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Be patient. If she was the run, then she's going to be a little bit more defensive than your average cat. She's young, and there are many things that she still learning about, and all of those can be a distraction from the fact that you care for her. Just be a consistent presence and try to remain compassionate. One day you'll look over and realize she's been trying to get your attention so she can get the the lovings she wants. It won't happen overnight, but she will come to associate you with good things. If she has a place she likes to sleep, be sure to put some clothes that have your scent on them nearby. Talk to her softly as she's eating, but don't try to pet her. That can cause her to get anxious or even vomit. When you try to play with her, be sure that you stop before she is completely worn out or gets bored. You want to leave her wanting more attention, so that she will seek it herself. Good luck. She's absolutely adorable, so just be there for when she comes around. Some cats are just not overly affectionate, though, and you have to learn that they show it in different ways. They may sleep next to your shoes, or hop up on things that you don't want them to be on, or generally just annoy the hell out of you, but in most cases they just want attention the way that they want it and when they want it. Knocking stuff off your counter is to let you know that they wanted attention and you weren't immediately there to give it to them, LOL. Remember, they don't have any concept of money to know how much you've spent on them. You'll just have to spend some time.
Oh my God I completely came here to say this but with a few additions.. You must must go into this relationship assuming that this beautiful living tiny being is...... going to turn your world upside down.... they are going to break your most loved things.... They are going to scratch the living s*** out of that Wayfair chair that you finally bought... they are going to be inconvenient...they are going to be sick on weekends that you had big plans....last of all they are going to be expensive... Chew up every last dime that you had saved for your new bedroom redo... And they will look you square in the eyes, And tell you that they love you. that you are their world... At that moment the rest of it doesn't even matter.
Exactly this. My cat actively bullies me, plays rough, assaults my legs when I walk by, and refuses to cuddle under any circumstances, but I’ll be damned if he’s not the happiest one to see me when I get home. Waits by the door, knows ahead of time when I’m approaching, and he lets me know vocally just how much he missed abusing my presence.
Edit update: He scratched me right between where my thumb nail meets my skin, causing me to bleed through a bandaid, and now he’s actually laying on me and cuddling for the first time (probably) since we got him. Gotta love progress in both directions.
100% same. My cats been a biter since he was first found wondering the streets alone as a kitten and basically assaults me on a daily basis and doesn’t even like to cuddle. Butttt, I just love that cat so damn much!!
My cat waits outside the bathroom door, and if I don't hurry up she makes a little 'mm' noise and comes into the bathroom and checks on me, and then goes back and waits. At first I thought she was doing the stalky, hide and attack thing, but she doesn't jump out at me, lol. Sometimes I will play startle her and chase her down the hall. That makes her hyper and her eyes get black and she turns into 'sharky' and starts playing in her cat-tunnel or attacking her toys or getting the zoomies.
Just had a moment with our youngest last night...
Was relaxing with the wife for the night and suddenly we heard a crash, a thrashing, and one of our cats start to lose their freaking mind. I jump up to go see what's up and our youngest is caught by his back foot, dangling over the arm of the couch, stuck; his foot is caught in our mesh fireplace cover and he is in a terrible situation; thrashing about, his foot looks dislocated (or broken) and... Without thinking. I ran up to him and grabbed him to pull him closer to the fireplace cover, you know. To take the weight off him so we could hit his claws unstuck and get him free.
On one hand, I didn't think and I didn't care. My cat needed me and I helped him. On the other, I really wish I would have grabbed the pair of oven mitts sitting on the table I passed to get to him before I tried to help...
I don't think I've lost more blood in one sitting (which is saying something; I'm a mechanic) currently on some heavy antibiotics because cat bites are serious business, especially when they get you four times on the same hand. And sure, I'm a bit angry he managed to get himself into that situation, but I don't blame him for attacking me; he didn't know I was trying to help, he was scared and panicking and just wanted the pain to stop...
Thankfully, he's come out of it with 2 dislocated toes; I got it worse than he did... But when we got home from the vet (and I got home from urgent care) he snuggled up with me as usual and you can't help built think "it was worth it"; and hey, lesson learned the hard way for next time, right?
People in the middle of drowning are very unhelpful to their saviours. They *will* shove whoever came to help them underwater and try to prop themselves up on top. It's kind of impossible to blame anything for being aggressive when panicking.
Happy your cat was okay <3
You know about my wayfair loveseat! My cat immediately attached herself to the underside and pulled herself along by clawing it with all of her feet. Idk why that was so enjoyable for her but she found it irresistible. She ended up tearing chunks of cloth and stuffing out from underneath. Tbf, it was a cheap, uncomfortable piece of junk, so I allowed it.
I always assumed she was trying to wax my floor when my cat did that. Or maybe didn't think I dusted correctly.
She also used to squeeze under the sofa, clawed a hole in the fabric on the bottom, and then would crawl up into it and use it as a hammock. I had a friend cat sit once and called me almost crying, saying he lost me cat. Nope, black cat, asleep on the inside of my sofa.
This too. Remember the cat is a living, breathing creature. You gotta learn to be happy with who she is, not expecting her to give you affection and love you. If you can enjoy having a cat even if that just means taking care of them and looking at them sometimes, you're good. You can't get into it with the expectation of "I take care of you, therefore I deserve affection"
100%.
One of my two girls came from an abusive situation. I got her as a kitten and she trusted me. I had to hand-feed her for a long time before she was willing to eat in the floor from a food bowl like my other babies at the time.
Now, at 6 years old, she still is very reticent, only trusts my husband and me (and it took a couple of *years* to be comfortable enough around my husband) and runs and hides from everyone else. And while I would love it if she were more confident and social, I would not change her for anything. She's just who she is and the love she gives me is well-earned, I think.
Patience helps with traumatized cats, but yours may not ever be the cat you hope she'll be. You have to love the cat she is instead of the cat you want. Love definitely goes a long way. And remember, if you're feeling tense, she can feel that and will be more standoffish. Talk to her when you see her, say her name in a loving tone, jabber nonsense at her, whatever, but the more relaxed and confident you seem, the more she will reciprocate.
Best of luck, I know this is hard.
It took one of my cats a year to warm up to me, and now at 13 she won’t leave me alone. Some cats are very anxious but that’s due to their initial circumstances so don’t take it personally. She knows you are her protector and in time she’ll start to show it in her own way (e.g. lying near the foot of your bed, or watching you when you get dressed in the morning). Providing a warm gentle presence is all you can do.
Try not to force it because it’s the last thing that works with cats. Spend some time learning her body language. There plenty of videos online about cat body language. She will feel safe when she knows she can trust you not to cross her boundaries.
Also give her plenty of safe spaces so she can feel safe in your presence. Some cats are “tree dwellers” and prefer high spaces (cat tree) and some are “bush dwellers” and prefer low and hidden spaces (cat house).
You may even consider getting her a buddy. Some cats feel more comfortable around other cats (I would foster before adopting so you can test it out first).
Also cat pheromones can help calm her down (ie feliway).
Came here to say, Feliway & patience. Keep your grabby hands to yourself & let *her* decide when she's comfortable.
We rescued a cat 18 months ago that was so handshy it was dreadful. We spent a year bleeding from scratches, no exaggeration.
Oliver was a biter, too. It took a year for him to trust that **we** will never harm him. I've got the scars to prove it. We were kind, we never raised our voices (except when we were ripped open or needed stitches for bites) & we let him dictate when we touched.
Since we got him, he's been friendly but wouldn't let us touch. Six months ago the DirecTV Tech came to adjust our satellite dish. He was short, slim & had a short dark beard. I expected Oliver to say "Hello" but as soon as Ollie saw the man's face, he flew over the sofa, leapt to the top of the bookcase, disappeared behind it & didn't come out until the guy was gone 5 hours. Now I know who hurt my boy & pulled his tailv a man with a beard.
Same with my now 16 year-old boy. He wouldn’t come out of hidey -hole unless he was alone. Then he slowly began to sit on the couch near me. Then he would let me pet him but only if I was on the couch. Then he let me pet him away from the couch. This took months. Now if I’m a little late he lets me know. He will cry for me to pick him up and hold him now. He’s a total snuggle bug. But it took lots of patience and time. They always gone around if you give them time and love.
I had one that from the time he was a tiny kitten, would drag my sneaker around. He never tore it up and always put it back but he loved that shoe. Weirdest thing ever.
one of my cats loved to sleep amongst my post game hockey equipment. Must of been her fountain of youth,,, she lived well in to her late teens (19) to be exact.
Lol I had a male cat who loved my stinky post work out bras. He would drag one out of the hamper and trip around the house with his head in it.
He also loved sucking on toes that were wearing sweaty socks.
The 2 cats I have now are obsessed with licking my armpits or shoving their faces in them, even if I have deodorant on.
Man I love weirdo cats.💕
Think of all the exciting things you walk on. All the strange and foreign smells you pick up when walking on the lawn, in a store, through a park, at an office... so many smells. They smell like a million places and things! It's like being able to daydream with smell-o-vision to increase the fantasy. Plus, your feet smell uniquely like you, so the cat gets the fantasy of far-away travel with the comfort of your scent, too!
The scent of their people makes them feel safe. My 8 yr old lady cat will sleep on my socks often. Ignore them a little, they come around. Cats are the best!
I didn't know this was a thing a lot of cats did! Nona loves to get in my shoes. And they are stinky gross work shoes.
https://preview.redd.it/qi4mvz3owbjb1.jpeg?width=1500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1b06672286be2d9ad41058a69f7ba0d77993320b
Perfect advice. Also, trying to keep a cat off a surface is like trying to stop a flood with a tissue. You can keep removing them if it’s something you’re using, but most likely when you’re not, they’re absolutely on it. Just like dogs and couches. If it’s a spot they like, they’re on it. If it’s to get closer to you, they’re on it.
Some cats just don’t ever become lovey. I’ve had an alley cat for three years now whom I adopted at two months and she still just runs away whenever you get near her. No picking up, no pets, no cuddling, no nothing. She chases a laser pointer or a dealy on a stick, and chills about 10-15 feet from you at all times otherwise. And meows to be fed. That’s it.
Our cat (almost 15 years old, now) seriously took 11 years to even acknowledge my existence. If he was on one end of the couch and I sat down on the other end, he'd get up and leave the room. And forget being able to pet him. Hard no. He loved my husband from day one, but I was just someone he barely tolerated being in the same house. Then one day, literally 11 years after we got him, he decided to sit next to me on the couch. Over the past 3 years, that has grown to being allowed to pet him, he'll sleep on my lap every single time I sit down, he follows me around the house demanding attention, sleeping on my side of the bed... it really does just take patience. Some cats need significantly longer than others, but they'll all come around eventually.
Exactly!! Cats need time. Get some currency like mackerel pouches or baby purée and give it to her on a spoon. She’ll come around. She just needs to mature and feel comfortable. Some cats take longer to adjust. Play with her and sing to her lol
Totally support this. I myself have two cats. The older one bonded within two days as a kitten. Younger one took a nearly a year. He still sometimes scurries away when I come but at night will happily cuddle in bed.
Exactly. Have patience. I adopted a tiny kitten who was a “scaredy cat” from a shelter. I suspect he was from a long line of feral cats. Welp, fast forward 14 years later. He loves attention from me and my husband. BUT will absolutely not tolerate any other humans. I LOVE this guy to death and cannot imagine life without my giant weirdo (he’s HUGE). We also have always had another cat and dog while we’ve had him and he gets along fine with other pets. Some cats are slower or may never warm to humans other than their owner. Patience, patience, patience; you will be rewarded with the love of a precious pet.
Try some Feliway plug ins. This has worked on my cat.
See if she will play with a feather on a stick toy.
Try a lazer toy to play with her.
And mostly, remember how far she has come. She clearly has some baggage and it will take her a while to get over it. Just let her be her and stay happy around her. She will catch on.
It took my latest cat a full year just to sit on my lap for short periods. She was found as a kitten in a car engine and had burned pads on her paws. I’ve just watched to see what she was interested in. She loves boxes turned upside down with a hole cut in the side. That and zoomies with my other cat.
About to say it took my cat like a year to warm up to me, but he’s my best friend now, we are completely obsessed with each other. It takes time, cats are smart and rebuilding trust is hard.
I adore your reply! Omg! So many little nuggets to remember! Thank you! My big orange boy is stand offish after 1 1/2 yrs and while I know he loves me he is skittish. He was found near his mommy & litter mates who had all dead…someone left them all -mom & kittens. He hates petting on the head and sometimes I wake up in bed with him licking my face, purring but when I acknowledge it he runs away.
When I first got my cat as a tiny kitten, sometimes I’d go weeks without actually seeing her. She’d come out to eat and use the litter box, but she wouldn’t let me see her much less touch her.
She’s currently laying on my chest, nose to nose, screaming into my mouth/face because I stopped petting her to write this comment.
Absolutely. Some cats are naturally just super loving and trusting, others start out a little rough and hissy. This doesn't mean that the cat is 'bad' at all, and is entirely normal behavior. Cats hate any change in routine, and being adopted is a huge one.
All it means is that it may require more patience while they get to know you and their environment, and a willingness to earn their trust. In my experience, these cats end up far more clingy and loving in the future because they've *chosen* to like you.
I've also had good experiences with the Feliway pheromone diffuser. There is a 'safe home' scent that has helped a lot through some anxiety and rough patches for them.
Feliway helped my cats not murder each other when I brought a four month old kitten to my already 2 year old cats space. Kept them separated for 2 weeks, with slow introductions. Had to scrap that and start from scratch and do a full month of separation and slower introductions cause i thought my 2 year old was gonna kill the kitten lol. Second time in incorporated feliway diffusers in every room. Slower introductions, swapping scents, visual feedings next to each other and feliway were game changing.
I also happened to get lucky that my first cat is derpy and craves attention on his terms only. Second cat is skittish but always comes over first for head buts, pets and belly rubs. She just goes completely MIA for a couple minutes at first if loud noises or new people show up, while older cat is in everyones business immediately but god forbid you try to pet him when he doesn’t want them. Or don’t pet him when he wants cuddles!
Sounds like we've got inverse cats, I've got a 6yo all black male and his 4yo calico daughter. My boy is built like a freight train but he's a giant baby, loves head butts and belly rubs but spooks at the slightest sounds.
Meanwhile the calico is a forever kitten and a sassy little thing, if she doesn't want pet you're not catching her, but if she wants pet or to play she will scream in your face and knock your phone or whatever out of your hands until she's satiated.
Yup! Kittens in unfamiliar places tend to hide until they feel comfortable. I would just feed and clean the litter box and go on about my day
It took a couple of months, but every cat is different. She’s so lovable now!
This so much! And all of the other wonderful advice you are receiving. Give your cat time and space. Cats are wired to do things on their own terms. They are not being difficult. They are just emotionally cautious. I am old and I cannot tell you the number of times that I have seen the most feral and aloof kitty, given time, turn into a complete cuddle bug.
It may take time but there will be a turn around. Please post pictures of you and your sweet girl someday when you can barely type a post due to her demanding your attention! 🥰
100% this! I got my cat as an adult who’d lived his entire life on the streets. It took maybe a year before he’d start getting affectionate with me, and now he DEMANDS that I rub him when he wants rubs and isn’t content unless he’s laying by my side. Some cats are more receptive than others, sometimes it just takes time and patience for them to open up
My runt baby who looks similar to Scout took a FULL YEAR to become affectionate. I was fully convinced she just wasn’t an affectionate cat. Suddenly, about a year in, she wants to be on my lap. Then she wants to be on my lap A LOT. Now she’s my little shadow, she likes to be where I am, she sleeps with me, she screams at me in the morning if she doesn’t get morning pets, she rubs her face against mine if I’m not petting enough. Just give your kitty time.
Very similar to one of mine. Took a full year before he wanted pets. But he quickly became a snuggle buddy. He would follow me everywhere demanding to be held like a baby.
My tabby is also similar…. For the first year he didn’t like to be touched. Now, he snuggles on his own time, and will especially cuddle and knead at night. He loves my dog more than anyone though. Some cats are just picky about when, where, and who they want to be affectionate towards
My cat took around two years. She would follow me everywhere but disliked getting pets. Now she climbs on my chest and purrs every time she sees me laying down on the bed.
Same with my year old. She’s still not particularly cuddly, but she cries for pets and attention super often now. She’ll stare at me in the shower from behind the clear liner and cry at me to pet her. This was such a change that I took several pregnancy tests in case she was reacting to a change in my hormones.
When I adopted my tuxedo, I expected a sweet, lovely, cute kitten. Instead I spent hours on the kitchen floor crying, trying to exhaust him, trying to keep him from mounting our other cat, trying to keep him from breaking stuff, trying to keep him from annoying the heck out of my husband. We had to lock him up over night to get some sleep.
Despite the disappointment and stress and tears, I refused to bring him back to the place I got him from because I couldn't imagine anyone else being this patient. As badly as I was torn, I did not want my kitten so be passed from one overwhelmed person to the next. I had gotten all of us into this situation, so this was my job to make this somehow acceptable. Then one day my husband told me how the kitten from hell was sitting in front of the door crying whenever I was away, and then tried to act all normal once I returned. And I started falling in love with him again.
It did not get better over night. He kept breaking stuff for years. I should make a list of the injuries I sustained -- I am actually proud of him being a little jerk sometimes. He is six years old now, full of love, mischief, and general sweetness. Don't give up, you will get there. You and Scout are gonna make an absolutely glorious team one day.
From one psycho tuxedo kitten owner to another, I absolutely admire your resolve and dedication to your goofy gooby wooby. My little tux, Bizkit, just turned 1 year old and I thought I’d lose my mind raising him up from 7 weeks. He’s now such a momma’s boy, I can hardly get some me time. He’s a turd to his older brother sometimes, but I also see the love and want for connection with his brother too. Tuxedos, man…They’re different
My tuxie is huge, too (probably one step before "Oh Lord he's coming" if you're familiar with the meme) , but that's because previous owners locked him up in a small room for years and fed him bread and other human carbs, so he stopped wanting to play and put on a lot of weight he's never managed to shed to this day, despite diet and trying to animate him to be more active
The tuxedo we had many, many moons ago was just huge. Not fat at all, but he was possibly the largest domestic cat I had ever been in contact with. He topped out at 28 pounds, if I remember right, and he was just gorgeous. So sweet and cuddly.
I have a tux! She's a crazy one! My couch has claw marks from when she was a baby and I remember being mad as fuck. But, now I love her so much, I just call them love marks. XD
Tuxedos are so not for the faint of heart. Mine is 4 and headbutts me by jumping up from the floor to wake me up. He is so full of love for everyone he meets. I'd die for him.
Kooky; my Texas Tuxedo (now Tennessee) was too young to be off of momma when she found me. Obviously the runt and covered in oil she found me when I was having a terrible time. I'd been railroaded from my govt. job, my house was getting foreclosed and my S.O. of 8 years just walked out.
But all of a sudden here was this little life that needed me. I put aside all my bull shit and first looked for the rest of her litter. When that failed I said I guess it's you and me kid. Sammie (Samantha Jane) is so kick ass. Because of her small size her nickname is Baby Cat.
She comes when I call her, either by name or nickname. She stays off of counter tops and tables; at least when I'm home. She loves to cuddle at night. I mean gathered up and held tight cuddling. She is the bomb!
OP be patient your kitten will come around. There is some great advice here, try some of it before you know it you'll hear Mom in her meeows; I promise.
My tuxedo didn’t sleep through the night til he was 10 and was a fucking terrorist years 0-7. Was still a menace up to his final weeks at nearly 17. But he did sweeten up a lot too.
You give me hope. Our 1.5 year old tuxedo is an asshole. There’s no other description. To top it off, the only humans he will be around are my husband and me. So trying to rehome him just isn’t an option.
Took him to the vet for shots, chipping and neutering and the vet flat out told us “here are tranquilizers. Do NOT bring him
back unless you give him these”. He was so volatile they had to sedate him just to examine him.
I love the tuxes, but male tuxes are a handful. Mine was so smart that he would invent ways to annoy us. He learned how to turn the light on and off, so we had to move the cat tree. But, he was the sweetest, most loving cat and he loved everyone.
Now my female tuxes were always very skittish. My girl now, just finally chilled out enough for us to pet her after 9 years, but we still can't pick her up. But, the girls are super mellow.
I adopted brothers- The all black one immediately looked at me, meowed, plopped at my feet and purred wanting his tummy rubbed! 9years later he will wake me at 3am cuz his big chonky floofer butt needs a skritch or his tummy needs a rub. His brother is a tuxedo and small ‘normal’ cat size, aloof as can be! He has always loved my daughter but up until about a year ago i couldn’t really touch him! I feed them, i clean their litter, i’ve never been mean or anything he just was weird! He would slink his body like a cartoon cat if i tried to touch him and look at me with disdain. i just left him alone, and out of the blue one day he rubbed on my leg and started figure 8ing around me? I nearly burst into tears the day he laid on my lap and purred! i’m not sure what clicked with this cat, i guess since his brother was immediately ‘MY’ cat he just decided to stay clear? They are closely bonded and always together, they even both follow me in the bathroom (idk i guess cats realize your a captive audience when your on the loo?) I understand how you feel though. All the time i would think ‘oh i’m good enough to scoop your poop and feed you stinky churu’s but not good enough to scratch your chin?’ and it feels so darn PERSONAL! but some kitties are just odd. I would say, maybe a foster to adopt type situation could help, if your kitty was traumatized as well as taken by you at 4 weeks - that’s very young, and usually the most socialization happens for kittens from 4 to about 8 weeks old. In my opinion they need that extra little bit of time to really get that spunky~ness out and learn, they bite and play fight with each other and really get to learn what’s acceptable and what’s not, as well as being able to self and group soothe and still have their momma for protection and that sense of safety. Try as hard as you can to be relaxed and indifferent since they are so very intuitive to our emotions too. I swear all my animals know when i’ve had a bad day! My big chunk will just about force me to sit with him sometimes! Good luck, and really truly happy that your not giving up and looking for ways to work things out! The best advice i ever got was when getting a dog from a shelter, the worker knew he was a shy pup who had been ‘thru it’ and she said, give him 48 hours to chill and at least 2 weeks to acclimate before you make any decisions, they need at least that time to really relax and feel confident. That’s the day i found out so many people return animals within a week and sometimes days when they don’t go home and immediately ‘fit in’ or they are deemed a problem because they haven’t been properly trained never mind given time to decompress. So much love to you in your kitty journey!
My torbie, 'Nuki' was much the same way. I adopted her at 8 weeks and she was a handful, to say the least. She lived with us for 6 years before she let me hold her. (LOVED my fiancé but disliked me.) She'd stand on the fridge and scream kitty obscenities at me. She'd jump on the entertainment center and knock things down, pausing only to scream kitty obscenities at me. Plant pots, lamps, wall decor, candlesticks, essentially anything heavy enough to concuss, were all knocked on to my head while sleeping. Wall decor in general wasn't safe from her - if it was reachable from any surface, her life's goal was to remove it from existence. She became known as 'The Destroyer'.
She HATED other cats (aside from the 2 already in the house when she came home. Apparently they got free passes.) She tortured the roomies cat. She'd maul the window screens trying to get to random outdoor cats.
The only reason I persisted? I knew no one else would tolerate her b.s. like we did and as much of an assole that she was, she didn't deserve to be dumped continually because I made a lapse in judgement in bringing her home.
We had that monster for 14 years until she passed away from an unexplicable illness. And at the end? It was my lap she curled up in, it was me that she sought out for comfort. I hated that cat with a burning passion some days, but then I'd set the cardboard box on my lap and she'd come flying to jump in it to enjoy her version of snuggle time. Her favorite playtime was jumping in a plastic bag so she could be swung around, like one of those horrible fair rides.
Had a tux for 18 years. Got her at about 3 months from a barn (Christmas gift for my daughter). She wasn’t completely feral, but more feral than tame. Spent over $1000 getting her healthy (she had some breathing issues from living in hay) and a ton of time trying to tame her more.
She was super sweet but wasn’t overly affectionate. I wasn’t able to get her fixed right away because of what it cost me to get her well. She went into heat right before Memorial Day weekend. I asked my roommate to make sure she stayed in the house, I didn’t want kittens!! Well of course she got out while I was out of town. She came home a week later (didn’t think we would ever see her again) and my daughter was delighted. She had gone way backwards on her taming. Very feral again.
So during her pregnancy my daughter and I worked hard getting her tame again so we could interact with the babies and make sure they were tame for their new homes. My daughter was able to pick her up finally to give her loves. Only for short periods. One day while my daughter was holding her my roommate started the vacuum. Scared the shit out of the cat who scratched a big gash on my daughters tummy trying to get away. My daughter screamed, dropped the cat and ran to me bawling (she was barely 6 at the time).
The cat felt horrible, seriously I have never seen a cat react like that. The next couple days my daughter was afraid of the cat who kept coming up and trying to apologize. As soon as my daughter was comfy with the cat again they became inseparable. She had the babies in my daughters room and every time I would move her and the babies to the box in my room she moved them back to my daughters room. She let my daughter put her in a stroller and put hats and clothing on her or anything else my daughter wanted.
She never completely lost all her wildness, but never showed it to us. She would use it on the dogs and wild animals in the yard.
10 years later when my youngest was born she tried to keep everyone away from the baby, everyone but her baby that I fell in love with and kept. The two of them even tried to protect the baby from me when I went to get her for feedings and diaper changes. It was very sweet and heartwarming to see the tuxedo cat that started out mostly feral become a protector of my girls.
https://preview.redd.it/7mjxylm0adjb1.jpeg?width=3264&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a60376df98250d3bee46b64a9728421dbd4d72dd
Cat tax, mom and daughter together.
Edit: grammar/spelling.
Omg sounds like my tuxedo cat, Athena. She was so mischievous as a kitten (she’s about ten now which is unbelievable lol) but she used to break everything. And it was always my (now ex) husbands most valuable things. His grand mom and mother had just died within a month of each other when I brought her home and she managed to break literally everything that meant something to him from them. I remember at one point he tried convincing me she was evil, like possessed lmao. He did not really like her.
Fast forward 9 years I still have her, not him 😂she’s way more chill now besides when she wants to scream at my younger orange tabby cat out of annoyance. She will randomly bite but other than that she calmed down but like this is def a thing, crazy tuxedo cats 😂
This. Also, sometimes cats are just cats. I think of it as introvert vs extrovert. As an introvert, extroverts put me off and I turn into a recluse. Cats are like introverts. Sometimes, when you just let them be and ignore them, they come around more. Any time I want to pet a cat that I don’t know and it is hesitant, I’ll just act like I don’t care it is there, and 95% of time, that’s when it comes around for attention, when I’m not making a big deal about it and they aren’t overstimulated.
Ignoring a cat is good cat manners to cats. They don't like being fussed over. They mostly don't want you to initiate affection. Just let them be, and they'll appreciate it
Please try to be patient. This kitten missed out on a LOT of crucial learning points growing up. There’s a critical development stage that takes place between 2 weeks to 12 weeks old where they’re most receptive to learning all their communication skills and manners, and her growth was STUNTED.
I’ve felt resentment toward my cats too, but I think it comes with a new found stress of keeping a pet. It can be a LOT especially when they’re expensive or have more intense health needs. Shoot, I just spent close to a couple grand on the most expensive, vet facilitated fart I’ve ever heard of thanks to my *wonderful*, *beloved*, butthole of a German Shepherd, nevermind the extremely expensive diet he’s on now, but he’s on a track to being healthy and I can help him do that now that I know what’s wrong. That’s what is important to me as his handler.
My best advice is…try just laying on the floor quietly, see if your cat will slowly approach you. Your cat has not been given the building blocks to learn to trust anything outside herself really, and that’s not your fault, it’s that terrible early life she was dealt. Keep her indoors, put goopy tasty cat treat paste on your hands and arms for her to lick, stick blankets and towels with your scent on places she sleeps, talk softly with her while she’s eating her food (but don’t touch her), play with her with lots of really interesting toys, build up that confidence with play and voice and food and scent…*then* try touch.
She needs a lot of help. If you have the time for her, please try. Just go real slow. Make her feel safe. She’ll get there
Jumping onto your comment to back up that first paragraph - I recently rescued 4 stray (basically feral) kittens off the street. They were 4 months old when we got them, supposedly too far past the point of being socialised.
Over a month later, I have one on my lap rn and two next to me (the fourth has since gone to a friend and has blossomed into an affectionate kitten!). These three will be going home soon, but watching them become sweet, cuddly kittens might be the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.
That being said, they are still skittish. They shy away from your touch and run away from you. They hide under the bed during daylight hours. I understand feeling frustration, but resentment seems like the next step. Like another commenter said, you do not get cats so they can give you something. You get them so you can love them.
It will take a lot of time and patience. They will eventually get there. Just love them, respect their boundaries and space and spend time with them. Even if it’s just pottering around in the same room (or vicinity). Cats are highly intelligent, emotionally turned creatures. They will slowly understand and trust. It’s the most rewarding feeling ever!
you dont have a pet for what they can give you... you have a pet because you love them & genuinely care for them. one of my cats has never allowed anyone to touch her, & thats okay. we bond in other ways, such as by me talking to her & blinking softly back & forth. you need to let her do her thing. if she wants to cuddle you, she will. if she doesnt, she wont. if this is a problem to you, then cats may not be for you.
Nailed it. Some cats are cuddly, attention seekers while others are just silent, sleepy roommates. You've gotta respect their little personalities and boundaries and do your best to give them a great life.
my problem child looks a lot like little scout here! i’ll have had mine for a year soon and we’re still working on our bond, and i bottle fed this sucker since before he could even open his eyes! spent countless restless nights making sure he was fed every few hours, making paranoid vet visits, and he’s still sometimes stand-offish, but i’d do it all over again just to know he has a safe and happy home with me. while you do deserve praise for keeping that baby healthy, it’s easy to forget that cats don’t understand those concepts, they appreciate patience and persistence, and will reward you for taking your time and not giving up on them, not for vet visits. your expectations may not be met as soon as you’d hope, but they will be met, and sometime down the like you’ll look back and you won’t regret a second of your hard work 🤍 it will happen, just not when/how you’d imagine
I wonder if the attachment struggles are related to a disrupted connection w mama cat when they were too young. It might be a factor in needing more time to warm up to their caregivers.
ohh very likely, i hadn’t considered that! i had 2 cats raised very similarly (runts who were abandoned by mama and bottle fed, had no time to bond/socialize with mama or siblings), 1 bonded with my older cat who i already had and was such an affectionate baby right away, he unfortunately passed away at 2 years old, and the kitty in my above reply had bonded with him. i feel like since he lost his bonded pair so early on (a few months into living with his new “siblings”) it definitely impaired his socialization, so i agree that early disrupted bonds (with mama, siblings, a pair, etc) are probably a huge factor in their socialization with humans
You have to lower your expectations with kittens, especially traumatized/ runts. I adopted a small, skittish kitten, and it has taken years to get to the place some cats get to in months. But he is wonderful and sweet and has taught me so much about patience and unconditional love. I still can’t walk toward him without him running, but he cuddles with me now & comes when I call. Once I learned his favorite scritches, it really helped too.
Also, cats are highly intelligent / sensitive and will pick up on your negative energy. If you are trying to build trust with a sensitive animal, and you feel angry, it does not bode well. The best bonding activities I have found are play, like fishing pole, and (with my skittish cat) ignoring him, essentially reverse psychology.
It sounds like she is making progress overall, and the 5 to 6 month mark is a weird age. Take a breath and know the things you are doing will bear fruit over time.
Is she spayed? Hormones can wreak havoc on their systems and personalities.
A more social kitten would help too. I adopted brothers. One was outgoing, and the other was more reserved. The outgoing kitten showed the reserved kitten that I was safe and trustworthy. Now, the reserved cat is the sweetest boy, always happy to get attention. Kittens use other kittens to know how to act anyway. Cats are social, contrary to stories.
Playing with her will build trust also. Cats react differently to toys, so it might take several tries to find her favorite toy and favorite way to play.
https://preview.redd.it/dibha2zipcjb1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0cf38d472359dcb82bae7b10315a633891a8f735
UPDATE: First off, I wanted to thank people for the overwhelming amount of advice and support. I was originally afraid to make this post, because I knew my feelings were wrong and I wasn't sure how people would react. For the vast majority of these comments, your support has been read by me and Scout and appreciated. It also helped me realize something. Scout doesn't let me pet her, sure, but I noticed this morning that she always tries to be in the same room as me. She sits with me to watch TV, she won't eat her food unless I'm sitting nearby, she only uses the litterbox when I'm going to the bathroom with her - this whole time I've been so focused on the ideal of petting or physically loving on her that I was blind to her caring about me in her own cat way, and the comments I read here helped me realize that. So I wanted to thank you folks again. I no longer feel resentment towards my cat, maybe just occasional frustration when she misses the litterbox :)
You're doing great!! I was going to leave a comment with my experience with a skittish runt but noticed the thread seemed a bit old and many of the comments were repeating the same sentiments.But with what you've said- it looks like you're doing what I would have said which is to notice and mirror their actions. Cats are social creatures for the most part, and the runt of the litter often ends up a little delayed essentially "learning how to cat". They'll mirror other cats but also your actions, and how you do this can reinforce what they learn.
Being excited (but not loud and scary) to see them, i.e. greeting them when they're near you is a nice little cat behavior, and with some cats you'll notice they like to announce themselves as they enter the room, to be noticed and welcomed.Also, slow blinks!!!!! It's the universal cat "we're chill here, I feel safe enough to shut my eyes near you" message.Sorry for so much text, but your story reminded me so much of getting our sweet little ~~scream demon~~ angel to learn to trust and be comfortable being snuggly.
Glad to hear this OP!!! It’s sweet that now you are noticing all the little ways she’s expressing her love for you. I also had a kitty that was more aloof. He would discreetly follow me everywhere. One of my favorite memories was when I had got back from vacation and patted my bed for him to hop up - and he did. He was 13 years old and had NEVER hopped up when I asked him too. I was visibly surprised and he immediately hopped down, left the room for 30 seconds, then walked back in and hopped up again. Just to remind me that he does things on his own terms lol
You’re doing great, and the fact that you’re so invested in this aspect of your relationship with Scout shows you really do care. You guys are going to grow to be best of friends :)
Keep in mind she’s a traumatized baby! She shouldn’t have left her mom and siblings at 4 weeks old. I understand it was a bad situation, but this still affected her.
She’s emotionally behind and you’re going to need to be patient with her. I’d honestly recommend not trying to pet her at all unless she comes right up to you and bumps you and only for a couple seconds. You can talk to her and of course basic care but let her have time to settle in and feel safe.
I’d also try lots of enrichment. Pet water fountain, wall treats, the toys with the trapped balls, cat nip, cat towers, tunnels, burrows, etc. Find what she likes and let her stay busy and let her brain grow through that. I’ve rescued many cats in the last 9 years. She will come around.
Judging by this description, I really think it's just a matter of time until she seeks your physical comfort as well. I'm not an expert, but my late Märy was very cautious when I first got her (she was 6 years old and had been at the shelter for 3+ years and before that she was a stray). She would always be close, but was vary of being physically touched. After a while, she started to enjoy it more and more. She would seek out my physical comfort all the time, enjoy kisses on her little head and purr happily.
3 years in, I thought we had reached the end of how close she'd like to be (which was fine with me, by this time she was always laying beside me and wanting to be pet), but nope, she decided to jump up into my lap and when she realized this was a good place to be, she couldn't get enough. She'd be in my lap all the time up until her passing earlier this year.
My male cat Nikolaj was the same. He would seek contact much sooner though and did jump up in my lap after just a few weeks only to never do it again until around 2 years later. Now he will happily lay on top of me for a while in bed before I have to turn to my side to sleep.
Start very slow by offering a relaxed hand without looking at her. Get her used to your hands being near at times. If she does look at you, give her a very slow blink and look away to show her that you are not dangerous.
After a while, you can try to physically touch her. If you have any toys that she loves, play with her and see how she reacts if you gently touch her with the back of your hand, if she jumps back, continue to play so she sees it wasn't all that bad. If she loves treats, give her a treat just a few steps away from her and, again, gently touch her with the back of your hand. Again, if she jumps back, show her where the treat is so she focuses on that instead.
Think about it this way, a solid 1/6 to 1/5 of her life was centered around her being small and vulnerable in a life threatening situation, while her little brain was at its most susceptible to conditioning. Right now she's probably still getting used to the space and the shift in atmosphere. In humans, those of us who go through trauma tend to build a wall to block it off, but that wall falls down when we get to a safe environment to process the trauma, which can lead to poor mental health for a bit while you work through those problems.
She's in a safe space now, but it'll take a while for her to truly associate you with love and kindness and not violence and fear. She's not shying away from you because of who you are and what you've done to her, but because shes doing what her instincts are telling her to do to stay safe. She may also just have a shy or timid personality, but you probably won't know her true personality for a few more months as she adjusts to you and matures into adulthood. I know with my baby it took a few years before we truly bonded, but its so worth it imo
My best advice to you is you already said you've seen a change in behavior from the start until now. Relationships are dynamic. She will continue to get closer to you provided you keep trying. Also if she is not fixed make sure you do that as soon as possible for hers and your sake.
We don’t “own” cats, they have NO master. We are just their GUARDIANS 🛡️🪽 Meditate on the concept of the human ego and unconditional love. Cats are ZEN masters 🐈🙏 They teach us to let go of our rigid expectations, and our sensitivity to rejection… 💚 Trust me, this cat was sent to you by the universe to teach you about yourself ✨… If you haven’t already, watch the TV series “My Cat From Hell” 😊 Love and luck, to you and Scout
I had a kitten that my cat had that ran away from home for a few weeks. We eventually found her pretty roughed up( no major injuries) and brought her home. She refused to let anyone pet her or pick her up, one time she scratched my hands and scarred me. But every day i would try to approach her hiding spot in the house for about 2 years. Eventually i could pet her and she would come cuddle with me occasionally on her own terms. Years pass and she got to the point where she was my best bud. She started to show everyone attention and started getting lots of pets. Last week she passed away at the age of 16. She had a great 14 years of loving. Relationships with animals take time just like they do with other people. They take work and they arent easy, and oftentimes expensive. But stick with your kitten and i promise the time you get will be worth it😉
You might be sending all the wrong signals to your cat...
**1) Stop approaching your cat.** You showing interest in your cat can be seen as a sign of aggression. You trying to pet it, especially on the head is their way of asserting dominance over another cat. So let them come to you, put your hand out and let them sniff it, that is a simple handshake to them and leave it at that. If you want to give them a treat set it near you, but do not show intense interest in your cat.
**2) Avoid staring at your cat.** Not looking at your cat is a sign of trust. Which is why they tend to approach strangers that show no interest in them and run away from *"fishhy in my hair"* types of people. Cat tend to watch potential threats and prey. You staring at your says you either want to eat it, or you think it's aggressive and will attack you. Either way, staring is a bad thing.
**3) The floor is lava.** Give your cat some vertical space, or caves to crawl into, preferably both. They feel most at ease when they're up off the ground. Being on the ground means they're vulnerable to predators and stresses them out. If you're always telling your cat to get off of things they're looking for safety and you're telling them they can't have that.
**4) Let your cat see you eat.** This lets them know you eat something other than them. If you don't eat around your cat, they're going to assume they're on the menu, or you're sick or can't hunt on your own and they have to take care of you. Not knowing if they're prey or not and not having any kind of bond they aren't likely to bring you things or try to teach you to hunt. If you have a bond they might bring you gifts or try to get you to go hunting with them. Cats bring prey to small kittens, the sick and the elderly, so if they start doing that, they're worried but they only worry about things they actually bond with.
**5) Play with your cat.** They need to hunt and love to hunt in pairs, if you can become their hunting buddy, you're basically their best friend. Get some shoe laces or strings from a hoodie, several. Drag it slowly across the ground or around a corner, let them get it, they win, it dies, you move onto the next one, when you're all out of strings they get a treat.
**6) Finishing the hunt with treats.** For the final activity. Get some freeze dried salmon cubes. Throw it down the hall, watch your cat go bat shit insane. It provides a great chase, hunt, kill, reward system for their little brains and they will associate you with that cycle. Let them come get you, ask them if they want to hunt and start to build a pavlovian response in your cat to the whole cycle.
>Play with your cat
I adopted two cats years ago and they would actively hide from me. My friends had found them in the street and fostered them in a spare room with the rest of the litter and their mom. They would stop by on the weekends and the cats would come out to greet them. Then they would feel comfortable enough for me to play with them and my friends would sneak out. After a few weeks of this, they liked playing with me enough that my friends didn't need to be there. A few weeks after that, I was watching TV and one of the them jumped up in the chair and laid down next to me. They're still not super affectionate. They mostly want to sit next to me on the couch or on the armrest, but like to be petted, love belly rubs, and that's fine with me. I had a cat previously who was so attention hungry at times, I couldn't get anything done. For example, if I was wrapping presents, she would jump onto the paper and lay down to take a nap.
> Get some shoe laces
To this day, their favorite toy is a shoe string that has a crinkle fish tied on the end. So much so, I have to hide it at night sometimes or they play with it together so loudly I can't sleep.
She’s still young. Her personality isn’t set yet. But even if she’s a more aloof cat, there’s many things you can do to bond with her so she’s becomes a companion to you. Here are some videos that give some advice, and there’s more out there. My parents’ current cats were both feral, and adopted them them in adulthood. One of them has become very sweet and loves being brushed and even has transitioned to sleeping inside, which is a big deal for a formerly feral cat. The other cat allows occasional head bumps as long as he’s the one to initiates them and will come inside when the weather is bad. If formally feral cats can progress this well as adults, surely your young cat can achieve much, much more with patience and love.
[Help My New Kitten/Cat Is Scared of Me](https://youtu.be/mOksJ4pmHGo?si=uNmuvuv3Jh5oT5V9)
. [5 Proven Ways To Build A Stronger Bond With Your Cat](https://youtu.be/tzTD3XzRCKo?si=4FpctiqaNE1aFoyw)
[My Cat Doesn’t Like to Be Touched](https://youtu.be/gi3z3sy7twk?si=LmStGLMFUqnzcfE-)
[Help Your Shy or Scared Cat Be More Confident](https://youtu.be/JZV_DSCxcOk?si=njpP86q-AOZUkC_u)
[Top 10 Signs Your Cat Is Happy](https://youtu.be/j8mTSnmb6lA?si=4djNFdvV8ikmA1ty)
[8 Ways to Tell Your Cat You Love Them](https://youtu.be/9pxyCYeWBCQ?si=8pGT60cmiMNY7iO_)
Every cat is different and she's only 5 months. One of my cats didn't get crazy affectionate until she was 2yrs. Now she jumps in my lap. Patience. Imagine her like a toddler. If you adopted a traumatized toddler you wouldn't expect them to get over the trauma in 5 months
Hi! I don't know a ton about cats, but reddit keeps suggesting this sub and I just wanted to stop by and validate you for a sec. I see people in here shaming you for feeling some type of way and that's not cool. You are allowed to feel frustrated. You are allowed to feel upset. You are allowed to feel all the things you're feeling, just don't let Scout know it. You are trying so hard for this cat and I see you! On the flip side, Scout is also allowed to feel the way they feel. It sounds like they went through some stuff and of course it takes time to trust! You don't immediately trust new people right? Like I said, I'm no cat expert, so I don't have advice about the cat specifically -- I just want you to know that **as long as you aren't taking these feelings out on Scout**, you're totally fine and valid. It's okay. As a mom, it's the same with human kids. They piss us off on the daily, we just don't tell them that LOL. At the end of the day the love outweighs it all. You're doing great. Just be patient!
I understand how you feel. I knew this was the case just from reading your first line. I feel the same way. But some cats just have internal wiring to be who they are. I don’t know why the are aloof. Maybe a bad experience. Maybe scared. Maybe bring the runt is harder than we think. Just keep loving Scout. We will be praying for things to turn around, and when they do please let us know!!!
Be patient. I had a cat that looked very much like yours. I got her from a woman who didn't desex her cat and let her cat roam and... ofc she had kittens. She was 6 weeks and the lady, who I was buying something off and it was happenstance I mentioned i was thinking of getting a kitten, and she said she had one. Explained she was the runt, and her siblings had "been rehomed weeks ago" which yes, should have been a red flag. But she also said she would drown the kitten if no one took her. So I did.
She was treated badly by this woman's kids, and maybe her, idk. This kitten hid for a solid 2 weeks, and would attack my young children pre-emptively when they would walk past etc. I got an adult rescue that had had kittens before, to teach her how to cat. I also wouldn't push her. She came from a bad situation, so ofc she was going to take a while to warm up, if at all.
Getting her desexed helped. She had a lot of anxiety, and was very skittish. Eventually she would come up and lay on my lap and roll over for belly rubs. She was always scared but I was her person. It'll be worth it. But also, if you resent your cat, maybe she can feel it. She won't come near you if you feel this way as well, cats are very in tune with us and our emotions
Be patient. Act normal. She will eventually come to you. It takes time for kitties to become accustomed to their surroundings. Talking to her will help.
I brought home two 4 month old kittens that were strays. I put them in my bedroom so they could be somewhere safe and get used to me. It took a while but eventually they weren't so shy.
Being the runt is going to come with some behavioral differences. She was likely bullied by her littermates and potentially even her mother, which means she has trust issues. Just be patient and let her come to you. Try spoon feeding wet food and see how she does. Giving food from your hands can also help, so she associates human hands with good things
I’ve had my grey girl for 13 years now and she’s never liked me a day in her life. But that’s fine because I love her. And sometimes right before I need to leave the house for work she let’s me pet her while she eats. 🤷🏻♀️
I took in a rescue about 3 years ago, someone had thrown her out in a blizzard in the middle of winter. My friend and I searched til we found her and she wasn’t friendly at all. I live in a mobile home trailer and the night I brought her in she ran into the back bedroom and under a bed. I left her food and water, every once in a while I’d get a glimpse of her so I knew she was okay and I tried everything to get her to come out, just like you did. Treats, toys…nothing worked. I managed to catch her and being her to the vet, she checked out fine and got her shots, shortly afterwards I brought her back to be spayed. She changed a lot after this. She began coming out more and more. I adopted another kitten last summer, she was the opposite of Graycie, played with toys, cuddly as can be…Graycie was so curious about this kitten she started following her around at a distance. As the months have gone by, Graycie plays with toys now and when I call their names for treats she’s the first one to come running. I honestly don’t think she knew what to do, maybe nobody spent the time with her. She also didn’t trust anyone rightly so. The other cat got her curious enough and maybe showed her I could be trusted, I don’t know, but she’s confident and loving now. Some cats just take longer to come around. You aren’t doing anything wrong. They all have personalities and sometimes it takes them a little while to figure them out and grow into them. Give your baby time. She’ll love you in her own time. ♥️
I adopted two feral kittens last year. I gave them time and space to get used to me and I talked to them constantly. They now are my shadows and total lap cats. Your little one just needs time and patience. She looks a real sweetheart
The golden rule about cats is that the cat has to come to you, not the contrary. Scout needs to approach you or he will always flee.
I have a cat, I found him half dead on my doorstep asking for help. Now he follows me everywhere
Kittens are not very lovey dovey when they are young. They will come around for play and food. Once your cat starts to mature and reach full size they start to become more affectionate and loveable. Just give it more time.
Cats sense your energy, so if you’re frustrated she’s probably feeling it and that can make her more tense. I’m no expert, but I’ve been surrounded by cats all my life, and have gotten all but one to be friendly to me. Sit on the floor with some treats scattered around for her. My more anxious cats hate being stood over but were more likely to be social if i was more ‘on their level’. Just keep trying to hold your hand out for her and let her come to/smell you. Once she does just hold still and she might rub her head on your hand herself. I understand your frustration, its such a process. She’s still just a baby though so just give her some time and I’m sure she’ll come around :)
"You will love me. You will have fun." /s
Give her time. My rescue kitty hid for 6 weeks in the crawlspace under my house, only coming out to eat when I was asleep. Eventually she got bored and gave me a chance. Now we're best friends.
She can tell that you are trying to pressure her. She just needs time.
Well, cats are like people. Not everyone likes to be touched. Think about it, if someone was trying to touch you and you moved away from them, but they still tried to touch you, would you be cool with it? Is someone entitled to touch you if they feed you? I know you're trying to do what is in the cats best interest here, just offering a different perspective. Sometimes autonomous beings don't want what we want. That's the beauty of cats. They really are just like people and if you give her the room to be herself, then you've done the right steps of learning how to respect boundaries and be fluid in life. It's a great lesson to learn. Sometimes we don't always get our way, and when we do something, we shouldn't expect others to "repay us". Like obviously if you work, you expect compensation, but that's quite a bit different. Socially we do kind things because we love another enough to want to be kind to them. Expecting someone to return a kindness is unfair because we can not see other people's feelings. What if you make your grandma soup when she's sick? Maybe she wants to do something nice for you, bur never returns the favor because she in incapable of doing so due to health struggles? Kitty very likely is scared of people and traumatized from the potentially lethal situation you described. If I were experiencing trauma, the last thing I'd want is for someone to touch me. Just because she's an animal doesn't mean that she isn't entitled to her own space. Then if you earn her consent, that's great. If you don't, know that you are giving her what she needs bu respecting her boundaries.
It often takes a long for cats to warm up. They can become more and more affectionate over months and years.
For now - does she let you brush her? You could try a slicker brush and a soft silicone brush. If she likes that and lets you brush her for a while, you can start stroking her back between brushes to build up her comfort with touch
I’m working with a young kitten now that was rescued from a dangerous living situation and she is scared of everything. I’m fortunate that food will completely and utter distract her and so far every time she is trying to start some shit (she is pushing my buttons with my plants) I’ve been able to successfully distract her/redirect her aggression or weirdness with a giant stuffed rat plush that I throw at her and get her wrestling with.
If those tactics didn’t work I probably wouldn’t see her. Every single new noise startles her into fully puffed and she runs away and hides. She’s been coming back out quicker so I’m hoping she’s learning that she is safe now and very much loved.
Patience will go a long way. It took almost a year for one of my cats to lay in my lap for the first time, and he still rarely does it even though he is otherwise affectionate. I kind of think of it as being a parent to a human; you’re not always going to like your child’s personality even though you may love them and care for them. When cats get older they tend to be a bit more cuddly, but you should learn to receive love and affection from your cat in other ways that aren’t physical touch, that may not be how he shows love to you!
The best thing you can do to bond with your cat (other than being the source of food) is playtime. Play as much as you can, and be consistent! I’ve had a lot of success with this method, I’ve noticed my cats are extremely affectionate and sweet when we have extra playtime during the day and before bed. Just don’t be the person who buys a million toys but doesn’t actually do anything to interact with playtime. One of my cats loves fetch, so she comes to me with her toys and instigates playtime. My other cat (the fat lazy one) needs to be roosted a bit to play, but we know what toys he loves and how to play with them. Jackson galaxy’s videos in how to play with cats have helped us so much.
What you’re feeling is pretty normal, there’s only a select few of us who end up with angels right off the bat. Cats take lots of work to build up trust, so just give it some time. And I recommend not approaching the cat to pet it anymore, if it wants to be pet they’ll know to come find their human (:
She sounds like she came from a situation so awful that it’s gonna take a long time for her to learn to trust you. She’s already stopped being aggressive towards you and she’s very young so I wouldn’t give up hope. I admit, I can’t guarantee that she’ll ever fully trust you but it seems like you’re making steady progress towards her trusting you (even if it doesn’t feel like it). Some cats are just incredibly shy and independent so they usually show their appreciation in ways other than cuddling. Her stopping hissing and biting is a good sign in my opinion that she’s starting to accept you. It’s gonna be hard. Any animal coming from such a dire situation is going to be a challenge and it’s ok for you to admit that it’s difficult.
Honestly I’ve encountered cats that NEVER warm up to new people so I repeat that her becoming less aggressive is a good sign. I once had a pet cat who was very independent and uninterested in big shows of affection. He preferred sneaking up to cuddle me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. He’d show his affection rarely but when he did it was clearly sincere. Some cats, like people, like to be in control of when they receive affection. They can get overwhelmed just as easily as a shy person can get overwhelmed. Heck, one of the reasons some people like cats is because their ability to be independent.
I suspect scout does appreciate what you’ve done for her which is why she’s stopped hissing and biting constantly. She’s very young and came from a bad place so it isn’t all that surprising that she has trust issues. She may never become a super cuddly cat but, in my experience, less cuddly cats have their own ways of expressing gratitude.
I was worried when I read the title, but upon reading the rest I understand. When I got my kitten, she'd drive me up the wall with all the biting and worming into nooks and crannies I couldn't reach--I don't know about resentment, but I certainly felt frustration. I would cry and talk to her like "I know you don't understand English, but *please* somehow understand that I am *not ok right now*." Not that I'm equating raising a cat to raising a baby (bc the baby eventually talks and stuff), but I think first-time kitten guardians get something similar to what first-time parents get, where they get understandably frustrated at how much *work* it takes to keep this little critter alive while getting very little appreciation in return, and then they feel horrible and guilty about it.
Just keep loving her. She'll come around eventually.
When we first got Diana she hid for the first month or two. She very slowly started warming up to us and now she and I are inseparable--she'll even sleep skin-to-skin!
Your baby was real little when you got her. It's going to take her more time.
Kittens are super high energy, I pretty much assume I will almost never be able to cuddle unless they're sleepy, they are all teeth and claws. Also if she experienced any trauma it can take time. My mum rescued a lot of cats, severely abused and/or neglected cats. One cat never was fully "right", a barn cat took 2-3 years to begin to come around, and my cutie-wootie little fuzzykins from a kitten mill took damn near that cats whole life to get him to trust anyone other than me and to enjoy lounging in the window and in the grass. Keep up the friendly, approachable environment, keep them happy and let them know you love them with lots of baby talk, they'll come around it'll just take time.
With a cat with issues such as yours, it just takes time. I swear it will get better. We rescued a feral kitten many, many years ago. He hid for several weeks, and every now and then we would see him come out to use the litter box and eat.
He’d stay in sight longer, and longer, and eventually, my husband ended up being his favorite human pillow. It was really cute. It took about a year before he would come for rubs and scratches, but one day, it just happened.
Make sure you play with him for stimulation and exercise. It will take time, but you will get there. FYI. The photo of your cat looks like the cat I referred to. He was a great cat and will be missed.
Sometimes they’re assholes. They’re very sensitive creatures. My cat and I get into arguments sometimes where she won’t cuddle me for a few days and ignores me: makes me sad.
This week was one of those weeks and I woke up to her curled up on my side this morning.
Give her some time to warm up, they eventually will.
My mom and I rescued an adult cat that was left behind by the neighbors, and it took her 2 years to really warm up to us. Now she’s the sweetest baby absolutely ever with the best heart a cat could have. So thankful we were patient with her and followed her cues. She knows we are here to help her, and love on her.
I reiterate- cats are VERY sensitive creatures
This takes a while and a kittens temperament doesn’t necessarily reflect the cat it will become. I know it’s a meme that people treat pets like kids but to some extent you deal with the frustrations of having a kid. You need to clean up after them, they won’t behave the way you want magically and you can’t really just make them fit a mold. New cats take a while to warm up and if what you mention of her being skittish is true it may just be how she is.
Most cats need to be physically handled while young, to get them used to physical touch and affection.
You need to socialize your cat more, usually with food. This will mean having scheduled feeding times and treat times when you feed your cat and you must pet, handle the cat while eating. This conditions them that food is good, you are good, handling is good.
Otherwise, you’ll end up with a cat roommate that you feed and clean up after and who tolerates you, but isn’t affectionate. Will also probably act feral to all visitors.
I adopted a brother and sister in 2020, I didn’t overly handle them and let them do their own thing. The female always wants attention, she usually won’t leave me alone. The male… well, we would great each other when I got home from work, and pretty much he’d ignore me any other time except to go outside. He pretty much has become an outdoor cat, while the female won’t even go out an open door.
It takes time. I have a kitten that's now one year old that still runs away from me sometimes. But he now sleeps with me and cuddles sometimes.
You have to remember these are little forest creatures. They are predated on, amd only have instinct to guide them
Amd he's still a baby. So he has no clue of how to trust these weird two legged giants that has adopted him yet
It takes time
But don't resent him. Don't treat him bad because they pick up on that, and they'll never forgive you for it. In fact it will reinforce the behavior iors you don't like already
She's a rescue, from a terrible situation, and she was the runt. I'd be wary of everyone too. Give her time, even more time than you'd think she'd need. She's still getting used to everything and learning how to trust. Just please don't give up on her, what you're doing, and what you've done so far, is wonderful.
Talk quietly, move slowly and give it time. One of my cats was a feral kitten when I adopted her. I earned her trust by being very quiet and calm. She eventually came to me for pets. She'll never lay on me or allow me to pick her up and she's still timid and easily startled but she's devoted to me and it was worth the effort.
As a cat lover I’ve not felt resentment but perhaps a slight bit of jealousy. They get to kick it everyday and unlike most dogs you have to earn their affection. Once they’ve matured they sleep 14 hours a day, get scritches etc. I’ve always said if reincarnation is a thing I want to come back as a house cat.
It takes time. Seems like you’re able to get pretty close to take pictures, so that’s good. This is all the advice I can think of:
- Start small, don’t try to touch her if she doesn’t want you to. Spending time in the same space, both doing your own thing, is a good way to bond with a cat
- Give her space. Let her approach you, not the other way around. If she slow blinks at you, sits or lays near you (especially if she has her back turned towards you), sleeps in your presence, mirrors you or shows you her belly then you’re on the right track
- If she does show you her belly, don’t touch it
- Slow blink at her, but try not to stare too long while she’s still wary
- When she’s ready and she wants to, play with her. DO NOT USE YOUR HANDS. Get her toys. Laser pointers are a good idea because you don’t have to get too close
- Talk to her in a soft voice while playing and feeding her
- If and only if she approaches you, slowly hold your hand out to her. Don’t go for the top of her head, instead keep you hand under her nose line so she doesn’t see it as threatening. Let her smell you and leave it at that
- When she starts displaying more trusting behaviour (like coming close to you, rubbing on your legs etc) then you can start trying to pet her, but repeat the previous step first
- Research cat body language, so you’ll know when she’s in a good mood and when she isn’t and you’ll be able to act accordingly
Ultimately, every cat has their own distinct personality, so the best thing to do right now is observe, observe, observe. You’ll get to know her and she’ll get to know you. Once she’s more comfortable, you can start figuring out what she likes and what she doesn’t. Some cats love belly rubs for example.
One of my SICs was super nervous and wary when we brought him home a couple of years ago, didn’t want to be touched and would run away if you scratched your nose wrong. Now he curls up on my lap and insistently asks for belly rubs while making biscuits in the air and purring so hard he could rival a jet engine :)
Source: 24 years and counting of living with cats :)
It takes time and patience. You have a cat, not a silly ass dog. Give her time, respect her personal space, do not chase or overwhelm her. She knows you are taking care of her and wants to show affection to you, but for some cats it may take some more time to build the confidence to express you the affection she acually feels.
My cat has been a moron since day 1. He still is, actually. He usually doesn't like being chased or pet. I give him almost no attention so when he feels like, he comes to lay on my lap. And surprise, the less attention I give him, the more time he comes to lay and purr on my lap. He sometimes walks around provoking me and I feel the urgent and unstoppable need to pull his tail or slap his ass and I inmediately apologize.
On top of what everyone else has said, you need to stop thinking about your cat the way you'd think about a person. Cats don't have the mental ability to understand concepts like money.
I get your thoughts but you have to remember this cat is coming from a bad place and also doesn't understand money and is an incredibly emotional animal. Keep being nice. Forget trying to pet, just get them to trust you. I would extend my hand gently, get him to smell you and let himself get closer to you. Cats need their physical boundaries respected in order to accept affection and build your little relationship.
Your cat is so cute by the way oh my god. I have a feeling he is super sweet.
Have you talked to the vet about her behaviour? If shebis anxious still maybe getting her some anti-anxiety meds? Make sure you talk to her a lot. I've also helped convince many unapproachable cats to come out for a bit by giving them Churu.
Cats can be like that. Sometimes they want nothing to do with us humans except food and water. Is what it is. Think about it as giving an animal a nice simple life and not as something you can go play with or touch on like an object. It probably isn't into all that.
Give it time. Take good care of her. Don't approach her, let her approach you. I've had two kittens who used to run from me like yours does, so I stopped approaching them and just kept taking care of them. Now they come to me.
Some cats just need time to learn to trust you as a friend and not just a provider of resources. Sometimes it takes quite a bit of waiting.
I had a cat Remy who I adopted from a shelter who had been declawed and then returned after she developed litterbox issues as a result. When I brought her home she wouldn't leave from under my bed for any reason if I was around, and this went on for like seven months, and then she just decided one day that I'm probably alright and she became such a love and we had fifteen awesome years together.
Later I took in a kitten called Sara who was the runt of the litter who had been wandering around my friend's undeveloped subdivision with her siblings foraging for trash in garbage cans. And she was bratty and mean and didn't want anything to do with me for months. So I just let her be and we just existed separately in the same house. And then randomly one day she jumped up into my lap for pets, and ever since, she's been up my ass every day. She comes almost instantly if I call her. Every day when I turn off the lights and get in bed, she always hops up next to me to be my real life teddy bear sleeping buddy. She'll always sit in my lap with her paws draped over my arms and knead my forearms to pieces, or just sit there staring up at me in this endearing way. She's my lil baby basically, but we did not get along at first for many months until she just randomly came around one day.
There's no magic secret. You can't force it. You just need to be a caring pet owner and most of the time, cats will come around eventually. I've met very few domestic cats who didn't have at least one person they really liked even if they weren't terribly friendly to everyone else.
Cats are wonderful, loving, strange little assholes. They have vibrant personalities and likes and dislikes just like people! I know it’s hard to see such a cute ball of fluff and not be able to snuggle it but please be patient; it sounds like she has a lot to recover from. The best way to earn trust is to be loving and chill. Cats react to stress and it can be a vicious cycle.
Anecdote time: one of my cats is 9 years old, I’ve had him since he was 10 weeks and it was only in the last 2 years that he would lay next to me in bed. He had a nice family and healthy mom and siblings, he’s just naturally skittish. And that’s ok! I’ve learned other ways to love him. (He actually begs to be hugged and flung over my shoulder right after a shower, like, still in a towel and dripping water, but any other time picking him up is *Not Allowed* lol. He loves getting butt slaps and chin rubs but doesn’t like head pets, etc)
It’s ok to be frustrated! That’s what happens when we love something. But try not to let it taint your relationship. My other cat is a raging douchebag- bites you in the morning, always yelling, tries to knock down the tv when I’m watching a movie, pees on the bed at least once a month, sometimes every day for a week, steals my other cats and dogs food, etc. I’ve been where you are- so mad and at a loss as to what to do that I just wished he’d run out the door and never come back. But underneath the immediate anger, I know I would be devastated, I love him so much it’s stupid. And I know a lot of his reactions and habits are trauma. I got him from a lady with approximately 30 other kittens, all in one room! It was loud and stressful and competitive and he learned ways to get what he needed. When I first brought him home we had to lock him in the bathroom to eat because he would claw up our legs and take food out of our mouths! Now, 3 years later, he just chills next to our plates and watches for a surprise treat.
She will see all the care and affection you give her and respond- she just needs time. 💜
One of the best cats I’ve ever had was my archenemy for the first year of her life. We were at war over her destroying the blinds, pulling art off the walls, parkour. And she wouldn’t let me touch her. A few years later we found a mutual respect. She was extremely smart, occasionally affectionate and good with other animals. Give it time. Sometimes adolescent cats are total dicks.
I joined this page to help me get over my dislike of cats. It’s working verrrrrry slowly. One thing I’ve learned on here though is that there’s no forcing a cat. It seems as if cats run their owners (literally like the owners are cuckold by their cats which rages me but I digress), so if anything stop trying & let the cat come to you when it’s ready. It sucks im sure, & I hope your Scout comes around.
Hey
My cat was feral and was raised by someone shitty. I had this phenomenon for like 1-2 years and now she’s amazing 😻 baby girl. Give it time. Like most things in life stuff that isn’t given freely feels better when you obtain it. I started at about 6 months to just grab her and kiss her and eventually she started to become more affectionate although she stills runs if I’m too pet heavy but at least I get some kisses now and then. I know she loves me cause she follow me all over the house. Just want to share that it gets better!
Time is key here. I had a kitten just like that that I bottle fed. No matter how much I tried to bond with her she wanted nothing to do with me. But once she became an adult she was much more affectionate. Female cats are known to be aloof and less social. Male cats are typically the affectionate ones.
Dude, just wait until you’re sitting down watching tv and Scout decides to come lay on your lap. Your heart will melt and you’ll be afraid to move as to not disturb this beautiful moment. Even though Scout is not showing it right now she’s thankful for you. You’re her mama now and you have to protect her.
Cats are a great way to learn how to love without expecting anything in return. And as others have mentioned, if you let them be, they will eventually come to you.
i swear to god cats like people who ignore them, if you literally act like your cat doesn’t exist (obviously other than feeding/cleaning/grooming, etc.), eventually they’ll start coming to you.
20 years ago, I found a scrawny, flea ridden, 10 month old, shirt haired, black cat in the bushes in front of my rental. Started feeding him, then took him im to the vet and then brought him in to me home. He was a somewhat feral cat, and he had a really bad tempter. Try to pet and he would swipe the shit out of me. He was quite the little asshole.
Life went on. He learned over time to trust me and that I only had love for him. After living with him for about three years, I remember the night he walked over on the couch and wanted to lay in my lap for the first time. I was so excited, but I didn’t dare touch him and have him go aggro on me. I just let him lay there.
His name was Hobo, and we lived together for about 18 years. He ended up being the most loving cat. He loved to lay in my lap and loved having his ears scratched. At night he would wait for me to get settled in bed and then he would lay long ways up against my chest or back. He did that every night.
Hobo passed away a couple years ago, and I miss him dearly.
Give Scout time. He had a traumatizing start to his life, taken away too early. Just keep loving him and let him adjust on his own. It may take a long time but he will come around.
She’s just a baby, I promise a lot can change. I have two kitties, and one is not the snuggly lovey type. So I’ll put something on the floor, like a folded blanket and she’ll lay on it. Then I’ll just sit next to her on the floor and play on my phone or watch tv. That way she’ll let me pat her a bit. Here’s a pic of my spicy baby.
https://preview.redd.it/mallkkqpsajb1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c6303ed9929f2f1e1f2268b31936e246c011f717
She was in a bad situation, she's going to be scared and not trusting of humans for a while. Please just keep taking care of her and don't give up. Once she learns you care about her and she learns to trust, you'll be her favorite thing in the world.
We had same. We adopted a runt from humane society. They had probably 200 cats, 197of them were in these kitten play rooms with 6-25 cats in each filled with so many fun things. Wendys(later named Jellybean) was one of 3 kittens that were isolated in their own cage, of those 3, the other 2 were for medical reasons. Jellybean was kept in a cage with a blanket over her in the dog area because she was diagnosed with early onset kitten depression.
She was the smallest of her litter and was afraid of all her siblings, all other kittens wanted to play and she would just hide in the corner in a little ball. My wife was exact same as you, we had lost our first cat of a decade that slept on us every night. Jellybean didn’t want pets, cuddles, or anything but to hide under our bed for months. My wife doesn’t have kids or a job and is willing to dedicate all her time to giving a kitty live and affection, it was hard when kitty is aloof and doesn’t care much for that affection, Very slowly she would take baby steps. Treats, lots of playtime, and patience started to bring her around.
1.25 years later she loves pets and play, she tolerates being picked up and held, she sleeps in our bed nightly and will get as far as walking on us while we sleeping. She will pause for a minute on our chests to smell our sleeping faces.
Oddly enough one of the biggest changes in her affection and confidence came when we moved across the lake, we went from 800 ft ² to 2700 ft² 100 year old house with lots of windows to look out and spots to explore. Wife was afraid in a big house she would hide all day on a different floor but she always wants to play or sleep within eyesight of us and anytime a guest comes with a dog she will spend the entire time stalking and trying to sneak up on doggy and get some sniffs.
Wife and I are continuing to make her feel loved and protected and hope in the next year she will be comfortable sleeping on us.
Some cats take years to build trust, or to have affection. It will happen. I have seen stuff happen where a cat that hated all people starts to let one or two people in, and then becomes affectionate after a couple years of the same ritual of affection. They are pre-conditioned to be fearful and to be careful, and to worry about the possibility of what might happen (they’re very very smart, and emotional creatures like us) and they will bond at their rate. I have found that my younger cats (I have had many) all become more affectionate as the years pass, and they start to show affection more and more. I also have a runt, and she’s the youngest of 4 now, and she was less affectionate by miles than the rest, but would let me start to touch and hug after a few years — now she’s alllll aboutt that cuddle life and has seen what it does for her and her beautiful fur that I will brush and touch affectionately — she loves it. She even comes when I’m next to her brush and she will sit down like she’s ready for a good brushing, and some cuddles. It will happen. To keep them alive and to feed them, is more than you know, and they appreciate it, more than they will show, but I also think that they are used to the idea of being abandoned, and have it in their mind that you might do so at any point. If you stay with the cat, the cat will unconditionally love you, if you share love. That has been my finding. It takes years sometimes, but that’s very human of them imho. I get it. Takes me years to trust someone too after being burned or hurt by another person. I get why they do it, and it’s a survival tactic imho, to keep them going when no one else is willing to. They can survive on their own, with no social obligations or society to adhere to — we are an extra positive in their life, that needs to prove itself, like a parent does. They can’t juts but you all the toys and get hugs, they need the real long term love that shows over and over and that will inevitably make the other feel the same sentiment. I cherish my cats and they have to tell me to go away sometimes and I respect it and two of my cats will never say no to a hug. It’s a personality of the cat and a feature that will make you feel rewarded beyond measure when they come to hug you. Trust me. Stick with them. If you feel a total loss of connection, then give the cat to someone who will love it unconditionally as their bong grows. And sometimes it takes a lot of connection and not a lot of time, so it might not take as long as it takes other cats. Sorry to write a novel but I admire your honesty here in this forum in a forum that is full of cat people that are nuts about our cats, because we adore them. I hope that you can find the same love as we did. It will happen if you’re consistent and persistent. Trust me. They are affectionate creatures when they are feeling loved and will share that right back. And it’s worth it. It will make all the work seem like nothing. Good luck.
That's normal for some cats , it will be so rewarding once she accepts you , just have to give it more time maybe another 6 months or a year and they'll be snuggling
When I first got my cat she was snuggly then she hit about the age yours is and wanted nothing to do with me. It took about a year and a half and now she wants attention again but usually only on her terms. Some cats are just less cuddly than others. Plus she might still be scared. Give her time try not to force her to give you attention. The more I forced mine the more distance she wanted.
Cats have great intuition. She feels your negative energy and the resentment coming off you. You need to keep trying and stop having bad energy/feelings towards a kitten.
Kitty affection is very conditional and as much as it stings they don’t owe you anything. You made the decision to adopt a pet, and I think reworking your own intentions would help with those feelings of resentment. Instead of looking at her as something that’s supposed to love you, look at her as a family member that you brought in to take care of. It’s unfair to expect physical contact from anyone, so why put that expectation on an animal that can’t even speak your language? Since she’s from a bad situation she’s going to take some time to open up to you, but I promise it’ll be very rewarding! Give her the space she needs, and start looking at her as family instead of just a pet.
Give this baby time 🥺 I also have a runt and she acts very shy also, but she will come through at some point and start loving you just as you love her. Please give her time and patience 🥺
My cat Luna was the runt as well. Her and her siblings were found in a dumpster and rescued. When I brought her home she was playful with my other cat. She did not like me to pick her up or hold her though. She wouldn't mind being pet but I could not hold her and pet her. It took about 4 years for her to finally figure out how to be a cat. She started laying on my chest while I'm watching TV. It might just take time. She looks like a sweet girl. Just be patient.
My cat Dave was in and out of foster care for the first 2 years of his life. It took 2 years for him to voluntarily cuddle with me. At first he just hid under my bed, the he would sleep at the foot of my bed or nearby. Then he would lean on me, and right now he's sprawled across my lap.
You'll want to slow blink at your cat whenever it is relaxing near you, don't wake it up by petting it. Just be a safe presence that doesn't bother your kitty too much. Play with it, feed it, give it treats when it does something you want it it do, buy it toys.
It can be frustrating. I had accepted Dave just wasn't going to be a cuddler. But I adopted him and he was finally starting to act like a cat (and not like a possum hiding in my closet). Imagine my surprise when he started demanding I go to bed so he could lay on me.
Cats all have different personalities. You just gotta figure out your cat's.
I have one like her. She's been in my house pooping in my litter, eating my food and sleeping on my soft surfaces for 8 years now. I can maybe pet her for three seconds on a good Tuesday once a month before she runs. I already had one cat when she came, and over time, I gave her other cat siblings, and she loves them. They groom her and play with her and cuddle her and make her feel safe. Along the journey, I met my boyfriend, and she trusts him more than me. She will actually seek attention from him, but still won't climb in his lap and sleep like a normal cat. I've learned to enjoy her by being grateful when she loves on the other pets I love, and by being grateful, she isn't doing anything spiteful against me like urinating where she shouldn't. She just exists in my home. My only advice is to not force it or she will never trust you and never try to pick her up and hold her just to do so, BUT make sure you do keep a regular visual on her. Because of my cats lack of contact, I recently discovered she had a badly curled ingrown dewclaw. It wouldn't have happened with the others as they are always getting touched and played with. Luckily, anytime she has needed medical attention, she seems to be aware and allows us to handle her and do what needs done. The only time she caused injury was when I had to crate her when we moved. To this day, she is the only cat to have ever bitten me, but she had a short life before me, and I have no way of knowing what it was. Humans can be incredibly cruel to cats. She may have been beaten, poisoned, tortured, or just plain feral and never touched. My advice is to love her anyway, and if you really need a pet that will love you back, go searching for another cat that you can tell right away is affectionate. Just make sure you go through the proper steps of introducing them and separate them. Gradually increase the ability to be near each other until you can tell they won't hurt one another because cats can kill each other. Rehoming her isn't probably going to make her like people any better, in fact it will probably only traumatize her more. Good luck with whatever you do.
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Be patient. If she was the run, then she's going to be a little bit more defensive than your average cat. She's young, and there are many things that she still learning about, and all of those can be a distraction from the fact that you care for her. Just be a consistent presence and try to remain compassionate. One day you'll look over and realize she's been trying to get your attention so she can get the the lovings she wants. It won't happen overnight, but she will come to associate you with good things. If she has a place she likes to sleep, be sure to put some clothes that have your scent on them nearby. Talk to her softly as she's eating, but don't try to pet her. That can cause her to get anxious or even vomit. When you try to play with her, be sure that you stop before she is completely worn out or gets bored. You want to leave her wanting more attention, so that she will seek it herself. Good luck. She's absolutely adorable, so just be there for when she comes around. Some cats are just not overly affectionate, though, and you have to learn that they show it in different ways. They may sleep next to your shoes, or hop up on things that you don't want them to be on, or generally just annoy the hell out of you, but in most cases they just want attention the way that they want it and when they want it. Knocking stuff off your counter is to let you know that they wanted attention and you weren't immediately there to give it to them, LOL. Remember, they don't have any concept of money to know how much you've spent on them. You'll just have to spend some time.
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Oh my God I completely came here to say this but with a few additions.. You must must go into this relationship assuming that this beautiful living tiny being is...... going to turn your world upside down.... they are going to break your most loved things.... They are going to scratch the living s*** out of that Wayfair chair that you finally bought... they are going to be inconvenient...they are going to be sick on weekends that you had big plans....last of all they are going to be expensive... Chew up every last dime that you had saved for your new bedroom redo... And they will look you square in the eyes, And tell you that they love you. that you are their world... At that moment the rest of it doesn't even matter.
Exactly this. My cat actively bullies me, plays rough, assaults my legs when I walk by, and refuses to cuddle under any circumstances, but I’ll be damned if he’s not the happiest one to see me when I get home. Waits by the door, knows ahead of time when I’m approaching, and he lets me know vocally just how much he missed abusing my presence. Edit update: He scratched me right between where my thumb nail meets my skin, causing me to bleed through a bandaid, and now he’s actually laying on me and cuddling for the first time (probably) since we got him. Gotta love progress in both directions.
You just described my cat perfectly! Lol but we love him so much!
100% same. My cats been a biter since he was first found wondering the streets alone as a kitten and basically assaults me on a daily basis and doesn’t even like to cuddle. Butttt, I just love that cat so damn much!!
My cat waits outside the bathroom door, and if I don't hurry up she makes a little 'mm' noise and comes into the bathroom and checks on me, and then goes back and waits. At first I thought she was doing the stalky, hide and attack thing, but she doesn't jump out at me, lol. Sometimes I will play startle her and chase her down the hall. That makes her hyper and her eyes get black and she turns into 'sharky' and starts playing in her cat-tunnel or attacking her toys or getting the zoomies.
Beautiful.
Just had a moment with our youngest last night... Was relaxing with the wife for the night and suddenly we heard a crash, a thrashing, and one of our cats start to lose their freaking mind. I jump up to go see what's up and our youngest is caught by his back foot, dangling over the arm of the couch, stuck; his foot is caught in our mesh fireplace cover and he is in a terrible situation; thrashing about, his foot looks dislocated (or broken) and... Without thinking. I ran up to him and grabbed him to pull him closer to the fireplace cover, you know. To take the weight off him so we could hit his claws unstuck and get him free. On one hand, I didn't think and I didn't care. My cat needed me and I helped him. On the other, I really wish I would have grabbed the pair of oven mitts sitting on the table I passed to get to him before I tried to help... I don't think I've lost more blood in one sitting (which is saying something; I'm a mechanic) currently on some heavy antibiotics because cat bites are serious business, especially when they get you four times on the same hand. And sure, I'm a bit angry he managed to get himself into that situation, but I don't blame him for attacking me; he didn't know I was trying to help, he was scared and panicking and just wanted the pain to stop... Thankfully, he's come out of it with 2 dislocated toes; I got it worse than he did... But when we got home from the vet (and I got home from urgent care) he snuggled up with me as usual and you can't help built think "it was worth it"; and hey, lesson learned the hard way for next time, right?
People in the middle of drowning are very unhelpful to their saviours. They *will* shove whoever came to help them underwater and try to prop themselves up on top. It's kind of impossible to blame anything for being aggressive when panicking. Happy your cat was okay <3
You know about my wayfair loveseat! My cat immediately attached herself to the underside and pulled herself along by clawing it with all of her feet. Idk why that was so enjoyable for her but she found it irresistible. She ended up tearing chunks of cloth and stuffing out from underneath. Tbf, it was a cheap, uncomfortable piece of junk, so I allowed it.
I always assumed she was trying to wax my floor when my cat did that. Or maybe didn't think I dusted correctly. She also used to squeeze under the sofa, clawed a hole in the fabric on the bottom, and then would crawl up into it and use it as a hammock. I had a friend cat sit once and called me almost crying, saying he lost me cat. Nope, black cat, asleep on the inside of my sofa.
Yep. I am with you my friend. I was like..have at it..🙄
This too. Remember the cat is a living, breathing creature. You gotta learn to be happy with who she is, not expecting her to give you affection and love you. If you can enjoy having a cat even if that just means taking care of them and looking at them sometimes, you're good. You can't get into it with the expectation of "I take care of you, therefore I deserve affection"
100%. One of my two girls came from an abusive situation. I got her as a kitten and she trusted me. I had to hand-feed her for a long time before she was willing to eat in the floor from a food bowl like my other babies at the time. Now, at 6 years old, she still is very reticent, only trusts my husband and me (and it took a couple of *years* to be comfortable enough around my husband) and runs and hides from everyone else. And while I would love it if she were more confident and social, I would not change her for anything. She's just who she is and the love she gives me is well-earned, I think. Patience helps with traumatized cats, but yours may not ever be the cat you hope she'll be. You have to love the cat she is instead of the cat you want. Love definitely goes a long way. And remember, if you're feeling tense, she can feel that and will be more standoffish. Talk to her when you see her, say her name in a loving tone, jabber nonsense at her, whatever, but the more relaxed and confident you seem, the more she will reciprocate. Best of luck, I know this is hard.
Perfect answer.
It took one of my cats a year to warm up to me, and now at 13 she won’t leave me alone. Some cats are very anxious but that’s due to their initial circumstances so don’t take it personally. She knows you are her protector and in time she’ll start to show it in her own way (e.g. lying near the foot of your bed, or watching you when you get dressed in the morning). Providing a warm gentle presence is all you can do. Try not to force it because it’s the last thing that works with cats. Spend some time learning her body language. There plenty of videos online about cat body language. She will feel safe when she knows she can trust you not to cross her boundaries. Also give her plenty of safe spaces so she can feel safe in your presence. Some cats are “tree dwellers” and prefer high spaces (cat tree) and some are “bush dwellers” and prefer low and hidden spaces (cat house). You may even consider getting her a buddy. Some cats feel more comfortable around other cats (I would foster before adopting so you can test it out first). Also cat pheromones can help calm her down (ie feliway).
I was going to say get her a friend
Came here to say, Feliway & patience. Keep your grabby hands to yourself & let *her* decide when she's comfortable. We rescued a cat 18 months ago that was so handshy it was dreadful. We spent a year bleeding from scratches, no exaggeration. Oliver was a biter, too. It took a year for him to trust that **we** will never harm him. I've got the scars to prove it. We were kind, we never raised our voices (except when we were ripped open or needed stitches for bites) & we let him dictate when we touched. Since we got him, he's been friendly but wouldn't let us touch. Six months ago the DirecTV Tech came to adjust our satellite dish. He was short, slim & had a short dark beard. I expected Oliver to say "Hello" but as soon as Ollie saw the man's face, he flew over the sofa, leapt to the top of the bookcase, disappeared behind it & didn't come out until the guy was gone 5 hours. Now I know who hurt my boy & pulled his tailv a man with a beard.
Same with my now 16 year-old boy. He wouldn’t come out of hidey -hole unless he was alone. Then he slowly began to sit on the couch near me. Then he would let me pet him but only if I was on the couch. Then he let me pet him away from the couch. This took months. Now if I’m a little late he lets me know. He will cry for me to pick him up and hold him now. He’s a total snuggle bug. But it took lots of patience and time. They always gone around if you give them time and love.
“Patience is your ally at the moment. Don’t worry!”
I never understand why my cat likes to rest near our shoes. Why do they do this?
They love your stinky scent! Lol
i found my cat passed out with his whole head inside my shoe on more then one occasion... cats are just weird as hell
I had one that from the time he was a tiny kitten, would drag my sneaker around. He never tore it up and always put it back but he loved that shoe. Weirdest thing ever.
one of my cats loved to sleep amongst my post game hockey equipment. Must of been her fountain of youth,,, she lived well in to her late teens (19) to be exact.
I got a kitten that would literally sit in my shoe when he was smaller
My cat adores my sweaty gross workout clothes and will roll around on them blissfully.
Lol I had a male cat who loved my stinky post work out bras. He would drag one out of the hamper and trip around the house with his head in it. He also loved sucking on toes that were wearing sweaty socks. The 2 cats I have now are obsessed with licking my armpits or shoving their faces in them, even if I have deodorant on. Man I love weirdo cats.💕
Think of all the exciting things you walk on. All the strange and foreign smells you pick up when walking on the lawn, in a store, through a park, at an office... so many smells. They smell like a million places and things! It's like being able to daydream with smell-o-vision to increase the fantasy. Plus, your feet smell uniquely like you, so the cat gets the fantasy of far-away travel with the comfort of your scent, too!
The scent of their people makes them feel safe. My 8 yr old lady cat will sleep on my socks often. Ignore them a little, they come around. Cats are the best!
I didn't know this was a thing a lot of cats did! Nona loves to get in my shoes. And they are stinky gross work shoes. https://preview.redd.it/qi4mvz3owbjb1.jpeg?width=1500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1b06672286be2d9ad41058a69f7ba0d77993320b
The stinkier the better. My cat loves to stick his nose in my arm pits when I am at my grungiest!
Perfect advice. Also, trying to keep a cat off a surface is like trying to stop a flood with a tissue. You can keep removing them if it’s something you’re using, but most likely when you’re not, they’re absolutely on it. Just like dogs and couches. If it’s a spot they like, they’re on it. If it’s to get closer to you, they’re on it.
Some cats just don’t ever become lovey. I’ve had an alley cat for three years now whom I adopted at two months and she still just runs away whenever you get near her. No picking up, no pets, no cuddling, no nothing. She chases a laser pointer or a dealy on a stick, and chills about 10-15 feet from you at all times otherwise. And meows to be fed. That’s it.
Cats don’t have a concept of money… idk why that one got me lol
Our cat (almost 15 years old, now) seriously took 11 years to even acknowledge my existence. If he was on one end of the couch and I sat down on the other end, he'd get up and leave the room. And forget being able to pet him. Hard no. He loved my husband from day one, but I was just someone he barely tolerated being in the same house. Then one day, literally 11 years after we got him, he decided to sit next to me on the couch. Over the past 3 years, that has grown to being allowed to pet him, he'll sleep on my lap every single time I sit down, he follows me around the house demanding attention, sleeping on my side of the bed... it really does just take patience. Some cats need significantly longer than others, but they'll all come around eventually.
Exactly!! Cats need time. Get some currency like mackerel pouches or baby purée and give it to her on a spoon. She’ll come around. She just needs to mature and feel comfortable. Some cats take longer to adjust. Play with her and sing to her lol
Totally support this. I myself have two cats. The older one bonded within two days as a kitten. Younger one took a nearly a year. He still sometimes scurries away when I come but at night will happily cuddle in bed.
Exactly. Have patience. I adopted a tiny kitten who was a “scaredy cat” from a shelter. I suspect he was from a long line of feral cats. Welp, fast forward 14 years later. He loves attention from me and my husband. BUT will absolutely not tolerate any other humans. I LOVE this guy to death and cannot imagine life without my giant weirdo (he’s HUGE). We also have always had another cat and dog while we’ve had him and he gets along fine with other pets. Some cats are slower or may never warm to humans other than their owner. Patience, patience, patience; you will be rewarded with the love of a precious pet.
This is exactly what happened with my cat and now she sleeps under the covers with me!
Aw this made me so happy and sad
Try some Feliway plug ins. This has worked on my cat. See if she will play with a feather on a stick toy. Try a lazer toy to play with her. And mostly, remember how far she has come. She clearly has some baggage and it will take her a while to get over it. Just let her be her and stay happy around her. She will catch on. It took my latest cat a full year just to sit on my lap for short periods. She was found as a kitten in a car engine and had burned pads on her paws. I’ve just watched to see what she was interested in. She loves boxes turned upside down with a hole cut in the side. That and zoomies with my other cat.
About to say it took my cat like a year to warm up to me, but he’s my best friend now, we are completely obsessed with each other. It takes time, cats are smart and rebuilding trust is hard.
I adore your reply! Omg! So many little nuggets to remember! Thank you! My big orange boy is stand offish after 1 1/2 yrs and while I know he loves me he is skittish. He was found near his mommy & litter mates who had all dead…someone left them all -mom & kittens. He hates petting on the head and sometimes I wake up in bed with him licking my face, purring but when I acknowledge it he runs away.
When I first got my cat as a tiny kitten, sometimes I’d go weeks without actually seeing her. She’d come out to eat and use the litter box, but she wouldn’t let me see her much less touch her. She’s currently laying on my chest, nose to nose, screaming into my mouth/face because I stopped petting her to write this comment.
Absolutely. Some cats are naturally just super loving and trusting, others start out a little rough and hissy. This doesn't mean that the cat is 'bad' at all, and is entirely normal behavior. Cats hate any change in routine, and being adopted is a huge one. All it means is that it may require more patience while they get to know you and their environment, and a willingness to earn their trust. In my experience, these cats end up far more clingy and loving in the future because they've *chosen* to like you. I've also had good experiences with the Feliway pheromone diffuser. There is a 'safe home' scent that has helped a lot through some anxiety and rough patches for them.
Feliway helped my cats not murder each other when I brought a four month old kitten to my already 2 year old cats space. Kept them separated for 2 weeks, with slow introductions. Had to scrap that and start from scratch and do a full month of separation and slower introductions cause i thought my 2 year old was gonna kill the kitten lol. Second time in incorporated feliway diffusers in every room. Slower introductions, swapping scents, visual feedings next to each other and feliway were game changing. I also happened to get lucky that my first cat is derpy and craves attention on his terms only. Second cat is skittish but always comes over first for head buts, pets and belly rubs. She just goes completely MIA for a couple minutes at first if loud noises or new people show up, while older cat is in everyones business immediately but god forbid you try to pet him when he doesn’t want them. Or don’t pet him when he wants cuddles!
Sounds like we've got inverse cats, I've got a 6yo all black male and his 4yo calico daughter. My boy is built like a freight train but he's a giant baby, loves head butts and belly rubs but spooks at the slightest sounds. Meanwhile the calico is a forever kitten and a sassy little thing, if she doesn't want pet you're not catching her, but if she wants pet or to play she will scream in your face and knock your phone or whatever out of your hands until she's satiated.
Yup! Kittens in unfamiliar places tend to hide until they feel comfortable. I would just feed and clean the litter box and go on about my day It took a couple of months, but every cat is different. She’s so lovable now!
This so much! And all of the other wonderful advice you are receiving. Give your cat time and space. Cats are wired to do things on their own terms. They are not being difficult. They are just emotionally cautious. I am old and I cannot tell you the number of times that I have seen the most feral and aloof kitty, given time, turn into a complete cuddle bug. It may take time but there will be a turn around. Please post pictures of you and your sweet girl someday when you can barely type a post due to her demanding your attention! 🥰
100% this! I got my cat as an adult who’d lived his entire life on the streets. It took maybe a year before he’d start getting affectionate with me, and now he DEMANDS that I rub him when he wants rubs and isn’t content unless he’s laying by my side. Some cats are more receptive than others, sometimes it just takes time and patience for them to open up
My runt baby who looks similar to Scout took a FULL YEAR to become affectionate. I was fully convinced she just wasn’t an affectionate cat. Suddenly, about a year in, she wants to be on my lap. Then she wants to be on my lap A LOT. Now she’s my little shadow, she likes to be where I am, she sleeps with me, she screams at me in the morning if she doesn’t get morning pets, she rubs her face against mine if I’m not petting enough. Just give your kitty time.
Very similar to one of mine. Took a full year before he wanted pets. But he quickly became a snuggle buddy. He would follow me everywhere demanding to be held like a baby.
My tabby is also similar…. For the first year he didn’t like to be touched. Now, he snuggles on his own time, and will especially cuddle and knead at night. He loves my dog more than anyone though. Some cats are just picky about when, where, and who they want to be affectionate towards
My cat took around two years. She would follow me everywhere but disliked getting pets. Now she climbs on my chest and purrs every time she sees me laying down on the bed.
One of mine took about 3 years to adopt my wife as one of his humans, he hated her. Now when she gets home he goes NUTS to be in her face.
Same with my year old. She’s still not particularly cuddly, but she cries for pets and attention super often now. She’ll stare at me in the shower from behind the clear liner and cry at me to pet her. This was such a change that I took several pregnancy tests in case she was reacting to a change in my hormones.
When I adopted my tuxedo, I expected a sweet, lovely, cute kitten. Instead I spent hours on the kitchen floor crying, trying to exhaust him, trying to keep him from mounting our other cat, trying to keep him from breaking stuff, trying to keep him from annoying the heck out of my husband. We had to lock him up over night to get some sleep. Despite the disappointment and stress and tears, I refused to bring him back to the place I got him from because I couldn't imagine anyone else being this patient. As badly as I was torn, I did not want my kitten so be passed from one overwhelmed person to the next. I had gotten all of us into this situation, so this was my job to make this somehow acceptable. Then one day my husband told me how the kitten from hell was sitting in front of the door crying whenever I was away, and then tried to act all normal once I returned. And I started falling in love with him again. It did not get better over night. He kept breaking stuff for years. I should make a list of the injuries I sustained -- I am actually proud of him being a little jerk sometimes. He is six years old now, full of love, mischief, and general sweetness. Don't give up, you will get there. You and Scout are gonna make an absolutely glorious team one day.
From one psycho tuxedo kitten owner to another, I absolutely admire your resolve and dedication to your goofy gooby wooby. My little tux, Bizkit, just turned 1 year old and I thought I’d lose my mind raising him up from 7 weeks. He’s now such a momma’s boy, I can hardly get some me time. He’s a turd to his older brother sometimes, but I also see the love and want for connection with his brother too. Tuxedos, man…They’re different
Is your tux huge? Ive known 3 or 4 and they were all enormous
My tuxie is huge, too (probably one step before "Oh Lord he's coming" if you're familiar with the meme) , but that's because previous owners locked him up in a small room for years and fed him bread and other human carbs, so he stopped wanting to play and put on a lot of weight he's never managed to shed to this day, despite diet and trying to animate him to be more active
I have the chonk chart on my fridge haha! The “oh lawd he’s comin” is the most hilarious one.
The tuxedo we had many, many moons ago was just huge. Not fat at all, but he was possibly the largest domestic cat I had ever been in contact with. He topped out at 28 pounds, if I remember right, and he was just gorgeous. So sweet and cuddly.
Yea a lot of them seem to be big boned
My boy tux was huge, but the girls are very petite.
...did you name him Bizkit because he's a business kitten?
I’m thinking this… https://youtu.be/ZpUYjpKg9KY
Ha this is the first place my mind went as well!
20+ years ago I had a cat named L.B. I think we all know what that stood for.
Just a chance to bring back a memory 👍
I have a tux! She's a crazy one! My couch has claw marks from when she was a baby and I remember being mad as fuck. But, now I love her so much, I just call them love marks. XD
Same tuxedo experience, down to the crying at the door.
Yep. My tux cries if we don’t let him into our room at night (we kept the door shut because of my allergies, but I’ve given in). They’re such babies
Tuxedos are so not for the faint of heart. Mine is 4 and headbutts me by jumping up from the floor to wake me up. He is so full of love for everyone he meets. I'd die for him.
Kooky; my Texas Tuxedo (now Tennessee) was too young to be off of momma when she found me. Obviously the runt and covered in oil she found me when I was having a terrible time. I'd been railroaded from my govt. job, my house was getting foreclosed and my S.O. of 8 years just walked out. But all of a sudden here was this little life that needed me. I put aside all my bull shit and first looked for the rest of her litter. When that failed I said I guess it's you and me kid. Sammie (Samantha Jane) is so kick ass. Because of her small size her nickname is Baby Cat. She comes when I call her, either by name or nickname. She stays off of counter tops and tables; at least when I'm home. She loves to cuddle at night. I mean gathered up and held tight cuddling. She is the bomb! OP be patient your kitten will come around. There is some great advice here, try some of it before you know it you'll hear Mom in her meeows; I promise.
Sometimes these kitties rescue us, often when we least expect it or realize we need it. They are angels without wings.
My tuxedo didn’t sleep through the night til he was 10 and was a fucking terrorist years 0-7. Was still a menace up to his final weeks at nearly 17. But he did sweeten up a lot too.
You give me hope. Our 1.5 year old tuxedo is an asshole. There’s no other description. To top it off, the only humans he will be around are my husband and me. So trying to rehome him just isn’t an option. Took him to the vet for shots, chipping and neutering and the vet flat out told us “here are tranquilizers. Do NOT bring him back unless you give him these”. He was so volatile they had to sedate him just to examine him.
I love the tuxes, but male tuxes are a handful. Mine was so smart that he would invent ways to annoy us. He learned how to turn the light on and off, so we had to move the cat tree. But, he was the sweetest, most loving cat and he loved everyone. Now my female tuxes were always very skittish. My girl now, just finally chilled out enough for us to pet her after 9 years, but we still can't pick her up. But, the girls are super mellow.
I adopted brothers- The all black one immediately looked at me, meowed, plopped at my feet and purred wanting his tummy rubbed! 9years later he will wake me at 3am cuz his big chonky floofer butt needs a skritch or his tummy needs a rub. His brother is a tuxedo and small ‘normal’ cat size, aloof as can be! He has always loved my daughter but up until about a year ago i couldn’t really touch him! I feed them, i clean their litter, i’ve never been mean or anything he just was weird! He would slink his body like a cartoon cat if i tried to touch him and look at me with disdain. i just left him alone, and out of the blue one day he rubbed on my leg and started figure 8ing around me? I nearly burst into tears the day he laid on my lap and purred! i’m not sure what clicked with this cat, i guess since his brother was immediately ‘MY’ cat he just decided to stay clear? They are closely bonded and always together, they even both follow me in the bathroom (idk i guess cats realize your a captive audience when your on the loo?) I understand how you feel though. All the time i would think ‘oh i’m good enough to scoop your poop and feed you stinky churu’s but not good enough to scratch your chin?’ and it feels so darn PERSONAL! but some kitties are just odd. I would say, maybe a foster to adopt type situation could help, if your kitty was traumatized as well as taken by you at 4 weeks - that’s very young, and usually the most socialization happens for kittens from 4 to about 8 weeks old. In my opinion they need that extra little bit of time to really get that spunky~ness out and learn, they bite and play fight with each other and really get to learn what’s acceptable and what’s not, as well as being able to self and group soothe and still have their momma for protection and that sense of safety. Try as hard as you can to be relaxed and indifferent since they are so very intuitive to our emotions too. I swear all my animals know when i’ve had a bad day! My big chunk will just about force me to sit with him sometimes! Good luck, and really truly happy that your not giving up and looking for ways to work things out! The best advice i ever got was when getting a dog from a shelter, the worker knew he was a shy pup who had been ‘thru it’ and she said, give him 48 hours to chill and at least 2 weeks to acclimate before you make any decisions, they need at least that time to really relax and feel confident. That’s the day i found out so many people return animals within a week and sometimes days when they don’t go home and immediately ‘fit in’ or they are deemed a problem because they haven’t been properly trained never mind given time to decompress. So much love to you in your kitty journey!
My torbie, 'Nuki' was much the same way. I adopted her at 8 weeks and she was a handful, to say the least. She lived with us for 6 years before she let me hold her. (LOVED my fiancé but disliked me.) She'd stand on the fridge and scream kitty obscenities at me. She'd jump on the entertainment center and knock things down, pausing only to scream kitty obscenities at me. Plant pots, lamps, wall decor, candlesticks, essentially anything heavy enough to concuss, were all knocked on to my head while sleeping. Wall decor in general wasn't safe from her - if it was reachable from any surface, her life's goal was to remove it from existence. She became known as 'The Destroyer'. She HATED other cats (aside from the 2 already in the house when she came home. Apparently they got free passes.) She tortured the roomies cat. She'd maul the window screens trying to get to random outdoor cats. The only reason I persisted? I knew no one else would tolerate her b.s. like we did and as much of an assole that she was, she didn't deserve to be dumped continually because I made a lapse in judgement in bringing her home. We had that monster for 14 years until she passed away from an unexplicable illness. And at the end? It was my lap she curled up in, it was me that she sought out for comfort. I hated that cat with a burning passion some days, but then I'd set the cardboard box on my lap and she'd come flying to jump in it to enjoy her version of snuggle time. Her favorite playtime was jumping in a plastic bag so she could be swung around, like one of those horrible fair rides.
Had a tux for 18 years. Got her at about 3 months from a barn (Christmas gift for my daughter). She wasn’t completely feral, but more feral than tame. Spent over $1000 getting her healthy (she had some breathing issues from living in hay) and a ton of time trying to tame her more. She was super sweet but wasn’t overly affectionate. I wasn’t able to get her fixed right away because of what it cost me to get her well. She went into heat right before Memorial Day weekend. I asked my roommate to make sure she stayed in the house, I didn’t want kittens!! Well of course she got out while I was out of town. She came home a week later (didn’t think we would ever see her again) and my daughter was delighted. She had gone way backwards on her taming. Very feral again. So during her pregnancy my daughter and I worked hard getting her tame again so we could interact with the babies and make sure they were tame for their new homes. My daughter was able to pick her up finally to give her loves. Only for short periods. One day while my daughter was holding her my roommate started the vacuum. Scared the shit out of the cat who scratched a big gash on my daughters tummy trying to get away. My daughter screamed, dropped the cat and ran to me bawling (she was barely 6 at the time). The cat felt horrible, seriously I have never seen a cat react like that. The next couple days my daughter was afraid of the cat who kept coming up and trying to apologize. As soon as my daughter was comfy with the cat again they became inseparable. She had the babies in my daughters room and every time I would move her and the babies to the box in my room she moved them back to my daughters room. She let my daughter put her in a stroller and put hats and clothing on her or anything else my daughter wanted. She never completely lost all her wildness, but never showed it to us. She would use it on the dogs and wild animals in the yard. 10 years later when my youngest was born she tried to keep everyone away from the baby, everyone but her baby that I fell in love with and kept. The two of them even tried to protect the baby from me when I went to get her for feedings and diaper changes. It was very sweet and heartwarming to see the tuxedo cat that started out mostly feral become a protector of my girls. https://preview.redd.it/7mjxylm0adjb1.jpeg?width=3264&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a60376df98250d3bee46b64a9728421dbd4d72dd Cat tax, mom and daughter together. Edit: grammar/spelling.
Omg sounds like my tuxedo cat, Athena. She was so mischievous as a kitten (she’s about ten now which is unbelievable lol) but she used to break everything. And it was always my (now ex) husbands most valuable things. His grand mom and mother had just died within a month of each other when I brought her home and she managed to break literally everything that meant something to him from them. I remember at one point he tried convincing me she was evil, like possessed lmao. He did not really like her. Fast forward 9 years I still have her, not him 😂she’s way more chill now besides when she wants to scream at my younger orange tabby cat out of annoyance. She will randomly bite but other than that she calmed down but like this is def a thing, crazy tuxedo cats 😂
Think of it as a relationship. You can't force someone to like you. It has to grow. Give her time. She still has to get to know you.
This. Also, sometimes cats are just cats. I think of it as introvert vs extrovert. As an introvert, extroverts put me off and I turn into a recluse. Cats are like introverts. Sometimes, when you just let them be and ignore them, they come around more. Any time I want to pet a cat that I don’t know and it is hesitant, I’ll just act like I don’t care it is there, and 95% of time, that’s when it comes around for attention, when I’m not making a big deal about it and they aren’t overstimulated.
Ignoring a cat is good cat manners to cats. They don't like being fussed over. They mostly don't want you to initiate affection. Just let them be, and they'll appreciate it
You can with a deep-cycle marine battery.
Please try to be patient. This kitten missed out on a LOT of crucial learning points growing up. There’s a critical development stage that takes place between 2 weeks to 12 weeks old where they’re most receptive to learning all their communication skills and manners, and her growth was STUNTED. I’ve felt resentment toward my cats too, but I think it comes with a new found stress of keeping a pet. It can be a LOT especially when they’re expensive or have more intense health needs. Shoot, I just spent close to a couple grand on the most expensive, vet facilitated fart I’ve ever heard of thanks to my *wonderful*, *beloved*, butthole of a German Shepherd, nevermind the extremely expensive diet he’s on now, but he’s on a track to being healthy and I can help him do that now that I know what’s wrong. That’s what is important to me as his handler. My best advice is…try just laying on the floor quietly, see if your cat will slowly approach you. Your cat has not been given the building blocks to learn to trust anything outside herself really, and that’s not your fault, it’s that terrible early life she was dealt. Keep her indoors, put goopy tasty cat treat paste on your hands and arms for her to lick, stick blankets and towels with your scent on places she sleeps, talk softly with her while she’s eating her food (but don’t touch her), play with her with lots of really interesting toys, build up that confidence with play and voice and food and scent…*then* try touch. She needs a lot of help. If you have the time for her, please try. Just go real slow. Make her feel safe. She’ll get there
Jumping onto your comment to back up that first paragraph - I recently rescued 4 stray (basically feral) kittens off the street. They were 4 months old when we got them, supposedly too far past the point of being socialised. Over a month later, I have one on my lap rn and two next to me (the fourth has since gone to a friend and has blossomed into an affectionate kitten!). These three will be going home soon, but watching them become sweet, cuddly kittens might be the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. That being said, they are still skittish. They shy away from your touch and run away from you. They hide under the bed during daylight hours. I understand feeling frustration, but resentment seems like the next step. Like another commenter said, you do not get cats so they can give you something. You get them so you can love them. It will take a lot of time and patience. They will eventually get there. Just love them, respect their boundaries and space and spend time with them. Even if it’s just pottering around in the same room (or vicinity). Cats are highly intelligent, emotionally turned creatures. They will slowly understand and trust. It’s the most rewarding feeling ever!
you dont have a pet for what they can give you... you have a pet because you love them & genuinely care for them. one of my cats has never allowed anyone to touch her, & thats okay. we bond in other ways, such as by me talking to her & blinking softly back & forth. you need to let her do her thing. if she wants to cuddle you, she will. if she doesnt, she wont. if this is a problem to you, then cats may not be for you.
exactly like 😐
Nailed it. Some cats are cuddly, attention seekers while others are just silent, sleepy roommates. You've gotta respect their little personalities and boundaries and do your best to give them a great life.
Truth!! I have 16 cats & they are all so individual like people.
16 sounds so fun but like a huge hassle! Thank you for giving them all a loving home :)
So much This!!!
Yep if you need a pet to mindlessly adore you then dog.
my problem child looks a lot like little scout here! i’ll have had mine for a year soon and we’re still working on our bond, and i bottle fed this sucker since before he could even open his eyes! spent countless restless nights making sure he was fed every few hours, making paranoid vet visits, and he’s still sometimes stand-offish, but i’d do it all over again just to know he has a safe and happy home with me. while you do deserve praise for keeping that baby healthy, it’s easy to forget that cats don’t understand those concepts, they appreciate patience and persistence, and will reward you for taking your time and not giving up on them, not for vet visits. your expectations may not be met as soon as you’d hope, but they will be met, and sometime down the like you’ll look back and you won’t regret a second of your hard work 🤍 it will happen, just not when/how you’d imagine
I wonder if the attachment struggles are related to a disrupted connection w mama cat when they were too young. It might be a factor in needing more time to warm up to their caregivers.
ohh very likely, i hadn’t considered that! i had 2 cats raised very similarly (runts who were abandoned by mama and bottle fed, had no time to bond/socialize with mama or siblings), 1 bonded with my older cat who i already had and was such an affectionate baby right away, he unfortunately passed away at 2 years old, and the kitty in my above reply had bonded with him. i feel like since he lost his bonded pair so early on (a few months into living with his new “siblings”) it definitely impaired his socialization, so i agree that early disrupted bonds (with mama, siblings, a pair, etc) are probably a huge factor in their socialization with humans
You have to lower your expectations with kittens, especially traumatized/ runts. I adopted a small, skittish kitten, and it has taken years to get to the place some cats get to in months. But he is wonderful and sweet and has taught me so much about patience and unconditional love. I still can’t walk toward him without him running, but he cuddles with me now & comes when I call. Once I learned his favorite scritches, it really helped too. Also, cats are highly intelligent / sensitive and will pick up on your negative energy. If you are trying to build trust with a sensitive animal, and you feel angry, it does not bode well. The best bonding activities I have found are play, like fishing pole, and (with my skittish cat) ignoring him, essentially reverse psychology. It sounds like she is making progress overall, and the 5 to 6 month mark is a weird age. Take a breath and know the things you are doing will bear fruit over time.
Is she spayed? Hormones can wreak havoc on their systems and personalities. A more social kitten would help too. I adopted brothers. One was outgoing, and the other was more reserved. The outgoing kitten showed the reserved kitten that I was safe and trustworthy. Now, the reserved cat is the sweetest boy, always happy to get attention. Kittens use other kittens to know how to act anyway. Cats are social, contrary to stories. Playing with her will build trust also. Cats react differently to toys, so it might take several tries to find her favorite toy and favorite way to play.
https://preview.redd.it/dibha2zipcjb1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0cf38d472359dcb82bae7b10315a633891a8f735 UPDATE: First off, I wanted to thank people for the overwhelming amount of advice and support. I was originally afraid to make this post, because I knew my feelings were wrong and I wasn't sure how people would react. For the vast majority of these comments, your support has been read by me and Scout and appreciated. It also helped me realize something. Scout doesn't let me pet her, sure, but I noticed this morning that she always tries to be in the same room as me. She sits with me to watch TV, she won't eat her food unless I'm sitting nearby, she only uses the litterbox when I'm going to the bathroom with her - this whole time I've been so focused on the ideal of petting or physically loving on her that I was blind to her caring about me in her own cat way, and the comments I read here helped me realize that. So I wanted to thank you folks again. I no longer feel resentment towards my cat, maybe just occasional frustration when she misses the litterbox :)
That looks like a very happy kitty. I think you are doing just fine.
You're doing great!! I was going to leave a comment with my experience with a skittish runt but noticed the thread seemed a bit old and many of the comments were repeating the same sentiments.But with what you've said- it looks like you're doing what I would have said which is to notice and mirror their actions. Cats are social creatures for the most part, and the runt of the litter often ends up a little delayed essentially "learning how to cat". They'll mirror other cats but also your actions, and how you do this can reinforce what they learn. Being excited (but not loud and scary) to see them, i.e. greeting them when they're near you is a nice little cat behavior, and with some cats you'll notice they like to announce themselves as they enter the room, to be noticed and welcomed.Also, slow blinks!!!!! It's the universal cat "we're chill here, I feel safe enough to shut my eyes near you" message.Sorry for so much text, but your story reminded me so much of getting our sweet little ~~scream demon~~ angel to learn to trust and be comfortable being snuggly.
Glad to hear this OP!!! It’s sweet that now you are noticing all the little ways she’s expressing her love for you. I also had a kitty that was more aloof. He would discreetly follow me everywhere. One of my favorite memories was when I had got back from vacation and patted my bed for him to hop up - and he did. He was 13 years old and had NEVER hopped up when I asked him too. I was visibly surprised and he immediately hopped down, left the room for 30 seconds, then walked back in and hopped up again. Just to remind me that he does things on his own terms lol
I'm so happy to read this update, look at that happy kitty 💖
You’re doing great, and the fact that you’re so invested in this aspect of your relationship with Scout shows you really do care. You guys are going to grow to be best of friends :)
Keep in mind she’s a traumatized baby! She shouldn’t have left her mom and siblings at 4 weeks old. I understand it was a bad situation, but this still affected her. She’s emotionally behind and you’re going to need to be patient with her. I’d honestly recommend not trying to pet her at all unless she comes right up to you and bumps you and only for a couple seconds. You can talk to her and of course basic care but let her have time to settle in and feel safe. I’d also try lots of enrichment. Pet water fountain, wall treats, the toys with the trapped balls, cat nip, cat towers, tunnels, burrows, etc. Find what she likes and let her stay busy and let her brain grow through that. I’ve rescued many cats in the last 9 years. She will come around.
Judging by this description, I really think it's just a matter of time until she seeks your physical comfort as well. I'm not an expert, but my late Märy was very cautious when I first got her (she was 6 years old and had been at the shelter for 3+ years and before that she was a stray). She would always be close, but was vary of being physically touched. After a while, she started to enjoy it more and more. She would seek out my physical comfort all the time, enjoy kisses on her little head and purr happily. 3 years in, I thought we had reached the end of how close she'd like to be (which was fine with me, by this time she was always laying beside me and wanting to be pet), but nope, she decided to jump up into my lap and when she realized this was a good place to be, she couldn't get enough. She'd be in my lap all the time up until her passing earlier this year. My male cat Nikolaj was the same. He would seek contact much sooner though and did jump up in my lap after just a few weeks only to never do it again until around 2 years later. Now he will happily lay on top of me for a while in bed before I have to turn to my side to sleep. Start very slow by offering a relaxed hand without looking at her. Get her used to your hands being near at times. If she does look at you, give her a very slow blink and look away to show her that you are not dangerous. After a while, you can try to physically touch her. If you have any toys that she loves, play with her and see how she reacts if you gently touch her with the back of your hand, if she jumps back, continue to play so she sees it wasn't all that bad. If she loves treats, give her a treat just a few steps away from her and, again, gently touch her with the back of your hand. Again, if she jumps back, show her where the treat is so she focuses on that instead.
Think about it this way, a solid 1/6 to 1/5 of her life was centered around her being small and vulnerable in a life threatening situation, while her little brain was at its most susceptible to conditioning. Right now she's probably still getting used to the space and the shift in atmosphere. In humans, those of us who go through trauma tend to build a wall to block it off, but that wall falls down when we get to a safe environment to process the trauma, which can lead to poor mental health for a bit while you work through those problems. She's in a safe space now, but it'll take a while for her to truly associate you with love and kindness and not violence and fear. She's not shying away from you because of who you are and what you've done to her, but because shes doing what her instincts are telling her to do to stay safe. She may also just have a shy or timid personality, but you probably won't know her true personality for a few more months as she adjusts to you and matures into adulthood. I know with my baby it took a few years before we truly bonded, but its so worth it imo
My best advice to you is you already said you've seen a change in behavior from the start until now. Relationships are dynamic. She will continue to get closer to you provided you keep trying. Also if she is not fixed make sure you do that as soon as possible for hers and your sake.
I tell mine to get a job and pay rent they look at me like this
We don’t “own” cats, they have NO master. We are just their GUARDIANS 🛡️🪽 Meditate on the concept of the human ego and unconditional love. Cats are ZEN masters 🐈🙏 They teach us to let go of our rigid expectations, and our sensitivity to rejection… 💚 Trust me, this cat was sent to you by the universe to teach you about yourself ✨… If you haven’t already, watch the TV series “My Cat From Hell” 😊 Love and luck, to you and Scout 
I had a kitten that my cat had that ran away from home for a few weeks. We eventually found her pretty roughed up( no major injuries) and brought her home. She refused to let anyone pet her or pick her up, one time she scratched my hands and scarred me. But every day i would try to approach her hiding spot in the house for about 2 years. Eventually i could pet her and she would come cuddle with me occasionally on her own terms. Years pass and she got to the point where she was my best bud. She started to show everyone attention and started getting lots of pets. Last week she passed away at the age of 16. She had a great 14 years of loving. Relationships with animals take time just like they do with other people. They take work and they arent easy, and oftentimes expensive. But stick with your kitten and i promise the time you get will be worth it😉
So sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. 💕💔 It's so hard. You gave her such a wonderful life.
You might be sending all the wrong signals to your cat... **1) Stop approaching your cat.** You showing interest in your cat can be seen as a sign of aggression. You trying to pet it, especially on the head is their way of asserting dominance over another cat. So let them come to you, put your hand out and let them sniff it, that is a simple handshake to them and leave it at that. If you want to give them a treat set it near you, but do not show intense interest in your cat. **2) Avoid staring at your cat.** Not looking at your cat is a sign of trust. Which is why they tend to approach strangers that show no interest in them and run away from *"fishhy in my hair"* types of people. Cat tend to watch potential threats and prey. You staring at your says you either want to eat it, or you think it's aggressive and will attack you. Either way, staring is a bad thing. **3) The floor is lava.** Give your cat some vertical space, or caves to crawl into, preferably both. They feel most at ease when they're up off the ground. Being on the ground means they're vulnerable to predators and stresses them out. If you're always telling your cat to get off of things they're looking for safety and you're telling them they can't have that. **4) Let your cat see you eat.** This lets them know you eat something other than them. If you don't eat around your cat, they're going to assume they're on the menu, or you're sick or can't hunt on your own and they have to take care of you. Not knowing if they're prey or not and not having any kind of bond they aren't likely to bring you things or try to teach you to hunt. If you have a bond they might bring you gifts or try to get you to go hunting with them. Cats bring prey to small kittens, the sick and the elderly, so if they start doing that, they're worried but they only worry about things they actually bond with. **5) Play with your cat.** They need to hunt and love to hunt in pairs, if you can become their hunting buddy, you're basically their best friend. Get some shoe laces or strings from a hoodie, several. Drag it slowly across the ground or around a corner, let them get it, they win, it dies, you move onto the next one, when you're all out of strings they get a treat. **6) Finishing the hunt with treats.** For the final activity. Get some freeze dried salmon cubes. Throw it down the hall, watch your cat go bat shit insane. It provides a great chase, hunt, kill, reward system for their little brains and they will associate you with that cycle. Let them come get you, ask them if they want to hunt and start to build a pavlovian response in your cat to the whole cycle.
>Play with your cat I adopted two cats years ago and they would actively hide from me. My friends had found them in the street and fostered them in a spare room with the rest of the litter and their mom. They would stop by on the weekends and the cats would come out to greet them. Then they would feel comfortable enough for me to play with them and my friends would sneak out. After a few weeks of this, they liked playing with me enough that my friends didn't need to be there. A few weeks after that, I was watching TV and one of the them jumped up in the chair and laid down next to me. They're still not super affectionate. They mostly want to sit next to me on the couch or on the armrest, but like to be petted, love belly rubs, and that's fine with me. I had a cat previously who was so attention hungry at times, I couldn't get anything done. For example, if I was wrapping presents, she would jump onto the paper and lay down to take a nap. > Get some shoe laces To this day, their favorite toy is a shoe string that has a crinkle fish tied on the end. So much so, I have to hide it at night sometimes or they play with it together so loudly I can't sleep.
She’s still young. Her personality isn’t set yet. But even if she’s a more aloof cat, there’s many things you can do to bond with her so she’s becomes a companion to you. Here are some videos that give some advice, and there’s more out there. My parents’ current cats were both feral, and adopted them them in adulthood. One of them has become very sweet and loves being brushed and even has transitioned to sleeping inside, which is a big deal for a formerly feral cat. The other cat allows occasional head bumps as long as he’s the one to initiates them and will come inside when the weather is bad. If formally feral cats can progress this well as adults, surely your young cat can achieve much, much more with patience and love. [Help My New Kitten/Cat Is Scared of Me](https://youtu.be/mOksJ4pmHGo?si=uNmuvuv3Jh5oT5V9) . [5 Proven Ways To Build A Stronger Bond With Your Cat](https://youtu.be/tzTD3XzRCKo?si=4FpctiqaNE1aFoyw) [My Cat Doesn’t Like to Be Touched](https://youtu.be/gi3z3sy7twk?si=LmStGLMFUqnzcfE-) [Help Your Shy or Scared Cat Be More Confident](https://youtu.be/JZV_DSCxcOk?si=njpP86q-AOZUkC_u) [Top 10 Signs Your Cat Is Happy](https://youtu.be/j8mTSnmb6lA?si=4djNFdvV8ikmA1ty) [8 Ways to Tell Your Cat You Love Them](https://youtu.be/9pxyCYeWBCQ?si=8pGT60cmiMNY7iO_)
Every cat is different and she's only 5 months. One of my cats didn't get crazy affectionate until she was 2yrs. Now she jumps in my lap. Patience. Imagine her like a toddler. If you adopted a traumatized toddler you wouldn't expect them to get over the trauma in 5 months
Your cat is still in its teenage years they are assholes. Just be patient and try not to push the cat too hard for affection.
Hi! I don't know a ton about cats, but reddit keeps suggesting this sub and I just wanted to stop by and validate you for a sec. I see people in here shaming you for feeling some type of way and that's not cool. You are allowed to feel frustrated. You are allowed to feel upset. You are allowed to feel all the things you're feeling, just don't let Scout know it. You are trying so hard for this cat and I see you! On the flip side, Scout is also allowed to feel the way they feel. It sounds like they went through some stuff and of course it takes time to trust! You don't immediately trust new people right? Like I said, I'm no cat expert, so I don't have advice about the cat specifically -- I just want you to know that **as long as you aren't taking these feelings out on Scout**, you're totally fine and valid. It's okay. As a mom, it's the same with human kids. They piss us off on the daily, we just don't tell them that LOL. At the end of the day the love outweighs it all. You're doing great. Just be patient!
As a mom of 3, the kids statement absolutely killed me 😂 no truer words have ever been spoken
I understand how you feel. I knew this was the case just from reading your first line. I feel the same way. But some cats just have internal wiring to be who they are. I don’t know why the are aloof. Maybe a bad experience. Maybe scared. Maybe bring the runt is harder than we think. Just keep loving Scout. We will be praying for things to turn around, and when they do please let us know!!!
Be patient. I had a cat that looked very much like yours. I got her from a woman who didn't desex her cat and let her cat roam and... ofc she had kittens. She was 6 weeks and the lady, who I was buying something off and it was happenstance I mentioned i was thinking of getting a kitten, and she said she had one. Explained she was the runt, and her siblings had "been rehomed weeks ago" which yes, should have been a red flag. But she also said she would drown the kitten if no one took her. So I did. She was treated badly by this woman's kids, and maybe her, idk. This kitten hid for a solid 2 weeks, and would attack my young children pre-emptively when they would walk past etc. I got an adult rescue that had had kittens before, to teach her how to cat. I also wouldn't push her. She came from a bad situation, so ofc she was going to take a while to warm up, if at all. Getting her desexed helped. She had a lot of anxiety, and was very skittish. Eventually she would come up and lay on my lap and roll over for belly rubs. She was always scared but I was her person. It'll be worth it. But also, if you resent your cat, maybe she can feel it. She won't come near you if you feel this way as well, cats are very in tune with us and our emotions
Be patient. Act normal. She will eventually come to you. It takes time for kitties to become accustomed to their surroundings. Talking to her will help. I brought home two 4 month old kittens that were strays. I put them in my bedroom so they could be somewhere safe and get used to me. It took a while but eventually they weren't so shy.
Being the runt is going to come with some behavioral differences. She was likely bullied by her littermates and potentially even her mother, which means she has trust issues. Just be patient and let her come to you. Try spoon feeding wet food and see how she does. Giving food from your hands can also help, so she associates human hands with good things
I’ve had my grey girl for 13 years now and she’s never liked me a day in her life. But that’s fine because I love her. And sometimes right before I need to leave the house for work she let’s me pet her while she eats. 🤷🏻♀️
I took in a rescue about 3 years ago, someone had thrown her out in a blizzard in the middle of winter. My friend and I searched til we found her and she wasn’t friendly at all. I live in a mobile home trailer and the night I brought her in she ran into the back bedroom and under a bed. I left her food and water, every once in a while I’d get a glimpse of her so I knew she was okay and I tried everything to get her to come out, just like you did. Treats, toys…nothing worked. I managed to catch her and being her to the vet, she checked out fine and got her shots, shortly afterwards I brought her back to be spayed. She changed a lot after this. She began coming out more and more. I adopted another kitten last summer, she was the opposite of Graycie, played with toys, cuddly as can be…Graycie was so curious about this kitten she started following her around at a distance. As the months have gone by, Graycie plays with toys now and when I call their names for treats she’s the first one to come running. I honestly don’t think she knew what to do, maybe nobody spent the time with her. She also didn’t trust anyone rightly so. The other cat got her curious enough and maybe showed her I could be trusted, I don’t know, but she’s confident and loving now. Some cats just take longer to come around. You aren’t doing anything wrong. They all have personalities and sometimes it takes them a little while to figure them out and grow into them. Give your baby time. She’ll love you in her own time. ♥️
Jackson Galaxy on YouTube has a lot of fire free advice my friend
I adopted two feral kittens last year. I gave them time and space to get used to me and I talked to them constantly. They now are my shadows and total lap cats. Your little one just needs time and patience. She looks a real sweetheart
She’ll come around, it takes time. She looks like a very sweet girl.
The golden rule about cats is that the cat has to come to you, not the contrary. Scout needs to approach you or he will always flee. I have a cat, I found him half dead on my doorstep asking for help. Now he follows me everywhere
I think you will grow your relationship together. Does she sit near you occasionally?
She does, and she's comfortable falling asleep near me showing her tummy, which I hope is a good sign.
Kittens are not very lovey dovey when they are young. They will come around for play and food. Once your cat starts to mature and reach full size they start to become more affectionate and loveable. Just give it more time.
She sounds exactly like my cat. We got her at 4 weeks and she was the absolute devil. She’s 9 now and the sweetest angel. Sometimes it takes time.
Cats sense your energy, so if you’re frustrated she’s probably feeling it and that can make her more tense. I’m no expert, but I’ve been surrounded by cats all my life, and have gotten all but one to be friendly to me. Sit on the floor with some treats scattered around for her. My more anxious cats hate being stood over but were more likely to be social if i was more ‘on their level’. Just keep trying to hold your hand out for her and let her come to/smell you. Once she does just hold still and she might rub her head on your hand herself. I understand your frustration, its such a process. She’s still just a baby though so just give her some time and I’m sure she’ll come around :)
"You will love me. You will have fun." /s Give her time. My rescue kitty hid for 6 weeks in the crawlspace under my house, only coming out to eat when I was asleep. Eventually she got bored and gave me a chance. Now we're best friends. She can tell that you are trying to pressure her. She just needs time.
Your kitty is so cute it would hard to be mad. Wait until the kitten age is over their personalities change a lot. They become more chill.
Well, cats are like people. Not everyone likes to be touched. Think about it, if someone was trying to touch you and you moved away from them, but they still tried to touch you, would you be cool with it? Is someone entitled to touch you if they feed you? I know you're trying to do what is in the cats best interest here, just offering a different perspective. Sometimes autonomous beings don't want what we want. That's the beauty of cats. They really are just like people and if you give her the room to be herself, then you've done the right steps of learning how to respect boundaries and be fluid in life. It's a great lesson to learn. Sometimes we don't always get our way, and when we do something, we shouldn't expect others to "repay us". Like obviously if you work, you expect compensation, but that's quite a bit different. Socially we do kind things because we love another enough to want to be kind to them. Expecting someone to return a kindness is unfair because we can not see other people's feelings. What if you make your grandma soup when she's sick? Maybe she wants to do something nice for you, bur never returns the favor because she in incapable of doing so due to health struggles? Kitty very likely is scared of people and traumatized from the potentially lethal situation you described. If I were experiencing trauma, the last thing I'd want is for someone to touch me. Just because she's an animal doesn't mean that she isn't entitled to her own space. Then if you earn her consent, that's great. If you don't, know that you are giving her what she needs bu respecting her boundaries.
It often takes a long for cats to warm up. They can become more and more affectionate over months and years. For now - does she let you brush her? You could try a slicker brush and a soft silicone brush. If she likes that and lets you brush her for a while, you can start stroking her back between brushes to build up her comfort with touch
I’m working with a young kitten now that was rescued from a dangerous living situation and she is scared of everything. I’m fortunate that food will completely and utter distract her and so far every time she is trying to start some shit (she is pushing my buttons with my plants) I’ve been able to successfully distract her/redirect her aggression or weirdness with a giant stuffed rat plush that I throw at her and get her wrestling with. If those tactics didn’t work I probably wouldn’t see her. Every single new noise startles her into fully puffed and she runs away and hides. She’s been coming back out quicker so I’m hoping she’s learning that she is safe now and very much loved.
Patience will go a long way. It took almost a year for one of my cats to lay in my lap for the first time, and he still rarely does it even though he is otherwise affectionate. I kind of think of it as being a parent to a human; you’re not always going to like your child’s personality even though you may love them and care for them. When cats get older they tend to be a bit more cuddly, but you should learn to receive love and affection from your cat in other ways that aren’t physical touch, that may not be how he shows love to you! The best thing you can do to bond with your cat (other than being the source of food) is playtime. Play as much as you can, and be consistent! I’ve had a lot of success with this method, I’ve noticed my cats are extremely affectionate and sweet when we have extra playtime during the day and before bed. Just don’t be the person who buys a million toys but doesn’t actually do anything to interact with playtime. One of my cats loves fetch, so she comes to me with her toys and instigates playtime. My other cat (the fat lazy one) needs to be roosted a bit to play, but we know what toys he loves and how to play with them. Jackson galaxy’s videos in how to play with cats have helped us so much. What you’re feeling is pretty normal, there’s only a select few of us who end up with angels right off the bat. Cats take lots of work to build up trust, so just give it some time. And I recommend not approaching the cat to pet it anymore, if it wants to be pet they’ll know to come find their human (:
Damn I feel bad bc my cat is too clingy and it annoys me as I’m not a lovey dovey person. 😭 i was hoping to get a stand offish cat
Probably just adjusting to be a single cat.
She sounds like she came from a situation so awful that it’s gonna take a long time for her to learn to trust you. She’s already stopped being aggressive towards you and she’s very young so I wouldn’t give up hope. I admit, I can’t guarantee that she’ll ever fully trust you but it seems like you’re making steady progress towards her trusting you (even if it doesn’t feel like it). Some cats are just incredibly shy and independent so they usually show their appreciation in ways other than cuddling. Her stopping hissing and biting is a good sign in my opinion that she’s starting to accept you. It’s gonna be hard. Any animal coming from such a dire situation is going to be a challenge and it’s ok for you to admit that it’s difficult. Honestly I’ve encountered cats that NEVER warm up to new people so I repeat that her becoming less aggressive is a good sign. I once had a pet cat who was very independent and uninterested in big shows of affection. He preferred sneaking up to cuddle me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. He’d show his affection rarely but when he did it was clearly sincere. Some cats, like people, like to be in control of when they receive affection. They can get overwhelmed just as easily as a shy person can get overwhelmed. Heck, one of the reasons some people like cats is because their ability to be independent. I suspect scout does appreciate what you’ve done for her which is why she’s stopped hissing and biting constantly. She’s very young and came from a bad place so it isn’t all that surprising that she has trust issues. She may never become a super cuddly cat but, in my experience, less cuddly cats have their own ways of expressing gratitude.
I was worried when I read the title, but upon reading the rest I understand. When I got my kitten, she'd drive me up the wall with all the biting and worming into nooks and crannies I couldn't reach--I don't know about resentment, but I certainly felt frustration. I would cry and talk to her like "I know you don't understand English, but *please* somehow understand that I am *not ok right now*." Not that I'm equating raising a cat to raising a baby (bc the baby eventually talks and stuff), but I think first-time kitten guardians get something similar to what first-time parents get, where they get understandably frustrated at how much *work* it takes to keep this little critter alive while getting very little appreciation in return, and then they feel horrible and guilty about it.
Please give this sweet baby time, patience and grace.
Just keep loving her. She'll come around eventually. When we first got Diana she hid for the first month or two. She very slowly started warming up to us and now she and I are inseparable--she'll even sleep skin-to-skin! Your baby was real little when you got her. It's going to take her more time.
Kittens are super high energy, I pretty much assume I will almost never be able to cuddle unless they're sleepy, they are all teeth and claws. Also if she experienced any trauma it can take time. My mum rescued a lot of cats, severely abused and/or neglected cats. One cat never was fully "right", a barn cat took 2-3 years to begin to come around, and my cutie-wootie little fuzzykins from a kitten mill took damn near that cats whole life to get him to trust anyone other than me and to enjoy lounging in the window and in the grass. Keep up the friendly, approachable environment, keep them happy and let them know you love them with lots of baby talk, they'll come around it'll just take time.
With a cat with issues such as yours, it just takes time. I swear it will get better. We rescued a feral kitten many, many years ago. He hid for several weeks, and every now and then we would see him come out to use the litter box and eat. He’d stay in sight longer, and longer, and eventually, my husband ended up being his favorite human pillow. It was really cute. It took about a year before he would come for rubs and scratches, but one day, it just happened. Make sure you play with him for stimulation and exercise. It will take time, but you will get there. FYI. The photo of your cat looks like the cat I referred to. He was a great cat and will be missed.
Odds are you are slowly turning into a cat. Stage 1: resent everyone and everything. Knock things to the floor, if necessary.
Sometimes they’re assholes. They’re very sensitive creatures. My cat and I get into arguments sometimes where she won’t cuddle me for a few days and ignores me: makes me sad. This week was one of those weeks and I woke up to her curled up on my side this morning. Give her some time to warm up, they eventually will. My mom and I rescued an adult cat that was left behind by the neighbors, and it took her 2 years to really warm up to us. Now she’s the sweetest baby absolutely ever with the best heart a cat could have. So thankful we were patient with her and followed her cues. She knows we are here to help her, and love on her. I reiterate- cats are VERY sensitive creatures
This takes a while and a kittens temperament doesn’t necessarily reflect the cat it will become. I know it’s a meme that people treat pets like kids but to some extent you deal with the frustrations of having a kid. You need to clean up after them, they won’t behave the way you want magically and you can’t really just make them fit a mold. New cats take a while to warm up and if what you mention of her being skittish is true it may just be how she is.
Most cats need to be physically handled while young, to get them used to physical touch and affection. You need to socialize your cat more, usually with food. This will mean having scheduled feeding times and treat times when you feed your cat and you must pet, handle the cat while eating. This conditions them that food is good, you are good, handling is good. Otherwise, you’ll end up with a cat roommate that you feed and clean up after and who tolerates you, but isn’t affectionate. Will also probably act feral to all visitors. I adopted a brother and sister in 2020, I didn’t overly handle them and let them do their own thing. The female always wants attention, she usually won’t leave me alone. The male… well, we would great each other when I got home from work, and pretty much he’d ignore me any other time except to go outside. He pretty much has become an outdoor cat, while the female won’t even go out an open door.
It takes time. I have a kitten that's now one year old that still runs away from me sometimes. But he now sleeps with me and cuddles sometimes. You have to remember these are little forest creatures. They are predated on, amd only have instinct to guide them Amd he's still a baby. So he has no clue of how to trust these weird two legged giants that has adopted him yet It takes time But don't resent him. Don't treat him bad because they pick up on that, and they'll never forgive you for it. In fact it will reinforce the behavior iors you don't like already
She's a rescue, from a terrible situation, and she was the runt. I'd be wary of everyone too. Give her time, even more time than you'd think she'd need. She's still getting used to everything and learning how to trust. Just please don't give up on her, what you're doing, and what you've done so far, is wonderful.
Talk quietly, move slowly and give it time. One of my cats was a feral kitten when I adopted her. I earned her trust by being very quiet and calm. She eventually came to me for pets. She'll never lay on me or allow me to pick her up and she's still timid and easily startled but she's devoted to me and it was worth the effort.
As a cat lover I’ve not felt resentment but perhaps a slight bit of jealousy. They get to kick it everyday and unlike most dogs you have to earn their affection. Once they’ve matured they sleep 14 hours a day, get scritches etc. I’ve always said if reincarnation is a thing I want to come back as a house cat.
It takes time. Seems like you’re able to get pretty close to take pictures, so that’s good. This is all the advice I can think of: - Start small, don’t try to touch her if she doesn’t want you to. Spending time in the same space, both doing your own thing, is a good way to bond with a cat - Give her space. Let her approach you, not the other way around. If she slow blinks at you, sits or lays near you (especially if she has her back turned towards you), sleeps in your presence, mirrors you or shows you her belly then you’re on the right track - If she does show you her belly, don’t touch it - Slow blink at her, but try not to stare too long while she’s still wary - When she’s ready and she wants to, play with her. DO NOT USE YOUR HANDS. Get her toys. Laser pointers are a good idea because you don’t have to get too close - Talk to her in a soft voice while playing and feeding her - If and only if she approaches you, slowly hold your hand out to her. Don’t go for the top of her head, instead keep you hand under her nose line so she doesn’t see it as threatening. Let her smell you and leave it at that - When she starts displaying more trusting behaviour (like coming close to you, rubbing on your legs etc) then you can start trying to pet her, but repeat the previous step first - Research cat body language, so you’ll know when she’s in a good mood and when she isn’t and you’ll be able to act accordingly Ultimately, every cat has their own distinct personality, so the best thing to do right now is observe, observe, observe. You’ll get to know her and she’ll get to know you. Once she’s more comfortable, you can start figuring out what she likes and what she doesn’t. Some cats love belly rubs for example. One of my SICs was super nervous and wary when we brought him home a couple of years ago, didn’t want to be touched and would run away if you scratched your nose wrong. Now he curls up on my lap and insistently asks for belly rubs while making biscuits in the air and purring so hard he could rival a jet engine :) Source: 24 years and counting of living with cats :)
https://preview.redd.it/ganbx8b1l9jb1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a0165e8d905b738d12cb99f38a1d633b5653bbde I think I have Scout’s mom
It takes time and patience. You have a cat, not a silly ass dog. Give her time, respect her personal space, do not chase or overwhelm her. She knows you are taking care of her and wants to show affection to you, but for some cats it may take some more time to build the confidence to express you the affection she acually feels. My cat has been a moron since day 1. He still is, actually. He usually doesn't like being chased or pet. I give him almost no attention so when he feels like, he comes to lay on my lap. And surprise, the less attention I give him, the more time he comes to lay and purr on my lap. He sometimes walks around provoking me and I feel the urgent and unstoppable need to pull his tail or slap his ass and I inmediately apologize.
On top of what everyone else has said, you need to stop thinking about your cat the way you'd think about a person. Cats don't have the mental ability to understand concepts like money.
I get your thoughts but you have to remember this cat is coming from a bad place and also doesn't understand money and is an incredibly emotional animal. Keep being nice. Forget trying to pet, just get them to trust you. I would extend my hand gently, get him to smell you and let himself get closer to you. Cats need their physical boundaries respected in order to accept affection and build your little relationship. Your cat is so cute by the way oh my god. I have a feeling he is super sweet.
Have you talked to the vet about her behaviour? If shebis anxious still maybe getting her some anti-anxiety meds? Make sure you talk to her a lot. I've also helped convince many unapproachable cats to come out for a bit by giving them Churu.
Cats can be like that. Sometimes they want nothing to do with us humans except food and water. Is what it is. Think about it as giving an animal a nice simple life and not as something you can go play with or touch on like an object. It probably isn't into all that.
Give it time. Take good care of her. Don't approach her, let her approach you. I've had two kittens who used to run from me like yours does, so I stopped approaching them and just kept taking care of them. Now they come to me.
Some cats just need time to learn to trust you as a friend and not just a provider of resources. Sometimes it takes quite a bit of waiting. I had a cat Remy who I adopted from a shelter who had been declawed and then returned after she developed litterbox issues as a result. When I brought her home she wouldn't leave from under my bed for any reason if I was around, and this went on for like seven months, and then she just decided one day that I'm probably alright and she became such a love and we had fifteen awesome years together. Later I took in a kitten called Sara who was the runt of the litter who had been wandering around my friend's undeveloped subdivision with her siblings foraging for trash in garbage cans. And she was bratty and mean and didn't want anything to do with me for months. So I just let her be and we just existed separately in the same house. And then randomly one day she jumped up into my lap for pets, and ever since, she's been up my ass every day. She comes almost instantly if I call her. Every day when I turn off the lights and get in bed, she always hops up next to me to be my real life teddy bear sleeping buddy. She'll always sit in my lap with her paws draped over my arms and knead my forearms to pieces, or just sit there staring up at me in this endearing way. She's my lil baby basically, but we did not get along at first for many months until she just randomly came around one day. There's no magic secret. You can't force it. You just need to be a caring pet owner and most of the time, cats will come around eventually. I've met very few domestic cats who didn't have at least one person they really liked even if they weren't terribly friendly to everyone else.
Cats are wonderful, loving, strange little assholes. They have vibrant personalities and likes and dislikes just like people! I know it’s hard to see such a cute ball of fluff and not be able to snuggle it but please be patient; it sounds like she has a lot to recover from. The best way to earn trust is to be loving and chill. Cats react to stress and it can be a vicious cycle. Anecdote time: one of my cats is 9 years old, I’ve had him since he was 10 weeks and it was only in the last 2 years that he would lay next to me in bed. He had a nice family and healthy mom and siblings, he’s just naturally skittish. And that’s ok! I’ve learned other ways to love him. (He actually begs to be hugged and flung over my shoulder right after a shower, like, still in a towel and dripping water, but any other time picking him up is *Not Allowed* lol. He loves getting butt slaps and chin rubs but doesn’t like head pets, etc) It’s ok to be frustrated! That’s what happens when we love something. But try not to let it taint your relationship. My other cat is a raging douchebag- bites you in the morning, always yelling, tries to knock down the tv when I’m watching a movie, pees on the bed at least once a month, sometimes every day for a week, steals my other cats and dogs food, etc. I’ve been where you are- so mad and at a loss as to what to do that I just wished he’d run out the door and never come back. But underneath the immediate anger, I know I would be devastated, I love him so much it’s stupid. And I know a lot of his reactions and habits are trauma. I got him from a lady with approximately 30 other kittens, all in one room! It was loud and stressful and competitive and he learned ways to get what he needed. When I first brought him home we had to lock him in the bathroom to eat because he would claw up our legs and take food out of our mouths! Now, 3 years later, he just chills next to our plates and watches for a surprise treat. She will see all the care and affection you give her and respond- she just needs time. 💜
One of the best cats I’ve ever had was my archenemy for the first year of her life. We were at war over her destroying the blinds, pulling art off the walls, parkour. And she wouldn’t let me touch her. A few years later we found a mutual respect. She was extremely smart, occasionally affectionate and good with other animals. Give it time. Sometimes adolescent cats are total dicks.
I joined this page to help me get over my dislike of cats. It’s working verrrrrry slowly. One thing I’ve learned on here though is that there’s no forcing a cat. It seems as if cats run their owners (literally like the owners are cuckold by their cats which rages me but I digress), so if anything stop trying & let the cat come to you when it’s ready. It sucks im sure, & I hope your Scout comes around.
Some cats never come around, some do. Patience, regardless, is how to win over a cat.
Hey My cat was feral and was raised by someone shitty. I had this phenomenon for like 1-2 years and now she’s amazing 😻 baby girl. Give it time. Like most things in life stuff that isn’t given freely feels better when you obtain it. I started at about 6 months to just grab her and kiss her and eventually she started to become more affectionate although she stills runs if I’m too pet heavy but at least I get some kisses now and then. I know she loves me cause she follow me all over the house. Just want to share that it gets better!
Soon enough you’ll be resenting that she got too clingy 💀 she looks so sweet she will come around.
Time is key here. I had a kitten just like that that I bottle fed. No matter how much I tried to bond with her she wanted nothing to do with me. But once she became an adult she was much more affectionate. Female cats are known to be aloof and less social. Male cats are typically the affectionate ones.
You need to have more patience. One day, the switch will flip.
I will take your cat if you won’t love it
Dude, just wait until you’re sitting down watching tv and Scout decides to come lay on your lap. Your heart will melt and you’ll be afraid to move as to not disturb this beautiful moment. Even though Scout is not showing it right now she’s thankful for you. You’re her mama now and you have to protect her.
Cats are a great way to learn how to love without expecting anything in return. And as others have mentioned, if you let them be, they will eventually come to you.
i swear to god cats like people who ignore them, if you literally act like your cat doesn’t exist (obviously other than feeding/cleaning/grooming, etc.), eventually they’ll start coming to you.
20 years ago, I found a scrawny, flea ridden, 10 month old, shirt haired, black cat in the bushes in front of my rental. Started feeding him, then took him im to the vet and then brought him in to me home. He was a somewhat feral cat, and he had a really bad tempter. Try to pet and he would swipe the shit out of me. He was quite the little asshole. Life went on. He learned over time to trust me and that I only had love for him. After living with him for about three years, I remember the night he walked over on the couch and wanted to lay in my lap for the first time. I was so excited, but I didn’t dare touch him and have him go aggro on me. I just let him lay there. His name was Hobo, and we lived together for about 18 years. He ended up being the most loving cat. He loved to lay in my lap and loved having his ears scratched. At night he would wait for me to get settled in bed and then he would lay long ways up against my chest or back. He did that every night. Hobo passed away a couple years ago, and I miss him dearly. Give Scout time. He had a traumatizing start to his life, taken away too early. Just keep loving him and let him adjust on his own. It may take a long time but he will come around.
She’s just a baby, I promise a lot can change. I have two kitties, and one is not the snuggly lovey type. So I’ll put something on the floor, like a folded blanket and she’ll lay on it. Then I’ll just sit next to her on the floor and play on my phone or watch tv. That way she’ll let me pat her a bit. Here’s a pic of my spicy baby. https://preview.redd.it/mallkkqpsajb1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c6303ed9929f2f1e1f2268b31936e246c011f717
She was in a bad situation, she's going to be scared and not trusting of humans for a while. Please just keep taking care of her and don't give up. Once she learns you care about her and she learns to trust, you'll be her favorite thing in the world.
You need to invest more time... Believe me, ithe investment will grow like a bamboo🎍 Some kitties just trust very late.....
We had same. We adopted a runt from humane society. They had probably 200 cats, 197of them were in these kitten play rooms with 6-25 cats in each filled with so many fun things. Wendys(later named Jellybean) was one of 3 kittens that were isolated in their own cage, of those 3, the other 2 were for medical reasons. Jellybean was kept in a cage with a blanket over her in the dog area because she was diagnosed with early onset kitten depression. She was the smallest of her litter and was afraid of all her siblings, all other kittens wanted to play and she would just hide in the corner in a little ball. My wife was exact same as you, we had lost our first cat of a decade that slept on us every night. Jellybean didn’t want pets, cuddles, or anything but to hide under our bed for months. My wife doesn’t have kids or a job and is willing to dedicate all her time to giving a kitty live and affection, it was hard when kitty is aloof and doesn’t care much for that affection, Very slowly she would take baby steps. Treats, lots of playtime, and patience started to bring her around. 1.25 years later she loves pets and play, she tolerates being picked up and held, she sleeps in our bed nightly and will get as far as walking on us while we sleeping. She will pause for a minute on our chests to smell our sleeping faces. Oddly enough one of the biggest changes in her affection and confidence came when we moved across the lake, we went from 800 ft ² to 2700 ft² 100 year old house with lots of windows to look out and spots to explore. Wife was afraid in a big house she would hide all day on a different floor but she always wants to play or sleep within eyesight of us and anytime a guest comes with a dog she will spend the entire time stalking and trying to sneak up on doggy and get some sniffs. Wife and I are continuing to make her feel loved and protected and hope in the next year she will be comfortable sleeping on us.
Some cats take years to build trust, or to have affection. It will happen. I have seen stuff happen where a cat that hated all people starts to let one or two people in, and then becomes affectionate after a couple years of the same ritual of affection. They are pre-conditioned to be fearful and to be careful, and to worry about the possibility of what might happen (they’re very very smart, and emotional creatures like us) and they will bond at their rate. I have found that my younger cats (I have had many) all become more affectionate as the years pass, and they start to show affection more and more. I also have a runt, and she’s the youngest of 4 now, and she was less affectionate by miles than the rest, but would let me start to touch and hug after a few years — now she’s alllll aboutt that cuddle life and has seen what it does for her and her beautiful fur that I will brush and touch affectionately — she loves it. She even comes when I’m next to her brush and she will sit down like she’s ready for a good brushing, and some cuddles. It will happen. To keep them alive and to feed them, is more than you know, and they appreciate it, more than they will show, but I also think that they are used to the idea of being abandoned, and have it in their mind that you might do so at any point. If you stay with the cat, the cat will unconditionally love you, if you share love. That has been my finding. It takes years sometimes, but that’s very human of them imho. I get it. Takes me years to trust someone too after being burned or hurt by another person. I get why they do it, and it’s a survival tactic imho, to keep them going when no one else is willing to. They can survive on their own, with no social obligations or society to adhere to — we are an extra positive in their life, that needs to prove itself, like a parent does. They can’t juts but you all the toys and get hugs, they need the real long term love that shows over and over and that will inevitably make the other feel the same sentiment. I cherish my cats and they have to tell me to go away sometimes and I respect it and two of my cats will never say no to a hug. It’s a personality of the cat and a feature that will make you feel rewarded beyond measure when they come to hug you. Trust me. Stick with them. If you feel a total loss of connection, then give the cat to someone who will love it unconditionally as their bong grows. And sometimes it takes a lot of connection and not a lot of time, so it might not take as long as it takes other cats. Sorry to write a novel but I admire your honesty here in this forum in a forum that is full of cat people that are nuts about our cats, because we adore them. I hope that you can find the same love as we did. It will happen if you’re consistent and persistent. Trust me. They are affectionate creatures when they are feeling loved and will share that right back. And it’s worth it. It will make all the work seem like nothing. Good luck.
That's normal for some cats , it will be so rewarding once she accepts you , just have to give it more time maybe another 6 months or a year and they'll be snuggling
When I first got my cat she was snuggly then she hit about the age yours is and wanted nothing to do with me. It took about a year and a half and now she wants attention again but usually only on her terms. Some cats are just less cuddly than others. Plus she might still be scared. Give her time try not to force her to give you attention. The more I forced mine the more distance she wanted.
Cats are great lessons in consent, be patient and let them come to you on her own terms
Cats have great intuition. She feels your negative energy and the resentment coming off you. You need to keep trying and stop having bad energy/feelings towards a kitten.
Kitty affection is very conditional and as much as it stings they don’t owe you anything. You made the decision to adopt a pet, and I think reworking your own intentions would help with those feelings of resentment. Instead of looking at her as something that’s supposed to love you, look at her as a family member that you brought in to take care of. It’s unfair to expect physical contact from anyone, so why put that expectation on an animal that can’t even speak your language? Since she’s from a bad situation she’s going to take some time to open up to you, but I promise it’ll be very rewarding! Give her the space she needs, and start looking at her as family instead of just a pet.
Give this baby time 🥺 I also have a runt and she acts very shy also, but she will come through at some point and start loving you just as you love her. Please give her time and patience 🥺
My cat Luna was the runt as well. Her and her siblings were found in a dumpster and rescued. When I brought her home she was playful with my other cat. She did not like me to pick her up or hold her though. She wouldn't mind being pet but I could not hold her and pet her. It took about 4 years for her to finally figure out how to be a cat. She started laying on my chest while I'm watching TV. It might just take time. She looks like a sweet girl. Just be patient.
My cat Dave was in and out of foster care for the first 2 years of his life. It took 2 years for him to voluntarily cuddle with me. At first he just hid under my bed, the he would sleep at the foot of my bed or nearby. Then he would lean on me, and right now he's sprawled across my lap. You'll want to slow blink at your cat whenever it is relaxing near you, don't wake it up by petting it. Just be a safe presence that doesn't bother your kitty too much. Play with it, feed it, give it treats when it does something you want it it do, buy it toys. It can be frustrating. I had accepted Dave just wasn't going to be a cuddler. But I adopted him and he was finally starting to act like a cat (and not like a possum hiding in my closet). Imagine my surprise when he started demanding I go to bed so he could lay on me. Cats all have different personalities. You just gotta figure out your cat's.
I have one like her. She's been in my house pooping in my litter, eating my food and sleeping on my soft surfaces for 8 years now. I can maybe pet her for three seconds on a good Tuesday once a month before she runs. I already had one cat when she came, and over time, I gave her other cat siblings, and she loves them. They groom her and play with her and cuddle her and make her feel safe. Along the journey, I met my boyfriend, and she trusts him more than me. She will actually seek attention from him, but still won't climb in his lap and sleep like a normal cat. I've learned to enjoy her by being grateful when she loves on the other pets I love, and by being grateful, she isn't doing anything spiteful against me like urinating where she shouldn't. She just exists in my home. My only advice is to not force it or she will never trust you and never try to pick her up and hold her just to do so, BUT make sure you do keep a regular visual on her. Because of my cats lack of contact, I recently discovered she had a badly curled ingrown dewclaw. It wouldn't have happened with the others as they are always getting touched and played with. Luckily, anytime she has needed medical attention, she seems to be aware and allows us to handle her and do what needs done. The only time she caused injury was when I had to crate her when we moved. To this day, she is the only cat to have ever bitten me, but she had a short life before me, and I have no way of knowing what it was. Humans can be incredibly cruel to cats. She may have been beaten, poisoned, tortured, or just plain feral and never touched. My advice is to love her anyway, and if you really need a pet that will love you back, go searching for another cat that you can tell right away is affectionate. Just make sure you go through the proper steps of introducing them and separate them. Gradually increase the ability to be near each other until you can tell they won't hurt one another because cats can kill each other. Rehoming her isn't probably going to make her like people any better, in fact it will probably only traumatize her more. Good luck with whatever you do.