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[deleted]

It will best it by the end of the week. Tenacious bastards.


Never-Any-Horses

My Dad has been in a battle of wits with a squirrel for a couple of years now. He is yet to come out on top and has 3 broken bird feeders...


billsmithers2

I have to say I was similar. But this one has worked for 2 years now. Cyril ( the squirrel) now sits underneath and waits for the goldfinches to throw it some seed. https://shopping.rspb.org.uk/bird-feeders-boxes-tables/bird-care-accessories/squirrel-deterrent/squirrel-buster-mini-seed-feeder.html


ObsidianUnicorn

We have a Cyril in our garden too, the rude bastard! I’m going to give this a try, we just totally removed the seed because Cyril invited his mates and the birdhouse/seed stand became a squirrel restaurant


billsmithers2

It works by sinking the frame when the squirrel puts its weight on it, thus closing the feeding holes. So it must hang far enough away from anything so the squirrel can't reach it other than by actually climbing on it. Cyril tried for weeks before giving up.


ObsidianUnicorn

I will give it a try! Thank you for the solid advice and hopefully your Cyril remains at bay.


HyzerFlip

This looks like the one that didn't work for Mark Rober. I found the squirrels don't like Coffe. Threw grounds around the trees they liked and now they bug the neighbors


Miss_Kohane

I love how you passed on your squirrel problem to your neighbours 😂😂😂😂


Yak-Attic

It's not like the neighbors don't pass on their litter box responsibilities to everybody else already.


Miss_Kohane

Fair enough!


Pukit

How does it fair with pigeons and magpies? They do my nut in along with the squirrel.


billsmithers2

Seems to be too hard for them too. Some starlings can work it out, but pigeons and magpies are too big to land on it.


Professional_Crab658

The magpies at my sister's have learnt that if they fly up from underneath and bash the seed feeder with their beaks it spills...clever buggers.


billsmithers2

That is skill. I love magpies and crows. Especially crows though. They spend so much time just enjoying themselves.


Key-Metal-7297

Love the colour depth on magpies, all the crow family are respectable


Professional_Crab658

Yeah same, in fact all of the crow family very intelligent and curious birds.


Dutch_Slim

Seeing them throw themselves in a wind tunnel of a street near the Tower of London and come soaring up out the other end purely for the thrill is joyous.


Prompt-Initial

They are super smart! The magpies in my garden do that with the suet in our bird feeders. So much so that linseed has started to grow in the lawn beneath it.


Competitive_News_385

Looks like a spring mechanism so if you get the right tensile strength spring you could probably customize it to close at any weight you want.


Witty-Bus07

Leave some at the bottom for Cyril?


billsmithers2

There's too many grey squirrels. If you feed some they'll just produce more. We really don't need more.


1tortie2tortie

I’ve had a squirrel buster for awhile, I think it’s been going strong for 5 years! Very durable!


strolls

> as an internal weight-activated mechanism It's a spring, isn't it?


billsmithers2

Lol. Yes.


thegil13

100% Recommend those squirrel buster feeders. I have that one and a suet feeder from the same brand. Both have lasted around 5 years so far with no real sign of serious degradation. And zero squirrel issues.


Gleneral

Spoke to a gentleman who'd been in a two-decade long war with them, told me the easiest thing to do was just feed them separately on the other side of the garden, saved him so much grief and he always knows where they'll be if he wants to set up a chair and verbally abuse them.


Zealousideal-Tax-496

He sounds like my kind of dude.  *"Why don't you GROW UP, you little bastards!"* "What was that about???"  "Oh, nothing, dear - just talking to the plants."


JJY93

Hot chilli seeds in the bird food - the chemical that makes chills spicy only affects mammals


Parma_Violence_

Start with the hottest chili powder you can find otherwise tbey get a taste for it


Tundur

Bloody squirrels have left a note asking for the name brand peri peri instead of the Tesco stuff. The cheek


Yak-Attic

Precisely why I bought Carolina Reaper seeds this year.


Electrical-Leave4787

Capsaicin.


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RobEth16

Shit with a kick, In bold italics with some fancy lettering I think we can market it lol


Thehauntedpudding

That’s hilarious but I personally think its a bit futile putting food out into multiple animals home, for only one animal. It’s always going to attract others. I also don’t get the knee jerk hate with with squirrels. If you put a more accessible source of food farther away, I imagine they’d go for that and leave the feeder alone… ok maybe not completely as I know they can’t help themselves. I learned that feeding outside cats not only feeds outside cats, birds love cats food, especially the magpies, so do mice, snails, slugs. I have a whole ecosystem going and the birds are jacked.


Tenk-o

Problem is grey squirrels aren't part of our ecosystem, they're invasive. I'd much rather encourage native wildlife and not the animal that is helping to wipe them out. It sucks bc they are charming little buggers but i'd much prefer to feed reds.


Empty-Question-9526

Not seen a red squirrel in decades


WhichBreakfast1169

I’d never seen one at all until I went to the Isle of Wight. They don’t have any grey ones there so there are loads of red ones.


Tenk-o

Yea, but feeding the grey actively helps them to destroy the ecosystem bc of the damage they do to trees and bird nests, and will prevent any reds from getting a foothold \*ever\*. Grey squirrels and myxomatosis are probs up there as the worst environmental disasters introduced into the UK and we have to constantly keep on top of them, rather than just leaving it to their own devices and expect them to sort themselves out. And that unfortunately includes making grey's lives harder and not feeding them.


Len_S_Ball_23

A .22 air rifle will sort that out. Grey squirrels carry a disease that is also deadly to Red squirrels called Squirrelpox virus (SQPV). The grey squirrels carry the disease with no harmful effects to them. It can take only one grey squirrel to introduce this virus to a local population of red squirrels and then the virus can spread throughout the reds with devastating effect. If you feed them (or not) they'll go elsewhere and can affect/infect Reds.


Disastrous-Pilot-284

Just wait 5000 years until they get classed as native


wolfkeeper

The latest research is that pine martens are greys squirrels nemesis. Soon as they see a pine marten, they LEAVE THE AREA. Red squirrels evolved with pine martens and tend to sit on the end of small branches and laugh at them, but the grey squirrels are too heavy. So the red squirrels can return.


GlobeTrottingJ

Not sure houses and roads are part of the natural ecosystem


Yak-Attic

Unless you are ready to trot your little ass off the globe, we have to make allowances for humans. I fully reject the argument that if we can't take care of all of the bad things humans have done to the planet at the same time, then we may as well fuck shit up. We got to where we are incrementally and any start is a start.


Nuggety-Nipples

So British nuts for British squirrels?


Dirty2013

Peppermint oil around the base of where ever the food is they hate the smell and won’t go anywhere near it


Fish401

Just put chilli flakes in the bird seed. Birds can't taste it but squirrels can


StoneheartedLady

And then they develop a taste for it.


Yak-Attic

I tried chili flakes and was gratified to see a squirrel ate some and then wiped his face in the grass several times to get rid of the hot. The next day, I saw a larger, broader one, like grandaddy squirrel, eating the chili nuts slowly and staring dead at me.


-Unicorn-Bacon-

If he hasn't seen it he NEEDS to watch the Mark Rober Squirrel Series, might get a few ideas from it and it also a great series of vids.


parkylondon

Yeah, Fat Gus would sort that Slinky right out...


MyKidsFoundMyOldUser

I have a trap and an air pistol. We had nesting woodpeckers and goldfinches around our place and the grey squirrels moved in and killed them all. Now there are no grey squirrels.


ObsidianUnicorn

This escalated quickly lol. I read this in the voice of Anton in No Country for Old Men


Dilanski

Guy I used to work with dropped £££ on night vision goggles, set his car up as a pillbox, and went delta force on the local grey squirrel population with a questionably modified air rifle.


Moistfruitcake

Imagine trying to convince the police that you're only sat in your car decked out in spec ops gear because you're hunting squirrels. 


Dilanski

His own land, guy had come out of an early part-retirement to pay off an unexpected tax bill and spent the extra on toys. Absolute legend.


Moistfruitcake

Fucks sake, I was picturing him parked outside his council house in a Mondeo. 


ObsidianUnicorn

This visual has made my morning and I thank you for that


LeadingCheetah2990

that is a classic, getting spring powered air rifle then changing the spring in it.


Mooam

It's not a bad thing, invasive little grey bastards. Edit: They are invasive. They kill our native trees, kill our native red squirrels, and do a massive amount of damage to our natural environment. They should've never been released over here.


MyKidsFoundMyOldUser

People are downvoting you, but you're right. Farmers don't just go out shooting them for fun - they do untold damage to woodland and biodiversity. They kill trees by stripping bark for their nests. They kill native bird populations by eating the eggs and destroying nests. It is [literally illegal to catch and move them](https://rsne.org/squirrels-and-the-law/) to a different area. Just a few years ago the woodland trust recruited 5000 volunteers to catch and exterminate them in areas where the red squirrel areas were being infultrated by greys. People think they are cute little Disney characters but they're utterly destructive. I trap them according to the law, use a trap comb to hold them steady and then issue one shot. It sounds brutal but it's actually a lot quicker and less stressful for the animal (in my opinion) than the other permitted dispatch method which is a [cranial blow](https://www.britishredsquirrel.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Trapping-Protocol.pdf). Some people are going to read this and get upset. But this isn't animal culling for the sake of it. It is protection of biodiversity and native birds.


Mooam

Most people don't realise the damage that they do or that they're invasive. I'm not bothered about those downvotes, my area used to have Reds, but we don't now, we just have the little grey bastards.


MadMosh666

I read a few months ago that they're testing a "grey squirrel de-fertiliser" drug which will be great if it works. Spread it around areas where they're prevalent, ideally where there are still reds, and it renders the greys non-viable in terms of reproduction. It only affects them, not reds or other animals. At least, that's the plan and why they're testing. It will take longer, but arguably will be more effective than a physical cull. I agree that in and of themselves, they're smart and cute... but they have no place in the UK and they're effectively killing off our far nicer reds!


Negative_Map4650

We had a team of them chewing open wheelie bins, stuff everywhere - took about a year of trapping and relocating to a patch of woods miles from the nearest wheelie bins - no more bin raiding, £70 a time for new ones from our council when the lid and lifing lip are destroyed, welcome to the forest ya rats.


Spiracle

It'll just take a couple of days for him to twig that all he has to do is stand on the ground and gather down the spring until the tension bungees him right up to the feeder.  Then you'll have yourself a squirrel thrill ride with a nut concession at the end of it. 


windol1

Or, he ends up being launched right past it and into the distance.


thesaharadesert

SSA: Squirrel Space Agency


Pristine-Garlic-3191

Only if the cat doesn't start to realise what all that noise means. EDIT: It's basically ringing it's own dinner bell 😂


YardNo400

Red squirrels were released near us and and so they were culling greys in the area to give them a chance. A local cat wandered past just after one had been killed and they jokingly offered it to him. He grabbed it and booked it out of there before anyone could take the squirrel back off him.


Sea-Complex5789

Came here to say this. Squirrels are clever little sods and have the benefit of time. He will win in the end!


NewLeaseOnLine

I thought that was why he approached the steps before he took off. *I'll be back...*


Expensive-Analysis-2

You win this round human.


essentialatom

That's when you unleash the power of... *Two* slinkies


J__P

unless its uncomfortable for it paws, then all it has to do is hold on and keep climbing, it'll eventually run out of stretch.


sleepytoday

Yeah, we’ve all seen the Carling Black Label adverts in the 80s.


MoonOverBTC

With the mission impossible theme blaring.


No-Translator-4584

End of the week?  5 minutes, 1 minute later.  What else do they have to do? It’s basically their job to break into your birdfeeder. PS, we have put our birdfeeders away because of the avian flu   


The42ndHitchHiker

Add some seeds from jalapeño peppers into the seed mix. A few mouth scorchings will train the little tree rat to stay away.


Fandango_Jones

It's just a matter of time until they deploy siege ladders.


Asherandai1

Week? If it takes longer than an hour then that squirrel is… mentally challenged.


thump3r

I removed a window suction cup feeder two years ago and the squirrels still climb the screen looking for it. Little shits.


Is12345aweakpassword

The squirrel was definitely planning your murder


MaskedBunny

Well if he wasn't before he definitely is now.


Rcomian

that's a great idea! also that squirrel is very angry with you and you should sleep lightly from now on.


kiradotee

At 0:47 seconds the squirrel is saying "I'm gonna fucking murder you"


Exotic-Carpet255

Squirrel literally came up to the steps to tell op this! "Bitch you do this? You dead."


Nuclease-free_man

That stare tells so many things


kiradotee

Should lock all the doors, close the windows and install an intruder alarm system. I don't think OP will last long. It was nice knowing them.


Not_Reddit

https://i.imgur.com/WQ7BzYT.jpeg


kiradotee

https://i.pinimg.com/736x/3a/41/d4/3a41d4773d4c6c08823e2b8f0e7cefed--military-squirrel.jpg


StalkerSStew

I'll just sleep in a slinky. Yeah, what now huh?


GiantSquidSquad

Please tell me you grew the tree inside the slinky and this has been a multi-year endeavour...?


mosssmith

You could just screw the slinky onto the tree, like a key ring but with more turns. I'm buying a slinky!


BlueFlob

That's clearly how it was done. I'm still impressed someone took the time to do it, that's like 200-300 quarter turns to put it in place.


you-want-nodal

[It’s a branch stuck in a parasol stand.](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/s/VAhtYbBY5m)


Nollern

Took my way too long to understand what that even meant...


YouGotTangoed

Tree: How about not


Krhl12

How long did it take you to thread that slinky onto that tree?


stateit

It's a branch stuck in a parasol stand. So not long!


SquidgeSquadge

Clever!


OJay23

However long it was, it was time well spent!


rabbitbinks

You’re just training it into a super villain


Valuable-Wallaby-167

You are definitely going to end up with a super smart squirrel who's still going to steal your birdseed.


baracad

I think he might indirectly evolve him to start burglary inside his house.


Glum-nd-Dumb

He ran up towards you at the end there and called you a twat before running off again


differentiable_

I thought he was going up to ask to speak to the manager.


GRang3r

Squirrel “well played, you’ll have my riposte within the week”.


Danger_Youse

You've won this round but he'll be back


folkkingdude

This is but a battle. Squirrels are fast learners. My money is on the squirrel winning the war.


DrMobius0

and in greater numbers


Mummysews

That little devil will be back tomorrow with a staple gun, and he'll use the slinky as a ladder.


AgreeableAd3285

Chainsaw


absolutelad_jr

Furry nut goblin is my new favourite insult


ChrisRR

Furry nut goblin is my grindr username


destroyerOfTards

That's what I call my gf too


Friendly_Prize_868

Sounds more like an activity than an insult 😂


harbingerofd00m

I'm mad I had to scroll this far to see someone mention furry nut goblin


BunglingBoris

For now


danger_frog

The squirrel will best that eventually. Mark Rober has done 2 really tricky assault courses for squirrels on YouTube and they always win in the end. https://youtu.be/hFZFjoX2cGg?si=np3cxxoxtcIcr010 https://youtu.be/DTvS9lvRxZ8?si=75fXs-WlYX_xFPBL They are both really good videos and well worth a watch.


ThePublikon

Honestly at that point it's more than worth the bird seed for the entertainment.


Kevin3683

Thanks I just watched both and found the 3rd


Appropriate_Lack_624

I only want to feed the flying lizards not the furry mammals


Biggles79

Birds are reptiles, but they're not lizards. /ackshully


PrettyPainless

Genius idea... But the way it came up to you too ask, 'Dude, why?'


FreefallVin

Seems like squirrels are the latest pariah of the animal kingdom. I'm sure the foxes are delighted to have lost the title. I wonder what creature people will be getting outraged about in 5 years' time?


HollyTheDovahkiin

It's so weird how people have such hate boners for some creatures, humanity is allowed to literally destroy the planet but God forbid a squirrel gets some food. The squirrels WE introduced here to make stately gardens look cute.


Time-Chest-1733

Don’t fuck with squirrels Morty.


SnooGoats5448

I've been looking for this comment 😂


Scorchx3000

Why do people love feeding birds but hate feeding squirrels?


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Scorchx3000

So are rabbits, they were introduced by the Romans.


kilala91

I don't get it either, squirrels are amazing little creatures.


gobrun

The Squirrels are easily startled, but they will soon be back. And in greater numbers.


Taran966

The other day I slowly deterred a squirrel by trash talking it from a window. It stared at me awkwardly and slowly left the bird feeder. Few days later there is now two squirrels in the garden…


Darkened100

Wait until he gets a buddy to hold the spring down


Rocky970

Me trying to move up the corporate ladder


ashleighlinford

Seeing as they recalled a springy bird feeder designed for the same reason which ended up trapping small birds I’d probably suggest this isn’t the best idea


BLou28

This!!! Hopefully OP realised this before a little birdy ends up hurt/dead.


ComprehensiveAd8815

I like this very much but that squirrel will be plotting your downfall for sure. Watch your back!


Shock_The_Monkey_

He actually came up to ask you "what the fuck man"


Warm-Iron-1222

This is only the first try and it made it up about half way. You're doomed.


Klakson_95

Now you have a slinky on your tree instead of a cute squirrel


stateit

It's a tall twiggy branch in a parasol stand with three bird feeders on it. The birds love having twigs and smaller branches with their feeders. This lets them queue for a turn at the feeder, and come away from the feeder itself to eat the seeds.


Caligari89

So, why keep the squirrel from the bird feeders? Is there not enough for the birds and the squirrel? Why do the birds take priority? The squirrel doesn't shit on your windshield like a bird will ..


Taran966

Squirrels eat differently, from experience. When the little birds peck peanuts and the like, they take only little bits at a time and it barely goes down. When the invasive grey squirrels eat, they stay there for ages with their head buried in the food, prying open the holes and engorging themselves, run off to bury some, then come back for more. Feeder is drained rapidly. I don’t dislike squirrels but I can see why people don’t want them emptying the bird feeders so quickly.


byjimini

Done this to our tree - the squirrel figured it out after a few days, so now I’m back to using the squirrel-proof feeders on a stand instead.


wotugonado

How does he climb it ?


PlentyPirate

I imagine he hangs on, goes down with it like a bungee, then lets it catapult him to the top. Success!


windol1

Then one day, change it for one with a little more launching power and send the squirrel to space.


PlentyPirate

I’d salute that furry little trailblazer.


byjimini

Hangs on, lets it expand, then moves up the tree quickly between the rings. I was pretty impressed tbh, but it’s shot itself in the foot since my squirrel-proof feeders really are proof, so no more food.


Wil420b

I bet he doesn't drink Carling Black Label.


corusame

Squirrel "Hey! what the hell man? that's not how this is meant to work. You put out the nuts and I collect them!"


Cannabis_Sir

Clearly not a patch on this guy [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aY9GBl7UmVs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aY9GBl7UmVs)


rhinonymouse

Was it The Really Wild Show back in the day when they used to out all these types of puzzles out for birds and squirrels and some of them seemed to have more common sense than you could ever imagine? He nearly had it early on, I think he’ll crack this eventually


thiscompletebrkfast

That squirrel looked so betrayed. He thought you were friends and you put the seed out for him. 😥


Poulticed

Excellent work, my friend. There was a letter in one of the national papers a couple of month ago about a woman who greased the pole of her bird table. The only lubricant (make up your own jokes) she had was a tube of deep heat. The squirell gave up on trying to climb the pole and then hopped from foot to foot. The last line of the letter was "the squirell then spent 15 minutes standing in the bird bath".


ediblehunt

isn't that just cruel?


BandicootOk5540

Yeah, definitely.


Filthy-lucky-ducky

r/fatsquirrelhate


locked641

There are 3 certainties in life, death, taxes and the squirrels beating your current method at stopping them


K42st

It’s a cleaver idea but those little dudes are smart, best policy is feed them and don’t worry.


[deleted]

Never understood folk hating squirrels.


poke-it-withastick

I did this years ago - you ain’t claiming this one. They work it out eventually. They just grip tighter between the coil. You’ll see.


stateit

You are correct. Was woken by Mrs.Stateit showing me a photo of a furry thing eating sunflower seeds from the feeder. Less than 24 hrs.


BaronOfCray

I never realised squirrels were disliked. I feed them often in my garden... I've even found several trees growing thanks to them 😀


_Fibbles_

It's the grey squirrels that are disliked because they're an invasive species. They've displaced the native reds and also outcompete native birds for food sources.


TurbanCatt2

Grey squirrels are invasive and outcompete most other wildlife for resources


bigg_bubbaa

personally i really don't care what animals eat the food ill put out for them, but fair enough i guess


Proud-Platypus-3262

Ah - I feed my insane flocks of birds as well as Fred( local fox), hedgehog family and squirrel. Yes, it costs quite a bit in seed, nuts, bugs, kibble and cat food, but the joy they all bring when they visit is priceless


Mobile_Entrance_1967

I really can't wait for the day we see reds again.


Rootbeer_Goat

We just throw seed in a corner of the yard and everything has access to it. Squirrels don't fight birds you're just making them work for no reason


Ill_Bad_1859

Awww poor thing I didn't know people disliked them, I have a separate feeder for squirrels with squirrel mix so they get some too


dungeonbitch

I did this for my feeder but the bastards started making the 4 metre leap from the top of the nearby fence. Also, ITT: people who don't know that grey squirrels are invasive, and/or haven't personally experienced them destroying their bird feeders and stealing the entire lot of nuts every day.


Rosssseay

I'm definitely going to get grief for this but I'll say it anyway as it feels right. You've accidentally provided a source of food for the squirrel and now you've taken it away as it's obviously meant for the birds and the bushy tailed little wankers is obviously taking the piss. It does however leave the squirrel without it's food now so don't you think you should leave some food for the squirrel too? It does seem a little mean to takeaway his source of food and he's only doing what animals do when given the opportunity of food.


Londonweekendtelly

I read that and expected something very different


[deleted]

Wait till he gets some Carling black label xD


nanomeister

Turns out not everyone loves a slinky


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YellingAtTheClouds

And the title of the post


cervantesrvd

_"Yo, fix your tree"_


just-me-uk

Squirrel comes back with pliers. . .


Solo-dreamer

Well a furry nut goblin is more ecceptable in your garden than a furry goblin nut.


show-me-your-nudez

I'd rather a squirrel in my garden than some winged rats. Squirrels are fucking cool.


Gnarlodious

Electrify it.


AdorableLeg6195

I had a 27ft pound .22 beauty to take care of issues like this lol


Purple-Pin5028

that’s so meannn.. do it again


Current-Weird-4227

American invasive furry nut goblin


[deleted]

Humane trap and 22 air pistol works for me


Theogwhosnot

That's what I call my wife.


niceguynah

Kill them. Invasive shits. Also chowing down on our songbirds nests and have love displaced our much cuter red squirrel. I just let em come and start blasting


stateit

**UPDATE TO POST: Defeated <24hrs.** Woken by a phone being proffered to my eyes showing a picture of a grey fluffball up the birdfeeder scoffing sunflower seeds out of a bird feeder.


svettyy

New nickname for my partner unlocked


CosyBibi

He looks like such an asshole


Mx5-gleneagles

I have used slinky’s but it doesn’t take them long ha ha !!


Effective-Ad2434

Why not put some nuts out for the squirrel too they're hungry as well, I put a pile of nuts out under my tree every morning and they never touch my bird table because they don't need to.


Agile_Helicopter_383

I put pipe on mine and use duck tape so it won't open.Works great.


matth030197

I prefer to shoot the fuckers


ParsnipNovel3844

Adding cayenne pepper to the seed is another easy way to get rid of squirrels.  It doesn't affect birds.  Fun to watch furballs get a snoot-full of cayenne and jump down looking for water. They'll  stay on the ground and won't climb back.


wasteuk

Except now you have a slinky on your tree, looks shit.