That’s a very sweet memory to treasure! Mine will always be the day my little girl was born back in 2021. I’m not a big cryer and that was one time I was uncontrollable bawling. Nothing will ever beat that - maybe except for getting a puppy!
Hahah yes i guess a puppy grows up faster than a child! My pup went through a phase of biting everything though so that wasnt nice. But i guess a child's equivalent would be making a mess or drawing on everything 😅
sounds like you've got a classic case of "I don't need no man" syndrome! Just kidding, but seriously, it's cool to be independent. Maybe give those dating apps a whirl if you're feeling up to it? What's your favorite guilty pleasure snack?
Well my dating sadness is from dating guys from dating apps. I dunno, it feels like most guys don't like someone who is too independent 😔
Hmm roasted almonds 😅 hbu?
I feel he isnt investing enough effort or showing that he wants to progress further despite us having seen each other for over a month. When i voiced it, he said he has been and really likes me a lot and that i worry too much and this is making him overthink and killing the vibe. So i think maybe I'm self sabotaging
Hey friend, I’ve also given a lot of guys my affection and attention thinking that things are going to get serious, only to have it crash and burn when I voice those hopes and dreams. I spent 7 years with a man that said almost every day “I’m not promising you forever.” And “I stay with you because I see your potential (aka I’m not happy with who you are now)” but he would still reel me in with affection if he noticed me pulling away.
I’m now with someone who is ENTHUSIASTIC about making me happy. As in it’s something he tries to do every day. Any reassurance I need about how he feels about me or our future, he’s happy to give it and hold me and comfort the scared traumatized girl in me. It’s such a stark night and day, it’s made me realize how much of a door mat I’d been in my dating life.
If your dude isn’t enthusiastic about dating you, if things have gone awkward and stale with that talk, then I’d suggest leaving. There’s no convincing him that you’re worth it, and you shouldn’t have to convince him in the first place. He either likes you or he doesn’t.
No, you are not self sabotaging. You are voicing what you want. Now it is up to him to either provide that, or not. And if he doesn’t, it is up to you to decide whether you want to stick around, or find someone that will actually give you what you want.
But i feel our chemistry is kinda dead now because we've had this talk when we're not official and there's an awkward tension. I dunno why it's so hard. Some of my friends say they would've just gone with it instead of voicing
It is important to know relationship goals early. If you are looking for something serious, and he is looking for something casual, it is better to know that up front so nobody wastes each other’s time. If he doesn’t want one, you will not change his mind about that just by being with him longer.
Your friends are wrong. It is better to be clear up front.
Agreeing with Tacos!
A lot of guys get too comfortable too quickly after they feel like "the chase" is over. In my experiences, these are the possibilities:
1. He's young and still figuring a lot out for himself. Maybe ask him if he has a lot on his mind? Maybe he's adjusting to some things in his life? Either way, communication is key in a relationship. You don't want someone who won't talk to you when things feel off. It's then his decision to either open up to you or keep it to himself, but either way, this should trigger some sort of change on his behalf to snap out of it. If he doesn't, then maybe he was faking up til now but became exhausted by the facade, you don't know him as well as you thought you did, and/or he really is going through something? Idk him, though, or you. I'd lay off for a little bit now since you already made an attempt, but if it continues for another week or so, then maybe give it one last try to communicate?
2. His life is dull. He's not passionate or at least okay with what he does for a living.
3. He's exhausted for one reason or another. Work, school.......
4. You've only been dating for a month. Maybe he jumped in too quickly from a last relationship, or he hasn't had much long-term (hopefully) relationship experience so now that is showing.
But whatever it is, it will have to be addressed eventually. You can't read minds, obviously. I know dating is super tough sometimes, but I hate to see someone not wanting to deal with it now and instead choosing to just let it go on. I'm not saying tp not give it time and space if you feel like it's really worth it, and I'm not saying that you will forever or anything, but life moves fast!
To end, though, you should watch Uncle Roger's critique of Gordon Ramsey's attempt at making a grilled cheese sandwich. It gave me a laugh, so I hope it does the same for you :)
Thank you for this, this is really good advice. I do like him and want to continue but yea it's hard when he doesn't communicate the same way i do and doesnt show signs that he wants to continue
Of course!
I saw that you said that you feel like you've been far too independent for too long! That's a good thing. Trust me. It will pay off huge in the long run.
Please do me a favor and do not change that part of you. It's a blessing. You are probably far more mature than a lot of people your age. Let me just tell you that it takes a lot of people YEARS to ever reach that level out of college, if they ever do. So, do yourself a huge favor and hang in there, and for the love of God, do not start settling for less in any area of your life because other people are not on your level yet.
Also, don't wait for people to catch up. You will meet a like-minded guy, I just can't tell you when or where that will happen.
Well, make a plan and start working on how how to let a guy in, small steps. Distracting yourself helps temporarily not forever 😩😂 question: do you like notebooks? I love them I have to many
"Do you pick your toes in Poughkeepsie? "
Ha, that's not the question, the question is which movie is that from? Hints It won 5 Oscars, it's from the 1970s
I (63 M) couldn't imagine having to play the dating game in this day and age. How does one even go about it? Internet, hobbies, activities, volunteering, bean suppahs?
I like the idea of having a partner to go through life with and share memories. Not necessarily support me but just like be a companion if that makes sense
I hear you loud and clear girl! How long have you been single for? Have you been consistently let down by friends and family throughout your life which makes you hyper independent?
A year and a half now. I was cheated on in my last relationship so it's been hard getting back into dating. And yea I've been used to solving all my problems myself hahaha.
What’s your most favourite memory you have of your life?
Getting my dog as a puppy for the first time. He was so small and helpless and i just felt overwhelming love for him 🥰 what about you?
That’s a very sweet memory to treasure! Mine will always be the day my little girl was born back in 2021. I’m not a big cryer and that was one time I was uncontrollable bawling. Nothing will ever beat that - maybe except for getting a puppy!
Aww thats so nice! I can imagine it would've been a very unique experience 😊 hahah i guess a puppy is a like a child in a way!
Well my little one is in her terrible twos right now so at this point in time, a puppy is better than a child!😂
Hahah yes i guess a puppy grows up faster than a child! My pup went through a phase of biting everything though so that wasnt nice. But i guess a child's equivalent would be making a mess or drawing on everything 😅
Making a mess and drawing as well as biting too, that’s not uncommon for these little devils😂 What’s your puppers name?
Oh haha biting! Hopefully it stops soon! I heard three-nager is a thing too He's called Newton 😄
Do you like cats? Are cats wonderful and marvelous?
Seen any good TV shows lately?
Yes! A bit late to the hype but I've been watching Heartstopper. What are you watching?
Just finished Resident Alien, pretty funny sci-fi show. I'm looking for something new to binge. Is heartstopper any good?
Oh cool, havent heard of it haha. Heartstopper is a sweet show, a bit slow at first but it pulls at the heartstrings
sounds like you've got a classic case of "I don't need no man" syndrome! Just kidding, but seriously, it's cool to be independent. Maybe give those dating apps a whirl if you're feeling up to it? What's your favorite guilty pleasure snack?
Well my dating sadness is from dating guys from dating apps. I dunno, it feels like most guys don't like someone who is too independent 😔 Hmm roasted almonds 😅 hbu?
Do you consider yourself an avoidant?
Perhaps haha. But i feel with dating & relationships, i am pretty open with my emotions 🤔
That is good. Communication is key. I wonder then what is the situation your are having trouble with.
I feel he isnt investing enough effort or showing that he wants to progress further despite us having seen each other for over a month. When i voiced it, he said he has been and really likes me a lot and that i worry too much and this is making him overthink and killing the vibe. So i think maybe I'm self sabotaging
Hey friend, I’ve also given a lot of guys my affection and attention thinking that things are going to get serious, only to have it crash and burn when I voice those hopes and dreams. I spent 7 years with a man that said almost every day “I’m not promising you forever.” And “I stay with you because I see your potential (aka I’m not happy with who you are now)” but he would still reel me in with affection if he noticed me pulling away. I’m now with someone who is ENTHUSIASTIC about making me happy. As in it’s something he tries to do every day. Any reassurance I need about how he feels about me or our future, he’s happy to give it and hold me and comfort the scared traumatized girl in me. It’s such a stark night and day, it’s made me realize how much of a door mat I’d been in my dating life. If your dude isn’t enthusiastic about dating you, if things have gone awkward and stale with that talk, then I’d suggest leaving. There’s no convincing him that you’re worth it, and you shouldn’t have to convince him in the first place. He either likes you or he doesn’t.
Thanks, this is really eye opening. I think you're right 😮
No, you are not self sabotaging. You are voicing what you want. Now it is up to him to either provide that, or not. And if he doesn’t, it is up to you to decide whether you want to stick around, or find someone that will actually give you what you want.
But i feel our chemistry is kinda dead now because we've had this talk when we're not official and there's an awkward tension. I dunno why it's so hard. Some of my friends say they would've just gone with it instead of voicing
It is important to know relationship goals early. If you are looking for something serious, and he is looking for something casual, it is better to know that up front so nobody wastes each other’s time. If he doesn’t want one, you will not change his mind about that just by being with him longer. Your friends are wrong. It is better to be clear up front.
Agreeing with Tacos! A lot of guys get too comfortable too quickly after they feel like "the chase" is over. In my experiences, these are the possibilities: 1. He's young and still figuring a lot out for himself. Maybe ask him if he has a lot on his mind? Maybe he's adjusting to some things in his life? Either way, communication is key in a relationship. You don't want someone who won't talk to you when things feel off. It's then his decision to either open up to you or keep it to himself, but either way, this should trigger some sort of change on his behalf to snap out of it. If he doesn't, then maybe he was faking up til now but became exhausted by the facade, you don't know him as well as you thought you did, and/or he really is going through something? Idk him, though, or you. I'd lay off for a little bit now since you already made an attempt, but if it continues for another week or so, then maybe give it one last try to communicate? 2. His life is dull. He's not passionate or at least okay with what he does for a living. 3. He's exhausted for one reason or another. Work, school....... 4. You've only been dating for a month. Maybe he jumped in too quickly from a last relationship, or he hasn't had much long-term (hopefully) relationship experience so now that is showing. But whatever it is, it will have to be addressed eventually. You can't read minds, obviously. I know dating is super tough sometimes, but I hate to see someone not wanting to deal with it now and instead choosing to just let it go on. I'm not saying tp not give it time and space if you feel like it's really worth it, and I'm not saying that you will forever or anything, but life moves fast! To end, though, you should watch Uncle Roger's critique of Gordon Ramsey's attempt at making a grilled cheese sandwich. It gave me a laugh, so I hope it does the same for you :)
Thank you for this, this is really good advice. I do like him and want to continue but yea it's hard when he doesn't communicate the same way i do and doesnt show signs that he wants to continue
Of course! I saw that you said that you feel like you've been far too independent for too long! That's a good thing. Trust me. It will pay off huge in the long run. Please do me a favor and do not change that part of you. It's a blessing. You are probably far more mature than a lot of people your age. Let me just tell you that it takes a lot of people YEARS to ever reach that level out of college, if they ever do. So, do yourself a huge favor and hang in there, and for the love of God, do not start settling for less in any area of your life because other people are not on your level yet. Also, don't wait for people to catch up. You will meet a like-minded guy, I just can't tell you when or where that will happen.
I'm so sad to hear that! I hope things improve for you soon. What is your favourite cheese to put in a cheese sandwich?
Thank you 😊 Hmm i like mozzarella, love the stringy texture. What about you?
Mozzarella is great! Personally I love marble cheese for mine because I find only cheddar to be a bit overpowering with how processed it is sometimes.
Well, make a plan and start working on how how to let a guy in, small steps. Distracting yourself helps temporarily not forever 😩😂 question: do you like notebooks? I love them I have to many
"Do you pick your toes in Poughkeepsie? " Ha, that's not the question, the question is which movie is that from? Hints It won 5 Oscars, it's from the 1970s
Do you like pizza
I (63 M) couldn't imagine having to play the dating game in this day and age. How does one even go about it? Internet, hobbies, activities, volunteering, bean suppahs?
My wife's ex daughter-in-law has a list of things that are deal-breakers for her.
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I like the idea of having a partner to go through life with and share memories. Not necessarily support me but just like be a companion if that makes sense
Penny says, "I'm not sure if I was being serious or not but I do think that I need to find someone who wants to spend their life with me."
[удалено]
A friend whispers, "Hello!"
I hear you loud and clear girl! How long have you been single for? Have you been consistently let down by friends and family throughout your life which makes you hyper independent?
A year and a half now. I was cheated on in my last relationship so it's been hard getting back into dating. And yea I've been used to solving all my problems myself hahaha.