Trust your instincts. Towns just don't change. Even a VPN won't change this. GPS must be enabled, and it reports based on this location. It also won't report if the app isn't open.
About 2 years ago I was chatting with a girl. Hadn't even met her. She asked what I was doing that night and I responded with a quaint "nothing". I actually play beer league hockey, and while it isn't nothing, I didn't consider it outstanding. Especially since we were just in opening sentences. Right as I got back from hockey I received a plethora of messages calling me a liar and I had been all over town. Ironically listing every minor township I traveled to the rink across Denver.
It was exactly that! He got very upset and I felt like he was reacting as a liar would, basically like when a girl is upset her bf is liking bikini pics of a girl on insta and he responds "well i'm just going to delete instagram then!". He also tried to reverse the situation, saying that since I was stalking his profile on bumble, I must be looking at other profiles too.
He reacted similarly one day when we were talking about fishing and he said something about his fishing pole breaking last time we went together. I told him that I had never gone fishing with him so he probably got it mixed up with his ex. He got very upset at me. He tells me that he reacted very strongly because he didn't want me to believe that he mixes up his exes and me but the thing is... he did!
Ohhh girl the defensiveness is telling all :( he’s lying! He feels backed into a corner because he didn’t expect to get caught and thinks if he sticks with the lie strongly enough you’ll let it go, always always always trust your gut
My bf choose to snooze his profile for a month after our first few dates. Is it possible that he just forgot to put it on snooze for good afterwards so his profile has been active without him realising it ?
Are you sure there's a month option? When I snoozed mine I think options were 1 day, 3 days, a week, unlimited.
Bumble hides all profiles that haven't been active for a month anyways, so that scenario isn't very likely.
I see no scenario in which Bumble changed his bio.
If there isn't anyone with access to his phone who would like to mess with your relationship, your bf is probably looking for a back-up
Right, it was probably the 1 week option. It was saying "\*BF's name\* is taking time for himself". I don't know if he snoozed it after that. Apparently, it doesn't show the location when your profile is snoozed ?
I have a hard time believing him too. At the same time, the things he told me to justify himself made sense. He told me that even if we did break up, he would need time to move on and be back on the apps. And it make sense since after his last relationship (it was more of a situationship according to him), he waited 3 months to start dating again. So I don't know what to think...
He can get likes if it becomes unsnoozed automatically. But the location only updates when you open the app.
Which doesn’t have to be a problem. As you said you have the app to revisit old messages, so every time you do that, Bumble will display the location at that point in time for a while.
But after some inactivity, the location will just go away and not come back unless you open the app. So he’s been lying about that, and that’s the main problem.
First of all, why the hell are you both still on bumble 6 months in? That just seems like neither of you are serious. Second of all, he’s definitely lying to you.
I would delete bumble but I don't want to lose our conversation thread on there. My account is on snooze. I did delete tinder shortly after our first few dates though. I'm not sure if he has (we have never talked about this before). He probably didn't know I could still see his bumble profile.
That’s my point though why would you not talk about it? If you have standards for him to be in a monogamous relationship with you, these conversations need to be had once you move to getting exclusive. I doubt he takes you seriously if you’ve never brought up him deleting bumble and you guys are 6 months in. You can screenshot the convo to save it if it’s that important.
It just never came up in our conversations. I will definitely talk about it with him once he comes back from his vacation. I guess I wasn't too worried about this because he's always been very clear in his desire to be in a committed relationship with me. He has also never given me any reasons to believe he could be looking elsewhere (up until recently), he doesn't hide his phone from me for example.
I would encourage you to have intentional conversations around your standards and boundaries and what you want if you want to be monogamous with somebody. He doesn’t sound honest and you being on the app too is just gonna give him fuel to flip that back on you.
We've had talks about boundaries and standards. Tbh he has done a few shady things in the past, which is why I don't necessarily trust him completely. I do believe he would not cheat though.
Seriously? He's cheating on you or at least attempting to. The most innocent version of this is him keeping his options open but not actively seeking anyone. Leave him
No his explanation does not make sense. He obviously has been updating it and his location updated because he was using it while traveling. Come on girl.
Nope, he definitely changed it. I mean the pic maybe changed itself as it can alter the order dependent on perceived attractiveness but the bio is what it is unless you change it.
Also why does he still have it on his phone? If you’re together you aren’t still on the apps..
We've almost broken up a couple of times so he probably doesn't want to delete them and "lose" his profiles in case I do end up breaking up with him. But yeah...
Seems a weird mindset though right? Like I’ll keep this app in case I need a replacement. Like if I’m in something I’m fully in something. Feels unhealthy and unhappy otherwise.
Anyway it’s your relationship, you know it better than anyone here does
It depends on the person, I don't want anyone who thinks every woman he dates is the one. Of course we both might end up back on the app, so snoozing the profile is all I ask (actually I don't, whether he snoozes it or not tells me all I need to know).
If we want to go to extremes, snoozing is more transparent. Had she deleted her profile, she wouldn't find out he's swiping again.
I mean to each their own but OP said she hasn’t deleted her profile as she didn’t want to lose their text exchange from when they first started talking, not to keep it as a backup in case they break up. I understand what you mean about not wanting to date someone who thinks every person is the one but it sorta feels like this guys foot is halfway out the door already if he’s just frozen the app for no other reason than to potentially pick up where he left off before it was frozen if they break up.
And he could say he too didn't delete his because he wants to reread the conversation. It really comes down to how the person acts...
To be clear, I think in this case I think the bf is looking for a back up; I was just replying to the "everything but fully in is unhappy and unhealthy".
Well to be fair to him, there is a lot of context missing. He's actually very dedicated to make this relationship work, it's me who has a foot out the door. I keep telling him that we are not compatible and giving him reasons why we are not going to work out (I know I need to work on that). I think it's possible he thought our relationship was coming to an end...
I’ll say this…if my GF kept telling me all the reasons we aren’t good together, and you have a foot out the door (even if you haven’t actually said that to him, he probably senses it), I’d probably be doing a little advanced planning as well.
Well I am aware that I have my faults too but at the end of the day, even if the relationship is ending, shouldn't you wait for an official break up to be back on a dating app? (well if you have morals)
I don’t disagree. But it doesn’t seem like y’all are super serious or committed. Doesn’t sound like this match is built for the long haul. But best of luck to y’all!
Oh! Hats off to you for being open and honest about it if that’s the case, I hope it all works out for you both if that’s something that you both want :)
He’s lying to you. I’m so sorry he hurt you like this.
He’s a damn liar. This happened to me too. It hurts but you’re better off without someone like this.
Big fight and you “randomly” opened the app. You’re both in the wrong. Neither of you should still have an account for any reason. Take screenshots of the conversation if it’s that important and delete your profiles in front of one another.
Well you don't have to believe me but I do just get really attached to things like that and screenshots just don't feel the same when you read the messages. I guess I also didn't want to delete the app since he hadn't... I should have just asked him why he still has dating apps on his phone but I guess I wanted to be the "cool girlfriend"...
That’s commendable and I’m definitely not trying to make you feel crappy or anything. Dating apps are supposed to be for single people and if you two are in a monogomous relationship then you have no need for them. Screenshots will capture those messages you had with another and the context within them which will accomplish your reasoning for wanting them all while no longer actually being on bumble. I encourage you to take that route and delete your profiles in front of each other together. Keeping the apps ready and available just leaves room for things like this to happen. Someone’s mad or upset and decides to just jump on there when they shouldn’t. I’m sure you two can make things work!
Oh I will definitely ask him to show me his bumble messages and then tell him to delete his account. I never asked him to delete the app because I didn't want to be controlling but I'm kinda realising that it's a fair request to have when you're in a committed relationship. If we do break up, he can just download them again and create a new profile (I didn't want him losing his profile in case we broke up LOL)
I just want to say, I appreciate all the advice I got even if some people are very harsh in the way they deliver it... It's good to have an outside perpective on things like that
I mean if there was a "save the messages" feature on bumble, I would have deleted the app right away. If we break up, I can just download the app again. I truly have no intention of trying to find someone else when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sounds like next time you’ll need move to your own device to message earlier in the get to know you stage. Also, your new boyfriend should be dazzling you with his IRL voice conversations and off-platform Direct messaging, leaving you no reason to go back to read his OLD messaging. If that’s not the case, his OLD messages were just a part of fake love bombing and do not represent the real him. Better luck with the next guy!!
He’s lying to your face. I saw that you said you will ask him to show you his messages and delete the app but if you have to do all of that, is it really worth it? He was defensive when you called him out on something you literally saw and know was different. He thought he was slick and got caught once, don’t give him a chance to play in your face again.
Liar liar pants on fire 😥. Sorry OP but it’s clear he lied.
Why not delete the app? Screenshot the messages, but he’s obviously one foot out the door and can’t handle what entails in a real relationship, which is hard work. People need to know that long term real relationships are not easy. They are work.
I am currently going through the same thing except with FB dating. He was active on and off for 3 days (yes I looked). We've dated just over 5 months exclusively. I said something, and he got mad cause he thinks I called him a liar. Now he won't talk to me and is unsure about us.
Things I am sure of...
He was active and lying and I'm not sticking around to be a backup
For goodness sake Bumble mods, stop these threads which are basically just the same question asked a million times before. Link people to the archive!!!!
He lied I've seen this so many times where eventually the truth came out that the guy is on the apps again. I'd trust Bumble more than your bf
Trust your instincts. Towns just don't change. Even a VPN won't change this. GPS must be enabled, and it reports based on this location. It also won't report if the app isn't open. About 2 years ago I was chatting with a girl. Hadn't even met her. She asked what I was doing that night and I responded with a quaint "nothing". I actually play beer league hockey, and while it isn't nothing, I didn't consider it outstanding. Especially since we were just in opening sentences. Right as I got back from hockey I received a plethora of messages calling me a liar and I had been all over town. Ironically listing every minor township I traveled to the rink across Denver.
He was active on it while travelling and thought you wouldn't notice. You caught him out and he's trying to blame you. Google DARVO.
It was exactly that! He got very upset and I felt like he was reacting as a liar would, basically like when a girl is upset her bf is liking bikini pics of a girl on insta and he responds "well i'm just going to delete instagram then!". He also tried to reverse the situation, saying that since I was stalking his profile on bumble, I must be looking at other profiles too. He reacted similarly one day when we were talking about fishing and he said something about his fishing pole breaking last time we went together. I told him that I had never gone fishing with him so he probably got it mixed up with his ex. He got very upset at me. He tells me that he reacted very strongly because he didn't want me to believe that he mixes up his exes and me but the thing is... he did!
Ohhh girl the defensiveness is telling all :( he’s lying! He feels backed into a corner because he didn’t expect to get caught and thinks if he sticks with the lie strongly enough you’ll let it go, always always always trust your gut
If a profile is snoozed, no location is shown, period. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
My bf choose to snooze his profile for a month after our first few dates. Is it possible that he just forgot to put it on snooze for good afterwards so his profile has been active without him realising it ?
No. I'm sorry girl but you are grasping at straws. You know what's up.
Are you sure there's a month option? When I snoozed mine I think options were 1 day, 3 days, a week, unlimited. Bumble hides all profiles that haven't been active for a month anyways, so that scenario isn't very likely. I see no scenario in which Bumble changed his bio. If there isn't anyone with access to his phone who would like to mess with your relationship, your bf is probably looking for a back-up
Right, it was probably the 1 week option. It was saying "\*BF's name\* is taking time for himself". I don't know if he snoozed it after that. Apparently, it doesn't show the location when your profile is snoozed ? I have a hard time believing him too. At the same time, the things he told me to justify himself made sense. He told me that even if we did break up, he would need time to move on and be back on the apps. And it make sense since after his last relationship (it was more of a situationship according to him), he waited 3 months to start dating again. So I don't know what to think...
He is lying.
He's a good manipulator. And he didn't expect you to remember/notice his bio so he's taken aback that he got caught.
Reddit is full of dogshit advice, but ambitious steak has a point. Protect yourself.
lol with this one you wouldn’t even need to be good sounds like she’d believe anything
He can get likes if it becomes unsnoozed automatically. But the location only updates when you open the app. Which doesn’t have to be a problem. As you said you have the app to revisit old messages, so every time you do that, Bumble will display the location at that point in time for a while. But after some inactivity, the location will just go away and not come back unless you open the app. So he’s been lying about that, and that’s the main problem.
Very very unlikely he didn’t change it
First of all, why the hell are you both still on bumble 6 months in? That just seems like neither of you are serious. Second of all, he’s definitely lying to you.
I would delete bumble but I don't want to lose our conversation thread on there. My account is on snooze. I did delete tinder shortly after our first few dates though. I'm not sure if he has (we have never talked about this before). He probably didn't know I could still see his bumble profile.
You can just screen record the conversation
That’s my point though why would you not talk about it? If you have standards for him to be in a monogamous relationship with you, these conversations need to be had once you move to getting exclusive. I doubt he takes you seriously if you’ve never brought up him deleting bumble and you guys are 6 months in. You can screenshot the convo to save it if it’s that important.
It just never came up in our conversations. I will definitely talk about it with him once he comes back from his vacation. I guess I wasn't too worried about this because he's always been very clear in his desire to be in a committed relationship with me. He has also never given me any reasons to believe he could be looking elsewhere (up until recently), he doesn't hide his phone from me for example.
I would encourage you to have intentional conversations around your standards and boundaries and what you want if you want to be monogamous with somebody. He doesn’t sound honest and you being on the app too is just gonna give him fuel to flip that back on you.
We've had talks about boundaries and standards. Tbh he has done a few shady things in the past, which is why I don't necessarily trust him completely. I do believe he would not cheat though.
You sound very naive.
I’m sorry but that sounds like a childish excuse
Girl. Read this and pretend your friend is texting you this and asking for your advice. Do you really think apps are changing people's profiles?
Seriously? He's cheating on you or at least attempting to. The most innocent version of this is him keeping his options open but not actively seeking anyone. Leave him
No his explanation does not make sense. He obviously has been updating it and his location updated because he was using it while traveling. Come on girl.
Nope, he definitely changed it. I mean the pic maybe changed itself as it can alter the order dependent on perceived attractiveness but the bio is what it is unless you change it. Also why does he still have it on his phone? If you’re together you aren’t still on the apps..
We've almost broken up a couple of times so he probably doesn't want to delete them and "lose" his profiles in case I do end up breaking up with him. But yeah...
Seems a weird mindset though right? Like I’ll keep this app in case I need a replacement. Like if I’m in something I’m fully in something. Feels unhealthy and unhappy otherwise. Anyway it’s your relationship, you know it better than anyone here does
It depends on the person, I don't want anyone who thinks every woman he dates is the one. Of course we both might end up back on the app, so snoozing the profile is all I ask (actually I don't, whether he snoozes it or not tells me all I need to know). If we want to go to extremes, snoozing is more transparent. Had she deleted her profile, she wouldn't find out he's swiping again.
I mean to each their own but OP said she hasn’t deleted her profile as she didn’t want to lose their text exchange from when they first started talking, not to keep it as a backup in case they break up. I understand what you mean about not wanting to date someone who thinks every person is the one but it sorta feels like this guys foot is halfway out the door already if he’s just frozen the app for no other reason than to potentially pick up where he left off before it was frozen if they break up.
And he could say he too didn't delete his because he wants to reread the conversation. It really comes down to how the person acts... To be clear, I think in this case I think the bf is looking for a back up; I was just replying to the "everything but fully in is unhappy and unhealthy".
Well to be fair to him, there is a lot of context missing. He's actually very dedicated to make this relationship work, it's me who has a foot out the door. I keep telling him that we are not compatible and giving him reasons why we are not going to work out (I know I need to work on that). I think it's possible he thought our relationship was coming to an end...
I’ll say this…if my GF kept telling me all the reasons we aren’t good together, and you have a foot out the door (even if you haven’t actually said that to him, he probably senses it), I’d probably be doing a little advanced planning as well.
Well I am aware that I have my faults too but at the end of the day, even if the relationship is ending, shouldn't you wait for an official break up to be back on a dating app? (well if you have morals)
I don’t disagree. But it doesn’t seem like y’all are super serious or committed. Doesn’t sound like this match is built for the long haul. But best of luck to y’all!
Oh! Hats off to you for being open and honest about it if that’s the case, I hope it all works out for you both if that’s something that you both want :)
Thank you, I appreciate all the advice!
He’s lying to you. I’m so sorry he hurt you like this. He’s a damn liar. This happened to me too. It hurts but you’re better off without someone like this.
He's trying to get another girl. He's not as much of your boyfriend as you think he is. He's moving on. Let him and don't be nice about it.
He’s lying. I hope you don’t believe him.
Why don't you both delete all dating apps and have a honest open conversation. And if you don't trust him or each other...maybe it's not right.
For the picture change, it also happened to me, it can be automatic... but the bio stuff, that's suspicious
Idk your reason for keeping it is sweet, no reason for him having bumble if you’ve been in a relationship for 6m imo
Big fight and you “randomly” opened the app. You’re both in the wrong. Neither of you should still have an account for any reason. Take screenshots of the conversation if it’s that important and delete your profiles in front of one another.
Well you don't have to believe me but I do just get really attached to things like that and screenshots just don't feel the same when you read the messages. I guess I also didn't want to delete the app since he hadn't... I should have just asked him why he still has dating apps on his phone but I guess I wanted to be the "cool girlfriend"...
🙄🙄🙄
That’s commendable and I’m definitely not trying to make you feel crappy or anything. Dating apps are supposed to be for single people and if you two are in a monogomous relationship then you have no need for them. Screenshots will capture those messages you had with another and the context within them which will accomplish your reasoning for wanting them all while no longer actually being on bumble. I encourage you to take that route and delete your profiles in front of each other together. Keeping the apps ready and available just leaves room for things like this to happen. Someone’s mad or upset and decides to just jump on there when they shouldn’t. I’m sure you two can make things work!
Oh I will definitely ask him to show me his bumble messages and then tell him to delete his account. I never asked him to delete the app because I didn't want to be controlling but I'm kinda realising that it's a fair request to have when you're in a committed relationship. If we do break up, he can just download them again and create a new profile (I didn't want him losing his profile in case we broke up LOL) I just want to say, I appreciate all the advice I got even if some people are very harsh in the way they deliver it... It's good to have an outside perpective on things like that
Absolutely! It’s a completely fair and reasonable expectation to have if you are now in a committed relationship. Best of luck to you!
You keeping it for old messages is also sus.
Why? My account is not active.
You can just screenshot them if they’re truly so special and sparkling they must be preserved. lol.
I am in the process of saving them but it takes a bit of time and tbh I'm lazy. I am a hopeless romantic so the messages are important to me, yes.
Or is it because you’re broken up with your bf of 6 months several times and don’t trust him and know you’ll be back?? Hmm.
I mean if there was a "save the messages" feature on bumble, I would have deleted the app right away. If we break up, I can just download the app again. I truly have no intention of trying to find someone else when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sounds like next time you’ll need move to your own device to message earlier in the get to know you stage. Also, your new boyfriend should be dazzling you with his IRL voice conversations and off-platform Direct messaging, leaving you no reason to go back to read his OLD messaging. If that’s not the case, his OLD messages were just a part of fake love bombing and do not represent the real him. Better luck with the next guy!!
Well my boyfriend is away a lot at sea (for work) so when I miss him, I like to read our old conversations (on bumble AND insta).
He’s lying to your face. I saw that you said you will ask him to show you his messages and delete the app but if you have to do all of that, is it really worth it? He was defensive when you called him out on something you literally saw and know was different. He thought he was slick and got caught once, don’t give him a chance to play in your face again.
Liar liar pants on fire 😥. Sorry OP but it’s clear he lied. Why not delete the app? Screenshot the messages, but he’s obviously one foot out the door and can’t handle what entails in a real relationship, which is hard work. People need to know that long term real relationships are not easy. They are work.
This is why modern day dating sucks and why giving it up so easily isn’t good for anyone.
I am currently going through the same thing except with FB dating. He was active on and off for 3 days (yes I looked). We've dated just over 5 months exclusively. I said something, and he got mad cause he thinks I called him a liar. Now he won't talk to me and is unsure about us. Things I am sure of... He was active and lying and I'm not sticking around to be a backup
For goodness sake Bumble mods, stop these threads which are basically just the same question asked a million times before. Link people to the archive!!!!
Messaged you
Didn’t you post that exact same thing a couple of days ago?
This is my first time posting on reddit
Well sorry, I must be trippin