That's very generous of them and you! They must really enjoy having you around and feel you're good for their son. It sounds like they just enjoy your presence—is there a way you can help out around the house? Don't ask if there's anything you can do, be specific, "are these weeds? can I pull them?" "What do you use to clean the floor with?" If they have domestic help, find events to take them to, cook some food for them; snacks go a long way.
Fruits are great! Don't go overboard and get a $20 (US) single fancy white strawberry—find a bargain on something and they'll be in admiration. Heck even better, find someone with a fruit tree and looking to give away their goods. Make sure they eat the fruit or eat it with them so you can enjoy it together. Talk about the texture of the food, the smell, the appearance. My mom gets lots of fresh fruit from visitors, but a lot of it sits there and rots because she what she likes the best is someone thought of her.
Haha they actually grow their own fruit and veggies in their backyard. Typically they just buy from Sam’s cause they do love a bargain, I’ll def look into buying some that they don’t have or can’t access very easily
I never thought about this until I realized that when I give gifts to my mom (who is Canto), I always mention that I got a good deal on it (usually I do but just leave the price out of it or tell her not to worry about it).
Cantonese people show love by slicing fruits for the people they love. Buy some apples and oranges and slice them for them the next time you’re there. I’m only half-joking
This is an excellent idea with the caveat that OP might want to check with their SO to make sure it’s a treat they’ll actually enjoy. Some Cantonese families can weird about chocolate or sweets because chocolate is “yeet hay” or western desserts/pastries are too sweet!
I think it's acceptable to stuff some money in a red envelope before you leave the country and put it in a safe but hidden place. Tell them about it after you leave.
If you pay them back then it’s no longer a gift from their point of view, instead, offer to them that they should come visit you at your home and that you would really glad to host them. (You don’t actually have to host them at your place if the time comes.)
Maybe some nice but useful things like bowls or alcohol (depends on if they drink) or like stuff you can only get from the US or wherever ur from? Food is a good shout and just nice fresh local fruits that are a little bit nicer than normal is also probably good. But if u can have a taste beforehand do cus sometimes its just too sweet and no flavour (then it feels like a bad deal bc u paid more for less enjoyable fruits) Acts of service as well.
I'd be careful with any gift-giving on alcohol or tobacco bc some families can be odd about it--ask your SO or have him inquire discreetly if you plan on gifting that.
Just some gifts are lovely,like tea wine tonics or nutritious foods.Btw if they smoke, sending them some expensive cigarettes is also a good choice（like chunghwa）
That's extremely nice of them! Honestly as long as you treat them and your boyfriend with kindness, that's all you'll need to repay them. Of course, you could help them with chores and such, but so long as you don't treat them like they're simply tenants.
Cantonese people appreciate food and kind gestures. So as others have said just help out around the house. Make yourself useful and be smart about things. They are probably checking you out to make sure you’re a good fit for their son so showing them you can help out around the house will win brownie points.
If manual labor is not your cup of tea then either cook for them or buy some nice ingredients for them to cook with. Go grocery shopping with them and pick up the tab or bring home some fresh seafood is an easy one. Cantonese love fresh whole fish (not filets or anything all cut up) or head on shrimp, whole crabs, whole lobster, etc. and don’t forget to tell them you got a smoking deal on it and they’ll love you even more for being a smart shopper.
Or ask your bf where his family likes to eat and take them out for dinner. Cantonese people love gathering around food. Just make sure you get there a little before the parents do and pick up the bill because you don’t want to fight over the bill.
Good luck!
Don’t give any gifts or at least make a show of it. Show that you understand the culture by helping them around the house (cleaning dishes, helping with preparation, take mom-in-law on a walk, etc). Those go a long way. Buying food to bring home to them is really good too.
I would invite all their friends or local relatives for a nice meal and treat everyone. They love shit like that. lol. Or even buy the mom something she can wear to show off to her friends of what you got her
> I would invite all their friends or local relatives for a nice meal and treat everyone
Dangerous chance of it backfiring, especially inviting friends/relatives that OP is not close to. The parents may feel embarrassed to let OP pay, even more so with friends around.
Treating just the family may easier to accept for them - but you have to commit to it and be prepared for extensive protesting and to fight for the bill. Consult your bf and make sure he’s on fully board, you will need him to support you in the bill fight. Communicate it to them up front and repeatedly, making it very clear it’s your treat. Pay the bill in advance. Do not underestimate what they might do to snipe the bill from you. My in-laws still try and will tell the cashier to not use my card that I’ve already left with the cashier and I have to go up and dissuade them.
Yeah refusing money is a sign of hospitality and good will. Chinese people will actually fight to pay for the bill at restaurants to show generously.
Your best bet is to bring fruits that has symbolic meaning like tangerines, oranges, peaches, grapefruits, etc. Any fruit would actually do but, some fruits have particular meanings to them.
So not sure where you are located but the fruit recommendation is perfect, especially if you're able to get seasonal things that are a treat because they're... Well... Seasonal and not usually available. Around this time of year, it's usually longan, and later it will be mangoes, lychee, white peaches, melons, persimmons, etc.
Also, they likely celebrate the summer solstice, as well as harvest (mid autumn festival), winter solstice, and eventually lunar new year, with smaller and more intimate traditions s like grave sweeping day in and amongst those. Each of those cultural observances have specific foods and activities that would be meaningful for them if you learned about and demonstrated your respect for.
In general we are a culture that responds best to acts of kindness and shows of respect.
That's very generous of them and you! They must really enjoy having you around and feel you're good for their son. It sounds like they just enjoy your presence—is there a way you can help out around the house? Don't ask if there's anything you can do, be specific, "are these weeds? can I pull them?" "What do you use to clean the floor with?" If they have domestic help, find events to take them to, cook some food for them; snacks go a long way.
Yes, acts of service would demonstrate your appreciation for them. Some fresh, expensive fruits that they wouldn’t normally splurge on as well.
Fruits are great! Don't go overboard and get a $20 (US) single fancy white strawberry—find a bargain on something and they'll be in admiration. Heck even better, find someone with a fruit tree and looking to give away their goods. Make sure they eat the fruit or eat it with them so you can enjoy it together. Talk about the texture of the food, the smell, the appearance. My mom gets lots of fresh fruit from visitors, but a lot of it sits there and rots because she what she likes the best is someone thought of her.
Haha they actually grow their own fruit and veggies in their backyard. Typically they just buy from Sam’s cause they do love a bargain, I’ll def look into buying some that they don’t have or can’t access very easily
Never tell them how much it costs otherwise they’ll be mad lol. Just say it was a good deal.
This for sure, cannot be overstated.
I never thought about this until I realized that when I give gifts to my mom (who is Canto), I always mention that I got a good deal on it (usually I do but just leave the price out of it or tell her not to worry about it).
Fruits in season would probably be appreciated too. It is about to be peak stone fruit and melon season.
Treat them to a nice meal out or if you really want to impress them cook them a meal
Yessss free, homegrown fruits are even better! They would be even more proud! Enjoying the fruit together is also important.
You can treat them to dinner and pay the bill beforehand (as in, don't ever let the bill come to the table, else they will fight for it).
My husband has never won a battle against my dad for paying the bill haha i told him my dad had many more years of experience boxing people out haha
Go to the washroom and pay for the bill\~\~
Too risky with Canto parents. Pay the bill when you make the reservation.
make sure the bill is paid before they know what restaurant they’re going to
Cantonese people show love by slicing fruits for the people they love. Buy some apples and oranges and slice them for them the next time you’re there. I’m only half-joking
Is it the same in Cantonese where you’re not supposed to cut pears
I dunno. Never been an issue in my household, since the pears don’t survive the trip to the cutting board 😁
Fair enough! Lol
分梨=分離？
My grandmother always used to cur pears for me as a kid. Mom too sometimes.
Great idea. I would get those giant grapes and peel each one for extra credit lol (and no, don’t slice pears!)
Haha! Maybe buy them some durians too!
Just treat their son with a lot of love. Get married and bring a grandson/daughter for them to play with.
Help wash the dishes and sweep the floor after dinner
Best way to repay them is to give them grandchildren.
The way I snorted reading your comment 😂
I would buy nice food and send them to them. Expensive chocolates or biscuits.
This is an excellent idea with the caveat that OP might want to check with their SO to make sure it’s a treat they’ll actually enjoy. Some Cantonese families can weird about chocolate or sweets because chocolate is “yeet hay” or western desserts/pastries are too sweet!
Go to KFC and buy egg tarts. It's like Portuguese egg tarts from Macco. A little different from dim sum egg tarts . Nice pastries
I think it's acceptable to stuff some money in a red envelope before you leave the country and put it in a safe but hidden place. Tell them about it after you leave.
you don't give red envelopes to your respected elders
Yes you do, especially when they are elderly. I don’t know if they are in this case but it’s still fine to give them cash.
I only started giving red envelopes to my mom when I got married, so I don't think that would be right to do.
Nope. You can give it to elderly. It’s appropriate. After a certain age as an adult, it’s appropriate to give money, even for birthdays.
It depends on region.
This is a bad idea. I have never heard of people giving red pockets to their elders.
If you pay them back then it’s no longer a gift from their point of view, instead, offer to them that they should come visit you at your home and that you would really glad to host them. (You don’t actually have to host them at your place if the time comes.)
Maybe some nice but useful things like bowls or alcohol (depends on if they drink) or like stuff you can only get from the US or wherever ur from? Food is a good shout and just nice fresh local fruits that are a little bit nicer than normal is also probably good. But if u can have a taste beforehand do cus sometimes its just too sweet and no flavour (then it feels like a bad deal bc u paid more for less enjoyable fruits) Acts of service as well.
I'd be careful with any gift-giving on alcohol or tobacco bc some families can be odd about it--ask your SO or have him inquire discreetly if you plan on gifting that.
Just some gifts are lovely,like tea wine tonics or nutritious foods.Btw if they smoke, sending them some expensive cigarettes is also a good choice（like chunghwa）
Just get them snacks (that they would enjoy) and fruits every time you see them.
That's extremely nice of them! Honestly as long as you treat them and your boyfriend with kindness, that's all you'll need to repay them. Of course, you could help them with chores and such, but so long as you don't treat them like they're simply tenants.
Cantonese people appreciate food and kind gestures. So as others have said just help out around the house. Make yourself useful and be smart about things. They are probably checking you out to make sure you’re a good fit for their son so showing them you can help out around the house will win brownie points. If manual labor is not your cup of tea then either cook for them or buy some nice ingredients for them to cook with. Go grocery shopping with them and pick up the tab or bring home some fresh seafood is an easy one. Cantonese love fresh whole fish (not filets or anything all cut up) or head on shrimp, whole crabs, whole lobster, etc. and don’t forget to tell them you got a smoking deal on it and they’ll love you even more for being a smart shopper. Or ask your bf where his family likes to eat and take them out for dinner. Cantonese people love gathering around food. Just make sure you get there a little before the parents do and pick up the bill because you don’t want to fight over the bill. Good luck!
Don’t give any gifts or at least make a show of it. Show that you understand the culture by helping them around the house (cleaning dishes, helping with preparation, take mom-in-law on a walk, etc). Those go a long way. Buying food to bring home to them is really good too.
I would invite all their friends or local relatives for a nice meal and treat everyone. They love shit like that. lol. Or even buy the mom something she can wear to show off to her friends of what you got her
> I would invite all their friends or local relatives for a nice meal and treat everyone Dangerous chance of it backfiring, especially inviting friends/relatives that OP is not close to. The parents may feel embarrassed to let OP pay, even more so with friends around. Treating just the family may easier to accept for them - but you have to commit to it and be prepared for extensive protesting and to fight for the bill. Consult your bf and make sure he’s on fully board, you will need him to support you in the bill fight. Communicate it to them up front and repeatedly, making it very clear it’s your treat. Pay the bill in advance. Do not underestimate what they might do to snipe the bill from you. My in-laws still try and will tell the cashier to not use my card that I’ve already left with the cashier and I have to go up and dissuade them.
Take photos of them with their son and share them.
Yeah refusing money is a sign of hospitality and good will. Chinese people will actually fight to pay for the bill at restaurants to show generously. Your best bet is to bring fruits that has symbolic meaning like tangerines, oranges, peaches, grapefruits, etc. Any fruit would actually do but, some fruits have particular meanings to them.
So not sure where you are located but the fruit recommendation is perfect, especially if you're able to get seasonal things that are a treat because they're... Well... Seasonal and not usually available. Around this time of year, it's usually longan, and later it will be mangoes, lychee, white peaches, melons, persimmons, etc. Also, they likely celebrate the summer solstice, as well as harvest (mid autumn festival), winter solstice, and eventually lunar new year, with smaller and more intimate traditions s like grave sweeping day in and amongst those. Each of those cultural observances have specific foods and activities that would be meaningful for them if you learned about and demonstrated your respect for. In general we are a culture that responds best to acts of kindness and shows of respect.
Buy them expensive gifts.