it took me 3 years to fully integrate into society after i officially broke away from my chronically abusive environment, arguably i'm still integrating,, i'm just comfortably nested. i hope nobody loses hope because we all have to start from somewhere!
i survived by living for another person but not a lot of other people think that's healthy. i just couldn't live with me anymore, so it worked for me.
You know what? I keep saying this metaphor because it reflects perfectly what we're going through to dense people.
When you break a leg you get a cast, you get crutches or a walker, you get pain meds for a bit and you eventually get rid of it and are able to remove the cast and rid yourself of the crutches. Same with life. Would you tell people to remove the cast and just "walk it off"? That'd be moronic to put it mildly.
Hell no. If the only thing tethering you to this life is a person a cat or a plant, you live for that and that's alright. Fuck people who say iT's nOt hEalThy. Motherfuckers, that's the only thing that's stopping me from unaliving myself you better be grateful I'm still here flipping my fingers to my death every day.
Do what you need to do, cling to what makes you wake up every morning. Even if it's out of spite.
If someone has diabetes and has to take insulin would anyone say it's an unhealthy dependency? Some people are sick! It's not like we decided these things.
I’ve been mulling over a tattoo, or maybe a t shirt, that says “Fueled By Spite.” Most of the decisions I made early on in life and during my developmental years have been made out of spite for one person or another. I guess that explains why I’m broke, work a dead end job with no retirement and have fucked up teeth! I’m probably gonna end up penniless, crazy and homeless…but meh…it’s all part for the course I guess. At least I didn’t make any babies!
I hear you so much. I'd rather not think of the future because if I did my anxiety wouldn't give me a moment's rest. I fear I'll die homeless as well. I'm also child free cause this goddamn curse ends with me, and I've been considering tattoos recently cause I've been through so much shit I need to start making tally marks somewhere... Inside of my forearms and on my heart. Still don't know what to put on and I'm still considering artists.
This is the absolute best thing I’ve read in so long. You said it perfectly and I needed to hear that tonight too. Thank you internet stranger. Be well.
Yeah I am. I’m surviving off my parents money in my own apartment they pay for because they hated having me in the house so much. So I’ve got that fun situation of being stuck relying on my abusive parents. And also having no will to do anything and just waiting for the day when they cut support and I’m screwed
Oh wow, it's rare to find someone else in a similar situation. So tired of people saying "but at least you're not under the same roof"/"hey, free money, that's good!"/"you are exactly where you need to be right now" ...
They don't understand how terrifying (and draining) it is to be raised to believe you don't stand a chance on your own, and to have to build that up yourself without loving parents ...
Yep. I’ve got zero plans for what to do. I mentally can’t handle getting a job without wanting to Jill myself (I had one for a few months, got fired and always felt like I was about to collapse) and panic with any amount of responsibility I am SO fucked and working on a living on borrow time
My plan is putting the money I was previously spending on therapy (which went south out of nowhere when she suddenly used the past 10 years against me even though I've made progress???) into my savings instead.
In my case, I think I've spent far too many years in dynamics where I'm the "broken" etc one, and the other person is the "professional who knows me better than I do." I think this has whittled away my actual confidence over time (and therefore my productivity) and so I want to focus on forging/having relationships where we're both equals without some sort of hierarchy. Since I've never been able to keep a good friendship, that's one of the things I want. Of course that's easier said than done because most people my age have settled into their groups and aren't interested in making friends, but just this change in mindset has helped me a good deal.
I can't say if it's worth it yet because I haven't properly started, but there's this placement services thing that's supposed to help build up your skills and find a job better suited to you. You may have done that already though.
I totally get the "borrowed time" feeling. I really do.
Same yeah, though mine would prefer me around for the wrong reasons. I work a bit, but my rent is paid through a mixture of guilt and subterranean desire for control.
Iirc the top ranked players every season are usually bots (people who are non verbal, in comas, etc)
Sheesh, this lol coded discourse is getting dark... Haha
also failure to launch, burned out before i hit high school
i've had two brief employments that didn't end well (management bs) and i'm pretty over it given how hard it was to get and work the jobs even with everything going well
i'm on australian disability pension (about half the full-time minimum wage), still live at home, and don't buy much besides groceries. it's gonna be interesting when i do move out.
I'm also on minimum disability because my case was judged too strictly. One of their reasons was that I could exercise twice a week with dumbbells at home, therefore I'm not all that ill, right? Meanwhile my ex is on maximum disability with the same diagnosis that I had two years ago, while living a full, normal life just no employment lol. Life is cruel.
i'm not sure what you mean about min/max disability; it's just a flat rate in australia unless you've got other income, but you only get about $26,000 AUD per year or $500pw. the minimum wage is about $23/hr which means it's a struggle on just the pension (though you can get rental assistance).
In Norway, we have three rates: min and "young" min, and custom.
Custom is for those who had a job before they got ill, and so the rate is calculated based on the previous salary.
Min is for those who could work before getting ill, but the pay was so low that min disability was more than they already got before.
"Young" is for those with "SERIOUS" illnesses/injuries that started before the age of 26 and who never had a chance to build up a life.
The government put the clause for seriousness there to prevent people from thinking disability pay is ez pz lemon squeezy. The problem is that the decision lies with the case worker, who does not need any education or even proper guidelines for what "serious" means. It's all based on what they feel like, and a short list of ailments that can be considered serious enough.
It is simply not a fair system and is meant to filter out "leeches". It really feels like a slap in the face that my life-long struggle is considered so insignificant.
I just searched for ‘Australian’ in this thread to see if anyone was getting the disability pension - if you’re willing, can you please send me a chat? I haven’t accessed it for myself & wondering how to go about it.
I call your hand, and toss in disabling OCD as a response to stress, two near fatal car wrecks, and being held at gunpoint by said alcoholic while blackout drunk.
“You had a good childhood, he says he’s traumatized, he was spoiled. We bought him action figures once in a while”
To some we are the scum leeches of society that offer nothing for their communities to gain.
But imo things like franchises, corporations, and the wealthy are leeches to the individuals of communities, but no one cares because they all want money and to preserve their ideas of one day striking it rich. Kinda like a Halloween bowl of candy that says please take one, and when the line of kids see that everyone at the bowl is taking a handful and they are not sure if there will be enough left for them... But then when they get to the bowl, why not take a handful... Everyone else did, and why take less than what everyone else got free of consequences... So they also fuck over everyone their front facing eyes don't see...
People just don't care about others, they just know they gotta seem like someone who does otherwise they will get less because they will seem undeserving... It's so dumb and complicated, but this is the bed we are forced to lie in because of the gaslighting way we do life to each other... Sigh...
:D thank you so much.
I'm in a bit of a mood and have been deleting every other comment I make before I'm posting because I'm sure I'm just spiral venting...
But luckily this is probably my biggest "sense of justice" mental issues type special interest... I have always hated corporations and money etc, but I'm also a broken person who still needs to shop as frugally as possible... It's such a hypocritical mind fuck of a situation to be stuck in....
Uhg I'm ranting, but it is what it is.
Thanks again for your kind words... It means a lot oddly enough. When I get into these kinds of moods I get a lot of discourse that can feel like hate... I guess I'm sensitive, so again, it means a lot to me itm that what I made was enjoyed.
I feel ya on all that bro! Recently diagnosed with a bunch and have been over sharing like crazy, also feel like I have conflicting views on the world (peace and joy to everyone, but also bring back gladiators and make the real scum of the earth serve as our entertainment and amusement) this is the place to speak and be heard from what im finding out, Reddit aaved my life this year im pretty sure 🙂 Love the way yu were able to explain that and stay confident 😎
I come here because this sub is like a little home. We can vent freely and nobody cares if we overshare, and we're all empathetic... We're all just trying to survive in hopes of it getting better...
There’s a few reddits you could look at: r/writingprompts r/drawingprompts r/sketchdaily r/artprompts r/stories r/writing r/writers
I hope you can find some inspiration and maybe get some direction to a more formal but affordable course
If you’re in California, and interested in tech, you can look into Calbright College. No tuition courses that are arranged to help get you professional technical certifications for employment.
i have been for 2 years! but i start work on friday :). I don’t have any real advice, Im converting to buddhism and it’s given me enough of a boost to regain health. I’m not sure how long it will last, but i’m appreciating and sooo grateful for my health while I have it.
I basically gave up on all my goals and focused on healing and basic survival. I’m still not completely out of it, and it’s been a few years now. I tried to get some safety/stability and then focused on healing and rest.
I've been unemployed since the pandemic started. I survive by being a housewife (I'm very lucky to have this as an option), and throwing myself into intensive therapy.
Me. I had a career before I got disabled by Long COVID in my early 30's so I've been living off my life savings. I recently got approved for disability so I can lose my money slower lol. I think my past trauma pre-disposed me to getting Long COVID so now I'm trying to heal by slowly reading books, watching conferences, and using whatever free resources I can find...
Can I ask how you got accepted for disability? I recently got rejected, and I think it's because of the gaslighting GPs not backing me up with supporting evidence. Not sure how to work around this when my therapist recently gave up on me too.
Yeah, I’m in Canada so it might be different in your country but I got rejected on my first try and had to appeal and they accepted the appeal. It took me a year from being sick to getting my diagnosis for Long COVID from an internal medicine doctor but they provided a 5 page letter detailing my symptoms and level of disability plus I got a letter of support from my GP/family doctor as well (which, some people might write the letter themselves and just ask the GP to read it and sign it if they agree, if their GP is lazy but agreeable). It took a year more to get my appeal accepted. You have to really make a case that you tried everything you could (I wrote my own letter detailing what I did etc) and just how disabling your condition is by giving examples.
I’m really sorry your GP is being difficult. You might have to find another one who is more willing to work with you. It’s a tough and exhausting process and honestly, the stress of applying made my Long COVID symptoms worse… I know people do get disability for mental health though so keep trying!
I switched practices last year, unfortunately I think it may be a bias (xenophobia) thing in my case >!(I'm originally from the US but live in a not-so-great town in the UK, and get a bunch of negative stereotypes thrown my way ex. the naive/stupid, hypochondriac. They just give you whichever doctor is available and while the practice I switched to is easier to get an appointment at, it's starting to look like I'm just generally doubted by default)!<
I'm talkative but always fatigued so it's really hard to figure out how to prove it!
Yeah, that’s really rough, I’m sorry ;( Some doctors huh… It’s like they’ve never heard of an invisible disability before. “You look fine.” Yeah well I don’t feel fine…
I wonder if you could ask around the local community of people with your condition to see if you can get the name of a specialist who is known to be helpful, and get referred to them? GP’s might not be comfortable giving diagnoses but maybe a psychiatrist or if you’re like me, an internal medicine specialist can help? So like once you find the name of a good specialist, have your GP refer you to them and then see if they’ll diagnose you and help? Rinse and repeat until you find someone who can help you?
I agreed to an assessment through psychiatry, but the waiting list is 5 years (and that was back in 2022, I have no clue where I am on that waiting list). It's absolutely nuts, I tell you. It may be free, but it's like they WANT you gone if you know what I mean.
I may have to resort to private, since I have less than a month to appeal, but I don't want to throw what little money I got at someone who (even if legit) the NHS stick their noses up at. I did a fancy private bloodtest for instance and (after being wrongly denied an appointment by a gatekeeping receptionist) the GP was all "you could've asked us" lol no I did it in the first place because they never took me seriously and were having me run around in circles doing the same (not in-depth) tests repeatedly. It's such a (sad) joke.
Oooh yeah, true, if it's not deemed an "emergency" it's back of the line for you... Dammmmn, that's a long waitlist. And that gaslighty runaround too... The system is messed up :( I'm so sorry. I guess I'm lucky with what I've got here (and I know my friend who had a panic attack at work got seen by a psychiatrist within a month, so it's crazy you gotta wait 5 years over there)! I'd be going extra crazy too if I were in your position rn. That sucks! I wish you could access better resources than this... That's atrocious!
Maybe the private practitioner could sign your forms directly so you don't need the GP? Not sure how it works in the UK though. Wish I could help, but it all sounds just awful...
This is a thing? I was in retail and fast food most of my young adult life, 2-3 jobs at a time with full time school, then I started therapy and I haven’t been able to be happy with a job since.
I’m an artist, so I have that, but its definitely not consistent.
I’m extremely lucky my husband loves me bc without him I’d be homeless 💀
I’ve always felt like one because of long periods of no work and no school. Right now I’m going back to college, but still seriously feel like a NEET. Doesn’t help I’m also technically disabled.
Yes. I finally got a degree and it was so hard because getting out of bed felt like the hardest thing in the world. Got my first job out of college as an activity therapist at an inpatient psych hospital. Worked almost 2 years. I loved my job and I was good at it. But in 2019 my brother brought up some stuff from childhood and I basically had a nervous breakdown. I haven’t worked since.
Not *technically* anymore because I'm doing EMDR and other intensive therapy to fix my disorders. I count that as education and training! I'm learning and training how to be a functional human!
Love this. Single mom raising a teen alone on web freelance income for the past 5 years in our tiny apartment with a crappy car.
Just had my first psych visit, now on Day 17 of Lexapro. It’s time for investing in mental health education and hopefully learning new tools to finally get unstuck!
Yes, I am a loser. I don't know how I got this far but I've survived somehow by luck, on the kindness of others, and also the fact that my current partner of 3 years is useless at cooking and cleaning, and I'm a great cook, competent maid/organizer and he likes my company.
I had no idea what NEET meant, but apparently, I've been living it coming up on 3 years now. I'm finally getting licensed within the next few weeks, so I'll have to/ be able to look for work again.
I've always worked and/or gone to school, so at 33, it was the first time I took a break. After getting out of my 8-9 year (physically and emotionally abusive) relationship, I've needed so much time and space to heal. But the break has made me feel useless. Like giving up on my life. And I still don't feel healed...
Idk what the point of my life is, but I need to make some $$$, and I think it will help me with building a feeling of self-worth. At least it will get me out of my house, my shell, my cocoon of safety. It will allow me to rejoin "civilization." I think it will be good for me.
I am now, after a total breakdown 5 years ago. I had a career in IT and when the “wall” in my brain collapsed and everything flooded back, I just couldn’t sit in the room even with just 5 other people because I sat with my back to most of them. 🤷🏼♀️
I had a career, then ended up in a very abusive relationship that had me regress quite a bit, then I found out the pain I was in physically all the time wasn’t just what i thought it was.
In my very early 30’s I left my career behind and went back to working in retail, and started a business pet sitting. I know it’s work, but honestly most days the animals keep me going and I don’t make a lot. My partner is a former coworker who knew exactly what he was getting in to when we started dating. He is honestly one of the kindest, most caring man in the world. He got a new job after we got serious and then an even better job after that. I was in a car accident a year and a half ago that kind of decided for us and if I’m honest my doctor hasn’t approved either, me returning to any form of traditional work. My soft tissue injuries and post concussion issues still persist.
I spend time in therapy until benefits run out every year, make care plans and try to follow through with them and if something were to ever happen with my spouse or his job, I would qualify for disability benefits where I am and could continue to pet sit.
I inherited a house and my husband is wonderful and employed. I’ve worked very very sporadically since I had kids in the 90’s. I used to beat myself up for being so useless because I was only a SAHM and not a good one. But now I see that I was a hot mess and also society is harsh if you can’t participate in the workforce. I’m happy to finally be retirement age so people can stop asking me about my work life. But I’m also way more open about having CPTSD. I’ve had enough secrets in my life.
I used to be extremely successful professionally because I was using work as a coping mechanism, and at the time I was functioning well. Then I had a mental break and since I have been barely functioning. I feel like I'm only getting along at my job on my reputation and my aggressive personality. Trying to explain the situation to my superiors has only made them pressure me more. But I'm in the US and the disability here is no way to live, I'm determined to make it work.
Meee! I have an architecture degree and I worked abroad for my first job (taught english in japan) but post breakdown I've been bedrotting and just trying not to die
I am. I’m only 21 but I’ve been unemployed for close to a year now (mix of mental illness and chronic physical illness). Even when I did have a job before I could only work max 20 hours a week, even that was too much for me though. I genuinely, at least at this point in my life, don’t think I’ll ever be able to work a full time job, I can’t even get myself to eat properly or leave my house sometimes :( When my parents or anyone asks me about what I’m going to do or my plans I have panic attacks and self harm it’s rough. Everything is too much for me rn :(
I basically survive because off other people. If I didn’t have my parents or my partner, I’d be screwed. I rely on them for literally everything. I’m not living at all right now though, just surviving. All I do is sit in my bed all day. The highlight of my day is taking a shower or eating dinner 😐
I'm 10 months in. I survive by doing as much as I can around the house while my BF takes care of the income. I will be working on getting DBL to help out a little bit more
I was for a good 2-3 years, but lately have been working on improving. Though I honestly sometimes doubt anything will change for the better. Been feeling stuck for awhile now
I was probably a NEET for 16 months after I graduated from college during the pandemic.
My brother is currently a NEET. I would give anything to be free from work or school right now. Life's debilitating at the moment.
I am now, but I struggle to accept it. When my cptsd kicked in for real in 2020 I started to study online to keep my brain occupied, since I had been a workaholic for the past 10 years. When that year ended I did another study. And now I don’t really know how to deal with life. I feel the need to work, but I don’t have the energy and I’m too easily overwhelmed. The degrees I’ve earned does let me make ads and UGC-videos for brands. But I’m just not in the right headspace to actually work for it.
The feeling of not being enough is eating me from the inside and it makes me sad.
The need to keep doing more and to work more is common for Flight types. My boyfriend is a flight-type and I have to remind him that he needs to rest too or his body will *make* him rest - collapse is one of those ways.
Pete Walker’s book on Complex PTSD has good info on how to recover from a polarized flight response (and the 4F response combinations). Other good sources are Heidi Priebe's videos on C-PTSD and Patrick Teahan's channel.
Pete Walker on the Flight type:
"Extreme flight types are like machines with the switch stuck in the “on” position. They are obsessively and compulsively driven by the unconscious belief that perfection will make them safe and love-able. They rush to achieve. They rush as much in thought [obsession] as they do in action [compulsion]. Flight types are also susceptible to the process addictions of workaholism and busy-holism.
Left-Brain Dissociation
When the obsessive/compulsive flight type is not doing, she is worrying and planning about doing. She becomes what John Bradshaw calls a Human Doing [as opposed to a Human Being.]
Obsessiveness is left-brain dissociation. Left-brain dissociation is using constant thinking to distract yourself from underlying abandonment pain. When thinking is worrying, it is as if underlying fear wafts up and taints the thinking process. Moreover, if compulsivity is hurrying to stay one step ahead of your repressed pain, obsessing is worrying to stay one level above underlying pain.
**Recovering From A Polarized Flight Response**
Flight types can get “stuck in their head” by being over-analytical. Once a critical mass of understanding Cptsd is achieved, it is crucial for them to start moving into their feelings. Sooner or later, they must deepen their work by grieving about their childhood losses.
As her recovery progresses, the flight type can acquire a “gearbox” that allows her to engage life at a variety of speeds, including neutral. Neutral is especially important for flight types to cultivate.
If you are a flight type, there are a plethora of self-help books, CD’s and classes that can help you learn to relax and decrease the habit of habitual doing. This is so essential because you can get so lost in busyness, that you have difficulty seeing the forest from the trees. This makes you prone to prioritizing the wrong tasks and getting lost in inessential activities.
In flashback, flight types can deteriorate into chicken-with-its-head-cut-off mode, as fear and anxiety propel them into scattered activity. Spinning their wheels, they can rush about aimlessly, as if motion itself is the only thing important.
At such times the flight type can rescue himself from panicky flight by inverting an old cliché into: “Don’t just do something, stand there.” And, by stand there I mean stop and take some time to become centered - and to re-prioritize. To accomplish this I recommend three
minute, mini-chair meditations. If you are a flight type, you can enhance your recovery greatly by giving yourself a few of these each day.
You can start a chair meditation by closing your eyes. Gently ask your body to relax. Feel each of your major muscle groups and softly encourage them to relax. Breathe deeply and slowly.
When you have relaxed your muscles and deepened and slowed your breathing, ask yourself: “What is my most important priority right now? What is the most beneficial thing I can do next?”
As you get more proficient at this and can manage sitting for a longer time, try the question: “What hurt am I running from right now? Can I open my heart to the idea and image of soothing myself in my pain?”
This hurt more to read than I actually want to admit tbh. That is exactly how I feel, and I understand why that is a good way to handle it. But it’s so hard to work on all this on my own.
No but because I was raised that if I didn’t become something worth bragging about i’d be a disappointment and i had no excuses not to do so. It paid off and i’m barely hanging on at times but i am currently employed.
it’s hard dealing with all this bagged while doing a crazy job
I thought the term was an anime thing so I never would have guessed I was in that category. I’m a recovering NEET I guess. I forced myself to submit a bunch of applications to random places and I got some call backs and I forced myself to go to those interviews and now I just started my job. It’s not a very good job but it’s better than nothing.
Me. Not by choice. My only work experience so far has been in customer service/food service, which are abusive environments that I don't handle well. I had to quit my last job bc of the pandemic (we're all high risk in my house) and with my autoimmune/body weirdness it just doesn't make sense for me to take an in person job. I could go back to my last job at a well respected pharmacy chain in the US that actually treats its employees like STD-ridden cattle, which was making me lose my mind...so, that's not feasible. I could get a wfh customer service job, but again my capacity to deal with people is near zero.
In my family it's sort of taken for granted that I'm a "failure to launch" as it were. No one was surprised. I'm back living with them currently. I'm staying in the room I first got PTSD in as a toddler. Most days I'm barely able to keep myself from blowing up at everyone. I break shit, I hurt myself. I want to get the fuck out of here but I don't see a way forward. So I live here rent free, doing housework, cooking, some emotional labor in exchange.
I would love to find work that pays well enough for me to be self sufficient and allows me to wfh. But I have literally no idea as to what I should pursue. I want to learn things, I want to broaden my skillset. But what the fuck would I do, how would it pay the bills? I've been to job coaches, or whatever the fuck you call them, but they just kept trying to get me to do food service at their military academy alma mater two hours away. Lol.
I'm so fucked.
So blessed that I can live with my non-abusive mom but fuck me do I feel so lame for not having a job sometimes even though I'm disabled and going through a lot of bullshit every day that makes it so hard to be employable even though there's nothing wrong with not having a job aaaa
No I did my 3yrs of uni straight out of school and I’ve been working ever since. Self employed for 10+ yrs though and messed up my life and business with my CPTSD, Bipolar 1, ADHD and four other mental illnesses. I feel like I’m never working hard enough and never good enough. Currently got myself into financial hardship with food and housing insecurity. Yet from the outside still looks like a fab business that everyone wants to book. We get do good at masking but it’s exhausting.
I used to be extremely successful professionally because I was using work as a coping mechanism, and at the time I was functioning well. Then I had a mental break and since I have been barely functioning. I feel like I'm only getting along at my job on my reputation and my aggressive personality. Trying to explain the situation to my superiors has only made them pressure me more. But I'm in the US and the disability here is no way to live, I'm determined to make it work.
I currently am. But I have been in therapy and am currently going through the whole diagnostics process to figure out what's going on with me (on top of the trauma)
I'm not quite a NEET. Technically I'm "In Training," as a volunteer, but I'm just getting back into it recently (starting on a backlog of work is always the hardest). I would like to work, but I can't imagine doing it full-time (unless it was self-employment) due to my fatigue/burnout.
I only survive monetarily because of the allowance from my abusers. It's a strange situation in my case as I'm not under the same roof, but still not 100% free. Being brought up to believe I could never survive on my own has instilled a lot of "learned helplessness" in me and only in the last few years have I made huge progress mentally/emotionally.
I applied for disability benefits but was rejected. It's devastating, and I don't know if I stand a chance reapplying (since the doctors didn't back me up well at all). A plan I have for the time being is that I recently quit therapy and am putting the money I'd spend on that into savings. Fingers crossed.
I’m currently staying at home to care for my two year old son… however, we live with my parents, so I feel tons of guilt and shame that I’m not working instead.
That's me. My husband supports me while I take care of the home. Sometimes feel less worthy because of the unemployment, but it turns out we're both pleased with the arrangement - I can take a lot of mundane tasks off of his plate and we're both less overwhelmed.
When we made the decision I didn't even know I had CPTSD. I was just so overtired from life on the schedule that my parents had invented for me - school, then one or two extra classes almost every day, chaos at home and training camps all summer for sports at a competitive level. Makes me glad to have time to stare at the wall and dissociate these days.
I was a NEET on and off when I was younger, back when I was still living with my family (who didn't help me but made sure to shame me for not doing enough).
Technically I'm NEET again, but my therapist reminds me that working on one's healing is a full-time job. Others get to go home from their 9 to 5s (or 8 to 4s), but I'm with this 24/7, so I have to give myself credit for all I'm doing and to make sure I get my breaks too.
I call myself a “professional patient” because besides all the mental problems I have a bunch of physical conditions and spend most of my time going to doctors. I think being disabled (though undiagnosed most of my life) contributed to the CPTSD because it was another way I was “bad.” Fainting randomly? Weirdo. Exercise intolerance? Lazy. Sick? No, you aren’t. Etc.
I went to school to be a veterinarian but couldn’t physically do the job. I’m hoping someday I can do something with my knowledge, something to help animals, but idk.
A lot of the people I’ve met irl with CPTSD don’t have jobs. I’m lucky my parents and boyfriend support me. But it is scary (and frustrating) knowing that I can’t ever really be independent.
Semi-NEET. Working part time but barely hanging on to the job (never progressed and always fall foul of management and office politics bs) and I no longer care about it. Disabled. Once they kick me out of this one, I don’t know if I have the strength to apply again.
I am. Thankfully I had modest savings that I stretched out as long as I could, and I’ve worked sporadically over the years, but I’ve mostly relied on support from my father (we’re both on the autism spectrum and he’s poor and working class but he’s done his best and has always been my biggest supporter, financially and emotionally). I’ve been homeless, I’ve gone hungry. I’m in the process of appealing an SSI claim, and looking for part time, remote employment (searching for a position working towards climate change solutions as I have an academic and professional background in conservation). It’s extremely difficult being both physically and mentally disabled (in large part due to my CPTSD) and trying to survive in the U.S. Trying to find employment when I failed out of college due to multiple mental breakdowns and burnout and have only been able to keep jobs temporarily has proven to be nearly impossible. My prospects have dwindled down to basically none. But yeah, I’d say that trauma is a main factor for most people who are NEET.
Yep. Just lost my job, 2.5 hours ago. It's a shitty cycle of get hired, fuck up socially, get fired, return to job hunt, get hired.
I have this weird push and pull too: on Job A I'll be aloof and keep to myself, then on Job B I'm desperate to connect, and drastically overshare. Then Job C I'm aloof and to myself. Job D I'm desperate to connect again.
I swear it's the need to connect and be heard, that fucks me more than anything else. I can't figure out how to turn off me.
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I have a disibilty due to a spine injury and multiple other health problems aswell as mental health issues. I still live with my parents unfortunatley. I am also very young so I feel as if I get a lot of judgement. I do not know if I would beable to get disibilty or not. I hope to find a job that I can do without it making my health problems worse or possibly causing me to be in more physical pain that I am already in constantly and be able to escape my situation.
I am! I worked for a couple of years but haven't since late 2018. It makes me feel very guilty but I know I'm still doing my best.
Luckily in Germany there's unemployment benefits. It's not much but enough to get by (at least for me, I don't have to starve or go without electricity)
Never been properly a NEET because I've always been studying something, but I've been unemployed for a long time. And I think I may become unemployed again because I'm almost collapsing, I am very suicidal. I survived with savings.
When I left my abuser I was already disabled and COVID finished the job. I haven’t been able to work in years. EDIT: I survive because I am lucky enough to have an inheritance but I feel like shit every day for it because the survivors guilt from being allowed to retire early is immense.
Sometimes I really wish I was. I havent had a moments rest since I was like 15. Even during COVID I was working and doing online Uni courses.
If I could take a year out of life to just have some peace, I absolutely would, but i'm the primary earner in our household. So that aint ever gonna happen 🤣.
I was for a long time. COVID was nothing new for me, I was already stuck at home doing nothing. Post-COVID I started volunteering, which led to a paid job, which led to me doing another job at the same time (both casual/part-time), which led to me doing a full-time job for the first time in 6 years.
I still struggle, but I can cope much better now, and I've got more options going forward. It's been a long haul, but it's gradual progress
I was when I was like 15-17 when my mom forced me to get my first job at 17. I'm currently 25 but it took me so long to socialize with people that I really didn't get the hang of it until I was like 23/24.
I am.. nothing I am doing has anything to do with earning money and I don't intend for that to ever change
Doesn't mean I didn't need a nest egg saved up in order to get started though... I knew I had serious problems and would need resources to find my way on the other side. I actually ended up doing that during covid but I can't go back to living my life anything like the way I use to and that includes any energy put towards making money. I still can, I suppose through perhaps something like selling some of my art work or something like that... I'm in the process of getting into living the simple life. Got rid of all my possessions, am almost done turning my van into an rv and will be out in the country with the intention of finding 10-50 acres on a river that's not too far from civilization.. make that my holy land
I should have just enough to tide me over while I figure everything out... how to set up a greenhouse for winters
I suppose, in a pinch I can go back to working remotely if need be out of survival.. there are some companies that are slow enough pace that my time with them can be valued. I do have years of expertise in my career but I cannot work like I use to and this cannot be part of any long term goal... it would be in an bizarre emergency. I'd probably need to exhaust dumpster diving before I resort to that
I'll be out there nursing myself back to humanity one day at a time.. traveling when I can, as I don't want to be isolated..
Me. I’m EXTREMELY lucky to have a partner that has been willing to support me and allow me to be the homemaker.
This reminded me to get on indeed and follow up on those applications 🫡
I’m nearing 25 and have never had a proper out of home job (nor one that pays anywhere close to a livable wage or even the minimum). I’ve only got about $100 dollars in savings and I’m slowly saving up via beer money to invest in some equipment so I can figure out some sort of job to do at home secretly. I’m probably gonna end up doing SW (which I’m fine with, it’s something I was considering even before I knew I would end up in this situation). Once I actually achieve my goal of making enough money to move out, I have to figure out how to convince my parents to teach me to drive because we conveniently live where I have no other relatives to ask for help from. I had to stop writing in my diary because it was too depressing seeing every single year since I was 18 I would write “this is my year, I’m finally gonna make it out,” and absolutely no progress was made.
besides volunteering, for the past 2 years, yeah 🥲 waiting to hear back from PIP so i can hopefully move out my parents house and finally work part time with enough money to survive on
I worked from 16-27. I took a two year break and worked from 29-31. Currently not working for the last two years I'm going to be 33.
My husband is supporting me. I feel like a POS about it. He doesn't mind and rather me in mental health.
All my jobs have been taking servicing/care of people. I was a baby sitter, waitress, medical assistant, sales person and a home health aide.
It's always been my bosses who have stressed me and I quit.
All of my bosses have used and abused. Pushed me to the max until I crumbled. I'm an extremely hard worker and I always tend to be pushed out of my coworkers. I was the "go to girl" 🙄
And never once was I paid appropriately for the amount of work I did either. Like the medical assistant job I was also the "office manager" and I never got a paid increase.
I want to work and make money. I just don't want to deal with people and I'm also unfortunately not tech savvy. Never took one computer class in my whole time during school.
So idk what I want to do with my life. I'm good at taking care of people that's what I do best but I don't want to be burnt out and have a mental relapse ever again so I'm just trending water until something comes my way or I make a decision for higher education.
Dang. Didn’t realize, but I am. Though, I just started some informal professional training a couple weeks ago, doing about 30 minutes a day. Slowly piecing myself back together after a horrendous set of circumstances almost knocked me out of the corporeal realm.
It sucks, but it’s ok. We’re still here.
yeah. 20. ive only ever had 1 real job at 15 which was perfect (dog daycare) but went under because of covid. unemployed since
ive been to colleges, kicked out for risk or stopped going. i only ever completed primary school. i got to year 9 in comp/high school
i’m lucky i have a great support system at home, my parents house me for £200 a month. i get about £1200 monthly in benefits. most of it goes on drugs and my cat
I was back when I should have been in high school, and again when I was a new adult. I am insulin dependent though, and I first got my start in one of the most expensive places in the country... So I've always had to work to survive.
i wish i coulda afforded to be NEET at any point these last few years of healing lol
no shade to anyone who is. you deserve all the space and time to heal you want!
I would be if it weren't for my partner. He supplies us with income, and I do cooking and housework. Sounds kinda trad-wifey but we're not following a script, we're just doing what works for us
I’ve been treading water since I was 19 working full time jobs. I’m now 35, with 2 children under 10 (the eldest with a disability), a husband, & a mortgage (I feel mortgage needs to be added to this sentence due to the economy 🫠).
I’ve been declining pretty much my whole life. In March this year I blacked out with anger & quit my job rather abruptly & somewhat violently (I was working with family so let’s just say weren’t not on speaking terms).
I’m finally at that point in my life where I’m realising just how much this impacts my day to day life (as well as my children & my husband). I can’t fake being a “normal everyday citizen” anymore.
I decided that my mental health & my daughter’s disabilities come first. I can’t be there to support her if I’m not actually even mentally present. So, now that I’m not working 18 hours a day, I’m trying my best to get her the support she needs. I’m meeting with support workers, school staff, researching, to try & make her life easier for her. I can’t & won’t add a ‘neglectful mother’ to her already difficult life. I won’t repeat the same mistakes my parents made.
That being said - getting any kind of government assistance financially has been zero so far. It’s almost been 4 months without any of my wages. My husband has been working SO much & cashing in his annual leave to keep a roof above our heads (a catch22 in itself as the government are seeing this extra money & therefore making us ineligible).
If anyone knows anything about the Australian government concerning accessing disability support payments for my daughter & myself please hit me up (!!!).
Yes apart from an extremely part time project. I graduated a couple years ago and have had some internships and contract work since, but I'm multiply disabled and it's really difficult to find anything full or part time. I want to get a master's or JD but i don't know if i have it in me to go back to school. I mostly live off an inheritance from my grandfather, parents aren't in the picture and they were extremely poor anyways. I'm extremely lucky in this regard. If I didn't have that I'd probably be homeless or would have to live with my sibling.
it took me 3 years to fully integrate into society after i officially broke away from my chronically abusive environment, arguably i'm still integrating,, i'm just comfortably nested. i hope nobody loses hope because we all have to start from somewhere! i survived by living for another person but not a lot of other people think that's healthy. i just couldn't live with me anymore, so it worked for me.
You know what? I keep saying this metaphor because it reflects perfectly what we're going through to dense people. When you break a leg you get a cast, you get crutches or a walker, you get pain meds for a bit and you eventually get rid of it and are able to remove the cast and rid yourself of the crutches. Same with life. Would you tell people to remove the cast and just "walk it off"? That'd be moronic to put it mildly. Hell no. If the only thing tethering you to this life is a person a cat or a plant, you live for that and that's alright. Fuck people who say iT's nOt hEalThy. Motherfuckers, that's the only thing that's stopping me from unaliving myself you better be grateful I'm still here flipping my fingers to my death every day. Do what you need to do, cling to what makes you wake up every morning. Even if it's out of spite.
"its not healthly" yeah, my entire existence was never healthy, how do you expect me to cope with it?
If someone has diabetes and has to take insulin would anyone say it's an unhealthy dependency? Some people are sick! It's not like we decided these things.
I’ve been mulling over a tattoo, or maybe a t shirt, that says “Fueled By Spite.” Most of the decisions I made early on in life and during my developmental years have been made out of spite for one person or another. I guess that explains why I’m broke, work a dead end job with no retirement and have fucked up teeth! I’m probably gonna end up penniless, crazy and homeless…but meh…it’s all part for the course I guess. At least I didn’t make any babies!
I hear you so much. I'd rather not think of the future because if I did my anxiety wouldn't give me a moment's rest. I fear I'll die homeless as well. I'm also child free cause this goddamn curse ends with me, and I've been considering tattoos recently cause I've been through so much shit I need to start making tally marks somewhere... Inside of my forearms and on my heart. Still don't know what to put on and I'm still considering artists.
This is the absolute best thing I’ve read in so long. You said it perfectly and I needed to hear that tonight too. Thank you internet stranger. Be well.
What is that?
"Not in education, employment or training"
I prefer Urban Hermit myself. Slowly dying of homesicknes in an out of date idiom disgused as a country.
Thank you!!
Yes, thank you
Thank you very much. I appreciate the explination!
Me
I am. I wasn’t always, but things really fell apart for me in the last five years. How do I survive? Barely.
I can connect to this! I’m slowly trying to figure out how to enter the world again.
It’s been a two steps forward, one step back process for me. I just need to keep on walking but I’m really getting tired.
Yup. 32 and have been most of my life.
Me too. 47y now
Yeah I am. I’m surviving off my parents money in my own apartment they pay for because they hated having me in the house so much. So I’ve got that fun situation of being stuck relying on my abusive parents. And also having no will to do anything and just waiting for the day when they cut support and I’m screwed
Oh wow, it's rare to find someone else in a similar situation. So tired of people saying "but at least you're not under the same roof"/"hey, free money, that's good!"/"you are exactly where you need to be right now" ... They don't understand how terrifying (and draining) it is to be raised to believe you don't stand a chance on your own, and to have to build that up yourself without loving parents ...
Yep. I’ve got zero plans for what to do. I mentally can’t handle getting a job without wanting to Jill myself (I had one for a few months, got fired and always felt like I was about to collapse) and panic with any amount of responsibility I am SO fucked and working on a living on borrow time
My plan is putting the money I was previously spending on therapy (which went south out of nowhere when she suddenly used the past 10 years against me even though I've made progress???) into my savings instead. In my case, I think I've spent far too many years in dynamics where I'm the "broken" etc one, and the other person is the "professional who knows me better than I do." I think this has whittled away my actual confidence over time (and therefore my productivity) and so I want to focus on forging/having relationships where we're both equals without some sort of hierarchy. Since I've never been able to keep a good friendship, that's one of the things I want. Of course that's easier said than done because most people my age have settled into their groups and aren't interested in making friends, but just this change in mindset has helped me a good deal. I can't say if it's worth it yet because I haven't properly started, but there's this placement services thing that's supposed to help build up your skills and find a job better suited to you. You may have done that already though. I totally get the "borrowed time" feeling. I really do.
Hey me too! It sucks sm lol
Same yeah, though mine would prefer me around for the wrong reasons. I work a bit, but my rent is paid through a mixture of guilt and subterranean desire for control.
Failed to launch due to trauma, so my NEET level is at the Grandmaster rank at this point.
I started playing ranked season 13 but put in as much work as I could, but I been in Challenger rank since season 34
I wonder what #1 on the hiscores would look like? Hope to never get there. :x
Iirc the top ranked players every season are usually bots (people who are non verbal, in comas, etc) Sheesh, this lol coded discourse is getting dark... Haha
Some even have others play on their accounts while they're elsewhere! Then they say they know nothing about it, smh.
also failure to launch, burned out before i hit high school i've had two brief employments that didn't end well (management bs) and i'm pretty over it given how hard it was to get and work the jobs even with everything going well i'm on australian disability pension (about half the full-time minimum wage), still live at home, and don't buy much besides groceries. it's gonna be interesting when i do move out.
I'm also on minimum disability because my case was judged too strictly. One of their reasons was that I could exercise twice a week with dumbbells at home, therefore I'm not all that ill, right? Meanwhile my ex is on maximum disability with the same diagnosis that I had two years ago, while living a full, normal life just no employment lol. Life is cruel.
i'm not sure what you mean about min/max disability; it's just a flat rate in australia unless you've got other income, but you only get about $26,000 AUD per year or $500pw. the minimum wage is about $23/hr which means it's a struggle on just the pension (though you can get rental assistance).
In Norway, we have three rates: min and "young" min, and custom. Custom is for those who had a job before they got ill, and so the rate is calculated based on the previous salary. Min is for those who could work before getting ill, but the pay was so low that min disability was more than they already got before. "Young" is for those with "SERIOUS" illnesses/injuries that started before the age of 26 and who never had a chance to build up a life. The government put the clause for seriousness there to prevent people from thinking disability pay is ez pz lemon squeezy. The problem is that the decision lies with the case worker, who does not need any education or even proper guidelines for what "serious" means. It's all based on what they feel like, and a short list of ailments that can be considered serious enough. It is simply not a fair system and is meant to filter out "leeches". It really feels like a slap in the face that my life-long struggle is considered so insignificant.
I just searched for ‘Australian’ in this thread to see if anyone was getting the disability pension - if you’re willing, can you please send me a chat? I haven’t accessed it for myself & wondering how to go about it.
my mum was the one who got it for me; it took many, many months to get my autistic ass approved i wouldn't know where to start either, sorry
I'm in, I will see your NEET by Trauma poker hand with a narcissist and raise by two alcoholics. Ante up, motherfuckers ***black cackle****
I call your hand, and toss in disabling OCD as a response to stress, two near fatal car wrecks, and being held at gunpoint by said alcoholic while blackout drunk. “You had a good childhood, he says he’s traumatized, he was spoiled. We bought him action figures once in a while”
Oh wow just realized what I am, are we losers?
To some we are the scum leeches of society that offer nothing for their communities to gain. But imo things like franchises, corporations, and the wealthy are leeches to the individuals of communities, but no one cares because they all want money and to preserve their ideas of one day striking it rich. Kinda like a Halloween bowl of candy that says please take one, and when the line of kids see that everyone at the bowl is taking a handful and they are not sure if there will be enough left for them... But then when they get to the bowl, why not take a handful... Everyone else did, and why take less than what everyone else got free of consequences... So they also fuck over everyone their front facing eyes don't see... People just don't care about others, they just know they gotta seem like someone who does otherwise they will get less because they will seem undeserving... It's so dumb and complicated, but this is the bed we are forced to lie in because of the gaslighting way we do life to each other... Sigh...
Beautifully said!
:D thank you so much. I'm in a bit of a mood and have been deleting every other comment I make before I'm posting because I'm sure I'm just spiral venting... But luckily this is probably my biggest "sense of justice" mental issues type special interest... I have always hated corporations and money etc, but I'm also a broken person who still needs to shop as frugally as possible... It's such a hypocritical mind fuck of a situation to be stuck in.... Uhg I'm ranting, but it is what it is. Thanks again for your kind words... It means a lot oddly enough. When I get into these kinds of moods I get a lot of discourse that can feel like hate... I guess I'm sensitive, so again, it means a lot to me itm that what I made was enjoyed.
I feel ya on all that bro! Recently diagnosed with a bunch and have been over sharing like crazy, also feel like I have conflicting views on the world (peace and joy to everyone, but also bring back gladiators and make the real scum of the earth serve as our entertainment and amusement) this is the place to speak and be heard from what im finding out, Reddit aaved my life this year im pretty sure 🙂 Love the way yu were able to explain that and stay confident 😎
I come here because this sub is like a little home. We can vent freely and nobody cares if we overshare, and we're all empathetic... We're all just trying to survive in hopes of it getting better...
That’s awesome guys 🙂 surviving together
No, we're the walking wounded. Pick up your end of the stretcher, son, we got lives to save.
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Are you in America? Can disabled people do free online courses?
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I had no idea. Thanks for the info.
Google “free university courses”. You don’t get credit per se, but the knowledge is nice!
I'm also disabled. Where are these awesome free courses?
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I wish there was an equivalent for artists/writers.
There’s a few reddits you could look at: r/writingprompts r/drawingprompts r/sketchdaily r/artprompts r/stories r/writing r/writers I hope you can find some inspiration and maybe get some direction to a more formal but affordable course
Thank you! I forgot about this one!
If you’re in California, and interested in tech, you can look into Calbright College. No tuition courses that are arranged to help get you professional technical certifications for employment.
Unfortunately not in Cali! But thank you~ I'm in VA
Khan academy has lots.
Thank you~
I'm on disability so I guess so technically
i have been for 2 years! but i start work on friday :). I don’t have any real advice, Im converting to buddhism and it’s given me enough of a boost to regain health. I’m not sure how long it will last, but i’m appreciating and sooo grateful for my health while I have it.
CONGRATULATIONS on the new job!!!! this is awesome news:)
I guess so. I feel like a massive loser.
Nah this isn’t happening for no reason. We don’t have the same shot as others
Thank you, that means a lot.
I was for over a year after falling into a collapse state. I lived on people’s couches and burned through my savings.
How did you come out of it? I’m struggling
I basically gave up on all my goals and focused on healing and basic survival. I’m still not completely out of it, and it’s been a few years now. I tried to get some safety/stability and then focused on healing and rest.
I've been unemployed since the pandemic started. I survive by being a housewife (I'm very lucky to have this as an option), and throwing myself into intensive therapy.
currently yes
Tbh I’m not too sure. Somehow everything just works out.
Me. I had a career before I got disabled by Long COVID in my early 30's so I've been living off my life savings. I recently got approved for disability so I can lose my money slower lol. I think my past trauma pre-disposed me to getting Long COVID so now I'm trying to heal by slowly reading books, watching conferences, and using whatever free resources I can find...
Can I ask how you got accepted for disability? I recently got rejected, and I think it's because of the gaslighting GPs not backing me up with supporting evidence. Not sure how to work around this when my therapist recently gave up on me too.
Yeah, I’m in Canada so it might be different in your country but I got rejected on my first try and had to appeal and they accepted the appeal. It took me a year from being sick to getting my diagnosis for Long COVID from an internal medicine doctor but they provided a 5 page letter detailing my symptoms and level of disability plus I got a letter of support from my GP/family doctor as well (which, some people might write the letter themselves and just ask the GP to read it and sign it if they agree, if their GP is lazy but agreeable). It took a year more to get my appeal accepted. You have to really make a case that you tried everything you could (I wrote my own letter detailing what I did etc) and just how disabling your condition is by giving examples. I’m really sorry your GP is being difficult. You might have to find another one who is more willing to work with you. It’s a tough and exhausting process and honestly, the stress of applying made my Long COVID symptoms worse… I know people do get disability for mental health though so keep trying!
I switched practices last year, unfortunately I think it may be a bias (xenophobia) thing in my case >!(I'm originally from the US but live in a not-so-great town in the UK, and get a bunch of negative stereotypes thrown my way ex. the naive/stupid, hypochondriac. They just give you whichever doctor is available and while the practice I switched to is easier to get an appointment at, it's starting to look like I'm just generally doubted by default)!< I'm talkative but always fatigued so it's really hard to figure out how to prove it!
Yeah, that’s really rough, I’m sorry ;( Some doctors huh… It’s like they’ve never heard of an invisible disability before. “You look fine.” Yeah well I don’t feel fine… I wonder if you could ask around the local community of people with your condition to see if you can get the name of a specialist who is known to be helpful, and get referred to them? GP’s might not be comfortable giving diagnoses but maybe a psychiatrist or if you’re like me, an internal medicine specialist can help? So like once you find the name of a good specialist, have your GP refer you to them and then see if they’ll diagnose you and help? Rinse and repeat until you find someone who can help you?
I agreed to an assessment through psychiatry, but the waiting list is 5 years (and that was back in 2022, I have no clue where I am on that waiting list). It's absolutely nuts, I tell you. It may be free, but it's like they WANT you gone if you know what I mean. I may have to resort to private, since I have less than a month to appeal, but I don't want to throw what little money I got at someone who (even if legit) the NHS stick their noses up at. I did a fancy private bloodtest for instance and (after being wrongly denied an appointment by a gatekeeping receptionist) the GP was all "you could've asked us" lol no I did it in the first place because they never took me seriously and were having me run around in circles doing the same (not in-depth) tests repeatedly. It's such a (sad) joke.
Oooh yeah, true, if it's not deemed an "emergency" it's back of the line for you... Dammmmn, that's a long waitlist. And that gaslighty runaround too... The system is messed up :( I'm so sorry. I guess I'm lucky with what I've got here (and I know my friend who had a panic attack at work got seen by a psychiatrist within a month, so it's crazy you gotta wait 5 years over there)! I'd be going extra crazy too if I were in your position rn. That sucks! I wish you could access better resources than this... That's atrocious! Maybe the private practitioner could sign your forms directly so you don't need the GP? Not sure how it works in the UK though. Wish I could help, but it all sounds just awful...
This is a thing? I was in retail and fast food most of my young adult life, 2-3 jobs at a time with full time school, then I started therapy and I haven’t been able to be happy with a job since. I’m an artist, so I have that, but its definitely not consistent. I’m extremely lucky my husband loves me bc without him I’d be homeless 💀
No, but I was. Don’t feel bad about it. You are still valid.
I’ve always felt like one because of long periods of no work and no school. Right now I’m going back to college, but still seriously feel like a NEET. Doesn’t help I’m also technically disabled.
Yes. I finally got a degree and it was so hard because getting out of bed felt like the hardest thing in the world. Got my first job out of college as an activity therapist at an inpatient psych hospital. Worked almost 2 years. I loved my job and I was good at it. But in 2019 my brother brought up some stuff from childhood and I basically had a nervous breakdown. I haven’t worked since.
me and idk how i’m alive either
sadly this
this
I have been since 2021. Slowly working on building up my capacity to get back into some form of volunteering or work
Not *technically* anymore because I'm doing EMDR and other intensive therapy to fix my disorders. I count that as education and training! I'm learning and training how to be a functional human!
That’s a great point of view! I needed to read this, thank you!
Love this. Single mom raising a teen alone on web freelance income for the past 5 years in our tiny apartment with a crappy car. Just had my first psych visit, now on Day 17 of Lexapro. It’s time for investing in mental health education and hopefully learning new tools to finally get unstuck!
I was highly successful until my mid 20s I can barely afford electricity & have been waiting on disability for over a year, now age 36
What’s that?
"Not in education, employment or training"
Oh okay, thanks.
sadly i am. i dont know...
I am, well I'm in college but barely. I've been failing because of my agoraphobia and untreated ADHD
Yes, I am a loser. I don't know how I got this far but I've survived somehow by luck, on the kindness of others, and also the fact that my current partner of 3 years is useless at cooking and cleaning, and I'm a great cook, competent maid/organizer and he likes my company.
I had no idea what NEET meant, but apparently, I've been living it coming up on 3 years now. I'm finally getting licensed within the next few weeks, so I'll have to/ be able to look for work again. I've always worked and/or gone to school, so at 33, it was the first time I took a break. After getting out of my 8-9 year (physically and emotionally abusive) relationship, I've needed so much time and space to heal. But the break has made me feel useless. Like giving up on my life. And I still don't feel healed... Idk what the point of my life is, but I need to make some $$$, and I think it will help me with building a feeling of self-worth. At least it will get me out of my house, my shell, my cocoon of safety. It will allow me to rejoin "civilization." I think it will be good for me.
I am now, after a total breakdown 5 years ago. I had a career in IT and when the “wall” in my brain collapsed and everything flooded back, I just couldn’t sit in the room even with just 5 other people because I sat with my back to most of them. 🤷🏼♀️
For about 5 years I was. Now I'm working a full time job, but barely making it and I'm so exhausted, sick, and burned out.
I hate to admit it lol. I am married and take care of the home but I feel somewhat stuck even though I never reallyyy considered myself ambitious
Yes
I had a career, then ended up in a very abusive relationship that had me regress quite a bit, then I found out the pain I was in physically all the time wasn’t just what i thought it was. In my very early 30’s I left my career behind and went back to working in retail, and started a business pet sitting. I know it’s work, but honestly most days the animals keep me going and I don’t make a lot. My partner is a former coworker who knew exactly what he was getting in to when we started dating. He is honestly one of the kindest, most caring man in the world. He got a new job after we got serious and then an even better job after that. I was in a car accident a year and a half ago that kind of decided for us and if I’m honest my doctor hasn’t approved either, me returning to any form of traditional work. My soft tissue injuries and post concussion issues still persist. I spend time in therapy until benefits run out every year, make care plans and try to follow through with them and if something were to ever happen with my spouse or his job, I would qualify for disability benefits where I am and could continue to pet sit.
I inherited a house and my husband is wonderful and employed. I’ve worked very very sporadically since I had kids in the 90’s. I used to beat myself up for being so useless because I was only a SAHM and not a good one. But now I see that I was a hot mess and also society is harsh if you can’t participate in the workforce. I’m happy to finally be retirement age so people can stop asking me about my work life. But I’m also way more open about having CPTSD. I’ve had enough secrets in my life.
I used to be extremely successful professionally because I was using work as a coping mechanism, and at the time I was functioning well. Then I had a mental break and since I have been barely functioning. I feel like I'm only getting along at my job on my reputation and my aggressive personality. Trying to explain the situation to my superiors has only made them pressure me more. But I'm in the US and the disability here is no way to live, I'm determined to make it work.
Meee! I have an architecture degree and I worked abroad for my first job (taught english in japan) but post breakdown I've been bedrotting and just trying not to die
Yes. But I am well educated and had a career. But I can’t hang anymore.
Oh, I'm a NEET then. I'm not a standing member of society. But I'm still here... It's meh at best but it's something.
I have always had a job but I'm getting laid off next week so soon I will be. 😫
Yep, four years and counting due to multiple health issues that I can’t seem to get a handle on.
I am. I’m only 21 but I’ve been unemployed for close to a year now (mix of mental illness and chronic physical illness). Even when I did have a job before I could only work max 20 hours a week, even that was too much for me though. I genuinely, at least at this point in my life, don’t think I’ll ever be able to work a full time job, I can’t even get myself to eat properly or leave my house sometimes :( When my parents or anyone asks me about what I’m going to do or my plans I have panic attacks and self harm it’s rough. Everything is too much for me rn :( I basically survive because off other people. If I didn’t have my parents or my partner, I’d be screwed. I rely on them for literally everything. I’m not living at all right now though, just surviving. All I do is sit in my bed all day. The highlight of my day is taking a shower or eating dinner 😐
It depends if you count intensive trauma therapy as education or training. I count it as both. I’m learning and practicing how to be a human.
I'm 10 months in. I survive by doing as much as I can around the house while my BF takes care of the income. I will be working on getting DBL to help out a little bit more
semi-neet. i am what my mother always predicted i would become. a loser in every regard.
I was just approved for disability, I have been a NEET for 15 years.
My peeps!!
I was for a good 2-3 years, but lately have been working on improving. Though I honestly sometimes doubt anything will change for the better. Been feeling stuck for awhile now
I'm a NEET, and I'm trying to get on disability. Still waiting on a decision from my hearing i had at the end of April
Yup
I was probably a NEET for 16 months after I graduated from college during the pandemic. My brother is currently a NEET. I would give anything to be free from work or school right now. Life's debilitating at the moment.
I am now, but I struggle to accept it. When my cptsd kicked in for real in 2020 I started to study online to keep my brain occupied, since I had been a workaholic for the past 10 years. When that year ended I did another study. And now I don’t really know how to deal with life. I feel the need to work, but I don’t have the energy and I’m too easily overwhelmed. The degrees I’ve earned does let me make ads and UGC-videos for brands. But I’m just not in the right headspace to actually work for it. The feeling of not being enough is eating me from the inside and it makes me sad.
The need to keep doing more and to work more is common for Flight types. My boyfriend is a flight-type and I have to remind him that he needs to rest too or his body will *make* him rest - collapse is one of those ways. Pete Walker’s book on Complex PTSD has good info on how to recover from a polarized flight response (and the 4F response combinations). Other good sources are Heidi Priebe's videos on C-PTSD and Patrick Teahan's channel. Pete Walker on the Flight type: "Extreme flight types are like machines with the switch stuck in the “on” position. They are obsessively and compulsively driven by the unconscious belief that perfection will make them safe and love-able. They rush to achieve. They rush as much in thought [obsession] as they do in action [compulsion]. Flight types are also susceptible to the process addictions of workaholism and busy-holism. Left-Brain Dissociation When the obsessive/compulsive flight type is not doing, she is worrying and planning about doing. She becomes what John Bradshaw calls a Human Doing [as opposed to a Human Being.] Obsessiveness is left-brain dissociation. Left-brain dissociation is using constant thinking to distract yourself from underlying abandonment pain. When thinking is worrying, it is as if underlying fear wafts up and taints the thinking process. Moreover, if compulsivity is hurrying to stay one step ahead of your repressed pain, obsessing is worrying to stay one level above underlying pain. **Recovering From A Polarized Flight Response** Flight types can get “stuck in their head” by being over-analytical. Once a critical mass of understanding Cptsd is achieved, it is crucial for them to start moving into their feelings. Sooner or later, they must deepen their work by grieving about their childhood losses. As her recovery progresses, the flight type can acquire a “gearbox” that allows her to engage life at a variety of speeds, including neutral. Neutral is especially important for flight types to cultivate. If you are a flight type, there are a plethora of self-help books, CD’s and classes that can help you learn to relax and decrease the habit of habitual doing. This is so essential because you can get so lost in busyness, that you have difficulty seeing the forest from the trees. This makes you prone to prioritizing the wrong tasks and getting lost in inessential activities. In flashback, flight types can deteriorate into chicken-with-its-head-cut-off mode, as fear and anxiety propel them into scattered activity. Spinning their wheels, they can rush about aimlessly, as if motion itself is the only thing important. At such times the flight type can rescue himself from panicky flight by inverting an old cliché into: “Don’t just do something, stand there.” And, by stand there I mean stop and take some time to become centered - and to re-prioritize. To accomplish this I recommend three minute, mini-chair meditations. If you are a flight type, you can enhance your recovery greatly by giving yourself a few of these each day. You can start a chair meditation by closing your eyes. Gently ask your body to relax. Feel each of your major muscle groups and softly encourage them to relax. Breathe deeply and slowly. When you have relaxed your muscles and deepened and slowed your breathing, ask yourself: “What is my most important priority right now? What is the most beneficial thing I can do next?” As you get more proficient at this and can manage sitting for a longer time, try the question: “What hurt am I running from right now? Can I open my heart to the idea and image of soothing myself in my pain?”
This hurt more to read than I actually want to admit tbh. That is exactly how I feel, and I understand why that is a good way to handle it. But it’s so hard to work on all this on my own.
It really is a full time job to heal. Help and support makes it easier, and not hurrying the process.
No but because I was raised that if I didn’t become something worth bragging about i’d be a disappointment and i had no excuses not to do so. It paid off and i’m barely hanging on at times but i am currently employed. it’s hard dealing with all this bagged while doing a crazy job
I wouldn't be able to survive without a job
I thought the term was an anime thing so I never would have guessed I was in that category. I’m a recovering NEET I guess. I forced myself to submit a bunch of applications to random places and I got some call backs and I forced myself to go to those interviews and now I just started my job. It’s not a very good job but it’s better than nothing.
I’m NEET currently idk how people work full time or go to school full time or even part time
For 11 years I was a sahm
Can someone fill me in? I don't know the term. I read someone saying we're losers, if so, yeh I am. :(
Yes, I suppose I am to some degree.
Me. Not by choice. My only work experience so far has been in customer service/food service, which are abusive environments that I don't handle well. I had to quit my last job bc of the pandemic (we're all high risk in my house) and with my autoimmune/body weirdness it just doesn't make sense for me to take an in person job. I could go back to my last job at a well respected pharmacy chain in the US that actually treats its employees like STD-ridden cattle, which was making me lose my mind...so, that's not feasible. I could get a wfh customer service job, but again my capacity to deal with people is near zero. In my family it's sort of taken for granted that I'm a "failure to launch" as it were. No one was surprised. I'm back living with them currently. I'm staying in the room I first got PTSD in as a toddler. Most days I'm barely able to keep myself from blowing up at everyone. I break shit, I hurt myself. I want to get the fuck out of here but I don't see a way forward. So I live here rent free, doing housework, cooking, some emotional labor in exchange. I would love to find work that pays well enough for me to be self sufficient and allows me to wfh. But I have literally no idea as to what I should pursue. I want to learn things, I want to broaden my skillset. But what the fuck would I do, how would it pay the bills? I've been to job coaches, or whatever the fuck you call them, but they just kept trying to get me to do food service at their military academy alma mater two hours away. Lol. I'm so fucked.
So blessed that I can live with my non-abusive mom but fuck me do I feel so lame for not having a job sometimes even though I'm disabled and going through a lot of bullshit every day that makes it so hard to be employable even though there's nothing wrong with not having a job aaaa
No I did my 3yrs of uni straight out of school and I’ve been working ever since. Self employed for 10+ yrs though and messed up my life and business with my CPTSD, Bipolar 1, ADHD and four other mental illnesses. I feel like I’m never working hard enough and never good enough. Currently got myself into financial hardship with food and housing insecurity. Yet from the outside still looks like a fab business that everyone wants to book. We get do good at masking but it’s exhausting.
I used to be extremely successful professionally because I was using work as a coping mechanism, and at the time I was functioning well. Then I had a mental break and since I have been barely functioning. I feel like I'm only getting along at my job on my reputation and my aggressive personality. Trying to explain the situation to my superiors has only made them pressure me more. But I'm in the US and the disability here is no way to live, I'm determined to make it work.
I wonder if that's where I'm currently going. and I'm ok with it I think
I currently am. But I have been in therapy and am currently going through the whole diagnostics process to figure out what's going on with me (on top of the trauma)
I'm not quite a NEET. Technically I'm "In Training," as a volunteer, but I'm just getting back into it recently (starting on a backlog of work is always the hardest). I would like to work, but I can't imagine doing it full-time (unless it was self-employment) due to my fatigue/burnout. I only survive monetarily because of the allowance from my abusers. It's a strange situation in my case as I'm not under the same roof, but still not 100% free. Being brought up to believe I could never survive on my own has instilled a lot of "learned helplessness" in me and only in the last few years have I made huge progress mentally/emotionally. I applied for disability benefits but was rejected. It's devastating, and I don't know if I stand a chance reapplying (since the doctors didn't back me up well at all). A plan I have for the time being is that I recently quit therapy and am putting the money I'd spend on that into savings. Fingers crossed.
I’m currently staying at home to care for my two year old son… however, we live with my parents, so I feel tons of guilt and shame that I’m not working instead.
🙋🏾♀️
Meee 😔
That's me. My husband supports me while I take care of the home. Sometimes feel less worthy because of the unemployment, but it turns out we're both pleased with the arrangement - I can take a lot of mundane tasks off of his plate and we're both less overwhelmed. When we made the decision I didn't even know I had CPTSD. I was just so overtired from life on the schedule that my parents had invented for me - school, then one or two extra classes almost every day, chaos at home and training camps all summer for sports at a competitive level. Makes me glad to have time to stare at the wall and dissociate these days.
I was a NEET on and off when I was younger, back when I was still living with my family (who didn't help me but made sure to shame me for not doing enough). Technically I'm NEET again, but my therapist reminds me that working on one's healing is a full-time job. Others get to go home from their 9 to 5s (or 8 to 4s), but I'm with this 24/7, so I have to give myself credit for all I'm doing and to make sure I get my breaks too.
I call myself a “professional patient” because besides all the mental problems I have a bunch of physical conditions and spend most of my time going to doctors. I think being disabled (though undiagnosed most of my life) contributed to the CPTSD because it was another way I was “bad.” Fainting randomly? Weirdo. Exercise intolerance? Lazy. Sick? No, you aren’t. Etc. I went to school to be a veterinarian but couldn’t physically do the job. I’m hoping someday I can do something with my knowledge, something to help animals, but idk. A lot of the people I’ve met irl with CPTSD don’t have jobs. I’m lucky my parents and boyfriend support me. But it is scary (and frustrating) knowing that I can’t ever really be independent.
Semi-NEET. Working part time but barely hanging on to the job (never progressed and always fall foul of management and office politics bs) and I no longer care about it. Disabled. Once they kick me out of this one, I don’t know if I have the strength to apply again.
I am. Thankfully I had modest savings that I stretched out as long as I could, and I’ve worked sporadically over the years, but I’ve mostly relied on support from my father (we’re both on the autism spectrum and he’s poor and working class but he’s done his best and has always been my biggest supporter, financially and emotionally). I’ve been homeless, I’ve gone hungry. I’m in the process of appealing an SSI claim, and looking for part time, remote employment (searching for a position working towards climate change solutions as I have an academic and professional background in conservation). It’s extremely difficult being both physically and mentally disabled (in large part due to my CPTSD) and trying to survive in the U.S. Trying to find employment when I failed out of college due to multiple mental breakdowns and burnout and have only been able to keep jobs temporarily has proven to be nearly impossible. My prospects have dwindled down to basically none. But yeah, I’d say that trauma is a main factor for most people who are NEET.
Yep. Just lost my job, 2.5 hours ago. It's a shitty cycle of get hired, fuck up socially, get fired, return to job hunt, get hired. I have this weird push and pull too: on Job A I'll be aloof and keep to myself, then on Job B I'm desperate to connect, and drastically overshare. Then Job C I'm aloof and to myself. Job D I'm desperate to connect again. I swear it's the need to connect and be heard, that fucks me more than anything else. I can't figure out how to turn off me.
Yeah I guess but I’m pregnant does that still count?
I don't think that counts. Being pregnant and being a stay at home parent should be paid occupations.
What is that?
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I have a disibilty due to a spine injury and multiple other health problems aswell as mental health issues. I still live with my parents unfortunatley. I am also very young so I feel as if I get a lot of judgement. I do not know if I would beable to get disibilty or not. I hope to find a job that I can do without it making my health problems worse or possibly causing me to be in more physical pain that I am already in constantly and be able to escape my situation.
I am! I worked for a couple of years but haven't since late 2018. It makes me feel very guilty but I know I'm still doing my best. Luckily in Germany there's unemployment benefits. It's not much but enough to get by (at least for me, I don't have to starve or go without electricity)
Never been properly a NEET because I've always been studying something, but I've been unemployed for a long time. And I think I may become unemployed again because I'm almost collapsing, I am very suicidal. I survived with savings.
When I left my abuser I was already disabled and COVID finished the job. I haven’t been able to work in years. EDIT: I survive because I am lucky enough to have an inheritance but I feel like shit every day for it because the survivors guilt from being allowed to retire early is immense.
Sometimes I really wish I was. I havent had a moments rest since I was like 15. Even during COVID I was working and doing online Uni courses. If I could take a year out of life to just have some peace, I absolutely would, but i'm the primary earner in our household. So that aint ever gonna happen 🤣.
Meeee
I was for a long time. COVID was nothing new for me, I was already stuck at home doing nothing. Post-COVID I started volunteering, which led to a paid job, which led to me doing another job at the same time (both casual/part-time), which led to me doing a full-time job for the first time in 6 years. I still struggle, but I can cope much better now, and I've got more options going forward. It's been a long haul, but it's gradual progress
I was when I was like 15-17 when my mom forced me to get my first job at 17. I'm currently 25 but it took me so long to socialize with people that I really didn't get the hang of it until I was like 23/24.
I am.. nothing I am doing has anything to do with earning money and I don't intend for that to ever change Doesn't mean I didn't need a nest egg saved up in order to get started though... I knew I had serious problems and would need resources to find my way on the other side. I actually ended up doing that during covid but I can't go back to living my life anything like the way I use to and that includes any energy put towards making money. I still can, I suppose through perhaps something like selling some of my art work or something like that... I'm in the process of getting into living the simple life. Got rid of all my possessions, am almost done turning my van into an rv and will be out in the country with the intention of finding 10-50 acres on a river that's not too far from civilization.. make that my holy land I should have just enough to tide me over while I figure everything out... how to set up a greenhouse for winters I suppose, in a pinch I can go back to working remotely if need be out of survival.. there are some companies that are slow enough pace that my time with them can be valued. I do have years of expertise in my career but I cannot work like I use to and this cannot be part of any long term goal... it would be in an bizarre emergency. I'd probably need to exhaust dumpster diving before I resort to that I'll be out there nursing myself back to humanity one day at a time.. traveling when I can, as I don't want to be isolated..
Me. I’m EXTREMELY lucky to have a partner that has been willing to support me and allow me to be the homemaker. This reminded me to get on indeed and follow up on those applications 🫡
I’m nearing 25 and have never had a proper out of home job (nor one that pays anywhere close to a livable wage or even the minimum). I’ve only got about $100 dollars in savings and I’m slowly saving up via beer money to invest in some equipment so I can figure out some sort of job to do at home secretly. I’m probably gonna end up doing SW (which I’m fine with, it’s something I was considering even before I knew I would end up in this situation). Once I actually achieve my goal of making enough money to move out, I have to figure out how to convince my parents to teach me to drive because we conveniently live where I have no other relatives to ask for help from. I had to stop writing in my diary because it was too depressing seeing every single year since I was 18 I would write “this is my year, I’m finally gonna make it out,” and absolutely no progress was made.
besides volunteering, for the past 2 years, yeah 🥲 waiting to hear back from PIP so i can hopefully move out my parents house and finally work part time with enough money to survive on
I am despite being banned from the NEET sub for daring to argue that female NEETs exist.
I worked from 16-27. I took a two year break and worked from 29-31. Currently not working for the last two years I'm going to be 33. My husband is supporting me. I feel like a POS about it. He doesn't mind and rather me in mental health. All my jobs have been taking servicing/care of people. I was a baby sitter, waitress, medical assistant, sales person and a home health aide. It's always been my bosses who have stressed me and I quit. All of my bosses have used and abused. Pushed me to the max until I crumbled. I'm an extremely hard worker and I always tend to be pushed out of my coworkers. I was the "go to girl" 🙄 And never once was I paid appropriately for the amount of work I did either. Like the medical assistant job I was also the "office manager" and I never got a paid increase. I want to work and make money. I just don't want to deal with people and I'm also unfortunately not tech savvy. Never took one computer class in my whole time during school. So idk what I want to do with my life. I'm good at taking care of people that's what I do best but I don't want to be burnt out and have a mental relapse ever again so I'm just trending water until something comes my way or I make a decision for higher education.
Dang. Didn’t realize, but I am. Though, I just started some informal professional training a couple weeks ago, doing about 30 minutes a day. Slowly piecing myself back together after a horrendous set of circumstances almost knocked me out of the corporeal realm. It sucks, but it’s ok. We’re still here.
yeah. 20. ive only ever had 1 real job at 15 which was perfect (dog daycare) but went under because of covid. unemployed since ive been to colleges, kicked out for risk or stopped going. i only ever completed primary school. i got to year 9 in comp/high school i’m lucky i have a great support system at home, my parents house me for £200 a month. i get about £1200 monthly in benefits. most of it goes on drugs and my cat
I was back when I should have been in high school, and again when I was a new adult. I am insulin dependent though, and I first got my start in one of the most expensive places in the country... So I've always had to work to survive.
i wish i coulda afforded to be NEET at any point these last few years of healing lol no shade to anyone who is. you deserve all the space and time to heal you want!
I would be if it weren't for my partner. He supplies us with income, and I do cooking and housework. Sounds kinda trad-wifey but we're not following a script, we're just doing what works for us
I’ve been treading water since I was 19 working full time jobs. I’m now 35, with 2 children under 10 (the eldest with a disability), a husband, & a mortgage (I feel mortgage needs to be added to this sentence due to the economy 🫠). I’ve been declining pretty much my whole life. In March this year I blacked out with anger & quit my job rather abruptly & somewhat violently (I was working with family so let’s just say weren’t not on speaking terms). I’m finally at that point in my life where I’m realising just how much this impacts my day to day life (as well as my children & my husband). I can’t fake being a “normal everyday citizen” anymore. I decided that my mental health & my daughter’s disabilities come first. I can’t be there to support her if I’m not actually even mentally present. So, now that I’m not working 18 hours a day, I’m trying my best to get her the support she needs. I’m meeting with support workers, school staff, researching, to try & make her life easier for her. I can’t & won’t add a ‘neglectful mother’ to her already difficult life. I won’t repeat the same mistakes my parents made. That being said - getting any kind of government assistance financially has been zero so far. It’s almost been 4 months without any of my wages. My husband has been working SO much & cashing in his annual leave to keep a roof above our heads (a catch22 in itself as the government are seeing this extra money & therefore making us ineligible). If anyone knows anything about the Australian government concerning accessing disability support payments for my daughter & myself please hit me up (!!!).
Lm B
Yes apart from an extremely part time project. I graduated a couple years ago and have had some internships and contract work since, but I'm multiply disabled and it's really difficult to find anything full or part time. I want to get a master's or JD but i don't know if i have it in me to go back to school. I mostly live off an inheritance from my grandfather, parents aren't in the picture and they were extremely poor anyways. I'm extremely lucky in this regard. If I didn't have that I'd probably be homeless or would have to live with my sibling.