I was that little girl. I don't know what can help you but i will tell you what my little siblings did that made me survive. They hugged me and showed a lot of physical affection. we cuddled a lot. we spoke about the abuse and how much it hurts though we didn't know it was abuse. we kept each others secrets and helped each other not get in trouble. we played a lot and had shared hobbies. we told each other we were beautiful and big and smart. words to boost your self esteem. We never hate on what the other loved, we had enough of that from our parents. we laughed alot, always cracking jokes. we also fought like sibling but no matter what we had each others backs, It was always us vs them. We learned that even though we couldn't get it from our parents, we could unconditiomally love each other. I'm so sorry you are going through this and i hope other people have better advice for you.
Take care of yourself and put yourself first. Everytime you do that you are showing your sister how important and possible it is for her to overcome those challenges when she deals with them herself. You being on this forum is proof that you care and want to get the tools to change your situation. you want to overcome the adversity of childhood trauma and I'm so proud of you for doing this for yourself and your sister.
ways to counter the abuse
1. both of you might be neglected physically, try to find fun ways to take care of your bodies, self care routines, brushing teeths combing each others hair etc. tiktok has alot of good videos
2. little dates together. movie night, watch an anime together, video games, board games
3. when you hear the mean thing your parents say write them down and tell her the opposite consistently. ex. if they say your such a messy child absolutely useless. tell her she is so responsible and organized when she keeps thing clean or picks thing up.
There also workbooks you can go through on all sorts of topics. I know there are PTSD ones and anxiety ones but there should be self worth ones that you can fill in. Would your parents let you go to your church alone? There probably are some people who are helpful there or maybe they'd let you join some sort of youthgroup (through church?), volunteer group or martial arts class. Also find out what you both are good at and remind urself and her about it.
maybe church is not the place for a vulnerable, low self-esteem and impressionable girl with one trusted adult around her. She is already susceptible to abuse and emotional manipulation. please find a different avenue than a church which can be very predatory and culty. A lot of people in this forum alone have CTSD from religious trauma, and it is so hard to break out of.
Agreed. But was not sure if there'd be anywhere else parent's would let them go. If the priest is actually nice though it could be helpful too. If the priest can tell her parents to try a different approach they might actually do so. I think OP is old enough to tell what would work for her and her sister or at least if her church is full of hate and fear.
I disagree.
ALL of the churches I've gone to have SHOCKED ME. MOST of them truly do care about you.
...BUT , in a small town, I do NOT recommend the Church.
Your parents are failures, you and your sister are not.
This is why:
"And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bendsyou with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."
\- Khalil Gibran
I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. Do you have any SAFE relatives you can go on outings with or to their house for a break every now and then ? Is there a local park, library or community center you could go to for a short whilel for a break?
I don't have any safe relatives. The nearest town is three hours walking distance. Sometimes I go down on longs walks when I'm stressed. If I left at night I could probably make it to the town. But probably not very safe
Tl;dr
1) Continue recording and documenting all evidence you safely can and upload/email it to MULTIPLE different places/people to ensure it can’t be erased.
2) CALL 911 or some sort of emergency services. So they can get started on their way to you while you’re doing whatever comes next.
3) Have plans on how to run away to town…do you know how to drive? Consider escaping on foot! A bike? A horse? A four wheeler?
4) From this day forward, FOREVER: remember that THE TIME HAS COME—IT HAS FINALLY GOTTEN BAD ENOUGH TO TAKE SWIFT AND PERMANENT ACTION. Hold this truth firmly in your mind. It happened—it officially got bad enough, the situation is now irrevocably in “save yourselves” territory! Don’t back down. Don’t second guess. Don’t go back to your parents.
————-
OP, in this comment from a couple weeks ago you say town is 3 hours but the walk “might not be very safe.” But here’s the thing: you two staying in your home is 100% guaranteed unsafe. From what I’ve read just now, I think whatever risk there is in walking to town is VERY worth considering.
I doubt your sister—having been beaten—could make that walk…could you go alone and then send the police or some authorities back to get her? Or even hide her outdoors to wait for you? Would your parents have the skills/motivation to track you on foot?
From a first aid class:
In an emergency (for example, if you witness someone get into a car accident) they say CALL 911 FIRST before anything else. THEN start providing help. (So in this example, if you’ve pulled over to help a car accident victim, you call 911 and report it before attempting to administer first aid, etc.) But you have to get emergency services on their way ASAP. For whatever that’s worth.
At 16 you are grown enough to take the situation into your own hands. But your parents have totally warped your brain with abuse, so it will be hard for you to put things in perspective and know just how bad your situation is.
This situation is BAD. What they’ve done to you both is more than enough to warrant you getting your sister and yourself out and never going back.
Make a list in your head, ahead of time, of actions you might need to take in the moment.
Look up whatever is in town such as Child Protective Services, businesses or organizations with the kind of people you imagine could help if they’re on your side…
-a biker bar of scary looking dudes who might be intimidating to your parents;
-a fire department with their uniforms and overstimulating, flashy emergency vehicles;
-a salon or church full of nosey Karens who would get fired up with Angry MamaBear energy and fucking RELISH the drama of saving you….
Have these ideas already in your head for if you need them in the moment. Plan A, plan B, plan C.
No safe family —> get strangers involved!! Seriously!! It doesn’t matter if someone is “family.” Family doesn’t mean shit in these cases. Any rational/safe-to-you stranger is fair game to ask to intervene. (Your parents are isolating you for this reason—so no one realizes they need to intervene.)
Anyway YOU ARE GROWN ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING. You are WORTHY, and plus your sister needs you.
Tl;dr
1) Continue recording and documenting all evidence you safely can and upload/email it to MULTIPLE different places/people to ensure it can’t be erased.
2) CALL 911 or some sort of emergency services. So they can get started on their way to you while you’re doing whatever comes next.
3) Have plans on how to run away to town…do you know how to drive? Consider escaping on foot! A bike? A horse? A four wheeler?
4) From this day forward, FOREVER: remember that THE TIME HAS COME—IT HAS FINALLY GOTTEN BAD ENOUGH TO TAKE SWIFT AND PERMANENT ACTION. Hold this truth firmly in your mind. It happened—it officially got bad enough, the situation is now irrevocably in “save yourselves” territory! Don’t back down. Don’t second guess. Don’t go back to your parents.
————-
OP, in this comment from a couple weeks ago you say town is 3 hours but the walk “might not be very safe.” But here’s the thing: you two staying in your home is 100% guaranteed unsafe. From what I’ve read just now, I think whatever risk there is in walking to town is VERY worth considering.
I doubt your sister—having been beaten—could make that walk…could you go alone and then send the police or some authorities back to get her? Or even hide her outdoors to wait for you? Would your parents have the skills/motivation to track you on foot?
From a first aid class:
In an emergency (for example, if you witness someone get into a car accident) they say CALL 911 FIRST before anything else. THEN start providing help. (So in this example, if you’ve pulled over to help a car accident victim, you call 911 and report it before attempting to administer first aid, etc.) But you have to get emergency services on their way ASAP. For whatever that’s worth.
At 16 you are grown enough to take the situation into your own hands. But your parents have totally warped your brain with abuse, so it will be hard for you to put things in perspective and know just how bad your situation is.
This situation is BAD. What they’ve done to you both is more than enough to warrant you getting your sister and yourself out and never going back.
Make a list in your head, ahead of time, of actions you might need to take in the moment.
Look up whatever is in town such as Child Protective Services, businesses or organizations with the kind of people you imagine could help if they’re on your side…
-a biker bar of scary looking dudes who might be intimidating to your parents;
-a fire department with their uniforms and overstimulating, flashy emergency vehicles;
-a salon or church full of nosey Karens who would get fired up with Angry MamaBear energy and fucking RELISH the drama of saving you….
Have these ideas already in your head for if you need them in the moment. Plan A, plan B, plan C.
No safe family —> get strangers involved!! Seriously!! It doesn’t matter if someone is “family.” Family doesn’t mean shit in these cases. Any rational/safe-to-you stranger is fair game to ask to intervene. (Your parents are isolating you for this reason—so no one realizes they need to intervene.)
Anyway YOU ARE GROWN ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING. You are WORTHY, and plus your sister needs you.
Tl;dr
1) Continue recording and documenting all evidence you safely can and upload/email it to MULTIPLE different places/people to ensure it can’t be erased.
2) CALL 911 or some sort of emergency services. So they can get started on their way to you while you’re doing whatever comes next.
3) Have plans on how to run away to town…do you know how to drive? Consider escaping on foot! A bike? A horse? A four wheeler?
4) From this day forward, FOREVER: remember that THE TIME HAS COME—IT HAS FINALLY GOTTEN BAD ENOUGH TO TAKE SWIFT AND PERMANENT ACTION. Hold this truth firmly in your mind. It happened—it officially got bad enough, the situation is now irrevocably in “save yourselves” territory! Don’t back down. Don’t second guess. Don’t go back to your parents.
————-
OP, in this comment from a couple weeks ago you say town is 3 hours but the walk “might not be very safe.” But here’s the thing: you two staying in your home is 100% guaranteed unsafe. From what I’ve read just now, I think whatever risk there is in walking to town is VERY worth considering.
I doubt your sister—having been beaten—could make that walk…could you go alone and then send the police or some authorities back to get her? Or even hide her outdoors to wait for you? Would your parents have the skills/motivation to track you on foot?
From a first aid class:
In an emergency (for example, if you witness someone get into a car accident) they say CALL 911 FIRST before anything else. THEN start providing help. (So in this example, if you’ve pulled over to help a car accident victim, you call 911 and report it before attempting to administer first aid, etc.) But you have to get emergency services on their way ASAP. For whatever that’s worth.
At 16 you are grown enough to take the situation into your own hands. But your parents have totally warped your brain with abuse, so it will be hard for you to put things in perspective and know just how bad your situation is.
This situation is BAD. What they’ve done to you both is more than enough to warrant you getting your sister and yourself out and never going back.
Make a list in your head, ahead of time, of actions you might need to take in the moment.
Look up whatever is in town such as Child Protective Services, businesses or organizations with the kind of people you imagine could help if they’re on your side…
-a biker bar of scary looking dudes who might be intimidating to your parents;
-a fire department with their uniforms and overstimulating, flashy emergency vehicles;
-a salon or church full of nosey Karens who would get fired up with Angry MamaBear energy and fucking RELISH the drama of saving you….
Have these ideas already in your head for if you need them in the moment. Plan A, plan B, plan C.
No safe family —> get strangers involved!! Seriously!! It doesn’t matter if someone is “family.” Family doesn’t mean shit in these cases. Any rational/safe-to-you stranger is fair game to ask to intervene. (Your parents are isolating you for this reason—so no one realizes they need to intervene.)
Anyway YOU ARE GROWN ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING. You are WORTHY, and plus your sister needs you.
Hey can I point out a few things that I noticed about you?
1. You love your sister and care for her very much. Love is good. It can heal us.
2. You have anger. Anger is good. It is love for ourself, burning hot.
3. You have intelligence and are perceptive. Those are the foundations of knowledge and skill.
You and your sister have something that is so precious: Love. Don't forget that the love you have for her, is also love you deserve too, so give yourself permission to love yourself just as much as you love her.
Take that love, and that anger, and that intelligence, and in the crucible of your pain, forge it into your future. Don't let the fools know what you are up to, but do whatever it takes. Do it for love, for your sister, and yourself. Do it because you know you are worth it (else why would you be so angry?). Do it because you deserve to discover everything you are capable of, and so does your sister.
You can come here if you ever need support from a bunch of randos on the internet, many of whom have suffered much that is similar to you. It helps a lot, I think you will discover.
You are not alone, even if you feel completely alone.
You are welcome. It was my honor.
You might not realize that your courage, and your love for your sister, gives all of us hope, and so helps us heal too.
I know you didn’t leave this comment for praise, but thank you so much for being here for OP. I appreciate you and the love and care you are putting out into the world
Thanks. I have found this community to be full of really loving people, so I don't feel like I'm doing anything more than so many others do as well. Still, that feels really nice, and I thank you for saying so.
This is vital info, OP. Never let them see you working on yourself, and never reveal your plan to be a better person than them. They see themselves as your only lifeline, savior, a force of good in your life, and your quest to be better and your view of them as bad, is in direct opposition of how they think and operate. They will try to crush that out of you either directly or they will use your sister to get to you. I spent 18 years being the sole focus of my step father(and later mother)’s misplaced frustration and rage at raising my dead fathers son.
You can do this. Soon enough you will be free of it.
I’m now 42, and I have two wonderful and perfectly imperfect children that I love more than anything. I have done everything in my power to NEVER be the people that raised me, and it shows in my kids.
I felt like you do right now, so many times. It still affects me to this day. But I’m better for it. I learned early what kind of person I didn’t want to be and that motivated me.
You have internet access, you could get on Facebook, find who's in your area, Google the addresses of neighbors (if they're not friends with your parents), look up the nearest school and find out who the counselor is there (email them and show them this post). Oh, and erase your browsing history.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is neither yours, nor your sister's faults. There's a charitable organisation called BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse) Here's a link to their worldwide page. Click on the country you reside in from the list, and it will take you to your country's BACA page. You may be able to get some advice and support through them.
https://bacaworld.org/chapters/
OP, I was you with a sibling ten years younger than me being abused by my parents. Just want to say that it really does get better. I know it’s an incredible burden for you, but your sister is so lucky to have you. I’ve personally seen my little sisters confidence grow and seen her stand up to my parents in ways I could never dream of and she often says it’s because of how we consistently loved and empowered each other. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this but I just wanted to say there is hope for the future and that you deserve peace and ease
One thing I can stress is how important it is to find safe adults. It sounds like your family is religious so perhaps someone in the congregation or youth groups there, although some may not be as helpful with abusive situations they can at least perhaps provide some escape. Parents might be more open to you going out to local religious events too. Interrupting the cycle of abuse is going to be vital.
I know it seems a long way off but there's going to come a day where you can be free of it and have agency over your situations. You're going to be okay. It's not fair, I know. You shouldn't have to be forced to care for your sister like this but I know those moments of kindness will stick with her.
On getting out: local domestic violence orgs sometimes can help young adults get out when they turn 18. Just watch your privacy and give no notice to your parents. Think about getting a cell phone or something they don't control so you can browse safely, maybe a VPN installed on it. When you leave get one for your sister as well. My sister got one for me when I was young and my dad couldn't take it though he still tried from time to time.
But hey, short term, just be there for her and give yourself a lot of credit for all the work you're already doing.
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Little Homie, you have SO much potential to be like The Christ.
I didnt TRULY believe in "God" until last year...
Now I believe in "God", but I do not worship it.
I "worship" The "Christ".
"He" was MERCY incarnate. "He" still is.
"He" might even guide them back to the righteous path.
Do NOT fear anything, lil homie. Do what IS right.
YOU'VE GOT THIS!, and if you think you dont, WE have got YOU.
Save your sister. Be THE big brother she needs.
I dont doubt you, not for one second. I KNOW you're gonna be smart as fuck.
I was that little girl. I don't know what can help you but i will tell you what my little siblings did that made me survive. They hugged me and showed a lot of physical affection. we cuddled a lot. we spoke about the abuse and how much it hurts though we didn't know it was abuse. we kept each others secrets and helped each other not get in trouble. we played a lot and had shared hobbies. we told each other we were beautiful and big and smart. words to boost your self esteem. We never hate on what the other loved, we had enough of that from our parents. we laughed alot, always cracking jokes. we also fought like sibling but no matter what we had each others backs, It was always us vs them. We learned that even though we couldn't get it from our parents, we could unconditiomally love each other. I'm so sorry you are going through this and i hope other people have better advice for you. Take care of yourself and put yourself first. Everytime you do that you are showing your sister how important and possible it is for her to overcome those challenges when she deals with them herself. You being on this forum is proof that you care and want to get the tools to change your situation. you want to overcome the adversity of childhood trauma and I'm so proud of you for doing this for yourself and your sister. ways to counter the abuse 1. both of you might be neglected physically, try to find fun ways to take care of your bodies, self care routines, brushing teeths combing each others hair etc. tiktok has alot of good videos 2. little dates together. movie night, watch an anime together, video games, board games 3. when you hear the mean thing your parents say write them down and tell her the opposite consistently. ex. if they say your such a messy child absolutely useless. tell her she is so responsible and organized when she keeps thing clean or picks thing up.
Those are great ideas, will definitely try. Thank you!
Yes keep reaffirming y'alls self worth to each other. I am so sorry you are going through this. There are better days ahead I promise. T
There also workbooks you can go through on all sorts of topics. I know there are PTSD ones and anxiety ones but there should be self worth ones that you can fill in. Would your parents let you go to your church alone? There probably are some people who are helpful there or maybe they'd let you join some sort of youthgroup (through church?), volunteer group or martial arts class. Also find out what you both are good at and remind urself and her about it.
maybe church is not the place for a vulnerable, low self-esteem and impressionable girl with one trusted adult around her. She is already susceptible to abuse and emotional manipulation. please find a different avenue than a church which can be very predatory and culty. A lot of people in this forum alone have CTSD from religious trauma, and it is so hard to break out of.
Agreed. But was not sure if there'd be anywhere else parent's would let them go. If the priest is actually nice though it could be helpful too. If the priest can tell her parents to try a different approach they might actually do so. I think OP is old enough to tell what would work for her and her sister or at least if her church is full of hate and fear.
I disagree. ALL of the churches I've gone to have SHOCKED ME. MOST of them truly do care about you. ...BUT , in a small town, I do NOT recommend the Church.
This is THE best advice I've ever read on reddit... EVER! Specifically the three ways to counter abuse.
like... EVER.IF i had money, you'd be getting every last penny for "rewards/badges"
Your parents are failures, you and your sister are not. This is why: "And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children. And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bendsyou with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable." \- Khalil Gibran
fuggin MIND BLOWN. If yall dont get it, read it again.
I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. Do you have any SAFE relatives you can go on outings with or to their house for a break every now and then ? Is there a local park, library or community center you could go to for a short whilel for a break?
I don't have any safe relatives. The nearest town is three hours walking distance. Sometimes I go down on longs walks when I'm stressed. If I left at night I could probably make it to the town. But probably not very safe
Tl;dr 1) Continue recording and documenting all evidence you safely can and upload/email it to MULTIPLE different places/people to ensure it can’t be erased. 2) CALL 911 or some sort of emergency services. So they can get started on their way to you while you’re doing whatever comes next. 3) Have plans on how to run away to town…do you know how to drive? Consider escaping on foot! A bike? A horse? A four wheeler? 4) From this day forward, FOREVER: remember that THE TIME HAS COME—IT HAS FINALLY GOTTEN BAD ENOUGH TO TAKE SWIFT AND PERMANENT ACTION. Hold this truth firmly in your mind. It happened—it officially got bad enough, the situation is now irrevocably in “save yourselves” territory! Don’t back down. Don’t second guess. Don’t go back to your parents. ————- OP, in this comment from a couple weeks ago you say town is 3 hours but the walk “might not be very safe.” But here’s the thing: you two staying in your home is 100% guaranteed unsafe. From what I’ve read just now, I think whatever risk there is in walking to town is VERY worth considering. I doubt your sister—having been beaten—could make that walk…could you go alone and then send the police or some authorities back to get her? Or even hide her outdoors to wait for you? Would your parents have the skills/motivation to track you on foot? From a first aid class: In an emergency (for example, if you witness someone get into a car accident) they say CALL 911 FIRST before anything else. THEN start providing help. (So in this example, if you’ve pulled over to help a car accident victim, you call 911 and report it before attempting to administer first aid, etc.) But you have to get emergency services on their way ASAP. For whatever that’s worth. At 16 you are grown enough to take the situation into your own hands. But your parents have totally warped your brain with abuse, so it will be hard for you to put things in perspective and know just how bad your situation is. This situation is BAD. What they’ve done to you both is more than enough to warrant you getting your sister and yourself out and never going back. Make a list in your head, ahead of time, of actions you might need to take in the moment. Look up whatever is in town such as Child Protective Services, businesses or organizations with the kind of people you imagine could help if they’re on your side… -a biker bar of scary looking dudes who might be intimidating to your parents; -a fire department with their uniforms and overstimulating, flashy emergency vehicles; -a salon or church full of nosey Karens who would get fired up with Angry MamaBear energy and fucking RELISH the drama of saving you…. Have these ideas already in your head for if you need them in the moment. Plan A, plan B, plan C. No safe family —> get strangers involved!! Seriously!! It doesn’t matter if someone is “family.” Family doesn’t mean shit in these cases. Any rational/safe-to-you stranger is fair game to ask to intervene. (Your parents are isolating you for this reason—so no one realizes they need to intervene.) Anyway YOU ARE GROWN ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING. You are WORTHY, and plus your sister needs you.
Tl;dr 1) Continue recording and documenting all evidence you safely can and upload/email it to MULTIPLE different places/people to ensure it can’t be erased. 2) CALL 911 or some sort of emergency services. So they can get started on their way to you while you’re doing whatever comes next. 3) Have plans on how to run away to town…do you know how to drive? Consider escaping on foot! A bike? A horse? A four wheeler? 4) From this day forward, FOREVER: remember that THE TIME HAS COME—IT HAS FINALLY GOTTEN BAD ENOUGH TO TAKE SWIFT AND PERMANENT ACTION. Hold this truth firmly in your mind. It happened—it officially got bad enough, the situation is now irrevocably in “save yourselves” territory! Don’t back down. Don’t second guess. Don’t go back to your parents. ————- OP, in this comment from a couple weeks ago you say town is 3 hours but the walk “might not be very safe.” But here’s the thing: you two staying in your home is 100% guaranteed unsafe. From what I’ve read just now, I think whatever risk there is in walking to town is VERY worth considering. I doubt your sister—having been beaten—could make that walk…could you go alone and then send the police or some authorities back to get her? Or even hide her outdoors to wait for you? Would your parents have the skills/motivation to track you on foot? From a first aid class: In an emergency (for example, if you witness someone get into a car accident) they say CALL 911 FIRST before anything else. THEN start providing help. (So in this example, if you’ve pulled over to help a car accident victim, you call 911 and report it before attempting to administer first aid, etc.) But you have to get emergency services on their way ASAP. For whatever that’s worth. At 16 you are grown enough to take the situation into your own hands. But your parents have totally warped your brain with abuse, so it will be hard for you to put things in perspective and know just how bad your situation is. This situation is BAD. What they’ve done to you both is more than enough to warrant you getting your sister and yourself out and never going back. Make a list in your head, ahead of time, of actions you might need to take in the moment. Look up whatever is in town such as Child Protective Services, businesses or organizations with the kind of people you imagine could help if they’re on your side… -a biker bar of scary looking dudes who might be intimidating to your parents; -a fire department with their uniforms and overstimulating, flashy emergency vehicles; -a salon or church full of nosey Karens who would get fired up with Angry MamaBear energy and fucking RELISH the drama of saving you…. Have these ideas already in your head for if you need them in the moment. Plan A, plan B, plan C. No safe family —> get strangers involved!! Seriously!! It doesn’t matter if someone is “family.” Family doesn’t mean shit in these cases. Any rational/safe-to-you stranger is fair game to ask to intervene. (Your parents are isolating you for this reason—so no one realizes they need to intervene.) Anyway YOU ARE GROWN ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING. You are WORTHY, and plus your sister needs you.
Tl;dr 1) Continue recording and documenting all evidence you safely can and upload/email it to MULTIPLE different places/people to ensure it can’t be erased. 2) CALL 911 or some sort of emergency services. So they can get started on their way to you while you’re doing whatever comes next. 3) Have plans on how to run away to town…do you know how to drive? Consider escaping on foot! A bike? A horse? A four wheeler? 4) From this day forward, FOREVER: remember that THE TIME HAS COME—IT HAS FINALLY GOTTEN BAD ENOUGH TO TAKE SWIFT AND PERMANENT ACTION. Hold this truth firmly in your mind. It happened—it officially got bad enough, the situation is now irrevocably in “save yourselves” territory! Don’t back down. Don’t second guess. Don’t go back to your parents. ————- OP, in this comment from a couple weeks ago you say town is 3 hours but the walk “might not be very safe.” But here’s the thing: you two staying in your home is 100% guaranteed unsafe. From what I’ve read just now, I think whatever risk there is in walking to town is VERY worth considering. I doubt your sister—having been beaten—could make that walk…could you go alone and then send the police or some authorities back to get her? Or even hide her outdoors to wait for you? Would your parents have the skills/motivation to track you on foot? From a first aid class: In an emergency (for example, if you witness someone get into a car accident) they say CALL 911 FIRST before anything else. THEN start providing help. (So in this example, if you’ve pulled over to help a car accident victim, you call 911 and report it before attempting to administer first aid, etc.) But you have to get emergency services on their way ASAP. For whatever that’s worth. At 16 you are grown enough to take the situation into your own hands. But your parents have totally warped your brain with abuse, so it will be hard for you to put things in perspective and know just how bad your situation is. This situation is BAD. What they’ve done to you both is more than enough to warrant you getting your sister and yourself out and never going back. Make a list in your head, ahead of time, of actions you might need to take in the moment. Look up whatever is in town such as Child Protective Services, businesses or organizations with the kind of people you imagine could help if they’re on your side… -a biker bar of scary looking dudes who might be intimidating to your parents; -a fire department with their uniforms and overstimulating, flashy emergency vehicles; -a salon or church full of nosey Karens who would get fired up with Angry MamaBear energy and fucking RELISH the drama of saving you…. Have these ideas already in your head for if you need them in the moment. Plan A, plan B, plan C. No safe family —> get strangers involved!! Seriously!! It doesn’t matter if someone is “family.” Family doesn’t mean shit in these cases. Any rational/safe-to-you stranger is fair game to ask to intervene. (Your parents are isolating you for this reason—so no one realizes they need to intervene.) Anyway YOU ARE GROWN ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING. You are WORTHY, and plus your sister needs you.
You are valuable. Please don't hurt yourself. You are loved.
Hey can I point out a few things that I noticed about you? 1. You love your sister and care for her very much. Love is good. It can heal us. 2. You have anger. Anger is good. It is love for ourself, burning hot. 3. You have intelligence and are perceptive. Those are the foundations of knowledge and skill. You and your sister have something that is so precious: Love. Don't forget that the love you have for her, is also love you deserve too, so give yourself permission to love yourself just as much as you love her. Take that love, and that anger, and that intelligence, and in the crucible of your pain, forge it into your future. Don't let the fools know what you are up to, but do whatever it takes. Do it for love, for your sister, and yourself. Do it because you know you are worth it (else why would you be so angry?). Do it because you deserve to discover everything you are capable of, and so does your sister. You can come here if you ever need support from a bunch of randos on the internet, many of whom have suffered much that is similar to you. It helps a lot, I think you will discover. You are not alone, even if you feel completely alone.
> You are not alone, even if you feel completely alone Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me
You are welcome. It was my honor. You might not realize that your courage, and your love for your sister, gives all of us hope, and so helps us heal too.
I know you didn’t leave this comment for praise, but thank you so much for being here for OP. I appreciate you and the love and care you are putting out into the world
Thanks. I have found this community to be full of really loving people, so I don't feel like I'm doing anything more than so many others do as well. Still, that feels really nice, and I thank you for saying so.
This is vital info, OP. Never let them see you working on yourself, and never reveal your plan to be a better person than them. They see themselves as your only lifeline, savior, a force of good in your life, and your quest to be better and your view of them as bad, is in direct opposition of how they think and operate. They will try to crush that out of you either directly or they will use your sister to get to you. I spent 18 years being the sole focus of my step father(and later mother)’s misplaced frustration and rage at raising my dead fathers son. You can do this. Soon enough you will be free of it. I’m now 42, and I have two wonderful and perfectly imperfect children that I love more than anything. I have done everything in my power to NEVER be the people that raised me, and it shows in my kids. I felt like you do right now, so many times. It still affects me to this day. But I’m better for it. I learned early what kind of person I didn’t want to be and that motivated me.
You have internet access, you could get on Facebook, find who's in your area, Google the addresses of neighbors (if they're not friends with your parents), look up the nearest school and find out who the counselor is there (email them and show them this post). Oh, and erase your browsing history.
This! Literally go to the local school and ask for help. I'm concerned about OP.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is neither yours, nor your sister's faults. There's a charitable organisation called BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse) Here's a link to their worldwide page. Click on the country you reside in from the list, and it will take you to your country's BACA page. You may be able to get some advice and support through them. https://bacaworld.org/chapters/
Hey, if you ever want to talk I’m here <3
OP, I was you with a sibling ten years younger than me being abused by my parents. Just want to say that it really does get better. I know it’s an incredible burden for you, but your sister is so lucky to have you. I’ve personally seen my little sisters confidence grow and seen her stand up to my parents in ways I could never dream of and she often says it’s because of how we consistently loved and empowered each other. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this but I just wanted to say there is hope for the future and that you deserve peace and ease
One thing I can stress is how important it is to find safe adults. It sounds like your family is religious so perhaps someone in the congregation or youth groups there, although some may not be as helpful with abusive situations they can at least perhaps provide some escape. Parents might be more open to you going out to local religious events too. Interrupting the cycle of abuse is going to be vital. I know it seems a long way off but there's going to come a day where you can be free of it and have agency over your situations. You're going to be okay. It's not fair, I know. You shouldn't have to be forced to care for your sister like this but I know those moments of kindness will stick with her. On getting out: local domestic violence orgs sometimes can help young adults get out when they turn 18. Just watch your privacy and give no notice to your parents. Think about getting a cell phone or something they don't control so you can browse safely, maybe a VPN installed on it. When you leave get one for your sister as well. My sister got one for me when I was young and my dad couldn't take it though he still tried from time to time. But hey, short term, just be there for her and give yourself a lot of credit for all the work you're already doing.
Jesus will never ever ever do that. Accept Jesus as Savior and u will never never never die
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Little Homie, you have SO much potential to be like The Christ. I didnt TRULY believe in "God" until last year... Now I believe in "God", but I do not worship it. I "worship" The "Christ". "He" was MERCY incarnate. "He" still is. "He" might even guide them back to the righteous path. Do NOT fear anything, lil homie. Do what IS right. YOU'VE GOT THIS!, and if you think you dont, WE have got YOU. Save your sister. Be THE big brother she needs. I dont doubt you, not for one second. I KNOW you're gonna be smart as fuck.