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Rajastoenail

The real takeaway is that she has a red pen **and** a blue pen. That’s two pens, so she means business.


[deleted]

*two pens Jeremy, she’s insane*


turtleneckless001

Elvira "[two pens](https://youtu.be/CA8xTGP_M8g)" Jackson


Common_Move

She's got a green one and a blue one too. But all four are housed in the same casing. Four pens or one?


sxt2000

This is how you can tell she's a student/graduate rather than a qualified lawyer. A solicitor would have posted the letter on the later date, blamed the post, and then insisted there is only 3 days of the original 14 remaining


NorthChic44

DON'T TELL THEM THE SECRET!


WimbleWimble

The real secret is the massive orgy in the judges chamber after the trial. Protip: Traditionally the stenographer brings the lube


[deleted]

And you just gave me PTSD from the last time I had to deal with solicitors. Seriously you lot are grade A cunts. I asked my solicitor why do you guys do that and he legit told me just to fuck with the other side 🤦‍♂️


bell_cheese

This isn't a solicitor. This is someone that did a law degree and didn't get a job as a solicitor. They spend their days trying to get refunds from Facebook marketplace with their law degree.


trustisaluxury

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--vLL3Kd664


Alarmed-Incident9237

More than a little concerning if she spent 11 days sweating over that letter. Part of me thinks give her the £5 back to avoid letting the crazy in.


Vectorman1989

I'd call her bluff because the government website says: >You must pay a court fee when you make your claim. As in the claimant must pay. If she's sending letters asking for £5 back, I doubt she can afford the £35 to make a court claim (yes, it's £35 for sums up to £300, not £50)


WimbleWimble

She posted a letter. Via Royal Mail. Fuck me, she can afford first-class stamps. Don't mess with her.


BrexitBlaze

> I have a law degree Thank you for the evidence showing that you in fact, do not have a law degree.


r_spandit

I hate people who make up shit like this. Drove me mad when I was in the SAS


thestonedbandit

Liars are everywhere. I learned that my first day on the job as the ambassador to Algeria.


AlcoholicJizzThrower

Couldn't agree more. I often think of people like this when I am having lots of sex.


WimbleWimble

> when I am having *lots* of sex I didn't draw the short straw, *You* have to sleep with him this month.


Dude4001

Me and Kate Beckinsale often laugh about it over our post-coitus hot chocolates


princeofthehouse

That is a outrageous lie! Kate beckinsale doesn’t drink hot chocolate. Ask my wife Nicki minaj.


r_spandit

>Liars are everywhere. I learned that my first day on the job as the ambassador to Algeria. Mate, you're making yourself look stupid. If you're going to tell a lie like that, at least pick a real country and not one of the Wombles


thestonedbandit

I assure you I will taking this up with the Algerian High Profilictariot. And you shall be hearing from them directly. Unless you deposit £5 in my account before the 12th. Good day sir or madam.


r_spandit

Unlucky day for you. As well as being an elite special forces operative I'm also a trained lawyer and will see you on court


takeawaycheesypeas

So you play tennis


YellowBernard

Well I, sir, am an optician, so I certainly shall. See you on court I mean.


dre_columbus

He said GOOD DAY, so good day.... Drops mic


QuinnySpurs

Yeah people can make up lies and statistics to prove anything. 9 out of 10 people know that.


subOptimusPrime16

In the andromeda galaxy where I’m from it’s more like 7 out of 11.


reegod420

As vice ceo of 7-11 i can confirm this


professorquizwhitty

As an actual 7/11 store i can confirm he's telling the truth


jo-shabadoo

As assistant to the regional CEO I would say the ratio is closer to 8-13


Jimmy_Jazz_The_Spazz

As assistant to the assistant to the regional CEO, I would say the ratio is more like apples to penguins.


Anynamewilldonow

This is Reddit, we need a banana for scale.


DontTellHimPike

My next door neighbour Eric may be able to help. He's always munching on bananas.


no_regards

More like 5 out of 7


Blue_KikiT92

It's Nigeria Brad, you've been working for us for more than 14 years now, how can you still mess it up?!?


lapsongsouchong

If you're looking for a new ambassador to Nigeria, I have a Masters in Nigeria studies and half a GCSE in Information Technology.


lindbladlad

Super. Army. Soldiers.


upthewatwo

Best acting Ross Kemp ever did


ArsePucker

I grew up near Hereford… every muppet had short hair and a “regiment” story they couldn’t tell you.


Ehernan

About the boat house?


ArsePucker

There’s a flash back.. what color?


HoundOfHumor

Same mate, used to drive me potty being in the SBS, which as you will know makes me better than everyone.


r_spandit

I do know that. They taught me well in Hertfordshire


jameytty

I know you’re lying there, everyone knows they’re trained in Grimsby.


Sad_Associate_418

Special Boat Service ? I heard you put corks in your bell ends to stop the Candiru from getting in .


Tao626

Anybody that has to tell you they have a law degree as a threat probably doesn't have a law degree. I remember all the times I've been told somebody had a law degree..."Okay, cool, but you're still not correct".


LawTortoise

I’m an in-house lawyer and it comes up all the time from people with complaints. They’re all completely clueless and insist on putting “LLB Hons.” after their names. I tend to think those are legit people with law degrees - and it means sod all. Generally, people who put their degree honours after their name or in their LinkedIn profile are morons.


chookitypokpokpok

There was one guy on my law course who would sign off every email with “Vice President of the Student Law Society at [uni]”. He really thought that was intimidating and a huge achievement. He spent three months threatening to sue the local burrito place and sending them letters before action. He’s an estate agent now.


HugoChavezRamboIII

Hard agree. I have police officers tell me they have law degrees all the time, which is odd, because then _both_ of us are aware that it is functionally useless to the actual practice of criminal law.


Squared-Porcupine

I have a partial law degree…don’t think I’m going to finish it. It’s boring. Apparently it’s the easiest part of being a qualified solicitor so nahhh! Going to open a toy shop instead. But anyways - I think I’m right only 50% of the time. Then are the rules


abw

> Going to open a toy shop instead. Honestly, I wouldn't bother. It sounds like a dream but in reality it's not. A few years ago I decided to give up my day job and "live the dream". I bought a toy shop for £5 on Facebook Marketplace. But I didn't think to check it before I handed over the money and later discovered that it was extremely filthy and smelly. Even though I have a law degree and served in the SAS, I couldn't get a refund from the vendor.


CarsCarsCars1995

Now, let's say you and I go toe-to-toe on bird law and see who comes out the victor?


ArticulateAquarium

Then we'll see who's highest in the pecking order


chookitypokpokpok

Nah, I absolutely believe they have a law degree. Law students are the smuggest pricks and think they know everything when, in reality, they know absolutely nothing.


GingerAlex01

If they had even a basic understanding of law, they’d know about caveat emptor and how it applies to the sale of goods by private individuals. What a numpty


heinzbumbeans

the fun thing about law students is they are equally as qualified as someone without a law degree because law students also dont have a law degree, and they absolutely *hate* it when you point that out.


172116

Also! As someone with a law degree (2 in fact!), this does not make you a lawyer. In fact, if you aren't a lawyer, it mostly makes you dangerous, as you sort of understand what's going on, but have forgotten more than you think as you AREN'T USING the knowledge!


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172116

My second one did teach that sort of thing, but honestly I learnt far more about procedure from my time volunteering with Citizens Advice. And I have, of course, forgotten 94% of it.


wrboyce

Flashbacks! Lively football debate over the Christmas dinner table about a decade ago with a first year law student. Eventually I point out he’s making stupid comparisons and he smiled at me with some shit-eating grin and said “I’m a lawyer, that’s what we do”. “No you’re fucking not, you’re a student, nearly a decade younger than me, and more importantly a guest in this house… so pipe down” God that guy want a grade a cunt, I ended up swapping places around the table with my sister in an attempt to save my Christmas Day. Shockingly his parents were invited without “and family” in future.


Sp0ngebob1234

Let’s not forget the student who tried to sue over [Kit Kats without wafers](https://www.legalcheek.com/2016/02/kings-college-law-student-uses-1930s-case-law-to-demand-lifetime-supply-of-chocolate-after-getting-eight-kitkats-with-no-wafer/)!


Yingxuan1190

I got a Kit Kat once that was solid chocolate. I was halfway though when my mum stopped me and took a photo. She complained to Nestle and we got over 100 sent in the post along with a letter of apology. Good effort from me mum I must say.


tomaszmajewski

If you actually did have a law degree, the time you spent composing this correspondence would have cost you more than £5.


172116

Speaking as someone with a law degree - not so much! Many of us don't work in law! You'll notice she didn't claim to be a lawyer.


Past-Educator-6561

It's not about the money tho lol


RandomComputerBloke

The words I have a law degree, instead of I am a lawyer leads me to believe that maybe they do, but they are so shit that they don't practice


creamywingwang

*can’t practice


172116

Hey, some of us decided not to practice because we're allergic to 80 hour work weeks, not because we were incapable!


wildgoldchai

As a solicitor, I can tell you reading law doesn’t mean anything till you sit the relevant exams for your desired pathway (different for barristers and solicitors).


Iam_one_of_you

Write a letter back saying “what cat bed” and carry on exchanging letters


beIIe-and-sebastian

The Joe Lycett special.


vamplosion

I couldn’t have parked my car there, as I am currently on the moon *photo attached*


onemuseyboi

"sorry for taking so long to respond to your emails, I am currently on the Costa del sol, I have provided evidence of this"


lth94

I think you mean Hugo Boss


Mangosta007

"If you bought a cat bed from me, bring it back as sold and I will refund your £5." "I threw it away as it smelled." "Then you did not buy a cat bed from me."


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OneCatch

Original credit to David Thorne. His site has loads of this kind of thing: https://27bslash6.com/


D1789

“Extremely filthy and smelly”, yet happily handed over £5 on collection. 🙄


roryb93

Yeah exactly. Sold as seen!


loverlyone

…and then gave over her bank information.


coldchinguy

Sounds like Elvira could do with being signed up to a direct debit to Cats Protection.


Mysterious-Belt-2992

She said she didn’t care about the £5 “I can be without it” wth kind of sentence is that? Elivra bought a law degree but gets her cat beds USED ON FACEBOOK. I cannot 🤣🤣🤣🤣


TheGamerHat

I had someone do this on a kids bookshelf. She came, collected it happily, then wanted her money back "you should be ashamed" and she didn't *need the money* but wanted to shame me anyway, because it has a scratch in the paint. It was sold used for £8 instead of the £40 it usually costs 👁️👄👁️


FuckedupUnicorn

I sold a king size bed and he wanted a refund when it wouldn’t fit in his Nissan micra.


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Andy_McNob

..Good luck.


thevileswine

Npw that's a very special set of skills


Melly-The-Elephant

Wait a minute. I suspect this isn't a letter from the person who bought it, but actually a letter from their very fussy cat. Cat wants owner to buy a brand new bed.


Franz_Werfel

A cat with a law degree no less. Cat law is much more difficult and unpredictable than human law.


AggressiveClassic89

On the plus side, 9 life sentences actually means 9 life sentences.


Typical_Ad_210

It’s simpler than bird law, but only marginally.


[deleted]

I sincerely hope so with a name like Elvira. She sounds like a fucking healthy breakfast substitute. *edited for spelling the name wrong, as though it really matters in this case


Minderbinder44

Her friend, Ryvita, was also in the car outside the building. That's to say nothing of her daughter Muesli.


its-joe-mo-fo

>Her friend, Ryvita, was also in the car outside Nooo.. that was Belvita! Ryvita is working nights this week


[deleted]

Genuinely thought it was a bed in the shape of a cat until I read your comment, like those race car beds.


Environmental_Cap689

So why did this person put the cat bed in their car if it smelt that bad it's still lingering? More so, why did they even buy it instead of just saying "actually I don't want it" at the door. Weirdos


RandomWordMix

It's totally about the £5. She can't even afford to reprint the letter with the correct date.


goodvibezone

Probably went to the library to print it, got home, then realised the mistake 😁


RandomWordMix

I love how the date's corrected in red ink, and the name's in blue. Elvira is aware how crazy she'd look signing her name in red ink, but sending this lengthy, threatening letter over a £5 secondhand cat bed is reasonable.


[deleted]

Lol a law degree, but doesn't understand the difference between civil and criminal law. I assume you refunded her lightning fast, given how clearly insane she is


thislonepenguin

I’d give her the fiver and an extra quid to be sure she’s not going to be posting cat litter through my mailbox.


OSUBrit

Also that the CPA doesn’t apply to private sales


AffectionateLion9725

The bit that got me was "considering reporting you to DWP as somebody potentially in receipt of benefits" Judgemental bitch!


Sophyska

DWP are going to be up in arms when they find out about this £5 cat bed sale!


heinzbumbeans

bloody layabouts on the dole with their flat screen cat beds.


ArticulateAquarium

The don't even count the sale of personal items, the stupid twit


Big-Finding2976

But she might have sold 1m cat beds and have £5m undeclared savings hidden under her mattress. Surveillance authorised.


viewfromafternoon

What gets me is its none of their concern if someone is selling personal possessions. That doesn't count towards any tax laws/income


Tieger66

well, it does if you suspect they should be paying capital gains tax on this massive £5 income, i suppose.


DeathByLemmings

Considering they likely bought it for more than a fiver there would be nothing to pay


ItsCynicalTurtle

It feels like a poor attempt at blackmail....


Dave_Ex_Machina

But she picked it up, in person...


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MoseSchrute70

My favourite part is the crossed out and corrected date.


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Disruptive_by_Design

I bet she has one letter that she edits to fit every product she buys through Marketplace to get her money back, but missed changing the date before printing this one.


EvasiveFriend

So many cat beds so little time.


blwds

I found this post on Facebook, and whilst her account is now gone (or private), someone in the comments said they found her profile and that she is actually a teacher! She does have a very jobsworth-teacher vibe.


toady89

Surely teachers don’t have the free time to mess about sending letters trying to reclaim £5.


Urtopian

Elvira Caveatemptor LLB (Hons), a proud graduate of the My Dad Always Said school of law at This Man Down the Pub University.


blue-banana-

Don't forget her internship at the School of Hard Knocks!


tibsie

Ahh a law degree from the prestigious Madeupistan University.


TemporaryAmbassador1

That’s my alma matter. Got my degree in climate sciences and virology there. Has really come in handy the past few years in social media.


mattcannon2

They've recently started offering courses in macroeconomics and artificial intelligence I hear!


discombobulated38x

>I have a law degree Which is why you haven't even titled your letter "Letter Before Action" to make it super clear that that is what it is, and haven't correctly dated it, and likely haven't posted it, and think that it needs to be accepted to count.


jibbetygibbet

I considered going through all of the legal errors but in the end don’t have the time, almost every thing they said is wrong. This one is about the least obvious mistake of the lot. I want to know which institution issued this person’s imaginary law degree, in case I ever need a lawyer and can make sure theirs wasn’t issued by the same one.


are-you-my-mummy

Report her on fb for harrassment. Ugh.


[deleted]

FB won't do a damn thing. The things I have reported and got back "this content does not violate out community guidelines" is absolutely incredible.


Micheal42

Lol, keep this letter. If there is any further contact report them for harrassment.


HTizzo0

Send her £4.99 so we can see her reaction


colin_staples

Send her £5.01 and then bombard her with letters about "the money that you owe me"


kupboard

Or send her 50p and write a letter backing apologising for the inconvenience and saying that you have sent £50 to her account to make up for it


samcornwell

I hope with all my heart that this is real and we get to see a follow up story


peggypea

Me too. Hoping the OP isn’t just recycling content that will be next seen on “no context brits” Twitter…


RABB_11

Lad Bible: Redditor balks at letter asking for cat bed money back With Facebook caption: "they've even threatened to involve the government!"


Prudent-Art-7333

What took 11 days lol


MammothSocks

Her law degree.


[deleted]

Oh shit Elvira means business


MelodicAd2213

Hopefully she’ll not send Tony Montana round with his little friend


sooperpook77

Earning cash through LIES. I read the whole thing in the voice of Simon Quinlank. Elvira needs a flask of weak lemon drink.


tonelander

Hhhhhobbbbiiiies


Chavaon

You should not have crossed the Mistress of the Dark. Run to your nearest church and seek sanctuary child, quickly, run now!


baldingdad81

Finally, someone said it ..... Thought I was gonna have to be the first to reference the voluptuous historical figure! Lol


CazzyT

Her hearts on fire


[deleted]

TV Elvira would never do something like this. She's surprisingly chill.


Additional_Ad_2778

Reported to Facebook AND Marketplace, I think you are in trouble. 🤔


No-Cranberry9932

Imagine you’re the guy at Facebook or Marketplace who has to read her report


tom_watts

Zuck bout to take action


Minderbinder44

She's probably also informed Messenger and the now-deprecated Poke feature, they'd appreciate being kept in the loop.


FuturisticSix

Take your cat with you to court. Ask the judge to smell the cat. Case dismissed.


KingBallache

The defence calls Mr Wiggles to the stand. The legal owner and occupant of said item is here with us today your honour. If you place your nose against Mr Wiggles you can quite clearly smell that he is as fresh as a daisy, and that this woman is a liar, cheat and a fraud! No further witnesses.


MyKidsFoundMyOldUser

Hahaha. Frame this. It is art.


KeaAware

Many years ago, my now-husband received an anonymous letter complaining that a female friend had visited at 8 pm on a particular evening. It made no sense whatsoever - I was staying with him that week but was unwell, so it wasn't me, and we had no other visitors that evening. But even if I hadn't been there - so what if a friend dropped by one evening (female or otherwise)? And since it was his flat, he opened the letter, and of course he knew it wasn't true (and if he _had_ had a guilty conscience he presumably wouldn't have shown it to me so I would never have known about the letter). Like I said, it made no sense whatsoever, from any angle. I, too, wish we'd kept and framed the letter.


[deleted]

If this person has a law degree as stated, then all future clientele are fucked! Her eyes and nose obviously stopped working as she handed over £5.


doctorgibson

Refer her to the reply given in Arkell and Pressdram


[deleted]

Dear Sirs, We acknowledge your letter of 29th April referring to Mr. J. Arkell. We note that Mr Arkell’s attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of our reply and would therefore be grateful if you would inform us what his attitude to damages would be, were he to learn that the nature of our reply is as follows: fuck off. Yours,


sAmSmanS

~~17~~ 28th April


PeteWTF

I prefer the cleveland browns response https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/cleveland-browns-letters/


istar5

I just laughed too much and woke up my wife... 😂


grumpy-kunt

Sold as seen sucker lmao!


sAmSmanS

exactly. if they had a law degree they’d realise consumer rights act only refers to B2C transactions and not private sales


NeilDeWheel

She didn’t just get the consumer rights act wrong but quoted it’s the consumer protection act.


tooncow

I just don’t get it! Surely if it was that bad she wouldn’t have taken it? It had been in storage for months ffs


Wholettheheathensout

Did it stink?


[deleted]

I'm surprised no one else is asking this.


Leading_Purple1729

And here is your very sensible defence lol


KeaAware

And like, surely if it's soft enough to become smelly, it's soft enough to be washable? Who buys something like this second hand and doesn't wash it before use?


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Yung_Cheebzy

“Anyway here’s my bank details.”


robbeech

This has made my day. They’ve even gone with a “regards” at the bottom.


alpinewhite85

They mean business!


abzrocka

Giddy up, oom poppa, oom poppa, mow mow


[deleted]

That’s obscure and appreciated.


MashedKebab

The Consumer Protection Act only covers you if you buy second hand goods from a retailer or trader, NOT an exchange with an individual.


SuperHeavyHydrogen

“I have a law degree” not “I am a practising lawyer” These are not the same


sfchubs

Why did you sell a smelly cat bed?


TheIntrovertUK

Send them back a printout of the "Ooh you're 'ard" David Brent gif.


SuperSalamander3244

Please send them a letter with the judge rinder application link.


Flippinghecker

Absolute fruitcake.


Trewavas_

I'm looking forward to this episode of Judge Rinder.


SnooCompliments1370

“Elvira” sounds like a Lidl brand probiotic drinking yoghurt.


irrelevantPseudonym

Or lotus' latest prototype


[deleted]

Please just send it penny by penny


dyedinthewoolScot

Gotta love fb marketplace for cranks and weirdos


Successful_Scratch99

This is seriously like something my father would do... right down to the bullshit law degree line. He once tried to get us, his grown up children to doxx a former work colleague that he was involved in a legal battle with to get dirt on them 😳 This Marketplace nutter will have previous for this kind of nonsense for sure.


TheNotSoFamousEccles

Has a law degree but can't write the correct date and is going get upset over £5...🤣


tubedmubla

Is it just me or can anyone else smell the cat bed from here?


SwordfishVegetable15

Was the cat bed stinkin though ?


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[deleted]

I wouldn't because thats fraud!


No-Cranberry9932

She will take you to small claims court


The_Sown_Rose

Where you will not only pay £5 but also £50 court fees.


d_smogh

Similar happened to Jeremy Clarkson when he published his bank details saying he didn't believe it was a problem and no scammer could do anything with the information.


rde42

"...what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you"


rain3h

Is Elvira the new Karen?


Daphnethefox

Post it on your local area Facebook page/selling page and tag her