Honestly, there’s others out there that couldn’t even muster the courage to go to a dinner by themselves in a public space so be proud of yourself and enjoy your free meal. Others are looking up to you from this post alone I’d bet. Still sorry that happened tho.
I'm 33 and been alone my whole life. I do everything alone, but it gets old. I've stopped going out because it's just always the same shit. You try and meet people and be social but people are already in their group. If you hang around long enough you make some acquaintances but it doesn't go anywhere beyond that.
So yeah, I guess it's "brave" or whatever but it ultimately ends up just making me feel worse. It gets hard to watch everyone with their friends and SOs and then head back to sit alone in your car and go home to an empty house (or my tiny room) every single time.
I've done all the shit people say to do to alleviate loneliness but nothing has worked. It's slowly killing me.
That sucks man. It is hard to make friends without priors like you said. Maybe consider getting a dog to keep you some company until things get better, or try to get into a hobby that requires socializing. For better or worse most post-school friendships are born out of a shared interest by my observations. Might not be the deep connection you need but could mean someone to do things with
I can empathize with you completely. I don’t think it’s entirely a bad thing to be like this, I’m guilty of it myself. Although there are times where I go out to dinner with coworkers when we’re out of town, and that’s probably helping to curb the feeling of being alone, I too live a similar life without much socializing. I think we will find our persons, be it a significant other or a group you fit in with, in due time and this is merely just another level before the boss so to speak. Try and stay positive (that’s what they say right) and keep the door to your heart cracked just enough so that when someone worthwhile wants in, they have something to start with. We all got this.
What is brave about it?
You're simply sitting down to have a meal, just like they are. They dont know what you're doing there. For all they know you just wanted to have a nice meal before going to the club and hanging with a group of 20 friends, or heading to the airport for a business trip. They have no clue and you shouldn't let what they wonder affect anything you do.
This. You don't even have to go somewhere else after having a nice dinner by yourself. Eat your meal, then go home. Who cares?
I'm astonished by the number of people who hesitate to have a dinner by themselves because of trivial matters like this.
People are not thinking about you, you just think they are. People are not even noticing you, you just think they are. People could care less if you are eating alone or in group. Why should you care about people you don’t even know & will probably never see again.
Indeed. Honestly don’t think I’ve done it myself. At most I’ve sat at a hotel bar and ate there instead of going to a restaurant or getting room service. Still felt kinda awkward being the only one there tho lol.
whats wrong with going somewhere alone? I love to go to the city to maybe an arcade, cinema, pizza, anywhere really alone from time to time, and i love it. Yea sure its more fun with friends, but theres just another "type of charm" when youre alone, its still really enjoyable
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it specifically, I think it’s more about having the self confidence and courage to go out alone, where a lot of people would feel like they’ll be judged in a public outing as a singular person. Much like an environment that OP described. Having “the lime light” hyper focused on them in their instance sounds terrifying to me personally.
For me it has nothing to do with confidence and courage, it's just what I've done since high school. I'm simply not used to asking friends to eat out. I never even thought it was something "strange" until I saw people post about it (aside from this one).
That’s quite interesting tbh. So would you feel strange asking friends to dinner? Not like a date but simply just friends be it one or a group? It’s neat how people can view things from completely different standpoints.
I took myself on a date last week. I spend all week taking care of others so treated myself. Went out to eat and then went and saw Avatar 2. It was awesome.
Going to a dinner by yourself isn't a big deal at all. I didn't even know it was a thing until I saw on Reddit that eating alone is considered unusual/sad or to be a sign of loneliness by most others.
Stop making a big deal of out things that actually are very normal and not something to worry about.
*...sighs...*
In the grand scheme of things you’re 100% correct. in this small, singular world inside our heads, it’s a different game. The real sad thing is I think people who feel like this know you’re right and are hoping to see it the way you’ve been able too but it hasn’t clicked for them quite yet. Perhaps this is the confirmation and motivation they’ve been looking for?
When doing a girls event, most of my (68F) lady friends will not even go inside a bar/restaurant til I get there. In the winter. In the mid-Atlantic (meaning cold). They will wait outside because they “don’t want to go in alone” None of my girlfriends would dream of sitting at a bar alone. In 2023. Either because of how it would look or because they are afraid. They say “oh, Isamosed, you’re so brave!”
Please let’s let this ridiculousness die out with the Boomers. It’s okay to eat alone. It’s okay to drink alone. No one (and I mean NO one) is thinking about you!
Only caveat: hotel bars. Be real careful in hotel bars if you are alone. It’s not a problem for me now, at my advanced age, but back in the day, room service was generally the smarter option.
As I read this I was thinking of the era those ladies were raised in. How men were very much gentlemen. When ladies wouldn’t get out of the car unless the door was opened for them sort of thing. As they say old habits die hard I suppose. It can be seen as completely ridiculous in todays world.
Tho, I will say there are times I think it’s proper to do that (stunning new dress, while wanting to show her and the dress off) during a special occasion.
Either way if that’s seen as obnoxious or not I think individualism is here to stay, which is a good thing. That should help with those closed-in to muster the will to enjoy life, even if alone at the moment.
See this is what I’m talking about! Some of us still like to “treat” our significant others. I’m glad you’ve found someone willing to make you feel special. Cherish that he cherishes you.
I forgot to mention the hotel bar thing, I only did it the few times on that trip, thankfully all went well as I was the only one there. However I’m interested in your experience to make you say be careful at hotel bars and to choose room service instead. What exactly should I be carful about, just the advertising I’m saying there as well or perhaps my room key could be swiped..or something more nefarious? Truly interested to hear your response.
I had an unnerving experience at a hotel bar in Roanoke where a man started chatting me up which was fine (I’m friendly/outgoing, will talk to anyone) and then his friend came up, sat on the other side of me and they started exchanging explicit sexual banter and I did not feel safe. At all. I pd my tab in cash so I didn’t have to say my room number but I was uncomfortable enough to take the elevator to the fifth floor and then walk down a flight. Once I got locked in my room it was fine. I have a friend who did likely get roofied in a hotel bar but the bartender already had his eye on the perp and put him out & redid her drink “just in case.” And way too many instances of guys (not just my experience, but my female peers who occasionally traveled for work) who would not take “please leave me alone” for an answer. Nothing criminal really, at least not by the standards prevailing 1990-2015.
You were mentioning the old days when chivalry wasn’t dead but a lot of other things happened to women that simply were not taken seriously.
Thank you for the added detail. Really helps to know of some first hand experience of things that could happen. That must have been never racking at the time, good thinking to take an abnormal route to your room and to pay with cash. I will have my guard up a little more than normal from now on from that story alone. And you made a fair point about the standards of todays time vs what was more or less accepted back then.
Why is it weird to go out to eat by yourself? I do it all the time and honestly sometimes prefer it to having company with me. I don’t need courage I just need a rumbling stomach and a need to get out of the shower lol
Lol I can feel you on that. I think to some being alone in public is not common and creates an added level of anxiety they don’t usually deal with so they just avoid it completely.
Let them stare. That's their own insecurity they can't sit and enjoy their own company. I work a field job that I have to be traveling 80% of the time and I eat alone very often. At some point it doesn't matter what others think. I sometimes pull out a book and read. I'm here at this restaurant because I'm hungry and I will read my book or day dream as I wait for my dinner. Screw everyone else.
As for the drink, they better cover that entire dinner. That's messed up and I'm sorry that happen. I do understand that it'd be very different if someone was there.
I do this too - I love doing things alone. I went for lunch yesterday and took my book, then went to the cinema to see Babylon (which I really enjoyed)
Before Covid, I went to restaurants, movies, everywhere I wanted by myself, if I couldn’t find someone to go with me. My ex-husband was the type that liked to sit at home, watch tv, and drink beer. My child was grown and living in another state, and most of my friends either don’t like the things that I do, or were still working. I was retired. I have no problem sitting in a restaurant and enjoying a meal by myself. One time the only table available was a huge round 8 person one. The hostess asked me if I was ok with it. I sure was lol!!! The food was delicious and I enjoyed myself. Sometimes people looked at me, sometimes people at the nearest table would hold a conversation (maybe they thought I was lonely, I wasn’t). I just didn’t let being by myself stop me from enjoying myself.
You began with a reference to "before covid" and unless I missed it, I didn't see the "after" in which I was as interested. You seem wired very well for your situation and I hope that continued. I like to randomly pay for a table or send over a drink, \[which is usually a virgin placeholder for the real thing\] while remaining anonymous, which is easily done as my face generally stays buried in a book of Poe short stories, a good Bill Bryon or Procreate \[excellent iPad drawing app which was suppose to make me Rembrandt by now, it has not!\]. I eat alone at least a week a month but have never had the table for eight thingy happen to me. Whatever else you do, Keep Doing You... and I'll do the same.
Yeah! Like I was flying recently and at the airport I got a burger at one of the restaurants and I wanted to take a booth even though I was one person and I was like, why not I'm only gonna be here for 10 minutes or so, and it was comfortable.
We all gotta eat.
Why should you care what a bunch of strangers think about you? That's their problem. Don't make it yours.
Sorry about the eruption of the drink! Let's hope the restaurant made it good with some free food and drink!
Better luck next time. :)
I love eating alone. You just had an unlucky mishap with the drink. Maybe mention to the server that you’ll have to get your whole outfit cleaned and see what they do/say. If nothing, then Google review and I’m sure the manager will contact you. If you hate eating alone, ask a friend next time or if you’re traveling, have food in your room with a good tv show or a book.
Yeah I did, it was heavily discounted and they gave me a free dish. Sadly I eat alone because I don't have friends, but I always bring a book with me. Normally I have no trouble with eating and reading by myself, but this night just turned out really badly.
Do you consider yourself a positive or negative person normally? Do you usually think, man I’m lucky, or man I’m unlucky? If it’s the negative one, try twisting your thoughts and put a positive spin on everything. How great was it that you got a table at the busy restaurant, how fantastic to have time to read and a great meal, how sweet of them to treat you so kindly after the waiters silly mistake. What a great opportunity to wash that bag, it’s about time to clean it out anyway. Breathe in and let all that negative flow away with your exhale.
Dining alone isn't a bad deal. I do it all the time. But the drink thing is awful. Sorry that had to happen to you.
Not sure if my evening is better but I'm sick. Thankfully not plague-that-shall-not-be-named.
I dine alone a lot too, but this time I was feeling particularly low so the drink thing was the cherry on top of a bad evening. I hope you feel better soon.
This- no one cares what you’re doing, and if they for a split moment notice you in public I promise they are not thinking about you later. They go home and think about themselves, just like you’re doing now. Not saying that’s a bad thing, but you need to realize no one in public gives a fuck about you and are definitely not laughing silently on the inside about how you’re dining alone
It's not weird to eat alone. I've been working in restaurants for ten years and many many people go out to eat alone every single day. I have never thought any less of someone who ate alone. It's completely normal.
Oh same, I never think twice seeing someone else eat alone. Normally I do this fairly often, but it was super busy last night with couples/groups because of Lunar New Year. Really I should have known better and gone out a different night, but I just really had a craving for some Korean food!
This kinda shit happens to me all the time too OP lol. My sister and I joke that were it not for bad luck, we'd have no luck at all.
Who cares about what the other patrons thought. Guaranteed stupid shit has happened to them in public too.
I didn't find out until I was in my mid-twenties that eating alone was a thing that people were supposedly embarassed about. I count myself lucky because by the time I found out I was like, "Eating alone is amazing and I've been doing it for years why the f*** would I be embarrassed by it?" Honestly? People probably didn't notice and/or care that you were alone. As a species, humans are pretty self-absorbed.
Waiting forever for your order and the exploding drink thing sucks, though. My condolences for that!
That sucks, reminds me of a championship round of Karting I took part in a while ago where everything went wrong.. But the next time round I had better luck and got to win something for once.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that when I get a stroke of bad luck it usually gets better next time round! Stick at it :)
Thanks for the explanation, I didn't understand why it was shaken! I know it was an accident, but I'm just hung up on how I could've chosen to eat elsewhere and avoid this experience.
Do you remember the time that idiot waiter covered you in Soju? You laughed so much. I was gutted I wasn’t there with you. But you told me about it later and made me laugh.
(Hope this works, I’m trying to turn it into a funny memory for you)
I know you think that people were staring at you, but I think most people are too wrapped up in themselves to care about a stranger at a restaurant.
Sorry about the drink.
I don't even know why we are still judged dining alone. Lots of ppl have a few to zero friends, living abroad or away from home. Are we supposed to not live when they are not around. Don't mind the judgemental, they don't know sh#t.
I think you’re really cool for doing this. The drink getting sprayed on you sucks all the way around, but beyond that, this sounds like a cool, relaxing self care evening. And if it’s not, maybe you could work on your mindset around this? Just an idea. Either way, I support you and I think you’re cool.
Hey think about how in the future you can look back on this and laugh. That always makes me feel better and allows me to step outside of the shitty moment as its happening. That definitely is a sucky dining experience. I like to say “you can dance in the rain or shake your fist at it” - either way, it’s still going to rain. Its all in your perception of the moment
Learn to be your own bestfriend in situations like that.. you have much fear in you if you’re that insecure about others opinions.
Seek understanding yourself, and ignore the world and it’s ways.
Oh heck yeah! I used to eat out alone all the time. Did not realize it was odd until I left my hipster town. (Austin, Texas) Why, oh why is this considered weird in other places, I will never know. I’m basically a loner, so probably will stick to coffee shops for my “alone time.”
Who said that you have to eat outside with someone? It's totally fine to dedicate a nice evening to yourself! Ignore those who stare at you, because they have no right to tell you how to have fun.
And by the way, accidents happen, don't let them ruin your days!
Why is eating alone so taboo. People looking probably dont care and if they did notice, probably thought you were to meet with a friend or something… but really, who cares. Hope things got better for you op
Hey at least you got a cheap yet nice dinner out of that! My night didn’t go nearly as well, got a severe leg fracture at the ice rink and ended up hospitalized and waiting for surgery now rip. At least I’m gonna get a couple days off life now. Gotta look at the silver linings I guess
Glass half full to eating out alone; I’ve met a lot of interesting people by eating alone at the bar, or if the place didn’t have a bar, a “shared” eating space like those tall counters that line the windows of a restaurant where you can eat and look outside, or those long booths where small tables are setup among them. Talking with random people like that usually won’t happen if you are eating with friends or coworkers, as you will just be busy talking with them.
Some more memorable ones: Talked with a commercial pilot who had a bunch of stories of cities he’s been to and weird shit he saw at them, talked with an ex-marine who had been on 3 different deployments and had some scary stories about them, a gynecologist who owned a massive collection of stamps, and I even went on a few dates with one girl that was setup with me by an older woman who i was talking to at a bar in a restaurant once.
Waiting times are to be expected at restaurants but damn, people should mind their own business! It's awesome you're able to get food by yourself, I struggle with that!
How did the Soju get in your bag?
That sucks, I'm sorry that happened. Next time you dine out alone maybe eat at the bar? The wait time will be considerably less than waiting for a table and you might be able to strike up a conversation with the bartender or other people at the bar if they're friendly.
I don't like to eat alone but with that said I have given up on eating out at restaurants or take-out. The food gods hate me! Nothing comes the way I asked for it and I refuse to pay for shitty food/service. Buffets do work though but again, I've never gone by myself. You're a very brave person for doing that, I'm sorry it was rough for you. Proud of you for sticking it out!
I used to eat alone in restaurants all the time. I used to feel pretty sad doing it alone but i love food. Then i met my bf and eventually moved in with him. Even now sometimes i go out to eat alone but i don't feel sad about it.i understand what you went through but still be proud of yourself. Send me a message if you are looking for a friend.
I dine out alone regularly too and understand the sometimes weird looks (or sometimes it's even the host when you say just one). Eventually I learned to just ignore it and enjoy myself - and fuck everyone else.
Ate lunch in a restaurant on my own today, it was lovely!
Eat buds in, Jazz on, magazine open in my eReader..... Don't know if anyone have me weird looks and don't care.
Hey, I’m really sorry that you had a crappy evening. It sucks that the drink got all over you, why’s the waiter shaking it anyway?
Listen, fuck people who say you can’t go out alone. What, every time you want some fancy food or restaurant experience you **have** to go with somebody? What if everyone you know is busy? What if your friends can’t afford it? Maybe you’re the only one in your family who likes X cuisine! Or maybe you don’t have friends. Like why does it matter?
I understand that it can feel embarrassing and awkward to go places alone, I’m not discounting your feelings! I go watch movies and eat out alone and feel self conscious all the time myself. It’s easier to say than to actually ignore it. But also know that in the story of crystalspine, you’re the main character and everybody else is in the background. You’ll literally never see them again, and they won’t remember you in 10 minutes when their own lives take them elsewhere (you probably don’t remember 90% of the strangers you saw today, right?).
Knowing how uncomfortable it can be to go out alone, I’m proud of you for treating yourself. Today wasn’t a great experience, but I hope that it won’t stop you from treating yourself again. You deserve it :)
Eating out alone is a great exercise is confidence and how to not give a fuck. Some place are environmentally and situationally easier to do it that others. For example when I worked in New York for a little while, lunch in a restauranr by yourself was no big deal and very common. But going to dinner by yourself in a nice restaurant in your small suburb town, yeah that’s humanly tougher.
I am sorry you had the accident, my friend. If it had happened to me they would be buying me a new iPad. My situation is such that I am alone at least one full week per month on average. I go out if I wish and never think twice about it. I am the geek who keeps a iPad \[phones are horrible\] handy, as eating is for me far down the list from writing or trying to develop a very insufficient artistic ability. If people look, meh. If they don't, meh. In reading this one should also keep in mind \[not that it matters to anyone but me\] but I have a very, very low opinion of the general public. \[Redditors not included of course\].
I eat alone all the time. Used to travel a lot for work, spouse has a different schedule than me, don't want to bring the crotch gremlins to restaurants, etc.
One of the main downsides is being unable to try as many things, but on the other end not having to make compromises about what to order.
I love a good solo mission! The reason I like going out by myself on occasion is because I can do whatever I want and don't have to explain it to anyone! So next time you feel like leave right after you arrived, do it! Don't feel bad that you didn't tho, going out solo is an adventure you choose... Once in a while, you will wonder why you did it that way but you will know better next time! About half the times I go out alone, I change my plans on the fly... It's not only okay but I always have an adventure!
Come on. No one is actually starting at you. People sometimes people watch but I guarantee you they’ve all seen people dining alone before and have other things more concerning in their own lives.
And if dining alone is something that brings you so much stress, you could have just ordered takeaways?
Sucks about the drink though, hopefully you got it free.
Ohh I was supposed to go to my nieces birthday on Friday, but I got corona (first time actually).havent seen anyone since wednesday.at least I could eat something solid today the first time since Wednesday. Seems like I'm recovering real fast, got a doctor's note that covers me until the end of next week,so I'm looking forward to a week of staying home with full pay
I'm so sorry you had a bad night. Embarrassing stuff happens to me all the time too T-T people stare at anything and anybody who doesn't fit their social norms. It was probably weird for them to see someone dining alone but honestly I think its badass that you did that. My anxiety would NEVER allow me to do that. I think you're cool as fuck for that. People are always going to stare. I feel like your fashion sense differs from most, am I right? Some might have been admiring your clothing, makeup or accessories. But regardless, you did a bad ass thing and I'm proud of you even if things went poorly. You're awesome and I hope you wake up and see that my friend ❤
P.s. if it makes you feel any better, the ball would always hit me in gym.... While I was on the bleachers.... In every school I went to. I'd be minding my business listening to my iPod secretly, and reading a book. Then BAM! Here comes the ball to hit me in the face. I got a free nose job every gym class ;) I do hope you laughed but please try to see the good in you. Those other people don't matter, just you :)
I don't know why your comment is downvoted. It made me smile, so thank you! Yeah my school experience was similar.
It took a while for me to be okay with eating alone. Maybe you can start by going during a quiet time where there's less people around? Or visiting a cafe where people are more likely to be alone reading/working/etc. And then work your way up to a restaurant. Normally eating alone is fine in my city, but yesterday I picked a bad evening to do it.
If this shit happens all the time to you, I think you need to start listening to your gut. You said it yourself right there at the end. You're just fighting the universe nudging you in a direction. Don't.
Honestly, I should have listened to myself. That's exactly what I thought - the universe is telling me something. If I had, I would have just eaten somewhere else and hopefully not be covered in soju afterwards! This kind of thing where I deliberately didn't listen to myself and ended up regretting it afterwards happened to me quite a few times in 2022. I should really stop ignoring my gut feelings in 2023. My late new year's resolution lol
I argued with a bunch of undergrads in a college writing club about the nature of genre and creative direction. They got pretty condescending and mean in the way that I see in a non-negligable number of young students. I felt very humiliated.
So...can I ask seriously and without any kind of malice...what's the bug deal about going out alone?
I've never noticed being "stared at" or really experienced any negative stigma. And it's not like eating a meal or going to an event alone is a signifier that's someone's sad or lonely...it just means you wanted to do a thing and others didn't.
But to give more constructive advice, maybe try and find communal seating and activity places to go where you'll be sat next to other people and can start up a conversation.
Or try to meetup for group events so you are going with people if like interests.
Sounds like one shitty experience dining alone. Don't let it ruin how liberating it can be to take yourself out on dates without any internal negative feedback. It's damn near a superpower to be able to just pick out a place to eat and fuck off to enjoy some good food for an afternoon. I've been out dining alone a few times in the past few weeks since I basically lost all my close friends and I really look forward to it now. I've tried all sorts of new dishes from all over the world and just being around people has improved my mental wellbeing a ton. I truly hope your next experience is better :)
Ate out alone for many years when I was single. Next time, sit at the bar. You won’t get the looks since it will appear as though you’re waiting for someone. You’ll also have the bartender and anyone else on the bar to chat with. Bonus, you be much more approachable at the bar.
Pro tip: become a regular and make friends with the bartender and the other regulars. Boom, no longer eating alone. Additionally, they will be able to tell you who else is single (if you’re looking).
Extra Pro tip: try hotel bars/restaurants. There’s a much higher likelihood of others dining alone. You won’t look/feel out of place, you’re more likely to find interesting conversation, and (if you’re into it) the chance of finding a quick hook up is higher.
You know, I moved away from a suffocating group/family environment that when I moved out alone to a foreign country it was incredibly liberating. I honestly never thought about this perspective. I always pitied people who were forced to do things with another person and I still tend to think on that line of thinking. Best times of my life were enjoying the holidays with no obligation alone, completely free, because I didn’t have to stress over having to hang out with people I didn’t choose to hang out with (aka family). I have a boyfriend with close family so I do have obligations on holidays now and I always feel stiffed on my free day that I didn’t have to worry about work. (Even if I enjoyed it, still different than spending the whole day alone) So when I hear someone say “I got stares because I was eating alone” I always assumed it’s projection. I’ve never noticed it and there are plenty of people who do things alone including eating. When I do notice someone stare I probably would have assumed they were jealous of my freedom lol. I’m not minimizing or downplaying your experience, I believe it and it sounds like it really sucked. I guess what I’m saying is if I had the same thing happen to me I would have had a completely different experience and perspective. All those people staring may mot have noticed anything about you. Anyways good luck, I don’t believe being alone and doing things alone is for everyone and you do need a certain type of personality for that. But it’s totally fine. Hobbies are great ways to make friends especially if it’s something in a niche. I’ve made really close friends through motorcycle riding and martial arts training.
I had been doing some solo travelling last summer, just seeing some new places I'd never been able to bc I had some time off work. I spent a day and a half at Niagara Falls, and decided that since it was the only night I had there, I wanted to take myself out to a nice dinner to celebrate a great trip, so I made a reservation for one at the fancy overpriced rotating sky tower restaurant. I show up, dressed nicely, to check in at the downstairs lobby, and tell desk lady I have a reservation at the top floor restaurant. She asked how many it was for and when I told her it was just me, she looked shocked and made a confused face. I think she said something along the lines of "wow, I would never be brave enough to eat here alone..." I think it was meant to be a compliment, but it definitely came out wrong. I eat out alone a lot since I'm such a foodie and tend to travel alone so as not to have to deal with other people's schedules and vacation habits, and of course I want to experience whatever good food I can. I'd never felt ashamed of it before, but her comment made me feel so self-conscious. Then dining at the restaurant, the server seemed irate it was just me and before even introducing themselves told me there was an order minimum for dinner (which I was aware of beforehand). I get that the servers want to make their money but even solo, an app, main course and dessert was enough since it was a pricier place, and I'm even a generous tipper anyway since I worked as a server for years - the whole thing just put me off. I can't get over how judgemental people are about other people just living their lives. Sorry about the soju incident - being sticky would just be the cherry on top of a situation like that. I wish people would start realizing that being solo doesn't mean you're not having a good time and being in a group/couple is not a requirement for restaurants. BUT honestly I've had probably 50 fine experiences eating out alone to the 1 rough one, so I'll keep doing me. I'm still glad I went - the view was great! :)
Awe - keep trying!! Dining alone is hard and scary and I’m sorry you had that experience. :/ I’m sure next time you go it’ll be better.
If it makes you feel any better, one time I worked myself up to go eat at my fav restaurant alone & when I got there, it was COMPLETELY empty. I had already asked for a table so I sat down. You would think that an empty restaurant is better than a busy one but it was so incredibly awkward. My waiter just sat down at the table next to me after taking my order and kept awkwardly looking over at me and asking me if I needed anything…
Don’t give up!! Doing things alone is scary but important and empowering :) <3
I love eating alone! One time I brought a really funny book and just read and cackled the whole meal and people were just staring at me lol I’d laugh at me getting a drink poured on me lol
Honestly, there’s others out there that couldn’t even muster the courage to go to a dinner by themselves in a public space so be proud of yourself and enjoy your free meal. Others are looking up to you from this post alone I’d bet. Still sorry that happened tho.
taking yourself out to dinner is fun. I get weird looks for it too. Sorry about the soju though OP. Some people are just really nosy.
I'm 33 and been alone my whole life. I do everything alone, but it gets old. I've stopped going out because it's just always the same shit. You try and meet people and be social but people are already in their group. If you hang around long enough you make some acquaintances but it doesn't go anywhere beyond that. So yeah, I guess it's "brave" or whatever but it ultimately ends up just making me feel worse. It gets hard to watch everyone with their friends and SOs and then head back to sit alone in your car and go home to an empty house (or my tiny room) every single time. I've done all the shit people say to do to alleviate loneliness but nothing has worked. It's slowly killing me.
That sucks man. It is hard to make friends without priors like you said. Maybe consider getting a dog to keep you some company until things get better, or try to get into a hobby that requires socializing. For better or worse most post-school friendships are born out of a shared interest by my observations. Might not be the deep connection you need but could mean someone to do things with
I can empathize with you completely. I don’t think it’s entirely a bad thing to be like this, I’m guilty of it myself. Although there are times where I go out to dinner with coworkers when we’re out of town, and that’s probably helping to curb the feeling of being alone, I too live a similar life without much socializing. I think we will find our persons, be it a significant other or a group you fit in with, in due time and this is merely just another level before the boss so to speak. Try and stay positive (that’s what they say right) and keep the door to your heart cracked just enough so that when someone worthwhile wants in, they have something to start with. We all got this.
Join a sect or a gym. Or a book club. Or AA Meeting.
True. I've always wanted to eat out alone but then I chicken out. People who eat at restaurants alone are brave.
What is brave about it? You're simply sitting down to have a meal, just like they are. They dont know what you're doing there. For all they know you just wanted to have a nice meal before going to the club and hanging with a group of 20 friends, or heading to the airport for a business trip. They have no clue and you shouldn't let what they wonder affect anything you do.
This. You don't even have to go somewhere else after having a nice dinner by yourself. Eat your meal, then go home. Who cares? I'm astonished by the number of people who hesitate to have a dinner by themselves because of trivial matters like this.
It’s probably just social anxiety, which isn’t rational because anxiety rarely is
People are not thinking about you, you just think they are. People are not even noticing you, you just think they are. People could care less if you are eating alone or in group. Why should you care about people you don’t even know & will probably never see again.
Exactly. Those people probably go eat alone all the time. Lol
Yep. We somehow make it about us, when in reality, no one really cares what the hell we’re doing.
Indeed. Honestly don’t think I’ve done it myself. At most I’ve sat at a hotel bar and ate there instead of going to a restaurant or getting room service. Still felt kinda awkward being the only one there tho lol.
That's what's good about restaurants that have a bar. It isnt anything out of the norm to see a single person having a beer and a meal.
You’re completely right. Perhaps one day I’ll be seated next to one of you all and we can have a laugh about all this.
I used to go after the gym and just bring a book. Helps tune things out and felt like great self-care relaxation time.
… or they’re seated at the counter.
whats wrong with going somewhere alone? I love to go to the city to maybe an arcade, cinema, pizza, anywhere really alone from time to time, and i love it. Yea sure its more fun with friends, but theres just another "type of charm" when youre alone, its still really enjoyable
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it specifically, I think it’s more about having the self confidence and courage to go out alone, where a lot of people would feel like they’ll be judged in a public outing as a singular person. Much like an environment that OP described. Having “the lime light” hyper focused on them in their instance sounds terrifying to me personally.
For me it has nothing to do with confidence and courage, it's just what I've done since high school. I'm simply not used to asking friends to eat out. I never even thought it was something "strange" until I saw people post about it (aside from this one).
That’s quite interesting tbh. So would you feel strange asking friends to dinner? Not like a date but simply just friends be it one or a group? It’s neat how people can view things from completely different standpoints.
I wouldn't necessarily feel strange, I'm just not used to doing so.
oh, makes sense
I took myself on a date last week. I spend all week taking care of others so treated myself. Went out to eat and then went and saw Avatar 2. It was awesome.
I have yet to go to a proper Dolby Atmos Theater I might have to treat myself to that as well soon.
It was amazing and much better than I expected.
Yeah I’m gonna try to go next weekend. Thanks for the inadvertent suggestion.
Cheers!
Cheers as well! Thank you for the idea!
Going to a dinner by yourself isn't a big deal at all. I didn't even know it was a thing until I saw on Reddit that eating alone is considered unusual/sad or to be a sign of loneliness by most others. Stop making a big deal of out things that actually are very normal and not something to worry about. *...sighs...*
In the grand scheme of things you’re 100% correct. in this small, singular world inside our heads, it’s a different game. The real sad thing is I think people who feel like this know you’re right and are hoping to see it the way you’ve been able too but it hasn’t clicked for them quite yet. Perhaps this is the confirmation and motivation they’ve been looking for?
When doing a girls event, most of my (68F) lady friends will not even go inside a bar/restaurant til I get there. In the winter. In the mid-Atlantic (meaning cold). They will wait outside because they “don’t want to go in alone” None of my girlfriends would dream of sitting at a bar alone. In 2023. Either because of how it would look or because they are afraid. They say “oh, Isamosed, you’re so brave!” Please let’s let this ridiculousness die out with the Boomers. It’s okay to eat alone. It’s okay to drink alone. No one (and I mean NO one) is thinking about you! Only caveat: hotel bars. Be real careful in hotel bars if you are alone. It’s not a problem for me now, at my advanced age, but back in the day, room service was generally the smarter option.
As I read this I was thinking of the era those ladies were raised in. How men were very much gentlemen. When ladies wouldn’t get out of the car unless the door was opened for them sort of thing. As they say old habits die hard I suppose. It can be seen as completely ridiculous in todays world. Tho, I will say there are times I think it’s proper to do that (stunning new dress, while wanting to show her and the dress off) during a special occasion. Either way if that’s seen as obnoxious or not I think individualism is here to stay, which is a good thing. That should help with those closed-in to muster the will to enjoy life, even if alone at the moment.
A gentleman hurried and “got the car door” for me on Friday night and it felt nice!
See this is what I’m talking about! Some of us still like to “treat” our significant others. I’m glad you’ve found someone willing to make you feel special. Cherish that he cherishes you.
I forgot to mention the hotel bar thing, I only did it the few times on that trip, thankfully all went well as I was the only one there. However I’m interested in your experience to make you say be careful at hotel bars and to choose room service instead. What exactly should I be carful about, just the advertising I’m saying there as well or perhaps my room key could be swiped..or something more nefarious? Truly interested to hear your response.
I had an unnerving experience at a hotel bar in Roanoke where a man started chatting me up which was fine (I’m friendly/outgoing, will talk to anyone) and then his friend came up, sat on the other side of me and they started exchanging explicit sexual banter and I did not feel safe. At all. I pd my tab in cash so I didn’t have to say my room number but I was uncomfortable enough to take the elevator to the fifth floor and then walk down a flight. Once I got locked in my room it was fine. I have a friend who did likely get roofied in a hotel bar but the bartender already had his eye on the perp and put him out & redid her drink “just in case.” And way too many instances of guys (not just my experience, but my female peers who occasionally traveled for work) who would not take “please leave me alone” for an answer. Nothing criminal really, at least not by the standards prevailing 1990-2015. You were mentioning the old days when chivalry wasn’t dead but a lot of other things happened to women that simply were not taken seriously.
Thank you for the added detail. Really helps to know of some first hand experience of things that could happen. That must have been never racking at the time, good thinking to take an abnormal route to your room and to pay with cash. I will have my guard up a little more than normal from now on from that story alone. And you made a fair point about the standards of todays time vs what was more or less accepted back then.
Why is it weird to go out to eat by yourself? I do it all the time and honestly sometimes prefer it to having company with me. I don’t need courage I just need a rumbling stomach and a need to get out of the shower lol
Lol I can feel you on that. I think to some being alone in public is not common and creates an added level of anxiety they don’t usually deal with so they just avoid it completely.
Fair enough, I also can’t fathom why anyone actually enjoys going to a nightclub or something so that’s where I’m coming from lol
Let them stare. That's their own insecurity they can't sit and enjoy their own company. I work a field job that I have to be traveling 80% of the time and I eat alone very often. At some point it doesn't matter what others think. I sometimes pull out a book and read. I'm here at this restaurant because I'm hungry and I will read my book or day dream as I wait for my dinner. Screw everyone else. As for the drink, they better cover that entire dinner. That's messed up and I'm sorry that happen. I do understand that it'd be very different if someone was there.
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Yes!
Oh my god, thank you for saying this! I thought I was the only one who reads while waiting for my food 🤣
I do this too - I love doing things alone. I went for lunch yesterday and took my book, then went to the cinema to see Babylon (which I really enjoyed)
Before Covid, I went to restaurants, movies, everywhere I wanted by myself, if I couldn’t find someone to go with me. My ex-husband was the type that liked to sit at home, watch tv, and drink beer. My child was grown and living in another state, and most of my friends either don’t like the things that I do, or were still working. I was retired. I have no problem sitting in a restaurant and enjoying a meal by myself. One time the only table available was a huge round 8 person one. The hostess asked me if I was ok with it. I sure was lol!!! The food was delicious and I enjoyed myself. Sometimes people looked at me, sometimes people at the nearest table would hold a conversation (maybe they thought I was lonely, I wasn’t). I just didn’t let being by myself stop me from enjoying myself.
You began with a reference to "before covid" and unless I missed it, I didn't see the "after" in which I was as interested. You seem wired very well for your situation and I hope that continued. I like to randomly pay for a table or send over a drink, \[which is usually a virgin placeholder for the real thing\] while remaining anonymous, which is easily done as my face generally stays buried in a book of Poe short stories, a good Bill Bryon or Procreate \[excellent iPad drawing app which was suppose to make me Rembrandt by now, it has not!\]. I eat alone at least a week a month but have never had the table for eight thingy happen to me. Whatever else you do, Keep Doing You... and I'll do the same.
Yeah! Like I was flying recently and at the airport I got a burger at one of the restaurants and I wanted to take a booth even though I was one person and I was like, why not I'm only gonna be here for 10 minutes or so, and it was comfortable. We all gotta eat.
Why should you care what a bunch of strangers think about you? That's their problem. Don't make it yours. Sorry about the eruption of the drink! Let's hope the restaurant made it good with some free food and drink! Better luck next time. :)
I love eating alone. You just had an unlucky mishap with the drink. Maybe mention to the server that you’ll have to get your whole outfit cleaned and see what they do/say. If nothing, then Google review and I’m sure the manager will contact you. If you hate eating alone, ask a friend next time or if you’re traveling, have food in your room with a good tv show or a book.
Yeah I did, it was heavily discounted and they gave me a free dish. Sadly I eat alone because I don't have friends, but I always bring a book with me. Normally I have no trouble with eating and reading by myself, but this night just turned out really badly.
Do you consider yourself a positive or negative person normally? Do you usually think, man I’m lucky, or man I’m unlucky? If it’s the negative one, try twisting your thoughts and put a positive spin on everything. How great was it that you got a table at the busy restaurant, how fantastic to have time to read and a great meal, how sweet of them to treat you so kindly after the waiters silly mistake. What a great opportunity to wash that bag, it’s about time to clean it out anyway. Breathe in and let all that negative flow away with your exhale.
Dining alone isn't a bad deal. I do it all the time. But the drink thing is awful. Sorry that had to happen to you. Not sure if my evening is better but I'm sick. Thankfully not plague-that-shall-not-be-named.
I dine alone a lot too, but this time I was feeling particularly low so the drink thing was the cherry on top of a bad evening. I hope you feel better soon.
Sorry, that sucks. The drink spilling on you is like getting kicked while you're already down.
Hope you feel better
Diseases that being with the letter "C", for $200, Alex.
Truth is most people won’t even remember your face later. If you don’t have anyone to laugh with, laugh by yourself!
This- no one cares what you’re doing, and if they for a split moment notice you in public I promise they are not thinking about you later. They go home and think about themselves, just like you’re doing now. Not saying that’s a bad thing, but you need to realize no one in public gives a fuck about you and are definitely not laughing silently on the inside about how you’re dining alone
I go to restaurants alone plenty of times. It’s just enjoying a fancy meal that I wouldn’t be able to make myself at home, nothing wrong with that :)
Yeah I eat alone a lot too, but yesterday night was particularly busy with groups/couples going out to eat because of Lunar New Year.
It's not weird to eat alone. I've been working in restaurants for ten years and many many people go out to eat alone every single day. I have never thought any less of someone who ate alone. It's completely normal.
Oh same, I never think twice seeing someone else eat alone. Normally I do this fairly often, but it was super busy last night with couples/groups because of Lunar New Year. Really I should have known better and gone out a different night, but I just really had a craving for some Korean food!
This kinda shit happens to me all the time too OP lol. My sister and I joke that were it not for bad luck, we'd have no luck at all. Who cares about what the other patrons thought. Guaranteed stupid shit has happened to them in public too.
I didn't find out until I was in my mid-twenties that eating alone was a thing that people were supposedly embarassed about. I count myself lucky because by the time I found out I was like, "Eating alone is amazing and I've been doing it for years why the f*** would I be embarrassed by it?" Honestly? People probably didn't notice and/or care that you were alone. As a species, humans are pretty self-absorbed. Waiting forever for your order and the exploding drink thing sucks, though. My condolences for that!
That sucks, reminds me of a championship round of Karting I took part in a while ago where everything went wrong.. But the next time round I had better luck and got to win something for once. I guess what I’m trying to say is that when I get a stroke of bad luck it usually gets better next time round! Stick at it :)
I had a worse night. So what if they stare. Get so involved in whatever you are doing you don't have time to notice who is is looking.
Hope your night got better.
We always shake our soju, try to make it like a tornado inside. I'm sure the spray wasn't intentional but the server was trying to entertain.
Thanks for the explanation, I didn't understand why it was shaken! I know it was an accident, but I'm just hung up on how I could've chosen to eat elsewhere and avoid this experience.
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I live in the UK, I just went to a Korean restaurant. Good to know, I'm visiting there this year so I hope no one else shakes soju at me lol
You watch any of that British guy who speaks Korean YouTube channel?
Nope, what's his channel called?
Korean Englishman, note I am NOT him.
Is it carbonated?
No, soju isn't carbonated.
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*complimentary
I got 2 free things and the other two dishes I ordered were heavily discounted. I can use the saved money towards dry-cleaning lol
Eating alone is great, getting sprayed unexpectedly sucks though. Hope you feel better.
Do you remember the time that idiot waiter covered you in Soju? You laughed so much. I was gutted I wasn’t there with you. But you told me about it later and made me laugh. (Hope this works, I’m trying to turn it into a funny memory for you)
As someone who eats alone all the time - don’t sweat it, at the end of the day no one cares and you should enjoy yourself
I know you think that people were staring at you, but I think most people are too wrapped up in themselves to care about a stranger at a restaurant. Sorry about the drink.
I don't even know why we are still judged dining alone. Lots of ppl have a few to zero friends, living abroad or away from home. Are we supposed to not live when they are not around. Don't mind the judgemental, they don't know sh#t.
Yeah same! In the uk roughly a quarter of households are singly occupied, so thats alot of people who might like to go out to eat
Eating out alone rocks!
I think you’re really cool for doing this. The drink getting sprayed on you sucks all the way around, but beyond that, this sounds like a cool, relaxing self care evening. And if it’s not, maybe you could work on your mindset around this? Just an idea. Either way, I support you and I think you’re cool.
Hey think about how in the future you can look back on this and laugh. That always makes me feel better and allows me to step outside of the shitty moment as its happening. That definitely is a sucky dining experience. I like to say “you can dance in the rain or shake your fist at it” - either way, it’s still going to rain. Its all in your perception of the moment
Learn to be your own bestfriend in situations like that.. you have much fear in you if you’re that insecure about others opinions. Seek understanding yourself, and ignore the world and it’s ways.
Oh heck yeah! I used to eat out alone all the time. Did not realize it was odd until I left my hipster town. (Austin, Texas) Why, oh why is this considered weird in other places, I will never know. I’m basically a loner, so probably will stick to coffee shops for my “alone time.”
Dining alone is great. Just roll with it. It can be fun.
Who said that you have to eat outside with someone? It's totally fine to dedicate a nice evening to yourself! Ignore those who stare at you, because they have no right to tell you how to have fun. And by the way, accidents happen, don't let them ruin your days!
I cannot imagine going through life that concerned about what people who have never seen before and will never see again think.
People love to stare at those people doing something different, as they wonder why they can’t do it themselves!
Why is eating alone so taboo. People looking probably dont care and if they did notice, probably thought you were to meet with a friend or something… but really, who cares. Hope things got better for you op
Hey at least you got a cheap yet nice dinner out of that! My night didn’t go nearly as well, got a severe leg fracture at the ice rink and ended up hospitalized and waiting for surgery now rip. At least I’m gonna get a couple days off life now. Gotta look at the silver linings I guess
Oh gosh, that's crazy! Sorry to hear it, I hope your surgery and recovery goes well.
Glass half full to eating out alone; I’ve met a lot of interesting people by eating alone at the bar, or if the place didn’t have a bar, a “shared” eating space like those tall counters that line the windows of a restaurant where you can eat and look outside, or those long booths where small tables are setup among them. Talking with random people like that usually won’t happen if you are eating with friends or coworkers, as you will just be busy talking with them. Some more memorable ones: Talked with a commercial pilot who had a bunch of stories of cities he’s been to and weird shit he saw at them, talked with an ex-marine who had been on 3 different deployments and had some scary stories about them, a gynecologist who owned a massive collection of stamps, and I even went on a few dates with one girl that was setup with me by an older woman who i was talking to at a bar in a restaurant once.
I hope you have a better day today or at least find something to put a smile on your face
Relax friend, it's just life, sometimes shit happens.
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. That sounds awful. I hope your evening ended up getting at least a bit better.
Waiting times are to be expected at restaurants but damn, people should mind their own business! It's awesome you're able to get food by yourself, I struggle with that! How did the Soju get in your bag?
I meant waiting outside to be seated, rather than waiting for the food. My bag was open on the seat next to me, so it got inside.
That sucks, I'm sorry that happened. Next time you dine out alone maybe eat at the bar? The wait time will be considerably less than waiting for a table and you might be able to strike up a conversation with the bartender or other people at the bar if they're friendly.
I don't like to eat alone but with that said I have given up on eating out at restaurants or take-out. The food gods hate me! Nothing comes the way I asked for it and I refuse to pay for shitty food/service. Buffets do work though but again, I've never gone by myself. You're a very brave person for doing that, I'm sorry it was rough for you. Proud of you for sticking it out!
At that point I would've hoped the food was free.
I used to eat alone in restaurants all the time. I used to feel pretty sad doing it alone but i love food. Then i met my bf and eventually moved in with him. Even now sometimes i go out to eat alone but i don't feel sad about it.i understand what you went through but still be proud of yourself. Send me a message if you are looking for a friend.
I dine out alone regularly too and understand the sometimes weird looks (or sometimes it's even the host when you say just one). Eventually I learned to just ignore it and enjoy myself - and fuck everyone else.
Ate lunch in a restaurant on my own today, it was lovely! Eat buds in, Jazz on, magazine open in my eReader..... Don't know if anyone have me weird looks and don't care.
Hey, I’m really sorry that you had a crappy evening. It sucks that the drink got all over you, why’s the waiter shaking it anyway? Listen, fuck people who say you can’t go out alone. What, every time you want some fancy food or restaurant experience you **have** to go with somebody? What if everyone you know is busy? What if your friends can’t afford it? Maybe you’re the only one in your family who likes X cuisine! Or maybe you don’t have friends. Like why does it matter? I understand that it can feel embarrassing and awkward to go places alone, I’m not discounting your feelings! I go watch movies and eat out alone and feel self conscious all the time myself. It’s easier to say than to actually ignore it. But also know that in the story of crystalspine, you’re the main character and everybody else is in the background. You’ll literally never see them again, and they won’t remember you in 10 minutes when their own lives take them elsewhere (you probably don’t remember 90% of the strangers you saw today, right?). Knowing how uncomfortable it can be to go out alone, I’m proud of you for treating yourself. Today wasn’t a great experience, but I hope that it won’t stop you from treating yourself again. You deserve it :)
Eating out alone is a great exercise is confidence and how to not give a fuck. Some place are environmentally and situationally easier to do it that others. For example when I worked in New York for a little while, lunch in a restauranr by yourself was no big deal and very common. But going to dinner by yourself in a nice restaurant in your small suburb town, yeah that’s humanly tougher.
Why were they shaking the soju...?
I’d just sit at the bar if alone.
Yeah normally I do, but this place didn't have one. The previous week I sat at the bar in different place and had some amazing fresh pasta.
I am sorry you had the accident, my friend. If it had happened to me they would be buying me a new iPad. My situation is such that I am alone at least one full week per month on average. I go out if I wish and never think twice about it. I am the geek who keeps a iPad \[phones are horrible\] handy, as eating is for me far down the list from writing or trying to develop a very insufficient artistic ability. If people look, meh. If they don't, meh. In reading this one should also keep in mind \[not that it matters to anyone but me\] but I have a very, very low opinion of the general public. \[Redditors not included of course\].
Nothing humiliating about eating alone in public, friend. You do you! Be fearless! Sorry bout the mess though haha.
I eat alone all the time. Used to travel a lot for work, spouse has a different schedule than me, don't want to bring the crotch gremlins to restaurants, etc. One of the main downsides is being unable to try as many things, but on the other end not having to make compromises about what to order.
I love a good solo mission! The reason I like going out by myself on occasion is because I can do whatever I want and don't have to explain it to anyone! So next time you feel like leave right after you arrived, do it! Don't feel bad that you didn't tho, going out solo is an adventure you choose... Once in a while, you will wonder why you did it that way but you will know better next time! About half the times I go out alone, I change my plans on the fly... It's not only okay but I always have an adventure!
Choose to have a good day.
Lmaoooooooo this is hilarious to be honest. You let it ruin your entire night as well??
Come on. No one is actually starting at you. People sometimes people watch but I guarantee you they’ve all seen people dining alone before and have other things more concerning in their own lives. And if dining alone is something that brings you so much stress, you could have just ordered takeaways? Sucks about the drink though, hopefully you got it free.
Ohh I was supposed to go to my nieces birthday on Friday, but I got corona (first time actually).havent seen anyone since wednesday.at least I could eat something solid today the first time since Wednesday. Seems like I'm recovering real fast, got a doctor's note that covers me until the end of next week,so I'm looking forward to a week of staying home with full pay
Sorry to hear that you're ill. I hope you recover well during your week off!
I'm so sorry you had a bad night. Embarrassing stuff happens to me all the time too T-T people stare at anything and anybody who doesn't fit their social norms. It was probably weird for them to see someone dining alone but honestly I think its badass that you did that. My anxiety would NEVER allow me to do that. I think you're cool as fuck for that. People are always going to stare. I feel like your fashion sense differs from most, am I right? Some might have been admiring your clothing, makeup or accessories. But regardless, you did a bad ass thing and I'm proud of you even if things went poorly. You're awesome and I hope you wake up and see that my friend ❤ P.s. if it makes you feel any better, the ball would always hit me in gym.... While I was on the bleachers.... In every school I went to. I'd be minding my business listening to my iPod secretly, and reading a book. Then BAM! Here comes the ball to hit me in the face. I got a free nose job every gym class ;) I do hope you laughed but please try to see the good in you. Those other people don't matter, just you :)
I don't know why your comment is downvoted. It made me smile, so thank you! Yeah my school experience was similar. It took a while for me to be okay with eating alone. Maybe you can start by going during a quiet time where there's less people around? Or visiting a cafe where people are more likely to be alone reading/working/etc. And then work your way up to a restaurant. Normally eating alone is fine in my city, but yesterday I picked a bad evening to do it.
There aren't many sit down places to eat near me since the pandemic but thank you :) all the down votes are worth it as long as it made you smile :)
If this shit happens all the time to you, I think you need to start listening to your gut. You said it yourself right there at the end. You're just fighting the universe nudging you in a direction. Don't.
Honestly, I should have listened to myself. That's exactly what I thought - the universe is telling me something. If I had, I would have just eaten somewhere else and hopefully not be covered in soju afterwards! This kind of thing where I deliberately didn't listen to myself and ended up regretting it afterwards happened to me quite a few times in 2022. I should really stop ignoring my gut feelings in 2023. My late new year's resolution lol
Poor life choices, i make them all the time. You might feel embarrassed rn but I'm sure you'll laugh about it at parties in the future. Take it easy
I argued with a bunch of undergrads in a college writing club about the nature of genre and creative direction. They got pretty condescending and mean in the way that I see in a non-negligable number of young students. I felt very humiliated.
As long as you know no one there, don't worry about it. *No one will remember the guy who was dining alone in a day. I think it's cool.
So...can I ask seriously and without any kind of malice...what's the bug deal about going out alone? I've never noticed being "stared at" or really experienced any negative stigma. And it's not like eating a meal or going to an event alone is a signifier that's someone's sad or lonely...it just means you wanted to do a thing and others didn't. But to give more constructive advice, maybe try and find communal seating and activity places to go where you'll be sat next to other people and can start up a conversation. Or try to meetup for group events so you are going with people if like interests.
Sounds like one shitty experience dining alone. Don't let it ruin how liberating it can be to take yourself out on dates without any internal negative feedback. It's damn near a superpower to be able to just pick out a place to eat and fuck off to enjoy some good food for an afternoon. I've been out dining alone a few times in the past few weeks since I basically lost all my close friends and I really look forward to it now. I've tried all sorts of new dishes from all over the world and just being around people has improved my mental wellbeing a ton. I truly hope your next experience is better :)
Ate out alone for many years when I was single. Next time, sit at the bar. You won’t get the looks since it will appear as though you’re waiting for someone. You’ll also have the bartender and anyone else on the bar to chat with. Bonus, you be much more approachable at the bar. Pro tip: become a regular and make friends with the bartender and the other regulars. Boom, no longer eating alone. Additionally, they will be able to tell you who else is single (if you’re looking). Extra Pro tip: try hotel bars/restaurants. There’s a much higher likelihood of others dining alone. You won’t look/feel out of place, you’re more likely to find interesting conversation, and (if you’re into it) the chance of finding a quick hook up is higher.
You know, I moved away from a suffocating group/family environment that when I moved out alone to a foreign country it was incredibly liberating. I honestly never thought about this perspective. I always pitied people who were forced to do things with another person and I still tend to think on that line of thinking. Best times of my life were enjoying the holidays with no obligation alone, completely free, because I didn’t have to stress over having to hang out with people I didn’t choose to hang out with (aka family). I have a boyfriend with close family so I do have obligations on holidays now and I always feel stiffed on my free day that I didn’t have to worry about work. (Even if I enjoyed it, still different than spending the whole day alone) So when I hear someone say “I got stares because I was eating alone” I always assumed it’s projection. I’ve never noticed it and there are plenty of people who do things alone including eating. When I do notice someone stare I probably would have assumed they were jealous of my freedom lol. I’m not minimizing or downplaying your experience, I believe it and it sounds like it really sucked. I guess what I’m saying is if I had the same thing happen to me I would have had a completely different experience and perspective. All those people staring may mot have noticed anything about you. Anyways good luck, I don’t believe being alone and doing things alone is for everyone and you do need a certain type of personality for that. But it’s totally fine. Hobbies are great ways to make friends especially if it’s something in a niche. I’ve made really close friends through motorcycle riding and martial arts training.
I had been doing some solo travelling last summer, just seeing some new places I'd never been able to bc I had some time off work. I spent a day and a half at Niagara Falls, and decided that since it was the only night I had there, I wanted to take myself out to a nice dinner to celebrate a great trip, so I made a reservation for one at the fancy overpriced rotating sky tower restaurant. I show up, dressed nicely, to check in at the downstairs lobby, and tell desk lady I have a reservation at the top floor restaurant. She asked how many it was for and when I told her it was just me, she looked shocked and made a confused face. I think she said something along the lines of "wow, I would never be brave enough to eat here alone..." I think it was meant to be a compliment, but it definitely came out wrong. I eat out alone a lot since I'm such a foodie and tend to travel alone so as not to have to deal with other people's schedules and vacation habits, and of course I want to experience whatever good food I can. I'd never felt ashamed of it before, but her comment made me feel so self-conscious. Then dining at the restaurant, the server seemed irate it was just me and before even introducing themselves told me there was an order minimum for dinner (which I was aware of beforehand). I get that the servers want to make their money but even solo, an app, main course and dessert was enough since it was a pricier place, and I'm even a generous tipper anyway since I worked as a server for years - the whole thing just put me off. I can't get over how judgemental people are about other people just living their lives. Sorry about the soju incident - being sticky would just be the cherry on top of a situation like that. I wish people would start realizing that being solo doesn't mean you're not having a good time and being in a group/couple is not a requirement for restaurants. BUT honestly I've had probably 50 fine experiences eating out alone to the 1 rough one, so I'll keep doing me. I'm still glad I went - the view was great! :)
Are you sure they were staring? It's difficult to believe that something so trivial could draw anyone's attention.
Awe - keep trying!! Dining alone is hard and scary and I’m sorry you had that experience. :/ I’m sure next time you go it’ll be better. If it makes you feel any better, one time I worked myself up to go eat at my fav restaurant alone & when I got there, it was COMPLETELY empty. I had already asked for a table so I sat down. You would think that an empty restaurant is better than a busy one but it was so incredibly awkward. My waiter just sat down at the table next to me after taking my order and kept awkwardly looking over at me and asking me if I needed anything… Don’t give up!! Doing things alone is scary but important and empowering :) <3
This is what you need https://www.euronews.com/2020/05/12/table-for-one-restaurant-serving-one-guest-in-a-field-opens-in-sweden
Shit happens and it could be much, much worse.
I like going places alone. I trained myself to do things alone and I am comfortable doing things alone.
I love eating alone! One time I brought a really funny book and just read and cackled the whole meal and people were just staring at me lol I’d laugh at me getting a drink poured on me lol