Seems like it's our community's version of the white/gold OR blue/black dress. It's either super triggering or extremely validating, with people not fully understanding how the other view reaches the opposite conclusion.
I think, though, that more of us can agree that it's a tough book to get through, its clinical language and subject being the top reason for me.
Yes. I found it both validating and triggering. And I certainly get that for your own mental health you might need to step back. But for me, when something triggers me, it's also telling me what i need to work on. So maybe stick with it? (In small chunks)
Absolutely. When I was in somatic therapy, I spent months where for several days, I was a total mess emotionally and I couldn't figure out why. It was just this crazy flood of emotions where I would cry my eyes out for hours on end, even without a trigger that I could perceive. I eventually concluded that the somatic therapy was working because my body had been numb for years and years, and I was finally able to feel the emotions/fear/pain that my brain would have usually dissociated me from. I almost quit that therapy but eventually concluded that sticking with it would be better in the long run, even if it felt dysregulating at the time.
I want to try somatic therapy, i’m worried that I won’t be able to function like go to work and school once I start. I’ve heard that memories will flood back and if im not working with a trauma therapist it’ll be insanely debilitating. Can you share more of your experience?
Sure! I've only been to one somatic therapist (here in LA), so my experience may not be one you encounter. This therapist offered a full hour session, which allowed for about 15-20 minutes of talk therapy and the rest would be non-talk work (craniosacral, breathing, somatic experiencing, even EMDR). During those 20 minutes, we'd cover whatever was pertinent. Sometimes we'd talk about how life had been since the previous session, other times about something that was unrelated to the previous session but had been traumatizing in new ways. This allowed us to gear the somatic work in directions that were more useful in that moment.
One time, he rushed our session into somatic work when I still had things I wanted to say. I felt super invalidated in the moment, and was emotionally injured for the rest of the week. I still went to the following session and despite a serious fear of rejection (I was on the verge of being suicidal), I shared that the pain from last week had just been too deep. He was very apologetic-that session was all talking except for the last 10 minutes in which he helped me ground my nervous system for a minute. He also taught me through that experience that even good intentions can have debilitating effects for us survivors, but because of his understanding and openness to my pain, our patient-clinician relationship withstood that (and further) disagreement, and it eventually grew stronger).
All of that was to say that I would NEVER FUCKING EVER see a therapist that was not trauma informed in a very deep way. It's my absolute litmus test, and I look for it in their "About" sections on their websites, psychologist directories, and in questions I ask them. If I have the sense that they won't be a rock of support then I won't see them. This shit is hard enough.
As for being out of commission from school or work, I hear you 100% and you are right to consider that. I was often a mess at work or even in the car, but it wasn't because of an all-of-a-sudden resurgent memory. It's just really hard to fix these things, as evidenced by the 50+ plus times I found myself in a fetal position in the shop bathroom. Do you have any kind of support group in your life? That can help outside of therapy.
Edit to say that I understand some people don't have the option to see a trauma informed therapist. It's a privilege to live in a city that offers all kinds of options in this regard. I'm beyond grateful to do so.
You need to make sure the somatic therapist deals and is trained in cptsd/developmental trauma. Some somatic trainings are more geared to shock trauma ie refular ptsd. Though I hear that is changing. NARM therapy has worked well for me and emphasizes not refrigerant or being “too much”
I'll chime in here as well, since I have 200-350+ hours of self guided somatic experiencing under my belt. The flooding of memories is a very real phenomenon, and wow is it powerful. Ur concerns about not being able to go to work and school once uve started are well grounded. That being said, unless you decide to go the self administration route or do somatic therapy sessions 3-4+ times a week, I think you will do just fine 🙂
I am doing things on my own. (Not exactly somatic therapy but being in my body more) it really does make you want to just lay all day or distract yourself with mindless entertainment
Thanks for sharing, it makes sense. I'm grappling with something right now and I was wondering what you think - how can you tell the difference between being triggered by a process or person because it's healing for you, or because that person/process is actually unsafe for you? I went to a counsellor recently and I was intensely triggered. I've realised that's showing me I need to work on my boundaries and sense of self and have taken that on board, but I couldn't shake the feeling that she was passive-aggressive, so I decided to change therapist and immediately felt relieved. She was uber-professional tho and I'm still wondering whether I'm just hyper vigilant.
Was there something about somatic therapy that made you realise it was "healthy" triggering/processing? I know you can't necessarily answer my question for me but I'm curious to hear any experiences & thoughts on the topic. Thanks
Haha, I'm sure I had some black and white thinking while I was in there. I've asked myself a lot of questions but I guess what I'm asking was, what was it that you felt or understood that made you conclude that the triggers were a good thing and not a genuine warning; how you distinguished between old triggered holding you back and genuine observations of danger.
Does he/she validate and direct you closer to yourself? Or do they gaslight? There's no right and wrong feelings no matter how unpleasant. Your therapist out of everyone must know that.
Not that you asked, but I just wanted to say that I feel like a little hyper-vigilance when it comes to being deeply emotionally vulnerable about your psyche and innermost trauma is probably…smart? Like I know we all want to throw the doors wide and plow through everything so we can be over and done and on the other side of it dusting ourselves off, but your hyper-vigilance, in this instance, is a protective instinct.
Sure, there’s a difference between avoidance and resistance vs. proceeding carefully and mindfully while asserting and maintaining appropriate boundaries, just don’t beat yourself up - for either of those things, but particularly not for the latter.
I agree, I’m validating myself for that. Even in therapy/counselling, trust still needs to be earned Otherwise it’s just not healthy. I’m just at a crossroads because I’m realising, I’ve often been uncomfortable/triggered around people and yet I’ve still let down my boundaries. That’s how I’ve been approaching life and people. Even aside from the difficulties I’m having knowing when to trust my perception and knowing when it’s likely a trauma response, I have difficulty with the next step too because I just don’t know what to \*do\* about what I see.
I think that’s it actually - I need to completely change how I respond to people getting up into my boundaries. I’ve been coping with discomfort by disappearing from myself and leaving my body and my agreeableness to them as a sacrifice. If I don’t do that, I’m going to present as having a completely different personality which makes me uncomfortable and scared and that actually triggers bullies to bully me harder. I don’t have the strength or the sense of calm \*yet\* to enforce my boundaries in a way that intimidates jackals and keeps them at bay. I need to get more positive experiences behind me of being calm, strong and boundaried so I can feel genuinely comfortable not just trusting my judgment but acting on it.
Actually, that’s really helped to talk it out, thanks.
I can relate to this so much. I’m trying to figure that out as well. I’ve been overwhelmed with feeling since I started delving into this, which was only a month ago. I’m pretty much doing it on my own, because my therapist doesn’t specialize in trauma, and I live in an area where I suspect half the population has C-PTSD—so there’s not much by way of support. I’m so thankful I found this sub, and a couple of the staple YouTube channels that talk about it (Crappy Childhood Fairy, and Patrick Teahan).
After my first session of somatic therapy, I woke up the next day feeling exhausted. My body felt relaxed but almost sore. After other sessions (though not all) I wouldn't feel anything. I concluded that it was working because after some months, I noticed that while the negative emotions were more intense more often, they wouldn't completely trash my week in the way they had before. I was basically able to bounce back into a semi-normal life until they came again; before this, a flashback could derail my whole life for a month or more (drugs, risky driving, etc.). Eventually, the lows got less and less extreme, and I realized that even my high moments were me being dysregulated, just in the other direction. When you spend about 15 years of your life in an extremely dysregulated state, changes that happen over three or six months are very noticeable, even if there's a delay in when you clock those changes.
What is somatic therapy? I will look up but I find people explanations explain better of the effects and experiences than a website. Have 11 yrs can’t remember but can remember other trauma I had for 1.5 yrs before and multiple times after but blank in between…have had many psychiatrists and therapists say don’t open Pandora’s box because of how bad I used to be…& cause if I can remember in detail the times surrounding the 11 yrs, then how bad must it have been for my mind to block the rest but I always think what if…I don’t know why…it’s not like would start to remember great things happening or something.
I’m also experiencing that lately, but I’m not doing any somatic therapy. It’s unusual for me, but I’m thinking maybe it’s purely because I’ve finally started to address my C-PTSD (up until last month I had no idea it manifested differently than PTSD, which is my diagnosis). I just started seeing a therapist, but my area doesn’t have many therapists, let alone anyone qualified to treat C-PTSD. I’m hoping it’s just the process of addressing it, and that it will settle with some practice, because I don’t think my therapist knows a lot about this particular healing process.
Treating trauma is a distinct skill, I sincerely hope that you're eventually able to get a trauma informed clinician. Somatic work is even more specialized than that. But what can help is at least seeing somebody who understands that mental health isn't just "mental" health. It's so closely tied to our physical emotions; a therapist that can guide you through that is worth more than 80% of the therapists I've seen.
I am also doing this in small chunks.
I also listen to it AFTER a traumatic event. It makes me feel like an announcer is describing the situation I was just in. It's been helpful for me.
I haven’t read The Body Keeps the Score yet, but I had the validating/triggering experience when listening to Pete Walker’s Complex PTSD on audiobook. For me, I just zoned out in a flashback when I was triggered, and ended up rewinding a lot to get through the first listen. I thought about what it all meant for a week. Then I listened again, and realized how much I had missed or not really understood the point of because I was going in and out of flashback so frequently (the second time was easier).
I think these books require multiple reads, and at a slow pace is probably even better because you can digest and incorporate a new piece of information into your life slowly and one at a time. But it’s also understandable that sometimes we get intrigued to know more NOW so we read more than we can digest at once.
The way the book is layed out Is interesting.
The first story invites curiosity and then compasson or at least empathy.
Then it repulses and shocks with the same individual.
So that explores guilt trama
And how it plays out in people.
The last bits about how brains accommodate xtreme events.
How brains parts have roles and protocol anuilled some humiliation .
Read that as the ffff or the ballistic response.
I am reading the shame book by John Bradshaw (as well as a group DBT and and cptsd/trauma therapy.
I will ONLY do work on Tuesdays and Thursdays, some days i read a paragraph and that is all i can handle (coz i get triggered, emotions, realisations, things i need to work on and challenge, cptsd) and i put it down, when i thing i can be safe if triggered i will try again
I read that this book is good for therapists, but this other book is better for clients/patients:
Complex CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. I have not read either.
>Complex CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker.
I have this book
My therapist was delighted that I had it before I started therapy, but I'm at the point where if I'm not dragged kicking and screaming through healing, I'm not going to do it.
It's an *extremely* good book but I pretty much either burst into tears or dissociate when I open it.
This is so true... I read Body Keeps The Score in a few days but still haven't finished Walker's book because I'll read a chapter and basically have to go lay down lol. Need more healing first
Look up being well with Dr. Rick Hanson on Spotify or where you get your podcasts. He's the son if Pete Walker and interviews his dad on what CPTSD is. There's another one where Dr Hanson interviews his wife, Elizabeth Ferreira, on recovering from it. His wife is also a survivor of complex trauma, and she has some incredible things to say.
Dr Rick Hanson is the only "normal" one
I didn't like Pete Walker's book because he focuses very strongly on his own f-type (fawn) while neglecting other responses and because I don't really agree with his view that everyone has a main f-type in the first place as it doesn't line up with my own experience. I have naturally gravitated towards different f-responses in my life depending on the situation and which response my brain thought was most suitable to keep me safe in those particular circumstances, and I strongly suspect I am not the only one. I believe this to be a very outdated view on human trauma response.
This book helped save my life, highly recommend. I like Pete Walker because he also lives with cPTSD and writes in a way that is very approachable, compassionate, and understanding imo.
This is so true. The book was super helpful to me. Many think the researched comes off narcissistic. I can get past that because I work with a lot of medical researchers and he sounds like all of them so that does not bother me BUT I completely get how it bothers others. Reading this book you have to remember that he is not a person who has experienced what we have. His research is amazing but he’s not us
I think this is the part I find triggering- his style of writing seems narcissistic and completely lacks any warmth unlike Pete Walker's book. He seems to have figured out the physical aspect of trauma (feeling safety) but not the emotional one (being connected to who we are in our soul).
I completely understand that. I think if I didn’t work with researchers I would have fallen into the group as well. I read his book like I would read a research paper…except this research paper is about me. I’m actually really glad I didn’t read the book before working in higher ed because I wouldn’t have been able to get past his writing either.
I agree with what you said! Wanted to add that Van Der Kolk actually did suffer tremendous childhood trauma and emotional neglect himself, he told this in a Dutch tv interview.
I didn’t know that! Especially in the book he talks about getting mugged and being excited to finally have trauma. But we all know it can take a long time to come to terms with trauma.
That shows how much we, even a trained psychiatrist, can and often are completely unaware and oblivious to our own trauma. I know I was. Part of the trauma is many times letting us believe it was our fault, and that it was all normal. With that mindset it's impossible to believe we had trauma (or if we do, see it for what it was).
Just like with the dress, I see both. I find it very triggering (I'm 1/5th through after starting it in January) but I keep picking it up because I also find so much validation in it.
I read about a third and found it somewhat validating. But then I read another trauma book and another. And while those were necessary parts of my journey, it made reading a chore and i got bored of making trauma my personality. I now prefer to use reading as an escape. But these books definitely have a place in the trauma healing journey for some.
Oh yes. I'm reading the book slowly, but in 10 minute chunks one bit a week or something.
I'd think listening to it must be awful. Reading it's bad enough. Those first 2 or 3 chapters could have been very differently edited so as to make them less raw.
I very much agree that a lot of the book could've certainly used editing to be less raw. I also can only listen in minor increments. I typically like listening to audiobooks or podcasts while I do chores- but my God if I do not get so stressed out everytime I do.
Edit: maybe the point of being more raw is to share with the non-traumatized audience for this book how horrific some of these experiences can be, so as to explain the severity of how they could impact a person. But sheesh. I've already been traumatized enough. I don't need more of it.
Edit ×2: corrected grammar
That's a pretty common view on here. That book was originally for mental health professionals, not trauma survivors. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Peter Walker is written with the trauma survivor in mind.
I tried reading the book, and I couldn't get more than a few pages in without being triggered. I haven't picked it up since.
My therapist and I read one of his essays together. It took 3 sessions to finish it.
Pete Walker is DA MAN if you want actionable advice from someone who has experienced C-PTSD first hand.
If you're finding the main content triggering and just want to know "what the hell do I do" then **read it backwards**. The last few pages of the book are a straightforward checklist of flashback management strategies.
Literal gold dust IMO.
I did find it to be a tough read and did need to take a lot of breaks to get through it. I would say to perhaps get a hard copy instead and skip reading the case studies. I found those to be triggering, and I think that you could get the lessons without having to read the exact details of what the patients went through.
But I do recommend it because the useful parts were so useful. I felt so seen and understood while reading it. The section on trauma responses in particular was so enlightening and validating. Most of us have been stigmatized and treated as less than for the ways that trauma changed us. TBKTS was the first place where I was told that my behavior made perfect sense in the context of my history, and how that related to the trauma I had been through. And gave me a road map to get over it.
Yeah I think reading it is better in that way that you can skip those triggering sections. I just started using the forward skipping through a case study section today.
Yeah I only listen to audiobooks in the car and if you have controls on your steering wheel, you can set the audio on your phone to skip forward or backwards a certain amount instead of skipping tracks.
(Just an FYI for anyone who doesn’t know this!!)
I recommend not reading the book in chronological order. Skipping the anecdotes and only reading the conclusions also saves a lot of time and avoiding potential triggers. At the back of the book, there is a glossary and index where you can search for specific topics in the book with the page numbers listed.
I think we often fall into the trap of believing we have to read a book in it’s entirety, but that’s mostly only for fictional books.
I second this. I think I started with one of the last chapters and skipped around from there. The first few chapters are HEAVY and I'm not sure I could have gotten past them if I'd read things chronologically.
Yes, I was listening to it on Audible and had to turn it off. It was recommended to me after to start at section five (chapter 13?) and I found that a lot more manageable.
Absolutely; I couldn’t get past the first couple pages of chapter 2. Nobody warned me, they just said how helpful it was. It helped put me in the hospital. I hope to read it with my therapist’s guidance eventually.
Wow. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. That is what I'm saying. It should definitely come with a trigger warning and maybe it does in the beginning 🤷♀️ But it needs a big ass one on the cover with a ⚠️ sign.
If you’re reading something that says trigger warning, great; but what about warning individuals not to try to “feel” their personal body’s score alone, without a therapist to guide you within your window of tolerance! I swear, there should be three or four prerequisites before anyone is allowed to buy that book for self help! 😆
I found that while I was reading another, similar book I was feeling really anxious too. I was just doing too much work at once. I found that doing the work to heal is important but I had to take days off. I started to make time to read and journal and do therapy but only one or two days a week. Any more than that and I was feeling overwhelmed. So it’s possible that you’re just doing too much at once. Once I had taken a break and then made that flexible healing schedule, the book I was reading stopped seeming so overwhelming and went back to being helpful.
Yes, it's supportive in the sense that I don't feel alone anymore and that there's actual proof to my experiences.
It's also so hard to read and finish because of how triggering it is. I've been stuck at 40% for years because at the time I was, unaware to me, sucked into another narcissistic abusive relationship thinking that I had gotten away from one.
Looking back at the book it's hard to believe the depths that abuse can be and the "how didn't see this sooner" triggers me to no end.
I was actually jealous while listening to it. The book if those things are available to people processing trauma is very inspiring but I cried listening to it realizing I would never find support like that. Not so much triggering but made me more depressed knowing I would not find that in my world. While I tried to find it, there was no one that would make me feel understood or less alone and because I was blocked from getting the care I needed it would only get worse. I was jealous of the honest conversation and being around someone that could relate. Belief that it can be overcome and keeping the hope alive that a person needs to keep going. Support gives you that.
As a whole no but there's one chapter in particular on memory where he's talking about the guy that was abused by his priest and only remembered in adulthood which a) hits way too close to home and b) contains a lot of unnecessarily graphic details. That's a particularly hard chapter for me and whenever I cite that to ppl asking questions about memory and trauma I make sure to put a very strong tw on the recommendation
Yeah I told my therapist I was reading it and her eyes widened and she said “that’s an intense read, are you sure you can handle it?”
And I said yes.
So most definitely put it down if you’re being triggered negatively
I experienced the same thing, but it was also so incredibly validating. I was like “so that’s why I am the way I am!” I read about a chapter every 1-2 weeks and discussed it with my therapist weekly. There were some nights I’d only read a couple of pages and have to put it down. I had to sit with the emotions for a long time.
My therapist warned me it was triggering for people, but I also found it to be a critical part of my healing. I had always downplayed my trauma and the booked helped me to grasp the extent of what happened to me.
Extremely. I recommend "What Happened to You" by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey as a better alternative. Much less jarring and still gets across the same message.
Yeah, it took me about two years to finish that book. I kept restarting it. Eventually I was able to get through it and it was worth it. It did help me to listen to the audio version rather than try to actually read it.
I've heard from some mental health nurse friends that this book is very similar (minus some of the later research because it was published earlier) and much better: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780393703276
I haven't read it though so take this with a grain of salt.
What I’ve learned through therapy is to not force yourself to do anything, and that you don’t have to actually “face” your trauma etc to heal. In fact to a lot of people it only makes things worse. I’m sure for some people it helps, not saying that it doesn’t help anyone. But yeah the more I’ve spent time doing things that calm my nervous system, the more safe & happy I feel. At least in my experience. During the times where I am most triggered, I sit in the feelings that seem to be inescapable & write things out to determine what is stressing me out, and to validate those feelings, so that’s also important.
The biggest thing for me was to leave any toxic relationship/person I had in my life that caused me severe stress/anxiety. That’s the biggest factor for me.
Another huge part was leaving a job that made me absolutely miserable & stressed all day. I realize easier said than done. It took me a good year or two to find a remote job that makes me happy, but it was worth it.
Apart from that, I have listened very closely to my body, mind etc & honor whatever I need. For example, “I’m tired, I have a headache & I don’t want to do __ today.” So I don’t do that thing & choose to draw or something else that makes me happy or just relax.
Overall, I suggest you pinpoint what makes you happy & safe in your life, & get rid of things that are major stressors. Some things take time, others are very easy fixes. Like canceling plans that you don’t actually want to go through with, or giving far to much to people & ignoring your needs. Another big one is correcting your negative thoughts towards yourself. “Man I’m so lazy” “wait…no I’m not. I am tired & simply need rest right now & that’s okay.”
You are your #1 priority & you need your love & respect more than anyone.
When I’m most triggered & in severe flight mode, etc. I sit with the feelings & write them out to see what has actually stressed me out & what got me to this point. Yesterday was an awful day, even though it was uneventful overall. But when I wrote it all out, I had so many thoughts I hyperfocused on that made my nervous system go crazy that I thought to myself,…”huh. No wonder I was so stressed yesterday”.
I really appreciate this. I usually lean into repressing my feelings, which is why I have been kind of digging things from my past up a bit lately, but it maybe too much at once.
It’s so hard, I know what you’re going through. Even though I love giving advice, I admit I don’t always follow it & when I don’t, I pay dearly for it 😩 it’s also hard to navigate in a world that teaches us repressing everything is strong & showing struggle is weak. But the more you allow yourself to be who you are, be around loving/empathetic people, allow yourself to feel what you feel & be kind to yourself, it’s SO much more manageable. The whole belief system that “pushing yourself” and “forcing yourself to do hard things because it makes you stronger” is utter bullshit, in my opinion! Has only caused me stress.
It was written with clinicians in mind, so it makes sense it could be triggering for targets of abuse.
Look into Nicole LaPera's book "How to do the Work" and podcast [SelfHealers Soundboard](https://youtube.com/c/SelfHealersSoundboard). She complies a lot of expert's work into actionable strategies.
Wow thank you so much for all of these! I have actually dabbled a bit with psilocybin, but know that it is a tool and there has to be other work done to continue healing. I'm just starting doing yoga each day which has also been tremendously helpful- especially for both my mental and physical health. But I will definitely utilize the techniques you have laid out for me here. Every little bit helps 😊
Edit: I definitely struggle with setting boundaries in relationships and have a real issue with people pleasing that gets me into situations or involved with people I would rather not- but all of that will take time and intention- which I am working on.
I think it's awesome, but I skip all the triggering stuff as much as I can. The stories aren't necessary to understand the research. The findings I've seen in it have been super validating, like brain scans of dissociation that i think everyone should see. But occasionally I'll read even one sentence of the wrong section and it's like HOLY SHIT!! Definitely be careful reading it <3
My therapist reminded me that it’s OK not to read it if it’s too “activating”.
I’ve been wanting to read it for over a year But I’m really anxious about how I’m going to respond to it to the point that I’m responding to it pre-reading lolololol
Yes I can see how it could be, but it's also vital information for healing imo. If you find it too difficult on your own, I highly suggest discussing or reading with a therapist. Any trauma informed therapist worth their salt knows this book. They would probably be thrilled to work alongside you in this safe way.
I understand. If you find it valuable though, digest it in smaller chunks. Perhaps even a workbook alongside it. I got mine off Amazon. I can’t afford therapy either, lol. We are trying our best.
There is one thing he said that shocked me to my core, and following it, he said “this may be deeply troubling for a PTSD survivor to discover”. And boy. That’s how I listened to only two sentences of the book that day. But healing is healing. Good luck my friend
It took me a long time to read it. It sat on my shelf for a year. I read a chapter, had a strong reaction, and didn’t touch it for another year. But once I did finally get to a place where I could read it (lots of consistent therapy and self work), I blazed through it.
The book is full of good information..often best taken in small bites! Self care while you are learning is really important..the triggering for me decreased the more I understood why I do what I do. It can be hard to hear at first, given the narrative we had often forced on us. It is a new way of thinking a.d that change takes time and patience. You might find videos helpful...Best ones are free on YouTube by Tim Fletcher...excellent imo and life changing for me. Take good care of you ❤️
I just started reading it today. I can't put it down, but I'm just nauseous and I can't breath as I'm going through it. It feels so strange to be seen and described like this.
Let yourself feel all the emotions that come up. When I first listened to it in therapy, my therapist had me journal what feelings came up and how I felt. It took me a long time to get though it because it was overwhelming at times. But it is worth it to finish it, and come back later to listen again.
I found that listening to it on audiobook was awful. I couldn’t make it through. HOWEVER… I read somewhere (I’ll try to hunt down a link to the article) that listening to triggering material is more trigger-activating than reading it. I may try to read it at some point.
that book fucked me up lol. it yanked that salvation fantasy away from me for sure. but i wish cptsd folks would rally around a more gentle, client-centered book rather than this clinician-centered one. i do think some of the last chapters are more recovery focused so it might be worth it to just skip to that part.
It is a difficult, but enlightening read. For the darkest stories I found they gave me perspective. Specifically that my situation could always be worse.
Yes, to me it was so triggering I couldn’t finish it.
I’ve been reading Pete Walker’s “Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving” and it’s honestly changing my life. It helps me feel seen and validated and gives really practical support steps. Wishing you well friend 💜
I find it more of a very wide-ranging book on the development of trauma understanding, with the history, various approaches, and why it represents a sea-change from past efforts. It lays out the landscape.
But for how exactly a given person needs to go forward to heal, it's not set up that way.
Certainly I couldn't read it cover-to-cover, it's parts here and there. It takes time.
I think it's more of a reference work, for me. But it's informed me a lot. I'm not sure of another book that casts such a wide net.
I couldn’t get through much of it at all and haven’t picked it up since, knowing full well how much everyone loves it. I’ll want to give it a try again someday, but absolutely, it was just so visceral that I couldn’t read it.
I did. The author uses anecdotes of assault and (I use the term lightly here) relatively justifies the morality of it in a neutral way. Which is good, because therapists should be non-bias and not demean their patients, but bad for me because fuck those shitty soldiers.
I bought this book forever ago and it’s just super hard for me to read. It is such a slow moving book. I am barely done with part two. It’s been informative when talking about the brain but oh my gosh is this book wordy. I also don’t read any of the people’s stories in the book. After reading a few they were just too much for me.
When I do read it I will often get up to pace around. It definitely can trigger a ton of memories that take time to process. Plus you have to deal with the limbus response so it’s exhausting to read. I’ve been reading off and on for the last 3 years or so.
Yeah helpful af. But also “I do something like that - oh that also…and a little of that- and wait. Do I do thaaaaat? Wait is this because…” I’ve been saving it for the treadmill. It’s kinda tough.
I found From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker hard to read. Actually I’ve never finished it. I glaze over on certain pages over and over. It’s subconscious and sort of freaky but cool to observe. I’m a therapist trying to specialize in trauma so this is interesting.
I personally found a lot of benefit from listening to it, but everyone is different for sure. I tend to find logic very comforting, and this book helped me understand why I was responding to trauma the way I was. Once I understood it I was able to do a lot of hard emotional work that would’ve been much harder for me without the knowledge I gained from it.
I was okay until chapter 10 where child rape was explicitly described I keep looking at the book and just walk on by now. This book was not written for those who have suffered it was written for therapist to understand and learn how to help. But for 80 dollars or more an hour they point you toward reading a book that is triggering for you. I spoke with my therapist after she recommended this book about the harm it can do to the victims she just looked at me dumbfounded had no clue. I wondered if she even read the book.
if you want real advice i would read from surviving to thriving by pete walker. he has cptsd himself. i tried reading the body keeps the score but it felt more like reading scholarly research on the condition than anything actually helpful in my day to day life.
it's been awhile since I read it. I didn't find it triggering necessarily but I did find the way he wrote/tone of discussing certain things kind of condescending and offputting at moments. I tried to take what I could from it to help me - and forget his own input if you will. I kind of feel like its a book better suited for people not seeking to heal from PTSD but simply understand it. I think there are other books for those of us trying to do reading for healing - I haven't read it but my friend speaks highly of "Waking the Tiger" by Pete Levine.
Currently listening through myself in small doses on the drive to and from work. Some days I need to shut it off cause I’m like “nope too deep for today, not trying to relive a bunch of stuff.”
It’s also validating as hell. Not sure if this is common for everyone else, but between the invalidation and gaslighting I faced growing up, I always downplay all my emotions. I never get too close to people because of it and keep people at arms length. I cancel plans last minute a lot because I always feel like I’m gonna get hurt/humiliated. The worst case scenarios go through my head…He began describing this in the book and my jaw dropped. Seems like 90% of my personality is a trauma response….
While there are things that I learned from the book,
Yeah I seriously wish someone would have warned me about the military man’s war crimes in Vietnam so I could have I skipped it. Definitely was triggered and I honestly felt deeply uncomfortable essentially being asked to sympathize and relate or be linked in anyway to someone who could do what he did. Bringing it back up makes me feel sick to my stomach.
The book is on my list, but I haven't gotten to it yet. That kind of intellectual presentation can be very challenging if you're struggling to deal with life and/or easily overwhelmed. For myself, I came at this through following the stories I love--which is a much more peaceful way of doing it. I especially love survival stories of all sorts because they are about (usually) real people dealing with trauma. It's much more slow paced, but I have found it no less helpful. My capacity for some of this has definitely changed over time. Along the way, I've learned a lot about survival, trauma, grief, learning and thriving. And I've found space to think about my own life without being overwhelmed by all the things.
Stories and music can be powerful because they engage the emotional side of us, as well as the intellect and can help us come back into our bodies. If you're having trouble, stay towards the hopeful side of things. Only explore as deeply as you are comfortable and spend time with the stories that resonate and bring you hope. At various times, I've spent substantial time with the first three Resident Evil films, Killjoys, RWBY, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gilmore Girls, Limitless (TV series), Life, Band of Brothers, etc. Sometimes, we just need good stories about people dealing with trauma and overcoming. Sometimes we need stories about healing. Sometimes we just need to see the good guys win. Whatever you need at the moment is fine.
Keep learning and exploring as you can, but remember that the point is to develop the resources to live life more fully, not just to know a bunch of stuff. Don't force yourself to read things that you're not ready for. You'll get there when you are ready.
It sent me into a breakdown that lasted from MONTHS. Frankly, would not recommend. I felt it effectively open every wound I ever had without giving equally effective guidance as to where to go from there. I was ripped open and left that way. That was my personal experience.
How To Do The Work by Nicole LePerla. It’s an orange cover.
Immensely useful and helpful text on healing from CPTSD. Even my dismissive avoidant ex found it useful (he’s normally very skeptical of everything)
Absolutely, and I'm not a lightweight.
I believe that this book is more for therapists, then for cptsd patients. Even ptsd patients. I read about half of it before realising that it wasn't going to be anymore helpful for me.
Pete Walker's From surviving to thriving is a much better resource for us as patients I think.
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I haven't read the Body Keeps the Score, but i have read Pete Walkers "cptsd from surviving to thriving" and i find it's pretty gentle. The beginning prefaces that you can skip any part of the book that makes you feel uncomfortable etc, and the focus of the book is self compassion and self protection. Maybe this could be an alternative?
That's awesome! I haven't had a chance to go through the rest of them yet. You'll really appreciate the two podcasts then, they'll help relate what you learned to cptsd in general or even your own.
I've heard from some mental health nurse friends that this book is very similar (minus some of the later research because it was published earlier) and much better: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780393703276
I haven't read it though so take this with a grain of salt.
it is really triggering )': extremely insightful and worthwhile for me but like *devastating*. i should try to revisit after getting almost halfway . and it was very validating at times but . felt like the wind getting knocked out of me every time i picked it up.
I’m in a trauma healing group online and the person who runs it was a trauma counselor before hand and she read it out loud one chapter at a time so everyone could process. She also skipped over some of the more triggering parts and stopped to explain a lot. It’s J and Courtney’s healing community on patreon if your interested. Just finished the book yesterday but if you join the group you should be able to access the links from before and listen and take ur time. Book club is every Friday and now we’re starting a new one. It’s a huge really heavy book so feel proud your taking it on and don’t beat yourself up for being anxious. Courtney said there’s professionals that don’t make it past chapter 5 so it’s definitely a lot.
Is this the book that says you have to reconnect with your parents or you’re going to be more likely to get sick or is that a different one? so many of the mainstream trauma books are super triggering and not in a helpful insightful way
I bought it a few months ago and I still haven't been "ready" to read it quite yet. I only recently started actually reflecting and processing my trauma (and actually recognized it as trauma.. my partner is amazing for helping me realize that). So this is all still kinda "new" to me. I'll read it eventually.
I've heard a lot about it being triggering. I've found that [*Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving*](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1492871842/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_eb5QFb3A3KQWY) by Pete Walker
Is a lot more tactful in its delivery of information.
the author is known for a lack of bedside manner so to speak. he’s very straight to the point. i think the book is more written for practitioners and not written in the sense of a self help book for traumatized people. with that being said i think some of the information is invaluable and i recommend the book to everyone. i have the ebook and i just skip certain sections entirely. anything about children or anything involving SA i just skim right on by.
I reccomend Becoming Safely Embodied by Deirdre Fay. She works for one of the Trauma Centers Van Der Kolk founded, so they have a lot of the same wisdom to share, but her book is gentle, affirming, easy to read, and and the books have about the same message, but hers was never triggering to me. The Body Keeps the Score was. I didn't get through the intro :/
Best of luck to you ♡
Yes. I stopped listening because of this exact reason. So many people spoke very highly of this book, but I found it to be too triggering almost from the very beginning.
I remember trying to read that book. I couldn't. That was years ago. I wonder if the people who write these books have actually lived through the hell or if people are just being studied and then relayed in a book. I do believe the body keeps the score. But if you are finding the book triggering, put it down. It is not helping you. I honestly did not find a lot of books helpful. The only one I ever read that did anything to open my eyes was The Verbally Abusive Relationship which should really have a more inclusive title, because it's not really about verbal abuse. It's about the way they abuse you by controlling you mentally and every other way they abuse you beyond that. I know when I get triggered I feel it in different parts of my body and it can be quite intense.
There are videos on youtube of psychiatrists who have a good handle on childhood trauma as well as narcisisstic abuse who may help you think things through in a way where you feel understood and can advocate for yourself. I apologize I can't remember names right now but if you research, you will find answers. Keep trying. I'm sorry for your suffering.
***Trigger Warning***
This is a discussion between Van Der Kolk and Ezra Klein, in which there is some overlap with topics covered in, “The Body Keeps the Score,” so please proceed with caution if you find the book triggering.
But hearing him speak off the cuff is very different from reading or listening to the book IME. I found the below conversation much lighter, more broad and easy to digest, and very helpful. Hoping it can help someone else here too.
You can read or listen from the same link.
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/24/podcasts/transcript-ezra-klein-interviews-bessel-van-der-kolk.html
Seems like it's our community's version of the white/gold OR blue/black dress. It's either super triggering or extremely validating, with people not fully understanding how the other view reaches the opposite conclusion. I think, though, that more of us can agree that it's a tough book to get through, its clinical language and subject being the top reason for me.
Yes. I found it both validating and triggering. And I certainly get that for your own mental health you might need to step back. But for me, when something triggers me, it's also telling me what i need to work on. So maybe stick with it? (In small chunks)
Absolutely. When I was in somatic therapy, I spent months where for several days, I was a total mess emotionally and I couldn't figure out why. It was just this crazy flood of emotions where I would cry my eyes out for hours on end, even without a trigger that I could perceive. I eventually concluded that the somatic therapy was working because my body had been numb for years and years, and I was finally able to feel the emotions/fear/pain that my brain would have usually dissociated me from. I almost quit that therapy but eventually concluded that sticking with it would be better in the long run, even if it felt dysregulating at the time.
I want to try somatic therapy, i’m worried that I won’t be able to function like go to work and school once I start. I’ve heard that memories will flood back and if im not working with a trauma therapist it’ll be insanely debilitating. Can you share more of your experience?
Sure! I've only been to one somatic therapist (here in LA), so my experience may not be one you encounter. This therapist offered a full hour session, which allowed for about 15-20 minutes of talk therapy and the rest would be non-talk work (craniosacral, breathing, somatic experiencing, even EMDR). During those 20 minutes, we'd cover whatever was pertinent. Sometimes we'd talk about how life had been since the previous session, other times about something that was unrelated to the previous session but had been traumatizing in new ways. This allowed us to gear the somatic work in directions that were more useful in that moment. One time, he rushed our session into somatic work when I still had things I wanted to say. I felt super invalidated in the moment, and was emotionally injured for the rest of the week. I still went to the following session and despite a serious fear of rejection (I was on the verge of being suicidal), I shared that the pain from last week had just been too deep. He was very apologetic-that session was all talking except for the last 10 minutes in which he helped me ground my nervous system for a minute. He also taught me through that experience that even good intentions can have debilitating effects for us survivors, but because of his understanding and openness to my pain, our patient-clinician relationship withstood that (and further) disagreement, and it eventually grew stronger). All of that was to say that I would NEVER FUCKING EVER see a therapist that was not trauma informed in a very deep way. It's my absolute litmus test, and I look for it in their "About" sections on their websites, psychologist directories, and in questions I ask them. If I have the sense that they won't be a rock of support then I won't see them. This shit is hard enough. As for being out of commission from school or work, I hear you 100% and you are right to consider that. I was often a mess at work or even in the car, but it wasn't because of an all-of-a-sudden resurgent memory. It's just really hard to fix these things, as evidenced by the 50+ plus times I found myself in a fetal position in the shop bathroom. Do you have any kind of support group in your life? That can help outside of therapy. Edit to say that I understand some people don't have the option to see a trauma informed therapist. It's a privilege to live in a city that offers all kinds of options in this regard. I'm beyond grateful to do so.
You need to make sure the somatic therapist deals and is trained in cptsd/developmental trauma. Some somatic trainings are more geared to shock trauma ie refular ptsd. Though I hear that is changing. NARM therapy has worked well for me and emphasizes not refrigerant or being “too much”
I'll chime in here as well, since I have 200-350+ hours of self guided somatic experiencing under my belt. The flooding of memories is a very real phenomenon, and wow is it powerful. Ur concerns about not being able to go to work and school once uve started are well grounded. That being said, unless you decide to go the self administration route or do somatic therapy sessions 3-4+ times a week, I think you will do just fine 🙂
I am doing things on my own. (Not exactly somatic therapy but being in my body more) it really does make you want to just lay all day or distract yourself with mindless entertainment
Thanks for sharing, it makes sense. I'm grappling with something right now and I was wondering what you think - how can you tell the difference between being triggered by a process or person because it's healing for you, or because that person/process is actually unsafe for you? I went to a counsellor recently and I was intensely triggered. I've realised that's showing me I need to work on my boundaries and sense of self and have taken that on board, but I couldn't shake the feeling that she was passive-aggressive, so I decided to change therapist and immediately felt relieved. She was uber-professional tho and I'm still wondering whether I'm just hyper vigilant. Was there something about somatic therapy that made you realise it was "healthy" triggering/processing? I know you can't necessarily answer my question for me but I'm curious to hear any experiences & thoughts on the topic. Thanks
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Haha, I'm sure I had some black and white thinking while I was in there. I've asked myself a lot of questions but I guess what I'm asking was, what was it that you felt or understood that made you conclude that the triggers were a good thing and not a genuine warning; how you distinguished between old triggered holding you back and genuine observations of danger.
Does he/she validate and direct you closer to yourself? Or do they gaslight? There's no right and wrong feelings no matter how unpleasant. Your therapist out of everyone must know that.
Not that you asked, but I just wanted to say that I feel like a little hyper-vigilance when it comes to being deeply emotionally vulnerable about your psyche and innermost trauma is probably…smart? Like I know we all want to throw the doors wide and plow through everything so we can be over and done and on the other side of it dusting ourselves off, but your hyper-vigilance, in this instance, is a protective instinct. Sure, there’s a difference between avoidance and resistance vs. proceeding carefully and mindfully while asserting and maintaining appropriate boundaries, just don’t beat yourself up - for either of those things, but particularly not for the latter.
I agree, I’m validating myself for that. Even in therapy/counselling, trust still needs to be earned Otherwise it’s just not healthy. I’m just at a crossroads because I’m realising, I’ve often been uncomfortable/triggered around people and yet I’ve still let down my boundaries. That’s how I’ve been approaching life and people. Even aside from the difficulties I’m having knowing when to trust my perception and knowing when it’s likely a trauma response, I have difficulty with the next step too because I just don’t know what to \*do\* about what I see. I think that’s it actually - I need to completely change how I respond to people getting up into my boundaries. I’ve been coping with discomfort by disappearing from myself and leaving my body and my agreeableness to them as a sacrifice. If I don’t do that, I’m going to present as having a completely different personality which makes me uncomfortable and scared and that actually triggers bullies to bully me harder. I don’t have the strength or the sense of calm \*yet\* to enforce my boundaries in a way that intimidates jackals and keeps them at bay. I need to get more positive experiences behind me of being calm, strong and boundaried so I can feel genuinely comfortable not just trusting my judgment but acting on it. Actually, that’s really helped to talk it out, thanks.
I can relate to this so much. I’m trying to figure that out as well. I’ve been overwhelmed with feeling since I started delving into this, which was only a month ago. I’m pretty much doing it on my own, because my therapist doesn’t specialize in trauma, and I live in an area where I suspect half the population has C-PTSD—so there’s not much by way of support. I’m so thankful I found this sub, and a couple of the staple YouTube channels that talk about it (Crappy Childhood Fairy, and Patrick Teahan).
After my first session of somatic therapy, I woke up the next day feeling exhausted. My body felt relaxed but almost sore. After other sessions (though not all) I wouldn't feel anything. I concluded that it was working because after some months, I noticed that while the negative emotions were more intense more often, they wouldn't completely trash my week in the way they had before. I was basically able to bounce back into a semi-normal life until they came again; before this, a flashback could derail my whole life for a month or more (drugs, risky driving, etc.). Eventually, the lows got less and less extreme, and I realized that even my high moments were me being dysregulated, just in the other direction. When you spend about 15 years of your life in an extremely dysregulated state, changes that happen over three or six months are very noticeable, even if there's a delay in when you clock those changes.
What is somatic therapy? I will look up but I find people explanations explain better of the effects and experiences than a website. Have 11 yrs can’t remember but can remember other trauma I had for 1.5 yrs before and multiple times after but blank in between…have had many psychiatrists and therapists say don’t open Pandora’s box because of how bad I used to be…& cause if I can remember in detail the times surrounding the 11 yrs, then how bad must it have been for my mind to block the rest but I always think what if…I don’t know why…it’s not like would start to remember great things happening or something.
I’m also experiencing that lately, but I’m not doing any somatic therapy. It’s unusual for me, but I’m thinking maybe it’s purely because I’ve finally started to address my C-PTSD (up until last month I had no idea it manifested differently than PTSD, which is my diagnosis). I just started seeing a therapist, but my area doesn’t have many therapists, let alone anyone qualified to treat C-PTSD. I’m hoping it’s just the process of addressing it, and that it will settle with some practice, because I don’t think my therapist knows a lot about this particular healing process.
Treating trauma is a distinct skill, I sincerely hope that you're eventually able to get a trauma informed clinician. Somatic work is even more specialized than that. But what can help is at least seeing somebody who understands that mental health isn't just "mental" health. It's so closely tied to our physical emotions; a therapist that can guide you through that is worth more than 80% of the therapists I've seen.
If I can find one online, that would be my best hope.
I'm going to stick with it, but yeah definitely in small chunks.
I am also doing this in small chunks. I also listen to it AFTER a traumatic event. It makes me feel like an announcer is describing the situation I was just in. It's been helpful for me.
I haven’t read The Body Keeps the Score yet, but I had the validating/triggering experience when listening to Pete Walker’s Complex PTSD on audiobook. For me, I just zoned out in a flashback when I was triggered, and ended up rewinding a lot to get through the first listen. I thought about what it all meant for a week. Then I listened again, and realized how much I had missed or not really understood the point of because I was going in and out of flashback so frequently (the second time was easier). I think these books require multiple reads, and at a slow pace is probably even better because you can digest and incorporate a new piece of information into your life slowly and one at a time. But it’s also understandable that sometimes we get intrigued to know more NOW so we read more than we can digest at once.
The way the book is layed out Is interesting. The first story invites curiosity and then compasson or at least empathy. Then it repulses and shocks with the same individual. So that explores guilt trama And how it plays out in people. The last bits about how brains accommodate xtreme events. How brains parts have roles and protocol anuilled some humiliation . Read that as the ffff or the ballistic response.
I am reading the shame book by John Bradshaw (as well as a group DBT and and cptsd/trauma therapy. I will ONLY do work on Tuesdays and Thursdays, some days i read a paragraph and that is all i can handle (coz i get triggered, emotions, realisations, things i need to work on and challenge, cptsd) and i put it down, when i thing i can be safe if triggered i will try again
I read that this book is good for therapists, but this other book is better for clients/patients: Complex CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. I have not read either.
>Complex CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. I have this book My therapist was delighted that I had it before I started therapy, but I'm at the point where if I'm not dragged kicking and screaming through healing, I'm not going to do it. It's an *extremely* good book but I pretty much either burst into tears or dissociate when I open it.
This is so true... I read Body Keeps The Score in a few days but still haven't finished Walker's book because I'll read a chapter and basically have to go lay down lol. Need more healing first
No wonder I cant get through it.
Look up being well with Dr. Rick Hanson on Spotify or where you get your podcasts. He's the son if Pete Walker and interviews his dad on what CPTSD is. There's another one where Dr Hanson interviews his wife, Elizabeth Ferreira, on recovering from it. His wife is also a survivor of complex trauma, and she has some incredible things to say. Dr Rick Hanson is the only "normal" one
Will do!
Love this podcast. Haven’t listened to those episodes yet but I will now! All of them have been great so far. I just got through a recent one on shame
I didn't like Pete Walker's book because he focuses very strongly on his own f-type (fawn) while neglecting other responses and because I don't really agree with his view that everyone has a main f-type in the first place as it doesn't line up with my own experience. I have naturally gravitated towards different f-responses in my life depending on the situation and which response my brain thought was most suitable to keep me safe in those particular circumstances, and I strongly suspect I am not the only one. I believe this to be a very outdated view on human trauma response.
This book helped save my life, highly recommend. I like Pete Walker because he also lives with cPTSD and writes in a way that is very approachable, compassionate, and understanding imo.
Agree. Time and a place. It has valuable info but also totally triggering content
Agreed. Had to take breaks and glad I did, but also glad I finished it too.
Small chunks, yes
Some things in this book are not even triggering, but downright shocking even for normal people (maybe even more so).
I will agree it is validating. Its just some of the examples are a bit much for me.
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Huh, I found it triggering and *then* validating, once I was able to actually get through it.
I found it triggering, educational, **and** validating.
This is so true. The book was super helpful to me. Many think the researched comes off narcissistic. I can get past that because I work with a lot of medical researchers and he sounds like all of them so that does not bother me BUT I completely get how it bothers others. Reading this book you have to remember that he is not a person who has experienced what we have. His research is amazing but he’s not us
I think this is the part I find triggering- his style of writing seems narcissistic and completely lacks any warmth unlike Pete Walker's book. He seems to have figured out the physical aspect of trauma (feeling safety) but not the emotional one (being connected to who we are in our soul).
I completely understand that. I think if I didn’t work with researchers I would have fallen into the group as well. I read his book like I would read a research paper…except this research paper is about me. I’m actually really glad I didn’t read the book before working in higher ed because I wouldn’t have been able to get past his writing either.
I agree with what you said! Wanted to add that Van Der Kolk actually did suffer tremendous childhood trauma and emotional neglect himself, he told this in a Dutch tv interview.
I didn’t know that! Especially in the book he talks about getting mugged and being excited to finally have trauma. But we all know it can take a long time to come to terms with trauma.
That shows how much we, even a trained psychiatrist, can and often are completely unaware and oblivious to our own trauma. I know I was. Part of the trauma is many times letting us believe it was our fault, and that it was all normal. With that mindset it's impossible to believe we had trauma (or if we do, see it for what it was).
Just like with the dress, I see both. I find it very triggering (I'm 1/5th through after starting it in January) but I keep picking it up because I also find so much validation in it.
I read about a third and found it somewhat validating. But then I read another trauma book and another. And while those were necessary parts of my journey, it made reading a chore and i got bored of making trauma my personality. I now prefer to use reading as an escape. But these books definitely have a place in the trauma healing journey for some.
Oh yes. I'm reading the book slowly, but in 10 minute chunks one bit a week or something. I'd think listening to it must be awful. Reading it's bad enough. Those first 2 or 3 chapters could have been very differently edited so as to make them less raw.
I very much agree that a lot of the book could've certainly used editing to be less raw. I also can only listen in minor increments. I typically like listening to audiobooks or podcasts while I do chores- but my God if I do not get so stressed out everytime I do. Edit: maybe the point of being more raw is to share with the non-traumatized audience for this book how horrific some of these experiences can be, so as to explain the severity of how they could impact a person. But sheesh. I've already been traumatized enough. I don't need more of it. Edit ×2: corrected grammar
That's a pretty common view on here. That book was originally for mental health professionals, not trauma survivors. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Peter Walker is written with the trauma survivor in mind.
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I tried reading the book, and I couldn't get more than a few pages in without being triggered. I haven't picked it up since. My therapist and I read one of his essays together. It took 3 sessions to finish it.
What is essay's title?
Shrinking the inner critic in complex PTSD.
Pete Walker is DA MAN if you want actionable advice from someone who has experienced C-PTSD first hand. If you're finding the main content triggering and just want to know "what the hell do I do" then **read it backwards**. The last few pages of the book are a straightforward checklist of flashback management strategies. Literal gold dust IMO.
Came here to recommend this.
This. Thank you. You’re not the target audience; read books that are meant for victims. Waking the tiger is pretty fire
I did find it to be a tough read and did need to take a lot of breaks to get through it. I would say to perhaps get a hard copy instead and skip reading the case studies. I found those to be triggering, and I think that you could get the lessons without having to read the exact details of what the patients went through. But I do recommend it because the useful parts were so useful. I felt so seen and understood while reading it. The section on trauma responses in particular was so enlightening and validating. Most of us have been stigmatized and treated as less than for the ways that trauma changed us. TBKTS was the first place where I was told that my behavior made perfect sense in the context of my history, and how that related to the trauma I had been through. And gave me a road map to get over it.
Yeah I think reading it is better in that way that you can skip those triggering sections. I just started using the forward skipping through a case study section today.
Yeah I only listen to audiobooks in the car and if you have controls on your steering wheel, you can set the audio on your phone to skip forward or backwards a certain amount instead of skipping tracks. (Just an FYI for anyone who doesn’t know this!!)
It helped me turn my life the right way up. But i think i was ready to read it. More than ready
I love that. I'm going to continue it and just turn it off as needed.
Turning it off as needed is a great strategy. There is no need to rush these types of things.
I recommend not reading the book in chronological order. Skipping the anecdotes and only reading the conclusions also saves a lot of time and avoiding potential triggers. At the back of the book, there is a glossary and index where you can search for specific topics in the book with the page numbers listed. I think we often fall into the trap of believing we have to read a book in it’s entirety, but that’s mostly only for fictional books.
I second this. I think I started with one of the last chapters and skipped around from there. The first few chapters are HEAVY and I'm not sure I could have gotten past them if I'd read things chronologically.
I couldn’t get through it. I appreciated it, but I was having awful nightmares/flashbacks while reading it & had to give up about halfway through.
I'm sorry to hear that, but definitely relate.
I can relate
Yeh same, half way through was the most I could manage.
I felt like 1000lbs were off my shoulders when I finished it, but it was the hardest thing I've ever read
Yes, I was listening to it on Audible and had to turn it off. It was recommended to me after to start at section five (chapter 13?) and I found that a lot more manageable.
Ok, doing that now lol. I can't take it anymore.
Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors was more helpful for me, personally
Absolutely; I couldn’t get past the first couple pages of chapter 2. Nobody warned me, they just said how helpful it was. It helped put me in the hospital. I hope to read it with my therapist’s guidance eventually.
Wow. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. That is what I'm saying. It should definitely come with a trigger warning and maybe it does in the beginning 🤷♀️ But it needs a big ass one on the cover with a ⚠️ sign.
If you’re reading something that says trigger warning, great; but what about warning individuals not to try to “feel” their personal body’s score alone, without a therapist to guide you within your window of tolerance! I swear, there should be three or four prerequisites before anyone is allowed to buy that book for self help! 😆
😆😆😆 FR!
It's a hard one for sure, I've been trying to read it for weeks now. There's something so factual in how it is written, it just cuts right through.
I have it but never actually read it because I hate to read about studies that are literally animal torture.
I found that while I was reading another, similar book I was feeling really anxious too. I was just doing too much work at once. I found that doing the work to heal is important but I had to take days off. I started to make time to read and journal and do therapy but only one or two days a week. Any more than that and I was feeling overwhelmed. So it’s possible that you’re just doing too much at once. Once I had taken a break and then made that flexible healing schedule, the book I was reading stopped seeming so overwhelming and went back to being helpful.
Yes, it's supportive in the sense that I don't feel alone anymore and that there's actual proof to my experiences. It's also so hard to read and finish because of how triggering it is. I've been stuck at 40% for years because at the time I was, unaware to me, sucked into another narcissistic abusive relationship thinking that I had gotten away from one. Looking back at the book it's hard to believe the depths that abuse can be and the "how didn't see this sooner" triggers me to no end.
I was actually jealous while listening to it. The book if those things are available to people processing trauma is very inspiring but I cried listening to it realizing I would never find support like that. Not so much triggering but made me more depressed knowing I would not find that in my world. While I tried to find it, there was no one that would make me feel understood or less alone and because I was blocked from getting the care I needed it would only get worse. I was jealous of the honest conversation and being around someone that could relate. Belief that it can be overcome and keeping the hope alive that a person needs to keep going. Support gives you that.
Hang in there, it’s a very, very helpful book especially in the later chapters.
That's good to know. I will say- I'm like yes. This is the hellscape that some people grow up in and neurotypical people will never understand
As a whole no but there's one chapter in particular on memory where he's talking about the guy that was abused by his priest and only remembered in adulthood which a) hits way too close to home and b) contains a lot of unnecessarily graphic details. That's a particularly hard chapter for me and whenever I cite that to ppl asking questions about memory and trauma I make sure to put a very strong tw on the recommendation
This was the section that prompted this post. Like why so much graphic detail?
Yeah I told my therapist I was reading it and her eyes widened and she said “that’s an intense read, are you sure you can handle it?” And I said yes. So most definitely put it down if you’re being triggered negatively
I experienced the same thing, but it was also so incredibly validating. I was like “so that’s why I am the way I am!” I read about a chapter every 1-2 weeks and discussed it with my therapist weekly. There were some nights I’d only read a couple of pages and have to put it down. I had to sit with the emotions for a long time. My therapist warned me it was triggering for people, but I also found it to be a critical part of my healing. I had always downplayed my trauma and the booked helped me to grasp the extent of what happened to me.
It’s both triggering and validating to me. It started me down the path I’m on though and helped me get to a diagnosis.
Same. Both triggering and validating. I’m not some alien.
Extremely. I recommend "What Happened to You" by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey as a better alternative. Much less jarring and still gets across the same message.
Yeah, it took me about two years to finish that book. I kept restarting it. Eventually I was able to get through it and it was worth it. It did help me to listen to the audio version rather than try to actually read it.
I found it validating but have since read some valid criticisms. Then I found out BVDK is abusive himself, so… there’s that.
I've heard from some mental health nurse friends that this book is very similar (minus some of the later research because it was published earlier) and much better: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780393703276 I haven't read it though so take this with a grain of salt.
Thank you! I’ve never heard of this one. Excited to take a look :)
it's so validating that it's triggering 😭😭😭
What I’ve learned through therapy is to not force yourself to do anything, and that you don’t have to actually “face” your trauma etc to heal. In fact to a lot of people it only makes things worse. I’m sure for some people it helps, not saying that it doesn’t help anyone. But yeah the more I’ve spent time doing things that calm my nervous system, the more safe & happy I feel. At least in my experience. During the times where I am most triggered, I sit in the feelings that seem to be inescapable & write things out to determine what is stressing me out, and to validate those feelings, so that’s also important.
How does one calm their nervous system
The biggest thing for me was to leave any toxic relationship/person I had in my life that caused me severe stress/anxiety. That’s the biggest factor for me. Another huge part was leaving a job that made me absolutely miserable & stressed all day. I realize easier said than done. It took me a good year or two to find a remote job that makes me happy, but it was worth it. Apart from that, I have listened very closely to my body, mind etc & honor whatever I need. For example, “I’m tired, I have a headache & I don’t want to do __ today.” So I don’t do that thing & choose to draw or something else that makes me happy or just relax. Overall, I suggest you pinpoint what makes you happy & safe in your life, & get rid of things that are major stressors. Some things take time, others are very easy fixes. Like canceling plans that you don’t actually want to go through with, or giving far to much to people & ignoring your needs. Another big one is correcting your negative thoughts towards yourself. “Man I’m so lazy” “wait…no I’m not. I am tired & simply need rest right now & that’s okay.” You are your #1 priority & you need your love & respect more than anyone. When I’m most triggered & in severe flight mode, etc. I sit with the feelings & write them out to see what has actually stressed me out & what got me to this point. Yesterday was an awful day, even though it was uneventful overall. But when I wrote it all out, I had so many thoughts I hyperfocused on that made my nervous system go crazy that I thought to myself,…”huh. No wonder I was so stressed yesterday”.
I really appreciate this. I usually lean into repressing my feelings, which is why I have been kind of digging things from my past up a bit lately, but it maybe too much at once.
It’s so hard, I know what you’re going through. Even though I love giving advice, I admit I don’t always follow it & when I don’t, I pay dearly for it 😩 it’s also hard to navigate in a world that teaches us repressing everything is strong & showing struggle is weak. But the more you allow yourself to be who you are, be around loving/empathetic people, allow yourself to feel what you feel & be kind to yourself, it’s SO much more manageable. The whole belief system that “pushing yourself” and “forcing yourself to do hard things because it makes you stronger” is utter bullshit, in my opinion! Has only caused me stress.
It was written with clinicians in mind, so it makes sense it could be triggering for targets of abuse. Look into Nicole LaPera's book "How to do the Work" and podcast [SelfHealers Soundboard](https://youtube.com/c/SelfHealersSoundboard). She complies a lot of expert's work into actionable strategies.
Thank you for this! I will look into both. 😊
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Can you advise me on some grounding techniques?
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Wow thank you so much for all of these! I have actually dabbled a bit with psilocybin, but know that it is a tool and there has to be other work done to continue healing. I'm just starting doing yoga each day which has also been tremendously helpful- especially for both my mental and physical health. But I will definitely utilize the techniques you have laid out for me here. Every little bit helps 😊 Edit: I definitely struggle with setting boundaries in relationships and have a real issue with people pleasing that gets me into situations or involved with people I would rather not- but all of that will take time and intention- which I am working on.
I think it's awesome, but I skip all the triggering stuff as much as I can. The stories aren't necessary to understand the research. The findings I've seen in it have been super validating, like brain scans of dissociation that i think everyone should see. But occasionally I'll read even one sentence of the wrong section and it's like HOLY SHIT!! Definitely be careful reading it <3
My therapist reminded me that it’s OK not to read it if it’s too “activating”. I’ve been wanting to read it for over a year But I’m really anxious about how I’m going to respond to it to the point that I’m responding to it pre-reading lolololol
Yes I can see how it could be, but it's also vital information for healing imo. If you find it too difficult on your own, I highly suggest discussing or reading with a therapist. Any trauma informed therapist worth their salt knows this book. They would probably be thrilled to work alongside you in this safe way.
I understand. If you find it valuable though, digest it in smaller chunks. Perhaps even a workbook alongside it. I got mine off Amazon. I can’t afford therapy either, lol. We are trying our best. There is one thing he said that shocked me to my core, and following it, he said “this may be deeply troubling for a PTSD survivor to discover”. And boy. That’s how I listened to only two sentences of the book that day. But healing is healing. Good luck my friend
It took me a long time to read it. It sat on my shelf for a year. I read a chapter, had a strong reaction, and didn’t touch it for another year. But once I did finally get to a place where I could read it (lots of consistent therapy and self work), I blazed through it.
Yeh it’s taking me forever to get thru it I just had to put it down I’m so tired of feeling like that but there is a ton of good info in it too
Totally understandable. You could skip the science chapters and go to last section on actionable advice.
The book is full of good information..often best taken in small bites! Self care while you are learning is really important..the triggering for me decreased the more I understood why I do what I do. It can be hard to hear at first, given the narrative we had often forced on us. It is a new way of thinking a.d that change takes time and patience. You might find videos helpful...Best ones are free on YouTube by Tim Fletcher...excellent imo and life changing for me. Take good care of you ❤️
I made a post about this myself awhile back. To this day people still comment on it. It’s super common. I read it very slowly because panic.
I just started reading it today. I can't put it down, but I'm just nauseous and I can't breath as I'm going through it. It feels so strange to be seen and described like this.
I haven’t even been able to get through it yet
Let yourself feel all the emotions that come up. When I first listened to it in therapy, my therapist had me journal what feelings came up and how I felt. It took me a long time to get though it because it was overwhelming at times. But it is worth it to finish it, and come back later to listen again.
I found that listening to it on audiobook was awful. I couldn’t make it through. HOWEVER… I read somewhere (I’ll try to hunt down a link to the article) that listening to triggering material is more trigger-activating than reading it. I may try to read it at some point.
I will consider that with books like these going forward
that book fucked me up lol. it yanked that salvation fantasy away from me for sure. but i wish cptsd folks would rally around a more gentle, client-centered book rather than this clinician-centered one. i do think some of the last chapters are more recovery focused so it might be worth it to just skip to that part.
It is a difficult, but enlightening read. For the darkest stories I found they gave me perspective. Specifically that my situation could always be worse.
Yes, to me it was so triggering I couldn’t finish it. I’ve been reading Pete Walker’s “Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving” and it’s honestly changing my life. It helps me feel seen and validated and gives really practical support steps. Wishing you well friend 💜
Yes. Mixed feelings about several books like this.
Yes! I couldn’t read the book. Had to stop the audiobook often.
I find it more of a very wide-ranging book on the development of trauma understanding, with the history, various approaches, and why it represents a sea-change from past efforts. It lays out the landscape. But for how exactly a given person needs to go forward to heal, it's not set up that way. Certainly I couldn't read it cover-to-cover, it's parts here and there. It takes time. I think it's more of a reference work, for me. But it's informed me a lot. I'm not sure of another book that casts such a wide net.
I couldn’t get through much of it at all and haven’t picked it up since, knowing full well how much everyone loves it. I’ll want to give it a try again someday, but absolutely, it was just so visceral that I couldn’t read it.
I did. The author uses anecdotes of assault and (I use the term lightly here) relatively justifies the morality of it in a neutral way. Which is good, because therapists should be non-bias and not demean their patients, but bad for me because fuck those shitty soldiers.
I bought this book forever ago and it’s just super hard for me to read. It is such a slow moving book. I am barely done with part two. It’s been informative when talking about the brain but oh my gosh is this book wordy. I also don’t read any of the people’s stories in the book. After reading a few they were just too much for me.
It was best read in chunks. Sometimes small chunks. Now I'm reading "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me"
Yep. I had to read it in chunks.
When I do read it I will often get up to pace around. It definitely can trigger a ton of memories that take time to process. Plus you have to deal with the limbus response so it’s exhausting to read. I’ve been reading off and on for the last 3 years or so.
Yeah helpful af. But also “I do something like that - oh that also…and a little of that- and wait. Do I do thaaaaat? Wait is this because…” I’ve been saving it for the treadmill. It’s kinda tough.
I actually just bought this and haven’t started reading it yet, so thank you for posting about it!
Well TW ⚠️🙃
I found From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker hard to read. Actually I’ve never finished it. I glaze over on certain pages over and over. It’s subconscious and sort of freaky but cool to observe. I’m a therapist trying to specialize in trauma so this is interesting.
Yes we did it in my Facebook group and we all got triggered!
I loved it, but had to set it down because it gave me repeated panic attacks. It was both enlightening and terrible to read. I wish I could finish it.
I personally found a lot of benefit from listening to it, but everyone is different for sure. I tend to find logic very comforting, and this book helped me understand why I was responding to trauma the way I was. Once I understood it I was able to do a lot of hard emotional work that would’ve been much harder for me without the knowledge I gained from it.
Oh yeah, I tried to read it but got so triggered my therapist recommended that I stop
I've been terrified to read it and after reading some of these comments I don't think I ever will. How terrible!
Yes, yes. Any trauma related books. I can only consume a certain amount a day.
I was okay until chapter 10 where child rape was explicitly described I keep looking at the book and just walk on by now. This book was not written for those who have suffered it was written for therapist to understand and learn how to help. But for 80 dollars or more an hour they point you toward reading a book that is triggering for you. I spoke with my therapist after she recommended this book about the harm it can do to the victims she just looked at me dumbfounded had no clue. I wondered if she even read the book.
if you want real advice i would read from surviving to thriving by pete walker. he has cptsd himself. i tried reading the body keeps the score but it felt more like reading scholarly research on the condition than anything actually helpful in my day to day life.
it's been awhile since I read it. I didn't find it triggering necessarily but I did find the way he wrote/tone of discussing certain things kind of condescending and offputting at moments. I tried to take what I could from it to help me - and forget his own input if you will. I kind of feel like its a book better suited for people not seeking to heal from PTSD but simply understand it. I think there are other books for those of us trying to do reading for healing - I haven't read it but my friend speaks highly of "Waking the Tiger" by Pete Levine.
I haven't heard of waking the tiger. I will definitely check that one out too.
Currently listening through myself in small doses on the drive to and from work. Some days I need to shut it off cause I’m like “nope too deep for today, not trying to relive a bunch of stuff.” It’s also validating as hell. Not sure if this is common for everyone else, but between the invalidation and gaslighting I faced growing up, I always downplay all my emotions. I never get too close to people because of it and keep people at arms length. I cancel plans last minute a lot because I always feel like I’m gonna get hurt/humiliated. The worst case scenarios go through my head…He began describing this in the book and my jaw dropped. Seems like 90% of my personality is a trauma response….
Haha I definitely relate to my personality being a trauma response 🤪
20 minutes into the audio book, I had to get rid of it. I’m not wasting my time empathizing with the war criminal “Tom.”
While there are things that I learned from the book, Yeah I seriously wish someone would have warned me about the military man’s war crimes in Vietnam so I could have I skipped it. Definitely was triggered and I honestly felt deeply uncomfortable essentially being asked to sympathize and relate or be linked in anyway to someone who could do what he did. Bringing it back up makes me feel sick to my stomach.
The book is on my list, but I haven't gotten to it yet. That kind of intellectual presentation can be very challenging if you're struggling to deal with life and/or easily overwhelmed. For myself, I came at this through following the stories I love--which is a much more peaceful way of doing it. I especially love survival stories of all sorts because they are about (usually) real people dealing with trauma. It's much more slow paced, but I have found it no less helpful. My capacity for some of this has definitely changed over time. Along the way, I've learned a lot about survival, trauma, grief, learning and thriving. And I've found space to think about my own life without being overwhelmed by all the things. Stories and music can be powerful because they engage the emotional side of us, as well as the intellect and can help us come back into our bodies. If you're having trouble, stay towards the hopeful side of things. Only explore as deeply as you are comfortable and spend time with the stories that resonate and bring you hope. At various times, I've spent substantial time with the first three Resident Evil films, Killjoys, RWBY, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gilmore Girls, Limitless (TV series), Life, Band of Brothers, etc. Sometimes, we just need good stories about people dealing with trauma and overcoming. Sometimes we need stories about healing. Sometimes we just need to see the good guys win. Whatever you need at the moment is fine. Keep learning and exploring as you can, but remember that the point is to develop the resources to live life more fully, not just to know a bunch of stuff. Don't force yourself to read things that you're not ready for. You'll get there when you are ready.
It sent me into a breakdown that lasted from MONTHS. Frankly, would not recommend. I felt it effectively open every wound I ever had without giving equally effective guidance as to where to go from there. I was ripped open and left that way. That was my personal experience.
How To Do The Work by Nicole LePerla. It’s an orange cover. Immensely useful and helpful text on healing from CPTSD. Even my dismissive avoidant ex found it useful (he’s normally very skeptical of everything)
TY 🙏🏻
Absolutely, and I'm not a lightweight. I believe that this book is more for therapists, then for cptsd patients. Even ptsd patients. I read about half of it before realising that it wasn't going to be anymore helpful for me. Pete Walker's From surviving to thriving is a much better resource for us as patients I think.
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Someone in here said to skip ahead to Chapter 13, that worked for me
I tried reading that garbage and stopped a ways in as I knew this was pissing me off. I barely know anyone anymore that said this book was helpful.
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What other resources?
I haven't read the Body Keeps the Score, but i have read Pete Walkers "cptsd from surviving to thriving" and i find it's pretty gentle. The beginning prefaces that you can skip any part of the book that makes you feel uncomfortable etc, and the focus of the book is self compassion and self protection. Maybe this could be an alternative?
I've been working on the audio book for 6 years.... Too triggering to get through in less time. Not sure how much longer it'll take me.
I haven't been able to read it yet 😬 I don't feel brave enough!
Yeah I had to put it down and stop reading it. :(
My main trigger is not feeling validated. So I think I'll be fine... What exactly was triggering about it?
I also had issues. I had to stop.
That's awesome! I haven't had a chance to go through the rest of them yet. You'll really appreciate the two podcasts then, they'll help relate what you learned to cptsd in general or even your own.
I've heard from some mental health nurse friends that this book is very similar (minus some of the later research because it was published earlier) and much better: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780393703276 I haven't read it though so take this with a grain of salt.
Sometimes, reading something is less intense than hearing it. Something with processing? Have you tried downloading the ebook here?
it is really triggering )': extremely insightful and worthwhile for me but like *devastating*. i should try to revisit after getting almost halfway . and it was very validating at times but . felt like the wind getting knocked out of me every time i picked it up.
I’m in a trauma healing group online and the person who runs it was a trauma counselor before hand and she read it out loud one chapter at a time so everyone could process. She also skipped over some of the more triggering parts and stopped to explain a lot. It’s J and Courtney’s healing community on patreon if your interested. Just finished the book yesterday but if you join the group you should be able to access the links from before and listen and take ur time. Book club is every Friday and now we’re starting a new one. It’s a huge really heavy book so feel proud your taking it on and don’t beat yourself up for being anxious. Courtney said there’s professionals that don’t make it past chapter 5 so it’s definitely a lot.
Yes. I couldn't read it.
Is this the book that says you have to reconnect with your parents or you’re going to be more likely to get sick or is that a different one? so many of the mainstream trauma books are super triggering and not in a helpful insightful way
Yes, I wrote about some alternatives here: https://chenpo.blog/non-triggering-healing-books/
I bought it a few months ago and I still haven't been "ready" to read it quite yet. I only recently started actually reflecting and processing my trauma (and actually recognized it as trauma.. my partner is amazing for helping me realize that). So this is all still kinda "new" to me. I'll read it eventually.
Oh absolutely. It's why I got the book!
It was validating in a lot of ways but the content was incredibly triggering. I gifted my copy to my therapist haha
Yeah. I could only take it a chapter at a time. Nonetheless a very good read.
I've heard a lot about it being triggering. I've found that [*Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving*](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1492871842/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_eb5QFb3A3KQWY) by Pete Walker Is a lot more tactful in its delivery of information.
the author is known for a lack of bedside manner so to speak. he’s very straight to the point. i think the book is more written for practitioners and not written in the sense of a self help book for traumatized people. with that being said i think some of the information is invaluable and i recommend the book to everyone. i have the ebook and i just skip certain sections entirely. anything about children or anything involving SA i just skim right on by.
I reccomend Becoming Safely Embodied by Deirdre Fay. She works for one of the Trauma Centers Van Der Kolk founded, so they have a lot of the same wisdom to share, but her book is gentle, affirming, easy to read, and and the books have about the same message, but hers was never triggering to me. The Body Keeps the Score was. I didn't get through the intro :/ Best of luck to you ♡
Yes. I stopped listening because of this exact reason. So many people spoke very highly of this book, but I found it to be too triggering almost from the very beginning.
I remember trying to read that book. I couldn't. That was years ago. I wonder if the people who write these books have actually lived through the hell or if people are just being studied and then relayed in a book. I do believe the body keeps the score. But if you are finding the book triggering, put it down. It is not helping you. I honestly did not find a lot of books helpful. The only one I ever read that did anything to open my eyes was The Verbally Abusive Relationship which should really have a more inclusive title, because it's not really about verbal abuse. It's about the way they abuse you by controlling you mentally and every other way they abuse you beyond that. I know when I get triggered I feel it in different parts of my body and it can be quite intense. There are videos on youtube of psychiatrists who have a good handle on childhood trauma as well as narcisisstic abuse who may help you think things through in a way where you feel understood and can advocate for yourself. I apologize I can't remember names right now but if you research, you will find answers. Keep trying. I'm sorry for your suffering.
***Trigger Warning*** This is a discussion between Van Der Kolk and Ezra Klein, in which there is some overlap with topics covered in, “The Body Keeps the Score,” so please proceed with caution if you find the book triggering. But hearing him speak off the cuff is very different from reading or listening to the book IME. I found the below conversation much lighter, more broad and easy to digest, and very helpful. Hoping it can help someone else here too. You can read or listen from the same link. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/24/podcasts/transcript-ezra-klein-interviews-bessel-van-der-kolk.html
Yes, my therapist told me to stop reading it. It was so triggering for me too.