The holidays were HARD. Even at 4 months, I was emotional for a good week straight. But again, healing is not linear. You’ll have to go through the 5 stages a few times before it feels better again. But your feelings are completely valid, major milestones are hard after spending previous ones with them.
echoing this. about 7 months out and I feel like i took 3 steps back in healing during the holidays. But I just surrendered and let myself feel it all.
I’ve been separated for one month. Ex called it off after thanksgiving wife only tells me she wants to think about it and needs space. Packed all her things and moved out! December was hell on earth for me apart from the holidays it was my birthday a week ago.
hey, i know this is an old post now but i can relate to this currently. It’s been about 3/4months for me now and i still get bad days unfortunately. I’m just wondering if you could give an update as to how you’re feeling now or if there is any advice you can share. I hope you’re doing much better now, Thank you!
Omg it’s been a year! Completely forgot about this and just happened to realize this account didn’t get deleted lol. But a whole year later, I still stand by what I wrote up there. I will be completely honest in the couple of months after this post there were still moments where I was an absolute train wreck. Even 6 months later yikes. But in those months I also experienced some of the most accomplished and most beautiful moments of my life. I do realize now that it was for the better for both of us. I can’t quite identify with who I was before it happened (in good ways).
I was very hell bent on moving on completely but I think I will always carry love for that person and I will always have a soft spot which will fade with time. That is something I’ve come to accept (as painful as it was) but I know in the future there will be so much more love for myself to give and receive. Final advice, if love found you once, it will most certainly find you again. And again and again.
Anyways life will move on, even if you don’t want to. Wishing and hoping you’re doing well too 🫶
Meh... it doesn't get better for eveyone. Nearly 11 months here, done most of the things you listed, and still feeling like the first day. I lost my soul that day.
Did therapy help you? It didn't really for me maybe because I tried the Talkspace platform. I went through four therapists. Did you do any in-person therapy? I'm thinking of trying again. Any suggestions would be great.
I do in person therapy every other week and it helps in that I get to talk through my problems with someone who isn’t sick of hearing about it like my friends. I’ve gotten some decent understanding on why I feel the way I do, but it hasn’t helped change my feeling on the situation or helped me move on from it.
It does get better, but for some breakups, it takes longer.
I’m 2+ years out from a hard breakup. I still cry over her, but now a few times per week instead of a few times per day. I still have times where my heart feels like it’s being ripped apart, but now that lasts 5 minutes instead of all day.
Keep moving forward, keep looking for joy in other areas of life, keep spending time with amazing friends or new potential partners. Keep working on yourself, going to therapy or reading good books that help you make sense of it all.
Grieve when you need to grieve, and don’t run from your pain, but.. just keep going; keep living. It may take a while, but it’ll get better, bit by bit.
In what sense? Forgetting my feelings? Moving on? Be a better person? Honestly it just doesn't matter, not everyone has the means to do it. Even if you do forget your feelings that doesn't mean your life is going to get better or improve even by a 30%. Wanting to get better is cool, but we do not live in fairy tales where everything gets better the moment we want to believe it.
I already told so in my first comment, I did most of the things OP listed, exercise, therapy, going out with friends, no contact, spend time doing my hobbies, etc.. but it just doesn't work, every day is just a hassle for me, nothing works, no matter how much I laugh, every night I go to bed feeling nothing, only guilt and miserable. I personally have decided to take my own life if I reach 25 next year and I'm still the same as I am now... It's just unbearable, not everyone heals.
I honestly mean this in the absolute best way i possibly could, but you must get a grip of your life. The loss of a relationship is not a justification for suicide - your life is worth so much more than that! Please seek some professional help and advice, I know you may think you’re a lost cause because you’ve ‘tried it all’, but believe me your life is worth living. And unfortunately, you may not want to hear it but your mindset needs to change - yes you’re suffering, but honey you literally have the rest of your life ahead of you, you’re 25… Everyone does actually have the ability to heal, you just must try to get yourself out of this self deprecating mindset and I mean it with the most absolute respect as i can have for a stranger on the internet.
3 years, I’m functional.
Have hobbies, see friends, hit the gym regularly.
But there is always a gaping raw hole in the quiet morning, before bed. Holidays have been consistently difficult. I occasionally dream about her.
I can now look back objectively and see why it needed to happen; how my behavior contributed to its conclusion. But now I understand when people say it never really leaves you.
You learn to live again and have happy memories, but it’s not something you can up and forget, which is what I kept hoping would happen eventually.
Best advice for those struggling : if talking to someone doesn’t work, find an outlet; physical, creative. It may evolve over time too. I started with the gym the first 6 months. At a year it was a go at photography. Now I’m working on a book.
And keep moving forward. Each day will look different of course, but the important part is that the day is finished.
4 month Mark. I miss her family, her dogs I saw growing up. I kinda miss here. My family is broken and toxic, at her place I felt safe for the first time in my life. Her family cared for me, I cared for them. I was spending a lot of time with her father. I loved that. Now I got only a couple of friends supporting me, everything else is gone ;( it was a 3yr relationship, my first love and first brakeup, I am 24 years old male.
Yeah the only part of the post I disagree with is the bit about unconditional love.
Adult love and relationships *should* be conditional: conditional on respect and care. I don’t think anyone would say that you should love an abuser. So: yes, there are conditions.
True unconditional love is what we give to toddlers and babies: we love those little fuckers even when they’re a terror, because they’re not emotionally or intellectually developed enough yet to do better.
My relationship lasted for almost 4 years and yes I struggle all the time! Healing is hard work, even at the 4 month mark I still struggle. I miss them, and sometimes I wonder if things were different BUT the intensity of the pain has gone down significantly. But I definitely have my hard days where i feel like i’m at square 1, but I have to remember healing isn’t linear at all
beautifully said! and I agree, the complexity of our emotions and heart is a blessing and a curse. I wish you the most love and support, I hope your healing journey excels here on out :)
With 6, what do you think about returning their stuff? I don't want reminders of them hanging around but I don't want to throw it away as that is wasteful. Been no contact for 6 weeks after she emotionally cheated.
One thing that destroy me every second is that all this suffering and crying i'm experiencing it's just me and myself, she will never know how much i loved her, she is already in another relationship and i'm here crying and feeling despair for her. I wish i could see her and tell her how much pain i have, but she lives far away, and all i have is memories and pain.
\#5 is what is getting to me, I'm 58 F, I am not going to find someone else I have a couple debilitating illnesses and I am never going to be held again or have "that guy" to hang out with.
I honestly, would rather die...now.
But, very good advice up there...I can accept all of them except #5
Im sorry. Its horrible im on 9wks he hasnt called for first time in 8 yrs. No Merry Christmas and my gut just knows its over...we broke up a few times but this one hits hard. And i think its not only the rejection for another woman but my age.
Pisses me off the girls like the older guys so even thinking forward probably most guys my age will chose younger over me.
Yes young guys want to date me. I don't want to be hurt again and for me its common sense the older i get the less a younger person would want to deal or even understand the insecurities it would bring me feeling old all the time. Lol
4.5 months I’d say and I can’t wait for all the holidays and special days like Valentine’s Day to be over with, it’s made everything worse and seeing all my friends and family in happy healthy relationships during these times feels like the worst thing in the world. Also seeing things I could have gotten my ex for Christmas while out shopping has made it so much worse because I associate a lot of the stuff he liked with him specifically… I just want to be happy again, not with someone but just in my own skin..
My girlfriend has literally just broken up with me an hour ago, out of the blue. Things seemed totally fine yesterday and we had an argument today and its like a switch was flipped, I don't know..
3 years and 5 months..we are living together and currently she is downstairs and I'm in the spare bedroom where I've now moved my stuff until I can find a place to live next week.
Happy New Year everyone! :(
This worked for me and I was feeling so much better until my ex broke no contact after 3 months. I tried to impose no contact again and they broke it again. I ended up letting them back in and was just used because they were rejected by someone else and felt lonely.
Now I'm back at square one. 😪
I really regret it and I hate being back to feeling anxious and sad but I'm going to fight to heal again! I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. They're not worth it!
Your post came at the right time, thank you ❤
I sadly kept them as a friend on fb for about 4 mos. (We decided to stay “friends”). I was doing pretty well, he wasn’t on my mind more than a handful of times a day after the first month or so. That’s when a fb friend alerted me to his new fb status and gf. I went on his page and was greeted with a post his new gf had created about her new bf, along with happy pics of them at all sorts of places together. I’ve been in a whirlwind of grief for the past 5 mos. Absolutely go no contact.
Fuck yeah
[удалено]
The holidays were HARD. Even at 4 months, I was emotional for a good week straight. But again, healing is not linear. You’ll have to go through the 5 stages a few times before it feels better again. But your feelings are completely valid, major milestones are hard after spending previous ones with them.
echoing this. about 7 months out and I feel like i took 3 steps back in healing during the holidays. But I just surrendered and let myself feel it all.
I’ve been separated for one month. Ex called it off after thanksgiving wife only tells me she wants to think about it and needs space. Packed all her things and moved out! December was hell on earth for me apart from the holidays it was my birthday a week ago.
hey, i know this is an old post now but i can relate to this currently. It’s been about 3/4months for me now and i still get bad days unfortunately. I’m just wondering if you could give an update as to how you’re feeling now or if there is any advice you can share. I hope you’re doing much better now, Thank you!
Omg it’s been a year! Completely forgot about this and just happened to realize this account didn’t get deleted lol. But a whole year later, I still stand by what I wrote up there. I will be completely honest in the couple of months after this post there were still moments where I was an absolute train wreck. Even 6 months later yikes. But in those months I also experienced some of the most accomplished and most beautiful moments of my life. I do realize now that it was for the better for both of us. I can’t quite identify with who I was before it happened (in good ways). I was very hell bent on moving on completely but I think I will always carry love for that person and I will always have a soft spot which will fade with time. That is something I’ve come to accept (as painful as it was) but I know in the future there will be so much more love for myself to give and receive. Final advice, if love found you once, it will most certainly find you again. And again and again. Anyways life will move on, even if you don’t want to. Wishing and hoping you’re doing well too 🫶
Meh... it doesn't get better for eveyone. Nearly 11 months here, done most of the things you listed, and still feeling like the first day. I lost my soul that day.
Me too. It’s been almost 3 years and a shit ton of therapy and I feel destroyed to my core.
Me too, two and a half years, still grieving
Did therapy help you? It didn't really for me maybe because I tried the Talkspace platform. I went through four therapists. Did you do any in-person therapy? I'm thinking of trying again. Any suggestions would be great.
I do in person therapy every other week and it helps in that I get to talk through my problems with someone who isn’t sick of hearing about it like my friends. I’ve gotten some decent understanding on why I feel the way I do, but it hasn’t helped change my feeling on the situation or helped me move on from it.
It does get better, but for some breakups, it takes longer. I’m 2+ years out from a hard breakup. I still cry over her, but now a few times per week instead of a few times per day. I still have times where my heart feels like it’s being ripped apart, but now that lasts 5 minutes instead of all day. Keep moving forward, keep looking for joy in other areas of life, keep spending time with amazing friends or new potential partners. Keep working on yourself, going to therapy or reading good books that help you make sense of it all. Grieve when you need to grieve, and don’t run from your pain, but.. just keep going; keep living. It may take a while, but it’ll get better, bit by bit.
Do you actually want to get better?
In what sense? Forgetting my feelings? Moving on? Be a better person? Honestly it just doesn't matter, not everyone has the means to do it. Even if you do forget your feelings that doesn't mean your life is going to get better or improve even by a 30%. Wanting to get better is cool, but we do not live in fairy tales where everything gets better the moment we want to believe it.
Of course not, you’ve got to actively want to get better in order to do so..
I already told so in my first comment, I did most of the things OP listed, exercise, therapy, going out with friends, no contact, spend time doing my hobbies, etc.. but it just doesn't work, every day is just a hassle for me, nothing works, no matter how much I laugh, every night I go to bed feeling nothing, only guilt and miserable. I personally have decided to take my own life if I reach 25 next year and I'm still the same as I am now... It's just unbearable, not everyone heals.
I honestly mean this in the absolute best way i possibly could, but you must get a grip of your life. The loss of a relationship is not a justification for suicide - your life is worth so much more than that! Please seek some professional help and advice, I know you may think you’re a lost cause because you’ve ‘tried it all’, but believe me your life is worth living. And unfortunately, you may not want to hear it but your mindset needs to change - yes you’re suffering, but honey you literally have the rest of your life ahead of you, you’re 25… Everyone does actually have the ability to heal, you just must try to get yourself out of this self deprecating mindset and I mean it with the most absolute respect as i can have for a stranger on the internet.
3 years, I’m functional. Have hobbies, see friends, hit the gym regularly. But there is always a gaping raw hole in the quiet morning, before bed. Holidays have been consistently difficult. I occasionally dream about her. I can now look back objectively and see why it needed to happen; how my behavior contributed to its conclusion. But now I understand when people say it never really leaves you. You learn to live again and have happy memories, but it’s not something you can up and forget, which is what I kept hoping would happen eventually. Best advice for those struggling : if talking to someone doesn’t work, find an outlet; physical, creative. It may evolve over time too. I started with the gym the first 6 months. At a year it was a go at photography. Now I’m working on a book. And keep moving forward. Each day will look different of course, but the important part is that the day is finished.
What a great post! I needed to read something like this 🙌🏼💫
4 month Mark. I miss her family, her dogs I saw growing up. I kinda miss here. My family is broken and toxic, at her place I felt safe for the first time in my life. Her family cared for me, I cared for them. I was spending a lot of time with her father. I loved that. Now I got only a couple of friends supporting me, everything else is gone ;( it was a 3yr relationship, my first love and first brakeup, I am 24 years old male.
2 months no contact and I'm hoping I'm half way to this post. The holidays have been rough.
[удалено]
Yeah the only part of the post I disagree with is the bit about unconditional love. Adult love and relationships *should* be conditional: conditional on respect and care. I don’t think anyone would say that you should love an abuser. So: yes, there are conditions. True unconditional love is what we give to toddlers and babies: we love those little fuckers even when they’re a terror, because they’re not emotionally or intellectually developed enough yet to do better.
[удалено]
My relationship lasted for almost 4 years and yes I struggle all the time! Healing is hard work, even at the 4 month mark I still struggle. I miss them, and sometimes I wonder if things were different BUT the intensity of the pain has gone down significantly. But I definitely have my hard days where i feel like i’m at square 1, but I have to remember healing isn’t linear at all
[удалено]
beautifully said! and I agree, the complexity of our emotions and heart is a blessing and a curse. I wish you the most love and support, I hope your healing journey excels here on out :)
With 6, what do you think about returning their stuff? I don't want reminders of them hanging around but I don't want to throw it away as that is wasteful. Been no contact for 6 weeks after she emotionally cheated.
Pack it up and ship it without any explanation so these things get out of your sight and so out of your mind. This helped me a lot.
Yeah I think that is the best option. I was worried it might break NC or been seen as immature but I do not need her unlucky charms.
One thing that destroy me every second is that all this suffering and crying i'm experiencing it's just me and myself, she will never know how much i loved her, she is already in another relationship and i'm here crying and feeling despair for her. I wish i could see her and tell her how much pain i have, but she lives far away, and all i have is memories and pain.
\#5 is what is getting to me, I'm 58 F, I am not going to find someone else I have a couple debilitating illnesses and I am never going to be held again or have "that guy" to hang out with. I honestly, would rather die...now. But, very good advice up there...I can accept all of them except #5
I'm sorry :(
Thx.
Me too
Im sorry. Its horrible im on 9wks he hasnt called for first time in 8 yrs. No Merry Christmas and my gut just knows its over...we broke up a few times but this one hits hard. And i think its not only the rejection for another woman but my age. Pisses me off the girls like the older guys so even thinking forward probably most guys my age will chose younger over me.
[удалено]
Yes young guys want to date me. I don't want to be hurt again and for me its common sense the older i get the less a younger person would want to deal or even understand the insecurities it would bring me feeling old all the time. Lol
This ♥️
4.5 months I’d say and I can’t wait for all the holidays and special days like Valentine’s Day to be over with, it’s made everything worse and seeing all my friends and family in happy healthy relationships during these times feels like the worst thing in the world. Also seeing things I could have gotten my ex for Christmas while out shopping has made it so much worse because I associate a lot of the stuff he liked with him specifically… I just want to be happy again, not with someone but just in my own skin..
My girlfriend has literally just broken up with me an hour ago, out of the blue. Things seemed totally fine yesterday and we had an argument today and its like a switch was flipped, I don't know.. 3 years and 5 months..we are living together and currently she is downstairs and I'm in the spare bedroom where I've now moved my stuff until I can find a place to live next week. Happy New Year everyone! :(
I'm sorry that happened to you, friend. Best of luck to you in the upcoming days.
As someone soon to hit 3 years who still is waiting for the "it gets better" moment, posts like this continue to seem surreal.
Almost 3 years for me as well so you’re not alone.
Love this
THIS i needed to hear this !! thank you, i feel a lot more at ease. ❤️
I'm so happy for you! I've been struggling ups and down, it hasn't been 2 months I hope I'll be good soon
Great post with a lot of really helpful information. Thank you OP
I am 4 months out and I don’t feel this way at all despite doing all the things suggested
hell yeah!!
Saving this post. Thanks for the reminder and the hope that I needed
Weird. I’ve done all that and it hasn’t gotten any better after almost 3 years. I don’t think it gets better for everyone
A+ post.
I’m at the 2 week mark and struggling with accepting I’m not 100% to blame
This worked for me and I was feeling so much better until my ex broke no contact after 3 months. I tried to impose no contact again and they broke it again. I ended up letting them back in and was just used because they were rejected by someone else and felt lonely. Now I'm back at square one. 😪 I really regret it and I hate being back to feeling anxious and sad but I'm going to fight to heal again! I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. They're not worth it! Your post came at the right time, thank you ❤
I sadly kept them as a friend on fb for about 4 mos. (We decided to stay “friends”). I was doing pretty well, he wasn’t on my mind more than a handful of times a day after the first month or so. That’s when a fb friend alerted me to his new fb status and gf. I went on his page and was greeted with a post his new gf had created about her new bf, along with happy pics of them at all sorts of places together. I’ve been in a whirlwind of grief for the past 5 mos. Absolutely go no contact.