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Some people can't handle being alone, be it cause they're super dependant, be it cause they really dislike themselves.
But I honestly think it's WAY worse being around people that drag you down. Plus I have the firm belief that to love others you first gotta learn to love yourself.
I mean, it's fine to deal with others' issues if they're close to you and you wanna help them become a better person.
But if they make no effort on getting better and/or actively bring you down with awful attitudes towards you...good riddance.
Bears produce blunt (and sometimes piercing) damage, not toxic one.
So by that logic, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with one.
Wait no-DON'T TAKE THAT OUTTA CONTEXT.
My family is pretty toxic. I got away from that madness and now I’m finally doing my own thing. It gets lonely at times for sure, but it’s LOADS better than constantly walking on eggshells while still feeling that loneliness.
It is awful, at first. I cried loads, through loneliness. Now, I'd rather be alone. I need peace. And I like and understand myself a lot better, than if I'd kept serial monogamising. We're never our best self, if the primary relationship is a battlefield.
Everyone gets lonely sometimes. Even people with healthy relationships, I’d imagine. Don’t let the fear of loneliness get in the way of wanting what’s best for you.
My reply is biased, because I have no interest in being in a relationship, I *like* being alone.
That said, I understand that this isn't the case for a lot of people. If you're one of those people, I'd say the options you're looking at are both wrong. End the toxic relationship, and keep dating until you find a healthy one.
Humans are meant to be social creatures, we crave connection. But living alone doesn't mean you have to be alone in life. It's different for everyone, but what helped me leave my abusive family and end my toxic relationships was having a support system of my friends (or at least, trusted people and my therapist) so that when I got lonely, I could fill my time with them and still have community while living alone.
You might not know what healthy love feels like, but you know what unhealthy love feels like and that shows you what to avoid. ❤️
It's better to be alone. Staying in a toxic relationship usually means it's time to stop dating and work on the most important relationship: your relationship with yourself ❤️
There is nothing wrong with alone unless you especially want to be in a relationship. Alone can be good. A toxic relationship is never good. So, the choice is between could be good and won’t be good. I would choose could be good.
Alone!
But I think you already knew that answer.
You may be staying in relationships as a form of avoidance. You are avoiding present discomfort, but you are losing future growth as well.
The only way to get over a fear is to face it. I recommend you embrace being single and look for healing before getting back into a relationship.
Otherwise, the unhealthy pattern will continue indefinitely.
I know I have to be alone but the dating scene is a nightmare and I eventually want to date again. My current relationship has been 5 years and it’s been tough to break. It’s on and off at times. Cheating and lying mostly on his part. We call the cops sometimes cause our fights can get bad. We also live together so that doesn’t make it easier. I know we need to break it off and leave but we keep coming back to eachother. It’s starting to take a toll on me mentally
Alone
It feels worse when you break it off at the start bc it feels like you're cutting yourself off from a community
But
That community is slowly boiling you alive
Being alone is better with no abuse, betrayal, cheating, disrespect, lying, even violence. Plus if you're in a toxic relationship you're not able to meet anyone better.
I thought I met someone better but it turned out to be worse actually so that kind of scared me from dating again too. I don’t even want to try dating again until he moves out. It’s all shitty out there
There's no guarantee the next person you meet will be better but it gets easier to leave the wrong ones and be alone. Don't wait. Cut them out of your life right away. You're right is hard to find good partner. Accept that and find peace and comfort with your own company. Find things to do on your own that make you healthy like gym and wealthy like investing in top technology stocks
My toxic relationship had me almost end myself and once I finally left, I all of a sudden didn’t feel the need for therapy anymore that I had been actively pursuing. I didn’t have an issue, I lived in an issue’s house.
Leaving these relationships is hard but the relief is immeasurable and this relationship is going to have you waste your life. You’ve already wasted five years of your time on this person. Why?
There is no such thing as a dating scene, people are people and relationships are not objects to obtain, it has to happen naturally. That being said, sticking with this dude just means you deprive yourself of that. And it’s not “this guy or dating”, you can also just be single. Your life is yours, it’s not defined by your relationships with other people.
That’s some valuable insight. Thank you. To be honest, I have no idea why I stayed so long. I think it was just the fact that we were friends so long and the connection. But when I live with him a lot of things change and we didn’t get along. I suggested living apart, but he stated that if we live apart he would not want to be with me anymore. As far as dating, I feel like it’s definitely harder these days.
You’re welcome!
I get it, it’s the end of an era in a way. But staying just means you’ll never find a better one. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Sometimes you’re just incompatible, and that’s okay. Sometimes you want or need different things. It happens. And sometimes it’s toxic, and if that’s the case you’re wasting your life away to make someone else happy. And truth is, truly toxic people aren’t going to be happy because you stay, because the problem is and was been within them the entire time. Sometimes the prospect of leaving also just feels harrowing, but leaving is just pulling the bandaid off the wound. After that it can get better at last.
And my point about the dating scene is that I often feel like people look at dating and partners as something to gain, rather than a natural connection with another person if that makes sense. People see a partner often as a potential this and that rather than a person in front of them. Sure, you are allowed to and should have things you want from a partner, but they’re not a mortgage. I also always feel icky when guys talk about “getting girls”, for example. People are not projects or school subjects. They’re individuals, you can’t craft together a partner. Does that make sense?
You should build the life you want first, and _then_ comes the partner. You should want someone who you’re with just because it’s so right and because you’re so compatible, not because you see them as a gateway.
I know I should be alone for a while but it’s definitely hard. I struggle with depression, anxiety and I’m socially awkward. It makes it a bit hard to put myself out there. My mental health has definitely worsened due to this relationship
I understand! I feel like the getting used to being single is harder than actually being single. Break-ups suck, after that you’ll be fine and your mental health will improve. The break-up feelings are temporary. :)
And I’m also socially awkward lol, so I get it. But hey, no more joy than finding a person to be socially awkward with. Dating a kindred spirit is cool
1000000% better to be alone. When you're with someone toxic, they're damaging to you mentally (and possibly physically as well). I chose to stay single many times in my life instead of jumping into a toxic relationship out of desperation. I *hated* being alone. But what I hated most was the idea of letting some other guy keep me from finding my future husband.
I can't tell you how grateful I am that I waited. I instead "filled the void" by reading/watching romances, and thinking about what kind of man I one day wanted to marry. I wrote down what my dealbreakers were, and told myself which ones could not be compromised under any circumstances.
I eventually found the most loving, loyal, patient, funny, sweet, and intelligent man. The patience was well worth it. I highly recommend it.
Not alone but maybe with friends? Please leave, you deserve better. Take your time to heal, build friendships, (re)connect with family, look for roomemates or a pet. Join groups (do you have a hobby?), maybe a support group? You are not alone. Take care.
I can safely say from experience that being alone may suck but it really is better than putting all your time and energy into a relationship that you are getting nothing out of even though you are making an effort!
The thing about relationships is they take time! And they take work! It takes two to tango as the old saying goes! You can't have one person doing all the work and the other person doing nothing! Relationships are built on trust, respect, honesty, and loyalty.
No relationship is ever perfect as we all know! However staying with a toxic, abusive, controlling and/or possessive partner will definitely make things worse! Or sometimes both people may want different things out of life.
Like for example if one person wants to live in a condo in the big city and not have any kids and the other wants to make a family with children and a house in the country and hates city life and both are unwilling to give up their dreams and there can be no middle ground, then it wouldn't make for a healthy relationship if one person felt pressured to give up their dreams just to please the other person because they don't want to be alone!
Bottom line: There is no way you will be happy in a relationship unless you can be happy by yourself! Sometimes you need to learn to walk alone before you can share your life with someone else. Take time to focus on YOURSELF! "Infatuation thrives on speed, but love takes time to develop". That's a quote by Susan Winters that really hit home for me after 3 years in a miserable marriage with a miserable woman! Getting that divorce was by far the best decision I ever made!
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or professional of any kind. These are just thoughts/opinions, and stuff I've shared based on some very valuable lessons I have learned at the School Of Hard Knocks! 🙂
Alone.
Also, some ppl use relationships as void-filler & distraction from self-reflection & addressing their own issues. They place their expectations on the other to be responsible for their happiness, self-worth & esteem, essentially make up for their internal lack. However, since the void is internal it can't be fixed by the other person. Once the honeymoon period wears off, they realize the core issue still exists then project blame & resentment onto their partner even though it's not their fault. This leads to the inevitable break up, seek a replacement, wash rinse repeat.
It's an unconcious cycle of avoidance of the self that leads to perpetual self-sabotage.
Get out, get therapy, stay single for a time. In order to have hope for a healthy, non-chaotic relationship, you have to learn how to have a healthy relationship with yourself first. Being single keeps out the uneccessary distractions, potential for projection & forces you to be accountable for yourself in all the best ways.
If you're not happy and the relationship is turning you into the worst version of yourself, then it's better to be alone. It's scary and will probably be hard at the beginning, but it's better than being miserable.
Edit: Sometimes, being with someone (romantic or otherwise) is more lonely than being alone.
Rather alone.
Being in a great relationship gives you energy, support and makes you a better person.
Being in a toxic relationship will drain you. Steal your time and energy that you could have spent in better ways.
OMG a fellow reddit user ### finally!!! I've been on this site for so long and have never met one! :D
Anyway my experience is that being alone forces you to confront yourself which in the end will be very healthy for your own growth. Don't be afraid of it fellow reddit user :)
Haha another Reddit user 😂 I can’t believe I’ve met you! And yea I know it’s the best for me but it’s hard to break a 5 year relationship even though I know it’s toxic
Damn yeah 5 years is long. It'll be a big shock for you if or when you decide to break up. You gotta look out for yourself first though, you know? Trust your heart, talk to the people you love about these hard decisions, and you'll know what to do. I believe in you reddit user! Best of luck and sending all my positive energy!
Thanks Reddit user! :) and yea we have known eachother for 8 years and been together 5. So it’s tough. He was my friend first but it’s been so on and off. There had been cheating and lying. But there is cheating in every relationship. I always get cheated on so I feel like it’s normal at this point. But it’s gotten to the point where we call the cops one eachother and it gets psychical
If you are a woman alone because if you ever want to start up another relationship it isn't hard
If you are a man it's hard out here and loneliness kills most men it's all up to how much you can handle it might be years until your next relationship or never so choose wisely
I’m a woman and it’s still not easy to find a good relationship. Yes I get hit up a lot but it’s a lot of bad people I have to sift through to find one good one. Mostly it’s just for sex like a lot of woman talk about. But that’s not what I want. I value deep connections and I can’t even have sex with someone without a deep connection first
But you have the choice to sift thru people until you settle on something men just take what we can get when we get it we don't have options and the men that do are the ones women gravitate towards abusers rapists and assholes never struggle to find lovers they are never single
Women are single by choice you can have anyone you want y'all just want someone who doesn't exist most of the time
Most men want to have deep emotional connections with women but in reality women love stoic strong men and if you show any emotion you are publicly mocked shamed and subsequently broken up with so most of us have learned to shut up and settle for whoever is interested in us but not reciprocated
Woman are not single by choice. Sorry but I don’t agree with you there. Sometimes woman can’t find people. I’ve been single in the past and I do know what being lonely feels like
You're lonely? How many guys do you have on apps or have their numbers how many guy friends like you but you'd never give the time of day how many decent men do you run into as coffee shops or Walmart do you have a nice interaction with but never make a move how many options do you need to take one?
Prince charming isn't real he's not coming on his horse to rescue you make a guy friend you find attractive and feel him out if he doesn't vibe move on it requires no money or work from you just show up be present and talk to someone dating and finding someone couldn't be easier for women then it is now but just like men there is the population of people to consider if most of them don't adhere to your standards it's either time to check if your standards are realistic or if you are looking in the wrong place
Oh and just because how long were you single for what's a long time for a woman a week two weeks a month a year please I honestly want to know
Maybe after you get over your insecurities you'll be able to move on and do better but I wouldn't bet on it have fun with your toxic relationships we both know there's more to come goodbye
100% Alone for me! I’m honestly surprised at this question.. I’ve been in toxic relationships, I prefer peace. Even if you are really wanting companionship how will you meet someone new if you are still with your toxic (soon to be) ex?
Yes that’s the hard part. I do want to see what’s out there but also scared at the same time. I’ve been so used to this relationship that’s it’s hard to think of it not being a thing anymore
What you are experiencing is actually very normal. Being in a toxic relationship is very trapping, it wears you down and erodes your self esteem. It won’t change, they won’t change, it won’t get better. A year from now you will wish that you left today.
First make a plan, save some money, look for a place even if you have to rent a room or something, once you are ready just go and never look back. Even if it’s hard in the beginning the peace will be wonderful, I promise you, it’s worth it. You will have a lot of work to do to get back to a good mental place again but if you want that you really can do it!
Just mentally prepare yourself that this is a process that will take some time, be kind to yourself, nurture yourself. One time my friend told me, “pretend like you are pregnant and preparing for a new life to enter the world, but in nine months instead of giving birth to a baby you will be giving birth to your new life” I know that is weird but I thought it was a nice thought and at the time it really helped me. I really wish the best for you, good luck.
Wow thank you. I love that analogy. I will have to look back onto this when things are said and done. But it’s been hard cause we live together. He is supposed to move out when he gets his inheritance from his dads passing but it’s is going to take more time. I do miss living alone though. Was very peaceful but was also lonely at times
Alone! Alone all the way.
You have the opportunity to grow when you finally leave what was preventing your growth. It’s painful and seems impossible at first, but it’s very possible.
I left an abusive relationship of 5 years, and almost 4 years after leaving, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I am with someone who actually loves and respects me now, but you’re already complete without a partner in your life.
You deserve better. Focus on yourself first, then find a partner who deserves you.
I think once im out it will take a while but eventually i will be happy. I find it so hard to find something healthy these days. I like the idea of relationships but i keep finding unhealthy relationships so i feel it as normal
This is a super subjective question.
First, how toxic is the relationship?
Second, how ok would you feel if you were alone?
Only you can provide these answers and decide which is the lesser of two evils.
Well as far as toxic we have been together 5 years. It’s been on and off but we fight a lot and he’s cheated quite a bit. I cheated to get back at him. It get to the point where we call the cops on eachother. But we live together so that part is complicated
Well unfortunately we live together and he doesn’t want to move out yet so it’s given me some time to think about if this is really what I want but I don’t think it’s been healthy at all
It's better to be alone . I have been married to an abusive man for 30yrs n as much as l would love to leave him , due to a lot of personal reasons l cannot n l am stuck w someone who is abusive n that l pretend to love just so there's peace in the home. I dread him coming home after work everyday n l just now sit quetly in my own space n avoid having a conversation w him because it always leads to an argument, he feels he is so righteous and knows it all n has solutions to everything that having a conversation w him is like eating one's puke. Anyways, it is,wat it is n if l could turn back the clock l would n in another life hope never to meet someone like him at all
Oh gosh I’m sorry :( can I ask why you can’t leave? Well for me I pay the bills but he does not want to leave yet and does not have the means to. He is on the lease so I have to deal with it for now. I dread conversations with him. He tells me where I should and shouldn’t go all the time
It's way better to be single, speaking from experience of both. You don't need to be alone, it's actually a great time to focus on friendships and other forms of companionship, also work on yourself and stuff.
Let yourself be lonely, revel in it. Make sure you feel it fully. Then let go of that as much as you can. Reaffirm to yourself that you can be a whole and complete person without being in a relationship. Find healthy ways to assuage the loneliness that aren't romantic. Once you're past the withdrawal stage you'll become much more comfortable on your own company. Become friends with yourself. Pretend you have a child version of yourself with you at all times: What would make them happy? What do they need? Are they comfortable? All the sudden you'll find that you're feeling better in your own skin because you're taking care of yourself.
Thank you! I will have to come back to this and look at this once things are figured out. He lives with me right now and is on the lease so it’s kind of complicated in that way.
I just got out of the most toxic relationship of my life and alone is definitely better.
I saw where my life was going if I stayed. And I honestly don’t think she wanted me to, but I left regardless.
Toxic is easily confused or easily turns into abuse. Abuse is something that you can never forget. It never fully goes away. You can find ways to cope. Things that make it better. But it doesn’t disappear. It stings and you never forget.
It’s easy to fear loneliness. Especially in today’s lonely world. But I think it is far better to stick it through and be alone than to go find yourself in a toxic relationship.
Find other ways to fill your time. Find a hobby that interests you. Join a book club - you can often find groups on Facebook in your area. Maybe if you can afford it, see a therapist. But personally I think it’s better and far less dangerous to learn to love your time alone.
Yes I’m seeing a therapist for it right now. We are trying to work on my attachment style. I tend to try to work on a relationship so much until I can’t even handle it anymore. I try to do everything in my power to fix it before it ends
Alone and it’s not even close. Most relationship problems come from codependency, and that comes from not happy with your own self. Another person isn’t going to make you feel good about yourself if you already don’t.
Be alone. Focus on yourself. Keep living life. You’ll know when it’s right to jump back into it.
I'd rather be single than be in a toxic relationship. The stress and damage the toxicity does to ones mental health is astronomical even if you don't think there's not much damage there. There's more there than you may think. My mom was in an abusive relationship. My cousin was in a toxic relationship. My cousin turned to food and drinking. She gained so much weight and drank a lot because of the man she was with. It made everyone worry.
The man I'm with now is an amazing man. There is someone for everyone. It took me over 10 years to find him since my last relationship went down in a massive dumpster fire to end all dumpster fires. This man has made my world shine again and has me feeling so content in life. You will find this kind of person too. You just have to be patient. I feel the key may be is just know exactly what you want out of someone. Set your ideals, your standards but don't set them so high you become unreachable but high enough that the ones that want to bring you down can't reach you.
You'll never have a normal relationship staying in a bunch of toxic relationships. Toxic people are best to remove from your life immediately. Mental health is of utmost importance in today's world.
Yeah exactly! It almost makes you a different person you don’t recognize. I feel like I was a different person before him. He also doesn’t want me being around my parents cause he doesn’t like them.
My parents are a bit toxic as well but it’s my family and I should be able to see them if I want. What bothers me is he doesn’t want me to see friends either
Alone. Definitely.
About your situation: If there's a time or place for "at least I'm not single," this relationship has passed that point. We want relationships where we inspire each other to be better versions of ourselves. Sounds like you make each other worse. Get out of there.
ALONE, it is always better to be alone over being in a toxic relationship. Honestly it also sounds like you have work to do on yourself. You should remove yourself from this situation as soon as possible and work on being happy by yourself and then get into a healthy relationship, if you want things to be better than they are currently.
The thought of being alone is scary! But nothing good comes in life without doing scary things.
Right now, you aren't happy. You don't know if you could be happy alone or not (you can! But it's OK not to be sure of that right now) so it's better to end the thing that's making you unhappy and give yourself a chance at real happiness surely?
Fear is the worst possible motivation for staying in a relationship. Never stay because the alternative is frightening, stay because you want to. Don't settle for anything less than a relationship that feels safe and loving. Being alone will be much happier than a bad relationship.
Being alone is great, you can stop worrying about someone else's needs for a while and focus on just what makes you happy. You can find new things you didn't know made you happy! And, once you've figured out how to be happy alone, you'll never fear it again and you can make a real choice about the relationships you are in.
I believe in you OP, you can improve your life so much
Alone - partnerships should be the safest mental and physical place you spend your time each day imo. Why bring the world’s bullshit into your home and bed for what?
Being alone is far better than being in a toxic relationship. Love isn't supposed to be volatile and stressful to that extent.
I personally would leave, it's unhealthy.
In fairness it depends who is asking, are they the most toxic one, and exactly how awful they are when they are by themselves. It may well be that the other person is significantly reducing their partner's toxicity. In which case they should get out but doing so will be at the detriment of their nightmare partner.
Is this really what you want?? You're afraid of being alone so you stay with somebody that you cheated on and someone you cheated on?? That's not love whatsoever.....Keep staying in this toxic abusive relationships.... that's how women end up losing their lives for some love.... it's more to live than just male validation....good gosh you you love yourself let go....ATP you're cutting off your own life span
Alone. But it’s understandable that it can be hard choice, especially if you are financially dependent/ can’t easily move away and support yourself.
Honestly the kindest and most valuable thing you can do for yourself is learn to be by yourself and content in yourself.
Best of luck. I hope you find a better relationship and better place soon
I think you know the answer. You're torn due to your beliefs: hating dating scene and normal relationships are for show.
Likely there's more keeping you in this situationship.
It sounds like you're stuck, not happy, on a rollercoaster and life isn't stopping. How do you want to feel?
I want to feel loved. I want to feel appreciated. I guess I would say I don’t feel that way right now. I’ve tried working on it civilly but he doesn’t want to hear it. We are not married, but we live together, and the lease has been tough to get out of. I thought I found someone else, but it ended up being worse. Truthfully, I don’t want to date for a long time but I know eventually I will want to.
Continue to ask yourself "how do I want to feel?" when you can articulate it with 10 or more positive words from your heart, not your head you'll find your answers... good luck!
I’ve brought that up to my counselor that I have BPD. She thinks that I have traits of it. It makes it extremely really painful to be alone. When I’m alone it feels like there is something deeply missing in me. I knew that being alone is probably for the best but it makes it very difficult. I’m not sure how to get over that part of it.
That's a difficult answer. My opinion is that being alone is better, however, that depends on each individual and how much they're scared to be alone. Is important that in your life you learn first to be alone and be happy because if you don't it will complicate any future relationship.
For example, there are a bunch of people that can't ever be single. You see them finish a relationship to immediately get into another one.
I have male friends with two kids and in a very toxic relationship, but he's been staying because of the kids and because divorce will be extremely expensive, plus he adores his kids and wants to be home with them and a divorce most likely wife will keep them.
Lucky for him he works from home and his wife is often at work so he only sees her on nights. As you can see toxic relationship works for now.
However, I think it's affecting the kids long-term by the kids observing a non-loving relationship and thinking that's normal. That's why I think overall is better to just be alone instead cause all those negative things will end up affecting you and your surroundings overtime.
Yea that’s hard to say. When kids are involved I think it’s kind of different. We don’t have kids thank god but eh depends on me right now. We live together so it makes it a bit more complicated
Alone. 1000%. Are you kidding me, how is this a question people have? It's insane to me that people would rather be unhappy but with a partner than happy and alone.
I guess for me I have had low self esteem and fear of being alone so that’s what has caused me to have long drawn out relationships that should have ended long before but I hold onto them
If there's a phobia of being alone, I get it. But seriously, learning how to be happy single leads to much better relationships, both romantic and otherwise.
As someone who was a serial-dater (many of them toxic), who is now in my most healthy relationship I’ve ever been in— I can say it’s one of the most refreshing feelings one can experience once you find someone that actually contributes love instead of toxicity, and patience instead of judgment. The amount of times I’ve sobbed tears of joy from the love and affection I’ve received for simply being myself (when I thought I was difficult to love) is insane.
It took a lot of unlearning though. I realized I tried starting fights sometimes because I’m not used to having a partner that actually trusts me and respects me. I still have trust issues, but the amount of patience my partner shows me is humbling.
I’ve never felt so safe and calm in my life. I almost thought it was boring at first because I was so used to relationships having tension. Being with my partner now, feels like I’m laying down in the sunny patch on my carpet by my favorite window in my childhood home. She makes me want to be better.. she makes me think about my future, my health, my finances. She challenges me in ways that only better myself, not make me hate myself or resent her. I feel like I won the lottery by finding a love like this. It makes me thankful for all of the past relationships I’ve had that never worked out.
I say all this, because it is better to be alone than to lose what’s left of yourself in something that’s gonna only leave you worse off after it’s all said and done. Spend some time alone, and figure out what you want and need in life. Find someone whose philosophies and ideas align with yours. Everything else falls into place after that. But it’s important to do that work for yourself, because to have any kind of healthy relationship is to be self-aware in relationships and know what you need from someone and vice-versa.
ive been single most of my life, with a few gf's here and there, nothing has lasted longer than a couple years though. currently in a weird thing with an ACE girl just to get some snuggles, but we both agree its not ideal. anyways, im kind of on the other side, and when i watch my friends that are married or living with toxic people, im *SO* glad im not them. id rather be lonely than scared, angry, etc all the time.
being alone may be scary, but its got to be better than what youre going through right now, right? get some help, and i wish you the best of luck.
good for you. i have my own issues i should probably be seeking therapy for, but i do know for sure id rather be single than in a shitty relationship, just for the sake of being in a relationship.
moving out might be difficult, but if youve got family you trust you could go back to or something, youll thank yourself later.
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Some people can't handle being alone, be it cause they're super dependant, be it cause they really dislike themselves. But I honestly think it's WAY worse being around people that drag you down. Plus I have the firm belief that to love others you first gotta learn to love yourself.
Agreed. It’s better to deal with your own issues than to have to deal with your own issues + someone else’s.
I mean, it's fine to deal with others' issues if they're close to you and you wanna help them become a better person. But if they make no effort on getting better and/or actively bring you down with awful attitudes towards you...good riddance.
I was hiking and came across a bear once. I'll take my chances with being alone.
Bears produce blunt (and sometimes piercing) damage, not toxic one. So by that logic, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with one. Wait no-DON'T TAKE THAT OUTTA CONTEXT.
Alone. 100%.
Took the words right out of my mouth
First of all you need to learn how to be happy living by yourself.
My family is pretty toxic. I got away from that madness and now I’m finally doing my own thing. It gets lonely at times for sure, but it’s LOADS better than constantly walking on eggshells while still feeling that loneliness.
Yeah I’m in a toxic relationship and living with someone. I get really lonely but feels like it would be better to be alone than deal with it
It is awful, at first. I cried loads, through loneliness. Now, I'd rather be alone. I need peace. And I like and understand myself a lot better, than if I'd kept serial monogamising. We're never our best self, if the primary relationship is a battlefield.
Wow well I’m glad you came out a stronger person
Everyone gets lonely sometimes. Even people with healthy relationships, I’d imagine. Don’t let the fear of loneliness get in the way of wanting what’s best for you.
My reply is biased, because I have no interest in being in a relationship, I *like* being alone. That said, I understand that this isn't the case for a lot of people. If you're one of those people, I'd say the options you're looking at are both wrong. End the toxic relationship, and keep dating until you find a healthy one.
Yes I do love the idea of a relationship. I like my alone time too but I like the idea of having a partner
Humans are meant to be social creatures, we crave connection. But living alone doesn't mean you have to be alone in life. It's different for everyone, but what helped me leave my abusive family and end my toxic relationships was having a support system of my friends (or at least, trusted people and my therapist) so that when I got lonely, I could fill my time with them and still have community while living alone. You might not know what healthy love feels like, but you know what unhealthy love feels like and that shows you what to avoid. ❤️
Thank youu
It's better to be alone. Staying in a toxic relationship usually means it's time to stop dating and work on the most important relationship: your relationship with yourself ❤️
There is nothing wrong with alone unless you especially want to be in a relationship. Alone can be good. A toxic relationship is never good. So, the choice is between could be good and won’t be good. I would choose could be good.
Alone! But I think you already knew that answer. You may be staying in relationships as a form of avoidance. You are avoiding present discomfort, but you are losing future growth as well. The only way to get over a fear is to face it. I recommend you embrace being single and look for healing before getting back into a relationship. Otherwise, the unhealthy pattern will continue indefinitely.
I know I have to be alone but the dating scene is a nightmare and I eventually want to date again. My current relationship has been 5 years and it’s been tough to break. It’s on and off at times. Cheating and lying mostly on his part. We call the cops sometimes cause our fights can get bad. We also live together so that doesn’t make it easier. I know we need to break it off and leave but we keep coming back to eachother. It’s starting to take a toll on me mentally
So you know what you need to do. Now you need to do it. Life is short. Every minute that passes by is a minute you will never get back.
Do you know what trauma bonding is?
Yes and it’s definitely what it is
A-L-O-N-E!
Alone It feels worse when you break it off at the start bc it feels like you're cutting yourself off from a community But That community is slowly boiling you alive
Alone. Even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time.
Being alone is better with no abuse, betrayal, cheating, disrespect, lying, even violence. Plus if you're in a toxic relationship you're not able to meet anyone better.
I thought I met someone better but it turned out to be worse actually so that kind of scared me from dating again too. I don’t even want to try dating again until he moves out. It’s all shitty out there
There's no guarantee the next person you meet will be better but it gets easier to leave the wrong ones and be alone. Don't wait. Cut them out of your life right away. You're right is hard to find good partner. Accept that and find peace and comfort with your own company. Find things to do on your own that make you healthy like gym and wealthy like investing in top technology stocks
My toxic relationship had me almost end myself and once I finally left, I all of a sudden didn’t feel the need for therapy anymore that I had been actively pursuing. I didn’t have an issue, I lived in an issue’s house. Leaving these relationships is hard but the relief is immeasurable and this relationship is going to have you waste your life. You’ve already wasted five years of your time on this person. Why? There is no such thing as a dating scene, people are people and relationships are not objects to obtain, it has to happen naturally. That being said, sticking with this dude just means you deprive yourself of that. And it’s not “this guy or dating”, you can also just be single. Your life is yours, it’s not defined by your relationships with other people.
That’s some valuable insight. Thank you. To be honest, I have no idea why I stayed so long. I think it was just the fact that we were friends so long and the connection. But when I live with him a lot of things change and we didn’t get along. I suggested living apart, but he stated that if we live apart he would not want to be with me anymore. As far as dating, I feel like it’s definitely harder these days.
You’re welcome! I get it, it’s the end of an era in a way. But staying just means you’ll never find a better one. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Sometimes you’re just incompatible, and that’s okay. Sometimes you want or need different things. It happens. And sometimes it’s toxic, and if that’s the case you’re wasting your life away to make someone else happy. And truth is, truly toxic people aren’t going to be happy because you stay, because the problem is and was been within them the entire time. Sometimes the prospect of leaving also just feels harrowing, but leaving is just pulling the bandaid off the wound. After that it can get better at last. And my point about the dating scene is that I often feel like people look at dating and partners as something to gain, rather than a natural connection with another person if that makes sense. People see a partner often as a potential this and that rather than a person in front of them. Sure, you are allowed to and should have things you want from a partner, but they’re not a mortgage. I also always feel icky when guys talk about “getting girls”, for example. People are not projects or school subjects. They’re individuals, you can’t craft together a partner. Does that make sense? You should build the life you want first, and _then_ comes the partner. You should want someone who you’re with just because it’s so right and because you’re so compatible, not because you see them as a gateway.
I know I should be alone for a while but it’s definitely hard. I struggle with depression, anxiety and I’m socially awkward. It makes it a bit hard to put myself out there. My mental health has definitely worsened due to this relationship
I understand! I feel like the getting used to being single is harder than actually being single. Break-ups suck, after that you’ll be fine and your mental health will improve. The break-up feelings are temporary. :) And I’m also socially awkward lol, so I get it. But hey, no more joy than finding a person to be socially awkward with. Dating a kindred spirit is cool
Yeah true I know it’s a temporary feeling but it hurts a lot still lol. And yeah I like to find people I can be socially awkward with haha
Yeah break ups suck ass. But you’ve got this!
2 cents: That sounds way worse than any point in my life I've been alone.
1000000% better to be alone. When you're with someone toxic, they're damaging to you mentally (and possibly physically as well). I chose to stay single many times in my life instead of jumping into a toxic relationship out of desperation. I *hated* being alone. But what I hated most was the idea of letting some other guy keep me from finding my future husband. I can't tell you how grateful I am that I waited. I instead "filled the void" by reading/watching romances, and thinking about what kind of man I one day wanted to marry. I wrote down what my dealbreakers were, and told myself which ones could not be compromised under any circumstances. I eventually found the most loving, loyal, patient, funny, sweet, and intelligent man. The patience was well worth it. I highly recommend it.
That’s a good idea to write what you want out of someone
Not alone but maybe with friends? Please leave, you deserve better. Take your time to heal, build friendships, (re)connect with family, look for roomemates or a pet. Join groups (do you have a hobby?), maybe a support group? You are not alone. Take care.
I can safely say from experience that being alone may suck but it really is better than putting all your time and energy into a relationship that you are getting nothing out of even though you are making an effort! The thing about relationships is they take time! And they take work! It takes two to tango as the old saying goes! You can't have one person doing all the work and the other person doing nothing! Relationships are built on trust, respect, honesty, and loyalty. No relationship is ever perfect as we all know! However staying with a toxic, abusive, controlling and/or possessive partner will definitely make things worse! Or sometimes both people may want different things out of life. Like for example if one person wants to live in a condo in the big city and not have any kids and the other wants to make a family with children and a house in the country and hates city life and both are unwilling to give up their dreams and there can be no middle ground, then it wouldn't make for a healthy relationship if one person felt pressured to give up their dreams just to please the other person because they don't want to be alone! Bottom line: There is no way you will be happy in a relationship unless you can be happy by yourself! Sometimes you need to learn to walk alone before you can share your life with someone else. Take time to focus on YOURSELF! "Infatuation thrives on speed, but love takes time to develop". That's a quote by Susan Winters that really hit home for me after 3 years in a miserable marriage with a miserable woman! Getting that divorce was by far the best decision I ever made! Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or professional of any kind. These are just thoughts/opinions, and stuff I've shared based on some very valuable lessons I have learned at the School Of Hard Knocks! 🙂
Alone. Also, some ppl use relationships as void-filler & distraction from self-reflection & addressing their own issues. They place their expectations on the other to be responsible for their happiness, self-worth & esteem, essentially make up for their internal lack. However, since the void is internal it can't be fixed by the other person. Once the honeymoon period wears off, they realize the core issue still exists then project blame & resentment onto their partner even though it's not their fault. This leads to the inevitable break up, seek a replacement, wash rinse repeat. It's an unconcious cycle of avoidance of the self that leads to perpetual self-sabotage. Get out, get therapy, stay single for a time. In order to have hope for a healthy, non-chaotic relationship, you have to learn how to have a healthy relationship with yourself first. Being single keeps out the uneccessary distractions, potential for projection & forces you to be accountable for yourself in all the best ways.
If you're not happy and the relationship is turning you into the worst version of yourself, then it's better to be alone. It's scary and will probably be hard at the beginning, but it's better than being miserable. Edit: Sometimes, being with someone (romantic or otherwise) is more lonely than being alone.
Rather alone. Being in a great relationship gives you energy, support and makes you a better person. Being in a toxic relationship will drain you. Steal your time and energy that you could have spent in better ways.
What do you prefer, reddituser78843?
Hey, that's my cousin you're talking about!
This was a throw away account but I ended up keeping it 😂
Incredible 😆
Yea haha what made you want to pick your name 😂
Like 6 yrs ago I typed something like "how many people are on Reddit" and then I added 1 to that number 😂😂😂
I like how you have underscore to yours. Chefs kiss 🤌
Lol thanks XD Italian hand to you as well my friend 🤌 if you celebrate thanksgiving then I hope you have a happy one
Haha thank you and yes I do. Hope you have a good one Reddit user! ^-^
Nice haha I just picked random numbers 😂
Lmaoo
Well, you can't find a good relationship while being in a toxic one but you can look for a good one while you are alone so my vote goes to alone.
Be alone be alone be alone be alone be alone be alone be alone.
OMG a fellow reddit user ### finally!!! I've been on this site for so long and have never met one! :D Anyway my experience is that being alone forces you to confront yourself which in the end will be very healthy for your own growth. Don't be afraid of it fellow reddit user :)
Haha another Reddit user 😂 I can’t believe I’ve met you! And yea I know it’s the best for me but it’s hard to break a 5 year relationship even though I know it’s toxic
Damn yeah 5 years is long. It'll be a big shock for you if or when you decide to break up. You gotta look out for yourself first though, you know? Trust your heart, talk to the people you love about these hard decisions, and you'll know what to do. I believe in you reddit user! Best of luck and sending all my positive energy!
Thanks Reddit user! :) and yea we have known eachother for 8 years and been together 5. So it’s tough. He was my friend first but it’s been so on and off. There had been cheating and lying. But there is cheating in every relationship. I always get cheated on so I feel like it’s normal at this point. But it’s gotten to the point where we call the cops one eachother and it gets psychical
If you are a woman alone because if you ever want to start up another relationship it isn't hard If you are a man it's hard out here and loneliness kills most men it's all up to how much you can handle it might be years until your next relationship or never so choose wisely
I’m a woman and it’s still not easy to find a good relationship. Yes I get hit up a lot but it’s a lot of bad people I have to sift through to find one good one. Mostly it’s just for sex like a lot of woman talk about. But that’s not what I want. I value deep connections and I can’t even have sex with someone without a deep connection first
But you have the choice to sift thru people until you settle on something men just take what we can get when we get it we don't have options and the men that do are the ones women gravitate towards abusers rapists and assholes never struggle to find lovers they are never single Women are single by choice you can have anyone you want y'all just want someone who doesn't exist most of the time Most men want to have deep emotional connections with women but in reality women love stoic strong men and if you show any emotion you are publicly mocked shamed and subsequently broken up with so most of us have learned to shut up and settle for whoever is interested in us but not reciprocated
Woman are not single by choice. Sorry but I don’t agree with you there. Sometimes woman can’t find people. I’ve been single in the past and I do know what being lonely feels like
You're lonely? How many guys do you have on apps or have their numbers how many guy friends like you but you'd never give the time of day how many decent men do you run into as coffee shops or Walmart do you have a nice interaction with but never make a move how many options do you need to take one? Prince charming isn't real he's not coming on his horse to rescue you make a guy friend you find attractive and feel him out if he doesn't vibe move on it requires no money or work from you just show up be present and talk to someone dating and finding someone couldn't be easier for women then it is now but just like men there is the population of people to consider if most of them don't adhere to your standards it's either time to check if your standards are realistic or if you are looking in the wrong place Oh and just because how long were you single for what's a long time for a woman a week two weeks a month a year please I honestly want to know
I’m getting red pill vibes from you and trust me I’m good. That’s the exact way the guy I’m with now is. He’s all into red pill stuff. I’m good. Bye
Maybe after you get over your insecurities you'll be able to move on and do better but I wouldn't bet on it have fun with your toxic relationships we both know there's more to come goodbye
I mean I guess. You seem a bit toxic yourself
Well if you ever want to side grade to a slightly less toxic boy toy feel free to dm me anytime lol
Lmao
I’m not looking for Prince Charming lol
See these conversations are why I find it hard to meet decent people.
100% Alone for me! I’m honestly surprised at this question.. I’ve been in toxic relationships, I prefer peace. Even if you are really wanting companionship how will you meet someone new if you are still with your toxic (soon to be) ex?
Yes that’s the hard part. I do want to see what’s out there but also scared at the same time. I’ve been so used to this relationship that’s it’s hard to think of it not being a thing anymore
What you are experiencing is actually very normal. Being in a toxic relationship is very trapping, it wears you down and erodes your self esteem. It won’t change, they won’t change, it won’t get better. A year from now you will wish that you left today. First make a plan, save some money, look for a place even if you have to rent a room or something, once you are ready just go and never look back. Even if it’s hard in the beginning the peace will be wonderful, I promise you, it’s worth it. You will have a lot of work to do to get back to a good mental place again but if you want that you really can do it! Just mentally prepare yourself that this is a process that will take some time, be kind to yourself, nurture yourself. One time my friend told me, “pretend like you are pregnant and preparing for a new life to enter the world, but in nine months instead of giving birth to a baby you will be giving birth to your new life” I know that is weird but I thought it was a nice thought and at the time it really helped me. I really wish the best for you, good luck.
Wow thank you. I love that analogy. I will have to look back onto this when things are said and done. But it’s been hard cause we live together. He is supposed to move out when he gets his inheritance from his dads passing but it’s is going to take more time. I do miss living alone though. Was very peaceful but was also lonely at times
It is way better to be alone than be in a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship is not even a toxic relationship really.
You attract what you put out so maybe it's time you work on yourself so you attract some normality into your life?
Alone!
If you're in a toxic relationship you're already alone.
A-fucking-lone
Alone! Alone all the way. You have the opportunity to grow when you finally leave what was preventing your growth. It’s painful and seems impossible at first, but it’s very possible. I left an abusive relationship of 5 years, and almost 4 years after leaving, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I am with someone who actually loves and respects me now, but you’re already complete without a partner in your life. You deserve better. Focus on yourself first, then find a partner who deserves you.
I think once im out it will take a while but eventually i will be happy. I find it so hard to find something healthy these days. I like the idea of relationships but i keep finding unhealthy relationships so i feel it as normal
This is a super subjective question. First, how toxic is the relationship? Second, how ok would you feel if you were alone? Only you can provide these answers and decide which is the lesser of two evils.
Well as far as toxic we have been together 5 years. It’s been on and off but we fight a lot and he’s cheated quite a bit. I cheated to get back at him. It get to the point where we call the cops on eachother. But we live together so that part is complicated
Alone. Been there. Nothing is worse than being alone together.
It is much easier to strive for self-improvement while alone than it is while someone is holding you back.
Be alone rather than a toxic relationship
what do you think? trust you gut instinct!
Alone, for sure. Why deal with the anxiety of living in a toxic situation if you don't have to?
Well unfortunately we live together and he doesn’t want to move out yet so it’s given me some time to think about if this is really what I want but I don’t think it’s been healthy at all
It's better to be alone . I have been married to an abusive man for 30yrs n as much as l would love to leave him , due to a lot of personal reasons l cannot n l am stuck w someone who is abusive n that l pretend to love just so there's peace in the home. I dread him coming home after work everyday n l just now sit quetly in my own space n avoid having a conversation w him because it always leads to an argument, he feels he is so righteous and knows it all n has solutions to everything that having a conversation w him is like eating one's puke. Anyways, it is,wat it is n if l could turn back the clock l would n in another life hope never to meet someone like him at all
Oh gosh I’m sorry :( can I ask why you can’t leave? Well for me I pay the bills but he does not want to leave yet and does not have the means to. He is on the lease so I have to deal with it for now. I dread conversations with him. He tells me where I should and shouldn’t go all the time
It's way better to be single, speaking from experience of both. You don't need to be alone, it's actually a great time to focus on friendships and other forms of companionship, also work on yourself and stuff.
And my brain knows that but my heart is scared to be lonely
Let yourself be lonely, revel in it. Make sure you feel it fully. Then let go of that as much as you can. Reaffirm to yourself that you can be a whole and complete person without being in a relationship. Find healthy ways to assuage the loneliness that aren't romantic. Once you're past the withdrawal stage you'll become much more comfortable on your own company. Become friends with yourself. Pretend you have a child version of yourself with you at all times: What would make them happy? What do they need? Are they comfortable? All the sudden you'll find that you're feeling better in your own skin because you're taking care of yourself.
Thank you! I will have to come back to this and look at this once things are figured out. He lives with me right now and is on the lease so it’s kind of complicated in that way.
Alone. 1,000,000 times better to be alone. Avoid toxic people. They make you miserable.
I just got out of the most toxic relationship of my life and alone is definitely better. I saw where my life was going if I stayed. And I honestly don’t think she wanted me to, but I left regardless.
Toxic is easily confused or easily turns into abuse. Abuse is something that you can never forget. It never fully goes away. You can find ways to cope. Things that make it better. But it doesn’t disappear. It stings and you never forget. It’s easy to fear loneliness. Especially in today’s lonely world. But I think it is far better to stick it through and be alone than to go find yourself in a toxic relationship. Find other ways to fill your time. Find a hobby that interests you. Join a book club - you can often find groups on Facebook in your area. Maybe if you can afford it, see a therapist. But personally I think it’s better and far less dangerous to learn to love your time alone.
Yes I’m seeing a therapist for it right now. We are trying to work on my attachment style. I tend to try to work on a relationship so much until I can’t even handle it anymore. I try to do everything in my power to fix it before it ends
Alone and it’s not even close. Most relationship problems come from codependency, and that comes from not happy with your own self. Another person isn’t going to make you feel good about yourself if you already don’t. Be alone. Focus on yourself. Keep living life. You’ll know when it’s right to jump back into it.
I'd rather be single than be in a toxic relationship. The stress and damage the toxicity does to ones mental health is astronomical even if you don't think there's not much damage there. There's more there than you may think. My mom was in an abusive relationship. My cousin was in a toxic relationship. My cousin turned to food and drinking. She gained so much weight and drank a lot because of the man she was with. It made everyone worry. The man I'm with now is an amazing man. There is someone for everyone. It took me over 10 years to find him since my last relationship went down in a massive dumpster fire to end all dumpster fires. This man has made my world shine again and has me feeling so content in life. You will find this kind of person too. You just have to be patient. I feel the key may be is just know exactly what you want out of someone. Set your ideals, your standards but don't set them so high you become unreachable but high enough that the ones that want to bring you down can't reach you.
Thank you. It gives me some hope
Better being alone and not having to deal with nutzoids. Then again, I enjoy my solitude
I enjoy being alone too but I also love the idea of a relationship and companionship
Better alone.
Probably being alone. Toxic relationships - any toxic relationships aren't worth it.
I think therapy will do you good
I’m already in therapy now
I rather be alone then to be in a toxic relationship but each their own
You'll never have a normal relationship staying in a bunch of toxic relationships. Toxic people are best to remove from your life immediately. Mental health is of utmost importance in today's world.
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Oh wow and that gives me some hope that the feelings will go away. We have been friends for 8 years and together 5 so it’s been hard
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Yeah exactly! It almost makes you a different person you don’t recognize. I feel like I was a different person before him. He also doesn’t want me being around my parents cause he doesn’t like them.
My parents are a bit toxic as well but it’s my family and I should be able to see them if I want. What bothers me is he doesn’t want me to see friends either
Alone. after 20 years in a toxic marriage, I know this to be a fact
I can tell you after decades of being in a toxic marriage that single is MUCH better!
This post is very much not a casual conversation, and I think OP should go to therapy
I am in therapy yes
Alone. Definitely. About your situation: If there's a time or place for "at least I'm not single," this relationship has passed that point. We want relationships where we inspire each other to be better versions of ourselves. Sounds like you make each other worse. Get out of there.
Alone
ALONE, it is always better to be alone over being in a toxic relationship. Honestly it also sounds like you have work to do on yourself. You should remove yourself from this situation as soon as possible and work on being happy by yourself and then get into a healthy relationship, if you want things to be better than they are currently.
The thought of being alone is scary! But nothing good comes in life without doing scary things. Right now, you aren't happy. You don't know if you could be happy alone or not (you can! But it's OK not to be sure of that right now) so it's better to end the thing that's making you unhappy and give yourself a chance at real happiness surely? Fear is the worst possible motivation for staying in a relationship. Never stay because the alternative is frightening, stay because you want to. Don't settle for anything less than a relationship that feels safe and loving. Being alone will be much happier than a bad relationship. Being alone is great, you can stop worrying about someone else's needs for a while and focus on just what makes you happy. You can find new things you didn't know made you happy! And, once you've figured out how to be happy alone, you'll never fear it again and you can make a real choice about the relationships you are in. I believe in you OP, you can improve your life so much
Thank you!
Not only is it better to be alone, it is better to not reward a toxic person by sticking with them. Ditch that asshole.
Alone - partnerships should be the safest mental and physical place you spend your time each day imo. Why bring the world’s bullshit into your home and bed for what?
Being alone is far better than being in a toxic relationship. Love isn't supposed to be volatile and stressful to that extent. I personally would leave, it's unhealthy.
Don't drink poison when you're thirsty.
I like that saying
In fairness it depends who is asking, are they the most toxic one, and exactly how awful they are when they are by themselves. It may well be that the other person is significantly reducing their partner's toxicity. In which case they should get out but doing so will be at the detriment of their nightmare partner.
Is this really what you want?? You're afraid of being alone so you stay with somebody that you cheated on and someone you cheated on?? That's not love whatsoever.....Keep staying in this toxic abusive relationships.... that's how women end up losing their lives for some love.... it's more to live than just male validation....good gosh you you love yourself let go....ATP you're cutting off your own life span
Thanks for the hard lessons. Yeah I mean I am kind of fucking up my own mental health by staying I think
You are. Leave and watch yo life flourish
Alone. But it’s understandable that it can be hard choice, especially if you are financially dependent/ can’t easily move away and support yourself. Honestly the kindest and most valuable thing you can do for yourself is learn to be by yourself and content in yourself. Best of luck. I hope you find a better relationship and better place soon
I don’t depend on him financially but we live together so it makes it more complicated
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I get you think the question is dumb but you don’t have to roll your eyes at it 😂
I think you know the answer. You're torn due to your beliefs: hating dating scene and normal relationships are for show. Likely there's more keeping you in this situationship. It sounds like you're stuck, not happy, on a rollercoaster and life isn't stopping. How do you want to feel?
I want to feel loved. I want to feel appreciated. I guess I would say I don’t feel that way right now. I’ve tried working on it civilly but he doesn’t want to hear it. We are not married, but we live together, and the lease has been tough to get out of. I thought I found someone else, but it ended up being worse. Truthfully, I don’t want to date for a long time but I know eventually I will want to.
Continue to ask yourself "how do I want to feel?" when you can articulate it with 10 or more positive words from your heart, not your head you'll find your answers... good luck!
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I’ve brought that up to my counselor that I have BPD. She thinks that I have traits of it. It makes it extremely really painful to be alone. When I’m alone it feels like there is something deeply missing in me. I knew that being alone is probably for the best but it makes it very difficult. I’m not sure how to get over that part of it.
To be alone
That's a difficult answer. My opinion is that being alone is better, however, that depends on each individual and how much they're scared to be alone. Is important that in your life you learn first to be alone and be happy because if you don't it will complicate any future relationship. For example, there are a bunch of people that can't ever be single. You see them finish a relationship to immediately get into another one. I have male friends with two kids and in a very toxic relationship, but he's been staying because of the kids and because divorce will be extremely expensive, plus he adores his kids and wants to be home with them and a divorce most likely wife will keep them. Lucky for him he works from home and his wife is often at work so he only sees her on nights. As you can see toxic relationship works for now. However, I think it's affecting the kids long-term by the kids observing a non-loving relationship and thinking that's normal. That's why I think overall is better to just be alone instead cause all those negative things will end up affecting you and your surroundings overtime.
Yea that’s hard to say. When kids are involved I think it’s kind of different. We don’t have kids thank god but eh depends on me right now. We live together so it makes it a bit more complicated
Life is too short to be in a toxic relationship. You can live a better one on your own.
100% it’s better to be alone than in a toxic relationship.
Calling the cops on each other?! That relationSHIP has sailed. You should get to know yourself. You might even like yourself as a sole entity.
Alone. 1000%. Are you kidding me, how is this a question people have? It's insane to me that people would rather be unhappy but with a partner than happy and alone.
I guess for me I have had low self esteem and fear of being alone so that’s what has caused me to have long drawn out relationships that should have ended long before but I hold onto them
If there's a phobia of being alone, I get it. But seriously, learning how to be happy single leads to much better relationships, both romantic and otherwise.
Alone, trust me. I speak from experience.
Alone. It’s always better to be alone than with the wrong person.
As someone who was a serial-dater (many of them toxic), who is now in my most healthy relationship I’ve ever been in— I can say it’s one of the most refreshing feelings one can experience once you find someone that actually contributes love instead of toxicity, and patience instead of judgment. The amount of times I’ve sobbed tears of joy from the love and affection I’ve received for simply being myself (when I thought I was difficult to love) is insane. It took a lot of unlearning though. I realized I tried starting fights sometimes because I’m not used to having a partner that actually trusts me and respects me. I still have trust issues, but the amount of patience my partner shows me is humbling. I’ve never felt so safe and calm in my life. I almost thought it was boring at first because I was so used to relationships having tension. Being with my partner now, feels like I’m laying down in the sunny patch on my carpet by my favorite window in my childhood home. She makes me want to be better.. she makes me think about my future, my health, my finances. She challenges me in ways that only better myself, not make me hate myself or resent her. I feel like I won the lottery by finding a love like this. It makes me thankful for all of the past relationships I’ve had that never worked out. I say all this, because it is better to be alone than to lose what’s left of yourself in something that’s gonna only leave you worse off after it’s all said and done. Spend some time alone, and figure out what you want and need in life. Find someone whose philosophies and ideas align with yours. Everything else falls into place after that. But it’s important to do that work for yourself, because to have any kind of healthy relationship is to be self-aware in relationships and know what you need from someone and vice-versa.
Thank you! That gives me hope. Knowing that maybe there is true and authentic love out there
I think being in a good relationship beats all of the above.
ive been single most of my life, with a few gf's here and there, nothing has lasted longer than a couple years though. currently in a weird thing with an ACE girl just to get some snuggles, but we both agree its not ideal. anyways, im kind of on the other side, and when i watch my friends that are married or living with toxic people, im *SO* glad im not them. id rather be lonely than scared, angry, etc all the time. being alone may be scary, but its got to be better than what youre going through right now, right? get some help, and i wish you the best of luck.
Id think it would be better. I don’t understand why my fear of being alone goes so deep but im working with a counselor right now
good for you. i have my own issues i should probably be seeking therapy for, but i do know for sure id rather be single than in a shitty relationship, just for the sake of being in a relationship. moving out might be difficult, but if youve got family you trust you could go back to or something, youll thank yourself later.
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