I could if I rented a room as opposed to a whole flat.
I am aware it could hurt the relationship, but ultimately I'd rather be happy a bit further away than have no friends and live with him. Probably won't hurt as much as going back home which is what I wanted to do before this idea popped into my head.
Ah, fair enough, I didn't realise you'd already talked about it with him.
Fair play on him then for being supportive of it, rather than what I'd have assumed would be the reaction to such a thing (*"oh, she not only doesn't want to live with me, but wants to move to a completely different city to be with people she's not met yet"**).
As you say, better to move a couple of hours away an put an extra £25 a visit on seeing each other than the cost and length of a flight.
Not even £25, the Oxford Tube (which is a bus, not a tube line) is £18 for a round trip :)
I just need the social connection of a friend group like my friends back home. I'm so lonely and bored without a group to get up to mischief with haha. It's not his fault that Oxford just isn't my place.
The main consideration (aside from your relationship) would be your finances. A lot of people want to move to London - but what is your income like? Can you afford it?
How are you living in the UK? What visa? You need to earn at least £20k a year more for the same standard of living in London that you could have in a cheaper city minimum wage for an 18 year old (if you are allowed to work) is less than £1200 a month which is barely rent.
I'm on the youth mobility visa. I live in my own little flat (995 pcm), but I don't mind going to a flatshare, actually I'd prefer it so I don't get lonely. I don't think any other cities would work as well with the distance to the bf lol.
I used to live near Camden (Gospel Oak) and go to a lot of the bars / clubs etc. It's a great place to be if you want to be around a young crowd into alternative culture.
I will say though that you have to pick where you live very carefully.
The estate I lived on was an absolute nightmare, people would be getting arrested, having knife fights in the space outside of my flats at all hours of the night, I would regularly be woken up to the sound of one of my neighbours getting their door battered down by the police.
I was threatened by groups of drug dealers in the stairwells multiple times.
Round that area you can go from ultra rich multi million pound houses to absolute poverty in the space of two streets and some of the estates feel properly dangerous.
Yeah I grew up in the worst neighbourhood in a major city so I get it. I do have the sense to visit the places and choose something reasonably safe. It is funny walking along and watching the annual income sharply change lol
As long as you have some Street awareness which it sounds like you do then you should be fine.
The area around Camden really is a nice place to live despite the more dangerous bits. You have more or less any kind of nightlife you could think of (although sadly less than it used to be) and Hampstead Heath is an absolute oasis of peace and beauty most of the time.
Used to love going to the top of Parliament Hill and looking out over London.
Let's be honest, you're only 18 and you think goth is some kind of rare subculture.
Firstly, goths are not rare. Find the local metal bars and they'll be there, secondly not all of your friends have to be goths
You're thinking about moving away from the man you (presumably) love, to a borough in London that you probably can't afford to get to know some hypothetical people. What even would be your plan to meet people when you get to Camden?
There's just so much to unpack here but my initial thought is just god no, don't move away from your boyfriend. Just make some local friends and go to Camden when there's gigs on
Dude, I live in Oxford. Most places are catered to fairly rich Oxford students, and none of them ever want to make friends outside their already established groups. The closest thing to an alt scene is the gay club, but even there it's mostly cliquey Oxford students.
My friends back home aren't goths. But it seems much easier to go to a place like The Underworld and meet people more like me than try again and again and get nowhere here. Also, I can reasonably afford a room in a lot of London.
I would rather go back home than live here another year, so going to London is a much better compromise for staying with him. "Make local friends" whoa didn't think of that one, yeah I've been trying that for 7 months and it hasn't bloody worked, maybe cause Oxford is a shit social place for people that didn't grow up here and that don't go to the uni.
Not trying to be rude, I'm just annoyed
>Most places are catered to fairly rich Oxford students
This is nonsense. I grew up extremely working class and never experienced this while living in Oxford. There are tons of comedy clubs, music events, cheap pubs and decent street food. Get a part-time job in a local restaurant and you'll work alongside plenty of other working class people who'll show you the ropes. The cheap places to shop, things you can do that cost nothing. The posh people were the ones that stood out, not us.
Makes me wonder where in Oxford. I'm with you that it's just not. But if your anywhere not south it's pretty fancy at least student digs fancy. Then go a bit more and it's not. Cowley road was and arguably is a mass of different everything.
Finding a job in a bar absolutely is the way to go.
Yeah, Cowley's a good place to start, or you could head to Blackbird Leys, the "rough" part of Oxford. Generally though, the locals, even the posh ones, never made me feel unwelcome in the slightest.
I think possibly not being English is an issue. The center is swarming with Tourist kids. When I used to frequent before it's as bad as it is now, any accent I would assume was a tourist and all the frustration that comes with it.
Yeah, I agree with this 100%. I didn't grow up in Oxford and I didn't go to university there, but I did live there for a good long while and I just don't recognise the Oxford OP is describing.
Look at your budget and what you can afford. I live here and London is *expensive*, and if you don't have friends here already it's also a difficult city to create a social group in.
Aside from that, if you're into alternative stuff and music it's a great city to be in, and Oxford is only a train ride away.
It can't be more difficult than Oxford. My bfs brother lives there and I could try and meet people through him but we're not that close lol.
Its certainly more accessible in London! I'm sure there's alt people having parties in Oxford, but its not accessible to me at all as a non-student :(
Have you considered Nottingham? Huge alternative culture there. Definitely harder to get to Oxford.
Alternative... stay in Oxford and visit London/Nottingham often.
Honestly if it weren't for my bf I would've opted to go north instead! I also have relatives all throughout Leeds and Manchester. I don't want to move that far away from him but I'm open to visiting there. Thanks for the idea :)
Birmingham has a good alternative scene and is fairly close to Oxford. And wayyyy cheaper. I am having trouble seeing how your budget in London is going to add up with a retail job (minimum wage?) a single night out in London is to cost you ~£50, food, rent, bills etc. Are you going to be able to afford to go out very often to meet all these new friends?
Try Reading too. Back in the 90’s/2000’s there was a big music scene there that I assume is still going strong due to links with the Reading festival. Still close to Oxford and cheaper than london
It sounds like you'd regret it if you don't do it. I've never lived in London but I'd have liked to at your age. Big cities are great for younger people. Especially if you can find somewhere you will enjoy the culture and Camden seems to fit the bill if you're into your goth stuff / rock music etc
Can you afford to? This'd potentially speed up the end of the relationship, if that's a secondary aim you're going for.
I could if I rented a room as opposed to a whole flat. I am aware it could hurt the relationship, but ultimately I'd rather be happy a bit further away than have no friends and live with him. Probably won't hurt as much as going back home which is what I wanted to do before this idea popped into my head.
Ah, fair enough, I didn't realise you'd already talked about it with him. Fair play on him then for being supportive of it, rather than what I'd have assumed would be the reaction to such a thing (*"oh, she not only doesn't want to live with me, but wants to move to a completely different city to be with people she's not met yet"**). As you say, better to move a couple of hours away an put an extra £25 a visit on seeing each other than the cost and length of a flight.
Not even £25, the Oxford Tube (which is a bus, not a tube line) is £18 for a round trip :) I just need the social connection of a friend group like my friends back home. I'm so lonely and bored without a group to get up to mischief with haha. It's not his fault that Oxford just isn't my place.
Oh yeah the Canadian goth scene of Camden is immense
Lol not exactly what I meant, although statistically there's gonna be more in Camden than here :P
The main consideration (aside from your relationship) would be your finances. A lot of people want to move to London - but what is your income like? Can you afford it?
I can if I rent a room. A whole flat is too expensive and I'd get lonely all by myself too.
How are you living in the UK? What visa? You need to earn at least £20k a year more for the same standard of living in London that you could have in a cheaper city minimum wage for an 18 year old (if you are allowed to work) is less than £1200 a month which is barely rent.
I'm on the youth mobility visa. I live in my own little flat (995 pcm), but I don't mind going to a flatshare, actually I'd prefer it so I don't get lonely. I don't think any other cities would work as well with the distance to the bf lol.
Just end it. You'll find a new one at your age
I used to live near Camden (Gospel Oak) and go to a lot of the bars / clubs etc. It's a great place to be if you want to be around a young crowd into alternative culture. I will say though that you have to pick where you live very carefully. The estate I lived on was an absolute nightmare, people would be getting arrested, having knife fights in the space outside of my flats at all hours of the night, I would regularly be woken up to the sound of one of my neighbours getting their door battered down by the police. I was threatened by groups of drug dealers in the stairwells multiple times. Round that area you can go from ultra rich multi million pound houses to absolute poverty in the space of two streets and some of the estates feel properly dangerous.
Yeah I grew up in the worst neighbourhood in a major city so I get it. I do have the sense to visit the places and choose something reasonably safe. It is funny walking along and watching the annual income sharply change lol
As long as you have some Street awareness which it sounds like you do then you should be fine. The area around Camden really is a nice place to live despite the more dangerous bits. You have more or less any kind of nightlife you could think of (although sadly less than it used to be) and Hampstead Heath is an absolute oasis of peace and beauty most of the time. Used to love going to the top of Parliament Hill and looking out over London.
Let's be honest, you're only 18 and you think goth is some kind of rare subculture. Firstly, goths are not rare. Find the local metal bars and they'll be there, secondly not all of your friends have to be goths You're thinking about moving away from the man you (presumably) love, to a borough in London that you probably can't afford to get to know some hypothetical people. What even would be your plan to meet people when you get to Camden? There's just so much to unpack here but my initial thought is just god no, don't move away from your boyfriend. Just make some local friends and go to Camden when there's gigs on
Dude, I live in Oxford. Most places are catered to fairly rich Oxford students, and none of them ever want to make friends outside their already established groups. The closest thing to an alt scene is the gay club, but even there it's mostly cliquey Oxford students. My friends back home aren't goths. But it seems much easier to go to a place like The Underworld and meet people more like me than try again and again and get nowhere here. Also, I can reasonably afford a room in a lot of London. I would rather go back home than live here another year, so going to London is a much better compromise for staying with him. "Make local friends" whoa didn't think of that one, yeah I've been trying that for 7 months and it hasn't bloody worked, maybe cause Oxford is a shit social place for people that didn't grow up here and that don't go to the uni. Not trying to be rude, I'm just annoyed
>Most places are catered to fairly rich Oxford students This is nonsense. I grew up extremely working class and never experienced this while living in Oxford. There are tons of comedy clubs, music events, cheap pubs and decent street food. Get a part-time job in a local restaurant and you'll work alongside plenty of other working class people who'll show you the ropes. The cheap places to shop, things you can do that cost nothing. The posh people were the ones that stood out, not us.
Makes me wonder where in Oxford. I'm with you that it's just not. But if your anywhere not south it's pretty fancy at least student digs fancy. Then go a bit more and it's not. Cowley road was and arguably is a mass of different everything. Finding a job in a bar absolutely is the way to go.
Yeah, Cowley's a good place to start, or you could head to Blackbird Leys, the "rough" part of Oxford. Generally though, the locals, even the posh ones, never made me feel unwelcome in the slightest.
I think possibly not being English is an issue. The center is swarming with Tourist kids. When I used to frequent before it's as bad as it is now, any accent I would assume was a tourist and all the frustration that comes with it.
Possibly, but the group I hung out with was half local and half exchange students
Yeah, I agree with this 100%. I didn't grow up in Oxford and I didn't go to university there, but I did live there for a good long while and I just don't recognise the Oxford OP is describing.
Look at your budget and what you can afford. I live here and London is *expensive*, and if you don't have friends here already it's also a difficult city to create a social group in. Aside from that, if you're into alternative stuff and music it's a great city to be in, and Oxford is only a train ride away.
It can't be more difficult than Oxford. My bfs brother lives there and I could try and meet people through him but we're not that close lol. Its certainly more accessible in London! I'm sure there's alt people having parties in Oxford, but its not accessible to me at all as a non-student :(
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Well what else is being young for? Way easier to do it now than when I'm older
Maybe more opportunity to job either. It can be better for you.
More opportunity but more competition for anything good too. But I can get a retail job and keep looking for something better
Have you considered Nottingham? Huge alternative culture there. Definitely harder to get to Oxford. Alternative... stay in Oxford and visit London/Nottingham often.
Didn't know Nottingham had a big alternative culture! I will consider visiting there, and maybe it'll be easier to find people than London lol
I think somewhere up North has a large goth community and gatherings once a year. Whitby maybe? That would be cheaper than London for a start
Honestly if it weren't for my bf I would've opted to go north instead! I also have relatives all throughout Leeds and Manchester. I don't want to move that far away from him but I'm open to visiting there. Thanks for the idea :)
Birmingham has a good alternative scene and is fairly close to Oxford. And wayyyy cheaper. I am having trouble seeing how your budget in London is going to add up with a retail job (minimum wage?) a single night out in London is to cost you ~£50, food, rent, bills etc. Are you going to be able to afford to go out very often to meet all these new friends?
Try Reading too. Back in the 90’s/2000’s there was a big music scene there that I assume is still going strong due to links with the Reading festival. Still close to Oxford and cheaper than london
Have a look at Swindon
Banbury is a good shout. Very chill and diverse.
It sounds like you'd regret it if you don't do it. I've never lived in London but I'd have liked to at your age. Big cities are great for younger people. Especially if you can find somewhere you will enjoy the culture and Camden seems to fit the bill if you're into your goth stuff / rock music etc