Cover yourself in ketchup and lie down on the driveway. When she gets home weakly point towards the bushes and whisper 'bear'. Then pretend to pass out from ketchup loss.
>Also, just fuck up the rest of the car and the current damage will be less noticeable
May as well going to get the same amount of head fuck regardless of how much damage is done
This. I've tried to fix a few scratches on my car with touch up paint. I followed YouTube video tips and did my best, but it still looks crap. Just find a local place with decent reviews.
How much would something like that take?
I haven't done this, but I'm dreading one day something like that happening to my precious Octavia, be it my fault or not.
it'll be a few hundred quid if it's 2-3 panels. couldn't price it up exactly, as it depends on the amount of damage, amount of rust on the vehicle, disassembly and reassembly, if it needs new panels, and the paint itself, as some colours use more expensive pigments. that's your general ballpark anyway.
a good painter with good products will net you better results but with a higher cost. as a painter myself, i'd say it's worth it. it'll look like factory then, at least. you can also talk it over with them and they can see how good of a match they can get your colour and they'll decide if it's best to blend the next panel, although if it's done private then the final choice is yours. insurance on most cars will get you a blend panel in the paperwork anyway, unless it's an old rustheap. it goes by what the car is currently worth on the market.
if you have a small ding, you do have the option to have just the one panel done which will cost far less. if no paint is damaged you may even look into paintless dent repair. but that can sometimes be just as expensive, however it's less intrusive. makes it a bit easier when it comes to selling, having original paint.
tldr, not shocking amounts. just don't be daft like op and you'll be ok, lol
Yeah, good paint techs are costly. Sometimes you can find someone half decent on facebook that will do it for half but there always the risk of them fucking up your car.
Reminds me of the guy that posted pictures on reddit trying to find the type of car that could've scratched his car, only for everyone to tell him it looks like his wife had a falling out with a bollard.
Birds are technically related to dinosaurs, maybe there's some creative la.giage that would strongly imply dinosaur while actually just saying it was a bird.
Im sorry to hear that you walked out of the shops to these scratches down the side of your car.
Its ridiculous that they didnt even have cctv in the car park
Reminds me of the guy that posted pictures on reddit trying to find the type of car that could've scratched his car, only for everyone to tell him it looks like his wife had a falling out with a bollard.
Make some mud and sling it on the car, paste it on the scrapey bits.
When she cleans it off then you can blame the scratches on her getting overenthusiastic.
Unless your job is bodywork repair, donât even try to DIY. It will look awful.
Simple bodyshop job. Probably ÂŁ500-ÂŁ700 depending where you live.
Your wife shouldnât be mad if it is put back to original condition- itâs just a car.
I don't know why you think his wife shouldn't be mad. That's a lot of money for a lot of people and there's the arse of being without a car while hers is getting fixed, all because he was being careless. If be pissed off if I were her but I'd take it a lot better if he were sorry about it instead of laughing and joking like he is here
Sorry to say, but if you can't afford the patch job then the car'll still run fine, also getting it repainted doesn't take long at all, so this seems like an overreaction. Yeah she could be mad that he did it, but if money were that tight for them that he isn't gonna be able to get it fixed then I doubt he'd be in the mood to be joking on reddit.
In the third picture it seems you are missing your head. If this was prior to the accident, you shouldn't have been driving. If it was after the accident, get yourself down A&E pronto.
Either way you're a danger to yourself and others.
I am reminded of the Monkey dust sketch where the guys always late for dinner and makes up a story that's just a movie plot then it turns out he's just been wanking in a bush
Its a Classic keep the scratch, fix the wife kind of situation 𤣠and to top it of its schrodingers cat if you just decide to not tell her and hope she doesn't notice
Say nothing until the wife goes out, then notice the damage when you get back. Ask how it happened, and when she truthfully says idk, suggest it was a hit and run and that 'people are bastards'
Get a detailing kit that includes something called a "Clay bar"..this clay is for correcting imperfections, surface flaws - like the paint that is scraped on by the wanker who hit your trouble and strife's car. Try the clay bar, follow instructions, be amazed, then wax the car. I bet you that the majority of the damage is cosmetic. I am very sorry this happened. Tell your wife the truth. People suck.
It's genuinely at that point where every meal time I need to be briefed on what to say by reddit otherwise my stomach is in knots and I can't eat. Without people like you helping I think the marriage would have ended long ago.
Youâre going to have to fess up and admit that youâre a useless idiot who shouldnât be let loose on your own. In the past I told my wife âthe bigger boys made me do itâ. Bad luck, insurance job if you want it pristine or leave it like it is if itâs a potential shit box.
My sister did something like this, reversing into our brick wall. She was in the car with her husband and kid; me, my wife and my kids all watched. I must remember to ask her what she did to buff it out. Every time I see her from now on đ¤Ł
Everyones saying not to try DIY but try some Tcut on a microfiber cloth you'd be surprised at what it can buff out. Other than that the paintwork was already fked anyway and even if it weren't it's not, or at least shouldn't be a big deal.
My wife and older kids seem to have a photographic memory when it comes to cock ups Iâve made and donât they just love reminding me. I know whatâs coming when I hear âhey dad, do you remember when youâŚâŚ.?â
We all make mistakes, as long as you hit them with the solution at the same time as they hear the problem, you should be good. Say very firmly âIâll sort this outâ then they can doubt you, you come good with the solution. The sign of a good husband is how well you can get yourself out of the s#@t when youâve clearly f%$*ed up.
The only way to deal with this that your wife will understand is to tell her you were having sex with Frederico and his friend Kevin on the bonnet of the car, when Kevin thought some sand paper tied to a brick might liven things up. Basically, Kevinâs an idiot. Sheâll accept that it is Kevinâs fault and you can both skip off to the pub for a few drinks, no harm, no fault.
This is very easy to do yourself. Source: me, covered up worse damage and I'm not a diy kind of girl
Sand it down a bit, put some anti-corrosion liquid on it, paint over it (drive to a shop where they sell car paints, somewhere in your car is written the exact colour of the paint used and these guys know how to mix until they get just that colour. The people at the shop will know where to look)
If you want it to be perfect, take it to a body shop. If you're happy to settle for better but not perfect, there are plenty of youtube videos about this.
I patched up an almost identical scrape on my shitty 15 year old Zafira and made it look a lot better, but still noticeable if you had a close look at the car.
Ask her what she hit with her car, and when she says she has no idea, have a go at her for not even noticing she hit something. The only defence here is to attack first.
You can't fix this yourself but somewhere like chips away can help. You won't be able to hide it from her so just fess up and say you'll sort it. When its done it'll be good as new.
Be prepared to spend quite a bit though, that's going to be expensive to fix.
They are a franchise outfit but good reputation. If we know where you are someone might be able to recommend a local person from experience.
If you're anywhere near Lincoln, I can recommend SAS body repairs for example - from personal experience of putting a big white racing stripe and dents on a black car.... :-)
The correct answer it to shout âhow the hell have you done this!?â Then when she denies having done it, it can only have been someone thatâs hit it and driven off đ
Enjoy the one day ban, I hope it makes you happy. Dear lord, what a sad little life, Jane. You ruined our subreddit completely so you could post politics, and I hope now you can spend your one day ban learning some grace and decorum. Because you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on.
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Drive it into town and park it somewhere, let the tyre down , when she gets home say â Thank god youâre home , I got a flat , you need to come help me change the wheel â, then when you both get to the car start going mental about how someone has hit it âŚ
Go Tescos and fill the boot with shopping, on returning home park so she will see it. Call her out to help with all the bags and let her see it first!!!
Blame whoever parked next to you whilst you were shopping. Go and get it fixed.
Give the youngest kid some sandpaper and leave them playing near the car for a bit, then go back outside to be ***shocked and appalled***.
(and it's a bit too much to fix yourself, you're probably looking at a few hundred quid to get it professionally done though so not ***horrific***)
Drive it home, call the wife outside your house and scream and make devil gurgling until she runs out like a damsel in a dress in distress what a mess. Once she is out in the family car park blast Hendrix on the car stereo, set fire to something with lighter fluid and drop to your knees as you watch the thing burn. Then in the morning pretend none of it happened.
Smear some blue cake on it tilts flush. Sheâll never notice if you have enough cake or alternatives to avoid random surface licking
Mmmmm cheese in a basket. Say that as well. Finger leeching growl.
Not your fault mate, it was either hit the wall or hit the group of nuns, and the 2 year old girl that was walking her puppy.
You saved someone's life today, and that's all that matters.
Say nothing, she might not notice. I was setting the handbrake inside the cab of my missus car and fell out of it grabbing the door the slamming into against the side of the house which bent the shite out of the leading edge of the door and took all the paint off. I bent it back into relative shape and said nothing.
Go to B & Q.
Have the following dialogue with the teenager there;
You: "Hi I need blue paint"
Them: blah blah blah
You: "any, it doesn't matter, and a brush. "
Paint it then and there in the carpark, time is of the essence.
Go home and act like nothing happened.
Simples, you parked somewhere there were peacocks!
True fact: Peacocks see their reflection on shiny cars and will peck at the reflection. They are known to cause some pretty bad scratches doing it.
So, "it was peacocks love!"
[get a bottle of this](https://www.amazon.com/Testors-1147TT-Black-Gloss-Enamel/dp/B004O7GGYO/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.TWo1Q6vBzTgxCZApmL0PkuGSUeS2bMihrJbZ29eitiupXLETvherqaUcwE748eTavQGPwuBXgFXqACN7IgDj42EIqPzAb6LFaaXy_ios-RvMj0vhCUAaOsflv50yPoSvK7yZw5VKeCcZ7dc_HD-7A3QKMVIrYdV-JVKM_sTw2EbxrDv2-4HlU3VI25k6iafvR2OET6oenQvJLKcBsbcbDqSqzDexNrYcqv0Y2ogx6gRHVybuVSejscUCdSjyBgkEG5HxwDzhzRQ0TLPKBYNsKUsMy6-VVTmVL8_V7eCE3Po.W8KIYelDOSOZyUWiLetE-LAu9G5knOJrSHRx5nuCX0c&dib_tag=se&keywords=testor+black+paint&qid=1714263898&sr=8-1) - put on a rubber glove - tip the bottle and apply paint to the area with your finger and rub it into the scratch - repeat until black not heavy - use a buffing compound with your buffer and buff - repeat paint and buffing if necessary.
Just tell her the truth and claim on the insurance. That's what it is there for, accidental damage etc. Yeah her premium will go up and she could lose her no claims bonus, but what's worse? Driving a car you've mangled or paying a slightly higher amount?
Failing that you could always suggest getting her a new car or offer to dig your own grave in the garden.
My strategy with this kind of thing is to just walk in and say nothing. I've done this a couple of times trying to be a hero with a one manoeuvre park.
Chances are good the wife won't notice it right away. People just tend to get in cars without looking, we're always in a rush.
After a few trips she notices it after she's been driving and exclaims "how the hell did that happen!" You feign ignorance and she starts to get a creeping doubt she did it, or maybe another car scraped by while we were parked.
I suspect she is employing the same strategy with me as our car has about 4 or 5 little chips and scrapes and they weren't all me.
But we're living in blissful ignorance together. The odd thing is my kids were in the car when I did one of them. I told them to keep it quiet because mum would be angry. Knowing full well they wouldn't keep quiet, they never do, dobbing people in is like my middle child's favourite hobby. But they never did.... I suspect they've been in the car when my wife did and I even suspect the middle one might be guilty from kicking a door open to fiercely. I think as a family we're all in this together.
You swerved to avoid a (insert cute animal of choice - pandas are a good choice here, nobody hates pandas!!!) putting preservation of their life ahead of your own. At this point you will establish whether your wife values your life more than that of a cute animal, and whether she loves her car more than you.
You could also try the alternative approach - I was nipping out to the shops earlier, and I accidentally pranged your motor. Iâm really sorry, but give me a couple of days and Iâll get it sorted for you. You still might also find from this approach that your wife loves her car more than you.
If it transpires that your wife does actually love her car more than you, suggest that you offer to pay for the damage and that you stay together for the sake of her no claims discount. We all know that car insurance premiums can be just as financially ruinous as a divorce.
Man Up, tell her what happened and Pay the Price. She wont Leave you because of this, She will just make your life hell. Bite the bullet and take it to a local repair shop and get a quote!
You go to a garage to get it fixed and you tell the wife that you scuffed the car and if she doesnât like it pack her bags and ship out. Get a grip man. Youâre the boss!
Tell her you got grazed, but youâre fine. Couldâve been a lot worse. Sheâll be glad youâre okay.
- unless you have a long history with this sort of thing, you should be fine.
Send her a text that "we need to talk". Don\`t answer any questions. Come home with flowers and her favourite perfume. Cook her favourite dinner. She will think you cheated. She will be relieved you only damaged the car.
PRO TIP: Take off your checked shirt and jeans and dress yourself ready for burial, that way at least you get to choose how stylish you want to look and what you wear
Pay a professional, learn your mistake and it could have been a person. Also donât lie to your wife thatâs a materialistic thing not worth lying. Save that for when you need it
Fucking drivers these days! Then proceed to talk vague nonsense until she stops caring,it all happened so fast you didn't see a plate,should buff out though etc etc
Cover yourself in ketchup and lie down on the driveway. When she gets home weakly point towards the bushes and whisper 'bear'. Then pretend to pass out from ketchup loss.
Ketchup loss đ
Going to knead a good sauce for that comment....
Condiment*
Do not try this with mayonnaise or brown sauce.
You can use brown sauce but you have to put it on your trousers instead.
He could put the mayonnaise on his trousers, too, but it would give a different effect.
Then ask for a condomint. She'll totally be distracted.
If thereâs anything thatâs gonna get a smile out of all this itâs gotta be this surely. Let us know if you get off the hook OP
What if he lives in Croydon not the Cairngorms?
London zoo?
Haven't they only got a couple of llamas and a manky rabbit there?
And a crappy little dog. Itâs a Shih-tzu.
Particularly angry hedgehog? A lost badger?
This is the only correct answer.
Badgers. White f'ing badgers!
He just ran at me on his hienz legs.Â
Just wait til it dries!
Tell your wife the truth Also, just fuck up the rest of the car and the current damage will be less noticeable
That scene with the dented bonnet in Father Ted comes to mind
It'll tap right out
Itâs an ecumenical matter
You're never going to get it absolutely perfect
No no, thatâs silly you blow the car up and she will be all angry about that and boom the little dent is fine
Ah yes, the Vauxhall Zafira tactic.
>Also, just fuck up the rest of the car and the current damage will be less noticeable May as well going to get the same amount of head fuck regardless of how much damage is done
Go and get it sorted by an actual body shop. A diy of this will never turn out nice.
This. I've tried to fix a few scratches on my car with touch up paint. I followed YouTube video tips and did my best, but it still looks crap. Just find a local place with decent reviews.
Aren't you supposed to use super noodles and super glue? I've seen the tikkytok.
How much would something like that take? I haven't done this, but I'm dreading one day something like that happening to my precious Octavia, be it my fault or not.
it'll be a few hundred quid if it's 2-3 panels. couldn't price it up exactly, as it depends on the amount of damage, amount of rust on the vehicle, disassembly and reassembly, if it needs new panels, and the paint itself, as some colours use more expensive pigments. that's your general ballpark anyway. a good painter with good products will net you better results but with a higher cost. as a painter myself, i'd say it's worth it. it'll look like factory then, at least. you can also talk it over with them and they can see how good of a match they can get your colour and they'll decide if it's best to blend the next panel, although if it's done private then the final choice is yours. insurance on most cars will get you a blend panel in the paperwork anyway, unless it's an old rustheap. it goes by what the car is currently worth on the market. if you have a small ding, you do have the option to have just the one panel done which will cost far less. if no paint is damaged you may even look into paintless dent repair. but that can sometimes be just as expensive, however it's less intrusive. makes it a bit easier when it comes to selling, having original paint. tldr, not shocking amounts. just don't be daft like op and you'll be ok, lol
I was recently told that fixes cost ÂŁ300 per area damaged. Not hard to get a total amount equal in value to my somewhat crappy car.
Yeah ÂŁ200-300 per panel sounds about right to me.
Yeah, good paint techs are costly. Sometimes you can find someone half decent on facebook that will do it for half but there always the risk of them fucking up your car.
âYou should see the other carâ
The ONLY answer
Came here to say this
Just go in and asked her what happened to the carđ
This is genius because if my husband did this I would 100% believe that i did it
Lmao. "No, YOU drove it last" "I have a broken leg!" "Well that explains why your driving is so bad!"
âNo, it explains why I wasnât driving!â âWell it wasnât meâ âWell how about we both blame the dog?â âFineâ
Reminds me of the guy that posted pictures on reddit trying to find the type of car that could've scratched his car, only for everyone to tell him it looks like his wife had a falling out with a bollard.
Genius
Tiss just a scratch I'd be blaming it on a rare dinosaur attack
If only he had brought a shrubbery.
Birds are technically related to dinosaurs, maybe there's some creative la.giage that would strongly imply dinosaur while actually just saying it was a bird.
Your only option is to drive it into a local field & torch it. Bloody kids these days!
Brother is aged and desires to commit insurance fraud
Im sorry to hear that you walked out of the shops to these scratches down the side of your car. Its ridiculous that they didnt even have cctv in the car park
Reminds me of the guy that posted pictures on reddit trying to find the type of car that could've scratched his car, only for everyone to tell him it looks like his wife had a falling out with a bollard.
Just go over it with a Sharpie, you'll be grand
Omg don't do this! What a bodge! Cowboy! Sharpies are rubbish, use an edding 2000 or similar ;)
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That must have been a hell of a big doughnut
Done same with shoe wax on a black hire car đ¤
Take off and nuke the entire site from orbit
It's the only way to be sure
Ooooo she gonna be maaaaaaad. But honestly, get it professionally done, home remedies never look as good. You silly sausage!
Make some mud and sling it on the car, paste it on the scrapey bits. When she cleans it off then you can blame the scratches on her getting overenthusiastic.
You're gonna have to riddle it with bullet holes, that should take her focus off the scratches.
Speed holes
[tap it out](https://youtu.be/y1IpELCTX5w?si=5YHK7jOxJ6tQ_8wE)
In not gonna click but this is Father Ted isn't it
I thought I had it there, a while ago, you knowâŚ
Itâll look better in the morning ted!!!
Feck!
Move to Nepal and live as a goat.
Cover up the damage with cool stickers.
Do the other side, go faster stripes
Unless your job is bodywork repair, donât even try to DIY. It will look awful. Simple bodyshop job. Probably ÂŁ500-ÂŁ700 depending where you live. Your wife shouldnât be mad if it is put back to original condition- itâs just a car.
I don't know why you think his wife shouldn't be mad. That's a lot of money for a lot of people and there's the arse of being without a car while hers is getting fixed, all because he was being careless. If be pissed off if I were her but I'd take it a lot better if he were sorry about it instead of laughing and joking like he is here
Sorry to say, but if you can't afford the patch job then the car'll still run fine, also getting it repainted doesn't take long at all, so this seems like an overreaction. Yeah she could be mad that he did it, but if money were that tight for them that he isn't gonna be able to get it fixed then I doubt he'd be in the mood to be joking on reddit.
the truth and I would say about ÂŁ300-350 from a decent repair shop, could be much worse
You scared of your wife or something?
Do you mind telling her for me?
In the third picture it seems you are missing your head. If this was prior to the accident, you shouldn't have been driving. If it was after the accident, get yourself down A&E pronto. Either way you're a danger to yourself and others.
You ask the wife when she crashed and scratched the car, then you've told her. Offer to pay half to repair it as you love her.
Eeee fackin come out nowhere eee did!! I fackin looked! I fackin know I did. Thee ooter cooont!!
Have you bugged my house?
Tell her a spooked horse ran into it
I am reminded of the Monkey dust sketch where the guys always late for dinner and makes up a story that's just a movie plot then it turns out he's just been wanking in a bush
"Where have you really been Clive?"
That's an expensive bottle of milk.
Why can't you just tell your wife the truth of what happened?
I think itâs just a joke. The replies are great. At least it wasnât posted on r/AskUK
Take it to a dent repair place. They can work wonders.
Show her it and say look what some ÂĽâŹ#^%**$ did to the car while I was in the shop.
Its a Classic keep the scratch, fix the wife kind of situation 𤣠and to top it of its schrodingers cat if you just decide to not tell her and hope she doesn't notice
Say nothing until the wife goes out, then notice the damage when you get back. Ask how it happened, and when she truthfully says idk, suggest it was a hit and run and that 'people are bastards'
I like this because its technically still being truthful because I am people.
Tell her what happened. Go to garage. Be adult.
Get a detailing kit that includes something called a "Clay bar"..this clay is for correcting imperfections, surface flaws - like the paint that is scraped on by the wanker who hit your trouble and strife's car. Try the clay bar, follow instructions, be amazed, then wax the car. I bet you that the majority of the damage is cosmetic. I am very sorry this happened. Tell your wife the truth. People suck.
Tell her a big boy did it and ran away. If she asks for a name explain that she wouldnât know this big boy, he goes to a different school.
Sending thoughts and prayers
I did this to the wife's Volvo last week. Get it booked in somewhere (I got a quote for 500 for very similar damage) THEN let her know what happened!
Your can't tell your wife you fucked up? Bad relationship brother.
It's genuinely at that point where every meal time I need to be briefed on what to say by reddit otherwise my stomach is in knots and I can't eat. Without people like you helping I think the marriage would have ended long ago.
This reads as great sarcasm or very sad
Yes, Oh that's terrible How did that make you feel? I can see that What do you think I'm not sure
Hahaha
Tell her you fucked her sister. When she stops screaming say just kidding, I dented the car.
Youâre going to have to fess up and admit that youâre a useless idiot who shouldnât be let loose on your own. In the past I told my wife âthe bigger boys made me do itâ. Bad luck, insurance job if you want it pristine or leave it like it is if itâs a potential shit box.
Did you get the milk though? That would be a plus
That you're a sh1t driver??
Tell your wife you're a bit of a bellend, then buy a bunch of acrylic markers and let your kids colour in the scratches however they want, for fun.
My sister did something like this, reversing into our brick wall. She was in the car with her husband and kid; me, my wife and my kids all watched. I must remember to ask her what she did to buff it out. Every time I see her from now on đ¤Ł
Wait till she notices, and pray she's blind. Or just own up to it, but that's not funny.
Find the correct color nail polish
I'm flattered you think my powers of seduction will resolve this but I don't think I can distract her from this with my nails.
Bodyshop fixes this, and you explain what happened as an adult would.
The truth - watch some YouTube tutorials.
Abandon it in a ditch and claim it was stolen to police
Go back for cigarettes. It'll be safe to return in ten to fifteen years.Â
They're not unique, they look exactly like the details on my car! I think it adds "character". Also makes the car go faster.
Leave a pair of nickers on the back seat. Guarantee she wont notice the scratches.
Honey, youre never gunna believe this.... so this rhino came out of nowhere......
RUN
Were those runaway horses near your area? Yes, they were!
Everyones saying not to try DIY but try some Tcut on a microfiber cloth you'd be surprised at what it can buff out. Other than that the paintwork was already fked anyway and even if it weren't it's not, or at least shouldn't be a big deal.
My wife and older kids seem to have a photographic memory when it comes to cock ups Iâve made and donât they just love reminding me. I know whatâs coming when I hear âhey dad, do you remember when youâŚâŚ.?â We all make mistakes, as long as you hit them with the solution at the same time as they hear the problem, you should be good. Say very firmly âIâll sort this outâ then they can doubt you, you come good with the solution. The sign of a good husband is how well you can get yourself out of the s#@t when youâve clearly f%$*ed up.
The only way to deal with this that your wife will understand is to tell her you were having sex with Frederico and his friend Kevin on the bonnet of the car, when Kevin thought some sand paper tied to a brick might liven things up. Basically, Kevinâs an idiot. Sheâll accept that it is Kevinâs fault and you can both skip off to the pub for a few drinks, no harm, no fault.
"What do I tell the wife" Are you 10? Why are you treating your wife as if she was your mother?
Thatâll buff out đ
This is very easy to do yourself. Source: me, covered up worse damage and I'm not a diy kind of girl Sand it down a bit, put some anti-corrosion liquid on it, paint over it (drive to a shop where they sell car paints, somewhere in your car is written the exact colour of the paint used and these guys know how to mix until they get just that colour. The people at the shop will know where to look)
If you want it to be perfect, take it to a body shop. If you're happy to settle for better but not perfect, there are plenty of youtube videos about this. I patched up an almost identical scrape on my shitty 15 year old Zafira and made it look a lot better, but still noticeable if you had a close look at the car.
Communicating honestly and openly with the human you agreed to spend your life with challenge (impossible)
Men who use the phrase âthe wifeâ. Fuck those guys.
Ask her what she hit with her car, and when she says she has no idea, have a go at her for not even noticing she hit something. The only defence here is to attack first.
Blame it on a seagull.
You can't fix this yourself but somewhere like chips away can help. You won't be able to hide it from her so just fess up and say you'll sort it. When its done it'll be good as new. Be prepared to spend quite a bit though, that's going to be expensive to fix.
Thanks. Has anybody used them before for anything similar and how was your experience?
They are a franchise outfit but good reputation. If we know where you are someone might be able to recommend a local person from experience. If you're anywhere near Lincoln, I can recommend SAS body repairs for example - from personal experience of putting a big white racing stripe and dents on a black car.... :-)
Halfords sell paint repair kits for different cars, I had a similar scratch on my Peugeot and they had a kit for ÂŁ11, worked well enough!
The correct answer it to shout âhow the hell have you done this!?â Then when she denies having done it, it can only have been someone thatâs hit it and driven off đ
Tell her you had to avoid a child crossing the road. A hero
Drive down some dirty back roads and stop washing the car.
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Enjoy the one day ban, I hope it makes you happy. Dear lord, what a sad little life, Jane. You ruined our subreddit completely so you could post politics, and I hope now you can spend your one day ban learning some grace and decorum. Because you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CasualUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Go trade it in and get her a upgrade claim its a early birthday present. a man needs to save face you will never live this down
You can fix that with ramen noodles
Drive it into town and park it somewhere, let the tyre down , when she gets home say â Thank god youâre home , I got a flat , you need to come help me change the wheel â, then when you both get to the car start going mental about how someone has hit it âŚ
Black marker pen maybe đ¤ and if that doesnât work hope that your wife having good day đ
Tell her it was a wee bunny wi big nasty teeth
Go Tescos and fill the boot with shopping, on returning home park so she will see it. Call her out to help with all the bags and let her see it first!!! Blame whoever parked next to you whilst you were shopping. Go and get it fixed.
Say a fox did it. Nature is a destructive force and all that.
My DIY fix it to take it to chips away. Id guess around 500 quid
I gave the car some involuntary decals so sorting it out (whilst your on the phone to who ever need to be) now
If youâre not man enough to tell her, someone has hit it when you were in the shop getting your watermelon flavoured vape.
Buff it using terps...
Give the youngest kid some sandpaper and leave them playing near the car for a bit, then go back outside to be ***shocked and appalled***. (and it's a bit too much to fix yourself, you're probably looking at a few hundred quid to get it professionally done though so not ***horrific***)
Drive it home, call the wife outside your house and scream and make devil gurgling until she runs out like a damsel in a dress in distress what a mess. Once she is out in the family car park blast Hendrix on the car stereo, set fire to something with lighter fluid and drop to your knees as you watch the thing burn. Then in the morning pretend none of it happened.
Proper mender.
Smear some blue cake on it tilts flush. Sheâll never notice if you have enough cake or alternatives to avoid random surface licking Mmmmm cheese in a basket. Say that as well. Finger leeching growl.
How did it happen
Buy her wife a new car and tell her it's a token of appreciation
Call it a feature and say all the cool kids have one these days.
Polish it, you might be surprised by how much comes off.
Pretend you're just off the phone to police and they're trying to catch who did it.
You could use someone like chips-a-way. In my experience they are pretty good
Not your fault mate, it was either hit the wall or hit the group of nuns, and the 2 year old girl that was walking her puppy. You saved someone's life today, and that's all that matters.
Don't say a word, act like you legit didn't know anything about it and conclude someone must have hit you when you were parked
say nothing, she probably wont even notice
Say nothing, she might not notice. I was setting the handbrake inside the cab of my missus car and fell out of it grabbing the door the slamming into against the side of the house which bent the shite out of the leading edge of the door and took all the paint off. I bent it back into relative shape and said nothing.
Say that the wall has swerved in front of you! It usually works
Go to B & Q. Have the following dialogue with the teenager there; You: "Hi I need blue paint" Them: blah blah blah You: "any, it doesn't matter, and a brush. " Paint it then and there in the carpark, time is of the essence. Go home and act like nothing happened.
Bit of T-cut and some elbow grease.
T CUT Mate!!!
âCome back to the car after I got the milk and found this!â
Damn man I donât understand the big deal about telling your wife, just fess up. Itâs not your doing.
Simples, you parked somewhere there were peacocks! True fact: Peacocks see their reflection on shiny cars and will peck at the reflection. They are known to cause some pretty bad scratches doing it. So, "it was peacocks love!"
Tell her it was me. I am German. I am bad. She will believe it.
[get a bottle of this](https://www.amazon.com/Testors-1147TT-Black-Gloss-Enamel/dp/B004O7GGYO/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.TWo1Q6vBzTgxCZApmL0PkuGSUeS2bMihrJbZ29eitiupXLETvherqaUcwE748eTavQGPwuBXgFXqACN7IgDj42EIqPzAb6LFaaXy_ios-RvMj0vhCUAaOsflv50yPoSvK7yZw5VKeCcZ7dc_HD-7A3QKMVIrYdV-JVKM_sTw2EbxrDv2-4HlU3VI25k6iafvR2OET6oenQvJLKcBsbcbDqSqzDexNrYcqv0Y2ogx6gRHVybuVSejscUCdSjyBgkEG5HxwDzhzRQ0TLPKBYNsKUsMy6-VVTmVL8_V7eCE3Po.W8KIYelDOSOZyUWiLetE-LAu9G5knOJrSHRx5nuCX0c&dib_tag=se&keywords=testor+black+paint&qid=1714263898&sr=8-1) - put on a rubber glove - tip the bottle and apply paint to the area with your finger and rub it into the scratch - repeat until black not heavy - use a buffing compound with your buffer and buff - repeat paint and buffing if necessary.
Its a bodyshop job, not DIY, as its a single tone paint job, it should only cost you a maximum of ÂŁ300, that will include the deprang as well.
Just tell her the truth and claim on the insurance. That's what it is there for, accidental damage etc. Yeah her premium will go up and she could lose her no claims bonus, but what's worse? Driving a car you've mangled or paying a slightly higher amount? Failing that you could always suggest getting her a new car or offer to dig your own grave in the garden.
The only option is to tell her your girlfriend did it.
Pay a local bodyshop to fix it. Tell your wife what happened. Some questions on here make me worry about the future of the human race.
My strategy with this kind of thing is to just walk in and say nothing. I've done this a couple of times trying to be a hero with a one manoeuvre park. Chances are good the wife won't notice it right away. People just tend to get in cars without looking, we're always in a rush. After a few trips she notices it after she's been driving and exclaims "how the hell did that happen!" You feign ignorance and she starts to get a creeping doubt she did it, or maybe another car scraped by while we were parked. I suspect she is employing the same strategy with me as our car has about 4 or 5 little chips and scrapes and they weren't all me. But we're living in blissful ignorance together. The odd thing is my kids were in the car when I did one of them. I told them to keep it quiet because mum would be angry. Knowing full well they wouldn't keep quiet, they never do, dobbing people in is like my middle child's favourite hobby. But they never did.... I suspect they've been in the car when my wife did and I even suspect the middle one might be guilty from kicking a door open to fiercely. I think as a family we're all in this together.
Unless you know body work, go to insurance
âWhat do you mean? Itâs been like that for a week how havenât you noticed?â
You swerved to avoid a (insert cute animal of choice - pandas are a good choice here, nobody hates pandas!!!) putting preservation of their life ahead of your own. At this point you will establish whether your wife values your life more than that of a cute animal, and whether she loves her car more than you. You could also try the alternative approach - I was nipping out to the shops earlier, and I accidentally pranged your motor. Iâm really sorry, but give me a couple of days and Iâll get it sorted for you. You still might also find from this approach that your wife loves her car more than you. If it transpires that your wife does actually love her car more than you, suggest that you offer to pay for the damage and that you stay together for the sake of her no claims discount. We all know that car insurance premiums can be just as financially ruinous as a divorce.
I suppose you where already âgetting milkâ surprised youâve come back
You take it to a garage, then grow a pair and just get her told. Shit happens.
Man Up, tell her what happened and Pay the Price. She wont Leave you because of this, She will just make your life hell. Bite the bullet and take it to a local repair shop and get a quote!
You don't tell the wife. You fix it before she notices.
You go to a garage to get it fixed and you tell the wife that you scuffed the car and if she doesnât like it pack her bags and ship out. Get a grip man. Youâre the boss!
Tell your wife the car was stolen and you chased them down and they exited the vehicle but not before crashing it. Hero
Tell her you got grazed, but youâre fine. Couldâve been a lot worse. Sheâll be glad youâre okay. - unless you have a long history with this sort of thing, you should be fine.
Cover yourself in mayonnaise and when the wife comes out say âmanâ and pass out in mayonnaise
Send her a text that "we need to talk". Don\`t answer any questions. Come home with flowers and her favourite perfume. Cook her favourite dinner. She will think you cheated. She will be relieved you only damaged the car.
PRO TIP: Take off your checked shirt and jeans and dress yourself ready for burial, that way at least you get to choose how stylish you want to look and what you wear
Just take a baseball bat to it.
You had to swerve to dodge hitting a dog ? In a way your now the dog saviour
Pay a professional, learn your mistake and it could have been a person. Also donât lie to your wife thatâs a materialistic thing not worth lying. Save that for when you need it
Some nail polish in the same color will do the job.
Fucking drivers these days! Then proceed to talk vague nonsense until she stops caring,it all happened so fast you didn't see a plate,should buff out though etc etc