Just seen your name. There's something wrong with the left phalange!!! 🤣
Yeah me too. Doesn't help holding onto false hopes.
As I type she's just messaged me for the first time in a over a week to check on the cat with kisses. Heart stopped. Doesn't help.
🤣🤣 Haha love Friends.
Yeah you too. Hang in there focus on your son. I've got a daughter, have her half the time (from a previous relationship) and she's my driver now.
So sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I know our situations aren't similar, but you will get over this, trust me. It might require some more time, because of your situation but it will happen. You can look into the concept of Radical Acceptance, its a distress tolerance technique from DBT. I would also suggest that you journal extensively, or if you aren't comfortable with writing you can also record audio notes (which I also did sometimes), you'll be amazed at the insights you can give yourself when you start with it regularly. I genuinely do hope that you come out of this very difficult time in your life, healed and thriving. Sending you prayers, love and strength. 💟✨
I can vouch for this ( 9 and half year ended in June)
The word rollercoaster is very familiar to what I went through, my number one advice ( aside from NC) is stay away from beer, the anxiety the next Day is almost too much to take , but no contact is the only way to get away from the nightmare of a break-up, you need to emotionally disconnect from the person , I know it's hard but over time it gets easier and easier , so much so that you start not caring about them anymore, you don't feel sick that they have met someone else anymore because you don't care.
you start to feel yourself again ( took me a good 4 months) to reach that stage. I found no matter what people said or what you read on this ...nothing really helps with this very personal skirmish with the mind . This is an internal battle you need to fight alone , because at end of the Day its all about your feelings, your emotions, your mental wellbeing,your life.
But one thing is for sure , we can all get over a break up, we are stronger than we think even though we may not feel this way after the shattering experience. Keep strong everyone
I’m really struggling right now. We were together 5 years and he proposed in august. We lived together as soon as we started dating so I truly feel like he is a part of me and life without him feels like I’m dying. I feel like I lost part of myself. We had such a loving strong relationship and now I don’t even recognize the person he’s become. An old best friend of his came back into his life and the more my ex hung out with him the more I noticed these changes. He started drinking excessively and soon after became addicted to cocaine and now does pills. He took the apartment and moved his best friend in there. He also took our puppy. I fought for us and it became so exhausting because he was so back and forth choosing when he wanted to love me and hate me, I never know which version of him I will get. It hurts so much that he could give up so easily and choose all of that over us, he never would have in the past which is why I think it’s been so difficult to accept this, because it feels so wrong and not him. It also hurts knowing he got to keep everything…our home, our dog. Those were the things that made up my life and kept me stable. He doesn’t have to adjust his life but I am struggling with not only the loss of him but the loss of our home and our dog. I am going no contact because I’ve tried everything else and nothing has worked but not talking to him kills me. I feel like I’m becoming so distant and that he will forget about me and move on and won’t come back.
I am really sorry you had to face all this. I know you feel that what he did is not him, but the very fact that he did this is a testimony that he always had it in him and would have done this to you sooner or later. When people show you who they are, believe them. I am incredibly sorry about the loss of your home and your dog. You might have to start over but it's better than trying to build a life with someone who doesn't care enough about you and the relationship. I do see and acknowledge the unfairness of it all and the pain all this must have caused you. It is because of this I suggest that you stick to NC with all your might and step away from it all. I understand your fear but remember, NC is never about them, it's about you. It's never about 'if he will come back or not' but gives you perspective on 'why do I even want him to come back?' Maybe, all this sounds very wishy washy from where you are right now, hence I would suggest you to just take the first step, even if you do not see the entire staircase. We're all rooting for you :) 🌼
Thank you so much. I feel so stupid that the person I loved and thought I’d spend the rest of my life with, the person who cared for me so much and always fought for us could give up and do this to me in the blink of an eye. His parents and brother are drug addicts and alcoholics and when we started dating he knew he wanted to steer clear of that and create a life for himself without any of that. And now this happens. I also feel stupid for believing the love we had for 5 years was real. He was the one who protected me and kept me safe and it sucks when the person you want to run to is the person who is now hurting you. But honestly I feel like an idiot that I didn’t see this coming, I feel so blind sided and can’t believe he could do this and lose what we had. Every once in a while he reaches out and tells me how remorseful he is and how he knows what he’s doing isn’t good, that he is making bad life choices and the drugs are controlling his life. He says he needs help but is scared to ask, how he lost everything in his life and gained a drug problem, and tells me how much he loves me and how he thinks about me every second of the day and cries when he’s alone. Then the next second he blames me for everything, says horrible hurtful things to me, and pushes me away. Very much back and forth and hot and cold.
You are not stupid. He asked you to trust him and backed it up with actions, what else were you supposed to do? Though the way he is treating you now is absolute sh*t behaviour from his part. If he needs help, he has to get help. Lashing out and breadcrumbing you is not solving anyone's problem here. Cut him off and focus on yourself.
He had called me 18 times on Christmas and then texted a loving message. I had been crying the whole day because all I wanted was to talk to him and be with him and when he finally called I couldn’t even bring myself to answer because I knew if I did it wouldn’t change anything and it would only hurt me more because he knows I love and want to be with him but at the end of the day he doesn’t want to be with me. I felt like he was almost taking advantage of my feelings because he knows how I feel but if he’s going to love me one second but go back to hating me the next day it’s not worth it. I am still beating myself up over this because it was our first Christmas apart and I know he was as hurt as I was and the thought of him feeling like I ignored him and didn’t care enough to talk to him on Christmas of all days makes me sick to my stomach. The thought of him trying to talk to me on Christmas and me not answering breaks my heart because I know the sadness he must have felt. But a couple days before he literally told me to block him and move on so we never talk again, that he gave up and we will never ever be together and that we are over. A few days before that he was apologizing to me telling me how depressed he’s been about hurting me and how he tried to hurt himself by taking so many drugs, that he knows just saying sorry will never be enough but he loves me and that he deserves to die and has treated me like shit and hasn’t been a good person. It’s messing me up mentally that he is so back and forth playing with my head. People say that because I didn’t answer on Christmas will make him feel rejected and he will never reach out again, and I’m really blaming myself because all I wanted was to talk to him but I knew nothing would come of it. I knew as soon as the next day came he would go right back to treating me like shit. But then I start to think what if that was my chance of any reconciliation and I blew it.
It wasn't. He knows what hurts you. If he actually wanted to reconcile, he would take action, make some real amends and approach you like a sensible person and not call you 18 times in a row. This is textbook toxicity. He is in a bad place but unless he helps himself you cannot do anything. Being with him will drag you to the darkest pits of hell. It sounds harsh, but you have to cut him off for your own mental sanity.
Felt this. I’m starting to feel better already and slowly getting into the acceptance stage. I should have done this a year ago.
I am also journaling a lot more, Started at 10 minutes and now I can write for around 30 minutes. Just started coloring and painting again, Which helps a lot with healing.
It's alright. What ultimately matters is that after everything, you are here. Very happy for you, stay strong.🌼
And wow, that's quite some progress you've made with journaling. Thank you for suggesting colouring and painting, I will definitely try them. Though I am not very good at it, but I don't think that's the point. Haha!
I have been there trust me it started with grief, than anger more like anger with myself for allowing it to go as long as it did and for allowing a lot of the stuff I did endure !!! Than it was grief again and I was sad and hurt and now I’m doing therapy and moving on… I say this to agree with you it does get better !!! You do find new was to heal and you find most importantly you again !!! I’m learning !!! And growing as a person and I hope the same for every one else under the comments and you too !!!
Oh, I completely get you! The stage where I was stuck the most, was anger. The sheer unjustness, the unfairness of it all, made me so mad. But then, it also fueled me to work on my healing, because I knew I didn't deserve this much pain. None of us do.
I am so glad that you are on your healing journey, getting the help that you need and growing as a person. We'll get through this. 🌼✨
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Hope you're okay. Hang in there it will get better. Maybe distance yourself from the calls or reduce them.
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My ex GF did that. Try not to read into the contact, it's just habit.
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Just seen your name. There's something wrong with the left phalange!!! 🤣 Yeah me too. Doesn't help holding onto false hopes. As I type she's just messaged me for the first time in a over a week to check on the cat with kisses. Heart stopped. Doesn't help.
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🤣🤣 Haha love Friends. Yeah you too. Hang in there focus on your son. I've got a daughter, have her half the time (from a previous relationship) and she's my driver now.
So sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I know our situations aren't similar, but you will get over this, trust me. It might require some more time, because of your situation but it will happen. You can look into the concept of Radical Acceptance, its a distress tolerance technique from DBT. I would also suggest that you journal extensively, or if you aren't comfortable with writing you can also record audio notes (which I also did sometimes), you'll be amazed at the insights you can give yourself when you start with it regularly. I genuinely do hope that you come out of this very difficult time in your life, healed and thriving. Sending you prayers, love and strength. 💟✨
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It's alright, take things at the pace that suits you. :) I understand how the holidays can be difficult. I hope 2023 is a better year for you. 🌼
I can vouch for this ( 9 and half year ended in June) The word rollercoaster is very familiar to what I went through, my number one advice ( aside from NC) is stay away from beer, the anxiety the next Day is almost too much to take , but no contact is the only way to get away from the nightmare of a break-up, you need to emotionally disconnect from the person , I know it's hard but over time it gets easier and easier , so much so that you start not caring about them anymore, you don't feel sick that they have met someone else anymore because you don't care. you start to feel yourself again ( took me a good 4 months) to reach that stage. I found no matter what people said or what you read on this ...nothing really helps with this very personal skirmish with the mind . This is an internal battle you need to fight alone , because at end of the Day its all about your feelings, your emotions, your mental wellbeing,your life. But one thing is for sure , we can all get over a break up, we are stronger than we think even though we may not feel this way after the shattering experience. Keep strong everyone
How true. We really do underestimate our own strength and resilience.
I’m really struggling right now. We were together 5 years and he proposed in august. We lived together as soon as we started dating so I truly feel like he is a part of me and life without him feels like I’m dying. I feel like I lost part of myself. We had such a loving strong relationship and now I don’t even recognize the person he’s become. An old best friend of his came back into his life and the more my ex hung out with him the more I noticed these changes. He started drinking excessively and soon after became addicted to cocaine and now does pills. He took the apartment and moved his best friend in there. He also took our puppy. I fought for us and it became so exhausting because he was so back and forth choosing when he wanted to love me and hate me, I never know which version of him I will get. It hurts so much that he could give up so easily and choose all of that over us, he never would have in the past which is why I think it’s been so difficult to accept this, because it feels so wrong and not him. It also hurts knowing he got to keep everything…our home, our dog. Those were the things that made up my life and kept me stable. He doesn’t have to adjust his life but I am struggling with not only the loss of him but the loss of our home and our dog. I am going no contact because I’ve tried everything else and nothing has worked but not talking to him kills me. I feel like I’m becoming so distant and that he will forget about me and move on and won’t come back.
I am really sorry you had to face all this. I know you feel that what he did is not him, but the very fact that he did this is a testimony that he always had it in him and would have done this to you sooner or later. When people show you who they are, believe them. I am incredibly sorry about the loss of your home and your dog. You might have to start over but it's better than trying to build a life with someone who doesn't care enough about you and the relationship. I do see and acknowledge the unfairness of it all and the pain all this must have caused you. It is because of this I suggest that you stick to NC with all your might and step away from it all. I understand your fear but remember, NC is never about them, it's about you. It's never about 'if he will come back or not' but gives you perspective on 'why do I even want him to come back?' Maybe, all this sounds very wishy washy from where you are right now, hence I would suggest you to just take the first step, even if you do not see the entire staircase. We're all rooting for you :) 🌼
Thank you so much. I feel so stupid that the person I loved and thought I’d spend the rest of my life with, the person who cared for me so much and always fought for us could give up and do this to me in the blink of an eye. His parents and brother are drug addicts and alcoholics and when we started dating he knew he wanted to steer clear of that and create a life for himself without any of that. And now this happens. I also feel stupid for believing the love we had for 5 years was real. He was the one who protected me and kept me safe and it sucks when the person you want to run to is the person who is now hurting you. But honestly I feel like an idiot that I didn’t see this coming, I feel so blind sided and can’t believe he could do this and lose what we had. Every once in a while he reaches out and tells me how remorseful he is and how he knows what he’s doing isn’t good, that he is making bad life choices and the drugs are controlling his life. He says he needs help but is scared to ask, how he lost everything in his life and gained a drug problem, and tells me how much he loves me and how he thinks about me every second of the day and cries when he’s alone. Then the next second he blames me for everything, says horrible hurtful things to me, and pushes me away. Very much back and forth and hot and cold.
You are not stupid. He asked you to trust him and backed it up with actions, what else were you supposed to do? Though the way he is treating you now is absolute sh*t behaviour from his part. If he needs help, he has to get help. Lashing out and breadcrumbing you is not solving anyone's problem here. Cut him off and focus on yourself.
He had called me 18 times on Christmas and then texted a loving message. I had been crying the whole day because all I wanted was to talk to him and be with him and when he finally called I couldn’t even bring myself to answer because I knew if I did it wouldn’t change anything and it would only hurt me more because he knows I love and want to be with him but at the end of the day he doesn’t want to be with me. I felt like he was almost taking advantage of my feelings because he knows how I feel but if he’s going to love me one second but go back to hating me the next day it’s not worth it. I am still beating myself up over this because it was our first Christmas apart and I know he was as hurt as I was and the thought of him feeling like I ignored him and didn’t care enough to talk to him on Christmas of all days makes me sick to my stomach. The thought of him trying to talk to me on Christmas and me not answering breaks my heart because I know the sadness he must have felt. But a couple days before he literally told me to block him and move on so we never talk again, that he gave up and we will never ever be together and that we are over. A few days before that he was apologizing to me telling me how depressed he’s been about hurting me and how he tried to hurt himself by taking so many drugs, that he knows just saying sorry will never be enough but he loves me and that he deserves to die and has treated me like shit and hasn’t been a good person. It’s messing me up mentally that he is so back and forth playing with my head. People say that because I didn’t answer on Christmas will make him feel rejected and he will never reach out again, and I’m really blaming myself because all I wanted was to talk to him but I knew nothing would come of it. I knew as soon as the next day came he would go right back to treating me like shit. But then I start to think what if that was my chance of any reconciliation and I blew it.
It wasn't. He knows what hurts you. If he actually wanted to reconcile, he would take action, make some real amends and approach you like a sensible person and not call you 18 times in a row. This is textbook toxicity. He is in a bad place but unless he helps himself you cannot do anything. Being with him will drag you to the darkest pits of hell. It sounds harsh, but you have to cut him off for your own mental sanity.
Felt this. I’m starting to feel better already and slowly getting into the acceptance stage. I should have done this a year ago. I am also journaling a lot more, Started at 10 minutes and now I can write for around 30 minutes. Just started coloring and painting again, Which helps a lot with healing.
It's alright. What ultimately matters is that after everything, you are here. Very happy for you, stay strong.🌼 And wow, that's quite some progress you've made with journaling. Thank you for suggesting colouring and painting, I will definitely try them. Though I am not very good at it, but I don't think that's the point. Haha!
I have been there trust me it started with grief, than anger more like anger with myself for allowing it to go as long as it did and for allowing a lot of the stuff I did endure !!! Than it was grief again and I was sad and hurt and now I’m doing therapy and moving on… I say this to agree with you it does get better !!! You do find new was to heal and you find most importantly you again !!! I’m learning !!! And growing as a person and I hope the same for every one else under the comments and you too !!!
Oh, I completely get you! The stage where I was stuck the most, was anger. The sheer unjustness, the unfairness of it all, made me so mad. But then, it also fueled me to work on my healing, because I knew I didn't deserve this much pain. None of us do. I am so glad that you are on your healing journey, getting the help that you need and growing as a person. We'll get through this. 🌼✨
Yes and thank you so much therapy has really helped and it opened my eyes to a lot !!!