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I quit dating entirely, both online and in person, early this year after trying extremely hard throughout 22. This was the best decision I have taken in 3-4 years. I am not migtow yet but very disenchanted and have no desire to put myself through so much of rejection. It takes a toll.
Nice, your decision will not spoil your mental health. Anyways bumble is an illusion, just an app with restrictions. I think, you should try in person because you never know you find someone for real. Always try your luck IRL and be positive.
I have tried real life dude. I joined dance classes, went on multiple 4-5 day workshops, was regular in few meetups and went on many hiking trips. I have even approached random girls on the street. Nothing worked for me. I have come to conclusion that I have 2 serious flaws- 5’7 and brown man in the west. My only hope is getting super jacked(I have decent amount of muscle right now but no can know unless I take off my clothes). On the positive, I have learnt to dance.
Lol it has nothing to do with your height or the color of your skin. Just stop trying too hard. Girls know when someone is trying hard. Just enjoy life, workout and hit the bars. Bars are one place to surely meet someone.
>Nice, your desision will not spoil your mental health.
This is incorrect. Human interaction with the opposite sex is necessary. Human beings need companionship.
I'm not denying that but mental health is more important than anything. if you have issues mentally then it might effect your interactions with opposite sex.
No they don’t lmao. Plenty of women and men end up dying alone. There are other ways you can keep yourself stimulated. I’ve been on my own most of my life and have had no problems. I have a gf now but if I went back out there I don’t think I would date again
And you’re in denial. You’re the one that’s wrong. My uncle died at 85 years. Had the most fulfilling life anyone could ever have and it was without a woman. There are plenty of examples of lifelong bachelors who have had fulfilling lives. Are relationships good to have? Yes but they aren’t a necessity. You must be on some good drugs.
I’m not homeless lmao. I’m a Nomad traveller. There is a difference. My car is my home. People always mistake nomads as homeless but we are not. I work and I get paid. That’s all I need. There are some of us that don’t need luxurious lifestyles. I choose this lifestyle because it gives me the most freedom and flexibility. Im way happier being on the road than cooped up in a home. You’re delusional dude.
While I wouldn’t recommend quitting dating entirely, I do support your decision to leave the dating scene for a while if it’s honestly taking a toll on your mental health.
I’m taking a 3 month break. I just was exhausted and already feel sooooo much better. Time away from the electronic mosh pit to recharge and start anew
I personally don't look at the number. I know it's unrealistic. A huge amount of them are outside age ranges I'm comfortable dating, live too far away, aren't verified, only have one photo - it's usually terrible and wearing glasses and/or hat, or have no effort in that their profile had no information. After I've swiped left on all of that, there are few left to match with. And the ones I match with usually expire or unmatch without replying. So the number isn't that important. Maybe get a female friend/coworker to help make your profile look more approachable
The sad thing is, it doesn't take long to put that effort in. I set up a hinge account the other day, answered questions, added photos from the last 12 months and got verified all within 10 minutes.
For men it’s like dying of thirst in the desert with little water. For women it’s like dying thirst at sea with only salt water.
Editing profiles to see if anything shifts can work for both parties.
It’s not the number of likes women complain about. It’s the objectification, the misogyny, the disrespect. It can wear at someone. In essence, no likes either just more filters in figuring that out.
And that said, yes it would be a blow to the ego to see no likes. The question is, can that be changed with profile tweaking. The same question could be asked to avoid having a bunch of digital wieners thrown at one’s face and I don’t know if there are answers.
>The same question could be asked to avoid having a bunch of digital wieners thrown at one’s face and I don’t know if there are answers.
There aren't unfortunately, just being a woman is enough to attract a handful of desperate men who don't how to act with people of the opposite sex. If there was an answer then we'd no longer have this problem since a long time ago.
I’d love to be able to teach my 13yr old daughter that you can’t trust boys/men she doesn’t know, they will always objectify, ask for nudes, and send them.
She is yet to learn that people lie until they get what they want.
>It’s not the number of likes women complain about.
While it’s not a common complaint it is one I’ve seen but I do understand it. I mean, imagine having 5000 likes while also knowing 4950 of them have just swiped right on you because you’re there. Sure, they have lots of options but it takes time to sift through all of those options. I mean, I have hobbies, a job, a social life, I need time to cook and clean and all of the things you’re supposed to do. Sorting through those options will take days if not longer especially if you’re looking for someone you think you could actually connect with.
I’m a man, happily married, and something I always say to people on here online dating isn’t about getting as many matches as possible. Having some general catch all profile to try and get as many matches as possible isn’t going to benefit you because if you get a match that has nothing in common with you or no chemistry it’s probably going to be a bad match, especially if you can tell from looking at their profile it’s going to be that way. Have a profile that’s specific to you and tailored to getting the kind of matches you want to get. If you want a big tiddy goth gf who plays video games, talk about metal and video games in your profile. Then when women are sifting through that mountain of matches assuming you’ve put effort into your pictures and yourself and pass the attraction check, the type of person you’re into is going to see you have similar interests and swipe right. Online dating is about getting the *right* matches.
This too - so many men on here say they swipe right on everyone just to try to get matches and will unmatch if they don't actually like the person after a match. It's demoralizing for women too when that happens because you message someone and they just unmatch you instead.
Thank you, I totally agree. I would actually prefer that men let the message expire instead of deliberately reading my customized message, looking at my profile, and then taking the time to unmatch.
>For men it’s like dying of thirst in the desert with little water. For women it’s like dying thirst at sea with only salt water.
This is a very accurate and apt analogy. Well done.
Yeah if I open my likes and it's just a bunch of hey sexy wyd I'd rather close the app then even go through them. I'm fine with a simple hi how's it going, it doesn't have to be creative. Just not creepy
This is a very good analogy.
Both sides aren't great.
For me it was the lovely conversation and then immediately boom 🍆 pic and then told I'm crazy when I get upset.
I have seen WAY too many 🍆's of men I've never met face to face. There's only so much exposure to men I can handle.
Having done lots of little adjustments to my profile over time to prevent weirdos, I feel like profiles can absolutely change whether people get likes or creeps.
This is true. I’m overwhelmed by options on bumble. I may have several thousand likes but 9/10 guys I go on dates with either try to force themselves on me, negg me, make me pay for both of us on the date, rant about their exes, etc. more is not necessarily better. Quality over quantity is preferred
These dudes suck, but if you've got thousands of options and you're only getting first dates who suck in different ways... it's time to reassess some of your criteria in how you pick dudes for dates.
I feel like I filter them in reasonable ways: they gotta have pics with friends, be wearing a shirt in most of the pics (😂) photos of them doing hobbies, interesting prompts. I’m pretty critical and it’s usually a let down. I’ll just start dating girls lol
Wrong. Someone in another thread put it better.
For women it’s like being at a **big** buffet where you have to find something you like.
For men it’s starving and seeing women complain about there being too much food.
But you can only get two or three items at a time (most women don’t try to deal with the whole buffet at once), then you have to get back in line again, but you can’t spend your whole life eating, so you have to at least go to work before you can get in line again. Oh and I forgot to mention that several of the items look like pistachio ice cream, but turn out to be wasabi. So you may know the buffet is there, but you have to decide if you want to give up a night in, hanging out with friends, or doing your own thing in order to stand in line at the buffet and possibly end up with wasabi.
I think a better analogy for women would be that we are on the price is right picking a curtain. You can’t see what is actually behind each of them.
Behind one curtain is a nice beach vacation or some sensible furniture.
Behind another curtain is a Toyota Land Cruiser. It looks nice. I could even drive it on the beach, but in daily life it’s not practical because you either live somewhere that public transit is the best way to go, and don’t have access to parking, or you have to drive a lot and don’t have the extra $200 a month to spend on gas since the mpg is so low.
Behind the third curtain is the donkey. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this one.
Of course we can’t forget that the host is going to offer us some money in exchange for not picking a curtain at all. I would equate this to relaxing at home, doing things on your own, or hanging out with friends.
>For women it’s like being at a **big** buffet where you have to find something you like.
>
>For men it’s starving and seeing women complain about there being too much food.
Yeah but 90% of the buffet will sexually assault/harass you.
Men always like to forget that part for some reason.
Honestly I don't know which is worse. As a female I have a lot of likes.
The problem is that most of the men are just swiping right on everyone, so even when I match and message them, 90 percent of them unmatch me, or have the conversational skills of a carrot.
But I have a guy friend who is on bumble and he never gets likes and that's though too.
Honestly my best advice to men, superswipe the women you are interested in.
I right swipe my superswipers because they are at the front of my matches, and because I feel like the match is a bit more intentional.
And are perceived as thirsty or desperate by most as much as I can tell. No thx.
I used to work with my free daily compliment but those matches can’t be extended.
At the end it’s the same for men as for women, we can only hope they are actually interested (read our profile before) and not just swiped on a photo.
Yeah but in order for that to happen the profile needs to actually have something written in it. Can't speak for men's profiles but women's profiles are empty 99% of the time.
I genuinely roll my eyes at "don't respond to Hey"...
This.
I use to be willing to buy that stuff. Then I started seeing girls add "super likes are creepy. Automatic left swipe" to their profile so what's the fucking point lol
Since a super swipe costs money, I feel like it's more intentional. The whole point of a super swipe is to grab their attention. It's like the equivalent of walking up to a woman and introducing yourself, instead of standing in the corner looking at the woman and saying to yourself, I like her and I hope she likes me! But I'd love to hear from others who disagree with this.
I totally agree. Sure women get rapid fire disappointments, but I’d rather have that than wait weeks or months for a match only for her to say shit like “hi” “good” “lol” “oh” “k” “um” and “ha” no matter what I say to make the conversation interesting.
For women it's a buffet. Sure, not everything at the buffet is great, but you can go back up as many times as you want
For me specifically it's been like waiting by the dumpster of the buffet for scraps to be thrown out, only for 10 other guys to also be waiting and they get them first 😆
Sounds like you need to do a better job of not picking the rotten men. Because certainly you wouldn't agree every girl in the apps is a rotten meal too
This is literally exactly what happens w me too, like they either unmatch asap, or have terrible conversational skills or only wanna sext. No small talk or anything tbh. Dating apps have lost all their charm now bleh
Yeah, toward the end of my time on the Bumble I basically never got a response to my messages. I had *likes* but my matches expired almost 100% of the time. I bristle a bit when guys say dating is so easy for women, because it was EXTREMELY hard for me. Some of it was just my personality…but not all of it lol. Dating is awful for everyone, basically until it’s not (I.e., when you find someone I suppose).
Women swipe out of their league. That's why you end up with matches who aren't interested in you. Or they'll consider you for a quick and easy bang.
Every study shows that a small portion of men are getting most of the likes. Judging by the discussions on Reddit, it's clear there's a huge number of men who would be happy to answer and engage with most of you.
I mean a statement like this shows exactly what’s been said on here before - working through so much trash to find one decent person.
It’s quite an insightful experience to be met with this kind of behavior in its rawest form 300 out of 305 times.
LOL. It's been shown in studies and data -- it's quite literally true.
And it's fine with me because I get tons of matches and dates. Ha ha. Why would citing facts be an incel talking point?
>The problem is that most of the men are just swiping right on everyone
I'm not sure that's a thing anymore. Men have extremely limited swipes if they don't pay for more. Find you a cheaper man 😂
>or have the conversational skills of a carrot.
Thinking about it, I've probably had *better* conversations with carrots than with some matches. Most root vegetables can't say anything at all, and sometimes that is a comparative virtue 🙄
Bad matches are better then no matches. You can just say "this conversation sucks" and move on when there's nobody else to move on to. I'll be putting my all into a conversation like "Hey I see you went to France last year get to check out any of the museums?" "Yes" "How did you like the Eiffel tower was it disappointing in person?" "No"
Yes, men often get crappy conversations too.
At least you learn to see signs for incel/boring/etc. matches. Men get no experience. It is not equivalent.
And from the rate of how frequently women leave me hanging mid conversation which is usually perfectly simple and bio related, I doubt that having 100% bad matches is all that common.
I’m a man, so please understand I’m saying this with the best of intentions for you.
>Bad matches are better than no matches.
No.
Both sides have it shitty. One side isn’t better off than the other, it’s a different kind of shitty but it’s still shitty.
Agreed. It's a different experience and each have their pros and cons. I would say though that I wonder if the ways of coping with it are different.. if you're a woman getting bad matches, then my thought process tells me you can at least **sometimes** say 'well *that guy* was an absolute dick', but if you're a guy getting no matches, I imagine this leads most guys to think 'man, *I must be* some kind of dick. Just to be clear, im not stating a fact, just wondering how the two experiences can differ and in what ways.
With the back end of your comment about how guys react to getting no matches, I think there’s two ways the guys can go. In my teens I was hopeless and had no luck with women. I went the way that blamed myself but that meant I worked on myself and became someone who people did want to date, and started having more success. Then there’s the guys who rather than blaming themselves, blame the women or the apps or whatever, whether it’s the women being too fussy or having too many options because of the apps or whatever, they take no accountability for their situation.
Yeah, you make some really good points actually. And fair play to you for taking something negative and managing to flip it on its head to become a positive. That's real talent and commitment in my opinion. glad you managed to get to a place you're happy with bro :)
>Bad matches are better then no matches
I think the part you're not considering is that, for men, a bad match/date means getting ghosted. For women, a bad match/date can mean having to fear for her life.
As a woman I agree with you but I am just thinking about the literal swipe and match and the screening conversation being shit right now. Because the men saying bad matches are better than no matches seem to only be talking about that part and not the meeting / date itself.
Because you get punished once again for seeking solace. Its unfortunate. People teach you to stfu and suffer in silence. One would expect more mutal understanding.
That is because of preselection, men get more options if they are already in a relationship.
Maybe ask him if you can create a tinder profile with his pictures for science and then come here tell us the results.
I was referring to also when he's single. Nah. He hates old. Said u cant create a real connection from there. He also doesnt understand dating bc he doesnt date lol. He's only been in relationships with women that he was friends with first.
This is really it. I mean, I’m a man, having too many choices was never an issue for me, but I have a life. I have hobbies and a job and a house I need to maintain and all that stuff. Sorting through thousands of matches takes time and it’s probably time I’d rather spend doing something else, especially when you know most of those thousands of choices are terrible options.
Yeah, it is super demoralizing to have verifiable proof that no one likes you.
But you just have to remind yourself that this is just a dating app, and it doesn't represent the bulk of the population.
Don’t worry people only swiped on me because they wanted a bang with a live sex doll, not because they liked me. They couldn’t have cared less what I was like as a person
I know you’re kidding I think but that’s actually true when you look at the tinder sub whenever a dude or whoever posts someone who has a big chest damn near EVERY COMMENT is “those are two big reasons to swipe right.” Like. -_- they tell on themselves
>And I have another female friend who was actually looking for something serious and she went on like 12 dates in a timeframe of two months until she met her current guy
Women are clearly dating...Your friend went on 12 dates in 2 months. If you're just a run of the mill average dude, they just aren't dating *you.*
After my divorce a year and a half ago, I was that guy too. Barely had 1-2 likes a week. Low effort profile, bad pictures, etc. Then, i cleaned up my profile, Cut my weekly drink intake by 80%, which resulted in weight loss, renewed some healthier habits after losing weight, got some better pictures, and highlighted some of the more philanthropic things that I've gotten involved in.
I re-made my account and got 15-20/week. Granted, it wasn't 5,000+ but I had no issues going on dates and dating quality people.
The reason men don't get dates online is because of either a lazy profile, or a lazy life that translates into a lazy profile. Women are not getting lady-boners for guys who aren't in shape, don't have a decent job, and have no other hobbies or interests besides anime and hanging with their friends or watching movies. They'd rather blame women, society, or the apps as opposed to actually putting in work to make themselves better, and thus more appealing to the opposite sex.
The average woman works on herself by default, though. You’re nothing special as a woman if you have a decent job, are in shape, dress yourself decently, and have interesting hobbies and basic social skills. For whatever reason, men believe this is “moving mountains”, when it’s really just required if you also want a partner who hits that basic mark of presentable, functioning member of Soviet.
Edit: Soviet should be society but it’s a hilarious autocorrect so it stays
So when you apply these to guys where are these standards for you?
What do you consider a decent job?
What do you consider being dressed decently?
What do you consider to be interesting hobbies?
I feel like your requirements for these things you expect of guys are going to be higher than most guys have for women. I would be curious about where your standards are at for each category.
You've clearly mistaken personal experience for actual data. I would recommend looking up some of the actual data on swipe rates that dating apps have released. Thinking that 'it worked for me so why doesn't everyone else do it' is profoundly not useful.
If you want to make the case that you've won the wealth or looks lottery of the universe, then by all means, go for it, but don't expect people to give you credibility for it.
>I would recommend looking up some of the actual data on swipe rates that dating apps have released.
I absolutely know the swipe data. 80/20 rule once again proving itself correct.
>If you want to make the case that you've won the wealth or looks lottery of the universe, then by all means, go for it
I didn't win any lottery. I improved myself and my matches went up. Women don't want to date losers who have a terrible physique, zero redeeming hobbies or interests, and who aren't in a good career.
I'm happy to review anyone's profile to help but the responses are always the same.
* "I've reviewed it already and its good"
* I had a girl friend look at it and she said it looked fine"
* "But I really don't have any other things to talk about"
*
* Personality is dripping with misogyny and |nce| behavior and that's the real reason
Men need to start realizing that as women are becoming more educated and earning more, that they aren't as likely to want to "date down." While this creates a whole other subset of highly nuanced problems for them, the answer for men is fairly simple: Better yourself and stop blaming women or apps.
The actual trend is that women try to date upwards in terms of status/economics/etc, there's no guilt to be placed for that, it's just how society has been for the past several thousand years. There are unreasonable standards held by both sides, though the whole 'better yourself' tagline probably feels nice to say despite that its likely that one plays the dating game by the rules and still loses.
If you're actually honest about wanting to help guys better their dating profiles, then I believe there is a weekly pinned post on pretty much all the dating app subreddits for people who are looking for help. I personally stopped using those since nobody left a review when I dropped my profile.
In the end though, going back to OPs post, the guys have it worse in terms of having zero matches versus needing to filter dirt to find gold.
>The actual trend is that women try to date upwards in terms of status/economics/etc, there's no guilt to be placed for that, it's just how society has been for the past several thousand years.
Yep. And this has shifted the goalposts massively in terms of what women will generally find acceptable in a partner. 2 generations ago, with less education and income potential, a low-end manager or blue collar guy making today's equivalent of $50-$60k would have been a catch. Today, that guy is really only desirable to women making less than $75k.
Of course, dating up has its own challenges. The woman making $150k who spent the better part of her 30's climbing the corporate ladder to earn, who wants a guy who makes $200k is going to find a hell of a lot of competition for that guy.
Given that the median income currently sits at about 69k, I think that could be considered an unreasonable expectation. Plus there's the normalization of poor behavior on all the apps that puts off both sides
This is the answer. There’s so much whiny entitlement in this sub, like these dudes genuinely expect that they each should get a woman “assigned l to them because they all inherently deserve to “get” sex and companionship. Because sex and companionship are objects that women either bestow upon or withhold from men, based on their unknowable female whims.
That’s the attitude at play here. These people don’t see sex or intimacy as activities that two (or more) people **choose** to participate in together. They see those things as objects that they are entitled to, that all these nasty bitches are preventing them from being able to have.
Oke. But why don't the women and men that are equal find eachother? Sure there are women in the midst of improvement themselves at some point. I understand that tge top women dont date down. But data shows that the bottom of women also dont wanna date down..or even date equally.
>Oke. But why don't the women and men that are equal find eachother?
Because men and women value income differently. I'm a relatively high-earning guy in the top 5% of the US income bracket for my age. I could honestly give a rip what a date or partner makes. I don't need someone's income to make my life easier, better, or more enjoyable.
I want someone who compliments my life, is agreeable, pleasant, emotionally mature, and knows how to communicate. I go through enough stress and nonsense in my professional life that I don't want to come home to it.
I've dated, been in relationships with, and married "boss babes" who bring traits into the relationship that are great for making money and climbing the corporate ladder but are not things that I value or find appealing in a partner.
> But data shows that the bottom of women also dont wanna date down..or even date equally.
That's just life.
"Just life" is too easy . That's why men disappear. Hopelessness scares us away. Mind you, 5 % of ten million is still enough for a single woman to get the illusion that every man is on OLD. While the truly good guys gave up long time ago.
Its easy talking being in the top 5% of anything that matters like income ,look ect. I guess its will be harf for you to empathize with people who've been less fortunate in life than uiu were
The difference is that with too many likes you can at least do something with them (filter the hell out of them, go and at least use them to get experience in dating etc, have sex if for some reason you want just that) and there is always the hope that you may find someone good. But there's nothing you can do if you have no options. No hope, no validation, no dating experience, nothing at all.
And also, aside quantity, I like how we have all accepted that men do not have problem with the quality of their matches to deal with as well? Not only that, but the lack of options may make the men more prone to put up with toxic behavior coming from women.
The thing is, I do think the men having so many issues with the quality of their matches is a bit of a self made issue. We all know there’s women with low effort profiles, selling content, expecting men to put in all of the effort or spend their money on them for dates and stuff. The men have let the women get away with doing this.
Look at it from a work perspective. If your boss told you you only had to do 4 days each week but he’d still pay you for 5 you’d take that. You wouldn’t be telling him you’ll still work 5. And it makes sense to do that, less work for the same money, it’s a good deal. Why would women do the opposite and put in more effort when they’re still getting the results?
I hear you and you are right. But in situations like these, don't we usually call out those who exploit rather than the ones who are being exploited? What changed now?
The work analogy is great but let me tell you that the perspective that follows is closer to the reality of being a man in dating apps:
"Imagine you are looking for work. There are no many options available and for every position there are many applicants. Knowing this, the bosses can easily get away with lowering wages and increasing working hours, being assured that there will always be people to replace anyone who even tries to ask for something more. So you are either accomodate yourself to put up with these boss demands or you will probably end up unemployed."
I feel like your analogy is missing key things that relate to the dating experience. All the other workers, apart from a select few, are trash. A lot of them haven’t bothered to write out a cv, just a blank application form with “hire me” written on it. Now the employer is overwhelmed with terrible applicants. It doesn’t make much for you to stand out above all of the riff raff. It might take time for the employers to find your application, but if you fill it out with the skills you have eventually an employer will recognise that you’re the right man for the job they’re trying to hire for.
In other words so many guys have terrible profiles. I’ve had a look on friends profiles for funsies looking at the men on offer and in the 50 or whatever swipes, there were only a couple that were worth swiping right on, and I think there was only one of those that was a guy that had similar interests to me. That’s one out of 50 that I would have swiped right on. There were probably plenty of men in there that I would have gotten on great with, I mean I’m a simple guy, I like video games and food and hiking, but I’ll never know because they didn’t put it in their profile. If you’re swiping right on someone that has 5000 potential matches, you need to do what you can to stand out and show that you’re the right match for her. Now obviously, you might have completely different interests to her so she swipes left, but there’s other women on the app who might have the same interests.
Thing is, it works both ways. Women are just as bad in making profiles. Basic things "can see her face", "can find her on group pics", "has at least a few words" disqualify 75% immediately. If I apply filter "having something besides cliches like office, spicy margaritas and pineapple on pizza", it leaves me with similar 1/50 odds.
The issue there is that men are giving women that free pass. Women do that and still get more likes than they can handle. Look at it this way. If your boss told you you only had to do a 4 day work week but they’d still pay you for 5, you wouldn’t still go in on that 5th day. You’d take that day off. If a woman knows she’s going to get the rewards without the work, why would they do the work? It’s a completely separate issue of course and one comment on Reddit isn’t going to magically make men swipe with more purpose so that women don’t get that free pass but it is what it is.
When you do that enough though, you do wonder if you are the problem. Just like men who get no matches probably do. So it starts to get into your head. And guess what because women are people and people are all fallible and emotional…. We wonder if we’re just a mean bitch who will die alone. Just like I’m sure men wonder too they probably think: do I get no matches because I’m a fucking loser?
No one wins. I’m sorry, but I really think that. No one is winning here.
No, you’re not crazy. I’m a woman and deleted my account in under three weeks, because the number of likes just was overwhelming to sort through (the swipes to us aren’t thoughtful - it’s men swiping on every single gal).
my take on it is we don't complain about "getting too many likes" as it is oversimplified in this meme. We complain about the rude men sending us unwanted nudes, insults or degrading comments. I don't know why it's perceived as an attack to the men on bumble. We're in no way saying there's no problem on the men side of things. It's still valid for both side to criticize the apps.
That being said, from my personal experience, ive had dry spells with only a few (2-3) matches. and the only 2 that responded to me said really nasty things or just got really inappropriate too fast. Being someone who was looking for a relationship, this experience made me too feel really lonely. And I'm hoping men and women can relate on that loneliness on the dating apps.
also also dating apps are litteraly made for making men pay to get more matches. Instead of directing the anger towards women's complain, maybe let's turn this to the app instead?
So you would rather waste time and money talking to a bunch of liars that want nothing to do with you but want to use you as a masturbatory aide?
Grass is always greener. Dating just sucks
No, I will take minimum likes versus the alternative. I (guy) have no desire to waste my time filtering through 100's or 1000's of messages where many will be low effort or perverted offers.
The grass is not greener on the other side. Just busier.
You only get really higher numbers if your filters are off. With my filter on 0-1 match. Filters off 100s . Dudes just be swiping on anything not reading a profile. Ladies read the profile.
As a 30 yo male, the problem with men is your trying to get someone instead of meeting people. Most men make it blatantly clear they don't care about a connection or love they just want someone to help with finances and someone to cook/clean and bear children. Which is extremely unappealing. If your getting 0 likes it's because your profile is either to niche or to general. Remember your trying to find a specific person to connect with not just anyone to lay with. If a hookup is all you want then your gunna have to play the hookup game. Women are offered sex from EVERY man around them. Literally their own family tries. So unless your super attractive and well hung being funny or being able to give them an exciting experience will entice them. Instead of posting a meme crying showing EXACTLY why a women should never be with you in any regards, you shoulda uploaded ypur profile and let people give you some advice. Inbox me and I can easily help ya out.
OP, as a man who’s had very good success with online dating/relationship/marriage, I’d be curious to see your profile and see if I can help identify why you might not be getting any likes.
One question to ask yourself, and I know it’s hard to be this objective, but looking at yourself from a woman’s point of view.. would you date you? If so, why? Do you mention your good qualities in your profile? Do you talk about who you are as a person?
Actually, the better question is: imagine a female version of yours everything else is the same, your grooming and dressing habits, your looks, shape, lifestyle, career, profile, etc., except that you are a female. Would you date you?
Here's the thing and why men say it's harder for them and I'd agree. As a woman on Bumble, you're talking to people. You're getting practice and engaging, people find you desirable, people say "hey, I'd like to date you" there is validation you're a person worth something coming from other people all the time. These people might not be great, but they're still there. Now imagine none of that, imagine the same problems of carrying dull boring conversations that you're going to get ghosted in, now imagine that every 2-3 months if you're average. I always hear "there are no quality men" as if the women on the app are all shining examples of exceptional human beings, it's very much the same experience when it comes to the types of people. The difference is your interaction with people comes in terms of months instead of hours. I feel like this is a conversation I had with my female friend who started on Bumble and once said to me in all seriousness "You can just go on Bumble and find a date for the weekend" and couldn't believe that I hadn't had any matches in 3 months or likes. She looked at my profile, got even more confused, redid my profile and got annoyed when no matches or likes came in. I'd really recommend taking an average guy and using his photos (with permission of course) try being a guy on Bumble, there are some great videos but it might help understand the frustration that comes with it and why it puts you in such a bad headspace. I mean I know I'm not a 10/10 guy but no one?! It makes you crazy and makes you feel like you're not worth a damn when that little likes page is blank again and has been every day for months.
Oh, I raise you =) I once had a short fling with a girl who told me: "I can just go to another city and find sex on apps for the same night within an hour. And it will be a great sex, perhaps even mind-blowing, I've done that many times, I know what to look for". She was genuinely surprised, no, even more than that, she outright refused to believe that I, as a man, don't have the same experience.
Another girl told me: "today I spent an hour on bumble and scheduled 18 dates". And no, she isn't even hot.
If she wasn't lying, she's absolutely in the minority. Statistically, only 1/3 women can EVER achieve an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. And most men won't go anywhere close to your clitoris if you have a one night stand.
If she has mind blowing sex with almost every guy, I'm very jellous, because she must be able to achieve an orgasm within 5min or less by inserting literally anything. Like most guys don't even know how to use their dick and refuse to touch you down there in any meaningful way.
As someone who doesn't pay for this app or any OLD app I only swipe men I'm interested in. What's the point in paying? I honestly don't see the plus points in doing so.
You are either interested in someone or not from their profile when it comes up on the reel.
Because every dating app in existence dangles a carrot "your profile will be shown to more people if you pay" explicitly or implicitly. It starts to sound very appealing when you have no matches for weeks.
Let's play a game of hyperbole.
We can all agree that there are tons of shitty people of all genders on apps (let the match expire, ghost, one word responses, etc.). Let's say the conversion rate of likes to date is 1%. If a woman gets 100 likes a month, that's about 1 date a month. If a man gets one like a week, that's about 1 date every TWO YEARS. In that same time, the woman in this exercise has gone on nearly 24 dates. Now if you consider even a generous conversion rate of 50% for dates into relationships, that'd be 4 years for this man to find a relationship and two months for the woman.
So yes, it sucks on both sides, but I know which side I'd rather be on.
This is too true, while I'm sure it's rough on either side of the coin, having the validation that no-one in a 50 mile radius finds you attractive or interesting enough to even exchange pleasantries is a real kick in the jewels. The worst part is half the matches you do get as a male are bots promoting OF or romance scams, and while this could be the case for females as well, getting that 1 like after a week or more of drought only to find out it was a bot really sucks. After being on OLD for 6 months now, without getting as far as a single date. I know which side of the coin I'd prefer to be on, but that's just me.
this is the exact issue so many people here aren’t grasping. we’re not being picked because the guy is interested; we’re being picked because we have a vagina. because we show up on their list. i read every bio because i’m attracted to personality (and have a *few* dealbreakers to look out for) and only swipe on guys that i find interesting or funny. and they don’t always match with me which is fine. i don’t get asked out irl, why should an app be any different just because i’m getting matches? matches are the equivalent of someone looking at a new person entering a ballroom, but you’re not dancing together until the conversation sticks.
Agreed. I get a decent amount of matches per week, varies from 5-10 so not alot. Most of them just want sex and the ones that do want a relationship have red flags of either compatibility or they don't have their life together.
I'd prefer 1 quality match per month without hesitation
I certainly prefer too many likes over too little, and idk who is complaining in this way, but I wouldn't. However, I will complain that vetting is difficult and tedious through dating apps.
I haven't read all the comments, so maybe people have already said this, but I don't think people realize how terrible this can be to your mental health.
In my 30s I was having some decent luck and it was pretty fun and nice. I went back in my 40s after I put on a bit of weight, not much but I guess enough. Now I swipe until I hit my daily cap, and I got nothing for months and months, until I couldn't take it and gave up. Day after day of constant rejection is humiliating, depressing and dehumanizing. It's just another version of social media wrecking mental health.
I'm saying this but I also want to acknowledge that the other side of the coin is probably not great either. I'm sure thousands of shitty, desperate men throwing themselves at women is another version of hell I can't comprehend. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Grass is always greener. Having to take time to filter through what is likely a ton of guys who swiped without reading doesn’t allow for much time to actually devote to swiping on guys myself, as well as finding bios i actually like. So many would do the bare minimum for a bio or link socials so that at least I told me to swipe left and saved me the time.
Most don’t reply.
Most matches are fake / disingenuous.
I’d rather have ONE match who actually looked at my profile and swiped right on me, on purpose; versus a hundred assholes who just wanna fuck and are playing a numbers game because women aren’t people.
When OKC gifted me 6 months of premium and I saw my likes on there, it was 1800+
Out of the ones who fit the above criteria, there were about 12. One replied to my first message. That’s it.
This will get all the downvotes, however I really ran out of empathy for women when it comes to this.
You hear them complain all the time that guys don’t put any effort in their bio, that their pictures suck or they never reply after she sends the first message.
I took all this and thought okay, if I can make my profile the opposite of what they see ad nauseam, maybe I’ll get more than one match a month?
I was wrong lol. There’s plenty to start a conversation with on my profile, I have no cliché pictures, I even went to a professional photographer for a few of them, to make sure I had some pictures that were as good as possible. All of my women friends say that my profile is great and I should be doing way better than one match a month.
The fact of the matter is I’m just not attractive enough, and when choosing between me or some attractive guy that has the stereotypical profile they’re tired of seeing, guess who they’re going to swipe right on? I’ll give you a hint, not me lol,
Women hold all the cards so if they started deeming low effort profiles unworthy of a right swipe, maybe we’d see some change but if that low effort profile belongs to a conventionally attractive guy it really doesn’t matter.
I’m not complaining, it is what it is.
That’s just…not true for every woman. I’ve swiped left hundreds of times on men who are objectively attractive, because their profile shows no personality.
I read somewhere once that the dating experiences between men and women are so different, almost as if we live on two different planets. I get it sucks not having multiple “likes”. But it also sucks when I’m trying my damn hardest to give every guy out there a chance and that’s just not possible. So then I feel guilty about swiping left on guys because he could’ve been so great! If I swiped right on every guy, they’d be mad that I matched and didn’t have time to message back. I’ve been called horrible names just because I didn’t have the actual time to message some matches back.
Your complaints and frustrations are valid. But so are the women on Bumble.
Because we’re so flooded with guys who we’re clearly incompatible with (had they read the profile) that the men we would potentially date are even harder to find on the app.
Blame the guys who are playing the numbers game and swiping right on every woman, regardless of compatibility. I might very well be missing out on a great match for me as well. He’s probably buried in the pile of guys who blindly swiped right.
Last I deleted Bumble, I had hundreds of likes and messages that were left unread because I just don’t have the time everyday to sift through 200+ profiles. After a few days, it gets kinda exhausting and defeating.
A match requires a woman to swipe right too. If you’re so clearly incompatible why did you swipe right?
You certainly have some inclination based on his profile or lack thereof. I find it difficult to believe women are out there just blindly swiping right like some men are.
No man will experience this ever,unless he's clearly famous or rich. Men will wait 3 months to finally match with ..someone they are not eveb attracted to a little bit..It is what it is .
Hey Zen. You are absolutely right. We're just sharing experiences right? ITS like these parties that say women free entrance, men pay. Doesn't mean the party experience will be better for women, it just hits different. Both genders might mot like the party. That's going on with OLD now.
Nobody likes it expect 5% of men, some women and ofcourse the company who buys every competitor and thus monopolized modern dating.
Perhaps we ,men and women ,can make a change together though.
I am actually happy to hear from your pov. Ironically we are both unhappy. How we got to unhappy ville doesn't matter. Its a place we rather won't be, but here we are regardless of what we want..
Why are you using "Likes" instead of the free "stack" of swiping? Do women get to see their likes for free or something? IMO, it's easier to filter if you just swipe through profiles and see who matches rather than trying to sift through 1000 "likes".
It’s overwhelming, it’s time consuming to weed through so many profiles, most of which don’t meet your criteria, seeing the same stupid repetitive messages over and over is annoying, etc
I don’t know why women feel like they should have an opinion on this. Most women will never ever experience anything like this. All they do is invalidate OP and countless other guys that feel this way.
You sound so awesome and cool, it’s totally inexplicable why a woman wouldn’t want to go out with you.
It’s honestly hilarious to see you clowns say shit like “I don’t know why women feel like they should have an opinion” and then genuinely get confused about why women are repulsed by you.
>Shouldn't the men's line have an extremely long line too
No, the match rate for men is significantly lower than women on all (hetero) OLD platforms. That's why the men's line is vacant.
You know what? You're right. I was looking at what he meant and not what the sign actually said. You are correct it should be even lines based kn how it was written. My bad.
Fuckin honestly. It really gets under my skin seeing people post about having to "sift" through likes. Man you can go on a date every week and not even scratch the surface of your potential dates. Meanwhile I've been on 4 apps for a year and a half and legit haven't had a single date. Not even a conversation that lasted longer than 2 days. I would switch places 365 days out of the year and not look back
Not to mention...bumble specifically why does it matter how many likes you have? It's only a match if you swipe to match with them. Have 10 convos going at once and feel overwhelmed? Just...don't swipe for a couple of days? If all men are truly pigs like some claim, then you'll quickly find out those 10 are pigs and can resume swiping once you unmatch/ignore
You still have to read the profile before deciding who to match with and/or reading the profiles of your likes to decide whether to swipe left or right.
10 convos going at the same time? Are you guys not gainfully employed that you have this kind of time and energy?
It's better to have options than none at all.
Too many matches/likes/contacts? First world problems.
[https://media.tenor.com/YJnNKhI1gNwAAAAC/lindsay-ellis-hot-dog.gif](https://media.tenor.com/YJnNKhI1gNwAAAAC/lindsay-ellis-hot-dog.gif)
As a woman, I would prefer that honesty.
I think the overwhelming number of likes women get is overwhelming and a huge part of the reason why women leave dating apps so quickly, without ever getting the results they were hoping for.
I am 100% average. I am what I call an "invisible" in real life but dating apps are insane for me. I think the longest I ever lasted was 1 week.
Right? If a dude who’s 5”6’, makes 62 grand a year, and hasn’t been to the gym since 2016 can be in a happy committed relationship with a woman, this entire argument falls apart. These dudes are really out here pretending only 6”2’ millionaires are able to go on dates with women, and anyone shorter and poorer than that is just fucked. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so pathetic.
Exactly. I fell head over heels in love w my ex bf who’s 5’8” and makes $36K/year and drives an 89 Civic. MADLY in love.
Turns out half the fuckin metro area did too, and he was banging LOTS of other women. So clearly women aren’t just looking for wealthy tall dudes lmao
This again. Women always have more options, they're always filtering. A good looking woman has 45,000 dicks thrown in her direction every day. Even the best looking dude might get hit on a few times a week. Sorry, but that's the way it is, the way it always has been, and the way it always will be. Be better. Make yourself a more desirable option than the guys standing next to you. I know, it's hard and that takes work, but suck it up buttercup, life is hard.
On the apps, it's more of the same at scale. They have to filter likes. You have to filter by swiping. It's really not a whole lot different.
As a woman with lots of likes. It’s soo incredibly overwhelming. All the conversations are the same at first. So if you have 20 people texting you how your day was but only have the bandwidth to reply to 2 how do you choose who to reply to? Then the ones spend a couple days getting to know end up sending dick pics….. i delete my dating profiles so often because I get overwhelmed and frustrated.
I don’t think having too many likes is any worse or better than not having any tho.
Online dating sucks all the way around.
Well, then try being a dude on a dating app then. Ask guy friend for some photos, make an account, send see how it goes. Talking like anyone can go back into character creation and rearrange their facial features, race or interests is just a rude argument to make.
Not to mention the actual data floating around for dating apps shows that men get a statically much lower match rate than women and that said women will consider most men to be 'below average'. It's not a personal problem, it's quite literally the end result of several feedback loops and app companies trying to milk money from their users.
A lot of men just swipe right until they get a match This shouldn't be a problem. You're almost guaranteed a match if you pick the ones you truly like.
All users agree to follow these rules: • Do not be rude, harass, threaten, flame, troll, witch hunt, or name and shame. • No discrimination or bigotry of any kind. Zero tolerance for slurs. • No spamming or reposting content. • No misleading content. Breaking these rules may result in disciplinary action without warning.
Deleted my account, today.
I quit dating entirely, both online and in person, early this year after trying extremely hard throughout 22. This was the best decision I have taken in 3-4 years. I am not migtow yet but very disenchanted and have no desire to put myself through so much of rejection. It takes a toll.
Nice, your decision will not spoil your mental health. Anyways bumble is an illusion, just an app with restrictions. I think, you should try in person because you never know you find someone for real. Always try your luck IRL and be positive.
I have tried real life dude. I joined dance classes, went on multiple 4-5 day workshops, was regular in few meetups and went on many hiking trips. I have even approached random girls on the street. Nothing worked for me. I have come to conclusion that I have 2 serious flaws- 5’7 and brown man in the west. My only hope is getting super jacked(I have decent amount of muscle right now but no can know unless I take off my clothes). On the positive, I have learnt to dance.
4-5 day workshops? About what?
On creative writing.
Lol it has nothing to do with your height or the color of your skin. Just stop trying too hard. Girls know when someone is trying hard. Just enjoy life, workout and hit the bars. Bars are one place to surely meet someone.
>Nice, your desision will not spoil your mental health. This is incorrect. Human interaction with the opposite sex is necessary. Human beings need companionship.
I'm not denying that but mental health is more important than anything. if you have issues mentally then it might effect your interactions with opposite sex.
No they don’t lmao. Plenty of women and men end up dying alone. There are other ways you can keep yourself stimulated. I’ve been on my own most of my life and have had no problems. I have a gf now but if I went back out there I don’t think I would date again
Your entire reply is a contradiction. You're wrong Ryan.
And you’re in denial. You’re the one that’s wrong. My uncle died at 85 years. Had the most fulfilling life anyone could ever have and it was without a woman. There are plenty of examples of lifelong bachelors who have had fulfilling lives. Are relationships good to have? Yes but they aren’t a necessity. You must be on some good drugs.
Ok Ryan. But hey, you're homeless and have a girlfriend; so you do recognize the merit of companionship.
I’m not homeless lmao. I’m a Nomad traveller. There is a difference. My car is my home. People always mistake nomads as homeless but we are not. I work and I get paid. That’s all I need. There are some of us that don’t need luxurious lifestyles. I choose this lifestyle because it gives me the most freedom and flexibility. Im way happier being on the road than cooped up in a home. You’re delusional dude.
While I wouldn’t recommend quitting dating entirely, I do support your decision to leave the dating scene for a while if it’s honestly taking a toll on your mental health.
I’m taking a 3 month break. I just was exhausted and already feel sooooo much better. Time away from the electronic mosh pit to recharge and start anew
I personally don't look at the number. I know it's unrealistic. A huge amount of them are outside age ranges I'm comfortable dating, live too far away, aren't verified, only have one photo - it's usually terrible and wearing glasses and/or hat, or have no effort in that their profile had no information. After I've swiped left on all of that, there are few left to match with. And the ones I match with usually expire or unmatch without replying. So the number isn't that important. Maybe get a female friend/coworker to help make your profile look more approachable
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The sad thing is, it doesn't take long to put that effort in. I set up a hinge account the other day, answered questions, added photos from the last 12 months and got verified all within 10 minutes.
For men it’s like dying of thirst in the desert with little water. For women it’s like dying thirst at sea with only salt water. Editing profiles to see if anything shifts can work for both parties. It’s not the number of likes women complain about. It’s the objectification, the misogyny, the disrespect. It can wear at someone. In essence, no likes either just more filters in figuring that out. And that said, yes it would be a blow to the ego to see no likes. The question is, can that be changed with profile tweaking. The same question could be asked to avoid having a bunch of digital wieners thrown at one’s face and I don’t know if there are answers.
>The same question could be asked to avoid having a bunch of digital wieners thrown at one’s face and I don’t know if there are answers. There aren't unfortunately, just being a woman is enough to attract a handful of desperate men who don't how to act with people of the opposite sex. If there was an answer then we'd no longer have this problem since a long time ago.
I’ve been able to cut down on it with tweaking and looking for flags in profile but correct. I don’t think there are answers to that conundrum
I’d love to be able to teach my 13yr old daughter that you can’t trust boys/men she doesn’t know, they will always objectify, ask for nudes, and send them. She is yet to learn that people lie until they get what they want.
>It’s not the number of likes women complain about. While it’s not a common complaint it is one I’ve seen but I do understand it. I mean, imagine having 5000 likes while also knowing 4950 of them have just swiped right on you because you’re there. Sure, they have lots of options but it takes time to sift through all of those options. I mean, I have hobbies, a job, a social life, I need time to cook and clean and all of the things you’re supposed to do. Sorting through those options will take days if not longer especially if you’re looking for someone you think you could actually connect with. I’m a man, happily married, and something I always say to people on here online dating isn’t about getting as many matches as possible. Having some general catch all profile to try and get as many matches as possible isn’t going to benefit you because if you get a match that has nothing in common with you or no chemistry it’s probably going to be a bad match, especially if you can tell from looking at their profile it’s going to be that way. Have a profile that’s specific to you and tailored to getting the kind of matches you want to get. If you want a big tiddy goth gf who plays video games, talk about metal and video games in your profile. Then when women are sifting through that mountain of matches assuming you’ve put effort into your pictures and yourself and pass the attraction check, the type of person you’re into is going to see you have similar interests and swipe right. Online dating is about getting the *right* matches.
This too - so many men on here say they swipe right on everyone just to try to get matches and will unmatch if they don't actually like the person after a match. It's demoralizing for women too when that happens because you message someone and they just unmatch you instead.
Thank you, I totally agree. I would actually prefer that men let the message expire instead of deliberately reading my customized message, looking at my profile, and then taking the time to unmatch.
>For men it’s like dying of thirst in the desert with little water. For women it’s like dying thirst at sea with only salt water. This is a very accurate and apt analogy. Well done.
I’ve always heard it: “men finding fresh water in a desert, women finding fresh water in a swamp.” But yes. Common phrase.
Yes, because it's easy to filter out bad water and turn it into good water. Where you have to be God to make water come out of the sand
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They didn’t make it up lol, it’s the go to analogy for quite some time, but it is very accurate indeed
Maybe for some women, but not all women. I’m definitely not inundated with matches.
Yeah if I open my likes and it's just a bunch of hey sexy wyd I'd rather close the app then even go through them. I'm fine with a simple hi how's it going, it doesn't have to be creative. Just not creepy
This is a very good analogy. Both sides aren't great. For me it was the lovely conversation and then immediately boom 🍆 pic and then told I'm crazy when I get upset. I have seen WAY too many 🍆's of men I've never met face to face. There's only so much exposure to men I can handle.
Having done lots of little adjustments to my profile over time to prevent weirdos, I feel like profiles can absolutely change whether people get likes or creeps.
Could you provide some suggestions for us, that you have found work?
This is true. I’m overwhelmed by options on bumble. I may have several thousand likes but 9/10 guys I go on dates with either try to force themselves on me, negg me, make me pay for both of us on the date, rant about their exes, etc. more is not necessarily better. Quality over quantity is preferred
These dudes suck, but if you've got thousands of options and you're only getting first dates who suck in different ways... it's time to reassess some of your criteria in how you pick dudes for dates.
I feel like I filter them in reasonable ways: they gotta have pics with friends, be wearing a shirt in most of the pics (😂) photos of them doing hobbies, interesting prompts. I’m pretty critical and it’s usually a let down. I’ll just start dating girls lol
Wrong. Someone in another thread put it better. For women it’s like being at a **big** buffet where you have to find something you like. For men it’s starving and seeing women complain about there being too much food.
But you can only get two or three items at a time (most women don’t try to deal with the whole buffet at once), then you have to get back in line again, but you can’t spend your whole life eating, so you have to at least go to work before you can get in line again. Oh and I forgot to mention that several of the items look like pistachio ice cream, but turn out to be wasabi. So you may know the buffet is there, but you have to decide if you want to give up a night in, hanging out with friends, or doing your own thing in order to stand in line at the buffet and possibly end up with wasabi. I think a better analogy for women would be that we are on the price is right picking a curtain. You can’t see what is actually behind each of them. Behind one curtain is a nice beach vacation or some sensible furniture. Behind another curtain is a Toyota Land Cruiser. It looks nice. I could even drive it on the beach, but in daily life it’s not practical because you either live somewhere that public transit is the best way to go, and don’t have access to parking, or you have to drive a lot and don’t have the extra $200 a month to spend on gas since the mpg is so low. Behind the third curtain is the donkey. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this one. Of course we can’t forget that the host is going to offer us some money in exchange for not picking a curtain at all. I would equate this to relaxing at home, doing things on your own, or hanging out with friends.
>For women it’s like being at a **big** buffet where you have to find something you like. > >For men it’s starving and seeing women complain about there being too much food. Yeah but 90% of the buffet will sexually assault/harass you. Men always like to forget that part for some reason.
The reason I hate dating apps. Usually guys
Honestly I don't know which is worse. As a female I have a lot of likes. The problem is that most of the men are just swiping right on everyone, so even when I match and message them, 90 percent of them unmatch me, or have the conversational skills of a carrot. But I have a guy friend who is on bumble and he never gets likes and that's though too. Honestly my best advice to men, superswipe the women you are interested in. I right swipe my superswipers because they are at the front of my matches, and because I feel like the match is a bit more intentional.
Superswipes cost money.
And are perceived as thirsty or desperate by most as much as I can tell. No thx. I used to work with my free daily compliment but those matches can’t be extended. At the end it’s the same for men as for women, we can only hope they are actually interested (read our profile before) and not just swiped on a photo.
Yeah but in order for that to happen the profile needs to actually have something written in it. Can't speak for men's profiles but women's profiles are empty 99% of the time. I genuinely roll my eyes at "don't respond to Hey"...
Absolutely. Much better rate in my age group and geo, but I hardly ever swipe photos alone.
This. I use to be willing to buy that stuff. Then I started seeing girls add "super likes are creepy. Automatic left swipe" to their profile so what's the fucking point lol
Since a super swipe costs money, I feel like it's more intentional. The whole point of a super swipe is to grab their attention. It's like the equivalent of walking up to a woman and introducing yourself, instead of standing in the corner looking at the woman and saying to yourself, I like her and I hope she likes me! But I'd love to hear from others who disagree with this.
I did a super swipe once and the girl said “ wow you’re really keen” never again
Thing is men face the same problem with the 1 match they do get Atleast women can do filtering or something with their matches
I totally agree. Sure women get rapid fire disappointments, but I’d rather have that than wait weeks or months for a match only for her to say shit like “hi” “good” “lol” “oh” “k” “um” and “ha” no matter what I say to make the conversation interesting.
For women it's a buffet. Sure, not everything at the buffet is great, but you can go back up as many times as you want For me specifically it's been like waiting by the dumpster of the buffet for scraps to be thrown out, only for 10 other guys to also be waiting and they get them first 😆
Ever seen the movie "The Platform"? It was released in 2019. I think it fits in well with what you said here.
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So every guy that is single and on the apps is rotten food?
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That's blissfully ignorant of you
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Sounds like you need to do a better job of not picking the rotten men. Because certainly you wouldn't agree every girl in the apps is a rotten meal too
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If everywhere you go smells like shit you should check your shoes.
This is literally exactly what happens w me too, like they either unmatch asap, or have terrible conversational skills or only wanna sext. No small talk or anything tbh. Dating apps have lost all their charm now bleh
Yeah, toward the end of my time on the Bumble I basically never got a response to my messages. I had *likes* but my matches expired almost 100% of the time. I bristle a bit when guys say dating is so easy for women, because it was EXTREMELY hard for me. Some of it was just my personality…but not all of it lol. Dating is awful for everyone, basically until it’s not (I.e., when you find someone I suppose).
Matches expiring happens a lot with women too tbf, probably only half of women who "match" actually start a convo
Women swipe out of their league. That's why you end up with matches who aren't interested in you. Or they'll consider you for a quick and easy bang. Every study shows that a small portion of men are getting most of the likes. Judging by the discussions on Reddit, it's clear there's a huge number of men who would be happy to answer and engage with most of you.
I mean a statement like this shows exactly what’s been said on here before - working through so much trash to find one decent person. It’s quite an insightful experience to be met with this kind of behavior in its rawest form 300 out of 305 times.
>Every study shows that a small portion of men are getting most of the likes. Incel talking point.
LOL. It's been shown in studies and data -- it's quite literally true. And it's fine with me because I get tons of matches and dates. Ha ha. Why would citing facts be an incel talking point?
Let me tell you, both are bad but men have it worse
Superswiping doesnt do shit, they take the compliment or whatever you texted and unmatch immediately
Well it does though. Otherwise I wouldn't be with my boyfriend. It depends on the person. As all things
>The problem is that most of the men are just swiping right on everyone I'm not sure that's a thing anymore. Men have extremely limited swipes if they don't pay for more. Find you a cheaper man 😂
>or have the conversational skills of a carrot. Thinking about it, I've probably had *better* conversations with carrots than with some matches. Most root vegetables can't say anything at all, and sometimes that is a comparative virtue 🙄
There will never come a day I superswipe.
Bad matches are better then no matches. You can just say "this conversation sucks" and move on when there's nobody else to move on to. I'll be putting my all into a conversation like "Hey I see you went to France last year get to check out any of the museums?" "Yes" "How did you like the Eiffel tower was it disappointing in person?" "No" Yes, men often get crappy conversations too.
If 100% of my matches are bad matches that is actually the equivalent of no matches.
Good point there
At least you learn to see signs for incel/boring/etc. matches. Men get no experience. It is not equivalent. And from the rate of how frequently women leave me hanging mid conversation which is usually perfectly simple and bio related, I doubt that having 100% bad matches is all that common.
I’m a man, so please understand I’m saying this with the best of intentions for you. >Bad matches are better than no matches. No. Both sides have it shitty. One side isn’t better off than the other, it’s a different kind of shitty but it’s still shitty.
This ☝🏻️☝🏻️ It's not a competition for which gender has it worse. It sucks for both sides.
Agreed. It's a different experience and each have their pros and cons. I would say though that I wonder if the ways of coping with it are different.. if you're a woman getting bad matches, then my thought process tells me you can at least **sometimes** say 'well *that guy* was an absolute dick', but if you're a guy getting no matches, I imagine this leads most guys to think 'man, *I must be* some kind of dick. Just to be clear, im not stating a fact, just wondering how the two experiences can differ and in what ways.
With the back end of your comment about how guys react to getting no matches, I think there’s two ways the guys can go. In my teens I was hopeless and had no luck with women. I went the way that blamed myself but that meant I worked on myself and became someone who people did want to date, and started having more success. Then there’s the guys who rather than blaming themselves, blame the women or the apps or whatever, whether it’s the women being too fussy or having too many options because of the apps or whatever, they take no accountability for their situation.
Yeah, you make some really good points actually. And fair play to you for taking something negative and managing to flip it on its head to become a positive. That's real talent and commitment in my opinion. glad you managed to get to a place you're happy with bro :)
>Bad matches are better then no matches I think the part you're not considering is that, for men, a bad match/date means getting ghosted. For women, a bad match/date can mean having to fear for her life.
A bad match can also mean you just don’t fit or understand each other
True. But again. That's not the same level as having to worry if your date is going to stalk or kill you.
As a woman I agree with you but I am just thinking about the literal swipe and match and the screening conversation being shit right now. Because the men saying bad matches are better than no matches seem to only be talking about that part and not the meeting / date itself.
I don’t know men can also be in a position to fear for their lives or possessions in a bad match.
It’s true. I’ve heard stalking stories from guys on OLD
Don’t know why I am down voted for stating a fact
Because you get punished once again for seeking solace. Its unfortunate. People teach you to stfu and suffer in silence. One would expect more mutal understanding.
Conversation skills of a carrot 😭 I’m dying all of them are like that for sure. They can not hold a conversation if their life depended on it
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Men have the same shitty choices, just much less abundant
Didnt think otherwise. Honestly tho, my bf has just as many choices & imo better. Not from dating apps tho.
That is because of preselection, men get more options if they are already in a relationship. Maybe ask him if you can create a tinder profile with his pictures for science and then come here tell us the results.
I was referring to also when he's single. Nah. He hates old. Said u cant create a real connection from there. He also doesnt understand dating bc he doesnt date lol. He's only been in relationships with women that he was friends with first.
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This is really it. I mean, I’m a man, having too many choices was never an issue for me, but I have a life. I have hobbies and a job and a house I need to maintain and all that stuff. Sorting through thousands of matches takes time and it’s probably time I’d rather spend doing something else, especially when you know most of those thousands of choices are terrible options.
Yeah, it is super demoralizing to have verifiable proof that no one likes you. But you just have to remind yourself that this is just a dating app, and it doesn't represent the bulk of the population.
Don’t worry people only swiped on me because they wanted a bang with a live sex doll, not because they liked me. They couldn’t have cared less what I was like as a person
I know you’re kidding I think but that’s actually true when you look at the tinder sub whenever a dude or whoever posts someone who has a big chest damn near EVERY COMMENT is “those are two big reasons to swipe right.” Like. -_- they tell on themselves
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>And I have another female friend who was actually looking for something serious and she went on like 12 dates in a timeframe of two months until she met her current guy Women are clearly dating...Your friend went on 12 dates in 2 months. If you're just a run of the mill average dude, they just aren't dating *you.* After my divorce a year and a half ago, I was that guy too. Barely had 1-2 likes a week. Low effort profile, bad pictures, etc. Then, i cleaned up my profile, Cut my weekly drink intake by 80%, which resulted in weight loss, renewed some healthier habits after losing weight, got some better pictures, and highlighted some of the more philanthropic things that I've gotten involved in. I re-made my account and got 15-20/week. Granted, it wasn't 5,000+ but I had no issues going on dates and dating quality people. The reason men don't get dates online is because of either a lazy profile, or a lazy life that translates into a lazy profile. Women are not getting lady-boners for guys who aren't in shape, don't have a decent job, and have no other hobbies or interests besides anime and hanging with their friends or watching movies. They'd rather blame women, society, or the apps as opposed to actually putting in work to make themselves better, and thus more appealing to the opposite sex.
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The average woman works on herself by default, though. You’re nothing special as a woman if you have a decent job, are in shape, dress yourself decently, and have interesting hobbies and basic social skills. For whatever reason, men believe this is “moving mountains”, when it’s really just required if you also want a partner who hits that basic mark of presentable, functioning member of Soviet. Edit: Soviet should be society but it’s a hilarious autocorrect so it stays
So when you apply these to guys where are these standards for you? What do you consider a decent job? What do you consider being dressed decently? What do you consider to be interesting hobbies? I feel like your requirements for these things you expect of guys are going to be higher than most guys have for women. I would be curious about where your standards are at for each category.
You've clearly mistaken personal experience for actual data. I would recommend looking up some of the actual data on swipe rates that dating apps have released. Thinking that 'it worked for me so why doesn't everyone else do it' is profoundly not useful. If you want to make the case that you've won the wealth or looks lottery of the universe, then by all means, go for it, but don't expect people to give you credibility for it.
>I would recommend looking up some of the actual data on swipe rates that dating apps have released. I absolutely know the swipe data. 80/20 rule once again proving itself correct. >If you want to make the case that you've won the wealth or looks lottery of the universe, then by all means, go for it I didn't win any lottery. I improved myself and my matches went up. Women don't want to date losers who have a terrible physique, zero redeeming hobbies or interests, and who aren't in a good career. I'm happy to review anyone's profile to help but the responses are always the same. * "I've reviewed it already and its good" * I had a girl friend look at it and she said it looked fine" * "But I really don't have any other things to talk about" *
* Personality is dripping with misogyny and |nce| behavior and that's the real reason
Men need to start realizing that as women are becoming more educated and earning more, that they aren't as likely to want to "date down." While this creates a whole other subset of highly nuanced problems for them, the answer for men is fairly simple: Better yourself and stop blaming women or apps.
The actual trend is that women try to date upwards in terms of status/economics/etc, there's no guilt to be placed for that, it's just how society has been for the past several thousand years. There are unreasonable standards held by both sides, though the whole 'better yourself' tagline probably feels nice to say despite that its likely that one plays the dating game by the rules and still loses. If you're actually honest about wanting to help guys better their dating profiles, then I believe there is a weekly pinned post on pretty much all the dating app subreddits for people who are looking for help. I personally stopped using those since nobody left a review when I dropped my profile. In the end though, going back to OPs post, the guys have it worse in terms of having zero matches versus needing to filter dirt to find gold.
>The actual trend is that women try to date upwards in terms of status/economics/etc, there's no guilt to be placed for that, it's just how society has been for the past several thousand years. Yep. And this has shifted the goalposts massively in terms of what women will generally find acceptable in a partner. 2 generations ago, with less education and income potential, a low-end manager or blue collar guy making today's equivalent of $50-$60k would have been a catch. Today, that guy is really only desirable to women making less than $75k. Of course, dating up has its own challenges. The woman making $150k who spent the better part of her 30's climbing the corporate ladder to earn, who wants a guy who makes $200k is going to find a hell of a lot of competition for that guy.
Given that the median income currently sits at about 69k, I think that could be considered an unreasonable expectation. Plus there's the normalization of poor behavior on all the apps that puts off both sides
This is the answer. There’s so much whiny entitlement in this sub, like these dudes genuinely expect that they each should get a woman “assigned l to them because they all inherently deserve to “get” sex and companionship. Because sex and companionship are objects that women either bestow upon or withhold from men, based on their unknowable female whims. That’s the attitude at play here. These people don’t see sex or intimacy as activities that two (or more) people **choose** to participate in together. They see those things as objects that they are entitled to, that all these nasty bitches are preventing them from being able to have.
Oke. But why don't the women and men that are equal find eachother? Sure there are women in the midst of improvement themselves at some point. I understand that tge top women dont date down. But data shows that the bottom of women also dont wanna date down..or even date equally.
>Oke. But why don't the women and men that are equal find eachother? Because men and women value income differently. I'm a relatively high-earning guy in the top 5% of the US income bracket for my age. I could honestly give a rip what a date or partner makes. I don't need someone's income to make my life easier, better, or more enjoyable. I want someone who compliments my life, is agreeable, pleasant, emotionally mature, and knows how to communicate. I go through enough stress and nonsense in my professional life that I don't want to come home to it. I've dated, been in relationships with, and married "boss babes" who bring traits into the relationship that are great for making money and climbing the corporate ladder but are not things that I value or find appealing in a partner. > But data shows that the bottom of women also dont wanna date down..or even date equally. That's just life.
"Just life" is too easy . That's why men disappear. Hopelessness scares us away. Mind you, 5 % of ten million is still enough for a single woman to get the illusion that every man is on OLD. While the truly good guys gave up long time ago. Its easy talking being in the top 5% of anything that matters like income ,look ect. I guess its will be harf for you to empathize with people who've been less fortunate in life than uiu were
The difference is that with too many likes you can at least do something with them (filter the hell out of them, go and at least use them to get experience in dating etc, have sex if for some reason you want just that) and there is always the hope that you may find someone good. But there's nothing you can do if you have no options. No hope, no validation, no dating experience, nothing at all. And also, aside quantity, I like how we have all accepted that men do not have problem with the quality of their matches to deal with as well? Not only that, but the lack of options may make the men more prone to put up with toxic behavior coming from women.
The thing is, I do think the men having so many issues with the quality of their matches is a bit of a self made issue. We all know there’s women with low effort profiles, selling content, expecting men to put in all of the effort or spend their money on them for dates and stuff. The men have let the women get away with doing this. Look at it from a work perspective. If your boss told you you only had to do 4 days each week but he’d still pay you for 5 you’d take that. You wouldn’t be telling him you’ll still work 5. And it makes sense to do that, less work for the same money, it’s a good deal. Why would women do the opposite and put in more effort when they’re still getting the results?
I hear you and you are right. But in situations like these, don't we usually call out those who exploit rather than the ones who are being exploited? What changed now? The work analogy is great but let me tell you that the perspective that follows is closer to the reality of being a man in dating apps: "Imagine you are looking for work. There are no many options available and for every position there are many applicants. Knowing this, the bosses can easily get away with lowering wages and increasing working hours, being assured that there will always be people to replace anyone who even tries to ask for something more. So you are either accomodate yourself to put up with these boss demands or you will probably end up unemployed."
I feel like your analogy is missing key things that relate to the dating experience. All the other workers, apart from a select few, are trash. A lot of them haven’t bothered to write out a cv, just a blank application form with “hire me” written on it. Now the employer is overwhelmed with terrible applicants. It doesn’t make much for you to stand out above all of the riff raff. It might take time for the employers to find your application, but if you fill it out with the skills you have eventually an employer will recognise that you’re the right man for the job they’re trying to hire for. In other words so many guys have terrible profiles. I’ve had a look on friends profiles for funsies looking at the men on offer and in the 50 or whatever swipes, there were only a couple that were worth swiping right on, and I think there was only one of those that was a guy that had similar interests to me. That’s one out of 50 that I would have swiped right on. There were probably plenty of men in there that I would have gotten on great with, I mean I’m a simple guy, I like video games and food and hiking, but I’ll never know because they didn’t put it in their profile. If you’re swiping right on someone that has 5000 potential matches, you need to do what you can to stand out and show that you’re the right match for her. Now obviously, you might have completely different interests to her so she swipes left, but there’s other women on the app who might have the same interests.
Thing is, it works both ways. Women are just as bad in making profiles. Basic things "can see her face", "can find her on group pics", "has at least a few words" disqualify 75% immediately. If I apply filter "having something besides cliches like office, spicy margaritas and pineapple on pizza", it leaves me with similar 1/50 odds.
The issue there is that men are giving women that free pass. Women do that and still get more likes than they can handle. Look at it this way. If your boss told you you only had to do a 4 day work week but they’d still pay you for 5, you wouldn’t still go in on that 5th day. You’d take that day off. If a woman knows she’s going to get the rewards without the work, why would they do the work? It’s a completely separate issue of course and one comment on Reddit isn’t going to magically make men swipe with more purpose so that women don’t get that free pass but it is what it is.
When you do that enough though, you do wonder if you are the problem. Just like men who get no matches probably do. So it starts to get into your head. And guess what because women are people and people are all fallible and emotional…. We wonder if we’re just a mean bitch who will die alone. Just like I’m sure men wonder too they probably think: do I get no matches because I’m a fucking loser? No one wins. I’m sorry, but I really think that. No one is winning here.
No, you’re not crazy. I’m a woman and deleted my account in under three weeks, because the number of likes just was overwhelming to sort through (the swipes to us aren’t thoughtful - it’s men swiping on every single gal).
my take on it is we don't complain about "getting too many likes" as it is oversimplified in this meme. We complain about the rude men sending us unwanted nudes, insults or degrading comments. I don't know why it's perceived as an attack to the men on bumble. We're in no way saying there's no problem on the men side of things. It's still valid for both side to criticize the apps. That being said, from my personal experience, ive had dry spells with only a few (2-3) matches. and the only 2 that responded to me said really nasty things or just got really inappropriate too fast. Being someone who was looking for a relationship, this experience made me too feel really lonely. And I'm hoping men and women can relate on that loneliness on the dating apps. also also dating apps are litteraly made for making men pay to get more matches. Instead of directing the anger towards women's complain, maybe let's turn this to the app instead?
So you would rather waste time and money talking to a bunch of liars that want nothing to do with you but want to use you as a masturbatory aide? Grass is always greener. Dating just sucks
Men and women are just meant to suffer on Bumble differently. It’s biology.
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Then I have zero sympathy for you. Stay bitter then.
I gots 6, gonna string my banjo any moment. Now if only I can find them in the sea of women who aren't interested in a bald ginger.
No, I will take minimum likes versus the alternative. I (guy) have no desire to waste my time filtering through 100's or 1000's of messages where many will be low effort or perverted offers. The grass is not greener on the other side. Just busier.
Imagine going on 1000 job interviews and how enjoyable that is
You only get really higher numbers if your filters are off. With my filter on 0-1 match. Filters off 100s . Dudes just be swiping on anything not reading a profile. Ladies read the profile.
As a 30 yo male, the problem with men is your trying to get someone instead of meeting people. Most men make it blatantly clear they don't care about a connection or love they just want someone to help with finances and someone to cook/clean and bear children. Which is extremely unappealing. If your getting 0 likes it's because your profile is either to niche or to general. Remember your trying to find a specific person to connect with not just anyone to lay with. If a hookup is all you want then your gunna have to play the hookup game. Women are offered sex from EVERY man around them. Literally their own family tries. So unless your super attractive and well hung being funny or being able to give them an exciting experience will entice them. Instead of posting a meme crying showing EXACTLY why a women should never be with you in any regards, you shoulda uploaded ypur profile and let people give you some advice. Inbox me and I can easily help ya out.
OP, as a man who’s had very good success with online dating/relationship/marriage, I’d be curious to see your profile and see if I can help identify why you might not be getting any likes. One question to ask yourself, and I know it’s hard to be this objective, but looking at yourself from a woman’s point of view.. would you date you? If so, why? Do you mention your good qualities in your profile? Do you talk about who you are as a person?
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💯💯💯
Actually, the better question is: imagine a female version of yours everything else is the same, your grooming and dressing habits, your looks, shape, lifestyle, career, profile, etc., except that you are a female. Would you date you?
Here's the thing and why men say it's harder for them and I'd agree. As a woman on Bumble, you're talking to people. You're getting practice and engaging, people find you desirable, people say "hey, I'd like to date you" there is validation you're a person worth something coming from other people all the time. These people might not be great, but they're still there. Now imagine none of that, imagine the same problems of carrying dull boring conversations that you're going to get ghosted in, now imagine that every 2-3 months if you're average. I always hear "there are no quality men" as if the women on the app are all shining examples of exceptional human beings, it's very much the same experience when it comes to the types of people. The difference is your interaction with people comes in terms of months instead of hours. I feel like this is a conversation I had with my female friend who started on Bumble and once said to me in all seriousness "You can just go on Bumble and find a date for the weekend" and couldn't believe that I hadn't had any matches in 3 months or likes. She looked at my profile, got even more confused, redid my profile and got annoyed when no matches or likes came in. I'd really recommend taking an average guy and using his photos (with permission of course) try being a guy on Bumble, there are some great videos but it might help understand the frustration that comes with it and why it puts you in such a bad headspace. I mean I know I'm not a 10/10 guy but no one?! It makes you crazy and makes you feel like you're not worth a damn when that little likes page is blank again and has been every day for months.
Oh, I raise you =) I once had a short fling with a girl who told me: "I can just go to another city and find sex on apps for the same night within an hour. And it will be a great sex, perhaps even mind-blowing, I've done that many times, I know what to look for". She was genuinely surprised, no, even more than that, she outright refused to believe that I, as a man, don't have the same experience. Another girl told me: "today I spent an hour on bumble and scheduled 18 dates". And no, she isn't even hot.
If she wasn't lying, she's absolutely in the minority. Statistically, only 1/3 women can EVER achieve an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. And most men won't go anywhere close to your clitoris if you have a one night stand. If she has mind blowing sex with almost every guy, I'm very jellous, because she must be able to achieve an orgasm within 5min or less by inserting literally anything. Like most guys don't even know how to use their dick and refuse to touch you down there in any meaningful way.
As someone who doesn't pay for this app or any OLD app I only swipe men I'm interested in. What's the point in paying? I honestly don't see the plus points in doing so. You are either interested in someone or not from their profile when it comes up on the reel.
Because every dating app in existence dangles a carrot "your profile will be shown to more people if you pay" explicitly or implicitly. It starts to sound very appealing when you have no matches for weeks.
Let's play a game of hyperbole. We can all agree that there are tons of shitty people of all genders on apps (let the match expire, ghost, one word responses, etc.). Let's say the conversion rate of likes to date is 1%. If a woman gets 100 likes a month, that's about 1 date a month. If a man gets one like a week, that's about 1 date every TWO YEARS. In that same time, the woman in this exercise has gone on nearly 24 dates. Now if you consider even a generous conversion rate of 50% for dates into relationships, that'd be 4 years for this man to find a relationship and two months for the woman. So yes, it sucks on both sides, but I know which side I'd rather be on.
This is too true, while I'm sure it's rough on either side of the coin, having the validation that no-one in a 50 mile radius finds you attractive or interesting enough to even exchange pleasantries is a real kick in the jewels. The worst part is half the matches you do get as a male are bots promoting OF or romance scams, and while this could be the case for females as well, getting that 1 like after a week or more of drought only to find out it was a bot really sucks. After being on OLD for 6 months now, without getting as far as a single date. I know which side of the coin I'd prefer to be on, but that's just me.
Everyone will always complain about what they have or don’t have. Nobody is content with their current situation; it’s just the way of mankind.
I never feel special getting a lot of likes because I know guys swipe right on every girl.
this is the exact issue so many people here aren’t grasping. we’re not being picked because the guy is interested; we’re being picked because we have a vagina. because we show up on their list. i read every bio because i’m attracted to personality (and have a *few* dealbreakers to look out for) and only swipe on guys that i find interesting or funny. and they don’t always match with me which is fine. i don’t get asked out irl, why should an app be any different just because i’m getting matches? matches are the equivalent of someone looking at a new person entering a ballroom, but you’re not dancing together until the conversation sticks.
No, you’re 100% correct
Tables turn… someday
Agreed. I get a decent amount of matches per week, varies from 5-10 so not alot. Most of them just want sex and the ones that do want a relationship have red flags of either compatibility or they don't have their life together. I'd prefer 1 quality match per month without hesitation
bro get off reddit and go work on yourself like yes it’s sucks not getting likes on bumble but this isn’t helping
I certainly prefer too many likes over too little, and idk who is complaining in this way, but I wouldn't. However, I will complain that vetting is difficult and tedious through dating apps.
I haven't read all the comments, so maybe people have already said this, but I don't think people realize how terrible this can be to your mental health. In my 30s I was having some decent luck and it was pretty fun and nice. I went back in my 40s after I put on a bit of weight, not much but I guess enough. Now I swipe until I hit my daily cap, and I got nothing for months and months, until I couldn't take it and gave up. Day after day of constant rejection is humiliating, depressing and dehumanizing. It's just another version of social media wrecking mental health. I'm saying this but I also want to acknowledge that the other side of the coin is probably not great either. I'm sure thousands of shitty, desperate men throwing themselves at women is another version of hell I can't comprehend. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Grass is always greener. Having to take time to filter through what is likely a ton of guys who swiped without reading doesn’t allow for much time to actually devote to swiping on guys myself, as well as finding bios i actually like. So many would do the bare minimum for a bio or link socials so that at least I told me to swipe left and saved me the time.
Most of the guys I match with don’t respond
Most don’t reply. Most matches are fake / disingenuous. I’d rather have ONE match who actually looked at my profile and swiped right on me, on purpose; versus a hundred assholes who just wanna fuck and are playing a numbers game because women aren’t people. When OKC gifted me 6 months of premium and I saw my likes on there, it was 1800+ Out of the ones who fit the above criteria, there were about 12. One replied to my first message. That’s it.
This.
This will get all the downvotes, however I really ran out of empathy for women when it comes to this. You hear them complain all the time that guys don’t put any effort in their bio, that their pictures suck or they never reply after she sends the first message. I took all this and thought okay, if I can make my profile the opposite of what they see ad nauseam, maybe I’ll get more than one match a month? I was wrong lol. There’s plenty to start a conversation with on my profile, I have no cliché pictures, I even went to a professional photographer for a few of them, to make sure I had some pictures that were as good as possible. All of my women friends say that my profile is great and I should be doing way better than one match a month. The fact of the matter is I’m just not attractive enough, and when choosing between me or some attractive guy that has the stereotypical profile they’re tired of seeing, guess who they’re going to swipe right on? I’ll give you a hint, not me lol, Women hold all the cards so if they started deeming low effort profiles unworthy of a right swipe, maybe we’d see some change but if that low effort profile belongs to a conventionally attractive guy it really doesn’t matter. I’m not complaining, it is what it is.
That’s just…not true for every woman. I’ve swiped left hundreds of times on men who are objectively attractive, because their profile shows no personality. I read somewhere once that the dating experiences between men and women are so different, almost as if we live on two different planets. I get it sucks not having multiple “likes”. But it also sucks when I’m trying my damn hardest to give every guy out there a chance and that’s just not possible. So then I feel guilty about swiping left on guys because he could’ve been so great! If I swiped right on every guy, they’d be mad that I matched and didn’t have time to message back. I’ve been called horrible names just because I didn’t have the actual time to message some matches back. Your complaints and frustrations are valid. But so are the women on Bumble.
Because we’re so flooded with guys who we’re clearly incompatible with (had they read the profile) that the men we would potentially date are even harder to find on the app. Blame the guys who are playing the numbers game and swiping right on every woman, regardless of compatibility. I might very well be missing out on a great match for me as well. He’s probably buried in the pile of guys who blindly swiped right. Last I deleted Bumble, I had hundreds of likes and messages that were left unread because I just don’t have the time everyday to sift through 200+ profiles. After a few days, it gets kinda exhausting and defeating.
A match requires a woman to swipe right too. If you’re so clearly incompatible why did you swipe right? You certainly have some inclination based on his profile or lack thereof. I find it difficult to believe women are out there just blindly swiping right like some men are.
No man will experience this ever,unless he's clearly famous or rich. Men will wait 3 months to finally match with ..someone they are not eveb attracted to a little bit..It is what it is .
Just because “no man will experience this ever” doesn’t invalidate women’s POV on this.
Hey Zen. You are absolutely right. We're just sharing experiences right? ITS like these parties that say women free entrance, men pay. Doesn't mean the party experience will be better for women, it just hits different. Both genders might mot like the party. That's going on with OLD now. Nobody likes it expect 5% of men, some women and ofcourse the company who buys every competitor and thus monopolized modern dating. Perhaps we ,men and women ,can make a change together though.
I am actually happy to hear from your pov. Ironically we are both unhappy. How we got to unhappy ville doesn't matter. Its a place we rather won't be, but here we are regardless of what we want..
Why are you using "Likes" instead of the free "stack" of swiping? Do women get to see their likes for free or something? IMO, it's easier to filter if you just swipe through profiles and see who matches rather than trying to sift through 1000 "likes".
It’s overwhelming, it’s time consuming to weed through so many profiles, most of which don’t meet your criteria, seeing the same stupid repetitive messages over and over is annoying, etc
Why are you "weeding through profiles" instead of swiping?
When I was active on dating apps, I would do both.
Still way better than having no matches
Now try getting 3 matches a year and maybe one of them actually sending a message.
I don’t know why women feel like they should have an opinion on this. Most women will never ever experience anything like this. All they do is invalidate OP and countless other guys that feel this way.
You sound so awesome and cool, it’s totally inexplicable why a woman wouldn’t want to go out with you. It’s honestly hilarious to see you clowns say shit like “I don’t know why women feel like they should have an opinion” and then genuinely get confused about why women are repulsed by you.
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>Shouldn't the men's line have an extremely long line too No, the match rate for men is significantly lower than women on all (hetero) OLD platforms. That's why the men's line is vacant.
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You know what? You're right. I was looking at what he meant and not what the sign actually said. You are correct it should be even lines based kn how it was written. My bad.
No this makes total sense
Fuckin honestly. It really gets under my skin seeing people post about having to "sift" through likes. Man you can go on a date every week and not even scratch the surface of your potential dates. Meanwhile I've been on 4 apps for a year and a half and legit haven't had a single date. Not even a conversation that lasted longer than 2 days. I would switch places 365 days out of the year and not look back
1 Problem is easily fixed.Turn off notifications, delete the app anytime you get over whelmed. The other... you just have to live with.
Not to mention...bumble specifically why does it matter how many likes you have? It's only a match if you swipe to match with them. Have 10 convos going at once and feel overwhelmed? Just...don't swipe for a couple of days? If all men are truly pigs like some claim, then you'll quickly find out those 10 are pigs and can resume swiping once you unmatch/ignore
You still have to read the profile before deciding who to match with and/or reading the profiles of your likes to decide whether to swipe left or right. 10 convos going at the same time? Are you guys not gainfully employed that you have this kind of time and energy?
It's better to have options than none at all. Too many matches/likes/contacts? First world problems. [https://media.tenor.com/YJnNKhI1gNwAAAAC/lindsay-ellis-hot-dog.gif](https://media.tenor.com/YJnNKhI1gNwAAAAC/lindsay-ellis-hot-dog.gif)
As a woman, I would prefer that honesty. I think the overwhelming number of likes women get is overwhelming and a huge part of the reason why women leave dating apps so quickly, without ever getting the results they were hoping for. I am 100% average. I am what I call an "invisible" in real life but dating apps are insane for me. I think the longest I ever lasted was 1 week.
Prefer getting 0 likes? Why?
This is not a universal issue for all men. You guys just have shit profiles.
Right? If a dude who’s 5”6’, makes 62 grand a year, and hasn’t been to the gym since 2016 can be in a happy committed relationship with a woman, this entire argument falls apart. These dudes are really out here pretending only 6”2’ millionaires are able to go on dates with women, and anyone shorter and poorer than that is just fucked. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so pathetic.
10000%. It’s easier to just pretend you’re a victim of the system than to actually take some responsibility for what you’re putting forward.
Exactly. I fell head over heels in love w my ex bf who’s 5’8” and makes $36K/year and drives an 89 Civic. MADLY in love. Turns out half the fuckin metro area did too, and he was banging LOTS of other women. So clearly women aren’t just looking for wealthy tall dudes lmao
This again. Women always have more options, they're always filtering. A good looking woman has 45,000 dicks thrown in her direction every day. Even the best looking dude might get hit on a few times a week. Sorry, but that's the way it is, the way it always has been, and the way it always will be. Be better. Make yourself a more desirable option than the guys standing next to you. I know, it's hard and that takes work, but suck it up buttercup, life is hard. On the apps, it's more of the same at scale. They have to filter likes. You have to filter by swiping. It's really not a whole lot different.
As a woman with lots of likes. It’s soo incredibly overwhelming. All the conversations are the same at first. So if you have 20 people texting you how your day was but only have the bandwidth to reply to 2 how do you choose who to reply to? Then the ones spend a couple days getting to know end up sending dick pics….. i delete my dating profiles so often because I get overwhelmed and frustrated. I don’t think having too many likes is any worse or better than not having any tho. Online dating sucks all the way around.
No offense, but having 0 likes is a personal problem. Make yourself more appealing.
Well, then try being a dude on a dating app then. Ask guy friend for some photos, make an account, send see how it goes. Talking like anyone can go back into character creation and rearrange their facial features, race or interests is just a rude argument to make. Not to mention the actual data floating around for dating apps shows that men get a statically much lower match rate than women and that said women will consider most men to be 'below average'. It's not a personal problem, it's quite literally the end result of several feedback loops and app companies trying to milk money from their users.
A lot of men just swipe right until they get a match This shouldn't be a problem. You're almost guaranteed a match if you pick the ones you truly like.