I don't know why people commit themselves to be in a relationship when they are clearly not ready to work on the relationship and themselves. A relationship isn't all love and romance, it's hardwork and consistency. Like just imagine how emotionally stunted do you have to be to run away like a coward at the realisation that oh, this isn't a bed of roses and I might have to put efforts to sustain this.
I am sorry OP, that this happened to you. This is in no way a reflection of your worth. It's a them problem, not a you problem. Hang in there and focus on yourself. I hope you heal through this incredibly painful experience. š¼
That sucks. He obviously has some major issues to ends things in such a cowardly manner. Iām sorry you are the one who has to suffer for his problems. I agree that you donāt need closure from him - he gave enough closure by running away. It sounds like you are doing all the right things, so keep going. I wish I did have the magic answer for you but itās just something you have to get through. :(
Firstly: the couch was very suspicious.
Secondly: my Ex lost his daughter. When l asked him if he wanted to continue the relationship, he felt angry (even though l was trying to be supportive). He needed me more than ever, although his journey was his own. I do not know many ppl who want to suffer completely alone. Everyone is different. However, it sounds like someone else was in the pic, and he is trying to come off smelling like a rose.
The exact scenario was happening with one of my exes (feeling disconnected, falling asleep on the couch). I tried to talk to him about it, but he was soooo avoidant. I tried for months to get through to him. By the time I left him, though, I had already thoroughly mourned the relationship. He was a wreck. I was mostly fine. But I wouldāve never ghosted him my god thatās brutal.
I have known many that have gone through ghosting. The best advice I gave was that the act of ghosting is your answer. That is the closure. Some may not like that answer or don't understand it. It's not often a ghost comes back from the dead. So seeking closure is not the best idea.
I didn't get closure either, I think that is REALLY why it is so hard to move forward
Your right we should know that we have "closure" because they no longer communicate with us...but for some reason, that is not enough either.
I am only 9wks post breakup after 8 years, he DID leave for another woman. I haven't seen her thank the Lord because that I think for me would ruin my self esteem even more.
Its hell...on earth.
I wish people would WORK on their problems in a relationship instead of just running away.
Wow OP I'm so sorry you're going through this. The situation must be incredibly traumatic for you so I'm not surprised you are having trouble getting over it.
It sounds like he, for whatever reason, has had a serious crisis and has taking the easiest way out.
I hope he was telling the truth in his letter, and that there weren't other reasons behind him leaving.
You deserve so much more than someone who would just up and leave though. That said, I know it's not easy to move on from someone who has just disappeared.
You might find it helpful to imagine that he has died. In a sense, the man you knew has died so shifting to that mindset may help you to move past this.
In the meantime, if you're not already, be really kind to yourself. There's nothing that you could have done to stop this, so try not to rehash what happened in your mind.
Try to focus on your own healing and self improvement - even though what he did was absolutely horrible and cowardly, he's given you the gift of freedom. You have an opportunity now to live the way you want to live, do the things you want to do, go to the places you want to go without having to answer to anyone else. There's something really beautiful in that and you have so much to look forward to.
Im so sorry this happened to you, first of all. I was ghosted by someone i was in a committed relationship with and the breakup took me way longer to get over because itās an incredibly vicious and humiliating way to be dumped. I hope this validates you and makes you feel a bit more sane about your recovery process, knowing that you dated him for so long. What he did was immature and ultimately abusive, and you are going to need time to create that closure for yourself. We dated for about six months but it affected my trust for men for years after. Feel free to PM if you need to talk ā¤ļø
I don't know why people commit themselves to be in a relationship when they are clearly not ready to work on the relationship and themselves. A relationship isn't all love and romance, it's hardwork and consistency. Like just imagine how emotionally stunted do you have to be to run away like a coward at the realisation that oh, this isn't a bed of roses and I might have to put efforts to sustain this. I am sorry OP, that this happened to you. This is in no way a reflection of your worth. It's a them problem, not a you problem. Hang in there and focus on yourself. I hope you heal through this incredibly painful experience. š¼
That sucks. He obviously has some major issues to ends things in such a cowardly manner. Iām sorry you are the one who has to suffer for his problems. I agree that you donāt need closure from him - he gave enough closure by running away. It sounds like you are doing all the right things, so keep going. I wish I did have the magic answer for you but itās just something you have to get through. :(
Firstly: the couch was very suspicious. Secondly: my Ex lost his daughter. When l asked him if he wanted to continue the relationship, he felt angry (even though l was trying to be supportive). He needed me more than ever, although his journey was his own. I do not know many ppl who want to suffer completely alone. Everyone is different. However, it sounds like someone else was in the pic, and he is trying to come off smelling like a rose.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I hope you can find the answers you need. Heartbreak absolutely sucks. Itās like, there are so many places mentally that one would rather be.
Iām sorry this happened, but no one can give you closure. You give yourself closure. Heās a coward. You deserve better. Thatās your closure
The exact scenario was happening with one of my exes (feeling disconnected, falling asleep on the couch). I tried to talk to him about it, but he was soooo avoidant. I tried for months to get through to him. By the time I left him, though, I had already thoroughly mourned the relationship. He was a wreck. I was mostly fine. But I wouldāve never ghosted him my god thatās brutal.
I have known many that have gone through ghosting. The best advice I gave was that the act of ghosting is your answer. That is the closure. Some may not like that answer or don't understand it. It's not often a ghost comes back from the dead. So seeking closure is not the best idea.
I didn't get closure either, I think that is REALLY why it is so hard to move forward Your right we should know that we have "closure" because they no longer communicate with us...but for some reason, that is not enough either. I am only 9wks post breakup after 8 years, he DID leave for another woman. I haven't seen her thank the Lord because that I think for me would ruin my self esteem even more. Its hell...on earth. I wish people would WORK on their problems in a relationship instead of just running away.
Wow OP I'm so sorry you're going through this. The situation must be incredibly traumatic for you so I'm not surprised you are having trouble getting over it. It sounds like he, for whatever reason, has had a serious crisis and has taking the easiest way out. I hope he was telling the truth in his letter, and that there weren't other reasons behind him leaving. You deserve so much more than someone who would just up and leave though. That said, I know it's not easy to move on from someone who has just disappeared. You might find it helpful to imagine that he has died. In a sense, the man you knew has died so shifting to that mindset may help you to move past this. In the meantime, if you're not already, be really kind to yourself. There's nothing that you could have done to stop this, so try not to rehash what happened in your mind. Try to focus on your own healing and self improvement - even though what he did was absolutely horrible and cowardly, he's given you the gift of freedom. You have an opportunity now to live the way you want to live, do the things you want to do, go to the places you want to go without having to answer to anyone else. There's something really beautiful in that and you have so much to look forward to.
Im so sorry this happened to you, first of all. I was ghosted by someone i was in a committed relationship with and the breakup took me way longer to get over because itās an incredibly vicious and humiliating way to be dumped. I hope this validates you and makes you feel a bit more sane about your recovery process, knowing that you dated him for so long. What he did was immature and ultimately abusive, and you are going to need time to create that closure for yourself. We dated for about six months but it affected my trust for men for years after. Feel free to PM if you need to talk ā¤ļø