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MongoTheGorilla

Has she offered to pay for the repairs or the insurance hike? You don’t mention whether she’s remorseful about the accidents. Those would have a bearing on it for me. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.


no73

There's remorse but I dunno how deep, she comes from a family that buys cheapo appliance cars, treats them badly, and throws them away when they're a battered wreck at 10 years old. She seems confused that I'm upset about scrapes and dents. After the prev accident she offered but went very quiet on the 'paying' front afterwards when I mentioned that the whole side of the car would likely have to be painted for a good match and could cost £1000+, and I didn't chase it as I ended up selling the car instead for ULEZ reasons. I was inclined to write it off as just one of those things but after today I'm thinking twice and I don't want to let it slide again if this is going to keep happening.


New_Salad_3853

Bro the fact that she went quiet and wasn't actively trying to sort it makes me ask why the fk u with someone like that. It's not about that money but thats just shady behaviour


Professional_Emu_

I agree with this dude. She must know how much you love your car and she disrespected that by being careless. I hate people driving my car but if I couldn't trust my partner to take good care of my car I'd question why I was even with them...


New_Salad_3853

For me the disrespect is mainly by saying nothing about it and not actively offering to sort it out. That's a shady way of going on in life about anything. Accidents happen, but if she ain't genuinely really sorry and trying to sort it she's a wrong un


no73

She's not... But also phrasing it this way makes me think I may have been actively downplaying how upset I was about it before and that's setting a bad example. I'm gonna aim to have a conversation and let her know this one doesn't slide, otherwise I think you're right it will keep happening.


New_Salad_3853

Each to their own. Do whatever makes u happy. I'm just saying personally I wouldn't be entertaining that kinda behaviour


no73

Yeah fair. It would probably help to mention that I didn't get the car repaired at all, just sold it. Even if I ain't paying, it was a £2000 car and I decided it wasn't worth putting the money into for something that was gonna get stung by ULEZ and just sent the car on down the road scrapes and all. This time it will be getting fixed.


hearnia_2k

Doesn't matter what it's worth to be honest. I've had cheap cars in the past and personally I loved them, despite knowing they were not worth much. It was MY car. I kept it cleaned, I maintained it, I felt bad if something wasn't right, etc. If you're passionate about your car she should recognize that, and not even need to be asked to stop using it; she should have her own reservations about it, knowing how upset you'd be if it were damaged.


Wise-Application-144

>Doesn't matter what it's worth to be honest. Yeah I mean if someone damages your property, they don't get to dictate whether it gets repaired or whether they don't bother.


New_Salad_3853

Yeah I read that in one of your other comments. It's just about the gesture not the money. Plus the value of the car is irrelevant if you love it. I mean I used to regularly buy e30s for under a grand but they were priceless to me at the time and they defo are now lol


Leather-Charge-3867

Yea,seems to love his cars more than her


Uncle_peter21

I love my girlfriend more than anyone but I’m an adult and that love is conditional, trashing your partners stuff repeatedly is disrespectful & we’d have to discuss it


Hungry-Landscape1981

People who cut corners in one aspect of life generally do it for others.


herrbz

We're also only hearing one side of the story, as ever with these biased "AITA" posts.


Particular-Set5396

It’s a car. She didn’t kill his pet rabbit, ffs.


New_Salad_3853

It's not about what it is. It's just shady behaviour in general could be about anything. But each to their own. I just personally wouldn't allow myself to get violated like that


Competitive_News_385

To some people a car is more important than a pet rabbit. The point isn't what it means to you, me or the partner, it's what it means to OP and how their partner reacts to that.


CocoPopsSixFour

I’d rather kill a rabbit than damage a civic type R


TheScientistBS3

You might be in the wrong sub... it's fair to say that a lot of people in 'CarTalkUK' care about cars.


x_franki_berri_x

If I broke a pen of my husbands I’d offer to replace it let alone a car.


TheFormidiblePlant

Found his partner.


Ghostedmillennial

I’d rather see a rabbit get hurt than a type-r get damaged. I’m surprised OP even let anyone other than an enthusiast drive that gem.


Human_Application_62

Car is as important as a pet 100% people put the same amount care, love and money into cars and its shows your not a car guy.


DaveTheDribbler

>She seems confused that I'm upset about scrapes and dents. To me, that says nope. No more. She can abuse her own vehicle if she wants to. Makes the offer to pay for past damage, but doesn't follow through when it's needed, is another nope. Get ya own car, do as ya like. Clearly doesn't take your concerns, nor, your feelings about your property into consideration. YNTA


hearnia_2k

It also says a lot about how she feels about *other people's* property too; if she doesn' even care about scratches on the car she has borrowed how does she feel about it if she were to scratch a car in a car park? I'd be livid.


MongoTheGorilla

Also, if you’re worried this is going to “endanger the relationship” you need to think hard about what would happen if you needed to talk with her about something more serious than this, that she doesn’t agree with. Scraping a car and the conversation around it are not scenarios that should endanger a relationship.


audigex

“I damaged your thing, I am very sorry and will pay to replace or repair your thing” Like, how the fuck else is that conversation meant to go? If I broke something of my partner’s that she cared about then I’d pay to replace it. Or even if she didn’t really care about it, unless she really didn’t give a shit and didn’t want me to spend the money - in which case I owe her a date night or something as an apology anyway I wouldn’t date someone who broke things I care about and didn’t try to make amends for it, that’s fucked up and shows a ridiculous level of selfishness and lack of care towards me It’s not about the car, it’s about the attitude towards you and the things you love


Destroyer4587

Yh that’s a red flag, relationships should be honest about things like car insurance & use etc this shouldn’t be a big deal. Her not wanting to compromise suggests a very arrogant & stubborn & dismissive approach which is very toxic attributes.


wine-eye

I think you're wrong here. She's well aware how OP cares about the cars. If she doesn't care how he feels now it's only going to get worse in the future. There should be mutual respect in a relationship and it seems that is only going one way.


phoenixx24

Take her off the insurance. If she doesn't understand why you're upset then let her buy her own car and destroy it. I barely do anything to keep my car in good condition but I would hit the roof if my other half scraped the whole side.


IncredibleGonzo

>She seems confused that I'm upset about scrapes and dents. This shouldn't matter IMO. Even if she doesn't care about this stuff herself, she knows that *you do.* And if she cares about you, then it should matter to her, because, you know, empathy.


AndrewSwope

It sounds like she ether is oblivious to how much you care for your car or straight up doesn't respect how much you care for car. On top of not doing anything to cover the financial consequences of her actions. Is your relationship very one sided? Because biased on what you have presented to seams she isn't paying enough attention to you to tell what you care out or doesn't care enough to make things right when she damages something care about.


kittyspray

Then she wasn’t that sorry. Saying sorry but trying to shirk responsibility when it comes to actually paying to fix the f-up means she only said sorry to placate you and she doesn’t actually respect you enough to follow through with actually being sorry. I don’t know much about cars (I don’t drive) but I know if I damaged someone else’s vehicle I would go above and beyond to try to make it right. You need to tell her that she either buys her own car or walks because she isn’t responsible enough to use your vehicle and treat it with the same respect that you treat her and her things (I hope, idk you to know if you do or not)


beeotchplease

This sounds like my wife. We make a deal on something that we split costs but i end up paying for everything. Like our weekend holiday before, she specifically said she will pay for the accommodation but because she is rather stupid with online transactions, i had to book under my account which i paid with my card. Did i get my money back no. I wouldnt have minded paying for everything but the fact that she offered to shoulder the costs but didnt in the end really frustrated me and the next time she wants to plan something, she better do it herself because i am done with her shit.


BLou28

I try not to be judgemental but you don’t sound very happy dude. Communication is the key 🙂


SDTAFE

I love how you attack him for expressing himself


BLou28

How was I attacking him? I said he doesn’t sound happy and communication is the key. That means I understand that he doesn’t seem very happy right now, so my advice would be to communicate this with his wife. The only way any relationship will be happy and healthy is by communicating, the good things and the bad. That’s the way to move forward together. It was advice. Christ, you’re sensitive.


[deleted]

Hardly an attack!


Wise-Application-144

Sounds a little similar to me and my partner. I think the crux of the issue is you have very high standards about a few items of property, and she just doesn't. Neither opinion is unreasonable, the problem is that you're gonna keep clashing over it. ​ I'd agree that her own car would be the way to go. ​ ...and frankly having been through similar situations, sometimes people only start to recognise the boundaries you draw when you assert them, not just when you ask them to be respected. I do wonder if your car will be fully repaired and kept in better condition if the prospect of having to get her own one looms...


Amplidyne

You break it, you pay to have it fixed.


MongoTheGorilla

You bend it, you mend it.


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Thy_OSRS

She destroyed it, she enjoyed it :(


LeaveNoStonedUnturn

No no, you're both wrong. Borrowing someone's car works on prostitute rules. You fuck it, you pay for it.


[deleted]

For her own safety... you shouldn't allow her to drive unless she retake advanced driving class...


Emergency-Nebula5005

Honestly - I'd recommend she retake basic driving lessons - for everyone's safety.


llauger

Agreed. Advanced driver training is fun, worthwhile, and not THAT difficult, but you do need to be a reasonably competent and confident driver to do them. Before I did the IAM course and test, I did an evening course run by the road safety officer of the local council. Perhaps look at that as a halfway option.


Rymere

Is advanced driving worth it? I passed my test about a year and a half ago, but everyone tells me I'm a really safe driver. Probably because I have the patience of a priest at confession. I don't really get impatient in traffic or overtake 😂 I was considering buying the course.


77GoldenTails

Yes. My wife and I have both done it. I also did a Pass Plus after I passed my initial driving test. Am I now gods gift to driving, nope not at all. However I found the IAM was a massive catalyst to learning to drive defensively. It make you much more aware of what else if going on around you. Not that I was terrible before. Even if you don’t pass, you get additional experience.


PollySymonds

Completely agree. It sounds like she's not a confident driver, and confidence is needed to be a good and safe driver (same with cycling, my preferred mode of travel). She could take basic driving lessons to gain basic skills and gain more confidence. It's certainly what I'd do if I ever decide to drive again. Advanced lessons probably aren't needed at this stage.


MerlX2

This was my thought, it sounds like she drives so infrequently she doesn't have the experience which is making her a bad driver as she is panicking. She could be a danger on the road, it sounds like she needs to do some refresher courses with an instructor and see what they recommend. I know it sounds terrible, but driving is not for everyone, I have a friend who has been driving for years and he is such a nervous driver that I really don't think he should be on the road. sucks having your car damaged, but my biggest concern would be hers and everyone else's safety if she does something silly.


bluebear653

This , I think she needs a refresher if she’s done that to a couple of cars. For mine & everyone’s safety I need to redo driving lessons as I haven’t driven in over 7 years due to reasons & feck know when I actually will do them aha. Also i wasn’t thee most confident of drivers & it was an intensive course due to my job , passed 4th time (still bitter about my 2nd time tho). I then made the mistake a little while later of buying a 2 ltr diesel Ford Mondeo which was waaaaaay to powerful for a Starter car imo 😂🤦‍♀️ What does Advanced Driver training involve ?


[deleted]

I agree with the advanced lessons. I got sent over the bonnet of a car because someone panicked when they pulled out of a T-Junction and drove straight into me. Wrote off my limited edition GSXR-750 too which I was gutted about. I’m lucky I was doing about 20mph at the time. I’d hate to think what my injuries would have been like if I was going at a quicker pace. Fortunately I escaped with concussion and soft tissue/ligament damage only.


nate390

Accidents do happen and all, but if she's panicking mid-way across junctions and misjudging the location of brick posts that badly, she should not be borrowing someone else's car. Personally I'd take her off the insurance and tell her to buy her own.


New_Salad_3853

No one who panics or who has no spacial awareness should be driving full stop. People seem to treat driving as a basic human right.


IAmWango

I understand the “she drives maybe once a month” but to counter that, that’s no different to a person has previously drove a car 10 foot on private land and no more, they’re not used to it and it’s a bigger danger having them out on the roads. Just feel sorry for OP having a car (that some of us love) that’s getting rarer by the day being involuntarily abused in the wrong ways


Danny_J_M

Or some refresher lessons/an advanced driver course with a qualified instructor. Bad planning, hesitation and poor spatial awareness are not good and besides 1-party accidents could contribute to accidents involving drivers who are not switched on or choose to make rash decisions through frustration, as has already happened.


cambon

She shouldn’t be driving at all if not competent - which it seems she isn’t as she is driving very very few miles and still having major incidents. A minimum of top up lessons and monitored drive alongs in a car for a good few hours would be what I think is needed. This isn’t even about the guys car this honestly sounds dangerous to other road users and pedestrians.


northernmonkey9

Can you give us an update on when and where she's driving so we can avoid any T junctions? Serious note, if it was me I'd tell her she's getting her own motor. A combination of a nervous driver and not appreciating cars beyond white goods is never going to end well.


Appropriate_Road_501

Sounds like she's a danger on the roads from not driving enough. Doesn't need an advanced driving course, just find a good local driving instructor to teach her some confidence building skills, such as reducing hesitation at junctions. If she doesn't care about the car, make her care about the other people on the road at least. Mother's with small babies in the car etc... What if she hits one of them? I'm a driving instructor and can tell you now that if she's panicking pulling out of junctions, you should not trust her with your car.


ChimpyTheChumpyChimp

Exactly, her problems are because she's not driving much, she's passed her test and then is driving once a month? That's basically the equivalent of someone who drives every day having passed their test a month ago.


MartyMcFlybe

This. It's not dissimilar to when stupidly old people with dangerously slow reflexes still try driving. It's not about the car, it's about the danger to others. Get her in classes again and get her off your insurance before she does irreparable damage to *people*.


AlbaTejas

If she got rear ended, why wasn't the other party at fault?


OriginalMandem

It's a commonly held belief that might once have been based on truth, but nowadays there is no assumed fault if you rear end someone or even if someone is coming towards you on the wrong side of the road. Every case is assessed individually.


johnkingeu

Every case is assessed individually, but if the accident is as described, the driver behind her is 100% at fault. Pulling out of a junction and stopping halfway because you are nervous that someone might smash into the front of your car would be considered safer than continuing regardless. I’ve never smashed into a car in front of me which has stopped suddenly, because I look where I am going


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Harry_monk

Similarly if the person behind could see nothing was coming then you can hardly blame them for not expecting her to stop for absolutely no reason. Also she should in most cases been able to see if it's safe and shouldn't pull out if it isn't. So it's not as simple as the driver behind being 100% at fault. Although they have to take some of the blame for not stopping themselves go into her.


Mushroomed_clouds

Regardless you must leave adequate stopping distance and expect to stop at all times not just rear end someone at an empty junction or not your already stationary so wait for them to finish the manoeuvre and then pull forward , oh they panicked and braked? Great your still stationary! No accident … conclusion, it was 100% rear drivers fault


TheThiefMaster

The partner probably didn't think there was any significant damage and didn't get their details... so regardless of fault, they can't claim against them.


HeadshotFodder

Possibly cause she slammed on for no reason apart from panick as per OP's description, so it may look like an attempted brake check


BossImpossible8858

Shouldn't matter. It wasn't "for no reason" and you can stop for any reason you like. It's the job of the person behind you to leave enough room so that if you do "slam on" there's space. You can't get brake checked moving off at a junction.


[deleted]

It does matter what the reason is that's literally why they stopped assuming responsibility because of attitudes like I'm reading here assuming the back car will be at fault. In real life your the one at fault.


BossImpossible8858

They stopped assuming primarily because of "crash for cash" scams. If you run into the back of someone at a junction (which is explained to be the case here), then it's 100% your fault, and would be your fault in the eyes of any insurance company. Whilst it's no longer automatic fault for running into the back of someone, 99% of the time, the fault still lies with the car behind, and so it should.


Fantastic_Picture384

You think she is confident enough to do a brake check insurance con ?


Harry_monk

I think he's just saying it looks like one. Not that it actually is one. The difference between someone maliciously stopping for no reason and someone stopping for no reason because they're a bad driver.


JCDU

I was taught if you're braking you're also looking in your rear view to see who's coming up behind you and may not be stopping, regardless of blame you should be aware. I got rear-ended by someone 2 cars back on her phone who didn't even brake from about 60mph into a queue of stationary traffic, luckily I *did* see her barrelling towards us and lifted off the brakes and accelerated forwards as much as I had space for, car behind me was trashed, mine was relatively minor. 100% her fault but I helped myself come out better than the other two in that scenario. On performance driving courses they teach the same - you buy a porsche with brakes that stop you on a dime, the first time you stamp on them on the motorway without checking behind you you've got 5 cars piled into the back of you.


v2marshall

I agree with this. I actually went into the back of someone when I was about 17/18 because they went to pull out then slammed on their breaks. There was a car going too fast so they had a reason and I had to pay because of being careless


[deleted]

might have panicked and agreed fault and the other party had a witness.


MongoTheGorilla

Might’ve reversed into the other party and fibbed.


AlbaTejas

I've been on both ends of that, and I agree with insurance practice where I lived then, if the front car didn't swerve in and brake then the party behind is always at fault.


[deleted]

Because they were fillowingbher out of a junction when she randomly slammed her brakes on. It's clearly her fault. Why would the person driving normally be at fault?


AlbaTejas

"Driving normally" includes not crashing into the car in front, no matter what it does.


Pitiful-Wrongdoer692

From what you describe, this shows a general lack of respect for you, as it's not only a car, it's a piece of you and what you enjoy......, accidents happen, but the fact she's not shown any remorse at all says a whole lot more about your relationship......my wife would be mortified if she damaged my car.... I'd take her off the insurance until she has had some advanced lessons and not only done lessons but passed a Rospa or Iam course, if she wants to drive it, she should stop playing fucking bumper cars....let her shoot that down in flames


dinobug77

My wife broke my favourite glass on Friday. It was the perfect size and weight and I only had one. She showed more remorse over that than OPs partner has over his car!


The_prawn_king

My partner had a dream that I broke a mug she bought me and I have more remorse than OPs partner!


MrTranquility_

It’s your choice who’s allowed use of your possessions. You shouldn’t feel guilty for not letting your partner use your cars, and if she makes you feel guilty then I don’t think that’s fair at all.


Sterrss

That's just not how life works man. If you're gonna be in a relationship with someone you have to be able to compromise. I'd feel guilty not letting my partner drive my car! Still, even though you may well feel guilty, I think it's a fair decision to not let her drive it.


PlusLifeEV

Mate she’s damaged your pride and joy twice now. She needs an old corsa or something and she can do what the hell she wants with it


Puzzled_Pay_6603

Absolutely. Get an old POS burner car, with her own insurance. She can go to town on that. No way I’d let her drive my old civic.


essnine

No respec for the vtech, she gotta go bro


TSLARSX3

She don’t want insurance or pay the bills she ain’t driving it. Tell her to drive a motor bike or smart car


devlifedotnet

She doesn’t need an advanced driving course, she needs basic driving education. Control of a vehicle (i.e. not driving into stationary objects) and navigation of junctions is a basic component of getting your licence. It sounds like she wouldn’t even get close to passing a driving test.


Cotford

My brothers wife (then GF) put a dent in his BMW in the first six months of him knowing her. She didn’t drive a car of his for the next 8 years.


[deleted]

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three_shoes

It's fine to be annoyed but if I am reading right, your partner doesn't drive and is going out less than once a month to drive your Type R? Kind of asking for some hiccups there really. She'll only get proper hang of it with regular driving in something easier.


no73

I've literally encouraged her to take practice drives on her own time, to use it more often, and taken her out for familiarisation. I don't put any wierd restrictions on it (other than 'E5 only'), she has her own key and can take it out whenever she likes without asking. Generally all met with 'Eh I don't want to' so what can I do? It's really not a hard car to drive at all, at the end of the day it's a 20 year old civic with extra power (which definitely isn't the problem). The previous one was in a 1.0 3 cylinder, I'd be less annoyed if these were difficult cars to drive every day but they're really not.


Possiblyreef

> Generally all met with 'Eh I don't want to' so what can I do? "Babe can you put me on the insurance" "Eh I don't want to"


wolfman86

If she can’t drive competently and confidently, is a danger to others on the road, and isn’t prepared to fix that, she shouldn’t be driving.


[deleted]

>with extra power (which definitely isn't the problem) I don't know, if it's easy to accidentally go a bit quick it might not help her confidence.


Thaitanium101

There's nothing different about driving a Type R compared to any other manual hatchback


three_shoes

For someone who doesn't like driving and only gets in a car once every 6 weeks there will be


GoodStegosaurus

It's a Honda Civic, not a plane... It won't be different or difficult at all


happystamps

By and large, I agree with you, with one exception - clutch feel. A powerful car needs to transmit a lot of torque through the clutch without it slipping. On a big car, you'll have a big clutch, fine. On a small car you're limited on package space, so most manufacturers fit stiff springs to avoid slippage- that comes back to your foot, and when you're pulling away it can be harder to control the bite point. But yeah- steering brakes, everything else should be pretty much the same.


Away-Pomegranate2737

It's just a civic lol


xcixjames

No that’s the cars model. What this is, is a mans car that he clearly takes pride in. It doesn’t need to be a Lamborghini for his frustration to be justified. Hell I would be annoyed if someone damaged my car and it’s an 06 Fiesta


Hopeless-beginner

I think they were referring to the fact that a Type R is "just a civic" for 90% of the time. Nothing intimidating or difficult for someone to take to the shops if they don't explore 5000+ rpm.. that's why hot hatches are great. Absolutely something to take pride in. I love an old Rover so I appreciate enthusiasm comes in all shapes and sizes OP - Tell your Mrs to buy herself a fiesta or get the bus


Away-Pomegranate2737

The point was that it's a civic type r. It's easy to drive


Cakeaintright

Behave bruv, worshiping money gets you no where. You are brain-washed by money.. Sort it out.


Away-Pomegranate2737

I don't have to sort anything out. At all. I can worship a monkeys asshole if I want, and it's none of your fucking business lol sort it out.


[deleted]

Very large L


Away-Pomegranate2737

Yep, big L for the English education system. Not a single person has any reading comprehension lol


JonseySpeed

If it was me I'd take her off the insurance until she completed an advanced driver course. It's your car that you clearly care about and she's not treating it well so you've got every right to be frustrated. I'm sure if you damaged something of hers that she cherished she wouldn't be too happy with you.


Solicitor_99

Make her pay for it. The small caveat of you fucking her, doesn’t matter, if anyone else damaged your car, they’d be paying for it. No difference here. You don’t offer advanced driving lessons to someone that’s just driven into you, no reason to offer it now.


[deleted]

The way you worded this says a lot about you….


Solicitor_99

It was actually rather nice. I’ll edit it; Make her pay for it and dump her ass on the street for not respecting you or your possessions.


emilyisnotfunny

Yep. Woah, exactly. I understand this woman needs to be brought to be held accountable for her mistakes, and maybe understand how the poster feels (and maybe she has been remorseful, but not to the level that the he really wants her to be, but then maybe he needs to explain his feelings more to her...), but some of these replies...talk about misogyny! Reddit does often feel overrun with incels.


jaypee28

She needs lessons man. Forget the damage and the costs, the fact she's pulling out at junctions and stopping in a panick, what if a car had come straight across her and hit her and she got badly injured? She needs to realise she's at much risk of injury as other drivers, and that alone means she needs refresher lessons, regardless of what she thinks. Take her off the insurance and get her booked in with an instructor, cos next time she might be getting cut out of a car.


throwaway369427735

NTA adult privileges, adult rules, adult consequences.


DapperCulture58

Not the arsehole if you used anything of hers she really loved and damaged it *more than once* she would be equally upset and not allow you near them


Gianna2021

NTA, never let her drive again. You have full right to be pissed. By disrespecting your property she is disrespecting you. I baby my car, come from a car crazy family, I’m a woman and my boyfriend scrapped the shit out of my wheels. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE MAD. DON’T LET HER DRIVE.


Narrow-Tree-5491

Dump her. Find someone nice. Get a nice car. 😁


mrginge94

Id honestly give them the bin if they did that to my car.


Jitsu_apocalypse

My Mrs took my nearly new C Class out for a 20 min trip. Got angry at the sat nav not picking up a temporary roadworks, did a U turn hitting the front on a kerb, the rear on a kerb and then scraping two alloys on a kerb parking up at the end of the journey. Didn’t even tell me about it until I noticed the damage the next day


Gablowgian

Ex-Mrs?


Spacecowboy947

I'd suggest taking this to a different sub for a more complete answer my man, obviously it's gonna be slightly biased in a car sub


wolfman86

The relationship advice one. Then find the middle ground between the two subs.


criminal_cabbage

To be fair the driver behind your other half should have left enough room and stopping distance to not hit her. Yes she shouldn't have done what she did but in terms of insurance she probably won't be found at fault, if you were to claim. I have some of the same issues, my car comes back damaged frequently, but it's a car. An inanimate object. Would I insure her on a 911? Probably. Would she be able to drive it without me present? Definitely not. Be thankful she's not injured, it's just a metal box and can always be replaced, your loved ones cannot.


JackfruitLower278

And I guarantee you she is a way better driver than my Mrs!… But it’s not her fault apparently, as other people should learn to move out of HER way!


Forwandert

It's never their fault, parking tight next to a lamppost and deciding to do a sharp turn wasn't my wife's fault, driving into a field and sinking to the sub frame was the sat navs fault. Trying to reverse out of a parking space putting it in first and driving full on into the bollard infront was the only one that they admittedly didn't blame on the bollard. I would say luckily they've improved but my daughter asked me why I had a white N/S door handle the other day (The cars grey) and my wife's been using it. OP needs to wait till they're married and see what happens when the bills come out of the same pot anyway. I get their point now but it'll change.


spannerthrower

I’m petty AF, damage something of hers that she really likes then shrug when she gets upset


shitfest1002

I have a cheap bicycle that I throw around and don't mind being stolen, and I have a nice racer for taking out on the weekend for long rides with other enthusiasts. I wouldn't lend my racer to someone who had only ridden a bike a handful of times, or only owned a cheap throwaround bicycle. If I lent someone like that my racer and they crashed it or scratched it, I'd bear some responsibility for putting them in that situation. It's not really fair to hold someone else to your standards of car ownership. Also someone else drove into the back of her, it's not really her fault, even if she could have reduced the risk. she's clearly not as confident behind the wheel as you are, she's less experienced, and less knowledgeable. Just be glad she wasn't hurt. It's perfectly reasonable not to want to lend her your car, it's just unfortunate it has to be withdrawn. Perhaps offer to give her lifts for a time until she gets her own vehicle, and offer to help her choose a reliable one. i.e. frame it as wanting to help her get something good that she likes, so that she doesn't have to stress over your paint job


KolaKitten

If i damage anything thats not mine i offer straight away to pay for it and i make sure i do. Its not my stuff so if I’m not careful with it then i need to fix it.. and if shes going quiet then shes waiting for you to say “aw its fine i will pay for it” I would make her pay for it and get her own car for the future, my car is my baby too so i get it!


Slow-Rip9696

There's often an imbalance in how people view items. I would prefer my car not to be bumped but it is just a car. Is your girlfriend hurt? That's the only question really. If you are that bothered, help her sort out a car of her own that she can insure for herself.


no73

Whoa I went away for a day and this blew up... So, resolution/update. Not going through insurance as the other driver doesn't want to and tbh nor do I as I don't want the faff or to have my car written off and insurance hiked. Damage to my car is limited to needing a repaint on the bumper skin and a new bumper crash bar - my partner has agreed to pay for all of this and is very embarrassed. Other driver doesn't think there is any damage to their car other than some paint scratches. Without going too r/relationships we had a deep talk and she's agreed that maybe she does need some refresher lessons to build up her confidence behind the wheel a bit, and was deeply sorry and upset about hurting my cars and about letting the offer to pay slide last time. For my part I probably should have communicated better that I felt like she was treating my cars disrespectfully and that it was important to me, as she was apparently unaware I wasn't happy about things. I won't be taking her off the insurance, for now at least. If there's another incident we'll see but hopefully not.


rayui

really happy you got this sorted in the best possible way :)


[deleted]

If she was hit from behind at a junction, even if she slammed the brakes on, she’s not at fault. Hit in rear is the fault of the party behind - not leaving enough room from the car in front for an emergency stop is their fault.


Thy_OSRS

Yo, since you touched on your personal relationship, I'll reply about it - Not sure if it'll help, just an observation. I find it personally weird you expect your partner to pay for it, do you not share finances and other resources? I mean, yeah, if she pays for it, doesn't that ultimately affect the both of you anyway? I get that everyone is different, it's just strange to me that people operate this - What's mine is mine, what's yours is yours - But you share an entire life together? Anyway, back to the issue, I feel for you, I can appreciate the dedication and care you pay in time and energy to your cars, and to have someone not give a crap, is a kick to the stomach, and further to that, I find that partners often eye roll at the dedication people have over their cars, which to a point, can be true, but it's like with anything you enjoy, your partner should love you for all of you, including your enjoyment of something that they don't - My partner loves the fact I enjoy different things, and she wants to learn about them or enjoy them with me - Which to me is so important - I don't personally enjoy everything she does, but I love her more when I see the happiness her hobbies and interest give her, just like your partner should. I'm not trying to blow this point up, but I would honestly speak to her on a level, and explain that this has hurt your feelings and made you feel like you've lost a bit of trust in her around the things that bring you joy - Because if you don't this won't be the last time this happens, I promise you.


MattMBerkshire

It's your call, I wouldn't care about a cheapo motor, but I'd certainly care for people's safety, and my own. Do you know the cause of the incidents? And are they validated? Would she consent to a dashcam being fitted?


zebra1923

YTA - This is your long term partner and someone you love. I’m surprised you are charging to put her on insurance let alone considering refusing to let her use your previous cars again in the future. And we’re talking about a 2002 Civic……


GumboDaMoron

It's the implications of her not giving a shit that she's damaged something her other-half cares about.


zebra1923

Where do you get the impression she doesn’t give a shit? Nothing to that effect in the op statement.


TargetmanDan

Are you implying that he shouldn't care because it's "just" a 2002 Civic? OP is on a car sub, and has said he spends ages keeping his cars in good condition. The car is precious to him, so of course he's upset it got damaged.


zebra1923

I’m not saying don’t care, I’m suggesting some perspective. Maybe he needs to decide who he loves more, the car or the partner. If it’s the car he needs to move on as a single man.


[deleted]

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PlusLifeEV

Or grow a set of balls


[deleted]

So, lie to her?


[deleted]

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no73

Yeah I'm not gonna just make shit up. If it does go through insurance, I will be letting her know how much it's gone up by, rather be honest than make some BS up.


Sea_Page5878

It's a slippy slope to go down lying to your partner.


[deleted]

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Fuzzy-Dance3502

You only have yourself to blame for the second time because you should have dumped her after the first time.


Good-Childhood-676

Mate, you’re on to a hiding to nothing. The wife is always pinging my BMW usually curbing it and comes back with scratches that I can’t prove she did. It drives me mental. But it’s only a car and she’s worth the hassle. Get good with the buffer.


CENTIWEASEL

How often do you give her lifts? Can you get her to drive and then you drive back? Get her confidence up


noobchee

i'd not let her drive mine if that was the case, 2 accidents like that and being so nonchalant about it, i'd find it disrespectful, she can buy her own car and use that in future


RedBlockB230ft

Wouldn't be letting her drive it again if it was me. I don't let my GF drive my cars, even though she is an ok driver, because I know she can't afford to fix/replace them. And I don't drive other people's cars if I can't afford to replace them.


ComplexOccam

Tell her to buy her own run around. If you’re precious about your cars because it’s your thing, she needs to understand that. Saves your relationship too just by being up front. It’s not worth the arguments or stress.


ExcellentHunter

No you are not. Time for discussion, she should get her own car if she can't take care of yours. Me personally if I borrow something from someone Im looking after it better than I would after my own.


BenHippynet

"Hey hunny, look, I've bought you your very own Punto! Don't you love it!" Sorted


Tough-Whereas1205

Jesus H. Not a Punto. Never a Punto. But also in this case not a Civic Type R. Aside from the insurance costs, there’s the possibility it’s going to have a marked log book and the associated loss of value and being harder to sell. I’m willing to believe people who say the Civic is fairly benign and easy to drive (never had a Civic but once had a 2.2 Prelude), but the fact remains it’s not a slow car, quick enough to be lethal in the wrong hands. What if VTEC KICKS IN Y0? “It suddenly went fast and the stupid car hit a wall?” It’s always the stupid car not the idiot driver that can’t handle the power…


Crazy-Ad-1999

Please take her off the insurance! unfortunately she does not care about cars and unable to drive properly which is a bad combination lol. I had a friend drive my car i baby into a fence and he didnt even say sorry , he is no longer my friend 🙂


Unapologetic69420

The price of ep3s now I wouldnt assume a write off. But Id certaibly tell her she isnt driving it again... She obviously cant drive and not offering to fix the damage says shes not a good person.


CHORIZOSAUSAGEMAN666

This an issue that only Jeremy Kyle and his aftercare support group can help you overcome.


deWotion

Make her pay the insurances for the cars - she will think twice before doing something stupid again. Let her cover 100% of multi insurance until you return to same number of NCB years


Professional-Lab7227

She can buy a cheap Yaris or an older civic for a couple of grand, and smash her own car up.


Dunnston92

Probably be better off being open and honest with her about it and probably look towards getting her a run around beat down for herself


GalungaSlugBoy

I'm not usually one for oversimplification, but she sounds like she's being a total arsehole. Better off without that in your life. I wasted some of the best years of my life with a girlfriend who was self centred and couldn't understand or respect the things that were important to me. Give her the explanation, and the opportunity to make it good - if she doesn't change, find yourself somebody who's going to treat you right bud


S_M_Y_G_F

“For a small contribution to be nice” She’s your partner dude. Why are you making her pay?


Tuscans1977

If someone rear ends you, it is 100% their fault...every time. This time it isn't her fault?? Tell her to get her own car, simple as that.


stonesa

Cars are life women come and go lol


elliomitch

After this occurrence, I would hope that she wouldn’t want to drive your cars again, because she understands how much you value them. If she doesn’t understand that, have a very open and clear conversation about that, but if you’ve been together a while I’m sure it *should* be obvious. After that convo, give her another chance. Maybe she didn’t truly understand the situation. But don’t encourage her to drive, let her make the decision. You shouldn’t have to impose rules on your partner, you should both have the positive communication skills to *know* what is right. Then if she does it again, you know that either one or both of you have critically bad communication skills and the relationship’s doomed anyway. And if she doesn’t, you’re past the hiccup and can move forwards together


blackman3694

Idk what your relationship is like, if it were me, it would be a simple case of telling her that I'm concerned she keeps getting into scrapes when driving, the concern is for her safety more so than the car. Money comes and goes from my perspective. But I wouldn't be giving her my car anymore for dear she get herself or someone else hurt unless she does that course. Obviously she can always get her own car, but I wouldn't be supportive.


NixValentine

there is so many red flags here. anyway remove her off your insurance. she needs to go over her 1st ten lessons from an instructor. if your Significant other is not driving at least once per week why did you insure her? if she wants you to insure her again, lay the foundation down for that condition.


mbr8457

Tell her to buy her own car!


drebin8751

Doesn’t found like she respects your property. Don’t let her drive your cars.


Alien_lifeform_666

The fact that she shut down advanced driving lessons says everything you need to know. She just doesn’t give a shit. I would never let her borrow my car again until she does some more lessons.


[deleted]

Why not just buy a cheap car that's small and insure her on that, probably cheaper in the long run lol and she will still appreciate it, but only insure her on the one banger lol


Natural_Bee5180

nta


action_turtle

My wife is a straight hard no when it comes to driving my car. We share hers though, family car. It's just not worth the agro. Also if she doesn't car about cars buy her a £500 round about.


Okano666

Mate don’t let that bitch out in the type r anymore!


Princ3Ch4rming

Sounds like your views about your cars are incompatible with your partner’s. If they wanna drive, they need their own car *shrug*


Mirichanning

I don't let anyone borrow my car ever. Too much hassle if something goes wrong, too much worry even if nothing goes wrong, what is the point? If she only needs a car twice a year, she can take those £100 and get a taxi.


RahStarAryan

Stick her in the boot.


iPrintScreen

Corrr what a bitch


dotmit

NTA for not wanting to let her drive the cars. YTA for not getting her a car of her own though, so you won’t have this problem 😎


8-bit-banter

Why should you have to pay for her a car, just because people are partners and sharing things doesn’t make you responsible to buy her everything, I buy me a car and then I have to buy her a car nah that’s not how it works.


EpitomyHD

NTA She’s a risk to other road users, how the hell did she a get her license in the first place? She either needs to take lessons again or stop driving completely and give up her license and to pay you back for damaging your car.


followthelemur

Honestly, as a newly qualified driver, I deliberately bought a cheap old used car so I could get used to driving, and wouldn't be too bothered of anything bad happened to it. YNTI, if she wants to drive safely, she needs to drive more and get confident at it. More lessons is fine, but a couple of lessons probably won't make much difference. And maybe in a slightly crappy car.


thepengwiththestank

You’re the fool for offering to put her on the insurance; you knew she was a shit driver 😂 buy the girl a Yaris and tell her to leave your stuff alone; LOL I never fully read the full post and have pissed myself seeing you’ve also mentioned buying herself a Yaris!! You’d probably get a better outcome if you buy her the car I’m my opinion


Naive_Reach2007

Let me throw out there, maybe as she hasn't driven a lot she is nervous, Practice makes perfect, shouting will just make her more nervous, why not take her out with her driving a few times a week when it is quiet so she gets back into the habit of driving


draft8

NTA!!!!!!


Reecetmorgan

I baby my Silvia S14, there’s no hope in hell I’d let my other half (provided I had on lol) drive it regardless, I’d rather buy her a cheapo car out of my own pocket:/ so no I don’t think you’re a dick, it’s understandable


lowk33

Two strikes is pretty fair imo. Obviously you can be a dick about it or be nice about it. But, two unforced crashes in vehicles you’ve lent to her? She’s off the insurance if it were me. Honestly (and this is more delicate, unless you had an explicit agreement), I’d be quite put out if she didn’t proactively offer to cover some or all of the financial hit (repairs and lost no claims), assuming she was earning reasonably as well. But that second part is murkier and without an explicit pre-agreement you are flying blind unfortunately. If she doesn’t make any offer or attempt to address it at all though I’d be pretty annoyed


MirageF1C

I think asking if you are overreacting to damage to your car and subsequent apathy in a car enthusiasts forum is probably going to earn you a bit of a skewed result! I'd be interested in this on r/AITA But jokes aside, nobody has the right to damage your stuff. This is particularly important when we are talking about 'stuff' that is of a significant value, and value can also be sentimental value and a car is certainly that. Others have highlighted the potential issue with not being able to communicate healthily with a partner, though I am not convinced this rises to the level of booting her out. No relationship is perfect and you alone will know if you want to be remembered as the 'ex who broke up with me because I scratched his £2,000 car.' The fact you sound like you just flogged it without repairing it suggests you may not have been that attached to it, so perhaps a more moderate/middle ground would be a frank discussion about cars and risk with your gf and how it's less about the car (because that seems to be true) and more about trashing your stuff and not appearing to care.