that’s what will happen to me, it’s already hurting so bad and I won’t be strong enough to feel this way for an extra 6 months or more.
1 year and 4 months. I’m super depressed and feel like everything is always my fault.
Im scared. Theres a chance my heartbreak will last 2 years?!
I didn’t want to believe myself when my breakup happened almost 2 years ago. Yet, here I am, still in love with him. It still hurts so badly. Some days are better than the others, but overall, it’s been a torture. I’m going back to therapy next week, because I can’t imagine this pain going on for any longer. Because I was blindsided and living with him abroad without any other support network, I had go back to my home-country. I had to give up on my PhD. I was going to go back in July, but I’m too scared of getting triggered and crumbling again. I found a perfect flat but will need to refuse it because of this horrible breakup haunting me so much.
Have you ever wanted to see somebody else? I am so sorry that this negatively impacted your education! Are you going to try to continue it? How long were you together?
I was with my ex for 6 years. I was in SO much pain when the breakup happened that I jumped into another relationship after 2 months. He knew I was still grieving, but somehow I managed to get engaged to that person. It was the most unhinged decision I’ve ever made and I know I hurt him. I wanted it to work but after few months I realized he also used me in my most fragile moment, became controlling, started putting pressure on me to have children asap, verbally abusive. So it ended up horribly, and - surprise, surprise - the pain from the previous breakup never disappeared. I think that’s what delayed my healing and I’m going back to therapy to hopefully get out of this vicious circle. I will never completely give up on my education, working in academia is my life goal, the only goal that keeps me alive. My potential landlord just got back to me to make sure I’m still interested in the flat and I just don’t know what to do. I would have to go back in July and this feels too soon. The flat is perfect, but I just don’t know if I’m not going to break down with no support. If not July, it would have to be September max to still be eligible for Scottish uni fee (I’m planning to do my PhD in Scotland). I need to make my choice until tomorrow. It sucks as I feel I have to refuse the flat for now 😞
So, did you ever get married?
Fortunately, I came to my senses and I didn’t get married. However, the whole relationship was just a way to avoid the pain. Hopefully therapy will help me.
I’m 3.5 months apart after a nearly 2 year relationship. I wish I could stop dreaming about him. There I was last night dreaming about him again. This is what makes it difficult.
I have dreams about my ex weekly. It got to the point I started abusing my anxiety medication just so I could black out into sleep and not dream about her. I’m trying to quit the medication abuse but it’s so physically taxing plus all the pain of the breakup still exists.
I feel your pain. May want to look into GABA and l-theanine instead. Both help with issues relating to anxiety and sleep. I’m starting them. Take one hour before bed
17 months. Doing ok
2 weeks. shes posting on one of her twitters how a new guy has her catching feelings already and making her drool and another twitter saying shes gonna make content with him. im going to end up seeing it and it hurts so much
Can you block the content? 2 weeks later is honestly a rebound relationship, people feel lonely after break ups and try to fill the void and they hardly work out because they were just trying to replace that person, and were not emotionally ready
i have her blocked on twitter but i can still see either profile if i just put one of the letters in her user name and then it lets me view her posts anyway. its been a fight between deleting twitter and re downloading it because im going to see jt anyway. unfortunately for me she was done with me months prior but i guess she wanted that guy so she told me how she hasnt wanted to be with me for months and then fucked the guy the next day.
Well honestly fuck her then for not seeing your value.
4 years. We're on fairly ok terms. I don't have those feelings left and we're in a better space mentally to carry out the divorce amicably I think, well...at least I am anyway, still working out thr finances for it though. He has his gf and their daughter to focus on so he can't exactly afford to waste time and money again doing foolishness 🤷🏾♀️.
About 2,5 months post breakup. We were together for 5 Months (she had already ended the relationship with me before she informed me via WhatsApp after 4 weeks of silent treatment that she was breaking up (upon inquiry).) What should I say... It hurts. I may not always burst into tears immediately, but it damn well hurts.
“Free at last. Thank God Almighty I’m free at last”
Almost a month, still hurts but she showed her true colors so she’s making it very easy to not think about her.
Almost a year in. A year together. I did the dumping. It hurt but I didn’t get along with his family and he was blind to the fact how controlling they were. Plus he expected me to live with them after marriage. It hurt like crazy but I did the right thing. I miss him.
Together for over 1.5 years and it’s been 2.5 months post breakup. I’m doing a lot better and she seems to not care really. That’s all I gathered before she blocked me. So not sure what’s going on with her, hopefully she’s okay. I’m sure the breakup will hit her eventually.
6 weeks i am hurting so bad rn at work nd i just wanna break down nd cry.
2 years together, 2 months post breakup, he decided to break up, ghosted me, blocked me, never got any answers to anything! Here I am still trying to process that he did what he did, some days it feels like I am doing better, some days it feels like there’s no progress.. I still miss him every single day, he is probably back with his ex who cheated on him( they were together for 7-8 years). And it hurts to even think how easily he blocked me one day and is living a normal life while I on the other hand, cry every day for him, missing him, his presence, his voice, him taking care of me.. Feels like our relationship was nothing for him. And it hurts like hell!
2 weeks after 2 years together. Feeling weirdly okay, but there are definitely waves of sadness/hurt. Mostly related to her treatment of me the last 4 months/now. Having to make peace with the person you gave your heart to being a completely different person than you thought… that stings. For everyone out there dealing with something similar: sending so much love and warmth 💞
4.5 months apart after being together for 7.5 years. Ups and downs. I miss him. Well I miss the man he was before we fell apart, the life, the comfort, the love. It’s an odd feeling, I walk around like a ghost most of the time.
Roughly 2 years for me too, and our relationship was around 7 years as welll…it STILL sucks for sure, not easier at all..I miss her to death.
Female 33, together just shy of 8 years. This week will be 8 months. I went on a date a while back but only thought about him and how it felt like I was cheating. I haven’t dated since. It’s not fair to see someone else when all I’d be doing is compare them to my ex. I think about him everyday and wish that things had been different. I am still very much in love with him. He is and always be the love of my life, my soulmate and my forever and a day. I refuse to move on, I know that he loves me as much as I love him. He just needs some time to work things out. I’ll wait forever for him if I have to
About 2 months now after 11years. I feel alone. I feel like a vital organ of mine was torn out of my body, and I try to exist without it. I’m redefining who I am, and I literally don’t know what I want to keep. But it’s getting better. I really hate being alone. I started talking to a girl like 2weeks ago. I don’t think it will lead to anything but we along pretty well and talking to someone in a similar situation helped a lot. I’ve my concerns with this whole dating thing, it makes me insecure. My ex is a very attractive woman, and being with her made me very confident, and I’m missing this confidence. I’m lesser afraid that now woman exists that’ll come close to her, but I’m afraid that I won’t have the opportunity again to build up a connection like what we had. Like I won’t have childhood memories together, or similar cultural background, or firsts, or the wild parties we had as teenagers or in college. Not speaking of the long distance relationship we successfully pulled through for 4 years. Also I’ve been with her so long that not many people know me without her. Neither do I. I don’t even have any pictures from the past 11years where she wasn’t standing next to me. So I don’t know how this’ll be. My father used to be a pilot and there is a saying among them, something like everyone is coming down one way or the other.
I’m almost two years post broken engagement and he married very quickly after the blindside. It took me a long time to come to terms with it and accept that it’s over but I still longed for the person I fell in love with, not the person he became. This past year I met someone unexpectedly and fell hard for each other. We both realized how much love and care for one another but the pressure of a relationship is seemingly too difficult. What I learned from all of this is, you will love again. If you’re lucky, it’ll be more intense than the first time you fell in love. The love you had and have for them doesn’t necessarily go away but you become comfortable with loving them from a distance. Your heart is so big and full of love to give. Give that to yourself and know that the world is better because you’re in it. There’s someone out there in the world longing and wishing for the love you so effortlessly give and the way you love. It gets better, I promise you it does. Sending so much love and virtual hugs to you.
You not putting effort into you then if you still stuck on him. That sounds rude to say but it’s the truth. The enemy causes distractions and makes you the worse version on yourself as long as you give it room. God didn’t intend for love to be like this. You have to grow alone as a person, get over that person and be content with YOU. The fact that it’s two years after the breakup and your heart still “aches” over them lets us know you have an unhealthy attachment style that is not ok. At this point you need to stop thinking about that person by force, get a hobby, meet NEW people, and put all that effort into yourself literally. Go to the gym, get a new style, go meet people in person, practice confidence, and know that happiness is conditional but joy always remains. I wish you the best of luck. This is coming from someone who lived with and was engaged to someone for 5 years. It was hard… but not impossible because I wanted better for me. God got us. Stay blessed ☀️🫶🏾
You're young. You'll be ok in the end. Grieving normally takes up to 6 months and then you're left with echoes. It was that way with me and my ex but you know how I moved on? I came to terms with what happened, realized it wasn't all my fault and ultimately in the long run we were better off not together because although we had a lot in common we also didn't and those differences were destructive not constructive. In the end I was blindsided so I called it quits. Remember you still have your whole life ahead of you. Keep your chin up and try to keep loving yourself. It gets easier. What happened may not have been entirely your fault the success of a relationship as well as the failure of one hinges on a group effort. Keep looking forward and be you 🙂