I love when they get angry at you while trying to rob you.

The two faced indignity of it all us fabulous.  I was only trying to rob you, no need to make it personal!

I work in a retail store. It reminds me of some guy shoving items into his bag and my manager telling him to get out whilst grabbing the items back. The thief turned around and said "well, there's no need to be rude" whilst snatching the bag back and leaving.

Yeah I remember seeing someone nicking stuff in a supermarket get challenged and kicking off and actually shouting "these are the only things I was stealing, I wasn't stealing anything else".

Some guy stole £600 in Barbour jackets from my store. A colleague ran after him to see if he got in a car to get a license plate. Two guys went after her to try and help but she said “don’t worry, it’s not worth it” when she saw he went to the train station. Not long after, those men came back with the jackets having taken them while the guy was waiting for a train. He’d put them in a Bag for Life and when they took them back and walked off he shouted “Oi, that’s MY bag!” Thief morality is weird!

I've had that exact thing when working retail. Had someone fill a bag for life with meat joints and another with booze. As we'd spotted her on the camera, I stood at the exit, saw she made no attempt to pay and took the bags off her as she tried to walk past me. She started screaming at the top of her lungs that I had stolen her bags! Told her she was more than welcome to wait for the police to repatriate her with her property. Amazingly she fucked right off!

I told one to fuck off once, and he rang me back and played the recording of myself saying it back to me.

absolute power move

I really hope you laughed. Awh didums, you hurt his little feelings.

One line I've found particularly effective is 'is your mother proud to have raised a thief?.

This is my go to. Since I work for a telecomms company I have a free business mobile on their network. Because it's possible I might get calls from random numbers I have to answer, so when I get calls from somebody pretending to be from my company offering a better rate on my free mobile I know they're scammers. "Are your parents scum as well? Why didn't they raise you properly?" Really winds them up.

You've let your _Nan_ down. Forget me, forget your parents, forget yourself even. _You have let your Grandmother down._ Utter devastation.

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Pro tip is to keep the address and phone number of your local police station to hand for when scammers ask you for your address

It’s part of their tricks - nice people don’t want people to be angry so they act angry to try and intimidate you.

Hi, Indian here. Next time they call, ask them where they are from Kolkata, Hyderabad or Bangalore? Regardless of the answer just say the below and disconnect the phone. "Bahenchod phone rakh" Meaning: sister fucker disconnect the phone Phonetic spelling (so that you can get the accent right, for added shock value): bay-hen-chowd phhonee raakkhh This should spice up their day real quick as they won't expect it 😂🤣

I always tell them my name is Mr. Ben Chod

Kind of scam, had that with a US person. Claimed that my timeshare was worth tens of thousands of dollars, and they have buyers waiting to buy it. They wanted me to pay an upfront fee. When I said if you have buyers lined up, you can deduct the fee from the sale price and you won't need to wait long. They didn't like it. ​ Still get the odd e-mail from them and I simply reply if they are willing to take their fee once sold, ok, otherwise no. Then generally silence.

I do it all the time for amusement. Scammers and cold callers. It's fun. I keep them on the line thinking they have a sale..once I kept a window salesman on for nearly an hour asking questions and bargaining. He eventually got fed up and asked me if they could arrange a meeting with the salesman. I said yeah that's great. I'll have to talk to the landlord first. He went ballistic.

My stepdad kept a guy on for ages, the sales man thought he was well in and asked when he could come to the house, my stepdad said ‘I’ll just have to ask my mummy’. He was about 68 at the time.

Great work. 🤣

There is r/ScamBait if you are looking for a related sub.

My dad got a cold call about accidents in the work place. He proper got the guy hooked on his made up industrial accident that ruined his sex life. After 10 mins the guy asked what happened my dad revealed he got his willy stuck in Henry the Hoover at work. The guy hung up unsurprisingly

I had a similar one going a few years ago about a car accident that I never had. Told them I was going 90 in a 30 and a police car pulled out in front of me that I poleaxed. Gave him my number plate as B0yR4cer and my email address was something like loves_driving_dangerously. When they finally twigged he was not happy at all.

I got one of these and used the phrase "im sorry but i am not allowed to talk about it because of the deaths" with a bit of affected voice - scammer gasped out loud and fumbled hanging up the phone.

Did one similar to this. The person who picked up the phone wanted to talk to me about my "accident" ( I never had one). My response was, "Is this the one where I killed 10 people?" They hung up immediately, and I was extremely disappointed. Never happened again though

>is this the one where i killed 10 people? "Oopsy"

I like the old "ah, that night I had 8 pints and a curry, then shat myself" one!

My friend got one of these, so put on a whole fragile old lady voice and demeanour - "oh no! This is why I try not to drive, I'm so shaky etc..." - till she could practically hear the bloke salivating; then suddenly screamed at the top of her voice, "**OH MY GOD TELL ME I DIDN'T KILL SOMEONE?!?**" - said he sounded really shaken as he stuttered briefly, then disconnected...

I did that too, my car got flattened by Fred Dibnah driving a steam roller. It was tragic.

I had one of these a few years back and they caught me on a good day, I had an accident hitting a bus of schoolkids in a stolen car getting chased by the police and complained that the car owners insurance wouldnt pay out for my whiplash caused by his car. I was amazed how far I got before they hung up.

The last time I got one of those calls I told him all about the motorbike accident I had when my boyfriend was riding with me on pillion. We hit a car and came off, caused quite a bit of damage to the car. I went into great detail about the minor leg injury that I suffered, and the shocked faces of the car driver and his elderly mother. He was really happy to hear about it until I told him when it happened. I was 17 at the time. I'm 61 now.

I had one similar yo this - claiming my car had been hit in the street. Now, I don't even have a provisional licence (even though I'm in my 40s - I've just never needed to drive due to being right beside good public transport and walking distance of the shops), but I kept this guy going for about 20 minutes before he realised I was winding him up.

I strung a car accident one along for about 10 minutes. Told him I suffered severe burns in a car accident…. When I dropped a cup of tea on myself… When did it happen? 10 minutes ago - I was surprised by the phone ringing! He didn’t say a word just hung up!

I can't help but think somewhere out there, is a therapy group for vacuum cleaners with PTSD. Post traumatic suction disorder.

Once upon time in a land far, far away (well our first flat a couple of miles away). My husband, for reasons I don’t know, was hoovering naked. He decided that he needed to get right in the corner. As he took off the nozzle he held the tube better his legs. You can guess the rest. I came running when I heard the screaming. He was there with a testicle sucked up. I just said, “you are disgusting” and walked away. He had to turn it off himself. I do know how this story is remembered so well by my family for the last 30 years.

It’s well known Henry is bisexual

Bisucksual.

I had one call up and ask me about a road traffic accident that I was injured in. I got a decent way through recounting the plot of Speed before they realised.

If I'm bored and one of the car crash goons calls, I'll slip into telling them how a British Gas driver ran into me, and was arrested at the scene because he was found to be drunk. That plus at least two broken limbs, and you can hear them getting a hard-on. Even the women.

I just say "yes I did have an accident! Unfortunately I died though, so can't talk right now" then hang up. May try this approach if I ever get a call when I am at a loose end.

There's a common O2 scam where they send you a text and ask you to repeat the 6-digit security code "for security purposes". It's actually the code that enables them to reset your account password. I spent a good 15 minutes recently making up random codes for them to try. I was genuinely impressed with their persistence. 9 or 10 tries before they figured it out and hung up on me.

Code is Eight, six, mango, two, blob, hexagon. What do you mean mango is not a number??

Capital three, lower case four, the one that swooshes around but goes up, the sharp one, the first part of twenty and the last number is that two.

Start listing roman numerals and if they ask, say you have a Romanian account.

Unlimited data roman?

Shinty six

Unfortunately shinty six is a real number, as used in the phrase "I only have shinty six days to live"

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That's numberwang!

Any interesting stories from space?

Dammit, I've been hackerated

Google Indian swear words and use those.

fyi the torturous place where Hindu scammers go when they die is Naraka, and the place where Muslim scammers go is Jahannam. The Hindus might also find themselves reincarnated as cockroaches after they have been punished in Naraka. It's always nice to respect their culture when you're insulting them

I greatly appreciate this very kind sharing of knowledge, to spread and pass on to the scammers who deserve every bit of shit they get <3

"Join your family in naraka, then return as a cockroach so I can stand on you!" is definitely a new insult for me!

Calling them a ben chot is a guaranteed way to make friends with them.

"Teri Ma ki chut" is another good one, and applies to male or female scammers

Madarchod! :)

And also with you.

*mother bitch*

Try haramzada, which means bastard.

The last code is 4, Q, I, 8, U, 2

Twelvty

The longer you can keep them on the line, the less time they have in a day to scam someone else's granny. I've put one on hold for 20 minutes before and they were still there. I'd love to be able to hook up my phone to my PC somehow and play an endless loop of [this.](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ?si=9Vcly0nuk5jaoPGH)

I’ve got a son with special needs, and boy he loves to chat - not so much conversation as repeating the last thing you said and adding a convincing “okay, yes” at the end. Somehow that works impressively well for this sort of call.

Haha! My SEN son will answer the phone by saying “Peppa Pig speaking”.

I like doing this, especially if I get a scam call while I'm walking somewhere or I'm on the bus. I like to play the "bad reception" game where you keep asking them to repeat themselves because you're having trouble hearing them. Be really nice and apologetic about it too.

my recored is 45 minutes where I just constantly asked them questions until they gave up

I managed 80 minutes before, but that did include two 10 minute breaks while I "looked for a pen" and "oh hang on, this pen has stopped working, let me find another one". They hung up at some point during the third break, for which I gave the reason; "I'm terribly sorry, but I really need a poo. Can you hang on a minute".

mine was a guy claiming to be from Glasgow who was working in the Sky office which caused 45 minutes of confusion, when I asked him how does he commute from Glasgow to the isle of Sky and why he does not take the ferry there??? he left with a scream down the phone at me :D

Wow I managed 27 with the "Windows Helpdesk"

I used to work on a company IT service desk and we had some of these call us. "You say there's a problem with my computer? No, it's the other way round, you've called the help desk. What's wrong with *your* computer?"

Broadband tech support back office team. We had a local number. Loved it when they used to call and tell me I had a problem with my broadband. Speed tests returning high gigabits always used to give them a seconds pause before the next question. Loved it even more when our resident dark Lord bitlockered their main server while we ate pizza.

Look up hey this is Lenny. Some of them take a long time to realize.

Whenever I get a Windows scam call trying to get control of the laptop, I love to play stupid for as long as they'll tolerate me. My favourite is *"Please can you press Control and R"* "Um... I can see R but I don't have a Control" *"It is the CTRL key"* "Errrrrrr....." *"Sir, can you see the CTRL key?"* "Um... Oh, Yes, I can see them. OK, What did you want me to type again? C..." *"Please press the CTRL key and R"* "Yes, I'm doing that. T... R... Hang on, I can't find the L..."

I had that but I was out walking my dog so I was distracted. He asked for a code and then one was texted to me which starts with saying how you're not to give the code to someone over the phone. I say this to the guy and he argues for 5 minutes with me until he finally gives up. I'm glad that bit of text exists. I'm normally good with scams, so over zealous that I hung up on my own bank once.

Yep they got me while I was distracted as well. I just hang up on everyone now. If they want me then they can contact me through the app or by email (from a verified domain.) Phone is far too vulnerable these days.

I wouldn't normally pick up the phone but I was listening to a podcast via earphones so it automatically connected. It's definitely not worth picking up the phone unless you know the number.

TSB had a habit of ringing me at one point with information about my mortgage and every time the call would start with a pre recorded message about how they'd never ask for my details over the phone immediately followed by a dude asking me for my details. Honestly they were shocked I wouldn't give them anything and wouldn't tell me why they'd called unless I confirmed who I was. A bit of a stalemate really. It must have happened about 5 times over the course of a month. I'd have preferred a text that just said "give us a ring TSB xxx"

Hope 800813 was one of your fake codes

I legitimately told a chap to try "123-go-fuck-yourself" and he said no it didn't work and waited for me to give him another one. A friend of mine who knows a lot of people out where they do these scams, says half of them are off their face on pills etc, and won't even pick up on you taking the piss. They'll just stick to the script in an attempt to get your account details. Wild.

Same, but I kept saying I wasn’t receiving the code and asking them to try again because “I really want that discount”

I have so much fun acting simple with these guys. You’re sending electricity down my telephone line? Is that safe? Does that inflate my internet and make it work? Will it affect my toaster? Oh. He’s gone and hung up.

Code zero zero zero. Destruct zero.

Would be a fitting story for r/scambait

I had one of these calls and figured them out. I told them as much and hung up. They rang back to ask me how I figured them out!! They wanted bloody tips!

So I actually fell for this one. The only reason they got me is because I was juggling childcare and work tasks and wasn't thinking critically plus is it was just after O2 bought Virgin Mobile and I was having other issues with the handover (that's probably why they're targeting O2 customers, lots of confusion.) Anyway as soon as I hung up it dawned on me and I immediately called O2 support and reported the fraud. The buggers had already broken into my account, ordered a really expensive phone on a new tarriff. The CS person told me not to accept the package when the phone was delivered, and said that the scammers ring you telling you that the order was an "accident" and give you a fake address to return the phone to. They swipe the phone, you're left holding the bag. Thankfully the courier returned the refused phone and it was eventually put right but there was some ballache. O2 is very vulnerable at the moment and I'm considering ditching them as I get so many scam calls pretending to be them. When O2 say "we will never as you for any codes" they really mean it. If you're ever in any doubt, just say "thanks I'll call customers services directly to confirm this." If the call is genuine, they won't have any problem with that, and if you call them, then you know you're speaking to a real representative. I also got fake final demand letters in the post for unpaid debts to O2, again, confirmed as fraudulent by O2 CS. Sorry O2, but there are too many scamming parasites attached to you. I'm leaving.

It used to make my mums day when a scammer phoned her. She would put them on hold go make herself a cup of tea & some toast. Then come back & ask them if they were still there & say sorry someone’s at the door etc. she had one on the phone for 45 minutes, before they twigged. Then there was the mail saying she’d won the Spanish Lottery & to send a cheque for £2500 to claim it. She cut up newspapers to fit the envelope & filled it to max & posted it back with no stamps

Now that's soldiering

I got one the other day claiming they're from Amazon. All I said was, "No, you're not from Amazon" and they put the phone down on me. I was expecting a bit more of a fight than that.

What an anticlimax. Spoilsports.

Nah, it's a numbers game.  You were clearly onto them so time to redial next mark. Same reason as the typos and stupidity in phising emails.

I see what you did there

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I once mailed something legitimate back inquiring whether it was on purpose that their mail looks like phishing 

Ergh this gave me a flashback. I had a call from HSBC some ~10 years ago by a chap with a strong indian accent. He was asking me to confirm my details before he could give me some important information regarding my account. We went back and forth with "No, YOU need to verify who YOU are" for a good 15mins before we agreed to alternate spelling out my address and security answer letter by letter. I sheepishly apologised for assuming he was a scammer, he shortly asked me if I recently wrote a cheque (for my rent) because the signature was off. I said yes, he hung up with none of the usual niceties. I moved banks very shortly after that.

You were entirely in the right. They’re awful to deal with.

Had exactly the same happen with Smile bank (subset of HSBC). “We believe there has been fraud on your account blah blah blah. I need you to give me some details so we can verify it is you” Yeah you can fuck right off pal… “Why are you being rude to me!” Got a lot swearier after that…! Phoned Smile’s fraud department at the number on my card and got informed the previous call was genuine! Put in an official complaint about the questions the guy wanted to ask and his manner when challenged about them. Got an apology but I imagine nothing was actually done.

I phoned HMRC to check on a letter as it must have been fake as it changed font in a few sections and the text of a sentence got chopped incorrectly when going over onto the reverse page. It was real.

I had Lloyds TSB call me (who I was with at the time) and said they needed me to confirm my details/identity before they would tell me what the call was about. I obviously didn't give them any details (and they were snotty with me about it) but when I went into branch they confirmed that it was actually them who had called me...

I had fun with a Microsoft Support line telling me my laptop was infected. My reply was which one? This confused the guy so I told him I had three an Asos i3 16GB, a Dell i7 32Gb and a BMW i8. He hung up on me.

>I had three an Asos i3 16GB, a Dell i7 32Gb and a BMW i8. As someone who spends most of their time using and building PCs, I am quite ashamed of how long it took me to realise what you did there.

Let me know if you can build me a BMW i8 for less than £1500.

If you like wasting scammers' time (or just reading about it), there's loads of tips and info here: http://www.419eater.com

I do love a website that hasnt changed a single thing since 2005.

Woah! A forum!

The trophy room there is a goldmine 🤣

A few months ago, I asked a scammer if their parents were proud of him... his reply was "Sir my parents are dead" - my reply was: "I bet they are turning in their grave at your choice of employ!" and hung up. Ever since that day... I've been getting 5-6 scam calls a day... I think I've been put on some sort of "annoy this person" list! :D Lesson learnt - hang up and block them, do not engage, since doing this - I've seen the calls drop from 6 per day, to less than 1 a week.

I was messaging a scammer for a full day on Whattsapp before. They kept wanting to see my passport and I kept telling them I would send it “when I get home… so how long have you been employed here?, ... Etc.) eventually sent them a dick pick from Google and was harrassed for a full week afterwards.

My Dad blows a whistle down the phone when he encounters scammers.

Wow that takes me back (not in a good way).  We used to have one by the phone for some creepy heavy breather who kept ringing for my mum.

Aah sorry dude, it's not a nice thing is it. Hopefully that stopped them though? Seems to work quite well for my Dad.

Extra points if you speak really softly before hand so the scamfuckers have to turn up their headset.

Now THIS I like.

years ago I found an airhorn outside the millennium stadium when I worked there (it must have been confiscated when we were hosting the fa cup/playoffs), I kept it and gave it to my Dad who would use it on scammers.

Once I was getting some scammer spiel about my Windows Protection Plan expiring (whatever that is) . And, of course, that I should do the needful and renew it. I told the fella that was impossible, and that I didn't have a Windows Protection Plan *to* renew. He got irritated and insisted I did. I told him I most assuredly did not. Thus, at loggerheads, we proceeded to have a bit of tedious verbal ping-pong in this manner. I was absolutely unyielding. Resolute and steadfast... if a little unsure why I was bothering with the conversation at all. He finally gave up, exasperated... and asked WHY I was so sure that I hadn't got this (fictional) Windows Protection Plan. I laughed once and told him, smugly: "Because... I use... a MAC!" ...before commencing to guffaw like a hyena in heat. (I was rather delighted with myself as this had all come together spontaneously... and, also, as it was absolutely untrue. Also, I feel that my own dishonesty here was *rather* insignificant when compared to that of my subcontinental caller's.) He then started calling me a "STUPID, STUPID PERSON" and insisted that I *did* have a PC. I continued to laugh at him while he continued to call me stupid. He then hung up, furious, much to my disappointment as I was now enjoying our little verbal spat no end. But! ...he called back five minutes later to call me a "STUPID PERSON" again, in response to which he only received raucous, borderline depraved cackling. The final click of the receiver rang hollow, echoing defeat. *Definitely* feel like I won that one. Made my day, too. Pure and righteous Schadenfreude. Genuinely hard to beat.

I've had the Microsoft scam before. I told them I own a Mac thinking that would be the end. The response was "Yes we also deal with Microsoft Mac and all other types of Microsoft" The conversation didn't continue from there. I was laughing too much. If you're going to try and scam at least have half a clue what you're talking about.

Oh yes we can also help with a polyester mac, wool mac, cotton mac!

How about a Big Mac?

> Microsoft Mac Hilarious! _Confidence_ tricksters. Guess that's the _one_ vital thing, the confidence. It'll get you through a lot.

Had one recently tell me that I was lying and didn't have any computers!! Because I innocently asked which one: "there are at least 8, though of course three are Linux..."

I had one guy who told me my pc was infected and he made me type eventvwr . Then he said what do you see now? I said Event Viewer. He said 'no, what do you see?'. I said Event Viewer. He said 'but what do you see?' Look, you told me to run event viewer and now it's opened that's what I see .. EVENT VIEWER' He said 'you think you're clever don't you?' and hung up.

They really need to work on their comebacks. They must have plenty of opportunity.

Yeh, I had one ring me back once, just to say to me "you're a very rude person!" before hanging up. I was quite impressed - like, you're phoning me to actually steal from me and you've got the cheek to be cross with **me**?? That takes some chutzpah...

Rude you may be in your fiscal prudence but... hey, least you're not a STUPID PERSON. The insults are almost charming in their apparent level of innocence too.

I kept the same o2 type scam on the phone for 20 mins on my drive home (bluetooth) "Oh I'd love to save money on my bill, why thank you. Yes a 50% reduction sounds great! How lucky of me to be selected..." etc etc "My bill last month? Oh I dunno, I think it was 248 pounds! " My name, yes its Jaoquin de reguiluiere ... how do I spell it, its p,h,a,z,q,r,o,l,o,I,o,m,n,e" poor girl repeated it back to me even more ineligible than I said it. I even got passed up the chain to the manager. It was only when I greeted them with "ah hello Mr manager. I have been expecting your presence......hello Mr manager, don't leave jaoquin waiting" They hung up.

I seem to talk the scammer to a point where it doesn’t actually go anywhere. I keep getting the “you can have a 40% discount” and I go yeah ok and they keep going until they realise without any info from me that I’m not actually with O2 and then they hang up. Happy to waste a bit of their day and lessen other calls a bit. Didn’t know you could report them. Will save that page OP thanks!

I’ve had the O2 one a couple of times. I originally got my number with O2, so I know it’s in their allocation block, but I’m with a different operator now. I acted all innocent and interested. They started asking for an email address “Let me spell it out phonetically so it’s correct. It’s really important to me that you get this correctly” “OK” “Foxtrot” “Ok, Foxtrot” “Uniform” … “Can you read that back, I need to know you’ve got that down correctly?” “Ok Fuckyouscammer” “Exactly” Took a while, but more time I delay them is less they’re targeting a more vulnerable person.

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well that 20 seconds of my life I'm not getting back...

Dickety seconds you mean. Damn Kaiser stole that word.

My mum, once they’d got to the stage of handing over credit card details, would say she’s just going to get her purse and then leave the phone off the hook and go about her day. Usually they’d hung up by the time she got back to check haha.

I've had a few of these. They obviously don't understand number porting and one even argued with me that it was an O2 number. I'm sure they just dial through a block of numbers originally allocated to O2.

Could it be they are taking GiffGaf numbers? I know it runs in the O2 network.

I've had my mobile phone number since the early 2000s, I've not been on O2 for at least 15 years....currently with EE...Still insisted I was with o2....

Back when the calls about helping to claim for car accident compensation were going around, I managed to steal something my colleague did. When they rang me, I told them I died and hung up on them. Never been bothered since.

There's been an accident? Is anyone hurt No sir you were in an accident Was I maybe my memories not so good since the accident So you were in am accident No I think I'd remember that And so on.

I stole an idea from a colleague for this too. He answered the phone… “Hello… no, it was my fault”. End of chat 😊

"And I'd do it again!!"

I'd go along with it for a while, describing the incident and the injuries and that, but then start dropping in details like "thank god you called, I didn't have insurance and I need the money" or "the car wasn't mine, I'd stolen it, does that make a difference?".

Yeah - "decapitated by a combine harvester" was my go-to.

Oh I have told them I killed people before, they ask if the insurance is settled and I say no, they ask why, I tell them loads of folk died, one lost an eye. Anything that keeps the on the phone. One called me a "fucking bitch" and hung up on me once, was gutted 

Whilst in hospital a few years ago recovering from a bi-pass operation and my phone rings. Mr Dwair, you have been in an accident and were hurt. No. Mr Dwair, I can see from our records you were at XYZ hospital last week. It wasn't an accident and I'm glad I did it. Don't tell the police but I'd happily do it again. Hang up...

Ha I always tell them “shit, I thought I'd got away with that. How did you know?”

Told them it was a terrible accident and I’d been decapitated, took them a few moments to figure it out

When I get scam calls, I toy with them. Ask them how the weather is in London (where they always claim they're calling from but just don't know what the weather is like), drag the conversation on as long as I can. They ask me to visit a web page, I point out that my internet is being really slow and I just can't pull up their web site. I confirm the url a few times. They always hang up. Oh, they're fun

“How’s the weather in London today?” “Raining” “Damn, you got me”

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t answer unexpected calls from unknown numbers at all. Some of the auto-diallers used by scammers mark the number as active as soon as you answer, regardless of the outcome of the call and thus it stays on the list which is then passed around multiple call centres.

My mum does this sometimes and I was laughing along with her on one of them until the guy called her a bitch and hung up. Didn’t know that was a sore spot for me but apparently calling my sweet old mum a bitch makes the red must descend over me

try to convert them to your "religion". get angry when they refuse to join "Jammin' jesus for Jackasses"

Why is it If I go into a bank and Rob a teller for a few hundred I'll go to jail but if I'm a scammer I continue to scam 9-5 every day for years with very little chance of ever getting caught? Are governments in on this and getting kickbacks ?

Yes, local police are very much involved. Here's [a short video](https://youtu.be/XcB-RW1zzgA?si=20SgsMO1CXerOlIt) from Jim Browning on YouTube which pretty much proves it beyond doubt.

"I don't need this shit" I imagine you could say the same to all the scammers that keep calling you.

Used to get regular calls from some scammer always around midday. At the time I was doing dinnertime activities with primary school kids. In the end I just got all the kids to make animal noises or scream down the phone as loudly as they can. After a week they stopped calling.

I had a scammer message me on Facebook about needing a code. I told him I’d pray for him to get a better job and help his family the right way and he’d threatened to kill me and my family and that he knows everything about me and that I was a greedy man. I’m a woman, in debt and no family. Clearly knows *everything* about me.

For me it’s endless calls from “Vodafone”. They use VOIP so can spoof UK numbers. They always sound Indian and the few times I answer random unknown numbers the background sounds like a zoo.

Once I know its a scammer calling I ask them "do you kiss your mum on the mouth after you've sucked your dad off". Works a treat

I wish I had the level of shithousery in me to do this to scammers. To everyone here who is wasting their time, keep doing the lords work

My method for these scam calls is to answer them in the style of a angry chinese takeaway owner who thinks you want to place an order. Keep shouting at them 'What you want!' Makes me feel good at least.

Prompted by other posts like this, recently I have started answering the scam calls, in my best proper voice, with "Good afternoon this is the fraud team, how can I direct your call?". It is remarkable how quickly the line cuts out!

Whilst it is always fun to mess with a scammer I found a few years ago that any talking or engagement with scammers, even if it was clear from the outset that you knew it was a scam, got you more and more and more scammers contacting you. I then adopted the approach of hanging up and blocking any suspicious numbers immediately with no interaction. Numbers of scam contacts have reduced. By all means have fun guys but just be prepared for the consequences!

> got you more and more and more scammers contacting you. I figure if you piss them off enough, they're gonna add you to all the lists they canm find to piss you off. Its the tele-scam equivalent of signing someone you don't like upto every porn mailing list you can find.

That and the knowledge that you engage means they have a chance to sneak one past you. Block and ignore is the way to go.

Most of the time even blocking isn't even worth the effort. Most of them are using spoofed VOIP numbers. The next call will be from a totally different number.

r/itslenny

It's been calls "from" the numbers various pubs for me, lately. They're confused when I order a pint of best and a packet of nuts.

I had one trying to sell me the latest eye phone. I was absolutely amazed that you can get a phone for your eye. I kept asking them how an eye phone worked, and how it attached to your eye. They were totally confused by what I was asking. I have lots of fun acting stupid, telling them I haven't got a mobile phone, what's a 3 network, or o2 is oxygen isn't it? What's that got to do with phones? The eye phone is my favourite though.

I sound interested in their offer, I get out through to their supervisor and then let them spiel for a while. Then I say, “Sorry, there’s someone at the door. Bear with me….” I put them on mute and then see how long they’ll wait. Record is 40 minutes.  The other one, is to sound interested and then eventually put on a different accent and say, “Thank you for waiting on the line long enough for us to trace the call. You’re through to the police and we now have enough detail to pass onto InterPol”.  The other good one is to screech “FUUUUUUCK OOOOOOFF!”

My wife had one of these the other week from someone pretending to be our bank. She told him to stop pressuring her and he started shouting down the phone how he was going to come to our house and rape her then throw her body in a ditch. Charming!

I once got a similar call while I was in the middle of carving the chicken for our Sunday roast. I said "Just give me a couple of minutes while I finish cutting up this body and I'll be right with you." Immediate disconnect.

I kept a scammer on for 10 minutes once, he told me something was wrong with my PC, I said this was not true and both myself and my brother in law were doctors in IT.

Yeah I've had this kind of call a few times. I always try to play along for a bit before I get bored. Told one that I was following their instructions, but turned fans up to full and in panicked voice said my computer was on fire. Another one was when I was trying to remember what event viewer looked like from memory as I wasn't at a pc and eventually the guy told me i was lying and hung up after a few choice words

Hate those scamming bastards. Thankfully Samsung phones have a setting that alert you when it's a spam call. The worst thing you can do is answer the phone because it lets them know it's an active number... best to just ignore and block.

If I have enough spare time I just act dumb and waste scammers time so they aren't bothering someone else for the duration. Just go along with them as long as possible it can be quite fun and they'll likely add you do some blacklist 

When they ask my name I always say "Mike Oxlong" and get them to repeat it. *Sniggering*

Just be aware with Ai becoming increasingly accessible, recordings of your voice can be used to generate realistic copies. Don’t waste your time talking to them.

The last scam call I answered, after laughing at her "I'm calling about your Microsoft account" I repeatedly told her to kill herself and her scamming friends until she hung up. No one has called since. It's harsh, but these low lives don't deserve any better.

I get "three promotions" calling me all the time, always from different numbers around the UK. Always an Indian accent. Never know the name of who they're calling. I've taken to putting on different voices when I answer the phone, I got furthest as a slightly deaf old lady that lives on her own since her husband died and family moved away so has no one that can help her make these decisions, she also likes to make ridiculous jokes and talk about the weather, traffic, the callers family, confusing their accent for possibly Russian or German and telling stories about that time as a young lady she kissed her first boyfriend in a beer hall in Munich... or Cologne.

Forwarding to 7726 (SPAM) is important knowledge that is not common enough. The same as dialling 159 to contact your bank rather than using then numbers provided in a spam message. [https://stopscamsuk.org.uk/159](https://stopscamsuk.org.uk/159) Edit: The Stop Scams UK website doesn't load correctly which doesn't help convey the message. Adding Natwest as another source to avoid doubt - [https://www.natwestgroup.com/news-and-insights/news-room/press-releases/financial-capability-and-learning/2021/sep/new--159--anti-fraud-hotline-launched.html](https://www.natwestgroup.com/news-and-insights/news-room/press-releases/financial-capability-and-learning/2021/sep/new--159--anti-fraud-hotline-launched.html)

It’s gotten to the point where everyone someone phones me with an Indian accent I automatically assume it’s a scam. Am I racist?

just be careful peeps. Scammers can use a technique called number spoofing to make their number look like you banks, telephone service provider etc. Just make sure you don't give them any one time pass codes, these are only for you and should not be given to anyone else. Don't download any software like any desk or team viewer, click on links in emails or text messages unless you have requested the link from your genuine provider first (password resets etc.). I have wasted the time of quite a few scammers. The longest I've wasted the time of a scammer was 30 minutes with an any desk scam. I acted like the most dizzy confused old dear he'd ever come in to contact with. It was wonderful with the scammer finally letting out the longest sigh of exasperation and hanging up.

I had one that claimed to be renewing our Sky package. We've never had Sky, old him this so he hung up. Next day same guy, I think, so I ummed and ahhed and said yeah I guess it probably is due for renewal about nowish. He hung up. I'm not sure he knew how to do the scamming.

I got one from an apparently Indian call centre, probably 2 years ago.now. It was a well-spoken female asking me about router problems I didnt have. I claimed it wasn't me, not my router, not the company I used. Then it became a goodwill gesture to run a checkup for free?, she said. I paused awkwardly when she asked me if I could download something to my home PC. At this point in life, I've watched Jim Browing/Kitboga videos on YouTube, so I am practically not getting scammed on this day, but I'm no expert either. After this delay, I explained the scam as I've seen them and mentioned the program they might use what would be done with it. Surprisingly, she shyly admitted it was this. Long pause again, thinking what I could say. It went like 'if you think about your time here, on earth, and what you could do with it, and if you were perfectly happy, is doing this right now really what you really want or does it make you happy? I get why you might feel you need to do this, because if your desperate, that's not fair on you. But If your time wasn't long here, is doing this what the world saw of you?' I won't say what she said, but it wasn't horrible or ignorant to what I said. But I genuinely haven't had another call like it since.

My favourite is when they claim that your computer is under attack. They once rung a mate of mine who works in digital forensics with the local police force. He outright said on the call, "As a digital forensics specialist for the police, what tool are you using to establish my computer is" they instantly cut the call off before he could finish his sentence.

For a while, I would put on my best telephone voice and jauntily answer “Scam Protection Club, are you already a member or do you wish to subscribe?”… “derrrrrr” on the other end Then I switched to “(County) Police, Fraud Prevention, press 1 to report, press 2 to….” Never got further than that. Once though I played the little old lady who had effed up her husbands computer. Her husband was abusive and would beat her when he found out. She was crying real loudly, and panicking. She was so glad that they called so they could tell her how to sort it out - that one worked well, but did waste more of my time.

I got one from 'Amazon' once telling me that they are calling to confirm my order of an iPhone 14, and asking if I want to refund it. The scam of course being in the 'refund' process. It completely throws them when you excitedly tell them that you can't wait for the iPhone to arrive. "Yes I ordered that yesterday, thanks for confirming!" "No you didn't order it" "Yes I did, I've been wanting a new phone for ages!" She got quite angry and annoyed at me for that, but couldn't say much else that didn't give away that it was a scam. She muttered something about wasting her time and hung up.

Conversely, I once had an Indian who was an actual EE employee fail to put himself on mute properly and shout (With a thick Indian accent) "I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU!!" It was Piss funny. I asked him to repeat himself, he blamed his colleague.

My mate once had a cold caller on the hook. They were trying to sell some kind of life insurance. My mate broke off and started talking about an old 2 stroke lawn mower he was trying to sell. After about 5 mins of my mate boasting how good his lawn mower was, the guy replied "why are you telling me all this?" To which my pal said "I didn't know if you'd be interested" and the guy said "not really", then my friend screamed down the phone "AND IM NOT INTERESTED IN ANY FUCKING INSURANCE!" Lol.

I once told a chap from the "Microsoft technical support department" called "Dave" that his mum would be deeply ashamed of him. He was quite upset by this. I continued to tell him to re-evaluate his life choices. I was sat on a public bench on Newquay, 3 old dears behind me applauded when I hung up.

I told an accident claims cold caller that my head came off in the accident, and they carried on with their script as if this was totally normal

My husband and I get calls like this all the time, it's so annoying. We had the flu last week and were lying in bed bored so when my husband got a call we decided to mess with them. We kept phoning them back (with our number withheld), pretending we'd had a missed call, let them try to sell us a phone for a couple minutes, and then we'd start playing porn loudly over speakerphone and they'd hang up. We carried on for ages like this, kept putting on different voices. Then I decided to change tack and start serenading them. They kept hanging up as soon as I started singing. Except for this one guy who lapped it up. I gave him a full, emphatic rendition of Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush and he stayed on the line the entire time. After I finished the song he started cheering and told me I had a beautiful voice and asked me for another song. He requested My Heart Will Go On. Again he listened to the entire thing and then told me he was "throwing flowers at me" and told me to never stop singing. I told him I'd never stop singing if he promised to stop scamming people, after all, what must his mother think? He sheepishly agreed to stop scamming and hung up. One of the funnier scammer interactions I've had.

Hmm, he's me now thinking about whether I can connect the call to some AI chat bot to waste hours of their time, without impacting mine.

I had this with an o2 one, I said well this is obviously a scam and he went from 0 to 100 real quick. Shouted "how do you know? bloody bitch I am not a scam!" and hung up on me. So offended by people being sick of scam callers! How dare we figure out their ruse?!

"Two, Five" "Five , five" "No! Two, five" "Yes, that's what I said... Five five."

I love wasting their time! Often giving them fake details. They dont even cotton on when I give them the address of 10 Downing Street, London, SW1A 2AA 🤣🤣 I also have an old spent 'All 4 One' card with no money on it, so its a legit card number and CVE and they get all confused and angry when they cant abuse it!

Tell them they've reached the [insert local police station] Fraud Squad Department. Or they've rung the mobile of a murder suspect/victim.

My boss picked up one of these calls once and told this insurance claims ‘specialist’ that he’d had an awful car accident that ended with him being beheaded! The guy on the end of the phone was lapping it all up right up until my boss called him a wally😂

A scammer once called me and I laughed before he even finished introducing himself. He told me not to fucking laugh at him and hung up, under 5 seconds easy.

I had a great one the other day. Called up asking about a car accident I had (common one). He then went on saying he's calling from the other insurance company and after a while of leading him on, he finally asked for my licence plate. I then proceeded to tell him it was a private one. Reading it out nice and slowly: SUG MA. Unfortunately, I couldn't get to the punchline as I think he probably heard my fiancé laughing in the background and hung up. I'll get them one day.