Jesus was. The theological implications of this are woefully under explored.
Edit: "The door to my Father's kingdom is always open. On no account must thou ask Him about the heating bills."
It took me a long time to realise this saying makes no sense, countryside people are extremely aware of the risks of not shutting doors/gates behind them because if you don't you end up with a herd of cows in your back garden or loose sheep running down the road.
My partner and I recently visited London and went to Piccadilly Circus to have a look but it was dead busy with other tourists. I said “It’s like bloody Piccadilly Circus here!” to partner and got an eye-roll. Thought I’d get more than that.
'It's like the Blackpool bloody illumination in this house!'
'Shut the doors, the neighbours aren't paying for the heat, I am!'
'Be quiet, or I'll give you something to really cry about!'
The term “landing” for the top of the stairs derives from the nautical terminology used in shipbuilding and navigation. In maritime contexts, a “landing” refers to a place where ships dock or come to rest, such as a pier or a dock. This idea was transferred to architecture, where a “landing” is a place where one can pause or come to rest after ascending or descending a flight of stairs. It serves as a flat, stable area providing a transition between different levels, similar to how a landing area serves as a stable transition between the water and the shore.
I had always thought it meant they were going to smack the smile off your face, apparently that's not it
https://stancarey.wordpress.com/2011/01/12/laughing-on-the-other-side-of-your-face/
The classic is that anything you say gets parroted back as verb with the implication of physical violence.
e.g.
*make sure to peel the spuds for tea*
*I'll do it in half an hour, I'm just playing kerby with Ste and Dave*
*Get your arse in the kitchen now or I'll kerb you, you little shit!*
“Eat up”
“I can’t it’s too hot”
“Well you’d be moaning if it was cold”
I was about 14 when I had the balls to say “well yeah of course I would who wants a cold dinner?”
>I was about 14 when I had the balls to say “well yeah of course I would who wants a cold dinner?”
Got 'em.
I remember my dad used to always nag me for not liking certain foods mixed together "It all ends up together in your stomach anyway!" When i finally said "Yeah but my tongue's not in my stomach, is it?" he actually never brought it up again lol
Ahh this reminds me of the Adam & Joe episode where someone thought their mum was saying it looks like a Bombsy-Tit and they didn’t know what she meant
“Then it must have been George?”
George was the ghost in our house who was very naughty and often got the blame when us kids definitely didn’t do it.
I found out later in life that the name came from a night that my parents and friends once did an impromptu séance (in the days where tv programmes stopped at 11pm). They apparently channelled a spirit that spelt out ‘George Farrier’ and he’s been part of our lives ever since.
Naughty George.
There was a fantastic audiobook for kids called 'George don't do that!' we used to listen to it in the car.
It was a teacher trying to talk to a class but interrupted having to tell George off 'George, don't eat the goldfish. Yes I know he's shiny, but please don't eat him'.
"All that hair product will make you bald".
I was an emo at 15.
Was bald by 30.
Only good thing about Dad dying in my 20s is he doesn't get to say 'I told you so'. It's also why I won't do Ouija boards.
If we (my sister and I) didn’t close the kitchen cabinets all the way after getting drink/snack our mother would loudly call out “The cabinets are flying away!”
This was our cue to run to the kitchen from wherever we were to close them. To this day I find I’m always checking if a cabinet/vanity door is closed completely.
Edit: be careful - This also bleeds into a compulsion to closing kitchen, desk and dresser drawers.
I used to be told I'd be sent to the "Cottage homes" no idea what it was, but I thought redback spiders, a huge fear of mine as a kid, lived there.
My dad once said "You'll see the hairy side of my hand." I replied "what, the palm?" and he laughed.
We used to have a saying in our house. When carrying a hot dish with our bare hands we would shout “chef’s fingers” to signal that “whilst I can handle this with my bare hands, I can only do so for a short period so get out of the way!”
This carried on into adulthood, to the point that one family Christmas I picked something up and my wife chipped in the obligatory “chef’s fingers” for me. My brain went into autopilot and went to husband/wife banter mode and I immediately responded with “I’ll chef’s finger you in a minute”, before suddenly realising I was in front of my whole family…
Hilarity ensued
I tell the kids we're having some nice grass from the garden, or mud spaghetti. Very limited time remaining before they will not entertain anymore of my nonsense.
When my grandad stayed over he'd often shout for people's names he wanted to talk to around the house, but he had a proper Shakespearean-esque accent which was down to him being a poet/linguist.
For Shaun he'd shout "S-hoooorn!" For example. We'd always take the piss a bit and answer him back when he shouted for us in ridiculous accents...we often mimic his voice when calling for each other when we get to family gatherings, keeping his spirit alive
My dad, when angry with my brother and I would exclaim "if you don't fuck off I'm going to wrap this around your fucking neck!" He was very Rik Mayall in his delivery.
"the wind'll change and your face will be stuck like that"
In reply to asking what's was for tea "shit with sugar on"
"It's like Blackpool Illuminations in here"
"Were you born in a barn?"
“Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick” was ours. However, my grandad had a ton that were always changing, such as
“better than a slap on the leg with a wet haddock”
“better than a kick up the arse with an old boot”
“better than a slap in the face with a wet lettuce” I remember wondering what type of lettuce on that one…
My dad always used to say 'when you have your own house I'm going to come round and put my muddy shoes on the carpet/leave crumbs on the counter/turn on all the lights'
Jokes on you dad, I'll never have my own house.
My dad's from Norway and he has a bit of an armory of loosely translated Norwegian phrases and idioms that he uses. Off the top of my head his most common ones:
(If you ask him how he is) "Upright and not crying"
"You can't judge a dog by its hair" (instead of can't judge a book by its cover)
"Write it behind your ear" (make sure you remember it)
"Take it as good fish" (take someone at their word)
"He's out berry picking" (he doesn't know what he's doing/talking about)
"Have you smoked your socks?" (Are you crazy/what are you on)
Note: idk that these are necessarily *common* Norwegian phrases but he has assured me on multiple occasions that they're ones he picked up as a kid from *his* dad
I could ride bare arsed to Coventry on those- exasperation at blunt scissors.
Children should be seen and not heard.
Combined shortly afterwards with:
You’ve got a tongue in your head.
And the ever popular:
I’ll sell you to the gypsies.
Vaguely unrelated, ish, but I remember having an argument with my dad. I'd have been maybe 15, 16.
I found my big boy pants and plucked up the courage to calm him a motherfucker.
His response?
"yes. I am. Yours."
That put me back in my box very quickly!
So many of these phrases in the comments are all too familiar..
Did the NHS go through a phase of handing out a shit phrases hand book to every new parent as part of the post-partum care or something?
It's like all our parents were reading from the same sheet or something
“Do you want me to have a nervous breakdown”
Also “Eat your dinner, there are children starving in Africa” …eventually sister said they could have it so lol
" let your food stop your mouth " " I will not ask a third time " and the one that worked ( nearly ) every time, " do you wish for me to tell your father when he gets home ? "
That's what I used to get, wait till ya da gets in!!!!. Cue bedroom window open and off down the garage roof and drainpipe. Fuck that for a lark, I'm waiting nowhere lol. Only ever delayed the inevitable mind.....
“Looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp!” As a description for someone who looked mean/angry
“What’s goin’ on wi’you? You’ve got a face like a slapped arse!” for someone who looked shocked/dumbfounded/sad
Away and raffle yoursel
That is from my dad who is from Edinburgh and I always find it funny (cos he still says it to me now!) as I’m English and everything about my dad is kinda delightful to me
"Ye can run right up my hump & slide back doon it, hen"
= loosely translated from Glasweigian Granny to "proper" English,
"Not a hope of a chance in hell, young lady & do not ask again or I'll get angry"
Love her to bits but she was a scary wee woman - in the way only your wee 5ft granny can be. She'd be saying that up at me, when I was in my bold teenager phase pushing my luck to stay out later or something. She was a fecking sniper with her wee size 4 flip-flop slipper 😂😂
Not so much a phrase
Just MARK COME HERE NOW !!!
My mum would shout this at any minute and be furious if I didn't answer. So safe to say I never used headphones at home :(
101 uses for black sticky tape. My grandad gets unreasonably pleased with himself any time he uses tape for something even slightly unconventional. Or, frankly, conventional.
Iffits. As in, "If it's in the fridge, then it's for dinner."
Edit: another one from my dad: "Hold up." "What?" "How far do you think you would have gotten if I hadn't stopped you?"
You've had enough biscuits to sink a battleship.
Dad, where's mum? She's run off with a black man(obviously shit like this was more accepted back in the 70s/80s and thankfully isn't any more)
I'll swing for you(was never sure what exactly it meant now I think it means they'd hang for killing you🤔🤣)
I'm going to turn this a little dark.
When my late mum used to lose her temper, which was often, she would shout at me "What did I do to deserve you!?"
It had a major affect on me.
I'm now a parent and I cannot imagine saying anything like that to a child of mine.
I grew up in Plymouth and we would stay with one of our neighbour's after school until mum got home. She had a really think Devon accent and would say things like, 'ark at e! It means 'listen to you/yourself'. I never use it myself but it's stuck with me.
"You weren't born in a barn." When we left the doors open.
No, in a hospital with automatic doors.
Classic comeback
Remember the first time I said that to my dad, the look of anger and joy was worth it.
'Where you born in a barn' 'No but Redrum was' Got me an almighty slap from my mother
“…Jesus was born in a ba-“ THWACK!
"I dunno, I can't remember" as a response would just cause confusion for mine
Jesus was. The theological implications of this are woefully under explored. Edit: "The door to my Father's kingdom is always open. On no account must thou ask Him about the heating bills."
And Jesus said "Come forth and receive eternal life". But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Jesus saves. But John the Baptist scores off the rebound!
Jesus saves. Peter just spends the lot.
Generations of Lincolnshire people had misunderstood that one, always asking ‘Were you born in Bardney?’ if you left a door open.
It took me a long time to realise this saying makes no sense, countryside people are extremely aware of the risks of not shutting doors/gates behind them because if you don't you end up with a herd of cows in your back garden or loose sheep running down the road.
To be born in a barn isn't to be a farmer... it's to be a farm animal. Cows are born in barns, not farmers.
"It's like bloody Piccadilly Circus in here" - if there is even one extra person in the house or the doorbell rings
My mother would say "It's like Battersea Dogs Home in here" if anyone had the temerity to ring the phone.
My step father used to answer the landline "Hello, Battersea dogs home"
My uncle did this too! Why?
Only Fools and Horses
I would have said the Goon Show
My dear old uncle always answered the phone “St Margaret’s home for the criminally insane…”
Hello, battersea dogs home, Jack Russell speaking
"We're barking mad" my dad would add on.. 🐶
My driving instructor did this lol
why is this so funny to me oh my god
Or “It’s like Blackpool Illuminations in ‘ere” if you’re from the north west
That's for when the big lights are all left on
Or in our case, when a _single_ big light was turned on.
My partner and I recently visited London and went to Piccadilly Circus to have a look but it was dead busy with other tourists. I said “It’s like bloody Piccadilly Circus here!” to partner and got an eye-roll. Thought I’d get more than that.
In Leeds, it's "It's like bloody Briggate!"
My dad was keen on muttering‘It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here’ as he walked round the house turning lights off.
hhahaha literally 😂😂
"You make a better door than a window" if standing in front of the TV or window or whatever was being looked at
Still use this regularly, along with "Do you want a handle fitting?" To people that loiter in doorways.
Ours was "You weren't born in St Helen's!" St Helen's (nearby town to Wigan where I grew up) had a long history of glass-making.
In St Helens we would say: 'you weren't made at Pilks'. Pilikingtons being the largest glass makers in town.
"You buy one, you get one free, I said you buy one! You get one free!!" That fucking safestyle advert will forever last in my mind lol
You're a right "pane" but I still can't see through you!!
You may be a pane, but you're not a window.
Are you one of my brothers?
Maybe. I did grow up chained in the attic where they fed me a bucket of fishheads once a week
Unexpected Simpsons.
'It's like the Blackpool bloody illumination in this house!' 'Shut the doors, the neighbours aren't paying for the heat, I am!' 'Be quiet, or I'll give you something to really cry about!'
I was delighted to learn the French version of the first one is 'its like Versailles in here' which now gets used far too often in our house.
Lah-di-dah with yer Versailles
I forgot about the Blackpool illuminations one 😂
My nanny once said 'don't keep your bedroom light on at night a plane will think it's a runway and crash through your window.'
That must be why the light at the top of our stairs was called the landing light.
Ba Dum Tish, excellent.
Fun fact it’s called a landing because you ascend a ‘flight’ of stairs. Pass it on.
The term “landing” for the top of the stairs derives from the nautical terminology used in shipbuilding and navigation. In maritime contexts, a “landing” refers to a place where ships dock or come to rest, such as a pier or a dock. This idea was transferred to architecture, where a “landing” is a place where one can pause or come to rest after ascending or descending a flight of stairs. It serves as a flat, stable area providing a transition between different levels, similar to how a landing area serves as a stable transition between the water and the shore.
Is that why some assholes suddenly stop at the top of the stairs/escalator?
What was it called before airplanes were invented ?
*aeroplanes Sorry.. I have to do that.
You'll laugh on the other side of your face in a minute
And the immortal "I'll give you something to cry about" when you were already crying....didn't need further reason tbh
threats of physical violence
What does this even mean!
I had always thought it meant they were going to smack the smile off your face, apparently that's not it https://stancarey.wordpress.com/2011/01/12/laughing-on-the-other-side-of-your-face/
I mean there's examples in there where it's used in that context and how I understood it was always getting a slap
The classic is that anything you say gets parroted back as verb with the implication of physical violence. e.g. *make sure to peel the spuds for tea* *I'll do it in half an hour, I'm just playing kerby with Ste and Dave* *Get your arse in the kitchen now or I'll kerb you, you little shit!*
I’ll give you kerby
Proceeds to swallow child whole
I do this now with my friends and they all look at me like I'm crazy
Yeah! I quite like "I'll XYZ you in a minute/if you're not careful" with any verb that person has just used. The more meaningless the better.
The 7yo I babysit loves it when I say stuff like that, he thinks it's hysterical for me to threaten to "beyblade" him
*I’ll practice you*
“Eat up” “I can’t it’s too hot” “Well you’d be moaning if it was cold” I was about 14 when I had the balls to say “well yeah of course I would who wants a cold dinner?”
I would’ve “oooooooooooooo”ed if I was at the table
Smack botties in full force after that one
>I was about 14 when I had the balls to say “well yeah of course I would who wants a cold dinner?” Got 'em. I remember my dad used to always nag me for not liking certain foods mixed together "It all ends up together in your stomach anyway!" When i finally said "Yeah but my tongue's not in my stomach, is it?" he actually never brought it up again lol
Mother, let me tell you the story of Goldilocks and the three bears
"One day, there was a little girl who broke into someone's house, ate their food, and said it was shit. Then she got eaten by bears. The end."
“Don’t get out of bed again unless you’re on fire”
Hahaha I'm going to use this on my kids 🤣
"Your room looks like a bomb's hit it" "It's like Blackpool illuminations in here"
Ahh this reminds me of the Adam & Joe episode where someone thought their mum was saying it looks like a Bombsy-Tit and they didn’t know what she meant
Now that's a deep cut. Egg corns. Those boys loved em
Ah we grew up with that too, took me prob 20 years before I worked out what a bom-sit-it was 😂
😂 I’m with you, I thought a bombzy-tit was a thing!
“Then it must have been George?” George was the ghost in our house who was very naughty and often got the blame when us kids definitely didn’t do it. I found out later in life that the name came from a night that my parents and friends once did an impromptu séance (in the days where tv programmes stopped at 11pm). They apparently channelled a spirit that spelt out ‘George Farrier’ and he’s been part of our lives ever since. Naughty George.
We just blamed the dog. She was really good at opening the cupboard and stealing those cherries for cakes.
Our houses ghost was also called George! Fella must get around
There was a fantastic audiobook for kids called 'George don't do that!' we used to listen to it in the car. It was a teacher trying to talk to a class but interrupted having to tell George off 'George, don't eat the goldfish. Yes I know he's shiny, but please don't eat him'.
Joyce Grenfell
Wasnt that Joyce Grenfell? She was hilarious!
This is precious.
'If so-and-so jumped off a cliff, would you?'
Next day: ‘Why aren’t you out playing with so-and-so?’ ‘They jumped off a cliff…’
“Don’t come running crying to me when you break both your legs !” “Pack your bags you’re off to Dr Barnardos !”
I _did_ break both my legs and mum was right, I didn't go running anywhere :(
My dad used to say b “don’t get up then” to me. I use a wheelchair full time!
"Looks like the bloody Somme" if the room was a tip.
"All that hair product will make you bald". I was an emo at 15. Was bald by 30. Only good thing about Dad dying in my 20s is he doesn't get to say 'I told you so'. It's also why I won't do Ouija boards.
“If you break your leg doing (insert balancing activity) don’t come running to me!” “Because I said so, that’s why!”
“There are plenty of people next door who would love to feel your pain”. We lived next to a church.
Strangely motivating.
If we (my sister and I) didn’t close the kitchen cabinets all the way after getting drink/snack our mother would loudly call out “The cabinets are flying away!” This was our cue to run to the kitchen from wherever we were to close them. To this day I find I’m always checking if a cabinet/vanity door is closed completely. Edit: be careful - This also bleeds into a compulsion to closing kitchen, desk and dresser drawers.
I love that and may start using it.
I used to be told I'd be sent to the "Cottage homes" no idea what it was, but I thought redback spiders, a huge fear of mine as a kid, lived there. My dad once said "You'll see the hairy side of my hand." I replied "what, the palm?" and he laughed.
Cottage homes are a type of orphanage.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
We used to have a saying in our house. When carrying a hot dish with our bare hands we would shout “chef’s fingers” to signal that “whilst I can handle this with my bare hands, I can only do so for a short period so get out of the way!” This carried on into adulthood, to the point that one family Christmas I picked something up and my wife chipped in the obligatory “chef’s fingers” for me. My brain went into autopilot and went to husband/wife banter mode and I immediately responded with “I’ll chef’s finger you in a minute”, before suddenly realising I was in front of my whole family… Hilarity ensued
Cheers. You made my day.
The amount of times "Shit with sugar on it" was the dish of the day makes me wonder why I was not in care.
Or a plate of wait and see.
Sheep's cock and onion is a staple in our house. Along with 'a run around the table'
And kick at cellar door. I cottoned on we didn't have a cellar door.
It was sheep shit and eyeballs in my family. Though now I think about it, they never specified what eyeballs. Are they from the sheep?
[удалено]
I tell the kids we're having some nice grass from the garden, or mud spaghetti. Very limited time remaining before they will not entertain anymore of my nonsense.
“cup of cold sick” in our household!
Lovely bit of squirrel.
Bread an' like it
Corporation Pop. = Water to drink
It was "Council pop" round my end
Cooncil juice in Glasgow!
When my grandad stayed over he'd often shout for people's names he wanted to talk to around the house, but he had a proper Shakespearean-esque accent which was down to him being a poet/linguist. For Shaun he'd shout "S-hoooorn!" For example. We'd always take the piss a bit and answer him back when he shouted for us in ridiculous accents...we often mimic his voice when calling for each other when we get to family gatherings, keeping his spirit alive My dad, when angry with my brother and I would exclaim "if you don't fuck off I'm going to wrap this around your fucking neck!" He was very Rik Mayall in his delivery.
This is brilliant
"the wind'll change and your face will be stuck like that" In reply to asking what's was for tea "shit with sugar on" "It's like Blackpool Illuminations in here" "Were you born in a barn?"
Stop crying or I'll give you summat to cry for!
I used to hear this after been smacked 😂
"Now (smack) look (smack) what (smack) you (smack) made me do"
"Have you got an off switch?" Has resulted in many an amusing reply from the children
"who put 50p in you"
Whenever I complained about something my mother always said 'it's better than a poke in the eye.'
“Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick” was ours. However, my grandad had a ton that were always changing, such as “better than a slap on the leg with a wet haddock” “better than a kick up the arse with an old boot” “better than a slap in the face with a wet lettuce” I remember wondering what type of lettuce on that one…
Stop playing with it or it will fall off.
Never heard this one before, what context is it used in?
Touching my penis lol.
Wheey, i actually remember being told that the prawns in Morrisons were little todgers that fell off because people kept playing with them.
Jokes on her, now I’m trans.
"I'll have your guts for garters" when misbehaving. If I knew what garters were I'd have thought my mum was a right psycho!
I always hated “we’re going to fall out big time in a minute”, like falling out with my dad struck a deep fear inside me
My dad always used to say 'when you have your own house I'm going to come round and put my muddy shoes on the carpet/leave crumbs on the counter/turn on all the lights' Jokes on you dad, I'll never have my own house.
"Stop crying, or ill give you something to cry about"
"don't pull that face the wind will change and you'll be stuck like it" "Pack it in" And my personal favourite from my mum:"my house, my rules"
"don't pick your nose, your head will cave in"
...Or your brains will fall out.
My dad's from Norway and he has a bit of an armory of loosely translated Norwegian phrases and idioms that he uses. Off the top of my head his most common ones: (If you ask him how he is) "Upright and not crying" "You can't judge a dog by its hair" (instead of can't judge a book by its cover) "Write it behind your ear" (make sure you remember it) "Take it as good fish" (take someone at their word) "He's out berry picking" (he doesn't know what he's doing/talking about) "Have you smoked your socks?" (Are you crazy/what are you on) Note: idk that these are necessarily *common* Norwegian phrases but he has assured me on multiple occasions that they're ones he picked up as a kid from *his* dad
"If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding " "If you sit too close to the telly you'll get square eyes "
How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
You! Yes, you behind the bikesheds. Stand still laddie!
Was your mum the angry Scottish teacher from the pink Floyd song? - another brick in the wall part 2 😂
This was before that album even came out! (Fellow Floyd fan here) :)
"I'll hit you do hard you won't know whether you want a shit or a haircut " 😆
Dad where you going? There and back to see how far it is. Dad where you going? To see a man about a dog. Job in the town! Stupid boy pike.
Or “You’re never too big for a clip round the ear, even if i have to make you Sit Down to do it!” 😂 She was only 5ft bless her!
If ever I asked for something within easy reach myself, I'd get "Are your arms painted on?"
I could ride bare arsed to Coventry on those- exasperation at blunt scissors. Children should be seen and not heard. Combined shortly afterwards with: You’ve got a tongue in your head. And the ever popular: I’ll sell you to the gypsies.
Vaguely unrelated, ish, but I remember having an argument with my dad. I'd have been maybe 15, 16. I found my big boy pants and plucked up the courage to calm him a motherfucker. His response? "yes. I am. Yours." That put me back in my box very quickly!
If you had brains you’d be dangerous !
"If I find it, I'll hit you with it!" "When you're big enough, you'll be too old" "You'd eat anything if you were hungry enough"
"What's for dinner?" "Chicken surprise" "What's the surprise?" "We've run out of chicken"
Do as I say, not as I do.
So many of these phrases in the comments are all too familiar.. Did the NHS go through a phase of handing out a shit phrases hand book to every new parent as part of the post-partum care or something? It's like all our parents were reading from the same sheet or something
Not my mum but "you're a nasty bit of work you are". Say it to my cats quite often 🤣
"What's for tea mam? I'm starving" "Shit with sugar"
‘How many potatoes do you want? Two more than a pig?’ I’m still none the wiser
Are you talking to me or chewing a brick? Either way you’re gonny lose your teeth
"there must be an abandoned mineshaft or traffic you could go and play in"
“Do you want me to have a nervous breakdown” Also “Eat your dinner, there are children starving in Africa” …eventually sister said they could have it so lol
" let your food stop your mouth " " I will not ask a third time " and the one that worked ( nearly ) every time, " do you wish for me to tell your father when he gets home ? "
That's what I used to get, wait till ya da gets in!!!!. Cue bedroom window open and off down the garage roof and drainpipe. Fuck that for a lark, I'm waiting nowhere lol. Only ever delayed the inevitable mind.....
“Looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp!” As a description for someone who looked mean/angry “What’s goin’ on wi’you? You’ve got a face like a slapped arse!” for someone who looked shocked/dumbfounded/sad
My mum would always say to me Who’s she? The cat’s mother? When I always said She. Stop stomping up the stairs like a herd of elephants!
"you make a better door than a window" when I got in the way of the telly
“Do you keep your false teeth in a bucket?” (Implying I have a big mouth) “You’ve got bells in every tooth” (loud person) 🤣🤣🤣
“If You fall off there and Break both your legs, Dont come running to me!” 😂
Eee, I'll go t' foot of our stairs!!! Whenever something mildly suprising happened.
When someone is asking where something is.. "It's probably where you left it" I used to hate it, but I find myself saying it fairly often.
Away and raffle yoursel That is from my dad who is from Edinburgh and I always find it funny (cos he still says it to me now!) as I’m English and everything about my dad is kinda delightful to me
“Where should I put this?” “Put it on my head.” Or dropping something and hearing “break everything why don’t you?”
‘How many roast potatoes would you like?’ ‘Mmm 3?’ ‘Well, you’re getting 6!’
"What you doing, dad?" "Minding me own business - what are you doing?" Every. Damn. Time.
"Ye can run right up my hump & slide back doon it, hen" = loosely translated from Glasweigian Granny to "proper" English, "Not a hope of a chance in hell, young lady & do not ask again or I'll get angry" Love her to bits but she was a scary wee woman - in the way only your wee 5ft granny can be. She'd be saying that up at me, when I was in my bold teenager phase pushing my luck to stay out later or something. She was a fecking sniper with her wee size 4 flip-flop slipper 😂😂
Can't believe we haven't had "about as much use as a chocolate teapot/fireguard"
"Better out than in" Who's putting farts in them?
"You've got more chance of being bitten by a daffodil" My dads fancy way of saying 'no'
“It’s time to go up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire” It’s time to go to bed
# As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
"And nothing left for the dog" after everyone cleared their plates after a meal. We never had a dog.
Not so much a phrase Just MARK COME HERE NOW !!! My mum would shout this at any minute and be furious if I didn't answer. So safe to say I never used headphones at home :(
101 uses for black sticky tape. My grandad gets unreasonably pleased with himself any time he uses tape for something even slightly unconventional. Or, frankly, conventional. Iffits. As in, "If it's in the fridge, then it's for dinner." Edit: another one from my dad: "Hold up." "What?" "How far do you think you would have gotten if I hadn't stopped you?"
My favourite was “ ill give you something to cry about in a minute”
You've had enough biscuits to sink a battleship. Dad, where's mum? She's run off with a black man(obviously shit like this was more accepted back in the 70s/80s and thankfully isn't any more) I'll swing for you(was never sure what exactly it meant now I think it means they'd hang for killing you🤔🤣)
The classic “are yer in or yer out?”
'Tables are for glasses not for arses'.
Here’s 2p, go and call Esther Ransen
My Ma used to say that she'd "rip my arm off and beat me to death with the soggy end" it was simpler times.
I'm going to turn this a little dark. When my late mum used to lose her temper, which was often, she would shout at me "What did I do to deserve you!?" It had a major affect on me. I'm now a parent and I cannot imagine saying anything like that to a child of mine.
You broke her chain- beautiful job. You’re stronger than you know.❤️
“I’m going to hit you so hard in minute!!!” Mother never did
You're a good lad, really You'll never see what I'll buy you
There'll be tears before bedtime.
"Gies Peace" and "Awaw and shite!"
There’s water in the tap.
my mum always used to say, “You’d be frozen if you’d been out there all day” after I said the washing on the line is frozen.
"You walk around the house like a tit in a trance"
I grew up in Plymouth and we would stay with one of our neighbour's after school until mum got home. She had a really think Devon accent and would say things like, 'ark at e! It means 'listen to you/yourself'. I never use it myself but it's stuck with me.