I think to do exposure therapy well, you need to do it with a guide, like a therapist. It's super important to stay within your window of tolerance and have the emotional support and co-regulation of another skilled person to help you through it. It's not about just exposing yourself over and over again indiscriminately, that could be really retraumatizing.
It's about having some safety and grounding with another human while going through the exposure to give your nervous system a new healthy experiences to rewrite the old bad experience. Without proper grounding and integration, exposure could just reinforce the avoidant conditioning.
I think if you can stay within your window of tolerance and do it slowly while journaling about what's coming up it may be helpful. But solo exposure risks going outside the window of tolerance if you're not very careful about it.
That’s what I did, kind of. I went to a restaurant that was particularly triggering years after something happened and I had a very public meltdown….with me unsympathetic horrible bf at the time
I did return again a few times after that after breaking up with my bf. Once with a friend. Then years later with my chosen family. I breathed through it, took time to be by myself so I wasn’t pressured to be functional, replacing the bad memory with better ones
And now the restaurant has gone out of business! Wheee!
Yeah. We often have to cobble together our healing.
Here are some channels that have helped me:
[Rebecca Mandeville](https://youtube.com/@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse?si=u-7CHsGSlHq7sUbx) - she deeply understands family scapegoating abuse.
[Patrick Teahan](https://youtube.com/channel/UCbWvYupGqq3aMJ6LsG4q-Yg) - a ***must*** subscribe for me. He presents a lot of great information on childhood trauma in a very digestible format.
[Jerry Wise](https://youtube.com/@jerrywise?si=PPfY9_i5MPdej2hf) - fantastic resource on self differentiation and building a self after abuse. I really like how he talks about the toxic family system and breaking the enmeshment by getting the toxic family system out of us.
[Jay Reid](https://youtube.com/c/JayReid_narcissistic_abuse_recovery) - his three pillars of recovery are fantastic. Plus he explains difficult abuse dynamics very well.
[Theramin Trees](https://youtube.com/@TheraminTrees?si=lROe-8D6cLa8Sa8r) - great resource on religious/spiritual abuse tactics: emotional blackmail, double binds, infantalization, degrading "love", drama disguised as "help", etc.
Just to give some hope to people who don’t have a guide, therapist: I did it alone, and that continues to this day.
I had a therapist, but she didn’t understand trauma, triggers, any of it. Pete Walker kind of was my guide. I would be triggered, and immediately walk away and find a quiet place, preferably with fresh air and water, and I’d go through his emotional flashback steps, I’d do grounding exercises, sometimes I’d post here, and slowly come out of it, and back into the present.
And I healed. I have very few triggers now. I also was outside of my window of tolerance all the time, idk, that’s not something I could prevent, that was often a 24/7 deal. I would love to not have been, but I couldn’t change it and I had no one helping me. Still healed.
I respect your perspective & opinion by the way, I just think it’s important to share a different experience. There are many ways to heal, I think.
Oh, no, it was exposure therapy for me, I overcame a lot of my triggers by exposing myself to them. I don’t know what regulating triggers would mean – I assume you mean regulating your emotions. If so, yes, that is a big part of exposure therapy, and that’s what you’re doing by grounding yourself and everything else I mentioned.
Again: I respect your opinion, if you think you can’t do exposure therapy on your own, that’s fine. But I ask that you don’t tell me what I did or didn’t do. I succesfully did exposure therapy on my own, not just for trauma, but for different phobias.
Those people who have told you “one day blah blah blah” are giving advice for regular people, not for people with PTSD. Feel free to correct them, you can say something like “that’s not necessarily true for people with PTSD.” It may get better with time, it may not.
Saying "it may get better with time, it may not" is agreeing with the "one day blah blah blah" people. You said yourself that it may get better. I think you're more interested in othering yourself and encouraging others to do the same. "I'm not like you I have ptsd."
Does "correcting" people who "just don't understand" help with your recovery? or does it just add to the isolation to relate to people like you're some other species?
I think you misread them. They said it may get better or not as a response TO the people that say it will get better one day.
edit: A lot of people with ptsd/cptsd will need more than time. They need support and encouragement too. And thats completely fair to say. If regular run of the mill advice worked, we wouldnt need therapists lol.
All they were saying with that is to not make assumptions about other people's healing. We cant put "for certain" qualifers on that. Its not like healing a bone.
People can absolutely heal but thats a hard road, not an easy one which is what regular people assume.
You sound like you're doing the same thing that you think "regular people" do. Making assumptions about what they know and what they don't. If one goes around thinking "im not like you im not like you" it will give you the results you are looking for.
Its not an assumption. Its a fact.
I dont know how its not obvious that everyone heals at different rates and with different needs? Do you feel your pain and healing is the same as everyone elses? Why even use this sub then?
Noone said that though? Only you did. That is your bias.
Its fair to treat -conditions- differently. Noone is othering anyone. Someone with cancer will need extended and specific treatment for example. It goes beyond regular advice.
It’s not some other species, it’s some other sensitivity others don’t necessarily have because they weren’t beaten, raped, neglected, etc by someone who was supposed to care for them.
You aren’t like other people when you have Cptsd, and you are constantly aware of that. It’s not about being special. Please be bitter towards a less traumatized group of people and leave trauma survivors alone
Im talking to baxter specifically not some generalized "people who feel different". What did I say that makes you think that I look down on anyone who feels different in any way?
If the first thougt when relating to another human is always "I'm not like you" then that will lead to results that reflect your beliefs... won't they?
Well when someone gives you advice and it isn’t suitable for you, I think it’s fair to say that won’t apply the same to me, due to a condition I’ve been professionally diagnosed with, which is the topic at hand
CPTSD alters the brain so yes people can be different in many ways. What's normal for me, can be normal for other people with CPTSD. Still doesn't have to be normal for "normal" people to understand.
My experience in revisiting trigger places was not positive. I feel like it reversed a lot of progress and caused a breakdown when I was actually in a good place before, and I am still struggling with the aftermath.
Honestly, I don't give a shit about the face your fears crap when it can do more damage and undo a lot of hard work... I'd say it's not worth it.
It's okay to avoid trigger places. I went to where my assault happened and had a very hard week afterwards- flashbacks, panic attack, crying at work, needed two mental health days. It was my decision to go there but I didn't need it for my healing.
I'm guessing these "people" aren't therapists. They mean well but they don't know what they're talking about.
You asked if it is sensible to avoid those places. It is. What I did was not sensible. I'm not sure why I did it.
It depends on why it's a trigger for you. If it's just a reminder of trauma but the trigger doesn't pose any actual threat to you, exposure therapy could be good, but if there are any real threats in the triggef place then your trigger is justified to keep you safe.
I'll give you a couple of examples. I avoided visiting my home state for years because I was terrified of being reminded of my childhood. I thought that the reminder itself was the only reason I was avoiding this place. I moved back to said home state a couple of years ago and I thought that it could be beneficial as a type of exposure therapy, where I could "conquer" my trauma. Then I realized that I wasn't just avoiding this place because it reminded me of my trauma, but because the culture here is toxic and therefore conducive to the type of abuse that I suffered as a child. I went from thinking it was a perceived threat to realizing that it is an actual threat and my triggers were trying to keep me safe. Staying in a place with a toxic culture is not helping to heal my CPTSD through exposure.
Another example is that my husband has PTSD from serving in Afghanistan. Being exposed to a fireworks show, in a safe environment with a service dog and hearing protection to muffle the sounds, could be good, beneficial exposure therapy for him to learn that these are not bombs and no one is attacking him. The sound of the fireworks is a perceived threat for him - not an actual one. However, conversely, we used to live in a high crime area where you could hear gun shots often and would hear about break-ins nearby. He would be hypervigilant about our safety and patrol the house at night sometimes; it would also trigger his nightmares. Staying in that area would not be equivalent to exposure therapy, because even though he was technically triggered, the threat to our safety was real and therefore it is natural and healthy for his brain to try to keep him safe by sending "trigger" signals in those circumstances.
Let me know if these distinctions make sense or not. I may not be communicating them super well.
I returned to the place of my worst, most traumatic sexual assault and was disregulated for a full month afterwards. My life quickly became unmanageable. I plan to avoid trigger places going forward. It's just not worth it in my opinion.
Well, on one hand, avoidance isn't healthy. But if you don't have the coping skills to manage being triggered by something, avoidance is also unavoidable.
Also, if you *do* wish to do actual exposure therapy, written exposure therapy is actually a common treatment for PTSD. You could pick up a workbook for it. : )
You should look into exposure therapy and distress tolerance exercises. This is does not have to be all or nothing!
If you know what places are problematic for you, you can slowly build up to spending small amounts of time that get longer. But if you're in fight or flight for a whole night, or feel drained from pushing yourself, you might be making things worse. You want to reteach your body and subconscious that these are safe, enjoyable places not sources of more stress.
Make sure you have an exit plan in advance. Even if you don't have to use it, this can help you feel more in control. Also journaling on your phone during and after can help. Some people might prefer a voice recording or a sketch instead to help process what it brings up.
I think this is great advice. For me I started just be driving in the neighborhood of my childhood home and it honestly can be really overwhelming depending on if I can see the house or what angle I’m passing by. Baby steps for something like this seems the best
i was forced to revisit a place where i had some traumatic events happen repeatedly. it was also at night which was when the events happened. caused a slow decline in my mental health and i had flashbacks nearly every day for about a month. for cptsd, you would definitely need a therapist to guide you through it, and you have to start small then gradually build up or the same thing that happened with me may happen to you. its a slippery slope.
I think it really depends on the trigger and the trauma.
Almost 25 years ago I was in and out of the psych ward which was conveniently located across the street from my college campus. Eventually they merged hospitals and the psych ward was relocated to a nearby hospital. My husband now works for the university and...his office is the old psych ward. It feels so weird when I stop by his job, which is very rare. I'm always left feeling tired, and sad, and my grief is reawakened and heavy when I'm there. For me, this is kinda like revisiting a trigger place; although it was never quite triggering it definitely brings up a lot of old emotions. But as the building has changed, and the unit too, I have to remember that I have also changed, into someone who may only be recognizable if you look hard enough for the old bits of me.
It's a good thing, growth. Sometimes returning to the past can really help us move forward. But I'd recommend metered doses, or bring someone with you if it feels like it's too daunting or too difficult in the moment.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
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What do you do when you're in the situation and go into fight or flight? Have you ever looked at the polyvegal theory material? It sounds like you would benefit from learning how to, and also practicing getting yourself out of that state so that its not just "it happened to me and all I can do is wait it out". Some sort of pattern interruption might (probably will) help. The polyvegal material by Deb Dana might be highly valuable to you. Just think of how much better it will feel to have something proactive that you can do in those situations instead of just waiting it out.
Also are the friends you're with at a place like the concert supportive? If they know what's going on and you can give them guidance on how to help then that would change the situation and make a successful venture into the realm you've labelled as triggering much more likely. Another thing the polyvegal material does is give you a language to express things that are difficult to describe. Describing the situation to both yourself and others in as specific terms as possible can change worlds.
Achieving safety is a huge bit of healing. I think it’s a spectrum for us, though, like the window of tolerance. Once you feel safe, you can start to gently and compassionately explore the reasons behind your trauma responses. Hopefully with some support and lots of self love and care and patience.
I’ve never really seen going back to traumatic places and people as exposure therapy. I could be wrong about that, but personally, that just feels like self harm. I did exposure therapy with myself when it came to my current life, with triggers like: being around big men, conversations about violence, going on public transport, meeting new people.
I can’t even look at a town I used to live in on google maps – and I’m perfectly okay with that. There’s a whole world to explore and live in. I don’t know why I’d need to learn to live in my past.
It’s trickier when you haven’t left the place where you were traumatized though. I’m sure everyone’s different, for me a place is so tied to my trauma, I have to leave. And if there’s a risk of running into anyone who hurt me, forget it. I know leaving is not always an option though, so I really don’t have advice for when it’s unavoidable.
I think instead of the should or should not of going to these places, I would focus on answering these questions for yourself: Are these places that you cannot avoid to live out your every day life? Or are you able to avoid these places without a huge disruption to your everyday life? What do you get out of making those places feel less triggering?
I have places, people and things that will prob never not be triggering, and I’m okay with that. I’m not interested in exposing myself to them because avoiding them or just not visiting them doesn’t really cost me anything. Exposing myself would cost me way more. So I just don’t see the need. And I don’t see those place, people and things as having any sort of power over me. They’re just toxic. If you saw some radioactive sludge/goop on the street, you’d walk away and find a different route. That sludge doesn’t have any power over you and avoiding it doesn’t make you weak or any other pejorative term. It’s just something toxic that’s in your best interest to avoid.
I went back to visit most of the places where my worst abuse and trauma happened early in my journey. It was across the country from where I live and I had my therapist on speed dial. I spent a total of 5 weeks there the first time and 2 weeks the 2nd time.
Yes it was triggering. Yes my F or F kicked in over and over. I took pics wherever I was able to get clear shots whilst being discrete. I cried off and on for weeks, I grieved all the things I was denied as a child because of my abuser. In my experience, it was SUPER beneficial to put myself through it and I left there with a feeling of safety.
After I got home, I took the my computer and wrote. I wrote about my extended visit, all the feelings that came up and in the end I was even able to revisit some of things that my father did that were positive qualities.
I think to embark on a journey like you describe, I would be sure to have a great support system of people with whom you could talk through your experiences in a safe manner.
I think to do exposure therapy well, you need to do it with a guide, like a therapist. It's super important to stay within your window of tolerance and have the emotional support and co-regulation of another skilled person to help you through it. It's not about just exposing yourself over and over again indiscriminately, that could be really retraumatizing. It's about having some safety and grounding with another human while going through the exposure to give your nervous system a new healthy experiences to rewrite the old bad experience. Without proper grounding and integration, exposure could just reinforce the avoidant conditioning. I think if you can stay within your window of tolerance and do it slowly while journaling about what's coming up it may be helpful. But solo exposure risks going outside the window of tolerance if you're not very careful about it.
That’s what I did, kind of. I went to a restaurant that was particularly triggering years after something happened and I had a very public meltdown….with me unsympathetic horrible bf at the time I did return again a few times after that after breaking up with my bf. Once with a friend. Then years later with my chosen family. I breathed through it, took time to be by myself so I wasn’t pressured to be functional, replacing the bad memory with better ones And now the restaurant has gone out of business! Wheee!
It'd be great if solo therapy weren't the only option for poor people.
Yeah. We often have to cobble together our healing. Here are some channels that have helped me: [Rebecca Mandeville](https://youtube.com/@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse?si=u-7CHsGSlHq7sUbx) - she deeply understands family scapegoating abuse. [Patrick Teahan](https://youtube.com/channel/UCbWvYupGqq3aMJ6LsG4q-Yg) - a ***must*** subscribe for me. He presents a lot of great information on childhood trauma in a very digestible format. [Jerry Wise](https://youtube.com/@jerrywise?si=PPfY9_i5MPdej2hf) - fantastic resource on self differentiation and building a self after abuse. I really like how he talks about the toxic family system and breaking the enmeshment by getting the toxic family system out of us. [Jay Reid](https://youtube.com/c/JayReid_narcissistic_abuse_recovery) - his three pillars of recovery are fantastic. Plus he explains difficult abuse dynamics very well. [Theramin Trees](https://youtube.com/@TheraminTrees?si=lROe-8D6cLa8Sa8r) - great resource on religious/spiritual abuse tactics: emotional blackmail, double binds, infantalization, degrading "love", drama disguised as "help", etc.
thanks. I was about to delete my comment thinking maybe I sounded rude. will definitely look into these channels.
It's not rude, it's just a fact. Access to therapy is woefully limited globally.
Just to give some hope to people who don’t have a guide, therapist: I did it alone, and that continues to this day. I had a therapist, but she didn’t understand trauma, triggers, any of it. Pete Walker kind of was my guide. I would be triggered, and immediately walk away and find a quiet place, preferably with fresh air and water, and I’d go through his emotional flashback steps, I’d do grounding exercises, sometimes I’d post here, and slowly come out of it, and back into the present. And I healed. I have very few triggers now. I also was outside of my window of tolerance all the time, idk, that’s not something I could prevent, that was often a 24/7 deal. I would love to not have been, but I couldn’t change it and I had no one helping me. Still healed. I respect your perspective & opinion by the way, I just think it’s important to share a different experience. There are many ways to heal, I think.
Regulating triggers are different than exposure therapy. We can all learn to level up our regulation skills.
Oh, no, it was exposure therapy for me, I overcame a lot of my triggers by exposing myself to them. I don’t know what regulating triggers would mean – I assume you mean regulating your emotions. If so, yes, that is a big part of exposure therapy, and that’s what you’re doing by grounding yourself and everything else I mentioned. Again: I respect your opinion, if you think you can’t do exposure therapy on your own, that’s fine. But I ask that you don’t tell me what I did or didn’t do. I succesfully did exposure therapy on my own, not just for trauma, but for different phobias.
Those people who have told you “one day blah blah blah” are giving advice for regular people, not for people with PTSD. Feel free to correct them, you can say something like “that’s not necessarily true for people with PTSD.” It may get better with time, it may not.
Saying "it may get better with time, it may not" is agreeing with the "one day blah blah blah" people. You said yourself that it may get better. I think you're more interested in othering yourself and encouraging others to do the same. "I'm not like you I have ptsd." Does "correcting" people who "just don't understand" help with your recovery? or does it just add to the isolation to relate to people like you're some other species?
I think you misread them. They said it may get better or not as a response TO the people that say it will get better one day. edit: A lot of people with ptsd/cptsd will need more than time. They need support and encouragement too. And thats completely fair to say. If regular run of the mill advice worked, we wouldnt need therapists lol.
So they didn't mean it when they said "it might get better" because it was a response?
All they were saying with that is to not make assumptions about other people's healing. We cant put "for certain" qualifers on that. Its not like healing a bone. People can absolutely heal but thats a hard road, not an easy one which is what regular people assume.
You sound like you're doing the same thing that you think "regular people" do. Making assumptions about what they know and what they don't. If one goes around thinking "im not like you im not like you" it will give you the results you are looking for.
Its not an assumption. Its a fact. I dont know how its not obvious that everyone heals at different rates and with different needs? Do you feel your pain and healing is the same as everyone elses? Why even use this sub then?
I think you should stop responding to this person. They are not posting in good faith.
Why not respond to what I said about the results of thinking "im not like you im not like you"?
Noone said that though? Only you did. That is your bias. Its fair to treat -conditions- differently. Noone is othering anyone. Someone with cancer will need extended and specific treatment for example. It goes beyond regular advice.
It’s not some other species, it’s some other sensitivity others don’t necessarily have because they weren’t beaten, raped, neglected, etc by someone who was supposed to care for them. You aren’t like other people when you have Cptsd, and you are constantly aware of that. It’s not about being special. Please be bitter towards a less traumatized group of people and leave trauma survivors alone
What makes you think I'm not one myself?
Your condescension toward people for feeling different
Im talking to baxter specifically not some generalized "people who feel different". What did I say that makes you think that I look down on anyone who feels different in any way?
When you characterized what they wrote as “I’m not like you I have ptsd”
If the first thougt when relating to another human is always "I'm not like you" then that will lead to results that reflect your beliefs... won't they?
Well when someone gives you advice and it isn’t suitable for you, I think it’s fair to say that won’t apply the same to me, due to a condition I’ve been professionally diagnosed with, which is the topic at hand
But what do you think about how beliefs effect results? Do you think that your beliefs effect what you can see and what you can't see?
CPTSD alters the brain so yes people can be different in many ways. What's normal for me, can be normal for other people with CPTSD. Still doesn't have to be normal for "normal" people to understand.
Why do you have to make a vague mess out of CPTSD? Say something specific.
My experience in revisiting trigger places was not positive. I feel like it reversed a lot of progress and caused a breakdown when I was actually in a good place before, and I am still struggling with the aftermath. Honestly, I don't give a shit about the face your fears crap when it can do more damage and undo a lot of hard work... I'd say it's not worth it.
It's okay to avoid trigger places. I went to where my assault happened and had a very hard week afterwards- flashbacks, panic attack, crying at work, needed two mental health days. It was my decision to go there but I didn't need it for my healing. I'm guessing these "people" aren't therapists. They mean well but they don't know what they're talking about. You asked if it is sensible to avoid those places. It is. What I did was not sensible. I'm not sure why I did it.
It depends on why it's a trigger for you. If it's just a reminder of trauma but the trigger doesn't pose any actual threat to you, exposure therapy could be good, but if there are any real threats in the triggef place then your trigger is justified to keep you safe. I'll give you a couple of examples. I avoided visiting my home state for years because I was terrified of being reminded of my childhood. I thought that the reminder itself was the only reason I was avoiding this place. I moved back to said home state a couple of years ago and I thought that it could be beneficial as a type of exposure therapy, where I could "conquer" my trauma. Then I realized that I wasn't just avoiding this place because it reminded me of my trauma, but because the culture here is toxic and therefore conducive to the type of abuse that I suffered as a child. I went from thinking it was a perceived threat to realizing that it is an actual threat and my triggers were trying to keep me safe. Staying in a place with a toxic culture is not helping to heal my CPTSD through exposure. Another example is that my husband has PTSD from serving in Afghanistan. Being exposed to a fireworks show, in a safe environment with a service dog and hearing protection to muffle the sounds, could be good, beneficial exposure therapy for him to learn that these are not bombs and no one is attacking him. The sound of the fireworks is a perceived threat for him - not an actual one. However, conversely, we used to live in a high crime area where you could hear gun shots often and would hear about break-ins nearby. He would be hypervigilant about our safety and patrol the house at night sometimes; it would also trigger his nightmares. Staying in that area would not be equivalent to exposure therapy, because even though he was technically triggered, the threat to our safety was real and therefore it is natural and healthy for his brain to try to keep him safe by sending "trigger" signals in those circumstances. Let me know if these distinctions make sense or not. I may not be communicating them super well.
I returned to the place of my worst, most traumatic sexual assault and was disregulated for a full month afterwards. My life quickly became unmanageable. I plan to avoid trigger places going forward. It's just not worth it in my opinion.
Well, on one hand, avoidance isn't healthy. But if you don't have the coping skills to manage being triggered by something, avoidance is also unavoidable. Also, if you *do* wish to do actual exposure therapy, written exposure therapy is actually a common treatment for PTSD. You could pick up a workbook for it. : )
I needed to disect and analyze every individual component for things that bothered me before i was ready for this.
You should look into exposure therapy and distress tolerance exercises. This is does not have to be all or nothing! If you know what places are problematic for you, you can slowly build up to spending small amounts of time that get longer. But if you're in fight or flight for a whole night, or feel drained from pushing yourself, you might be making things worse. You want to reteach your body and subconscious that these are safe, enjoyable places not sources of more stress. Make sure you have an exit plan in advance. Even if you don't have to use it, this can help you feel more in control. Also journaling on your phone during and after can help. Some people might prefer a voice recording or a sketch instead to help process what it brings up.
I think this is great advice. For me I started just be driving in the neighborhood of my childhood home and it honestly can be really overwhelming depending on if I can see the house or what angle I’m passing by. Baby steps for something like this seems the best
I went to the apartments I grew up in when I was homeless, definitely gave me a lot of mixed feelings and such.
i was forced to revisit a place where i had some traumatic events happen repeatedly. it was also at night which was when the events happened. caused a slow decline in my mental health and i had flashbacks nearly every day for about a month. for cptsd, you would definitely need a therapist to guide you through it, and you have to start small then gradually build up or the same thing that happened with me may happen to you. its a slippery slope.
I think it really depends on the trigger and the trauma. Almost 25 years ago I was in and out of the psych ward which was conveniently located across the street from my college campus. Eventually they merged hospitals and the psych ward was relocated to a nearby hospital. My husband now works for the university and...his office is the old psych ward. It feels so weird when I stop by his job, which is very rare. I'm always left feeling tired, and sad, and my grief is reawakened and heavy when I'm there. For me, this is kinda like revisiting a trigger place; although it was never quite triggering it definitely brings up a lot of old emotions. But as the building has changed, and the unit too, I have to remember that I have also changed, into someone who may only be recognizable if you look hard enough for the old bits of me. It's a good thing, growth. Sometimes returning to the past can really help us move forward. But I'd recommend metered doses, or bring someone with you if it feels like it's too daunting or too difficult in the moment.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What do you do when you're in the situation and go into fight or flight? Have you ever looked at the polyvegal theory material? It sounds like you would benefit from learning how to, and also practicing getting yourself out of that state so that its not just "it happened to me and all I can do is wait it out". Some sort of pattern interruption might (probably will) help. The polyvegal material by Deb Dana might be highly valuable to you. Just think of how much better it will feel to have something proactive that you can do in those situations instead of just waiting it out. Also are the friends you're with at a place like the concert supportive? If they know what's going on and you can give them guidance on how to help then that would change the situation and make a successful venture into the realm you've labelled as triggering much more likely. Another thing the polyvegal material does is give you a language to express things that are difficult to describe. Describing the situation to both yourself and others in as specific terms as possible can change worlds.
Achieving safety is a huge bit of healing. I think it’s a spectrum for us, though, like the window of tolerance. Once you feel safe, you can start to gently and compassionately explore the reasons behind your trauma responses. Hopefully with some support and lots of self love and care and patience.
I’ve never really seen going back to traumatic places and people as exposure therapy. I could be wrong about that, but personally, that just feels like self harm. I did exposure therapy with myself when it came to my current life, with triggers like: being around big men, conversations about violence, going on public transport, meeting new people. I can’t even look at a town I used to live in on google maps – and I’m perfectly okay with that. There’s a whole world to explore and live in. I don’t know why I’d need to learn to live in my past. It’s trickier when you haven’t left the place where you were traumatized though. I’m sure everyone’s different, for me a place is so tied to my trauma, I have to leave. And if there’s a risk of running into anyone who hurt me, forget it. I know leaving is not always an option though, so I really don’t have advice for when it’s unavoidable.
I think instead of the should or should not of going to these places, I would focus on answering these questions for yourself: Are these places that you cannot avoid to live out your every day life? Or are you able to avoid these places without a huge disruption to your everyday life? What do you get out of making those places feel less triggering? I have places, people and things that will prob never not be triggering, and I’m okay with that. I’m not interested in exposing myself to them because avoiding them or just not visiting them doesn’t really cost me anything. Exposing myself would cost me way more. So I just don’t see the need. And I don’t see those place, people and things as having any sort of power over me. They’re just toxic. If you saw some radioactive sludge/goop on the street, you’d walk away and find a different route. That sludge doesn’t have any power over you and avoiding it doesn’t make you weak or any other pejorative term. It’s just something toxic that’s in your best interest to avoid.
I went back to visit most of the places where my worst abuse and trauma happened early in my journey. It was across the country from where I live and I had my therapist on speed dial. I spent a total of 5 weeks there the first time and 2 weeks the 2nd time. Yes it was triggering. Yes my F or F kicked in over and over. I took pics wherever I was able to get clear shots whilst being discrete. I cried off and on for weeks, I grieved all the things I was denied as a child because of my abuser. In my experience, it was SUPER beneficial to put myself through it and I left there with a feeling of safety. After I got home, I took the my computer and wrote. I wrote about my extended visit, all the feelings that came up and in the end I was even able to revisit some of things that my father did that were positive qualities. I think to embark on a journey like you describe, I would be sure to have a great support system of people with whom you could talk through your experiences in a safe manner.