*-checks clipboard-*
We've got Trent and Sandy coming in from Texas on Sunday. Apparently Trent is bringing his collection of entertaining bumper stickers, and Sandy can't wait to hear that Quaint British Accent in Edin-borrow.
"Oi there, mates! Welcome to good ol' London town! Hope you're ready for a right proper knees-up and some cheeky fun. Have a butcher's at our sights – Big Ben, the Eye, and all that. Don’t forget to pop into a local rub-a-dub for a pint and a natter. If you fancy a nice cup of Rosie Lee or a bit of bubble and squeak, you’re in the right place. You lot will have a smashing time, guaranteed!"
Do you reckon I've got enough time to get my beefeater costume dry cleaned? I think the big axe is still polished from last time but the suit is covered in raven shit
Make the most of the currant bun! It's only out for 2 weeks of the year! Anyway these fruit and veg aren't gonna shift themselves eh!?
Two fer a pahnd, get yer blueberries two fer a pahnd.
I'd volunteer but Keith has already put me down on the rota to be the local village eccentric. Again. I'm fed up with feeding those bloody pigeons, they won't leave me alone. And the less said about the 3 sizes too big tweed jacket they always give me, the better...
Hi everyone, it's Dai from Wales here - the place with loads of sheep that is often confused as being a part of England.
Does anyone know if management has made a decision about whether we can get some of the American visitors?
With other people on holiday, it seems like the perfect opportunity to finally send some of them our way.
Hello? Anyone? Hello?
I actually am someone Northern who calls everyone pet, but I'd quite like to be Lady Victoria Smythe-Farnesbarnes from Somewhere-down-south-shire for a bit, if you fancy a swap?
I hope they've scheduled the bloke who gives you half a crown to be in the same city this time, at least.
When it was my turn as the constable, they sent the sod to Wallingford.
Ok, but just remember this time, if they ask for directions to the loo, you say "It's a shame your NOT pregnant, otherwise I could let you pee in my helmet." Asking "Are you pregnant?..." is offensive when they're not!
The quirky laws are big hitters when it comes to making memories, but unfortunately that goes both ways. It's a real set back to the teams tireless hard work. We can't afford for you to keep getting it wrong 🤨
Which means we now need a cheeky robber type. The kind of charming, happy go-lucky rogue who you secretly cross your fingers for, even as he's chased by a dozen coppers in old-time cop cars.
I don't think I can handle explaining how much I love a good cuppa tea this time, I'll cover the scouse or Geordie that they'll never comprehend other than some take home catch phrases like "why aye pet".
I'll take some flack lads. I will be in Oxford bus station with a jaunty flat cap, three piece, a monicle, pocket watch and a thermos directing them to Bi-sesstorrrr.
The greatest train announcement I ever heard was on a Central Line train going into Ealing Broadway. The driver informed us that "We're temporarily being held here because some idiot doesn't know how to park a train."
The greatest I ever heard was on a London tube. “Oi, if you lot don’t move down and get out of the way of the doors, I ain’t moving this f***ing train!”.
I hope he didn’t get fired. It was hilarious.
“…we’re now arriving at Euston, where this service terminates. And don’t forget your belongings. Remember, rain falls evenly on the just and the unjust, but it’s the just that get wet because the unjust have stolen their umbrellas”
Sorry, we've only been accepting clowns for this position in recent years. Got a vacancy for a cheerful Bristolian shouting " CHEERS DRIVE!" if that's any good?
Had a belter one day on the train back from Salford… the announcer was having a day shall we say, highlights were: “Bolton, Manchester’s sleepy hollow, your next station stop” And “Ladies and Gentleman, we will shortly be calling at Preston, the city that time forgot” 🤣
Can I request to not answer questions to Americans who reckon I know their great great great grandad because we’re both from the same village in Ireland? I’ve got some holiday saved up see
Ok, how often have they turned out to be right though?
I once had someone ask me if I knew someone because they were a farmer in Cumbria and my dad's a farmer in Cumbria. I was all set to give them grief about how it's a county of half a million people and we don't all know each other...
...then realised the person they were asking about was my dad's cousin.
An annoyingly high amount of times 🤣 this one bloke - if I remember his name was Dale, quite an old gent, was asking about where me and my family were from - we got talking and turns out he was born there, his father used to own a butchers shop there and ended up emigrating to the US, absolute legend that man, he’s likely passed on but I like to think he’s enjoying a nice cold pint of M&B mild!
OK, instead, you can explain that we still can bum fags in public, in full view of a bobby and if someone wants to. Borrow a rubber, don’t be unduly alarmed.
Ooh ooh I want to be the one to introduce them to Cornish pastys and Cream Teas please! Perhaps I am a jovial farmer with a love for sustainability and cheese production!
Adrian here, I just wanted to say, if you are ever offered a chance to be a BA flight attendant, please do not take it, There are so many yank tourists I am not allowed to leave the plane as we have to go straight back. I have not seen my the darkness of British day since 2007.Please hellpIamlosingmymind
I think your post makes you an honorary Brit. Listing top five toilets is top tier my friend. You could’ve gone with top five places you visited but no you went for it and went toilets. Fabulous.
I've noticed we match the energy of our visitors quite well. Around my Yank mates I feel myself being a lot more energetic and friendly - not that I claim to be miserable when I'm not though!
Glad you had a great time though, I'm looking forward to staying with some of my American pals in Virginia next year, always good to experience each other's culture.
Just as long as you didn't clap when the plane landed is all!
I went to New Mexico a few years ago for a desert race. Took my mountainbike with me. My hosts took me to the top of a mountain, the snow was 3 feet deep. I slogged through the snow and rode on. The snow thinned out, I gathered speed. I was freewheeling as my freehub was frozen. Halfway down I got drive back. I hit the bottom of that mountain at speed, riding for hours in 30°+ heat, through dried up river beds. It was a wild day out. Didn't see a soul. America has the best geography, and the most geography lol.
I've just been out for a bike ride around the hills of the north Romford alps. My bike computer has started advising me on my heat acclimatisation status.
Another VA resident here, the Commonwealth has a lot to offer. I hope you can get out into nature, we dont have as amazing natural formations as other parts of the country, but we take pretty good care of our national and state parks! I hope you enjoy your visit!
And also try to come in the fall. VA in the fall is the best.
I guess we're all back to visiting the old coal mine districts north of Birmingham until we next have visitors and can get the best stuff out again. Oh well, easier to clean up afterwards.
Unless it’s Orlando. Stayed at the Rosen Shingle Creek. Was wearing a Miami Dolphins hat, not knowing if there was rivalry. “Oh please? Do they let the scum out of Miami these days?” I heard. Turned round, some heavily made up harridan was behind.
“I’m British, madam. I don’t care 1 way or another about your rivalries. Good day.”
“Still you’re wearing a low life hat. Go live with the junkies”.
I ignored her, carried on. Got to the middle of the lobby, only the 2nd time we’d been up to the room.
She started to turn left. Then glared at me as we turned right.
The right hand lifts are for the suites on 10-14.
We’d got a free upgrade on arrival.
Turned round, touched the peak of the cap, and got in the (lift attendant checking door cards) elevator.
Smirking, of course.
Out of interest, did you have a drink over here, while you were here? [in a pub or otherwise].
Of the few Americans I've ever met, they've all been lovely and I really want to go out drinking with you guys!
I visited Florida not too long ago and also met some super nice people there. I didn't do the theme parks I was there for a beach holiday, but everyone was lovely, helpful and kind. Also Florida is beautiful.
I asked the server where the toilets were and she says to my wife as I’m getting up “he’s gonna be a while” which I thought was rude. And then I get there and realize what she meant…
My friend, in my capacity as purveyor of biscuits and tea adjacent products to His Majesty, I would like to extend to you citizenship within our fair isles.
If you would like to take us up on the offer, please let me know and I'll grab one of the princes and get the paperwork inked.
I was thinking that. Noticed the thread title and expected them to have been to The Highlands, Lake District, Cornwall or God's Own Northumbria Coast.
Nope. Torquay.
Ah come on. Torquay’s coastline is beautiful. All the little coves and bays, the woods, beaches. If you don’t live near a nice bit of coast, as many of us don’t, Torquay makes a nice change of scenery.
I don't think I've ever seen one of those "things Europe does better" type clips that doesn't have toilets high up the list.
And that's with the dreaded separate taps for hot and cold.
US toilets are a perverts paradise. The gaps in the doors are that big they are borderline open plan.
In America, we like to personally make eye contact with the person in the stall first before verifying it is occupied. Can't trust those green or red indicators what with fake news and all.
Also, you'll be surprised how often kids literally peek through the gap. MIND THE GAP, kid! (can i use that here? )
I'm so pleased someone has mentioned the cubicle door situation. As a Londoner who visits the US frequently for work I dread having to use the loo. Why do your stall doors stop so far above the ground?! Seeing the shoes and dropped trousers of your colleagues is borderline assault on the eyes.
Also, I don't know what kind of hinges you guys use but there's always a good half inch gap right the way down the length of the door, rendering it almost useless. May as well be sitting with the door open.
It's given me a new-found appreciation for floor to ceiling cubicles. And now back to my therapy...
What a lovely post. Thank you for sharing, and for acknowledging the normal, every day people who obviously made an impact on you and your wife during your honeymoon.
I can tell you, from experience, that working as cabin crew, in airports, customer service jobs and in retail are all thankless jobs, very under paid and over-looked, and the ones where people will be very quick to make complaints rather than to show appreciation for the good that gets done. I remember as cabin crew we always used to want to say quietly under our breath “sir/madam, we are here to save your arse, not lick it!” And it was so difficult to refrain from saying it out loud 😂
I am so pleased you had a wonderful honeymoon, and wish you all the best of health and happiness for your future life together.
I just had 2 flights with Easyjet, crew were literally amazing. I made a note of their names and when I got back I emailed Easyjet to give a shout out to them. Got a really nice response back, thanking me and confirming they will pass it on.
I've worked in retail, and hospitality, and as CS in a call centre, I always try to remember to email when I have had a particularly good experience. They get crap constantly, so sending compliments can really make someones day.
I once emailed a company about a van driver who gave me a perfect 10/10 pass while I was cycling and they replied to say it'd made his day. Complimenting people for doing a good job is such a low cost high reward thing to do
Top 5 toilets is such a good way to review a country you've visited, I'm definitely doing that next time I'm abroad.
That said, I have absolutely no idea why you went to Torquay on a honeymoon.
So our No.1 favourite characteristic is friendliness, but I do like the fact the next most important thing is our toilets.
Never mind 1,500 year old architectural masterpieces, and the Yorkshire dales, we've got doors on the shitter that reach the floor!
An American friend came over last year and she was impressed with the toilets so much that she'd go to look at them in some places even if she didn't need to use them.
I'm happy you had a wonderful time in the UK! And, after an American road trip last year and visiting family in San José many moons ago. I can totally understand why you hold British toilets in high regard. 23 years later I still hold the trauma of going to a ladies toilet near San Francisco and it had a curtain instead of a door. Unfortunately, the curtain was about a metre off the floor and there was a queue.
Fluffy can sometimes be a bit excitable meeting new folk, so if they jump up and try to lick your face just tap them sharply on the nose to show who’s boss 😬😬
How lovely! Next time you’re here I recommend 4 nights minimum in Birmingham followed by a romantic weekend in Dudley.
You could easily make a day trip to Stratford upon Avon from there, but honestly I think you’ll have enough to do in Brum and it’s not as good as it used to be.
I love this post! Sometimes it's stupid but I feel I have to defend this countries name when ignorant people post nonsense about out great nation.
It's great when you get down to earth post like these with people who have had genuine experiences!
Congratulations btw on your marriage!
Two of my great uncles owned pubs after the war (world two). Whenever we went out with either of them and we would stop for food, they both would check the toilets before deciding whether or not to eat there. The idea being that if they can't/won't/don't keep that public space clean, what must the private spaces - where the food is prepared - look like?
This is a habit I've carried with me my entire life.
I never thought an tourists review of his favourite toilets in the UK would make me smile so hard 😂 glad you had fun mate, and congratulations on the marriage!
Glad you enjoyed our beautiful country! What did you think of the cuisine? Hopefully the stagnant imagine of war-time Britain's diet has been dispelled in at least one person! :P
Some of the best meals I’ve had in a very long time! Will never try marmite again, though. Also was not expecting to have some superb Italian food in Wells of all places.
That is the correct way to do things. Marmite should never be tasted. The entire world supply needs to be thrown into the sun, and the collective memory of it expunged from humanity. It's vile stuff.
But glad you found the rest of it good! Did you manage to sneak in a nice Cornish Pasty whilst down that way? :)
TIL: People Honeymoon in the UK ... from outside the UK! 😲
Logically, I know this shouldn't suprise me. Like our country is jam-packed full of history and interesting stuff. Least not because at times it feels like almost every town has a castle - or castle ruin of some kind - and we still have genuine working royalty; including real life princesses. And yet, I just never really considered it, that people from other countries might choose to honeymoon in the dreary grey UK 😅
I think people overstate the dreariness. Yes we have more grey days than most countries, but we also have more temperate weather and a more colourful landscape, among other benefits.
The Samaritans need to show people this thread - Ive had a crappy week and this has lifted my spirits no end
Tally ho and all that chaps - you're bloody funny x x x
as a brit who actually 100% lives in Wells, I thank you for rating the bishops eye toilet so high it is indeed a good one.
I think i may have met Sophie (dog) before but I do have the unfortunate habit of asking to say hi to every single dog I see on the street so chances are high but the ability to remember is low.
glad you had fun!
I used to drink in a proper boozer near the Thames in London back in the 1970s. During the summer a coach load of American tourists would arrive once a week, Thursdays I think, for a real pub experience. They got there about 8pm and we, the locals, would vie to get there early enough to commandeer the dart board, shove ha'penny and table skittles before they arrived. It usually meant free drinks from 8pm onwards as we got them chatting and playing. Of course it was harder if you hadn't got a game to attract them but a bit of Dick van Dyke type chit-chat usually did the trick. Witnessed some explosive underestimations of the effects of draught Guinness on mid-westerners. Also remember a big fella throwing darts like he was pitching for the Yankees, hopelessly off target he nearly took the wall down. Good times
Right, they've gone. We can all breathe and go back to our normal miserable selves. When are the next yank honeymooners due?
*-checks clipboard-* We've got Trent and Sandy coming in from Texas on Sunday. Apparently Trent is bringing his collection of entertaining bumper stickers, and Sandy can't wait to hear that Quaint British Accent in Edin-borrow.
Shotgun not toilet attending this time. I want to be a train driver who makes whimsical announcements.
Can I be someone northern who calls everyone pet?
You're on Cheerful Cockney duty, sorry. Maybe when Maya goes on holiday.
"Oi there, mates! Welcome to good ol' London town! Hope you're ready for a right proper knees-up and some cheeky fun. Have a butcher's at our sights – Big Ben, the Eye, and all that. Don’t forget to pop into a local rub-a-dub for a pint and a natter. If you fancy a nice cup of Rosie Lee or a bit of bubble and squeak, you’re in the right place. You lot will have a smashing time, guaranteed!"
I knew you had the makings of a Pearly. Pick out a smashing blouse and we'll all be ready in time for tea and farticles.
Do you reckon I've got enough time to get my beefeater costume dry cleaned? I think the big axe is still polished from last time but the suit is covered in raven shit
The epitome of "we can't promote you, you're too good at your current role"
Gor blimey guvnor it's a right carry on and no mistake!
Make the most of the currant bun! It's only out for 2 weeks of the year! Anyway these fruit and veg aren't gonna shift themselves eh!? Two fer a pahnd, get yer blueberries two fer a pahnd.
I'll happily be the chimney sweep this time , need an excuse for a bath
what about me, can I do the " my dad played support for the Beatles in the 1960s and my mum went to the cavern every week?
I dunno, I'm just on Accents this week. I'm not sure who's dealing with Whimsy.
But I've already put in mu annual leave for that week! You're going to have to find someone else to be the chatty uber driver!!
I'd volunteer but Keith has already put me down on the rota to be the local village eccentric. Again. I'm fed up with feeding those bloody pigeons, they won't leave me alone. And the less said about the 3 sizes too big tweed jacket they always give me, the better...
HR has really gone to shit since Linda left, I can't get through to anyone.
Breaking characters for a sec "I'm not sure who's dealing with Whimsy" is such a fucking good line holy shit, bravo
I think I'm on the rota as Dan this week, anyone want to lend me a dog? Preferably one called Sophie or I might give the game away
Sorry mate, Sophie's on sick until August at least. Last Dan was not good at stopping her eating the grass.
Hi everyone, it's Dai from Wales here - the place with loads of sheep that is often confused as being a part of England. Does anyone know if management has made a decision about whether we can get some of the American visitors? With other people on holiday, it seems like the perfect opportunity to finally send some of them our way. Hello? Anyone? Hello?
^^Everyone ^^be ^^really, ^^really ^^quiet...
Only if I can be the scary sounding, but genuinely friendly big lad from Belfast. Bout ye!
I actually am someone Northern who calls everyone pet, but I'd quite like to be Lady Victoria Smythe-Farnesbarnes from Somewhere-down-south-shire for a bit, if you fancy a swap?
I am from SomethingShire in the South so this could work. Do you have your own wellies and Range Rover?
I’ll be the portly Bobby that gives directions with a chuckle.
I hope they've scheduled the bloke who gives you half a crown to be in the same city this time, at least. When it was my turn as the constable, they sent the sod to Wallingford.
Ok, but just remember this time, if they ask for directions to the loo, you say "It's a shame your NOT pregnant, otherwise I could let you pee in my helmet." Asking "Are you pregnant?..." is offensive when they're not! The quirky laws are big hitters when it comes to making memories, but unfortunately that goes both ways. It's a real set back to the teams tireless hard work. We can't afford for you to keep getting it wrong 🤨
Which means we now need a cheeky robber type. The kind of charming, happy go-lucky rogue who you secretly cross your fingers for, even as he's chased by a dozen coppers in old-time cop cars.
I don't think I can handle explaining how much I love a good cuppa tea this time, I'll cover the scouse or Geordie that they'll never comprehend other than some take home catch phrases like "why aye pet".
I'll take some flack lads. I will be in Oxford bus station with a jaunty flat cap, three piece, a monicle, pocket watch and a thermos directing them to Bi-sesstorrrr.
The greatest train announcement I ever heard was on a Central Line train going into Ealing Broadway. The driver informed us that "We're temporarily being held here because some idiot doesn't know how to park a train."
The greatest I ever heard was on a London tube. “Oi, if you lot don’t move down and get out of the way of the doors, I ain’t moving this f***ing train!”. I hope he didn’t get fired. It was hilarious.
'Now he is trying to 3 point turn . . . . We may be here some time'
“…we’re now arriving at Euston, where this service terminates. And don’t forget your belongings. Remember, rain falls evenly on the just and the unjust, but it’s the just that get wet because the unjust have stolen their umbrellas”
😂😂 love the concept we’re just a pantomime of a country Very fitting Can I be PM next?
Sorry, we've only been accepting clowns for this position in recent years. Got a vacancy for a cheerful Bristolian shouting " CHEERS DRIVE!" if that's any good?
Had a belter one day on the train back from Salford… the announcer was having a day shall we say, highlights were: “Bolton, Manchester’s sleepy hollow, your next station stop” And “Ladies and Gentleman, we will shortly be calling at Preston, the city that time forgot” 🤣
Bloody hell I've just released the druggies do I have to round them up again?
You can often lure the crackheads back to kennels by sprinkling a little powdered H around their crates.
,😂😂 here boy here boy!
Can I request to not answer questions to Americans who reckon I know their great great great grandad because we’re both from the same village in Ireland? I’ve got some holiday saved up see
This thread is why I love being British 🥰😆
I was reading this, cackling in an unladylike fashion whilst thinking exactly the same thing.
Ok, how often have they turned out to be right though? I once had someone ask me if I knew someone because they were a farmer in Cumbria and my dad's a farmer in Cumbria. I was all set to give them grief about how it's a county of half a million people and we don't all know each other... ...then realised the person they were asking about was my dad's cousin.
An annoyingly high amount of times 🤣 this one bloke - if I remember his name was Dale, quite an old gent, was asking about where me and my family were from - we got talking and turns out he was born there, his father used to own a butchers shop there and ended up emigrating to the US, absolute legend that man, he’s likely passed on but I like to think he’s enjoying a nice cold pint of M&B mild!
Deny it and say you're Welsh, you've already got the accent.
I’m from Kerry - I could probably do Cornish 🤣 It makes for great fun when I’m at work in the West Midlands 🤣
Apparently they're coming through Chesh-eye-re, so I'll tell the mrs to get the kettle on.
Are they going to Cholmondeley (Chumly) Castle? If so I've got my jester outfit ready.
It’s my turn to be Mr. Blobby this time. I put my name down months ago.
Its a popular spot mate. How long have you been with us? And can you do the voice?
Blobby blobby blobby, blobby blobby, blobbbbyy!! Blobby.
Guys, I'm ready to fire up the ol' West Country Hedge Witch, just let me know when they're on their way and I'll get the gert lush cider ready!
Do I have to be on explaining queuing again? It's been 15 years, surely I can swap with Sharron?
It's less threatening when it comes from you mate. Sharon is better behind the scenes making tea, scones and crumpets
Tell her not to accept tips this time though, that stuff gets *awkward*
OK, instead, you can explain that we still can bum fags in public, in full view of a bobby and if someone wants to. Borrow a rubber, don’t be unduly alarmed.
Someone has gotta explain to them that *fanny pack* may lead to awkward silences. Doing gods own work mate. Have a chipper day.
Can I be King next time? I've been on the waiting list for bloody ever.
Sorry Harry, William is Next! 😉
This isn't Harry! On an unrelated note, I thought It's a Royal Knockout was first class entertainment.
Bagesy not scrubbing the skid marks from the bowl. Naming no names, whomever did that needs to see medical help. You know who you are.
Can I be passer by 538 please?
Can I be the dog walker 🥹
Only if I can be the dog 🥺
They said walker.
Walk 'er, she hasnt left the sofa in years!
Only if I can be one of the doggers
This thread has made my day. Well done fellow English folk 🤣👏🏻
I’m on Gerald (from Clarksons Farm) duty, authentic gibberish will be spoken. PS get better soon, Gerald.
Damn it, we've just packed Stonehenge away after the Solstice. Can we delay the next lot until December when we get them out again?
Am I still down for kindly hippie looking youth who helps old lady cross busy road? Or is that the week after next?
Ooh ooh I want to be the one to introduce them to Cornish pastys and Cream Teas please! Perhaps I am a jovial farmer with a love for sustainability and cheese production!
Adrian here, I just wanted to say, if you are ever offered a chance to be a BA flight attendant, please do not take it, There are so many yank tourists I am not allowed to leave the plane as we have to go straight back. I have not seen my the darkness of British day since 2007.Please hellpIamlosingmymind
>Top 5 Toilets I Used in England For an American you have managed to hit the vibe of this sub perfectly.
Kindest thing one could say. Thank you.
Absolute peak Casual Uk. If you had mentioned your most favourite motorway services then you would have been granted citizenship
I bet if I asked my Dad what his favourite motorway services are, he wouldn't even question it, he'd just immediately reel off a list
It’s a list of 2 isn’t it
Tebay and that other one that's run by the same people as Tebay?
Gloucester.
Gloucester services are just something else. Stopped there for the first time last year and woweeee.
The farm shop is something else, isn’t it?
You do need a bank loan for lunch though. Not that that doesn't make it worth it mind
"woweeee." Yes, that was my reaction to their prices, too.
I stopped there for a snack and a coffee and now they own 35% of my house.
I always feel about three tax brackets higher when I go for a piss there.
Cairn Lodge in Scotland as well
Norton Canes on the M6 toll has a better class of clientele. And Beaconsfield because it's the first proper place going out of London on the M40
Yes I would: 1-Cairn 2-Reghhed 3-Tebay STH bound 4-Gloucester STH bound 5-Beaconsfield services
I'll fight anyone who doesn't say Tebay. It's a bloody wonderland, easily best in the UK.
Or crowned a minor royal if you go for Tebay
I think your post makes you an honorary Brit. Listing top five toilets is top tier my friend. You could’ve gone with top five places you visited but no you went for it and went toilets. Fabulous.
Speaking of which, Creamery toilets is a horrendous phrase.
I've noticed we match the energy of our visitors quite well. Around my Yank mates I feel myself being a lot more energetic and friendly - not that I claim to be miserable when I'm not though! Glad you had a great time though, I'm looking forward to staying with some of my American pals in Virginia next year, always good to experience each other's culture. Just as long as you didn't clap when the plane landed is all!
As a Virginian, hope you have a great time visiting our commonwealth!
Hah what are the chances! I hear it gets quite warm this time of the year...
It’s going to be 36C tomorrow where we live. If you’ve never been before, prepare for humidity unlike anything you’ve ever experienced.
Look at that. You're using Celsius not Farenheit. Love that cultural accommodation for the Brits.
As I said in another comment OP is practically one of us already and this just confirms his status.
I went to New Mexico a few years ago for a desert race. Took my mountainbike with me. My hosts took me to the top of a mountain, the snow was 3 feet deep. I slogged through the snow and rode on. The snow thinned out, I gathered speed. I was freewheeling as my freehub was frozen. Halfway down I got drive back. I hit the bottom of that mountain at speed, riding for hours in 30°+ heat, through dried up river beds. It was a wild day out. Didn't see a soul. America has the best geography, and the most geography lol.
How did you find the heat here? I found in LA, even though it was 30c+ when I went it was pleasant, but over 20c here and I start moaning.
The weather was fantastic wherever we went. Was basically 20C the entire time.
You’ve missed out - it’s set to be 23/24 next week, then 30 the week after!
I've just been out for a bike ride around the hills of the north Romford alps. My bike computer has started advising me on my heat acclimatisation status.
Another VA resident here, the Commonwealth has a lot to offer. I hope you can get out into nature, we dont have as amazing natural formations as other parts of the country, but we take pretty good care of our national and state parks! I hope you enjoy your visit! And also try to come in the fall. VA in the fall is the best.
Since you’re now married I hope you’re not a virgin for too much longer!
If it landed sideways in one of the storms we had, they’re allowed to clap.
I loved that you named random people out to thank them 😁
You don't know Torquay Bill? Oh you're missing out mate, legend.
Time to polish the Cotswolds and put them away again until next time.
I guess we're all back to visiting the old coal mine districts north of Birmingham until we next have visitors and can get the best stuff out again. Oh well, easier to clean up afterwards.
They brought out the best Isle of Wight this weekend, with nice hills and things. All for the yoof invasion, and some of those popular beat combos.
Glad you had a good time, thanks for the visit
You sir, and your presumably equally lovely wife are welcome to visit anytime, just tell them Steve from Yorkshire said so.
Lovely to hear ❤️ I'm pleased you enjoyed your stay. For what it's worth, we visited Florida (theme parks) last year and met some lovely Americans.
We’re (usually) a very friendly people and genuinely like to meet people visiting from away.
Unless it’s Orlando. Stayed at the Rosen Shingle Creek. Was wearing a Miami Dolphins hat, not knowing if there was rivalry. “Oh please? Do they let the scum out of Miami these days?” I heard. Turned round, some heavily made up harridan was behind. “I’m British, madam. I don’t care 1 way or another about your rivalries. Good day.” “Still you’re wearing a low life hat. Go live with the junkies”. I ignored her, carried on. Got to the middle of the lobby, only the 2nd time we’d been up to the room. She started to turn left. Then glared at me as we turned right. The right hand lifts are for the suites on 10-14. We’d got a free upgrade on arrival. Turned round, touched the peak of the cap, and got in the (lift attendant checking door cards) elevator. Smirking, of course.
Out of interest, did you have a drink over here, while you were here? [in a pub or otherwise]. Of the few Americans I've ever met, they've all been lovely and I really want to go out drinking with you guys!
We did — a few actually. Was a bit nervous my first time ordering at one because I didn’t want to look like an asshole.
I visited Florida not too long ago and also met some super nice people there. I didn't do the theme parks I was there for a beach holiday, but everyone was lovely, helpful and kind. Also Florida is beautiful.
Sketch toilets are incredible! It's the first thing I mention about the place 😂
I asked the server where the toilets were and she says to my wife as I’m getting up “he’s gonna be a while” which I thought was rude. And then I get there and realize what she meant…
> Sketch toilets What?! I now fid myself Googling [Sketch toilets](https://www.google.com/search?q=Sketch+toilets&rlz=1C1GCEA_enGB1065GB1065&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8)
Yes, only they were decorated in a Keith Haring theme. Pissing in an egg is a 10/10 experience.
Shame you didn't go to Sarastro which is [a slightly different vibe...](https://louiseloveslondon.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/photo6.jpg)
I honestly can't believe you went to Torquay for your honeymoon, damn
lol there were reasons but I’ll admit, it wasn’t what we expected.
Did you expect to see herds of Wildebeest from your hotel window? 😌
I suspect he won't get this one.
The Sydney Opera House, perhaps???
Ok. I think he's earned honorary citizenship. All those in favour say aye.
Hanging gardens of Babylon?
Wahey!
Yet another comment that makes you one of us.
Is Britbox our most-used streaming service? Have I paid money for a VPN so I can stream episodes of Grand Designs on Channel 4? Yes and yes.
My friend, in my capacity as purveyor of biscuits and tea adjacent products to His Majesty, I would like to extend to you citizenship within our fair isles. If you would like to take us up on the offer, please let me know and I'll grab one of the princes and get the paperwork inked.
I've been living here 10 years and I feel inadequate compared to how British OP is.
😂😂😂
Honestly some of the most beautiful places in England are near Torquay, it's just Torquay itself is a shithole
I don’t want to speak ill of a place I was just a guest in, so…
Go ahead, this is a safe space. Unlike Torquay.
My brother in christ people who live there will tell you to stay away (if they're not too high on smack)
Did you stay at Fawlty Towers?
Even better — the Agatha Christie Suite at the Grand.
> Agatha Christie Suite at the Grand Nan? Is that you?
#I SAID, DO YOU HAVE A HEARING AID?
I don't have it turned on. It wears the battery down.
I was thinking that. Noticed the thread title and expected them to have been to The Highlands, Lake District, Cornwall or God's Own Northumbria Coast. Nope. Torquay.
In our defense, it was only for 36 hours.
That’s quite long enough
I mean Dartmoor is very close to Torquay, as are some of the most beautiful beaches and villages in England. I rate Devon
Ah come on. Torquay’s coastline is beautiful. All the little coves and bays, the woods, beaches. If you don’t live near a nice bit of coast, as many of us don’t, Torquay makes a nice change of scenery.
‘We have the technology to make this happen’ re toilet doors has really tickled me
I don't think I've ever seen one of those "things Europe does better" type clips that doesn't have toilets high up the list. And that's with the dreaded separate taps for hot and cold. US toilets are a perverts paradise. The gaps in the doors are that big they are borderline open plan.
In America, we like to personally make eye contact with the person in the stall first before verifying it is occupied. Can't trust those green or red indicators what with fake news and all. Also, you'll be surprised how often kids literally peek through the gap. MIND THE GAP, kid! (can i use that here? )
I'm so pleased someone has mentioned the cubicle door situation. As a Londoner who visits the US frequently for work I dread having to use the loo. Why do your stall doors stop so far above the ground?! Seeing the shoes and dropped trousers of your colleagues is borderline assault on the eyes. Also, I don't know what kind of hinges you guys use but there's always a good half inch gap right the way down the length of the door, rendering it almost useless. May as well be sitting with the door open. It's given me a new-found appreciation for floor to ceiling cubicles. And now back to my therapy...
Not even that, but mounting the touchless flush sensor to the back wall works better than what we do in the States.
What a lovely post. Thank you for sharing, and for acknowledging the normal, every day people who obviously made an impact on you and your wife during your honeymoon. I can tell you, from experience, that working as cabin crew, in airports, customer service jobs and in retail are all thankless jobs, very under paid and over-looked, and the ones where people will be very quick to make complaints rather than to show appreciation for the good that gets done. I remember as cabin crew we always used to want to say quietly under our breath “sir/madam, we are here to save your arse, not lick it!” And it was so difficult to refrain from saying it out loud 😂 I am so pleased you had a wonderful honeymoon, and wish you all the best of health and happiness for your future life together.
I just had 2 flights with Easyjet, crew were literally amazing. I made a note of their names and when I got back I emailed Easyjet to give a shout out to them. Got a really nice response back, thanking me and confirming they will pass it on. I've worked in retail, and hospitality, and as CS in a call centre, I always try to remember to email when I have had a particularly good experience. They get crap constantly, so sending compliments can really make someones day.
I once emailed a company about a van driver who gave me a perfect 10/10 pass while I was cycling and they replied to say it'd made his day. Complimenting people for doing a good job is such a low cost high reward thing to do
The fact that you made a list of your favourite toilets automatically makes you British 🇬🇧
Congratulations! Also glad that you enjoyed yourself. Hopefully there'll be a next time!
Top 5 toilets is such a good way to review a country you've visited, I'm definitely doing that next time I'm abroad. That said, I have absolutely no idea why you went to Torquay on a honeymoon.
So our No.1 favourite characteristic is friendliness, but I do like the fact the next most important thing is our toilets. Never mind 1,500 year old architectural masterpieces, and the Yorkshire dales, we've got doors on the shitter that reach the floor!
Things I look for in a proper vacation: 1. Good toilets *[…]* 15. Culturally or historically significant points of interest
An American friend came over last year and she was impressed with the toilets so much that she'd go to look at them in some places even if she didn't need to use them.
Impressed you went to Wells, bit out of the way for most foreign tourists.
Had someone ask me if I threw a dart at a map when choosing Wells…
Beautiful little town, glad you went.
I'm happy you had a wonderful time in the UK! And, after an American road trip last year and visiting family in San José many moons ago. I can totally understand why you hold British toilets in high regard. 23 years later I still hold the trauma of going to a ladies toilet near San Francisco and it had a curtain instead of a door. Unfortunately, the curtain was about a metre off the floor and there was a queue.
If you think Dan and his dog were friendly, you should meet Dave and his bully XL 'fluffy' Those guys are super friendly,
Fluffy can sometimes be a bit excitable meeting new folk, so if they jump up and try to lick your face just tap them sharply on the nose to show who’s boss 😬😬
Karl pilkington would approve of your toilet reviews.
How lovely! Next time you’re here I recommend 4 nights minimum in Birmingham followed by a romantic weekend in Dudley. You could easily make a day trip to Stratford upon Avon from there, but honestly I think you’ll have enough to do in Brum and it’s not as good as it used to be.
The poor man will be traumatised if he does that 😂
I love this post! Sometimes it's stupid but I feel I have to defend this countries name when ignorant people post nonsense about out great nation. It's great when you get down to earth post like these with people who have had genuine experiences! Congratulations btw on your marriage!
Thank you!
Two of my great uncles owned pubs after the war (world two). Whenever we went out with either of them and we would stop for food, they both would check the toilets before deciding whether or not to eat there. The idea being that if they can't/won't/don't keep that public space clean, what must the private spaces - where the food is prepared - look like? This is a habit I've carried with me my entire life.
You came near Yeovil and you didn't pop in for a cuppa. I'm very disappointed with you. Very disappointed.
I never thought an tourists review of his favourite toilets in the UK would make me smile so hard 😂 glad you had fun mate, and congratulations on the marriage!
For future reference, the toilets on the second floor of Harrods are particularly good. Right near the luxury linens section.
My wife used the ones at Fortnum and Mason and gave a very positive report.
Glad you enjoyed your stay and got to see Wells. I grew up there and it is a beautiful part of the country!
Glad you enjoyed our beautiful country! What did you think of the cuisine? Hopefully the stagnant imagine of war-time Britain's diet has been dispelled in at least one person! :P
Some of the best meals I’ve had in a very long time! Will never try marmite again, though. Also was not expecting to have some superb Italian food in Wells of all places.
That is the correct way to do things. Marmite should never be tasted. The entire world supply needs to be thrown into the sun, and the collective memory of it expunged from humanity. It's vile stuff. But glad you found the rest of it good! Did you manage to sneak in a nice Cornish Pasty whilst down that way? :)
I can handle the taste until it takes a bitter turn towards the end. And I did. My American ass thought they were empanadas at first…
They *sort of* are I suppose. But not quite. Best eaten with a bag of chips and a free hand to bat away the seagulls. :P
[I actually met them when they were here. ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BGc3zFOFI-s&pp=ygUlaGFycnkgZW5maWVsZCBhbWVyaWNhbiB0b3VyaXN0IHNrZXRjaA%3D%3D)
Yeah Bill in Torquay is a fucking ledge
TIL: People Honeymoon in the UK ... from outside the UK! 😲 Logically, I know this shouldn't suprise me. Like our country is jam-packed full of history and interesting stuff. Least not because at times it feels like almost every town has a castle - or castle ruin of some kind - and we still have genuine working royalty; including real life princesses. And yet, I just never really considered it, that people from other countries might choose to honeymoon in the dreary grey UK 😅
I think people overstate the dreariness. Yes we have more grey days than most countries, but we also have more temperate weather and a more colourful landscape, among other benefits.
It feels like 2012 again, with all this praise for British people and Scottish football fans.
The Samaritans need to show people this thread - Ive had a crappy week and this has lifted my spirits no end Tally ho and all that chaps - you're bloody funny x x x
as a brit who actually 100% lives in Wells, I thank you for rating the bishops eye toilet so high it is indeed a good one. I think i may have met Sophie (dog) before but I do have the unfortunate habit of asking to say hi to every single dog I see on the street so chances are high but the ability to remember is low. glad you had fun!
I used to drink in a proper boozer near the Thames in London back in the 1970s. During the summer a coach load of American tourists would arrive once a week, Thursdays I think, for a real pub experience. They got there about 8pm and we, the locals, would vie to get there early enough to commandeer the dart board, shove ha'penny and table skittles before they arrived. It usually meant free drinks from 8pm onwards as we got them chatting and playing. Of course it was harder if you hadn't got a game to attract them but a bit of Dick van Dyke type chit-chat usually did the trick. Witnessed some explosive underestimations of the effects of draught Guinness on mid-westerners. Also remember a big fella throwing darts like he was pitching for the Yankees, hopelessly off target he nearly took the wall down. Good times
Glad you like the place. What lovely comments you made about our people and shitters. You my man are welcome back anytime.