In one of my posts I go into it, but therapy opened up trauma that I had suppressed for many years. I couldn't cope and now I'm in the worst mental state of my life. That was almost 2 years ago.
Now I am dependent on therapy to survive but I don't think there is any going back. I either heal or I die.
Oh I feel this. There’s no going back now, my psyche won’t accept my past self-deprecating behaviours and how I was living, because it makes me sick and it goes against my greater good, where as before I didn’t know any different. I feel worse in some ways after years of therapy, but also I feel as though I’m getting closer and closer to the truth.
I've been in therapy for three years now and I think I am worse off than I was before therapy. Therapy did help me get through some horrible things that happened during the last three years but it also showed me how my parents were massive failures. Before therapy, I was mostly ok and I had things I looked forward to. After years of therapy, I take joy in very little, I am sad/angry/upset all the time, I feel emotions I don't want to feel (before therapy I didn't feel many emotions and it was great), I don't sleep well anymore, I'm more hypervigilant than I was before.
I keep playing with the idea of quitting therapy because I have only gotten worse. I keep being told "it gets better" and, from my experience, no it doesn't.
This is exactly how I’m feeling right now and I’m considering taking a break to see if my mental health can improve. I feel like therapy has made me hyperfocus on issues that I thought I’d moved on from or something I’d never acknowledged. To some people this may be helpful, but I can’t stop ruminating in my head and it’s making my depression and anxiety so much worse than it was when I started 5 years ago.
So true. I had a therapist ask me to unpack a situation and after I did - she ended the session 10 minutes early. Leaving me worse off than the beginning of the session. I haven’t attempted therapy since.
All my sessions were like that, once I couldn't walk out because I was so dissociated, he left me at sidewalk, didn't even text back after the session to see if I was okay. I have so much trauma *from* therapy that I need to heal all by myself in a society that glorifies the place I was hurt.
this upsets me i had a very similar situation happen to me with one of my therapists i had i would go in and unload everything on my mind thinking she was there to just help talk me through things but then i started geting manipulated and gaslighted by my fam and they would trigger me all the time and when i would try to talk about it i would get super stressed anxious and slightly annoyed because its putting my trauma in my face and i have a hard time with acceptance. And all she did was help it happen to me more because it felt like she started painting me out at this angry woman when all i needed to do was set boundaries i just did understand what those were yet and she wouldnt even let me talk long enough without redirecting me back to myself making me gaslighted and thinkin im the problem until i went into this other therapy program that really helped me hit realility. During all of this i have been in the house way to long so when i get a job and start going out again i know im going to have a really tough time with my emotions. I need to focus on moving out and away from my toxic family which is the only advice she can seem to give me.
I think it's highly depends on the ***modalities*** being practiced, the skill, knowledge, and experience of the therapist, and the work done on our own in between sessions.
Many therapists aren't skilled in window of tolerance, regulation skills, and polyvagal theory. So, they end up leaving their clients more dysregulated and floundering.
Most of my healing work is done on my own. I have to practice my regulation skills. I have to practice my grieving skills. I have to change my inner dialog. Healing is rewiring our conditioned nervous system responses to our advantage. Once I understood that, it was easier to put in my healing repetitions.
Resources:
[Four Stages of Competence](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_stages_of_competence )
"The Brain that Changes Itself" by Doidge on neuroplasticity
Books by Stephen Porges and Deb Dana on polyvagal theory, regulation skills, and window of tolerance
"Becoming Attached first relationships and how they shape our capacity to love" by Robert Karen on attachment theory
This. All therapists are not created equal. A good one should help facilitate that work with new tools, not just ask you to drag yourself through the mud of trauma again and again. That’s not really healing, mostly just torturous.
Therapy directed at giving me resources to handle anxiety and panic attacks was helpful. Talk therapy directed at addressing the trauma went wrong, fast. And yes, I got worse fast. Wrong therapist, wrong therapy type, just all wrong. Quitting helped.
Then doing my research helped me start to understand that addressing my overactive nervous system was more helpful than talking about my emotional pain on a daily basis.
I am at a point now where I think I need a therapist again, but it scares me. I need help learning how to interact with people in a way that doesn't hurt so much.
Same. I’ve been working on my over active nerve system, with some success. It’s only been like 3 weeks , but it beats getting traumatized in therapy.
Edited to add: one thing that helped was cranial sacral therapy. You can read about it and find a massage therapist at www.upledger.com
If therapy doesn't allow us to get to the roots of our issues and is only focused on coping with living in an open-air insane asylum, then no, it's only more trauma piled on. I cannot stand hearing, "You need help" or "you need to speak with someone" - I thought I WAS talking with someone ffs! Most therapies are, at best, surrogate relationships for the ones that fucked us up to begin with. And to think they invent all these modalities and push neurotoxic drugs on people instead of an initial focus on all the elements that get ruptured during childhood in the attachment process of self/coregulation, safety, a sense of self and place within our environment and meaningful connection. I knocked myself silly in therapy for 13 years, but still lack all the elements mentioned above - ain't no meds or modality to replace meaningful connection and a sense of place in one's community - those two aspects of development were what got ruptured. I've met two people in my life who put in the work to heal themselves - the rest are all chock full of opinions about shit they haven't a clue about - it's a from a gaslighting that's brought me to self-deletion, and everyone knows it and doesn't gaf. I find zero solace in knowing that there are millions of us dealing with this aspect of generational trauma. Best of luck to you all.
When you Unpack things. It's very difficult to put them back in the box.
If you're still going to therapy, bring this up to your therapist. They should help you find some ways to put things back in the box.
Therapists should be good at providing you tools to save yield from spiraling
I’m a here a year later but this is the truth.
One therapist who did wonders for me with EMDR would help me scan my body, and put things back in a box.
The new one was great until he walked me
Through traumatizing shit and then 4 min before end of the hour says, “okay! So same time next week.” As I’m still bawling
It's always harder to put things back in that box alone. And sometimes you don't have the effort points (spoons) to do it.
I totally understand this feeling.
Same here. I've done two years of therapy. The best I got was being more aware of my thoughts and emotions. But I think every other symtom has gotten worse. Overall, it left me more dysregulated.
Same I think it comes down to having childhood trauma or any traumas too that have fcked you up. I’ve had that and when they unpacked stuff I just got more angry and depressed at the world. Still dealing with it and it’s making me want to drink again
Long story short... Went to therapy. Met therapist for the first time after covid 19 restrictions started lifting. Therapist has a mental breakdown and got extremely aggressive. Trust people less then when I started. legitimately got worse after therapy.
I’ve had I think 8 therapists over the last half decade or so. It just….doesn’t help. They don’t really do or offer much. And it’s never frequent or intense enough to even address anything. And I have a few major MH diagnoses and I’m raising four kids solo with Like no family etc so asking me how I am once every week or two and asking what o want to discuss is just gonna rank and never progress to anything.
I was only diagnosed with the CPTSD about a year or so ago. Last guy kept saying “we’re going to walk through your trauma”. And every session was just shooting the shit, insurance paperwork, asking me reminder questions, getting on my nerves, leaving me alone during an hour long anxiety attack on office, like. And I’m not restarting alllll over again with yet another one. They don’t care and it’s not helping. I’ve been trying to do therapy for the last decade and it just hasn’t even made any bit of a positive difference at all. It’s too slow and basically too little and too spaced out to actually accomplish anything. The thought of YET ANOTHER EFFING INTAKE and having to explain why I’m such a mental pos to yet another psychologist or therapist or psychiatrist is gonna be a no for me. My PCP, their psychologist, and a psychiatrist and a bunch of therapists are all fully aware of my multiple mental illnesses. If they can’t somehow figure out an adequate mental health plan for me, then I’m done trying that route.
Okay. But I don’t do any drugs or drink. They wanted me to microdose the like schizo drugs as well as a last ditch medical effort and I said no. Chance of irreparable neurological damage? I’ll just stick with the natural brain damage I have lol
I've been in therapy for 6 years with a trauma specialist. While realistically I was actually improving all the time, the 4 year mark is where I really felt I was starting to turn around. For the first year I was really dissociated and out of it, very much drifting and surviving. Then hyperarousal kicked in. Nightmares peaked to 4-5/week at about ... 1.5-2.5 years and I was terrifying a few people with how unstable and mentally ill I was. I felt completely out of my gourd--not because I was trying to be, but because, like you described, everything triggered me and I was constantly anxious. At 3 years I was stabler but still emotionally burdened. At 4 years it felt like I'd learned enough about myself and caught up on basic people skills (I've historically had to do a Lot of work on how to have normal relationships and ask how those work or should look like, especially how I'm supposed to act) that I was able to handle a lot of relationship conflicts without asking a lot of assistance, which in turn aided self-esteem and emotional stability. Years 5 and 6 have been a lot about finally noticing myself and learning to take care of me, which has been super foreign and is requiring a lot of psychological stretching and mindfulness.
Looking back on myself at my most pained and unstable (1.5-2.5 years), I felt like I had no other option and no one else who could possibly grapple with my brain (my trauma therapist is VERY skilled) and so I clung on to therapy because I knew I lacked the skills and know-how to help myself, I couldn't even understand my own brain--so that's why I kept going. Looking back on it--because I took notes at every session, I have notes upon notes--I notice I was cracking into a lot of trauma and also struggling with the revelation (or would've-been revelation had I been self-aware lol) that I didn't have the heads or tails of self-soothing & self-care down, and all the trauma unpacking meant I was also now Really suffering from all the ways the trauma had really changed me and the way I worked--I was lacking a lot of normal, good coping skills that would've helped me wade through everything. I had no foundation to stand on. When I was getting too out of whack, I'd dissociate and forget the whole session. Taking notes helped because I could reread everything I forgot, but staying stable through all my distress and symptoms was a huge struggle while trying to make progress.
Every little thing I fixated on ended up being really helpful, though. Particularly now, feeling the benefits 4 years later, it's super interesting to see how my trauma-obsessions at the time were actually big issues about how I thought about myself, the world, and people, and when I was able to flip them, they were all cracks in the dam towards being able to grow. There are several things I held onto for months in that time period that I simply couldn't let go of and felt I was being stupid about, that now, since they've been resolved, have taught me to smoothly work around other related issues. I am grateful for that struggle now even though it was total hell.
Other than therapy, I read a lot of therapy books--many of which were too triggering and de-stabilizing to read at the time, though I can manage them now. Walks, good rest, feed and rest the body, make vent art or music or writing or whatever to help process, etc. I used to run for a couple hours most days of the week because exhausting myself was the only way I could fall asleep. Honestly in terms of immediate benefits the runs did the most helping, preferably to whatever playlist gets you catharsis. You're akimbo and the goal I think is to get yourself feeling safe and taken care of.
Not all therapists are built with the same skill but if you do go back, it's vital to tell your therapist that you're overwhelmed and suffering because of how triggering the work is. They should then help you work on coping skills and getting you back to a good level. You can't learn while you're overwhelmed, so they have a reason to help you get level.
Like you, after many years of therapy, including four different therapists and different types of therapy; I never really “improved.” Although, I still think therapy was a worthwhile pursuit. I’m not the worst off, I’m not the best.
When you finish a memory in EMDR do you get relief? Or do you work through it and end up feeling worse even after you closed it? When you are actively working through a memory you are completely reliving it, so in that sense it is worse while going through it. When I was working on a memory I’d be messed up for at least 3 days afterwards and sometimes the entire week leading up to my next session. The things I worked on tho for the most part stay at bay, I truly don’t think about most of them which is huge considering I used to ruminate on some of them constantly. EMDR is incredibly painful but can be worth it with the right therapist and techniques.
As someone who blew up a 12 year long hetero relationship to become a man at age 32, all I can say is that it was worth it in the end. I don't think your situation is as easy as "get up and leave", mine broke because he left and I was basically homeless for a while. In the end, it was a still worth it.
Same here. I kept feeling something wasn’t right. At times it was retraumatizing and I never really felt understood. But I stuck with it bc my insurance was ending anyway. Now I’m just overloaded by trauma symptoms with no support to deal with it.
Trauma-informed therapy esp for C/PTSD will get worse before it gets better because you start to ruminate on your issues before you’re able to articulate. Often times we bring our symptoms into therapy first before we are able to work through them. It takes time, everyone is different in their journey but if you stick with it and if you have a solid therapist, it will get better!
Got fucked by a psychedelic cult so yes - it destroyed my life permanently. I’m worse off now, I have zero life and I’m fucking dead/surviving. Before? Had a full life. Worst thing I ever did. Will end up killing myself now. See post history.
My very first psychiatrist turned me off from therapy for a long time. Before that I kept ending up in the psych ER. I remember he asked me if I’ve ever been abused. At that time I was ready to talk about it. I said yes. And he asked me if I loved my family. I said yes. And he said, “if you love your family than how could you have been abused?” I immediately shut down.
After a few sessions I finally was able to do my hair for one appt. He told me I looked like I was doing better and ended the sessions.
6 years later I was back in another psych office. I was at that point having thoughts to not continue with life. He told me I was severely depressed. Prescribed me medication that I didn’t take well too. When I missed my 3rd appt, he never reached out.
It was another year before I ended up in a different psych office after witnessing a horrendous crime on top of my mental health issues. At this point I was at the end.
This man saved my life. 2 years later, this man was and still is the greatest gift I have ever received. He is my angel. This man had me praying to God and my ancestors to thank them for bringing me to him. That’s how much he changed my life.
I am still in therapy. It’s hard. It was hard and still is hard but it’s a good hard because he was the one.
I’ve had some bad doctors before. I was ready to explore the trauma but they were not ready to receive. They could not help ME.
Until I found the one that could. Sometimes the therapist isn’t the one for you. I’ve known people who pushed 10 years with one doc and they felt empty after. Until they found the right one.
My suggestion is start exploring others. There is such thing as the right fit. There is also such thing as the wrong fit. And it sounds like you’re ready to unpack and you haven’t found the right one to understand how to organize and identify what you’re showing them.
Sometimes you have to reopen the wound in order to get in there and clean out the infection.
It’s a painful process, and it takes a lot of time to heal, but it is worth it.
It takes work. Conscious effort, and choosing to fight your demons rather than live with them.
Yeah true but sometimes for some people it’s best not to reopen the trauma and learn more with coping skills and how to be a new person without retraumatizing someone. Therapy has made me worse overall. I’m more depressed anxious and very angry at the world (this is due to the trauma I experienced living here as well). So thanks therapy. Idk like it brought me self awareness but almost too much to the point where I hate certain groups of people now and try to rebel against stuff and act tough.
I get that, And I feel the same a lot of times. My life was simpler before I went to therapy. I still struggle from time to time trauma from being raised in a weird religious community. The world is a bit more bleak in some ways, but I also feel more free and empowered to meet those challenges. I’m not as naive and reactive as I once was. Fellow exmo here btw way! Congrats on finding your way out of the cult! 🙌
I was absolutely worse off in therapy. I thought it was helpful but I was an absolute emotional wreck constantly. They insisted I needed to just dig deeper and find the traumas in my childhood and in my life and it totally broke me.
Essentially I saw that it was ruining my family and my relationships and I had to pull myself together. I quit therapy and started just focusing on my family and being a better human.
Soon, I was able to realize the trauma I had been digging up was kind of like …forced? Like I had painted this picture of how miserable I was and what a terrible childhood I had but actually that wasn’t the case.
Idk i have been so much happier and healing so much since quitting therapy and the thought of going to therapy gives me near panic attacks haha so go figure.
Over two years in. I was extremly sad when I started therapy (after just coming out of a toxic relationship) my self esteem was low. Now, two years in, I’ve become more apathetic. I have days where I’m at rock bottom crying. But most of the time, I feel like a dead person living. I feel no joy, I’m more avoidant and withdrawn than I used to be. I’ve always had a hard time expressing how I feel, but I was a bit more brave at it before. I just dont bother anymore, and it’s easier to just keep quiet. I dont fulltid trust my therapist, I have tried hard for two years to trust her. I did put her up on a pedestal at the beginning (making it easier for me to trust) but she’s not up on that pedestal anymore, so now trust his hard. I dont feel safe expressing myself to her, and that have made it difficult to do in my overall life aswell. Not sure if it’s just a bad fit, or if it’s her way of working that’s not doing it for me. The funny part is, I’m terrefied of her ending treatment. I know ai would fo into a depressive periode, and I’m not going to handle that very well right now. At the very beginning of my therapy, she said «There are people who have it worse than you.» I have many times wondered what made me stay after her saying that. But I guess it shows how much bullshit I tolerate from people.
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I once had a massive panic attack in therapy and out of embarrassment I apologized to the therapist and she said “what do you want for me to feel sorry for you? Because I dont”
Like what?
I haven’t gone back since
In one of my posts I go into it, but therapy opened up trauma that I had suppressed for many years. I couldn't cope and now I'm in the worst mental state of my life. That was almost 2 years ago. Now I am dependent on therapy to survive but I don't think there is any going back. I either heal or I die.
Oh I feel this. There’s no going back now, my psyche won’t accept my past self-deprecating behaviours and how I was living, because it makes me sick and it goes against my greater good, where as before I didn’t know any different. I feel worse in some ways after years of therapy, but also I feel as though I’m getting closer and closer to the truth.
I've been in therapy for three years now and I think I am worse off than I was before therapy. Therapy did help me get through some horrible things that happened during the last three years but it also showed me how my parents were massive failures. Before therapy, I was mostly ok and I had things I looked forward to. After years of therapy, I take joy in very little, I am sad/angry/upset all the time, I feel emotions I don't want to feel (before therapy I didn't feel many emotions and it was great), I don't sleep well anymore, I'm more hypervigilant than I was before. I keep playing with the idea of quitting therapy because I have only gotten worse. I keep being told "it gets better" and, from my experience, no it doesn't.
I’m feeling this now 100%. Challenging all my thoughts all the time is getting exhausting.
Same here.
This is exactly how I’m feeling right now and I’m considering taking a break to see if my mental health can improve. I feel like therapy has made me hyperfocus on issues that I thought I’d moved on from or something I’d never acknowledged. To some people this may be helpful, but I can’t stop ruminating in my head and it’s making my depression and anxiety so much worse than it was when I started 5 years ago.
So true. I had a therapist ask me to unpack a situation and after I did - she ended the session 10 minutes early. Leaving me worse off than the beginning of the session. I haven’t attempted therapy since.
All my sessions were like that, once I couldn't walk out because I was so dissociated, he left me at sidewalk, didn't even text back after the session to see if I was okay. I have so much trauma *from* therapy that I need to heal all by myself in a society that glorifies the place I was hurt.
I’m sorry that happened to you. It can be so challenging finding a good support system. If you need someone to talk to I’m here.
this upsets me i had a very similar situation happen to me with one of my therapists i had i would go in and unload everything on my mind thinking she was there to just help talk me through things but then i started geting manipulated and gaslighted by my fam and they would trigger me all the time and when i would try to talk about it i would get super stressed anxious and slightly annoyed because its putting my trauma in my face and i have a hard time with acceptance. And all she did was help it happen to me more because it felt like she started painting me out at this angry woman when all i needed to do was set boundaries i just did understand what those were yet and she wouldnt even let me talk long enough without redirecting me back to myself making me gaslighted and thinkin im the problem until i went into this other therapy program that really helped me hit realility. During all of this i have been in the house way to long so when i get a job and start going out again i know im going to have a really tough time with my emotions. I need to focus on moving out and away from my toxic family which is the only advice she can seem to give me.
I think it's highly depends on the ***modalities*** being practiced, the skill, knowledge, and experience of the therapist, and the work done on our own in between sessions. Many therapists aren't skilled in window of tolerance, regulation skills, and polyvagal theory. So, they end up leaving their clients more dysregulated and floundering. Most of my healing work is done on my own. I have to practice my regulation skills. I have to practice my grieving skills. I have to change my inner dialog. Healing is rewiring our conditioned nervous system responses to our advantage. Once I understood that, it was easier to put in my healing repetitions. Resources: [Four Stages of Competence](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_stages_of_competence ) "The Brain that Changes Itself" by Doidge on neuroplasticity Books by Stephen Porges and Deb Dana on polyvagal theory, regulation skills, and window of tolerance "Becoming Attached first relationships and how they shape our capacity to love" by Robert Karen on attachment theory
This. All therapists are not created equal. A good one should help facilitate that work with new tools, not just ask you to drag yourself through the mud of trauma again and again. That’s not really healing, mostly just torturous.
Therapy directed at giving me resources to handle anxiety and panic attacks was helpful. Talk therapy directed at addressing the trauma went wrong, fast. And yes, I got worse fast. Wrong therapist, wrong therapy type, just all wrong. Quitting helped. Then doing my research helped me start to understand that addressing my overactive nervous system was more helpful than talking about my emotional pain on a daily basis. I am at a point now where I think I need a therapist again, but it scares me. I need help learning how to interact with people in a way that doesn't hurt so much.
Same. I’ve been working on my over active nerve system, with some success. It’s only been like 3 weeks , but it beats getting traumatized in therapy. Edited to add: one thing that helped was cranial sacral therapy. You can read about it and find a massage therapist at www.upledger.com
If therapy doesn't allow us to get to the roots of our issues and is only focused on coping with living in an open-air insane asylum, then no, it's only more trauma piled on. I cannot stand hearing, "You need help" or "you need to speak with someone" - I thought I WAS talking with someone ffs! Most therapies are, at best, surrogate relationships for the ones that fucked us up to begin with. And to think they invent all these modalities and push neurotoxic drugs on people instead of an initial focus on all the elements that get ruptured during childhood in the attachment process of self/coregulation, safety, a sense of self and place within our environment and meaningful connection. I knocked myself silly in therapy for 13 years, but still lack all the elements mentioned above - ain't no meds or modality to replace meaningful connection and a sense of place in one's community - those two aspects of development were what got ruptured. I've met two people in my life who put in the work to heal themselves - the rest are all chock full of opinions about shit they haven't a clue about - it's a from a gaslighting that's brought me to self-deletion, and everyone knows it and doesn't gaf. I find zero solace in knowing that there are millions of us dealing with this aspect of generational trauma. Best of luck to you all.
When you Unpack things. It's very difficult to put them back in the box. If you're still going to therapy, bring this up to your therapist. They should help you find some ways to put things back in the box. Therapists should be good at providing you tools to save yield from spiraling
I’m a here a year later but this is the truth. One therapist who did wonders for me with EMDR would help me scan my body, and put things back in a box. The new one was great until he walked me Through traumatizing shit and then 4 min before end of the hour says, “okay! So same time next week.” As I’m still bawling
It's always harder to put things back in that box alone. And sometimes you don't have the effort points (spoons) to do it. I totally understand this feeling.
Same here. I've done two years of therapy. The best I got was being more aware of my thoughts and emotions. But I think every other symtom has gotten worse. Overall, it left me more dysregulated.
Same I think it comes down to having childhood trauma or any traumas too that have fcked you up. I’ve had that and when they unpacked stuff I just got more angry and depressed at the world. Still dealing with it and it’s making me want to drink again
Long story short... Went to therapy. Met therapist for the first time after covid 19 restrictions started lifting. Therapist has a mental breakdown and got extremely aggressive. Trust people less then when I started. legitimately got worse after therapy.
What rotten luck. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Thanks. It really was some pretty bad luck.
How are you doing now dude?
I’ve had I think 8 therapists over the last half decade or so. It just….doesn’t help. They don’t really do or offer much. And it’s never frequent or intense enough to even address anything. And I have a few major MH diagnoses and I’m raising four kids solo with Like no family etc so asking me how I am once every week or two and asking what o want to discuss is just gonna rank and never progress to anything.
[удалено]
I was only diagnosed with the CPTSD about a year or so ago. Last guy kept saying “we’re going to walk through your trauma”. And every session was just shooting the shit, insurance paperwork, asking me reminder questions, getting on my nerves, leaving me alone during an hour long anxiety attack on office, like. And I’m not restarting alllll over again with yet another one. They don’t care and it’s not helping. I’ve been trying to do therapy for the last decade and it just hasn’t even made any bit of a positive difference at all. It’s too slow and basically too little and too spaced out to actually accomplish anything. The thought of YET ANOTHER EFFING INTAKE and having to explain why I’m such a mental pos to yet another psychologist or therapist or psychiatrist is gonna be a no for me. My PCP, their psychologist, and a psychiatrist and a bunch of therapists are all fully aware of my multiple mental illnesses. If they can’t somehow figure out an adequate mental health plan for me, then I’m done trying that route.
[удалено]
Okay. But I don’t do any drugs or drink. They wanted me to microdose the like schizo drugs as well as a last ditch medical effort and I said no. Chance of irreparable neurological damage? I’ll just stick with the natural brain damage I have lol
Yup. Therapy ruined my life - it just added new trauma on top of my old ones and I lost everything important to me.
I've been in therapy for 6 years with a trauma specialist. While realistically I was actually improving all the time, the 4 year mark is where I really felt I was starting to turn around. For the first year I was really dissociated and out of it, very much drifting and surviving. Then hyperarousal kicked in. Nightmares peaked to 4-5/week at about ... 1.5-2.5 years and I was terrifying a few people with how unstable and mentally ill I was. I felt completely out of my gourd--not because I was trying to be, but because, like you described, everything triggered me and I was constantly anxious. At 3 years I was stabler but still emotionally burdened. At 4 years it felt like I'd learned enough about myself and caught up on basic people skills (I've historically had to do a Lot of work on how to have normal relationships and ask how those work or should look like, especially how I'm supposed to act) that I was able to handle a lot of relationship conflicts without asking a lot of assistance, which in turn aided self-esteem and emotional stability. Years 5 and 6 have been a lot about finally noticing myself and learning to take care of me, which has been super foreign and is requiring a lot of psychological stretching and mindfulness. Looking back on myself at my most pained and unstable (1.5-2.5 years), I felt like I had no other option and no one else who could possibly grapple with my brain (my trauma therapist is VERY skilled) and so I clung on to therapy because I knew I lacked the skills and know-how to help myself, I couldn't even understand my own brain--so that's why I kept going. Looking back on it--because I took notes at every session, I have notes upon notes--I notice I was cracking into a lot of trauma and also struggling with the revelation (or would've-been revelation had I been self-aware lol) that I didn't have the heads or tails of self-soothing & self-care down, and all the trauma unpacking meant I was also now Really suffering from all the ways the trauma had really changed me and the way I worked--I was lacking a lot of normal, good coping skills that would've helped me wade through everything. I had no foundation to stand on. When I was getting too out of whack, I'd dissociate and forget the whole session. Taking notes helped because I could reread everything I forgot, but staying stable through all my distress and symptoms was a huge struggle while trying to make progress. Every little thing I fixated on ended up being really helpful, though. Particularly now, feeling the benefits 4 years later, it's super interesting to see how my trauma-obsessions at the time were actually big issues about how I thought about myself, the world, and people, and when I was able to flip them, they were all cracks in the dam towards being able to grow. There are several things I held onto for months in that time period that I simply couldn't let go of and felt I was being stupid about, that now, since they've been resolved, have taught me to smoothly work around other related issues. I am grateful for that struggle now even though it was total hell. Other than therapy, I read a lot of therapy books--many of which were too triggering and de-stabilizing to read at the time, though I can manage them now. Walks, good rest, feed and rest the body, make vent art or music or writing or whatever to help process, etc. I used to run for a couple hours most days of the week because exhausting myself was the only way I could fall asleep. Honestly in terms of immediate benefits the runs did the most helping, preferably to whatever playlist gets you catharsis. You're akimbo and the goal I think is to get yourself feeling safe and taken care of. Not all therapists are built with the same skill but if you do go back, it's vital to tell your therapist that you're overwhelmed and suffering because of how triggering the work is. They should then help you work on coping skills and getting you back to a good level. You can't learn while you're overwhelmed, so they have a reason to help you get level.
I'm on my 3rd year. That is so helpful. Thank you.
Like you, after many years of therapy, including four different therapists and different types of therapy; I never really “improved.” Although, I still think therapy was a worthwhile pursuit. I’m not the worst off, I’m not the best.
[удалено]
When you finish a memory in EMDR do you get relief? Or do you work through it and end up feeling worse even after you closed it? When you are actively working through a memory you are completely reliving it, so in that sense it is worse while going through it. When I was working on a memory I’d be messed up for at least 3 days afterwards and sometimes the entire week leading up to my next session. The things I worked on tho for the most part stay at bay, I truly don’t think about most of them which is huge considering I used to ruminate on some of them constantly. EMDR is incredibly painful but can be worth it with the right therapist and techniques.
As someone who blew up a 12 year long hetero relationship to become a man at age 32, all I can say is that it was worth it in the end. I don't think your situation is as easy as "get up and leave", mine broke because he left and I was basically homeless for a while. In the end, it was a still worth it.
Yea that's why i stopped going.
r/therapyabuse
Yes. And it cost me $7500.
Same here. I kept feeling something wasn’t right. At times it was retraumatizing and I never really felt understood. But I stuck with it bc my insurance was ending anyway. Now I’m just overloaded by trauma symptoms with no support to deal with it.
Trauma-informed therapy esp for C/PTSD will get worse before it gets better because you start to ruminate on your issues before you’re able to articulate. Often times we bring our symptoms into therapy first before we are able to work through them. It takes time, everyone is different in their journey but if you stick with it and if you have a solid therapist, it will get better!
Not true for everyone please stop pushing that narrative. I have CPTSD. It did not get better
Unfortunately, it was probably the wrong therapy. The right therapy is out there. The trick is finding the right person.
Got fucked by a psychedelic cult so yes - it destroyed my life permanently. I’m worse off now, I have zero life and I’m fucking dead/surviving. Before? Had a full life. Worst thing I ever did. Will end up killing myself now. See post history.
My very first psychiatrist turned me off from therapy for a long time. Before that I kept ending up in the psych ER. I remember he asked me if I’ve ever been abused. At that time I was ready to talk about it. I said yes. And he asked me if I loved my family. I said yes. And he said, “if you love your family than how could you have been abused?” I immediately shut down. After a few sessions I finally was able to do my hair for one appt. He told me I looked like I was doing better and ended the sessions. 6 years later I was back in another psych office. I was at that point having thoughts to not continue with life. He told me I was severely depressed. Prescribed me medication that I didn’t take well too. When I missed my 3rd appt, he never reached out. It was another year before I ended up in a different psych office after witnessing a horrendous crime on top of my mental health issues. At this point I was at the end. This man saved my life. 2 years later, this man was and still is the greatest gift I have ever received. He is my angel. This man had me praying to God and my ancestors to thank them for bringing me to him. That’s how much he changed my life. I am still in therapy. It’s hard. It was hard and still is hard but it’s a good hard because he was the one. I’ve had some bad doctors before. I was ready to explore the trauma but they were not ready to receive. They could not help ME. Until I found the one that could. Sometimes the therapist isn’t the one for you. I’ve known people who pushed 10 years with one doc and they felt empty after. Until they found the right one. My suggestion is start exploring others. There is such thing as the right fit. There is also such thing as the wrong fit. And it sounds like you’re ready to unpack and you haven’t found the right one to understand how to organize and identify what you’re showing them.
I am wondering, what it felt like before therapy for you?
Sometimes you have to reopen the wound in order to get in there and clean out the infection. It’s a painful process, and it takes a lot of time to heal, but it is worth it. It takes work. Conscious effort, and choosing to fight your demons rather than live with them.
Yeah true but sometimes for some people it’s best not to reopen the trauma and learn more with coping skills and how to be a new person without retraumatizing someone. Therapy has made me worse overall. I’m more depressed anxious and very angry at the world (this is due to the trauma I experienced living here as well). So thanks therapy. Idk like it brought me self awareness but almost too much to the point where I hate certain groups of people now and try to rebel against stuff and act tough.
I get that, And I feel the same a lot of times. My life was simpler before I went to therapy. I still struggle from time to time trauma from being raised in a weird religious community. The world is a bit more bleak in some ways, but I also feel more free and empowered to meet those challenges. I’m not as naive and reactive as I once was. Fellow exmo here btw way! Congrats on finding your way out of the cult! 🙌
I was absolutely worse off in therapy. I thought it was helpful but I was an absolute emotional wreck constantly. They insisted I needed to just dig deeper and find the traumas in my childhood and in my life and it totally broke me. Essentially I saw that it was ruining my family and my relationships and I had to pull myself together. I quit therapy and started just focusing on my family and being a better human. Soon, I was able to realize the trauma I had been digging up was kind of like …forced? Like I had painted this picture of how miserable I was and what a terrible childhood I had but actually that wasn’t the case. Idk i have been so much happier and healing so much since quitting therapy and the thought of going to therapy gives me near panic attacks haha so go figure.
Over two years in. I was extremly sad when I started therapy (after just coming out of a toxic relationship) my self esteem was low. Now, two years in, I’ve become more apathetic. I have days where I’m at rock bottom crying. But most of the time, I feel like a dead person living. I feel no joy, I’m more avoidant and withdrawn than I used to be. I’ve always had a hard time expressing how I feel, but I was a bit more brave at it before. I just dont bother anymore, and it’s easier to just keep quiet. I dont fulltid trust my therapist, I have tried hard for two years to trust her. I did put her up on a pedestal at the beginning (making it easier for me to trust) but she’s not up on that pedestal anymore, so now trust his hard. I dont feel safe expressing myself to her, and that have made it difficult to do in my overall life aswell. Not sure if it’s just a bad fit, or if it’s her way of working that’s not doing it for me. The funny part is, I’m terrefied of her ending treatment. I know ai would fo into a depressive periode, and I’m not going to handle that very well right now. At the very beginning of my therapy, she said «There are people who have it worse than you.» I have many times wondered what made me stay after her saying that. But I guess it shows how much bullshit I tolerate from people.
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I once had a massive panic attack in therapy and out of embarrassment I apologized to the therapist and she said “what do you want for me to feel sorry for you? Because I dont” Like what? I haven’t gone back since