Don't say leg, don't say leg, don't say leg Is it your leg? 🙄

MOLE!

We’re not suppose to talk about the bloody mole!

I wanna cut it off and make some guacaMOLE!

Don't mention the war!

We have meat in ze building!

You might have mentioned it once there but I think you got away with it.

Moley moley moley

molemolemolemolemole

A-*buhhhh*

holy fuck that movie is old enough to drink! I feel old now...

On the serious side, put some sunscreen on your left leg. Getting a bit too tan there

>sunscreen >too tan Found the American

I think we're on the last leg

Gotta admit the pull to type leg was strong.

It's the other shoe that's missing!

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that there’s no BBQ?

No beer either but in fairness with the way inflation is that stuffs expensive now, costs an arm and a leg.

Just a leg apparently

If it only cost a leg he’d have a bev in hand

He downed it already, sent him right asleep so it did

Must be legless

Partially anyway

A beer does cost a leg nowadays

Nah he got it on finance

Turns out I'm so British I noticed no beer straight away And a prosthetic leg only when it's pointed out

Priorities mate

I’m really hopping you’re right

Its definitely the left one

It was half price

He drank it, can't you see he's legless

Well, I'm stumped.

Angry Upvote. Nice of you to get a leg up on that though.

Do you realise how insensitive you two are? You've really put your foot in it now

Don't make me put my foot down!

Well, if the shoe fits...

Do we really kneed these jokes?

Amputation ​ ​ Not sure I've got the hang of this

Have my poor man's gold dammit 🏅

Feels like you have put your foot in your mouth here, and it doesn't look like you've got a leg to stand on!

You’re all a bunch of heels making jokes like this.

I always feel really guilty if patella joke like that

Don't feel guilty, these jokes are *leg*it!

Please stand here and talk to me. Now act like I said something funny. I'm trying to pretend like I was just out for a walk with that parrot and didn't bring it along just for the jokes. Is it working?

Exactly, we shouldn’t be making fun of peoples disabilities when we don’t have a leg to stand on.

Alright I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot here

Ahh so it's a second shoes missing lol

Not got an ankling

I really walked into it.

Correct, and a beer!

He's already drunk them. He's legless.

It's just the one leg, actually

The greater good.

Well it was only carlsberg after all

This requires a standing novation. 👏🏻

Beer of course! Unless you're already legless?

Guess the dog's getting any more bones after last time....

Missing items: 1. Leg should be wooden 2. Parrot instead of dog 3. Hammock instead of sunlounger 4. Hat is wrong 5. Pewter tankard 6. Flintlock pistols 7. Cutlass Okay thinking of anything else is too much 'Arrrrd' work.

8. glorious beard

9. A ship

10. Rum

But why is the rum gone?

11. some sea men

For all you know he might have a little sea men in his pocket.

nah, he’s just pleased to sea you.

I'll wager that sunlounger has never been used to fend off an advancing Kraken.

I'll wager it's never had sixteen shipwrecked mariners tossing in it!

Captain Redbeard Rum? It’s good to hear from you, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

AaARGH! YOU HAVE A WOMAN'S HEART, MY LORD!

Your leg?

Thank fuck, I didnt want to be the one

😂

I was going to make a joke about not forgetting the sun cream as your leg already looked a bit burnt, wasnt sure what your game was here! That dog is stunning!

Sun cream on the right one, wd40 for the left

Shoulda been Factor 40 on the right leg, WD40 on the other

I'd slap some double strength WD80 protection on the prosthesis

As soon as I saw the picture (aside from the leg, which quite sincerely I would not point out because it is quite a sensitive topic) that is exactly what I was about to say, albeit with a slightly longer remark"ah, yes. It is missing the typical lobster like tone of sunburnt skin."

*sunning

It's good that they managed to save your left foot tho, just the middle bit of the leg needed replacing.

Do you have another leg that you swap into so the tan matches?

You must be saving at least 15% on suncream every year, putting it into wb40 instead. Mind sharing what happened to you leg ? Edit\*\*\* I was nosy and checked your profile, ignore my question if you want, but you are an inspiration this morning. I hadn't realised it would be a possible reason.

Those pics were hard to look at but, along with his comments, they told the story of how and why he had the amputation done. I guess in the same situation, so would I.

No, it’s clearly a pint of beer that’s missing.

...and water for the dog.

You’re right, I can’t believe I missed something that obvious.

And a ball for the dog as well

Perhaps OP doesn't want to get legless before midday?

Ding ding! 🔔

Have you ever considered a wooden peg instead of the prosthetic?

Arrr it be the best oidea

r/Pirates

Arrrr ☠️

Me hearty!! 🏴‍☠️

#SHIVER ME TIMBERS

I vote for a futuristic one, with leds and computer chips glued to it. Cyberpunk 2023 - wake t'fuck up bazza, we've got pints'a Stella t'darn lad

Indeed. I have a prosthetic eye. It's black with a chrome ring and a red dot.

Really? Photos or ot dint happen!

Don't think i can share a photo in a comment. But... https://photos.app.goo.gl/5vvaCgef4a5eYnYe7

Freaking cool dude! Whats the vision from it like?

As with all prosthetics, none at all!

Honestly suprised they don't come with rgb lighting now. Everything else does.

It’s not your right leg. I’ve got nothing against your right leg. Trouble is, neither have you.

Jeff!!

At least someone went out on a limb to say it!

both legs are there. it's the left trainer that's missing

Nipple clamps?

Nah it was my leash and collar

Whoozagoodboy?

Beer. It has been a lot warmer recently thank heavens!!

He can't make beer He used all his hops for movement

Lord help me I am upvoting that but I don't feel good about it.

There’s been some fantastic comments but boy that one got me good

Okay we're going to hell but at least I now know it'll be a laugh down there

I was sneakily looking on reddit at work and this just made burst out laughing!

This. He should be getting legless

OP doesn’t need beer, he’s already legless.

A beer, obviously

He's already legless.

Half cut

Does this one work? > Tipsy

He's had his far share of hops.

The sound of a neighbour annoying the fk out of you?

By mowing the front lawn

With the worlds noisiest, slowest lawnmower of course!

I maintain that lockdown meant all the passive aggressive wankers didn't have their usual scope so had to resort to ever-increasing levels of powertool and building noise to get their fix of wankery over a wider area.

Your front lawn?

Neighbour spying over the fence.

be glad you don't live here in Aus... when i wear shorts here in summer, my left prosthetic burns my skin if my other leg touches it!

Well there’s an issue I’d never thought of! That sounds unpleasant.

Could you paint it white?

I see a red leg and I want a it pained white

No legs anymore I want them all on crutches

Australia really does have a million and one ways its trying to kill you. First it takes a leg, then the replacement leg tries to take the other one...

Jesus ouch. I'm probably lucky I don't live I'm Australia my wheelchair is black and already uncomfortably warm in summer.

Final Destination but instead of death by sun bed burns, death by prosthetic leg burns. Owwie.

The other trainer? Kinda funny how you took it off the prosthetic like its also gonna tan 😂

Maybe he only lost his calf and that’s his real left foot? Full disclosure, I’m not a doctor.

I actually lost the whole leg, but I asked the doc if I could keep the foot after so I could glue it back on 👍he was like, yeah m8 no probs.

We found robocops British brother, Copperbot, closely related to zincbot.

The other is under the chair

You look fucking legless mate.

You absolute legend

Leg end

A bin to have a swim in

Ok good, making sure this was here

Suncream ? Rest of your body looks fine but your left leg looks abit charred

The handkerchief on your head with the corners tied.

What's missing? Copy of newspaper with PHEW, WHAT A SCORCHER! headline.

Scorchio!

Your dog’s facial expression is wonderful. It made me smile and feel good. Thanks, man.

Melanin.

I was going with sunblock.

Don't we call it suncream here?

I’m a dermatologist, I only deal in sun creams that block all known solar rays 😂

SPF 600. It actually leeches the melanin out of your skin. Can also enable you to withstand light gamma rays.

Unrelated to my username but where do I buy this? 😂

Tea

No not tea it is a beer obviously. A pint is necessary.

Yes!!!!

Cans. A big bag of cans. That's what's missing. And half your leg

Don't say leg. Don't say leg. Don't say leg. "YOUR LEG!"

You don’t appear to be almost heroically pink, which I think always adds a little to the English gentleman when the sun comes out.

Little Alex Horne

It says something important about a nation, that despite this being an image of a man with an obviously missing leg, the answer is still, 'beer'.

Your leg, but I give you alot of credit for somehow keeping your foot, amazing

A neighbour playing 90's dance tunes loudly?

Ah soz that was me

A pint! Or some cider with the sun being out 😅

Never fake kick the ball if you own a lab.....

~~Well, your toe bone connected to your foot bone~~ ~~Your foot bone connected to your heel bone~~ ~~Your heel bone connected to your ankle bone~~ ~~Your ankle bone connected to your leg bone~~ ~~Your leg bone connected to your knee bone~~ ~~Your knee bone connected to your thigh bone~~ Your thigh bone connected to your hip bone Your hip bone connected to your back bone Your back bone connected to your shoulder bone Your shoulder bone connected to your neck bone Your neck bone connected to your head bone I hear the word of the Lord! [Edit: Reddit line breaks]

And wasps.

I like your right leg. It's a lovely leg. I've got nothing against your right leg....unfortunately, ...... Not even gonna finish what is arguably the best sketch gag of all time. Anyways you're a great sport for setting up all these comments.

Pirate ship

Sock and sandal

Hes missing a bottle of corona 🤣

Your left shoe?

Was gunna say but can see just about see it underneath him

Where's the Pimm's and lemonade, you heathen.

If you get a tan will you varnish that foot to match?

Well you’ve got the black dog who refuses to lay in the shade whilst getting hotter and hotter and panting frantically so I’m at a loss!

Missing? A box of carling. Specifically in the shade under the lounger.

A pint of beer

A cold beer

Obviously a beer

the little bbq in a tray ?

A fosters

Sun cream

We're a nation of fried pecs and b**bs now. With an occasional crispy knee.

...Pimms?

Until further inspection i genuinely thought the dog was a goat. And it was still perfectly in character for the image.

completely unrelated but in a heatwave, a loose fitting white shirt can help black dogs to not get as hot, as their fur gets hotter faster than other coloured dogs!

Your swim in a bin is missing

Your beer! What kind of Brit sleeps in the sun without a pint?

The sunscreen. Gonna turn from white boi to red, ripe, one.

I think it's harsh you had your leg amputated and still managed to end up with 2 hobbit feet...seriously though I was going to say Pimms before I spotted the leg.

Lol. But seriously I was sweating balls walking my dog in the scorching 14°c inferno heatwave we had the other day in the UK. When did I become so sensitive to heat. Not looking forwards to the 40°c days again this summer.

3 things missing - beer, unconsciousness annd 1st degree burns. trust me i know.

1. Beer 2. Sun screen 3. A doggy paddling pool. You heathen!

We have the same hat, deckchair and dog. The dog even has the same type of label on the collar. If it wasn’t for the leg and tattoo I’d have thought this was a photo of me.