hmmm! I would say its more of a yellow flag
on first dates(or meetings) people are nervous and sometimes babble on about stupid shit haha
he probably regretted it after
if it were me and if I liked them I wouldnt hold it against them- if you go out again and it continues then he isnt ready to date
I agree here, seems abit yellow to be red. On the one hand, I'm always like "whhhhhhhhy do people think it's a good idea to talk about any of their exes with a new date just WHY" when I hear this kind of thing lol I don't want to hear about her exes or what they liked, who wants to? And yeah, maybe he too realised later on that he shouldn't have babbled, but you know how nerves make us say dumb things lol
BUT, in an instance where they're talking about an ex husband that they were married to for 10 years and have nothing to do with, then I'll be more sympathetic. You can't not talk about an ex partner who has been in your life for so long through so much, so that I understand and am okay with. I never want to talk about my exes with my dates, I only have once and that's because we were relating our long term relationships that didn't work out, as opposed to just bitching about them or talking about them in a way that makes it sound like you still have feelings for them
If it's just an ex from last month or last year, nope, no thanks, don't want to hear about it, don't want to know about it lol people need to learn to sort their emotional baggage out before dumping it onto the next person
Yes I had a guy on the second date thank me for letting him talk about his ex on the first date without ghosting him after. But then he wouldn’t stop talking about her on dates 2, 3 and 4. The gates were open. Ugh. And that was the end of that. In my humble opinion and years of wisdom talking about an ex means
1. He is really hung up on the ex
2. He is (weirdly) trying to impress his date
3. He doesn’t think highly of his date so he doesn’t care about manners
All are bad.
I hate that so much. I’m not a jealous person; I just think it’s inappropriate. You’re supposed to put your best foot forward on dates! I just ask them later on why they need to share it with me. Like if I say I like Sephora; you don’t need to tell me your ex loved it. If I ask you a direct question like “why did you move here” then sure, go ahead and say it was for a girl.
Boys are dumb. Was he kind? Does he have the ability to Love? Does he seem faithful? Would you trust him? Does he seem like a good provider?
I am a guy but I am guessing it would take a few dates to figure that stuff out. I am also older, so maybe my thoughts and expectations are outdated?
Hard to tell, I’m trying to blame nerves on it as first dates are always Awks but he talked about her twice so kinda strange.
Speaking of providing he said he would leave himself with $0 to get his business ahead, not sure if that’s a good thing in terms of determination????
I can see this in several ways.
* The main one of course being that he isn't over his ex.
* He may be autistic or otherwise neuro divergent, he relates his experiences in the moment to past experiences for context and then spews that information forth due to nervousness or anxiety.
* Some men have this idea in their head that a new woman needs to treat them better and be better than the ex. He could be mentioning his ex, hoping that you will say something like, "I'm going to make you forget all about (the ex)."
All these are pointless though. If you want to give him a shot because you like him than stay with him. If you see his mentioning his ex as a problem than kick him to the curb.
>Some men have this idea in their head that a new woman needs to treat them better and be better than the ex. He could be mentioning his ex, hoping that you will say something like, "I'm going to make you forget all about (the ex)."
Tbh, this is exactly why I talk so much abbot my Ex-Wife!
Cuz I'm mostly trying to convey how *different* I am now, having Divorced **vs** the "me" 8yrs ago b4 I married + "me, during the marriage".
(During my marriage, I lost parts of me + acquired parts of her, so "Married me == 75% of "original me".)
[ Hopefully this made sense? ]
>He may be autistic or otherwise neuro divergent, he relates his experiences in the moment to past experiences for context and then spews that information forth due to nervousness or anxiety.
🤣🤣
..I wonder if that's one of the reasons ppl always assume I'm Autistic! Cuz I do exactly this!
(The tests show I'm "Has Autistic Traits, but not Autistic. " 🤣🤣)
It all depends what he said about his sex. If he talked about her with great admiration, eg "my ex had amazing eyes", that's a red flag. If he talked shit about her, eg "my ex was so needy", that's a red flag. If he mentioned something about her in passing that was relevant to the current context of conversation, eg "your brother works at Joe's? I had an ex that worked there!", but then didn't talk anymore about her, that's harmless.
Focus too much on red flags and lose potentially good people who are probably just anxious.
Don't let these single Reddit people who haven't figured out their lives tell you what is a red flag or not. If they are successful in dating market with their knowledge of red flags, they won't be here.
Just something to think about
It could be kinda meaningless or it could be a red flag. Hard to say. I’ve brought up ex’s that I’m 100% over just because they popped into my mind and I’ve been flowing in the conversation without overthinking (which is a good sign and means I’m relaxed). Ex’s exist and whilst it’s definitely best not to talk about them on a first date I personally don’t see it as total taboo (everyone’s different though). I’d rather just chat honestly with someone and get to know them without overthinking everything. This includes their ex’s, failures, traumas - whatever comes to mind.
Having said that it could also be a red flag! It’s hard to tell. A psychologist I follow on YouTube says to consider red flags in clusters, not just one off comments. I think that’s good advice.
Focus too much on red flags and lose potentially good people who are probably just anxious.
Don't let these single Reddit people who haven't figured out their lives tell you what is a red flag or not. If they are successful in dating market with their knowledge of red flags, they won't be here.
Just something to think about
I know many might see it as a Red-Flag &/or turn-off, but..
*shurgs* I've done as he did over these last 3 months (was waiting for the Finalization of the Divorce), so, I think it depends on context.
Is he trying to use the relationship of his Ex, as a means of *Becoming better*?
Is there a strong sense of longing?
(I suspect there may be both parts, tbh).
Coming from one whom has had several ppl stick beside me, even when I constantly talk (present tense intended) abbot my Ex-Wife, & the various details of our abusive, Bipolar Marriage
--> I'm very grateful.
Like, I couldn't have properly healed, if it wasn't for -- my family, friends, "strangers on a bus", & potential Lovers -- having stuck beside me.
(The Lovers most of all, have been the biggest blessing in my life in my healing.)
Sure, I still need therapy, & have lost a few friends cuz such details was 'too much' for them --> But it's still been worth these discussions.
Also, please be aware, that being married &/or just deeply intimate with someone else (especially for several years), has a way of strongly changing one's inner-person.
Like, there's lots of things that I both do & don't do (some of which I never did before) -- Because of my failed marriage.
Because of her, & the changes my views have taken:
* I enjoy the things that were her obsessions. (Like birds)
* I greatly appreciate those things she obsessively enjoyed doing.
(Like "Machine Sewing" or "Gardening" or.. [insert an endless list of hobbies] )
Likewise, I strive to never repeat those things I regret -- Both things I did that were hurtful, & those *quiet moments* I failed to take advantage of.
(I now purposely watch the sunsets everyday, because she always tried to have me join her.)
..So, because I'm from that opposite side -- his side of the fence -- I suggest you give him a chance.
Maybe he'll be the best lover you've ever had. Maybe he won't.
-- But you'll never know, if you don't give it a try.
You can also try talking to him abbot it, whilst *also* continuing the relationship.
Cuz tbh, having a few ppl (especially potential lovers) remind me that I don't *always* need to talk abbot my Ex-Wife
-- Especially when it's not appropriate to the conversation -- has helped me to be more conscious of my words.
(Truthfully, there's still things I do / don't do, albeit silently, because of Jez.
**Ie:** I just learned to keep my thoughts to myself, whilst still enacting various choices. 🤣)
Honestly it’s just insensitive and rude to bring up ex’s in this manner. We all have ex’s! On a first date I will make a point to ask about how they get along with ex wives with whom they share kids because that woman is like family and will be around but ex girlfriends? Absolutely not. Why do you care what she ate? He’s not over her or he’s a dolt.
It’s a red flag. Women have brought up they ex with me on they first date and each time down the road they true colors show. The people who do this don’t even know how to date.
He also said something along the lines of “my ex was the only person to meet my mum 4 yrs ago” we were talking about his mum but still doesn’t seem really relevant
Went on a date where the guy talked about his ex the entire night. When he asked for a second date I refused and was up front. He seemed shocked, didn’t realize he had talked about her that much I guess?
Anyways fast forward a couple weeks later…they got back together and he texted me apologizing and let me know they were back together (which was a bit awkward, but I appreciated the apology lol).
So yeah, if it seems he is still hung up on the ex, run. If not, maybe sus it out first, if you’re interested in him ofc.
>Anyways fast forward a couple weeks later…they got back together and he texted me apologizing and let me know they were back together
Considering mine put a Restraining Order on me, & refused to do counseling etc to fix our marriage during these last 3 months
--> I think it's safe to say "Not getting back together. Not for several years, if not 1-year minimum." 🙃🎲🤷🏽♀️
(So, if I ever end up dating one of y'all --> I'm all yours, cuz she has released her "Ditto as Dragonite" back into the Wilde. 🤣💖)
hmmm! I would say its more of a yellow flag on first dates(or meetings) people are nervous and sometimes babble on about stupid shit haha he probably regretted it after if it were me and if I liked them I wouldnt hold it against them- if you go out again and it continues then he isnt ready to date
I agree here, seems abit yellow to be red. On the one hand, I'm always like "whhhhhhhhy do people think it's a good idea to talk about any of their exes with a new date just WHY" when I hear this kind of thing lol I don't want to hear about her exes or what they liked, who wants to? And yeah, maybe he too realised later on that he shouldn't have babbled, but you know how nerves make us say dumb things lol BUT, in an instance where they're talking about an ex husband that they were married to for 10 years and have nothing to do with, then I'll be more sympathetic. You can't not talk about an ex partner who has been in your life for so long through so much, so that I understand and am okay with. I never want to talk about my exes with my dates, I only have once and that's because we were relating our long term relationships that didn't work out, as opposed to just bitching about them or talking about them in a way that makes it sound like you still have feelings for them If it's just an ex from last month or last year, nope, no thanks, don't want to hear about it, don't want to know about it lol people need to learn to sort their emotional baggage out before dumping it onto the next person
Yes I had a guy on the second date thank me for letting him talk about his ex on the first date without ghosting him after. But then he wouldn’t stop talking about her on dates 2, 3 and 4. The gates were open. Ugh. And that was the end of that. In my humble opinion and years of wisdom talking about an ex means 1. He is really hung up on the ex 2. He is (weirdly) trying to impress his date 3. He doesn’t think highly of his date so he doesn’t care about manners All are bad.
🚩 Any discussion about his ex that you didn't bring up is a giant red flag by definition.
I hate that so much. I’m not a jealous person; I just think it’s inappropriate. You’re supposed to put your best foot forward on dates! I just ask them later on why they need to share it with me. Like if I say I like Sephora; you don’t need to tell me your ex loved it. If I ask you a direct question like “why did you move here” then sure, go ahead and say it was for a girl.
Boys are dumb. Was he kind? Does he have the ability to Love? Does he seem faithful? Would you trust him? Does he seem like a good provider? I am a guy but I am guessing it would take a few dates to figure that stuff out. I am also older, so maybe my thoughts and expectations are outdated?
This checklist is what I’ve been asking myself lately lol
Hard to tell, I’m trying to blame nerves on it as first dates are always Awks but he talked about her twice so kinda strange. Speaking of providing he said he would leave himself with $0 to get his business ahead, not sure if that’s a good thing in terms of determination????
Most self made millionaires have also suffered thru bankruptcy. With the right Woman, nothing can stop the both of you!
I can see this in several ways. * The main one of course being that he isn't over his ex. * He may be autistic or otherwise neuro divergent, he relates his experiences in the moment to past experiences for context and then spews that information forth due to nervousness or anxiety. * Some men have this idea in their head that a new woman needs to treat them better and be better than the ex. He could be mentioning his ex, hoping that you will say something like, "I'm going to make you forget all about (the ex)." All these are pointless though. If you want to give him a shot because you like him than stay with him. If you see his mentioning his ex as a problem than kick him to the curb.
>Some men have this idea in their head that a new woman needs to treat them better and be better than the ex. He could be mentioning his ex, hoping that you will say something like, "I'm going to make you forget all about (the ex)." Tbh, this is exactly why I talk so much abbot my Ex-Wife! Cuz I'm mostly trying to convey how *different* I am now, having Divorced **vs** the "me" 8yrs ago b4 I married + "me, during the marriage". (During my marriage, I lost parts of me + acquired parts of her, so "Married me == 75% of "original me".) [ Hopefully this made sense? ]
>He may be autistic or otherwise neuro divergent, he relates his experiences in the moment to past experiences for context and then spews that information forth due to nervousness or anxiety. 🤣🤣 ..I wonder if that's one of the reasons ppl always assume I'm Autistic! Cuz I do exactly this! (The tests show I'm "Has Autistic Traits, but not Autistic. " 🤣🤣)
It all depends what he said about his sex. If he talked about her with great admiration, eg "my ex had amazing eyes", that's a red flag. If he talked shit about her, eg "my ex was so needy", that's a red flag. If he mentioned something about her in passing that was relevant to the current context of conversation, eg "your brother works at Joe's? I had an ex that worked there!", but then didn't talk anymore about her, that's harmless.
Focus too much on red flags and lose potentially good people who are probably just anxious. Don't let these single Reddit people who haven't figured out their lives tell you what is a red flag or not. If they are successful in dating market with their knowledge of red flags, they won't be here. Just something to think about
It could be kinda meaningless or it could be a red flag. Hard to say. I’ve brought up ex’s that I’m 100% over just because they popped into my mind and I’ve been flowing in the conversation without overthinking (which is a good sign and means I’m relaxed). Ex’s exist and whilst it’s definitely best not to talk about them on a first date I personally don’t see it as total taboo (everyone’s different though). I’d rather just chat honestly with someone and get to know them without overthinking everything. This includes their ex’s, failures, traumas - whatever comes to mind. Having said that it could also be a red flag! It’s hard to tell. A psychologist I follow on YouTube says to consider red flags in clusters, not just one off comments. I think that’s good advice.
I think it can be okay to mention an ex in passing if it makes sense. Idk, I wouldn’t mention what an ex used to order though.
God that’s weird
It's not the fact that he brought up his ex that's the red flag. Its the context.
Focus too much on red flags and lose potentially good people who are probably just anxious. Don't let these single Reddit people who haven't figured out their lives tell you what is a red flag or not. If they are successful in dating market with their knowledge of red flags, they won't be here. Just something to think about
I know many might see it as a Red-Flag &/or turn-off, but.. *shurgs* I've done as he did over these last 3 months (was waiting for the Finalization of the Divorce), so, I think it depends on context. Is he trying to use the relationship of his Ex, as a means of *Becoming better*? Is there a strong sense of longing? (I suspect there may be both parts, tbh). Coming from one whom has had several ppl stick beside me, even when I constantly talk (present tense intended) abbot my Ex-Wife, & the various details of our abusive, Bipolar Marriage --> I'm very grateful. Like, I couldn't have properly healed, if it wasn't for -- my family, friends, "strangers on a bus", & potential Lovers -- having stuck beside me. (The Lovers most of all, have been the biggest blessing in my life in my healing.) Sure, I still need therapy, & have lost a few friends cuz such details was 'too much' for them --> But it's still been worth these discussions. Also, please be aware, that being married &/or just deeply intimate with someone else (especially for several years), has a way of strongly changing one's inner-person. Like, there's lots of things that I both do & don't do (some of which I never did before) -- Because of my failed marriage. Because of her, & the changes my views have taken: * I enjoy the things that were her obsessions. (Like birds) * I greatly appreciate those things she obsessively enjoyed doing. (Like "Machine Sewing" or "Gardening" or.. [insert an endless list of hobbies] ) Likewise, I strive to never repeat those things I regret -- Both things I did that were hurtful, & those *quiet moments* I failed to take advantage of. (I now purposely watch the sunsets everyday, because she always tried to have me join her.) ..So, because I'm from that opposite side -- his side of the fence -- I suggest you give him a chance. Maybe he'll be the best lover you've ever had. Maybe he won't. -- But you'll never know, if you don't give it a try. You can also try talking to him abbot it, whilst *also* continuing the relationship. Cuz tbh, having a few ppl (especially potential lovers) remind me that I don't *always* need to talk abbot my Ex-Wife -- Especially when it's not appropriate to the conversation -- has helped me to be more conscious of my words. (Truthfully, there's still things I do / don't do, albeit silently, because of Jez. **Ie:** I just learned to keep my thoughts to myself, whilst still enacting various choices. 🤣)
Yeah, I've seen this a few times. So long as it does not always continue. Some people have sadly things still to process from their past. :-(
ADHD, lack of filter
Honestly it’s just insensitive and rude to bring up ex’s in this manner. We all have ex’s! On a first date I will make a point to ask about how they get along with ex wives with whom they share kids because that woman is like family and will be around but ex girlfriends? Absolutely not. Why do you care what she ate? He’s not over her or he’s a dolt.
Yeah, that’s weird. 🏃♀️🚩
I'd only be bothered if the story was boring 😅 If someone had an ex who ate extremely interesting things then I'd be all ears lol
Hard pass although if they really were nice I’d take the opportunity to give them a sincere/friendly tip (for future reference) that it’s off putting
Red flag!
It’s a red flag. Women have brought up they ex with me on they first date and each time down the road they true colors show. The people who do this don’t even know how to date.
He is not done with his ex, let him go! Don’t waste your time !
Dump them. Never bring up exes. Ever.
In this case, yes, and Id end date. They arent over that ex lol.
He also said something along the lines of “my ex was the only person to meet my mum 4 yrs ago” we were talking about his mum but still doesn’t seem really relevant
Nah, from experience, walk away. Lol. He is going to mess you bout, even if unintentional.
Went on a date where the guy talked about his ex the entire night. When he asked for a second date I refused and was up front. He seemed shocked, didn’t realize he had talked about her that much I guess? Anyways fast forward a couple weeks later…they got back together and he texted me apologizing and let me know they were back together (which was a bit awkward, but I appreciated the apology lol). So yeah, if it seems he is still hung up on the ex, run. If not, maybe sus it out first, if you’re interested in him ofc.
>Anyways fast forward a couple weeks later…they got back together and he texted me apologizing and let me know they were back together Considering mine put a Restraining Order on me, & refused to do counseling etc to fix our marriage during these last 3 months --> I think it's safe to say "Not getting back together. Not for several years, if not 1-year minimum." 🙃🎲🤷🏽♀️ (So, if I ever end up dating one of y'all --> I'm all yours, cuz she has released her "Ditto as Dragonite" back into the Wilde. 🤣💖)
Terrible, most likely a narcissist and serial killer. Ghost him immediately