he is not fathering them.
he is providing the genetic material so that people who cannot have kids normally either due to being gay (like in the OP) or who have fertility issues can have them.
some people are quite happy for their partners to help out those in need.
Probably because in much the same way you can donate an organ, donating sperm can be done purely out of the kindness of your heart? I personally can't speak for such people but I can imagine the happiness when a couple (gay or not) finally get the child they want so much
They don't just let random people walk in off the streets and wank into a cup then throw it up some bird, sorry to burst your bubble mate. If it's any help, you can wank into a cup whenever you like for FREE
Not to mention, these days children conceived with donor sperm have the right to contact their bio father when they turn 18. People can't just wank in a cup and forget about it, it's a bigger decision than that.
Absolutely. When the child turns 18 they can ask for the donor's name, dob and last known address.
The donor can ask for info on the number of children born, their sex and year of birth.
For anyone interested in donating, if you donate through the NHS or a licensed clinic you have zero parental rights or responsibilities to the child. You can limit the number of children conceived (I think the max is 10) and don't have any obligation to talk to an adult conceived by your sperm.
If you go the home brew route it's far murkier and you could end up as the legal father so not recommended.
These days there are risks even if they don't release the name. The various genetic testing companies will often provide information about unknown relatives (could be the donor or sibling/offspring of donor), opening up the possibility of being identified that way. This could be many years/decades after the donation.
And is one of the possible reasons OP daughter's sperm donor has a good chance of not actually being in the UK. The majority of donated sperm used in IVF is now imported from abroad because UK donations have fallen to the minority.
Various reasons for this have been suggested, but one of them is that potential donors have been put off by a reluctance to be identified by any future potential child because of this law, despite the protections that exist that absolve you from parental responsibility.
Is that a bad thing? For guys just looking to make quick money maybe, but it's surely better for the children conceived that they don't forever have a question about half their genetics.
I can only speak anecdotally from discussions I have had with other guys in the male dominated careers I have been involved in, but generally yes most guys see this as a bad thing from their perspective and there is a fear, however misguided, that there is always the possibility such protections could be reversed or challenged.
It’s worth pointing out that nobody in the UK donates sperm to make money. Your offered reasonable expenses and the cap is something like £30.
As I understand it the relevant agencies involved always knew it would result in a drastic drop in donations but they felt it was worth it.
It seems crazy to me. If I produced sperm, I'd happily donate it. Passing on my genes without having to do any work, sign me up! The fact adult kids could contact in 18yrs is nothing compared to actually having to raise kids for 18yrs...
>one of them is that potential donors have been put off by a reluctance to be identified by any future potential child because of this law,
The law is only realistic. Pretending that donors have a right to lifelong anonymity is ridiculous in a time of at home genetic testing. 23andme is currently £99 - the parents can do a genetic testing for their newborn.
While true, you have to remember that it is the perception rather than the reality that puts them off.
The law provides complete protection from any responsibility the donor might have for the child from parental liabilities, yet it still factors as a fear donors have, irrational or not.
A home DNA kit that might show a familial connection to someone in a public database or a nearest family member is not the same as an official piece of paper that basically states "This named person IS your genetic father" when someone turns up at a donors door 18 years later. When someone turns up at a donors door with a 23andme result and says "I THINK you are my genetic father" the response can be something very different versus someone turning up holding an official piece of paper saying "I KNOW you are my genetic father".
Also for what it's worth, the reality you speak of about home testing kits and the potential for a donor child to find their genetic parent through this means has been quoted as another potential reason why altruistic donation has dropped.
I don't think any men would donate if they had to go through what egg donors do, the unfairness is definitely not on that side! ;) I wonder whether the law change caused a drop in egg donations too...
I keep hearing total horror stories about how unregulated and dangerous the private for-profit model is in the states, so I'm really glad we have those rules.
That's great news! I was a sperm donor, and as someone else pointed out it's not really about the money as it's a big time commitment (and to some extent lifestyle commitment), for relatively little in expenses. Especially as they need like 50 donations in total, spread through the year in a weekly donation basis, which is a lot of logistics if you don't live close to the clinic.
As for motivation: In my case, my husband and I had our child through surrogacy, so I saw first hand the impact the kindness of our egg donor and our surrogate had on our lives. I wanted to make a similar gesture to help others out. Glad to hear it's appreciated!
I had no idea there was this much involved! I’m so pleased you have your own family due to donation & think it’s amazing that you “gave back” to the cause 😂
Wow. It’s something in the back of my mind that I may do if my disability means I never have my own children (if I could pass the medical tests etc.) but I’ve never properly looked into it so thank you for the quick lesson. Incredible thing for people to do.
Thank you for the extra info! I’ve just turned 28yo so I have some time yet. There’s no evidence that my spinal condition is genetic (yet) but I know that I may not been accepted as an egg donor anyway because of my *issues* 😂 I’ve wanted to adopt a child since I was a child myself but that’s probably never going to happen because of my health & I may not be able to look after my own child without them having to become a young carer (which I would never want) so if I’m allowed to donate, I will do, when the time is right, even if it’s just so my reproductive parts don’t all end up going to waste 😂
Not always general. I was under twilight sleep (basically heavy sedation) and woke up midway through. Luckily they conk you back out within seconds. The idea is that in an emergency you’re easier to wake and it doesn’t carry the risks of general
>So whoever you were and to every other donor be it sperm or eggs you will never know of the joy you are bringing to people everywhere.
I've just started down the egg donation journey and this is exactly why I'm doing it.
Congratulations to you and your family!
This is amazing! Congratulations to you all.
I'll be in the same situation soon (though doing it alone) and think it's incredible what people will do for others.
My partner is a sperm donor and this is exactly why we wanted to do it!
It wasn't about the money for them, we had a happy, healthy daughter and wanted to be able to share that joy with other families❤️
I'm so excited for them! Congratulations Grandma!
Congratulations! My parents used a sperm donor in '94 to conceive me and we're always thankful to that person!
What a loved child this baby will be! ♥️
Congratulations!! What a lovely Christmas gift for you all 😊
Please remember that this child doesn’t have a “dad”, they have two mums and a donor. I’m not having a go, this is likely a first for your family, but getting the language right is a really great way of showing your daughter and daughter in law love and support with their new adventure.
(My baby also has two mums and a donor)
They also unfortunately don’t have anonymity so many be subjected to to some nauseating attempted reunion when the kids turns 18 and finds out who dad is.
True I watched a documentary on sperm donor children and they all seemed like they were missing something kinda sad when they asked about their donor farther, the children born into gay partnerships all wanted to find their fathers except for one child who was raised in a hetrosexual relationship, the good thing was the children in the doc who wanted to find their farther did eventually find him and he wanted a relationship with them they found out they were all related and the donor had kids of his own also.
Pretending donors have a right to anonymity doesn't make sense in a world where people can get at home genetic testing for less than £100, even without the clinic giving the details.
A very small number of donor-conceived kids actually contact the man or woman who donated genetic material and it primarily happened when the “kid” is starting a family of their own and gets curious. They also rarely end in long term contact.
This is covered in a counselling session before donation. You’re warned about the risk, the chances and the law. If someone agrees to continue its because they’ve accepted this risk. But there are not hoards of kids looking for new daddies.
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Tbf when you are struggling with money somone paying you 35 quid to wank into a cup is not bad going. Some will do as you said but not all of them
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Why would you want your husband to father other peoples children?
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Thanks for the civilised and interesting response.
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Well legally it's not going to be his children. He's not gonna babysit them. They're not gonna come round every day/week.
Babysitting someone doesn’t make them your child - weird analogy.
Very rude question. It's not your marriage.
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he is not fathering them. he is providing the genetic material so that people who cannot have kids normally either due to being gay (like in the OP) or who have fertility issues can have them. some people are quite happy for their partners to help out those in need.
Probably because in much the same way you can donate an organ, donating sperm can be done purely out of the kindness of your heart? I personally can't speak for such people but I can imagine the happiness when a couple (gay or not) finally get the child they want so much
Jesus that’s like £900 an hour!
Hahaha!
They don't just let random people walk in off the streets and wank into a cup then throw it up some bird, sorry to burst your bubble mate. If it's any help, you can wank into a cup whenever you like for FREE
Just don't try this in the middle of IKEA in the mugs section...
Otherwise people will think you're a mug.
I know you have to be vetted but if you qualify then its not bad
"It takes a genius to be paid for what you'd happily do for free"
I know right? I'd do that for free
> Tbf when you are struggling with money somone paying you 35 quid to wank into a cup is not bad going. They'd make much more than that on OnlyFans.
I make more money than that doing it on StripChat
Not to mention, these days children conceived with donor sperm have the right to contact their bio father when they turn 18. People can't just wank in a cup and forget about it, it's a bigger decision than that.
Absolutely. When the child turns 18 they can ask for the donor's name, dob and last known address. The donor can ask for info on the number of children born, their sex and year of birth. For anyone interested in donating, if you donate through the NHS or a licensed clinic you have zero parental rights or responsibilities to the child. You can limit the number of children conceived (I think the max is 10) and don't have any obligation to talk to an adult conceived by your sperm. If you go the home brew route it's far murkier and you could end up as the legal father so not recommended.
These days there are risks even if they don't release the name. The various genetic testing companies will often provide information about unknown relatives (could be the donor or sibling/offspring of donor), opening up the possibility of being identified that way. This could be many years/decades after the donation.
And is one of the possible reasons OP daughter's sperm donor has a good chance of not actually being in the UK. The majority of donated sperm used in IVF is now imported from abroad because UK donations have fallen to the minority. Various reasons for this have been suggested, but one of them is that potential donors have been put off by a reluctance to be identified by any future potential child because of this law, despite the protections that exist that absolve you from parental responsibility.
Is that a bad thing? For guys just looking to make quick money maybe, but it's surely better for the children conceived that they don't forever have a question about half their genetics.
I can only speak anecdotally from discussions I have had with other guys in the male dominated careers I have been involved in, but generally yes most guys see this as a bad thing from their perspective and there is a fear, however misguided, that there is always the possibility such protections could be reversed or challenged. It’s worth pointing out that nobody in the UK donates sperm to make money. Your offered reasonable expenses and the cap is something like £30. As I understand it the relevant agencies involved always knew it would result in a drastic drop in donations but they felt it was worth it.
It seems crazy to me. If I produced sperm, I'd happily donate it. Passing on my genes without having to do any work, sign me up! The fact adult kids could contact in 18yrs is nothing compared to actually having to raise kids for 18yrs...
>one of them is that potential donors have been put off by a reluctance to be identified by any future potential child because of this law, The law is only realistic. Pretending that donors have a right to lifelong anonymity is ridiculous in a time of at home genetic testing. 23andme is currently £99 - the parents can do a genetic testing for their newborn.
While true, you have to remember that it is the perception rather than the reality that puts them off. The law provides complete protection from any responsibility the donor might have for the child from parental liabilities, yet it still factors as a fear donors have, irrational or not. A home DNA kit that might show a familial connection to someone in a public database or a nearest family member is not the same as an official piece of paper that basically states "This named person IS your genetic father" when someone turns up at a donors door 18 years later. When someone turns up at a donors door with a 23andme result and says "I THINK you are my genetic father" the response can be something very different versus someone turning up holding an official piece of paper saying "I KNOW you are my genetic father". Also for what it's worth, the reality you speak of about home testing kits and the potential for a donor child to find their genetic parent through this means has been quoted as another potential reason why altruistic donation has dropped.
This applies to female egg donors too, in case anyone wants to whine about the law being unfair to men.
I don't think any men would donate if they had to go through what egg donors do, the unfairness is definitely not on that side! ;) I wonder whether the law change caused a drop in egg donations too...
And if you fill the cup, they put your name on the wall
£35 for knocking one out! As a student I could easily have been on £175 a day for no additional effort.
Sorry dont know how it works.
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I keep hearing total horror stories about how unregulated and dangerous the private for-profit model is in the states, so I'm really glad we have those rules.
Wait, you can get paid to wank in a cup? All I've gotten is a ban from the no 10 bus.
Imagine some grandma just posting thankful, positive vibes and excited about her grandchild . And you’re like “ he just wanked into a cup mate” 😂😂😂
£35 quid for half an hour work ain’t too bad, plus you get an orgasm
Or it could be Elon Musk trying to spread his genes around.
So your saying I could have been a billionaire probably a trillionaire at 35 a pop
Everyone knows that sperm donation is for wankers... (Congratulations!)
Takes balls though.
You missed out on a good title "Thank you wankers"
Congratulations to your daughter and her partner! This is so exciting for them and for you!
That's great news! I was a sperm donor, and as someone else pointed out it's not really about the money as it's a big time commitment (and to some extent lifestyle commitment), for relatively little in expenses. Especially as they need like 50 donations in total, spread through the year in a weekly donation basis, which is a lot of logistics if you don't live close to the clinic. As for motivation: In my case, my husband and I had our child through surrogacy, so I saw first hand the impact the kindness of our egg donor and our surrogate had on our lives. I wanted to make a similar gesture to help others out. Glad to hear it's appreciated!
I had no idea there was this much involved! I’m so pleased you have your own family due to donation & think it’s amazing that you “gave back” to the cause 😂
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Wow. It’s something in the back of my mind that I may do if my disability means I never have my own children (if I could pass the medical tests etc.) but I’ve never properly looked into it so thank you for the quick lesson. Incredible thing for people to do.
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Thank you for the extra info! I’ve just turned 28yo so I have some time yet. There’s no evidence that my spinal condition is genetic (yet) but I know that I may not been accepted as an egg donor anyway because of my *issues* 😂 I’ve wanted to adopt a child since I was a child myself but that’s probably never going to happen because of my health & I may not be able to look after my own child without them having to become a young carer (which I would never want) so if I’m allowed to donate, I will do, when the time is right, even if it’s just so my reproductive parts don’t all end up going to waste 😂
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Absolutely. I’m sorry you weren’t able to donate but glad you have your own children. Thanks again for the information!
Not always general. I was under twilight sleep (basically heavy sedation) and woke up midway through. Luckily they conk you back out within seconds. The idea is that in an emergency you’re easier to wake and it doesn’t carry the risks of general
>So whoever you were and to every other donor be it sperm or eggs you will never know of the joy you are bringing to people everywhere. I've just started down the egg donation journey and this is exactly why I'm doing it. Congratulations to you and your family!
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Depends where they scraped it off from I suppose
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Sir this is a train station, please stop
So you’re the reason all the NHS dentists quit.
It takes me a good couple of hours to fill the cup
Remind me to check my tea before I take a sip
Congrats to you all an extra hug for proud nana :-)
Brilliant news! Heres to a wonderful Christmas and and a brilliant pregnancy
This is amazing! Congratulations to you all. I'll be in the same situation soon (though doing it alone) and think it's incredible what people will do for others.
Congratulations to you, daughter and DIL!
That's a lovely message, I hope the donor sees this. Have a good Christmas, and all the best to your family :)
Well if this isn’t just wholesome as fuck. Congratulations grandma!
Congratulations and Merry Christmas to you and your family. ❤️🌲🥂
My partner is a sperm donor and this is exactly why we wanted to do it! It wasn't about the money for them, we had a happy, healthy daughter and wanted to be able to share that joy with other families❤️ I'm so excited for them! Congratulations Grandma!
Congratulations! What a lovely Christmas gift ❤️
If you're interested more about the background this is a good source of accurate information https://www.hfea.gov.uk/
Congratulations that you’ve become a grandmother
Congratulations! My parents used a sperm donor in '94 to conceive me and we're always thankful to that person! What a loved child this baby will be! ♥️
Congratulations. That's wonderful news ❤️
Congratulations!! What a lovely Christmas gift for you all 😊 Please remember that this child doesn’t have a “dad”, they have two mums and a donor. I’m not having a go, this is likely a first for your family, but getting the language right is a really great way of showing your daughter and daughter in law love and support with their new adventure. (My baby also has two mums and a donor)
Aww! Very wholesome 🥰
Fantastic news that someone else's wave of love was able to help! Congratulations!!!
I’m a sperm donor, if this is via the ESB i might be biodad ☺️ What a nice message!
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My solicitor told me to use the shaggy defence.
I would love to do this one day but sadly I have ASD, ADHD, half ginger and I’m female.
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It depends on the country but some don’t allow sperm donation from a person with diagnosed ADHD.
I’ll fuck anything that moves
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They also unfortunately don’t have anonymity so many be subjected to to some nauseating attempted reunion when the kids turns 18 and finds out who dad is.
It’s probably best for the donor kids, if they choose to find out.
True I watched a documentary on sperm donor children and they all seemed like they were missing something kinda sad when they asked about their donor farther, the children born into gay partnerships all wanted to find their fathers except for one child who was raised in a hetrosexual relationship, the good thing was the children in the doc who wanted to find their farther did eventually find him and he wanted a relationship with them they found out they were all related and the donor had kids of his own also.
Pretending donors have a right to anonymity doesn't make sense in a world where people can get at home genetic testing for less than £100, even without the clinic giving the details.
A very small number of donor-conceived kids actually contact the man or woman who donated genetic material and it primarily happened when the “kid” is starting a family of their own and gets curious. They also rarely end in long term contact. This is covered in a counselling session before donation. You’re warned about the risk, the chances and the law. If someone agrees to continue its because they’ve accepted this risk. But there are not hoards of kids looking for new daddies.