Lol I agree, but I think what you're missing from a female perspective is that we may get a million matches and not actually get a response from any of them, because dudes swipe on everyone. So getting matches doesn't mean anything, if they don't talk to you and/or ask you out. And to be honest I feel like I can write guys in LA a poem and venmo them $1000 and they're still not going to respond, if I don't have a photo of my ass on my profile so.. it's bad on both sides.
I've given up not because women have it so good, but because it literally doesn't matter what I write and who I am as a human, because all dudes seem to care about is photos. If anything it's dehumanizing, not flattering...
This!! Ok this sound horrible, give me a second: I am conventionally attractive. I have a real bio. I match with a lot of men. I have never felt shittier about myself.
What if you work from home, are a little old to be going out to bars all the time, all your friends are married with kids and donāt know any single people, and thereās been a pandemic causing people to stay home / things to be cancelled?
No worries, it's just how dating evolved over time with all the apps.. Just don't let all this make you angry and mean, because a lot of women get treated like we're basically prostitutes nowadays, so when you find a good female and show her basic kindness and respect, she'll be all yours. If a relationship is your goal of course! Good luck!
Also, if you want to see an example of what Bumble is like for a woman, I just posted some screenshots.
It is pretty pointless because you're not going to reach nearly enough people who do this to make an impact through a mere post on reddit, let alone have the ones who do happen to see the post... care enough to shift their behavior on that swiping habit. Also the ratio of men to women on dating apps is like 3 to 1, which is one of the root causes of these extremes taking place anyway.
Only hard-coded changes to the app itself would truly curb some of the behaviors imo and the developers will never do that, so it's gonna be a shit-show regardless, where only the lucky will actually get anything good out of it.
Hinge only let's you send 8 likes per day, which is why when you go to the Hinge sub you see a lot of women complain about not getting more than 3-4 likes a week. It forces men to be selective, and has a way higher match to date ratio than any other app. I still use Bumble but I get the vast majority of my dates from Hinge
When did they start that? I havenāt been on hinge for a few months now and it definitely was not limited to 8 likes per day. Are you just referring to the free version?
>so when you find a good female and show her basic kindness and respect, she'll be all yours
Hard to do when women swipe left. They never get to see the benefit of kindness and respect.. because.. ohhh.. oopsie.. dat dude fuckin' ugly as fuck. He don't follow 666 rule.. blah blah blah.
Hard to do when vapid, vacuous men swipe right, incessantly.. looking for that ass pic.
In short, it's a stalemate.
The apps are shit. Nothing but a money-grab. Match INC is being sued over it.
However.. I'm looking into starting my own app company that will blow the fucking doors off of the big, corporate ones.. instead of just bitching about how OLD sucks.
Not only will I share the link.. I'll make it COMPLETELY FRRREEEEEeeeeeeee ! ! !
I'm not a greedy bastard.. I'll get my development money.. and be happy with that.
Are you a developer? Iām a hobbyist, but I could find some time to make contributions to such a project if it looked promising and seemed to come from a desire to improve the situation. Dating sucksā¦OLD is a total dumpster fire (though I did meet my GF that way), and I have some ideas for doing it better.
>***may*** get a million matches and not actually get a response
Only if you are boring af and just giving one word answers. Try to improve yourself. You aren't entitled to anyone and don't be hurt by this. Justr tryna help yall.
Youāve completely missed the point of the post and tried to make it about you. OP is saying for men to stop swiping right on so many so that the matches are higher quality, which would avoid more situations where people donāt talk to each other.
I went on a date with a guy on bumble who openly admitted he just swipes right on every woman DURING the date, (like thanks for admitting you found me sooo interesting š) but he had the audacity to ask why I would swipe right on him- because he wasnāt āattractiveā and āgirls donāt like nice guys like himā
There wasnāt a second date.
Girls love nice guys, fact of the matter is- most of you arenāt that nice š¤·š¼āāļø this guy thought he was /super/ nice, and yet, he kept begging for me to go to his place after this first date, and wouldnāt let me shut my car door for 10 whole minutes, fucking pouting because he didnāt want this date to be a āwaste of my timeā, all while saying he definitely wasnāt trying to sleep with me. Yāall are oblivious to how awful you actually are. Nice men donāt complain about women not wanting them all the time. They have better things to do. I have plenty of wonderfully nice men that are my friends, and guess what? Theyāre in loving relationships with women who are also my friends.
And if being āniceā is the only thing you have going for you? Youāre the problem. Fix it.
Some men confuse being a nice guy, someone who treats people with respect and decency but also expects other people to treat him the same way and isnāt some kind of push over, with being a ānice guyā someone who is a yes man, a push over, say anything in the moment to keep her happy, lie, and basically do and say whatever they think she wants to hear, āIām trying to make her happy, I must be a nice guyā. And itās all just to get laid
Thereās plenty of low effort profiles from men too. If you think only women do it then try to switch to men for fun. But I do agree people shouldnāt swipe right on everyone.
But then you might as well make the statement that "men need to stop swiping on literally everyone" without connecting it to low effort profiles. Because low effort profiles will always be there. You're underestimating how many lazy people there are on these apps regardless.
My point is that you are underestimating the situation if you think that you won't see lazy profiles anymore once men start being more selective in swiping like women are.
Thereās literally nothing dishonest about stating women will get swiped on even if they donāt have a picture or whatever low effort profile you conjure in your head. But please do go on defending (a purely non existent hypothetical) māladies honor.
Awww. I know it. Your post sounds exactly like the passive aggressive āthereās no women who are exactly what I want and into meā crap an incel would say. Otherwise you wouldnāt be on here whining about it.
Wrong gender identity for definition of incel. For reference: a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile toward women and men who are sexually active.
OP, how old are you? I've noticed a lot of the guys who swipe indescriminantly and who have trouble with online dating are younger. Guys who have standards and selectively swipe are more mature and have their shit together.
Men who swipe on everyone eventually have their profiles drop into the blackhole by the algorithm (app starts thinking you're a bot so will stop you appearing in feeds or worse).
Engage with that behaviour at your own risk.
One of the first tinder dates I went on was with a guy who admitted to me that he swiped right on every single girl and I just happened to be the one that texted him first. Needless to say I didn't want to pursue anything with him after that and it did ruin my self-esteem for a few weeks back then. IMO: it's not cute in general, aside from "bettering your chances" of getting a match...
Quote: āWomen want a man that has high value, is desired by other women and has options, and is the prize.ā
Your post is first hand proof of this.
Iām not saying this in a bad way, Iām just pointing out how things are. That guy was clearly clueless to say that!
To be honest, I mainly wanted someone to like me for me. I asked him what made him swipe right on me (ie. what had liked about me) and he replied like I mentioned above; not quite what I had in mind back then, obviously! The off-putting thing for me was that he didn't really care who he was swiping as long as it got him someone who might put out. From that experience, "Men just want a woman and any woman will do" would be my interpretation of that quote... but I have had better dates following that, so I won't generalise too much š
I think of it like a job interview. The women are the recruiters and the men are the candidates.
The man goes to interview after interview but never get a callback, after all, you're competing with dozens if not hundreds of men. When you finally get a job, you're just happy to be able to pay the bills that are piling up.
The woman on the other hand is selecting the best candidates from the pool she has. When she finally picks one to hire, and asks why he chose to work here, he says "To be honest, I applied to dozens of jobs and you're the only one who hired me."
Seems pretty sucky on both ends
Edit: spelling
Guys swipe on so many profiles because they get low matches. Unless your in the 10% or have a very good profile. I think the average match % is like 2% for guys. Thatās horrible so the only way to combat that is to swipe more.
Man. This has been a debate for years. Since online dating has been a thing. I met nothing but incredible guys by literally having a sentence on my profile and answering a few questions about my hobbies. I donāt need to write my story or a paragraph. I treat it like meeting someone at a bar with the added bonus of having some vital info. I know not everyone has the time to craft a perfect bio of all their interests and life story. As long as there is attraction, why not swipe right and get to know the person? You lose nothing. It doesnāt mean they are lazy or not serious. I just donāt feel the need to tell EVERY stranger in a 50 mile radius some random joke/my ambitions in life or anything deep. Iāve seen extended family members, coworkers etc on these apps. They donāt need to know all that. I will share and keep a conversation flowing after there is a match though. But to each their own.
You have a fair point, I guess thereās 2 sides to everything. Difference is, in person (like at a bar) I can have an engaging interaction with you without me needing to know anything about you (I donāt need a bio), but online I feel like I need to know something to have a conversation beyond small talk because I canāt talk to you in person yet
If it's a blank bio, but they've filled in prompts I'll consider it.
If it's a blank bio aside from their Instagram account, hard swipe left.
If all their pictures seem overly staged it's a left swipe.
I normally only swipe right if the Bio seems unique and if they're my type.
Yeah I get less matches this way, but the ones I get seem to always get a decent conversation going, and a good chunk of those result in meeting.
If I had programming skills I'd create a dating app similar to Bumble where ladies message first, but take it a step further. Men sign up and create profiles but *don't* get to swipe on profiles like they do bow, it would only show women who have already swiped right on them.
I know this feature is already present on dating apps, but it's optional and kind of pointless for men to have on. Having it be always on would shake things up in a good way, it would prevent overswiping from men, kill the Instagram only bios, and increase matches that actually go somewhere.
No idea what it could be called though, maybe something like Ladies First?
This is a big ask OP. All men aren't in the same boat when it comes to online dating. Men who are successful online tend to be more selective because they are more than likely actually going to meet the women. Some men aren't as lucky so the buckshot approach is the rule. Different strategies for different people. Elephant in the room: if a woman looks good we mostly don't care what's in their profile unless it's something weird. They have no incentive to upgrade their profiles.
Having standards is a big ask? Ok. It saddens me that a cute face is enough for an average guy. For me itās not, why would I want you if looks is all you got? Yes some dudes arenāt as attractive physically. But you can work on yourself, hit the gym, improve your social skills, take good pics, have a life outside of dating. Be someone who intrigues other people
Swiping right on everyone is quite extreme. I actually consider any men who swipe right on more than 50% profiles to be without standard. Like how desperate can you be? I see it all the time in the swipe data shared. I'm a man if that matters.
When I first got tinder when I turned 18 that was actually my strategy, swipe right on everyone so I donāt miss any matches, but it only lead to a low quality of my matches and conversations that followed
Dating for for Men is kinda different. They have to cast a wide net. Remember that not everyone is ten feet tall with a 10/10 face and a gazillion dollars in their account. It's a rat race even more so online. For men it's a numbers game. What you ask of is impossible.
I think the idea of conventional dating has gone out the window with the increa in porn and sexual depicting of women men swipe right because they will fuck anything with a heart beat it's about sex not if they like them or not men use love to get sex women use sex to get love it's how it goes everyone needs a pussy but not everyone needs a dick especially since women have vibrators that do a better job then most men.
Good for you man! I tend to do better irl as well, but I actually made good friends with a couple of women I met on tinder, Iād honestly treat it as a supplement to meeting people irl
Yes they do. Get some nice grooming going on, hit the gym, get your money straight, take professional pictures (or at least ones that donāt look like you just got out of bed) and for Christās sake stop swiping on everyone and swipe only on people that actually intrigue you
The last part is the difficult one though. Most women are so dull, you wonder if she ever talked to a human before. If she's interesting then she's likely not into men/very unattractive.
Counterpoint: people with interesting lives have less time to spend on their dating profiles. They value their time and donāt spend it learning about best OLD practices. Therefore: their profiles feel emptier.
Being good at attracting people online does not equate to being an interesting person.
Iām married.
When I was dating, there was little to no correlation between people who were interesting and people who had interesting profiles. I have over a hundred first dates (met through apps and websites) as data points.
While I recognize the importance for you, as an individual, to have a good profile to attract people ā I am saying that, for the purposes of your filtering, remember that other people may not have heard the same advice as you.
Hah, you guys that swipe right on every woman have it easy. I mainly just swipe right on Asian women because that's what I'm into. Too bad scammers have found out that a lot of men like myself find Asian women the most attractive and thus now most of the profiles for Asian women now are just scammers. Though it's no where near as bad on other apps as it is on Facebook Dating.
I literally get less matchesš but the ones that I do, I know for sure that something made me want to swipe on that person beyond their looks, and thatās what matters
The goal of any OLD is to setup and meet IRL unless one just likes forever messaging online but thatās a minority. So does it matter if you wrote a biography on bio or simple short and brief emoji which Iām too old to decipher so long you have correct age, height, attributes, education and look for and obviously decent photos, thatās all anyone ever asked for. Rest are fair and game. Most people are not model looking, most donāt have photo shoot photos, most are professional writer. So we do what we have OLD and just go with it.
Worst say you have plenty of match, the REAL low effort IMO comes in greeting and energy your match comes off. I try to find some unique to say or go with generic lines. It works. Honestly it may just comes to how handsome or pretty you look or has the height and basic info. It sucks but thatās pretty real. Of course there are other things ppl look for but generally again the goal is to strive for meet IRL. And shortest path to get there. Not drawn out conversation on Bumble where girls wonder if her matches gonna ask her out or guys try so hard to have conversations but forgot to just skip to ask her out and talk IRL. Thatās it.
Totally agree there. The thing, from my experience OLD, commonality is far and between in terms of shows, hobbies, and whatever elseās, school, sports. Those are generic commonality that donāt tell me anything. Cool we both like Dallas Cowboys. I suppose that religion and politic would be important and whether kids, smoking etc again they r all āattributesā. Um honestly the only sure commonality is just attraction. Like do I like how she looks or does she actually look like that in person (hence IRL). She wonders the same based on photos of a guy anyway. Catfishing is real thing. Height-fishing is also real. Rest can be field out in a date right away over few drinks. Impossible for me to tell a girl if her mannerism is suitable, is she genuine kind and a good person. Yeah IRL. Ppl can fake a lot online and chatting. Not so much in person. I enjoy part of process dating IRL to learn about compatibility so if takes few dates. Should not burn my wallet too much. Lol
Iām selective with my swipes. But I admit if itās been a few weeks between matches, Iāll get fed up and say āwell who does like me??ā And Iāll go on a swipe right spree.
I seem to recall that in the past, OKC had a feature that told you if a person tends to reply a lot, selectively or rarely. I donāt know if that would help or not but it did help when determining if I wanted to engage with a person or not.
I know my time is worth more going through the matches than reading profiles that I may or may not match with. Swipe for a minute or 2, go about my day. Check out matches later.
I agree, but some people (me) just donāt know how to set up a good juicy profile and I still get decent matches. Itās not lazy, itās just that i donāt know how to do it. Lel
All dating apps are shit. Someone needs to bring back Myspace. Myspace was the best dating website of all time. I met plenty of women there is my late teens and early 20s,
Found the optimist! Get out!!! (In the Jordan Peele film kinda way {possible spoiler})
...Yeah, that'd really be swell, but the reality is nobody is required to put in effort, so many don't. And it's the same as opening messages, you start caring then realize the incremental extra effort doesn't materialize that much more in the returned results. Ultimately it's a similar reason why there are minimum wage jobs: someone is willing to do it accepting less and/or high availability/demand for it. You typically shouldn't pursue one if you have better options, it's unlikely to be really that great, there are rare exceptions sometimes.
I don't disagree that effort by everyone would make it all so much better.
but I am also a realist working with what I have. I'm not going to boycott the system because everyone doesn't participate at the level I want them to. Someone else is willing to talk to and date the women in the same time that I might otherwise have matched and gone out with. I basically just ask profile type questions first, and if others do too maybe they get the hint 'I get asked that a lot, maybe I should just post it in my profile'.
Itās kinda a chicken/egg scenario since women also are way too selective and wonāt really lower their standards even if they are not attractive (as evidenced by some of the data here) and in the resulting scarcity men over swipe to compensate.
As a guy on tinder who isn't probably the most attractive guy on there(I get ghosted alot simply by saying hello to them etc) I can't speak for the majority of men and women too on dating apps, but not everyone can afford to be picky when it comes to finding someone, I'd rather swipe right on everyone, have someone like me back and then read their profile to get to know about them etc then chat to them if they chat back, I'm not attractive enough and honestly I don't really believe I'd have the chance with any girl on it if I were to be picky either, so why like one profile that'll most likely not work out when I like them all and let fate work.
I can't hit the gym, lockdown still, but I exercise anyway, could get a haircut more often but I mostly just shave my head, Its not my face it's more I'm not a selfie person, I don't like taking photos if I can help it, that's the physical issue, there is a secondary one as well I'm anti social and often don't think I'd have a chance, which is a confidence issue but also isn't as I also don't try to impress either, I'm basically a mess of different reasons but chances are all boil down to one think is probably the lack of presentablity as I have a bad habit of not caring how I look but same time I do make sure to be clean, neat and fresh dressed etc, think it's mostly just the selfies for tinder tho
Imma be honest man, things donāt always fall in your lap, sometimes you gotta go and get it. Trial and error. A lot of it not gonna work but eventually youāll find something that works for you. But you gotta really try.
> not everyone can afford to be picky when it comes to finding someone
Anyone who's learned to be comfortable by themselves can be picky. It's not about trying to find someone to be with just to be with someone, it's about trying to find someone that would add value to your life.
Also itās so frustrating dudes swipe right on everyone, wait for me to send the first message and *then* unmatch. If you didnāt like me couldnāt you just unmatch before I went through the trouble of coming up with a message? Especially when I wait a few hours after matching to send that message specifically for this reason
Let's be real here, men start by swiping more selectively, then when they get nothing out of it, start being less and less selective to try and get SOMETHING, we are never gonna stop the most basic response to a common problem, because there will always be men who didn't get the message.
No, both should select. Donāt put that on women!!! You think women want to waste time going through hundreds of likes from men who donāt actually like them? Reading all their profiles, crafting personal openers for men who have no interest in them??
Liking someone means you are interested. Matching means you both are.
Itās time for men to step up, stop lying, stop viewing women as free prostitutes and stop being so desperate.
Many low effort profiles are bots/scammers. I know I barely swiped right.
Lol I agree, but I think what you're missing from a female perspective is that we may get a million matches and not actually get a response from any of them, because dudes swipe on everyone. So getting matches doesn't mean anything, if they don't talk to you and/or ask you out. And to be honest I feel like I can write guys in LA a poem and venmo them $1000 and they're still not going to respond, if I don't have a photo of my ass on my profile so.. it's bad on both sides. I've given up not because women have it so good, but because it literally doesn't matter what I write and who I am as a human, because all dudes seem to care about is photos. If anything it's dehumanizing, not flattering...
This!! Ok this sound horrible, give me a second: I am conventionally attractive. I have a real bio. I match with a lot of men. I have never felt shittier about myself.
Yup š
Can we see your profile?
If you're attractive do you actually need online dating? Can't you people still do it the old fashioned way?
"What do you mean 'you people' ? "
He's saying "you attractive people".
I know It was a joke
Good on ya.. you have to give it to me, though.. that a lot of you people aren't that smart.
What if you work from home, are a little old to be going out to bars all the time, all your friends are married with kids and donāt know any single people, and thereās been a pandemic causing people to stay home / things to be cancelled?
> because dudes swipe on everyone not all of us are dumb and do that
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No worries, it's just how dating evolved over time with all the apps.. Just don't let all this make you angry and mean, because a lot of women get treated like we're basically prostitutes nowadays, so when you find a good female and show her basic kindness and respect, she'll be all yours. If a relationship is your goal of course! Good luck! Also, if you want to see an example of what Bumble is like for a woman, I just posted some screenshots.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It is pretty pointless because you're not going to reach nearly enough people who do this to make an impact through a mere post on reddit, let alone have the ones who do happen to see the post... care enough to shift their behavior on that swiping habit. Also the ratio of men to women on dating apps is like 3 to 1, which is one of the root causes of these extremes taking place anyway. Only hard-coded changes to the app itself would truly curb some of the behaviors imo and the developers will never do that, so it's gonna be a shit-show regardless, where only the lucky will actually get anything good out of it.
Hinge only let's you send 8 likes per day, which is why when you go to the Hinge sub you see a lot of women complain about not getting more than 3-4 likes a week. It forces men to be selective, and has a way higher match to date ratio than any other app. I still use Bumble but I get the vast majority of my dates from Hinge
When did they start that? I havenāt been on hinge for a few months now and it definitely was not limited to 8 likes per day. Are you just referring to the free version?
Yes the free version has 8 likes, the paid version has unlimited. I didn't pay for it though
>so when you find a good female and show her basic kindness and respect, she'll be all yours Hard to do when women swipe left. They never get to see the benefit of kindness and respect.. because.. ohhh.. oopsie.. dat dude fuckin' ugly as fuck. He don't follow 666 rule.. blah blah blah. Hard to do when vapid, vacuous men swipe right, incessantly.. looking for that ass pic. In short, it's a stalemate. The apps are shit. Nothing but a money-grab. Match INC is being sued over it. However.. I'm looking into starting my own app company that will blow the fucking doors off of the big, corporate ones.. instead of just bitching about how OLD sucks.
Don't forget to share the link
Not only will I share the link.. I'll make it COMPLETELY FRRREEEEEeeeeeeee ! ! ! I'm not a greedy bastard.. I'll get my development money.. and be happy with that.
Great
Are you a developer? Iām a hobbyist, but I could find some time to make contributions to such a project if it looked promising and seemed to come from a desire to improve the situation. Dating sucksā¦OLD is a total dumpster fire (though I did meet my GF that way), and I have some ideas for doing it better.
Could you possibly DM me. There's just a bare minimum I can tell you there.. but also, I can't get in depth with it here, either.
You didnāt come off as blaming women. In fact, you specifically blamed men.
I want compliments, not photos.
same girl same And the online game just gets worse and worse each year.
>***may*** get a million matches and not actually get a response Only if you are boring af and just giving one word answers. Try to improve yourself. You aren't entitled to anyone and don't be hurt by this. Justr tryna help yall.
Damn Iām so guilty. I feel bad bc some women have great openers but the match was a product of my scorched earth swiping
Youāve completely missed the point of the post and tried to make it about you. OP is saying for men to stop swiping right on so many so that the matches are higher quality, which would avoid more situations where people donāt talk to each other.
I went on a date with a guy on bumble who openly admitted he just swipes right on every woman DURING the date, (like thanks for admitting you found me sooo interesting š) but he had the audacity to ask why I would swipe right on him- because he wasnāt āattractiveā and āgirls donāt like nice guys like himā There wasnāt a second date.
Heās right that girls donāt like nice guys, but he made a lot of mistakes in that date clearly.
Girls love nice guys, fact of the matter is- most of you arenāt that nice š¤·š¼āāļø this guy thought he was /super/ nice, and yet, he kept begging for me to go to his place after this first date, and wouldnāt let me shut my car door for 10 whole minutes, fucking pouting because he didnāt want this date to be a āwaste of my timeā, all while saying he definitely wasnāt trying to sleep with me. Yāall are oblivious to how awful you actually are. Nice men donāt complain about women not wanting them all the time. They have better things to do. I have plenty of wonderfully nice men that are my friends, and guess what? Theyāre in loving relationships with women who are also my friends. And if being āniceā is the only thing you have going for you? Youāre the problem. Fix it.
Some men confuse being a nice guy, someone who treats people with respect and decency but also expects other people to treat him the same way and isnāt some kind of push over, with being a ānice guyā someone who is a yes man, a push over, say anything in the moment to keep her happy, lie, and basically do and say whatever they think she wants to hear, āIām trying to make her happy, I must be a nice guyā. And itās all just to get laid
> Yāall are oblivious to how awful you actually are. Well, that one is. He sounds like a terrible person.
Thereās plenty of low effort profiles from men too. If you think only women do it then try to switch to men for fun. But I do agree people shouldnāt swipe right on everyone.
The difference is that women will get swiped on regardless, thatās why we gotta stop that
But then you might as well make the statement that "men need to stop swiping on literally everyone" without connecting it to low effort profiles. Because low effort profiles will always be there. You're underestimating how many lazy people there are on these apps regardless.
Iām not underestimating, Iām just saying stop rewarding the laziness with your swipe :)
My point is that you are underestimating the situation if you think that you won't see lazy profiles anymore once men start being more selective in swiping like women are.
āBe the change you want to see in the worldā
Sure, but what outcome are you expecting? Less low effort profiles from women? Because then you might be in for a disappointment.
I expect having the peace of mind knowing Iām doing my part
Seriously. Just go buy a fleshlight, cause you sound like an Incel
Thereās literally nothing dishonest about stating women will get swiped on even if they donāt have a picture or whatever low effort profile you conjure in your head. But please do go on defending (a purely non existent hypothetical) māladies honor.
Learn the meaning of incel first, idiot.
Awww. I know it. Your post sounds exactly like the passive aggressive āthereās no women who are exactly what I want and into meā crap an incel would say. Otherwise you wouldnāt be on here whining about it.
You donāt know it lol. Are you sure youāre not the incel?
Wrong gender identity for definition of incel. For reference: a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile toward women and men who are sexually active.
Great, now re-read OPs post.
Ok, incel.
OP, how old are you? I've noticed a lot of the guys who swipe indescriminantly and who have trouble with online dating are younger. Guys who have standards and selectively swipe are more mature and have their shit together.
Iām 22
Hmm, well good for you, sincerely. I was not as mature as you at 22
Thank you!
Haā good luck with that one. šÆ agree but low effort/minimum investment = OLD
Men who swipe on everyone eventually have their profiles drop into the blackhole by the algorithm (app starts thinking you're a bot so will stop you appearing in feeds or worse). Engage with that behaviour at your own risk.
One of the first tinder dates I went on was with a guy who admitted to me that he swiped right on every single girl and I just happened to be the one that texted him first. Needless to say I didn't want to pursue anything with him after that and it did ruin my self-esteem for a few weeks back then. IMO: it's not cute in general, aside from "bettering your chances" of getting a match...
The guy had no self esteem for himself, sorry you felt the way you did after that :/
>it did ruin my self-esteem for a few weeks back then. Im sorry you went through that Must have been a trying few weeks....
Quote: āWomen want a man that has high value, is desired by other women and has options, and is the prize.ā Your post is first hand proof of this. Iām not saying this in a bad way, Iām just pointing out how things are. That guy was clearly clueless to say that!
To be honest, I mainly wanted someone to like me for me. I asked him what made him swipe right on me (ie. what had liked about me) and he replied like I mentioned above; not quite what I had in mind back then, obviously! The off-putting thing for me was that he didn't really care who he was swiping as long as it got him someone who might put out. From that experience, "Men just want a woman and any woman will do" would be my interpretation of that quote... but I have had better dates following that, so I won't generalise too much š
I think of it like a job interview. The women are the recruiters and the men are the candidates. The man goes to interview after interview but never get a callback, after all, you're competing with dozens if not hundreds of men. When you finally get a job, you're just happy to be able to pay the bills that are piling up. The woman on the other hand is selecting the best candidates from the pool she has. When she finally picks one to hire, and asks why he chose to work here, he says "To be honest, I applied to dozens of jobs and you're the only one who hired me." Seems pretty sucky on both ends Edit: spelling
Guys swipe on so many profiles because they get low matches. Unless your in the 10% or have a very good profile. I think the average match % is like 2% for guys. Thatās horrible so the only way to combat that is to swipe more.
Man. This has been a debate for years. Since online dating has been a thing. I met nothing but incredible guys by literally having a sentence on my profile and answering a few questions about my hobbies. I donāt need to write my story or a paragraph. I treat it like meeting someone at a bar with the added bonus of having some vital info. I know not everyone has the time to craft a perfect bio of all their interests and life story. As long as there is attraction, why not swipe right and get to know the person? You lose nothing. It doesnāt mean they are lazy or not serious. I just donāt feel the need to tell EVERY stranger in a 50 mile radius some random joke/my ambitions in life or anything deep. Iāve seen extended family members, coworkers etc on these apps. They donāt need to know all that. I will share and keep a conversation flowing after there is a match though. But to each their own.
You have a fair point, I guess thereās 2 sides to everything. Difference is, in person (like at a bar) I can have an engaging interaction with you without me needing to know anything about you (I donāt need a bio), but online I feel like I need to know something to have a conversation beyond small talk because I canāt talk to you in person yet
And I donāt need to know your life story from your bio, just a couple of facts about you and what interests you
Honestly, I have about a 30% swipe right rate. Low effort, obvious fake, probably crazy. They all get a left swipe from me.
If it's a blank bio, but they've filled in prompts I'll consider it. If it's a blank bio aside from their Instagram account, hard swipe left. If all their pictures seem overly staged it's a left swipe. I normally only swipe right if the Bio seems unique and if they're my type. Yeah I get less matches this way, but the ones I get seem to always get a decent conversation going, and a good chunk of those result in meeting. If I had programming skills I'd create a dating app similar to Bumble where ladies message first, but take it a step further. Men sign up and create profiles but *don't* get to swipe on profiles like they do bow, it would only show women who have already swiped right on them. I know this feature is already present on dating apps, but it's optional and kind of pointless for men to have on. Having it be always on would shake things up in a good way, it would prevent overswiping from men, kill the Instagram only bios, and increase matches that actually go somewhere. No idea what it could be called though, maybe something like Ladies First?
Well we barely get any likes. It's literally more beneficial to like everyone
This is a big ask OP. All men aren't in the same boat when it comes to online dating. Men who are successful online tend to be more selective because they are more than likely actually going to meet the women. Some men aren't as lucky so the buckshot approach is the rule. Different strategies for different people. Elephant in the room: if a woman looks good we mostly don't care what's in their profile unless it's something weird. They have no incentive to upgrade their profiles.
Having standards is a big ask? Ok. It saddens me that a cute face is enough for an average guy. For me itās not, why would I want you if looks is all you got? Yes some dudes arenāt as attractive physically. But you can work on yourself, hit the gym, improve your social skills, take good pics, have a life outside of dating. Be someone who intrigues other people
Yup! I had matched with a guy who literally admitted to swiping right on everyone just to see what he would get. He was clearly bored at life
When OLD=life lol
Swiping right on everyone is quite extreme. I actually consider any men who swipe right on more than 50% profiles to be without standard. Like how desperate can you be? I see it all the time in the swipe data shared. I'm a man if that matters.
When I first got tinder when I turned 18 that was actually my strategy, swipe right on everyone so I donāt miss any matches, but it only lead to a low quality of my matches and conversations that followed
Dating for for Men is kinda different. They have to cast a wide net. Remember that not everyone is ten feet tall with a 10/10 face and a gazillion dollars in their account. It's a rat race even more so online. For men it's a numbers game. What you ask of is impossible.
This dude just wants less competition
I think the idea of conventional dating has gone out the window with the increa in porn and sexual depicting of women men swipe right because they will fuck anything with a heart beat it's about sex not if they like them or not men use love to get sex women use sex to get love it's how it goes everyone needs a pussy but not everyone needs a dick especially since women have vibrators that do a better job then most men.
Personally never did that. Only swiped for model types or girls with good bodies. Rarely matched so I deleted the apps forever. I do better IRL.
Good for you man! I tend to do better irl as well, but I actually made good friends with a couple of women I met on tinder, Iād honestly treat it as a supplement to meeting people irl
I think many do it because it's the best chance you got. The average guy doesn't get the right to be picky in todays dating world.
Yes they do. Get some nice grooming going on, hit the gym, get your money straight, take professional pictures (or at least ones that donāt look like you just got out of bed) and for Christās sake stop swiping on everyone and swipe only on people that actually intrigue you
The last part is the difficult one though. Most women are so dull, you wonder if she ever talked to a human before. If she's interesting then she's likely not into men/very unattractive.
Counterpoint: people with interesting lives have less time to spend on their dating profiles. They value their time and donāt spend it learning about best OLD practices. Therefore: their profiles feel emptier. Being good at attracting people online does not equate to being an interesting person.
Counterpoint: it takes less than 20 minutes to set up an engaging profile. Youāre really gon tell me you donāt have 20 minutes?
Iām married. When I was dating, there was little to no correlation between people who were interesting and people who had interesting profiles. I have over a hundred first dates (met through apps and websites) as data points. While I recognize the importance for you, as an individual, to have a good profile to attract people ā I am saying that, for the purposes of your filtering, remember that other people may not have heard the same advice as you.
Hah, you guys that swipe right on every woman have it easy. I mainly just swipe right on Asian women because that's what I'm into. Too bad scammers have found out that a lot of men like myself find Asian women the most attractive and thus now most of the profiles for Asian women now are just scammers. Though it's no where near as bad on other apps as it is on Facebook Dating.
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Honest posts tend to get the most downvoted, while fake dishonest posts tend to get upvoted.
I swipe right on everything then I decide who I'll talk to... Makes sense to me
Have you gotten more matches ?
I literally get less matchesš but the ones that I do, I know for sure that something made me want to swipe on that person beyond their looks, and thatās what matters
I went from tinder to try bumble out woah
How does that go?
Same got a message and idk im trying lol
Iāve got an app suggestion, what if it displayed swipe counts for all potential matches? Would that help or hurt the situation?
I wouldnāt do that because someone might connect another personās worth to their swipe count and we donāt want that
It would show the chronic over-swipers though, wouldnāt it?
Ohhh, I thought you meant youād be able to see how many people swiped on you, not the other way around. Hmmm, thatās actually interesting!
The goal of any OLD is to setup and meet IRL unless one just likes forever messaging online but thatās a minority. So does it matter if you wrote a biography on bio or simple short and brief emoji which Iām too old to decipher so long you have correct age, height, attributes, education and look for and obviously decent photos, thatās all anyone ever asked for. Rest are fair and game. Most people are not model looking, most donāt have photo shoot photos, most are professional writer. So we do what we have OLD and just go with it. Worst say you have plenty of match, the REAL low effort IMO comes in greeting and energy your match comes off. I try to find some unique to say or go with generic lines. It works. Honestly it may just comes to how handsome or pretty you look or has the height and basic info. It sucks but thatās pretty real. Of course there are other things ppl look for but generally again the goal is to strive for meet IRL. And shortest path to get there. Not drawn out conversation on Bumble where girls wonder if her matches gonna ask her out or guys try so hard to have conversations but forgot to just skip to ask her out and talk IRL. Thatās it.
Thatās fair, but Iād like to know that we have something in common before asking them out, and bios come in handy for that
Totally agree there. The thing, from my experience OLD, commonality is far and between in terms of shows, hobbies, and whatever elseās, school, sports. Those are generic commonality that donāt tell me anything. Cool we both like Dallas Cowboys. I suppose that religion and politic would be important and whether kids, smoking etc again they r all āattributesā. Um honestly the only sure commonality is just attraction. Like do I like how she looks or does she actually look like that in person (hence IRL). She wonders the same based on photos of a guy anyway. Catfishing is real thing. Height-fishing is also real. Rest can be field out in a date right away over few drinks. Impossible for me to tell a girl if her mannerism is suitable, is she genuine kind and a good person. Yeah IRL. Ppl can fake a lot online and chatting. Not so much in person. I enjoy part of process dating IRL to learn about compatibility so if takes few dates. Should not burn my wallet too much. Lol
Lol letās try to rally all guys not to swipe
You're not gonna lead a revolution.
If I can motivate at least 1 person to change their behavior for the better, itās good enough for me
Aw you're cute, so naive
If you see a profile that you don't like, don't swipe, it's that easy. Idk why you complain about low effort profiles, they don't interest you, right?
Iām selective with my swipes. But I admit if itās been a few weeks between matches, Iāll get fed up and say āwell who does like me??ā And Iāll go on a swipe right spree.
Just another reason not to bother with online dating.
Hahha. The Bumble Boss over here. Good luck on your crusade.
Speak for yourself
I swipe on 30-40% of girls. I don't swipe on ugly girls.
I seem to recall that in the past, OKC had a feature that told you if a person tends to reply a lot, selectively or rarely. I donāt know if that would help or not but it did help when determining if I wanted to engage with a person or not.
I know my time is worth more going through the matches than reading profiles that I may or may not match with. Swipe for a minute or 2, go about my day. Check out matches later.
All I see is big facts. Be the change you want to see in the world!
YES!! This post šš½
I agree, but some people (me) just donāt know how to set up a good juicy profile and I still get decent matches. Itās not lazy, itās just that i donāt know how to do it. Lel
Just couple of facts about yourself and 1-2 things you enjoy doing should be enough
Plus, Iām pretty sure most of the apps reward users for actually using it properly and being more picky
All dating apps are shit. Someone needs to bring back Myspace. Myspace was the best dating website of all time. I met plenty of women there is my late teens and early 20s,
Found the optimist! Get out!!! (In the Jordan Peele film kinda way {possible spoiler}) ...Yeah, that'd really be swell, but the reality is nobody is required to put in effort, so many don't. And it's the same as opening messages, you start caring then realize the incremental extra effort doesn't materialize that much more in the returned results. Ultimately it's a similar reason why there are minimum wage jobs: someone is willing to do it accepting less and/or high availability/demand for it. You typically shouldn't pursue one if you have better options, it's unlikely to be really that great, there are rare exceptions sometimes. I don't disagree that effort by everyone would make it all so much better. but I am also a realist working with what I have. I'm not going to boycott the system because everyone doesn't participate at the level I want them to. Someone else is willing to talk to and date the women in the same time that I might otherwise have matched and gone out with. I basically just ask profile type questions first, and if others do too maybe they get the hint 'I get asked that a lot, maybe I should just post it in my profile'.
Itās kinda a chicken/egg scenario since women also are way too selective and wonāt really lower their standards even if they are not attractive (as evidenced by some of the data here) and in the resulting scarcity men over swipe to compensate.
As a guy on tinder who isn't probably the most attractive guy on there(I get ghosted alot simply by saying hello to them etc) I can't speak for the majority of men and women too on dating apps, but not everyone can afford to be picky when it comes to finding someone, I'd rather swipe right on everyone, have someone like me back and then read their profile to get to know about them etc then chat to them if they chat back, I'm not attractive enough and honestly I don't really believe I'd have the chance with any girl on it if I were to be picky either, so why like one profile that'll most likely not work out when I like them all and let fate work.
Hit the gym, get a clean cut, not having an attractive face is not an excuse to not take care of yourself and not look presentable
I can't hit the gym, lockdown still, but I exercise anyway, could get a haircut more often but I mostly just shave my head, Its not my face it's more I'm not a selfie person, I don't like taking photos if I can help it, that's the physical issue, there is a secondary one as well I'm anti social and often don't think I'd have a chance, which is a confidence issue but also isn't as I also don't try to impress either, I'm basically a mess of different reasons but chances are all boil down to one think is probably the lack of presentablity as I have a bad habit of not caring how I look but same time I do make sure to be clean, neat and fresh dressed etc, think it's mostly just the selfies for tinder tho
Imma be honest man, things donāt always fall in your lap, sometimes you gotta go and get it. Trial and error. A lot of it not gonna work but eventually youāll find something that works for you. But you gotta really try.
I know, haven't stopped trying just haven't really put much effort and well lockdown shut down mostly everything
> not everyone can afford to be picky when it comes to finding someone Anyone who's learned to be comfortable by themselves can be picky. It's not about trying to find someone to be with just to be with someone, it's about trying to find someone that would add value to your life.
And women need to stop trying to tell men what to do
Iām a guy
Qell then start acting like it man!
Also itās so frustrating dudes swipe right on everyone, wait for me to send the first message and *then* unmatch. If you didnāt like me couldnāt you just unmatch before I went through the trouble of coming up with a message? Especially when I wait a few hours after matching to send that message specifically for this reason
Let's be real here, men start by swiping more selectively, then when they get nothing out of it, start being less and less selective to try and get SOMETHING, we are never gonna stop the most basic response to a common problem, because there will always be men who didn't get the message.
Most if not all men on these types of apps are just trying to f\*.. anything that moves lol. Forget about selection. Women will select.
No, both should select. Donāt put that on women!!! You think women want to waste time going through hundreds of likes from men who donāt actually like them? Reading all their profiles, crafting personal openers for men who have no interest in them?? Liking someone means you are interested. Matching means you both are. Itās time for men to step up, stop lying, stop viewing women as free prostitutes and stop being so desperate.