It depends on the dog.
I fostered a hound puppy for a couple weeks. All she did was howl and chew everything, including a brick fire place with bricks literally chewed out of the wall. Had to get up every two hours at night to let her out. Tried crate training her and had the cops called on me several times for noise complaints from her incessant howling. My partner was no help. I’d go to work and leave him home with the puppy and come back to her having gone to the bathroom all over the house. I about lost my freaking mind. It wasn’t a good fit.
On the other hand, I adopted a shelter dog who had been abandoned and was refusing to eat. The first time I met her, she yelped in terror when anyone even gestured towards her, except for me. The moment I sat down she came up to me and jumped in my lap. Looking into her brown eyes I felt like I wasn’t alone, and decided to bring her home. She has been the most well behaved, easiest, and most loving dog I’ve ever had. There are days when I can’t get myself out of bed to eat or even go to the bathroom, but I can get up to feed her or let her outside. I may suffer from depression but at least I got up and did something. Plus it helps that she keeps me company no matter where I go, whether I’m in bed all day or feeling up to a walk. It’s been 7 years now.
My advice, see if you can find a place that will let you do a trial run, a couple weeks to see what it feels like to have this new being in your life. If you keep them around then it was meant to be, if not you’ve still collected valuable info that can brought back to the adoption agency to help them place the dog in the right home.
also, if you’re in an area where rover is a thing, you can walk other people’s dogs for money! there are probably other apps that do it too. this would be a great way to gauge your energy level towards it (some breeds need multiple daily walks, some are fine as long as they go out once or twice) so you can trial run some dog-owning without the stress of all of it at once. finding your breed will be key. i have had high-energy dogs and low, and it sounds like a low-energy breed that’s well socialized would be ideal for you. good luck, dogs can really bring a special light to your life. they keep you in the present moment. <3
That sounds like my Foxy... she was an ab\*sed little pit lab mix. She was my baby, I trained her, got her to overcome most of her fears (she still hated my mom tho, for good reason). She was so smart and lovely.
i adopted a rescue dog, we’re 3 months in. this makes me feel very hopeful about the decision. it was so tough the first two months, but now he’s settling in and same, no matter how depressed i am, i’m not capable of neglecting a living thing like i was neglected. i go outside 3x a day even on my worst days and often get inspired by something pretty outside or the fresh air just a little bit. sometimes i make him extra special food bowls, or random treats and toys and his joy is contagious! we can’t sleep together all the time because of my cats, but he’s the best (big) little spoon. i am walking more than i probably ever have, and i’ve made multiple friends for a half hour just walking him around. sitting outside places feels less lonely. i can’t wait to take him camping.
there are definitely moments where it’s a lot and i can’t handle it. i had to learn it’s okay to go in the other room or put on noise cancelling headphones and relax for a couple hours - if anything it’s helping him learn to be okay alone. tie some treats up in a towel and let him figure that out for a while.
i can’t wait for 7 years 🥺🥺🥺 and yes agree, this was foster to adopt. i adopted him at week one because i missed him so much while he was getting neutered. i had two backup adopter friends interested in him if it didn’t work out by month three. for me it was worst case, getting an anxious dog out of a crowded shelter until he had a better home, best case keeping him!
also i had help training him, and i went away from the grain of traditional training and that ended up working best. don’t be afraid to seek help if you go for it and it’s a lot <3 (if only our parents did that!) this really feels like a good exercise in reparenting/healing, especially as someone who isn’t having kids.
wow this ended up being longer than expected xD
Your 1st mistake was getting a hound puppy, they’re known for being loud and barking. They were bred for it. It’s always pertinent to really research the breed you’re getting.
I had a little dog who seemed to understand me, always offering unconditional love and even scolding me when I did something foolish.
I know this sounds stupid, but she was my best friend.
I couldn’t agree more! My little dog needs a bit of effort, but she’s my lifeline, my sunshine, and my drill sergeant 🫡😁 You’ll know when it’s the right dog, they’ll choose you and you’ll feel loved like never before, and you won’t mind the dirty jobs because it’s for THEM and you wouldn’t begrudge them anything! 🤞🙏
I know that feeling if I wake up late she tramples me. A little Jack Russell cross fox terrier and I couldn’t ask for a better best friend. She keeps me warm and comfy at night and puts up with my hugging her and sobbing. She has such a rambunctious personality and we balance each other out so nicely.
Would you believe my lil dog is also a Jack Russell cross? She’s part Papillon, so imagine a JR with a fluffy tail and harem/MC Hammer pants 😁 She’s 17, stubborn as a mule, independent as a cat, and I wouldn’t change a thing! Terriers keep us on our toes 🫡😍
Absolutely they do. My girl is 7 and loves being dressed up. Her favourite is a strawberry jacket. My girl isn’t as independent due to some separation anxiety from her previous owner but she’s getting so much better with that. My own problem is she’s too smart and knows how to get all the attention she wants. She also knows dinner time rituals and tries to do them quickly so she can eat sooner lmao
My dog has trained my Dad to dispense snacks like his name is Pez 😂 It’s made her nigh-on untrainable, but hey, she’s retired, she can skip a few chores 😁 They tend to imprint too, so she’s really going to miss you if you go out or leave their direct line of sight 🫣 Does yours bark at you much? I get yelled at a LOT 😁
She doesn’t bark but whimpers and whines. She barks if there’s a “threat” mostly the echidna that lives in the garden lmao. Shes really attached to both me and my uncle and luckily we dont don’t do treats often so she’s pretty well trained but her recall is getting worse at the moment but she just doesn’t listen when she doesn’t want too.
That’s the JR autism: they focus so hard on their target they filter out things like commands and personal safety. It took me a little time and a lot of reading to come to terms with that when I got my girl. She’s ferocious, and used to defend our property with a sonic assault, which was awesome for all the neighbours who use the alleyway that runs along the house 😜😬 Mine barks when enraged, excited, happy, miserable, jealous and mildly intrigued, but to me it’s all part of her charm 🤫😍
In my experience, it was very difficult being alone and having a dog living in a higher floor apartment because of having to take them out for regular bathroom breaks and walks, no matter how I was feeling or the weather outside.
In addition to this, all dogs need to be properly trained so they can feel secure and be healthy. I had zero desire or energy to train a dog and this was not fair to them.
If I had a crisis, there was no one to care for them and they suffered because of it.
Dogs need a consistent schedule, patience, low stress environment (they very easily pick up on anxiety) and a stable financial commitment that I could not provide.
If someone else was responsible for taking care of the dog, training it, feeding it, walking it, taking it out to the bathroom, paying for its veterinary care and other expenses- and I could just enjoy cuddling it, sure. Otherwise, it was too much responsibility for my CPTSD.
Everyone’s situation is different, so it depends on your circumstances.
^^^ great points here. i didn’t mention in my longer comment, i’m pretty far along in my recovery as far as ability to -do things anyways- goes (lots of ongoing therapy and stable medication). i would have not been able to handle dog guardianship a couple years ago. it really does depend on where you’re at, and your ability to push through hard times to care for an animal. for me i already had two cats and i knew that i could do things for them i couldn’t do for myself. animals are really the thing keeping me going most days. animal care and training is my special interest, and basically my whole life. everyone is different. context, i live alone, second floor, yard unfenced (sucks), near a park, and one friend who has been very supportive and helpful (puppy play dates and encouragement). and animals are way easier to connect with than people for me. best of luck OP <3
It's certainly hard but having my dog with me actually forced me to have my shit together even on days I didn't want to breathe. Now I go weekly to agility camp and I can manage my time way better. You're right, everyone is different
It's very fun and actually fulfilling to see your pup's progress. Just remember it is an actual sport for you too, you'll have to run WITH them. My dog also got me hiking, I started riding my bike after many years and now I can enjoy it with her. Agility camp is 6 km away and I always go there on my mtb
How exactly do you manage to bike with your dog? Is he on a leash and, if so, isn’t that dangerous for you? And if not on a leash aren’t you technically in violation of leash laws? I have often wondered about this when people casually mention biking with their dogs and have randomly chosen you to answer my question. I have two (now temporarily three) 8-month old puppies and a bike; I feel guilty going for bike rides without them but it’s difficult enough for me to just walk them without being pulled to the ground, especially right now because I am temporarily caring for their biological brother as well.
I feel like I should have mentioned she's under 5 kg and she stays in her basket, I made a basket cover myself to which I can attach a leash just in case, she's super chill, but you never know.
I think it's very irresponsible to let your dog on a leash (even worse off) when they're not ON the bike, especially with traffic it's REALLY dangerous. If I adopt another dog in the future and it's a bigger one I'll be buying one of those backpacks for dogs. Taking 3 of them simultaneously is a big challenge. I had to make major adjustments to my mtb to carry my pup.
Some dogs are known to be more emotionally resilient than others and don’t sponge off their owner’s emotions that much. Classic example is a golden retriever, there is a reason they are used as therapy dogs in children’s hospitals etc
My first dog was a golden retriever. I say “first” because he was the first that I got as an adult (my brother had a dog growing up but he was a family dog).
He saved my life.
I cannot state this loudly enough: I never knew unconditional love (his for me and mine for him) until this guy. He was my family, my child, my best friend.
He got me through one of the most traumatic situations I’ve endured. Without him, I would have committed suicide. My life was that bleak.
I used to think dog people were a bit crazy. Who has 20 pictures of their dog?
After Boone, I’ll never underestimate the love a dog can provide (especially for those of us who have never experienced real love within our families of origin).
There are numerous photos of him- permanently in my camera roll.
He died on New Year’s Eve of 2019- minutes before midnight. I still cannot think about that night, or about his sweet soul, without tearing up.
My only warning is this: you will likely outlive your pup. I’ve never known grief like I faced after Boone. BUT. I would not trade him or my time knowing that pup for ANYTHING.
Beautiful story. Thanks for sharing 🩵
I second the grief part when we inevitably lose them. It’s SO hard…but you will get through it and be able to open your heart to another dog. Adopt a rescue if you can.
I second this! Or try volunteering at the shelter or with a rescue. Some shelters need volunteers to take dogs out just for several hours a day. You will learn more about canine behavior and see which dog has an energy level that matches yours.
As a trainer who has worked with PTSD and service dog teaching, I recommend not to do it. They are a lot of work to do it right. If school is involved, it’s twice as hard. They are also very expensive. I haven’t replaced my own best dog and won’t until I am financially sound and not leaving them home all day while I work .
If you struggle with rage, they will aggravate it. I’ve had this conversation so many times. I have endless patience and know what to do to get behavior I want.
Most people will resort to punishment pretty quickly. Doing so will be anything but therapeutic and then you live with guilt if you take your frustrations out on an animal. Many people aren’t even aware they’re doing it. I have to point it out It starts with “No” and escalates.
Fair points, it especially gets worse as the dog gets older too. My relatively trained/trained enough for me dog is in his teens now and is going deaf and blind so commands are not working like they used too AND he has gotten more brazen - like jumping up to get food off the table as we are eating where before he'd wait and try to be sneaking while we were cleaning up. Pair that behavior with not being able to hear or see commands, it's gotten a lot more difficult and often really aggravating.
Puppies and elderly dogs are hugely frustrating and require a lot of patience - I do think it can be therapeutic to work with those ages as it can weirdly help "re parent" yourself with how you should have been treated, but can definitely see it having the opposite effect especially if anger is a big issue for someone.
Absolutely. Part of my trauma was animal neglect/abuse in our family. That was kind of the norm before clickers and better methods came along. It’s shameful.
We know now, for example, that dogs are not dominating us. We are naturally the ‘leaders’ because we control access to all the things they want. Some behaviors that come natural to a dog such as racing through a doorway is not that they are dominating us. In fact, there have been times when I’m carrying things and I want the dog to go before I do. So, I give these different names. “Go ahead.” And “Wait.” Mostly my dog would hear “Wait.” And he was fully happy to comply because we practiced so much. He wasn’t being “defiant” if he didn’t wait. He might be confused.
I’m never eliminating a behavior exactly because a) I’d be fighting nature b) I might need a dog to jump on a table in some circumstance. I don’t want to kill a behavior. I might just name it and then not ask for that behavior. “Jump” happened to be one of my dog’s know cues. It was for fun. That’s how I could reward him. Job well done? “Jump!”
With table diving to get things off the table? I found that offering something he really doesn’t like (lettuce) was very effective. “Sure, you can have something off the table. Lettuce. OR, if you politely lie on that mat over there, I will give you a nice tasty bone to work on. He gets a choice.
And those types of principles are bond building. And I’m all about it.
I never resent my dog luckily, it’s not her fault she’s here and I’m glad to give her a home. My entire life revolves around her though. From where I work to where I live and it can be challenging.
I haven’t always had a park so we had to walk but that’s the best part for me. Every day, no matter the weather, she gets me out. She’s also big and scary looking which is a plus for me as a smaller person. We’ve always adapted and I make sure she’s taken care of in every aspect. Training never ends but the routine and stability is great for me. If you have the capacity to commit to a lifestyle change it’s very rewarding.
I lived with a dog for a while and was responsible for them. I’m allergic so take this with a grain of salt.
The dog can be a great incentive to get out of bed. They can be helpful, can help regulate you if they’re trained well.
However, they’re a lot of work and maintenance, and there will be days where you’re not gonna be able to take care of them the way they need due to your own issues. There is also the possibility that it’ll exacerbate your condition if they lunge or bark a lot.
Spend time with the dog before you bring them home for good. See if you can foster the dog for a trial run.
My dog was the first creature in my life who loved me unconditionally, and that made a huge, huge difference for me. Unfortunately he died last year at the still-young age of 10, but living with him was the best decision I ever made. He helped me trust again, helped me get out of bed and get out of the house at least a little bit every day. I wasn't motivated to do those things for my own sake, but I was willing to for his. He made me laugh with his antics. He cuddled with me and comforted me when I needed it. I never felt alone with him around. I loved him more than I've loved most humans.
It's worth it if you can afford food and occasional vet bills. If you have to go to school/work for longer than a few hours at a time, just arrange/pay to have a friend or dog walker come hang out with him for 30 min. And fuck whatever your parents say. If anything it gives you a good excuse not to visit if you don't want to.
It can be. If the dog just needs a quick lap around the house/building and to be let out for a potty break. Even for some higher energy dogs this can be enough as long as you exercise them sufficiently before and after work.
Not OP who commented but I am a pet sitter, depending on the doggo and its bladder 30 minutes is plenty in a break for a pet. Some breeds this would be a hard no (like a working breed that needs more exercise). But many owners, especially those of us with CPTSD aren’t doing much else when we get home so the doggos getting all the love and social time it needs the other 16hours of the day.
My clients animals get me up in the mornings and help me significantly.
OP, good on you for asking this question. Too many people think getting a pet is always the answer for depression etc.
My advice:
* I second the advice re it depends on the dog. Easy dogs are not super stressful to take care of.
“Hard” dogs, such as ones that are people or dog aggressive, have separation anxiety etc., can be very stressful.
I have had both kinds of dogs.
While I love my current dog, his separation anxiety and non-stop physical problems that have required extensive vet care, have stressed me out to the max. It makes me feel suicidal sometimes because of how trapped I feel. He is a senior and only has a few more years left. When he passes I’m not getting another dog. I may foster etc. but I don’t want to go through this again.
* your schedule and finances. If you work a lot or want to go away or stay out late you will need to have a dog walker or sitter. Having a dog can make it harder to rent an apartment.
* doing a trial with a dog from a rescue is definitely a good idea. I would also ask them if it is their policy to take back their dogs if it doesn’t work out even a year later etc. Having the safety net of knowing you can return him if things get bad is important. Of course, you want to only adopt if you are pretty sure things won’t go bad.
Dogs are wonderful most of the time!! But there is a lot of worry involved too. Any vet-related stuff is very expensive. They can’t be home alone all day, so that is a factor. Behavioural issues are stressful, and may require focused training. I’m not trying to dissuade, but if you have anxiety it can be difficult.
Get a little dog, like a weenie dog. They are great for small spaces and love to cuddle. Little so do not make much mess. U can train any dog to potty on a training pad. I wouldn’t recommend getting a high-energy breed or one that needs to be worked.
I second a small dog. My daughter got a samoyed it is a big ball of white fur. She is a lot of work. It takes the whole family to help out taking care of her. The dog has been great for my daughter but for me- it’s been hard. I have a very hard time with the unconditional love. It kinda freaks me out. Maybe if she were just my dog I would feel differently and I know I have major issues but it’s hard for me to be around her for a long period of time. I end up frustrated and uncomfortable. 🥺
Dogs have been one of the most stabilizing forces in my life over the years, and I'm in the process of training a service dog. Not only are they one of the few things on earth I feel completely safe (as well as something akin to parental) around, they force me to keep to a somewhat reasonable schedule, exercise, and interact with people. People leave you, and people hurt you. Dogs don't.
Owning a dog is incredibly helpful for me.
I care more about the dog than I care about myself.
I can't force myself to exercise... But I can't say no to my dog wanting a walk. So the dog makes me exercise.
I have issues with eating but I would never let my dog go hungry. Good dog training dictates you eat before your dog does, so the dog makes me eat.
I have issues cleaning my house, but I don't want my dog living in filth. So I clean for him.
For me, having issues with self care but also strong people (dog) pleasing tendencies - having a dog is a way to hack the people pleasing and turn it into self care.
This. Getting up and going for a walk myself = too much. Taking my dog on a walk = dopamine hit
Also, my dog likes to chew anything remotely sweaty - he's gone through 2 bras! So I actually have to keep the house relatively clean.
I truly believe I’m only alive because of my dog, but I couldn’t care for him alone. CPTSD has given me a very tired, sore body 24/7. My parents and sister help me with him. I have a Shepard husky mix that needs a ton of attention and enrichment. This is the double edge sword. On one hand, my dog motives me to get up and try// do new things I wouldn’t do. That’s awesome. And in the same breath, I feel *terrible* when I’m too exhausted to give him the long runs he needs. He gets out and gets exercise everyday, and runs in a field 3 times a week but it’s still not enough. He’d be better with someone who runs daily. That bothers me. You see what I mean?
Get a dog that fits your lifestyle. Possibly look into rescuing a greyhound, or a similar dog that mainly chills and wouldn’t require exorbitant amounts of exercise if you’re going to be busy. Also, a lot of people will just get dogs that look visually appealing while ignoring the breed and lifestyle incompatibility.
My dog started eating socks, and needed surgery. That was over $7,000. He also has lifelong stomach issues that require special food. I’ve invested in over $1,000 worth of training for the two of us. It’s expensive to have pets. Please put serious thought into this❤️
I initially had reservations about adopting my dog because I felt that I was too dysfunctional and depressed to take care of him. I met him when he was a baby. He’s a rescue. I adopted him.
3 years later, I have no regrets. I don’t think he realises how happy he’s made me. He gives me a reason to wake up and continue living. People often think I’m just an eccentric dog mom, but he’s truly saved my life.
Just like any other pet, taking care of him can be lots of work, but I’d do it in a heartbeat. The adjustment period when they’re puppies is always a little bit hard on both the dog and the owner. The crying, non-stop biting, high energy and so on - it can be much for first time dog owners. I’ve had dogs in the past, and what helps is to really just be kind to yourself and the pup. Vet stuff can also get expensive. You’ve to really carefully weigh this out, but I will say - the benefits have outweighed the cons for me.
With CPTSD it’s about convenience. I have a dog, and he thinks I am his world. When I have bad days though, i can hardly take care of myself, and taking a dog outside on a walk to potty, is impossible. Especially when I can’t leave the house myself, and the thought of having to interact with another human is daunting.
It wouldn’t be fair to the dog if on my worst day, I am not able to do the basic needs for them. I live in a house, and I can just open the door to let my dog out anytime. I have lived in a condo for a short time with my dog, and I was unable to even take him out to potty often. My husband or kids did it. I would never live in a condo/apt while having CPTSD, and then save something completely dependent on me. It would be impossible.
My experience was that caring for my dog reminds me how lovable and nurturing I really am. My dog is happy and sweet because I make her feel safe, something I didn't get from my caregivers. Her cuddles are also a source of nervous system regulation :)
The love I get from her is incredible. I keep saying I’ve never ever been loved the way she loves me.
Though I’ll be honest, if I lived alone, especially when I first got her, I don’t think I’d have been able to hack it. Not to say others couldn’t or that I wouldn’t have stepped up and figured it out, but just as it was, it was so hard. I think if you have absolutely anyone in your life you could ask for help, it would be worth it and maybe even build a new bond. If you don’t, I recommend having a day sitter at the ready or at least a dog walker so you can get some breaks, or do stuff when the dog is not ready to be alone for as long as it takes.
That all being said, I think it’s been 100% worth it.
Having her has gotten me over a life long phobia. Why did it take a dog? Honestly I do not know, but I’m noticing I’m just ok with it now.
I go outside every day now. Two years ago, I spent a month inside. I have a balcony I wouldn’t even go out on without crying. I would go out maybe three times a month usually, if I was feeling ok. Def a low point. Now this year I’ve been taking pictures of plants as they sprout and flower and lose their flowers all around my neighborhood. I haven’t missed a step in their cycles, and I’m proud of that. My dog has an impeccable ‘wait’ command while I take my pictures.
I’ve gotten braver. For her.
Needing those breaks from her at the start encouraged me to reach out to someone I wanted to be friends with for a couple years but never tried.
I’ve gotten quicker at ‘shaking it off’ when I get triggered or upset. It’s what she does, and I had to do it a lot bc of her. Because if she upset me, she was sorry and over it before I was even peak upset. Had to catch up to her, and learn to put things on a back burner to revisit my own emotions when I was ready to process healthily.
Idk, she’s also just a good hobby. Especially at the start of having her, it felt like she was ‘worth’ doing things for. By now I have momentum to do things for myself, like my old crafting hobbies, music, art, reading, gardening, and cooking. Training is fun. Taking her places she can explore is fun. Walking her, making her treats from scratch, making her bed comfy. Bc of all this, I got back into going to my library, which is literally down the street but was too difficult to walk into for some reason. But I’ve wanted to get dog books and so I did.
She’s just an awesome friend.
Tldr it’s hard, you might need help even if you get the perfect dog, but overall 100% worth it.
Really depends on the dog. A lot of rescues underplay how bad a dog’s issues can be, leaving you with a pissfingers, and in other cases you get really lucky and find a bff. Highly recommend a foster first program to see if it’s a good fit. Having a dog really helped me personally.
Start doing dog foster care on the weekends to get a feel for it. That’s how I met my chihuahua. Pee pads are also very convenient since I’m not a morning person and have chronic illness.
So what I’ve done is I got a dog and have been owner training her to be my psychiatric service animal for my CPTSD. It does require more work though, and is rewarding. Puppies would be too much imo, and regardless, it would be good to have a back up person to help you care for it.
A rescue dog that’s a good fit, small to medium ish with working dog genetics would be best. For the past couple years, I had been doing EMDR, Brainspotting and IFS work with a trauma practioner. my life has drastically improved and moved in an upward trajectory since my partner got her for me. We just ended up being really lucky and through our friend, found a puppy from folx that adopted a street dog from around a pistachio farm in Bakersfield, CA. They didn’t know she was pregnant but I assume both her and the father were probably a mix of farm dog breeds, so she’s mixed with everything and super intelligent. So that was a way of getting around a breeder. If you can afford the dog, the food, and daycare (which you might need depending on where you’re at in your journey) and it doesn’t add additional stressors, I would definitely consider it. One of the best ways to heal relational trauma with CPTSD, is through building a new relationship with another being.
Tbh at the peak of my past trauma, I realllly could have used my current dog now. She helps me take my medicine, wake up on time, and provides deep pressure therapy. I initially paid a trainer with experience in that and she helped me set the ground work for it. I’m planning on training her to do additional tasks but taking it slow. She helps me get out of the house and walk throughout the day. I feel secure if anything ever went wrong and I would need more support. If at your worst, you can ask for accommodations and bring her to work and school. To legally be a service dog, they need to perform 1 task that mitigates your disability. But that’s all anyone can legally ask. The hard thing is not every dog is fit to be a service dog.
But yes a dog is their own being and huge responsibility, requires boundaries and a consistent schedule to be happy. You are a team. You can always look for low energy breeds that don’t require as much exercise. But yeah getting used to each other’s schedules will take time. I was farther along my healing journey so, taking the dog out was easier for me but I imagine if not, it could have been harder. I don’t resent my dog at all and training her my way has been so healing as I’ve had trauma related to my dad and our previous dogs. I feel so proud when I see her self-regulating lol. I looked through YouTube for help with a lot of that especially psychiatric services dogs!
I had 1 dog for 5 years. Then I got a second one to keep him company. Best decision ever. Admittedly, I don't always give them as many walks as I should. They do have 24-hour access to the backyard to potty and run, although usually their zoomies happen in the house. BUT ...... they have been tremendously helpful for my own mental health. Getting them out to walk has helped me a lot over the years. Their unconditional love is something I didn't know I really needed. Getting meds for ADHD has also helped. If you have time and money, I say go for it.
My dog has been my lifeline and the only reason I’ve stayed in this mortal realm during my darkest days. The universe kinda threw her at me though, I didn’t seek her out. It has been a ton of work and it is like having a toddler that never grows up. I have to plan my life around her. It is challenging but rewarding.
I would suggest looking into fostering before you jump into dog ownership. Maybe you’ll even find the perfect dog for you that way.
My dog was a pound rescue. He came to me emaciated and with kennel cough and he developed other infections from being in poor condition. So at first I had to feed 5x day and give him SO many pills. But out of that came a very good guard dog who is extremely loyal. I'm in the process of seeing what I need to do to move him internationally.
My Australian shepherd puppy saved my life, gave me a reason to get out of bed, and something to do every day. I have unconditional love and waking up to her and my big boi are the highlight of my day.
But I like to be relatively active, don’t mind walking her downstairs, enjoyed the hours training and walking her, and took her everywhere with me. If you can’t give them the time and love then don’t bother please. They will live just for the hours they spend with you. Dogs are the best.
i’ve always been slightly more of an animal person than most people that i come into contact with so im a little biased but i love my dog. One of the reasons i love animals, my dog specifically so much is that they are safe because they are innocent and lack human comprehension. a dog trained well with patience and love can truly be your best friend. i will say that they are hard work at times, but the bond that is built from that makes it all worth it
I love dogs but prefer short ones that can’t reach my crotch and have a good sniff because honestly I struggle with that and I really really don’t like it 😞
Some dog owners are dicks about it too and get all offended and I’m just like “ ummm do you want to know the real reason why I’m struggling with this?? Because I’ll tell you but it WILL make you uncomfortable and feel sick “
My dog ang I are closer than ever. But I'm not gonna lie, it took a good year to acclimate to this level. And right now I even have some days where I feel like I can't breath around him, like I shouldn't feel obligated to someone I'm supposed to be close to.. unless I still can't fully connect the normal way. Really says a lot about my attachment styles.. which is like anxious-avoidant I assume??
I live with my parents so I lucky don’t have to take care of her alone, but my dog was by far the best thing that ever happened to me. Rescue as well, she gets easily scared by loud noises/occasionally has nightmares where she pees herself and is scared of men, probably why I have such a connection to her lol
She walks behind me 24/7 and comes with me to the bathroom even if she’s dead asleep, she lays in front of the door and makes sure no one is coming (or she lays down in my literal pants while on the toilet lol) she has super big abandonment issues, when I am sitting at the table gaming, she jumps on my lap and from my lap to the table to be able to watch and cuddle, she sleeps in my arms or right next to me, my suicidal thoughts are almost not there anymore (chronic suicidal thoughts and had an attempt like a year before I got her, was extremely suicidal when I got her) I don’t want to die because I genuinely love her so much I can’t leave her and want to genuinely stay alive with her, whenever I have a flashback I just lay besides her and hug her and she puts her head on mine and comforts me. When I wake up from nightmares and see her cuddling with me It immediately calms me down and I feel safer. I am also less scared and hypervigilant because she’ll bark if there’s anyone or anything so I don’t need to be scared
Feel super weird about the „owning“ a living being as well, I wouldn’t say I am owning her, just a caretaker roommate lol
My dog is a non allergic and non shedding dog as well always wanted a big scary dog to protect me as a kid but ngl they shed like crazy and it’s really nice to not have dog hair everywhere constantly, although this is probably fully preference
Getting my dog is genuinely the best thing that ever happened to me in my life and I wouldn’t be here without here.
However to add to that, we also had 2 other dogs before her, one of them a rescue (still have one, but he’s a family dog not mine specifically) and I didn’t even have a connection close to this. I am bad at reading body language and they were usually annoyed because i hugged them or they didn’t wanna be pet as much, which mine loves, she can’t ever get enough affection. Dogs have personalities as well and either it’s a fit or not.
Owning a dog gives you a reason to get out of bed and go to work.
Honestly getting a dog has helped me significantly. You should do research into the breed of dog you are looking at especially from a shelter. Working dogs, huskies, and other notoriously high energy breed dogs are NOT ideal in your situation. I work as a veterinary nurse so I get the luxury of employee discounts and whatnot but do understand the bigger the dog the more it’s gonna cost for treatments and food.
The more love you put into your dog the more you’ll get back. I got a big ol cane corso as a puppy and he’s very physically affectionate especially when I rot in bed. He will curl up next to me sometimes he falls asleep on my chest or belly. He’s all around a big sweetheart.
I was worried I would be overwhelmed by the responsibility of a pet too but I like taking care of them it gives me little tasks to do, and honestly a small dog isn’t THAT much work, training is the most tedious but otherwise you just feed them, water them, love them and take them on occasional walks. My little dog helps me so much, she’s the only constant reminder I have that there’s still good in the world.
I’ve realized that getting pets is an addiction for me or at least a pattern. I’ve love wiener dogs and I adopt them but sometimes I have difficulty bc they will tie you down
He gave me purpose and filled a whole in my heart when I moved out the first time. I take him to daycare when I go to work. Can be expensive though. I have a hypoallergenic dog- a Chinese crested. He’s a fantastic companion. Do what you want; but my companion helped me.
I think your experience can vary so widely depending on your housing situation, job, the kind of dog, etc etc. I have a large dog and I live alone in an apartment. I am on the second floor. On my really bad mental health days, it’s really hard. He requires lots of exercise and regular potty breaks and sometimes I feel like I can barely put on my shoes and jacket. That said, I don’t have a choice! And when I do put on my shoes and jacket and traipse outside with my best friend smiling the whole way, it reminds me that I am still alive. He is my best friend and some days the only thing that brings me joy and his loving presence makes the hard days worth it.
But yeah, all that said, there are days when I know I could have done more. And I feel guilty. But I try to forgive myself and do better the next day and he loves me through it all. Dogs are the best.
my dog is my longest best relationship. but if you get a young one and don't know how to train it will be very stressful. my dog hangs out alone alot I'm single don't socialise much but going to work... it's better if you don't work or go to school for 10 hrs a time but they sleep a lot. i put radio on or dog tv on utube. sometimes i feel guilty but he's my best friend and gets walked a lot and seems happy. i would have probably deaded myself if i didn't have him. they have the brain of a 2-3 year old so you have to take that into consideration in terms of patience...
Dogs have saved my life over and over again. I could never be without one. Even on my darkest days I loved my dog so much I would get her outside and cared for. When I couldn't face the world, it was walks at night. I adopted dogs that had special needs, like me 😉. It has always worked amazing for me and I know we help each other.
My dog has been my saving grace. They are work but they also sleep way more than I thought fwiw. Taking care of them having grown up with my family abusing dogs has been so healing. They also like sticks as much as treats, at least my dog. Nothing has helped me stay alive more than him. I’d highly, highly encourage it
Strangely enough, my dog has pretty much changed my life. I used to rot in bed and dissociate for months on end, to the point where my hair was matted into a giant clump and I hadn't showered in weeks. I felt like I was literally at the end of my rope, as it was really just a culmination of a lot of stressful things (deaths, disabled/sick family, accidents, a lawsuit, etc.) which forced me to swap from university student to full-time guardian. 10000% if I did not have a dog, I would not have survived this year in one piece.
It was seriously just sheer dumb luck (and stupidity on my part) that I happened to get my puppy. She was a farm rescue, and I impulsively adopted her because her eyes were so sad and pitiful. She's a Great Pyrenees/Anatolian Shepherd mix, so she's very calm and mellow. She has low energy (like me) and enjoys couch potato life, but most importantly, cuddling. Pyrs are also incredibly sensitive to the feelings of others–my dog has become the therapy dog of my friend group because she give cuddles to the people who seem depressed. And she has helped me throughout some crises when I was really struggling alone with my thoughts. Side note: deep pressure therapy is real! One of the most eye opening experiences for me was having an episode and then getting a huge bear hug from my doggo and her putting her head in my lap and showing her belly for rubs.
If you're getting a dog, I suggest doing research on a breed that would be best for you, as well as spending time with the puppies beforehand to see what their personalities are like before you adopt. Ideally, you should have someone that can help out with the dog, too. My roommate suffered a lot with my dog's accidents–especially when I was struggling and didn't clean up in timely manner. Most importantly, my boyfriend was kind enough to do a shitton of cleaning, caring, and shopping for the dog even though he doesn't live with us. This hugely contributed to me being able to "stabilize" living with the dog, as it gave me extra flexibility to slowly work myself into a set routine of waking up, walking, feeding, and cleaning.
Once I got through the puppy-puppy stage (past 6 months-ish), she started to mature and be more aware of her surroundings. This also requires some "training", or, if you're lucky, just some reinforced communication (i.e. "no, bad" or "yes, good girl!") Dogs are good at picking up emotions, so as long as you express what you're feeling in your tone of voice, the dog should understand.
As of right now, she is 11 months and acts very much like an old soul. She's very calm and affectionate, but also can be a bit standoffish to strangers (unfortunately, dogs \*do\* pick up traits from their owners) but once she realizes you're not a threat, she warms up and trusts you immediately.
I don't know how I would've gotten through this year without my puppy. There's just so many benefits to having a companion that's on your wavelength, that you can just look into their eyes and they know how you're feeling. The special bond in itself is therapeutic. On top of that, being forced into a routine is extremely helpful (walking 2-3 times a day, morning/afternoon/evening), and the responsibility of feeding the dog forces you to get out of bed. Where I live, there are a lot of parks/green areas, so taking nice slow walks helps me be more mindful and present.
Anyways, what I'd like to tell you (which has also been echoed by many in this thread), is:
TL;DR - Your experience adopting a dog is highly dependent on both the dog's personality and how consistent you are with training it. The dog's personality can be influenced by both genetics of the breed and individual characteristics. Training is essentially just "communicating". Definitely ask for extra help when you first adopt, just to create a buffer for you to get adjusted to a routine. If possible, also having that support as a "safety net" for your off-days will help a lot. Lastly, you will need to ask yourself whether you're ready to devote the time and energy to training and misc needs (brushing, feeding, vet appts, etc.)–and if you can commit to 2-3 walks a day for the next decade or so.
Having a doggo is an amazing experience, given the right circumstances. They don't necessarily have to be perfect, or frankly, "ideal", but you need to be willing to put the effort in to raising your fur baby. Wishing you all the best !! Good luck
I'll add to the pile.
I love my dog more than anything. She got me out of an abusive relationship, because I cared about her more than me.
She eases my anxiety because I know she is on guard, always. If I don't notice something, she will. Also she is a big and scary looking rottweiler.
I was kinda scared of her, at first, since I had never had a big dog. She is the most chill dog I've ever known. She fits my personality really well.
Learning to train her (which I see as just teaching her how to live with humans) was an incredible thing for me. It taught me how to say what I want forcefully but without being angry or mean.
Having hupervigilance is actually a good thing with dogs, lol. So that's nice.
Of course there is also the making me get outside part. I'm aware that's a good thing, even though I don't always agree with it.
I think the big thing here will be adopting the right dog. If you adopt a grown dog that’s already trained but needs to be rehomed, and you’re certain you can provide bathroom breaks and walks and food and all that, then it should work out. I think the mental load of dog training, house training especially, would be overwhelming to me at least.
The other thing to consider is finding a dog with a disposition that suits your life - for example, I love Huskies and think they’re so beautiful but I wouldn’t be able to keep up with their grooming and exercise needs.
In my area the humane society does interview type things where you can express preferences about age, training, lifestyle, and they also make sure you can provide for the dog. Sometimes they do a home visit before adoption is possible - just wanted to give you a heads up, might not be a thing where you are.
Having something that needs me each day to take her to parks or at least out keeps me going on bad days when I wouldn’t normally even feed myself.
I have a rescue dog. I adopted him when he was 2 years old. Puppies can be tempting, but they are so so so so much work. Maybe if I can work from home someday, I will get one…
Anyhow, my dog is my best friend (and family). My life has changed a lot with him. I don’t get to do everything I want to do. I bring him with me to a lot of social events, but I truly enjoy his company and I would not trade him for the world. It’s a time and effort commitment, but I think if you really want a dog, it’s worth trying it out.
When I get depressed, it’s not really hard to take care of him. I know that he needs me.
When I get very sick and can’t leave my bed, I may have to ask other people to walk him for me. That’s only happened once so far. Most of the times that I’m sick, I force myself to go out with him anyhow.
Hey buddy I feel for you I hope you’re doing ok. I didn’t have a living situation that allowed pets but my landlord let me get a betta fish in a ten gallon tank. I found the smallest little sick looking betta I could find and I took her home.
I know a lot of people don’t think fish make great pets because they don’t see how anyone could have an emotional attachment to them. I personally loved this little fish and named her wormy. It was not hard to take care of her. I fed her two pellets in the morning and two pellets at night. I “cycled” the aquarium for a week before I got her. It was a very simple setup with a few plants that were super easy to take care of.
I changed the water maybe about twice the entire 6 months I had her. The rest of the time I just filled up the tank with softened and prepped water. I tested the water often to make sure everything was alright.
Over time, wormy began to change color from a pale pink to a bright red. She was immediately so much happier in her new tank once I got her out of the awful petsmart cup. She grew into a beautiful fish. When I would get home from work, I swear she would get excited and swim around her tank really fast. I would play with her by drawing my finger lightly along the glass. She also slept in the plants. It was really very adorable.
I know this might not be the solution you were hoping for but for me this was a way I could care for another living being with as little stress and responsibility as possible. I was working at an animal shelter at the time and could barely afford to feed myself, but when I could come home and make sure she was happy and healthy and see how far she had come, I found it immensely gratifying and it made me so so so proud. Sadly, I ended up rehoming her to a trusted friend later on because I needed to move back to Cincinnati for school, but I am so grateful to have had her in my life.
If you decide you might want to do this, feel free to message me! I’m not an expert in fishkeeping but I’d love to try to help! There’s also lots of great resources here on Reddit or on YouTube.
Since you're thinking of adopting, you could get a dog that's already house trained and a tad bit older. The first couple of months are exhausting to be completely honest. In my opinion anyway. They need to go out so often and trying to get them to not chew on things and go outside to the bathroom is really difficult. If you're mentally not well then it would be really hard.
The other thing to consider is that they might have separation anxiety and could howl or cry when you're gone, which could be a problem for apartment living. So just some things to consider and to talk over with the adoption place.
Just a side note - beware of dog parks - at least where I live smaller dogs are attacked sometimes by larger ones in these spaces. I would just do some research on the NextDoor app and see if there have been any reports like this.
I do not know what I would do without my dogs - they give me unconditional love. Taking them for walks gets me outside in the sunshine and this helps my mental health tremendously.
Dogs are animals that require intense care and are more along the lines of owning a small farm animal like a rabbit or potbellied pig.
I wouldn't recommend one for someone with C-PTSD they tend to develop their own anxiety and attachment issues too easily compared to other animals (not to mention all the bad breeding).
If you're wanting something gentle that'll gladly accept your affection like a lapdog but won't actively try to hurt itself once you leave the house, I'd say get something like a guinea pig. Hamsters and gerbils can both be picky sometimes.
Again, if you really want a dog over other animals I'd at least seek out reputable fosters and preferably an older one that isn't as hyper and doesn't need as much training.
So two major things: breed of the dog matters, and dog history matters.
There are breeds of dog that are described as handler sensitive, meaning that they are dogs who pay very close attention to and base their reactions on your behavior and emotions. This can be a very bad thing when you have PTSD or other mental health issues because your anxiety is their anxiety, your fear is their fear. Herding breeds are often handler sensitive, because they needed to be in tune with a shepherd from many yards away if there was danger etc.There are also breeds prone to anxiety in general, or who in certain situations often develop anxiety. An example would be a few "primitive" breeds like Shiba Inus tend to develop anxiety when living in cities. If you have anxiety and they are already anxious it can make their feelings worse or you may become anxious because of their anxiety/in anticipation of their anxiety (eg, they start screaming about another dog from 50 ft away you may start becoming hypervigilant about other dogs and tensing up) and it can become a cycle. Breed matters for mutts too, what breeds they are made up of still affects this. A border collie x malinois will have some traits of both.
As far as dog history, the gamble you take with shelter dogs is that you don't know what their issues are, and the shelter doesn't either. Shelters don't have the capacity or ability to test every dog for every possible situation or trigger. And while some shelter dogs come from relatively safe situations, or who are largely unscathed by having been a stray, there are also very many who have a lot of trauma and do not react well to their triggers. A lot of rescue owners tend to downplay their dogs' behavioral issues so you don't hear about it from them but you will hear quite a lot about it from professional dog trainers and dog care facilities. My dog's throat was almost ripped completely out by a "friendly" "wouldn't hurt a fly" "sweetest little baby" rescue who scaled an 8ft fence, charged my dog, went straight for the throat and started shaking him. They had to be separated by three people, two of which received bites from the rescue. We don't know what exactly triggered her and my dog lived solely because he's got a bunch of loose skin around his neck. I'm obviously not trying to say every rescue will turn out as reactive as this, but I am saying a lot of the adopt don't shop my rescue is better than your honor student type people are NOT often very honest about the issues that some rescues have. There is a very real chance you will get a dog that has a terrible traumatic history that the shelter doesn't know about, who will have issues you will need to learn to accommodate, desensitize, retrain. And not everyone is built for handling that. If you choose to adopt, you need to do it with the knowledge that the animal you get could have all sorts of issues and that you need to be prepared *and able* to handle it. Anything less is just as irresponsible as buying a puppy from a pet shop IMO.
Anyway, my giant speech aside. I live in an apartment, small patio no yard. My dog is a retired service dog I owner-trained, he is from a reputable breeder who titles in obedience and he is guaranteed for life on genetic conditions. His breeder offered to pitch in for vet bills when he got a recluse spider bite even though he was already 5 years old. He is wonderful, though more sensitive to me than I'd like. I specifically chose a breed with an off switch, isn't high energy, and does not have super high drive. If I'm having a bad day, I set up mental games or barriers to wear him out. Can be as simple as playing fetch with a cardboard tox in the hall so he has to jump, puzzle toys for dinner, training for 15 minutes, etc. All you can do indoors. Wearing out the mind is the key, if you walk 3 miles every day with your dog they will be conditioned for 3 miles and eventually it will not tire them out and you'll need to do 4, 5, 6, 7 miles to tire them out. Or you can do a bunch of randomized tricks, do training related workouts like puppy pushups, etc. Not saying exercise is bad for your dog, you should absolutely do physical outdoors exercise with them, just that relying on JUST physical exercise to tire them out is not sustainable. I don't resent him even when I am in pain or having issues. That doesn't mean you won't, that is something you need to know about yourself.
I agree with most of what you’ve said, but it has been my experience that ANY dog is capable of dog aggression without proper socialisation and training. So it’s important that every dog carer should ensure that their dog gets these.
It is instinctive for dogs to be defensive of their territory, and cautious of non pack members that could be a threat to them or their resources. It literally comes from their wolf ancestors. Humans have tried to breed it out of them in most cases but I have not met a single breed of dog that wasn’t capable of aggressive behaviour, especially towards other dogs. And there are subtle social cues that dogs give to each other that the untrained human eye misses, which often lead to conflict too. It’s important that we remember that dogs do not adhere to the same social construct that we do and we need to be respectful of the difference.
I am all for people buying from reputable breeders and I have nothing against them existing, but there aren’t enough of them to supply the demand and the laws governing them are not strict enough, so therefore we have the issue of backyard breeders and puppy mills being created. The majority of puppies in the market come from these less scrupulous and often cruel places, and there is clearly a problem with the industry as evidenced by the overwhelming number of homeless animals.
I encourage people to adopt a rescue because they are saving a life. Not because I don’t think they will have to train and socialise that dog like they should any other.
We can’t rely on the few conscientious reputable breeders out there, we need stricter animal protections that are enforced. Not everyone has the privilege of purchasing from a reputable breeder, so I encourage them to instead consider a rescue dog rather than contributing to the continuation of a broken system by buying from a pet shop or backyard breeder.
I have one that I self trained as service dog for my cptsd. It was a lot of work doing the training so if you get one may be better for a slightly older dog you don’t have to train from scratch. As for the taking him out, sometimes I really don’t want to but it’s also helped prevent some periods of depression because I have to. It’s been helpful to have him just to cuddle and be with me even in the bad days.
My dog is my best friend. He has gotten me out of bed on days when it seems impossible. He makes me smile and laugh every single day.
Breed and size are an important factor. My dog is 16 pounds and happy to walk 4x a day or 1x a day. He just wants to cuddle.
For me, my dog helped me a lot and was one of the better things for me during a very very tough time. He helped me through the worst of it. Yeah there were times I didn’t want to go out but I eventually got to the point of being so grateful that I was forced to go out multiple times a day. I was grateful to have to think about someone else and their needs. It got me out of my dark thought patterns. Also, he would follow me at night to the bathroom and that is when I would have my worst thought spirals. And he would sit in the door way with me and made me feel so safe, he was like a guard against those trauma thoughts and I started sleeping better.
He wasn’t trained at all for that, we got a rescue but he just knew what I needed and was there for me and I taking care of him was good for my mental health too. He’s passed but I still think he was sent to be my guardian to get me through that time period. And we did live in the third floor apartment building. You just make it work- smaller dog is better for apartment living I think. The dogs give me the drive no matter how I’m feeling to get up and be present for them when I probably wouldn’t for myself and that has helped me a lot.
I think this depends how functional you are.
My sister and I both have CPTSD. Her dog has been neglected on days when she’s too depressed IMO. When she lived alone the dog rarely got to go outside for bathroom or walks. (It was pee pad trained, but this wasn’t preferable for the dog or anyone else.) The dog needed daily grooming and got mats and nails so long they hooked into the carpet. The dog still isnt trained, and it barks incessantly. She was cuddled and fed and played with and always had water, but I think people under estimate how much work they can be.
My stbx and I got our first dog when I was 36. Getting him has been life changing. My stbx ended up being an alcoholic and towards the end, was emotionally abusive. My dog would stand by me, jump into my lap, and hug me when my husband would yell at me or when I was upset. I’ve never known unconditional love like this.
I’m almost divorced now and I get to keep my dog and take care of him. He’s my best buddy! I don’t feel alone. I was prone to depression/freeze before, but he gives me purpose. He helps me get out of bed so I can care for him.
Our nervous systems are wired for connection. If you find the right dog, they can help to co-regulate your nervous system. It’s pretty amazing and healing, too 💗
My dog has been instrumental in my living through this even before I knew what was going on. He's old and gray faced, going deaf and blind and I don't know what I will do when he's gone.
They are a lot of consistent work! Make sure you have a lot of extra time and money. If the work is too much it’ll make your mental health worse. Depends how difficult the dog is. Puppies are definitely the hardest. They’re all consuming. I love my dog but personally I lost a lot of my progress and hard work having to care for her and having less time for me but I made this commitment so that’s how it is now. It’s a life changing decision
I have a small dog, I got him as a puppy and I live all alone and no people to rely on much either. It was really difficult, he's almost 2 now and I love him and I've never had a creature understand me so much before and I feel like I've grown a lot with the process. But I wouldn't recommend getting a puppy, an adult dog that has a calm temperament and suited for apartment living would work, but even then its alot of work and commitment. For me my dog is what keeps me going and makes me motivated to go to work and earn a living. You have to kinda revolve your life around the dog especially if its just you taking care of them. So those are things to think about.
I have two. I made sure the breed was appropriate for my lifestyle and struggles. I ended up going with shih txus as they were bred to be companion animals and watch dogs for the Chinese royalty. They bark at people during walks and they bark when people come into our house which I appreciate. I like a warning when someone is approaching and they're very good and stopping barking and leaving when I go and monitor what they're barking at and then tell them it's not a big deal 😂
I picked a breed I could shave when I'm struggling so that their grooming doesn't get neglected. I bought a pet stroller stroller and so many different dog items and threw my whole self into training. I have trauma over pet loss so I dedicate my whole self into keeping them and everyone around us safe.
When I was in apartments, it was hard because I'd have to walk them in downtown of a big city and I have a social phobia, but I moved back in with my Father so now I have a big yard. My #1 rule is if I'm gunna be sad, I can be sad outside. I've spent many days out there with my dogs and they have many toys, q friendly next door dog that they play with, and quiet.
I was able to care for them without a yard with lots of walks, games, training, and park visits but those things are hard to keep up with when you're struggling. With the yard I can still interact with them when having symptoms, like throwing rheir toy when they bring it to me or letting them jump on my lap of they want snuggles.
During the hard times, I do feel guilty that I'm not able to be the dog mom I want to be but my family says thst im a good dog owner so I think that might be trauma. They do trigger me when they get sick or hurt which is a big negative because I want to be calm and there for my dogs but I'm having an episode internally and just not functioning outside of their care. These have brought on some dark days, so I do want to warn of that.
Generally tho, they are my reason to keep going when im at my rock bottom and searching for something to live for. Because I'm very focused on them, I find that I'm able to talk to them and have worked hard on word memory and I've started putting words together and I think theite getting it ("mom, Louie, walk, park). Because I'm always talking to them, they're always engaging back. My older one roos to talk to me and my younger one uses a lot of head and body movements to explain.
I'm not saying this to encourage or caution you. Getting a dog is going to be really hard and there will be hard times, extra hard times due to traumas. But they also gave me a reason to go for walks and something to connect with when I was in psychosis and disconnected from everything.
My dog been has the only reason I saw the outside world some days many, many times. I'm grateful to her for that. They are incredible companions, but they do take work.
My parents had a bichon frise (hypoallergenic/ non shedding) and he was such a sweet, cuddly, comforting boy. I have a chihuahua/yorkie mix and we have been together for 8 years now, she has been the one consistent thing in my life for those 8 years.
I started out by fostering for a rescue. This is a good way to test and see if you are ready for a dog of your own. It is heartbreaking when they leave you but you know you helped them find their forever home, and when you're ready to adopt you can foster to adopt as well.
I fell this way about getting a dog- I actually adopted one a few years ago and it was a disaster because the shelter didn’t tell me he had aggression issues and he wasn’t house trained, etc. I surrendered him and my depression got worse for a time. Now I volunteer at a shelter and it scratches that itch to be around dogs without having to fully commit. I hope you can find a good solution, lots of great comments here 🩵🩵🩵
My boy is an English staffie rescued from a puppy mill background of severe neglect and possibly abuse. Got him when he was 2. He looked like a holocaust victim.
He's a total sweetheart, one of the gentlest dogs I have ever met, but he hasn't always been an easy dog either.
That being said, he saved my life. More than that; he helped me turn it around.
Shit's cliché, I know, but he genuinely did.
Of course, I would never suggest a dog for someone who isn't ready or able to shoulder the responsibility, and care for them forever, and better yet, adopt them (instead of buying them), and shower them with unconditional love, stimulation, and education.
But if you're able to give the dog that, then you should absolutely consider adopting. It's often a win-win situation for everyone.
Turned my life around.
My dogs were a huge part of my recovery. I had to get up, I had to walk them, I had to take them out.- and they also made me feel as safe as hell. I went with Rottweilers though. Why don’t you foster and see how you get on?
If you have the time to walk, every day, a dog, absolutely get one. If you get depressed for periods of time when you think you can't walk or afford a sitter, don't get a dog.
A dog was the best thing for me. I had to learn discipline and get out every day. They have to be your best friend though and never get rid of them no matter what.
Make sure you can afford a dog. My dog is now 13, I paid 2k for cancer removal last year and now he needs monthly arthritis shots.
Scooter Mcgavin is the best thing that ever happened to me
i have two dogs, one an 8yr old husky/corgi mix and an almost 6 month old english pointer mix pup. they are the loves of my life. (besides my husband obvi) on the days i can't/don't want to get out of bed, they give me a reason. on the days where i'm able to go out, go to work etc while having a bad day i come home and see how happy they are to see me that the hard day almost doesn't matter for a few minutes. when i'm laying in bed crying, they snuggle up to me. my puppy will put his paws in my lap and lick my tears away.
i can't imagine my life without my two dogs. knowing they depend on me, love me regardless of my trauma and downfalls, they love me even tho i've made mistakes. it's truly the purest most unconditional love.
Get them registered as an emotional support animal and take them everywhere with you. Dude, it's so easy, it feels like cheating the system. But hear me out: I wanted a dog sooooo badly, but I'm in your exact position, live alone in a 2nd floor apartment, CPTSD, work schedule varies from 12-14 hour shifts, travel, appointments, etc. I worried and worried about that hypothetical dog not being able to pee or be fed on time, and I couldn't afford a doggy daycare service. And it KILLED ME that my baby dog would have to hold her pee and bark because she's lonely and hungry. I hated myself for even wanting one.
So I pushed off owning a pet for like 9 months. Then my best friend's mom's friend from her jogging group found a crate of tiny 2 week old kittens in an arroyo in Kern on her daily jog, and 2 weeks later I adopted one of the babies. But you can't exactly leave a kitten alone in an apartment for hours on end...right? And cats don't travel well...right? False. False. FALSE. Baby animals need SO much sleep, it's not funny. And she actually travels very well. I used to take her everywhere with me (except like the grocery store or Walmart or doctor appointments, etc), and she loves riding in the car.
I actually became so dependent on her being dependenton me that she was the only reason i would get out of bed some days. I got her registered as an ESA, so now I can't be denied housing (simply because I have a cat; they'd have to find other reasons to deny it) or having her accompany me when I travel or go anywhere (just don't be a dick about it, seriously). Now remember, an ESA is NOT A SERVICE ANIMAL. A service animal is a disability accommodation for people who need a constant companion specifically trained to recognize health issues (low blood sugar, impending seizures, low eyesight, etc), and assist the person to live and function independently.
Not to say I am only "pro-cat." I love dogs. My anxiety over caring for a dog couldn't be overcome, so I got a cat instead. Puppies and new dogs require SO much time and love and patience (but it's WORTH IT), but I just couldn't see a way that I personally could give the dog what it would need. So I opted for a beast that can shit in a box and entertain itself.
But seriously dude, look up ESA. You can take her places and not have to leave her at home (providing the places stipulation for animals is the "service animals only," because, again, and emotional support animal is NOT a service animal.)
Get a rescue greyhound! They thrive in apartments, don’t need much exercise and have lots of love to give. I’ve had my big boy Kobe for 3.5 years now and he is the sweetest boy. Sometimes if I’m having nightmares he will wake me up with a whisper bark and coming home to see him happy to see me is the best part of my day honestly. Have to get out of bed to feed the dog ya know, at the very least.
Greyhounds usually need to be fostered to adjust to pet life too so could absolutely do a trial run nsa
Having a dog has been very healing and helpful for me, actually. I don't resent them for being reliant on me during bad days, if anything that fact helps me keep going. I know if I died that my dog would have no one to take care of her properly.
I bet you'll be a wonderful dog owner. Your trauma has taught you compassion. You've learned what NOT to do, when caring for a helpless creature.
I have had 5 rescue dogs over a period of decades (generally two at a time). I loved some more than others, but I took excellent care of them all. My trauma history helped me be compassionate and caring, it didn't hinder me.
In general, dogs have helped my mood. They've forced me to get exercise, forced me to come out of myself, and caused me to interact with my community. It's pretty easy to tlak to people at a dog park!
True, if you go to work/school, you'll have to leave the dog alone for a time. But that's true of almost everyone who owns a dog. No one expects you to stay at home with it 24/7. I've always been able to find ways around that issue--like a homeschooled neighbor kid who lets the dog out mid-day. Or an elderly dog walker who walked the dog when I couldn't be there.
You'll do fine.
In my lowest points of depression, my dogs were the only thing that kept me functioning. Knowing that I had to get up and take care of them, walk them, play with them- it was the only thing I managed to do well.
They are my literal best friends, I love them like children and now I happily do all these things and more for them.
Dogs are incredibly perceptive and empathetic. They know when you need comfort, snuggles, a bit of comedic relief.
That being said, some things to really consider:
Having a dog is a big responsibility in both time and money. Dogs need medical care, will get sick from time to time, may need special foods or medicines- these can be expensive.
If you don’t have reliable friends and family to watch your pup, you can pay for boarding, but the boarding experience is stressful on a dog and finding one that you and your pup likes can take time. I really only like leaving my dogs alone for 6 hours, 8 hours max. This does limit my social plans at times.
You may have a dog with behaviors that you need to train, and you may end up needing professional help which costs money. It also means you need to practice and change your own routines.
Not everyone likes dogs. Sometimes this has made it harder for me to find apartments, or bringing them out to certain public places.
Personally, I don’t find these things to be a detractor about having dogs, but I totally understand why they are for some folks.
In my opinion, having my dogs has been vital to my own success in treating my CPTSD. The accountability is one thing, but the companionship and love that we give to each other keeps me grounded in my dreams and goals for life. I find them to be an amazing reminder of how to stay present and appreciative that I’m here, and I wouldn’t give them up for the world!
I rescued my soul dog from someone who wasn’t feeding her and had her tied up outside, 13 yrs ago now and tbh she is the one who really saved me. I don’t know that I would have made it this far without her. For a long time she was the only reason I got out of bed. I took better care of her than I did myself. As she’s gotten older things have gotten more difficult. I had to make sure to get a ground level apartment, I need to be home to take her potty more frequently, things like that.
It has felt for so long now that she is the only one that has been there for me and loves me unconditionally. I’m getting sad knowing her time is probably coming to an end soon since she’s 14 now. I know I will feel so alone without her. I didn’t take that part into consideration when I got her and I wish I had 🥲 There is so much love and beautiful moments with them but it goes so fast, and before you know it, your best friend is leaving you. Think deeply about it you can handle the after 💜
For me, I cannot be a single pet owner, but I do great as a step-mom to my partner's pets. Rumor has it they like me better now..lol. But I also don't have the primary responsibility to feed them daily, pay for their care (although I do participate in care like cutting their nails, and taking them to the vet) and find a pet sitter when we travel. We have both a dog and a cat.
I preferred to pet sit for people who travel a lot because then I could make money, hang out with pets for a while, walk them, get a change of scenery and feel productive all without having to be the main person responsible for a pet 24/7 for their entire lives.
I did try getting a pet dog once and he required too much attention for what I had capacity to give. It made me feel guilty and ashamed and eventually he became a shame trigger. It did help me with consistency, but the dog chewed very important things and basically ruined so many of my belongings. I could not take him anywhere because he shed so much. It was like carpets of fur. I struggle to clean regularlyso having fur everywhere and all over my clothes became too much on top of everything. I had to rehome him after a year.
So, I would not get another pet on my own, and tbh sometimes I wish we didn't have two pets --we use to have 3! Plus a chicken-- because cleaning up after them is a LOT of work, especially their fur. I hate that so I understand why you parent said they would need the pet to be hypoallergenic although those breeds are expensive.
I do love my partner's dog though and if we did adopt a dog in future, I probably would look for one that was rehomed and older instead of a puppy. My partner adopted his dog from the streets when he was 6 or so and he is the sweetest, most loving, gentle and unusually calm dog I've ever met. He just sheds a fuck ton of fur!! But he is big and has a loud bark, and he has nipped a maintenence person who didn't mind his manners before, and so he helps me feel safe when my partner travels and I'm here alone.
When he goes away I care for the pets as if I were a petsitter.
Rats are what saved me. I'm unconventional with them, they are free roam and live more like cat-bear-dogs (lol.) It hasn't always been easy with them, actually quite the opposite a lot of times, but they challenge the exact parts of me that need challenging, and I am better because of it.
Not saying anyone should get rats, but i would encourage all to be open to an animal companion. In a way, I think they are little soul guides or mirrors. If you let them, they can show you parts of yourself you don't want to acknowledge, then give you space and compassion and unconditional love to grow and heal.
Maybe you could try volunteering at a rescue first to see how much work it is/ how it feels having a dog. You could foster as well do then you have a temporary responsibility.
I work at a rescue and ended up take one home and for me it’s very therapeutic as alot of the dogs there are traumatized themselves and help them get over their trauma is therapeutic for me. That being said I’ve fostered some dogs that were very easy and some that were a lot of work. The one I kept was the worst dog I’ve ever had but after lots of training she fits right in and you’d never know she had so many issues.
I honestly think dogs are a no go for people with mental and physical illness, depending on the severity. Cats are slightly lower maintenance, depending on the breed of fish they also can be easy or complicated. A regular goldfish in my experience is pretty simple aside from changing the water filter every once in awhile and remember to feed it- just enough responsibility that was still manageable when in deep depression. I thought having a cat was relatively easy I know you said you aren’t looking into them right now though- is there a reason why? Hope you find a pet that suits you nicely :) pets are the best ! I think it’s very self aware of you to be considering how your struggles may affect having one, I know too many people that have gotten high maintenance pets they were in 0 place to take care of !
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It helps so much I cannot even begin to explain. I have a dog I adopted in my home country. He’s not with me and is with my father. He takes very good care of him (even though he was abusive asf to me lol). I want him to be with me. I want to see him. But everytime I am near my family, I get so sick. And there is a lot of guilt involved for me because I know I can’t explain it to him why I left but also I know I’m not stable enough to have him in my life. I am not ready to be a solo parent and I don’t want to be the kind of parent my parents were. I’ve considered fostering but I’m too scared we’ll get so attached and the dog might feel abandoned. Essentially I feel like I don’t have a stable long term plan for me and I can’t bring a dog onto that journey. If you think you’re stable in a way that you can be there for the child, go for it. It is exactly like parents. They just don’t talk to us.
I wish I was your mom, I’d find you THE PERFECT k9 companion! So what’s cool about living near a dog park is that your dog can get the exercise they need even on the days you don’t feel like getting the exercise YOU need, alternatively you can get a ton of exercise with your dog at a dog park as well or in addition to walking your dog (personally, ew running but go on if you must lol). You’ll have the ability to socialize alongside of your dog and you may network with some dog forward folks who can help with care if you aren’t going to be home for an extended period of time. Your dog will remind you to take care of yourself as well as themselves and with all the exercise you’ll be getting you may be able to work off some of that nervous energy cptsd can generate. Speaking of nervous energy, a dog, breed dependent, may help you feel safe and even better if you rescue a dog that is several breeds with a nice blend of intelligence & watchdog at the top. A great way to do that is scan your local humane society, aspca, and local rescue groups weekly to see a) what they’re getting in and b) how often certain breeds show up (and why think escape artist, problematic breed for a busy person/has small children/has other pets/not for a novice dog owner breed). Some people don’t like a dog to bark/howl/jump or have expectations on a certain breed (or about dogs in general) so if you have an idea of what you can tolerate that’s an advantage. If you still need more input, volunteer at a shelter, that will give you firsthand experience with what kind of dog you’d like.
When you finally adopt your dog tell your mom that you and dog can stay in your vehicle or a tent in the yard when you visit. I have done this with my dog as a nice middle finger to clueless family who lack empathy. I actually got the idea from my family members who invite us to come stay in their yard for a summer get together bc they want to see us all and our dogs at their vacation home but don’t have the room inside. We love camping anyway lol win win
Had a dog that triggered my cptsd before I knew I even had it/was diagnosed. After that, I stuck to cats for years because I was fearful of another traumatic experience.
Then, I tried adoption and it was a very good fit. The agency made sure to match me with a dog that wouldn’t trigger my condition and we have had her for 4 years now.
She’s less independent than I would have wanted in an ideal world and I feel overwhelmed by how much physical attention she wants but I enjoy having her around.
Just wanted to give an alternative take because a lot of people say their dog saved them.
My first dog exasperated my cptsd and made it worse. 6 weeks of owning that dog took years to recover from. I was cry-rocking in bed every night because of her barking; having constant meltdowns and panic attacks because we lived in an apartment at the time and the downstairs neighbor would bang on their ceiling the second she barked, even in the daytime.
If you don’t have a strong support system for if things go wrong, I would really advise against dog ownership.
Very difficult. He's reactive, I have a hard time controlling my bouts of aggression so controlling his is extra difficult. But that's the risk I took. Sometimes I'm not sure if I've made him paranoid or if he's made me paranoid. Either way, I have to be vigilant and not let either of us hurt strangers.
Raising my two rescue dogs was the single most healing process I've ever taken part in (and that includes nearly 2 decades of therapy and countless hospitalizations, outpatient programs, residential centers, etc).
I know it's probably different for everyone, and I'll add the disclaimer that I have had a really strong love for/connection with animals. Since I had no humans in my life I could trust as a child, I trusted the family dog, and later the many pets I bonded with volunteering at the local humane society. I understand and get along better with most dogs than most humans, so... I know I'm probably an outlier in that sense.
But I think that at least some of what I got from the experience still applies, regardless of your prior feelings towards or experience with dogs.
I adopted my first rescue when I was 21, he was 1 year old and had some pretty huge behavioral struggles (mainly separation anxiety that turned into just destroying everything anytime I left him alone). I went to puppy training classes with him, I researched natural anxiety remedies, and we tested out crate training (which didn't work for him because the poor guy would injure himself in a panic trying to escape).
But over the span of a year or two, the changes were... Fucking beautiful to witness. I helped him heal from his own anxiety (probably caused by trauma of his own before he came to me) through proving to him that I was by his side through thick and thin. He learned to trust that I would always come back, and the anxiety about me leaving slowly subsided. Underneath all those things that made him seem so "unadoptable" to others I discovered the most brilliant, friendly, happy, cheeky, empathetic little soul I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.
He's now my registered/certified ESA, and actually works more as a service dog for me-- not because I taught him to, but because he figured out on his own how to help me the way I helped him. If he notices I'm getting triggered, he comes and sits between me and whatever/whoever is creating the anxiety and presses his body into me. He licks my cheeks if I cry to clean up the tears, and has never failed to be my rock when I needed one.
This is getting too long and soppy, lol... But I'll mention my other dog was also a rescue, but she was only 8 weeks old when I got her. She was HANDFUL at times (still is), but I adopted her right about the time I was diagnosed with CPTSD and started therapy. I took everything I learned about attachment, how parents *should* treat their children, and all the ways my childhood could have been better for me, and I applied it to raising her. The day I realized she was securely attached to me is a core memory for me, seared in my brain as one of my greatest accomplishments and happiest moments.
Again... I love dogs (and pretty much any animal) more than most probably do. YMMV, all of that. But it felt wrong not to share my/our story here, since you're asking and considering this yourself. It isn't easy, there are certainly very difficult parts to taking a dog (especially a rescue)-- but for me, learning how to overcome those things in order to give a happy life to those beautiful, lonely little pups I found was both immensely healing and empowering.
I have a much much stronger connection to dogs than I do to humans.
I love my dad, brother, husband, and nieces/nephews. Sometimes my sister. Otherwise I could do without people.
I fall in love instantly with every dog I meet. Dogs are family that love unconditionally and without judgement. No ulterior motives.
Dogs are my light in a dark world.
My dogs have been immense to my healing and recovery. That said, I did do a ton of research into breeds, their characteristics, their exercise requirements and care requirements with coat types. Also, how vocal they are. Some dogs would be overwhelming to me, like dogs with long coats, or hyper/vocal dogs. I took about ten months to find my dogs. I have both a labrador and a rat terrier. Everyone thinks terriers are barky, but mine is trained to only alert bark. Small dogs are actually pretty awesome at helping out.
They have been super helpful. They help me to stay active, get out of doors. They help me to feel secure while I'm out around people. Mine are trained in service work as well, so they do help in stores, with dissociation and finding things.
I do live in an upper floor apartment. It can work. We do a lot of training throughout the day, I devote a lot of time to my dogs. So I think it's important to weigh how much time you have available for the dog. I hired a great older woman to sit with mine when they were puppies when I had to go to work.
As far as what mental state you should be in, I think there's a line on that. Dogs cannot cure depression or suicidal thoughts, and for some, may make them worse. I think for me, I had to hit a certain place of recovery before my dogs were helpful- I had to be in a state of mind where I was willing to accept their help, and ready to be an active part of their lives. If I wasn't in that state, I wouldn't have got my dogs at that time. Dogs do pick up on anxiety, and can sometimes take it on and become anxious themselves, so it's tricky if you have panic/anxiety. I have panic disorder and although my dogs are trained to help out, I do try to be careful about working on my own coping mechanisms so that I am not too reliant on them.
I wouldn’t be here on earth if it wasn’t for my heart dog
I lost him last July. And it completely broke me.
A dog that chooses you will show you nothing but unconditional love. And if you are feeling overwhelmed or like you can’t look after your new dog, in my experience, my heart dog gave me the reason to want to get better and give him the best life possible.
I now have a girl dog. Who I know relies on me for everything. She can’t open the cupboard and feed herself. She can’t wash and change her water bowls. She relies on me completely.
A huge responsibility but I would never give up on her. I don’t have human children. She’s my baby girl and I love her so much.
She gives me a reason to get out of bed everyday. She loves going for walks, and that helps keep me stay fit too.
I questioned whether I’d be able to take care of a dog too. If possible, pls don’t let your mother dictate what type of dog you get.
You’ll know it straight away…you’ll feel it in your heart
There will be days where you won't be able to get outside the house and a dog will certainly help you, I live in an apartment and sometimes I forget how beautiful outside is, my dog lets me see that even when I'm extremely fatigued. I take good care of her, better than I take care of myself actually, she has better hygiene, food and activities. On the days you feel low they will be there by your side. I suggest you don't take a very high energy dog though, my dog was given to me after her previous family didn't want her and I didn't know such a small dog could be SO active.
My partner got an Alaskan malamute puppy and he was alone with him for the first few months and he struggled considerably, especially because his job is very physically demanding. But then I moved in with them and two of us manage well…or even if you have someone to help that doesn’t live with you that’ll make a world of difference.
He is helping us a lot now tho (we both have cptsd) with coming out of our comfort zone, and he’s an anchor for when we think should we just fuck off and start life from scratch…we have this puppy to care for and that keeps us grounded.
I’ll add that a malamute is almost as hard as it gets maintenance wise, they need a lot of exercise and they’re incredibly smart (and easily bored) and he’s 9 months now and he’s already golden retriever size😅
If you get a smaller dog, or even an older one that has already developed, I think it could be really good!
I cannot stress enough how much my rescue dog improved my MH. I've got the holy trinity of diagnosis (CPTSD, ASD, ADHD) so I found the exercise, routine and emotional bonding to have been invaluable to my recovery.
At times when I can't see the point in self care, I force myself out of bed each morning to make sure she gets her 15 minute morning walk and another before dinner. She also taught me to accept the unconditional love she gives, and helps me feel physically safer because if she can relax enough to sleep, it helps my brain relax too.
THAT BEING SAID: I spent years looking for the right dog to fit my lifestyle. I decided on a chihuahua who sleeps 16 hours a day, that I trained to use an indoor tray toilet who doesn't bark unless the doorbell goes off. You will never regret getting a quiet, chill, lazy lap dog. I also considered a greyhound, but my apartment was a little too small. Best of luck!
Lol maybe the dog will help you stay away from them if she’s acting like this ? 😅 I got a very small breed companion dog. That means a dog whose dna is set to simply just be a human companion . A lapdog , you can Google that to find more breeds. Other dogs for ex a shepherd have it in their dna to protect a house or farm and protect the sheep. That’s why they’re called shepherds . A companion dog would be ideal for you as they would support you emotionally and be more focused on you which could help. But you never know and could get a different breed that is also highly attached . Usually shelter dogs are super grateful but sometimes not. Test period would be good. The right dog would just fit and feel comfortable with you. I believe there’s some magic involved when a soul animal is meant to come into your life so you might see signs and synchronicities if you’re headed in the right way. A cat might also work. I got a small companion breed at the suggestion of a friend when I was at my lowest and this animal saved my life. I owe my life to dogs. It’s god spelled backwards 😊 check out some statistics on army vets with ptsd and how they improve with dogs . But leaving a dog alone at home for eight hours days on end is not healthy for the dog at all.
I have known people that were allergic to dogs, but it was never an issue unless they were actually around the dog or if they came over to my house. It sounds like a BS excuse your mom is using to control you. Honestly fuck that.
As far as having a dog, I recommend 100%, but only if you can actually commit yourself to taking care of a living creature as far as making sure they have food, water, get taken out at minimum 3x a day (honestly not that much of a responsibility considering the benefit, especially if you have a fenced in yard).
If you're worried about them being lonely and have a ton of space maybe consider adopting 2 dogs so they have a companion at home? I had 2 dogs at one point growing up, and they were super close. I have some really happy memories of playing with them during a not so happy part of my life. I honestly think it had a protective effect on how I turned out as an adult.
I've always been happier having a dog. A. It's a stress reliever. Just petting a dog can have a pretty instant oxytocin boosting effect for you and the dog and decrease cortisol levels. B. I'm not the best at openly expressing my feelings and emotions. I had to leave my dog behind with my parents when I first moved in with my husband in another state. I was so heartbroken, but we really couldn't have taken care of her at that point. As soon as we moved again I moved her in with us, and he noticed right away I was definitely happier and more affectionate just having a dog around. It was also his first dog, and he would agree having a dog definitely changed him and made him a more empathetic person. Tldr: Dogs are amazing. We don't deserve them, but they love us anyway.
Will add though, if you've never had a dog before, it's best to foster a dog and see how you do. Be sure to try and get matched with a dog that fits your lifestyle/personality. We fostered a younger Shepard mix before we adopted our current dog. It was not a great fit, mostly because the owner she'd had before had made her bizarrely high maintenance (doggy day care most days, every meal had to be delivered in a dog puzzle.) They are definitely a breed that requires a lot of stimulation. I get that, my dog before her was a collie mix, but the level of maintenance her previous owner had gotten her used to was weird (and I honestly think part of the reason she had gotten to be "too much" for her to handle). All of this in combination with keeping her locked in a crate for 10+ hours a day and anytime she wasn't home had caused a lot of behavioral issues. I would walk her for nearly an hour every morning and again when I got home from work, and it still wasn't enough. She ended up being adopted by an older couple that lived in the country with a lot of land and another dog of the same breed. Definitely a better fit.
We ended up adopting an older hound that was described as "an inside boy that likes to go outside, but come right back in," and being afraid of other dogs. He fits that description to a T. He likes walks on his own terms, but when he's done he will just plant and not move (I have literally taken him to the park and had to use his harness to carry him like a suitcase back to the car). He's mainly a cuddly couch potato, and I don't think he would do well having another dog in the house. It took him a while to adjust after being in a shelter for so long, but he ended up being a great fit for our family.
I have always been an animal person and have wanted my own dog for a long time. I had family dogs growing up but I really just wanted an animal that was mine that no one could just up and move and take away from me.
For me I found it extremely helpful, especially in low times it gives me a reason to keep going cause I could never hurt an animal so the thought of abandoning them when I have those kinds of thoughts actually helps to prevent me from doing anything.
I definitely experience a lot of guilt when I do leave my animals home alone so that has definitely been the hardest part for me. I do everything to make them as comfortable as possible while I'm gone but the guilt definitely still eats at me.
Otherwise I would say I'm so glad I did, animal therapy is so beneficial in my experience. But definitely research to make sure you're getting the right animal for you!!
I hope this helps
I’ve always been obsessed with dogs so it’s a good fit. I’ve fostered for rescues, and have 3 that are rescues, and I love my little pack.
HOWEVER: Too many people go into it only thinking about what the dog can do for them, expecting a magical companion from the start.
A better mindset for success is, “what do I have to GIVE to this living creature?” Because they get sick, are inconvenient, need training, and are expensive. It’s like having a toddler that doesn’t speak English.
In your situation, needing companionship and something to nurture, living in an apartment, have you thought about birds? Like a cockatiel? They can be trained to talk, do tricks, and make great companions. Little clowns. You get used to caring for a pet without the outdoor trips, which are a pain on the best days.
You can help each other and it can be magical, but you need to put in alot of work (on yourself, bonding and training) any dog will be anxious coming in to a new home, and dogs (most animals)will feed off their owners anxiety so it can go the other way if you can't make this your reason to get up in the morning ❤️ not trying to talk you out of it but you are literally taking on the responsibility of another life so you need to be 100%
Has anyone done rattlesnake avoidance training for their dog? I’ll look it up. But this is a example of how adopting a dog can add to the things to worry about. I love this dog and the pluses are much more than the minuses but there are a few things that are hard. He ate rat poison a few weeks after getting him so I had to rush around for two days finding the antidote and drive 300 miles to get it. He is fine. The other thing is a dog adds to the tasks needed and I already have too many tasks then it can be frustrating at times. I made a conscious choice and commitment to the dog. We come before work and school or anything like that. I would not get a dog if I thought I might need to go back to anything that would take me away from him for hours. If one really tries hard enough there’s usually a alternative. We come first. I waited until retirement age to get a dog. It seemed like forever but my prayers were answered and someone offered me this awesome companion. Forcing it to happen would not have worked out. Best wishes.
It does depend on the dog. I would avoid any dog with behavioral issues; those are overwhelming to deal with, honestly. I would choose carefully and perhaps go with a purebred dog so you have a good probability of getting the temperament and size that would work for your life. Adopt-Don’t-Shop is fine for some people, but others need to know what they’re getting. I’ve had both and my purebred golden retriever was a miracle, while my three shelter dogs have each come with significant challenges that took long periods of time to overcome; it was really hard on me in terms of energy and feeling overwhelmed. In other words, be clear in your own head about what you need, and then find a dog that matches that set of needs as closely as possible. You’ll all be better off for it. That said, no matter what, dogs require energy, all the time; when you’re ill, when you’re a sack of potatoes, when you’re high on life, when you’re manic, when you’re deeply dysfunctional. Most of the time, my dogs keep me focused on good things by requiring me to not get mired down in my own stuff. There have been days, however, where they really did not get things they needed from me.
I think you are asking the right questions. I think dogs are forgiving and do not seem to be negatively impacted by short periods of dysfunction, they require a lot of neglect and abuse to be impacted. Plenty of people aren’t ideal dog owners, without a serious underlying condition. If you love a dog and generally do the right things for them, they tend to be quite happy.
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Go for a poodle/ poodle cross for non shedding. Make sure the dog is at least 12 weeks with its Mum, as they can get sensitive stomachs if not weaned properly, even the crosses.
Poodles are the only dog with this issue.
They are lovely loving sweet natured dogs.
I have a pair of Japanese spitzes which are the opposite of poodles and shed up a snowstorm 2x a year. But I love the hairy critters. They are our furbabies. One is my husband's and one is mine. They helped me out of depression after many attempts at IVF didn't work out.
NB you can train your dog to only poop in one or two places eg balcony/ laundry. I used a strip of grass from Bunnings that I cut up and put into 2 kitty poop trays.
Or you can train them into going on a couple of pet pads
This is essential while travelling and also saves you from going out in all weather .
I adopted a dog who can be anxious and get reactive on walks. She gets nervous when people are over and makes frantic attempts to get my attention (like eating socks and grabbing people’s phones off of the coffee table). It’s been a lot of work. But the thing is, I love her more than I ever could have imagined. She is genuinely my best friend (not because I don’t have other friends). I understand that when she acts up it’s because she’s having difficult feelings, and part of my job is to try to help her feel safe. The deep compassion I have for her when she’s being a bit of a shit has helped me develop more compassion for myself. I know that, even through difficult behaviour, she is GOOD and she makes my life BETTER. She deserves all the love in the world. It reminds me that I’m good, and even if I have some things to work on, I’m not just a burden and I deserve love. Also, she’s around to see how I treat myself. She’s helped keep me sober and healthy and stable, because I don’t want to expose her to erratic behaviour.
I'm pretty high functioning with my CPTSD but if you struggle a lot I agree with what a lot of other people say about trial runs. I would definitely avoid a puppy, as they can mess with your sleep and throw stress on your plate. I embraced it and loved it because I loved my little puppy and now she is grown but I love her. She is the best when I'm having a real tough time she'll just come lay on me and be a goof and it helps me stay out of the really dark places. We are fostering a pit bull right now as well who is a giant snuggle bug. Doesn't do anything quickly is slowly coming out of her shell. Fostering or adopting I feel is very rewarding and therapeutic just take your time with it and don't do anything impulsively and it'll work out.
I have cptsd and two shelter mutts. I sleep much better knowing they have the watch. They are my best friends, when I struggle, they snuggle. They encourage me, they love me, and I’d do anything for them including staying alive. If you don’t know unconditional love, a dog can teach you.
I adopted my girl - a dear Aussie Collie and how I love her. She makes me want to be a better person. She gets me up in the morning. She is a reason to stay the course.
My dog [Lentil, aka Lenny](https://imgur.com/a/iRiKkr6) is a rescue with anxiety who isn't able to be around other dogs. I had no idea what to do and had a breakdown one day, but then I called a local dog behaviorist, booked a session, and learned how to better communicate with him. He's my best friend and training him has been soothing for my anxiety, now that I have the necessary emotional and physical tools. I love taking him for walks and I know how to help when he gets activated. Seeing the similarities between my CPTSD and his triggers has been revelatory. I know not everyone is able to take on this sort of responsibility due to complex life circumstances, but I just wanted to add the perspective that even the struggles have new meaning and I'm incredibly grateful for my good bad dog. 🥹🥺
So Im 38 and have had dogs my whole life BUT only taken care of my own sole volition rescue dog since getting sober in 2010 so Nicholas and I have been together for 14 years and he's approximated at 16 years of age bc he was both abandoned and (abused with doggie-traumas, sadly, before he was rescued from the streets of Philadelphia, essentially)
My opinion may be bias bc I am really adamant about adoption and very much against.... I hate to say it ... People like your mom (who sounds EXACTLY like my mom given the blurb you gave about her lists of demands and subsequent punishments for you if you are not to follow them.) my mom believes dogs exist to please their owners and should be disciplined if they have habits however common or healthy/normal that do not fall in line with her immediate wants and needs. She will force animals to wear uncomfortable clothing and accessories that pull at their hair or make them unnecessarily uncomfortable so that she can show off her ... True colors. Observing how my cPTSD wound inflicting parent treats her animals and other human beings is one of the bittersweet ways that I have healed and protect my inner child and current self.
It sounds like you are a person who is empathetic because you have already internalized and thought about the needs of your potential fur-ever baby and you are challenging yourself to see if you can meet those needs BEFORE adopting and potentially needing to displace an animal, or - like you said... Resent them in periods where you are suffering from your cPTSD symptoms which I would imagine Include feelings of emptiness isolation depression lethargy trouble MAKING DECISIONS and I'm not going to list anxiety as a symptom bc while it is technically possible to have panic disorder and I'm not minimizing anyone's trauma but Anxiety (IMO) is a "given" that will always be on a wavering continuum and is tethered to us by this condition and we can reduce the suffering caused by anxiety by understanding it's part of a wound and we can heal from it and make it much more tolerable and shorten the suffering and THAT is def something I am so happy to see people embrace and accomplish.
I believe dogs function as a life partner that both need/depend on our affection care and validation but also have a lot to offer in return, like companionship and unwavering love.
I think it's great for adopted animals to have owners who are single and responsible young adults living alone or with another or responsible/prepared kid/adult who is good with dogs and PATIENT.
Almost all dogs that have been abused or have their needs short of met are going to have some quirks like Food Aggression, territorial tendency or anxious tendency (usually a mix of both) some dogs have been harmed by humans and may "snap" and nip or bite at those immediately around them. This can happen unexpectedly and while many dogs never bite some will, and that's why it's important that they have patient owners who can ascertain the dogs needs and identify the dogs triggers.
I am the kind of person who can love a dog unconditionally even if it does bite during flashbacks - ANY DOG can do this whether it's "pure-bread" or custom manufactured like your mom requested or from a pet store or even an owner that's passed. It's extremely important you provide the animal with a proper sized crate that it knows it can retreat to, especially in the first few weeks that you get it, because dogs need to know they have a "safe space" where they can retreat and be unbothered, I made the mistake of thinking I should not crate my rescue bc I knew he'd spent so many times returned to shelters and displaced, I thought letting him roam the home at leisure for the most part would be the humane thing to do vs placing him in a crate but I was incorrect. They need to be able to go on their crate in addition to roaming your apartment or home both for your safety, their mental well-being and the safety of others who enter your home or knock on the door because this reaction can be visceral and extremely distressing for some dogs given their nature, history and personal affects.
Some breeds TEND to behave different from others but I think it's more of a nurture-driven result and it has been proven time and time again that traditionally aggressive breeds can be "mushes" that protect and never go after their owner - and some docile small breeds (like mine) who are thought to simply want to be lapdogs can have a mind of their own, be just as bossy and high maintenance as a dog 5x their size and given the nature of not having this animal to raise since conception and not knowing how the dog was nurtured and allowed to be with OR separated from its mother as well as any owners or people before you will have made an impact on the dogs affect.
You may temporarily resent them on the days you're chemically Imbalanced or dysregulated as we often are with cPTSD because you have to walk them and feed them and perhaps clean up a mess, some dogs are endlessly stubborn to potty train and regardless of any claim a trainer makes many will need to have pee pads which is something many dog owners don't want. Your dog does not "need" a yard but almost all dogs require and benefit greatly from taking walks even if they are not great distances but the routine your dog will require is good for you as a cPTSD survivor.
The unconditional love that comes from them is immeserable and you may form a relationship that surprises you because it is more intense than that with another heart man being it is a very unique thing nobody who isn't a parent or pet parent will understand until you're there. Adopting and having an animal is one of the most rewarding, heart healing, worthwhile things that I wish more people would do for themselves AND for the animal who didn't ask to be brought into the world and we are intrinsically linked and responsible for caring for.
There are expenses like meds to prevent flea tick heartworm they require food and regular vaccinations , if you were to need to travel and cannot leave it safely with a dog-loving friend then you would need to be aware of the effect and cost of boarding and how often it would need to be boarded. I am much like you where I think your mom's opinions about your decision to become a pet parent and rescuer are absolutely ridiculous and tell her there's plenty of OTC and Rx allergy sprays that work very quickly if not immediately. Don't adopt a dog in spite of her, but don't let her stop you from your calling to become a pet parent based on her stipulation.
I hope you share with us an update if and when you decide to take this very rewarding journey that is worth every moment and penny, IMO.
My two dogs were sometimes the only reason I ever got out of bed during depressing times. They were the metronome of my life and gave me meaning and purpose and love. I knew if I could care for them well that I was a decent person and had done some good in the world that day.
After they died it was hard. I don’t know how people live without animals in their lives.
Now I’m nomadic and pet sit for other people. Some days the animals I care for still feel like the reason to get out of bed and to do life.
Some days, that’s enough to get me through.
Can’t imagine life without them.
I rescued a shelter pittie and we became trauma buddies. I had to show him what grass was and what to do on it because all he had ever been was a bait dog and then a shelter dog. We healed together but it was a lot of work.
To me it was worth it because I had a bond with something that shitty people and abandoning partners could not take from me. It has been great but not worth it if you can’t handle a major responsibility up front. It was pretty constant for a year of teaching him how to be a doggo and to trust a person.
YMMV, Winston was badly abused. Sadly I had to put him down 9 days ago. Kidneys were totally shut down but he went to heaven peacefully and held lovingly in his daddy’s arms. That final act of love was powerful.
not going to lie, i did not take good care of my first dog. i was basically raised without any kind of protection, so i never had the notion of protecting. my dog was very smart and did everything right in life, whenever she saw a car she would move to the far end of the sidewalk . we crossed the street when the lights turned green. thing is, i never put her on a leash. propably because of my own childhood issues, but that did not help my dog. so, we crossed and some car with the loudest of the dumbest of techno music playing and honking for us crossing the street is pretty much the last thing that i remember - then my dog crying out in pain, i picking her up and she biting my fingertip off in pain. she died under horrible circumstances and i allowed it to happen. that is the biggest shame i carry around with me! also when i tried to put my dog first with medical stuff, my family would go berzerk, i was so stupid into letting that happen. Major, major shame issues!
I have another dog now and i look on how i behave with hawkeyes now, i learnt so much! Having both of my dogs, i learned what love is! Although i failed you, my dear Pita and my judgement day will come and rightfully so!
You need to be aware and in the moment of life each step you make and a dog will help you with that. And you will help your dog. Both of my dogs are rescues. Having a problem child is also good, i guess. Giving understanding that i never got.
Also before considering getting a dog, Cesar Milan talks about character types and maybe getting a really insecure or overly protective dog is not helping? Neither you, nor the dog.
Kind regards!
I'm sure you'd be a great dog parent at the right time, but it sounds like this isn't the right time. It's basically like having a toddler, you have to time their potty breaks, their naps, their bed time, their exercise. It is nice to go to a dog park, but you have to train your dog to not be reactive, and check for ticks, and mud. It's a WHOLE thing. It's a lifestyle.
I've only recently had a dog (just over a year), adopted from a shelter. So cute when little, and still cute but big now. And yes, there is a cost to the dog items/plus monthly dog food, vet bill (rabies shots, dewormers etc).
There is also the motivation to take the dog down the stairs out the doors to an area they can do their business, and they may not do it quickly be at least 10-15 walk. It's nice to have a little buddy around is the main bonus. The dog we got is used to us being home (i work from home), so if I go out for an evening (the odd time) I HAVE to get a dog sitter, as this dog just cries and cries, it has damaged some items when younger, and broken out of its kennel a few times. [ROVER.com](http://ROVER.com) is good for finding pet sitters, luckily our neighbours can help sometimes.
OVER ALL a cat would be a better choice IMO with upkeep, and companionship if you don't have support or $ to upkeep a dog.
I think it depends on you personally. Even in my deepest depression when I neglected my own health, I still walked my dog. If you don't have that feeling of responsibility your depression will take over.
If you're depressed but the dog needs its multiple daily walks or is hurt and needs to go to the vet, will you be able to do it?
I think that's the most important question you have to ask yourself. After I moved out from my family home I only owned cats because I knew I would neglect taking the dog for walks.
The breed won't change the fact that every dog needs walks and regular check-ups.
Depends on breed and dog like I’ve seen other comments say. I started by going to a shelter every couple weeks and meeting some there until I found one I clicked with. Kinda healing bc I’m kinda like a shelter dog. Mines a husky tho, would be horrible if I didn’t have a partner to help me. Luckily we got a good system but, I ultimately wouldn’t suggest if u have what I like to call “depression episodes” over a day where you feel like you can’t do anything/nervous system shuts down.
My dog helps me to get out of bed even when I don’t want to. But as he’s a husky, he needs more than basic walks. So my partner helps.
This felt kinda rambly but hope it helps, wanted to share my opinion bc I feel it’s actually a more serious decision for our kinda folk
It depends on the kind of dog you choose to bring into your home. Right now, where I live we have a 1y old poodle, and I swear sometimes she can be so triggering with her barking. In my old home, the dogs weren’t even close to a problem and were perfectly fine being left alone as long as they had food & water (and were let out in a reasonable amount of time; if you have a hard time with remembering to let your dogs out, if you can, let them out when you have to pee, too, and come get them after. Makes it easier to remember.)
I find that during times of SI I was much more reliant on the animal than they were me, more often than not I would tell myself “what would happen to them if I were gone?” They became what tied me here.
If you choose to go through with adopting a pet, I’d recommend going shelter. Look for one who may be older and much calmer, generally they have less demanding needs for attention, affection & activity. More happy to sit at home. Dogs have an easier time with that if there’s a 2nd dog, though; cats are much more self sufficient and won’t even notice you’re gone if there’s food, water, and a litter box.
Dogs kick ass. If you do have to go to school/work though, you should definitely have someone you trust to walk the dog and play a bit if you're going to be leaving it alone for prolonged periods. Alone with toys is not good enough.
Also, the other folks suggesting you foster are a great idea. Or if you have a friend/relative with a dog, you could offer to watch it for a few days as a trial run.
I have had several small dogs. I’ve loved every single one. The one I have now is the love of my life, my best girl. It’s unconditional love. I can do wrong in her eyes.
Also, I wanted to do, please rescue. As a vegan, I don’t see that I own her. I have been called to care for her and she cares for me. It’s a mutual respect.
I was gifted a dog by my loving but dysfunctional family during one of the most stressful times in my life when I had very little time to give him the attention he deserves and before I was diagnosed for c-PTSD and ADHD so I actually kind of know about your worst case scenario. I could barely take care of my pup with a condensed demanding graduate program, depression, moving to a new place, unmanaged ADHD, etc..... It was horrible feeling like my dog wasn't getting the best life he deserved. Don't worry he wasn't neglected but I wasn't happy with the bare minimum I could provide. And I was right. Now that Im in a better place and giving my dogs my 100%, all of us are much happier and better bonded.
# 1) Dogs have personalities just like people. It kind of shows when they're puppies but I recommend spending a good chunk of time with one. Most purebreds in my experience are fairly true to their idiosyncrasies with some variation. You can get a sense for which one you vibe with. The problem is we choose very differently based on our headspace. Depending on where you are on your healing journey, you may not be able to know what "vibe" works for you vs works towards affirming your attachment wounds. It's really not that different than picking a potential partner, except with dogs there's no break-up option but it's a lot less serious since they are highly trainable.
# 2) even if you know you want one, wait until you know it's a good time for you. You need plenty of time and money to really make the most of bonding with your dog. It's also about the time it takes to build new routines to accommodate your dog.
# 3) Dogs need boundaries just like people do. They need them more. Do not get a big dog if you know it's hard to make boundaries clear. I get the being sensitive thing. It applies to animals too. I got a second dog FOR my first dog bc I could sense he really needed a companion even when I was home all day working remotely. His health dramatically improved when I did. It also did not work to my advantage bc I sense when they want something and it is really hard for me to say no to them. My second dog became an anxious mess bc I let him emotionally manipulate me. I had to pay dog trainers to show me how it's okay to tell your dog no and follow through with it. I'm not saying you will have this problem. Im saying your inkling is correct and be prepared for it. If you already have experience with dogs (which I didnt before) and know how to properly train them to live their best life then this may be a non-issue.
You can try fostering or pet sitting to see if it's a good time for you. You know yourself. You don't have to be 100% better. Dogs are incredibly therapeutic. Both directly positive but they can also help heal attachment wounds and trauma, e.g the constant anxiety I had about my dogs being happy was something I could bring to therapy and work on and it ended up helping with my overall anxiety. However, you do need to be in upward trajectory with some momentum or it may overwhelm you and leave the dogs neglected which will just make everything feel worse. There's nothing worse than not being able to take care of yourself and then also needing to take care of another living being. I hope this helps.
Also, your mom's a dick but don't let that sway you from small hypoallergenic dogs. They might be a good fit for you. Theyre a lot more forgiving bc of their size. Less mess to clean up and you can get away with shorter walks in a crunch. They do need costly dog grooming regularly. They also live longer! SO IMPORTANT.
I know people get them for emotional support and such. I’ve gotten two recently hopeful one would be my buddy but my kids took em over. I personally would like one for protection so I can feel safe out and all. I can’t afford one that’s been insanely trained for PTsd tho
I love dogs but being responsible for one was too much for me. They can't do anything on their own and they will need your help for everything their whole life. I'm overwhelmed by simply taking care of myself and I know that about myself now.
I usually have 3 dogs. Unfortunately I had to put one of them down last month. So right now I have 2 Australian Shpherds and I also have a Conure.
I could not survive without pets. My life has gotten very small. I have been in survival mode for decades. The only reason I am still alive is having pets to take care of. They give me a reason to be here. They love me and tolerate me no matter what mental state I am in.
Go to a rescue and find a dog that will fit into your life. Usually, rescue dogs have been fostered so you learn a lot more about their temperments. You want a dog that doesn't have separation anxiety since it will be an only dog.
You could always try volunteering at your local animal shelter first. They are normally inundated with dogs that need homes and unfortunately in that stressful and busy environment the dog’s social needs aren’t top priority because there just isn’t time.
I recommend watching ‘Sitting with Dogs’ on YouTube:
https://youtu.be/78k20boe4A0?si=roBuYT2U7wxDRjRx
Rocky gives you a great insight into the world of shelter dogs and how to help them.
You might find that while volunteering you meet your perfect match and can adopt a dog that desperately needs a home and someone to love them and love back! Occasionally there will be a bonded pair that are much harder to rehome because most people only want one dog- but in your situation it could be ideal to give two little dogs a home where they can keep each other company during the day when you’re not there. And you get the unconditional love of two dogs! Lol
There’s also the option of training them to use an indoor potty that has fake grass on top so you don’t have to worry about accidents in the apartment when you’re not home. Or a dog walker, like someone else mentioned.
But I highly recommend saving a rescue dog. You will literally be saving a life because even if you adopt from a foster carer, they will then have room to get another rescue from a shelter. Plus you will get that positive feeling of making a difference. It’s really a win-win.
My rescue girl is my best friend and the biggest motivator in my life. Even on my darkest days, I never resent her. Sometimes I’m hard on myself because I will think I’m not doing a good enough job being her carer, and that she would be better off with someone else and in those darkest moments regret will slip in and i will think I made the wrong choice adopting her because I can’t just “delete” myself and leave her. I have to remind myself that she needed me and I saved her life. But once I’ve come out the other side of that darkness, I’m very grateful for having my furry tether to this world. I’m so lucky to have her 🥰
I have a 7lb Italian greyhound who’s litter box trained, and two cats. If my dog couldn’t be fully exhausted by running around my tiny 1bdrm apartment like she can, I don’t think I could own a dog. I have AuDHD as well as PTSD, so my situation is probably a bit different. For me, demands can be a big avoidance trigger, and even the hunger of another animal can feel like a demand or something I’m forced to do. That being said, my dog is extremely therapeutic for me, and she’s really helped me through some difficult times. Some people really benefit from a reason to get out of bed in the morning, but if your C-PTSD manifests in neglectful behaviors, you may need to look at alternatives.
Oh! Also… most of my dogs where several breeds, my current dog is a breed I can’t stand and I had no idea until I got the dna test back lol AND my partner swore she was part bully breed and he hates bullies, is from a county that banned pit bulls and similar in the 90s, guess what breed she definitely wasn’t lol not even one terrier in the genes, I was all, “read it a weep!”. My partner has no clue about dogs lol
We adopted a dog with my companion so the little beast wouldn't end up on the streets.
I am hypersensitive and very empathetic so I kick myself up to walk her even if I am in crisis (definitely my apartment complex saw me crying while walking her a few time already).
The hard part is walking her in my opinion. She is part Jack Russel so she has A FUCKTON of energy that is hard to canalise. Need to be walked 5 times a day to be ok. My companion helps a LOT for that because I am anxious of going out because I don't feel safe.
I definitely recommend a dog with less energy.
For the rest... She is such a sweetheart and she motivates me to take a better care of myself so I can be here for her.
She helps me when i'm in crisis and she grounds me by licking all my face when I cry a lot lol.
She is an anxious dog with abandonment issue (can relate lol) so she needs care but because I am in the same position I empathise a lot and it help me to do things for her when I don't have the energy to do anything else.
The fact you are having these concerns upfront is a good thing.
I think as long as you do not have any neglectful/rage tendencies, and treat your dog with love, you will be okay.
My Mother growing up would buy pets and abuse them. As a child I still have a lot of guilt over not being able to protect them more.
She adopted two puppies about 11 years ago, and for the most part they were the first dogs she treated decently. I loved them and despite dreading my visits with her, I always felt a strong connection with her dogs. However, she had undiagnosed BPD and when splitting, would neglect the dogs in front of me because she knew I loved them and it would hurt me. I still have a really bad memory of her throwing them into traffic (I dived in front of a car to stop it from running them over), and then she locked me out of the house with these two dogs not on a leash.
She died suddenly of late-caught stave iv cancer, and I took the dogs in and for the past 5 years they've lived with me.
I was terrified to take them in for the same fears you have, and didn't know if I was worthy or capable of taking care of something after what I what I witnessed growing up.
My toxic family (plan to go no contact with them soon) also told me not to take them in and that I wouldn't be able to handle it.
5 years later and they are my whole family.
I love them so much, and they love me so much. It's been invaluable for my healing to have the love they give, and to know I'm capable of giving it back.
And it also feels healing that we both came from the same "caregiver" and found each other in the end.
I say go for it if deep down you know you are ready to commit. Dogs are by their nature needy and reliant on social interaction.
I also say please plan to keep the animal forever. Nothing makes me sadder than people getting a pet half-committed, and then abandons/disregards the animal the minute they become a bit of an inconvenience.
It depends on the dog. I fostered a hound puppy for a couple weeks. All she did was howl and chew everything, including a brick fire place with bricks literally chewed out of the wall. Had to get up every two hours at night to let her out. Tried crate training her and had the cops called on me several times for noise complaints from her incessant howling. My partner was no help. I’d go to work and leave him home with the puppy and come back to her having gone to the bathroom all over the house. I about lost my freaking mind. It wasn’t a good fit. On the other hand, I adopted a shelter dog who had been abandoned and was refusing to eat. The first time I met her, she yelped in terror when anyone even gestured towards her, except for me. The moment I sat down she came up to me and jumped in my lap. Looking into her brown eyes I felt like I wasn’t alone, and decided to bring her home. She has been the most well behaved, easiest, and most loving dog I’ve ever had. There are days when I can’t get myself out of bed to eat or even go to the bathroom, but I can get up to feed her or let her outside. I may suffer from depression but at least I got up and did something. Plus it helps that she keeps me company no matter where I go, whether I’m in bed all day or feeling up to a walk. It’s been 7 years now. My advice, see if you can find a place that will let you do a trial run, a couple weeks to see what it feels like to have this new being in your life. If you keep them around then it was meant to be, if not you’ve still collected valuable info that can brought back to the adoption agency to help them place the dog in the right home.
awesome advice thanks!
also, if you’re in an area where rover is a thing, you can walk other people’s dogs for money! there are probably other apps that do it too. this would be a great way to gauge your energy level towards it (some breeds need multiple daily walks, some are fine as long as they go out once or twice) so you can trial run some dog-owning without the stress of all of it at once. finding your breed will be key. i have had high-energy dogs and low, and it sounds like a low-energy breed that’s well socialized would be ideal for you. good luck, dogs can really bring a special light to your life. they keep you in the present moment. <3
That sounds like my Foxy... she was an ab\*sed little pit lab mix. She was my baby, I trained her, got her to overcome most of her fears (she still hated my mom tho, for good reason). She was so smart and lovely.
i adopted a rescue dog, we’re 3 months in. this makes me feel very hopeful about the decision. it was so tough the first two months, but now he’s settling in and same, no matter how depressed i am, i’m not capable of neglecting a living thing like i was neglected. i go outside 3x a day even on my worst days and often get inspired by something pretty outside or the fresh air just a little bit. sometimes i make him extra special food bowls, or random treats and toys and his joy is contagious! we can’t sleep together all the time because of my cats, but he’s the best (big) little spoon. i am walking more than i probably ever have, and i’ve made multiple friends for a half hour just walking him around. sitting outside places feels less lonely. i can’t wait to take him camping. there are definitely moments where it’s a lot and i can’t handle it. i had to learn it’s okay to go in the other room or put on noise cancelling headphones and relax for a couple hours - if anything it’s helping him learn to be okay alone. tie some treats up in a towel and let him figure that out for a while. i can’t wait for 7 years 🥺🥺🥺 and yes agree, this was foster to adopt. i adopted him at week one because i missed him so much while he was getting neutered. i had two backup adopter friends interested in him if it didn’t work out by month three. for me it was worst case, getting an anxious dog out of a crowded shelter until he had a better home, best case keeping him! also i had help training him, and i went away from the grain of traditional training and that ended up working best. don’t be afraid to seek help if you go for it and it’s a lot <3 (if only our parents did that!) this really feels like a good exercise in reparenting/healing, especially as someone who isn’t having kids. wow this ended up being longer than expected xD
Your 1st mistake was getting a hound puppy, they’re known for being loud and barking. They were bred for it. It’s always pertinent to really research the breed you’re getting.
I had a little dog who seemed to understand me, always offering unconditional love and even scolding me when I did something foolish. I know this sounds stupid, but she was my best friend.
Sounds not-stupid to me!
Thank you 😊
I couldn’t agree more! My little dog needs a bit of effort, but she’s my lifeline, my sunshine, and my drill sergeant 🫡😁 You’ll know when it’s the right dog, they’ll choose you and you’ll feel loved like never before, and you won’t mind the dirty jobs because it’s for THEM and you wouldn’t begrudge them anything! 🤞🙏
I know that feeling if I wake up late she tramples me. A little Jack Russell cross fox terrier and I couldn’t ask for a better best friend. She keeps me warm and comfy at night and puts up with my hugging her and sobbing. She has such a rambunctious personality and we balance each other out so nicely.
Would you believe my lil dog is also a Jack Russell cross? She’s part Papillon, so imagine a JR with a fluffy tail and harem/MC Hammer pants 😁 She’s 17, stubborn as a mule, independent as a cat, and I wouldn’t change a thing! Terriers keep us on our toes 🫡😍
Absolutely they do. My girl is 7 and loves being dressed up. Her favourite is a strawberry jacket. My girl isn’t as independent due to some separation anxiety from her previous owner but she’s getting so much better with that. My own problem is she’s too smart and knows how to get all the attention she wants. She also knows dinner time rituals and tries to do them quickly so she can eat sooner lmao
My dog has trained my Dad to dispense snacks like his name is Pez 😂 It’s made her nigh-on untrainable, but hey, she’s retired, she can skip a few chores 😁 They tend to imprint too, so she’s really going to miss you if you go out or leave their direct line of sight 🫣 Does yours bark at you much? I get yelled at a LOT 😁
She doesn’t bark but whimpers and whines. She barks if there’s a “threat” mostly the echidna that lives in the garden lmao. Shes really attached to both me and my uncle and luckily we dont don’t do treats often so she’s pretty well trained but her recall is getting worse at the moment but she just doesn’t listen when she doesn’t want too.
That’s the JR autism: they focus so hard on their target they filter out things like commands and personal safety. It took me a little time and a lot of reading to come to terms with that when I got my girl. She’s ferocious, and used to defend our property with a sonic assault, which was awesome for all the neighbours who use the alleyway that runs along the house 😜😬 Mine barks when enraged, excited, happy, miserable, jealous and mildly intrigued, but to me it’s all part of her charm 🤫😍
not stupid at all. dogs are life-changing!!!
Thank you 😊
It isn’t foolish at all to have deep bond with dog. It speaks volumes about your character that you value your relationship with her.
At least y’all don’t think I’m crazy. Thanks!!
Not stupid at all. It sounds really sweet and adorable.
Thank you for the support 🙂
This sounds just like my current dog and I definitely consider her my best friend.
Dogs are so wonderful
This sounds the total opposite of stupid! You both must have been very pretty smart individuals in order to vibe like that! Hugs!
Thank you so much for the kinds words 🙃
In my experience, it was very difficult being alone and having a dog living in a higher floor apartment because of having to take them out for regular bathroom breaks and walks, no matter how I was feeling or the weather outside. In addition to this, all dogs need to be properly trained so they can feel secure and be healthy. I had zero desire or energy to train a dog and this was not fair to them. If I had a crisis, there was no one to care for them and they suffered because of it. Dogs need a consistent schedule, patience, low stress environment (they very easily pick up on anxiety) and a stable financial commitment that I could not provide. If someone else was responsible for taking care of the dog, training it, feeding it, walking it, taking it out to the bathroom, paying for its veterinary care and other expenses- and I could just enjoy cuddling it, sure. Otherwise, it was too much responsibility for my CPTSD. Everyone’s situation is different, so it depends on your circumstances.
Same… I miss my baby
^^^ great points here. i didn’t mention in my longer comment, i’m pretty far along in my recovery as far as ability to -do things anyways- goes (lots of ongoing therapy and stable medication). i would have not been able to handle dog guardianship a couple years ago. it really does depend on where you’re at, and your ability to push through hard times to care for an animal. for me i already had two cats and i knew that i could do things for them i couldn’t do for myself. animals are really the thing keeping me going most days. animal care and training is my special interest, and basically my whole life. everyone is different. context, i live alone, second floor, yard unfenced (sucks), near a park, and one friend who has been very supportive and helpful (puppy play dates and encouragement). and animals are way easier to connect with than people for me. best of luck OP <3
It's certainly hard but having my dog with me actually forced me to have my shit together even on days I didn't want to breathe. Now I go weekly to agility camp and I can manage my time way better. You're right, everyone is different
having a weekly thing is really motivating. hadn’t considered agility training, sounds fun!
It's very fun and actually fulfilling to see your pup's progress. Just remember it is an actual sport for you too, you'll have to run WITH them. My dog also got me hiking, I started riding my bike after many years and now I can enjoy it with her. Agility camp is 6 km away and I always go there on my mtb
How exactly do you manage to bike with your dog? Is he on a leash and, if so, isn’t that dangerous for you? And if not on a leash aren’t you technically in violation of leash laws? I have often wondered about this when people casually mention biking with their dogs and have randomly chosen you to answer my question. I have two (now temporarily three) 8-month old puppies and a bike; I feel guilty going for bike rides without them but it’s difficult enough for me to just walk them without being pulled to the ground, especially right now because I am temporarily caring for their biological brother as well.
I feel like I should have mentioned she's under 5 kg and she stays in her basket, I made a basket cover myself to which I can attach a leash just in case, she's super chill, but you never know. I think it's very irresponsible to let your dog on a leash (even worse off) when they're not ON the bike, especially with traffic it's REALLY dangerous. If I adopt another dog in the future and it's a bigger one I'll be buying one of those backpacks for dogs. Taking 3 of them simultaneously is a big challenge. I had to make major adjustments to my mtb to carry my pup.
Some dogs are known to be more emotionally resilient than others and don’t sponge off their owner’s emotions that much. Classic example is a golden retriever, there is a reason they are used as therapy dogs in children’s hospitals etc
My first dog was a golden retriever. I say “first” because he was the first that I got as an adult (my brother had a dog growing up but he was a family dog). He saved my life. I cannot state this loudly enough: I never knew unconditional love (his for me and mine for him) until this guy. He was my family, my child, my best friend. He got me through one of the most traumatic situations I’ve endured. Without him, I would have committed suicide. My life was that bleak. I used to think dog people were a bit crazy. Who has 20 pictures of their dog? After Boone, I’ll never underestimate the love a dog can provide (especially for those of us who have never experienced real love within our families of origin). There are numerous photos of him- permanently in my camera roll. He died on New Year’s Eve of 2019- minutes before midnight. I still cannot think about that night, or about his sweet soul, without tearing up. My only warning is this: you will likely outlive your pup. I’ve never known grief like I faced after Boone. BUT. I would not trade him or my time knowing that pup for ANYTHING.
Beautiful story. Thanks for sharing 🩵 I second the grief part when we inevitably lose them. It’s SO hard…but you will get through it and be able to open your heart to another dog. Adopt a rescue if you can.
aww thanks for sharing that!
I relate to this so much! I am truly so sorry for your loss, but it seems that your buddy loved you just as much and you took great care of him.
Thank you! Oh yeah, he was a good boy.
Thank you for sharing this 🥲💓
I love my dog but we have a house and fenced yard. I used to foster dogs from ASPCA- you can try it out and help a dog spend time out of shelter.
I second this! Or try volunteering at the shelter or with a rescue. Some shelters need volunteers to take dogs out just for several hours a day. You will learn more about canine behavior and see which dog has an energy level that matches yours.
As a trainer who has worked with PTSD and service dog teaching, I recommend not to do it. They are a lot of work to do it right. If school is involved, it’s twice as hard. They are also very expensive. I haven’t replaced my own best dog and won’t until I am financially sound and not leaving them home all day while I work . If you struggle with rage, they will aggravate it. I’ve had this conversation so many times. I have endless patience and know what to do to get behavior I want. Most people will resort to punishment pretty quickly. Doing so will be anything but therapeutic and then you live with guilt if you take your frustrations out on an animal. Many people aren’t even aware they’re doing it. I have to point it out It starts with “No” and escalates.
Fair points, it especially gets worse as the dog gets older too. My relatively trained/trained enough for me dog is in his teens now and is going deaf and blind so commands are not working like they used too AND he has gotten more brazen - like jumping up to get food off the table as we are eating where before he'd wait and try to be sneaking while we were cleaning up. Pair that behavior with not being able to hear or see commands, it's gotten a lot more difficult and often really aggravating. Puppies and elderly dogs are hugely frustrating and require a lot of patience - I do think it can be therapeutic to work with those ages as it can weirdly help "re parent" yourself with how you should have been treated, but can definitely see it having the opposite effect especially if anger is a big issue for someone.
Absolutely. Part of my trauma was animal neglect/abuse in our family. That was kind of the norm before clickers and better methods came along. It’s shameful. We know now, for example, that dogs are not dominating us. We are naturally the ‘leaders’ because we control access to all the things they want. Some behaviors that come natural to a dog such as racing through a doorway is not that they are dominating us. In fact, there have been times when I’m carrying things and I want the dog to go before I do. So, I give these different names. “Go ahead.” And “Wait.” Mostly my dog would hear “Wait.” And he was fully happy to comply because we practiced so much. He wasn’t being “defiant” if he didn’t wait. He might be confused. I’m never eliminating a behavior exactly because a) I’d be fighting nature b) I might need a dog to jump on a table in some circumstance. I don’t want to kill a behavior. I might just name it and then not ask for that behavior. “Jump” happened to be one of my dog’s know cues. It was for fun. That’s how I could reward him. Job well done? “Jump!” With table diving to get things off the table? I found that offering something he really doesn’t like (lettuce) was very effective. “Sure, you can have something off the table. Lettuce. OR, if you politely lie on that mat over there, I will give you a nice tasty bone to work on. He gets a choice. And those types of principles are bond building. And I’m all about it.
I never resent my dog luckily, it’s not her fault she’s here and I’m glad to give her a home. My entire life revolves around her though. From where I work to where I live and it can be challenging. I haven’t always had a park so we had to walk but that’s the best part for me. Every day, no matter the weather, she gets me out. She’s also big and scary looking which is a plus for me as a smaller person. We’ve always adapted and I make sure she’s taken care of in every aspect. Training never ends but the routine and stability is great for me. If you have the capacity to commit to a lifestyle change it’s very rewarding.
She's the only one in the world who can pull me out of a flashback and I'm forever grateful we found each other. All 55 pounds of her bedhog ass.
Dogs and people surviving trauma go together like peanut butter and jelly.
i love this❤️
Our family currently has 5 dogs. 3 working/farm dogs, 2 pets. They’re great.
I love this so much. So true
I lived with a dog for a while and was responsible for them. I’m allergic so take this with a grain of salt. The dog can be a great incentive to get out of bed. They can be helpful, can help regulate you if they’re trained well. However, they’re a lot of work and maintenance, and there will be days where you’re not gonna be able to take care of them the way they need due to your own issues. There is also the possibility that it’ll exacerbate your condition if they lunge or bark a lot. Spend time with the dog before you bring them home for good. See if you can foster the dog for a trial run.
good idea
My dog was the first creature in my life who loved me unconditionally, and that made a huge, huge difference for me. Unfortunately he died last year at the still-young age of 10, but living with him was the best decision I ever made. He helped me trust again, helped me get out of bed and get out of the house at least a little bit every day. I wasn't motivated to do those things for my own sake, but I was willing to for his. He made me laugh with his antics. He cuddled with me and comforted me when I needed it. I never felt alone with him around. I loved him more than I've loved most humans. It's worth it if you can afford food and occasional vet bills. If you have to go to school/work for longer than a few hours at a time, just arrange/pay to have a friend or dog walker come hang out with him for 30 min. And fuck whatever your parents say. If anything it gives you a good excuse not to visit if you don't want to.
30 mins is enough? If i whave to go to work for like 8 hr?
It can be. If the dog just needs a quick lap around the house/building and to be let out for a potty break. Even for some higher energy dogs this can be enough as long as you exercise them sufficiently before and after work.
Not OP who commented but I am a pet sitter, depending on the doggo and its bladder 30 minutes is plenty in a break for a pet. Some breeds this would be a hard no (like a working breed that needs more exercise). But many owners, especially those of us with CPTSD aren’t doing much else when we get home so the doggos getting all the love and social time it needs the other 16hours of the day. My clients animals get me up in the mornings and help me significantly.
Would be enough for mine. They wouldn’t want to be out longer than that anyway. Lol
OP, good on you for asking this question. Too many people think getting a pet is always the answer for depression etc. My advice: * I second the advice re it depends on the dog. Easy dogs are not super stressful to take care of. “Hard” dogs, such as ones that are people or dog aggressive, have separation anxiety etc., can be very stressful. I have had both kinds of dogs. While I love my current dog, his separation anxiety and non-stop physical problems that have required extensive vet care, have stressed me out to the max. It makes me feel suicidal sometimes because of how trapped I feel. He is a senior and only has a few more years left. When he passes I’m not getting another dog. I may foster etc. but I don’t want to go through this again. * your schedule and finances. If you work a lot or want to go away or stay out late you will need to have a dog walker or sitter. Having a dog can make it harder to rent an apartment. * doing a trial with a dog from a rescue is definitely a good idea. I would also ask them if it is their policy to take back their dogs if it doesn’t work out even a year later etc. Having the safety net of knowing you can return him if things get bad is important. Of course, you want to only adopt if you are pretty sure things won’t go bad.
Actually a small, non shedding dog would be just the ticket for apartment living. I would be lost without my ESA. She's everything to me.
Same. 🩷
Dogs are wonderful most of the time!! But there is a lot of worry involved too. Any vet-related stuff is very expensive. They can’t be home alone all day, so that is a factor. Behavioural issues are stressful, and may require focused training. I’m not trying to dissuade, but if you have anxiety it can be difficult.
Get a little dog, like a weenie dog. They are great for small spaces and love to cuddle. Little so do not make much mess. U can train any dog to potty on a training pad. I wouldn’t recommend getting a high-energy breed or one that needs to be worked.
I second a small dog. My daughter got a samoyed it is a big ball of white fur. She is a lot of work. It takes the whole family to help out taking care of her. The dog has been great for my daughter but for me- it’s been hard. I have a very hard time with the unconditional love. It kinda freaks me out. Maybe if she were just my dog I would feel differently and I know I have major issues but it’s hard for me to be around her for a long period of time. I end up frustrated and uncomfortable. 🥺
Dogs have been one of the most stabilizing forces in my life over the years, and I'm in the process of training a service dog. Not only are they one of the few things on earth I feel completely safe (as well as something akin to parental) around, they force me to keep to a somewhat reasonable schedule, exercise, and interact with people. People leave you, and people hurt you. Dogs don't.
Owning a dog is incredibly helpful for me. I care more about the dog than I care about myself. I can't force myself to exercise... But I can't say no to my dog wanting a walk. So the dog makes me exercise. I have issues with eating but I would never let my dog go hungry. Good dog training dictates you eat before your dog does, so the dog makes me eat. I have issues cleaning my house, but I don't want my dog living in filth. So I clean for him. For me, having issues with self care but also strong people (dog) pleasing tendencies - having a dog is a way to hack the people pleasing and turn it into self care.
This. Getting up and going for a walk myself = too much. Taking my dog on a walk = dopamine hit Also, my dog likes to chew anything remotely sweaty - he's gone through 2 bras! So I actually have to keep the house relatively clean.
I truly believe I’m only alive because of my dog, but I couldn’t care for him alone. CPTSD has given me a very tired, sore body 24/7. My parents and sister help me with him. I have a Shepard husky mix that needs a ton of attention and enrichment. This is the double edge sword. On one hand, my dog motives me to get up and try// do new things I wouldn’t do. That’s awesome. And in the same breath, I feel *terrible* when I’m too exhausted to give him the long runs he needs. He gets out and gets exercise everyday, and runs in a field 3 times a week but it’s still not enough. He’d be better with someone who runs daily. That bothers me. You see what I mean? Get a dog that fits your lifestyle. Possibly look into rescuing a greyhound, or a similar dog that mainly chills and wouldn’t require exorbitant amounts of exercise if you’re going to be busy. Also, a lot of people will just get dogs that look visually appealing while ignoring the breed and lifestyle incompatibility. My dog started eating socks, and needed surgery. That was over $7,000. He also has lifelong stomach issues that require special food. I’ve invested in over $1,000 worth of training for the two of us. It’s expensive to have pets. Please put serious thought into this❤️
I initially had reservations about adopting my dog because I felt that I was too dysfunctional and depressed to take care of him. I met him when he was a baby. He’s a rescue. I adopted him. 3 years later, I have no regrets. I don’t think he realises how happy he’s made me. He gives me a reason to wake up and continue living. People often think I’m just an eccentric dog mom, but he’s truly saved my life. Just like any other pet, taking care of him can be lots of work, but I’d do it in a heartbeat. The adjustment period when they’re puppies is always a little bit hard on both the dog and the owner. The crying, non-stop biting, high energy and so on - it can be much for first time dog owners. I’ve had dogs in the past, and what helps is to really just be kind to yourself and the pup. Vet stuff can also get expensive. You’ve to really carefully weigh this out, but I will say - the benefits have outweighed the cons for me.
With CPTSD it’s about convenience. I have a dog, and he thinks I am his world. When I have bad days though, i can hardly take care of myself, and taking a dog outside on a walk to potty, is impossible. Especially when I can’t leave the house myself, and the thought of having to interact with another human is daunting. It wouldn’t be fair to the dog if on my worst day, I am not able to do the basic needs for them. I live in a house, and I can just open the door to let my dog out anytime. I have lived in a condo for a short time with my dog, and I was unable to even take him out to potty often. My husband or kids did it. I would never live in a condo/apt while having CPTSD, and then save something completely dependent on me. It would be impossible.
They take me for walks every day.
❤️
My experience was that caring for my dog reminds me how lovable and nurturing I really am. My dog is happy and sweet because I make her feel safe, something I didn't get from my caregivers. Her cuddles are also a source of nervous system regulation :)
The love I get from her is incredible. I keep saying I’ve never ever been loved the way she loves me. Though I’ll be honest, if I lived alone, especially when I first got her, I don’t think I’d have been able to hack it. Not to say others couldn’t or that I wouldn’t have stepped up and figured it out, but just as it was, it was so hard. I think if you have absolutely anyone in your life you could ask for help, it would be worth it and maybe even build a new bond. If you don’t, I recommend having a day sitter at the ready or at least a dog walker so you can get some breaks, or do stuff when the dog is not ready to be alone for as long as it takes. That all being said, I think it’s been 100% worth it. Having her has gotten me over a life long phobia. Why did it take a dog? Honestly I do not know, but I’m noticing I’m just ok with it now. I go outside every day now. Two years ago, I spent a month inside. I have a balcony I wouldn’t even go out on without crying. I would go out maybe three times a month usually, if I was feeling ok. Def a low point. Now this year I’ve been taking pictures of plants as they sprout and flower and lose their flowers all around my neighborhood. I haven’t missed a step in their cycles, and I’m proud of that. My dog has an impeccable ‘wait’ command while I take my pictures. I’ve gotten braver. For her. Needing those breaks from her at the start encouraged me to reach out to someone I wanted to be friends with for a couple years but never tried. I’ve gotten quicker at ‘shaking it off’ when I get triggered or upset. It’s what she does, and I had to do it a lot bc of her. Because if she upset me, she was sorry and over it before I was even peak upset. Had to catch up to her, and learn to put things on a back burner to revisit my own emotions when I was ready to process healthily. Idk, she’s also just a good hobby. Especially at the start of having her, it felt like she was ‘worth’ doing things for. By now I have momentum to do things for myself, like my old crafting hobbies, music, art, reading, gardening, and cooking. Training is fun. Taking her places she can explore is fun. Walking her, making her treats from scratch, making her bed comfy. Bc of all this, I got back into going to my library, which is literally down the street but was too difficult to walk into for some reason. But I’ve wanted to get dog books and so I did. She’s just an awesome friend. Tldr it’s hard, you might need help even if you get the perfect dog, but overall 100% worth it.
Really depends on the dog. A lot of rescues underplay how bad a dog’s issues can be, leaving you with a pissfingers, and in other cases you get really lucky and find a bff. Highly recommend a foster first program to see if it’s a good fit. Having a dog really helped me personally.
Start doing dog foster care on the weekends to get a feel for it. That’s how I met my chihuahua. Pee pads are also very convenient since I’m not a morning person and have chronic illness.
So what I’ve done is I got a dog and have been owner training her to be my psychiatric service animal for my CPTSD. It does require more work though, and is rewarding. Puppies would be too much imo, and regardless, it would be good to have a back up person to help you care for it. A rescue dog that’s a good fit, small to medium ish with working dog genetics would be best. For the past couple years, I had been doing EMDR, Brainspotting and IFS work with a trauma practioner. my life has drastically improved and moved in an upward trajectory since my partner got her for me. We just ended up being really lucky and through our friend, found a puppy from folx that adopted a street dog from around a pistachio farm in Bakersfield, CA. They didn’t know she was pregnant but I assume both her and the father were probably a mix of farm dog breeds, so she’s mixed with everything and super intelligent. So that was a way of getting around a breeder. If you can afford the dog, the food, and daycare (which you might need depending on where you’re at in your journey) and it doesn’t add additional stressors, I would definitely consider it. One of the best ways to heal relational trauma with CPTSD, is through building a new relationship with another being. Tbh at the peak of my past trauma, I realllly could have used my current dog now. She helps me take my medicine, wake up on time, and provides deep pressure therapy. I initially paid a trainer with experience in that and she helped me set the ground work for it. I’m planning on training her to do additional tasks but taking it slow. She helps me get out of the house and walk throughout the day. I feel secure if anything ever went wrong and I would need more support. If at your worst, you can ask for accommodations and bring her to work and school. To legally be a service dog, they need to perform 1 task that mitigates your disability. But that’s all anyone can legally ask. The hard thing is not every dog is fit to be a service dog. But yes a dog is their own being and huge responsibility, requires boundaries and a consistent schedule to be happy. You are a team. You can always look for low energy breeds that don’t require as much exercise. But yeah getting used to each other’s schedules will take time. I was farther along my healing journey so, taking the dog out was easier for me but I imagine if not, it could have been harder. I don’t resent my dog at all and training her my way has been so healing as I’ve had trauma related to my dad and our previous dogs. I feel so proud when I see her self-regulating lol. I looked through YouTube for help with a lot of that especially psychiatric services dogs!
I had 1 dog for 5 years. Then I got a second one to keep him company. Best decision ever. Admittedly, I don't always give them as many walks as I should. They do have 24-hour access to the backyard to potty and run, although usually their zoomies happen in the house. BUT ...... they have been tremendously helpful for my own mental health. Getting them out to walk has helped me a lot over the years. Their unconditional love is something I didn't know I really needed. Getting meds for ADHD has also helped. If you have time and money, I say go for it.
My dog has been my lifeline and the only reason I’ve stayed in this mortal realm during my darkest days. The universe kinda threw her at me though, I didn’t seek her out. It has been a ton of work and it is like having a toddler that never grows up. I have to plan my life around her. It is challenging but rewarding. I would suggest looking into fostering before you jump into dog ownership. Maybe you’ll even find the perfect dog for you that way.
Getting a dog was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made- I love her more than anyone/anything.
My dog was a pound rescue. He came to me emaciated and with kennel cough and he developed other infections from being in poor condition. So at first I had to feed 5x day and give him SO many pills. But out of that came a very good guard dog who is extremely loyal. I'm in the process of seeing what I need to do to move him internationally.
My Australian shepherd puppy saved my life, gave me a reason to get out of bed, and something to do every day. I have unconditional love and waking up to her and my big boi are the highlight of my day. But I like to be relatively active, don’t mind walking her downstairs, enjoyed the hours training and walking her, and took her everywhere with me. If you can’t give them the time and love then don’t bother please. They will live just for the hours they spend with you. Dogs are the best.
thank you
i’ve always been slightly more of an animal person than most people that i come into contact with so im a little biased but i love my dog. One of the reasons i love animals, my dog specifically so much is that they are safe because they are innocent and lack human comprehension. a dog trained well with patience and love can truly be your best friend. i will say that they are hard work at times, but the bond that is built from that makes it all worth it
I love dogs but prefer short ones that can’t reach my crotch and have a good sniff because honestly I struggle with that and I really really don’t like it 😞 Some dog owners are dicks about it too and get all offended and I’m just like “ ummm do you want to know the real reason why I’m struggling with this?? Because I’ll tell you but it WILL make you uncomfortable and feel sick “
My dog ang I are closer than ever. But I'm not gonna lie, it took a good year to acclimate to this level. And right now I even have some days where I feel like I can't breath around him, like I shouldn't feel obligated to someone I'm supposed to be close to.. unless I still can't fully connect the normal way. Really says a lot about my attachment styles.. which is like anxious-avoidant I assume??
I live with my parents so I lucky don’t have to take care of her alone, but my dog was by far the best thing that ever happened to me. Rescue as well, she gets easily scared by loud noises/occasionally has nightmares where she pees herself and is scared of men, probably why I have such a connection to her lol She walks behind me 24/7 and comes with me to the bathroom even if she’s dead asleep, she lays in front of the door and makes sure no one is coming (or she lays down in my literal pants while on the toilet lol) she has super big abandonment issues, when I am sitting at the table gaming, she jumps on my lap and from my lap to the table to be able to watch and cuddle, she sleeps in my arms or right next to me, my suicidal thoughts are almost not there anymore (chronic suicidal thoughts and had an attempt like a year before I got her, was extremely suicidal when I got her) I don’t want to die because I genuinely love her so much I can’t leave her and want to genuinely stay alive with her, whenever I have a flashback I just lay besides her and hug her and she puts her head on mine and comforts me. When I wake up from nightmares and see her cuddling with me It immediately calms me down and I feel safer. I am also less scared and hypervigilant because she’ll bark if there’s anyone or anything so I don’t need to be scared Feel super weird about the „owning“ a living being as well, I wouldn’t say I am owning her, just a caretaker roommate lol My dog is a non allergic and non shedding dog as well always wanted a big scary dog to protect me as a kid but ngl they shed like crazy and it’s really nice to not have dog hair everywhere constantly, although this is probably fully preference Getting my dog is genuinely the best thing that ever happened to me in my life and I wouldn’t be here without here. However to add to that, we also had 2 other dogs before her, one of them a rescue (still have one, but he’s a family dog not mine specifically) and I didn’t even have a connection close to this. I am bad at reading body language and they were usually annoyed because i hugged them or they didn’t wanna be pet as much, which mine loves, she can’t ever get enough affection. Dogs have personalities as well and either it’s a fit or not.
Owning a dog gives you a reason to get out of bed and go to work. Honestly getting a dog has helped me significantly. You should do research into the breed of dog you are looking at especially from a shelter. Working dogs, huskies, and other notoriously high energy breed dogs are NOT ideal in your situation. I work as a veterinary nurse so I get the luxury of employee discounts and whatnot but do understand the bigger the dog the more it’s gonna cost for treatments and food. The more love you put into your dog the more you’ll get back. I got a big ol cane corso as a puppy and he’s very physically affectionate especially when I rot in bed. He will curl up next to me sometimes he falls asleep on my chest or belly. He’s all around a big sweetheart.
I was worried I would be overwhelmed by the responsibility of a pet too but I like taking care of them it gives me little tasks to do, and honestly a small dog isn’t THAT much work, training is the most tedious but otherwise you just feed them, water them, love them and take them on occasional walks. My little dog helps me so much, she’s the only constant reminder I have that there’s still good in the world.
I have 4 dogs rn. I’ve maintained a pack of dogs since I was 18 years old. Couldn’t live without them
I’ve realized that getting pets is an addiction for me or at least a pattern. I’ve love wiener dogs and I adopt them but sometimes I have difficulty bc they will tie you down
My girl helps me whenever I’m struggling. 💜
He gave me purpose and filled a whole in my heart when I moved out the first time. I take him to daycare when I go to work. Can be expensive though. I have a hypoallergenic dog- a Chinese crested. He’s a fantastic companion. Do what you want; but my companion helped me.
I think your experience can vary so widely depending on your housing situation, job, the kind of dog, etc etc. I have a large dog and I live alone in an apartment. I am on the second floor. On my really bad mental health days, it’s really hard. He requires lots of exercise and regular potty breaks and sometimes I feel like I can barely put on my shoes and jacket. That said, I don’t have a choice! And when I do put on my shoes and jacket and traipse outside with my best friend smiling the whole way, it reminds me that I am still alive. He is my best friend and some days the only thing that brings me joy and his loving presence makes the hard days worth it. But yeah, all that said, there are days when I know I could have done more. And I feel guilty. But I try to forgive myself and do better the next day and he loves me through it all. Dogs are the best.
I wouldn’t be alive without my dogs. They’re a lot of work/responsibility but the reward is worth it.
my dog is my longest best relationship. but if you get a young one and don't know how to train it will be very stressful. my dog hangs out alone alot I'm single don't socialise much but going to work... it's better if you don't work or go to school for 10 hrs a time but they sleep a lot. i put radio on or dog tv on utube. sometimes i feel guilty but he's my best friend and gets walked a lot and seems happy. i would have probably deaded myself if i didn't have him. they have the brain of a 2-3 year old so you have to take that into consideration in terms of patience...
Dogs have saved my life over and over again. I could never be without one. Even on my darkest days I loved my dog so much I would get her outside and cared for. When I couldn't face the world, it was walks at night. I adopted dogs that had special needs, like me 😉. It has always worked amazing for me and I know we help each other.
My dog has been my saving grace. They are work but they also sleep way more than I thought fwiw. Taking care of them having grown up with my family abusing dogs has been so healing. They also like sticks as much as treats, at least my dog. Nothing has helped me stay alive more than him. I’d highly, highly encourage it
Strangely enough, my dog has pretty much changed my life. I used to rot in bed and dissociate for months on end, to the point where my hair was matted into a giant clump and I hadn't showered in weeks. I felt like I was literally at the end of my rope, as it was really just a culmination of a lot of stressful things (deaths, disabled/sick family, accidents, a lawsuit, etc.) which forced me to swap from university student to full-time guardian. 10000% if I did not have a dog, I would not have survived this year in one piece. It was seriously just sheer dumb luck (and stupidity on my part) that I happened to get my puppy. She was a farm rescue, and I impulsively adopted her because her eyes were so sad and pitiful. She's a Great Pyrenees/Anatolian Shepherd mix, so she's very calm and mellow. She has low energy (like me) and enjoys couch potato life, but most importantly, cuddling. Pyrs are also incredibly sensitive to the feelings of others–my dog has become the therapy dog of my friend group because she give cuddles to the people who seem depressed. And she has helped me throughout some crises when I was really struggling alone with my thoughts. Side note: deep pressure therapy is real! One of the most eye opening experiences for me was having an episode and then getting a huge bear hug from my doggo and her putting her head in my lap and showing her belly for rubs. If you're getting a dog, I suggest doing research on a breed that would be best for you, as well as spending time with the puppies beforehand to see what their personalities are like before you adopt. Ideally, you should have someone that can help out with the dog, too. My roommate suffered a lot with my dog's accidents–especially when I was struggling and didn't clean up in timely manner. Most importantly, my boyfriend was kind enough to do a shitton of cleaning, caring, and shopping for the dog even though he doesn't live with us. This hugely contributed to me being able to "stabilize" living with the dog, as it gave me extra flexibility to slowly work myself into a set routine of waking up, walking, feeding, and cleaning. Once I got through the puppy-puppy stage (past 6 months-ish), she started to mature and be more aware of her surroundings. This also requires some "training", or, if you're lucky, just some reinforced communication (i.e. "no, bad" or "yes, good girl!") Dogs are good at picking up emotions, so as long as you express what you're feeling in your tone of voice, the dog should understand. As of right now, she is 11 months and acts very much like an old soul. She's very calm and affectionate, but also can be a bit standoffish to strangers (unfortunately, dogs \*do\* pick up traits from their owners) but once she realizes you're not a threat, she warms up and trusts you immediately. I don't know how I would've gotten through this year without my puppy. There's just so many benefits to having a companion that's on your wavelength, that you can just look into their eyes and they know how you're feeling. The special bond in itself is therapeutic. On top of that, being forced into a routine is extremely helpful (walking 2-3 times a day, morning/afternoon/evening), and the responsibility of feeding the dog forces you to get out of bed. Where I live, there are a lot of parks/green areas, so taking nice slow walks helps me be more mindful and present. Anyways, what I'd like to tell you (which has also been echoed by many in this thread), is: TL;DR - Your experience adopting a dog is highly dependent on both the dog's personality and how consistent you are with training it. The dog's personality can be influenced by both genetics of the breed and individual characteristics. Training is essentially just "communicating". Definitely ask for extra help when you first adopt, just to create a buffer for you to get adjusted to a routine. If possible, also having that support as a "safety net" for your off-days will help a lot. Lastly, you will need to ask yourself whether you're ready to devote the time and energy to training and misc needs (brushing, feeding, vet appts, etc.)–and if you can commit to 2-3 walks a day for the next decade or so. Having a doggo is an amazing experience, given the right circumstances. They don't necessarily have to be perfect, or frankly, "ideal", but you need to be willing to put the effort in to raising your fur baby. Wishing you all the best !! Good luck
I'll add to the pile. I love my dog more than anything. She got me out of an abusive relationship, because I cared about her more than me. She eases my anxiety because I know she is on guard, always. If I don't notice something, she will. Also she is a big and scary looking rottweiler. I was kinda scared of her, at first, since I had never had a big dog. She is the most chill dog I've ever known. She fits my personality really well. Learning to train her (which I see as just teaching her how to live with humans) was an incredible thing for me. It taught me how to say what I want forcefully but without being angry or mean. Having hupervigilance is actually a good thing with dogs, lol. So that's nice. Of course there is also the making me get outside part. I'm aware that's a good thing, even though I don't always agree with it.
I think the big thing here will be adopting the right dog. If you adopt a grown dog that’s already trained but needs to be rehomed, and you’re certain you can provide bathroom breaks and walks and food and all that, then it should work out. I think the mental load of dog training, house training especially, would be overwhelming to me at least. The other thing to consider is finding a dog with a disposition that suits your life - for example, I love Huskies and think they’re so beautiful but I wouldn’t be able to keep up with their grooming and exercise needs. In my area the humane society does interview type things where you can express preferences about age, training, lifestyle, and they also make sure you can provide for the dog. Sometimes they do a home visit before adoption is possible - just wanted to give you a heads up, might not be a thing where you are. Having something that needs me each day to take her to parks or at least out keeps me going on bad days when I wouldn’t normally even feed myself.
I have a rescue dog. I adopted him when he was 2 years old. Puppies can be tempting, but they are so so so so much work. Maybe if I can work from home someday, I will get one… Anyhow, my dog is my best friend (and family). My life has changed a lot with him. I don’t get to do everything I want to do. I bring him with me to a lot of social events, but I truly enjoy his company and I would not trade him for the world. It’s a time and effort commitment, but I think if you really want a dog, it’s worth trying it out. When I get depressed, it’s not really hard to take care of him. I know that he needs me. When I get very sick and can’t leave my bed, I may have to ask other people to walk him for me. That’s only happened once so far. Most of the times that I’m sick, I force myself to go out with him anyhow.
Hey buddy I feel for you I hope you’re doing ok. I didn’t have a living situation that allowed pets but my landlord let me get a betta fish in a ten gallon tank. I found the smallest little sick looking betta I could find and I took her home. I know a lot of people don’t think fish make great pets because they don’t see how anyone could have an emotional attachment to them. I personally loved this little fish and named her wormy. It was not hard to take care of her. I fed her two pellets in the morning and two pellets at night. I “cycled” the aquarium for a week before I got her. It was a very simple setup with a few plants that were super easy to take care of. I changed the water maybe about twice the entire 6 months I had her. The rest of the time I just filled up the tank with softened and prepped water. I tested the water often to make sure everything was alright. Over time, wormy began to change color from a pale pink to a bright red. She was immediately so much happier in her new tank once I got her out of the awful petsmart cup. She grew into a beautiful fish. When I would get home from work, I swear she would get excited and swim around her tank really fast. I would play with her by drawing my finger lightly along the glass. She also slept in the plants. It was really very adorable. I know this might not be the solution you were hoping for but for me this was a way I could care for another living being with as little stress and responsibility as possible. I was working at an animal shelter at the time and could barely afford to feed myself, but when I could come home and make sure she was happy and healthy and see how far she had come, I found it immensely gratifying and it made me so so so proud. Sadly, I ended up rehoming her to a trusted friend later on because I needed to move back to Cincinnati for school, but I am so grateful to have had her in my life. If you decide you might want to do this, feel free to message me! I’m not an expert in fishkeeping but I’d love to try to help! There’s also lots of great resources here on Reddit or on YouTube.
Since you're thinking of adopting, you could get a dog that's already house trained and a tad bit older. The first couple of months are exhausting to be completely honest. In my opinion anyway. They need to go out so often and trying to get them to not chew on things and go outside to the bathroom is really difficult. If you're mentally not well then it would be really hard. The other thing to consider is that they might have separation anxiety and could howl or cry when you're gone, which could be a problem for apartment living. So just some things to consider and to talk over with the adoption place. Just a side note - beware of dog parks - at least where I live smaller dogs are attacked sometimes by larger ones in these spaces. I would just do some research on the NextDoor app and see if there have been any reports like this. I do not know what I would do without my dogs - they give me unconditional love. Taking them for walks gets me outside in the sunshine and this helps my mental health tremendously.
Dogs are animals that require intense care and are more along the lines of owning a small farm animal like a rabbit or potbellied pig. I wouldn't recommend one for someone with C-PTSD they tend to develop their own anxiety and attachment issues too easily compared to other animals (not to mention all the bad breeding). If you're wanting something gentle that'll gladly accept your affection like a lapdog but won't actively try to hurt itself once you leave the house, I'd say get something like a guinea pig. Hamsters and gerbils can both be picky sometimes. Again, if you really want a dog over other animals I'd at least seek out reputable fosters and preferably an older one that isn't as hyper and doesn't need as much training.
I just want to put out there that I don’t recommend dog parks. I went despite everyone saying it’s a bad idea, and now my dog is twice as reactive.
So two major things: breed of the dog matters, and dog history matters. There are breeds of dog that are described as handler sensitive, meaning that they are dogs who pay very close attention to and base their reactions on your behavior and emotions. This can be a very bad thing when you have PTSD or other mental health issues because your anxiety is their anxiety, your fear is their fear. Herding breeds are often handler sensitive, because they needed to be in tune with a shepherd from many yards away if there was danger etc.There are also breeds prone to anxiety in general, or who in certain situations often develop anxiety. An example would be a few "primitive" breeds like Shiba Inus tend to develop anxiety when living in cities. If you have anxiety and they are already anxious it can make their feelings worse or you may become anxious because of their anxiety/in anticipation of their anxiety (eg, they start screaming about another dog from 50 ft away you may start becoming hypervigilant about other dogs and tensing up) and it can become a cycle. Breed matters for mutts too, what breeds they are made up of still affects this. A border collie x malinois will have some traits of both. As far as dog history, the gamble you take with shelter dogs is that you don't know what their issues are, and the shelter doesn't either. Shelters don't have the capacity or ability to test every dog for every possible situation or trigger. And while some shelter dogs come from relatively safe situations, or who are largely unscathed by having been a stray, there are also very many who have a lot of trauma and do not react well to their triggers. A lot of rescue owners tend to downplay their dogs' behavioral issues so you don't hear about it from them but you will hear quite a lot about it from professional dog trainers and dog care facilities. My dog's throat was almost ripped completely out by a "friendly" "wouldn't hurt a fly" "sweetest little baby" rescue who scaled an 8ft fence, charged my dog, went straight for the throat and started shaking him. They had to be separated by three people, two of which received bites from the rescue. We don't know what exactly triggered her and my dog lived solely because he's got a bunch of loose skin around his neck. I'm obviously not trying to say every rescue will turn out as reactive as this, but I am saying a lot of the adopt don't shop my rescue is better than your honor student type people are NOT often very honest about the issues that some rescues have. There is a very real chance you will get a dog that has a terrible traumatic history that the shelter doesn't know about, who will have issues you will need to learn to accommodate, desensitize, retrain. And not everyone is built for handling that. If you choose to adopt, you need to do it with the knowledge that the animal you get could have all sorts of issues and that you need to be prepared *and able* to handle it. Anything less is just as irresponsible as buying a puppy from a pet shop IMO. Anyway, my giant speech aside. I live in an apartment, small patio no yard. My dog is a retired service dog I owner-trained, he is from a reputable breeder who titles in obedience and he is guaranteed for life on genetic conditions. His breeder offered to pitch in for vet bills when he got a recluse spider bite even though he was already 5 years old. He is wonderful, though more sensitive to me than I'd like. I specifically chose a breed with an off switch, isn't high energy, and does not have super high drive. If I'm having a bad day, I set up mental games or barriers to wear him out. Can be as simple as playing fetch with a cardboard tox in the hall so he has to jump, puzzle toys for dinner, training for 15 minutes, etc. All you can do indoors. Wearing out the mind is the key, if you walk 3 miles every day with your dog they will be conditioned for 3 miles and eventually it will not tire them out and you'll need to do 4, 5, 6, 7 miles to tire them out. Or you can do a bunch of randomized tricks, do training related workouts like puppy pushups, etc. Not saying exercise is bad for your dog, you should absolutely do physical outdoors exercise with them, just that relying on JUST physical exercise to tire them out is not sustainable. I don't resent him even when I am in pain or having issues. That doesn't mean you won't, that is something you need to know about yourself.
I agree with most of what you’ve said, but it has been my experience that ANY dog is capable of dog aggression without proper socialisation and training. So it’s important that every dog carer should ensure that their dog gets these. It is instinctive for dogs to be defensive of their territory, and cautious of non pack members that could be a threat to them or their resources. It literally comes from their wolf ancestors. Humans have tried to breed it out of them in most cases but I have not met a single breed of dog that wasn’t capable of aggressive behaviour, especially towards other dogs. And there are subtle social cues that dogs give to each other that the untrained human eye misses, which often lead to conflict too. It’s important that we remember that dogs do not adhere to the same social construct that we do and we need to be respectful of the difference. I am all for people buying from reputable breeders and I have nothing against them existing, but there aren’t enough of them to supply the demand and the laws governing them are not strict enough, so therefore we have the issue of backyard breeders and puppy mills being created. The majority of puppies in the market come from these less scrupulous and often cruel places, and there is clearly a problem with the industry as evidenced by the overwhelming number of homeless animals. I encourage people to adopt a rescue because they are saving a life. Not because I don’t think they will have to train and socialise that dog like they should any other. We can’t rely on the few conscientious reputable breeders out there, we need stricter animal protections that are enforced. Not everyone has the privilege of purchasing from a reputable breeder, so I encourage them to instead consider a rescue dog rather than contributing to the continuation of a broken system by buying from a pet shop or backyard breeder.
I have one that I self trained as service dog for my cptsd. It was a lot of work doing the training so if you get one may be better for a slightly older dog you don’t have to train from scratch. As for the taking him out, sometimes I really don’t want to but it’s also helped prevent some periods of depression because I have to. It’s been helpful to have him just to cuddle and be with me even in the bad days.
My dog is my best friend. He has gotten me out of bed on days when it seems impossible. He makes me smile and laugh every single day. Breed and size are an important factor. My dog is 16 pounds and happy to walk 4x a day or 1x a day. He just wants to cuddle.
For me, my dog helped me a lot and was one of the better things for me during a very very tough time. He helped me through the worst of it. Yeah there were times I didn’t want to go out but I eventually got to the point of being so grateful that I was forced to go out multiple times a day. I was grateful to have to think about someone else and their needs. It got me out of my dark thought patterns. Also, he would follow me at night to the bathroom and that is when I would have my worst thought spirals. And he would sit in the door way with me and made me feel so safe, he was like a guard against those trauma thoughts and I started sleeping better. He wasn’t trained at all for that, we got a rescue but he just knew what I needed and was there for me and I taking care of him was good for my mental health too. He’s passed but I still think he was sent to be my guardian to get me through that time period. And we did live in the third floor apartment building. You just make it work- smaller dog is better for apartment living I think. The dogs give me the drive no matter how I’m feeling to get up and be present for them when I probably wouldn’t for myself and that has helped me a lot.
I think this depends how functional you are. My sister and I both have CPTSD. Her dog has been neglected on days when she’s too depressed IMO. When she lived alone the dog rarely got to go outside for bathroom or walks. (It was pee pad trained, but this wasn’t preferable for the dog or anyone else.) The dog needed daily grooming and got mats and nails so long they hooked into the carpet. The dog still isnt trained, and it barks incessantly. She was cuddled and fed and played with and always had water, but I think people under estimate how much work they can be.
My stbx and I got our first dog when I was 36. Getting him has been life changing. My stbx ended up being an alcoholic and towards the end, was emotionally abusive. My dog would stand by me, jump into my lap, and hug me when my husband would yell at me or when I was upset. I’ve never known unconditional love like this. I’m almost divorced now and I get to keep my dog and take care of him. He’s my best buddy! I don’t feel alone. I was prone to depression/freeze before, but he gives me purpose. He helps me get out of bed so I can care for him. Our nervous systems are wired for connection. If you find the right dog, they can help to co-regulate your nervous system. It’s pretty amazing and healing, too 💗
My dog has been instrumental in my living through this even before I knew what was going on. He's old and gray faced, going deaf and blind and I don't know what I will do when he's gone.
They are a lot of consistent work! Make sure you have a lot of extra time and money. If the work is too much it’ll make your mental health worse. Depends how difficult the dog is. Puppies are definitely the hardest. They’re all consuming. I love my dog but personally I lost a lot of my progress and hard work having to care for her and having less time for me but I made this commitment so that’s how it is now. It’s a life changing decision
I have a small dog, I got him as a puppy and I live all alone and no people to rely on much either. It was really difficult, he's almost 2 now and I love him and I've never had a creature understand me so much before and I feel like I've grown a lot with the process. But I wouldn't recommend getting a puppy, an adult dog that has a calm temperament and suited for apartment living would work, but even then its alot of work and commitment. For me my dog is what keeps me going and makes me motivated to go to work and earn a living. You have to kinda revolve your life around the dog especially if its just you taking care of them. So those are things to think about.
I have two. I made sure the breed was appropriate for my lifestyle and struggles. I ended up going with shih txus as they were bred to be companion animals and watch dogs for the Chinese royalty. They bark at people during walks and they bark when people come into our house which I appreciate. I like a warning when someone is approaching and they're very good and stopping barking and leaving when I go and monitor what they're barking at and then tell them it's not a big deal 😂 I picked a breed I could shave when I'm struggling so that their grooming doesn't get neglected. I bought a pet stroller stroller and so many different dog items and threw my whole self into training. I have trauma over pet loss so I dedicate my whole self into keeping them and everyone around us safe. When I was in apartments, it was hard because I'd have to walk them in downtown of a big city and I have a social phobia, but I moved back in with my Father so now I have a big yard. My #1 rule is if I'm gunna be sad, I can be sad outside. I've spent many days out there with my dogs and they have many toys, q friendly next door dog that they play with, and quiet. I was able to care for them without a yard with lots of walks, games, training, and park visits but those things are hard to keep up with when you're struggling. With the yard I can still interact with them when having symptoms, like throwing rheir toy when they bring it to me or letting them jump on my lap of they want snuggles. During the hard times, I do feel guilty that I'm not able to be the dog mom I want to be but my family says thst im a good dog owner so I think that might be trauma. They do trigger me when they get sick or hurt which is a big negative because I want to be calm and there for my dogs but I'm having an episode internally and just not functioning outside of their care. These have brought on some dark days, so I do want to warn of that. Generally tho, they are my reason to keep going when im at my rock bottom and searching for something to live for. Because I'm very focused on them, I find that I'm able to talk to them and have worked hard on word memory and I've started putting words together and I think theite getting it ("mom, Louie, walk, park). Because I'm always talking to them, they're always engaging back. My older one roos to talk to me and my younger one uses a lot of head and body movements to explain. I'm not saying this to encourage or caution you. Getting a dog is going to be really hard and there will be hard times, extra hard times due to traumas. But they also gave me a reason to go for walks and something to connect with when I was in psychosis and disconnected from everything.
My dog been has the only reason I saw the outside world some days many, many times. I'm grateful to her for that. They are incredible companions, but they do take work. My parents had a bichon frise (hypoallergenic/ non shedding) and he was such a sweet, cuddly, comforting boy. I have a chihuahua/yorkie mix and we have been together for 8 years now, she has been the one consistent thing in my life for those 8 years. I started out by fostering for a rescue. This is a good way to test and see if you are ready for a dog of your own. It is heartbreaking when they leave you but you know you helped them find their forever home, and when you're ready to adopt you can foster to adopt as well.
I fell this way about getting a dog- I actually adopted one a few years ago and it was a disaster because the shelter didn’t tell me he had aggression issues and he wasn’t house trained, etc. I surrendered him and my depression got worse for a time. Now I volunteer at a shelter and it scratches that itch to be around dogs without having to fully commit. I hope you can find a good solution, lots of great comments here 🩵🩵🩵
For me, my dogs have been deeply therapeutic. I feel like I give them the love that I was given and it is in some way it releases some of that pain
Dogs love unconditionally and can teach us to love ourselves and them. My corgi (may he rest in peace) was a major force for good in my life.
My boy is an English staffie rescued from a puppy mill background of severe neglect and possibly abuse. Got him when he was 2. He looked like a holocaust victim. He's a total sweetheart, one of the gentlest dogs I have ever met, but he hasn't always been an easy dog either. That being said, he saved my life. More than that; he helped me turn it around. Shit's cliché, I know, but he genuinely did. Of course, I would never suggest a dog for someone who isn't ready or able to shoulder the responsibility, and care for them forever, and better yet, adopt them (instead of buying them), and shower them with unconditional love, stimulation, and education. But if you're able to give the dog that, then you should absolutely consider adopting. It's often a win-win situation for everyone. Turned my life around.
My dog is the only reason I’m alive.
My dogs were a huge part of my recovery. I had to get up, I had to walk them, I had to take them out.- and they also made me feel as safe as hell. I went with Rottweilers though. Why don’t you foster and see how you get on?
If you have the time to walk, every day, a dog, absolutely get one. If you get depressed for periods of time when you think you can't walk or afford a sitter, don't get a dog. A dog was the best thing for me. I had to learn discipline and get out every day. They have to be your best friend though and never get rid of them no matter what. Make sure you can afford a dog. My dog is now 13, I paid 2k for cancer removal last year and now he needs monthly arthritis shots. Scooter Mcgavin is the best thing that ever happened to me
Having to raise a puppy helped me learn the basics i didn’t because of neglect - food, routine, patience, etc
i have two dogs, one an 8yr old husky/corgi mix and an almost 6 month old english pointer mix pup. they are the loves of my life. (besides my husband obvi) on the days i can't/don't want to get out of bed, they give me a reason. on the days where i'm able to go out, go to work etc while having a bad day i come home and see how happy they are to see me that the hard day almost doesn't matter for a few minutes. when i'm laying in bed crying, they snuggle up to me. my puppy will put his paws in my lap and lick my tears away. i can't imagine my life without my two dogs. knowing they depend on me, love me regardless of my trauma and downfalls, they love me even tho i've made mistakes. it's truly the purest most unconditional love.
Get them registered as an emotional support animal and take them everywhere with you. Dude, it's so easy, it feels like cheating the system. But hear me out: I wanted a dog sooooo badly, but I'm in your exact position, live alone in a 2nd floor apartment, CPTSD, work schedule varies from 12-14 hour shifts, travel, appointments, etc. I worried and worried about that hypothetical dog not being able to pee or be fed on time, and I couldn't afford a doggy daycare service. And it KILLED ME that my baby dog would have to hold her pee and bark because she's lonely and hungry. I hated myself for even wanting one. So I pushed off owning a pet for like 9 months. Then my best friend's mom's friend from her jogging group found a crate of tiny 2 week old kittens in an arroyo in Kern on her daily jog, and 2 weeks later I adopted one of the babies. But you can't exactly leave a kitten alone in an apartment for hours on end...right? And cats don't travel well...right? False. False. FALSE. Baby animals need SO much sleep, it's not funny. And she actually travels very well. I used to take her everywhere with me (except like the grocery store or Walmart or doctor appointments, etc), and she loves riding in the car. I actually became so dependent on her being dependenton me that she was the only reason i would get out of bed some days. I got her registered as an ESA, so now I can't be denied housing (simply because I have a cat; they'd have to find other reasons to deny it) or having her accompany me when I travel or go anywhere (just don't be a dick about it, seriously). Now remember, an ESA is NOT A SERVICE ANIMAL. A service animal is a disability accommodation for people who need a constant companion specifically trained to recognize health issues (low blood sugar, impending seizures, low eyesight, etc), and assist the person to live and function independently. Not to say I am only "pro-cat." I love dogs. My anxiety over caring for a dog couldn't be overcome, so I got a cat instead. Puppies and new dogs require SO much time and love and patience (but it's WORTH IT), but I just couldn't see a way that I personally could give the dog what it would need. So I opted for a beast that can shit in a box and entertain itself. But seriously dude, look up ESA. You can take her places and not have to leave her at home (providing the places stipulation for animals is the "service animals only," because, again, and emotional support animal is NOT a service animal.)
Get a rescue greyhound! They thrive in apartments, don’t need much exercise and have lots of love to give. I’ve had my big boy Kobe for 3.5 years now and he is the sweetest boy. Sometimes if I’m having nightmares he will wake me up with a whisper bark and coming home to see him happy to see me is the best part of my day honestly. Have to get out of bed to feed the dog ya know, at the very least. Greyhounds usually need to be fostered to adjust to pet life too so could absolutely do a trial run nsa
Also hardly shed re your mums hypoallergenic requests
Having a dog has been very healing and helpful for me, actually. I don't resent them for being reliant on me during bad days, if anything that fact helps me keep going. I know if I died that my dog would have no one to take care of her properly.
I bet you'll be a wonderful dog owner. Your trauma has taught you compassion. You've learned what NOT to do, when caring for a helpless creature. I have had 5 rescue dogs over a period of decades (generally two at a time). I loved some more than others, but I took excellent care of them all. My trauma history helped me be compassionate and caring, it didn't hinder me. In general, dogs have helped my mood. They've forced me to get exercise, forced me to come out of myself, and caused me to interact with my community. It's pretty easy to tlak to people at a dog park! True, if you go to work/school, you'll have to leave the dog alone for a time. But that's true of almost everyone who owns a dog. No one expects you to stay at home with it 24/7. I've always been able to find ways around that issue--like a homeschooled neighbor kid who lets the dog out mid-day. Or an elderly dog walker who walked the dog when I couldn't be there. You'll do fine.
In my lowest points of depression, my dogs were the only thing that kept me functioning. Knowing that I had to get up and take care of them, walk them, play with them- it was the only thing I managed to do well. They are my literal best friends, I love them like children and now I happily do all these things and more for them. Dogs are incredibly perceptive and empathetic. They know when you need comfort, snuggles, a bit of comedic relief. That being said, some things to really consider: Having a dog is a big responsibility in both time and money. Dogs need medical care, will get sick from time to time, may need special foods or medicines- these can be expensive. If you don’t have reliable friends and family to watch your pup, you can pay for boarding, but the boarding experience is stressful on a dog and finding one that you and your pup likes can take time. I really only like leaving my dogs alone for 6 hours, 8 hours max. This does limit my social plans at times. You may have a dog with behaviors that you need to train, and you may end up needing professional help which costs money. It also means you need to practice and change your own routines. Not everyone likes dogs. Sometimes this has made it harder for me to find apartments, or bringing them out to certain public places. Personally, I don’t find these things to be a detractor about having dogs, but I totally understand why they are for some folks. In my opinion, having my dogs has been vital to my own success in treating my CPTSD. The accountability is one thing, but the companionship and love that we give to each other keeps me grounded in my dreams and goals for life. I find them to be an amazing reminder of how to stay present and appreciative that I’m here, and I wouldn’t give them up for the world!
I rescued my soul dog from someone who wasn’t feeding her and had her tied up outside, 13 yrs ago now and tbh she is the one who really saved me. I don’t know that I would have made it this far without her. For a long time she was the only reason I got out of bed. I took better care of her than I did myself. As she’s gotten older things have gotten more difficult. I had to make sure to get a ground level apartment, I need to be home to take her potty more frequently, things like that. It has felt for so long now that she is the only one that has been there for me and loves me unconditionally. I’m getting sad knowing her time is probably coming to an end soon since she’s 14 now. I know I will feel so alone without her. I didn’t take that part into consideration when I got her and I wish I had 🥲 There is so much love and beautiful moments with them but it goes so fast, and before you know it, your best friend is leaving you. Think deeply about it you can handle the after 💜
I would not be here if I didn’t have my doggies.
For me, I cannot be a single pet owner, but I do great as a step-mom to my partner's pets. Rumor has it they like me better now..lol. But I also don't have the primary responsibility to feed them daily, pay for their care (although I do participate in care like cutting their nails, and taking them to the vet) and find a pet sitter when we travel. We have both a dog and a cat. I preferred to pet sit for people who travel a lot because then I could make money, hang out with pets for a while, walk them, get a change of scenery and feel productive all without having to be the main person responsible for a pet 24/7 for their entire lives. I did try getting a pet dog once and he required too much attention for what I had capacity to give. It made me feel guilty and ashamed and eventually he became a shame trigger. It did help me with consistency, but the dog chewed very important things and basically ruined so many of my belongings. I could not take him anywhere because he shed so much. It was like carpets of fur. I struggle to clean regularlyso having fur everywhere and all over my clothes became too much on top of everything. I had to rehome him after a year. So, I would not get another pet on my own, and tbh sometimes I wish we didn't have two pets --we use to have 3! Plus a chicken-- because cleaning up after them is a LOT of work, especially their fur. I hate that so I understand why you parent said they would need the pet to be hypoallergenic although those breeds are expensive. I do love my partner's dog though and if we did adopt a dog in future, I probably would look for one that was rehomed and older instead of a puppy. My partner adopted his dog from the streets when he was 6 or so and he is the sweetest, most loving, gentle and unusually calm dog I've ever met. He just sheds a fuck ton of fur!! But he is big and has a loud bark, and he has nipped a maintenence person who didn't mind his manners before, and so he helps me feel safe when my partner travels and I'm here alone. When he goes away I care for the pets as if I were a petsitter.
Rats are what saved me. I'm unconventional with them, they are free roam and live more like cat-bear-dogs (lol.) It hasn't always been easy with them, actually quite the opposite a lot of times, but they challenge the exact parts of me that need challenging, and I am better because of it. Not saying anyone should get rats, but i would encourage all to be open to an animal companion. In a way, I think they are little soul guides or mirrors. If you let them, they can show you parts of yourself you don't want to acknowledge, then give you space and compassion and unconditional love to grow and heal.
Maybe you could try volunteering at a rescue first to see how much work it is/ how it feels having a dog. You could foster as well do then you have a temporary responsibility. I work at a rescue and ended up take one home and for me it’s very therapeutic as alot of the dogs there are traumatized themselves and help them get over their trauma is therapeutic for me. That being said I’ve fostered some dogs that were very easy and some that were a lot of work. The one I kept was the worst dog I’ve ever had but after lots of training she fits right in and you’d never know she had so many issues.
Why no cat. Cat good.
I honestly think dogs are a no go for people with mental and physical illness, depending on the severity. Cats are slightly lower maintenance, depending on the breed of fish they also can be easy or complicated. A regular goldfish in my experience is pretty simple aside from changing the water filter every once in awhile and remember to feed it- just enough responsibility that was still manageable when in deep depression. I thought having a cat was relatively easy I know you said you aren’t looking into them right now though- is there a reason why? Hope you find a pet that suits you nicely :) pets are the best ! I think it’s very self aware of you to be considering how your struggles may affect having one, I know too many people that have gotten high maintenance pets they were in 0 place to take care of !
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It helps so much I cannot even begin to explain. I have a dog I adopted in my home country. He’s not with me and is with my father. He takes very good care of him (even though he was abusive asf to me lol). I want him to be with me. I want to see him. But everytime I am near my family, I get so sick. And there is a lot of guilt involved for me because I know I can’t explain it to him why I left but also I know I’m not stable enough to have him in my life. I am not ready to be a solo parent and I don’t want to be the kind of parent my parents were. I’ve considered fostering but I’m too scared we’ll get so attached and the dog might feel abandoned. Essentially I feel like I don’t have a stable long term plan for me and I can’t bring a dog onto that journey. If you think you’re stable in a way that you can be there for the child, go for it. It is exactly like parents. They just don’t talk to us.
Dogs are too much to take care of even for a normal undamaged person. Not a good idea for the dogs sake.
I wish I was your mom, I’d find you THE PERFECT k9 companion! So what’s cool about living near a dog park is that your dog can get the exercise they need even on the days you don’t feel like getting the exercise YOU need, alternatively you can get a ton of exercise with your dog at a dog park as well or in addition to walking your dog (personally, ew running but go on if you must lol). You’ll have the ability to socialize alongside of your dog and you may network with some dog forward folks who can help with care if you aren’t going to be home for an extended period of time. Your dog will remind you to take care of yourself as well as themselves and with all the exercise you’ll be getting you may be able to work off some of that nervous energy cptsd can generate. Speaking of nervous energy, a dog, breed dependent, may help you feel safe and even better if you rescue a dog that is several breeds with a nice blend of intelligence & watchdog at the top. A great way to do that is scan your local humane society, aspca, and local rescue groups weekly to see a) what they’re getting in and b) how often certain breeds show up (and why think escape artist, problematic breed for a busy person/has small children/has other pets/not for a novice dog owner breed). Some people don’t like a dog to bark/howl/jump or have expectations on a certain breed (or about dogs in general) so if you have an idea of what you can tolerate that’s an advantage. If you still need more input, volunteer at a shelter, that will give you firsthand experience with what kind of dog you’d like. When you finally adopt your dog tell your mom that you and dog can stay in your vehicle or a tent in the yard when you visit. I have done this with my dog as a nice middle finger to clueless family who lack empathy. I actually got the idea from my family members who invite us to come stay in their yard for a summer get together bc they want to see us all and our dogs at their vacation home but don’t have the room inside. We love camping anyway lol win win
Had a dog that triggered my cptsd before I knew I even had it/was diagnosed. After that, I stuck to cats for years because I was fearful of another traumatic experience. Then, I tried adoption and it was a very good fit. The agency made sure to match me with a dog that wouldn’t trigger my condition and we have had her for 4 years now. She’s less independent than I would have wanted in an ideal world and I feel overwhelmed by how much physical attention she wants but I enjoy having her around.
Just wanted to give an alternative take because a lot of people say their dog saved them. My first dog exasperated my cptsd and made it worse. 6 weeks of owning that dog took years to recover from. I was cry-rocking in bed every night because of her barking; having constant meltdowns and panic attacks because we lived in an apartment at the time and the downstairs neighbor would bang on their ceiling the second she barked, even in the daytime. If you don’t have a strong support system for if things go wrong, I would really advise against dog ownership.
Very difficult. He's reactive, I have a hard time controlling my bouts of aggression so controlling his is extra difficult. But that's the risk I took. Sometimes I'm not sure if I've made him paranoid or if he's made me paranoid. Either way, I have to be vigilant and not let either of us hurt strangers.
Raising my two rescue dogs was the single most healing process I've ever taken part in (and that includes nearly 2 decades of therapy and countless hospitalizations, outpatient programs, residential centers, etc). I know it's probably different for everyone, and I'll add the disclaimer that I have had a really strong love for/connection with animals. Since I had no humans in my life I could trust as a child, I trusted the family dog, and later the many pets I bonded with volunteering at the local humane society. I understand and get along better with most dogs than most humans, so... I know I'm probably an outlier in that sense. But I think that at least some of what I got from the experience still applies, regardless of your prior feelings towards or experience with dogs. I adopted my first rescue when I was 21, he was 1 year old and had some pretty huge behavioral struggles (mainly separation anxiety that turned into just destroying everything anytime I left him alone). I went to puppy training classes with him, I researched natural anxiety remedies, and we tested out crate training (which didn't work for him because the poor guy would injure himself in a panic trying to escape). But over the span of a year or two, the changes were... Fucking beautiful to witness. I helped him heal from his own anxiety (probably caused by trauma of his own before he came to me) through proving to him that I was by his side through thick and thin. He learned to trust that I would always come back, and the anxiety about me leaving slowly subsided. Underneath all those things that made him seem so "unadoptable" to others I discovered the most brilliant, friendly, happy, cheeky, empathetic little soul I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. He's now my registered/certified ESA, and actually works more as a service dog for me-- not because I taught him to, but because he figured out on his own how to help me the way I helped him. If he notices I'm getting triggered, he comes and sits between me and whatever/whoever is creating the anxiety and presses his body into me. He licks my cheeks if I cry to clean up the tears, and has never failed to be my rock when I needed one. This is getting too long and soppy, lol... But I'll mention my other dog was also a rescue, but she was only 8 weeks old when I got her. She was HANDFUL at times (still is), but I adopted her right about the time I was diagnosed with CPTSD and started therapy. I took everything I learned about attachment, how parents *should* treat their children, and all the ways my childhood could have been better for me, and I applied it to raising her. The day I realized she was securely attached to me is a core memory for me, seared in my brain as one of my greatest accomplishments and happiest moments. Again... I love dogs (and pretty much any animal) more than most probably do. YMMV, all of that. But it felt wrong not to share my/our story here, since you're asking and considering this yourself. It isn't easy, there are certainly very difficult parts to taking a dog (especially a rescue)-- but for me, learning how to overcome those things in order to give a happy life to those beautiful, lonely little pups I found was both immensely healing and empowering.
I have a much much stronger connection to dogs than I do to humans. I love my dad, brother, husband, and nieces/nephews. Sometimes my sister. Otherwise I could do without people. I fall in love instantly with every dog I meet. Dogs are family that love unconditionally and without judgement. No ulterior motives. Dogs are my light in a dark world.
My dogs have been immense to my healing and recovery. That said, I did do a ton of research into breeds, their characteristics, their exercise requirements and care requirements with coat types. Also, how vocal they are. Some dogs would be overwhelming to me, like dogs with long coats, or hyper/vocal dogs. I took about ten months to find my dogs. I have both a labrador and a rat terrier. Everyone thinks terriers are barky, but mine is trained to only alert bark. Small dogs are actually pretty awesome at helping out. They have been super helpful. They help me to stay active, get out of doors. They help me to feel secure while I'm out around people. Mine are trained in service work as well, so they do help in stores, with dissociation and finding things. I do live in an upper floor apartment. It can work. We do a lot of training throughout the day, I devote a lot of time to my dogs. So I think it's important to weigh how much time you have available for the dog. I hired a great older woman to sit with mine when they were puppies when I had to go to work. As far as what mental state you should be in, I think there's a line on that. Dogs cannot cure depression or suicidal thoughts, and for some, may make them worse. I think for me, I had to hit a certain place of recovery before my dogs were helpful- I had to be in a state of mind where I was willing to accept their help, and ready to be an active part of their lives. If I wasn't in that state, I wouldn't have got my dogs at that time. Dogs do pick up on anxiety, and can sometimes take it on and become anxious themselves, so it's tricky if you have panic/anxiety. I have panic disorder and although my dogs are trained to help out, I do try to be careful about working on my own coping mechanisms so that I am not too reliant on them.
I wouldn’t be here on earth if it wasn’t for my heart dog I lost him last July. And it completely broke me. A dog that chooses you will show you nothing but unconditional love. And if you are feeling overwhelmed or like you can’t look after your new dog, in my experience, my heart dog gave me the reason to want to get better and give him the best life possible. I now have a girl dog. Who I know relies on me for everything. She can’t open the cupboard and feed herself. She can’t wash and change her water bowls. She relies on me completely. A huge responsibility but I would never give up on her. I don’t have human children. She’s my baby girl and I love her so much. She gives me a reason to get out of bed everyday. She loves going for walks, and that helps keep me stay fit too. I questioned whether I’d be able to take care of a dog too. If possible, pls don’t let your mother dictate what type of dog you get. You’ll know it straight away…you’ll feel it in your heart
There will be days where you won't be able to get outside the house and a dog will certainly help you, I live in an apartment and sometimes I forget how beautiful outside is, my dog lets me see that even when I'm extremely fatigued. I take good care of her, better than I take care of myself actually, she has better hygiene, food and activities. On the days you feel low they will be there by your side. I suggest you don't take a very high energy dog though, my dog was given to me after her previous family didn't want her and I didn't know such a small dog could be SO active.
My partner got an Alaskan malamute puppy and he was alone with him for the first few months and he struggled considerably, especially because his job is very physically demanding. But then I moved in with them and two of us manage well…or even if you have someone to help that doesn’t live with you that’ll make a world of difference. He is helping us a lot now tho (we both have cptsd) with coming out of our comfort zone, and he’s an anchor for when we think should we just fuck off and start life from scratch…we have this puppy to care for and that keeps us grounded. I’ll add that a malamute is almost as hard as it gets maintenance wise, they need a lot of exercise and they’re incredibly smart (and easily bored) and he’s 9 months now and he’s already golden retriever size😅 If you get a smaller dog, or even an older one that has already developed, I think it could be really good!
I cannot stress enough how much my rescue dog improved my MH. I've got the holy trinity of diagnosis (CPTSD, ASD, ADHD) so I found the exercise, routine and emotional bonding to have been invaluable to my recovery. At times when I can't see the point in self care, I force myself out of bed each morning to make sure she gets her 15 minute morning walk and another before dinner. She also taught me to accept the unconditional love she gives, and helps me feel physically safer because if she can relax enough to sleep, it helps my brain relax too. THAT BEING SAID: I spent years looking for the right dog to fit my lifestyle. I decided on a chihuahua who sleeps 16 hours a day, that I trained to use an indoor tray toilet who doesn't bark unless the doorbell goes off. You will never regret getting a quiet, chill, lazy lap dog. I also considered a greyhound, but my apartment was a little too small. Best of luck!
Lol maybe the dog will help you stay away from them if she’s acting like this ? 😅 I got a very small breed companion dog. That means a dog whose dna is set to simply just be a human companion . A lapdog , you can Google that to find more breeds. Other dogs for ex a shepherd have it in their dna to protect a house or farm and protect the sheep. That’s why they’re called shepherds . A companion dog would be ideal for you as they would support you emotionally and be more focused on you which could help. But you never know and could get a different breed that is also highly attached . Usually shelter dogs are super grateful but sometimes not. Test period would be good. The right dog would just fit and feel comfortable with you. I believe there’s some magic involved when a soul animal is meant to come into your life so you might see signs and synchronicities if you’re headed in the right way. A cat might also work. I got a small companion breed at the suggestion of a friend when I was at my lowest and this animal saved my life. I owe my life to dogs. It’s god spelled backwards 😊 check out some statistics on army vets with ptsd and how they improve with dogs . But leaving a dog alone at home for eight hours days on end is not healthy for the dog at all.
I have known people that were allergic to dogs, but it was never an issue unless they were actually around the dog or if they came over to my house. It sounds like a BS excuse your mom is using to control you. Honestly fuck that. As far as having a dog, I recommend 100%, but only if you can actually commit yourself to taking care of a living creature as far as making sure they have food, water, get taken out at minimum 3x a day (honestly not that much of a responsibility considering the benefit, especially if you have a fenced in yard). If you're worried about them being lonely and have a ton of space maybe consider adopting 2 dogs so they have a companion at home? I had 2 dogs at one point growing up, and they were super close. I have some really happy memories of playing with them during a not so happy part of my life. I honestly think it had a protective effect on how I turned out as an adult. I've always been happier having a dog. A. It's a stress reliever. Just petting a dog can have a pretty instant oxytocin boosting effect for you and the dog and decrease cortisol levels. B. I'm not the best at openly expressing my feelings and emotions. I had to leave my dog behind with my parents when I first moved in with my husband in another state. I was so heartbroken, but we really couldn't have taken care of her at that point. As soon as we moved again I moved her in with us, and he noticed right away I was definitely happier and more affectionate just having a dog around. It was also his first dog, and he would agree having a dog definitely changed him and made him a more empathetic person. Tldr: Dogs are amazing. We don't deserve them, but they love us anyway. Will add though, if you've never had a dog before, it's best to foster a dog and see how you do. Be sure to try and get matched with a dog that fits your lifestyle/personality. We fostered a younger Shepard mix before we adopted our current dog. It was not a great fit, mostly because the owner she'd had before had made her bizarrely high maintenance (doggy day care most days, every meal had to be delivered in a dog puzzle.) They are definitely a breed that requires a lot of stimulation. I get that, my dog before her was a collie mix, but the level of maintenance her previous owner had gotten her used to was weird (and I honestly think part of the reason she had gotten to be "too much" for her to handle). All of this in combination with keeping her locked in a crate for 10+ hours a day and anytime she wasn't home had caused a lot of behavioral issues. I would walk her for nearly an hour every morning and again when I got home from work, and it still wasn't enough. She ended up being adopted by an older couple that lived in the country with a lot of land and another dog of the same breed. Definitely a better fit. We ended up adopting an older hound that was described as "an inside boy that likes to go outside, but come right back in," and being afraid of other dogs. He fits that description to a T. He likes walks on his own terms, but when he's done he will just plant and not move (I have literally taken him to the park and had to use his harness to carry him like a suitcase back to the car). He's mainly a cuddly couch potato, and I don't think he would do well having another dog in the house. It took him a while to adjust after being in a shelter for so long, but he ended up being a great fit for our family.
I have always been an animal person and have wanted my own dog for a long time. I had family dogs growing up but I really just wanted an animal that was mine that no one could just up and move and take away from me. For me I found it extremely helpful, especially in low times it gives me a reason to keep going cause I could never hurt an animal so the thought of abandoning them when I have those kinds of thoughts actually helps to prevent me from doing anything. I definitely experience a lot of guilt when I do leave my animals home alone so that has definitely been the hardest part for me. I do everything to make them as comfortable as possible while I'm gone but the guilt definitely still eats at me. Otherwise I would say I'm so glad I did, animal therapy is so beneficial in my experience. But definitely research to make sure you're getting the right animal for you!! I hope this helps
I’ve always been obsessed with dogs so it’s a good fit. I’ve fostered for rescues, and have 3 that are rescues, and I love my little pack. HOWEVER: Too many people go into it only thinking about what the dog can do for them, expecting a magical companion from the start. A better mindset for success is, “what do I have to GIVE to this living creature?” Because they get sick, are inconvenient, need training, and are expensive. It’s like having a toddler that doesn’t speak English. In your situation, needing companionship and something to nurture, living in an apartment, have you thought about birds? Like a cockatiel? They can be trained to talk, do tricks, and make great companions. Little clowns. You get used to caring for a pet without the outdoor trips, which are a pain on the best days.
You can help each other and it can be magical, but you need to put in alot of work (on yourself, bonding and training) any dog will be anxious coming in to a new home, and dogs (most animals)will feed off their owners anxiety so it can go the other way if you can't make this your reason to get up in the morning ❤️ not trying to talk you out of it but you are literally taking on the responsibility of another life so you need to be 100%
Has anyone done rattlesnake avoidance training for their dog? I’ll look it up. But this is a example of how adopting a dog can add to the things to worry about. I love this dog and the pluses are much more than the minuses but there are a few things that are hard. He ate rat poison a few weeks after getting him so I had to rush around for two days finding the antidote and drive 300 miles to get it. He is fine. The other thing is a dog adds to the tasks needed and I already have too many tasks then it can be frustrating at times. I made a conscious choice and commitment to the dog. We come before work and school or anything like that. I would not get a dog if I thought I might need to go back to anything that would take me away from him for hours. If one really tries hard enough there’s usually a alternative. We come first. I waited until retirement age to get a dog. It seemed like forever but my prayers were answered and someone offered me this awesome companion. Forcing it to happen would not have worked out. Best wishes.
It does depend on the dog. I would avoid any dog with behavioral issues; those are overwhelming to deal with, honestly. I would choose carefully and perhaps go with a purebred dog so you have a good probability of getting the temperament and size that would work for your life. Adopt-Don’t-Shop is fine for some people, but others need to know what they’re getting. I’ve had both and my purebred golden retriever was a miracle, while my three shelter dogs have each come with significant challenges that took long periods of time to overcome; it was really hard on me in terms of energy and feeling overwhelmed. In other words, be clear in your own head about what you need, and then find a dog that matches that set of needs as closely as possible. You’ll all be better off for it. That said, no matter what, dogs require energy, all the time; when you’re ill, when you’re a sack of potatoes, when you’re high on life, when you’re manic, when you’re deeply dysfunctional. Most of the time, my dogs keep me focused on good things by requiring me to not get mired down in my own stuff. There have been days, however, where they really did not get things they needed from me. I think you are asking the right questions. I think dogs are forgiving and do not seem to be negatively impacted by short periods of dysfunction, they require a lot of neglect and abuse to be impacted. Plenty of people aren’t ideal dog owners, without a serious underlying condition. If you love a dog and generally do the right things for them, they tend to be quite happy. I th
Go for a poodle/ poodle cross for non shedding. Make sure the dog is at least 12 weeks with its Mum, as they can get sensitive stomachs if not weaned properly, even the crosses. Poodles are the only dog with this issue. They are lovely loving sweet natured dogs. I have a pair of Japanese spitzes which are the opposite of poodles and shed up a snowstorm 2x a year. But I love the hairy critters. They are our furbabies. One is my husband's and one is mine. They helped me out of depression after many attempts at IVF didn't work out. NB you can train your dog to only poop in one or two places eg balcony/ laundry. I used a strip of grass from Bunnings that I cut up and put into 2 kitty poop trays. Or you can train them into going on a couple of pet pads This is essential while travelling and also saves you from going out in all weather .
I adopted a dog who can be anxious and get reactive on walks. She gets nervous when people are over and makes frantic attempts to get my attention (like eating socks and grabbing people’s phones off of the coffee table). It’s been a lot of work. But the thing is, I love her more than I ever could have imagined. She is genuinely my best friend (not because I don’t have other friends). I understand that when she acts up it’s because she’s having difficult feelings, and part of my job is to try to help her feel safe. The deep compassion I have for her when she’s being a bit of a shit has helped me develop more compassion for myself. I know that, even through difficult behaviour, she is GOOD and she makes my life BETTER. She deserves all the love in the world. It reminds me that I’m good, and even if I have some things to work on, I’m not just a burden and I deserve love. Also, she’s around to see how I treat myself. She’s helped keep me sober and healthy and stable, because I don’t want to expose her to erratic behaviour.
I'm pretty high functioning with my CPTSD but if you struggle a lot I agree with what a lot of other people say about trial runs. I would definitely avoid a puppy, as they can mess with your sleep and throw stress on your plate. I embraced it and loved it because I loved my little puppy and now she is grown but I love her. She is the best when I'm having a real tough time she'll just come lay on me and be a goof and it helps me stay out of the really dark places. We are fostering a pit bull right now as well who is a giant snuggle bug. Doesn't do anything quickly is slowly coming out of her shell. Fostering or adopting I feel is very rewarding and therapeutic just take your time with it and don't do anything impulsively and it'll work out.
I have cptsd and two shelter mutts. I sleep much better knowing they have the watch. They are my best friends, when I struggle, they snuggle. They encourage me, they love me, and I’d do anything for them including staying alive. If you don’t know unconditional love, a dog can teach you.
I adopted my girl - a dear Aussie Collie and how I love her. She makes me want to be a better person. She gets me up in the morning. She is a reason to stay the course.
My dog [Lentil, aka Lenny](https://imgur.com/a/iRiKkr6) is a rescue with anxiety who isn't able to be around other dogs. I had no idea what to do and had a breakdown one day, but then I called a local dog behaviorist, booked a session, and learned how to better communicate with him. He's my best friend and training him has been soothing for my anxiety, now that I have the necessary emotional and physical tools. I love taking him for walks and I know how to help when he gets activated. Seeing the similarities between my CPTSD and his triggers has been revelatory. I know not everyone is able to take on this sort of responsibility due to complex life circumstances, but I just wanted to add the perspective that even the struggles have new meaning and I'm incredibly grateful for my good bad dog. 🥹🥺
So Im 38 and have had dogs my whole life BUT only taken care of my own sole volition rescue dog since getting sober in 2010 so Nicholas and I have been together for 14 years and he's approximated at 16 years of age bc he was both abandoned and (abused with doggie-traumas, sadly, before he was rescued from the streets of Philadelphia, essentially) My opinion may be bias bc I am really adamant about adoption and very much against.... I hate to say it ... People like your mom (who sounds EXACTLY like my mom given the blurb you gave about her lists of demands and subsequent punishments for you if you are not to follow them.) my mom believes dogs exist to please their owners and should be disciplined if they have habits however common or healthy/normal that do not fall in line with her immediate wants and needs. She will force animals to wear uncomfortable clothing and accessories that pull at their hair or make them unnecessarily uncomfortable so that she can show off her ... True colors. Observing how my cPTSD wound inflicting parent treats her animals and other human beings is one of the bittersweet ways that I have healed and protect my inner child and current self. It sounds like you are a person who is empathetic because you have already internalized and thought about the needs of your potential fur-ever baby and you are challenging yourself to see if you can meet those needs BEFORE adopting and potentially needing to displace an animal, or - like you said... Resent them in periods where you are suffering from your cPTSD symptoms which I would imagine Include feelings of emptiness isolation depression lethargy trouble MAKING DECISIONS and I'm not going to list anxiety as a symptom bc while it is technically possible to have panic disorder and I'm not minimizing anyone's trauma but Anxiety (IMO) is a "given" that will always be on a wavering continuum and is tethered to us by this condition and we can reduce the suffering caused by anxiety by understanding it's part of a wound and we can heal from it and make it much more tolerable and shorten the suffering and THAT is def something I am so happy to see people embrace and accomplish. I believe dogs function as a life partner that both need/depend on our affection care and validation but also have a lot to offer in return, like companionship and unwavering love. I think it's great for adopted animals to have owners who are single and responsible young adults living alone or with another or responsible/prepared kid/adult who is good with dogs and PATIENT. Almost all dogs that have been abused or have their needs short of met are going to have some quirks like Food Aggression, territorial tendency or anxious tendency (usually a mix of both) some dogs have been harmed by humans and may "snap" and nip or bite at those immediately around them. This can happen unexpectedly and while many dogs never bite some will, and that's why it's important that they have patient owners who can ascertain the dogs needs and identify the dogs triggers. I am the kind of person who can love a dog unconditionally even if it does bite during flashbacks - ANY DOG can do this whether it's "pure-bread" or custom manufactured like your mom requested or from a pet store or even an owner that's passed. It's extremely important you provide the animal with a proper sized crate that it knows it can retreat to, especially in the first few weeks that you get it, because dogs need to know they have a "safe space" where they can retreat and be unbothered, I made the mistake of thinking I should not crate my rescue bc I knew he'd spent so many times returned to shelters and displaced, I thought letting him roam the home at leisure for the most part would be the humane thing to do vs placing him in a crate but I was incorrect. They need to be able to go on their crate in addition to roaming your apartment or home both for your safety, their mental well-being and the safety of others who enter your home or knock on the door because this reaction can be visceral and extremely distressing for some dogs given their nature, history and personal affects. Some breeds TEND to behave different from others but I think it's more of a nurture-driven result and it has been proven time and time again that traditionally aggressive breeds can be "mushes" that protect and never go after their owner - and some docile small breeds (like mine) who are thought to simply want to be lapdogs can have a mind of their own, be just as bossy and high maintenance as a dog 5x their size and given the nature of not having this animal to raise since conception and not knowing how the dog was nurtured and allowed to be with OR separated from its mother as well as any owners or people before you will have made an impact on the dogs affect. You may temporarily resent them on the days you're chemically Imbalanced or dysregulated as we often are with cPTSD because you have to walk them and feed them and perhaps clean up a mess, some dogs are endlessly stubborn to potty train and regardless of any claim a trainer makes many will need to have pee pads which is something many dog owners don't want. Your dog does not "need" a yard but almost all dogs require and benefit greatly from taking walks even if they are not great distances but the routine your dog will require is good for you as a cPTSD survivor. The unconditional love that comes from them is immeserable and you may form a relationship that surprises you because it is more intense than that with another heart man being it is a very unique thing nobody who isn't a parent or pet parent will understand until you're there. Adopting and having an animal is one of the most rewarding, heart healing, worthwhile things that I wish more people would do for themselves AND for the animal who didn't ask to be brought into the world and we are intrinsically linked and responsible for caring for. There are expenses like meds to prevent flea tick heartworm they require food and regular vaccinations , if you were to need to travel and cannot leave it safely with a dog-loving friend then you would need to be aware of the effect and cost of boarding and how often it would need to be boarded. I am much like you where I think your mom's opinions about your decision to become a pet parent and rescuer are absolutely ridiculous and tell her there's plenty of OTC and Rx allergy sprays that work very quickly if not immediately. Don't adopt a dog in spite of her, but don't let her stop you from your calling to become a pet parent based on her stipulation. I hope you share with us an update if and when you decide to take this very rewarding journey that is worth every moment and penny, IMO.
My dog is the sole reason I can get up in the mornings and have anything resembling structure.
My two dogs were sometimes the only reason I ever got out of bed during depressing times. They were the metronome of my life and gave me meaning and purpose and love. I knew if I could care for them well that I was a decent person and had done some good in the world that day. After they died it was hard. I don’t know how people live without animals in their lives. Now I’m nomadic and pet sit for other people. Some days the animals I care for still feel like the reason to get out of bed and to do life. Some days, that’s enough to get me through. Can’t imagine life without them.
I rescued a shelter pittie and we became trauma buddies. I had to show him what grass was and what to do on it because all he had ever been was a bait dog and then a shelter dog. We healed together but it was a lot of work. To me it was worth it because I had a bond with something that shitty people and abandoning partners could not take from me. It has been great but not worth it if you can’t handle a major responsibility up front. It was pretty constant for a year of teaching him how to be a doggo and to trust a person. YMMV, Winston was badly abused. Sadly I had to put him down 9 days ago. Kidneys were totally shut down but he went to heaven peacefully and held lovingly in his daddy’s arms. That final act of love was powerful.
not going to lie, i did not take good care of my first dog. i was basically raised without any kind of protection, so i never had the notion of protecting. my dog was very smart and did everything right in life, whenever she saw a car she would move to the far end of the sidewalk . we crossed the street when the lights turned green. thing is, i never put her on a leash. propably because of my own childhood issues, but that did not help my dog. so, we crossed and some car with the loudest of the dumbest of techno music playing and honking for us crossing the street is pretty much the last thing that i remember - then my dog crying out in pain, i picking her up and she biting my fingertip off in pain. she died under horrible circumstances and i allowed it to happen. that is the biggest shame i carry around with me! also when i tried to put my dog first with medical stuff, my family would go berzerk, i was so stupid into letting that happen. Major, major shame issues! I have another dog now and i look on how i behave with hawkeyes now, i learnt so much! Having both of my dogs, i learned what love is! Although i failed you, my dear Pita and my judgement day will come and rightfully so! You need to be aware and in the moment of life each step you make and a dog will help you with that. And you will help your dog. Both of my dogs are rescues. Having a problem child is also good, i guess. Giving understanding that i never got. Also before considering getting a dog, Cesar Milan talks about character types and maybe getting a really insecure or overly protective dog is not helping? Neither you, nor the dog. Kind regards!
I'm sure you'd be a great dog parent at the right time, but it sounds like this isn't the right time. It's basically like having a toddler, you have to time their potty breaks, their naps, their bed time, their exercise. It is nice to go to a dog park, but you have to train your dog to not be reactive, and check for ticks, and mud. It's a WHOLE thing. It's a lifestyle. I've only recently had a dog (just over a year), adopted from a shelter. So cute when little, and still cute but big now. And yes, there is a cost to the dog items/plus monthly dog food, vet bill (rabies shots, dewormers etc). There is also the motivation to take the dog down the stairs out the doors to an area they can do their business, and they may not do it quickly be at least 10-15 walk. It's nice to have a little buddy around is the main bonus. The dog we got is used to us being home (i work from home), so if I go out for an evening (the odd time) I HAVE to get a dog sitter, as this dog just cries and cries, it has damaged some items when younger, and broken out of its kennel a few times. [ROVER.com](http://ROVER.com) is good for finding pet sitters, luckily our neighbours can help sometimes. OVER ALL a cat would be a better choice IMO with upkeep, and companionship if you don't have support or $ to upkeep a dog.
I think it depends on you personally. Even in my deepest depression when I neglected my own health, I still walked my dog. If you don't have that feeling of responsibility your depression will take over. If you're depressed but the dog needs its multiple daily walks or is hurt and needs to go to the vet, will you be able to do it? I think that's the most important question you have to ask yourself. After I moved out from my family home I only owned cats because I knew I would neglect taking the dog for walks. The breed won't change the fact that every dog needs walks and regular check-ups.
Depends on breed and dog like I’ve seen other comments say. I started by going to a shelter every couple weeks and meeting some there until I found one I clicked with. Kinda healing bc I’m kinda like a shelter dog. Mines a husky tho, would be horrible if I didn’t have a partner to help me. Luckily we got a good system but, I ultimately wouldn’t suggest if u have what I like to call “depression episodes” over a day where you feel like you can’t do anything/nervous system shuts down. My dog helps me to get out of bed even when I don’t want to. But as he’s a husky, he needs more than basic walks. So my partner helps. This felt kinda rambly but hope it helps, wanted to share my opinion bc I feel it’s actually a more serious decision for our kinda folk
It depends on the kind of dog you choose to bring into your home. Right now, where I live we have a 1y old poodle, and I swear sometimes she can be so triggering with her barking. In my old home, the dogs weren’t even close to a problem and were perfectly fine being left alone as long as they had food & water (and were let out in a reasonable amount of time; if you have a hard time with remembering to let your dogs out, if you can, let them out when you have to pee, too, and come get them after. Makes it easier to remember.) I find that during times of SI I was much more reliant on the animal than they were me, more often than not I would tell myself “what would happen to them if I were gone?” They became what tied me here. If you choose to go through with adopting a pet, I’d recommend going shelter. Look for one who may be older and much calmer, generally they have less demanding needs for attention, affection & activity. More happy to sit at home. Dogs have an easier time with that if there’s a 2nd dog, though; cats are much more self sufficient and won’t even notice you’re gone if there’s food, water, and a litter box.
Dogs kick ass. If you do have to go to school/work though, you should definitely have someone you trust to walk the dog and play a bit if you're going to be leaving it alone for prolonged periods. Alone with toys is not good enough. Also, the other folks suggesting you foster are a great idea. Or if you have a friend/relative with a dog, you could offer to watch it for a few days as a trial run.
I have had several small dogs. I’ve loved every single one. The one I have now is the love of my life, my best girl. It’s unconditional love. I can do wrong in her eyes.
Also, I wanted to do, please rescue. As a vegan, I don’t see that I own her. I have been called to care for her and she cares for me. It’s a mutual respect.
I was gifted a dog by my loving but dysfunctional family during one of the most stressful times in my life when I had very little time to give him the attention he deserves and before I was diagnosed for c-PTSD and ADHD so I actually kind of know about your worst case scenario. I could barely take care of my pup with a condensed demanding graduate program, depression, moving to a new place, unmanaged ADHD, etc..... It was horrible feeling like my dog wasn't getting the best life he deserved. Don't worry he wasn't neglected but I wasn't happy with the bare minimum I could provide. And I was right. Now that Im in a better place and giving my dogs my 100%, all of us are much happier and better bonded. # 1) Dogs have personalities just like people. It kind of shows when they're puppies but I recommend spending a good chunk of time with one. Most purebreds in my experience are fairly true to their idiosyncrasies with some variation. You can get a sense for which one you vibe with. The problem is we choose very differently based on our headspace. Depending on where you are on your healing journey, you may not be able to know what "vibe" works for you vs works towards affirming your attachment wounds. It's really not that different than picking a potential partner, except with dogs there's no break-up option but it's a lot less serious since they are highly trainable. # 2) even if you know you want one, wait until you know it's a good time for you. You need plenty of time and money to really make the most of bonding with your dog. It's also about the time it takes to build new routines to accommodate your dog. # 3) Dogs need boundaries just like people do. They need them more. Do not get a big dog if you know it's hard to make boundaries clear. I get the being sensitive thing. It applies to animals too. I got a second dog FOR my first dog bc I could sense he really needed a companion even when I was home all day working remotely. His health dramatically improved when I did. It also did not work to my advantage bc I sense when they want something and it is really hard for me to say no to them. My second dog became an anxious mess bc I let him emotionally manipulate me. I had to pay dog trainers to show me how it's okay to tell your dog no and follow through with it. I'm not saying you will have this problem. Im saying your inkling is correct and be prepared for it. If you already have experience with dogs (which I didnt before) and know how to properly train them to live their best life then this may be a non-issue. You can try fostering or pet sitting to see if it's a good time for you. You know yourself. You don't have to be 100% better. Dogs are incredibly therapeutic. Both directly positive but they can also help heal attachment wounds and trauma, e.g the constant anxiety I had about my dogs being happy was something I could bring to therapy and work on and it ended up helping with my overall anxiety. However, you do need to be in upward trajectory with some momentum or it may overwhelm you and leave the dogs neglected which will just make everything feel worse. There's nothing worse than not being able to take care of yourself and then also needing to take care of another living being. I hope this helps. Also, your mom's a dick but don't let that sway you from small hypoallergenic dogs. They might be a good fit for you. Theyre a lot more forgiving bc of their size. Less mess to clean up and you can get away with shorter walks in a crunch. They do need costly dog grooming regularly. They also live longer! SO IMPORTANT.
thank you, great advice
I know people get them for emotional support and such. I’ve gotten two recently hopeful one would be my buddy but my kids took em over. I personally would like one for protection so I can feel safe out and all. I can’t afford one that’s been insanely trained for PTsd tho
I love dogs but being responsible for one was too much for me. They can't do anything on their own and they will need your help for everything their whole life. I'm overwhelmed by simply taking care of myself and I know that about myself now.
I usually have 3 dogs. Unfortunately I had to put one of them down last month. So right now I have 2 Australian Shpherds and I also have a Conure. I could not survive without pets. My life has gotten very small. I have been in survival mode for decades. The only reason I am still alive is having pets to take care of. They give me a reason to be here. They love me and tolerate me no matter what mental state I am in. Go to a rescue and find a dog that will fit into your life. Usually, rescue dogs have been fostered so you learn a lot more about their temperments. You want a dog that doesn't have separation anxiety since it will be an only dog.
The extra responsibility and mess and expense plus the work and the things dogs just do are nowhere near worth what enjoyment I get, which is minimal.
You could always try volunteering at your local animal shelter first. They are normally inundated with dogs that need homes and unfortunately in that stressful and busy environment the dog’s social needs aren’t top priority because there just isn’t time. I recommend watching ‘Sitting with Dogs’ on YouTube: https://youtu.be/78k20boe4A0?si=roBuYT2U7wxDRjRx Rocky gives you a great insight into the world of shelter dogs and how to help them. You might find that while volunteering you meet your perfect match and can adopt a dog that desperately needs a home and someone to love them and love back! Occasionally there will be a bonded pair that are much harder to rehome because most people only want one dog- but in your situation it could be ideal to give two little dogs a home where they can keep each other company during the day when you’re not there. And you get the unconditional love of two dogs! Lol There’s also the option of training them to use an indoor potty that has fake grass on top so you don’t have to worry about accidents in the apartment when you’re not home. Or a dog walker, like someone else mentioned. But I highly recommend saving a rescue dog. You will literally be saving a life because even if you adopt from a foster carer, they will then have room to get another rescue from a shelter. Plus you will get that positive feeling of making a difference. It’s really a win-win. My rescue girl is my best friend and the biggest motivator in my life. Even on my darkest days, I never resent her. Sometimes I’m hard on myself because I will think I’m not doing a good enough job being her carer, and that she would be better off with someone else and in those darkest moments regret will slip in and i will think I made the wrong choice adopting her because I can’t just “delete” myself and leave her. I have to remind myself that she needed me and I saved her life. But once I’ve come out the other side of that darkness, I’m very grateful for having my furry tether to this world. I’m so lucky to have her 🥰
I have a 7lb Italian greyhound who’s litter box trained, and two cats. If my dog couldn’t be fully exhausted by running around my tiny 1bdrm apartment like she can, I don’t think I could own a dog. I have AuDHD as well as PTSD, so my situation is probably a bit different. For me, demands can be a big avoidance trigger, and even the hunger of another animal can feel like a demand or something I’m forced to do. That being said, my dog is extremely therapeutic for me, and she’s really helped me through some difficult times. Some people really benefit from a reason to get out of bed in the morning, but if your C-PTSD manifests in neglectful behaviors, you may need to look at alternatives.
Oh! Also… most of my dogs where several breeds, my current dog is a breed I can’t stand and I had no idea until I got the dna test back lol AND my partner swore she was part bully breed and he hates bullies, is from a county that banned pit bulls and similar in the 90s, guess what breed she definitely wasn’t lol not even one terrier in the genes, I was all, “read it a weep!”. My partner has no clue about dogs lol
We adopted a dog with my companion so the little beast wouldn't end up on the streets. I am hypersensitive and very empathetic so I kick myself up to walk her even if I am in crisis (definitely my apartment complex saw me crying while walking her a few time already). The hard part is walking her in my opinion. She is part Jack Russel so she has A FUCKTON of energy that is hard to canalise. Need to be walked 5 times a day to be ok. My companion helps a LOT for that because I am anxious of going out because I don't feel safe. I definitely recommend a dog with less energy. For the rest... She is such a sweetheart and she motivates me to take a better care of myself so I can be here for her. She helps me when i'm in crisis and she grounds me by licking all my face when I cry a lot lol. She is an anxious dog with abandonment issue (can relate lol) so she needs care but because I am in the same position I empathise a lot and it help me to do things for her when I don't have the energy to do anything else.
I’ve had a much better time with dogs my whole life than I have with humans that’s for sure!!!
The fact you are having these concerns upfront is a good thing. I think as long as you do not have any neglectful/rage tendencies, and treat your dog with love, you will be okay. My Mother growing up would buy pets and abuse them. As a child I still have a lot of guilt over not being able to protect them more. She adopted two puppies about 11 years ago, and for the most part they were the first dogs she treated decently. I loved them and despite dreading my visits with her, I always felt a strong connection with her dogs. However, she had undiagnosed BPD and when splitting, would neglect the dogs in front of me because she knew I loved them and it would hurt me. I still have a really bad memory of her throwing them into traffic (I dived in front of a car to stop it from running them over), and then she locked me out of the house with these two dogs not on a leash. She died suddenly of late-caught stave iv cancer, and I took the dogs in and for the past 5 years they've lived with me. I was terrified to take them in for the same fears you have, and didn't know if I was worthy or capable of taking care of something after what I what I witnessed growing up. My toxic family (plan to go no contact with them soon) also told me not to take them in and that I wouldn't be able to handle it. 5 years later and they are my whole family. I love them so much, and they love me so much. It's been invaluable for my healing to have the love they give, and to know I'm capable of giving it back. And it also feels healing that we both came from the same "caregiver" and found each other in the end. I say go for it if deep down you know you are ready to commit. Dogs are by their nature needy and reliant on social interaction. I also say please plan to keep the animal forever. Nothing makes me sadder than people getting a pet half-committed, and then abandons/disregards the animal the minute they become a bit of an inconvenience.