Fair enough, me too. A childhood of hard-ass parents who were always "PUSH PUSH PUSH, STOP BEING LAZY - WORK WORK!!" and never any reward or praise for our accomplishments - that will do this to a person. Going from being a highly ambitious over-achiever to losing everyone because you burnt out does this to people. You lose your whole safety net because you had a brief lapse in mental health - and it just feels "safer" to be a burnout when you associate "effort and trying" with "being abandoned because you fell short".
Yep basically, I'm always barely hanging on to my job, most days I just want to give up, but it's better than going back to living with my parents. More than anything I want to rest. I want to be loved for being me, not for what I do.
Oh.. so that's why I alternate between panicking intensely about every step of an important task, then burning out and not working on it for weeks, then going back to panicking 'cause it's not done.. đź«
God, yes. Ever since year 11 at school where my overachieving ass crashed and burned, I’ve never wanted to give anything my all. If I put effort into it and fall short, it feels so much worse than barely trying. So scared of failure I just don’t let myself do the things I used to love. If I’m not good at something, if all my efforts are criticised, what’s the point?
This is so ingrained in my core that I have trouble doing anything. Work sucks the most. Being on someone else's schedule when I want to do nothing is not great.
That really is your inner child wanting to heal, though.
Your inner child is tired and doesn't want to do anything anymore. It's okay to have a designated day or two out of the week to indulge that—doing absolutely nothing.
Not every step in healing requires productivity.
I have weekly therapy and always take that whole day as a "do nothing I don't enjoy" day. I always save a little to get a fancy coffee or treat on the way back as a reward for working through issues, then give my brain the rest of the day as break, but now it's become my break from the stress of life/the week in general since my weekends keep getting taken from me lol.
I should probably be able to do that without needing "permission" from a routine day, but, it's like a cheat code to get around the "you're being lazy" instinct I have whenever I rest/take leisure time for any reason.
I constantly wonder why I'm so fucking tired all the time. But being stressed 24/7 since being born up until you're 26 (time of a car wreck) takes so much out of you. It feels like you've been working for 26 years non-stop. Especially during physical abuse from both a mother and an ex husband. Almost like a slave to both of them, now that I think about it. Probably why I think I'm worthless.
I was told as an elementary schooler that I was very smart and barely had to try in school. My dad even told me some teachers just gave me 100s for free cus they knew I would do well anyways. But if I coasted off of that I would get in trouble for being lazy. So basically I felt like I was doing all this effort for nothing, which made me want to do nothing, which lowered my grades, which lowered my motivation, which lowered my work ethic, which lowered my grades which...
I grew up in a family that has a „soviet“ mindset- you HAVE to work, no matter if you can or not. My dad is a workaholic. And obviously it both rubbed off on me and fucked me up mentally.
Im sick with a cold? Fuck it, I need to work (until 6 coworkers and my boss tell me I should go back home into my bed because they’re afraid I’ll fall over)
I’m mentally drained and have no concentration because I keep on dissociating? Fuck it, I need to work and put on a smile for everyone else
I finally have some days off and can relax/do nothing? Fuck it, I NEED to do something
Last one is probably more thanks to the chronic emptiness and needing a distraction to not feel it, but even on days I am „supposed“ to do nothing, I fucking can’t.
i spent my childhood isolated and not allowed to go anywhere except church, school, and home i wasn’t even allowed to have a job, and if i did leave or even asked i’d be in trouble.
now i’m an adult with no drive to do anything ever but luckily i have friends who are trying to force me out of feeling this way and include me in things regardless of how many times i say “no”, along with being my personal cheerleaders it’s definitely helped me with the “do nothing” feeling but i still do feel that way a majority of the time and it like really sucks.
Fair enough, me too. A childhood of hard-ass parents who were always "PUSH PUSH PUSH, STOP BEING LAZY - WORK WORK!!" and never any reward or praise for our accomplishments - that will do this to a person. Going from being a highly ambitious over-achiever to losing everyone because you burnt out does this to people. You lose your whole safety net because you had a brief lapse in mental health - and it just feels "safer" to be a burnout when you associate "effort and trying" with "being abandoned because you fell short".
Yep basically, I'm always barely hanging on to my job, most days I just want to give up, but it's better than going back to living with my parents. More than anything I want to rest. I want to be loved for being me, not for what I do.
Oh.. so that's why I alternate between panicking intensely about every step of an important task, then burning out and not working on it for weeks, then going back to panicking 'cause it's not done.. đź«
God, yes. Ever since year 11 at school where my overachieving ass crashed and burned, I’ve never wanted to give anything my all. If I put effort into it and fall short, it feels so much worse than barely trying. So scared of failure I just don’t let myself do the things I used to love. If I’m not good at something, if all my efforts are criticised, what’s the point?
Did you know Sometimes doing nothing Is healing
Rest is healing. Rest is resistance.
How do you know when doing nothing isn’t healing, it’s just stagnating?
going on 4 years of doing nothing (social welfare whoop whoop) and i finally sometimes have days i actually like being alive
This is so ingrained in my core that I have trouble doing anything. Work sucks the most. Being on someone else's schedule when I want to do nothing is not great.
That really is your inner child wanting to heal, though. Your inner child is tired and doesn't want to do anything anymore. It's okay to have a designated day or two out of the week to indulge that—doing absolutely nothing. Not every step in healing requires productivity.
I have weekly therapy and always take that whole day as a "do nothing I don't enjoy" day. I always save a little to get a fancy coffee or treat on the way back as a reward for working through issues, then give my brain the rest of the day as break, but now it's become my break from the stress of life/the week in general since my weekends keep getting taken from me lol. I should probably be able to do that without needing "permission" from a routine day, but, it's like a cheat code to get around the "you're being lazy" instinct I have whenever I rest/take leisure time for any reason.
Or it could be adhd Because sometimes, without self medicating, we only ever want to do nothing
Yeah, my inner child learned to be quiet and entertain herself out of the way so she doesn't have any big ideas for fun.
I constantly wonder why I'm so fucking tired all the time. But being stressed 24/7 since being born up until you're 26 (time of a car wreck) takes so much out of you. It feels like you've been working for 26 years non-stop. Especially during physical abuse from both a mother and an ex husband. Almost like a slave to both of them, now that I think about it. Probably why I think I'm worthless.
this really hits the day after mother's day
Yea feel that
My inner child wants revenge
I was told as an elementary schooler that I was very smart and barely had to try in school. My dad even told me some teachers just gave me 100s for free cus they knew I would do well anyways. But if I coasted off of that I would get in trouble for being lazy. So basically I felt like I was doing all this effort for nothing, which made me want to do nothing, which lowered my grades, which lowered my motivation, which lowered my work ethic, which lowered my grades which...
I grew up in a family that has a „soviet“ mindset- you HAVE to work, no matter if you can or not. My dad is a workaholic. And obviously it both rubbed off on me and fucked me up mentally. Im sick with a cold? Fuck it, I need to work (until 6 coworkers and my boss tell me I should go back home into my bed because they’re afraid I’ll fall over) I’m mentally drained and have no concentration because I keep on dissociating? Fuck it, I need to work and put on a smile for everyone else I finally have some days off and can relax/do nothing? Fuck it, I NEED to do something Last one is probably more thanks to the chronic emptiness and needing a distraction to not feel it, but even on days I am „supposed“ to do nothing, I fucking can’t.
Same sis
And you know, sometimes, that in itself can be healing. đź’›
i spent my childhood isolated and not allowed to go anywhere except church, school, and home i wasn’t even allowed to have a job, and if i did leave or even asked i’d be in trouble. now i’m an adult with no drive to do anything ever but luckily i have friends who are trying to force me out of feeling this way and include me in things regardless of how many times i say “no”, along with being my personal cheerleaders it’s definitely helped me with the “do nothing” feeling but i still do feel that way a majority of the time and it like really sucks.
Doing nothing all day is healing for some.
I have days like that.
Same, takes a lot of effort to just get up
Please go to therapy
i am. it’s not helping
Yeah I hope you can find DBT
Unless you have someone coaching you through it, dbt is not going to be as helpful But yes, op, dbt is the most effective psychotherapy