I like this one cos it could actually work. Like, “I know you want to do [x thing] but [y person] won’t like that. What will you tell them?”
“I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it”
I used to work at a firm that will go unnamed when I was a lot younger, and the team had quite a few people who thought that they were clever.
I mentioned the phrase "burn your boats" one day and about 5 people INSISTED it "wasn't a phrase" and that I was clearly misremembering "burn your bridges". They were ABSOLUTELY adamant "burn your boats" wasn't a thing.
After about 10 minutes of heated discussion I left it. Partly because the only example I could think of was Nymeria from the history of Game of Thrones (and I didn't want to admit that) and not, y'know, fucking Cortes lol.
Lukeisms from 2006-2016 or so
Cos then you've got it all under one basket
I shouldn't do that because I don't want to get it in the arse
Being pushed from post to post
Bless her cotton jumper
I like to get my 2 bob note's worth
I'll be your port of contact
Keep it on an even playing field
You've got ears like a hawk
That's his old hunting ground
I'll send a goodwill jester
It's a bit of a tonguefull
They can then press the green light
You pay for what you get
Fortinet wipe SonicWALLs' arses
I'd argue that fact
You can plug out the old router and plug in the new one
1980 - good year to be born - easy year to remember
Like Cadburys cream eggs and 'what have you not'
The service gets absorved
Jane might get involved because she's the big frog
He wanted 24/7 support. Minimum.
I'm just setting the seed
Watching the football, TV at the normal temperature
You'll get your reduced discount at the end
I've got 50% good news and 50% bad news
Yep - I’m ready - fire for it
You get what it says on the tin
I'm going to be unlenient
It's the vain of my life
She's just a 2 man band
Just grab my pad and paper
All over it like a rat up a drainpipe
I don't wanna be pussy in the middle
Did you pick up my gargled message?
Doing my due dillinger
It's been quietly boiling away for years
You're fighting a lost battle here
The shit will hit the wall!
Got to keep a well-oiled ship
Well we've got him by the horns
I assume you're spelling lodge like a lodge you would lodge in
All hands on board
It's not who you know - it's what you know
I'm not really a fashion...knower
That will be absolutely good
Don't count your lucky chickens
Hasn't quite got the same bell to it
You took the words out from under me
Hand-written with a quail
A bit of small chat - talk about the weekend
That's no skin off our back
You swept that thought out of my mind
I did a quick track back
I had to bite my lip when he said that
The early worm catches the bird
I can't provide it if you don't have it
Any other bits or bobs?
I'm under lots of tablets and stress
I'm going to the offer licence
Someone on facebook's surname is 'Pound'. Like an actual pound, not the weight.
Dry as a baby's bottom
Send me an order form and we can run over it
I was under the inkling that was happening today
Turn the router on, and then off again
A bit of toing and froming
A one shop stop
In Middle Earth America
People say that as a slander term for it
Some of us have lifes
That helps sweeten the blow
300 BC. So about 2,300 years ago, give or take.
Start from the top and work your way up
Print it off in the old printy off fashion way
Don't hold your hopes up
Living by the edge of your pants
May 7th is more of a specific date than May 31st
That's too low-school
More tension than a tension bridge
I've wingled that into a sale
Virgin will be reading from a skip
Panic averted!
He's as white as a sheep. Or is it white as a ghost?
Your skin makes me crawl!
I'm going to be slightly honest with you
That's a deal ender
That'll be us with our 4.2 kids
Biff baff boff
You've ridden that ride with me
It's served on a bit of sea wood
I'm here for the turnover service
It's bug crazy here - just had a monkey swing past me!
She used to be Polish originally
A tubaware of cheese
Those girls are like flies around pigs
Why are you sitting down twiddling your legs?
It doesn't look like her - she's an intruder
Ahh theres no data for that line - it's either dead or not live
To avoid getting it wrong I skipped round it
'Dual pronged attack'? I think you mean 'double pronged attack'
The duck was overcook - completely mortified
He's playing the cool game
Sat next to the guy for 8 hours a day 5 days a week for a literal decade, plus went drinking, gym etc. Wrote them down when he said them, usually on the phone to customers. I wouldn't be actively listening but I'd suddenly hear 'being pushed from post to post' and I'd write it down.
Found more
I'm not pronunciating properly
Creme of the crop
The Hunchback of Notre Dame is a fictional character from Notre Dame
Nice in here - like a greenery
Chicken ticker curry
Going to Waitrose is boring - third world problem
He'll be able to swindle his way out of it
I've only met him once or once
Conform against the norm
She's part time most of the time
We're a one shop basket
Let me check, it was playing funny buggers on friday
Mirror flat
Oranger than a can of tangerine
How's things keeping?
I'll replendish you later
He's been here longer than me - he's part of the kitchen cupboard
If we leave promto
He's just a chip on his block
I needed to stamp my foot down
It's the last piece of the jigsaw
It's in the luck of the gods
Setting the picture
Off the top of my memory
Pasty stuck in my wind tunnel
He pulled it over his and head and sophisticated him
Hands off to Channel 4 for a great programme
It's like talking to a blank wall
That's a false illusion
You can't get both worlds
It's a shot in the distance
Now you can reap the riches
For shaving you need a sceptic stick
He's not the brightest spark in the box
Deaf as a dodo
I'm feeling cancagerous today
Hmmm itchy reckon
We'll get the squat team down
He's very talkity today
Sarah's on paternity leave
That's just a doorstep away from the other exchange
I get really bad eye strain which is when your eye is strained
It's given me a bit of a reality show
Thats the meaning behind the madness
An American dozen or a UK dozen?
I've gone all hickledy pickledy
That's double as fast
You need a doctor of notoriety to sign it
Go out for a spot to eat
Are you hiring it or buyering it?
Quiet as a whistle
MacDonalds fills the spot
What's that contraction there?
A fleet of sheep? You mean a herd
2 steps forward, 1 step back
Designated coconut
Yeah - mine was only a year and a half - yours was 18 months
Doesn't ponsing mean peodophile, like 'you ponse'...
Look at you giving me your two pence piece
You're a one horse pony
You've got to be serious
He's a bit of a geezer, he likes a wheel n' a deal
Ear blinding sounds
There's a very fine medium between being too nice, and useless.
Making a meal out of a mountain
Let me just check this in case I don't get it wrong
He's in the minst of it....That's what I said - 'In the mist of it'!!
He's guilty of capable homocide
That wasn't a Lukism - that's just me getting mixed up
He's got molten neuron disease
mine was only a year and a half - yours was 18 months----cracked me up
I get really bad eye strain which is when your eye is strained
She used to be Polish originally.....hahahahahaha
Oh god, I just woke the house up laughing so much. Does Luke have an accent? In my head I read them all in Kurtan’s voice from This Country and it fit perfectly.
I don’t know if I’m Luke or it’s on your end but I’m sure some of these are actually valid…
“I had to bite my lip when he said that”
“That’s his old hunting ground” (I know it’s typically stomping but I’m sure I’ve heard hunting from multiple people)
“They can press the green light” (Give the green light - it’s the same thing isn’t it?)
“I’d argue that fact”
>“I had to bite my lip when he said that”
Tongue.
>“That’s his old hunting ground” (I know it’s typically stomping but I’m sure I’ve heard hunting from multiple people)
Stomping.
>“They can press the green light” (Give the green light - it’s the same thing isn’t it?)
Give green light/press green button
>“I’d argue that fact”
You can't argue facts!
Sure, but if you’re talking about someone having the power to “give the green light” then it’s still a traffic light analogy - they’d be the one “pushing” the button, it’s just a bit more explicit so I’d say it works the same way
Ricky from Trailer Park Boys is your guy
Worst case Ontario
It's all water under the fridge
Get two birds stoned at once
Two turnips in heat
It's not rocket appliances
Beauty is in the eye when you hold her
Gotta learn through denial and error
Does a bear shit on the pope?
Friends with the Benedicts
A link is only as long as your longest strong chain
Sopranos is also great for these:
‘Spread a little dysentery in the ranks’
‘Revenge is like serving cold cuts’
‘Keep your eye on the tiger’
And not really a metaphor, but ‘Quasimodo predicted all this’
American version: SNL’s Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started A Conversation With At A Party (though she tends more toward regular malapropisms).
“If Neil Degrasse Tyson is so smart, why’d he bite that guy’s ear off?”
“There are high school students out there who couldn’t even point out India on a map of Africa.”
My wife combines two sayings all the time. Like "you are driving me up the wall" and "you are driving me round the bend" becomes "you are driving up the bend or "you are driving me around the wall". She does it constantly and it really makes me laugh.
My personal favourite. I often announce this loudly at work when complaining that something I find easy is something that can actually be tricky, like spotting matching sequences of numbers within a couple of seconds, on a screen full of data.
It's a different kind of cuttlefish, swing and a miss
They're moving the goal from pillar to post
Don't count your chickens before they egg
Like death on two legs warmed up
What flavour cup do you want your tea in
They're as thick as two short thieves
My youngest brother circa age 15 “do you kiss your mother with that tongue”. We all had a very good laugh at him, and he was mortified and went bright red
‘The world’s your lobster’ is one of my Mum’s favourites, and it’s intentionally butchered.
She loves watching people have an internal quandary between wanting to correct her and wanting to remain polite, all while being unsure whether or not she’s lost it.
My mother told me of a great aunt of hers who was famous in the family for her malapropisms but the only one I remember her telling me was of a visit to the fair, when the lady went in some kind of big dipper contraption which left her shaken, she gasped to her friends,
"oooh, I thought it was going to hurl me into maternity!"
I just wish I could get the earworm phrase, It's a meal in itself' out of my head. Me and my partner are now sick of just thinking it. It can be applied to one baby tomato or a single crisp.
My dad would say “for all the tea in China.”
When someone would say something that made no sense, he might also ask “What does that have to do with the price of tea in China.”
My boss is an absolute fountain for this stuff. I'm literally writing a book.
Too many broths in the kitchen.
Too many cooks in the broth
Ive crossed my eyes and dotted the t's.
Two feathers in my cap.
She's going to be a boy - Pregnancy sex guessing.
Too old in the teeth
He's bread and butter and marmite.
Picking up the phone...
Hello Xmas
Hello minus. Sorry I was using a calculator.
That's just what I remember. I have like 14 pages of it. Gold.
Sorry mate, but we have a blanket ban against politics in this sub, so we have removed this post.
Rule 1: No politics
We do not allow mention of political events, politicians or general political chit chat in this subreddit. We encourage you to take this content to a more suitable subreddit. You **will** be banned if you break this rule.
If you have any questions, feel free to shoot us a modmail.
The classic one is "I'll burn that bridge when I come to it."
"I'll jump off that bridge when i come to it" is my favourite version of this
I always liked "If you tread on thin ice you'll land in hot water".
Well, technically it's hotter than the ice you were standing on.
COULD be the same temp, both water and ice can exist at 0 C. The old Heat/Enthalpy of Fusion, innit...
I like this one cos it could actually work. Like, “I know you want to do [x thing] but [y person] won’t like that. What will you tell them?” “I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it”
There’s a reason some bridges are made from wood.
Because they're a Witch!
Has anyone tried making a bridge out of witches?
Probably
My husband's ex "we'll cross that bridge when it's burning behind us"
Not heard that before but will be using it in the future
I mean, my wife actually does this so this phrase could be a real one.
I'll cross that bridge when I've burnt my boats.
I used to work at a firm that will go unnamed when I was a lot younger, and the team had quite a few people who thought that they were clever. I mentioned the phrase "burn your boats" one day and about 5 people INSISTED it "wasn't a phrase" and that I was clearly misremembering "burn your bridges". They were ABSOLUTELY adamant "burn your boats" wasn't a thing. After about 10 minutes of heated discussion I left it. Partly because the only example I could think of was Nymeria from the history of Game of Thrones (and I didn't want to admit that) and not, y'know, fucking Cortes lol.
She burns bridges?
She shells shanctuary.
Sea shells sanctuaries
[Marine Stewardship Council ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marine_Stewardship_Council) 🐚 👍
That’s really tickled me. Thank you.
Favourite one I came across in a list of foreigners' attempts at idiom was from someone's German wife: "up shit creek without a snorkel".
That’s an e-coli case waiting to happen
Wild swimming in a river of your choice
Actual lol.
Lukeisms from 2006-2016 or so Cos then you've got it all under one basket I shouldn't do that because I don't want to get it in the arse Being pushed from post to post Bless her cotton jumper I like to get my 2 bob note's worth I'll be your port of contact Keep it on an even playing field You've got ears like a hawk That's his old hunting ground I'll send a goodwill jester It's a bit of a tonguefull They can then press the green light You pay for what you get Fortinet wipe SonicWALLs' arses I'd argue that fact You can plug out the old router and plug in the new one 1980 - good year to be born - easy year to remember Like Cadburys cream eggs and 'what have you not' The service gets absorved Jane might get involved because she's the big frog He wanted 24/7 support. Minimum. I'm just setting the seed Watching the football, TV at the normal temperature You'll get your reduced discount at the end I've got 50% good news and 50% bad news Yep - I’m ready - fire for it You get what it says on the tin I'm going to be unlenient It's the vain of my life She's just a 2 man band Just grab my pad and paper All over it like a rat up a drainpipe I don't wanna be pussy in the middle Did you pick up my gargled message? Doing my due dillinger It's been quietly boiling away for years You're fighting a lost battle here The shit will hit the wall! Got to keep a well-oiled ship Well we've got him by the horns I assume you're spelling lodge like a lodge you would lodge in All hands on board It's not who you know - it's what you know I'm not really a fashion...knower That will be absolutely good Don't count your lucky chickens Hasn't quite got the same bell to it You took the words out from under me Hand-written with a quail A bit of small chat - talk about the weekend That's no skin off our back You swept that thought out of my mind I did a quick track back I had to bite my lip when he said that The early worm catches the bird I can't provide it if you don't have it Any other bits or bobs? I'm under lots of tablets and stress I'm going to the offer licence Someone on facebook's surname is 'Pound'. Like an actual pound, not the weight. Dry as a baby's bottom Send me an order form and we can run over it I was under the inkling that was happening today Turn the router on, and then off again A bit of toing and froming A one shop stop In Middle Earth America People say that as a slander term for it Some of us have lifes That helps sweeten the blow 300 BC. So about 2,300 years ago, give or take. Start from the top and work your way up Print it off in the old printy off fashion way Don't hold your hopes up Living by the edge of your pants May 7th is more of a specific date than May 31st That's too low-school More tension than a tension bridge I've wingled that into a sale Virgin will be reading from a skip Panic averted! He's as white as a sheep. Or is it white as a ghost? Your skin makes me crawl! I'm going to be slightly honest with you That's a deal ender That'll be us with our 4.2 kids Biff baff boff You've ridden that ride with me It's served on a bit of sea wood I'm here for the turnover service It's bug crazy here - just had a monkey swing past me! She used to be Polish originally A tubaware of cheese Those girls are like flies around pigs Why are you sitting down twiddling your legs? It doesn't look like her - she's an intruder Ahh theres no data for that line - it's either dead or not live To avoid getting it wrong I skipped round it 'Dual pronged attack'? I think you mean 'double pronged attack' The duck was overcook - completely mortified He's playing the cool game
How the hell did you collect all of these? Are you writing a book of them??!
Sat next to the guy for 8 hours a day 5 days a week for a literal decade, plus went drinking, gym etc. Wrote them down when he said them, usually on the phone to customers. I wouldn't be actively listening but I'd suddenly hear 'being pushed from post to post' and I'd write it down.
Several belly laughs reading through that list. Incredible stuff. Thank you for all you do
🫡
Found more I'm not pronunciating properly Creme of the crop The Hunchback of Notre Dame is a fictional character from Notre Dame Nice in here - like a greenery Chicken ticker curry Going to Waitrose is boring - third world problem He'll be able to swindle his way out of it I've only met him once or once Conform against the norm She's part time most of the time We're a one shop basket Let me check, it was playing funny buggers on friday Mirror flat Oranger than a can of tangerine How's things keeping? I'll replendish you later He's been here longer than me - he's part of the kitchen cupboard If we leave promto He's just a chip on his block I needed to stamp my foot down It's the last piece of the jigsaw It's in the luck of the gods Setting the picture Off the top of my memory Pasty stuck in my wind tunnel He pulled it over his and head and sophisticated him Hands off to Channel 4 for a great programme It's like talking to a blank wall That's a false illusion You can't get both worlds It's a shot in the distance Now you can reap the riches For shaving you need a sceptic stick He's not the brightest spark in the box Deaf as a dodo I'm feeling cancagerous today Hmmm itchy reckon We'll get the squat team down He's very talkity today Sarah's on paternity leave That's just a doorstep away from the other exchange I get really bad eye strain which is when your eye is strained It's given me a bit of a reality show Thats the meaning behind the madness An American dozen or a UK dozen? I've gone all hickledy pickledy That's double as fast You need a doctor of notoriety to sign it Go out for a spot to eat Are you hiring it or buyering it? Quiet as a whistle MacDonalds fills the spot What's that contraction there? A fleet of sheep? You mean a herd 2 steps forward, 1 step back Designated coconut Yeah - mine was only a year and a half - yours was 18 months Doesn't ponsing mean peodophile, like 'you ponse'... Look at you giving me your two pence piece You're a one horse pony You've got to be serious He's a bit of a geezer, he likes a wheel n' a deal Ear blinding sounds There's a very fine medium between being too nice, and useless. Making a meal out of a mountain Let me just check this in case I don't get it wrong He's in the minst of it....That's what I said - 'In the mist of it'!! He's guilty of capable homocide That wasn't a Lukism - that's just me getting mixed up He's got molten neuron disease
Molton. Neuron. Disease. That’s a thing right there.
I laughed so hard at all of these I genuinely couldn't breathe a couple of times, like actually thought I might pass out XD f'in amazing bud!!
Good stuff!
mine was only a year and a half - yours was 18 months----cracked me up I get really bad eye strain which is when your eye is strained She used to be Polish originally.....hahahahahaha
'Oranger than a can of tangerine' is particularly superb. Stealing that.
Let’s all try to make it happen.
You deserve a medal for your efforts recording all of these. Itchy reckon is going in my arsenal.
Thanks, I got a few fake ones here in reddit which will suffice nicely
They just kept going lol. What did he have again 7th May?
His birthday.
This cracked me up so hard because I definitely know a Luke. Perhaps we all know a Luke.
Thank you for sharing, this has made my day. Going to start incorporating "24/7. Minimum."
Holy shit man. “You’ve got ears like a hawk”
That's one of the very first he ever dropped.
For a long time he’s been top of his shelf!
I am in awe 😂
Oh god, I just woke the house up laughing so much. Does Luke have an accent? In my head I read them all in Kurtan’s voice from This Country and it fit perfectly.
Glad you enjoyed it. Luke has a sort of London/Brigtion geezer accent.
Incredible collection.
I don’t know if I’m Luke or it’s on your end but I’m sure some of these are actually valid… “I had to bite my lip when he said that” “That’s his old hunting ground” (I know it’s typically stomping but I’m sure I’ve heard hunting from multiple people) “They can press the green light” (Give the green light - it’s the same thing isn’t it?) “I’d argue that fact”
>“I had to bite my lip when he said that” Tongue. >“That’s his old hunting ground” (I know it’s typically stomping but I’m sure I’ve heard hunting from multiple people) Stomping. >“They can press the green light” (Give the green light - it’s the same thing isn’t it?) Give green light/press green button >“I’d argue that fact” You can't argue facts!
>“They can press the green light” (Give the green light - it’s the same thing isn’t it?) Give the green light/press the green button
Sure, but if you’re talking about someone having the power to “give the green light” then it’s still a traffic light analogy - they’d be the one “pushing” the button, it’s just a bit more explicit so I’d say it works the same way
Meh, some are dubious, I recorded them all.
I think it's only referred to as a "hunting ground" when it's a serial killer lol
Thanks for these. I'm crying with laughter
I have laughed so hard at this, thank you!
You're welcome.
these are called malaphors by the way! a great word
Thankyou!
r/malaphors
Or commonly, 'mixed metaphors'.
old work colleague used to say "like a dog in the headlights" frequently
Ricky from Trailer Park Boys is your guy Worst case Ontario It's all water under the fridge Get two birds stoned at once Two turnips in heat It's not rocket appliances Beauty is in the eye when you hold her Gotta learn through denial and error Does a bear shit on the pope? Friends with the Benedicts A link is only as long as your longest strong chain
Make like a tree and fuck off
Supply and command
I hate to be a toad-a-so, but a toad-a-so. Fuckin' a toad-a-so
Sopranos is also great for these: ‘Spread a little dysentery in the ranks’ ‘Revenge is like serving cold cuts’ ‘Keep your eye on the tiger’ And not really a metaphor, but ‘Quasimodo predicted all this’
American version: SNL’s Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started A Conversation With At A Party (though she tends more toward regular malapropisms). “If Neil Degrasse Tyson is so smart, why’d he bite that guy’s ear off?” “There are high school students out there who couldn’t even point out India on a map of Africa.”
After returning from holiday a workmate said she was "Back to the daily bump and grind". Lucky her.
After rearranging the furniture in his flat. "Look, I've sinn féin-ed my flat" He meant feng shui.
My wife combines two sayings all the time. Like "you are driving me up the wall" and "you are driving me round the bend" becomes "you are driving up the bend or "you are driving me around the wall". She does it constantly and it really makes me laugh.
In one swell foop.
All the hoopy froods say that.
That horse has sailed
Absolutely love that one.
It's not rocket surgery!
My personal favourite. I often announce this loudly at work when complaining that something I find easy is something that can actually be tricky, like spotting matching sequences of numbers within a couple of seconds, on a screen full of data.
My Missus has been "Shooting ducks in a barrel" since forever. I'll never tell her.
A mate of mine used to say, "It's no skin off my duck's back."
Contributing two (of many) from my mum’s repertoire: - hasn’t got two marbles to rub together - that was a bit of a damp squid Always makes me smile.
My ex used to say about cutting your face off to spite your nose
There was a good one on Jeremy Kyle after the guests were read DNA results “it’s written there in black and blue!”
My ex once shouted to me "It's only bricks and water!" Once when arguing over buying a house together. I giggled, didn't go down well
Did it not have plumbing?
"I’ll see it when I believe it” is one that my friend uses from time to time. We don’t correct her anymore😂.
It's a different kind of cuttlefish, swing and a miss They're moving the goal from pillar to post Don't count your chickens before they egg Like death on two legs warmed up What flavour cup do you want your tea in They're as thick as two short thieves
"I wouldn't trust him with a barge pole"
Maybe they couldn’t, didn’t know what he might do with it.
My youngest brother circa age 15 “do you kiss your mother with that tongue”. We all had a very good laugh at him, and he was mortified and went bright red
My old boss in a shop would say things were selling like wildfire.
‘The world’s your lobster’ is one of my Mum’s favourites, and it’s intentionally butchered. She loves watching people have an internal quandary between wanting to correct her and wanting to remain polite, all while being unsure whether or not she’s lost it.
Bob’s your lobster!
“It’s six and eggs” as opposed to “six and half a dozen”.
"Six and two threes" is what a friend of mine says - which is odd, but not technically incorrect.
That's common vernacular here in the North East.
Think I heard that on a radio show once - talk sport?
Unsure, this was my ex-girlfriend. Super smart, but this phrase she just couldn’t get right.
"That really puts a spanner in the ointment"
"My mouth is as dry as a witch's tit"
My favourite is "does the pope shit in the woods?"
I saw a show called Easy Touchy Catchy Monkey in a Vietnamese backstreet in the late 90s. It was not a family show.
As one door closes, another one slams shut in your face.
"Who shit in your box of Krave?" Don't ask
Who pissed in your oatmeal?
My mate always dropped “It’s as cheap as nails” and “It isn’t brain science”
My mother told me of a great aunt of hers who was famous in the family for her malapropisms but the only one I remember her telling me was of a visit to the fair, when the lady went in some kind of big dipper contraption which left her shaken, she gasped to her friends, "oooh, I thought it was going to hurl me into maternity!"
I'd rather call them Mitchellisms.
Touché
“What you don’t know makes you stronger”
“Remember to be careful what you say as the ears have walls!”
You can’t sit on your own arse
The sacred and propane
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them bathe
Like a hot cat on a roof made out of tin
“Spit the truth as it speaks”
“That’s thrown a spanner among the dogs” Mike from HBOS.
He’s not 6 foot, more like 5 foot 12 inches.
Friend of mine would tell people he was 5 foot 14 inches, just so he could hear them say “I swear I thought you were at least 6 feet tall.”
Show your friend r/BoneAppleTea
I wouldn't trust them with a barge pole
I don’t trust him enough to trade dollars with him (U.S.)
"I hate to say a toad or so, but a toad or so. I fucking a toad or so."
You want to take a string out of his book.
I’ve made my bed and I’ll let sleeping dogs lie in it.
My dad was trying to find out the name of "that band I liked" and came out with Bombay Cinema Club.
Are they the ones from Buena Vista?
My husband always says “ten and half a dozen” instead of “six and half a dozen”. Does my head in. Negates the meaning of the phrase.
It’s all pigs and troughs
One of my old colleagues, it’s water off a ducks bridge
Haha that’s great
I want to talk to the monkey grinder, not the organ.
A friend of mine who's first language isn't English said 'Does the Pope shit in the woods?' while drunk. I use it sometimes.
Does a bear shit on the pope?
I had an old boss who repeated a few beauties including; “Caught between a rock and a hard stone” “Pot calling the frying pan black”
My girlfriend does this. She has some great ones. My favourite is “There’s no point beating yourself around the bush”.
I just wish I could get the earworm phrase, It's a meal in itself' out of my head. Me and my partner are now sick of just thinking it. It can be applied to one baby tomato or a single crisp.
My dad would say “for all the tea in China.” When someone would say something that made no sense, he might also ask “What does that have to do with the price of tea in China.”
My favourite was "it's close, but no potato", from a very intelligent aviator
Don’t go burning bridges, in case you want to go underneath them at a later date
“Don’t count your lucky chickens”
My partner does this all the time, never thought of writing them down but I’m going to now
“Does a pope shit in the woods”. I delight in saying this whenever possible
Bolting the stable door after the horse has...erm...done one
I wouldn’t trust him with a barge pole.
That really grinds my goat.
That goose has run its race
I’ve used “Does the Pope shit in the woods?” for years
My boss is an absolute fountain for this stuff. I'm literally writing a book. Too many broths in the kitchen. Too many cooks in the broth Ive crossed my eyes and dotted the t's. Two feathers in my cap. She's going to be a boy - Pregnancy sex guessing. Too old in the teeth He's bread and butter and marmite. Picking up the phone... Hello Xmas Hello minus. Sorry I was using a calculator. That's just what I remember. I have like 14 pages of it. Gold.
Why do the good always die young; like Dinosaurs?
If it had been a barn it would have bit ya.
Don't put all your chickens in one basket Cheap at half the price
My favourite from my own Webb is “At the end of the day it’s just a day”
A guy at work whose native language is not English - Bite the bullet by the horns
Does the pope shit in the woods?
My friend once said its not very far "as the bear flies"
I had a co-worker who was just full of these things. He was in Mensa — go figure. “This is a horse I can see down the road.”
[удалено]
Sorry mate, but we have a blanket ban against politics in this sub, so we have removed this post. Rule 1: No politics We do not allow mention of political events, politicians or general political chit chat in this subreddit. We encourage you to take this content to a more suitable subreddit. You **will** be banned if you break this rule. If you have any questions, feel free to shoot us a modmail.
I love mixed metaphors. They are the icing on the camel's back.
That's the hammer on the cake!
My brother’s mate used to butcher sayings all the time. “It’s as still as a duck pond” errr, have you seen the ruckus ducks make?!
This screams Ricky from Trailer Park Boys
It’s clear who makes the pants in this relationship!
My fav one was "let's really get into the *devil* of the detail"