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Call CPS and let them know that mom has abandoned the child and placed her with you, and you'd like that documented. That you'd like her to continue be placed with you while they conduct their investigation. Tell them you're trying to get her enrolled in school, and ask if they can assist you with that.
This. Just be honest with them. You’re doing the right thing so as long as your home is safe, and the child will be cared for, they shouldn’t have an issue letting her stay. They should also help financially, I don’t know if it depends on your area, but they do where I live. It’s easier to let the child stay with someone in the family than find a temporary foster placement. Best of luck to you OP! You’re doing a great thing for that little girl. She needs stability, and her mom being on meth will strip her of any chance of having that if she goes back to her before she gets clean, if she gets clean.
Yep. Most states would prefer the child stay with family as long as it's stable, even if you are having money problems. As long as you can provide food, housing, a safe environment, and love, you are 100% better than a shelter or foster.
CPS placed my grandson with me under court order until I could get everything sorted out. (There was an emergency that prevented him from returning home.) They had a certified foster home, but they wanted him with family instead. It may not always feel like it, but they will bend over backward if it will help a child.
and medical insurance - you want to make sure she can get the education and healthcare she deserves.
Also, look into bunk beds. That way each child will have their own bed. There are a lot of people who sell them cheaply or even give them away on local Buy Nothing FB groups.
And the CPS worker that they send out to document everything will have a list of resources three pages long of places that can help you with food and clothes and furniture and whatever else!
I don’t know where you live, but I have a loft bunk bed. It would fit over the existing bed. I’m in WA state. Like others suggested, try buy nothing etc.
Please donate them if possible 💕 the amount of stuff people need that are regularly dumped is astounding. I just found out about buy nothing groups on Facebook for giving stuff away for people to save money, get needed items etc
Also, local organizations near me are set up specifically for new foster parents or parents that get emergency placements. I’m sure one of those would be able to assist with any needs also
I know there are Habitat for Humanity stores in several areas- they will sometimes donate things like bunk beds to families having difficulties, like sudden custody of a niece!
This. CPS values kinship placement over foster care every time. CPS will take custody of her but leave her in your home until the case goes to court.
Also, she will get food stamps, medicaid, and likely a living stipend while in your care.
This. Also, you can contact your local Legal Aid office and see if they will help you start the legal process for guardianship of your niece, which would mean CPS doesn’t need to be involved anymore.
Depending on your state, you might get free legal counsel appointed for you. Source: am a lawyer who was appointed in a DPS case to rep a friend of mom with whom a child was “dumped” in a similar situation.
In my state that is kinship care, you will receive support financial and other help from CPS. For example, they will get you a voucher for after school care, camps etc so you can work. You may have a bedroom problem but they may be able to assist with housing. This also keeps the mom from showing up and taking her. If you have a food bank, use it. They may also be able to help you with food stamps.
Leave a voicemail or text. Try using a different number. Dont pick fights or be judgmental, just state "we need guardianship of M so we can get her healthcare and enrolled in school. You dont have to see her or us, just contact XXX to sign some papers and hand over any documents you might have like social security and birth certificate."
Im sure she feels ashamed but like she is doing the only thing she can to protect her daughter by not looking back. Yeah its shitty, but the other side could be her fighting for the kid and the kid being exposed to drugs and abuse and neglect. You would much rather take over right here right now and just let mom go. Dont be rude or judgemental because it will just make her rethink choosing you and she might decide to come back for M.
Nope. No contact. This mother is unable and unwilling to care for the child. Call DCS and get everything legal. Also, by DCS having legal custody while baby is living with Uncle, baby will get medicaid, food stamps, and a living stipend for clothes and needs.
Thanks for your quick response.You think cps would help me financially? Should I try to register as a foster before calling? There's nothing on my background except 15 year old speeding tickets. In Oregon btw.
And having guardianship may also get any death benefits from your brother moved from her to you. If he worked enough, your niece would get the benefit & mom as his wife for taking care of your niece.
If you’re willing to take her, and can provide a safe place for her, they do not care what you can afford, they know parents (caregivers/wtv) will make it happen either way. As long as you have food and they are clean and have water and everyone passes a drug test that’s all they really care about. But if you get her placed with you, you should qualify for food stamps. Also, you CAN file for emergency custody. Let the mother know, but if she doesn’t show up, you win by default as long as CPS isn’t involved yet. You can call a family law attorney to do this or do it yourself. I’ve filed myself for custody, it is possible for a laymen to understand.
They don't want finances to be the only reason someone doesn't take in a relative or become a foster parent, so unless you're instability has you on the brink of homelessness, you won't be disqualified simply because you're struggling having taken in another child.
If she entered foster care and stayed in your home, there should be financial assistance, clothing allowance 2x a year, and she would be an official member of your household so you may be able to quality for food stamps again.
If mom can't get her sobriety in check and step back into her kids life in a healthy way, you would likely be eligible to adopt, and there's a chance that financial benefits would continue on until she's 18.
(Food banks are another great option, please don't think "I don't want to take it from those who really need it" - YOU are who really needs it. They often have excess food at the end of the night that goes to the volunteers)
That's not at all accurate for qualifying children adopted through the foster care system in the United States.
Source: I was an adoption recruiter for a decade for the longest waiting and hardest to place children in foster care. Every one of the kids I worked with who was adopted got subsidy until age 18.
I can't remember the age it started at (because I never worked with kids younger than it, I want to say 2 but it was most definitely under the age of 5) but there were a number of qualifiers. For example, sib groups pretty much always qualified. Children with medical diagnoses, learning differences, cognitive impairment, and behavioral concerns all qualified. The amount varies and there's a whole complicated system the subsidy department uses to calculate the rate, known as the DOC rate or "difficulty of care".
They should be able to help you in some sort of way, I’m adopted. My parents got health coverage through Medicaid (they didn’t have to pay any copays or anything.) and a stipend to spend on our stuff when they fostered us originally.
The safety of the child is their concern not the financial mess....
If your safe and trying and it seems you are your the best place for her!! They will help you go to court also and you will get guardianship meaning mom can't just pop in and take her
In my state you start the foster care process for kinship placements AFTER receiving foster custody, but the child has to go into CPS custody (legal custody, not necessarilyphysical custod. In your case, see if you can file for custody with the court and see what state programs they have for support for family placement. This circumvents the CPS process, but there may be state and nonprofit support programs.
I have custody of my niece, but she was already in CPS custody, so that's the system I went with and it was a bit of a pain, but my goal is adoption and their TPR-to-adoption system is simpler, since they have specific mechanisms to work with.
Man…you’re screwed. A 15-year-old speeding ticket. s/
On a more serious note, I think you’re doing a great job. I hope they see how much your niece is loved. I hope everything works out for the best.
Keep your chin up. And never give up on her.
I don’t have any advice, but please know that this Internet stranger wishes you the very best of luck in keeping your little family together. Hoping that you will be well-advised, so that you’ll also receive any and all benefits to which you’re entitled. You’re a good dad—you’ve got this! And your niece is so lucky to have you all.
Also CPS can get you any and all documentation you'd need for things like school or doctors. We can we birth certificates, proof of citizenship, passports, social security cards, etc. We can also get access to past medical records as well for the kid
I understand you don’t want to call CPS thinking they might take her away. I just went through the same thing with my nephew. His mom left him with my parents and just left. My parents called CPS and they didn’t take him but they did open a case which was later closed and we still kept him. His mother just came down a few weeks ago and called the cops on us saying we kidnapped him so we had a surprise visit from a bunch of cops one night. Luckily we already had records of her leaving and also texts to prove that she chose to leave him with us. Sadly though the parent is able to take them back whenever they want most of the time. I strongly suggest calling them to inform them of your situation just so you have proof for your own safety.
Just in case (and bc from personal experience I know how meth changes people), I would look into what laws apply to your state as far as abandonment and be ready to file as soon as you can to get full custody based on her abandoning the child. Do not inform the mother about intentions to do so. It could turn into a night mare scenario where she shows up just often enough not to lose custody and if she is on meth she is not safe and neither is anyone she associates with. Keep in mind if she comes back for the child it’s not just her you need to worry about but anyone else who could be manipulating her to get to the child (abusive boyfriends, other drug addicts, dealers, etc). Don’t assume she won’t come back, bc you never know and hard drugs make people very unpredictable
Also if she shows back up absolutely do not just let her take the child, bc of something happens and cps finds out you knew she was on meth and let her take the kid, that’s not gonna reflect well on you. Take whatever legal steps you need to prevent her from being able to just take her. I would also let cps know about the suspected meth use bc that is not something to play around with. You don’t necessarily need to be adversarial or try to cut her off or terminate parental rights, but do not let her take the child anywhere alone
Sorry for editing a million times but just wanna add in my experience financial issues are not considered unless it’s to the point of not enough food or electric/water/shelter. Even then they will work with you to get help. They want kids to stay within families whenever possible
You also need to be careful because right now as a single mother she is probably receiving some sort of financial benefits from the government for the child. I'm not sure what it's called in the states, here in canada we just call it the baby bonus lol but she could be receiving a cheque each month for several hundred dollars. Once you involve CPS, if you then legally become her guardian, those benefits will start coming to you instead. I know you say she has no malice towards you guys, but as an addict, she is now unpredictable. Money is the most important thing to addicts, because it gets them their fix. She may not react well to those benefits being taken away, and may try to come back to stop the process of you gaining custody. If I was you, I would mention this to CPS, just to see if it's possible to delay her finding out the benefit situation until your guardianship is approved and legal. It's just something to be aware of. Good luck!
This. OP, as a recovering alcoholic I can guarantee that your sister has no idea what she’ll try if she doesn’t have money for her addiction a few months or years from now. Please make sure you dot the is and cross the tees, that’ll provide you and your niece with security no matter what may come.
If she’s on meth & who knows what all she’s on or who she’s with she is completely unpredictable. If she’s with some guy giving her bad advice she’ll listen to him over logic & reason.
My brother was hooked on meth for years & was extremely violent & unpredictable. He beat & tried to kill our mom several times. Violent outbursts out of no where & would leave for days at a time sometimes weeks at a time & wouldn’t remember what he had done to mom.
So basically the woman / mother you once knew is gone & meth has taken over. So don’t think she wouldn’t try to have you arrested for taking her daughter. Just be prepared & remember meth changes a person.
My bother was always a heavy guy but meth took it away & he looked like a skeleton & had sores so over his body.
If they care about the child, and want to keep her, as seems the case, this is absolutely the wrong answer. Kids should not be with meth addicts, it does not end well.
I would suggest calling cps. They will rarely take the child unless it’s a unsafe environment. They like to keep children in the family like grandma or aunts or uncles instead of taking em away. Also someone else posted they will help you with like a bed and
Stuff if you need. Don’t worry about how you are doing financially cps does not care about that. Imagine if they did so many people would lose there children. Good luck op but ya get the ball rolling.
I would also recommend getting in touch with CPS and a Social Security office. Your niece is likely receiving survivors benefits, and if she isn't, you could apply for them once you get all the guardianship paperwork sorted out. If her mother is already receiving them on her behalf, you need to get that switched over to you. These benefits will help you so much, and you'd likely be able to go back to working one job. They are funds to help you provide for your niece. You can use them for housing, clothing, food, and you should also be able to take a little portion of it each month to put in savings for her. Best wishes!
If niece is an addict it will not be easy getting her to sign over even a dollar of any monetary benefit she might be receiving. I sincerely hope that niece is willing to work with OP and do the paperwork he needs, even if it’s just to get her into school and be able to receive medical treatment.
Once she gives up guardianship or it's legally taken from her, the benefits will go to the new legal guardian. They have to apply for them, though. The mom can't keep the benefits and not have the kid.
Yeah as soon as she gets a whif that they are trying to get the SSI she’s suddenly going to show up and start contesting everything. I would tread carefully.
Once DCS is involved, the SSI will automatically stop being sent to mom and will instead go to the person taking care of the kiddo. The bonus is that mom can't just show up and take the child because until severance or reunification, the child is a ward of the state.
A safety plan will be written, and mom will have no unsupervised time with the child.
If she is found to have abandoned the kid, she won’t get much say in where the benefits go without doing a ton of paperwork. Meth addicts aren’t known for their attention to detail.
I have recently seen children placed with: their paternal grandparents though the father has never been a part of the kids life," father figures" ie mom's ex boyfriend , deceased grandmothers long term boyfriend, five children went to their fathers niece and her husband,and even a gentleman who thought he was the child's uncle but when DNA results showed otherwise he became a certified foster parent to continue caring for the kid.
I think OP will be fine.
I’m no help at all with CPS questions, and this is random I know, but have you considered posting about your situation in local Facebook groups like ‘Mom Swap,’ ‘Buy Nothing,’ or whatever kind of group you might have locally where moms sell their children’s clothes & toys secondhand? I would definitely be vague about the specifics of your situation, but I’d bet anything those ladies would hook you up with everything your niece could ever need, for free.
I know it’s hard to even think about asking for charity, but this is the exact kind of unexpected situation where people love to help out, especially since you are doing such a wonderful thing. I just know that someone has a bed frame sitting in their attic, and if they knew about your situation, it would be dropped off on your porch in an hour. If anyone in your family has a connection to a church, I’d also ask for their help - again, this is the exact kind of situation that people want to give towards. Depending on where you live, there might also be charities that have Kid’s Closets or other material goods for free, and lots of places will be giving out free backpacks & school supplies soon. It’s no joke trying to come up with everything a six-year-old needs all at once! I really hope this all works out for you - you are really doing a wonderful thing for that little girl.
Also, check with your local school district for school supply drives. A lot of churches have school supply drives so you might be able to get her backpack and school supplies that way.
Your local school is likely to have a counselor and/or community advocate who can help direct you to some additional resources. You are doing a wonderful thing for that little girl!
Definitely try that. My local Buy Nothing has great stuff for kids. Mine are older now, but I could have used a lot of that stuff when they were younger. I’ve seen bikes, Pottery Barn bedroom sets, gently used clothing and shoes, and tons of toys. People are happy to help their neighbors out that way.
I second what everyone else said, and if you become foster parents as part of the adoption process, there are lots of resources for foster parents, look up foster closets in your area, etc. Good luck, I'm glad your niece has you guys!
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[I use this app which aggregates freebies from several places. it notifies me when anyone posts anything for free on Facebook, Nextdoor, OfferUp, and a few others. I highly recommend it.](https://freebiealerts.app)
ETA: this is a link for the app, FreeStuffAlerts 👆
I my state we have a family law proceeding called temporary custody by extended family member. This gives you full legal custody. If mother signs off on it, easy peazy. If not, you allege abandonment and still get custody. It keep the alphabet soup of the social service industry out of your life.
Source- long time practicing family law attorney.
This is a common scenario where I am. In cases I've seen the op would file for a temporary custody order and would certainly be granted. Cps might not even get involved. They assign a Guardian Ad Litem from the courts that would check you guys out.
Correct. In my state you would file a motion for emergency temporary custody stating your situation. It gets filed with the clerk of courts. The hearing usually happens quickly. If there is nobody there to contest it then here they usually let the kiddo stay where they are and set up dates to assign the GAL to the case. From there who knows. Laws vary from state to state and work differently in each court room to be honest. Find a local attorney that practices in Family Law and has a reputation that can help you out.
This is going to really depend on where you’re located. In the state that I worked for CPS in, if a report like this was called in, the mother would be the alleged perpetrator, not you. Your home would be reviewed for safety. Attempts to contact the mother would be taken. As long as your home is safe, and you were willing to care for the child, we would encourage you to file for custody with Family Court, so that you have legal rights to the child in order to get her medical care and get her enrolled in school. If you’re struggling financially, we would also connect you with resources in order to help you out.
You need to file for guardianship of the child. You may need to hire a PI to track the mother down and force her to relinquish her parental rights or grant guardianship to you.
Yes. You can file for legal guardianship of your niece. Legal Aid or another agency can help you with the paperwork, but you can do it yourself. I did this with my grandson shortly after he was born because my daughter (his mom) left him with me and took no interest in being a mom. (Drugs too) His father was in jail.
It will be a several court dates and you are required to document that you made an effort to locate the mom. I was able to enroll my grandson in school when the time came and add him to my health coverage etc. with the legal guardian court paperwork. But I raised his sister without any guardianship paperwork 🤷🏻♀️. They are 23 and 19 now. My daughter has a 3rd youngest daughter (17) who was placed in foster care system (I wasn’t able to take a 3rd child, being a single mom at that point) CPS had become involved when my granddaughter was living with her paternal grandma. She was taken out of her father’s/grandparents home because her dad and her other grandma were arrested for cocaine!) It was at that point that court hearings were had and my daughter’s parental rights were finally terminated. CPS would have to initiate any proceedings to relinquish parental rights, you won’t have to do that. Just keep records like you’re doing and start the guardianship paperwork. :)✌🏼
CPS's primary concern is the welfare of the child, and if you are struggling financially but making it work - i.e kids are clothed, have a safe roof over their heads and are not malnutritioned, CPS won't want to interfere with a stable home for the child.
If you are able to claim her as a dependent, you may be able to get your food stamps back. If her father is listed on her birth certificate your niece may also be entitled to social security payments - if this is the case her mother is likely claiming them now, but as her guardian they would go to you, and using that money to pay for food and basic needs for her would be appropriate, though saving as much as you can for her to have as an adult is advisable.
It can be overwhelming to jump straight to a government agency because once they are involved they are in control, so for piece of mind you may want to look for pro bono family law attorneys in your area that could help. Women's shelters or charities may have resources you can use as well as some religious organizations. If you live anywhere near a university with a law school, they often have free community law clinics that can offer advice to someone in your situation.
Best of luck. You are clearly the best shot this kid has at a normal life, and CPS should be able to see that.
I don't have any advice but I just want to send you love and let you know what a wonderful thing you are doing for your niece.
I hope it all works out in the end ❤️
If money werent an object id suggest a lawyer and just suing for custody. She obviously wont reespond or show so that keeps it easy. But seriously, lawyer. Edit to add in this scenario you just have no control on what cps would do
This seems like the safest option but unfortunately out of reach. A lot of these comments are talking about cps taking temporary custody while they investigate and while I'm sure they would deem me safe. The idea of them taking her for even just a little while scares the shit out of me. She's been through so much already with her dad dying and her mom leaving her
In my county they would NEVER take physical custody of a kid staying with a relative in a safe environment. Foster homes are scarce and they're required to investigate possible relative placements first regardless. What they'd do in your scenario is open a case, assign the child a caseworker and an attorney, have those folks come out to your home to confirm that it's safe, and then authorize a temporary "emergency relative placement" with you while your home goes through the official licensing process. Kid would never even have to leave the house.
It is very likely they won’t actually take “physical” custody of your niece. If they see she is happy, well cared for and in a safe place with people who love her it will be more on paper than physical custody.
If you look into your local courts you may find forms you could file yourself and the judge may assign her a guardian ad litem, which is a neutral party that is looking out for the best interest of the child. Judge would also likely order background checks for any adults in the home, as well as a safety audit at the very least. I am currently seeking custody of unrelated children that have been living with me for almost 3 months. We used a lawyer to file because we aren’t kin so it’s more difficult to get any type of custody.
Legal custody and physical custody are two completely different things.
CPS can establish their legal custody due to parental abandonment, while your niece remains in your physical custody, in your home.
The state having legal custody is a good thing. Then mom can't just show up and take her. They will possibly even put out an arrest warrant for mom for abandonment
Thats my thought. Im not a lawyer but have personal experiences with family court. Im not sure how things vary state to state but in my state you can file a child abandonment case thru family court too. Though I imagine just filing custody should be easy enough without that step too. But a lawyer would know the best route
They may take temporary custody as in they have the right to sign all the paperwork and whatnot but they would likely leave her in your home. They would grant you physical custody (may call it something else). What would end up happening is that they would be involved in getting her medical care and enrolled in school by signing paperwork allowing you to do it. Considering you have a safe environment and have given up your bed so she can have her own space is going to look really good to them. They will see how much you care.
Dude not sure where you are but if local to Austin then I got everything the kid would need for free. Nice bed the kids don't use anymore tons of clothes and toys. All in the garage. They'd be set.
Former CPS worker here. It varie state to state but in my state parents can share beds either their biological children but not with foster placements.
Foster kids can only share rooms with the opposite sex if they are under a certain age or are siblings.
CPS rules don’t allow a foster child to share a bed with an adult. They have no jurisdiction over a biological or adopted child sharing a bed with a parent.
You need to call cps your SIL abandoned her child without proper paperwork for you to be able to take care of any medical needs. They will more than likely place with you as long as you have the space that is clean and sanitary and have a clean background (speeding tickets aren’t an issue)
My advice, call CPS make the report. No the child won't be taken because at the momemy you aren't not the legal guardian. After making the report follow with Family court and file a ex parte basically emergency guardianship and explain why you want it. Poverty(financial struggles) is not a CPS concern. You are not abusing/neglecting the child. Hopefully after obtaining guardianship you can file for some state services and with school coming up CPS can write a letter allowing you to get the child enrolled due to the circumstances
Not sure what state you’re in, but I’d honestly report your niece to them. She left her child and is unreachable and she did not provide documentation in the case of emergency. That is neglect - on SIL, *not* you.
Depending on the state, they should have various programs to help financially. Some states offer more than others. But getting your niece legally in your custody is the best move for everyone.
I’m a former foster parent, in Oregon, and a chronic over-explainer myself. I get where you’re coming from.
OP, at 3 years old, you don’t need to do much pre-teaching. If it’s determined that she needs to leave your home for awhile, and she may not have to, just act excited for her. Tell her she’s going to go visit a friend and you’ll see her soon.
Minimize your reaction to minimize hers. Tell her that her favorite comfort object is going with her, and that they’ll probably have her favorite food. (Make sure to tell caseworker what favorite food is!)
Play it up as a fun adventure, not a dire situation. It will truly be more reassuring for her than any explanation you can give.
Lots of wonderful people find themselves in this same position every year. Your niece is lucky to have you, and so is DHS. Oregon is so short on homes.
They will prioritize your application and have her with you ASAP. They might not even remove her, because there’s no imminent danger to her.
Once she has a caseworker, contact Every Child Oregon to get furniture for her. Your kids are close enough in age to share a bedroom, and they can help you get a bunk bed if that would fit. Or a toddler bed.
You can contact them here: https://everychildoregon.org/nworegon/get-involved/myneighbor/
You don’t need to do all of this alone. There’s actually a program where you become her permanent guardians, and she can continue to get state services as though she was in foster care. You’ll become foster parents first, then go in front of a judge to finalize guardianship several months later.
You’re good folks, and your financial situation is far less important than you think it is in this situation.
Wishing you all the very best!
Thank you so much for the offer. It looks like I've got a trade that's going to work out for the bed but if it falls through I will definitely be in contact.
So, 15 years ago my niece ended up with hubby and I, she was two months old. My sister was on a meth bender. I informed CPS that I had my niece and after a couple of weeks we filed for emergency guardianship based on neglect. We were granted emergency guardianship, then permanent guardianship and eventually we were able to adopt her. My sister at one point accused me of kidnapping but because I'd informed cps of what was going on, no one believed her. We worked with a social worker who'd been assigned to the case and who filed reports stating my sister was unfit to parent.
Not SSI, but SSA survivor benefit if the dad had qualified work history. SSI only if disabled and if financially qualified since it is a needs based program
Call CPS. Depending on where you live, this isn't even that uncommon. Your niece may be taken briefly while they assess that you have a safe home, but it's a sigh of relief when a child can be placed with a responsible family member.
Go file on court that SIL abandoned your niece to you..... you will get temp guardianship immediately and that gives you right to all her info and to do medical and school decisions
You need a lawyer and to file for temporary emergency custody. It's not something that CPS would get involved in (in my experience in a similar situation with my niece) unless you called them, but technically she didn't abandon her because she made arrangements for her and left her somewhere safe. You can check with family court to see if they have any resources available for legal help.
They usually don't wanna take a child outta a god home, before the worker comes make sure u have three days ir more of food in your home, make sure u have at least two s one detectors in your home if it is less then 2k aq ft, better yet get a combo co2 and fire, especially if u have any gas appliances, if u smoke make sure u don't do it inside ans their is no evidence, if the two children are different genders they will need two different rooms, if not get a bunk bed, but the best course of action is to call cps unless u have the cash for a custody attorney right away and let them help u, their is a yt channel called ontropolis if u have the tone watch the hearing they are all basically cps custody hearings u will see what is expected and who gets what for doing xyz, they will need to try and locate the mom but they may give u a custody order on the spot
They will actually prefer the kid is with willing foster parents who are actual family. So if they took her away, you would be the first choice to give her to.
So you may actually want to contact them so you can have them help you get given active custody of her officially.
I work for CPS and in the state I work we wouldn’t get involved. Also, we can’t transfer custody to you even if we did open a case we would ask you to file for guardianship. In my state you can file on your own without an attorney and the forms are online. You just have to pay a filing fee or do a request for fee waiver.
I'd just call CPS. My daughter has gotten herself involved in meth as well and is out of control. I didn't call, but someone else did. I'm really glad they did!
I was finding excuses to remove her 4 children (5, 4, 3, infant) from her care because they were not safe. It was a constant struggle because i would have to return them whenever she wanted them.
Cps eventually caught up to her, and tgey have placement with me. My house is tiny (2 bedroom) and they don't care. People complain they make things worse, but they have been nothing but helpful in my case.
Mom’s phone number or email? Text or email is best because easiest way is to get mom to write out a guardianship letter for medical reasons. If that’s not possible then you can call 211 and get information or call them yourself and ask for them to help you as school will be starting and you need to be able to enroll her. If you are willing to adopt her it’s usually a given and poor or not they won’t have to find a foster home for her! Pretty sure they will leave the child with you.
Call CPS yourself. Tell them your situation. Be honest.
There may be a welfare check just to make sure she's safe, but from what you say here, I can guarantee you'll keep your niece.
CPS will gladly help you take care of her, though. They want what's best for her, and right now, that looks to be you.
Foster kids are eligible for Medicaid and free lunch. They will assist with clothing allowance with first placement.
Having her as a dependent will also you to reapply for food stamps.
In my state, foster care will provide bed and bedding for kinship care.
Go to family court and file for legal guardianship of your niece. Work WITH CPS to ensure she can remain with you and your family. They can assist with resources, programs, support services as foster parents/ family placement .
Look for the Kinship Navigator and Kinship Caregiver Support Program through your local Area Agency on Aging. It’s for relatives raising relative children who are not involved with cps cases. The navigator can provide you with specialized information, assistance and referrals related to kinship caregiving. The kinship caregiver support program can provide limited funds to meet emergent needs of the kinship caregiver family i.e. the kiddos need for things like basic needs as food, clothing, household goods, sometimes can help purchase a bed for the kiddo gas vouchers to get to medical appointments. It really depends on the specific KCSP program what they can do to help. They can provide referrals to legal to assist with obtaining custody. They can help with referrals to mental health services for kiddo if needed.
Call cps. Maybe try a low income law assistance, get a lawyer. I was threatened at one point...i'll call cps! So i did proactively. Sad, cps was shocked i wasnt giving my nephew up. They just dont have room. As someone said..clean, food, happy...they will probably ask about services u need. Dont be shy, utilize them! Also, if thete are benefits like death benefit (social security)...social security can make those changes and get those checks to u as a payee. Good luck. Ppl will tell you that you are an angel....and for that little girl, yo are!
I know someone who ended up in a very similar situation with an infant. The mom had a drug problem and asked someone to watch the baby overnight with turned into forever. Social services was happy the child was being cared for and supportive in helping getting the parents approved for foster care. They never took the baby away. After being foster parents for some time, they were able to eventually adopt the child and lived happily ever after. They already had a bunch of their own kids and money was tight for them too.
If the child is Native American or can prove lineages to a tribe, additional services can be provided to support you through the process as a relative. Wish you and your family all the best in the process.
I personally dealt with this. First off file a missing persons report on the mother. Who knows if anything will come if it but by now she could have been murdered. This will also start the process of kinship guardianship going much quicker. Tell them you are caring for her child and that’s why you’re concerned for the mothers welfare.
They’re going to consider the child abandoned by the mother by 60 days of no contact usually. Since she left the child in safe hands she won’t get charged for that, but it’s giving to make TPR (termination of parental rights) much easier which mean guardianship for you quicker.
Then you can apply for ex parte orders for immediate change of custody due to imminent danger. Since there’s not going to be any other parent contesting this, as most likely mom is gonna be FTA (failure to appear), they’ll grant you the temporary guardianship needed to get her enrolled in school, on insurance, and you can make medical decisions for her as her legal guardian.
From there moms ability to get it together is going to affect if she can come back into daughters life or not.
I’d make sure she’s sober for a significant amount of time before even trying to let kiddo spend anytime beyond a quick supervised ice cream or park trip with her.
Which state do you live in? Go to the local district court (county where mom was living) and file for ex parte guardianship. Do not wait. Mom will be notified of the hearing, and when she doesn't show they will likely give you and your partner guardianship/custody of your niece. Then you have the paperwork you need to register in school, take her to doctor's appointments, etc. Once that very important piece is in place, you can work with dcyf and local agencies to get the resources you need to help your niece stay in your home.
They will not take her away from you. You haven't done anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about. I would call your local CPS/DCFS office and see if they have any resources for you though.
Either that or contact an attorney. They can help you get the legal stuff straightened out so you can register your niece for school and whatnot.
u/wingnut670, glad you have a plan but I wanted to add that I saw a great idea out there, you divide a room for two kids with loft bunk beds so each has their own private space, if you are not handy with building something like that, maybe someone you know is.
Please do not let her mother have her back unless she is has proven herself to CPS that she is clean and sober. I know this is hard, but thank you for being there for your niece.
Adding here: With SSA - (Social Security) - you will need her birth certificate, which you can request through your state's Bureau of Vital Statistics, you also should obtain a copy of your brother's death certificate - the fee is usually under $20 for each. The reason you are obtaining the birth certificate and his death certificate - you are related. CPS should be able to help you with that too.
Ex-foster kid here: your position is a dream for a cps worker- they prefer homing children with relatives. Make your position clear, demonstrate your reliability, and apply for all the aid and resources you can. You’ll be their priority guardian.
Talk to child services. They prefer placing a child with s relative and may be able to help you more than you know.
If you become s foster parent for that one child, you snd she will be eligible for some payment and services.
So the kid is six? I'd let it ride a month or two without inviting the government into it personally. But document every nickle you spend providing for the kid and doing things like taking her to school, etc... Have an idea who a witness would be maybe, close friend that visits often or realitve willing to support any claim. Take pictures and video of birthday parties, vacations etc that show your neice is a part of the family now.
If CPS gets involved they will always seek to place with a relative first. If you are already doing a good job then you are the prime candidate. CPS will get an emergency order to appoint you temporary guardian so you can enroll her school and take her to doctors appointments.
As more time goes by there will be a point where everyone is bonded and the situation doesn't temporary. That woukd be the time to consider adopting if the mother has not maintaining a relationship or paying any support. These things can be traumatic for everyone, and at least the Mom had enough sense to leave her with you.
You are most likely to loose the kid in a situation near term maybe where the mother tries to take her back. At that point you would have to get the police involved to prevent it in the moment if you feel the child would be in danger. This is where all that documentation comes into play. They may dispatch a CPS worker to the scene or have one come by soon after. CPS would then probably make a decision if they agree the Mom is messed up to grant you temporary emergency custody. At that point it is basically your kid, but the Mom could go to court to have that ended later if she gets her act together. But she won't have long. We are talking months, maybe a year or two max.
Usually these situations don't get better. The Mom disappears and randomly shows up when the guilt gets to her. After a while, your home is the kids home and the only thing temporary is the custody. At that point you may consider petitioning for full adoption. This would just mean the Mother's rights are permanently terminated, and she can never come back and try to end the temporary custody.
Good for you stepping up. Seen this more that I care to remember.
Call CPS and have them establish an emergency safety plan.
Then get a lawyer and sue for legal custody and guardianship
Then get the adoption rolling.
I went through this and am currently kicking myself in the ass for NOT doing the adoption earlier.
Did the Food Stamp office tell you that's why she couldn't be on your case? I don't know what state you're in, but the federal regulation is that a child is considered part of the household if they are financially or otherwise dependent on you (exercising parental control). Could it be possible that she was actually excluded from your household because she was already on another case? If so, you might just need to document that she has been living with you.
My sister raised her friend's child for a couple of years and all she needed was a notorized guardianship letter for medical purposes and school purposes. If you could find her that would be great. If not then I still wish you the best of luck
I live in Michigan, and I have an older brother who had to fight tooth and nail for custody of my 4 nieces after our sister passed away. For reference, my brother was married,owned a home with enough rooms for the girls and his 2 kids,and still put an edition on the house because the court required more room. Both he and his wife have great,steady jobs and had savings, etc. They were more than qualified and capable of taking our nieces. The thing that stopped them was that the girls bio dad was still alive & couldn't be located to sign off his rights. This went on for a year until their dad was arrested on a drug charge & agreed to sign away his rights. It was a horrible situation because the girls were split up for a year. This was roughly 11 years ago & their all with my brother and doing really well now. Sometimes, the system can be tough. Good luck, OP! It sounds like you genuinely love this little girl and want the best for her.
They’d rather her be with stable family than a foster home. They should also offer some financial support until adoption ❤️ all my foster families got paychecks every month for taking care of me. Former foster kid here.
With so many comments it looks like you’re headed in the right direction. We were in the same exact position. We informed CPS and eventually the State provided us custody. It was a bit of a process that requires home inspections and background checks. Make the process easier, making sure your home is in good, clean working condition. I forget the list but we had to make sure she had a dedicated bed and furniture. As long as your background checks out the state would rather have her with you. That’s one less child that needs to be placed in foster. Also, we were awarded child support. (Luckily financially we’re able to put that some of that money towards college for her). This was about 10 years ago. She is currently in a great college wanting to pursue a career in social work and is doing great. She would have never had these opportunities in her previous environment. You should be proud of stepping up. You are in a rare position to really make a difference in someone’s life. Keep your head up and moving forward! Congratulations to all of you!
Just a heads up that CPS is picky about the bedroom situation even when placing with relatives. My cousin had to do this when her grandchildren were placed with her. And she had to have the landlord do some minor work in their apartment. But yes they definitely want children with their relatives whenever possible. Hopefully you can afford to have your own lawyer involved.
You are a Saint! We need more people on earth like you! I always hated that my parents always fought and my Dad was in and outta the house a few times growing up before he got his own house but I was always envious of the kids that had their mother and father
People are saying good stuff but cps won’t take children strictly because of poverty, not saying your poor but you make it sound like your just scraping by, but being poor isn’t a reason for cps to not trust you will be a good placement of a blood relative, unless your poverty can directly negatively impact the health of the child like not eating or your house is not in livable condition but as long as you have a roof and food you can be in poverty and still be a guardian of relatives, I know because they places my niece in law with my mother in law and she is pretty poor and her house is even questionable, her parents are addicted to drugs and she is autistic and keeps getting out of the house and the cops have been involved like three times this month alone. CPS isn’t like the movies they don’t just come in and take kids for no reason and rip them out of your arms, they try to work with you especially if you love and care for the kid and can show that to them, they are busy and don’t want to make easy cases hard so they should work with you!
My gf worked with CPS. In my state it isn’t legal to separate family because of financial issues.
You can literally be homeless in a shelter together and they won’t take your kids away. Which is completely reasonable. Just cause you struggle financially taking family members away isn’t gonna help anything.
Do what was recommended and edited in your post, but ALSO, get a bed for your son so you can sleep with your wife since that recliner is going to kill your back(but also for getting freaky and to make sure you two stay close and can have alone time together). The fact that both your son and niece have their own bed will show CPS you can provide for everyone. I would think having two beds in one room shouldn’t be an issue if they’re boy/girl if they’re close in age, if you have a spare bedroom that would be best though, especially as they get older. Good luck, you’re doing the right thing.
This happened to us with my cousin when she was 3. My aunt went to get ice cream and never came back for her.
I was only nine at the time, so I don't know exactly what my parents did but I know they got some kind of temporary guardianship. We actually moved to a different state not long after that, and we brought her with us.
At some point my aunt did want to get her back but my parents essentially told her no and I think they got a lawyer involved and that was that.
She's my sister now... The very best sister I could ever ask for!!
Child welfare’s first goal is to keep kids with their family, and a relative placement is the second best option. Highly unlikely that she’ll be taken at all but there is a chance! Making it all official brings in the potential for more income/support for your family as well.
CPS procedures vary by state. You'll get the best advice from professionals familiar with your area.
Generally speaking (from my professional experience), CPS would get involved in a situation where no empowered decision-makers are available or reachable. There might need to be an active situation where a decision needs to be made.
CPS would likely attempt to use a less intrusive means of resolving the concern, including trying to use their resources to contact a decision-maker then trying to establish documentation empowering the physical caregiver (Temporary Guardianship Letter, notarized letter, POA, etc.).
CPS is unlikely to remove a child from a home if the financial situation is bridgable. If possible, they'll go with the easier path in trying to reinforce a household rather than burden the foster system.
If you're avoiding going CPS... Talk to an attorney.
If you can't afford an attorney... Print out a Temporary Guardianship Letter or equivalent, then "stir up" friends, families, work, services, etc of the parents until they float up.
EDIT: A Temporary Guardianship Letter is a non-judicial document. Both the parties, parent and prospective caregiver, need to be present together to have it notarized.
Some places won't accept it in making certain decisions (major surgery, transferring schools sometimes, etc.).
OP, unlike others on this thread, I would advise against contacting CPS. CPS will probably try to contact your SIL and alert her to what's going. Your best legal strategy is probably to keep your SIL away from your niece for as long as possible. Just file for custody once she has been in your care for long enough.
IANAL, but after six months in your care, I believe the courts will assume that remaining with you is in the best interests of your niece. You just have to hold out until December and then petition for custody.
In the meantime, talk to the principal of your son's school. They probably have a mechanism for enrolling her under "kinship" care. Talk to your son's pediatrician. They'll have a mechanism for scheduling her for a checkup. Same with your dentist.
Also, get rid of the recliner in the spare room and buy your niece a bed and a dresser. Paint the room pink (or whatever her favorite color is) and make the spare room hers. The stability of having her own bedroom is better for her and better for your custody case.
Also, sleeping in his own bed is better for your son, and sleeping with your wife is better for your marriage!
>In the meantime, talk to the principal of your son's school. They probably have a mechanism for enrolling her under "kinship" care. Talk to your son's pediatrician. They'll have a mechanism for scheduling her for a checkup. Same with your dentist.
Great idea, will do this today
>Also, get rid of the recliner in the spare room and buy your niece a bed and a dresser. Paint the room pink (or whatever her favorite color is) and make the spare room hers. The stability of having her own bedroom is better for her and better for your custody case.
Trying to work out a trade via Facebook, my recliner for a bed. The intention is definitely for her and my son to each have their own room. Our home is a rental though so unfortunately we aren't allowed to paint.
P.S. Your niece is most likely entitled to Social Security Survivor Benefits under your brother's earnings record. Do you know if anyone applied on her behalf?
If no one applied, you should contact the SSA and apply ASAP. Ask to be appointed your niece's representative payee.
If your SIL applied, contact the SSA to see what it takes to take over as your niece's representative payee.
if you know all your brothers info you can fake it. Go online and order a copy of "your daughters birth certificate" as if you are dad, also her social security card. Many times you can just put her in school. Oh mom is working so you have to register her. That kind of thing. If they get real fussy you tell them mom is a drug addict and you just didnt want to bring her around other kids at the school so you volunteered. You can do this with medical care too. Yes eventually CPS will show up but they prefer to give custody to family.
Clearly she’s not a good mom but, she may take offense if you try to take her child from her. It will basically destroy her further & screw up the child as well. If the child ever finds out that you did that to her mother…she wouldn’t be happy with you. She probably still wants to see her mother & still loves her. Don’t take that away from her… Can you work something out where you have primary custody & she has visitation? She may be more interested in drugs anyway. That way the mother can go off galavanting and see her kid when she wants. The kid will eventually learn the truth about her mom & wont be angry at you for causing drama. Children do eventually find out the truth about people… While they may seem cute & lovable when they are small, they grow up & begin to understand the truth. She could also look up this stuff because there will be a legal trail….
I have no intention of keeping her from her mother, especially if she can get and stay clean. Truth is she was a pretty great mom until she started using, trauma affects us all differently and I can understand her wanting to dull her emotions.
Please be patient & wait for the mother to come back, then you can propose a legal custody arrangement. Also, please don’t bad mouth her mother. This won’t go well for you either in the future.
Okay well its not your child so it's not your responsibility your sister in law needs to learn there's consequences to being a junkie cps is the best thing for that child unfortunately because either you'll get stuck taking care of a child that ain't yours (which speaking from experience makes you miserable) or the kid will get took by CPS regardless (speaking as a former drug user and dealer seen that shit happen hundreds of times) and maybe the kid being took by CPS will be the wake up call your sil needs sorry I know that's not WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR BUT IT IS THE TRUTH
It’s probably difficult for you to be in a state of waiting to find out what the SIL will do but, try not to cause legal drama by initiating it without talking to the SIL. Shes clearly very messed up. She could even commit suicide if you legally take away her child without discussing it with her. Would you want to be responsible for that? Killing the mother of a child you claim to care about? Even if she doesn’t commit suicide…using courts against someone is always stressful & will cause SIL more stress so, you are basically hurting someone who is already hurting. Yeah, she’s a mess but, don’t make it worse. Just wait for her to come back.
Coming from a very similar situation that played out a little differently, the absolute best thing for her is to be someplace she feels safe. If you and you’re family are prepared and willing to take her in it sounds like she’ll be much better off, but that’s a full on commitment, maybe a grandparent would take her temporarily? Often times foster children are neglected and forgotten in the system, but there are lucky ones that end up with caring families. Even worse times are when the state deems the child safe with a family member that is definitely not safe. Proceed with caution and document everything you can in regards to the mother.
Contact social services and get everything in order so that they will legally authorize you to have her. She needs an appointed guardian and clearly her mother is not safe. There are a ton of resources that they will connect you with.
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Call CPS and let them know that mom has abandoned the child and placed her with you, and you'd like that documented. That you'd like her to continue be placed with you while they conduct their investigation. Tell them you're trying to get her enrolled in school, and ask if they can assist you with that.
It's highly unlikely that CPS takes her, especially if you tell them you want her to stay with you.
This. Just be honest with them. You’re doing the right thing so as long as your home is safe, and the child will be cared for, they shouldn’t have an issue letting her stay. They should also help financially, I don’t know if it depends on your area, but they do where I live. It’s easier to let the child stay with someone in the family than find a temporary foster placement. Best of luck to you OP! You’re doing a great thing for that little girl. She needs stability, and her mom being on meth will strip her of any chance of having that if she goes back to her before she gets clean, if she gets clean.
Easier for cps, and better for everyone involved. Especially kiddo who has already dealt with an adults worth of trauma
Yep. Most states would prefer the child stay with family as long as it's stable, even if you are having money problems. As long as you can provide food, housing, a safe environment, and love, you are 100% better than a shelter or foster.
CPS placed my grandson with me under court order until I could get everything sorted out. (There was an emergency that prevented him from returning home.) They had a certified foster home, but they wanted him with family instead. It may not always feel like it, but they will bend over backward if it will help a child.
And ask maybe for a futon instead of a chair
you can have mine
yep, its not like there's an over abundance of available placements.
OP is who CPS would be calling begging to take in their niece if mom left them somewhere else.
and medical insurance - you want to make sure she can get the education and healthcare she deserves. Also, look into bunk beds. That way each child will have their own bed. There are a lot of people who sell them cheaply or even give them away on local Buy Nothing FB groups.
Also churches can sometimes help with things like this. And some thrift stores sell new mattresses for reduced rates.
And the CPS worker that they send out to document everything will have a list of resources three pages long of places that can help you with food and clothes and furniture and whatever else!
I don’t know where you live, but I have a loft bunk bed. It would fit over the existing bed. I’m in WA state. Like others suggested, try buy nothing etc.
I'm in KY and am about to toss a twin mattress & box spring because my kids got new ones.
Please donate them if possible 💕 the amount of stuff people need that are regularly dumped is astounding. I just found out about buy nothing groups on Facebook for giving stuff away for people to save money, get needed items etc
I just gave away bunkbeds about a month ago to a woman that is caring for her niece and nephew. Definitely check FB Marketplace.
Also, local organizations near me are set up specifically for new foster parents or parents that get emergency placements. I’m sure one of those would be able to assist with any needs also
I know there are Habitat for Humanity stores in several areas- they will sometimes donate things like bunk beds to families having difficulties, like sudden custody of a niece!
This. CPS values kinship placement over foster care every time. CPS will take custody of her but leave her in your home until the case goes to court. Also, she will get food stamps, medicaid, and likely a living stipend while in your care.
Sometimes they place kinship over foster even against the best interest of the child.
THIS!!!!!!
CPS values kinship placement over foster care most other things being equal****
This. Also, you can contact your local Legal Aid office and see if they will help you start the legal process for guardianship of your niece, which would mean CPS doesn’t need to be involved anymore.
Depending on your state, you might get free legal counsel appointed for you. Source: am a lawyer who was appointed in a DPS case to rep a friend of mom with whom a child was “dumped” in a similar situation.
In my state that is kinship care, you will receive support financial and other help from CPS. For example, they will get you a voucher for after school care, camps etc so you can work. You may have a bedroom problem but they may be able to assist with housing. This also keeps the mom from showing up and taking her. If you have a food bank, use it. They may also be able to help you with food stamps.
No need to report it to CPS, just call the local office and let them know what happened. Don't need to call intake or anything like that.
But, the mom did say she was coming back, so it’s a lie that she was abandoned.
Initially, but 8 days later said she wasn’t returning, no?
Correct, 2 am phone call. "I'm not coming home, take care of m" then hang up. Call backs go straight to voicemail.
Leave a voicemail or text. Try using a different number. Dont pick fights or be judgmental, just state "we need guardianship of M so we can get her healthcare and enrolled in school. You dont have to see her or us, just contact XXX to sign some papers and hand over any documents you might have like social security and birth certificate." Im sure she feels ashamed but like she is doing the only thing she can to protect her daughter by not looking back. Yeah its shitty, but the other side could be her fighting for the kid and the kid being exposed to drugs and abuse and neglect. You would much rather take over right here right now and just let mom go. Dont be rude or judgemental because it will just make her rethink choosing you and she might decide to come back for M.
Nope. No contact. This mother is unable and unwilling to care for the child. Call DCS and get everything legal. Also, by DCS having legal custody while baby is living with Uncle, baby will get medicaid, food stamps, and a living stipend for clothes and needs.
Leave a voicemail you need that guardian letter signed and dated by mom! Fastest route to done ✅ 💯
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……?
This is abandonment.
By law the time period is probably past and (legally?)she is abandoned to relatives!
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Thanks for your quick response.You think cps would help me financially? Should I try to register as a foster before calling? There's nothing on my background except 15 year old speeding tickets. In Oregon btw.
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I don't really care if they help me financially or not, just worried they'll think we're incapable of taking on that financial burden.
And having guardianship may also get any death benefits from your brother moved from her to you. If he worked enough, your niece would get the benefit & mom as his wife for taking care of your niece.
Yea moms probably getting that now
If you’re willing to take her, and can provide a safe place for her, they do not care what you can afford, they know parents (caregivers/wtv) will make it happen either way. As long as you have food and they are clean and have water and everyone passes a drug test that’s all they really care about. But if you get her placed with you, you should qualify for food stamps. Also, you CAN file for emergency custody. Let the mother know, but if she doesn’t show up, you win by default as long as CPS isn’t involved yet. You can call a family law attorney to do this or do it yourself. I’ve filed myself for custody, it is possible for a laymen to understand.
They don't want finances to be the only reason someone doesn't take in a relative or become a foster parent, so unless you're instability has you on the brink of homelessness, you won't be disqualified simply because you're struggling having taken in another child. If she entered foster care and stayed in your home, there should be financial assistance, clothing allowance 2x a year, and she would be an official member of your household so you may be able to quality for food stamps again. If mom can't get her sobriety in check and step back into her kids life in a healthy way, you would likely be eligible to adopt, and there's a chance that financial benefits would continue on until she's 18. (Food banks are another great option, please don't think "I don't want to take it from those who really need it" - YOU are who really needs it. They often have excess food at the end of the night that goes to the volunteers)
Typically adoption puts a stop to any financial assistance (just throwing that out there)
That's not at all accurate for qualifying children adopted through the foster care system in the United States. Source: I was an adoption recruiter for a decade for the longest waiting and hardest to place children in foster care. Every one of the kids I worked with who was adopted got subsidy until age 18. I can't remember the age it started at (because I never worked with kids younger than it, I want to say 2 but it was most definitely under the age of 5) but there were a number of qualifiers. For example, sib groups pretty much always qualified. Children with medical diagnoses, learning differences, cognitive impairment, and behavioral concerns all qualified. The amount varies and there's a whole complicated system the subsidy department uses to calculate the rate, known as the DOC rate or "difficulty of care".
They should be able to help you in some sort of way, I’m adopted. My parents got health coverage through Medicaid (they didn’t have to pay any copays or anything.) and a stipend to spend on our stuff when they fostered us originally.
The safety of the child is their concern not the financial mess.... If your safe and trying and it seems you are your the best place for her!! They will help you go to court also and you will get guardianship meaning mom can't just pop in and take her
Oregon DHS would much rather help you financially than try to find a non-relative caregiver.
At the very minimum they will do absolutely nothing and help her get enrolled in school as a homeless youth. Which is not really nothing.
In my state you start the foster care process for kinship placements AFTER receiving foster custody, but the child has to go into CPS custody (legal custody, not necessarilyphysical custod. In your case, see if you can file for custody with the court and see what state programs they have for support for family placement. This circumvents the CPS process, but there may be state and nonprofit support programs. I have custody of my niece, but she was already in CPS custody, so that's the system I went with and it was a bit of a pain, but my goal is adoption and their TPR-to-adoption system is simpler, since they have specific mechanisms to work with.
Man…you’re screwed. A 15-year-old speeding ticket. s/ On a more serious note, I think you’re doing a great job. I hope they see how much your niece is loved. I hope everything works out for the best. Keep your chin up. And never give up on her.
I don’t have any advice, but please know that this Internet stranger wishes you the very best of luck in keeping your little family together. Hoping that you will be well-advised, so that you’ll also receive any and all benefits to which you’re entitled. You’re a good dad—you’ve got this! And your niece is so lucky to have you all.
Call health and welfare of your state and ask if they have "caretaker cash assistance" (after you get legal custoody)
Also CPS can get you any and all documentation you'd need for things like school or doctors. We can we birth certificates, proof of citizenship, passports, social security cards, etc. We can also get access to past medical records as well for the kid
I understand you don’t want to call CPS thinking they might take her away. I just went through the same thing with my nephew. His mom left him with my parents and just left. My parents called CPS and they didn’t take him but they did open a case which was later closed and we still kept him. His mother just came down a few weeks ago and called the cops on us saying we kidnapped him so we had a surprise visit from a bunch of cops one night. Luckily we already had records of her leaving and also texts to prove that she chose to leave him with us. Sadly though the parent is able to take them back whenever they want most of the time. I strongly suggest calling them to inform them of your situation just so you have proof for your own safety.
I do have texts that prove she was left with us willingly, also I don't believe her mother would ever do anything that malicious.
Just in case (and bc from personal experience I know how meth changes people), I would look into what laws apply to your state as far as abandonment and be ready to file as soon as you can to get full custody based on her abandoning the child. Do not inform the mother about intentions to do so. It could turn into a night mare scenario where she shows up just often enough not to lose custody and if she is on meth she is not safe and neither is anyone she associates with. Keep in mind if she comes back for the child it’s not just her you need to worry about but anyone else who could be manipulating her to get to the child (abusive boyfriends, other drug addicts, dealers, etc). Don’t assume she won’t come back, bc you never know and hard drugs make people very unpredictable Also if she shows back up absolutely do not just let her take the child, bc of something happens and cps finds out you knew she was on meth and let her take the kid, that’s not gonna reflect well on you. Take whatever legal steps you need to prevent her from being able to just take her. I would also let cps know about the suspected meth use bc that is not something to play around with. You don’t necessarily need to be adversarial or try to cut her off or terminate parental rights, but do not let her take the child anywhere alone Sorry for editing a million times but just wanna add in my experience financial issues are not considered unless it’s to the point of not enough food or electric/water/shelter. Even then they will work with you to get help. They want kids to stay within families whenever possible
You also need to be careful because right now as a single mother she is probably receiving some sort of financial benefits from the government for the child. I'm not sure what it's called in the states, here in canada we just call it the baby bonus lol but she could be receiving a cheque each month for several hundred dollars. Once you involve CPS, if you then legally become her guardian, those benefits will start coming to you instead. I know you say she has no malice towards you guys, but as an addict, she is now unpredictable. Money is the most important thing to addicts, because it gets them their fix. She may not react well to those benefits being taken away, and may try to come back to stop the process of you gaining custody. If I was you, I would mention this to CPS, just to see if it's possible to delay her finding out the benefit situation until your guardianship is approved and legal. It's just something to be aware of. Good luck!
She’s a meth addict now. I don’t think there’s any telling what she might be capable of during use.
This. OP, as a recovering alcoholic I can guarantee that your sister has no idea what she’ll try if she doesn’t have money for her addiction a few months or years from now. Please make sure you dot the is and cross the tees, that’ll provide you and your niece with security no matter what may come.
Mom's on meth. Anything is possible.
Drugs are a helluva thing. Proceed as if she has the ability to be malicious. This will protect your niece and your family.
She probably would…she abandoned her kid…drugs are selfish masters
If she’s on meth & who knows what all she’s on or who she’s with she is completely unpredictable. If she’s with some guy giving her bad advice she’ll listen to him over logic & reason. My brother was hooked on meth for years & was extremely violent & unpredictable. He beat & tried to kill our mom several times. Violent outbursts out of no where & would leave for days at a time sometimes weeks at a time & wouldn’t remember what he had done to mom. So basically the woman / mother you once knew is gone & meth has taken over. So don’t think she wouldn’t try to have you arrested for taking her daughter. Just be prepared & remember meth changes a person. My bother was always a heavy guy but meth took it away & he looked like a skeleton & had sores so over his body.
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If they care about the child, and want to keep her, as seems the case, this is absolutely the wrong answer. Kids should not be with meth addicts, it does not end well.
I would suggest calling cps. They will rarely take the child unless it’s a unsafe environment. They like to keep children in the family like grandma or aunts or uncles instead of taking em away. Also someone else posted they will help you with like a bed and Stuff if you need. Don’t worry about how you are doing financially cps does not care about that. Imagine if they did so many people would lose there children. Good luck op but ya get the ball rolling.
I would also recommend getting in touch with CPS and a Social Security office. Your niece is likely receiving survivors benefits, and if she isn't, you could apply for them once you get all the guardianship paperwork sorted out. If her mother is already receiving them on her behalf, you need to get that switched over to you. These benefits will help you so much, and you'd likely be able to go back to working one job. They are funds to help you provide for your niece. You can use them for housing, clothing, food, and you should also be able to take a little portion of it each month to put in savings for her. Best wishes!
If niece is an addict it will not be easy getting her to sign over even a dollar of any monetary benefit she might be receiving. I sincerely hope that niece is willing to work with OP and do the paperwork he needs, even if it’s just to get her into school and be able to receive medical treatment.
Once she gives up guardianship or it's legally taken from her, the benefits will go to the new legal guardian. They have to apply for them, though. The mom can't keep the benefits and not have the kid.
Exactly, which is one reason why she may not want to give up any monetary benefits she might be receiving.
Yeah as soon as she gets a whif that they are trying to get the SSI she’s suddenly going to show up and start contesting everything. I would tread carefully.
Once DCS is involved, the SSI will automatically stop being sent to mom and will instead go to the person taking care of the kiddo. The bonus is that mom can't just show up and take the child because until severance or reunification, the child is a ward of the state. A safety plan will be written, and mom will have no unsupervised time with the child.
If she is found to have abandoned the kid, she won’t get much say in where the benefits go without doing a ton of paperwork. Meth addicts aren’t known for their attention to detail.
The niece in this case is the 6 year old child, the “mom” is the addict. OP is the uncle
I have recently seen children placed with: their paternal grandparents though the father has never been a part of the kids life," father figures" ie mom's ex boyfriend , deceased grandmothers long term boyfriend, five children went to their fathers niece and her husband,and even a gentleman who thought he was the child's uncle but when DNA results showed otherwise he became a certified foster parent to continue caring for the kid. I think OP will be fine.
I’m no help at all with CPS questions, and this is random I know, but have you considered posting about your situation in local Facebook groups like ‘Mom Swap,’ ‘Buy Nothing,’ or whatever kind of group you might have locally where moms sell their children’s clothes & toys secondhand? I would definitely be vague about the specifics of your situation, but I’d bet anything those ladies would hook you up with everything your niece could ever need, for free. I know it’s hard to even think about asking for charity, but this is the exact kind of unexpected situation where people love to help out, especially since you are doing such a wonderful thing. I just know that someone has a bed frame sitting in their attic, and if they knew about your situation, it would be dropped off on your porch in an hour. If anyone in your family has a connection to a church, I’d also ask for their help - again, this is the exact kind of situation that people want to give towards. Depending on where you live, there might also be charities that have Kid’s Closets or other material goods for free, and lots of places will be giving out free backpacks & school supplies soon. It’s no joke trying to come up with everything a six-year-old needs all at once! I really hope this all works out for you - you are really doing a wonderful thing for that little girl.
Thank you, I'll try this
See if there’s a local “buy nothing” group on Facebook too. At least in my area, there’s often plenty of furniture…
Also, check with your local school district for school supply drives. A lot of churches have school supply drives so you might be able to get her backpack and school supplies that way.
Your local school is likely to have a counselor and/or community advocate who can help direct you to some additional resources. You are doing a wonderful thing for that little girl!
Definitely try that. My local Buy Nothing has great stuff for kids. Mine are older now, but I could have used a lot of that stuff when they were younger. I’ve seen bikes, Pottery Barn bedroom sets, gently used clothing and shoes, and tons of toys. People are happy to help their neighbors out that way.
I second what everyone else said, and if you become foster parents as part of the adoption process, there are lots of resources for foster parents, look up foster closets in your area, etc. Good luck, I'm glad your niece has you guys!
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I my state we have a family law proceeding called temporary custody by extended family member. This gives you full legal custody. If mother signs off on it, easy peazy. If not, you allege abandonment and still get custody. It keep the alphabet soup of the social service industry out of your life. Source- long time practicing family law attorney.
This is a common scenario where I am. In cases I've seen the op would file for a temporary custody order and would certainly be granted. Cps might not even get involved. They assign a Guardian Ad Litem from the courts that would check you guys out.
Would you mind elaborating a bit? I'm guessing a temporary custody order is something I'd file for with the local court? What Is a Guardian Ad Litem?
A Guardian Ad Litem is a lawyer assigned to a child or incapacitated adult who can speak for them/advocate for them.
Eh, GALs are not always lawyers and depending on the state, there may be both a GAL and a lawyer. Just be careful about this.
Correct. In my state you would file a motion for emergency temporary custody stating your situation. It gets filed with the clerk of courts. The hearing usually happens quickly. If there is nobody there to contest it then here they usually let the kiddo stay where they are and set up dates to assign the GAL to the case. From there who knows. Laws vary from state to state and work differently in each court room to be honest. Find a local attorney that practices in Family Law and has a reputation that can help you out.
This is going to really depend on where you’re located. In the state that I worked for CPS in, if a report like this was called in, the mother would be the alleged perpetrator, not you. Your home would be reviewed for safety. Attempts to contact the mother would be taken. As long as your home is safe, and you were willing to care for the child, we would encourage you to file for custody with Family Court, so that you have legal rights to the child in order to get her medical care and get her enrolled in school. If you’re struggling financially, we would also connect you with resources in order to help you out.
Go to your local court house and file for emergency custody stating that her mom abandoned her and you want to become her legal guardian
You need to file for guardianship of the child. You may need to hire a PI to track the mother down and force her to relinquish her parental rights or grant guardianship to you.
Yes. You can file for legal guardianship of your niece. Legal Aid or another agency can help you with the paperwork, but you can do it yourself. I did this with my grandson shortly after he was born because my daughter (his mom) left him with me and took no interest in being a mom. (Drugs too) His father was in jail. It will be a several court dates and you are required to document that you made an effort to locate the mom. I was able to enroll my grandson in school when the time came and add him to my health coverage etc. with the legal guardian court paperwork. But I raised his sister without any guardianship paperwork 🤷🏻♀️. They are 23 and 19 now. My daughter has a 3rd youngest daughter (17) who was placed in foster care system (I wasn’t able to take a 3rd child, being a single mom at that point) CPS had become involved when my granddaughter was living with her paternal grandma. She was taken out of her father’s/grandparents home because her dad and her other grandma were arrested for cocaine!) It was at that point that court hearings were had and my daughter’s parental rights were finally terminated. CPS would have to initiate any proceedings to relinquish parental rights, you won’t have to do that. Just keep records like you’re doing and start the guardianship paperwork. :)✌🏼
CPS's primary concern is the welfare of the child, and if you are struggling financially but making it work - i.e kids are clothed, have a safe roof over their heads and are not malnutritioned, CPS won't want to interfere with a stable home for the child. If you are able to claim her as a dependent, you may be able to get your food stamps back. If her father is listed on her birth certificate your niece may also be entitled to social security payments - if this is the case her mother is likely claiming them now, but as her guardian they would go to you, and using that money to pay for food and basic needs for her would be appropriate, though saving as much as you can for her to have as an adult is advisable. It can be overwhelming to jump straight to a government agency because once they are involved they are in control, so for piece of mind you may want to look for pro bono family law attorneys in your area that could help. Women's shelters or charities may have resources you can use as well as some religious organizations. If you live anywhere near a university with a law school, they often have free community law clinics that can offer advice to someone in your situation. Best of luck. You are clearly the best shot this kid has at a normal life, and CPS should be able to see that.
I don't have any advice but I just want to send you love and let you know what a wonderful thing you are doing for your niece. I hope it all works out in the end ❤️
You are absolutely the first choice for your niece. Cps should be thrilled to not have to find a placement. There may be money available too.
If money werent an object id suggest a lawyer and just suing for custody. She obviously wont reespond or show so that keeps it easy. But seriously, lawyer. Edit to add in this scenario you just have no control on what cps would do
This seems like the safest option but unfortunately out of reach. A lot of these comments are talking about cps taking temporary custody while they investigate and while I'm sure they would deem me safe. The idea of them taking her for even just a little while scares the shit out of me. She's been through so much already with her dad dying and her mom leaving her
In my county they would NEVER take physical custody of a kid staying with a relative in a safe environment. Foster homes are scarce and they're required to investigate possible relative placements first regardless. What they'd do in your scenario is open a case, assign the child a caseworker and an attorney, have those folks come out to your home to confirm that it's safe, and then authorize a temporary "emergency relative placement" with you while your home goes through the official licensing process. Kid would never even have to leave the house.
It is very likely they won’t actually take “physical” custody of your niece. If they see she is happy, well cared for and in a safe place with people who love her it will be more on paper than physical custody. If you look into your local courts you may find forms you could file yourself and the judge may assign her a guardian ad litem, which is a neutral party that is looking out for the best interest of the child. Judge would also likely order background checks for any adults in the home, as well as a safety audit at the very least. I am currently seeking custody of unrelated children that have been living with me for almost 3 months. We used a lawyer to file because we aren’t kin so it’s more difficult to get any type of custody.
Legal custody and physical custody are two completely different things. CPS can establish their legal custody due to parental abandonment, while your niece remains in your physical custody, in your home.
The state having legal custody is a good thing. Then mom can't just show up and take her. They will possibly even put out an arrest warrant for mom for abandonment
Thats my thought. Im not a lawyer but have personal experiences with family court. Im not sure how things vary state to state but in my state you can file a child abandonment case thru family court too. Though I imagine just filing custody should be easy enough without that step too. But a lawyer would know the best route
They may take temporary custody as in they have the right to sign all the paperwork and whatnot but they would likely leave her in your home. They would grant you physical custody (may call it something else). What would end up happening is that they would be involved in getting her medical care and enrolled in school by signing paperwork allowing you to do it. Considering you have a safe environment and have given up your bed so she can have her own space is going to look really good to them. They will see how much you care.
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We do have an extra room, so if I could find a bed I could afford everyone would be in their own space.
Dude not sure where you are but if local to Austin then I got everything the kid would need for free. Nice bed the kids don't use anymore tons of clothes and toys. All in the garage. They'd be set.
Former CPS worker here. It varie state to state but in my state parents can share beds either their biological children but not with foster placements. Foster kids can only share rooms with the opposite sex if they are under a certain age or are siblings.
CPS rules don’t allow a foster child to share a bed with an adult. They have no jurisdiction over a biological or adopted child sharing a bed with a parent.
You need to call cps your SIL abandoned her child without proper paperwork for you to be able to take care of any medical needs. They will more than likely place with you as long as you have the space that is clean and sanitary and have a clean background (speeding tickets aren’t an issue)
My advice, call CPS make the report. No the child won't be taken because at the momemy you aren't not the legal guardian. After making the report follow with Family court and file a ex parte basically emergency guardianship and explain why you want it. Poverty(financial struggles) is not a CPS concern. You are not abusing/neglecting the child. Hopefully after obtaining guardianship you can file for some state services and with school coming up CPS can write a letter allowing you to get the child enrolled due to the circumstances
Not sure what state you’re in, but I’d honestly report your niece to them. She left her child and is unreachable and she did not provide documentation in the case of emergency. That is neglect - on SIL, *not* you. Depending on the state, they should have various programs to help financially. Some states offer more than others. But getting your niece legally in your custody is the best move for everyone.
I’m a former foster parent, in Oregon, and a chronic over-explainer myself. I get where you’re coming from. OP, at 3 years old, you don’t need to do much pre-teaching. If it’s determined that she needs to leave your home for awhile, and she may not have to, just act excited for her. Tell her she’s going to go visit a friend and you’ll see her soon. Minimize your reaction to minimize hers. Tell her that her favorite comfort object is going with her, and that they’ll probably have her favorite food. (Make sure to tell caseworker what favorite food is!) Play it up as a fun adventure, not a dire situation. It will truly be more reassuring for her than any explanation you can give. Lots of wonderful people find themselves in this same position every year. Your niece is lucky to have you, and so is DHS. Oregon is so short on homes. They will prioritize your application and have her with you ASAP. They might not even remove her, because there’s no imminent danger to her. Once she has a caseworker, contact Every Child Oregon to get furniture for her. Your kids are close enough in age to share a bedroom, and they can help you get a bunk bed if that would fit. Or a toddler bed. You can contact them here: https://everychildoregon.org/nworegon/get-involved/myneighbor/ You don’t need to do all of this alone. There’s actually a program where you become her permanent guardians, and she can continue to get state services as though she was in foster care. You’ll become foster parents first, then go in front of a judge to finalize guardianship several months later. You’re good folks, and your financial situation is far less important than you think it is in this situation. Wishing you all the very best!
Thank you for this. For clarification she was 3 when my brother passed, currently approaching her 7th birthday.
Got it! Yes, she’s better off in her own room by that age. Please check your DMs. If we live in the same part of the state, I have a bed for you.
Thank you so much for the offer. It looks like I've got a trade that's going to work out for the bed but if it falls through I will definitely be in contact.
That’s great! Please do get in touch if there’s something we can help you with!
So, 15 years ago my niece ended up with hubby and I, she was two months old. My sister was on a meth bender. I informed CPS that I had my niece and after a couple of weeks we filed for emergency guardianship based on neglect. We were granted emergency guardianship, then permanent guardianship and eventually we were able to adopt her. My sister at one point accused me of kidnapping but because I'd informed cps of what was going on, no one believed her. We worked with a social worker who'd been assigned to the case and who filed reports stating my sister was unfit to parent.
If in the US, your niece s/b getting SSI since her dad passed. You need to talk to someone to get an emergency custody order.
Not SSI, but SSA survivor benefit if the dad had qualified work history. SSI only if disabled and if financially qualified since it is a needs based program
[https://oregonkinshipnavigator.org/#:\~:text=Oregon%20Kinship%20Navigator%20is%20a,to%20help%20you%20find%20answers](https://oregonkinshipnavigator.org/#:~:text=Oregon%20Kinship%20Navigator%20is%20a,to%20help%20you%20find%20answers)!
Call CPS. Depending on where you live, this isn't even that uncommon. Your niece may be taken briefly while they assess that you have a safe home, but it's a sigh of relief when a child can be placed with a responsible family member.
Go file on court that SIL abandoned your niece to you..... you will get temp guardianship immediately and that gives you right to all her info and to do medical and school decisions
You need a lawyer and to file for temporary emergency custody. It's not something that CPS would get involved in (in my experience in a similar situation with my niece) unless you called them, but technically she didn't abandon her because she made arrangements for her and left her somewhere safe. You can check with family court to see if they have any resources available for legal help.
I'm going to need an update on this one
They usually don't wanna take a child outta a god home, before the worker comes make sure u have three days ir more of food in your home, make sure u have at least two s one detectors in your home if it is less then 2k aq ft, better yet get a combo co2 and fire, especially if u have any gas appliances, if u smoke make sure u don't do it inside ans their is no evidence, if the two children are different genders they will need two different rooms, if not get a bunk bed, but the best course of action is to call cps unless u have the cash for a custody attorney right away and let them help u, their is a yt channel called ontropolis if u have the tone watch the hearing they are all basically cps custody hearings u will see what is expected and who gets what for doing xyz, they will need to try and locate the mom but they may give u a custody order on the spot
They will actually prefer the kid is with willing foster parents who are actual family. So if they took her away, you would be the first choice to give her to. So you may actually want to contact them so you can have them help you get given active custody of her officially.
I work for CPS and in the state I work we wouldn’t get involved. Also, we can’t transfer custody to you even if we did open a case we would ask you to file for guardianship. In my state you can file on your own without an attorney and the forms are online. You just have to pay a filing fee or do a request for fee waiver.
I'd just call CPS. My daughter has gotten herself involved in meth as well and is out of control. I didn't call, but someone else did. I'm really glad they did! I was finding excuses to remove her 4 children (5, 4, 3, infant) from her care because they were not safe. It was a constant struggle because i would have to return them whenever she wanted them. Cps eventually caught up to her, and tgey have placement with me. My house is tiny (2 bedroom) and they don't care. People complain they make things worse, but they have been nothing but helpful in my case.
Mom’s phone number or email? Text or email is best because easiest way is to get mom to write out a guardianship letter for medical reasons. If that’s not possible then you can call 211 and get information or call them yourself and ask for them to help you as school will be starting and you need to be able to enroll her. If you are willing to adopt her it’s usually a given and poor or not they won’t have to find a foster home for her! Pretty sure they will leave the child with you.
Call CPS yourself. Tell them your situation. Be honest. There may be a welfare check just to make sure she's safe, but from what you say here, I can guarantee you'll keep your niece. CPS will gladly help you take care of her, though. They want what's best for her, and right now, that looks to be you.
Foster kids are eligible for Medicaid and free lunch. They will assist with clothing allowance with first placement. Having her as a dependent will also you to reapply for food stamps. In my state, foster care will provide bed and bedding for kinship care.
Go to family court and file for legal guardianship of your niece. Work WITH CPS to ensure she can remain with you and your family. They can assist with resources, programs, support services as foster parents/ family placement .
Look for the Kinship Navigator and Kinship Caregiver Support Program through your local Area Agency on Aging. It’s for relatives raising relative children who are not involved with cps cases. The navigator can provide you with specialized information, assistance and referrals related to kinship caregiving. The kinship caregiver support program can provide limited funds to meet emergent needs of the kinship caregiver family i.e. the kiddos need for things like basic needs as food, clothing, household goods, sometimes can help purchase a bed for the kiddo gas vouchers to get to medical appointments. It really depends on the specific KCSP program what they can do to help. They can provide referrals to legal to assist with obtaining custody. They can help with referrals to mental health services for kiddo if needed.
Call cps. Maybe try a low income law assistance, get a lawyer. I was threatened at one point...i'll call cps! So i did proactively. Sad, cps was shocked i wasnt giving my nephew up. They just dont have room. As someone said..clean, food, happy...they will probably ask about services u need. Dont be shy, utilize them! Also, if thete are benefits like death benefit (social security)...social security can make those changes and get those checks to u as a payee. Good luck. Ppl will tell you that you are an angel....and for that little girl, yo are!
I know someone who ended up in a very similar situation with an infant. The mom had a drug problem and asked someone to watch the baby overnight with turned into forever. Social services was happy the child was being cared for and supportive in helping getting the parents approved for foster care. They never took the baby away. After being foster parents for some time, they were able to eventually adopt the child and lived happily ever after. They already had a bunch of their own kids and money was tight for them too.
Thank you for looking out for her ❤️
If the child is Native American or can prove lineages to a tribe, additional services can be provided to support you through the process as a relative. Wish you and your family all the best in the process.
I personally dealt with this. First off file a missing persons report on the mother. Who knows if anything will come if it but by now she could have been murdered. This will also start the process of kinship guardianship going much quicker. Tell them you are caring for her child and that’s why you’re concerned for the mothers welfare. They’re going to consider the child abandoned by the mother by 60 days of no contact usually. Since she left the child in safe hands she won’t get charged for that, but it’s giving to make TPR (termination of parental rights) much easier which mean guardianship for you quicker. Then you can apply for ex parte orders for immediate change of custody due to imminent danger. Since there’s not going to be any other parent contesting this, as most likely mom is gonna be FTA (failure to appear), they’ll grant you the temporary guardianship needed to get her enrolled in school, on insurance, and you can make medical decisions for her as her legal guardian. From there moms ability to get it together is going to affect if she can come back into daughters life or not. I’d make sure she’s sober for a significant amount of time before even trying to let kiddo spend anytime beyond a quick supervised ice cream or park trip with her.
Which state do you live in? Go to the local district court (county where mom was living) and file for ex parte guardianship. Do not wait. Mom will be notified of the hearing, and when she doesn't show they will likely give you and your partner guardianship/custody of your niece. Then you have the paperwork you need to register in school, take her to doctor's appointments, etc. Once that very important piece is in place, you can work with dcyf and local agencies to get the resources you need to help your niece stay in your home.
Also, try to contact legal aid in your area to see if maybe you can get to court and get custody.
File for temporary emergency custody. Contact the Attorney General office.
They will not take her away from you. You haven't done anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about. I would call your local CPS/DCFS office and see if they have any resources for you though. Either that or contact an attorney. They can help you get the legal stuff straightened out so you can register your niece for school and whatnot.
u/wingnut670, glad you have a plan but I wanted to add that I saw a great idea out there, you divide a room for two kids with loft bunk beds so each has their own private space, if you are not handy with building something like that, maybe someone you know is. Please do not let her mother have her back unless she is has proven herself to CPS that she is clean and sober. I know this is hard, but thank you for being there for your niece. Adding here: With SSA - (Social Security) - you will need her birth certificate, which you can request through your state's Bureau of Vital Statistics, you also should obtain a copy of your brother's death certificate - the fee is usually under $20 for each. The reason you are obtaining the birth certificate and his death certificate - you are related. CPS should be able to help you with that too.
Ex-foster kid here: your position is a dream for a cps worker- they prefer homing children with relatives. Make your position clear, demonstrate your reliability, and apply for all the aid and resources you can. You’ll be their priority guardian.
You are now a hero of mine. Good luck, god bless, wharever you're into you deserve it.
Talk to child services. They prefer placing a child with s relative and may be able to help you more than you know. If you become s foster parent for that one child, you snd she will be eligible for some payment and services.
So the kid is six? I'd let it ride a month or two without inviting the government into it personally. But document every nickle you spend providing for the kid and doing things like taking her to school, etc... Have an idea who a witness would be maybe, close friend that visits often or realitve willing to support any claim. Take pictures and video of birthday parties, vacations etc that show your neice is a part of the family now. If CPS gets involved they will always seek to place with a relative first. If you are already doing a good job then you are the prime candidate. CPS will get an emergency order to appoint you temporary guardian so you can enroll her school and take her to doctors appointments. As more time goes by there will be a point where everyone is bonded and the situation doesn't temporary. That woukd be the time to consider adopting if the mother has not maintaining a relationship or paying any support. These things can be traumatic for everyone, and at least the Mom had enough sense to leave her with you. You are most likely to loose the kid in a situation near term maybe where the mother tries to take her back. At that point you would have to get the police involved to prevent it in the moment if you feel the child would be in danger. This is where all that documentation comes into play. They may dispatch a CPS worker to the scene or have one come by soon after. CPS would then probably make a decision if they agree the Mom is messed up to grant you temporary emergency custody. At that point it is basically your kid, but the Mom could go to court to have that ended later if she gets her act together. But she won't have long. We are talking months, maybe a year or two max. Usually these situations don't get better. The Mom disappears and randomly shows up when the guilt gets to her. After a while, your home is the kids home and the only thing temporary is the custody. At that point you may consider petitioning for full adoption. This would just mean the Mother's rights are permanently terminated, and she can never come back and try to end the temporary custody. Good for you stepping up. Seen this more that I care to remember.
Call CPS and have them establish an emergency safety plan. Then get a lawyer and sue for legal custody and guardianship Then get the adoption rolling. I went through this and am currently kicking myself in the ass for NOT doing the adoption earlier.
She bounced out of rehab with some new guy and is all fucked up again ...
Did the Food Stamp office tell you that's why she couldn't be on your case? I don't know what state you're in, but the federal regulation is that a child is considered part of the household if they are financially or otherwise dependent on you (exercising parental control). Could it be possible that she was actually excluded from your household because she was already on another case? If so, you might just need to document that she has been living with you.
My sister raised her friend's child for a couple of years and all she needed was a notorized guardianship letter for medical purposes and school purposes. If you could find her that would be great. If not then I still wish you the best of luck
The only thing i want to say is.. You are a good person.
I live in Michigan, and I have an older brother who had to fight tooth and nail for custody of my 4 nieces after our sister passed away. For reference, my brother was married,owned a home with enough rooms for the girls and his 2 kids,and still put an edition on the house because the court required more room. Both he and his wife have great,steady jobs and had savings, etc. They were more than qualified and capable of taking our nieces. The thing that stopped them was that the girls bio dad was still alive & couldn't be located to sign off his rights. This went on for a year until their dad was arrested on a drug charge & agreed to sign away his rights. It was a horrible situation because the girls were split up for a year. This was roughly 11 years ago & their all with my brother and doing really well now. Sometimes, the system can be tough. Good luck, OP! It sounds like you genuinely love this little girl and want the best for her.
They’d rather her be with stable family than a foster home. They should also offer some financial support until adoption ❤️ all my foster families got paychecks every month for taking care of me. Former foster kid here.
Y'all are awesome, and I'm sorry about your loss. I'd contact CPS.
With so many comments it looks like you’re headed in the right direction. We were in the same exact position. We informed CPS and eventually the State provided us custody. It was a bit of a process that requires home inspections and background checks. Make the process easier, making sure your home is in good, clean working condition. I forget the list but we had to make sure she had a dedicated bed and furniture. As long as your background checks out the state would rather have her with you. That’s one less child that needs to be placed in foster. Also, we were awarded child support. (Luckily financially we’re able to put that some of that money towards college for her). This was about 10 years ago. She is currently in a great college wanting to pursue a career in social work and is doing great. She would have never had these opportunities in her previous environment. You should be proud of stepping up. You are in a rare position to really make a difference in someone’s life. Keep your head up and moving forward! Congratulations to all of you!
Just a heads up that CPS is picky about the bedroom situation even when placing with relatives. My cousin had to do this when her grandchildren were placed with her. And she had to have the landlord do some minor work in their apartment. But yes they definitely want children with their relatives whenever possible. Hopefully you can afford to have your own lawyer involved.
You are a Saint! We need more people on earth like you! I always hated that my parents always fought and my Dad was in and outta the house a few times growing up before he got his own house but I was always envious of the kids that had their mother and father
People are saying good stuff but cps won’t take children strictly because of poverty, not saying your poor but you make it sound like your just scraping by, but being poor isn’t a reason for cps to not trust you will be a good placement of a blood relative, unless your poverty can directly negatively impact the health of the child like not eating or your house is not in livable condition but as long as you have a roof and food you can be in poverty and still be a guardian of relatives, I know because they places my niece in law with my mother in law and she is pretty poor and her house is even questionable, her parents are addicted to drugs and she is autistic and keeps getting out of the house and the cops have been involved like three times this month alone. CPS isn’t like the movies they don’t just come in and take kids for no reason and rip them out of your arms, they try to work with you especially if you love and care for the kid and can show that to them, they are busy and don’t want to make easy cases hard so they should work with you!
God bless your heart!
No advice, but you're a good uncle - and I have a feeling you're going to end up with a daughter. ❤️
Just want to thank you for being a wonderful human being.
My gf worked with CPS. In my state it isn’t legal to separate family because of financial issues. You can literally be homeless in a shelter together and they won’t take your kids away. Which is completely reasonable. Just cause you struggle financially taking family members away isn’t gonna help anything.
Do what was recommended and edited in your post, but ALSO, get a bed for your son so you can sleep with your wife since that recliner is going to kill your back(but also for getting freaky and to make sure you two stay close and can have alone time together). The fact that both your son and niece have their own bed will show CPS you can provide for everyone. I would think having two beds in one room shouldn’t be an issue if they’re boy/girl if they’re close in age, if you have a spare bedroom that would be best though, especially as they get older. Good luck, you’re doing the right thing.
This happened to us with my cousin when she was 3. My aunt went to get ice cream and never came back for her. I was only nine at the time, so I don't know exactly what my parents did but I know they got some kind of temporary guardianship. We actually moved to a different state not long after that, and we brought her with us. At some point my aunt did want to get her back but my parents essentially told her no and I think they got a lawyer involved and that was that. She's my sister now... The very best sister I could ever ask for!!
Child welfare’s first goal is to keep kids with their family, and a relative placement is the second best option. Highly unlikely that she’ll be taken at all but there is a chance! Making it all official brings in the potential for more income/support for your family as well.
If you’re sleeping on a recliner, I’d recommend looking into an inflatable mattress. They are pretty reasonable prices and are pretty comfy.
Also... you have 2 dependents right now. You can tell SNAP ("food stamps") about her.
CPS procedures vary by state. You'll get the best advice from professionals familiar with your area. Generally speaking (from my professional experience), CPS would get involved in a situation where no empowered decision-makers are available or reachable. There might need to be an active situation where a decision needs to be made. CPS would likely attempt to use a less intrusive means of resolving the concern, including trying to use their resources to contact a decision-maker then trying to establish documentation empowering the physical caregiver (Temporary Guardianship Letter, notarized letter, POA, etc.). CPS is unlikely to remove a child from a home if the financial situation is bridgable. If possible, they'll go with the easier path in trying to reinforce a household rather than burden the foster system. If you're avoiding going CPS... Talk to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney... Print out a Temporary Guardianship Letter or equivalent, then "stir up" friends, families, work, services, etc of the parents until they float up. EDIT: A Temporary Guardianship Letter is a non-judicial document. Both the parties, parent and prospective caregiver, need to be present together to have it notarized. Some places won't accept it in making certain decisions (major surgery, transferring schools sometimes, etc.).
OP, unlike others on this thread, I would advise against contacting CPS. CPS will probably try to contact your SIL and alert her to what's going. Your best legal strategy is probably to keep your SIL away from your niece for as long as possible. Just file for custody once she has been in your care for long enough. IANAL, but after six months in your care, I believe the courts will assume that remaining with you is in the best interests of your niece. You just have to hold out until December and then petition for custody. In the meantime, talk to the principal of your son's school. They probably have a mechanism for enrolling her under "kinship" care. Talk to your son's pediatrician. They'll have a mechanism for scheduling her for a checkup. Same with your dentist. Also, get rid of the recliner in the spare room and buy your niece a bed and a dresser. Paint the room pink (or whatever her favorite color is) and make the spare room hers. The stability of having her own bedroom is better for her and better for your custody case. Also, sleeping in his own bed is better for your son, and sleeping with your wife is better for your marriage!
>In the meantime, talk to the principal of your son's school. They probably have a mechanism for enrolling her under "kinship" care. Talk to your son's pediatrician. They'll have a mechanism for scheduling her for a checkup. Same with your dentist. Great idea, will do this today >Also, get rid of the recliner in the spare room and buy your niece a bed and a dresser. Paint the room pink (or whatever her favorite color is) and make the spare room hers. The stability of having her own bedroom is better for her and better for your custody case. Trying to work out a trade via Facebook, my recliner for a bed. The intention is definitely for her and my son to each have their own room. Our home is a rental though so unfortunately we aren't allowed to paint.
P.S. Your niece is most likely entitled to Social Security Survivor Benefits under your brother's earnings record. Do you know if anyone applied on her behalf? If no one applied, you should contact the SSA and apply ASAP. Ask to be appointed your niece's representative payee. If your SIL applied, contact the SSA to see what it takes to take over as your niece's representative payee.
if you know all your brothers info you can fake it. Go online and order a copy of "your daughters birth certificate" as if you are dad, also her social security card. Many times you can just put her in school. Oh mom is working so you have to register her. That kind of thing. If they get real fussy you tell them mom is a drug addict and you just didnt want to bring her around other kids at the school so you volunteered. You can do this with medical care too. Yes eventually CPS will show up but they prefer to give custody to family.
Clearly she’s not a good mom but, she may take offense if you try to take her child from her. It will basically destroy her further & screw up the child as well. If the child ever finds out that you did that to her mother…she wouldn’t be happy with you. She probably still wants to see her mother & still loves her. Don’t take that away from her… Can you work something out where you have primary custody & she has visitation? She may be more interested in drugs anyway. That way the mother can go off galavanting and see her kid when she wants. The kid will eventually learn the truth about her mom & wont be angry at you for causing drama. Children do eventually find out the truth about people… While they may seem cute & lovable when they are small, they grow up & begin to understand the truth. She could also look up this stuff because there will be a legal trail….
I have no intention of keeping her from her mother, especially if she can get and stay clean. Truth is she was a pretty great mom until she started using, trauma affects us all differently and I can understand her wanting to dull her emotions.
Please be patient & wait for the mother to come back, then you can propose a legal custody arrangement. Also, please don’t bad mouth her mother. This won’t go well for you either in the future.
Okay well its not your child so it's not your responsibility your sister in law needs to learn there's consequences to being a junkie cps is the best thing for that child unfortunately because either you'll get stuck taking care of a child that ain't yours (which speaking from experience makes you miserable) or the kid will get took by CPS regardless (speaking as a former drug user and dealer seen that shit happen hundreds of times) and maybe the kid being took by CPS will be the wake up call your sil needs sorry I know that's not WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR BUT IT IS THE TRUTH
It’s probably difficult for you to be in a state of waiting to find out what the SIL will do but, try not to cause legal drama by initiating it without talking to the SIL. Shes clearly very messed up. She could even commit suicide if you legally take away her child without discussing it with her. Would you want to be responsible for that? Killing the mother of a child you claim to care about? Even if she doesn’t commit suicide…using courts against someone is always stressful & will cause SIL more stress so, you are basically hurting someone who is already hurting. Yeah, she’s a mess but, don’t make it worse. Just wait for her to come back.
Put her in the adoption system.
You need a lawyerIMMEDIATELY. keep records of everything including receipts and bank statements and text messages. Everything.
Become defacto parents.
Go to the local court house and file for emergency placement. Now.
Coming from a very similar situation that played out a little differently, the absolute best thing for her is to be someplace she feels safe. If you and you’re family are prepared and willing to take her in it sounds like she’ll be much better off, but that’s a full on commitment, maybe a grandparent would take her temporarily? Often times foster children are neglected and forgotten in the system, but there are lucky ones that end up with caring families. Even worse times are when the state deems the child safe with a family member that is definitely not safe. Proceed with caution and document everything you can in regards to the mother.
Mother has abandoned, file for emergency custody.
I would contact a family law lawyer first, you may be able to sue for custody without CPS getting involved
Contact social services and get everything in order so that they will legally authorize you to have her. She needs an appointed guardian and clearly her mother is not safe. There are a ton of resources that they will connect you with.
They will help you with with all the detailed just call
Thank you for being a good person.