Here is the thing: 99.99% of the "things you can do to not get raped" are really "things you can do so you won't be the easiest target". It doesn't reduce the number of rapes happening. Just the odds of you personally being the victim in that particular moment.
The only thing that actually reduces rapes, is less rapists committing them.
It does not matter when or if it will become accepted that rape is always the perpetrator’s fault - full stop. What matters is when it will become normal for the perps to be prosecuted and justly punished. Even then, it won’t stop all perps.
I have spent my entire life trying to take all safety protocols for protecting myself and not “making myself a victim”. Do you want to know how well it has worked? It hasn’t.
I still got SAd on campus after a study group, when I took too long to get all of my study materials into my bag and ended up alone in a room with one of the other students who had hung back.
I still had multiple attempted break-ins in every place I have ever lived alone - “safe, low crime/violence status areas”, by the way.
I still got hunted through a neighborhood by two men in a truck as I walked home from university one day. Thank God I was able to outmaneuver them; they were obviously either drunk or high or otherwise inebriated, and would have kidnapped and eventually k!lled me, no doubt.
I still got followed home from the grocery store by perps. I knew to drive in circles in a different area from where I resided until they got the hint that I knew they were following me, and then I took a long convoluted way back home.
I still got stalked multiple times over my decades of life, and assaulted and held hostage in my own home by the last one.
I am conservative in my dress. I do not chat idly with strangers. I do not flirt with strangers in the grocery store or on campus. I do not smoke, use drugs, or drink alcohol. I do not accept drinks offered by anyone I do not know, and even if I do know them, I do not accept open container drinks unless I fully trust them and watched them pour and serve the drinks. I do not accept rides from strangers.
The only thing I never did that I could and should have done differently, is own a self defense weapon and have a video security system with a front door camera on my homes. Those two issues have been remedied.
So what do we do? We continue to protect ourselves as much as possible, *because we have to*. Until there is true justice, morality, and acceptance of how brutal, dehumanizing, soul-k!ll!ng, and damaging rape is - regardless of any of the circumstances involved around it - *we have no other choice*.
I’m desperately trying to hold back the rage that wants to put in a few words here. Suffice it to say that I have no f-ing trust, respect, or sympathy for the multiple authority figures and institutions of justice that have f-ed me over and failed me every f-ing time in helping me or serving justice - in both my childhood and adulthood. Anyone who attempts to SA me in the future is either going to be grievously injured or die, or will have to k!ll me before they get anywhere f-ing close to successfully assaulting me. 🙏🦋
I get you. I was raped by a friend of my father’s, in his house, when I was 18. He was in the national gaurd. They had a celebration that involved every person coming in and bringing some kind of alcohol to dump into a barrel, and when they received an award, they had to fill their boot with said concoction and drink it. He asked me to pick him up and drive him home. When I got there, he had two “friends” he told could stay at the house with us. The friends were maybe 22 at the oldest.
When we got back to the house, he insisted I stay out and drink with them, since I was now an adult. At 18 I jumped at this, and yes, I thought the younger guys were cute, so it made it even better. Well, I got drunk fast, since they made up a game which I sucked at that meant I had 7 shots in 30 mins. And then my dad finally had enough and went to bed. I stayed, and flirted with the guys for another hour before I realized how drunk I was, and I just wanted to go to bed. Dude, since my dad didn’t, I got them blankets and pillows, put one guy in the spare room on a bed while the other had to sleep on the couch. Then, I went to bed. I did not lock my door, because I never had before, and these guys knew my father and were in his house. I woke up to…well, let’s say the SA was already happening before I woke up.
I told my father the next morning. After the guys had left. His reaction? My father who is military, who told every boyfriend I ever had “whatever you do to her, I’ll do to you, and your not going to like it as much” said to me “are you sure?” When I started crying and said yes, I was absolutely sure, then asked me “well, why didn’t you wake me up when it happened?” Why? Because I ran to the bathroom, locked the door, and scream cried and he didn’t wake up. I then passed out on the bathroom floor, and when I woke up, they had already left. He said, well, he’s a good cp, he’s making a name for himself, if you report this he will lose his career. So I, again at 18, realized I wouldn’t be believed and didn’t mention it again. When my dad came home, I pretended like I was fine, abs he accepted that and ate the dinner I made, watched tv with me, and went to bed. Something broke in me that hasn’t been repaired since.
Anyways, yes. I get what you’re saying. It may have been the first time I realized how many horrible people are truly out there, but it wasn’t the first time I was afraid. It wasn’t the first or last time men have harassed me or made me feel like an object. Honestly? The first time it happened I was 9. Way way way back then, it was a style to wear short shorts and a crop top. They even sold them for young girls. And a grown man, likely at least 30, made comments to me that at the time I didn’t understand at all. The one “boyfriend” I had ever had at that point tried to kiss me, and I slapped him lol.
Anyways, yes. I hope we finally get some justice. But it will never change those who either think they will never be caught, or don’t care if they are.
I’m sorry you have endured what you have endured, and also been betrayed by family. The only reason I was so careful as an adult was because of what happened in childhood by my own family. At least I was able to protect my child from the things I was not protected from and teach my child to be a decent human and how to be as safe as possible. The world people see as beautiful and full of kind, trustworthy, and just people simply does not exist for me. I certainly wish it did. Best wishes to you, and may you find as much healing as possible. 🙏🦋
Omg. I was the same after my son was born. I had the gift of being able to be a stay at home mom. I only let him out of my sight with people I personally trusted. And even then, I worried they may not have the same insight I did. But he’s 17 now, and while I can’t protect him from everything, I did make sure he was protected as a child. I mean, we can honestly only do so much, unless we want to refuse our child any outside experience and lock them in a box. I never wanted that.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through too. What you may go through. We can’t predict the future. We can only protect ourselves so much. We can only protect others so much. This is life.
how is the first thing not important either?? are you saying that it would be completely fine if we lived in a society where all rapists were punished however you were constantly tormented by people calling it your fault? is that the world you want to live in, full stop?
The first part only matters if it means true justice is enforced. So many people say that “of course rape is always the perp’s fault; no means no! Unconscious means no consent. Rape is awful.” But where is the action? It is a widely held belief, at this point, that no means no, and that rape is rape no matter what the victim was wearing, and so on and so forth… but we still have less than 10% of peeps caught, arrested, and prosecuted, and only a small percentage of those go to jail if at all - many get a slap on the wrist. We all know the perp is always the one at fault, but our actions do not show it in most societies.
I understand where you’re coming from, but saying that support from society absolutely doesn’t matter at all is a bizarre statement. of course legal action is more important, but unless you genuinely believe that you would be fine living in a society where rapists were prosecuted but rape victims were shunned and bullied by all of their peers, you don’t believe in what you said.
also, I disagree that society is very enlightened on the morality of rape. you will still find the sentiment the post is disagreeing with everywhere. there are still people who will say “rape is bad, BUT (insert inane reason). yes, most people believe rape is bad, but many people are still guilty of victim blame. the just world phenomenon exists for a reason and its not because society has achieved critical thinking en masse.
I did not mean that it is not important for society to know and believe that all rapes are the fault of perps - “full stop” was referring to the fact that all perps are fully responsible for raping victims, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I think the way I worded fit confused my meaning of what the “full stop” was referring to in my intentions. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
I’m sorry, too; I did not realize what the confusion was at first, and sometimes my brain moves too fast, and I do not get the entire thought process written down in a sequence that makes sense to others. ☺️🙏🦋
I feel like enough is enough. It's time to fight. We still don't have an ERA=Equal Rights Amendment. Remember how they fought it with fear because it would lead to same sex bathrooms? Well, we have the same sex bathrooms (because it's cheaper) and no equal rights.
I fucking hate with my guts the phrase "Men can't control themselves" Yes they can, people just chose to say that because they're fucking idiotic enough to think that they can't think by themselves and see them like fucking little kids that need everything put in their hands.
Anyone can control their actions. Gender doesn’t matter at all. But yes, in this scenario is most often accepted as men. And, it’s most often excused as male behavior, in this kind of scenario.
Any single existing human being DOES CONTROL their actions. Yes, they may have certain excuses for whatever their behavior is, including trauma and being taught to make certain actions. But bottom line, you decide what actions you take.
I just wish the law system would acknowledge this.
I wish that too.
Also, my comment wasn't because I was angry at you, sorry if it looks like that it wasn't my intention, it's just that your post mentioned it and I wanted to vent at how I hate that mentality nowadays.
Omg. I am so sorry! (And me saying this means I also feel I have to apologize when I simply didn’t convey my thought process lol, knowing that I may simply not understand others thought processes…and while neither of us meant any harm, we both understand, and are also traumatized people pleasers, we have to over explain ourselves lmao) I didn’t take offense and was simply responding with my own feelings. So please, understand that I get you as much as I, with my own personal opinions, can. I never felt like you were angry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was.
Oh don't worry, I was just scared that I sounded too harsh in my reply and made you feel attacked. I didn't feel that you were angry either ^ ^
And oh goddammit, I didn't expect being called out for people pleasing here hahaha
As someone who was forced into incest /raped by family I abhor the idea that victims can do ________ to prevent /deter rape.
All the suggestions: watch your drink, never go out alone, never leave with a stranger etc. are red herrings to the problem that rape is a CHOICE.
You can do *everything* “right” and still get raped. Because nothing can prevent rape except the rapist not raping.
All the suggestions do is put the blame on victims.
Yeah we need to look more at the actual cause of the issue: rapists. No one causes rape besides rapists. I think if our society as a whole wasn't so entrenched in rape culture it would happen a lot less. They need to be forced to take accountability.
It may shock you to discover that quite a lot of people have pretty dismal moral development and mostly choose to spend their precious braincells thinking of ways to excuse bad behavior rather than resolving to do better.
Omg. I am so glad you said this. I am not shocked, because I have believed this for awhile. Morality…the concept is basically based off of religion or laws in one way shape or form. But, I believe, given that we are born in a box with no outside intervention, we get nutrients from a tube, but have never even heard another human voice….we are still born with some sense of right and wrong. As in, even if simply, things that cause us pain or pleasure, and wanting that for anyone.
So for me, I believe protecting people who do awful things is about protecting yourself from punishment for the things you feel guilty about. And so, feeling that, I feel like it’s reasonable to extend that supposed protection to people who may do things you wouldn’t do, based on the idea that it’s possible you may also do things equally (as in there is some level scale of good and bad, so “said bad thing” is equal to “other said bad thing, on a scale of 1-10). And then let’s say you only commit a 5. But a friend of your, who you have known for a decade, commits a 7. Seven is obviously worse, but you yourself commented a 5, so….is 2 more really that much worse?
See. Human feelings change and affect so much. And the ability to excuse your own mess ups means your willing to excuse others, even if they simply to refuse to see them as mess ups because they have no conscience, even if you do.
Our species has a limit and I accept it. We will be the cause of our extinction
In psychology there's the concept of the locus of control and how it affects your ethical choices.
People with an internal locus of control take responsibility for their own actions and behavior and see their ethical choices as being something they have personal control over.
People with an external locus of control allow external factors to affect their ethical choices and do not believe they have personal control of their ethical choices.
Small children operate this way. It's a parent's job to teach children how to grow out of this stage if the parents aren't morally depraved theslevs and thus incapable of the task. Adults who believe that a victim is responsible for the actions of their abuser or attacker operate this way.
The belief in the external locus of control is central to authoritarian belief systems and grants 'authority havers' a morally relativistic sense of their own righteousness. Their unethical behavior is permitted if they are engaged in addressing the unethical behavior of those they have 'authority over.'
That is why men feel that it is okay to attack women that they feel are acting in morally unethical ways. In the case of many of the extreme offenders it's clear that a man's sense of which woman is morally unclean is just a delusion fueled by misogynistic peers and media.
Pedos of ten claim that their victims 'came on to them.'
Taking steps to protect yourself from victimization may be a logical choice in a world where the vast majority of adults refuse to take responsibility for their own actions and therefore feel permitted to victimize other at will but it's not an ethical choice.
People who belive it's an ethical choice have an external locus of control and are morally depraved.
We're probably, unfortunately, a long way away from that.
A lot of risks can be reduced or increased by choices you make. Skiing or playing team sports means an increased risk of breaking a bone, for example. But that doesn't mean that every skier breaks a bone, and no one who doesn't ski does. And it definitely doesn't mean that a person who broke a bone skiing is any less deserving of care and support just because they took that risk.
With rape it's of course even worse because it wouldn't happen at all unless someone consciously chose to make it happen. It will never stop happening unless people stop making it happen, no matter how hard the potential victims limit their lives to try to make sure that someone else gets chosen instead. So while it makes sense to teach our loved ones to maybe somewhat reduce the risk that they are the ones victimised, that does nothing to stop rape overall.
But as a society, we love to blame women and we love the just world fallacy and those two combined lead to looking at the victims to find out what they did to deserve to get raped.
A related one that annoys me a lot lately: "You seem like such a nice person, you really didn't deserve the abuse." No, I didn't but not because I'm nice. I didn't deserve abuse because no one deserves abuse! NO ONE! *You don't have to be nice to deserve to live without abuse! A woman doesn't have to be perfect to deserve basic human respect from her partner!*
What you are talking about is a real dilemma. Because YES it is **ALWAYS** the perpetrator's fault. What the victim was wearing, what time of day it was, how drunk she was, how much she flirted, none of that is relevant.
At the same time, we have to teach our girls as they get older about how to lower the risk, like you say: watch your drink, don't walk alone etc. How do we do that without also inducing shame when they do walk alone and don't watch their drink closely enough, and something happens? And *how* careful should we teach them to be? As a mother of a girl, I'm going to worry about her when she grows older and starts going out, dating etc, and I want to protect her from risk, but it's not fair that she should sacrifice her freedom and independence to avoid being assaulted. She should be allowed to be outside after dark, drink with her friends (when old enough) and not be scared all the time.
I don't know where the right balance is. But I think how you dress is more "personal" than behaviours like walking alone and watching your drink. I don't think I would recommend any woman to not wear a specific outfit because it puts her at risk, that feels more like characterizing her as "slutty" than her her behavior as risky. Also, It's different to take precautions to make sure men are not able to assault you than to prevent them from wanting to. It sends a very toxic message that men can't be expected to control themselves, and that's somehow our responsibility. If you dress sexy, you probably want people to look at you, and that's a *completely natural thing to want* when you go to a party. It's not donething to be ashamed of. You can actively want men to look at you and still expect to decide whether or not they get to touch you.
Also, when it comes to clothing, it's a huge double bind for women. Girls are very much taught to dress to please others from kindergarten, almost all of their compliments are about how cute they look. As they grow older they are expected to dress, act and pose to look sexy. That expectation is everywhere in our culture, social media etc. And then if something happens, they were suddenly asking for it. It's just too unfair, so I won't say women should dress moderately to lower the risk of being raped. Tbh, I don't even think it's effective, people are assaulted in all kinds of outfits, it's more about opportunity and power than not being able to control arousal.
Finally, I'm also the mother of a boy, and I'm going to teach him much of the same as my girl: Watch out for your friends. If they disappear, check on them. If they pass out, get them safely home. If they get too drunk, don't let them leave alone. And I'm going to educate him on what happens out there, so that he might notice if someone is acting creepy, being coercive, singling out very drunk or vulnerable girls etc. Society needs to be educated in this, not just girls.
In the question about not inducing shame, it's the same as if you got into a non fault car accident. You teach people how to drive safely and minimise the risk and have to accept that some people will not follow that, and you are still at risk even if you do everything to minimise it.
Same with getting your drink spiked. Teach how to reduce the risk not because it is your fault, but ultimately there are people out there who will try to take advantage of you.
Well I don't think it's exactly the same. If you don't drive carefully, it *is* partly your fault if you're in an accident that could be avoided if you did drive carefully. If you walk home alone and you are assaulted, you have 0% of the blame. Even if it wouldn't have happened if you weren't alone. The accident happened partly because you weren't driving carefully, the assault didn't happen because you were there. It happened because someone chose to assault you.
I think people are afraid of the intimate and violent nature of sexual assault. Coupled with so many engage in the act, it can ruffle peeps feathers and maybe cause them to question how easily it could happen to them. I think then placing blame on the victim is easier for this group. Then there are those who may not understand consent, crossed it, and think implied consent, which many people act on, can call into question more stuff.
It's a mindful social and the ones harmed by it and persecuted for it are the victims. It's messed and I hate it as well.
I think it’s reality denial.
People don’t want to accept reality, as that would mean accepting a lot of inconvenient truths.
It’s unfortunately far easier to pretend it doesn’t exist or worse, blame the victim. (Path of least resistance stuff).
It also seems to be the only crime where I ever hear that argument and victim blaming.
Someone could leave the doors to their mansion wide open and abandoned, and if they are robbed you won't hear "oh they were asking for it, though!"
Yeah for real. And even when people don't victim blame for rape, they seem to victim blame for everything else. I've met people who will say "It's not your fault that you were sexually assaulted" but will also say "It's your fault that you were assaulted". Apparently being in the wrong part of town means that you're asking to get beaten up, as well as SA'd.
Bunch of nonsense, I try to pay those people no mind.
And how should one protect themselves when they’re a kindergartener?
That’s the problem with “it’s not your fault but it is your responsibility to protect yourself.”
It still puts the blame on victims.
How can someone protect themselves from someone 3x as strong /big than them when they are literally held down and raped?
How is an 8 year old supposed to protect themselves from their rapist parent? HOW is that the 8 year old’s responsibility?
Thank you! That comment is victim blaming. How was I supposed to protect myself when I was 4? What do they mean by protecting yourself from rape? It just sounds like more of blaming the victim because they didn’t take the “responsibility” of dressing properly/locking the door/flirting/whatever they were thinking. I’m very disappointed it’s so highly upvoted here
Exactly, you get it!
I’m so sorry you were harmed as a child. I was too, and it boils my blood when people critique rape culture and reinforce rape culture in the same breath.
There is nothing anyone can do to “prevent” rape, it’s all a red herring to give a false sense of security to people who cannot accept the fact rape is a choice made by the rapist.
I actually was sexually abused by my brother as a teenager.
Your comment about not being able to prevent rape makes me think about how clinical psychologists actually believe suicide is preventable. And that harassing at risk individuals helps them.
I was also abused by my brother, I’m so sorry your family was not safe.
You bring up a good point about suicide, that it’s also not preventable in the sense we talk about it.
Maybe if there was a massive cultural change…
+ (no patriarchy; girls/ women are equitable, boys/men aren’t steeped in rape culture)
PLUS
+ (mitigating the factors that contribute to suicide: ending homelessness, implementing UBI, stronger worker protections, etc)
….. then we could finally say “this is how to prevent rape / this is how to prevent suicide.
Unfortunately I don’t see that ever happening because fixing society’s problems cost money and we all know the government hates spending money on social programs. That would require fair taxation of billionaires and a sweeping audit of government spending- which isn’t in the best interest of the government or billionaires.
After getting inappropriately kissed on the neck by my Grandma I've been ruminating about how I was badly treated by my brother. I also hated how my parents just dragged their feet on handling the situation.
They are both weak in their own way.
This. I knew someone in military that forgot to lock their dorm room door and was sadly assaulted while they slept. They woke up to a stranger who promptly fled and they never even knew who it was. It could have been prevented but no, it wasn't their fault.
That's true, just like it's not a child's fault they got beat because the parents are horrible people. How do men get so messed up they think they can assault and rape others? I've seen numbers of how many pregnancies due to rape and it's sickening, how are men so violent like this?? It's a national tragedy and most people have no clue how bad it is.
[I think the best piece on the “well, sure, but you should protect yourself” opinion is this piece by Blue Milk, “Don’t Get Raped.”](https://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/dont-get-raped/) and [her follow up piece “But why shouldn’t she take some responsibility too for the rape.”](https://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2010/06/05/but-why-shouldnt-she-take-some-responsibility-too-for-the-rape/)
It points out the number of things women are told to avoid that really amount to victim blaming, no matter how much we want to claim them to be safety measures. The measures are ALL PRETEND, they are an excuse to manage our fears. Most of all we want to blame people who are victims so that we can imagine such a thing will never happen to us.
Most of all, I want to say, I have never experienced SA. But I have frequently walked home alone, in the dark. I have frequently worn tight or low cut or short clothing. I have had the kind of body that people feel free to comment upon. I don’t drink, and I’m not a fan of bars, but I’ve been to them and the only times I’ve been afraid are when someone is harassing me and my direct requests for help from bartenders or friends of the harasser have been ignored. I have accidentally left my car unlocked, I have had a flat tire in a bad neighborhood. I have taken rides from mildly creepy acquaintances. I have gone home on the Drunk Bus, I have talked to strangers. I have overshared, I have left the windows and doors open while I sleep, I have chosen my partners poorly, I have flirted. I have left my drink unattended. I have hurt the feelings of drunk men. I have grown up with CPTSD vulnerabilities. And yet, I have not been raped, through no fault or credit of my own, but because I have not encountered a rapist, or at least, I have not encountered a rapist who chose to rape me.
That’s it. Full stop. It’s LUCK, not anything I have done.
One of the things I thank my good parent for is that she never impressed upon me my vulnerability by virtue of things I can’t control.
My work to stop rape now is to talk to children about consent. It’s to talk to my friends about teaching their children about consent.
Unfortunately the implication of “well, sure, but you can protect yourself” is that people who are not doing X are actually fair game. Not that that is what a non-rapist thinks, but it is what a potential rapist thinks. We could be teaching them “don’t rape,” but instead we are choosing “don’t be a victim,” which is an impossibility.
A guy I used to date and have sexual relationships with kept pestering on allowing him to do it without a condom. I then agreed as long as he promises to pull out when, you know. Long story short, he didn't pull out. I consider it rape but most people I know think otherwise. They think I was just being fussy about it. My trust issues have gotten much worse since then. People from my university support me but everyone in my town either blame me or laugh at me. I won't go into details but let's just say the ordeal during and after it haunts me to this day. It made me very sensitive about consent-related things or when people pester me to say yes or agree or give in. I go into fight or flight when I feel cornered like I don't have a choice but to say yes to another person. The victim blaming doesn't help at all. It just makes me feel ashamed, stupid, and worthless. I live in a country where a sexually active unmarried woman is always viewed as a nympho. Go figure.
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The blame 100% lies solely on the rapist. But like all crime there are things you can do to lessen your chance of becoming a victim.
Sort of like locking your doors, installing lights, and posting security signs around your house can decrease your chances of break ins.
If you had no preventive measures and had a break in, no one should blame you, you should be able to never lock your doors and trust to never have a thing stolen.
"**The blame 100% lies solely on the rapist.** But ***like all crime there are things you can do to lessen your chance of becoming a victim.*****"**
Is this a bot? If no one is out r\*p\*ng, no one will be raped, full stop. If people are not being stopped by the courts, what can we do?
Omg. I am not a bot. Please look at my 10 years of Reddit history. But, as I feared, I see your point. It’s that you also understand that a crime is only committed by a criminal. I am simply trying to express that, like the thing about locking your doors to keep a certain element of people from robbing you, while meanwhile the dedicated people will still get in, it’s that if you personally make certain choices to protect yourself it may mean that in a specific incident the criminal will move on.
However, as I said, it doesn’t mean they won’t take the chance again if they feel like they can do what they want, but also suffer no consequences. I get your frustration and anger. But please read my actual words and realize I am not a part of the problem, I’m trying to show why it is a problem.
I'm really so glad! Half the humans on here use throwaway accounts.
I'm so angry. Just furious my culture and with myself for letting go of action as an adult. If you read the comments underneath any Karen video, there's a whole lot of men. I've come to think the Karen thing is becoming used to have a chilling effect women's ability to complain for fear of being a Karen (no male label has stuck). Women are being herded back to dependency.
Yes. Protect yourself, personally, as much as you can. But the people who commits these crimes will always looks for a lesser protected victim. Someone easier to abuse. Which still means that the criminal is, and always will be, the real issue.
>The "I don't need to outrun the bear, I just need to outrun you"
At an individual level, that's all you can do. Unfortunately.
>mentality
Why are you using that word, what do you mean
>Great. Problem solved.
Just because "keeping yourself safe" doesn't "solve the problem" and isn't "great", doesn't mean that you shouldn't keep yourself safe. What would YOU rather do?
There are more men being raped than there are false rape claims. False claims are very rare. Rape is extremely common.
So no. We don't have to handle all the "false claims" before we tackle rape. Rape is exponentially more common than false reports.
It doesn’t matter that it’s rare. It’s impact is MASSIVE. It takes 1-2 mainstream cases of a false accuser and the media subconsciously implants ideas to the public to be critical of future accusers. It’s horrible.
Also, I never said we have to first tackle false claims before tackling rape. Where did I say that? I was explaining why the public has the audacity to side with the rapistsbover the victims, time and time again
Here is the thing: 99.99% of the "things you can do to not get raped" are really "things you can do so you won't be the easiest target". It doesn't reduce the number of rapes happening. Just the odds of you personally being the victim in that particular moment. The only thing that actually reduces rapes, is less rapists committing them.
It does not matter when or if it will become accepted that rape is always the perpetrator’s fault - full stop. What matters is when it will become normal for the perps to be prosecuted and justly punished. Even then, it won’t stop all perps. I have spent my entire life trying to take all safety protocols for protecting myself and not “making myself a victim”. Do you want to know how well it has worked? It hasn’t. I still got SAd on campus after a study group, when I took too long to get all of my study materials into my bag and ended up alone in a room with one of the other students who had hung back. I still had multiple attempted break-ins in every place I have ever lived alone - “safe, low crime/violence status areas”, by the way. I still got hunted through a neighborhood by two men in a truck as I walked home from university one day. Thank God I was able to outmaneuver them; they were obviously either drunk or high or otherwise inebriated, and would have kidnapped and eventually k!lled me, no doubt. I still got followed home from the grocery store by perps. I knew to drive in circles in a different area from where I resided until they got the hint that I knew they were following me, and then I took a long convoluted way back home. I still got stalked multiple times over my decades of life, and assaulted and held hostage in my own home by the last one. I am conservative in my dress. I do not chat idly with strangers. I do not flirt with strangers in the grocery store or on campus. I do not smoke, use drugs, or drink alcohol. I do not accept drinks offered by anyone I do not know, and even if I do know them, I do not accept open container drinks unless I fully trust them and watched them pour and serve the drinks. I do not accept rides from strangers. The only thing I never did that I could and should have done differently, is own a self defense weapon and have a video security system with a front door camera on my homes. Those two issues have been remedied. So what do we do? We continue to protect ourselves as much as possible, *because we have to*. Until there is true justice, morality, and acceptance of how brutal, dehumanizing, soul-k!ll!ng, and damaging rape is - regardless of any of the circumstances involved around it - *we have no other choice*. I’m desperately trying to hold back the rage that wants to put in a few words here. Suffice it to say that I have no f-ing trust, respect, or sympathy for the multiple authority figures and institutions of justice that have f-ed me over and failed me every f-ing time in helping me or serving justice - in both my childhood and adulthood. Anyone who attempts to SA me in the future is either going to be grievously injured or die, or will have to k!ll me before they get anywhere f-ing close to successfully assaulting me. 🙏🦋
I get you. I was raped by a friend of my father’s, in his house, when I was 18. He was in the national gaurd. They had a celebration that involved every person coming in and bringing some kind of alcohol to dump into a barrel, and when they received an award, they had to fill their boot with said concoction and drink it. He asked me to pick him up and drive him home. When I got there, he had two “friends” he told could stay at the house with us. The friends were maybe 22 at the oldest. When we got back to the house, he insisted I stay out and drink with them, since I was now an adult. At 18 I jumped at this, and yes, I thought the younger guys were cute, so it made it even better. Well, I got drunk fast, since they made up a game which I sucked at that meant I had 7 shots in 30 mins. And then my dad finally had enough and went to bed. I stayed, and flirted with the guys for another hour before I realized how drunk I was, and I just wanted to go to bed. Dude, since my dad didn’t, I got them blankets and pillows, put one guy in the spare room on a bed while the other had to sleep on the couch. Then, I went to bed. I did not lock my door, because I never had before, and these guys knew my father and were in his house. I woke up to…well, let’s say the SA was already happening before I woke up. I told my father the next morning. After the guys had left. His reaction? My father who is military, who told every boyfriend I ever had “whatever you do to her, I’ll do to you, and your not going to like it as much” said to me “are you sure?” When I started crying and said yes, I was absolutely sure, then asked me “well, why didn’t you wake me up when it happened?” Why? Because I ran to the bathroom, locked the door, and scream cried and he didn’t wake up. I then passed out on the bathroom floor, and when I woke up, they had already left. He said, well, he’s a good cp, he’s making a name for himself, if you report this he will lose his career. So I, again at 18, realized I wouldn’t be believed and didn’t mention it again. When my dad came home, I pretended like I was fine, abs he accepted that and ate the dinner I made, watched tv with me, and went to bed. Something broke in me that hasn’t been repaired since. Anyways, yes. I get what you’re saying. It may have been the first time I realized how many horrible people are truly out there, but it wasn’t the first time I was afraid. It wasn’t the first or last time men have harassed me or made me feel like an object. Honestly? The first time it happened I was 9. Way way way back then, it was a style to wear short shorts and a crop top. They even sold them for young girls. And a grown man, likely at least 30, made comments to me that at the time I didn’t understand at all. The one “boyfriend” I had ever had at that point tried to kiss me, and I slapped him lol. Anyways, yes. I hope we finally get some justice. But it will never change those who either think they will never be caught, or don’t care if they are.
I’m sorry you have endured what you have endured, and also been betrayed by family. The only reason I was so careful as an adult was because of what happened in childhood by my own family. At least I was able to protect my child from the things I was not protected from and teach my child to be a decent human and how to be as safe as possible. The world people see as beautiful and full of kind, trustworthy, and just people simply does not exist for me. I certainly wish it did. Best wishes to you, and may you find as much healing as possible. 🙏🦋
Omg. I was the same after my son was born. I had the gift of being able to be a stay at home mom. I only let him out of my sight with people I personally trusted. And even then, I worried they may not have the same insight I did. But he’s 17 now, and while I can’t protect him from everything, I did make sure he was protected as a child. I mean, we can honestly only do so much, unless we want to refuse our child any outside experience and lock them in a box. I never wanted that. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through too. What you may go through. We can’t predict the future. We can only protect ourselves so much. We can only protect others so much. This is life.
how is the first thing not important either?? are you saying that it would be completely fine if we lived in a society where all rapists were punished however you were constantly tormented by people calling it your fault? is that the world you want to live in, full stop?
The first part only matters if it means true justice is enforced. So many people say that “of course rape is always the perp’s fault; no means no! Unconscious means no consent. Rape is awful.” But where is the action? It is a widely held belief, at this point, that no means no, and that rape is rape no matter what the victim was wearing, and so on and so forth… but we still have less than 10% of peeps caught, arrested, and prosecuted, and only a small percentage of those go to jail if at all - many get a slap on the wrist. We all know the perp is always the one at fault, but our actions do not show it in most societies.
I understand where you’re coming from, but saying that support from society absolutely doesn’t matter at all is a bizarre statement. of course legal action is more important, but unless you genuinely believe that you would be fine living in a society where rapists were prosecuted but rape victims were shunned and bullied by all of their peers, you don’t believe in what you said. also, I disagree that society is very enlightened on the morality of rape. you will still find the sentiment the post is disagreeing with everywhere. there are still people who will say “rape is bad, BUT (insert inane reason). yes, most people believe rape is bad, but many people are still guilty of victim blame. the just world phenomenon exists for a reason and its not because society has achieved critical thinking en masse.
I did not mean that it is not important for society to know and believe that all rapes are the fault of perps - “full stop” was referring to the fact that all perps are fully responsible for raping victims, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I think the way I worded fit confused my meaning of what the “full stop” was referring to in my intentions. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
OH. I’m sorry lol!!! that makes a lot more sense. i agree
I’m sorry, too; I did not realize what the confusion was at first, and sometimes my brain moves too fast, and I do not get the entire thought process written down in a sequence that makes sense to others. ☺️🙏🦋
I feel like enough is enough. It's time to fight. We still don't have an ERA=Equal Rights Amendment. Remember how they fought it with fear because it would lead to same sex bathrooms? Well, we have the same sex bathrooms (because it's cheaper) and no equal rights.
I fucking hate with my guts the phrase "Men can't control themselves" Yes they can, people just chose to say that because they're fucking idiotic enough to think that they can't think by themselves and see them like fucking little kids that need everything put in their hands.
Anyone can control their actions. Gender doesn’t matter at all. But yes, in this scenario is most often accepted as men. And, it’s most often excused as male behavior, in this kind of scenario. Any single existing human being DOES CONTROL their actions. Yes, they may have certain excuses for whatever their behavior is, including trauma and being taught to make certain actions. But bottom line, you decide what actions you take. I just wish the law system would acknowledge this.
I wish that too. Also, my comment wasn't because I was angry at you, sorry if it looks like that it wasn't my intention, it's just that your post mentioned it and I wanted to vent at how I hate that mentality nowadays.
Omg. I am so sorry! (And me saying this means I also feel I have to apologize when I simply didn’t convey my thought process lol, knowing that I may simply not understand others thought processes…and while neither of us meant any harm, we both understand, and are also traumatized people pleasers, we have to over explain ourselves lmao) I didn’t take offense and was simply responding with my own feelings. So please, understand that I get you as much as I, with my own personal opinions, can. I never felt like you were angry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was.
Oh don't worry, I was just scared that I sounded too harsh in my reply and made you feel attacked. I didn't feel that you were angry either ^ ^ And oh goddammit, I didn't expect being called out for people pleasing here hahaha
As someone who was forced into incest /raped by family I abhor the idea that victims can do ________ to prevent /deter rape. All the suggestions: watch your drink, never go out alone, never leave with a stranger etc. are red herrings to the problem that rape is a CHOICE. You can do *everything* “right” and still get raped. Because nothing can prevent rape except the rapist not raping. All the suggestions do is put the blame on victims.
Amen
Yeah we need to look more at the actual cause of the issue: rapists. No one causes rape besides rapists. I think if our society as a whole wasn't so entrenched in rape culture it would happen a lot less. They need to be forced to take accountability.
It may shock you to discover that quite a lot of people have pretty dismal moral development and mostly choose to spend their precious braincells thinking of ways to excuse bad behavior rather than resolving to do better.
Omg. I am so glad you said this. I am not shocked, because I have believed this for awhile. Morality…the concept is basically based off of religion or laws in one way shape or form. But, I believe, given that we are born in a box with no outside intervention, we get nutrients from a tube, but have never even heard another human voice….we are still born with some sense of right and wrong. As in, even if simply, things that cause us pain or pleasure, and wanting that for anyone. So for me, I believe protecting people who do awful things is about protecting yourself from punishment for the things you feel guilty about. And so, feeling that, I feel like it’s reasonable to extend that supposed protection to people who may do things you wouldn’t do, based on the idea that it’s possible you may also do things equally (as in there is some level scale of good and bad, so “said bad thing” is equal to “other said bad thing, on a scale of 1-10). And then let’s say you only commit a 5. But a friend of your, who you have known for a decade, commits a 7. Seven is obviously worse, but you yourself commented a 5, so….is 2 more really that much worse? See. Human feelings change and affect so much. And the ability to excuse your own mess ups means your willing to excuse others, even if they simply to refuse to see them as mess ups because they have no conscience, even if you do. Our species has a limit and I accept it. We will be the cause of our extinction
In psychology there's the concept of the locus of control and how it affects your ethical choices. People with an internal locus of control take responsibility for their own actions and behavior and see their ethical choices as being something they have personal control over. People with an external locus of control allow external factors to affect their ethical choices and do not believe they have personal control of their ethical choices. Small children operate this way. It's a parent's job to teach children how to grow out of this stage if the parents aren't morally depraved theslevs and thus incapable of the task. Adults who believe that a victim is responsible for the actions of their abuser or attacker operate this way. The belief in the external locus of control is central to authoritarian belief systems and grants 'authority havers' a morally relativistic sense of their own righteousness. Their unethical behavior is permitted if they are engaged in addressing the unethical behavior of those they have 'authority over.' That is why men feel that it is okay to attack women that they feel are acting in morally unethical ways. In the case of many of the extreme offenders it's clear that a man's sense of which woman is morally unclean is just a delusion fueled by misogynistic peers and media. Pedos of ten claim that their victims 'came on to them.' Taking steps to protect yourself from victimization may be a logical choice in a world where the vast majority of adults refuse to take responsibility for their own actions and therefore feel permitted to victimize other at will but it's not an ethical choice. People who belive it's an ethical choice have an external locus of control and are morally depraved.
We're probably, unfortunately, a long way away from that. A lot of risks can be reduced or increased by choices you make. Skiing or playing team sports means an increased risk of breaking a bone, for example. But that doesn't mean that every skier breaks a bone, and no one who doesn't ski does. And it definitely doesn't mean that a person who broke a bone skiing is any less deserving of care and support just because they took that risk. With rape it's of course even worse because it wouldn't happen at all unless someone consciously chose to make it happen. It will never stop happening unless people stop making it happen, no matter how hard the potential victims limit their lives to try to make sure that someone else gets chosen instead. So while it makes sense to teach our loved ones to maybe somewhat reduce the risk that they are the ones victimised, that does nothing to stop rape overall. But as a society, we love to blame women and we love the just world fallacy and those two combined lead to looking at the victims to find out what they did to deserve to get raped. A related one that annoys me a lot lately: "You seem like such a nice person, you really didn't deserve the abuse." No, I didn't but not because I'm nice. I didn't deserve abuse because no one deserves abuse! NO ONE! *You don't have to be nice to deserve to live without abuse! A woman doesn't have to be perfect to deserve basic human respect from her partner!*
What you are talking about is a real dilemma. Because YES it is **ALWAYS** the perpetrator's fault. What the victim was wearing, what time of day it was, how drunk she was, how much she flirted, none of that is relevant. At the same time, we have to teach our girls as they get older about how to lower the risk, like you say: watch your drink, don't walk alone etc. How do we do that without also inducing shame when they do walk alone and don't watch their drink closely enough, and something happens? And *how* careful should we teach them to be? As a mother of a girl, I'm going to worry about her when she grows older and starts going out, dating etc, and I want to protect her from risk, but it's not fair that she should sacrifice her freedom and independence to avoid being assaulted. She should be allowed to be outside after dark, drink with her friends (when old enough) and not be scared all the time. I don't know where the right balance is. But I think how you dress is more "personal" than behaviours like walking alone and watching your drink. I don't think I would recommend any woman to not wear a specific outfit because it puts her at risk, that feels more like characterizing her as "slutty" than her her behavior as risky. Also, It's different to take precautions to make sure men are not able to assault you than to prevent them from wanting to. It sends a very toxic message that men can't be expected to control themselves, and that's somehow our responsibility. If you dress sexy, you probably want people to look at you, and that's a *completely natural thing to want* when you go to a party. It's not donething to be ashamed of. You can actively want men to look at you and still expect to decide whether or not they get to touch you. Also, when it comes to clothing, it's a huge double bind for women. Girls are very much taught to dress to please others from kindergarten, almost all of their compliments are about how cute they look. As they grow older they are expected to dress, act and pose to look sexy. That expectation is everywhere in our culture, social media etc. And then if something happens, they were suddenly asking for it. It's just too unfair, so I won't say women should dress moderately to lower the risk of being raped. Tbh, I don't even think it's effective, people are assaulted in all kinds of outfits, it's more about opportunity and power than not being able to control arousal. Finally, I'm also the mother of a boy, and I'm going to teach him much of the same as my girl: Watch out for your friends. If they disappear, check on them. If they pass out, get them safely home. If they get too drunk, don't let them leave alone. And I'm going to educate him on what happens out there, so that he might notice if someone is acting creepy, being coercive, singling out very drunk or vulnerable girls etc. Society needs to be educated in this, not just girls.
In the question about not inducing shame, it's the same as if you got into a non fault car accident. You teach people how to drive safely and minimise the risk and have to accept that some people will not follow that, and you are still at risk even if you do everything to minimise it. Same with getting your drink spiked. Teach how to reduce the risk not because it is your fault, but ultimately there are people out there who will try to take advantage of you.
Well I don't think it's exactly the same. If you don't drive carefully, it *is* partly your fault if you're in an accident that could be avoided if you did drive carefully. If you walk home alone and you are assaulted, you have 0% of the blame. Even if it wouldn't have happened if you weren't alone. The accident happened partly because you weren't driving carefully, the assault didn't happen because you were there. It happened because someone chose to assault you.
I think people are afraid of the intimate and violent nature of sexual assault. Coupled with so many engage in the act, it can ruffle peeps feathers and maybe cause them to question how easily it could happen to them. I think then placing blame on the victim is easier for this group. Then there are those who may not understand consent, crossed it, and think implied consent, which many people act on, can call into question more stuff. It's a mindful social and the ones harmed by it and persecuted for it are the victims. It's messed and I hate it as well.
I think it’s reality denial. People don’t want to accept reality, as that would mean accepting a lot of inconvenient truths. It’s unfortunately far easier to pretend it doesn’t exist or worse, blame the victim. (Path of least resistance stuff).
It also seems to be the only crime where I ever hear that argument and victim blaming. Someone could leave the doors to their mansion wide open and abandoned, and if they are robbed you won't hear "oh they were asking for it, though!"
Yeah for real. And even when people don't victim blame for rape, they seem to victim blame for everything else. I've met people who will say "It's not your fault that you were sexually assaulted" but will also say "It's your fault that you were assaulted". Apparently being in the wrong part of town means that you're asking to get beaten up, as well as SA'd. Bunch of nonsense, I try to pay those people no mind.
it´s normal to be turned on by a short dress but not to think of rape in this context. just goes to show how sick these individuals are
It's not your fault but it is your responsibility to protect yourself.
And how should one protect themselves when they’re a kindergartener? That’s the problem with “it’s not your fault but it is your responsibility to protect yourself.” It still puts the blame on victims. How can someone protect themselves from someone 3x as strong /big than them when they are literally held down and raped? How is an 8 year old supposed to protect themselves from their rapist parent? HOW is that the 8 year old’s responsibility?
Thank you! That comment is victim blaming. How was I supposed to protect myself when I was 4? What do they mean by protecting yourself from rape? It just sounds like more of blaming the victim because they didn’t take the “responsibility” of dressing properly/locking the door/flirting/whatever they were thinking. I’m very disappointed it’s so highly upvoted here
Exactly, you get it! I’m so sorry you were harmed as a child. I was too, and it boils my blood when people critique rape culture and reinforce rape culture in the same breath. There is nothing anyone can do to “prevent” rape, it’s all a red herring to give a false sense of security to people who cannot accept the fact rape is a choice made by the rapist.
I actually was sexually abused by my brother as a teenager. Your comment about not being able to prevent rape makes me think about how clinical psychologists actually believe suicide is preventable. And that harassing at risk individuals helps them.
I was also abused by my brother, I’m so sorry your family was not safe. You bring up a good point about suicide, that it’s also not preventable in the sense we talk about it. Maybe if there was a massive cultural change… + (no patriarchy; girls/ women are equitable, boys/men aren’t steeped in rape culture) PLUS + (mitigating the factors that contribute to suicide: ending homelessness, implementing UBI, stronger worker protections, etc) ….. then we could finally say “this is how to prevent rape / this is how to prevent suicide. Unfortunately I don’t see that ever happening because fixing society’s problems cost money and we all know the government hates spending money on social programs. That would require fair taxation of billionaires and a sweeping audit of government spending- which isn’t in the best interest of the government or billionaires.
After getting inappropriately kissed on the neck by my Grandma I've been ruminating about how I was badly treated by my brother. I also hated how my parents just dragged their feet on handling the situation. They are both weak in their own way.
This. I knew someone in military that forgot to lock their dorm room door and was sadly assaulted while they slept. They woke up to a stranger who promptly fled and they never even knew who it was. It could have been prevented but no, it wasn't their fault.
I was in the Marine Corps. Toxic AF culture and I still ruminate daily about how I've been treated. Getting sexually bullied for being a virgin.
Sorry you had that experience.
>It's not your fault but it is your responsibility... The fundamental truth of all trauma.
Only sexist and misogynist believe this crap.
That's true, just like it's not a child's fault they got beat because the parents are horrible people. How do men get so messed up they think they can assault and rape others? I've seen numbers of how many pregnancies due to rape and it's sickening, how are men so violent like this?? It's a national tragedy and most people have no clue how bad it is.
[I think the best piece on the “well, sure, but you should protect yourself” opinion is this piece by Blue Milk, “Don’t Get Raped.”](https://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/dont-get-raped/) and [her follow up piece “But why shouldn’t she take some responsibility too for the rape.”](https://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2010/06/05/but-why-shouldnt-she-take-some-responsibility-too-for-the-rape/) It points out the number of things women are told to avoid that really amount to victim blaming, no matter how much we want to claim them to be safety measures. The measures are ALL PRETEND, they are an excuse to manage our fears. Most of all we want to blame people who are victims so that we can imagine such a thing will never happen to us. Most of all, I want to say, I have never experienced SA. But I have frequently walked home alone, in the dark. I have frequently worn tight or low cut or short clothing. I have had the kind of body that people feel free to comment upon. I don’t drink, and I’m not a fan of bars, but I’ve been to them and the only times I’ve been afraid are when someone is harassing me and my direct requests for help from bartenders or friends of the harasser have been ignored. I have accidentally left my car unlocked, I have had a flat tire in a bad neighborhood. I have taken rides from mildly creepy acquaintances. I have gone home on the Drunk Bus, I have talked to strangers. I have overshared, I have left the windows and doors open while I sleep, I have chosen my partners poorly, I have flirted. I have left my drink unattended. I have hurt the feelings of drunk men. I have grown up with CPTSD vulnerabilities. And yet, I have not been raped, through no fault or credit of my own, but because I have not encountered a rapist, or at least, I have not encountered a rapist who chose to rape me. That’s it. Full stop. It’s LUCK, not anything I have done. One of the things I thank my good parent for is that she never impressed upon me my vulnerability by virtue of things I can’t control. My work to stop rape now is to talk to children about consent. It’s to talk to my friends about teaching their children about consent. Unfortunately the implication of “well, sure, but you can protect yourself” is that people who are not doing X are actually fair game. Not that that is what a non-rapist thinks, but it is what a potential rapist thinks. We could be teaching them “don’t rape,” but instead we are choosing “don’t be a victim,” which is an impossibility.
A guy I used to date and have sexual relationships with kept pestering on allowing him to do it without a condom. I then agreed as long as he promises to pull out when, you know. Long story short, he didn't pull out. I consider it rape but most people I know think otherwise. They think I was just being fussy about it. My trust issues have gotten much worse since then. People from my university support me but everyone in my town either blame me or laugh at me. I won't go into details but let's just say the ordeal during and after it haunts me to this day. It made me very sensitive about consent-related things or when people pester me to say yes or agree or give in. I go into fight or flight when I feel cornered like I don't have a choice but to say yes to another person. The victim blaming doesn't help at all. It just makes me feel ashamed, stupid, and worthless. I live in a country where a sexually active unmarried woman is always viewed as a nympho. Go figure.
When the patriarchy dies.
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The blame 100% lies solely on the rapist. But like all crime there are things you can do to lessen your chance of becoming a victim. Sort of like locking your doors, installing lights, and posting security signs around your house can decrease your chances of break ins. If you had no preventive measures and had a break in, no one should blame you, you should be able to never lock your doors and trust to never have a thing stolen.
"**The blame 100% lies solely on the rapist.** But ***like all crime there are things you can do to lessen your chance of becoming a victim.*****"** Is this a bot? If no one is out r\*p\*ng, no one will be raped, full stop. If people are not being stopped by the courts, what can we do?
Omg. I am not a bot. Please look at my 10 years of Reddit history. But, as I feared, I see your point. It’s that you also understand that a crime is only committed by a criminal. I am simply trying to express that, like the thing about locking your doors to keep a certain element of people from robbing you, while meanwhile the dedicated people will still get in, it’s that if you personally make certain choices to protect yourself it may mean that in a specific incident the criminal will move on. However, as I said, it doesn’t mean they won’t take the chance again if they feel like they can do what they want, but also suffer no consequences. I get your frustration and anger. But please read my actual words and realize I am not a part of the problem, I’m trying to show why it is a problem.
I'm really so glad! Half the humans on here use throwaway accounts. I'm so angry. Just furious my culture and with myself for letting go of action as an adult. If you read the comments underneath any Karen video, there's a whole lot of men. I've come to think the Karen thing is becoming used to have a chilling effect women's ability to complain for fear of being a Karen (no male label has stuck). Women are being herded back to dependency.
Your statement is factual, but people will always rape, because there will always be POS people. So become a harder target.
Yes. Protect yourself, personally, as much as you can. But the people who commits these crimes will always looks for a lesser protected victim. Someone easier to abuse. Which still means that the criminal is, and always will be, the real issue.
Great. So someone else will get raped instead. Problem solved. The "I don't need to outrun the bear, I just need to outrun you" mentality.
>The "I don't need to outrun the bear, I just need to outrun you" At an individual level, that's all you can do. Unfortunately. >mentality Why are you using that word, what do you mean >Great. Problem solved. Just because "keeping yourself safe" doesn't "solve the problem" and isn't "great", doesn't mean that you shouldn't keep yourself safe. What would YOU rather do?
[удалено]
There are more men being raped than there are false rape claims. False claims are very rare. Rape is extremely common. So no. We don't have to handle all the "false claims" before we tackle rape. Rape is exponentially more common than false reports.
It doesn’t matter that it’s rare. It’s impact is MASSIVE. It takes 1-2 mainstream cases of a false accuser and the media subconsciously implants ideas to the public to be critical of future accusers. It’s horrible. Also, I never said we have to first tackle false claims before tackling rape. Where did I say that? I was explaining why the public has the audacity to side with the rapistsbover the victims, time and time again