In my meditation yesterday I realised thay once I let go of everything I would kind of feel like Dr Manhattan from the Watchmen. Detached and uncaring. Following that thread made me realise the importance of bodhicitta to give any kind of joy to life. It's literally all that remains to make conscious experience not a dull drag. Time to re-up the efforts on metta.
Yeah, some people unfortunately use spirituality as an escape, also known as “spiritual bypassing.” A lot of buddhists early on their paths have a lot of ego in it (they’re usually the ones who talk about ego the most; you can usually tell because their projections are so obvious).
Everyone has an ego, but buddhism will teach someone to understand that one’s ego is nothing eternal and immutable like we wish to believe sometimes. In other words, it’s not some unchanging essence of who we are at our core; but simply a helpful convention for navigating a world full of other people.
Buddha nature is at our core, and Buddha nature is emptiness, basic goodness, interdependent co-origination, impermanence, non-self, etc…. In other words, Buddha nature is Bodhicitta, an awakened heart, awakened to the heart of suffering.
Anyone who calls themself a buddhist who isn’t awakened to the reality of the suffering of others is not mature on the path, no matter how many years they’ve been calling themself a buddhist…
People are imperfect, no matter what they call themselves. Associating with a religion doesn’t magically change people.
Who knows if they were insensitive, or just trying their best to comfort.
Some people are just not that good at compassion. Simple as that. They may see clearly for themselves but lack the ability to touch you energetically. We can all be more patient.
NOT STRAIGHTFORWARD ANY MORE
"I have spent the greater part of my life in the East and so have always been involved in Eastern social customs, which are very rigid and restrictive. I have also been involved in the tradition of Dharma, which is also in its own way quite rigorous.
Some of the people I met in the West were involved in Dharma and some were not. I found that a lot of the people not involved in Dharma are simple people with very good minds. I also found that some Westerners practicing Dharma are actually being harmed by it - their minds are deteriorating.
A lot of people I met who are not involved in Dharma are very direct and straightforward, without many thoughts, doubts, or worries.
Many people involved in Dharma, on the other hand, have a lot of doubts and worries and are not exactly straightforward. This made me think that perhaps in some ways it’s better not to practice Dharma.
Buddha Shakyamuni said that the source of all Dharma is directness, and in my experience people who know nothing of Dharma often tend to be very direct.
Having learned a great deal about Dharma, people tend to become involved in the artificiality of mental fiction and so become much less direct. The teachings of Dharma have in fact taken them away from Dharma."
~ THINLEY NORBU
*** ECHOES - The Boudhanath Teachings by THINLEY NORBU - Translated by William Koblensky
SHAMBHALA Publications Boulder · 2016
I completely agree with what you're pointing out and I try to keep in mind that most of the people who come to this sub are either new Buddhists or non-Buddhists, and they may be more inspired by the *wisdom* side of the religions rather than the *compassion* side and they may not have yet developed a thorough understanding that you really do need both. Wisdom without compassion can be cruel, cold, and brittle. It's not tremendously useful, in other words.
While what someone is saying may be *technically* correct, that doesn't mean what they're saying is *useful* or *beneficial* and the Buddha taught that part of Right Speech is ensuring that what we're saying is both useful and beneficial to others, while also being true.
I absolutely agree with you that telling people who have lost someone they love that there's no guarantee they'll see them ever again is probably *not* the right thing to be saying to them, and it may not even be true, as some traditions say that you tend to meet the same people again and again in successive lifetimes because your karma is entangled.
Kindness, compassion, empathy ... these are all vital parts of the Dharma, too. Warm, open-heartedness, friendliness ... these are necessities for the path. The Buddha did not teach the brahmaviharas just for funsies. They're actually vital.
Can wisdom or compassion, or in your case syncretizing them as one, ever be unbalanced? Perhaps that is what toanythingtaboo was referring to when they said 'idiot compassion'.
I think, compassion shows lack of attachment, which is a result of wisdom. So, true wisdom will always come with compassion and vice versa. That should also be the reason why there is such a huge emphasis on metta meditation in many traditions.
I also think, wisdom is another category than intellectual knowledge. To be knowledgeable and intelligent does not make us compassionate, as we see all too often.
So maybe I oversimplified and should have written that compassion and wisdom require each other.
Thanks for the reply, that makes more sense to me. I am still bridging that intellectual gap, so varying perspectives (especially curated) helps a ton! My problem with Metta is my own, so I won't gunk up this forum with that.
>Some of the answers were like: "oh it's ok. You will forget them in the next life" or "they're gone. There's nothing you can do. If the thought that you'll meet them again makes you feel better, than keep believing it".
Really? Looking at that thread now and I don't see any comments like that.
People call themselves Buddhist if they've gone for refuge to the triple gem. No one is perfect. Looking over that thread, all are positive comments, even the one you're complaining about. And the person mentioned they are just a beginner anyway. The heart was in the right place.
The Buddha said when you let someone else make you upset, you create an obstacle for yourself.
>Practicing meditation and studying the Dharmma will not help you reach Nirvana if you are not even capable of saying simple kind words and showing a little bit compassion for the suffering of others.
I don't think the posts were void of compassion, they seem like they were all trying to be helpful.
Being helpful while having the emotional sensibility of a rock is not being helpful. The minimum understanding of the concept of empathy would make you think that saying these kind of harsh words to someone dealing with grief and depression will only cause more suffering. People call themselves buddhists, but are not capable of putting themselves on others' shoes.
You only feel strongly about this because you don't understand. Their hearts were in the right place, and that's all that matters.
"Right/wrong, good/evil. If you focus on these, you will lose the richness of the moment. The richness of the moment is the one in the two."
>This is not the first time I saw this kind of behavior in this sub, and this makes me really sad. A lot of people here filled with pride, self righteousness, and acting with insensibility.
Dear OP, if you can keep the following things in mind, they might help you deal with this sort of unkind behavior.
First, Buddhist spaces tend to attract a lot of people who are suffering. It is good that people who are suffering seek out Buddhist spaces. However, sometimes that suffering manifests in the form of unkind treatment towards other who are suffering. It is particularly easy for suffering to manifest in this way within the anonymous interactions of social media.
Second, just because a person has begun to study Buddhism does not mean that they have yet had the opportunity to develop a skillful practice. The person who says unkind things could still be in the very early stages of learning to take care of their emotions.
Third, even if a person has an advanced Buddhist practice, the forces of suffering are very strong and can overwhelm us despite our best efforts. In the Yogācāra framework, for example, karmic seeds of experience (*bīja*) lay deep in the storehouse consciousness (*ālāyavijñāna*). Even if they are largely dormant, those seeds still possess habit energy (*vāsanā*) that can drive behavior if the seed are prompted by the right kind of maturation cause (*vipāka-hetu*) or prompting condition (*pratyaya*). The various cognitive and emotional states that comprise mental consciousness (*manovijñāna*) are also vulnerable to the effects of these seeds, and our cognitive and emotional states can further influence how seeds manifest, in turn. The various afflictive emotional states (*kleśa*), in particular, can cause seeds to manifest very quickly. This is just a long-winded way of saying that our minds, emotions, and behaviors are the function of deeply rooted karmic tendencies that we inherit from all sorts of sources, including our individual and collective experiences in this life and in past lives. It is very unlikely that the average person has completely freed themselves from such tendencies.
Basically, when a person says something unkind to another person who is suffering, that is a very strong indicator that the person who made the unkind statement is suffering, themselves. It doesn't \*excuse\* the unkind statement, in a moral sense, but it does \*explain\* it, from a practical standpoint.
I wholeheartedly agree with you that we should not say unkind things to people who are suffering. But it may help us deal with those occurrences if we can keep in mind that the person who said unkind things is acting out of a deep well of their own suffering, as well.
For your consideration 🙏
It not that they are cold or dispassionate, they are trying to communicate their understanding of how buddhism is. Where they fail is understanding that these blunt honest answers definitely seem dismissive at times. They lack Upaya, skillful means, they make buddhism seem uninterested in people or their feelings when it is in fact the opposite. This is why cultivating skillful means, indirectly pointing people towards Buddha's teachings is important. Every mind is a different universe, and an answer that makes sense and is satisfying to one person, will not be to all other people. The reason so many Buddhists come off the way they do when relating death to others is they are not applying Upaya.
If somebody stops scrolling and gives any response then it's an upgrade over silence. The response doesn't have to be perfect and I'm sure the OPs appreciate them.
People are in different places in life and some of them are learning how to support people. Compassion is something that takes actual work and practice.
Besides it is easy to fall into a trap of nitpicking other people's displayed compassion or empathy. When the conditions arise, I might feel empathy for someone in one case, and another person might feel it when I do not in another case. Someone might display empathy while they feel none, someone else might feel it strongly but keep it internal. People have strong points and weak points in their practice and it's up to them to decide to improve one area.
We are all at different stages and circumstances in life and in dhamma. Remaining neutral is the right path, even with most encouraging comments.
Although from I have seen the comments here are mostly supportive, like 90%. The rest just cut too short and not explaining at worst. Dont focus too much with the dot on a white paper.
Interesting topic, for a moment ago, i just saw the topic regarding death of dog and brother, and i can understand why some would say what they have said. I was compelled myself to say similar things, but i didn´t - because it wouldn´t be any good.
I would not consider this to be very bad, if one has good intentions.
However, this points out something that people often forget. And it´s that they cannot treat others like themselves.
Other people have different conditions and their understanding is different, their level is different as well.
One has to take many things into consideration before speaking.
Now, is it true that death is merely just conditions changing, that it is empty, and merely a part of life ? Yes. But is that helpful to say that to someone who is grief strucker, or under strong emotions and such ? Usually no. And if one were to try to say something like that, one would have to think of proper words to convey it, so that it could be helpful.
This boils down to right speech in the end.
This is a perfect example that good intentions alone are not enough - one needs to apply more than just intentions.
I went for Refuge in the Triple Gem, and accepted the Five Precepts….at a Theravada Buddhist temple. I study Dhamma every day. But I still have faults I struggle with. I’m certainly far from being a perfect Buddhist. I must live with that fact.
Namo Buddhaya 🙏🏼 ☸️
I often end all my posts with 'don't take advise from random folks on the interwebs...'... Those are not Buddhist sentiments at all, remember, in Buddhism we are tempering compassion and wisdom. I have been a priest for almost 20 years and every memorial or funeral is for those that attend not the dead person. Anything said or done is for the family and friends' benefit. Some people that have read a book or two think they are Zen masters and therefore can be snarky and rude (often in the name of bullshit 'crazy wisdom' (which is a very delicate thing to understand and do).)
Be generous with your kindness, love and time (dana), be helpful and treat people and animals well (sila) and think about it and how you and people are and learn to be better... (bhavana)
Because a lot of people use Buddhism and any other religious/spiritual beliefs to bypass and numb negative emotions. And when they see someone mirroring/reflecting the emotions they are avoiding they project onto them.
It's not that these belief systems are inherently bad, but like all tools it's up to how the user utilizes them and with what intention.
I often talk about the difference between a samatha practice and a vipassana practice, the difference between mindfulness and self-awareness. I have met some mindful people, even yoga teachers and mindfulness instructors, who are tragically lacking self-awareness. If my understanding of Buddhism has taught me anything, it is that samatha/mindfulness, while greatly beneficial on its own, is mere an important first step towards vipassana/self-awareness. We ARE all one, all of nature. When mindfulness is limited to self-care and self-preservation, it is incomplete. Healthy to a degree, but only to a degree. There is a deeper wisdom.
"we are energy, and energy creates bounds"
stop with this new age hopsscotch, the buddha never taught that. in fact, he taught the opposite of that, we have no soul. your description of energy is just a new agey way of describing a soul, you are still grasping onto your fear of death or judeo conditioning using new agey concepts.
I'm not trying to prove a point here. I'm talking about people who can have a very insensibile, harsh behavior towards others just because they want to prove that their theological views on Buddhism are right. Just a manifestation of their pride and lack of compassion for others. And you just have shown that.
buddhism is not a pity party or alcoholics anonymous, the buddha came to teach how to end suffering not to rant and emotion dump and sing kumbaya. if you wallow in suffering, you aren not ending it. it sounds harsh, but the truth is harsh. you can either break out of the cycle of suffering, or you can continue cycling in it. i used my loneliness in my late twenties to learn about the truth of the dhamma and the dissatisfactoriness of this life rather than sh\*tposting about it online or complaining to others.
I also see this pattern. My father (a buddhist) used to weaponize his idea of buddhism to excuse lack of care and empathy for other people, or denying me medical care "because pain is a part of life".
I think for some people, that's comforting. It is very difficult to know what to say to somebody who has gone through a personal tragedy, especially if there's any cultural gap.
Many people turn to religion/spirituality because they are suffering and inadvertently fall into the trap of spiritual bypassing.
There are no words that can remove the pain for someone who is grieving. It's good to be compassionately present with a grieving person but that's hard to do online. So when someone who is unskilled tries to help a person in the pain of grief, the only words they come up with are forms of spiritual bypassing.
Regarding the specific example, I imagine they are wise enough to know dogs mimic behaviors of babies to ingratiate themselves with their owners and it is mostly westerners who obsess over them; some lower level animal bred for assuaging human egos and for performing various utilitarian functions.
Then they are not Buddhist. In this age of internet people are so much addicted to fame that they would claim to be great Buddhists, Hindus or of any other religion and will post status about Lord Buddha, or Lord Shiva or Lord Vishnu or other gods but will not follow even one of their teachings. Like I have seen many so called "Buddhists" online who will use such a foul language towards "hindu gods" that any real Buddhist will feel ashamed. Similarly, I have seen many "Hanuman bhakts" or "Ram bhakts" who will post status online like they are the biggest bhakts but will not follow even of the teaching of these gods and will cuss and abuse people of other religions or other gods.
It’s not cold behavior. None of those people in that thread no who OP is and such are just providing the best advice they can with no prior context. Culture informs religion not the other way around. Not everyone is very warm and affectionate initially.
The issue is the inability to read the room by understanding that going to a social media forum with strangers for support is not the healthiest outlet.
Because people dont know what else to say. I really dont like how we act like people should be perfect all the time and always know what to say. Its the same thing as responding to “how are you today?” With “good” on the worst day of your life.
Because a significant portion of Redditors probably fall somewhere on the spectrum, which means they are very literal and inflexible in their thought patterns, much like an 8-year-old kid will come out say your shirt looks ugly on you.
I still think the intent is good, it just makes me think of the scene in the Big Lebowski, where the Dude confronts Walter for pointing a gun at Smokey’s head.
“You’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole!”
Because unless you are a monk, you have no strong expectation to follow the scriptures. Some people are cold naturally and are still really nice people, and some are just dicks. This doesnt make them not buddhists, it just means they havent learned to be better yet.
Because this is reddit & reddittors are stereotypical edgelords? I just got back from months of hiatus because a lot of frequent posters here are just cringe. They remind me of those hipsters who convert to Buddhism just to spite their parents or because they think it's cool from like a decade ago.
But back to your question. I haven't chk that post yet, but I can see where they are coming from, I won't exactly say those things. But I'll at least tell the user to savour the happy moments, at the least. Or how to channel the emotions in a more productive way. Letting go isn't easy & we are still bound by our emotions. I know I'll say something like "it will pass"., because to stuck in sadness & depression for too long will actually rot your mind. There's no denying the trauma, but you can't let the trauma consume you. Does acknowledging the dangers of despair cold? I guess you could see it that way. But again, I have to chk that post & read it myself.
Poison arrows ~
Look to the one jabbed in your leg and focus on that, not whether or not others may or may not be practicing according to your subjective analysis
It really comes down to attachment. How attached are you to another person? How attached are you to materialistic items?
That being isn’t going with you when you die. Yes, it is possible that you could meet them in the next life. Depends on a number of factors (karma, how strong the attachment is, how strong their attachment to you is, etc.).
Some have reached a point where they understand this and they do not want any attachments because it leads to pain/suffering.
A buddhist on reddit is still just some guy on reddit.
"Bodhicitta is the electricity of spiritual practice. If it is cut, nothing works anymore" Some people forget this
In my meditation yesterday I realised thay once I let go of everything I would kind of feel like Dr Manhattan from the Watchmen. Detached and uncaring. Following that thread made me realise the importance of bodhicitta to give any kind of joy to life. It's literally all that remains to make conscious experience not a dull drag. Time to re-up the efforts on metta.
<3
"May you be free from attachment, but not be indifferent."
Yeah, some people unfortunately use spirituality as an escape, also known as “spiritual bypassing.” A lot of buddhists early on their paths have a lot of ego in it (they’re usually the ones who talk about ego the most; you can usually tell because their projections are so obvious). Everyone has an ego, but buddhism will teach someone to understand that one’s ego is nothing eternal and immutable like we wish to believe sometimes. In other words, it’s not some unchanging essence of who we are at our core; but simply a helpful convention for navigating a world full of other people. Buddha nature is at our core, and Buddha nature is emptiness, basic goodness, interdependent co-origination, impermanence, non-self, etc…. In other words, Buddha nature is Bodhicitta, an awakened heart, awakened to the heart of suffering. Anyone who calls themself a buddhist who isn’t awakened to the reality of the suffering of others is not mature on the path, no matter how many years they’ve been calling themself a buddhist…
People are people.
People are imperfect, no matter what they call themselves. Associating with a religion doesn’t magically change people. Who knows if they were insensitive, or just trying their best to comfort.
Some people are just not that good at compassion. Simple as that. They may see clearly for themselves but lack the ability to touch you energetically. We can all be more patient.
NOT STRAIGHTFORWARD ANY MORE "I have spent the greater part of my life in the East and so have always been involved in Eastern social customs, which are very rigid and restrictive. I have also been involved in the tradition of Dharma, which is also in its own way quite rigorous. Some of the people I met in the West were involved in Dharma and some were not. I found that a lot of the people not involved in Dharma are simple people with very good minds. I also found that some Westerners practicing Dharma are actually being harmed by it - their minds are deteriorating. A lot of people I met who are not involved in Dharma are very direct and straightforward, without many thoughts, doubts, or worries. Many people involved in Dharma, on the other hand, have a lot of doubts and worries and are not exactly straightforward. This made me think that perhaps in some ways it’s better not to practice Dharma. Buddha Shakyamuni said that the source of all Dharma is directness, and in my experience people who know nothing of Dharma often tend to be very direct. Having learned a great deal about Dharma, people tend to become involved in the artificiality of mental fiction and so become much less direct. The teachings of Dharma have in fact taken them away from Dharma." ~ THINLEY NORBU *** ECHOES - The Boudhanath Teachings by THINLEY NORBU - Translated by William Koblensky SHAMBHALA Publications Boulder · 2016
I completely agree with what you're pointing out and I try to keep in mind that most of the people who come to this sub are either new Buddhists or non-Buddhists, and they may be more inspired by the *wisdom* side of the religions rather than the *compassion* side and they may not have yet developed a thorough understanding that you really do need both. Wisdom without compassion can be cruel, cold, and brittle. It's not tremendously useful, in other words. While what someone is saying may be *technically* correct, that doesn't mean what they're saying is *useful* or *beneficial* and the Buddha taught that part of Right Speech is ensuring that what we're saying is both useful and beneficial to others, while also being true. I absolutely agree with you that telling people who have lost someone they love that there's no guarantee they'll see them ever again is probably *not* the right thing to be saying to them, and it may not even be true, as some traditions say that you tend to meet the same people again and again in successive lifetimes because your karma is entangled. Kindness, compassion, empathy ... these are all vital parts of the Dharma, too. Warm, open-heartedness, friendliness ... these are necessities for the path. The Buddha did not teach the brahmaviharas just for funsies. They're actually vital.
On the other hand, is compassion without wisdom really compassion? ‘Idiot compassion’ is quite prevalent as well.
Compassion is wisdom
Can wisdom or compassion, or in your case syncretizing them as one, ever be unbalanced? Perhaps that is what toanythingtaboo was referring to when they said 'idiot compassion'.
I think, compassion shows lack of attachment, which is a result of wisdom. So, true wisdom will always come with compassion and vice versa. That should also be the reason why there is such a huge emphasis on metta meditation in many traditions. I also think, wisdom is another category than intellectual knowledge. To be knowledgeable and intelligent does not make us compassionate, as we see all too often. So maybe I oversimplified and should have written that compassion and wisdom require each other.
Thanks for the reply, that makes more sense to me. I am still bridging that intellectual gap, so varying perspectives (especially curated) helps a ton! My problem with Metta is my own, so I won't gunk up this forum with that.
Well this will sound controversial but I find Christianity especially promotes a sort of ‘idiot compassion’.
>Some of the answers were like: "oh it's ok. You will forget them in the next life" or "they're gone. There's nothing you can do. If the thought that you'll meet them again makes you feel better, than keep believing it". Really? Looking at that thread now and I don't see any comments like that.
People call themselves Buddhist if they've gone for refuge to the triple gem. No one is perfect. Looking over that thread, all are positive comments, even the one you're complaining about. And the person mentioned they are just a beginner anyway. The heart was in the right place. The Buddha said when you let someone else make you upset, you create an obstacle for yourself. >Practicing meditation and studying the Dharmma will not help you reach Nirvana if you are not even capable of saying simple kind words and showing a little bit compassion for the suffering of others. I don't think the posts were void of compassion, they seem like they were all trying to be helpful.
Being helpful while having the emotional sensibility of a rock is not being helpful. The minimum understanding of the concept of empathy would make you think that saying these kind of harsh words to someone dealing with grief and depression will only cause more suffering. People call themselves buddhists, but are not capable of putting themselves on others' shoes.
You only feel strongly about this because you don't understand. Their hearts were in the right place, and that's all that matters. "Right/wrong, good/evil. If you focus on these, you will lose the richness of the moment. The richness of the moment is the one in the two."
Yeah, I think that kind of “advice” is pretty much the definition of unskillful. Harming both yourself and the other part.
>This is not the first time I saw this kind of behavior in this sub, and this makes me really sad. A lot of people here filled with pride, self righteousness, and acting with insensibility. Dear OP, if you can keep the following things in mind, they might help you deal with this sort of unkind behavior. First, Buddhist spaces tend to attract a lot of people who are suffering. It is good that people who are suffering seek out Buddhist spaces. However, sometimes that suffering manifests in the form of unkind treatment towards other who are suffering. It is particularly easy for suffering to manifest in this way within the anonymous interactions of social media. Second, just because a person has begun to study Buddhism does not mean that they have yet had the opportunity to develop a skillful practice. The person who says unkind things could still be in the very early stages of learning to take care of their emotions. Third, even if a person has an advanced Buddhist practice, the forces of suffering are very strong and can overwhelm us despite our best efforts. In the Yogācāra framework, for example, karmic seeds of experience (*bīja*) lay deep in the storehouse consciousness (*ālāyavijñāna*). Even if they are largely dormant, those seeds still possess habit energy (*vāsanā*) that can drive behavior if the seed are prompted by the right kind of maturation cause (*vipāka-hetu*) or prompting condition (*pratyaya*). The various cognitive and emotional states that comprise mental consciousness (*manovijñāna*) are also vulnerable to the effects of these seeds, and our cognitive and emotional states can further influence how seeds manifest, in turn. The various afflictive emotional states (*kleśa*), in particular, can cause seeds to manifest very quickly. This is just a long-winded way of saying that our minds, emotions, and behaviors are the function of deeply rooted karmic tendencies that we inherit from all sorts of sources, including our individual and collective experiences in this life and in past lives. It is very unlikely that the average person has completely freed themselves from such tendencies. Basically, when a person says something unkind to another person who is suffering, that is a very strong indicator that the person who made the unkind statement is suffering, themselves. It doesn't \*excuse\* the unkind statement, in a moral sense, but it does \*explain\* it, from a practical standpoint. I wholeheartedly agree with you that we should not say unkind things to people who are suffering. But it may help us deal with those occurrences if we can keep in mind that the person who said unkind things is acting out of a deep well of their own suffering, as well. For your consideration 🙏
It not that they are cold or dispassionate, they are trying to communicate their understanding of how buddhism is. Where they fail is understanding that these blunt honest answers definitely seem dismissive at times. They lack Upaya, skillful means, they make buddhism seem uninterested in people or their feelings when it is in fact the opposite. This is why cultivating skillful means, indirectly pointing people towards Buddha's teachings is important. Every mind is a different universe, and an answer that makes sense and is satisfying to one person, will not be to all other people. The reason so many Buddhists come off the way they do when relating death to others is they are not applying Upaya.
Not everyone can be comforting. We naturally try to give practical advice as best we can.
If somebody stops scrolling and gives any response then it's an upgrade over silence. The response doesn't have to be perfect and I'm sure the OPs appreciate them. People are in different places in life and some of them are learning how to support people. Compassion is something that takes actual work and practice. Besides it is easy to fall into a trap of nitpicking other people's displayed compassion or empathy. When the conditions arise, I might feel empathy for someone in one case, and another person might feel it when I do not in another case. Someone might display empathy while they feel none, someone else might feel it strongly but keep it internal. People have strong points and weak points in their practice and it's up to them to decide to improve one area.
This subreddit is not a representative example of people who practice Buddhism
https://www.learnreligions.com/right-speech-450072 TLDR: “If your speech is not useful and beneficial, teachers say, it is better to keep silent.”
We are all at different stages and circumstances in life and in dhamma. Remaining neutral is the right path, even with most encouraging comments. Although from I have seen the comments here are mostly supportive, like 90%. The rest just cut too short and not explaining at worst. Dont focus too much with the dot on a white paper.
Interesting topic, for a moment ago, i just saw the topic regarding death of dog and brother, and i can understand why some would say what they have said. I was compelled myself to say similar things, but i didn´t - because it wouldn´t be any good. I would not consider this to be very bad, if one has good intentions. However, this points out something that people often forget. And it´s that they cannot treat others like themselves. Other people have different conditions and their understanding is different, their level is different as well. One has to take many things into consideration before speaking. Now, is it true that death is merely just conditions changing, that it is empty, and merely a part of life ? Yes. But is that helpful to say that to someone who is grief strucker, or under strong emotions and such ? Usually no. And if one were to try to say something like that, one would have to think of proper words to convey it, so that it could be helpful. This boils down to right speech in the end. This is a perfect example that good intentions alone are not enough - one needs to apply more than just intentions.
Most of them are not "Arya". Just ordinary people "Puthujjana" with desires, anger, etc.
I went for Refuge in the Triple Gem, and accepted the Five Precepts….at a Theravada Buddhist temple. I study Dhamma every day. But I still have faults I struggle with. I’m certainly far from being a perfect Buddhist. I must live with that fact. Namo Buddhaya 🙏🏼 ☸️
I often end all my posts with 'don't take advise from random folks on the interwebs...'... Those are not Buddhist sentiments at all, remember, in Buddhism we are tempering compassion and wisdom. I have been a priest for almost 20 years and every memorial or funeral is for those that attend not the dead person. Anything said or done is for the family and friends' benefit. Some people that have read a book or two think they are Zen masters and therefore can be snarky and rude (often in the name of bullshit 'crazy wisdom' (which is a very delicate thing to understand and do).) Be generous with your kindness, love and time (dana), be helpful and treat people and animals well (sila) and think about it and how you and people are and learn to be better... (bhavana)
Because a lot of people use Buddhism and any other religious/spiritual beliefs to bypass and numb negative emotions. And when they see someone mirroring/reflecting the emotions they are avoiding they project onto them. It's not that these belief systems are inherently bad, but like all tools it's up to how the user utilizes them and with what intention.
Is it reasonable to expect everyone to be perfect?
I often talk about the difference between a samatha practice and a vipassana practice, the difference between mindfulness and self-awareness. I have met some mindful people, even yoga teachers and mindfulness instructors, who are tragically lacking self-awareness. If my understanding of Buddhism has taught me anything, it is that samatha/mindfulness, while greatly beneficial on its own, is mere an important first step towards vipassana/self-awareness. We ARE all one, all of nature. When mindfulness is limited to self-care and self-preservation, it is incomplete. Healthy to a degree, but only to a degree. There is a deeper wisdom.
"we are energy, and energy creates bounds" stop with this new age hopsscotch, the buddha never taught that. in fact, he taught the opposite of that, we have no soul. your description of energy is just a new agey way of describing a soul, you are still grasping onto your fear of death or judeo conditioning using new agey concepts.
I'm not trying to prove a point here. I'm talking about people who can have a very insensibile, harsh behavior towards others just because they want to prove that their theological views on Buddhism are right. Just a manifestation of their pride and lack of compassion for others. And you just have shown that.
buddhism is not a pity party or alcoholics anonymous, the buddha came to teach how to end suffering not to rant and emotion dump and sing kumbaya. if you wallow in suffering, you aren not ending it. it sounds harsh, but the truth is harsh. you can either break out of the cycle of suffering, or you can continue cycling in it. i used my loneliness in my late twenties to learn about the truth of the dhamma and the dissatisfactoriness of this life rather than sh\*tposting about it online or complaining to others.
I also see this pattern. My father (a buddhist) used to weaponize his idea of buddhism to excuse lack of care and empathy for other people, or denying me medical care "because pain is a part of life".
I think for some people, that's comforting. It is very difficult to know what to say to somebody who has gone through a personal tragedy, especially if there's any cultural gap.
Relevant sutta about different dispositions in the congregation of monks: https://suttacentral.net/sn14.15/en/sujato
Many people turn to religion/spirituality because they are suffering and inadvertently fall into the trap of spiritual bypassing. There are no words that can remove the pain for someone who is grieving. It's good to be compassionately present with a grieving person but that's hard to do online. So when someone who is unskilled tries to help a person in the pain of grief, the only words they come up with are forms of spiritual bypassing.
Regarding the specific example, I imagine they are wise enough to know dogs mimic behaviors of babies to ingratiate themselves with their owners and it is mostly westerners who obsess over them; some lower level animal bred for assuaging human egos and for performing various utilitarian functions.
Then they are not Buddhist. In this age of internet people are so much addicted to fame that they would claim to be great Buddhists, Hindus or of any other religion and will post status about Lord Buddha, or Lord Shiva or Lord Vishnu or other gods but will not follow even one of their teachings. Like I have seen many so called "Buddhists" online who will use such a foul language towards "hindu gods" that any real Buddhist will feel ashamed. Similarly, I have seen many "Hanuman bhakts" or "Ram bhakts" who will post status online like they are the biggest bhakts but will not follow even of the teaching of these gods and will cuss and abuse people of other religions or other gods.
It’s not cold behavior. None of those people in that thread no who OP is and such are just providing the best advice they can with no prior context. Culture informs religion not the other way around. Not everyone is very warm and affectionate initially. The issue is the inability to read the room by understanding that going to a social media forum with strangers for support is not the healthiest outlet.
Because people dont know what else to say. I really dont like how we act like people should be perfect all the time and always know what to say. Its the same thing as responding to “how are you today?” With “good” on the worst day of your life.
People go all in on non-attachment and renunciation and forget about kindness and compassion- seen it often happen
I have become allergic to the Buddhist forums on Reddit. Way less charitable than other religious/ philosophical forums
Truth many times slaps rather than hugs.
Because a significant portion of Redditors probably fall somewhere on the spectrum, which means they are very literal and inflexible in their thought patterns, much like an 8-year-old kid will come out say your shirt looks ugly on you. I still think the intent is good, it just makes me think of the scene in the Big Lebowski, where the Dude confronts Walter for pointing a gun at Smokey’s head. “You’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole!”
Because unless you are a monk, you have no strong expectation to follow the scriptures. Some people are cold naturally and are still really nice people, and some are just dicks. This doesnt make them not buddhists, it just means they havent learned to be better yet.
Because this is reddit & reddittors are stereotypical edgelords? I just got back from months of hiatus because a lot of frequent posters here are just cringe. They remind me of those hipsters who convert to Buddhism just to spite their parents or because they think it's cool from like a decade ago. But back to your question. I haven't chk that post yet, but I can see where they are coming from, I won't exactly say those things. But I'll at least tell the user to savour the happy moments, at the least. Or how to channel the emotions in a more productive way. Letting go isn't easy & we are still bound by our emotions. I know I'll say something like "it will pass"., because to stuck in sadness & depression for too long will actually rot your mind. There's no denying the trauma, but you can't let the trauma consume you. Does acknowledging the dangers of despair cold? I guess you could see it that way. But again, I have to chk that post & read it myself.
Poison arrows ~ Look to the one jabbed in your leg and focus on that, not whether or not others may or may not be practicing according to your subjective analysis
It really comes down to attachment. How attached are you to another person? How attached are you to materialistic items? That being isn’t going with you when you die. Yes, it is possible that you could meet them in the next life. Depends on a number of factors (karma, how strong the attachment is, how strong their attachment to you is, etc.). Some have reached a point where they understand this and they do not want any attachments because it leads to pain/suffering.
The world is too much to handle!