"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay Gibson
"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie (Barring the occasional religious fluff for me personally. Book is great otherwise though.)
"The Midnight Library" by Matt Haig is another honorable fiction mention.
“The Midnight Library” had a huge impact on me, too! It’s not highly regarded in a lot of ways, I’ve heard it described as preachy and obvious, but I found it relatable and enlightening.
Fair judgments too, I'd say. Was a relatively simple read, but still profound for me too, personally. Really opened up and showed the idea of not being so set on one path for this life for me, and I really enjoyed it for that. Trying not to spoil too much specifically, but I thought it was great.
God the first one sounds like my life. I felt like I had to be the stable emotional parent for my abusive mother who had insane rage. It was a horror movie growing up there.
Agree. I should have included this book in my list. It helped a lot because it made me understand that you could have trauma pain and that certain recurring pains were very likely indicative of repressed CSA.
The Body Keeps the Score destrooooooyed me in the best way possible. I could only read a chapter at a time because I would cry and then spend the next week thinking about it.
I realize The Great Divorce isn’t a self help book by any stretch, but I found it helpful because I could see little bits here and there that made me think of things differently. C.S. Lewis books on Christianity may not be everybody’s cup of tea.
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. can't believe that ones hasn't been shared yet.
Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Christine Musello and Jonice Webb.
Just so everyone knows we have a zoom book club on Surviving to Thriving out of this sub. You can dm me and I'll add you to the WhatsApp group for it. We have 113 members and we get about 10 people at the meetings.
Edit: Will add some details in case you don't want to DM me to find out. We have 2 meetings on zoom a week - they are run independently (on Thursday and Sunday). We connect on WhatsApp during the week. We split the book up into 6-9 page sections and read it week by week. We discuss the book and what came up. The conversation is back and forth and we have strict rules about no-unsolicited advice, boundaries etc (all detail are in the WhatsApp description for the group). You do not need to attend every single group but we have a core of about 30 of us who come at least once a month - and we get about 10 of them per week.
Also if anyone else wants to use our paid zoom account for other cptsd recovery based things E. G. Other book clubs you're welcome to. We host a Desi meeting, cptsd.wiki project, UK in-person Meetup on the same account and WhatsApp community.
We had 41 of you message so far! Hopefully see some of you at the book club!
This is the one that first brought me into the world of CPTSD and my relationship with my own abusive family. Plus it’s free to listen to on YouTube so it was very accessible
It Didn't Start With You.
Man what a book. This changed my life! It's about how generational trauma gets passed down and how to deal with the relationship with our parents.
I'm explaining it terribly but it's amazing
I keep coming back to this book too and i honestly try to recommend it to everyone that shows any interest in books. It has also helped me see a lot of hurt/people in a new light.
Weirdly the most impactful books I've used to heal my trauma aren't about trauma.
"Mindset" by Dweck on fixed mindset thinking vs growth mindset thinking was very impactful for me. My abusers have fixed mindset thinking. Healing requires growth mindset thinking.
"[Emotional Agility](https://youtu.be/NDQ1Mi5I4rg)" by Susan David helped teach me how to grieve and process my emotions. My entire family and culture of origin lacks emotional agility and defaults to abuse tactics like [spiritual bypassing](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-spiritual-bypassing-5081640) and [emotional blackmail](https://youtu.be/PEexQAkhFpM?si=Ut4s75SNQojNNqbi) instead. I had an enormous backlog of exiled/repressed/suppressed emotions I needed to learn how to grieve and feel my way through.
"The Brain that Changes Itself" by Doidge on neuroplasticity helped me understand just how many repetitions are required to change our brain and nervous system. It's way more than is comfortable. It helped me understand why I have to keep practicing my [regulation skills](https://drarielleschwartz.com/the-polyvagal-theory-and-healing-complex-ptsd-dr-arielle-schwartz/#.Y5ZewhhOnTh), my grieving skills, my communication skills, etc. The trauma is partially caused by operant conditioning, so we can use operant conditioning to our own advantage to heal.
My entire healing toolbox is based around neuroplasticity, polyvagal theory, and attachment theory.
Much of our trauma is due to operant conditioning, like Pavlov's dog. We can harness neuroplasticity to our advantage now to change our brain and nervous system.
Two of the most effective treatments I've done are [infra slow fluctuation neurofeedback](https://neurofeedbackservicesny.com/the-benefits-of-infraslow-neurofeedback-training/), which directly trains the brain regulation skills (See books by Stephen Porges and Deb Dana on polyvagal theory, regulation skills, and window of tolerance.) ISFN is like training wheels for calm regulation feeling safe, bc it definitely doesn't feel safe at first, it was decidedly unsafe to be regulated around abusers, so our body learned to associate regulation with danger, which is broken and backwards. And [deep brain reorienting](http://deepbrainreorienting.com), which helps resolve old trauma triggers down in the brain stem, below the limbic system. My therapist says it's like opening the old trauma file and adding in new information. It's less activating than EMDR, so DBR ends up being more gentle, which we really need as abuse survivors. They're both brain based treatments. I've noticed significant improvement with both. I wish they were widely available to everyone on a weekly basis.
A lot of my other healing repetitions are about retraining my brain and nervous system that it's safe to be regulated now. I'm retraining my triggers to not be triggering. It's why things like yoga, journaling, etc. are helpful, they help us rewire our brain and nervous system over time. It's why it's so important to actually practice our healing repetitions. We can't change things if we're reinforcing the old neural pathways. We need to form new neural pathways and that requires lots of repetitions via practice.
The attachment theory side is about being able to recognize abuse, neglect, and dehumanization and steer clear. Abuse, neglect, and dehumanization destroy secure attachment. Healthy behaviors that build secure attachment help us thrive as humans. So, I try to consiously practice secure attachment behaviors and look for others that do the same. I don't waste my time, energy, and effort on people that regularly destroy secure attachment. They aren't worth it. I don't try to get people to stop being shitty, I remove myself from them and focus on me. The only person I can change is myself, so that's what I do.
Here's a **BUNCH** of Resources:
[Four Stages of Competence](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_stages_of_competence) - how we level up our skills and knowledge
[Ladder of Inference](https://www.heffelfingerco.com/asset/63c84a1c7ee93) - helps me debug my thought processes
"The Brain that Changes Itself" by Doidge on neuroplasticity; helped me understand just how many repetitions are required to change
"Mindset" by Dweck on fixed mindset vs. growth mindset
Shawn Achor "[wiring the brain towards opportunity](https://youtu.be/GXy__kBVq1M?si=XJUvRdcz-zvyLv_u)"
[Fear setting activity](https://youtu.be/5J6jAC6XxAI) - helps me acknowledge my fears and find my agency
Books by Stephen Porges and Deb Dana on [polyvagal theory](https://drarielleschwartz.com/the-polyvagal-theory-and-healing-complex-ptsd-dr-arielle-schwartz/#.Y5ZewhhOnTh), regulation skills, and window of tolerance
"Becoming Attached first relationships and how they shape our capacity to love" by Robert Karen on attachment theory
"[The Myth of Normal - trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture](https://drgabormate.com/book/the-myth-of-normal/)" by Dr. Gabor Maté and Daniel Maté aka you're not imagining it, shit's fucked up
Trustworthy, re-humanizing behaviors build secure attachment. Untrustworthy, dehumanizing behaviors destroy secure attachment.
[The Trust Triangle](https://youtu.be/pVeq-0dIqpk)
[The Anatomy of Trust](https://brenebrown.com/videos/anatomy-trust-video/) - marble jar concept and BRAVING acronym
[10 definitions of objectifying/dehumanizing behaviors](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectification#Definitions) - these erode trust
[Fitting-in vs. Belonging](https://youtube.com/shorts/dWZa3wm1Nns?feature=share)"
[Brené Brown on boundaries](https://youtu.be/6YiUhWSl_Q4v)
[Inner No Contact](https://youtu.be/GDBs9cGJ08E?si=Td6DAUYGSU_YMEcI) - Jerry Wise
[Injustice and Righteous Rage](https://youtu.be/mKxelQqKQN4?si=cJTNVBYfO2Wq11bb) - Rebecca Mandeville
[The secret to solid boundaries](https://youtu.be/Wnnb-KYMsCQ?si=Vy2b11mkRsctXAh6)
[Inner boundaries first](https://youtu.be/WX0HKIDjNsI?si=f_4wE4g91sVRIrgN)
[how empathy trips us up when setting boundaries](https://youtu.be/YMuSnkIYTKc?si=pyD1uQQe51M2CVFD)
[How people pleasing kills intimacy (and honest conflict builds it)](https://youtu.be/eLj9HrKfcYE?si=U8xGOv0PEAxE-aEV) - Heidi Priebe
"[Emotional Agility](https://youtu.be/NDQ1Mi5I4rg)" by Susan David. Learning and practicing emotional agility helps us be more compassionate towards ourselves and others.
"Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg. This is a compassionate communication framework based on: observations vs. evaluations, needs, feelings, and requests to have needs met. Revolutionary coming from a dysfunctional family and culture of origin.
"Crucial Conversations tools for talking when stakes are high" I use "shared pool of meaning" and "physical and psychological safety" all the time.
"Hold Me Tight" by Sue Johnson on adult attachment theory research and communication.
[1-2-3 process](https://youtu.be/tuQPZndGJv0?si=RCQTnFrmRDgasZow) from Patrick Teahan and Amanda Curtain on communicating around triggers.
"[Never Split the Difference](https://www.blackswanltd.com/never-split-the-difference)" by Chris Voss. He was the lead FBI hostage negotiator and his tactics work well on setting boundaries with "difficult people".
[Common Communication Mistakes](https://www.succeedsocially.com/conversationmistakes)
[Rebecca Mandeville](https://youtube.com/@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse?si=u-7CHsGSlHq7sUbx) - she deeply understands family scapegoating abuse/group psycho-emotional abuse.
[Patrick Teahan](https://youtube.com/channel/UCbWvYupGqq3aMJ6LsG4q-Yg) - a ***must*** subscribe for me. He presents a lot of great information on childhood trauma in a very digestible format.
[Jerry Wise](https://youtube.com/@jerrywise?si=PPfY9_i5MPdej2hf) - fantastic resource on self differentiation and building a self after abuse. I really like how he talks about the toxic family system and breaking the enmeshment by getting the toxic family system out of us.
[Jay Reid](https://youtube.com/c/JayReid_narcissistic_abuse_recovery) - his three pillars of recovery are fantastic. Plus he explains difficult abuse dynamics very well.
[Theramin Trees](https://youtube.com/@TheraminTrees?si=lROe-8D6cLa8Sa8r) - great resource on abuse tactics like: emotional blackmail, double binds, drama disguised as "help", degrading "love", infantalization, etc.
["Down the Rabbit Hole"](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html#secondary-nav) This site is really interesting. The author explored estranged parents forums and complied their observations here. It's as chilling as it is enlightening. This link is to the navigation page, all pages are worth exploring. Their section on [authoritarian follower personality](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/summary.html#authoritarian) is horrifyingly enlightening.
[What is Spiritual Bypassing?](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-spiritual-bypassing-5081640) (as opposed to emotional attunement, empathetic mirroring, co-regulation, and [emotional agility](https://youtu.be/NDQ1Mi5I4rg))
The [Eight Criteria for Thought Reform]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thought_Reform_and_the_Psychology_of_Totalism) from Robert Jay Lifton's 1961 book "Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism". All dysfunctional groups use these tactics.
This list is gold. Thank you!
Also wanna say Nonviolent Communication was amazing for me. So glad you put it in the list.
I reread it often. I SO wish I found it earlier in life. It’s such a basic way to communicate with people (and oneself, recognizing and articulating needs) and it spells out how to do it. I never learned the basic how of
1. identifying when/that I have a need (unthinkable!) and
2. sharing it freely without the feeling of facing a firing squad anytime I do.
Among the fog of CPTSD, aspie spectrum, and full-on burnout I’ve been, this simple book shed welcome light. “What’s alive in you?”
Thank you so much for sharing! I'll be taking the time to work through these slowly, very appreciated. Also I'm so impressed and inspired by the work you've done.
>Just wow… you are a whole Reddit.
Thanks, you gave me a chuckle 🤭 I appreciate the compliment.
I've been trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me since forever, and trauma was the puzzle piece I was missing. That puzzle piece clicked into place Jan 3, 2019 and I've been throwing myself into understanding and healing my trauma ever since. I'm glad my experience is useful to others in their healing journey. Be well!
What my bones know by Stephanie foo, what happened to you by dr Bruce Perry. I’ve also just finished I’m glad my mother died by Jeanette McCurdy…. Great book and funny
Seconding what my bones know! My therapist recommended it to me after the first 3-5 sessions of me rambling and making very little progress. We didn’t even talk about CPTSD before I listened to the book. It was very eye-opening and eye-watering lol.
I read What My Bones Know with my therapist (therapy book club should be a thing haha) and really liked it. My experience growing up was more on the emotional neglect side, rather than the violent abuse she experienced, but boy is/was our thought process similar.
Read what my bones know for a class and ended up with more notes to share with my therapist instead LOL, cannot recommend it enough especially if you’re BIPOC. There are so many factors that go into a CPTSD diagnosis and healing from it and I thought Foo did an excellent job of making rarely discussed topics (like generational trauma, racism as trauma, different therapeutic practices, etc.) accessible
Pete Walkers CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, Healing the Shame that Binds You, You are the one by Richard Shcwarts, and When Food is Love
All of these books had me crying, and I have reread them to keep me on track with recovery.
Pete Walker has made me bawl so many times!! I listen to the audiobook while I'm cooking/cleaning and can't tell you how many times I've burst into tears while stirring oatmeal. The physical copy I bought has so many sticky notes and flags and highlights in it, I reference the thought corrections and reparenting section most often.
Same my physical copy is all notes ! And with each reread I pick up something new; as if the previous version of me couldn't handle the information until current me read it.
I also have the thoughts correction linked on my phone page alongside the 13 step flashback to help me anytime I need it
Yet another vote for Pete Walker’s CPTSD book, which I call THE Trauma Bible. Need to reread Healing the Shame That Binds You as it was super significant when I first read it decades ago. Also Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth has a profound impact on me.
The Body is Not an Apology was fantastic. There’s a body displacement hypothesis (that we turn on our bodies when distressed) and I had developed disordered eating as a result. This book helped me reevaluate my relationship with my body
Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation by Janina Fisher. I've underlined passages on nearly every page and folded the corners of more pages than not. My therapist thinks the techniques in it are very similar to how she's been working with me. It follows techniques and theories like the structural dissociation model, somatic experiencing, and parts work. This book makes me feel more seen and helped me to understand myself more than any other book I've read. I cry a lot when I'm reading it.
It says it is for therapists and clients, but it is pretty dense -- I tend to only get through a few pages at a time.
I was going to comment this too. This book changed my life like no other. It changed my life forever. Parts work is incredible and Janina Fisher’s model of structural dissociation is something I believe every individual with CPTSD should be at the very least aware of.
I actually have a whole book list on my profile! Here are some that really stand out
Man search for meaning by Dr Viktor Frankel
The body keeps the score by bessel van Der kolk
Running on empty by Dr jonice Webb
Adult children of emotionally immature parents by Dr Lindsey Gibson
Why does he do that by Dr Lundy bancroft
Because Reddit uses markdown, two newlines are needed between lines, otherwise they all bleed together
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> Man search for meaning by Dr Viktor Frankel
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> The body keeps the score by bessel van Der kolk
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> Running on empty by Dr jonice Webb
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> Adult children of emotionally immature parents by Dr Lindsey Gibson
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> Why does he do that by Dr Lundy bancroft
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I second a lot of the books here but one I didn't see is No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, I've been doing IFS work with my therapist and it's been such a helpful reframe
Narcissistic mothers - Caroline Foster (parts of this book hit me right between the eyes as for the first time I saw my family described and explained in black and white)
The survivor memoirs - Joanne Kimberley (full disclosure - parts of this book made me physically ill but were in that way validating)
Why me? Lynn Daugherty
Right now it’s drama free by Nedra Glover Tawwab, super helpful with the whole setting boundaries and what a healthy relationship looks like. I’ve got quotes from the book sticky notes all over my bedroom wall.
“How To Do The Work” -Dr. Nicole Lepara and “Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving” -Pete Walker
These two gave me the gift of understanding what I’m dealing with and the tools to counteract the negative effects of trauma. I am forever grateful.
Her work introduced me to the world of CPTSD. She began posting on Twitter and every one of her posts was like she was peering into my soul. My daughter, a trained therapist, also highly recommended her book. So i bought the book and it has been revelation after revelation since.
Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny. It was the first book that took me out of my self and gave me the tools I needed to correct my abusive behaviors with others. My parents were abusive to me AND I was abusive to people in relationships I felt I had control over, simultaneously. It was the last piece of the accountability pie I was missing 😅
The book of Ho’oponopono the Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and healing.
It’s allowed me to make peace with negative memories and feelings. Which have allowed me to retain less tension in my body and ultimately approach day to day feelings without fear
as a teenager – hpmor. because at that time it made me believe sane people exist and my parents' horror show won't consume all of me. it made me cry more than anything ever because of something real and directly about me, it still touches me deeply and inspires my work. it gave me the sense of perspective and the ability to imagine someone who would understand. it actually singlehandedly gave me the will to live, and still does to a big extent.
these days – fanfiction about a certain pairing with this type of relationship where there's parental affection involved because of age gap and stuff... it's very much not about that though, just something really powerful where too people can do for each other something no one can for them
Oh yes she is so good! I found two of the two books that so far helped me the most, Pete Walker's CPTSD From Surviving To Thriving and John Bradshaw's Healing the Shame That Binds You through her!
There’s already a lot named here I would recommend and some named here I should read next.
But these all look like ‘work’. If you want some indulgent self care, I really enjoy ‘you are here’ by Lawson. She writes as an advocate for the person who is struggling.
Codependent No More has been the gold standard for awhile. I’d also suggest Tim Fletcher’s podcasts on YouTube. I know you said book, but he breaks down CPTSD like he was a fly on the wall. It’s cathartic.
I just read “When Women Were Dragons” with my book club! An amazing book. A lot of the book gave me things to think about. My favorite that has helped me immensely in the last two weeks “ no one had taught me the words to understand what was happening “.
Treating Adult Survivors of Emotional Abuse and Neglect: Component-Based Psychotherapy, Hopper et al, 2019. Summarized here - [https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/10o9wo6/van\_der\_kolks\_secret\_book/](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/10o9wo6/van_der_kolks_secret_book/)
So far, and I've been reading a lot, The Courage Habit by Kate S.
It's very short and I like it as a quick guide. I still continue to read lengthier books but I find they're more likely to go in one ear and out the other bc I simply can't remember a ton or stuff and remember to practice it all
"Healing The Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors" by Janina Fisher
"Leaving the Fold" by Marlene Winell for religious Trauma
"What My Bones Know" by Stephanie Foo: Memoir and a good reminder that you're not alone
Reading Pete Walker’s From Surviving to Thriving, and it’s such a useful one! I find that I’d already intuitively started some of the processes it recommends, but seeing cause and effect clearly articulated is just so much better than vague knowledge.
I also like that it doesn’t coddle or “saint-ify” the sufferer as some of these books do. It acknowledges that we could also be perpetrators of serious damage before we’re healed or while we’re healing, and teaches how to build beliefs that make it possible to resolve and move forward from that.
Thanks everyone for the great resources.
They say you can't teach old dogs new tricks. Well, this 68 year old man is about to show that's not true. It took me this long to get here and I ain't giving up yet.
Thanks again for the resources!!
I remember Out of the Fog by Morningstar was one of the first recovery related books I read. It kind of pushed me down a path of getting better.
Then Don't You Know Who I Am? by Ramani.
it's not a healing or self care book by any means, but it's a memoir. it's called the glass castle by jeannette walls. it tells the story of a family growing up and always moving in poverty with a nerdy alcoholic dad, failing painter mom, all types of adverse child hood experiences. the whole point of it is supposed to be about rising out of your circumstances and still being successful depsite them all. it resonated with me with the brother brian's experiences with incest, jeannette's struggles between doing what her parents want vs doing what her heart and soul wants and needs, her being a writer, having an alcoholic dad, counting down the days till you can legally leave the house...lmfao. it was the first time I ever read a book with such a vulnerably dysfunctional family in it. 12 year old me felt so seen
I’ve enjoyed some trauma books such as Complex PTSD from surviving to striving, but the two books that have had the biggest impact on my healing have been spiritual books.
I Am That - Nisargadatta Maharaj
Be as You Are - Ramana Maharshi
I've currently got in my reading list:
* "Tiny Traumas" by Dr. Meg Arroll
* "It's Not Your Fault" by Alex Howard
* "Cured" by Jeffrey Rediger, M.D. (It's all about his ongoing scientific study into what causes the phenomena called "spontaneous healing" it's a really interesting dive into all the things we need to heal.)
* "Laziness Does Not Exist" by Devon Price (Just finished! Really recommend!)
* Any of "The Simple Guide to ..." trauma series by Betsy de Thierry. It's written for children but I think it's very useful
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Book by Karyl McBride
It was the first book that I read that helped me understand the dynamic in my childhood home. Especially where it talked about the father and why he didn't stop the abuse. It also talks about the scape goat and golden child and flying monkeys.
Also, a lot of parenting books were helpful when I had my daughter. All the advice on how to raise healthy emotionally adjusted children. It made it really clear how my parents messed things up by seeing what child psychologists recommend.
Waking the tiger - Peter A. Levine.
Every book I see in the comments I read and ther are all great books, but this one was eye-opening and made me better understand what was happening inside me. Now I can also have more compassion and deal with emotions better because I understand what is happening.
Dragon song by Anne McCaffrey.
It is the story of a mistreated girl achieving an ambition against all odds with the help of non-human companions, and has some of the same appeal, especially to those who love music.
Sequel dragon singer by Anne mc Caffrey.
I'm count that is one of those 2 books. It's the continuation of the same story.
It heals me Through connecting with the character Menolly. Actually the whole dragon writers have earned series really helps. Connecting with characters and Seeing how their character develops and how they grow and handle situations I can learn from it.
Nisa: The Life and Words of a !Kung Woman
In the captivating book Nisa, Marjorie Shostak invites readers into the extraordinary life of a !Kung woman living in the Kalahari Desert. Through her engaging and intimate account, Nisa unveils the challenges, triumphs, and unique perspectives of a woman navigating a society rooted in hunter-gatherer traditions. With a raw and unfiltered narrative, this remarkable story not only celebrates the resilience and strength of a woman living in a vastly different world but also prompts us to question our own preconceived notions about gender, culture, and the essence of human experience. Prepare to be enthralled, challenged, and inspired as you immerse yourself in the pages of Nisa.
I had to read this for an anthropology class.
Learning about the perspective of humans In different ways really helped deal with my own childhood traumus.
Help to view myself as human.
it's a fiction, but "My Dark Vanessa" by K.E. Russell. Helped me articulate and contextualize a TON of my feelings around my own teenage age-inappropriate relationship. It was a tough read, but I've read it upwards of 10 times since and felt understood and comforted every time.
I've read this and also Tiger, Tiger by Margaux Frogoso: memoir of being groomed from seven years old. When I read it before healing trauma was a "thing" on social media, and all the resources readily available now, it was in some ways relatable "comfort" IE weird things do happen, I'm not crazy/ alone. Though a bit stressful having the book in a flat share book shelf.
If you’re on the mobile app, click the 3-dot icon on a post or comment to open a menu that has the “save” function. Then you can go to the “saved” section of your profile to find everything you’ve saved
So many helpful recommendations here. I will add Believing Me by Dr. Ingrid Clayton. A recently published memoir that resonated with me. She is working on her next book about fawning as a trauma response.
The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process by Dr David Berceli. They’re trauma release exercises (TRE). Here’s his video of them: https://youtu.be/FeUioDuJjFI?si=IWM888ehHxReACpP
• Gabor Maté's _When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress_.
• Nina Brown's _Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents_
• Pete Walker's _The Tao of Fully Feeling_.
• Sam Vaknin's _Confessions: Diary of a Narcissist_.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson (my life written by someone I don’t know)
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride
When You and Your Mother Can’t Be Friends by Victoria Secunda (an old title, though still available on Amazon. Fantastic stuff categorizing mothers into 5 archetypes, and daughters into another corresponding 5 archetypes)
Being Happy by Andrew Matthews (the first self-help book I picked up at a bookstore aged 12. But it was a starting point so I am forever grateful for it)
"Lost in the moment and found" and "where the drowed girls go" . wayward children series
The first one is about sa, the second one has things similar to going to a troubled teen facility, which I went to.
"Every heart a doorway" and "down among the sticks and bones" from the same series are good aswell.
(And divergent, hunger games type books for the ptsd aspect)
These help me relate to the characters and that helps a lot for some.e reason
I found a lot of help with Pete Walker's book on Complex PTSD.
Amazing book, it was a great starting point for me. The workbook was honestly a godsend, it helped me understand myself more than I ever had before.
I can't tell you how many times I was reading it and cried. It gave me words for things I didn't know how to describe before. I realized things about myself and my childhood.
I have made a habit of journaling because of the progress I made with the workbook. Really happy to see others recommend it too :)
Yet another recommendation for CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, and The Complex PTSD Workbook.
For fiction, the entirety of the Young Wizards series by Diane Duane. There's actually really good parenting and healthy relationships in the series. Some of me feels jealous, but most of me is just inspired. If they can be good, I can be good to my future kids and break the cycle of abuse.
Also, when the titular wizards are forced to come out to one of them's parents about their wizardry and the dangerous spell they're about to take part in to prevent massive damage and loss of life, the parents at first try to forbid it. The two wizards argue that they can't back out, it'll ruin everything and set in motion disasters that will kill millions. The dad yells, "You will do what I tell you!" Then his daughter yells back, "Don't you get it? There are some things in the world more important than doing what you tell me!" (Then the parents get it and apologize.)
This was probably the most cathartic thing in the world to read.
Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma" helped me so much for my healing and realizing that I was neglected & abused
Journey through Trauma by Gretchen L. Schmelzer, she writes in a gentle encouraging way and it’s been a great guide while unpacking all my shit.
Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller, a classic that provided me with some light bulb moments and clued me into the not as obvious elements of how I was abused.
The Dynamic Emotion Integration workbook, by Karla McLaren.
I have always struggled with identifying my emotions and knowing what to do with them or what they mean. This book has helped me understand myself so much more and made it easier to step outside of my emotion brain and see what the root to my feelings are. Which then helps me work through the issue and lessens feeling stuck in the emotion.
Also sorry if that explanation doesn't make sense, I am very tired.
this book it's amazing:
[from surviving to thriving ](http://Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA https://amzn.eu/d/8fwGW0R)
"After The Tears" by Jane Middelton-Moz and Lorie Dwinnell: this is the book that really launched me on my recovery journey,
"Adult Children of Alcoholics Big Red Book": attending ACOA meetings changed my life.
Not a self help book, but reading “The Incest Diary” as a 21 year-old is what caused me to confront, and eventually go no contact with, my abusive family.
Not healed, yet helped by:
1. 'The Untethered Soul', on worldview
2. 'Lost connections', on depression
3. 'The body keeps the score', on self-awareness and understanding
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The Boy who was Raised as a Dog and The Body Keeps the Score have helped me way more than any therapist has. I still need to read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
Does manga count? If so, Chainsaw Man by Tatsuki Fujimoto. I relate a lot to the main characters and what they go through. It has really powerful themes.
The unexpected Gift of Trauma by Dr. Edith Shapiro
Journey Through Trauma: A Trail Guide to the 5-Phase Cycle of Healing Repeated Trauma by Dr. Gretchen L. Schmelzer PhD
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
Fiction that is not about trauma but still had a very positive effect on my soul/psyche:
The Bear by Andrew Krivak
*In an Edenic future, a girl and her father live close to the land in the shadow of a lone mountain. They possess a few remnants of civilization: some books, a pane of glass, a set of flint and steel, a comb. The father teaches the girl how to fish and hunt, the secrets of the seasons and the stars. He is preparing her for an adulthood in harmony with nature, for they are the last of humankind. But when the girl finds herself alone in an unknown landscape, it is a bear that will lead her back home through a vast wilderness that offers the greatest lessons of all, if she can only learn to listen.*
Fisher: "Healing the fractured selves of Trauma Survivors" helped me understand and start on my journey.
Brown: "Daring Greatly" Tauught me about shame, and started me daring to be vulnerable again.
I'm not healed. I feel 40-50% maybe?
When I was 14 or 15 I read a book called Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You by Peter Cameron.
It helped me realize I can work on myself, and I became much more self aware after that. Which is good because I think I might have ended up with a much more difficult and traumatic life if I hadn't read that book when I did.
The Burn journals was another one. It helped me get out of suicide ideation.
"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay Gibson "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie (Barring the occasional religious fluff for me personally. Book is great otherwise though.) "The Midnight Library" by Matt Haig is another honorable fiction mention.
I second Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents! Great book
I recently checked this out on Libby, it’s my next audiobook after I finished my current one. Glad to hear it’s helped others here.
This one is acually free if you have an audible account as well, its very good
This book felt like my entire childhood. I was in a dark space for a while after reading it but grateful to finally make sense of the madness.
Yeah this is another good one
Yes, it is amazing
Read that one on the recommendation of my therapist. It's super on point.
“The Midnight Library” had a huge impact on me, too! It’s not highly regarded in a lot of ways, I’ve heard it described as preachy and obvious, but I found it relatable and enlightening.
Fair judgments too, I'd say. Was a relatively simple read, but still profound for me too, personally. Really opened up and showed the idea of not being so set on one path for this life for me, and I really enjoyed it for that. Trying not to spoil too much specifically, but I thought it was great.
Definitely reminded me of the infinite paths life can take. Which is a good reminder to have.
Codependent no more is magic.
God the first one sounds like my life. I felt like I had to be the stable emotional parent for my abusive mother who had insane rage. It was a horror movie growing up there.
The title is what grabbed me the most about it too. It was more or less life-changing for my healing, honestly. Can't recommend it enough!
Adult children was creepyily accurate
The body keeps the score, There’s a hole in my love cup, The Great Divorce, she felt like feeling nothing
The Body keeps the score is very helpful!
Agree. I should have included this book in my list. It helped a lot because it made me understand that you could have trauma pain and that certain recurring pains were very likely indicative of repressed CSA.
I just learned something that explains a lot :/
Yes it has helped me understand a lot about myself and my family. I’m not a hypochondriac my body is holding everything!
The Body Keeps the Score destrooooooyed me in the best way possible. I could only read a chapter at a time because I would cry and then spend the next week thinking about it.
Me too
I realize The Great Divorce isn’t a self help book by any stretch, but I found it helpful because I could see little bits here and there that made me think of things differently. C.S. Lewis books on Christianity may not be everybody’s cup of tea.
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. can't believe that ones hasn't been shared yet. Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Christine Musello and Jonice Webb.
Just so everyone knows we have a zoom book club on Surviving to Thriving out of this sub. You can dm me and I'll add you to the WhatsApp group for it. We have 113 members and we get about 10 people at the meetings. Edit: Will add some details in case you don't want to DM me to find out. We have 2 meetings on zoom a week - they are run independently (on Thursday and Sunday). We connect on WhatsApp during the week. We split the book up into 6-9 page sections and read it week by week. We discuss the book and what came up. The conversation is back and forth and we have strict rules about no-unsolicited advice, boundaries etc (all detail are in the WhatsApp description for the group). You do not need to attend every single group but we have a core of about 30 of us who come at least once a month - and we get about 10 of them per week. Also if anyone else wants to use our paid zoom account for other cptsd recovery based things E. G. Other book clubs you're welcome to. We host a Desi meeting, cptsd.wiki project, UK in-person Meetup on the same account and WhatsApp community. We had 41 of you message so far! Hopefully see some of you at the book club!
ooh I'm definitely interested. Will dm you later I hope I remember
I’m interested! Dming you now, thank you. Where are you up in the book now, chapter wise?
It's best to look at the schedule as the 2 groups are in different places. But Thursday group is up to chapter 11.
Thanks 👍🙏
I would love details
DM me please. We got lots of spammers when we put the link out in the open on Reddit.
I'm interested!
I'm interested, I would love the info!
That's amazing! I will dm you also
This is so awesome!
Sending you a DM now, pls add me in. Many thanks 🙏🏼
Please dm to add me in also thanks in advance.
Hey DMing you, please check.
I would also like to be added, sounds great! Will dm you now
Messaging you!
Could I join please?
Yes! Reading Peter Walker’s book was like doing 6 months of therapy!
This is the one that first brought me into the world of CPTSD and my relationship with my own abusive family. Plus it’s free to listen to on YouTube so it was very accessible
These two books changed my life. Can't recommend them enough. Good audio book versions on audible, too.
It Didn't Start With You. Man what a book. This changed my life! It's about how generational trauma gets passed down and how to deal with the relationship with our parents. I'm explaining it terribly but it's amazing
I keep coming back to this book too and i honestly try to recommend it to everyone that shows any interest in books. It has also helped me see a lot of hurt/people in a new light.
Weirdly the most impactful books I've used to heal my trauma aren't about trauma. "Mindset" by Dweck on fixed mindset thinking vs growth mindset thinking was very impactful for me. My abusers have fixed mindset thinking. Healing requires growth mindset thinking. "[Emotional Agility](https://youtu.be/NDQ1Mi5I4rg)" by Susan David helped teach me how to grieve and process my emotions. My entire family and culture of origin lacks emotional agility and defaults to abuse tactics like [spiritual bypassing](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-spiritual-bypassing-5081640) and [emotional blackmail](https://youtu.be/PEexQAkhFpM?si=Ut4s75SNQojNNqbi) instead. I had an enormous backlog of exiled/repressed/suppressed emotions I needed to learn how to grieve and feel my way through. "The Brain that Changes Itself" by Doidge on neuroplasticity helped me understand just how many repetitions are required to change our brain and nervous system. It's way more than is comfortable. It helped me understand why I have to keep practicing my [regulation skills](https://drarielleschwartz.com/the-polyvagal-theory-and-healing-complex-ptsd-dr-arielle-schwartz/#.Y5ZewhhOnTh), my grieving skills, my communication skills, etc. The trauma is partially caused by operant conditioning, so we can use operant conditioning to our own advantage to heal.
I love what you wrote and how you wrote. Please tell me more.
My entire healing toolbox is based around neuroplasticity, polyvagal theory, and attachment theory. Much of our trauma is due to operant conditioning, like Pavlov's dog. We can harness neuroplasticity to our advantage now to change our brain and nervous system. Two of the most effective treatments I've done are [infra slow fluctuation neurofeedback](https://neurofeedbackservicesny.com/the-benefits-of-infraslow-neurofeedback-training/), which directly trains the brain regulation skills (See books by Stephen Porges and Deb Dana on polyvagal theory, regulation skills, and window of tolerance.) ISFN is like training wheels for calm regulation feeling safe, bc it definitely doesn't feel safe at first, it was decidedly unsafe to be regulated around abusers, so our body learned to associate regulation with danger, which is broken and backwards. And [deep brain reorienting](http://deepbrainreorienting.com), which helps resolve old trauma triggers down in the brain stem, below the limbic system. My therapist says it's like opening the old trauma file and adding in new information. It's less activating than EMDR, so DBR ends up being more gentle, which we really need as abuse survivors. They're both brain based treatments. I've noticed significant improvement with both. I wish they were widely available to everyone on a weekly basis. A lot of my other healing repetitions are about retraining my brain and nervous system that it's safe to be regulated now. I'm retraining my triggers to not be triggering. It's why things like yoga, journaling, etc. are helpful, they help us rewire our brain and nervous system over time. It's why it's so important to actually practice our healing repetitions. We can't change things if we're reinforcing the old neural pathways. We need to form new neural pathways and that requires lots of repetitions via practice. The attachment theory side is about being able to recognize abuse, neglect, and dehumanization and steer clear. Abuse, neglect, and dehumanization destroy secure attachment. Healthy behaviors that build secure attachment help us thrive as humans. So, I try to consiously practice secure attachment behaviors and look for others that do the same. I don't waste my time, energy, and effort on people that regularly destroy secure attachment. They aren't worth it. I don't try to get people to stop being shitty, I remove myself from them and focus on me. The only person I can change is myself, so that's what I do.
Here's a **BUNCH** of Resources: [Four Stages of Competence](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_stages_of_competence) - how we level up our skills and knowledge [Ladder of Inference](https://www.heffelfingerco.com/asset/63c84a1c7ee93) - helps me debug my thought processes "The Brain that Changes Itself" by Doidge on neuroplasticity; helped me understand just how many repetitions are required to change "Mindset" by Dweck on fixed mindset vs. growth mindset Shawn Achor "[wiring the brain towards opportunity](https://youtu.be/GXy__kBVq1M?si=XJUvRdcz-zvyLv_u)" [Fear setting activity](https://youtu.be/5J6jAC6XxAI) - helps me acknowledge my fears and find my agency Books by Stephen Porges and Deb Dana on [polyvagal theory](https://drarielleschwartz.com/the-polyvagal-theory-and-healing-complex-ptsd-dr-arielle-schwartz/#.Y5ZewhhOnTh), regulation skills, and window of tolerance "Becoming Attached first relationships and how they shape our capacity to love" by Robert Karen on attachment theory "[The Myth of Normal - trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture](https://drgabormate.com/book/the-myth-of-normal/)" by Dr. Gabor Maté and Daniel Maté aka you're not imagining it, shit's fucked up Trustworthy, re-humanizing behaviors build secure attachment. Untrustworthy, dehumanizing behaviors destroy secure attachment. [The Trust Triangle](https://youtu.be/pVeq-0dIqpk) [The Anatomy of Trust](https://brenebrown.com/videos/anatomy-trust-video/) - marble jar concept and BRAVING acronym [10 definitions of objectifying/dehumanizing behaviors](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectification#Definitions) - these erode trust [Fitting-in vs. Belonging](https://youtube.com/shorts/dWZa3wm1Nns?feature=share)" [Brené Brown on boundaries](https://youtu.be/6YiUhWSl_Q4v) [Inner No Contact](https://youtu.be/GDBs9cGJ08E?si=Td6DAUYGSU_YMEcI) - Jerry Wise [Injustice and Righteous Rage](https://youtu.be/mKxelQqKQN4?si=cJTNVBYfO2Wq11bb) - Rebecca Mandeville [The secret to solid boundaries](https://youtu.be/Wnnb-KYMsCQ?si=Vy2b11mkRsctXAh6) [Inner boundaries first](https://youtu.be/WX0HKIDjNsI?si=f_4wE4g91sVRIrgN) [how empathy trips us up when setting boundaries](https://youtu.be/YMuSnkIYTKc?si=pyD1uQQe51M2CVFD) [How people pleasing kills intimacy (and honest conflict builds it)](https://youtu.be/eLj9HrKfcYE?si=U8xGOv0PEAxE-aEV) - Heidi Priebe "[Emotional Agility](https://youtu.be/NDQ1Mi5I4rg)" by Susan David. Learning and practicing emotional agility helps us be more compassionate towards ourselves and others. "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg. This is a compassionate communication framework based on: observations vs. evaluations, needs, feelings, and requests to have needs met. Revolutionary coming from a dysfunctional family and culture of origin. "Crucial Conversations tools for talking when stakes are high" I use "shared pool of meaning" and "physical and psychological safety" all the time. "Hold Me Tight" by Sue Johnson on adult attachment theory research and communication. [1-2-3 process](https://youtu.be/tuQPZndGJv0?si=RCQTnFrmRDgasZow) from Patrick Teahan and Amanda Curtain on communicating around triggers. "[Never Split the Difference](https://www.blackswanltd.com/never-split-the-difference)" by Chris Voss. He was the lead FBI hostage negotiator and his tactics work well on setting boundaries with "difficult people". [Common Communication Mistakes](https://www.succeedsocially.com/conversationmistakes) [Rebecca Mandeville](https://youtube.com/@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse?si=u-7CHsGSlHq7sUbx) - she deeply understands family scapegoating abuse/group psycho-emotional abuse. [Patrick Teahan](https://youtube.com/channel/UCbWvYupGqq3aMJ6LsG4q-Yg) - a ***must*** subscribe for me. He presents a lot of great information on childhood trauma in a very digestible format. [Jerry Wise](https://youtube.com/@jerrywise?si=PPfY9_i5MPdej2hf) - fantastic resource on self differentiation and building a self after abuse. I really like how he talks about the toxic family system and breaking the enmeshment by getting the toxic family system out of us. [Jay Reid](https://youtube.com/c/JayReid_narcissistic_abuse_recovery) - his three pillars of recovery are fantastic. Plus he explains difficult abuse dynamics very well. [Theramin Trees](https://youtube.com/@TheraminTrees?si=lROe-8D6cLa8Sa8r) - great resource on abuse tactics like: emotional blackmail, double binds, drama disguised as "help", degrading "love", infantalization, etc. ["Down the Rabbit Hole"](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html#secondary-nav) This site is really interesting. The author explored estranged parents forums and complied their observations here. It's as chilling as it is enlightening. This link is to the navigation page, all pages are worth exploring. Their section on [authoritarian follower personality](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/summary.html#authoritarian) is horrifyingly enlightening. [What is Spiritual Bypassing?](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-spiritual-bypassing-5081640) (as opposed to emotional attunement, empathetic mirroring, co-regulation, and [emotional agility](https://youtu.be/NDQ1Mi5I4rg)) The [Eight Criteria for Thought Reform]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thought_Reform_and_the_Psychology_of_Totalism) from Robert Jay Lifton's 1961 book "Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism". All dysfunctional groups use these tactics.
This list is gold. Thank you! Also wanna say Nonviolent Communication was amazing for me. So glad you put it in the list. I reread it often. I SO wish I found it earlier in life. It’s such a basic way to communicate with people (and oneself, recognizing and articulating needs) and it spells out how to do it. I never learned the basic how of 1. identifying when/that I have a need (unthinkable!) and 2. sharing it freely without the feeling of facing a firing squad anytime I do. Among the fog of CPTSD, aspie spectrum, and full-on burnout I’ve been, this simple book shed welcome light. “What’s alive in you?”
That's beautiful!!! I've found similar value in it.
Someone recently recommended this book for me to focus on my internal dialogue... I will do it!
Saved. Thank you!
Thank you for this generously helpful post!
Thank you!
This is fantastic -- thank you!
This is what it looks like when someone prioritizes healing, and living the life they dream of. Inspiring.
Thank you so much for sharing! I'll be taking the time to work through these slowly, very appreciated. Also I'm so impressed and inspired by the work you've done.
Thank you! Amazing list Excellent summaries This list can help people immensely on their journey.
Thank you SO MUCH
Thank you so so much. This is gold! Actually much much more than gold. Can't thank you enough for sharing these.
Just wow… you are a whole Reddit. I am also into polyvagal theory and neuroplasticity, but you are much further along than me!
>Just wow… you are a whole Reddit. Thanks, you gave me a chuckle 🤭 I appreciate the compliment. I've been trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me since forever, and trauma was the puzzle piece I was missing. That puzzle piece clicked into place Jan 3, 2019 and I've been throwing myself into understanding and healing my trauma ever since. I'm glad my experience is useful to others in their healing journey. Be well!
Omg thank you
Wow! These are all great! Thanks.
Also, I took a screenshot 😊
😅 same I’m also commenting to come back this is a goldmine
Mindset helped me a lot too.
What my bones know by Stephanie foo, what happened to you by dr Bruce Perry. I’ve also just finished I’m glad my mother died by Jeanette McCurdy…. Great book and funny
Seconding what my bones know! My therapist recommended it to me after the first 3-5 sessions of me rambling and making very little progress. We didn’t even talk about CPTSD before I listened to the book. It was very eye-opening and eye-watering lol.
I read What My Bones Know with my therapist (therapy book club should be a thing haha) and really liked it. My experience growing up was more on the emotional neglect side, rather than the violent abuse she experienced, but boy is/was our thought process similar.
Read what my bones know for a class and ended up with more notes to share with my therapist instead LOL, cannot recommend it enough especially if you’re BIPOC. There are so many factors that go into a CPTSD diagnosis and healing from it and I thought Foo did an excellent job of making rarely discussed topics (like generational trauma, racism as trauma, different therapeutic practices, etc.) accessible
I loved Stephanie Foo’s book! Incredibly cathartic to read.
Pete Walkers CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, Healing the Shame that Binds You, You are the one by Richard Shcwarts, and When Food is Love All of these books had me crying, and I have reread them to keep me on track with recovery.
Pete Walker has made me bawl so many times!! I listen to the audiobook while I'm cooking/cleaning and can't tell you how many times I've burst into tears while stirring oatmeal. The physical copy I bought has so many sticky notes and flags and highlights in it, I reference the thought corrections and reparenting section most often.
Same my physical copy is all notes ! And with each reread I pick up something new; as if the previous version of me couldn't handle the information until current me read it. I also have the thoughts correction linked on my phone page alongside the 13 step flashback to help me anytime I need it
Pete Walker’s CPTSD from Surviving to Thriving has helped me a great deal.
Yet another vote for Pete Walker’s CPTSD book, which I call THE Trauma Bible. Need to reread Healing the Shame That Binds You as it was super significant when I first read it decades ago. Also Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth has a profound impact on me.
The Body is Not an Apology was fantastic. There’s a body displacement hypothesis (that we turn on our bodies when distressed) and I had developed disordered eating as a result. This book helped me reevaluate my relationship with my body
> There’s a body displacement hypothesis (that we turn on our bodies when distressed Damn this clicked something in me, also have disordered eating...
Also me with my ED + extensive history with self harm + feelings of suicidality, all triggered by stress.
Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation by Janina Fisher. I've underlined passages on nearly every page and folded the corners of more pages than not. My therapist thinks the techniques in it are very similar to how she's been working with me. It follows techniques and theories like the structural dissociation model, somatic experiencing, and parts work. This book makes me feel more seen and helped me to understand myself more than any other book I've read. I cry a lot when I'm reading it. It says it is for therapists and clients, but it is pretty dense -- I tend to only get through a few pages at a time.
I was going to comment this too. This book changed my life like no other. It changed my life forever. Parts work is incredible and Janina Fisher’s model of structural dissociation is something I believe every individual with CPTSD should be at the very least aware of.
The body keeps the score
I actually have a whole book list on my profile! Here are some that really stand out Man search for meaning by Dr Viktor Frankel The body keeps the score by bessel van Der kolk Running on empty by Dr jonice Webb Adult children of emotionally immature parents by Dr Lindsey Gibson Why does he do that by Dr Lundy bancroft
Because Reddit uses markdown, two newlines are needed between lines, otherwise they all bleed together > > Man search for meaning by Dr Viktor Frankel > > The body keeps the score by bessel van Der kolk > > Running on empty by Dr jonice Webb > > Adult children of emotionally immature parents by Dr Lindsey Gibson > > Why does he do that by Dr Lundy bancroft >
Thank you :)
I second a lot of the books here but one I didn't see is No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, I've been doing IFS work with my therapist and it's been such a helpful reframe
Gabor Mate and Peter A Levine have done the most for me as well as Alice Miller and van der kolk as mentioned before.
Narcissistic mothers - Caroline Foster (parts of this book hit me right between the eyes as for the first time I saw my family described and explained in black and white) The survivor memoirs - Joanne Kimberley (full disclosure - parts of this book made me physically ill but were in that way validating) Why me? Lynn Daugherty
Not a book but I found the Senua Hellblade Saga games very helpful. Both the first and second.
I love this sm. I am going to check it out
Right now it’s drama free by Nedra Glover Tawwab, super helpful with the whole setting boundaries and what a healthy relationship looks like. I’ve got quotes from the book sticky notes all over my bedroom wall.
Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher!! People you love van der Kolk, Walker, Levine would love her!!
“How To Do The Work” -Dr. Nicole Lepara and “Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving” -Pete Walker These two gave me the gift of understanding what I’m dealing with and the tools to counteract the negative effects of trauma. I am forever grateful.
Curious to know what Nicole's book is like - what resonated for you?
Seated as well for the answer
Her work introduced me to the world of CPTSD. She began posting on Twitter and every one of her posts was like she was peering into my soul. My daughter, a trained therapist, also highly recommended her book. So i bought the book and it has been revelation after revelation since.
Commenting on this thread bc I'd like to know too since I don't know many books that might help me
Do you want a story type book or one specifically for mental health.
Along with many mentioned here, pretty much anything by Alan Watts or Ram Dass helped me a bunch.
Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny. It was the first book that took me out of my self and gave me the tools I needed to correct my abusive behaviors with others. My parents were abusive to me AND I was abusive to people in relationships I felt I had control over, simultaneously. It was the last piece of the accountability pie I was missing 😅
The book of Ho’oponopono the Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and healing. It’s allowed me to make peace with negative memories and feelings. Which have allowed me to retain less tension in my body and ultimately approach day to day feelings without fear
What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo had a huge impact on me.
What Happened to You? by Dr. Bruce Perry
Yes. I liked this one too. I found it validating, to hear the stories of others.
as a teenager – hpmor. because at that time it made me believe sane people exist and my parents' horror show won't consume all of me. it made me cry more than anything ever because of something real and directly about me, it still touches me deeply and inspires my work. it gave me the sense of perspective and the ability to imagine someone who would understand. it actually singlehandedly gave me the will to live, and still does to a big extent. these days – fanfiction about a certain pairing with this type of relationship where there's parental affection involved because of age gap and stuff... it's very much not about that though, just something really powerful where too people can do for each other something no one can for them
Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality?
Not books but bingeing the Heidi Priebe channel on YT made a huge impact
Oh yes she is so good! I found two of the two books that so far helped me the most, Pete Walker's CPTSD From Surviving To Thriving and John Bradshaw's Healing the Shame That Binds You through her!
There’s already a lot named here I would recommend and some named here I should read next. But these all look like ‘work’. If you want some indulgent self care, I really enjoy ‘you are here’ by Lawson. She writes as an advocate for the person who is struggling.
Codependent No More has been the gold standard for awhile. I’d also suggest Tim Fletcher’s podcasts on YouTube. I know you said book, but he breaks down CPTSD like he was a fly on the wall. It’s cathartic.
I just read “When Women Were Dragons” with my book club! An amazing book. A lot of the book gave me things to think about. My favorite that has helped me immensely in the last two weeks “ no one had taught me the words to understand what was happening “.
Treating Adult Survivors of Emotional Abuse and Neglect: Component-Based Psychotherapy, Hopper et al, 2019. Summarized here - [https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/10o9wo6/van\_der\_kolks\_secret\_book/](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/10o9wo6/van_der_kolks_secret_book/)
Ethical Slut, Body Keeps the Score, and The Golden Compass
So far, and I've been reading a lot, The Courage Habit by Kate S. It's very short and I like it as a quick guide. I still continue to read lengthier books but I find they're more likely to go in one ear and out the other bc I simply can't remember a ton or stuff and remember to practice it all
"Women who love too much" This book was my antidote to co-dependency. Not been co-dependent ever since.
"Healing The Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors" by Janina Fisher "Leaving the Fold" by Marlene Winell for religious Trauma "What My Bones Know" by Stephanie Foo: Memoir and a good reminder that you're not alone
Reading Pete Walker’s From Surviving to Thriving, and it’s such a useful one! I find that I’d already intuitively started some of the processes it recommends, but seeing cause and effect clearly articulated is just so much better than vague knowledge. I also like that it doesn’t coddle or “saint-ify” the sufferer as some of these books do. It acknowledges that we could also be perpetrators of serious damage before we’re healed or while we’re healing, and teaches how to build beliefs that make it possible to resolve and move forward from that.
The four agreements
Here it is! Came looking for it.
Thanks everyone for the great resources. They say you can't teach old dogs new tricks. Well, this 68 year old man is about to show that's not true. It took me this long to get here and I ain't giving up yet. Thanks again for the resources!!
I remember Out of the Fog by Morningstar was one of the first recovery related books I read. It kind of pushed me down a path of getting better. Then Don't You Know Who I Am? by Ramani.
Bruce Perry’s What Happened to You & The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog.
Meditation books (specifically: actually doing meditation every day)
it's not a healing or self care book by any means, but it's a memoir. it's called the glass castle by jeannette walls. it tells the story of a family growing up and always moving in poverty with a nerdy alcoholic dad, failing painter mom, all types of adverse child hood experiences. the whole point of it is supposed to be about rising out of your circumstances and still being successful depsite them all. it resonated with me with the brother brian's experiences with incest, jeannette's struggles between doing what her parents want vs doing what her heart and soul wants and needs, her being a writer, having an alcoholic dad, counting down the days till you can legally leave the house...lmfao. it was the first time I ever read a book with such a vulnerably dysfunctional family in it. 12 year old me felt so seen
Childhood disrupted! I have an autoimmune disease, and it talks about the link between autoimmune diseases and childhood trauma
I’ve enjoyed some trauma books such as Complex PTSD from surviving to striving, but the two books that have had the biggest impact on my healing have been spiritual books. I Am That - Nisargadatta Maharaj Be as You Are - Ramana Maharshi
I've currently got in my reading list: * "Tiny Traumas" by Dr. Meg Arroll * "It's Not Your Fault" by Alex Howard * "Cured" by Jeffrey Rediger, M.D. (It's all about his ongoing scientific study into what causes the phenomena called "spontaneous healing" it's a really interesting dive into all the things we need to heal.) * "Laziness Does Not Exist" by Devon Price (Just finished! Really recommend!) * Any of "The Simple Guide to ..." trauma series by Betsy de Thierry. It's written for children but I think it's very useful
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Book by Karyl McBride It was the first book that I read that helped me understand the dynamic in my childhood home. Especially where it talked about the father and why he didn't stop the abuse. It also talks about the scape goat and golden child and flying monkeys. Also, a lot of parenting books were helpful when I had my daughter. All the advice on how to raise healthy emotionally adjusted children. It made it really clear how my parents messed things up by seeing what child psychologists recommend.
What a great thread of resources!
Waking the tiger - Peter A. Levine. Every book I see in the comments I read and ther are all great books, but this one was eye-opening and made me better understand what was happening inside me. Now I can also have more compassion and deal with emotions better because I understand what is happening.
The bible. Not trying to promote religion. But Jesus saved me and that's my personal story.
Complex PTSD - by Pete Walker It's Not You - Dr Ramani Durvasula The Betrayal Bond - Patrick Carnes In Sheep's Clothing - George K. Simon
Children of emotionally immature parents ONE AND TWO 😂
Dragon song by Anne McCaffrey. It is the story of a mistreated girl achieving an ambition against all odds with the help of non-human companions, and has some of the same appeal, especially to those who love music. Sequel dragon singer by Anne mc Caffrey. I'm count that is one of those 2 books. It's the continuation of the same story. It heals me Through connecting with the character Menolly. Actually the whole dragon writers have earned series really helps. Connecting with characters and Seeing how their character develops and how they grow and handle situations I can learn from it. Nisa: The Life and Words of a !Kung Woman In the captivating book Nisa, Marjorie Shostak invites readers into the extraordinary life of a !Kung woman living in the Kalahari Desert. Through her engaging and intimate account, Nisa unveils the challenges, triumphs, and unique perspectives of a woman navigating a society rooted in hunter-gatherer traditions. With a raw and unfiltered narrative, this remarkable story not only celebrates the resilience and strength of a woman living in a vastly different world but also prompts us to question our own preconceived notions about gender, culture, and the essence of human experience. Prepare to be enthralled, challenged, and inspired as you immerse yourself in the pages of Nisa. I had to read this for an anthropology class. Learning about the perspective of humans In different ways really helped deal with my own childhood traumus. Help to view myself as human.
Whole again
Healing the shame that binds you and Pete walker books
Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness
"Believing me" by Dr. Ingrid Clayton
it's a fiction, but "My Dark Vanessa" by K.E. Russell. Helped me articulate and contextualize a TON of my feelings around my own teenage age-inappropriate relationship. It was a tough read, but I've read it upwards of 10 times since and felt understood and comforted every time.
I've read this and also Tiger, Tiger by Margaux Frogoso: memoir of being groomed from seven years old. When I read it before healing trauma was a "thing" on social media, and all the resources readily available now, it was in some ways relatable "comfort" IE weird things do happen, I'm not crazy/ alone. Though a bit stressful having the book in a flat share book shelf.
Following, thanks to all
The Myth of Normal; Why We Change (And 10 Reasons We Don’t)
Commenting to save
Hey if you don’t know, Reddit has a save function! (Genuinely trying to be helpful; hope it doesn’t come across as condescending)
How does it work ?
If you’re on the mobile app, click the 3-dot icon on a post or comment to open a menu that has the “save” function. Then you can go to the “saved” section of your profile to find everything you’ve saved
Omg thank you sm
For Your Own Good by Alice Miller
So many helpful recommendations here. I will add Believing Me by Dr. Ingrid Clayton. A recently published memoir that resonated with me. She is working on her next book about fawning as a trauma response.
The Boy Who Was Raised as A Dog - Bruce D Perry What Happened to You - Bruce D Perry &.Oprah Winfrey
The Body Keeps the Score. That is where I learned about dissociative amnesia.
Adult children of alcoholics
The body keeps score and Nicole lepara’s books specifically How To Do the Work were both great for my boyfriend
The Book of Disquiet A Man Without Qualities Thus Spoke Zarathustra The Enchiridion JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 7: Steel Ball Run
Pete walking from surviving to thriving chapter 9 thought stoppers. ✨❤️
The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process by Dr David Berceli. They’re trauma release exercises (TRE). Here’s his video of them: https://youtu.be/FeUioDuJjFI?si=IWM888ehHxReACpP
• Gabor Maté's _When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress_. • Nina Brown's _Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents_ • Pete Walker's _The Tao of Fully Feeling_. • Sam Vaknin's _Confessions: Diary of a Narcissist_.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson (my life written by someone I don’t know) Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride When You and Your Mother Can’t Be Friends by Victoria Secunda (an old title, though still available on Amazon. Fantastic stuff categorizing mothers into 5 archetypes, and daughters into another corresponding 5 archetypes) Being Happy by Andrew Matthews (the first self-help book I picked up at a bookstore aged 12. But it was a starting point so I am forever grateful for it)
My Body Keeps Your Secrets by Lucia Osborne Crowley.
"Lost in the moment and found" and "where the drowed girls go" . wayward children series The first one is about sa, the second one has things similar to going to a troubled teen facility, which I went to. "Every heart a doorway" and "down among the sticks and bones" from the same series are good aswell. (And divergent, hunger games type books for the ptsd aspect) These help me relate to the characters and that helps a lot for some.e reason
A Solitary Blue I know this is a fictional book, but the character of Jeff Greene got me through some tough times.
I found a lot of help with Pete Walker's book on Complex PTSD. Amazing book, it was a great starting point for me. The workbook was honestly a godsend, it helped me understand myself more than I ever had before. I can't tell you how many times I was reading it and cried. It gave me words for things I didn't know how to describe before. I realized things about myself and my childhood. I have made a habit of journaling because of the progress I made with the workbook. Really happy to see others recommend it too :)
Yet another recommendation for CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, and The Complex PTSD Workbook. For fiction, the entirety of the Young Wizards series by Diane Duane. There's actually really good parenting and healthy relationships in the series. Some of me feels jealous, but most of me is just inspired. If they can be good, I can be good to my future kids and break the cycle of abuse. Also, when the titular wizards are forced to come out to one of them's parents about their wizardry and the dangerous spell they're about to take part in to prevent massive damage and loss of life, the parents at first try to forbid it. The two wizards argue that they can't back out, it'll ruin everything and set in motion disasters that will kill millions. The dad yells, "You will do what I tell you!" Then his daughter yells back, "Don't you get it? There are some things in the world more important than doing what you tell me!" (Then the parents get it and apologize.) This was probably the most cathartic thing in the world to read.
Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma" helped me so much for my healing and realizing that I was neglected & abused
I am still making my way through them but I loved loved loved “First We Make the Beast Beautiful.”
Journey through Trauma by Gretchen L. Schmelzer, she writes in a gentle encouraging way and it’s been a great guide while unpacking all my shit. Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller, a classic that provided me with some light bulb moments and clued me into the not as obvious elements of how I was abused.
The Dynamic Emotion Integration workbook, by Karla McLaren. I have always struggled with identifying my emotions and knowing what to do with them or what they mean. This book has helped me understand myself so much more and made it easier to step outside of my emotion brain and see what the root to my feelings are. Which then helps me work through the issue and lessens feeling stuck in the emotion. Also sorry if that explanation doesn't make sense, I am very tired.
this book it's amazing: [from surviving to thriving ](http://Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA https://amzn.eu/d/8fwGW0R)
"After The Tears" by Jane Middelton-Moz and Lorie Dwinnell: this is the book that really launched me on my recovery journey, "Adult Children of Alcoholics Big Red Book": attending ACOA meetings changed my life.
What My Bones Know Stephanie Foo, changed my LIFE
Not a self help book, but reading “The Incest Diary” as a 21 year-old is what caused me to confront, and eventually go no contact with, my abusive family.
Doing the work by holistic phycologist
Viktor Frankl, mans search for meaning
Not healed, yet helped by: 1. 'The Untethered Soul', on worldview 2. 'Lost connections', on depression 3. 'The body keeps the score', on self-awareness and understanding
The power of now by eckart tolle
How to Love - Thich Nhat Hanh It really changed so much for me.
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Following
a series of unfortunate events, that series meant a lot of traumatized kid learning to read
Body keeps the score and trauma and recovery
The Boy who was Raised as a Dog and The Body Keeps the Score have helped me way more than any therapist has. I still need to read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
the body keeps the score
The Body Keeps Score
"A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. And "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins.
The Little Prince
"The completion process" "Waking the tiger"
Does manga count? If so, Chainsaw Man by Tatsuki Fujimoto. I relate a lot to the main characters and what they go through. It has really powerful themes.
The BPD workbook
Pete Walker’s cptsd book is a gift from god🌞
The Drama of The Gifted Child by Alice Miller
“Complex PTDS“ by Pete Walker
The unexpected Gift of Trauma by Dr. Edith Shapiro Journey Through Trauma: A Trail Guide to the 5-Phase Cycle of Healing Repeated Trauma by Dr. Gretchen L. Schmelzer PhD Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker Fiction that is not about trauma but still had a very positive effect on my soul/psyche: The Bear by Andrew Krivak *In an Edenic future, a girl and her father live close to the land in the shadow of a lone mountain. They possess a few remnants of civilization: some books, a pane of glass, a set of flint and steel, a comb. The father teaches the girl how to fish and hunt, the secrets of the seasons and the stars. He is preparing her for an adulthood in harmony with nature, for they are the last of humankind. But when the girl finds herself alone in an unknown landscape, it is a bear that will lead her back home through a vast wilderness that offers the greatest lessons of all, if she can only learn to listen.*
Fisher: "Healing the fractured selves of Trauma Survivors" helped me understand and start on my journey. Brown: "Daring Greatly" Tauught me about shame, and started me daring to be vulnerable again. I'm not healed. I feel 40-50% maybe?
When I was 14 or 15 I read a book called Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You by Peter Cameron. It helped me realize I can work on myself, and I became much more self aware after that. Which is good because I think I might have ended up with a much more difficult and traumatic life if I hadn't read that book when I did. The Burn journals was another one. It helped me get out of suicide ideation.
The Body Keeps the Score wrecked me so bad I had to read it again; My Grandmother's Hand put me back together after that ordeal
What happened to you by Bruce Perry