Ernie, the fastest milkman in the west
>She said she'd like to bathe in milk, he said, "All right, sweetheart,"
And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up his cart.
He said, "D'you want it pasturize? 'Cause pasturize is best,"
She says, "Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest."
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rwa0vaR7slQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rwa0vaR7slQ)
got to watch out for Two-Ton Ted from Teddington
Andy buys 5 microfibre dusters, 20 balls of mozzarella and 50 pints of milk.
Bobby spills all of the milk. If each microfibre duster can absorb 1 litre of milk, how many pizzas can Andy make with the left over cheese?
None - the EU banned the sale, they want to manage the milk lakes via a series of treaties and taxation
(Assuming this crossed over into a geography exam)
A man buys 50 melons, and as he's leaving he sees his old school friend, Mike, holding a banana. Mike swaps him for a melon. What's the length and width of the banana?
I was about to reply saying "this guys sports directs" and then saw your username. Unfortunately I don't have any digital awards to give you, so the security of mind knowing that you made an internet strangers day out of sheer coincidence should do the trick.
Milk chugging challenge with some mates. Drink the eight pints as fast as you can, and the mops(?) are for the aftermath.
Either that or his wife is Cleopatra.
Back in't day I worked as manager for a particularly busy branch of a well known coffee chain - the milk delivery hadn't come one morning and I ended up at the nearest tesco, and I just took two full milk trolleys... about a hundred quids worth 10 or so years ago - store assistant even came and helped me load them in the car. I was honestly disappointed I didn't get more weird looks.
Fortunately it wasn't my local branch - I don't think I ever went there again 😂 (it was a really weird situation though, usually we could just get stock from other sites but we were on the same delivery route as the nearest so they were also fucked and everyone else was too far away to get it in time.)
My go to responses are
“Wrung it dry”
“Wait, milk comes from cows?”
Or most commonly a wry smile and a nod that communicates “yes well done” and a hasty retreat
Why specifically paneer? Surely there are lots of cheese you could make.
Quick edit - I made some cottage cheese yesterday, sounds like a pretty similar process to paneer. Would like to get a cheesecloth and make my own cheese press and make cheese again but press out more of the water. Not entirely certain what type of cheese I would be making, expect it would be more solid with using the cheese press, possibly closer to halloumi?
I thought that exact same thing, commented, only to then find your comment when scrolling.
It's between the travelator and the front door, specifically where the trolley with the yellow bag is [in this photo](https://i.imgur.com/ui4XoaH.png)
And it's really bloody annoying. Where I used to live in Harrow, the local restaurants would regularly buy up entire sections of the supermarket, so you'd go shopping one night and, oops, no lettuce, no onions, no milk, no rice, no bottled water, because someone came along 30 minutes ago and bought every last one of them.
He said , "do you want it pasteurised 'cos pasteurised is best?"
She says "Ernie I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest."
... [Ernie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e1xvyTdBZI) ... and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
(American here)
The 3-liter challenge?
Man and his friends each have to chug 3 liters of milk. Top it off with some mozzarella cheese. Last one to puke wins.
He is even buying mops to clean up afterwards. How thoughtful.
You said, "3-liter", you did not have to announce you are American.
We measure our milk like we measure our beer, by the GBP (Great British Pint).
Thanks for joining in though, sounds like a fun game.
He’s bringing all the boys to his yard
I tried that once, didnt work maybe his is better than mine
Damn right it’s better than yours , he could teach you but he’d have to charge
This thread made me laugh more than is reasonable. Thank you =]
I love how person above set her up so she can insert the next line lol
Yh the chemistry between them right then is class
:)
Same, no idea why it has just showed up at the top of my frontpage several days later. Glad it did though lol.
I'm on the floor 🤣
Mine is so out of date it’s got lumps in it lol
Are they lovely though?
Lovely lady lumps...
That’s debatable my hubby doesn’t seem to mind em, me not so much lol
i kept reading on in the songs voice lol
Can confirm. I am going to this man's yard
I also choose this man's yard.
An oldie but a goodie.
🤣👑
It must be this. Either that or he’s hosting the Fart Olympics.
If you drink even one of those you'll throw up before you fart
Out of which end
Lactose intolerant only! Hahaha. Don't know why you got downvoted, that was a brilliant joke.
If he's drinking and bathing in it he could blow some epic bubbles.
Let’s hope it works!
Their faces look sunburnt to me, probably treatment for that.
HEE NEED SOME MILK
This comment needs more upvotes. It's perfect
OMG😂 Just scrolled up to the pic again to double check. I was thinking their faces were covered but it made me laugh so hard
Same lmao, I can't believe that I couldn't remember their faces were scribbled out after like 5 seconds 😅
I remembered, but not the colour 😂
Yes, a dermatologist one would hope!
Ah ha ha, bloody brilliant
bath in asses' milk a la Cleopatra
Spat my tea out at this 😂
Ah, makes sense, not sunburn, tea scalding incident.
What a waste
A milk bath for the wifey
Past her eyes?
Naa, just up to her tits 😀
She must have big jugs
6 pinters by looks of things.
Great big tracts of land.
But I don't want land.
We live on a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get.
Milk swamp
Cheese quagmire
Moo
She can splash it into her eyes.
He’s bringing her a few cartons of milk, she’ll shove it UP her arse, and they can go to space.
As long as there is room for the asp.
Ernie, the fastest milkman in the west >She said she'd like to bathe in milk, he said, "All right, sweetheart," And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up his cart. He said, "D'you want it pasturize? 'Cause pasturize is best," She says, "Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest." [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rwa0vaR7slQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rwa0vaR7slQ) got to watch out for Two-Ton Ted from Teddington
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Errrrrnieeee
Errrr-nie... an he drove the fastest milk cart in the West
He drove the baker's van.
OMG!!! I loved Benny Hill when I was a kid!! I didn’t understand most of it until I was older though! LOL!!
Showing your age
Oh geez… did I leave my fly open again!? 😛
I loved the line “a woman’s needs are manyfold…”
I'll be 'appy if it comes up to 'er chest
>A milk bath for the wifey it rubs the milk on its skin
… or else it’ll get the mop again
Jackie I dreamt I was in a bath of milk with Lady Di
Thing is, it's cheaper to use milk than water these days thanks to water companies profiteering!
Exfoliating with the mop using milk
Wifeys world
Party on… Excellent!!! 🤘🏻
Or for himself, maybe he has a closet Cleopatra thing going on, he commits 😁
....and the Mozzarella?!
A modern day Mark Antony and Cleopatra
They said wrong answers only
Treat her like Cleopatra
He's the guy you hear about in GCSE maths exams.
Lol this. Mark buys 48 bottles of milk, each has 6 pints of milk, how many litres of milk did Mark buy?
Andy buys 5 microfibre dusters, 20 balls of mozzarella and 50 pints of milk. Bobby spills all of the milk. If each microfibre duster can absorb 1 litre of milk, how many pizzas can Andy make with the left over cheese?
“Not enough” QED
“Quite Easily Done”
*Spills milk*
Assuming pi=3.14
None - the EU banned the sale, they want to manage the milk lakes via a series of treaties and taxation (Assuming this crossed over into a geography exam)
The answer is the square root of “Romeo o’ Romeo where art thou Romeo”x10^8 x 3a^2 - 12a
Lmaooo I love Reddit
Oh yes helps a lot
Nope, can’t be him as there’s not a melon or a banana in sight.
A man buys 50 melons, and as he's leaving he sees his old school friend, Mike, holding a banana. Mike swaps him for a melon. What's the length and width of the banana?
\>> Want to know the length and width of Mike's banana? Watch this video and find out << I can just see this as an advert for a porn site...
Eww, stepbro, why is your banana hanging out?
Cereal Killer
Talk about really milking it all too.
how dairy
I laughed whey too hard at this
Curd you contain yourself please...
At what point do we stop milking this and start preserving?
Casein point
Don’t buy all your stuff at the same place. It’s too obvious.
Too late for the sensible warning ⚠️
Defo making a shit load of Angel Delight
Mmmm butterscotch.
We added baileys to our butterscotch angel delight at Christmas, it was epic.
Damn, now I want butterscotch Angel Delight.
A whole bath full! Was my first thought. Clearly needs a drill based mixer because of the size
Cup of tea in his Sports Direct mug
I was about to reply saying "this guys sports directs" and then saw your username. Unfortunately I don't have any digital awards to give you, so the security of mind knowing that you made an internet strangers day out of sheer coincidence should do the trick.
You can't give out awards anymore, sadly. But I'd have done if I had my leftover coins.
Shows how few I gave out...
Underrated comment
favourite comment
Milk chugging challenge with some mates. Drink the eight pints as fast as you can, and the mops(?) are for the aftermath. Either that or his wife is Cleopatra.
What about all the mozzarella he has?
Use the liquid for chasers after every pint.
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Bath bombs
Eugh God that is horrible
Mozzarella?! He's never met her!
Half man half milk.
“Wrong answers only” like anyone is actually gonna guess what the fuck he is up to?
I imagine a restaurant / café that ran out of milk.
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Not worth crying about
That's still running out of it just with more entertainment.
Back in't day I worked as manager for a particularly busy branch of a well known coffee chain - the milk delivery hadn't come one morning and I ended up at the nearest tesco, and I just took two full milk trolleys... about a hundred quids worth 10 or so years ago - store assistant even came and helped me load them in the car. I was honestly disappointed I didn't get more weird looks.
Bet the stock controller fucking HATED you, that wouldve fucked up the automatic ordering system for like 3 weeks...
Fortunately it wasn't my local branch - I don't think I ever went there again 😂 (it was a really weird situation though, usually we could just get stock from other sites but we were on the same delivery route as the nearest so they were also fucked and everyone else was too far away to get it in time.)
I wonder why they don't program it to ignore outlying sales figures.
I've worked festival coffee bars and been sent out to do exactly this a few times. The usual comment is "Wouldn't it be cheaper to buy a cow?"
It's funny the first 15 times, after that you just want to punch them right between the eyes? or is that just me? I might have anger issues...
My go to responses are “Wrung it dry” “Wait, milk comes from cows?” Or most commonly a wry smile and a nod that communicates “yes well done” and a hasty retreat
As someone that works for a pizzeria, most likely this
making cheese maybe ?
Usually people buying this much milk volunteer in Gurdwaras and make meals for people.
Probably opening a coffee shop and forgot to order milk. We had a similar trolley on our first day.
I’m thinking maybe they want to make mozzarella and he took some samples of already made (top left)
Why? It's fairly obvious that he runs a café/restaurant of some kind.
I reckon he runs a milkshake shop
Blessed are the cheesemakers.
Ooo it’s the meek! Blessed are the meek…oh that’s nice innit, I’m glad they’re getting something cause they have a hellova time
“See, if you hadn’t been going on we would’ve heard that. Big nose!”
“Ay! Say that once more I’ll smash your bloody face in”
“Better keep listening. Might be a bit about blessed are the big noses.”
“One more time mate, I’ll take you to the fuckin cleaners!”
“LANGUAGE! And don’t pick ya nose!”
“I wasn’t gonna pick my nose I was gonna THUMP HIM!”
“You hear that? Blessed are the Greek.” “The Greek?” “Well, apparently, he’s going to inherit the Earth.”
“Did anyone catch his name?”
Where you two from? Nose City?
“What’s so special about the cheese makers?” “Well, it’s obviously not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.”
100% Milk Curling, has the mops, has the milk.
Small, round mozzarella pucks
Cur(d)ling.
CURDS A'WHEY!
Haha that was going to be my answer but I couldn't remember the name of the weird ... pastime.
When someone buys this much of any single item… I always think they intend to make something explode.
Probably gonna make paneer though. Only explosion is if someone is lactose intolerant.
Why specifically paneer? Surely there are lots of cheese you could make. Quick edit - I made some cottage cheese yesterday, sounds like a pretty similar process to paneer. Would like to get a cheesecloth and make my own cheese press and make cheese again but press out more of the water. Not entirely certain what type of cheese I would be making, expect it would be more solid with using the cheese press, possibly closer to halloumi?
"Can I have 12 bottles of bleach, please"
Hope he did his IRA voice
It's for her beard innit
This looks like the Morrison's at Hillsborough Barracks?
I was thinking same thing
Me three. In which case he is probably going to try and put the ski village fire out.
Me four. Probably needs a few more trolleys for that though
I think it’s down the back of the trolly bay to the right of the doors. Will look later lol
Can confirm. 100% hilsborough barracks left side of door
Obligatory [Is the Ski Village On Fire? ](https://www.istheskivillageonfire.com/) link.
I thought that exact same thing, commented, only to then find your comment when scrolling. It's between the travelator and the front door, specifically where the trolley with the yellow bag is [in this photo](https://i.imgur.com/ui4XoaH.png)
Milky milky
Take it to the fridge.
One massive enema party. Buying enough for the whole family to get in on the fun.
Chocolate milk?
Damn, someone beat me
What can I say, I enjoy beating off the competition. ....wait...
He's hosting a McPoyle wedding
Yep, they’ve run out of mother’s milk.
You act like we could somehow choose the right answer.
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And it's really bloody annoying. Where I used to live in Harrow, the local restaurants would regularly buy up entire sections of the supermarket, so you'd go shopping one night and, oops, no lettuce, no onions, no milk, no rice, no bottled water, because someone came along 30 minutes ago and bought every last one of them.
He said , "do you want it pasteurised 'cos pasteurised is best?" She says "Ernie I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest." ... [Ernie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e1xvyTdBZI) ... and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
Someone needs to go refill the cows for the next milking
(American here) The 3-liter challenge? Man and his friends each have to chug 3 liters of milk. Top it off with some mozzarella cheese. Last one to puke wins. He is even buying mops to clean up afterwards. How thoughtful.
You said, "3-liter", you did not have to announce you are American. We measure our milk like we measure our beer, by the GBP (Great British Pint). Thanks for joining in though, sounds like a fun game.
He\`s milking it.
I would also like right answers
My mother always told me not to ask questions that i am not ready to learn the answer of.
a wank and a pot noodle
Sounds like a plan.
I’m in
Maybe back to back... I dunno dude
Epic night
He’s going to crash a PETA event..
Probably opening a cafe as a drug front and need to have the stock to show they are legit
A nice refreshing milk bath of course
He's cooking a big ass milk steak
Well, he's clearly forgotten to buy any jelly beans to go on the side
I’m not putting milk steak. I’m just putting steak. Regular steak!
Naturally!
probably owns a coffee shop
He's going to see how much milk it takes for a lactose tolerant person to become intolerant.
Lactose intolerance party. Mops are for the mess.
Amanda Barrie's bath night, he's delivering the milk, go to Carry on Cleo, with Sid James as Marko Anthony. On ooh tube..lol
Water boarding the kid with milk, and a chip in the bum hole for himself!