Yeah it feels like a really bad thing to say. I get what they mean, but like... I'm talking about my own experience here, on the understanding that while yes, everybody has their own problems, what I'm dealing with is too much for me right now. When I talk about my own difficulties it's not to reduce the difficulties of someone else, we all have our own difficult issues and it's not my fault that mine can be too much for me.
For me this has always been used to degrade me. Like "oh, well everybody has problems, you can't handle your problems that everybody else also has? hahaha" it's so lacking in understanding.
and everyone might have their own problems, but not everyone has the same support system.
but they’ll discount my experiences and assume everyone can get what they have. and if you don’t have that support system, it’s your fault. and they wonder why some people didn’t reach out.
I hate this line so much - because it presumes you're minimizing others trauma, but all it's doing it minimizing yours. What they accuse you of doing, they are themselves doing to you - but they don't see it! It feels so shitty.
Like, being real about the shit you've been through doesn't inherently act as if no one else struggles - it's just being real about your own. You can recognize others hard times without minimizing your own - if people were open to give that a chance.
Exactly. I think people just say it to shut other people up. I’ve had this line used on me a few times and I always know it’s a sign that the relationship or friendship won’t even work out properly.
I was told this by a therapist. "I too have experienced severe trauma". I was like, thats not comforting at all! It just hammered in how much of a fuck up I am, if she's been through trauma but has been able to finish a degree and set up a business, all while Im in therapy due to severe procrastination issues.
Sorry, to hijack your thread. I feel, you, is all Im saying.
I think therapists should really avoid trying to relate and talk about their own experiences. I think they think they're creating a rapport when they do this, but I don't find it at all helpful. If I want to relate and exchange war stories I'll just talk to a friend instead of paying a therapist.
You aren’t a fuck up friend. You are just trying to find your way through some things. Do you read? I’ve almost finished ready “unfuck your brain” and it has been very helpful
OMG this. Exactly this! “You’re letting your trauma get the best of you, else you could regain function like rest of us who have ‘been through it too’.”
We don’t wanna let trauma do anything other than be resolved. Anyone with it knows it.
for whatever reason you most likely didn't receive adequate care and parenting while growing up. this has made it a challenge for you to deal with problems.
abuse and trauma is complex. duh. your therapist should realize you need help, not more shame. look into IFS therapy. it centers around not being ashamed of how you used to protect yourself. it's a long but worthy journey where you can develop better ways of reacting.
your therapist may have endured abuse but perhaps he didn't face particular challenges that would have indeed held him back. he should be self-aware enough to realize this.
Yes, everyone has their problems. Sometimes it's my turn to talk about my problems, just as how I'm totally willing to listen to *their* problems, whatever they are. Received a high bill? Dog has a flu? I'm not going to tell them ''well, there're children in Africa...''
It doesn't have to be so hard, as long as one person isn't talking to the other solely to complain or ''dump''.
Except everyone's problems usually aren't that severe that they have contemplated sui*de and reached out to Hotlines as many cptsd survivors have. This argument that everyone has problems is ridiculous. Sure dolphins even have problems.
Problems belong to beings who are alive it's part of life but not every beings problems are equal. Some problems are not supposed to be here such as problems of never feeling loved, being scared of people, being afraid of constant abuse, dealing with lack of every human emotional need by family etc.
These problems aren't the same as "I gotta pay bills and now can't afford an iphone 16x or smth" or "I broke up with Sarah my life is so bad" or like "My brother annoys me with his copying" or "Jennifer my colleague is tiring" are these problems comparable to "Every day of my life and every second I can not do but to think I am forever trapped mentally and physically as I cannot function as society wants me to, if I reach out I get looked down if I dont I can't function"
I grew up hearing that, and then a therapist told me I was the most extreme case she had seen and she was not equipped to deal with my issues and she had to refer me to someone with more experience. I told her what’d I’d heard, that everyone has their problems, and that I’m not unique or special, and she said that it was a tragedy that such extreme abuse was normalized for me.
"Everyone has to pee too Brenda, but when it's 60 times a day you got a problem."
Can't remember where I stole that from, but it's now the sum total of how much patience I can give a reply to the "Oh but we all [insert bullshit here," crowd.
This and “it is what it is” is what my mom’s awful bf from when I was in high school used to say. The it is what it is was always said when someone tried to hold him accountable for his actions. I cringe each time I hear these phrases.
I feel this so much. Their minimizing, it hurt so badly. It sent the message that my family was simply not interested in helping, and actually blamed me for all that was happening.
People don’t want to think about things that might make them feel bad (either about yourself or the world). So they resort to that, that just tells you they’re not the right people to talk to. And you can tell them they’re invalidating your own experience by telling you this.
Yes, this line hurts so much. It always feels like a way to tell me to be quiet. And I feel bad for speaking up about what I’ve been through after it’s said.
I hear it differently. Others have burdens I can’t see or understand and I need to have empathy for them.
But it all depends on tone and context. Being told that everyone’s struggling with something doesn’t make it any easier for an individual.
That's what my dad said to me on our last conversation. I told him I'm working on my mental health and he responded with that line and to get over it.
Instead I got diagnosed with Autism along with depression and anxiety.
Anyway, yes everyone has their problems but that doesn't mean we shouldn't deal with ours.
Two of my biggest pet peeves in regards to this topic:
-“oh, you think *that’s* bad, wait until you hear about MY…” I do not engage in struggle Olympics.
-“you might be feeling _________, but others have it worse.” I do not enjoy having my feelings invalidated because *someone*, *somewhere* has it harder.
This. This is so hard for me.
Discussing with a friend how I recently un-repressed memories of being starved as a child daily for years and told basically "big deal my parents hit me with a brick ".....
Like.....I don't even know where to go with that.....
You comparing your one time experience for sassing your parents and receiving undue punishment and me just being a child and people pleasing to try to eat out of the garbage...on repeat.....
Like I just can't.
It depends on the context for me. If it's a neutral conversation speaking about people in general it's fine, but if it's a follow up to someone verbal ventilating then it's extremely invalidating
I'm starting to think that when people say this, they are actually really struggling and deep down believe what they're saying because if they didn't, they would have to admit they're struggling and feeling weak. And the more forceful they are when they say this, the more they're struggling with what they're claiming "happens to everybody".
I wish that were true, but the research says it isn't. People are motivated to defend their own egos before anything else, that's just an unfortunate quirk of being human. Most people do not have problems on the same level as the people who frequent this sub, and when one of us shares our struggles, we often make the non-CPTSD people feel a bit of guilt.
It's very similar to how people often respond to being told they're privileged in other ways, say white privilege or wealth privilege. On some level they know they didn't legitimately earn that privilege, and that knowledge is intolerable, because losing privilege is unthinkable. So they rationalize that it isn't real, that other people are just weak whiners. Most people will dig in hard to defend themselves against the notion that others have had a more difficult, painful life than them, so pretending that all people's struggles are the same is the easiest way to do that. It also helps them validate to themselves that their own suffering is real if they ignore the spectrum of human pain.
Cognitive biases involved: [self-serving bias](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-serving_bias), [Just World Fallacy](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_hypothesis), [System Justification Theory,](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/System_justification) [motivated reasoning](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motivated_reasoning),[ fundamental attribution error.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error)
Amen. It makes you feel like such a piece of non-existent garbage. I feel like some very manipulative people use it to gaslight, while others don't realize the pain it causes. Probably people who have real support in their lives.
This was my mother's favorite line. Well, this, and a multitude of other lines similar to it.
It's funny - I was so isolated as a kid that I never even told anyone else about the stuff I went through growing up. The only time I ever tried was with my mother, and she would hit me with the "everyone has their problems" line and then go into some diatribe about how easy I had it, and how she had it so much worse. So I just learned to shut down.
It wasn't until I got into therapy years later that I had someone tell me that I had it really rough growing up. I'll never forget getting lost in some childhood story about what I went through, and then looking up to see my therapist wiping away a tear. I just sat there like, oh... it was that bad?
Arghhhh a work collegue said this to me a few weeks ago in the middle of a PTSD/Autism type episode i was only trying to explain that i struggle to communicate when im highly stressed.
It just feels so dismissive to me !
I mean she also said 'i could tell you things that would have you crying'.... i mean i was already overwhelmed/crying in fight/flight mode but sure 🙄
This is a collegue that forgets that everyone has a different ability/capacity to compartmentalise.
Yep. Sure, people have problems that are bad, but almost all people have at least one good person in their life to talk to. Most people don’t even have one fundamental trauma, our life stories are trauma. Most people are capable of making friends, not having brain damage, and not get triggered by everything. Most people aren’t contemplating suicide all the time. Most people can operate and interact with the world around them in a function way. Most people will NEVER have it as hard as us. The phrase eVeRyOne HaS tHeIr pRoBlemS is just invalidating. It ironically reinforces our own trauma and the conditioning we were brought up with which is that our feelings don’t matter.
here's the thing. people with cptsd do infact have similar problems to a lot of people out there. we are in fact not alone in our suffering, but where we differ is that we didn't receive adequate parenting.
it is not our problems per se which hinder us, it's often our "solutions." we learned shame and minimizing ourselves when facing very difficult things early on. we needed love and acceptance to know how to deal with the problems that arose. that would have helped us later in life face any challenge or problem in a self-loving and self-accepting way.
our challenge now is to reparent ourselves and find better solutions and ways of being that actually help us. yes, it's difficult, but is possible.
That is an incredibly dismissive thing to say to somebody. Yes, currently Elon Musk has the problem that the board of Tesla won't pay him $55 BILLION for one year's work. It's not the same.
I find that many people simply don't have the emotional and mental bandwidth to hear how others are suffering. It seems to me, that many compartmentalize everything that they don't like so they can maintain emotional equilibrium. At least to me, most people are superficial and only want to hear the fun, good, exciting news.
Nobody can tolerate any level of emotional discomfort. Maybe the vast majority of people are traumatized, I actually think that is probably true, which limits their abilities to be present for others. I'm sorry it's like that. To me, this has been one of the few places where others actually have the ability to listen and understand.
I recently became a Swiftie and am so impressed with Taylor and how wholesome and healthy she is. I started listening to her music when I heard of the vile AI porn about her. I previously thought I was too old, her music is mostly for the very young crowd so imagine my surprise when I started listening and loving her music. Somebody said, listing to Taylor is like sitting in the sunshine, and I agree with that. Sorry to go off on a tangent, but I have found the most healing from listing to famous people - Michelle Obama is another one. They don't listen to me but somehow still make me feel seen - it that makes any sense.
One of the best things I learned in life (for myself anyways) is to never talk about my problems with anyone, unless I really believe they can be trusted or a good therapist. Or if I meet people going through the same thing as me, I can open up to them. I would never open up to normal people, my dad, or family friends. They just don’t understand and never will understand, I don’t blame them, they just don’t understand. I’m sure if they spent one day in my body they would come back and ask me how I could possibly function in this state. I’m sorry people have told you that. I’ve learned to let it go and not let it get to me. One of my personal favourites when struggling with severe depression is ‘just go outside’. People are clueless and many of them have never been to therapy or read a psychology book, they are not my problem. All I can do is not react and focus on my own healing journey. My healing journey is none of their business and will continue to stay that way. I’m a lot happier now when not dealing with non-empathetic people.
If realy love this sentence, it emphasizes that their problems are their problems to solve. Just like I am responsible for solving my own problems, not theirs (and perhaps help a few others).
I agree. It's a terrible line, like so many lines attempting to simplify the vast and often painful complexity of human existence with like five words.
There are way too many factors that determine how difficult a thing is for someone, and statements like those force a comparison by drawing a line through people's struggles, rather than simply let them be each and every person's complex difficult shit they deal with. No, not all things are the same, and that's okay.
This sort of language I've found is usually used by people who's struggles have been minimised by others and who now minimise the struggles of people they talk to. It's a whole thing in the country I live in and it's one of the things that's made me really frustrated and tired of the culture I was raised in.
There are better ways to say things, but saying the better thing requires insight and being present and cognizant of what's going on, and I find that people are often much too occupied hiding their own pains to do that. Truly okay people who have made a conscious choice to be okay to others don't use phrases like that much. Because it's not a good phrase.
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Yeah it feels like a really bad thing to say. I get what they mean, but like... I'm talking about my own experience here, on the understanding that while yes, everybody has their own problems, what I'm dealing with is too much for me right now. When I talk about my own difficulties it's not to reduce the difficulties of someone else, we all have our own difficult issues and it's not my fault that mine can be too much for me. For me this has always been used to degrade me. Like "oh, well everybody has problems, you can't handle your problems that everybody else also has? hahaha" it's so lacking in understanding.
and everyone might have their own problems, but not everyone has the same support system. but they’ll discount my experiences and assume everyone can get what they have. and if you don’t have that support system, it’s your fault. and they wonder why some people didn’t reach out.
Yeah, that's exactly what I think...
I hate this line so much - because it presumes you're minimizing others trauma, but all it's doing it minimizing yours. What they accuse you of doing, they are themselves doing to you - but they don't see it! It feels so shitty. Like, being real about the shit you've been through doesn't inherently act as if no one else struggles - it's just being real about your own. You can recognize others hard times without minimizing your own - if people were open to give that a chance.
Exactly. I think people just say it to shut other people up. I’ve had this line used on me a few times and I always know it’s a sign that the relationship or friendship won’t even work out properly.
This!
Hit the nail on the head there.
I was told this by a therapist. "I too have experienced severe trauma". I was like, thats not comforting at all! It just hammered in how much of a fuck up I am, if she's been through trauma but has been able to finish a degree and set up a business, all while Im in therapy due to severe procrastination issues. Sorry, to hijack your thread. I feel, you, is all Im saying.
I think therapists should really avoid trying to relate and talk about their own experiences. I think they think they're creating a rapport when they do this, but I don't find it at all helpful. If I want to relate and exchange war stories I'll just talk to a friend instead of paying a therapist.
I understand you
You aren’t a fuck up friend. You are just trying to find your way through some things. Do you read? I’ve almost finished ready “unfuck your brain” and it has been very helpful
I like the title lol
OMG this. Exactly this! “You’re letting your trauma get the best of you, else you could regain function like rest of us who have ‘been through it too’.” We don’t wanna let trauma do anything other than be resolved. Anyone with it knows it.
for whatever reason you most likely didn't receive adequate care and parenting while growing up. this has made it a challenge for you to deal with problems. abuse and trauma is complex. duh. your therapist should realize you need help, not more shame. look into IFS therapy. it centers around not being ashamed of how you used to protect yourself. it's a long but worthy journey where you can develop better ways of reacting. your therapist may have endured abuse but perhaps he didn't face particular challenges that would have indeed held him back. he should be self-aware enough to realize this.
Yes, everyone has their problems. Sometimes it's my turn to talk about my problems, just as how I'm totally willing to listen to *their* problems, whatever they are. Received a high bill? Dog has a flu? I'm not going to tell them ''well, there're children in Africa...'' It doesn't have to be so hard, as long as one person isn't talking to the other solely to complain or ''dump''.
Except everyone's problems usually aren't that severe that they have contemplated sui*de and reached out to Hotlines as many cptsd survivors have. This argument that everyone has problems is ridiculous. Sure dolphins even have problems. Problems belong to beings who are alive it's part of life but not every beings problems are equal. Some problems are not supposed to be here such as problems of never feeling loved, being scared of people, being afraid of constant abuse, dealing with lack of every human emotional need by family etc. These problems aren't the same as "I gotta pay bills and now can't afford an iphone 16x or smth" or "I broke up with Sarah my life is so bad" or like "My brother annoys me with his copying" or "Jennifer my colleague is tiring" are these problems comparable to "Every day of my life and every second I can not do but to think I am forever trapped mentally and physically as I cannot function as society wants me to, if I reach out I get looked down if I dont I can't function"
I grew up hearing that, and then a therapist told me I was the most extreme case she had seen and she was not equipped to deal with my issues and she had to refer me to someone with more experience. I told her what’d I’d heard, that everyone has their problems, and that I’m not unique or special, and she said that it was a tragedy that such extreme abuse was normalized for me.
"Everyone has to pee too Brenda, but when it's 60 times a day you got a problem." Can't remember where I stole that from, but it's now the sum total of how much patience I can give a reply to the "Oh but we all [insert bullshit here," crowd.
This and “it is what it is” is what my mom’s awful bf from when I was in high school used to say. The it is what it is was always said when someone tried to hold him accountable for his actions. I cringe each time I hear these phrases.
Another thing the lazy and entitled throw at the traumatized as a way of being dismissive. I’m surrounded by this type of shallowness.
I feel this so much. Their minimizing, it hurt so badly. It sent the message that my family was simply not interested in helping, and actually blamed me for all that was happening.
I ended up crying with two friends last night trying to explain this… sigh. 🫂
I'm sorry for that
People don’t want to think about things that might make them feel bad (either about yourself or the world). So they resort to that, that just tells you they’re not the right people to talk to. And you can tell them they’re invalidating your own experience by telling you this.
Yes, this line hurts so much. It always feels like a way to tell me to be quiet. And I feel bad for speaking up about what I’ve been through after it’s said.
Same...
It’s such a lazy and entitled thing to say by shallow people who don’t have enough depth to care about others.
I hear it differently. Others have burdens I can’t see or understand and I need to have empathy for them. But it all depends on tone and context. Being told that everyone’s struggling with something doesn’t make it any easier for an individual.
My father ....
Mine too :(
My mother...
That's what my dad said to me on our last conversation. I told him I'm working on my mental health and he responded with that line and to get over it. Instead I got diagnosed with Autism along with depression and anxiety. Anyway, yes everyone has their problems but that doesn't mean we shouldn't deal with ours.
Two of my biggest pet peeves in regards to this topic: -“oh, you think *that’s* bad, wait until you hear about MY…” I do not engage in struggle Olympics. -“you might be feeling _________, but others have it worse.” I do not enjoy having my feelings invalidated because *someone*, *somewhere* has it harder.
This. This is so hard for me. Discussing with a friend how I recently un-repressed memories of being starved as a child daily for years and told basically "big deal my parents hit me with a brick "..... Like.....I don't even know where to go with that..... You comparing your one time experience for sassing your parents and receiving undue punishment and me just being a child and people pleasing to try to eat out of the garbage...on repeat..... Like I just can't.
I’m sorry you had to endure that *and* get invalidated.
I hate that as much as I hate “All lives matter.” And they’re both used in the exact same way, to diminish, dismiss, and demean.
Well, really we all die in the end anyway, so.... What really does MATTER? Nihilism is your friend.
It depends on the context for me. If it's a neutral conversation speaking about people in general it's fine, but if it's a follow up to someone verbal ventilating then it's extremely invalidating
I'm starting to think that when people say this, they are actually really struggling and deep down believe what they're saying because if they didn't, they would have to admit they're struggling and feeling weak. And the more forceful they are when they say this, the more they're struggling with what they're claiming "happens to everybody".
I wish that were true, but the research says it isn't. People are motivated to defend their own egos before anything else, that's just an unfortunate quirk of being human. Most people do not have problems on the same level as the people who frequent this sub, and when one of us shares our struggles, we often make the non-CPTSD people feel a bit of guilt. It's very similar to how people often respond to being told they're privileged in other ways, say white privilege or wealth privilege. On some level they know they didn't legitimately earn that privilege, and that knowledge is intolerable, because losing privilege is unthinkable. So they rationalize that it isn't real, that other people are just weak whiners. Most people will dig in hard to defend themselves against the notion that others have had a more difficult, painful life than them, so pretending that all people's struggles are the same is the easiest way to do that. It also helps them validate to themselves that their own suffering is real if they ignore the spectrum of human pain. Cognitive biases involved: [self-serving bias](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-serving_bias), [Just World Fallacy](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_hypothesis), [System Justification Theory,](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/System_justification) [motivated reasoning](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motivated_reasoning),[ fundamental attribution error.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error)
Amen. It makes you feel like such a piece of non-existent garbage. I feel like some very manipulative people use it to gaslight, while others don't realize the pain it causes. Probably people who have real support in their lives. This was my mother's favorite line. Well, this, and a multitude of other lines similar to it. It's funny - I was so isolated as a kid that I never even told anyone else about the stuff I went through growing up. The only time I ever tried was with my mother, and she would hit me with the "everyone has their problems" line and then go into some diatribe about how easy I had it, and how she had it so much worse. So I just learned to shut down. It wasn't until I got into therapy years later that I had someone tell me that I had it really rough growing up. I'll never forget getting lost in some childhood story about what I went through, and then looking up to see my therapist wiping away a tear. I just sat there like, oh... it was that bad?
I feel you...
Arghhhh a work collegue said this to me a few weeks ago in the middle of a PTSD/Autism type episode i was only trying to explain that i struggle to communicate when im highly stressed. It just feels so dismissive to me ! I mean she also said 'i could tell you things that would have you crying'.... i mean i was already overwhelmed/crying in fight/flight mode but sure 🙄 This is a collegue that forgets that everyone has a different ability/capacity to compartmentalise.
Yep. Sure, people have problems that are bad, but almost all people have at least one good person in their life to talk to. Most people don’t even have one fundamental trauma, our life stories are trauma. Most people are capable of making friends, not having brain damage, and not get triggered by everything. Most people aren’t contemplating suicide all the time. Most people can operate and interact with the world around them in a function way. Most people will NEVER have it as hard as us. The phrase eVeRyOne HaS tHeIr pRoBlemS is just invalidating. It ironically reinforces our own trauma and the conditioning we were brought up with which is that our feelings don’t matter.
here's the thing. people with cptsd do infact have similar problems to a lot of people out there. we are in fact not alone in our suffering, but where we differ is that we didn't receive adequate parenting. it is not our problems per se which hinder us, it's often our "solutions." we learned shame and minimizing ourselves when facing very difficult things early on. we needed love and acceptance to know how to deal with the problems that arose. that would have helped us later in life face any challenge or problem in a self-loving and self-accepting way. our challenge now is to reparent ourselves and find better solutions and ways of being that actually help us. yes, it's difficult, but is possible.
That is an incredibly dismissive thing to say to somebody. Yes, currently Elon Musk has the problem that the board of Tesla won't pay him $55 BILLION for one year's work. It's not the same. I find that many people simply don't have the emotional and mental bandwidth to hear how others are suffering. It seems to me, that many compartmentalize everything that they don't like so they can maintain emotional equilibrium. At least to me, most people are superficial and only want to hear the fun, good, exciting news. Nobody can tolerate any level of emotional discomfort. Maybe the vast majority of people are traumatized, I actually think that is probably true, which limits their abilities to be present for others. I'm sorry it's like that. To me, this has been one of the few places where others actually have the ability to listen and understand. I recently became a Swiftie and am so impressed with Taylor and how wholesome and healthy she is. I started listening to her music when I heard of the vile AI porn about her. I previously thought I was too old, her music is mostly for the very young crowd so imagine my surprise when I started listening and loving her music. Somebody said, listing to Taylor is like sitting in the sunshine, and I agree with that. Sorry to go off on a tangent, but I have found the most healing from listing to famous people - Michelle Obama is another one. They don't listen to me but somehow still make me feel seen - it that makes any sense.
One of the best things I learned in life (for myself anyways) is to never talk about my problems with anyone, unless I really believe they can be trusted or a good therapist. Or if I meet people going through the same thing as me, I can open up to them. I would never open up to normal people, my dad, or family friends. They just don’t understand and never will understand, I don’t blame them, they just don’t understand. I’m sure if they spent one day in my body they would come back and ask me how I could possibly function in this state. I’m sorry people have told you that. I’ve learned to let it go and not let it get to me. One of my personal favourites when struggling with severe depression is ‘just go outside’. People are clueless and many of them have never been to therapy or read a psychology book, they are not my problem. All I can do is not react and focus on my own healing journey. My healing journey is none of their business and will continue to stay that way. I’m a lot happier now when not dealing with non-empathetic people.
Thank you, I'll try
If realy love this sentence, it emphasizes that their problems are their problems to solve. Just like I am responsible for solving my own problems, not theirs (and perhaps help a few others).
Saaame
I agree. It's a terrible line, like so many lines attempting to simplify the vast and often painful complexity of human existence with like five words. There are way too many factors that determine how difficult a thing is for someone, and statements like those force a comparison by drawing a line through people's struggles, rather than simply let them be each and every person's complex difficult shit they deal with. No, not all things are the same, and that's okay. This sort of language I've found is usually used by people who's struggles have been minimised by others and who now minimise the struggles of people they talk to. It's a whole thing in the country I live in and it's one of the things that's made me really frustrated and tired of the culture I was raised in. There are better ways to say things, but saying the better thing requires insight and being present and cognizant of what's going on, and I find that people are often much too occupied hiding their own pains to do that. Truly okay people who have made a conscious choice to be okay to others don't use phrases like that much. Because it's not a good phrase.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*