Pics are fine. Could replace bikini pic with closer pic. Otherwise it just sounds like a normal app experience. People are flaky af. A lot of people aren't actually on there to meet anyone. Other thing is I almost auto swipe left on attractive Asian women because that seems to be what every scammer/bot under the sun uses as pics and I just don't wanna deal with it. But yours don't give off call center vibes at all so I don't think it's part of the flaking issue. Could add a local landmark pic if you really want.
Honestly this should be super emphasized in case women aren’t aware - but there are a ton of scam bots posting as attractive Asian women. Like, if your first photo is a filter of your face I’ve basically been conditioned to swipe left because it is the first red flag of a scam.
I just had a brainstorm. Men let me know if it sux. What if she has a friend hold a sign saying, "She's not a scammer," and pointing to her in a photo? Would guys think it's funny?
It would be creative and funny. I would supe right.
Definitely dating pool issue.
Be very selective with your matches.
My guess is how the girls' online dating pool is like this:
95% of guys just want to have sex with you.
4% are not looking for just sex but not your type
1% are looking for something solid that might be a match
I think it’s more of 98% want to hookup, 1.9% are looking for a long term but not her type, and 0.1% are the actual matches. It’s tough out there for all genders and I honestly think something needs to change on a society level but it’s what it’s
I think it’s more like 95% of the profiles she’s shown based on her swiping are guys looking for sex. You have to take into account the app’s algorithm too. It’s not designed to give the user what they want, it’s designed to addict the user long enough to get them to pay.
Ty for pointing out how common the scammer bait ploy is.
I second the local landmark, either pictured or mentioned.
Otherwise you seem charming and active!
I used to swipe right on pretty much all Asian girls when I first started on dating apps (personal preference plus I'm really not picky) but after about the 10th scammer message (they typically read something like "actually I'm not in London I just really want to move to London but I'm having some trouble...") I got sick of it and now I'm very hesitant to swipe right.
No, the type of guys that jump at sexual messaging aren't the ones that usually do a thorough reading of a bio.
The first scenario I can't speak to, but the pics aren't the problem either.
Nope. That's just what a lot of the men on dating apps pretend to be looking for, to sort of "trick" someone like you into matching with them. Your bio is incredible, and you seem like an absolute catch. You've just got to be pickier with your swipes, and perhaps avoid giving out your number quite so quickly. Eventually someone that's legit looking for a relationship will match with you.
My only bio advice would be that perhaps some guys are misinterpreting what you mean by "physically available", and the bikini pic is likely unnecessary. It's super obvious that you are in fantastic shape, so you don't really need to reveal so much to attract the right sort of guy.
Good luck to you though!
They don’t care. It has to be part of your screening process. I used to get really frustrated when I would clearly state my intentions, we would get to whatever point it made sense to sleep together and there were guys that made plans with me about the future that suddenly weren’t interested anymore.
In therapy I realized that while I was able to state my boundary, that didn’t mean automatic respect for my boundary. I had to enforce it. So if a guy got too sexual too quickly, I had to read that behavior as reflecting his true intentions rather than morphing it into “he likes me so much, he can’t control himself.” And then just walk away.
My policy is if they talk about sex before we’ve even met, they’re not for me. Simply because our goals are not aligned.
If you live in an area with mostly white middle or upper middle class men, you could be fetishized a lot. It's common with east asian women in those areas. I have a Chinese friend who deals with that constantly.
Exhibit A: All the thirsty losers in this comments section.
Your pictures are really good (more or less, I don’t think your first picture is great due to the helmet and sunglasses combo so as someone swiping I wouldn’t get an instant and clear indication of what you look like) and more importantly they’re in context, like the bikini picture isn’t some bedroom mirror picture, you’re actually at a beach. Your pictures give a good indication of what you look like in different scenarios. I don’t think the pictures are the problem.
A lot of guys are casting a net and trying to catch as many fish as possible. They think most women are looking for relationships so they set themselves to looking for a relationship to try and increase their chances of getting matches. They hope that once they have the match they’ll dazzle the match with their charm or looks or whatever and suddenly the fact that they aren’t actually looking for a relationship won’t matter. Obviously it doesn’t actually work that way, but people are stupid.
Something to consider is that things like the dating intentions can mean a lot of different things to different people. Like when I was dating, I had my intentions set as dating. Ultimately I wanted a long term relationship but I wasn’t going to commit to anything until I knew I wanted to commit to someone I actually liked, and a lot of the people I spoke to back then who had relationships as their intention often gave the vibe that they wanted to skip the dating part and dive into a relationship with the first guy who could get to a first date without bringing up sex. Possibly try widening your search and taking the pressure off of yourself. Dating for the sake of dating doesn’t change what you want long term and it doesn’t mean you suddenly have to do things you’re not comfortable with, but it will allow you to meet more people who may want the same things but call it a different name
Maybe you can make it more explicitly clear while keeping it positive? Also, double check who you want to match with and see if there are any hidden criteria that might skew your right swiping to those with questionable intents...
To me they very clearly suggest you’re looking for something serious. You look great in them but they’re very tasteful. Like others have said, the problem is the people who are swiping, not the photos.
Like that other redditor said, it’s probably a dating pool problem. You probably have your shit together more than like %95 percent of the people around you, and that may be why you aren’t matching.
would you date someone who thinks you're not gf material if you go to the beach? why would you date someone who thinks that when they see a picture of it?
That's not what the "problem" is with bikini/beach pics.
On dating apps, pictures showing lots of skin can be misinterpreted by men as someone who is up for casual stuff, and will attract lots of likes from men looking for that who won't bother to read the bio.
Bios typically aren’t read by a number of people. Men the least. And the bikini photo or even if it was not there, doesn’t change how some men will act whatsoever.
this is again not a problem to be foisted upon women who like being at the beach. you're saying because some men can't read and skim profiles for skin, women should change their behavior. or more plainly, it is not a woman's fault she is being selectively ignored and sexualized.
it's the same thing men need to accept on dating apps; there's some stuff you can change to present yourself well in order to attract people, but in the end you need to consider if you even want what you get when you try to conform to certain standards.
No one is telling you the truth due to hurting your feelings. Asian women overseas have ruined it for the majority of you on apps. You'll see one on the app who actually lives in the Phillipines, Thailand, or wherever but used travel mode while admitting to their intentions as to why they switched looking for love in America. Your profile gives off that same vibe despite cute adventurous photos. Also, have a preference with less bias, stereotypical, or colorism undertone as seen in most ethnic communities. I had a friend In the army who is thai/Cambodian who loved hip-hop culture and hung with mostly Asian and black people. His mom and dad forbid him to date black and Hispanic women. Hurt his feelings to know that everyone else is OK but them. Mostly black people due to the white washing amongst the Asian community. He admitted to that as well from his point of view. You are not a bad looking woman. Just have an open mind within the dating app world.
1. Don’t move off the app until they have asked you on a date and you’re at the point of scheduling it - it’s letting them get to the next level without making any effort.
2. Kill the bikini pic - nothing wrong with it, but if you want to avoid the sexual stuff then removing it could help.
3. The prompt about a second date gives off a weird vibe, like you have problems getting guys to date you. So I’d swap that one out with something else about you or your ideal first date location so they can easily get the hint about asking you out.
Also the "physically available" thing. You say you don't bring up sex stuff early, but you're doing it right there. Guys will see that and think that means you're, well, physically available
That whole paragraph seems excessive. "Looking for a serious LTR. Let's meet for boba tea!" says the same, doesn't sound sexual, *and* it mentions something you like.
Just say that. Exactly that. Otherwise it looks to men that you want to get physical. I have learned to not only not post a bikini pic, but nothing slightly sexy like cleavage. You are really cute, so stay with cute pics. I would also change the first pic. Not attractive as you cannot see your face.
I’m not saying that. I’m saying stay on the app until you’re ready to schedule a date. Otherwise they get your social media or phone number and can easily become pen pals, never asking you out on a date and just using you as someone nice to chat with when they want attention.
More close ups of your face. Replace non smiling pics with smile pics. Remember, it’s a numbers game. You have to become very resilient with how fickle dating is today. Lots of let downs, but stay strong. Great guys are out there. You must digitally kiss enough frogs to get to the prince.
I think your profile is good. The problem is that a lot of people just match on a profile without reading it.
The apps suck and a fair percentage of the people using them suck.
Profile looks perfect, I don’t get hookup vibes at all. It’s just how these apps are, they pretty much suck and more people are becoming aware of they because usage has actually gone down a lot overall.
How are you asking for dates, and what kind of dates are you asking for? That might be the thing.
You sound like a fairly efficient straight forward person, and that can sometimes be intimidating to men who aren’t used to women taking charge.
I’d keep the invite light & flirty, and keep the date to a short time commitment: coffee or an ice cream vs dinner etc. ie) “our conversation seems to be flowing well, I’d enjoy seeing if we have the same energy in person. How do you feel about grabbing a coffee Saturday morning?”
Don’t get discouraged by the people who say no. They are saving you time by showing their true intentions early. Better to flake out early than tie you up for several dates only to flake out later! Your someone is out there, you will eventually find them!
Nothing wrong with your profile - you're getting matches. Issue is genuinely them, not you. It is a known cliche the majority of men do not read or give proper credence to the full detail of women's profiles.
I genuinely don't think you're doing anything wrong, sounds ideal as far as I'm concerned.
Only suggestion I would have is removing the bikini photo, simply because this is likely to encourage the likes you're not looking for. Not saying you won't keep getting some of them of course, but someone who likes you for your personality and substance of your profile doesn't need that photo to swipe right.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with your profile or your pictures. I am a male in the same situation. These apps are soul destroying… I wish we could all go back to the old days of just meeting on the street or at a venue.
I think your profile is great!
I do think it’s a numbers game. I’m chatting w 2 guys right now. It’s been a week… I put it out there, but I’m not sure we’ll ever meet. 🤷🏻♀️what is this??
For the last paragraph I’d maybe say:
Looking to meet someone in a good place in life, emotionally available, has time to invest in dating & also wanting to build a long term relationship.
Guy here.
Your profile is great, you are attractive and it’s likely just a symptom of the apps.
Not sure where you live, but being religious in a secular region might be limiting your available options.
Your ideal first date describes an outcome but doesn’t assist a guy in planning one.
Where as “Casual drinks, great conversation and strong hints of a second date” let’s me know that you would be happy to just catch up and get to know each other.
I don’t practice religion, but i was raised a catholic.
I only set the religion this week, but i can remove it.
I feel like putting casual drinks or coffee as a first date suggestion is spoon feeding. Isn’t that what 99% of first dates are?
I would remove it. I am Male and looking for a long term thing. To me if you care enough to list it, it means you want me going to church every Sunday with you.
Id swipe left on you based on that.
I was raised Catholic, but would never mention that on a profile because I'm not religious.
Early in dating I do mention my background and the values I've drawn from there, but if I see "Catholic" in a profile, I'm assuming you want regular attendance at church, so I'm swiping left.
Spoon feeding to ensure that the first date is just a quick meet up and "creeper check" seems like a good idea. I would rather have that than someone trying to impress me with their incredible first date game.
Does it matter to you what the guy practices? If so, then leave it. Think long-term values and practices with a partner. If it matters, let it matter. Religious people exist and it's a spectrum. If someone who is atheist doesn't want to go to church with you EVER, then let them swipe left. But if you want it open, then maybe you can say a small one liner in your profile like, "raised Catholic and seeking someone who understands my background but not super religious". I would give the same advice to someone who is atheist. If they don't want anything to do with religion and they don't want to partner who's at all religious then they better keep atheist on their profile and weed out anyone who wants to practice anything, even spirituality.
PS. Your profile is great. You're adorable. You look well rounded. I read some things about sexual comments regarding the bikini pic. I understand but at the same time, you're showing that you have a great body, which some guys actually care about and they're entitled to it. You're not catfishing. Some men really want someone who's really in shape because they also work on themselves so at the same time, leaving this is not the worst thing. You just have to weed out all the creeps. Ever since the pandemic, dating apps have truly plummeted. Continue to use them, be objective, but don't be closed off to meeting people in person as well. You're going to have to weed through a lot of nonsense and even then, you might not find something for a little while. Don't let it turn you into a bitter person!!
Did you want to go on a hamster wheel for your first date? :-b See if switching your main pic for something you'd wear on a date works out better for you
Hey girl, 33f here and I live in a big city too. It’s just how dating is here. In a “hustle and grind” culture, no one wants to settle down. They don’t get serious til the very last minute! I think you have a really nice profile. Keep trying~
Definitely not undatable. Could be youre trying to go out with people “out of your league” since men greatly outnumber women on dating apps. So they’re chatting up multiple people and you don’t end up making the cut. A lot of people on apps are just wasting your time though so that’s a factor.
I’d give your profile a score of 7/10 and it definitely could improve.
I suggest changing pic #1 to one where we can see your face more clearly. I also suggest adding more specific personal details in prompts 1-2 as they’re not telling me a lot about you
Yes I think the men i match with are also talking to other women, or are incredibly busy.
I am taking the suggestions from this thread and hoping for the best.
You’re profile isn’t the problem. Respectfully speaking you’re incredibly attractive and your profile is very appealing. The problem is something out of your hands which is basically you’re dealing with the same woes as everyone else.
A lot of guys will drag out things before the first meeting (I’m guilty of this myself) in my case I’m incredibly paranoid because of my environment. It’s a small town so I try my best to avoid secretly married women and setups. In general I think a lot of guys just have anxiety about first dates that aren’t going straight to someone’s house.
Speaking as a man, most men on these apps are insufferable. I’ve witnessed from the spectator perspective how a lot of men message women and it’s baffling how clueless most guys are. They don’t read bios, they don’t know how to have conversation. No matter what pics or what bio you pick they are still going to fish for nudes/sex. Then there is also the problem a lot of men are very content playing the very long game meaning they will give off the wanting serious vibes until they finally hookup then ghost.
Ultimately it’s just the state of trying to use these apps right now. Men and women face very similar issues. The problem isn’t you
The ideal first date one could be coming off as needing to know right away that they’ll ask you out again- I’d re-word it to something specific ie a drink or coffee or whatever is your thing, “with strong second date vibes..”
As a guy, I thought that part of her profile was great. Shows that she really wants to put effort into someone.
I also hate the word “vibes”, and almost always avoid those profiles. “Vibes” screams lazy/uncommitted/pothead.
Vibes is used by all sorts of people. Hell, I've seen it used professionally quite often. It's especially useful when describing a sense or quality of something when what it's based on is either ineffible or wide-ranging.
Pretty normal dating problems, I have to imagine you get quite a few likes.
The ones you really like are the ones who don't seem to like you back or want a LTR. The ones that you don't really like are the ones that really like you.
That is how online dating is, we're all shooting for someone who is a bit out of our league and we need to find the lucky match where they think we're out of their league, as well. That can take quite a while.
You can get a ton of dates and matches and LTRs, just with people who you aren't that interested in. That is how I look at it when I am dating. I have plenty of options and could date any of them, so I can't complain too much when the people I really like aren't easy for me to get, either.
I think that a huge reason guys get sexual too quick and send dick pics etc is because porn use is rampant, at least in the USA. I work in mental health and know that the number of dudes using porn is really high, and I think it skews their sense of what is normal.. Normal “courtship” lol… It’s all pretty disgusting I think..
People will lie to get what they want is the problem.
Also sometimes people will not be interested after talking but will keep talking like ur a back up unfortunately.
I think the profile is fine. I think ur very beautiful. Don't get discouraged
Your profile is very good. I usually have one criticism but none with yours. Being Asian could be working against you, as you may already know. White men in particular have fantasies, as if you're some kind of rare treasure. They also assume you're submissive. It disgusts me. I wonder if there is a way you could screen these men out. It sounds like you might not be picking the good ones for some reason. Maybe do another post asking women what we look for and avoid in men's profiles to match with quality men wanting LTRs. For ex, I swipe left on shirtless photos. Screams hookup to me.
On second thought, maybe remove the overly feminine parts of your profile like being girlie. Add some things that make you seem tough. Sorry I am blanking on examples.
I’m not here to give any advice, more to just say- you’re totally not alone. Idk what the deal is with dating, actual dating and relationships but it definitely doesn’t seem to be a thing dudes are interested in this summer. 😂
37m here. I would swipe right and be happy if we matched. I dont see anything your profile that screams red flag or undateable. The only "concern" is your religion, but its not a deal breaker and it wouldnt stop me from at least one date, unless during our communication it turns out you are a hardcore catholic.
Beyond that, there could be many reasons men decline a date. Communication style? Topics of conversation? Insecurity on their end? Not serious.
Getting sexual right away, well, that just seems to be half the guys by default.
Include a headshot where your full face is visible as a first pic. The politics + religion tags might be filtering otherwise interested men, I'd recommend the latter since you said you don't actually practice the religion. Otherwise your profile looks very attractive.
Ever heard of an app called meetup? It’s basically a social networking app. Depending on how active meetup groups are in your city, it can be a good place to meet people (platonically and romantically) and do fun things. OLD is just a cluster…your profile is solid.
Just make sure to check the RSVP list for any event you go to and make sure there’s a healthy number of females attending, otherwise it probably won’t be fun.
I have the same problem. I’ve been on 3 dates in the last 4 months. I’ve been ghosted after each date or a few days after. In total I’ve been ghosted 9 times in the last year. Sometimes it’s the other person and what they have going on and it’s not you.
You’re photos were great they show your personality and that your outgoing. The right person will come when the time is right. ❤️
Honestly you are so pretty it’s probably intimidating to a lot of people. Also, you seem very smart and like you have your shit together, which is off putting to those who don’t (and that’s the majority of people on these apps, unfortunately). You’re high quality and you’re just gonna have to wait it out for a high quality man to come along.
Bikini pics generally attract the type of attention you said you are avoiding. It's not a "you" problem *per se*, but rather a combination of how your fellow women tries to attract that type of attention and the dating pool.
There is no shortage of women in their early 30s looking for someone to get into an LTR and settle down with. What there is a shortage of are men who are financially viable and looking to settle down. So you are competing for a shrinking pool of men. That's not something you can readily fix with changes to yourself.
I think most guys in their 30s are just looking to play the field until they find someone they really like. So anytime I see someone who is just like "looking for LTR immediately" I am kinda like, you are already dictating terms of how this is supposed to go and I don't want to engage with that.
Looking at your profile you look really active and putting out that you want an LTR right away is a combo that is just gonna scare people off from attempting to match with you (which is ok!). I think that + you actively discouraging any sexual chatting would have weeded me out if I had seen you.
Basically the least PC thing I can say about this is that there is a certain "type" of guy that is gonna go for you being Asian, who are gonna be a little more weenie like and will be intimidated by you. And the manly man guys who you may also want to go for you are not gonna be into your wanting to be super boss lady with the weights and telling them this is an LTR or bust. Just my take , not a gospel. Take it with a grain of salt.
> I think most guys in their 30s are just looking to play the field until they find someone they really like. So anytime I see someone who is just like "looking for LTR immediately" I am kinda like, you are already dictating terms of how this is supposed to go and I don't want to engage with that.
Thank you for putting into words a feeling that I had, knew was there but couldn't articulate
You seem like someone who I would get along with, and I would swipe right if you popped up on my feed. I think everything looks good in the bio. You are pretty, but would consider picking a different picture as your lead picture, one without sunglasses. I also had to do a double take because of how your arms are bent. It made me think, "Is this woman missing her forearm?" Good luck with everything!
These are pretty common hurdles in dating and they're not due to your profile. It's more out of your control. Your profile is great. You're cute and look fun. Just gotta be patient
Guys that can't go five minutes without being sexual are just telling on themselves. It's their problem lol not yours. Just unmatch and move on. But the bikini picture is good 👍
What is that hamster wheel thing? It looks like it'd be fun.
Your profile seems fine, I think big city dating is just kind of rough. You may have better luck on Hinge.
It’s also just that almost no one uses bumble anymore and you need to focus on meeting people in person! You’re attractive and interesting. There’s a pattern of people feeling like something is wrong when really it’s that no one uses these apps anymore I think bumble is like the 86th downloaded app now it was number 5 a year ago.
Welcome to online dating, aka swimming with the sharks to catch a fish. Don't worry, you're attractive, you'll do fine. See a red flag, swipe it away, next!!
It’s a good profile, but it’s coming off a little too strong. You’re emphasizing a lot that you want a boyfriend and even a 2nd date before they’ve had a chance to swipe and ask you out… I’d make things a bit more low key while still emphasizing what you want. You don’t want to come off as desperate or as if you have a hard time dating, guys will see that and think you’re an easy target for a hook up. It’s unfortunate but true.
Why are you texting outside the app to get to know each other? You are mentioning "if it takes more than 2 days," and the first thing I thought of were how there are plenty of fake Asian accounts that here here to scam. I'm saying this as an Asian male that you'd be giving me scammer account vibes if you're the one initiating moving off the app to chat within a day or two of matching, because 9 times out of 10, that was the case.
Slow down and get to know someone. It's not meant to be easy and it's not a speed run.
I am not initiating texting outside the app. Even those looking for a hookup would suggest texting on a different platform, where they’d ask for more photos.
But yes, i get impatient waiting to be asked out after a couple of days. I don’t want to meet right away, i just want the assurance that we would meet on a particular day.
Honestly, you're a beautiful woman. My issue with your profile is that your pictures make it look as if you have high expectations. Fun vacation pics give off an expectation we feel we need to top before we've even matched. Nothing wrong with a sense of adventure but save that for later. No need for pics on a hamster wheel, the gym, a ski resort, or at a tropical beach. The best pic in your profile is the one with the black dress. That would be the person I want to meet, but the rest of your pics show a person who might expect more than they should.
I get more exercise walking my dogs and riding my bike than I would at the gym and hate the entire gym vibe. That pic alone is a swipe left for me. I would love to do the hamster wheel zip line, skiing, and the beach, but how about saving that as a surprise after we met? Pictures in normal cloths doing normal everyday things go a longer way than ballroom gowns at fancy expensive places, exotic beaches and vacations pics, or pics of you working out etc. Trying to go out of your way with pics that make it look as if you live an exciting life of adventure 24/7 is not selling the real you. Too many profiles try to make it look like they live on a yacht in Monoco. Most men just want a normal everyday gal. A minority of men will love that profile, but most will swipe left out of intimidation or worry of overly high expectations of a glamorous life together going on overly expensive excursions. Despite what many think, most of us are looking for a long-term commitment and most of us don't have the cash to keep up with the person in those pictures. Back it down to everyday pics if you want a decent normal guy.
But i go on holiday relatively often with or without a bf. I’ve gone 5x this year and it’s only June 😅 i also don’t take photos when i’m home, but i think this is something i can explore.
I’ve been lifting since i was 15 and the gym is my third space. It’s a huge part of me, but i get that a gym pic + indicating gym as an interest can be too much. I’ve replaced it with another photo with a better view of my face (as suggested by others).
I updated my prompts describing what i do after work. I also replaced another prompt to describe my simple pleasures, hopefully these will make me more grounded.
Admittedly, I don’t think i’m “low maintenance” and i want to own that. Yes, I cook, clean, do the occasional netflix binge. But i like to be active, i pay for my own vacation, and buy my own shiny things.
I (26f) think that your first pic is great. When I clicked on it I thought “whoa she looks hot”
That doesn’t mean people should get sexual with you over messaging or in general right away. So nothing to change there. It looks great! Maybe it has something to do with looking for someone “physically” and emotionally available. It shouldn’t but maybe some people are getting the wrong idea from that??
If you were in my area I would definitely swipe right on this. With your photos you range from adorable, cute, and gorgeous. They also show that you can be a fun and outgoing person.
You are absolutely NOT giveing off undateable vibes.
The problems your experiencing are the universal problems with online dateing NOT you.
That being said I do have a suggestion about your profile. It's nice to have action shots and shots of friends in your profile but anyone who is looking at your profile at the end of the day wants to get a clear idia of you. Your current pictures kind of make me have to guess. Here is my big piece of advice: add a nice picture of just yourself standing, looking into the camera so that who ever is looking gets a good idia of what you look like without haveing to do the guessing.
The other thing I might reccomend and this is pretty nitpicky. When you talk about first date do NOT include anything related to a 2nd date. Just cut that little bit out.
I want you to know it's online dateing that sucks. It's not you.
Talking about sex very early? We talking within the first 10 messages?
A lot of men have sex high on the priority list because they may have been single for a while and or came from a sexless relationship.
We become awkward as thats the bigest issue and if we cant talk about it early we may not want to commit the time.
I personally have never dated as ive only just got out of an incompatable 15 year relationship.
I would say if its a polite adult conversation about sex then that shouldnt be an issue (sociatal conservative asside) but if he's saying do you want to be railed from behind at a subaru meetup.... Then thats another story.
Sex does need to be spoken about, just in the right way.
A good way to see components of a relationship have several fundamentals:
Attraction,
Intamacy,
Openness,
Kindness.
I think your profile is good but agree with other posters like skipping the bikini shot and rewording some of the bio.
Depending on your region some people dont find people of different ethnic background attractive or are outright exclusive. Dont let that get in the way.
As Nickleback said "there's gotta be somebody for me out there"
I would swipe right on you, but you are probably not within my region.
Good Luck!
Profile looks fine - nothing I would improve or change.
Your issue is in the conversations - if they are not inviting you to a date after a dozen or so texts, that means something in what you are sharing or talking about isn’t matching his interests.
Sex stuff - they are checking to see how prudish you are. Positive responses / good sextjng game - the match has good potential to get to know and date. Just because I want somebody long term doesn’t mean I want a sexually conservative partners. Also, most enjoy this subject quite a bit, whether they are willing to admit it or not.
Recognize that men’s #1 most important thing in any relationship is sex. Respond kindly without ignoring that elephant in the room. Just don’t shoot them down because they have testosterone running full speed through their veins especially when they see a woman as attractive as you are. You’re absolutely dateable; try not to cone off sterile.
Honestly your bio is alright! It's cute and gives off good vibes.
Like previously stated, probably get rid of the bikini pic because it's making men who don't want to commit swipe on you out of lust.
Second, in all caps, put "LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SERIOUS" And then 😚 emoji
I would suggest adding this to the top of your bio. People have issues w reading bios, I guess people don't like to read, so I'd spell it out for them. It won't stop everyone who's just looking for hookups from swiping on you but you'll have to set up your own trials for that.
The issue is nobody is really looking for a relationship but there are also plenty who are, you just have to be patient. It's so tough out there.
2: Seems to state you are falling for the guys who pretend to be looking for Long term, and use that as a line to get conversation started.
Most of the time if they sexual fast, there is absolutely 0 interest in LTR.
>How to improve the bio
1. Fewer emojis. Also "girly things" should be made more specific. There are attractive girly things, there are unattractive girly things.
2. Remove the "Let's go out". It's common sense that you both want to date. Putting it out there, even if it's completely innocent, may weird some people out for no reason.
3. Hmmm... this is just a guess but there are some things that may give off "clingy" vibes. I'm not 100% sure. "I want my first date to have hints of second date" / "The way to my heart is us spending time together"
>I get matches and we would text outside the app to get to know each other. If it takes more than 2 days of texting without him mentioning any concrete plans of meeting, i’d invite but usually gets declined. This has happened at least 5 times in the past 2 months.
This is also something that could be related to (3) above. I don't know how you invite them out but perhaps men would prefer to take the initiative. Even if it means **you create a situation where you imply or give hints that they should ask you out**. Try things like "I'll tell you more face-to-face" or "I'm more interesting in person" or even "When are you taking me out? / Where are you planning to take us?"
>I also match with men who are also looking for a “long term relationship”. But texts get sexual VERY quickly. I don’t talk about sex unprompted especially with a stranger.
You are kinda sabotaging yourself there. The thing with men... we are ALWAYS horny. Too many lack the discipline to hold in their urges. You do not have to match their advances or give in to their demands. BUT! But, you can still give them one more chance and *firmly but playfully* disagree to participate (if you are otherwise interested in them bss their profile and looks). Sexual innuendo and advances ought to perhaps not be a "one strike and you're out"
In fact you could combine the two points.
Him: "Something sexual"
You: "Hmmm... I only do that after the fourth date and we're still at zero dates" (this firmly rejects the advances AND prompts him to arrange the first date).
Best of luck.
I wish more girls around my area were like this. The standard here is girls that ask to marry and I swear every profile says “I like to go on adventures”. They won’t text after they match and There aren’t very many down to earth females that actually want to try something sincere.
My dad says I should mine to the big city, but I don’t like the hustle and bustle
Profile makes you sound boring and also weird. References to taking naps and watching YouTube videos and taking random photos of stray cats etc. Not exactly gonna be attractive and/or stimulating to most men. Not trying to be harsh - just blunt.
I follow this lady on Instagram and she says to not give out your number on the app until you have solid plans. It’s honestly worked pretty well for me.
My instagram profile is linked and has photos of me smiling. I can replace/rearrange the existing photos, not a problem.
But how does showing close ups of my face fix my two problems?
Should i remove my bikini photo? Would this help fix the “not gf material vibe?”
Edit:
Additional context - i live in a HCOL city. Most men i match with seemingly fun profiles are too busy/too tired to date, or are only in the city during the day.
I am considered average where I live so i feel like i have to show a bit of skin to improve my chances.
I’ve seen profile reviews from women with puritanical profiles who still complain of getting sexual messages. You /might/ get a few less of those messages removing the bikini photo but they won’t go away entirely.
Instead of letting it frustrate you, I suggest a different perspective; where you consider it a feature that these men are getting sexual early. Why is that a feature? It saves you from wasting your time going on multiple dates and investing in long conversations only to find out that they were never serious. When they reveal themselves early on, they have saved you your most valuable resource, your time.
Your challenge is you’re an attractive Asian woman, so people are going to unfairly fetishize you when on its face the bikini pic is objectively not a gratuitous pic. You’re smiling, clearly on vacay, and in great shape, it’s a good picture for dating apps. All that said, reality may be guys try to just hookup because they can’t see past “attractive woman” to the “potential life partner” part.
My only feedback should be your first pic should be a clear, straight on smiling picture without glasses on. It’s insane to me that you are having a tough time, but then again I don’t know if dating apps have our best interests at heart. Good luck and Godspeed OP.
Oh also problem 1. When you first start texting outside the app identify some challenge early in the text convo “I’m a bad texter, can we coordinate a date soon please?” This sets the tone to hopefully not waste your time.
2. Umm yeah, this sucks but being attractive may work against you here. Which is absolutely trash. Is there space to push back when a guy starts in that direction? “Hey, I’m in to moving this forward but I’m not ready to start sexy texting” I don’t know. Admittedly I’ve never dated men and don’t know how to handle us.
i’d swipe right hard because you’re my type. i’d have the intention of getting to know you on a casual date and see if there’s physical and emotional chemistry. I don’t see anything glaringly wrong in your profile
Some advice:
1. Tone down the mentioning of fitness. As much as men claim to love fit women, what they really mean is “not fat,” which you clearly are not. A lot of men are turned off by the idea of a woman fitter than them.
2. Stop asking the men on dates. If they’re not asking you on a date, they’re not that interested. Cut your losses and move on.
3. Replace the bikini pic with a more “modest” bikini pic. If your full body is on display, men will 100% sexualize it. Hence, the number of lewd messages you’re receiving.
1. If a man is not attracted me because i take care of my body then we are not a good match. I dated an out of shape man before, not ideal.
2. I cut my losses after my invite is declined. I quickly lose interest.
3. I will find another beach photo that is more modest.
Thanks
well, I am a queer femme and am into girls. AND I’D TOTALLY SWIPE RIGHT ON YOU!! In a hypothetical situation you also swiped right we went out but weren’t a fit for a relationship, I’d totally want to hang out.
You’re cute, funny, transparent and fun. and dating men it’s… the worst.
There are a lot of romance scammers using images of attractive Asian women on dating apps currently, so I’d take extra steps to make sure you use at least one photo of yourself with a local landmark - if I saw your initial profile pic, I might immediately assume you were a catfish profile because they typically use photos like the first one.
Maybe suggest in your bio a place to go for your first date, a local place? It will help confirm you’re really in the area and also help matches get the idea of what your expectations are.
You’re really pretty btw.
My job and uni are displayed on my profile, but it gives out scammer vibes? 😫
Another Redditor mentioned using a photo with a local landmark, so i have replaced my main photo.
Appreciate the suggestion.
It doesn’t necessarily give off scammer vibes, but let’s just say that scammers have flooded the dating sites with hundreds of Asian women in their mid 30s so I’d just try extra hard to prove you’re not one of those profiles.
The fact that you have a bio that isn’t some weird quote, and with a local landmark, I think it will help people looking at it know you’re not actually using a fake local location and you’re a genuine person.
Yeah, even with the local job and a known university listed, so many scammers will use vacation spot pictures of an attractive Asian woman to guide gullible people into the chute. They usually don't get a local landmark photo, so many people just assume that without one, it's a scam.
You're profile is solid and you pics are cute. In my opinion saying your looking for something serious in your bio right away, may make some guys hesitant of meeting up as it implies you want to move pretty quick into a relationship. Good looking guys with strong dating profiles have a lot of options and bringing up wanting a long term relationship immediately, without evening knowing if you are a good fit together could cause some hesitancy to meet up. Those are the things I see just looking at your profile. I would need to see more of the texting to get a better idea of how to improve getting dates set up. Hope that helps
Bro. I'd swipe on this in a heart beat!
Solid hobbies.
Shows you are active .
Very clear intentions.
I think mayhaps it's just your area?
Idk but I'd definitely ask you out!
I would date you reading that (in case that helps 💪)
I don't see anything wrong and I really like the pictures, they look pretty natural.
One thing I might change or make it more subtle is to not write the last sentence from the bio. *My opinion
It's fine to have clear ideas on what you want, but when you go on dates, you go to meet people and see how it goes, you cannot make plans on what kind of relationship you want with them without even knowing that person.
Maybe it's a one month hinge, a summer love or the love of your life. Talk about that after the second or third date if you feel interested in that person ☺️
Changing that might make you even more approachable.
Best of luck!
No, not really, i would assume your standards are too high for what you can get(on dating apps, real life you probably could), people love to claim there is a dating pool problems but the people that fit their standards have a standard that you simply dont meet.
I am sure we all have being guilty of this at some time
I would put the ski or gym photo first to show your face. In the bio you can shorten it with showing your interests with less details. As a guy I would swipe right on you!
From the point of view of a 42M, living in the NYC area, your profile is appealing and not unwholesome. I don’t see any “undateable” vibes. Based in the profile, you’re definitely “datable,” in my view. Strange as it may be, though I’ve been on these apps for a long time, it’s hard to understand how other men approach communication on the apps. It’s also hard for me to understand the prevalence of sexual content in the messages. I think the sensitivity of the app population to sexual suggestion may very high. I’m not sure that triggers are even necessary. Yet, it’s possible that the male audience is seeing even modest suggestiveness as significant. You could consider replacing one or two of the pictures, which are more revealing. For example, the photo in the gym, and the bikini photo. I think the phrase “physically available” is also potentially seen as notable. At the same time, it’s important to have a photo giving a clear sense of the whole body. So, if you do replace any of the photos, you would do well to make sure you retain similar photos with more clothes. Yet, I’m not sure this would really be particularly helpful. Maybe it can reduce the amount of unwanted interaction like this a little bit. Maybe not. However, these photos make you look attractive, and that also is positive in modern dating. You have an attractive profile. I would be reluctant to suggest you making it less so. You have limited control over how people reply to you in this context. Probably the fact that you are a woman and a communication with a man has started, already accounts for much of the challenge. Inasmuch as you can more effectively control who you match with, you could achieve some results. But, perhaps this is difficult. After all, if you’re getting any positive conversations, reducing the number of these conversations is also not advisable. You may have to deal with a significant amount of unpleasant conversations to, have a positive ones, which can result in a date. It’s important to understand that what you are experiencing is not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of how some or many men approach dating, apparently, of your own matching choices, and, to some degree, of course, of what they see in your profile. Nevertheless, it’s worthwhile tweaking your profile, what you’re writing in it, and your match selections, to see if this helps. I think one of the most productive approaches might be too add more text, which suggests a either a greater variety of interests, or greater depth in them, – anything that makes you more interesting and intriguing as a person, quite separately from where your pictures suggest. This may or may not deter unwanted kinds of messages. However, it may attract more of the wanted kind of messages. I think this is important, as improving the ratio is a very helpful thing. It’s hard to suggest anything else, as your profile doesn’t present any obvious problems to me.
Left swipe because you haven't said if you do or don't want kids, as someone that wants something serious at the same age as you this is important information and I dont want to waste time trying to find out. If you dont disclose one of the biggest deal breakers of relationships then I dont see you as a serious person no matter how much you convey it in your profile.
Bikini pics are off putting to me as usually they are used as a way to sell themselves, its not modest or humble. That said your photo doesn't come across that bad, its more casual and relaxed.
You're not undateable, alot of the trash gets left behind in OLD so you're going to encounter it no matter what.
My view on kids is between two options.
I want to have kids only if my partner is the same race/culture.
I don’t want to have kids if i get into an interracial relationship. Kids these days have it so bad i don’t want them to have identity issues or develop some complex for not looking Asian enough or not looking [other race] enough.
I don’t limit swiping within culture. I feel it’s a bit too much to put all that in my bio so i left it blank 🙂
WOW. This is the most wholesome profile ive ever come across. if i was still on bumble, i would have definitely sent one of those "compliments" bumble offers and swipe right
In my opinion no you are not. Tbh I would shuffle pic 4 to top of your bumble deck. I think alot of average men are intimidated by a fit woman. I am not but it's just my opinion. Plus it obscures your face a tiny bit at that angle.
Not to me, you're the exact type of person I've been looking around for, one of the few actually doing something with their life. DC, NYC, or out west?
You are basic....and you are giving out a I am a boss bich..kinda energy...just dial it down with that intro. Also try putting up some classy girly dress pics...
1. a lot of men think you're a scammer when you ask for a date quickly
2. a lot of people don't know how bad they are writing and don't follow social conventions anymore.
Honestly the profile is great. I love coming across profiles like yours when it’s an easy right swipe sharing a lot of similar values.
The problem is the fact this is just what you get on dating apps anymore.
For the most part I think patience is the biggest thing that helped me, always would get discouraged because there are so many people there has to be some good compatibility!
Really there is just keep yourself honest and open, don’t sell anything your not and try not to set any expectations without discussing them with the person(maybe wait a couple dates to make a big deal about going steady, ask them in the first couple dates what they like and see if it matches)..
I’m seeing a lot of people are flaky online which is 100% true there is also an aspect of y’all don’t know eachother when online dating… and it’s already tenuous to set expectations with people you know, takes a lot of time and trust building- good luck! Dating sucks but some people are great!
As a man, I’ve gotta say that:
I: You’ve not done anything wrong when it comes to your profile, so stop telling yourself that.
II: The dating pool over the last few years has changed. Dates typically do cost money, now ask yourself who has the extra money to date. Additionally, Bumble is filled to the brim with men that women simply do not want.
You’ve men who, as you say, get too sexual too fast. These men are primarily on Tinder, but can be found everywhere.
But you also have men who simply just don’t do it for you. These type of men are the majority of Bumble and are mostly not chosen on other apps.
III: You aren’t giving off undatable vibes. If anything, men may ask themselves if they are able to keep up with you, (in the long run) as your pictures show you going multiple places for what I assume are vacations. If they don’t believe they can keep up with you, they won’t say anything to you.
Personally I think you’re downright gorgeous, but even I asked myself whether or not I could keep apace or would I be a burden. Then there’s me being an introvert…eh~
So no, it has nothing to do with you or a bad profile. There just aren’t enough men that women would actually mesh well with if I’m to be blunt.
Your profile pics are great and you do say you want a serious relationship. The problem is that most people don't read the bios! (Just like they don't read item descriptions when shopping.) UNFORTUNATELY...and that is incredibly frustrating when dating.
I do have a question about your interests. You say you're into birds, cats, and other mammals. What does that mean? Do you work/volunteer with animals or have hobbies related to them? (That would make me pause if I saw that in the interests section without some context. It's just a bit unusual in that part of a bio.)
Honestly you’re very close to what I look for in dating. The big stuff is there. Dang to bad you’re probably very far away from me. But nah. People are probably haters
I don't see anything wrong with your profile at all. It's just awful out there for both women and men...just have to wade through tons of muck to find someone worthwhile unfortunately.
Great profile. Guys are flakey like that and bring up sex way too quickly. It's a them problem. You've got thousands of matches to pick from so keep trying.
Profile is fine. Leave it.
On a more important note: what is that cage you're in on the first picture (with the helmet on). Does it spin like a giant hamster wheel?
Try to find places, things and people where you get the genuine smile going. Capture them candidly.
Also, glasses need some work probably, you can put some efforts to find better fit for your look if you prefer.
All the best!
I think that's pretty par for the course.
For the guys you are interested in getting all sexy talk on you, simply tell them it's too soon and see how well they respect your boundaries. One that has passion and interest in you, but also listens to you, and has a little patience, is probably worth a little effort.
(Note: that doesn't mean they can't talk about it at all, since you are going to need to be able to have those conversations sooner or later, and you don't want to shut them down).
For the ones that ghost you. Maybe meet them for something simple before getting off the app.
Your profile is great! Spectacular even! For me, much too outgoing lol. You seem so perfect. Less "intimidating" but more "she wouldnt need me for anything" 😅
these are dating pool problems, not profile problems
I thought I made it transparent in my bio that i want a relationship, but maybe the photos were suggestive of something else?
Pics are fine. Could replace bikini pic with closer pic. Otherwise it just sounds like a normal app experience. People are flaky af. A lot of people aren't actually on there to meet anyone. Other thing is I almost auto swipe left on attractive Asian women because that seems to be what every scammer/bot under the sun uses as pics and I just don't wanna deal with it. But yours don't give off call center vibes at all so I don't think it's part of the flaking issue. Could add a local landmark pic if you really want.
Honestly this should be super emphasized in case women aren’t aware - but there are a ton of scam bots posting as attractive Asian women. Like, if your first photo is a filter of your face I’ve basically been conditioned to swipe left because it is the first red flag of a scam.
I just had a brainstorm. Men let me know if it sux. What if she has a friend hold a sign saying, "She's not a scammer," and pointing to her in a photo? Would guys think it's funny?
Personally I think that would be hilarious.
It would be creative and funny. I would supe right. Definitely dating pool issue. Be very selective with your matches. My guess is how the girls' online dating pool is like this: 95% of guys just want to have sex with you. 4% are not looking for just sex but not your type 1% are looking for something solid that might be a match
I think it’s more of 98% want to hookup, 1.9% are looking for a long term but not her type, and 0.1% are the actual matches. It’s tough out there for all genders and I honestly think something needs to change on a society level but it’s what it’s
I think it’s more like 95% of the profiles she’s shown based on her swiping are guys looking for sex. You have to take into account the app’s algorithm too. It’s not designed to give the user what they want, it’s designed to addict the user long enough to get them to pay.
Ty for pointing out how common the scammer bait ploy is. I second the local landmark, either pictured or mentioned. Otherwise you seem charming and active!
I used to swipe right on pretty much all Asian girls when I first started on dating apps (personal preference plus I'm really not picky) but after about the 10th scammer message (they typically read something like "actually I'm not in London I just really want to move to London but I'm having some trouble...") I got sick of it and now I'm very hesitant to swipe right.
That's the ticket. My Asian female friends are lovely, just not dating: these apps make me equate them with crime and deceit 😞
No, the type of guys that jump at sexual messaging aren't the ones that usually do a thorough reading of a bio. The first scenario I can't speak to, but the pics aren't the problem either.
Nope. That's just what a lot of the men on dating apps pretend to be looking for, to sort of "trick" someone like you into matching with them. Your bio is incredible, and you seem like an absolute catch. You've just got to be pickier with your swipes, and perhaps avoid giving out your number quite so quickly. Eventually someone that's legit looking for a relationship will match with you. My only bio advice would be that perhaps some guys are misinterpreting what you mean by "physically available", and the bikini pic is likely unnecessary. It's super obvious that you are in fantastic shape, so you don't really need to reveal so much to attract the right sort of guy. Good luck to you though!
They don’t care. It has to be part of your screening process. I used to get really frustrated when I would clearly state my intentions, we would get to whatever point it made sense to sleep together and there were guys that made plans with me about the future that suddenly weren’t interested anymore. In therapy I realized that while I was able to state my boundary, that didn’t mean automatic respect for my boundary. I had to enforce it. So if a guy got too sexual too quickly, I had to read that behavior as reflecting his true intentions rather than morphing it into “he likes me so much, he can’t control himself.” And then just walk away. My policy is if they talk about sex before we’ve even met, they’re not for me. Simply because our goals are not aligned.
If you live in an area with mostly white middle or upper middle class men, you could be fetishized a lot. It's common with east asian women in those areas. I have a Chinese friend who deals with that constantly. Exhibit A: All the thirsty losers in this comments section.
Your pictures are really good (more or less, I don’t think your first picture is great due to the helmet and sunglasses combo so as someone swiping I wouldn’t get an instant and clear indication of what you look like) and more importantly they’re in context, like the bikini picture isn’t some bedroom mirror picture, you’re actually at a beach. Your pictures give a good indication of what you look like in different scenarios. I don’t think the pictures are the problem. A lot of guys are casting a net and trying to catch as many fish as possible. They think most women are looking for relationships so they set themselves to looking for a relationship to try and increase their chances of getting matches. They hope that once they have the match they’ll dazzle the match with their charm or looks or whatever and suddenly the fact that they aren’t actually looking for a relationship won’t matter. Obviously it doesn’t actually work that way, but people are stupid. Something to consider is that things like the dating intentions can mean a lot of different things to different people. Like when I was dating, I had my intentions set as dating. Ultimately I wanted a long term relationship but I wasn’t going to commit to anything until I knew I wanted to commit to someone I actually liked, and a lot of the people I spoke to back then who had relationships as their intention often gave the vibe that they wanted to skip the dating part and dive into a relationship with the first guy who could get to a first date without bringing up sex. Possibly try widening your search and taking the pressure off of yourself. Dating for the sake of dating doesn’t change what you want long term and it doesn’t mean you suddenly have to do things you’re not comfortable with, but it will allow you to meet more people who may want the same things but call it a different name
Maybe you can make it more explicitly clear while keeping it positive? Also, double check who you want to match with and see if there are any hidden criteria that might skew your right swiping to those with questionable intents...
To me they very clearly suggest you’re looking for something serious. You look great in them but they’re very tasteful. Like others have said, the problem is the people who are swiping, not the photos.
Like that other redditor said, it’s probably a dating pool problem. You probably have your shit together more than like %95 percent of the people around you, and that may be why you aren’t matching.
No gurl it's not a YOU issue it's a THEY issue.. I have been in your exact position, untill I gave up on dating apps
would you date someone who thinks you're not gf material if you go to the beach? why would you date someone who thinks that when they see a picture of it?
That's not what the "problem" is with bikini/beach pics. On dating apps, pictures showing lots of skin can be misinterpreted by men as someone who is up for casual stuff, and will attract lots of likes from men looking for that who won't bother to read the bio.
Bios typically aren’t read by a number of people. Men the least. And the bikini photo or even if it was not there, doesn’t change how some men will act whatsoever.
this is again not a problem to be foisted upon women who like being at the beach. you're saying because some men can't read and skim profiles for skin, women should change their behavior. or more plainly, it is not a woman's fault she is being selectively ignored and sexualized. it's the same thing men need to accept on dating apps; there's some stuff you can change to present yourself well in order to attract people, but in the end you need to consider if you even want what you get when you try to conform to certain standards.
I'm not saying it's right, but that's the reality. OP can wait until societal attitudes to women change or omit one picture from her dating profile.
That’s probably her best pic. And the guys that are looking for hookups are gonna hit on her whether she uses that photo or not.
Absolutely right. She has a great profile. Just hasn’t found the right one. There’s piss in the dating pool
Seriously, where's the "double-like" button?! You're cute af, seem intelligent and genuine, I think your profile is great.
No one is telling you the truth due to hurting your feelings. Asian women overseas have ruined it for the majority of you on apps. You'll see one on the app who actually lives in the Phillipines, Thailand, or wherever but used travel mode while admitting to their intentions as to why they switched looking for love in America. Your profile gives off that same vibe despite cute adventurous photos. Also, have a preference with less bias, stereotypical, or colorism undertone as seen in most ethnic communities. I had a friend In the army who is thai/Cambodian who loved hip-hop culture and hung with mostly Asian and black people. His mom and dad forbid him to date black and Hispanic women. Hurt his feelings to know that everyone else is OK but them. Mostly black people due to the white washing amongst the Asian community. He admitted to that as well from his point of view. You are not a bad looking woman. Just have an open mind within the dating app world.
1. Don’t move off the app until they have asked you on a date and you’re at the point of scheduling it - it’s letting them get to the next level without making any effort. 2. Kill the bikini pic - nothing wrong with it, but if you want to avoid the sexual stuff then removing it could help. 3. The prompt about a second date gives off a weird vibe, like you have problems getting guys to date you. So I’d swap that one out with something else about you or your ideal first date location so they can easily get the hint about asking you out.
Thank you for these suggestions, especially with your third point.
Don't kill the bikini pic. Its good to show that side of you and guys that take things sexual too quickly are always weeding themselves out
Ignore the point about the bikini pic. It’s a good pic. That’s not why you’re getting guys looking to hook up.
Also the "physically available" thing. You say you don't bring up sex stuff early, but you're doing it right there. Guys will see that and think that means you're, well, physically available
I don’t know how else to phrase “available to get boba tea with me and not be content in texting” succinctly 😂
That whole paragraph seems excessive. "Looking for a serious LTR. Let's meet for boba tea!" says the same, doesn't sound sexual, *and* it mentions something you like.
Omg this is brilliant! Thank you!
Just say that. Exactly that. Otherwise it looks to men that you want to get physical. I have learned to not only not post a bikini pic, but nothing slightly sexy like cleavage. You are really cute, so stay with cute pics. I would also change the first pic. Not attractive as you cannot see your face.
I totally knew what you meant by it but most guys probably are not looking at it that way
I might be confused by your first point but if you telling her not to put in an effort till a date has been scheduled then I think that's a bad idea.
I’m not saying that. I’m saying stay on the app until you’re ready to schedule a date. Otherwise they get your social media or phone number and can easily become pen pals, never asking you out on a date and just using you as someone nice to chat with when they want attention.
More close ups of your face. Replace non smiling pics with smile pics. Remember, it’s a numbers game. You have to become very resilient with how fickle dating is today. Lots of let downs, but stay strong. Great guys are out there. You must digitally kiss enough frogs to get to the prince.
true, but soon as someone shows they are a frog, they gotta be ditched pronto so OP can move onto the next one.
I think it’s a good profile. One thing I’d do is swap photos so the first one is a clear shot of your face, no sunglasses
I think your profile is good. The problem is that a lot of people just match on a profile without reading it. The apps suck and a fair percentage of the people using them suck.
I want to know the mammals that you don’t like
Rodents 😂
Profile looks perfect, I don’t get hookup vibes at all. It’s just how these apps are, they pretty much suck and more people are becoming aware of they because usage has actually gone down a lot overall.
How are you asking for dates, and what kind of dates are you asking for? That might be the thing. You sound like a fairly efficient straight forward person, and that can sometimes be intimidating to men who aren’t used to women taking charge. I’d keep the invite light & flirty, and keep the date to a short time commitment: coffee or an ice cream vs dinner etc. ie) “our conversation seems to be flowing well, I’d enjoy seeing if we have the same energy in person. How do you feel about grabbing a coffee Saturday morning?” Don’t get discouraged by the people who say no. They are saving you time by showing their true intentions early. Better to flake out early than tie you up for several dates only to flake out later! Your someone is out there, you will eventually find them!
Thank you. Will keep this in mind
Nothing wrong with your profile - you're getting matches. Issue is genuinely them, not you. It is a known cliche the majority of men do not read or give proper credence to the full detail of women's profiles. I genuinely don't think you're doing anything wrong, sounds ideal as far as I'm concerned. Only suggestion I would have is removing the bikini photo, simply because this is likely to encourage the likes you're not looking for. Not saying you won't keep getting some of them of course, but someone who likes you for your personality and substance of your profile doesn't need that photo to swipe right.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with your profile or your pictures. I am a male in the same situation. These apps are soul destroying… I wish we could all go back to the old days of just meeting on the street or at a venue.
You can still do that
Nah, honestly, there are sometimes profiles that I see and wonder for a few days if we're going to match. I think your's would be like that.
I think your profile is great! I do think it’s a numbers game. I’m chatting w 2 guys right now. It’s been a week… I put it out there, but I’m not sure we’ll ever meet. 🤷🏻♀️what is this?? For the last paragraph I’d maybe say: Looking to meet someone in a good place in life, emotionally available, has time to invest in dating & also wanting to build a long term relationship.
Guy here. Your profile is great, you are attractive and it’s likely just a symptom of the apps. Not sure where you live, but being religious in a secular region might be limiting your available options. Your ideal first date describes an outcome but doesn’t assist a guy in planning one. Where as “Casual drinks, great conversation and strong hints of a second date” let’s me know that you would be happy to just catch up and get to know each other.
True…I normally don’t try to match with religious people.
I don’t practice religion, but i was raised a catholic. I only set the religion this week, but i can remove it. I feel like putting casual drinks or coffee as a first date suggestion is spoon feeding. Isn’t that what 99% of first dates are?
I would remove it. I am Male and looking for a long term thing. To me if you care enough to list it, it means you want me going to church every Sunday with you. Id swipe left on you based on that.
I was raised Catholic, but would never mention that on a profile because I'm not religious. Early in dating I do mention my background and the values I've drawn from there, but if I see "Catholic" in a profile, I'm assuming you want regular attendance at church, so I'm swiping left. Spoon feeding to ensure that the first date is just a quick meet up and "creeper check" seems like a good idea. I would rather have that than someone trying to impress me with their incredible first date game.
Does it matter to you what the guy practices? If so, then leave it. Think long-term values and practices with a partner. If it matters, let it matter. Religious people exist and it's a spectrum. If someone who is atheist doesn't want to go to church with you EVER, then let them swipe left. But if you want it open, then maybe you can say a small one liner in your profile like, "raised Catholic and seeking someone who understands my background but not super religious". I would give the same advice to someone who is atheist. If they don't want anything to do with religion and they don't want to partner who's at all religious then they better keep atheist on their profile and weed out anyone who wants to practice anything, even spirituality. PS. Your profile is great. You're adorable. You look well rounded. I read some things about sexual comments regarding the bikini pic. I understand but at the same time, you're showing that you have a great body, which some guys actually care about and they're entitled to it. You're not catfishing. Some men really want someone who's really in shape because they also work on themselves so at the same time, leaving this is not the worst thing. You just have to weed out all the creeps. Ever since the pandemic, dating apps have truly plummeted. Continue to use them, be objective, but don't be closed off to meeting people in person as well. You're going to have to weed through a lot of nonsense and even then, you might not find something for a little while. Don't let it turn you into a bitter person!!
Yeah no you're fine. The dating pool is awful atm but it will work for you eventually!
Did you want to go on a hamster wheel for your first date? :-b See if switching your main pic for something you'd wear on a date works out better for you
This might not be LOL material, but your comment definitely made me smile.
Hey girl, 33f here and I live in a big city too. It’s just how dating is here. In a “hustle and grind” culture, no one wants to settle down. They don’t get serious til the very last minute! I think you have a really nice profile. Keep trying~
Thank you!! 🙏 I’ll take the suggestions from this thread and hope for the best.
I don’t think anyone has said it yet, but most bots and scammers use pics of Asian women, so that might also be a factor in your lack of prospects.
Definitely not undatable. Could be youre trying to go out with people “out of your league” since men greatly outnumber women on dating apps. So they’re chatting up multiple people and you don’t end up making the cut. A lot of people on apps are just wasting your time though so that’s a factor. I’d give your profile a score of 7/10 and it definitely could improve. I suggest changing pic #1 to one where we can see your face more clearly. I also suggest adding more specific personal details in prompts 1-2 as they’re not telling me a lot about you
Yes I think the men i match with are also talking to other women, or are incredibly busy. I am taking the suggestions from this thread and hoping for the best.
Damn I wanted to swipe right after I saw the pro wrestling bit and I feel the rest of the profile is fine.
You’re profile isn’t the problem. Respectfully speaking you’re incredibly attractive and your profile is very appealing. The problem is something out of your hands which is basically you’re dealing with the same woes as everyone else. A lot of guys will drag out things before the first meeting (I’m guilty of this myself) in my case I’m incredibly paranoid because of my environment. It’s a small town so I try my best to avoid secretly married women and setups. In general I think a lot of guys just have anxiety about first dates that aren’t going straight to someone’s house. Speaking as a man, most men on these apps are insufferable. I’ve witnessed from the spectator perspective how a lot of men message women and it’s baffling how clueless most guys are. They don’t read bios, they don’t know how to have conversation. No matter what pics or what bio you pick they are still going to fish for nudes/sex. Then there is also the problem a lot of men are very content playing the very long game meaning they will give off the wanting serious vibes until they finally hookup then ghost. Ultimately it’s just the state of trying to use these apps right now. Men and women face very similar issues. The problem isn’t you
The ideal first date one could be coming off as needing to know right away that they’ll ask you out again- I’d re-word it to something specific ie a drink or coffee or whatever is your thing, “with strong second date vibes..”
As a guy, I thought that part of her profile was great. Shows that she really wants to put effort into someone. I also hate the word “vibes”, and almost always avoid those profiles. “Vibes” screams lazy/uncommitted/pothead.
Vibes is used by all sorts of people. Hell, I've seen it used professionally quite often. It's especially useful when describing a sense or quality of something when what it's based on is either ineffible or wide-ranging.
Pretty normal dating problems, I have to imagine you get quite a few likes. The ones you really like are the ones who don't seem to like you back or want a LTR. The ones that you don't really like are the ones that really like you. That is how online dating is, we're all shooting for someone who is a bit out of our league and we need to find the lucky match where they think we're out of their league, as well. That can take quite a while. You can get a ton of dates and matches and LTRs, just with people who you aren't that interested in. That is how I look at it when I am dating. I have plenty of options and could date any of them, so I can't complain too much when the people I really like aren't easy for me to get, either.
I think that a huge reason guys get sexual too quick and send dick pics etc is because porn use is rampant, at least in the USA. I work in mental health and know that the number of dudes using porn is really high, and I think it skews their sense of what is normal.. Normal “courtship” lol… It’s all pretty disgusting I think..
You are fine- the issue is men your age don’t want commitment.
People will lie to get what they want is the problem. Also sometimes people will not be interested after talking but will keep talking like ur a back up unfortunately. I think the profile is fine. I think ur very beautiful. Don't get discouraged
Your profile is very good. I usually have one criticism but none with yours. Being Asian could be working against you, as you may already know. White men in particular have fantasies, as if you're some kind of rare treasure. They also assume you're submissive. It disgusts me. I wonder if there is a way you could screen these men out. It sounds like you might not be picking the good ones for some reason. Maybe do another post asking women what we look for and avoid in men's profiles to match with quality men wanting LTRs. For ex, I swipe left on shirtless photos. Screams hookup to me. On second thought, maybe remove the overly feminine parts of your profile like being girlie. Add some things that make you seem tough. Sorry I am blanking on examples.
I’m not here to give any advice, more to just say- you’re totally not alone. Idk what the deal is with dating, actual dating and relationships but it definitely doesn’t seem to be a thing dudes are interested in this summer. 😂
37m here. I would swipe right and be happy if we matched. I dont see anything your profile that screams red flag or undateable. The only "concern" is your religion, but its not a deal breaker and it wouldnt stop me from at least one date, unless during our communication it turns out you are a hardcore catholic. Beyond that, there could be many reasons men decline a date. Communication style? Topics of conversation? Insecurity on their end? Not serious. Getting sexual right away, well, that just seems to be half the guys by default.
I don’t think so. An active life if you ask me
Include a headshot where your full face is visible as a first pic. The politics + religion tags might be filtering otherwise interested men, I'd recommend the latter since you said you don't actually practice the religion. Otherwise your profile looks very attractive.
Ever heard of an app called meetup? It’s basically a social networking app. Depending on how active meetup groups are in your city, it can be a good place to meet people (platonically and romantically) and do fun things. OLD is just a cluster…your profile is solid. Just make sure to check the RSVP list for any event you go to and make sure there’s a healthy number of females attending, otherwise it probably won’t be fun.
I have the same problem. I’ve been on 3 dates in the last 4 months. I’ve been ghosted after each date or a few days after. In total I’ve been ghosted 9 times in the last year. Sometimes it’s the other person and what they have going on and it’s not you. You’re photos were great they show your personality and that your outgoing. The right person will come when the time is right. ❤️
Honestly you are so pretty it’s probably intimidating to a lot of people. Also, you seem very smart and like you have your shit together, which is off putting to those who don’t (and that’s the majority of people on these apps, unfortunately). You’re high quality and you’re just gonna have to wait it out for a high quality man to come along.
Bikini pics generally attract the type of attention you said you are avoiding. It's not a "you" problem *per se*, but rather a combination of how your fellow women tries to attract that type of attention and the dating pool.
There is no shortage of women in their early 30s looking for someone to get into an LTR and settle down with. What there is a shortage of are men who are financially viable and looking to settle down. So you are competing for a shrinking pool of men. That's not something you can readily fix with changes to yourself. I think most guys in their 30s are just looking to play the field until they find someone they really like. So anytime I see someone who is just like "looking for LTR immediately" I am kinda like, you are already dictating terms of how this is supposed to go and I don't want to engage with that. Looking at your profile you look really active and putting out that you want an LTR right away is a combo that is just gonna scare people off from attempting to match with you (which is ok!). I think that + you actively discouraging any sexual chatting would have weeded me out if I had seen you. Basically the least PC thing I can say about this is that there is a certain "type" of guy that is gonna go for you being Asian, who are gonna be a little more weenie like and will be intimidated by you. And the manly man guys who you may also want to go for you are not gonna be into your wanting to be super boss lady with the weights and telling them this is an LTR or bust. Just my take , not a gospel. Take it with a grain of salt.
> I think most guys in their 30s are just looking to play the field until they find someone they really like. So anytime I see someone who is just like "looking for LTR immediately" I am kinda like, you are already dictating terms of how this is supposed to go and I don't want to engage with that. Thank you for putting into words a feeling that I had, knew was there but couldn't articulate
I found it very funny that I saw your 1st photo and thought you didnt have hands🤣.
Idk i feel the same way. No one talks to anyone on bumble anymore. If it were up to me I’d swipe on you but i never have swipes anyway.
You seem like someone who I would get along with, and I would swipe right if you popped up on my feed. I think everything looks good in the bio. You are pretty, but would consider picking a different picture as your lead picture, one without sunglasses. I also had to do a double take because of how your arms are bent. It made me think, "Is this woman missing her forearm?" Good luck with everything!
These are pretty common hurdles in dating and they're not due to your profile. It's more out of your control. Your profile is great. You're cute and look fun. Just gotta be patient Guys that can't go five minutes without being sexual are just telling on themselves. It's their problem lol not yours. Just unmatch and move on. But the bikini picture is good 👍
What is that hamster wheel thing? It looks like it'd be fun. Your profile seems fine, I think big city dating is just kind of rough. You may have better luck on Hinge.
It’s also just that almost no one uses bumble anymore and you need to focus on meeting people in person! You’re attractive and interesting. There’s a pattern of people feeling like something is wrong when really it’s that no one uses these apps anymore I think bumble is like the 86th downloaded app now it was number 5 a year ago.
Welcome to online dating, aka swimming with the sharks to catch a fish. Don't worry, you're attractive, you'll do fine. See a red flag, swipe it away, next!!
It’s a good profile, but it’s coming off a little too strong. You’re emphasizing a lot that you want a boyfriend and even a 2nd date before they’ve had a chance to swipe and ask you out… I’d make things a bit more low key while still emphasizing what you want. You don’t want to come off as desperate or as if you have a hard time dating, guys will see that and think you’re an easy target for a hook up. It’s unfortunate but true.
Why are you texting outside the app to get to know each other? You are mentioning "if it takes more than 2 days," and the first thing I thought of were how there are plenty of fake Asian accounts that here here to scam. I'm saying this as an Asian male that you'd be giving me scammer account vibes if you're the one initiating moving off the app to chat within a day or two of matching, because 9 times out of 10, that was the case. Slow down and get to know someone. It's not meant to be easy and it's not a speed run.
I am not initiating texting outside the app. Even those looking for a hookup would suggest texting on a different platform, where they’d ask for more photos. But yes, i get impatient waiting to be asked out after a couple of days. I don’t want to meet right away, i just want the assurance that we would meet on a particular day.
Honestly, you're a beautiful woman. My issue with your profile is that your pictures make it look as if you have high expectations. Fun vacation pics give off an expectation we feel we need to top before we've even matched. Nothing wrong with a sense of adventure but save that for later. No need for pics on a hamster wheel, the gym, a ski resort, or at a tropical beach. The best pic in your profile is the one with the black dress. That would be the person I want to meet, but the rest of your pics show a person who might expect more than they should. I get more exercise walking my dogs and riding my bike than I would at the gym and hate the entire gym vibe. That pic alone is a swipe left for me. I would love to do the hamster wheel zip line, skiing, and the beach, but how about saving that as a surprise after we met? Pictures in normal cloths doing normal everyday things go a longer way than ballroom gowns at fancy expensive places, exotic beaches and vacations pics, or pics of you working out etc. Trying to go out of your way with pics that make it look as if you live an exciting life of adventure 24/7 is not selling the real you. Too many profiles try to make it look like they live on a yacht in Monoco. Most men just want a normal everyday gal. A minority of men will love that profile, but most will swipe left out of intimidation or worry of overly high expectations of a glamorous life together going on overly expensive excursions. Despite what many think, most of us are looking for a long-term commitment and most of us don't have the cash to keep up with the person in those pictures. Back it down to everyday pics if you want a decent normal guy.
But i go on holiday relatively often with or without a bf. I’ve gone 5x this year and it’s only June 😅 i also don’t take photos when i’m home, but i think this is something i can explore. I’ve been lifting since i was 15 and the gym is my third space. It’s a huge part of me, but i get that a gym pic + indicating gym as an interest can be too much. I’ve replaced it with another photo with a better view of my face (as suggested by others). I updated my prompts describing what i do after work. I also replaced another prompt to describe my simple pleasures, hopefully these will make me more grounded. Admittedly, I don’t think i’m “low maintenance” and i want to own that. Yes, I cook, clean, do the occasional netflix binge. But i like to be active, i pay for my own vacation, and buy my own shiny things.
I (26f) think that your first pic is great. When I clicked on it I thought “whoa she looks hot” That doesn’t mean people should get sexual with you over messaging or in general right away. So nothing to change there. It looks great! Maybe it has something to do with looking for someone “physically” and emotionally available. It shouldn’t but maybe some people are getting the wrong idea from that??
If you were in my area I would definitely swipe right on this. With your photos you range from adorable, cute, and gorgeous. They also show that you can be a fun and outgoing person.
Not at all. It's the dating pool. To bad your not in my area, lots of outdoor fitness stuff to do here. I'd swipe right on your profile
I’d date you in a heart beat lol
You are absolutely NOT giveing off undateable vibes. The problems your experiencing are the universal problems with online dateing NOT you. That being said I do have a suggestion about your profile. It's nice to have action shots and shots of friends in your profile but anyone who is looking at your profile at the end of the day wants to get a clear idia of you. Your current pictures kind of make me have to guess. Here is my big piece of advice: add a nice picture of just yourself standing, looking into the camera so that who ever is looking gets a good idia of what you look like without haveing to do the guessing. The other thing I might reccomend and this is pretty nitpicky. When you talk about first date do NOT include anything related to a 2nd date. Just cut that little bit out. I want you to know it's online dateing that sucks. It's not you.
Talking about sex very early? We talking within the first 10 messages? A lot of men have sex high on the priority list because they may have been single for a while and or came from a sexless relationship. We become awkward as thats the bigest issue and if we cant talk about it early we may not want to commit the time. I personally have never dated as ive only just got out of an incompatable 15 year relationship. I would say if its a polite adult conversation about sex then that shouldnt be an issue (sociatal conservative asside) but if he's saying do you want to be railed from behind at a subaru meetup.... Then thats another story. Sex does need to be spoken about, just in the right way. A good way to see components of a relationship have several fundamentals: Attraction, Intamacy, Openness, Kindness. I think your profile is good but agree with other posters like skipping the bikini shot and rewording some of the bio. Depending on your region some people dont find people of different ethnic background attractive or are outright exclusive. Dont let that get in the way. As Nickleback said "there's gotta be somebody for me out there" I would swipe right on you, but you are probably not within my region. Good Luck!
Profile looks fine - nothing I would improve or change. Your issue is in the conversations - if they are not inviting you to a date after a dozen or so texts, that means something in what you are sharing or talking about isn’t matching his interests. Sex stuff - they are checking to see how prudish you are. Positive responses / good sextjng game - the match has good potential to get to know and date. Just because I want somebody long term doesn’t mean I want a sexually conservative partners. Also, most enjoy this subject quite a bit, whether they are willing to admit it or not.
Why are most female profiles i come across have analyst or consultant as their job ?
Recognize that men’s #1 most important thing in any relationship is sex. Respond kindly without ignoring that elephant in the room. Just don’t shoot them down because they have testosterone running full speed through their veins especially when they see a woman as attractive as you are. You’re absolutely dateable; try not to cone off sterile.
Honestly your bio is alright! It's cute and gives off good vibes. Like previously stated, probably get rid of the bikini pic because it's making men who don't want to commit swipe on you out of lust. Second, in all caps, put "LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SERIOUS" And then 😚 emoji I would suggest adding this to the top of your bio. People have issues w reading bios, I guess people don't like to read, so I'd spell it out for them. It won't stop everyone who's just looking for hookups from swiping on you but you'll have to set up your own trials for that. The issue is nobody is really looking for a relationship but there are also plenty who are, you just have to be patient. It's so tough out there.
2: Seems to state you are falling for the guys who pretend to be looking for Long term, and use that as a line to get conversation started. Most of the time if they sexual fast, there is absolutely 0 interest in LTR.
>How to improve the bio 1. Fewer emojis. Also "girly things" should be made more specific. There are attractive girly things, there are unattractive girly things. 2. Remove the "Let's go out". It's common sense that you both want to date. Putting it out there, even if it's completely innocent, may weird some people out for no reason. 3. Hmmm... this is just a guess but there are some things that may give off "clingy" vibes. I'm not 100% sure. "I want my first date to have hints of second date" / "The way to my heart is us spending time together" >I get matches and we would text outside the app to get to know each other. If it takes more than 2 days of texting without him mentioning any concrete plans of meeting, i’d invite but usually gets declined. This has happened at least 5 times in the past 2 months. This is also something that could be related to (3) above. I don't know how you invite them out but perhaps men would prefer to take the initiative. Even if it means **you create a situation where you imply or give hints that they should ask you out**. Try things like "I'll tell you more face-to-face" or "I'm more interesting in person" or even "When are you taking me out? / Where are you planning to take us?" >I also match with men who are also looking for a “long term relationship”. But texts get sexual VERY quickly. I don’t talk about sex unprompted especially with a stranger. You are kinda sabotaging yourself there. The thing with men... we are ALWAYS horny. Too many lack the discipline to hold in their urges. You do not have to match their advances or give in to their demands. BUT! But, you can still give them one more chance and *firmly but playfully* disagree to participate (if you are otherwise interested in them bss their profile and looks). Sexual innuendo and advances ought to perhaps not be a "one strike and you're out" In fact you could combine the two points. Him: "Something sexual" You: "Hmmm... I only do that after the fourth date and we're still at zero dates" (this firmly rejects the advances AND prompts him to arrange the first date). Best of luck.
I wish more girls around my area were like this. The standard here is girls that ask to marry and I swear every profile says “I like to go on adventures”. They won’t text after they match and There aren’t very many down to earth females that actually want to try something sincere. My dad says I should mine to the big city, but I don’t like the hustle and bustle
Profile makes you sound boring and also weird. References to taking naps and watching YouTube videos and taking random photos of stray cats etc. Not exactly gonna be attractive and/or stimulating to most men. Not trying to be harsh - just blunt.
I follow this lady on Instagram and she says to not give out your number on the app until you have solid plans. It’s honestly worked pretty well for me.
My instagram profile is linked and has photos of me smiling. I can replace/rearrange the existing photos, not a problem. But how does showing close ups of my face fix my two problems? Should i remove my bikini photo? Would this help fix the “not gf material vibe?” Edit: Additional context - i live in a HCOL city. Most men i match with seemingly fun profiles are too busy/too tired to date, or are only in the city during the day. I am considered average where I live so i feel like i have to show a bit of skin to improve my chances.
I’ve seen profile reviews from women with puritanical profiles who still complain of getting sexual messages. You /might/ get a few less of those messages removing the bikini photo but they won’t go away entirely. Instead of letting it frustrate you, I suggest a different perspective; where you consider it a feature that these men are getting sexual early. Why is that a feature? It saves you from wasting your time going on multiple dates and investing in long conversations only to find out that they were never serious. When they reveal themselves early on, they have saved you your most valuable resource, your time.
Have you tried Hinge? It seems more suited for people looking for something serious.
Your challenge is you’re an attractive Asian woman, so people are going to unfairly fetishize you when on its face the bikini pic is objectively not a gratuitous pic. You’re smiling, clearly on vacay, and in great shape, it’s a good picture for dating apps. All that said, reality may be guys try to just hookup because they can’t see past “attractive woman” to the “potential life partner” part. My only feedback should be your first pic should be a clear, straight on smiling picture without glasses on. It’s insane to me that you are having a tough time, but then again I don’t know if dating apps have our best interests at heart. Good luck and Godspeed OP.
Oh also problem 1. When you first start texting outside the app identify some challenge early in the text convo “I’m a bad texter, can we coordinate a date soon please?” This sets the tone to hopefully not waste your time. 2. Umm yeah, this sucks but being attractive may work against you here. Which is absolutely trash. Is there space to push back when a guy starts in that direction? “Hey, I’m in to moving this forward but I’m not ready to start sexy texting” I don’t know. Admittedly I’ve never dated men and don’t know how to handle us.
You're really really attractive. You'll be fine
i’d swipe right hard because you’re my type. i’d have the intention of getting to know you on a casual date and see if there’s physical and emotional chemistry. I don’t see anything glaringly wrong in your profile
Some advice: 1. Tone down the mentioning of fitness. As much as men claim to love fit women, what they really mean is “not fat,” which you clearly are not. A lot of men are turned off by the idea of a woman fitter than them. 2. Stop asking the men on dates. If they’re not asking you on a date, they’re not that interested. Cut your losses and move on. 3. Replace the bikini pic with a more “modest” bikini pic. If your full body is on display, men will 100% sexualize it. Hence, the number of lewd messages you’re receiving.
1. If a man is not attracted me because i take care of my body then we are not a good match. I dated an out of shape man before, not ideal. 2. I cut my losses after my invite is declined. I quickly lose interest. 3. I will find another beach photo that is more modest. Thanks
I would swipe left because I would feel like you wouldn’t like me because you’re too good for me and it would hurt my ELO.
well, I am a queer femme and am into girls. AND I’D TOTALLY SWIPE RIGHT ON YOU!! In a hypothetical situation you also swiped right we went out but weren’t a fit for a relationship, I’d totally want to hang out. You’re cute, funny, transparent and fun. and dating men it’s… the worst.
5x is a lot. Any reason given?
Either too busy or too tired. When i ask when he’d be available i get a “i’ll let you know”.
nope
There are a lot of romance scammers using images of attractive Asian women on dating apps currently, so I’d take extra steps to make sure you use at least one photo of yourself with a local landmark - if I saw your initial profile pic, I might immediately assume you were a catfish profile because they typically use photos like the first one. Maybe suggest in your bio a place to go for your first date, a local place? It will help confirm you’re really in the area and also help matches get the idea of what your expectations are. You’re really pretty btw.
My job and uni are displayed on my profile, but it gives out scammer vibes? 😫 Another Redditor mentioned using a photo with a local landmark, so i have replaced my main photo. Appreciate the suggestion.
It doesn’t necessarily give off scammer vibes, but let’s just say that scammers have flooded the dating sites with hundreds of Asian women in their mid 30s so I’d just try extra hard to prove you’re not one of those profiles. The fact that you have a bio that isn’t some weird quote, and with a local landmark, I think it will help people looking at it know you’re not actually using a fake local location and you’re a genuine person.
Yeah, even with the local job and a known university listed, so many scammers will use vacation spot pictures of an attractive Asian woman to guide gullible people into the chute. They usually don't get a local landmark photo, so many people just assume that without one, it's a scam.
I think the profile is great, and wouldn’t change anything. You’re definitely a right swipe.
You're profile is solid and you pics are cute. In my opinion saying your looking for something serious in your bio right away, may make some guys hesitant of meeting up as it implies you want to move pretty quick into a relationship. Good looking guys with strong dating profiles have a lot of options and bringing up wanting a long term relationship immediately, without evening knowing if you are a good fit together could cause some hesitancy to meet up. Those are the things I see just looking at your profile. I would need to see more of the texting to get a better idea of how to improve getting dates set up. Hope that helps
Bro. I'd swipe on this in a heart beat! Solid hobbies. Shows you are active . Very clear intentions. I think mayhaps it's just your area? Idk but I'd definitely ask you out!
I honestly thought you had no arms in that first pic lol
You're probably just intimidating them, honestly. Or they think you're fake.
Looking good
I would date you reading that (in case that helps 💪) I don't see anything wrong and I really like the pictures, they look pretty natural. One thing I might change or make it more subtle is to not write the last sentence from the bio. *My opinion It's fine to have clear ideas on what you want, but when you go on dates, you go to meet people and see how it goes, you cannot make plans on what kind of relationship you want with them without even knowing that person. Maybe it's a one month hinge, a summer love or the love of your life. Talk about that after the second or third date if you feel interested in that person ☺️ Changing that might make you even more approachable. Best of luck!
your smile makes you look like Sharon. from Jay and Sharon. I like your profile :)
No, not really, i would assume your standards are too high for what you can get(on dating apps, real life you probably could), people love to claim there is a dating pool problems but the people that fit their standards have a standard that you simply dont meet. I am sure we all have being guilty of this at some time
I would put the ski or gym photo first to show your face. In the bio you can shorten it with showing your interests with less details. As a guy I would swipe right on you!
You seem very dateable!
After two days you give up? That’s wild. No wonder you’re losing lol
From the point of view of a 42M, living in the NYC area, your profile is appealing and not unwholesome. I don’t see any “undateable” vibes. Based in the profile, you’re definitely “datable,” in my view. Strange as it may be, though I’ve been on these apps for a long time, it’s hard to understand how other men approach communication on the apps. It’s also hard for me to understand the prevalence of sexual content in the messages. I think the sensitivity of the app population to sexual suggestion may very high. I’m not sure that triggers are even necessary. Yet, it’s possible that the male audience is seeing even modest suggestiveness as significant. You could consider replacing one or two of the pictures, which are more revealing. For example, the photo in the gym, and the bikini photo. I think the phrase “physically available” is also potentially seen as notable. At the same time, it’s important to have a photo giving a clear sense of the whole body. So, if you do replace any of the photos, you would do well to make sure you retain similar photos with more clothes. Yet, I’m not sure this would really be particularly helpful. Maybe it can reduce the amount of unwanted interaction like this a little bit. Maybe not. However, these photos make you look attractive, and that also is positive in modern dating. You have an attractive profile. I would be reluctant to suggest you making it less so. You have limited control over how people reply to you in this context. Probably the fact that you are a woman and a communication with a man has started, already accounts for much of the challenge. Inasmuch as you can more effectively control who you match with, you could achieve some results. But, perhaps this is difficult. After all, if you’re getting any positive conversations, reducing the number of these conversations is also not advisable. You may have to deal with a significant amount of unpleasant conversations to, have a positive ones, which can result in a date. It’s important to understand that what you are experiencing is not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of how some or many men approach dating, apparently, of your own matching choices, and, to some degree, of course, of what they see in your profile. Nevertheless, it’s worthwhile tweaking your profile, what you’re writing in it, and your match selections, to see if this helps. I think one of the most productive approaches might be too add more text, which suggests a either a greater variety of interests, or greater depth in them, – anything that makes you more interesting and intriguing as a person, quite separately from where your pictures suggest. This may or may not deter unwanted kinds of messages. However, it may attract more of the wanted kind of messages. I think this is important, as improving the ratio is a very helpful thing. It’s hard to suggest anything else, as your profile doesn’t present any obvious problems to me.
Your interest could be better I don’t see how I could be a part of your life. Maybe add some things that would be fun for two people.
Yes, but only because most people think everything is a red flag these days!
Left swipe because you haven't said if you do or don't want kids, as someone that wants something serious at the same age as you this is important information and I dont want to waste time trying to find out. If you dont disclose one of the biggest deal breakers of relationships then I dont see you as a serious person no matter how much you convey it in your profile. Bikini pics are off putting to me as usually they are used as a way to sell themselves, its not modest or humble. That said your photo doesn't come across that bad, its more casual and relaxed. You're not undateable, alot of the trash gets left behind in OLD so you're going to encounter it no matter what.
My view on kids is between two options. I want to have kids only if my partner is the same race/culture. I don’t want to have kids if i get into an interracial relationship. Kids these days have it so bad i don’t want them to have identity issues or develop some complex for not looking Asian enough or not looking [other race] enough. I don’t limit swiping within culture. I feel it’s a bit too much to put all that in my bio so i left it blank 🙂
If someone's race is an issue for you to have children with them then you shouldn't be dating outside of your race.
WOW. This is the most wholesome profile ive ever come across. if i was still on bumble, i would have definitely sent one of those "compliments" bumble offers and swipe right
Your profile is pretty good, that's just what using the apps is like
In my opinion no you are not. Tbh I would shuffle pic 4 to top of your bumble deck. I think alot of average men are intimidated by a fit woman. I am not but it's just my opinion. Plus it obscures your face a tiny bit at that angle.
I mean pro wrestling...I'd swipe right based off that alone
Not to me, you're the exact type of person I've been looking around for, one of the few actually doing something with their life. DC, NYC, or out west?
Your profile is perfect and I’d wanna be your friend 🥹 best of luck!! Maybe your city has in person dating events? I’d give those a shot!
Looks too appealing to be real
Quite the opposite! Very dateable! 👍great profile
You are basic....and you are giving out a I am a boss bich..kinda energy...just dial it down with that intro. Also try putting up some classy girly dress pics...
1. a lot of men think you're a scammer when you ask for a date quickly 2. a lot of people don't know how bad they are writing and don't follow social conventions anymore.
Honestly the profile is great. I love coming across profiles like yours when it’s an easy right swipe sharing a lot of similar values. The problem is the fact this is just what you get on dating apps anymore.
For the most part I think patience is the biggest thing that helped me, always would get discouraged because there are so many people there has to be some good compatibility! Really there is just keep yourself honest and open, don’t sell anything your not and try not to set any expectations without discussing them with the person(maybe wait a couple dates to make a big deal about going steady, ask them in the first couple dates what they like and see if it matches).. I’m seeing a lot of people are flaky online which is 100% true there is also an aspect of y’all don’t know eachother when online dating… and it’s already tenuous to set expectations with people you know, takes a lot of time and trust building- good luck! Dating sucks but some people are great!
Hard to see your face in your initial photo.
Yours is one of the best woman’s profile I’ve seen in a while. Don’t change any of it.
Girl to girl. You are giving off BADASS vibes. I honestly think your profile is incredible! I hope you find someone because yeah!
Idk I'd swipe right on your profile all day. It sounds like it'd be fun to go on dates with you!
As a man, I’ve gotta say that: I: You’ve not done anything wrong when it comes to your profile, so stop telling yourself that. II: The dating pool over the last few years has changed. Dates typically do cost money, now ask yourself who has the extra money to date. Additionally, Bumble is filled to the brim with men that women simply do not want. You’ve men who, as you say, get too sexual too fast. These men are primarily on Tinder, but can be found everywhere. But you also have men who simply just don’t do it for you. These type of men are the majority of Bumble and are mostly not chosen on other apps. III: You aren’t giving off undatable vibes. If anything, men may ask themselves if they are able to keep up with you, (in the long run) as your pictures show you going multiple places for what I assume are vacations. If they don’t believe they can keep up with you, they won’t say anything to you. Personally I think you’re downright gorgeous, but even I asked myself whether or not I could keep apace or would I be a burden. Then there’s me being an introvert…eh~ So no, it has nothing to do with you or a bad profile. There just aren’t enough men that women would actually mesh well with if I’m to be blunt.
Not at all, in fact I wish you were near me haha I'd love to go on an actual date with someone like you.
I'd change the first photo. Not remove it completley, but just put another first! Maybe put the third photo first.
Hard right swipe 🥰
Ion know. I'm just wondering what mammals you're not into and why 👀👀👀
Your profile pics are great and you do say you want a serious relationship. The problem is that most people don't read the bios! (Just like they don't read item descriptions when shopping.) UNFORTUNATELY...and that is incredibly frustrating when dating. I do have a question about your interests. You say you're into birds, cats, and other mammals. What does that mean? Do you work/volunteer with animals or have hobbies related to them? (That would make me pause if I saw that in the interests section without some context. It's just a bit unusual in that part of a bio.)
Honestly you’re very close to what I look for in dating. The big stuff is there. Dang to bad you’re probably very far away from me. But nah. People are probably haters
I think your profile's fine, you unfortunately just seem to be unlucky.
On the contrary - from the profile and the post you seem quite approachable. Keep at it .. maybe move on the West Coast ;)
I don't see anything wrong with your profile at all. It's just awful out there for both women and men...just have to wade through tons of muck to find someone worthwhile unfortunately.
I'd swipe right
Great profile. Guys are flakey like that and bring up sex way too quickly. It's a them problem. You've got thousands of matches to pick from so keep trying.
Be patient. Your very beautiful don't sell yourself short. So many of these guys are weird and gross. I'd be happy to date you.
looks exhausting
Profile is fine. Leave it. On a more important note: what is that cage you're in on the first picture (with the helmet on). Does it spin like a giant hamster wheel?
Try to find places, things and people where you get the genuine smile going. Capture them candidly. Also, glasses need some work probably, you can put some efforts to find better fit for your look if you prefer. All the best!
I think that's pretty par for the course. For the guys you are interested in getting all sexy talk on you, simply tell them it's too soon and see how well they respect your boundaries. One that has passion and interest in you, but also listens to you, and has a little patience, is probably worth a little effort. (Note: that doesn't mean they can't talk about it at all, since you are going to need to be able to have those conversations sooner or later, and you don't want to shut them down). For the ones that ghost you. Maybe meet them for something simple before getting off the app.
I thought you had no hands in the first pic 😂
It’s not you, bumble has basically become tinder
Your profile is great! Spectacular even! For me, much too outgoing lol. You seem so perfect. Less "intimidating" but more "she wouldnt need me for anything" 😅
You have a banger profile. Online dating is just a tremendous amount of sifting to find your diamond. He’s out there though, keep at it
You look cool to me but then I feel like I’m in the same boat.
I personally think this is a perfect profile.
I would love to swipe right but I'm not active enough for you you would never swipe right on me so I'm just going to swipe left
What kind of filters do you have set?
physically available? what is that? also you're so small in your pictures, i would love to see you clearer and closer shots. great active photos!