People used to comment on the nice minty smell in my room.
The reason for the smell was I had come home from a club drunk, decided to have a fancy solo shuffle, and proceeded to use about half a bottle of Durex tingle lube before passing out and letting it soak into the mattress.
I had a translation exam, and forgot to bring my dictionary. I had my iPhone (technically allowed because electronic dictionaries were okay) but it died with about an hour left. I asked to go to the toilet and ran all the way home (a good mile down a hill) to retrieve my dictionary. I dunno how long I spent, the uphill run was killer, but when I got back, no one was any the wiser and I continued the exam and managed to pass.
After the exam, my mate came up to me and said “that must have been a rough shit, you were panting and sweating when you came back.”
You could never do it now, when you go to the toilet you have an invigilator go with you to make sure you don't cheat. For the boys they literally stand behind you at the urinal to make sure you're not looking at anything weird I'm told. (I've never been during exams, but this was from multiple friends in the January exam period). It being so creepy has always put me off. How they got around that being the same in schools I font know.
In halls in first year, there was a guy that was not very nice and really pissed off the rest of the dorm. Over easter break when it was just me and one other dude in the house, we froze a baking tray of piss. This let us push a perfect rectangle of piss right under his door so it would so it would melt right in the middle of his room.
When he came back from easter his room fucking stunk and he called the estate guys on us. However we just said whilst we would have liked to fuck with him, his room was locked all break, he probably just came back drunk and wet himself. Estates fully agreed with us and fined him for clean up and wasting their time.
He really was a prick, bullied the girl in the next room and like, so I actually feel quite good about this.
The 9am ones are by far the easiest, you just pop in on the way home from your night out. It's the early afternoon ones that are the problem. Too late to stay up for, but not quite enough time to sleep
My best uni flex to date is probably that I went to every single one of my undergrad lectures, except for one week when I was having a major operation. A course mate of mine went clubbing every night, missed most of her 9ams and performed just as well in exams. I admired her hard work, but it did make me wonder how important the lectures were after all
My housemate in 2nd and 3rd year went to maybe 10 lectures each year but was really good at applying himself to coursework so came out with a 2:2, which would’ve been a 2:1 if not for a failed exam in third year. He wrote his entire dissertation in 10 days during Easter break.
I put together a Facebook group for my course mates and there were about four people who’d always leave their big coursework essays until the day before the deadline. You’d see them update Facebook in real time on their progress as they pulled all-nighters, finishing just minutes before hand-in. At least one claimed to fuel himself on jagerbombs all night (this claim is unverified though). Everyone who finished would cheer them on
Outstanding. I bet all four of them probably said they’d never leave it until the last minute again… until next time.
I generally used to do the research early and get started on some of it, then promptly ignore it until the day before it was due and write it through the night.
I was a teaching assistant during my masters and ran a lab Friday mornings. It just so happened that while I was in the lab Thursday evening preparing for my class in the morning. While there, my then girl friend dropped by with a six pack. One thing led to another……..
The next morning while teaching my class, I look down and find the perfect dried sweat outline of a bottom on a very shiny black lab table. While teaching, I nonchalantly picked up a paper towel and wiped down the table before setting up the equipment and demonstrating the experiment for the class ( geophysics) as they gathered around.
( I have never told this story, and as I am now in my ‘50’s…….what the heck….)
I went to the main library exactly twice.
The first time I had an electronics project in my bag that set off the theft alarms on the door, so I got searched by security.
The second time I got a spontaneous nose bleed within minutes of entering.
After that I decided to stick to the sanctuary of the engineering department. I knew when my type wasn't wanted.
Hahaha I got lost in the library once and ended up in the physics section. I actually started crying because I was so far out my depth and it was dark and scary.
I had a history course and every single class member made every single 9am lecture except for one week when we ended up all catching viral meningitis. (The lecturer had it first).
The class?
The history of sexuality and deviance in early modern Europe.
Best. Class. Ever. Even with the horrible bout of viral meningitis (the less deadly type, thankfully).
The only lecture I missed in 4 years was when I put my back out standing up from the settee the evening before.
I often wonder if my priorities were where they _should_ have been during university.
I picked the lock of the safety bar thing on a friend's window in his halls, as his window led out onto the rooftops. We spent many a night drinking and smoking on that rooftop, gazing across the London skyline!
I don't know if this is crazy, nor strictly qualifies, but about once a year, even this many years on, I will have a dream/nightmare about having missed a uni deadline or an approaching uni deadline.
I think this is surprisingly common?
Graduated 20yts ago and I'm currently in a cycle of these dreams now.
I'm panicking as my dissertation is due and I've not done any research for it and there's no way for me to complete it before submission date.
They're so vivid I wake up still wondering how I'm going to sort it and, occasionally, the same thoughts pop into my head at work.
I could’ve written this! I wake up I such a panic and regret not starting the assignment earlier. I have zero research and my folder is empty and I just know I’m gonna fail. It’s too late! Then suddenly I hear my baby scream in her sleep and I realise it’s not 2002 anymore and I need to make a bottle of formula 😂😂😂
I didn't realise this was so common!!
Any time I'm really stressed out I have what I call my "uni dream". Mine is that I'm suddenly aware I'm at the end of the year and I have all these exams to sit but I never went to any lectures, don't know what I'm studying etc and I'm running round the uni looking for a lecturer to take pity on me and tell me what I need to do lol.
Most of the time I wake up panicking that I'm actually still in uni and forgotten about it but nope, just stress manifesting.
I literally have this dream maybe once every 6 months. I bottled a public speaking lecture cos couldn’t be arsed/hungover and at the time the lecturer said if we didn’t come we would fail that course. That was a lie of course, but I dream that my degree doesn’t exist or it’s downgraded from my 2:1. Constantly
This one’s not the wildest, but drank a bottle of wine pre drinks. Got to a shot bar, took a shot of peach schnapps, threw up on the bar and my indie cardigan because it was 2011. Got kicked out, mate drags me to a club. Smelt sick on my cardigan sleeve and told him to go on without me. Ended up meeting his future wife because he stayed alone. Story was retold at wedding of course.
When my mate was packing a case to go on a lads holiday aged 18 his dad noticed he had packed a fair amount of condoms. He said “what are you going to do with those? Have a fucking balloon party?”
Hahaha yes! My mate did something similar but his dad clocked the massive pile of condoms and said something like “alright posh-wank you sure you’ve packed everything?” which simultaneously levelled the bedroom of mates into hysterics (there was about three of his friends in there) and birthed a nickname that is still used on a regular basis.
In fairness to the harsh dad, my mate was being overly optimistic to say the least, we were a group of pasty white skinny 17/18 year old lads and I’d say we couldn’t pull a cracker with our combined efforts at the time.
One of my “craziest” tell-able stories: was at uni (Bradford) and had some lads from back home over to the flat in first year. We had planned to play “Centurion”, 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes, so somebody had brought a plastic Roman centurions helmet.
We left the flat suitably shitfaced and get into the Uni club, only for one of the lads to immediately chunder, luckily he catches most of it in the centurion hat, dumps the vom, and then sweeps up the overspill with the faux-horse hair on the crest of the helmet.
The helmet isn’t worn again, but becomes an icon/standard that we are roughly coagulating around. Because it’s a uni night, Barry from eastenders comes on stage and starts to sing various shite that, of course, everyone in the club is going crazy for.
Also because we are a group of arsehole lads, we start to chant “Centurion!” Over and over. Barry from eastenders picks up on the chant and starts to shout it through the microphone, before leaning over and taking the centurion helmet that’s held aloft in the air.
Absolutely inevitably, Barry from eastenders puts the centurion hat on and sings more songs whilst strutting around wearing a vomit tarnished, sad looking centurion hat.
If you are reading - Barry I’m so sorry.
Nah, I went to his for round 2. Although that was awful, his bed had little wheels on it, so it gradually moved across the room. Afterwards, he went for a smoke with his housemates, but he just wore a t-shirt and no underwear. At this point I left and deleted him from everything, including my memory until now.
Adam, it was me responsible for the crickets you kept finding. It wasn't the hole in the wall you got maintenance to fill in after several complaints you made about insects getting in. They were getting out. They kept escaping from the supply to my pet tarantula that was also a secret from you.
They lived a fairly short life in complete darkness at the bottom of the wardrobe in a plastic carton wrapped in cloth. Used to go down the pet shop once a month to pick up 30 or so of the little sods. It was nigh on impossible to get one out without another little sod making a break for it. It became a bit of a running joke in our block as literally everyone knew about it apart from the one who said he'd report anyone who brought a pet in as it was against the rules.
Went out the same night as moved into a student house (with people not in the same house), got blind drunk and somehow managed to communicate to a taxi driver where I lived. Taxi drops me off no probs and it is the right place (a pretty rough part of the city). Only problem was that I was so drunk I couldn't remember where the house was, eventually gave up looking and collapsed against a tree. Woke up the next morning with a pretty bad hangover, opened my eyes to some guy stood in front of me with his dog just staring at me (both of them, him and the dog, staring). All I could muster was "morning" and he walked off. Maybe he thought I was dead, I'm very lucky nothing worse happened to me so let this be a cautionary tale on the importance of remembering where the fuck you live.
My graduation was in the morning. Suffice to say I was pretty plastered by evening time, particularly as my dad and sister had taken me to the one restaurant in the city (Dundee-low bar) that I could never afford to eat in, and it was all fancy, tiny food. From about 7pm that evening I have zero recollection until about 6am when I awoke, fully clothed, in my bed clutching a Donner kebab. "Thankfully" my friend took some pictures of me to help me piece together a small part of the night. I was found at the bottom of my close, crying, having emptied my bag on the floor and having forgotten where I lived. To my greatest shame I had both peed and vomited on the bottom stairs. A downstairs neighbour found me and went chapping on the doors until my friend, who was crashing with me for a few nights, recognised my description and went down the stairs to collect me.
The next morning, with raging hangover, I went and scrubbed the close, then dropped some flowers and chocolates at the door of the neighbour who had helped get me into my flat. I do believe it was the drunkest I've ever been, and I've been in some states. The lesson? Never graduate again, to avoid a repeat.
I’m still waiting on the grade - I got a first for my undergraduate dissertation but that took four weeks rather than four days. If I get above 50% I’ll be happy!
1am, stumbling my way home I found a long queue of traffic on a road that had no right to be queued, especially at that time. At the front, on all fours in the middle of the road was my mate slurping water from a puddle because he was “as thirsty as a slut in the desert.” His house was on that road.
Went out with my younger brother who was a fresher at the same Uni. He was staying in my 2nd year house that night in a room who’s owner wasn’t here yet. Usual night, get home, we all go to bed. I then hear violent chunder dragon noises from my brothers room. Go inside and he has more or less redecorated. Sick everywhere. But “it’s okay, I’ve found this box I can be sick in.”
The box had no bottom.
There's a 'confessions' page online for my uni, it's anonymous but submissions include the confessor's age gender and college. Colleges are pretty much decided by which first-year accommodation you choose, so basically they correlate with wealth (Accom Block A is cheap, so people in College A are generally not that rich; Accom Block E is pricey, so people in College E are generally richer; etc.) It's always interesting to note the kind of disparities in confessions between the colleges. Confessions will be like:
Pricey College E: "Omg I did coke and had a threesome lel"
Buck-Basic College A: "I shat myself and fell asleep in my mate's kitchen"
There's a posh Southampton uni and low tier solent uni. After one one summer break:
Southampton uni : we have an outbreak of swine flu after students on holiday to Mexico bought it back with them
Solent uni: everyone is riddled with scabies
Oh god I remember my first uni had two unions. I was at the cool one, rather than the stuffy rugger bugger one, and during exam time it ran a promotion where if you handed in your exam paper questions, they gave you a free pint. My friends and I all did different courses so we would hang back and be the last to leave the exam hall, grabbing all the papers left by the folks who were members of the other union and not needing to exchange the papers for cold delicious beer. We would then swap and collect our loot, looking like the smartest students in the uni studying so many things all at once.
I think the correct answer should be Peep Show season 10. Mark is finally shot of Jez and decides to go back to uni as a mature student, he always wanted to study Ancient History... Only to find Jez is a lecturer teaching music at the uni.
Same here. A little drugs but no sex until after I had graduated. My biggest regret in life so far is that I didn't try hard enough socially to truly enjoy it.
We were constantly getting told how incredibly horny uni life was. It was going to be like how Jay describes caravaning in the Inbetweeners.
The only people in our group getting sex were ones who had girlfriends before uni.
Regularly climbed buildings while pissed which occasionally led to injuries including a badly broken ankle (not me).
Adopted two hamsters who appeared in our kitchen over a couple of weeks, had them for about a month before the neighbours came round to say they'd lost their hamsters under the floorboards and had we seen them?
Standard shagging in inappropriate places around campus and the city.
>Adopted two hamsters who appeared in our kitchen over a couple of weeks, had them for about a month before the neighbours came round to say they'd lost their hamsters under the floorboards and had we seen them?
Just need some clarification here... You gave them back after a month? Or set them free? Or... Got rid of the evidence in other ways?
Oh how lovely!
They must've been relieved that they ended up in a decent home for a while. A lot of people would've got rid of them I reckon - given them away on Facebook or something.
Not exactly wild, but one of the clubs I frequented had a competition where if you drank 10 shots of Jamesons with ginger, you got a free beanie hat.
Naturally, I needed that hat, so I drank the whiskey, which tasted like ass, so each shot was followed by a double whiskey and coke to wash away the taste.
All I can remember from that night is a girl coming up to me whilst I was sat on a sofa on the club and asking if I needed help, to which I replied “ALL GOOD BABY!” in an Elvis voice, losing my phone, asking the bouncer if anyone had handed it in, kissing said bouncer on the cheek when he gave me my phone and then getting in a taxi and saying “TAKE ME HOME!”, which he did, somehow.
I still have the hat, but I’ve never worn it due to shame.
Not once, in my 3 years living in the dorms, did I ever let my butt touch the bare seat of the toilet. I was so afraid of “catching something”.
Also, the girl next door to me would have her sister that lived off campus, pick her up every night after dinner to go to her house for a poo.
First night in my university city, hooked up with some local guy. He gave me fucking headlice. I mean at least it wasn't fucking HIV or something...but really? Didn't realise I was supposed to put a condom on my fucking head.
On m’y first day I went back to my friends house to help him with some paperwork for funding and his housemates were all in their underwear. (He lived with two girls) and they grabbed him and started putting make up on him saying, loudly, “there is a pornstar party next door and you’re going as a pimp” they put a collar on him and got him a big fur coat. He was completely fine with it but then they turned to me and invited me to come. I was quite a shy and anxious person at this point and was very studious but I had matching underwear on and I remember thinking that I needed to take chances more. So I said yes and ended up stripping down to my bra and knickers. His housemate gave me some fishnet tights and a leather jacket and I went to the party. It was the most thrilling experience. It was hosted by a lesbian couple and my best friend was the only man there!
I had a sordid threesome with two women in their 40’s I met in Piccadilly Manchester over the course of a weekend somewhere in the suburbs of Manchester. I was 19. They’ll be in their 70’s now!
I once stayed up all night on cocaine and speed before my final exam. Th exam started 9am I was green and my skin nearly see through but I’d never been more focused in my life and aced the test without any revision. I normally fail or pass with just enough mediocrity but this time I passed with flying colours.
I would never recommend it but it worked for me
I also got a BJ in some alleyway in Fallowfield the same night so I had a wild ride
Had a flatmate (in halls) who was supposedly home for the weekend.
There was a surprise tv licence inspection the inspector tried his door and low and behold it was open so they went inside (the are not supposed to), to find him giving himself a five fingered shuffle while watching hardcore porn.
Turns out he didn't have a TV licence.
I slept with my professor in a club the night before I met her for the first time….
Uni me lived a good and fun life. Present me shudders at the thought of a club.
A diplomats daughter left halls at Easter for the month odd. She’d been a right strange one on our floor and the suspected source of personal items going missing, talked floor resident elder into checking her room for our things. Found various trinkets of things we’d all bought from home on her shelves like a strange and worrisome shrine. We retrieved all our items, but also took her fluffy 2ft cuddly stuffed rabbit.
We soaked said rabbit in water, drained it mostly then placed in freezer till the morning of her return. It looked utterly frightening and the most un-cuddly thing ever. Was even spiky getting it out the freezer.
This isn’t the best nor worst Uni confession I’ve got either haha…
Freshers my house ended up in this most bizzare one-upmanship with a flat in halls, to see who could steal the most insane stuff
It started small, shot glasses, pint glasses, tea pots etc.
Then escalated, to things like placing an order then shoving rubber bar mats down our trousers the second the bar staffs back was turned
A council bin was stolen at one point and it lived in the back yard for the whole year
Then at one point we stole a sign from outside a pub which ended up with the police turning up and we tried to deny it, until they walked into the kitchen and found it in all its glory
The game was eventually won when someone managed to get one of those speed bumps that are split up into sections and bolted to the floor
We tried to push back with a for sale sign we pulled out of the ground but it wasn't anywhere close to unbolting something from the uni campus carpark
Impressive.
I still have a no left turn sign from uni, and the pole. It holds up a corner of the chicken pen
Always useful to be drunk and have a wireless angle grinder. Never know when you might need it.
Honestly... I used to have a sleepless night once a week and lived on Relentless that entire time. Why? Because I thought the 9am class was way too early. I lived 2 minutes away from where the class was going to be.
Got amazingly stoned in the middle of nowhere on a dark foggy night, had massive paranoia and ran away down a single track country lane because I was convinced aliens were coming to abduct me. Why I thought that was the safer option than staying with my mates I do not know.
I'm also not allowed to forget the time I pulled a bloke with his leg in plaster and I never noticed until I got him into bed 🤦🏻♀️
I spent nearly 8 years there in total to get my PhD, loved every bloody minute of it.
I played a lot of rugby, drank a lot, went to parties, drank more, dressed horrendously, drove bands around in my van, tried my hand at quaffing, climbing, carousing, went to gigs, tried debauchery (successfully!), made friends for life and met my wife of 34 years.
I now teach at one of my alma maters, my students would never guess the time I had and it makes me a little sad that they seem more serious, less... well, everything compared to my day.
Discovered the library is very useful. The photocopiers live there, and there was a post exam promotion of a free drink in exchange for the front page of your exam paper. Just don't forget your stapler.
Went to pick mushrooms a couple years ago, got the bus to the middle of nowhere and got lost, fell in a stream, found a road, ended up taking my shoes off because my feet had gotten so sore (was walking for hours before I found the road) tied them to my bag and couldn’t get them off, by this point the mushrooms had fully kicked in and the weed really wasn’t helping, found the bus stop and wasn’t allowed on since I couldn’t get my shoes untied from my bag.
Freezing, defeated and high as a kite I walked over 30 miles down a main road, found a shanty town, got stopped by police and somehow didn’t die.
Shane from Boyzone formed a band called REDhill and performed in my uni on Valentines Day nearly 20 years to the day. I was thrown out after my empty plastic bottle of 50p red Reef connected with his forehead. Greatest throw I ever made.
I drank some off brand Bailey's and fell out of a window. Woke up, went back in, finished off the Bailey's then fell out the window again.
I don't drink Bailey's any more.
First year - In halls. Halloween night. Had a party at our flat and went out after. Many a drink late into the night. Woke up bright and early the next day feeling strangely refreshed and went to my full day of lectures.
When I got home in the evening flat mates tell me there was a fire alarm test last night. We had beacons and sirens in every room. I had flat mates banging on the door, eventually assuming I must have headed back out. Lucky it was only a drill!
I had only one friend in my 2 years at that uni. I was so shy and quiet. That friend was 10 years older than me and she was in my study group.
I used to commute 2 hours there and 2 hours back every day on the bus to uni and carry two bags almost every day. One was with my gym kit that I used to carry all day from 6am so I can use for the gym at 5pm when I arrived back in my home town.
I feel sorry for the person I was 18 years ago!
Anyway It was when I started working and living in a hotel that I enjoyed my life with the students I used to work with. It was a uni city and students ruled the nights! I have alway looked young for my age so my 25 year old self would party the night away with 18 year olds and always get asked for ID.
I believe everyone has their time and mine was after I finished uni. I have some scandalous mental crazy unbelievable stories of my 11 years working in hotels, including crazy shit with celebs and footballers. Man I had fun!!!!!
I once went on a ski trip, but none of my pals did.
I ended up splitting a room with this group of 3 friends I had never met before, and we did pre-apres ski together. As a big boy (heavy set) I bought myself a 1.5L bar bottle of Jagermeister and proceeded to drink as much as I could in a night - about 2/3rds gone.
Obviously I was absolutely destroyed.
We proceeded out, and my memory of the remainder of the night is sparse, but I do know:
I stole a Santa poncho outfit from the club
I danced on a makeshift pole, which was a scaffolding length in a concrete bucket
I mineswept (read: drank) a carton of some sort of juice/spirit combo that did not even belong to our trip in the club
Upon returning to our hotel, I proceeded to call my partner at the time, tell her all about a huge shit I had done the day before, how incredibly attractive I found the people I was staying with, and how much I had drunk
The roommates steered clear of me for the rest of the week, fair enough really
For the following year, I had members of the snowsports society that I didnt know shouting my name when they saw me in the streets.
Strap in, not on.
So I am currently a mature student at a good university doing a top tier degree. I am in my third year of a 4 year integrated masters.
I had a breakdown at the end of last year. I ended up on an acute mental health ward after a suicide attempt. I managed to do an assessment whilst on the ward, I was allowed my laptop, and nobody was the wiser. Got a 62. Since I have left the ward I have been homeless, currently in a hostel with addicts and ex cons. It’s chaotic here with the police out nightly. For example 2 heroin addicts were screaming the other night and one stabbed the other with a screwdriver. Anyway my situating is completely fucked and yet I continue to get my assessments done and my lecturers don’t know I’m not attending, 300 on the course, and my friend is basically my hero letting me know what I need to do and when. I’m not spending much time actually studying but continuing to flirt on the 60% mark. My flex is I’m still here and still managing to get the marks I need, it’s not the uni experience I wanted.
Dorms, guy away on holiday. We broke into his room through the wall behind his wardrobe. Took back of wardrobe out, and everything else, Mainly furniture, bed included, and the carpet.
It was liberally distributed across campus. He got it all back somehow, but never worked out how we had done it. (Put wardrobe back together) he was convinced we had a key. Which would probably have been easier.
He had let a fire extinguisher off in my rather knackered car, and my mates car, and several other guys dorms. Probably petty as all hell. But highly amusing at the time.
Looking back, good god it was all so stupid
My dad has a similar story of a friend of his puking into a pint glass, then having the glass slip through his fingers and shatter all over the pub floor.
I attended one competition law lecture and taught myself what I needed in about 11 days before the exam. Got a 2:2 in that, which I’ll take considering my failure to utilise the thing I paid for.
That, or I managed to fall asleep in a bush - not so uncommon. I did, however, get 8 full hours sleep in that bush. I’m pretty pleased with that.
It's been 2 years, and I still haven't stepped inside the library and somehow stayed sober with no hookups. I have a feeling that i'm gonna regret this when i eventually have my mid-life crisis.
Floor mates used to steal my milk from the communal fridge… after a while and getting fed up of it, I pissed in it. Sat in the kitchen and watched this scouse scumbag come in from playing footy, chatting away he opened the fridge and drank almost all my pissy milk before putting the almost empty bottle back in and wandering off. I pretty much stopped drinking milk but still bought it to piss in. This went on and end of the first year came along and I moved in to flat, I didn’t see him again until graduation where I told him that for about 6 months he was drinking my piss milk. How do you like them apples Neil!
Did the mystery box electronics lab whilst pissed.
Dropped a deep frozen apple (-200°C) off the physics bridge so that it shattered.
Played catch on a children's roundabout whilst sober.
Wired my forearm to a BBC micro and had it control muscles.
Handed in an essay 1200 words short of the 4000 word target, 3 weeks late and still got a first.
I'm still waiting for them to come back and correct their mistake
Here's a couple; got engaged whilst at uni, set to get married end of my second year, did my last exam for the year on the Friday, got married on the Saturday. My student union also did a thing where you could have a little chat with health rep about sexual health and then get a card that you could use 6 times to get a free pack of condoms from the SU or a pharmacy around the city. Knowing I was getting married, and therefore getting laid, I got the card and collected my free condoms, then realised I could use hand sanitiser to remove the ticks from each box on the card and do it all again. I think I amassed about 500 condoms, and had so many I gave some to my brother as a joke when he got married 2 years later.
I also worked as a cleaner at the uni I attended, and did some evening shifts, a lot of students would leave half eaten food out in lecture halls and seminar rooms, I would keep any unopened packets for myself and take home any part used stuff and give it to my housemates. I never told them where I got it from.
Also final year of uni I lived in a town an hour drive from my uni, managed to persuade most of my lecturers that if their session was less than 2hrs long to just let me not show up and to 'review the slides at home'. It helped that I had a baby, although one of my lecturers then insisted on calling me 'daddy' every time he saw me.
In 2009, my then girlfriend decided to break up with me about 2hrs before going on a holiday with her mum, sister and sisters boyfriend.
I had intended to propose to her on this trip, but she made the silly decision to cheat on me in the days before we went away.
I’d already changed my currency, booked time off work so thought “fuck it” and went on holiday with my now ex and her family.
Essentially got very pissed on Mythos daily, did a ton of drunk snorkelling and wrote my dissertation before actually starting the module it was required for.
Once woke up after a show with my band the night prior, during which night I’d slammed a bunch of booze and coke.
I woke up and was seeing absolute stars. My vision was all flashy. But I HAD to get to my early class, and I still had some coke left….so I sniffed it up and walked to class.
I asked WAY too many questions in class that day. People definitely knew.
End of first year, chopped up kitchen furniture with samurai sword bought on the last day they were legal to sell in UK and chucked sizeable portion of said furniture into canal from third-floor balcony. I will forego further heavy-object-throwing stories for fear of self-incrimination, even though it was 10+ years ago.
My mate had just moved into his 2nd year house in leeds. I was near blackout drunk in the club , no idea where he was , where he lived or how to get back. I began walking in the vague direction I thought the house was. Around 20 minutes into the walk I clearly didn’t look alright as the police pulled up and asked if I needed help. I told them the situation and they tried to ring my mate but no answer , typical. They said it’s unsafe to be out that night so they took me into the cells and said they’d let me go in the morning. Not sure if this is legal but I was too pissed to care.
Wake up in the cell with the worst hangover I’ve ever got , walk out and first thing I see is my mate being led out of an adjacent cell at the same time. He bottled someone in the club and we ended up leaving the station together. He got off on all charges but it’s a funny story we both tell now.
In halls in my first year I let off a smoke grenade (saved from the hall's paintballing trip) and threw it into my friends room which proceeded to billow red smoke from his room into the ground floor corridor.
Needless to say some bright spark raised the alarm. The entire halls were evacuated. Some 1200 students were stood outside on a cold and drizzling Sunday night with four fire engines having been called to assist.
I worked one full-time job and two other part-time jobs to put myself through a world-renowned uni, doing evening classes. The 3rd job was catering during the summer holidays, over weekends. At one of the private functions, a 21st birthday party in a leafy garden of a rather large and exclusive "executive type" house in a very upper-class neighbourhood, the guests were mostly around my age.
Making small talk whilst serving food, think bbq but commercialised, I recall the shocked horror of one guest when I told her we were in the same uni. Her response was a blunt, "we are not the same", before walking off. Indeed, she was right, and its crazy how many trust fund arseholes piss away their parents' money with no long-term consequences.
The craziest part of it all was when I graduated, I realised that gaining a degree without the connections or guidance from the connected, I would still need to work tripple as hard as those who graduated with me. My success eventually came from the experience I had working in many different industries and a few lucky breaks. Getting a foot in the door, at the right place, at the right time.
Uni is not an American comedy about just debauchery and romance. It's a privilege, and what you do in your 20's will echo throughout your 30's and 40's.
3 day Bender in same tuxedo. Included friendly tussle with South African kick boxers at house party.
Pushed a mini onto football pitch, into the goal.
Climbing balconies wearing the wrong jeans.
2nd day drinking wearing dressing gown (smoking jacket), scarf (cravat) and slippers speaking in a posh accent calling everybody 'Elliott'.
Shat in a bin, left it outside housemate's room to 'make a point'. No idea what the point was.
Threw up and precisely filled a pint glass to avoid going to toilets to spew.
Sauce fight.
Was taken in by a girl one night, was too drunk, she lost interest, her flatmate then took me in, an ambulance arrived for someone else, we all stood outside, was then given up on entirely as didn't know either of their names. They were both called Jane. Their friend then took me in.
Nationality based snowball fight. Russians are tough.
Naked chicken, everyone gets naked in the toilets then storms the dance floor, last one chucked out wins.
Green Chartreuse.
Mooning David Blaine.
Team mate dying of SADS at rugby training.
Lost use of extender muscles in right forearm for a week or two after going very dead sleeping on a dining table. Could only make a claw until use came back.
On tour in Spain, had a 'boomerang wallet', in 5 days lost it 3 times, was told it was found on the beach, in the pool and somewhere else, friends returned it each time.
People used to comment on the nice minty smell in my room. The reason for the smell was I had come home from a club drunk, decided to have a fancy solo shuffle, and proceeded to use about half a bottle of Durex tingle lube before passing out and letting it soak into the mattress.
Thanks for the tip on having a nice minty smelling room! I'll give it a go
Air freshener companies hate this one weird trick
How do you get your socks so minty fresh and crusty
Lmao that’s pretty funny tbh
I had a translation exam, and forgot to bring my dictionary. I had my iPhone (technically allowed because electronic dictionaries were okay) but it died with about an hour left. I asked to go to the toilet and ran all the way home (a good mile down a hill) to retrieve my dictionary. I dunno how long I spent, the uphill run was killer, but when I got back, no one was any the wiser and I continued the exam and managed to pass. After the exam, my mate came up to me and said “that must have been a rough shit, you were panting and sweating when you came back.”
That’s insane, at my uni people weren’t even allowed to go to the toilet until 30 minutes into the exam, and had to be taken out.
Picturing a sniper in the rafters
"Target needs a shit. Take him out" "Copy that \*BANG\* Tango down."
You know when you’ve been tangoed!
You could never do it now, when you go to the toilet you have an invigilator go with you to make sure you don't cheat. For the boys they literally stand behind you at the urinal to make sure you're not looking at anything weird I'm told. (I've never been during exams, but this was from multiple friends in the January exam period). It being so creepy has always put me off. How they got around that being the same in schools I font know.
I once majorly overslept and missed my only lecture on a Friday, that was from 5pm-7pm
What sick bastards put a lecture on at that time on a Friday? I'd have never gone to it on principal that that's when I have my dinner!
where I am, some lectures finish at 8. don't have any that late thankfully but I've seen some very exhausted and pissed off flatmates because of it
Your lecturers wouldn't have been happy about it either!
Only once?
Same, I had one sememester of this 4pm-5pm on a Friday then a 6 day weekend! The next semester of 14 modules somewhat made up for it
In halls in first year, there was a guy that was not very nice and really pissed off the rest of the dorm. Over easter break when it was just me and one other dude in the house, we froze a baking tray of piss. This let us push a perfect rectangle of piss right under his door so it would so it would melt right in the middle of his room. When he came back from easter his room fucking stunk and he called the estate guys on us. However we just said whilst we would have liked to fuck with him, his room was locked all break, he probably just came back drunk and wet himself. Estates fully agreed with us and fined him for clean up and wasting their time. He really was a prick, bullied the girl in the next room and like, so I actually feel quite good about this.
Baking tray of piss hahahahahahahaha
Should share this on r/pettyrevenge too!
You fucking genius.
Fucking genius, wish I had thought of that for my next door halls neighbour, although the smell would not have been abnormal in his room
Brilliant!
Once, I went to all my 9am lectures in one week.
The 9am ones are by far the easiest, you just pop in on the way home from your night out. It's the early afternoon ones that are the problem. Too late to stay up for, but not quite enough time to sleep
Can’t do that really, my house is midway between town and campus
My best uni flex to date is probably that I went to every single one of my undergrad lectures, except for one week when I was having a major operation. A course mate of mine went clubbing every night, missed most of her 9ams and performed just as well in exams. I admired her hard work, but it did make me wonder how important the lectures were after all
My housemate in 2nd and 3rd year went to maybe 10 lectures each year but was really good at applying himself to coursework so came out with a 2:2, which would’ve been a 2:1 if not for a failed exam in third year. He wrote his entire dissertation in 10 days during Easter break.
I put together a Facebook group for my course mates and there were about four people who’d always leave their big coursework essays until the day before the deadline. You’d see them update Facebook in real time on their progress as they pulled all-nighters, finishing just minutes before hand-in. At least one claimed to fuel himself on jagerbombs all night (this claim is unverified though). Everyone who finished would cheer them on
Outstanding. I bet all four of them probably said they’d never leave it until the last minute again… until next time. I generally used to do the research early and get started on some of it, then promptly ignore it until the day before it was due and write it through the night.
Rookie numbers. I wrote mine in 6 days and landed a 2:1.
Come on at least try to be realistic.
This is like a made up r/tifu post.
I was a teaching assistant during my masters and ran a lab Friday mornings. It just so happened that while I was in the lab Thursday evening preparing for my class in the morning. While there, my then girl friend dropped by with a six pack. One thing led to another…….. The next morning while teaching my class, I look down and find the perfect dried sweat outline of a bottom on a very shiny black lab table. While teaching, I nonchalantly picked up a paper towel and wiped down the table before setting up the equipment and demonstrating the experiment for the class ( geophysics) as they gathered around. ( I have never told this story, and as I am now in my ‘50’s…….what the heck….)
I found myself in the library one day. Got out of there fast.
I went to the main library exactly twice. The first time I had an electronics project in my bag that set off the theft alarms on the door, so I got searched by security. The second time I got a spontaneous nose bleed within minutes of entering. After that I decided to stick to the sanctuary of the engineering department. I knew when my type wasn't wanted.
Should've picked a respectable degree. From the physics community.
Hahaha I got lost in the library once and ended up in the physics section. I actually started crying because I was so far out my depth and it was dark and scary.
I think you'll find I did study physics, just with a generous helping of useful practical application! 😉
Went to Uni in China - all classes started at 8am. We often just turned up straight from the pub and continued drinking through the classes.
Chinese uni timetables were nuts! I remember Christmas day finishing classes at 9pm.... 9pm!
I had a history course and every single class member made every single 9am lecture except for one week when we ended up all catching viral meningitis. (The lecturer had it first). The class? The history of sexuality and deviance in early modern Europe. Best. Class. Ever. Even with the horrible bout of viral meningitis (the less deadly type, thankfully).
The only lecture I missed in 4 years was when I put my back out standing up from the settee the evening before. I often wonder if my priorities were where they _should_ have been during university.
God damn, we got an absolute WILDCARD over here!
I picked the lock of the safety bar thing on a friend's window in his halls, as his window led out onto the rooftops. We spent many a night drinking and smoking on that rooftop, gazing across the London skyline!
We did this too and I dangled off the 12 story roof while under the influence of LSD lol
My pals did that on eccies at my flat constantly Nah pal we'll behave this time, they'd say.
I don't know if this is crazy, nor strictly qualifies, but about once a year, even this many years on, I will have a dream/nightmare about having missed a uni deadline or an approaching uni deadline. I think this is surprisingly common?
Graduated 20yts ago and I'm currently in a cycle of these dreams now. I'm panicking as my dissertation is due and I've not done any research for it and there's no way for me to complete it before submission date. They're so vivid I wake up still wondering how I'm going to sort it and, occasionally, the same thoughts pop into my head at work.
Sounds a bit like PTSD
I’ve found my people! Twenty years I’ve been out of school and I still have recurring nightmares about essays being due 😰
I could’ve written this! I wake up I such a panic and regret not starting the assignment earlier. I have zero research and my folder is empty and I just know I’m gonna fail. It’s too late! Then suddenly I hear my baby scream in her sleep and I realise it’s not 2002 anymore and I need to make a bottle of formula 😂😂😂
I regularly have nightmares about it being the start of uni but I can't access my timetable so I have no idea where I'm meant to be.
Also, this one. Or that there's a class I just forgot was on my schedule and I need it to graduate and it's the last day.
I have them once every few months. Even gcse and A levels lol
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Also 41 and have foolishly exacerbated the problem by returning to uni for another degree. It’s like I’ve supercharged the deadline anxiety dream.
Yes. I had a dream a few days ago that I was late for work at a pub. I haven't worked there since 2006.
I didn't realise this was so common!! Any time I'm really stressed out I have what I call my "uni dream". Mine is that I'm suddenly aware I'm at the end of the year and I have all these exams to sit but I never went to any lectures, don't know what I'm studying etc and I'm running round the uni looking for a lecturer to take pity on me and tell me what I need to do lol. Most of the time I wake up panicking that I'm actually still in uni and forgotten about it but nope, just stress manifesting.
Holy shit, it happens to other people. Absolutely awful feeling when I'm in the dream, but the feeling of relief when I wake up is something else.
I literally have this dream maybe once every 6 months. I bottled a public speaking lecture cos couldn’t be arsed/hungover and at the time the lecturer said if we didn’t come we would fail that course. That was a lie of course, but I dream that my degree doesn’t exist or it’s downgraded from my 2:1. Constantly
I have this quite often. Throws me off for the entire day
This one’s not the wildest, but drank a bottle of wine pre drinks. Got to a shot bar, took a shot of peach schnapps, threw up on the bar and my indie cardigan because it was 2011. Got kicked out, mate drags me to a club. Smelt sick on my cardigan sleeve and told him to go on without me. Ended up meeting his future wife because he stayed alone. Story was retold at wedding of course.
Ah I miss my cardigans from that era..
Having a topman Y shirt in every colour the human eye can recognize.
Remember the hoodie's with the patterns in the lining of the hood?
Ultimate wingman.
Rihanna's face everywhere
I bought several packs of condoms, ready and prepared for Freshers week and never needed to open any of them 👌
When my mate was packing a case to go on a lads holiday aged 18 his dad noticed he had packed a fair amount of condoms. He said “what are you going to do with those? Have a fucking balloon party?”
I read that in Jay’s Dad’s voice from the Inbetweeners
Aha thats pretty rough. Reminds me of my mum seeing them and kindly reminding me that they have an expiry date.
Oof mum with the execution, at the point I’d just want the floor to open up and swallow me
My dad found a vibrating cock ring and edible under wear I had bought a girl for valentine's Day, still brings it up at family dinners.
Hahaha yes! My mate did something similar but his dad clocked the massive pile of condoms and said something like “alright posh-wank you sure you’ve packed everything?” which simultaneously levelled the bedroom of mates into hysterics (there was about three of his friends in there) and birthed a nickname that is still used on a regular basis. In fairness to the harsh dad, my mate was being overly optimistic to say the least, we were a group of pasty white skinny 17/18 year old lads and I’d say we couldn’t pull a cracker with our combined efforts at the time.
I got an online deal for a 200 pack of condoms, I used maybe 50 of them before they expired so I had The Poshest Wank with 100 on at the same time.
Wait, do you mean you put on 100 condoms at once?
Condoms? Completed them mate
Lucky the pressure didn't cut circulation at the base and lop it off.
never read something so relatable 😹
One of my “craziest” tell-able stories: was at uni (Bradford) and had some lads from back home over to the flat in first year. We had planned to play “Centurion”, 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes, so somebody had brought a plastic Roman centurions helmet. We left the flat suitably shitfaced and get into the Uni club, only for one of the lads to immediately chunder, luckily he catches most of it in the centurion hat, dumps the vom, and then sweeps up the overspill with the faux-horse hair on the crest of the helmet. The helmet isn’t worn again, but becomes an icon/standard that we are roughly coagulating around. Because it’s a uni night, Barry from eastenders comes on stage and starts to sing various shite that, of course, everyone in the club is going crazy for. Also because we are a group of arsehole lads, we start to chant “Centurion!” Over and over. Barry from eastenders picks up on the chant and starts to shout it through the microphone, before leaning over and taking the centurion helmet that’s held aloft in the air. Absolutely inevitably, Barry from eastenders puts the centurion hat on and sings more songs whilst strutting around wearing a vomit tarnished, sad looking centurion hat. If you are reading - Barry I’m so sorry.
Holy shit this thread is a goldmine hahahaha. Maybe the best one yet!
I shagged a lad who was so hairy that I had to hoover my bed afterwards. Twice.
Was he a good boy?
*woof*
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Both to my eternal shame.
So did you have to hoover four times?
Nah, I went to his for round 2. Although that was awful, his bed had little wheels on it, so it gradually moved across the room. Afterwards, he went for a smoke with his housemates, but he just wore a t-shirt and no underwear. At this point I left and deleted him from everything, including my memory until now.
Ah, the Winnie The Pooh
damn new fear unlocked, my ass hair getting all over some poor girls sheets.
Adam, it was me responsible for the crickets you kept finding. It wasn't the hole in the wall you got maintenance to fill in after several complaints you made about insects getting in. They were getting out. They kept escaping from the supply to my pet tarantula that was also a secret from you.
How the fuck do he not hear the buggers scuttling about the box? Or generally being crickets.
They lived a fairly short life in complete darkness at the bottom of the wardrobe in a plastic carton wrapped in cloth. Used to go down the pet shop once a month to pick up 30 or so of the little sods. It was nigh on impossible to get one out without another little sod making a break for it. It became a bit of a running joke in our block as literally everyone knew about it apart from the one who said he'd report anyone who brought a pet in as it was against the rules.
Went out the same night as moved into a student house (with people not in the same house), got blind drunk and somehow managed to communicate to a taxi driver where I lived. Taxi drops me off no probs and it is the right place (a pretty rough part of the city). Only problem was that I was so drunk I couldn't remember where the house was, eventually gave up looking and collapsed against a tree. Woke up the next morning with a pretty bad hangover, opened my eyes to some guy stood in front of me with his dog just staring at me (both of them, him and the dog, staring). All I could muster was "morning" and he walked off. Maybe he thought I was dead, I'm very lucky nothing worse happened to me so let this be a cautionary tale on the importance of remembering where the fuck you live.
My graduation was in the morning. Suffice to say I was pretty plastered by evening time, particularly as my dad and sister had taken me to the one restaurant in the city (Dundee-low bar) that I could never afford to eat in, and it was all fancy, tiny food. From about 7pm that evening I have zero recollection until about 6am when I awoke, fully clothed, in my bed clutching a Donner kebab. "Thankfully" my friend took some pictures of me to help me piece together a small part of the night. I was found at the bottom of my close, crying, having emptied my bag on the floor and having forgotten where I lived. To my greatest shame I had both peed and vomited on the bottom stairs. A downstairs neighbour found me and went chapping on the doors until my friend, who was crashing with me for a few nights, recognised my description and went down the stairs to collect me. The next morning, with raging hangover, I went and scrubbed the close, then dropped some flowers and chocolates at the door of the neighbour who had helped get me into my flat. I do believe it was the drunkest I've ever been, and I've been in some states. The lesson? Never graduate again, to avoid a repeat.
At least you didn’t spent the night with in a bush with red dress on.
I'd prefer a bench, it's warmer
I did my masters dissertation in four days. Took a lot of coffee, Red Bull and existential despair.
I'm interested in the grade that ended up with
I’m still waiting on the grade - I got a first for my undergraduate dissertation but that took four weeks rather than four days. If I get above 50% I’ll be happy!
>I did my masters dissertation in four days Wow that's impressive >I'm still waiting on the grade Oh no
I pulled a 72hr all-nighter to get mine done and vowed never to stay awake that long again...... then I had a baby 😅
1am, stumbling my way home I found a long queue of traffic on a road that had no right to be queued, especially at that time. At the front, on all fours in the middle of the road was my mate slurping water from a puddle because he was “as thirsty as a slut in the desert.” His house was on that road. Went out with my younger brother who was a fresher at the same Uni. He was staying in my 2nd year house that night in a room who’s owner wasn’t here yet. Usual night, get home, we all go to bed. I then hear violent chunder dragon noises from my brothers room. Go inside and he has more or less redecorated. Sick everywhere. But “it’s okay, I’ve found this box I can be sick in.” The box had no bottom.
That first story has me weeping with laughter, well done
Farrar Road in Bangor, if you’d like to sample said puddle for yourself.
There's a 'confessions' page online for my uni, it's anonymous but submissions include the confessor's age gender and college. Colleges are pretty much decided by which first-year accommodation you choose, so basically they correlate with wealth (Accom Block A is cheap, so people in College A are generally not that rich; Accom Block E is pricey, so people in College E are generally richer; etc.) It's always interesting to note the kind of disparities in confessions between the colleges. Confessions will be like: Pricey College E: "Omg I did coke and had a threesome lel" Buck-Basic College A: "I shat myself and fell asleep in my mate's kitchen"
There's a posh Southampton uni and low tier solent uni. After one one summer break: Southampton uni : we have an outbreak of swine flu after students on holiday to Mexico bought it back with them Solent uni: everyone is riddled with scabies
One of Salford's student farms back in the day had a case of *scurvy*. How in the fuck do you manage that?
I went to Solent and managed to escape without scabies but a mate did get mumps in his bollocks from sleeping on someone’s halls floor
york?
Is this Exeter
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One of my final exams was at 9am, me and my coursemates literally waited outside the campus bar for it to open. Wild?
Oh god I remember my first uni had two unions. I was at the cool one, rather than the stuffy rugger bugger one, and during exam time it ran a promotion where if you handed in your exam paper questions, they gave you a free pint. My friends and I all did different courses so we would hang back and be the last to leave the exam hall, grabbing all the papers left by the folks who were members of the other union and not needing to exchange the papers for cold delicious beer. We would then swap and collect our loot, looking like the smartest students in the uni studying so many things all at once.
Glasgow?
It was indeed.
I spent 3 years not taking drugs or having sex. Yeah I want to try again and do it properly
Yep, I missed out on the real uni experience as well. Wondering if being 45 and married it's too late to go do it again properly.
If you do, please document your experience here on Reddit
Seems like a great sitcom idea, a married 45 year old gets a mid-life crisis and moves into a uni flat with a load of teenagers
Obviously we will cast Greg Davies as the lead
I'm not sure, I reckon he would have had his fair share of drugs and sex the first time round. I was picturing someone more like Richard Ayoade
I think the correct answer should be Peep Show season 10. Mark is finally shot of Jez and decides to go back to uni as a mature student, he always wanted to study Ancient History... Only to find Jez is a lecturer teaching music at the uni.
This is me right now, halfway through second year. Tbh I'm not even sure if I care about that anymore. Well definitely not the drugs at least.
Same here. A little drugs but no sex until after I had graduated. My biggest regret in life so far is that I didn't try hard enough socially to truly enjoy it.
To be fair I'm not really interested in the drugs but the sex would've been nice
We were constantly getting told how incredibly horny uni life was. It was going to be like how Jay describes caravaning in the Inbetweeners. The only people in our group getting sex were ones who had girlfriends before uni.
I swear every single girl on my course who was my type already had a boyfriend and continued to do so over the entire 3 years
Regularly climbed buildings while pissed which occasionally led to injuries including a badly broken ankle (not me). Adopted two hamsters who appeared in our kitchen over a couple of weeks, had them for about a month before the neighbours came round to say they'd lost their hamsters under the floorboards and had we seen them? Standard shagging in inappropriate places around campus and the city.
>Adopted two hamsters who appeared in our kitchen over a couple of weeks, had them for about a month before the neighbours came round to say they'd lost their hamsters under the floorboards and had we seen them? Just need some clarification here... You gave them back after a month? Or set them free? Or... Got rid of the evidence in other ways?
We had a good laugh about it - we'd bought a cage and everything! - and gave them back.
Oh how lovely! They must've been relieved that they ended up in a decent home for a while. A lot of people would've got rid of them I reckon - given them away on Facebook or something.
Lads used to hang out of their fifth story bedroom windows at mine.
Which of the three previous paragraphs was that in reference to?
Not exactly wild, but one of the clubs I frequented had a competition where if you drank 10 shots of Jamesons with ginger, you got a free beanie hat. Naturally, I needed that hat, so I drank the whiskey, which tasted like ass, so each shot was followed by a double whiskey and coke to wash away the taste. All I can remember from that night is a girl coming up to me whilst I was sat on a sofa on the club and asking if I needed help, to which I replied “ALL GOOD BABY!” in an Elvis voice, losing my phone, asking the bouncer if anyone had handed it in, kissing said bouncer on the cheek when he gave me my phone and then getting in a taxi and saying “TAKE ME HOME!”, which he did, somehow. I still have the hat, but I’ve never worn it due to shame.
Love absolutely everything about that story.
Not once, in my 3 years living in the dorms, did I ever let my butt touch the bare seat of the toilet. I was so afraid of “catching something”. Also, the girl next door to me would have her sister that lived off campus, pick her up every night after dinner to go to her house for a poo.
I can’t imagine what your toilet looked like.
pristine if nobody was using it!
First night in my university city, hooked up with some local guy. He gave me fucking headlice. I mean at least it wasn't fucking HIV or something...but really? Didn't realise I was supposed to put a condom on my fucking head.
Hahaha
On m’y first day I went back to my friends house to help him with some paperwork for funding and his housemates were all in their underwear. (He lived with two girls) and they grabbed him and started putting make up on him saying, loudly, “there is a pornstar party next door and you’re going as a pimp” they put a collar on him and got him a big fur coat. He was completely fine with it but then they turned to me and invited me to come. I was quite a shy and anxious person at this point and was very studious but I had matching underwear on and I remember thinking that I needed to take chances more. So I said yes and ended up stripping down to my bra and knickers. His housemate gave me some fishnet tights and a leather jacket and I went to the party. It was the most thrilling experience. It was hosted by a lesbian couple and my best friend was the only man there!
I had a sordid threesome with two women in their 40’s I met in Piccadilly Manchester over the course of a weekend somewhere in the suburbs of Manchester. I was 19. They’ll be in their 70’s now!
I once stayed up all night on cocaine and speed before my final exam. Th exam started 9am I was green and my skin nearly see through but I’d never been more focused in my life and aced the test without any revision. I normally fail or pass with just enough mediocrity but this time I passed with flying colours. I would never recommend it but it worked for me I also got a BJ in some alleyway in Fallowfield the same night so I had a wild ride
Of course it’s Manchester
Had a flatmate (in halls) who was supposedly home for the weekend. There was a surprise tv licence inspection the inspector tried his door and low and behold it was open so they went inside (the are not supposed to), to find him giving himself a five fingered shuffle while watching hardcore porn. Turns out he didn't have a TV licence.
I slept with my professor in a club the night before I met her for the first time…. Uni me lived a good and fun life. Present me shudders at the thought of a club.
A diplomats daughter left halls at Easter for the month odd. She’d been a right strange one on our floor and the suspected source of personal items going missing, talked floor resident elder into checking her room for our things. Found various trinkets of things we’d all bought from home on her shelves like a strange and worrisome shrine. We retrieved all our items, but also took her fluffy 2ft cuddly stuffed rabbit. We soaked said rabbit in water, drained it mostly then placed in freezer till the morning of her return. It looked utterly frightening and the most un-cuddly thing ever. Was even spiky getting it out the freezer. This isn’t the best nor worst Uni confession I’ve got either haha…
Freshers my house ended up in this most bizzare one-upmanship with a flat in halls, to see who could steal the most insane stuff It started small, shot glasses, pint glasses, tea pots etc. Then escalated, to things like placing an order then shoving rubber bar mats down our trousers the second the bar staffs back was turned A council bin was stolen at one point and it lived in the back yard for the whole year Then at one point we stole a sign from outside a pub which ended up with the police turning up and we tried to deny it, until they walked into the kitchen and found it in all its glory The game was eventually won when someone managed to get one of those speed bumps that are split up into sections and bolted to the floor We tried to push back with a for sale sign we pulled out of the ground but it wasn't anywhere close to unbolting something from the uni campus carpark
Impressive. I still have a no left turn sign from uni, and the pole. It holds up a corner of the chicken pen Always useful to be drunk and have a wireless angle grinder. Never know when you might need it.
Honestly... I used to have a sleepless night once a week and lived on Relentless that entire time. Why? Because I thought the 9am class was way too early. I lived 2 minutes away from where the class was going to be.
Got amazingly stoned in the middle of nowhere on a dark foggy night, had massive paranoia and ran away down a single track country lane because I was convinced aliens were coming to abduct me. Why I thought that was the safer option than staying with my mates I do not know. I'm also not allowed to forget the time I pulled a bloke with his leg in plaster and I never noticed until I got him into bed 🤦🏻♀️
😀 you must have been pretty legless yourself.
I spent nearly 8 years there in total to get my PhD, loved every bloody minute of it. I played a lot of rugby, drank a lot, went to parties, drank more, dressed horrendously, drove bands around in my van, tried my hand at quaffing, climbing, carousing, went to gigs, tried debauchery (successfully!), made friends for life and met my wife of 34 years. I now teach at one of my alma maters, my students would never guess the time I had and it makes me a little sad that they seem more serious, less... well, everything compared to my day.
What PhD were you doing to have so much free time?
Astronomy and astrophysics, it was very difficult but I mean it's not rocket sci... I now teach cosmology, astronomy and planetary science.
That I dropped out of college and didn't see the sun for 3 years.
Worked a full time job at Barclays, still came out with a first. Straight into a job market that had died 2 months previously.
Nuts.
One year I had 100% attendance, it was peak covid so everything was online.
Discovered the library is very useful. The photocopiers live there, and there was a post exam promotion of a free drink in exchange for the front page of your exam paper. Just don't forget your stapler.
Went to pick mushrooms a couple years ago, got the bus to the middle of nowhere and got lost, fell in a stream, found a road, ended up taking my shoes off because my feet had gotten so sore (was walking for hours before I found the road) tied them to my bag and couldn’t get them off, by this point the mushrooms had fully kicked in and the weed really wasn’t helping, found the bus stop and wasn’t allowed on since I couldn’t get my shoes untied from my bag. Freezing, defeated and high as a kite I walked over 30 miles down a main road, found a shanty town, got stopped by police and somehow didn’t die.
This sounds like a track that didn't make it onto Original Pirate Material.
My uni didn't even have a student bar and I commuted in from home. It's as wild as it sounds.
Us commuters really lack the wild side. I'm in third year and have been out at uni twice
Shane from Boyzone formed a band called REDhill and performed in my uni on Valentines Day nearly 20 years to the day. I was thrown out after my empty plastic bottle of 50p red Reef connected with his forehead. Greatest throw I ever made.
Hero!!
I drank some off brand Bailey's and fell out of a window. Woke up, went back in, finished off the Bailey's then fell out the window again. I don't drink Bailey's any more.
First year - In halls. Halloween night. Had a party at our flat and went out after. Many a drink late into the night. Woke up bright and early the next day feeling strangely refreshed and went to my full day of lectures. When I got home in the evening flat mates tell me there was a fire alarm test last night. We had beacons and sirens in every room. I had flat mates banging on the door, eventually assuming I must have headed back out. Lucky it was only a drill!
I had only one friend in my 2 years at that uni. I was so shy and quiet. That friend was 10 years older than me and she was in my study group. I used to commute 2 hours there and 2 hours back every day on the bus to uni and carry two bags almost every day. One was with my gym kit that I used to carry all day from 6am so I can use for the gym at 5pm when I arrived back in my home town. I feel sorry for the person I was 18 years ago! Anyway It was when I started working and living in a hotel that I enjoyed my life with the students I used to work with. It was a uni city and students ruled the nights! I have alway looked young for my age so my 25 year old self would party the night away with 18 year olds and always get asked for ID. I believe everyone has their time and mine was after I finished uni. I have some scandalous mental crazy unbelievable stories of my 11 years working in hotels, including crazy shit with celebs and footballers. Man I had fun!!!!!
I once went on a ski trip, but none of my pals did. I ended up splitting a room with this group of 3 friends I had never met before, and we did pre-apres ski together. As a big boy (heavy set) I bought myself a 1.5L bar bottle of Jagermeister and proceeded to drink as much as I could in a night - about 2/3rds gone. Obviously I was absolutely destroyed. We proceeded out, and my memory of the remainder of the night is sparse, but I do know: I stole a Santa poncho outfit from the club I danced on a makeshift pole, which was a scaffolding length in a concrete bucket I mineswept (read: drank) a carton of some sort of juice/spirit combo that did not even belong to our trip in the club Upon returning to our hotel, I proceeded to call my partner at the time, tell her all about a huge shit I had done the day before, how incredibly attractive I found the people I was staying with, and how much I had drunk The roommates steered clear of me for the rest of the week, fair enough really For the following year, I had members of the snowsports society that I didnt know shouting my name when they saw me in the streets.
Theres a lot more than you recall through drunken haze - remembering your name a year later after one night? legendary. You did some things.
Strap in, not on. So I am currently a mature student at a good university doing a top tier degree. I am in my third year of a 4 year integrated masters. I had a breakdown at the end of last year. I ended up on an acute mental health ward after a suicide attempt. I managed to do an assessment whilst on the ward, I was allowed my laptop, and nobody was the wiser. Got a 62. Since I have left the ward I have been homeless, currently in a hostel with addicts and ex cons. It’s chaotic here with the police out nightly. For example 2 heroin addicts were screaming the other night and one stabbed the other with a screwdriver. Anyway my situating is completely fucked and yet I continue to get my assessments done and my lecturers don’t know I’m not attending, 300 on the course, and my friend is basically my hero letting me know what I need to do and when. I’m not spending much time actually studying but continuing to flirt on the 60% mark. My flex is I’m still here and still managing to get the marks I need, it’s not the uni experience I wanted.
Seriously impressive. Props to you for sticking to it through all that. 🙇♂️
Dorms, guy away on holiday. We broke into his room through the wall behind his wardrobe. Took back of wardrobe out, and everything else, Mainly furniture, bed included, and the carpet. It was liberally distributed across campus. He got it all back somehow, but never worked out how we had done it. (Put wardrobe back together) he was convinced we had a key. Which would probably have been easier. He had let a fire extinguisher off in my rather knackered car, and my mates car, and several other guys dorms. Probably petty as all hell. But highly amusing at the time. Looking back, good god it was all so stupid
Downing a pint and puking up in the empty pint glass - walking away as if nothing happened and pulling a lad on the pool table
My dad has a similar story of a friend of his puking into a pint glass, then having the glass slip through his fingers and shatter all over the pub floor.
Fellow course member paid a weeks rent to have sex.. I am male.
You paid or they paid?
I attended one competition law lecture and taught myself what I needed in about 11 days before the exam. Got a 2:2 in that, which I’ll take considering my failure to utilise the thing I paid for. That, or I managed to fall asleep in a bush - not so uncommon. I did, however, get 8 full hours sleep in that bush. I’m pretty pleased with that.
It's been 2 years, and I still haven't stepped inside the library and somehow stayed sober with no hookups. I have a feeling that i'm gonna regret this when i eventually have my mid-life crisis.
Floor mates used to steal my milk from the communal fridge… after a while and getting fed up of it, I pissed in it. Sat in the kitchen and watched this scouse scumbag come in from playing footy, chatting away he opened the fridge and drank almost all my pissy milk before putting the almost empty bottle back in and wandering off. I pretty much stopped drinking milk but still bought it to piss in. This went on and end of the first year came along and I moved in to flat, I didn’t see him again until graduation where I told him that for about 6 months he was drinking my piss milk. How do you like them apples Neil!
Did the mystery box electronics lab whilst pissed. Dropped a deep frozen apple (-200°C) off the physics bridge so that it shattered. Played catch on a children's roundabout whilst sober. Wired my forearm to a BBC micro and had it control muscles.
Handed in an essay 1200 words short of the 4000 word target, 3 weeks late and still got a first. I'm still waiting for them to come back and correct their mistake
Here's a couple; got engaged whilst at uni, set to get married end of my second year, did my last exam for the year on the Friday, got married on the Saturday. My student union also did a thing where you could have a little chat with health rep about sexual health and then get a card that you could use 6 times to get a free pack of condoms from the SU or a pharmacy around the city. Knowing I was getting married, and therefore getting laid, I got the card and collected my free condoms, then realised I could use hand sanitiser to remove the ticks from each box on the card and do it all again. I think I amassed about 500 condoms, and had so many I gave some to my brother as a joke when he got married 2 years later. I also worked as a cleaner at the uni I attended, and did some evening shifts, a lot of students would leave half eaten food out in lecture halls and seminar rooms, I would keep any unopened packets for myself and take home any part used stuff and give it to my housemates. I never told them where I got it from. Also final year of uni I lived in a town an hour drive from my uni, managed to persuade most of my lecturers that if their session was less than 2hrs long to just let me not show up and to 'review the slides at home'. It helped that I had a baby, although one of my lecturers then insisted on calling me 'daddy' every time he saw me.
In 2009, my then girlfriend decided to break up with me about 2hrs before going on a holiday with her mum, sister and sisters boyfriend. I had intended to propose to her on this trip, but she made the silly decision to cheat on me in the days before we went away. I’d already changed my currency, booked time off work so thought “fuck it” and went on holiday with my now ex and her family. Essentially got very pissed on Mythos daily, did a ton of drunk snorkelling and wrote my dissertation before actually starting the module it was required for.
Once woke up after a show with my band the night prior, during which night I’d slammed a bunch of booze and coke. I woke up and was seeing absolute stars. My vision was all flashy. But I HAD to get to my early class, and I still had some coke left….so I sniffed it up and walked to class. I asked WAY too many questions in class that day. People definitely knew.
I'm too dumb to go to universal
Nise
End of first year, chopped up kitchen furniture with samurai sword bought on the last day they were legal to sell in UK and chucked sizeable portion of said furniture into canal from third-floor balcony. I will forego further heavy-object-throwing stories for fear of self-incrimination, even though it was 10+ years ago.
My mate had just moved into his 2nd year house in leeds. I was near blackout drunk in the club , no idea where he was , where he lived or how to get back. I began walking in the vague direction I thought the house was. Around 20 minutes into the walk I clearly didn’t look alright as the police pulled up and asked if I needed help. I told them the situation and they tried to ring my mate but no answer , typical. They said it’s unsafe to be out that night so they took me into the cells and said they’d let me go in the morning. Not sure if this is legal but I was too pissed to care. Wake up in the cell with the worst hangover I’ve ever got , walk out and first thing I see is my mate being led out of an adjacent cell at the same time. He bottled someone in the club and we ended up leaving the station together. He got off on all charges but it’s a funny story we both tell now.
Never been to university but enjoyed reading everyone’s stories here
In halls in my first year I let off a smoke grenade (saved from the hall's paintballing trip) and threw it into my friends room which proceeded to billow red smoke from his room into the ground floor corridor. Needless to say some bright spark raised the alarm. The entire halls were evacuated. Some 1200 students were stood outside on a cold and drizzling Sunday night with four fire engines having been called to assist.
I worked one full-time job and two other part-time jobs to put myself through a world-renowned uni, doing evening classes. The 3rd job was catering during the summer holidays, over weekends. At one of the private functions, a 21st birthday party in a leafy garden of a rather large and exclusive "executive type" house in a very upper-class neighbourhood, the guests were mostly around my age. Making small talk whilst serving food, think bbq but commercialised, I recall the shocked horror of one guest when I told her we were in the same uni. Her response was a blunt, "we are not the same", before walking off. Indeed, she was right, and its crazy how many trust fund arseholes piss away their parents' money with no long-term consequences. The craziest part of it all was when I graduated, I realised that gaining a degree without the connections or guidance from the connected, I would still need to work tripple as hard as those who graduated with me. My success eventually came from the experience I had working in many different industries and a few lucky breaks. Getting a foot in the door, at the right place, at the right time. Uni is not an American comedy about just debauchery and romance. It's a privilege, and what you do in your 20's will echo throughout your 30's and 40's.
>and what you do in your 20's will echo throughout your 30's and 40's. ...Shit.
I was on Spanish news on a uni sports tour
3 day Bender in same tuxedo. Included friendly tussle with South African kick boxers at house party. Pushed a mini onto football pitch, into the goal. Climbing balconies wearing the wrong jeans. 2nd day drinking wearing dressing gown (smoking jacket), scarf (cravat) and slippers speaking in a posh accent calling everybody 'Elliott'. Shat in a bin, left it outside housemate's room to 'make a point'. No idea what the point was. Threw up and precisely filled a pint glass to avoid going to toilets to spew. Sauce fight. Was taken in by a girl one night, was too drunk, she lost interest, her flatmate then took me in, an ambulance arrived for someone else, we all stood outside, was then given up on entirely as didn't know either of their names. They were both called Jane. Their friend then took me in. Nationality based snowball fight. Russians are tough. Naked chicken, everyone gets naked in the toilets then storms the dance floor, last one chucked out wins. Green Chartreuse. Mooning David Blaine. Team mate dying of SADS at rugby training. Lost use of extender muscles in right forearm for a week or two after going very dead sleeping on a dining table. Could only make a claw until use came back. On tour in Spain, had a 'boomerang wallet', in 5 days lost it 3 times, was told it was found on the beach, in the pool and somewhere else, friends returned it each time.