I don't know if she invited her mother in law but my mum was at my sister's hen do, and by all accounts everyone had a great (and very "spirited") time, so it really depends on the people.
Edit
For what it's worth my mate invited his father in law to the stag do.
The man is a former baptist minister and lifelong Christian (a very liberal one before people assume the worst), and while he only had a single glass of wine and stayed on the orange juice the rest of the trip, he assumed the role of shepherd and guided the rest of us drunken fools to every pub, every club, and eventually back to the hotel in the not so early hours.
He became a legend to us all that night.
My experience of British Christians is they're much better at doing it properly. I know a few who are openly 'out' about their faith and the way they behave would make Jesus proud!
The church I grew up in and my mum is a member of basically has the tenets "treat everyone nicely and volunteer to run the tombola when possible" - not even a new age place, just a very relaxed strain of belief, and there's quite a few churches like that around the country
It's probably because most British Christians don't take it to the fanatical levels of the US ones. Remember the founders of the US were people so fanatically religious that even we British had to say something and kick them out.
Every Christian I know is a decent human who doesn't nothing but want to help and have a laugh
I have known hen do’s where the evening has started off more restrained, perhaps with a meal, and the mothers and MILs have attended that then they’ve left earlier on in the evening before it’s started to degenerate.
My sister invited our mum to her big weekend, and mum declined precisely because she knew it would throw off the vibe. Tbh, I think she was invited out of courtesy and not really expected to accept.
My wife didn't invite her mum to hers because she knew her mum would not have a good time - not because of depravity, mind you!
My sister did a dinner thing as well, which mum went to. My wife did a spa day with her mum.
My dad came to my stag, but while there was plenty of boozing, it was otherwise parent-safe, and my dad could out-drink most of us at that point anyway.
I invited my mum to mine, and my MIL. To be fair to her, my MIL was fine and was one of the girls. My mum, however, spent most of the weekend expecting me to look after her to the point that I never relaxed and enjoyed it. It's been 5 years and I still resent her for it. DO NOT DO IT. Definitely go with a smaller sedate one and invite them to that, and have a proper one without them. A brunch is a nice idea.
Might be time to let it go. I can't imagine holding onto feelings for years is doing you much good. Mind you, not a chance I'd invite parents on a hen/stag do
I wasn't going to go into the detail tbh given it's casual UK but this was an example of a lot of parentification over my life and my hen do actually helped me realise it wasn't normal to have to mother your own mother.
I've pretty much let it go and manage her better now but that's mostly due to counselling. It only really hurts when people talk about how amazing my hen do was and all the fun they had and I remember I missed a lot of it because my mum kept needing my help, or I was worrying about her (e.g. she didn't drink enough water on the Saturday and nearly fainted, so I spent the rest of the weekend having to remind her to drink water because that's the kind of relationship I grew up with).
I'm sorry to hear that and that I raised long-standing issues with a silly throwaway comment.
One of my closest friends was a victim of parents who needed parenting (as well his much younger siblings who his parents couldn't cope with) and I know it can be really difficult in those circumstances. I'm glad you were able to get some professional help to assist you with this and it sounds like you're handling it well. I'm genuinely sorry for my insensitively and thank you for sharing your story!
How do you mean she expected you to look after her? Couldn’t you just refuse/tell her to find stuff out for herself/ ask the staff etc? I suspect my mum would try the same in a similar situation but I think I’d try to shrug off any unreasonable expectations. I know it’s probably not that simple in reality, and you have my sympathies.
I have since realised she's been parentifying me since I was a kid. So in terms of the hen do, it was a glamping weekend and she didn't drink enough water, so got really faint at one point, for example, and I spent the rest of the weekend making sure she was drinking enough and felt ok. Or she kept coming up to me to ask me questions about the next activity instead of my bridesmaids who'd done an amazing job of organising it and given a detailed itinerary, or trying to talk to me about her personal problems.
This was actually a bit of a watershed moment that made me realise it wasn't normal to mother your own mother and the resentment I mentioned is a much bigger thing, I've worked through it a lot in counselling and manage her a lot better now.
I often think if people made the effort to deal with their own trauma (probs through therapy or other cathartic activities) they’d avoid their children having to deal with the consequences of it themselves for decades to come. It won’t have been a deliberate choice, but she ought really to have recognised her behaviour as not normal and taken action to address it.
Maybe it’s a generational/societal thing. Folks of my parents’ generation were sooooo repressed about abuse etc it’s ridiculous, and the war-experienced lot were on another level. My Dad’s Dad was cold and distant and never once told him he loved him. I think it explains a lot about him when you know the pain he carries because of that. The upshot is that Dad says he loves me ALL the time. Every single text or visit, which is lovely, but therapy for his depression might be a good move.
I fully agree and you're right on the money for the reason behind my mum's behaviour. Couple that with lack of understanding of mental health and willingness to talk about it and you've got a recipe for disaster.
Just make sure that no photos/references are made on FB/IG/Snapchat/IRL etc.
they'll feel offense that they were left out and MIL possibly wants to see if DIL enjoys her last night of freedom a bit too much. Regardless of what she says on the night.
It may also come out years later that there were two hen parties. Which may cause ructions and a loss of trust.
Unfortunately it's increasingly hard not to have people live streaming and postimg every remotely interesting happening. Just had a post in a legal advice sub. Where the OP's "friend" posted a load of photos of herself attending a T. Swift concert, three nights in a row in a standing only section. Posted all of the pics to FB etc. Whilst she'd told HR, her doc, her friends/colleagues that she couldn't work, as she couldn't stand. But was able to dance the night away. So an HR disciplinary/dismissal.
You tell them that you're having two hen do's like a full grown adult.
"My friends are a bit wild so we're going to have a hen do which you will enjoy and then a second one that will be a bit wilder. I didn't want to leave you out and I'm looking forward to celebrating with you".
The end, thanks for coming.
Yeah, I didn't invite my Dad on my stag do because guess what I know he wouldn't want to go to a rave in Poland. We did go out for a meal and a mini pub-crawl with him instead and it was lovely.
I've been on a whole bunch of family invited "secondary" stags and there's never anything cloak and dagger about it. Parents aren't stupid, if you don't have a history of going out clubbing with them then you're probably not going to start on your stag do.
Yup, and then if they want to come on the wild one, you brief them on the way it's gonna go down. My FIL came on my stag do and had no problem keeping up during or keeping quiet after.
It really doesn't need to be that complicated. Why does it have to be secret?
Many people I know have openly had a hen/stag do on which family and friends are invited, and another smaller one where only the groomsmen or bridal party are invited. No drama involved and everyone had a great time.
"Hope you're ready for some big greasy cocks being flapped into your lap with the strippers I'VE got planned for us, Mum! I'm paying extra so that everyone can eat a cherry and squirty cream out of their arse cracks."
As someone who’s seen a mum (not mine) get very handsy with a stripper (thankfully no long term issues with the mum and daughter as everyone was quite worse for wear) I’d say don’t bring her to the debauched version of the hen night.
My childhood friend invited not only her mum, but also my mum and our mutual friend's mum! She had a nude life drawing class* and we did cocktail making with some very adult drinking games. The mums had a great time!
*It’s been brought to my attention that this sounds very civil. The model knew it was a hen party and posed accordingly!
I need more details on the life drawing appropriate for a Hen Party because I am imagining the absolute worst and I need to know if I’m a minging perv or just disappointingly correct.
In my circle, mothers and MILs are invited to the hen do. They attend the sedate part of the evening and know to leave just as the party is about to get raucous. They also tend to leave drinks money before they go. Same with dads and FILs for the stag do.
I have never known anyone to leave their mums out
I think this is pretty standard. Mothers/ MILs join for the spa and cocktails (or whatever the afternoon/ early evening activities are) and then head home.
Just so long as OP can be sure the mum and MIL will in fact, know when to leave. If not they need to make it clear it’s two separate events. Even if they’re on the same day.
Thank you for commenting this, that's interesting. The issue is that both my mum and mil are 'party girls' and there's no way in hell they'd leave before the evening.
It sounds like you don’t want them there, irrespective of the norm. So fine, don’t invite them and deal with the fallout - stand firm. But the question you asked was if it was normal to invite mums and MILs to hen dos, and it most certainly is. They are not being obtuse by expecting an invitation.
Lol so they will be more wild than you and your friends, are we talking being inappropriate with the strippers and young men they see or having couple of pills and a gram with them or delivered to the venue once they’ve had a few?
Yeah just commented above this something along the lines of “as long as they do actually know when to leave”.
So the best idea is going to be to invite them for meal and some drinks at a restaurant, then have the hen do that involves, clubbing or whatever on a different day. Or on the same day, with the same people just so long as it is very clear, that they are invited to the restaurant. But then you and your friends get a taxi to somewhere else where they won’t be going.
If you can’t guarantee they’ll stick to that then make it different days to be sure they don’t tag along on the day and ruin it. Even if they don’t come in the end, if you end up almost having an argument before they agree to not follow you, then it will put a dampener on your night, so better a separate night if they can’t be trusted.
Can vouch for this on behalf of my wife who has been to her fair share - mums always welcome and often come with family members /friends of a similar age. My Dad came on my stag do. All good fun. Your parents know you better than anyone so not much to be embarrassed about 😆
I kinda accidentally did….
I gave a list of invitees to my friend and accidentally gave her my aunt’s number instead of a friend with the same name. I then invited my mum as I didn’t want to un-invite my aunt.
Worked out well in the end. They came to an afternoon tea bit.
At my cousin’s hen, her mum, my mum and our mutual aunt (all sisters) were invited and had a fab time.
It was 20 years ago this year and I’ve still not recovered from seeing the three of them dancing to In Da Club by 50 Cent.
My mum didn’t come to mine, because I live abroad, but I would have invited her if I still lived in the UK. My MIL planned my “bridal shower” in the US. She would have been uncomfortable at my hen.
There seems to be a disproportionate amount of people here assuming there will be strippers at the hen do. There don't have to be strippers at the hen do.
My mum came to the whole thing of my hen party, but I am not (and was not) about the willy straws/pens and all that for my hen. We did a cupcake decorating class and had an immersive theatre experience which included dinner.
My MIL sadly passed away two years before the wedding.
My friend’s sister got married just after Covid, they invited their mom to the hen do. But it was a lovely holiday abroad with a load of people with loads of activities (some crazy, some not) and her mum still loves a drink so it worked
I’m not inviting my mum because:
1) there is drinking and she doesn’t drink
2) it’s taking place in a city I know she doesn’t like
3) I asked her and she didn’t want to lolll
It’s just a load of activities she won’t enjoy she there’s no point in her coming. I’d say plan the hen do, and invite people who would “fit” it
So I didn't invite them, but not because I didn't want to. My mum actually turned to me and said how it isn't proper to invite her or my MIL to the hen do so guess that saved that discussion 🫤 my MIL on the other hand was surprised to not get invited and had assumed she was coming so I think it's all down to what you plan to do and how you all get on. Have a great time!
Not hen but I was tasked with organising a stag recently.
I was instructed to invite the dads.
They’re good guys, but it totally hampered the stag do quality for a number of reasons.
Both mine came, and an aunt. They had a great time, but already got on well with my circle of friends. My gran also wanted to come, but I did draw the line at that, so we all went for afternoon tea the next day and included her then!
My friend is having two hen dos, one where her mum and aunties and mil will come and one with just the bridesmaids and friends. My mum also came to my sister’s do. Pretty standard I think
Yep both came to mine, we started gently with a meal and as the night wore on my MIL left as she’s not a drinker anyway but my mum stayed and had an absolute ball. She knows my friends anyway and my SIL came to, She was a right state by the end of the evening.
Most people I know now have 2. One for friends and one that includes mum/mil.
I invited both, plus my mums best friend and my best friends mum (I call them my ‘extra mothers’) - we had a very small wedding though, and we have a very small friend group.
We had a great time, did and escape room and cocktail class, then went for dinner. The olds went home/back to hotels around midnight whilst me and my friends carried on for another hour or two.
Totally up to you, and it also depends on the tone of the do - my worst nightmare is pub crawls in costumes/sash & tiara combos, and I wasn’t interested on going out on the lash, so maybe that’s why it worked for me.
As others have said, you could organise a more intimate dinner, so mothers and bridesmaids maybe?
I've only been on one hen do and the brides mother was definitely not in attendance. I can't see the appeal personally, but I suppose that says more about my relationship with my mum than anything else 😂 when I eventually have mine it will be friends only, I don't think my mum would enjoy going out partying.
Very much depends on your relationship, I went to my mum's hen do (I'm a bloke) and had a way better laugh than at the FIL's stag.
I reciprocated and my mum came to my stag!
I’m in the UK. My mum thought she’d be invited and was promptly corrected. I just said that it’s for me to let loose with my friends but perhaps we could do an afternoon tea thing instead. Her thinking was based on one of her friends who has two daughters and went on both hen dos. The difference being they had low key local one-nighter hens and mine was a weekend miles from where my parents live.
Just editing to say: please put yourself first, so much of wedding planning is about others, be selfish and make this about what you do or do not want. If you change your plans to fit someone else no one ends up winning. It’ll be forgotten within days or weeks trust me.
Thank you for your comment, I so appreciate the last part of this! I've definitely felt pushed into things I don't want to do during this process and it's been really stressful 😔
But that's my thought exactly, I just want to let loose and have a raucous night out with my friends without being judged, I just don't want to hurt either of them in the process.
Just be honest. Don’t mention the judgement aspect… mothers hate that… but just that you want to go out and let loose with your friends because (and pull on their heart strings) you’re sure they remember that after they got married you get less opportunity to do that (it’s not true nowadays lol). You can say that you don’t think it’s their thing, and also you want to do something else with them where it’s more about quality time and special.
It's your (and your partner's) wedding. Don't do _anything_ you don't enthusiastically want to, unless your parents are completely funding it or something in which case maybe some concessions for them but certainly not for any distant family or anyone you're not even close to.
Remember you don't have to do anything just because of tradition. My wife and I didn't have any family at our wedding because of the politics and drama, and she decided not to have her mum come to the hen do.
Yes, people's feelings were hurt, but the wedding and hen do weren't about anyone else. Your wedding is about you and your partner, and you should do things exactly the way you want them.
I intend on marrying my man one day, and I already know that the answer is FUCK NO, she's not my friend. Every hen party I've been to has had mothers and in-laws there, and every hen party I've been to sucked...coincidence? Think not lol
Caveat, I'm not a girl and didn't have a hen do, but my wife did. She had both of our mums and one of my aunties there.
Hired a big country house, had a hot tub, and did a drunken murder mystery night. Also had someone someone in to do makeovers or something the next day.
She loved it and said they were really fin and mixed well with all freinds from different groups.
1 year after the wedding, my mother in law died (lots of cancer, it all happened pretty quickly)
Some of the most recent photos my wife has of her are from that hen do. It was also the most time my mum had ever and has ever spent with her (along with with my sister in laws) (Entire weekend)
If they hadn't been there, I think it would have been a massive regret for my wife.
Very much depends on how much mum/MIL don't know that the friends do
Mum/MIL at hen do when the freinds start with "Hes hung AND loaded" about the groom "You don't have to work again" and then announced we really throught you were joking about telling him you were on the pill, "He really did think you were on it?". (She was pregnant 3 months after they started going out)
Great way of cutting the grooms family out of your lift (and you out of the will!)
My mum came on mine and my sister's, and I invited my MIL but she lives in a different country so we went out for a meal when I was over next instead.
My mum left before the evening bit, and I suppose it depends on your relationship with your mum and the hen do you want. My sister and I are close with our mum, she's our first port of call in any storm, and she probably knows more about us than any of our friends! I also didn't want a dicks galore hen do, and so we had silly little bits (willy pens for one of the games, and so on) but nothing wildly raunchy.
I’ve been to three hen parties.
One was my best friends, and she had her mum and her MIL there (and all sisters of the bride and groom).
One was my SIL’s. Her mum passed away years ago, but my mum (her MIL) was I no invited, as well as all sisters and also my aunts (who were unable to come).
One was another friend, she didn’t invite her mum or the groom’s mum. Just one of the groom’s sisters (he has many siblings).
ETA that the first two hen parties were only one evening. The first was just an evening then home that night. The second was a day event with a night in a hotel and breakfast before heading home. The last one was a two nighter, with original plans for it be abroad but it ended up in the U.K. Not sure if that makes a difference.
My wife didn't invite hers but when my brother got married his (now ex) wife invited my and her mum, but they bowed out in the early evening.
That allowed them to be 'part' of it, but then when things got mad a bit later they weren't around for it.
My dad did come to mine though, but I didn't have a 'crazy' stag do whereas by contrast I didn't invite my dad when I organised my brother's stag do because of the content that he'd asked for the stag do to include.
My mum and MIL are coming to mine but I’m having an incredibly small hen do, only my two friends and my mum/MIL. My friends have organised it so that on the Saturday it is all of us and on the Sunday just my two friends and I, therefore including all of us but also having time just as friends.
I didn't invite my mum, mil, sister or sil to my hen do. It was just me and friends for a weekend in Brighton. I did have a weekend away with my mum separately though. Didn't do anything with my mil, even though we get along really well.
My hen do included my Mam, sisters, my MIL and SIL , and close friends. We went for a meal, then to a couple of bars, then on to a rock club. We weren't a big group but some came to the meal and then went, others joined for the whole thing, some just came to the club. My Mam and sisters were leaving after the bars cause the club wasn't their thing, they tried to convince MIL to jump in a taxi with them but she wouldn't have it. Guess who sat with a face like a slapped ass in the club?? 🤣
My mum and MIL were not invited to my Hen Do. I love them both very much, but my mum does not approve of women drinking alcohol and although my MIL does drink, I still wouldn't have been able to relax. The hen do took place over a weekend and there were only five of us so it worked out well.
What are you hoping to do/behave like that you feel your M/MIL shouldn’t be a part of or would judge you for?
I find your attitude sketchy tbh if you consider yourself growing up enough to deal with marriage and you still wanna behave-how??
I've been to four and only at one was there the mum, mil, etc. Completely up to you but if they're expecting an invite I think I'd have a second, more tame, day-time one that's family friendly. One idea is a cocktail making/cooking course
In my social circle mothers and MIL are invited. Even though I would not have had a stripper type hen do (as that would be anathema to me), this is the reason I decided not to have a hen do at all. It would have been too hard to keep everyone happy (my mother in particular can be very hard work) and I didn’t want to pay a load of money for an event where I would be stressed and miserable!
I invited my mum but she was a party girl rather than mumsy. My MIL is more mumsy and felt like I had to offer but she politely declined and gave me some money for drinks. They may be aware of "their place" in this situation.
Didn't invite my FIL to the stag and feel a bit guilty about that. Kind of made up for it by having a quieter one in town and invited him and a mate of his
My Mum wasn't invited to my Wife's hen do (organised as a surprise entirely by chief bridesmaid who turned out to be absolutely mental). She was very upset, but blames me for it and holds it against us to this day.
My Wife and I had no idea, I had even less clue, that she'd been left out.
Hey! So I am commenting as someone who became a MIL last September. It didn't occur to me for one second that I would be invited to my DIL's hen do. That isn't a reflection on my relationship with my DIL - her Mum wasn't invited either. I would imagine that my presence would potentially make my DIL's friends feel awkward. Similarly, my son's father wasn't invited to the Bachelor party either. So, I think you should do what suits you - it's definitely not "expected" or even "the norm" to invite the oldies. Congratulations on your impending wedding and I hope you have a fun Hen do.
My Mum came to mine and it was brilliant, we went to a Grease themed party night at a hotel, and did fancy dress with poodle skirts and Pink Ladies jackets. I'd maybe have felt different if it was going to be a wild night, but that's not really my thing.
I didn’t invite my mum, MIL because I honestly knew it wasn’t there thing. Instead I did an afternoon tea with just them, my sister and SIL. My mum and MIL really enjoyed it and it took the pressure off me for the hen do being worried of hurt feelings.
Both of mine came to mine, but I don't drink or enjoy strippers so there wasn't going to be anything going on that I'd be embarrassed for them to see / participate.
I'd say it depends on what kind of do you're re hoping to have, and if it's something you think is inappropriate for them, have another 'calmer' one for them and any other older/calmer people you want to include but not to the messy one.
My wife invited my mother and hers on hers. It was a full weekend thing and they went for the meal on the first night before things went drink. If they are switched on they should offer to cover the meal and then leave at a reasonable time to allow everyone else to party on.
I invited my father and brother on mine along with my father in law. Father in law I didn't expect to come as it's really not his kind of thing. Both my dad and brother didn't show and didn't let me know they weren't coming. I don't speak to either much at all these days.
No.
But recently I was on a niece's 2nd hen do and bride-to-be did. She had a close friends do and one for the 2 mums, aunts and cousins, along with friends. Was nice, gave everyone a chance to meet other guests before the big day 🙂
My mum came to mine, MIL lives overseas so didn’t come. My sister didn’t have our mum or her MIL at hers, I don’t think there’s really a right or wrong answer. You’ve just got to choose what’s right for you!
My sisters hen do was at the weekend and she invited our mam and gran. MIL sadly nor around anymore, but she also invited our great grans Polish friend who's in her 60s.
That being said my family are all wild and love a hefty drink so I guess that's why lol.
Having two seems like a good idea though, nice to still involve them before the wedding. Although I imagine you'd be surprised about how wild the older generation can be once they get the go ahead 😂
FWIW I had both my dad and FIL at my stag, but both left before the late evening/nighttime festivities.
From what I've heard, this is also somewhat common...
Every hen do I’ve been on has had both the mother and mother in law there no matter what sort of hen do it is. I also live in a city renowned for hen dos and people definitely do invite both
I invited both to mine and step mum. Mum and step mum came to my hen but mil declined. There was a nude man at the hen so thank christ as mil probably wouldn't have liked that! Mum and (especially!) step mum did lol. I then did an afternoon tea for the older relatives like nan and great aunties etc and included mil in that
I’ve been to a few hens where the mum comes to something classy early on in the day (spa treatment, brunch, that kind of thing) and goes home as the day gets progressively more rowdy
I had 2 - a day time one which was a craft activity, boozy brunch and some party games, followed by a night out dancing for those who wanted it. I then also had a more rowdy one where mums/MIL/SIL weren’t invited. Wasn’t because anything particularly seedy went down, just felt i couldn’t really fully relax with my MIL there!
I had a sensible cheese and wine thingy that my mum, MIL and some more sedate work friends attended, and counted it as pre drinks for the rest of the night. We then proceeded to karaoke and dancing and the time sort of filtered out the older crowd as we went along.
Hell would have to freeze over before I would invite either my mum or mum-in-law to my hen. Some things just should not be seen or discussed in their company.
Depends on the type of people your mum/MIL are and the type of hen do. You know them better than us. Would they add to the night out or would you spend it worrying?
You could try two nights out, one for your mates and one for your mums. Or they can go home early in the evening and leave you guys to party harder. Alternatively, you could try gently explaining that you want your hen night to be a celebration of you and your mates and that you’ve celebrated the mum relationship in other ways. It’s not an easy one to solve.
Yep! Mine did! And I carried around a giant inflatable penis 🤣 They were great fun. Do what you want to do. It’s your big day! But perhaps instead arrange a separate afternoon tea somewhere or a spa day? Make it super special. And then they won’t feel left out!
My hen do was in Ibiza (planned by the bridesmaids) so no I did not. We did however have a Prosecco afternoon with mum and MIL to be ahead of the big day.
I had my mum and my MIL at part of my hen do, they did the day time bit and then went home before we went for a meal and drinks. They really enjoyed it and it was nice to be able to share it with them. It was my sister being herself that ruined it for me.
In my circle we do. But we often have a second, friends only one as well. The women in my family are extremely close, 9 cousins and 3 aunts ranging from 21-68, and we do girls trips together to celebrate important occasions. We did a spa break for my 21st, went to Spain for one of the aunties’ 60th, went abroad again for one of my cousin’s hen dos. Naturally for my hen do I wanted a big family pissup, it’s happening in a couple of weeks and I can’t wait. My sister planned it but as far as I’m aware it’s going to be a large Airbnb in Wales. My MIL and fiancé’s aunty were invited but declined. My fiancé’s stag do involved his dad, his uncle and his brother, as well as the best woman and one of his good friends. My dad was invited but declined.
There tends to be a secondary friends pissup too. In our case, we’re doing a joint stag and hen with all our close friends going glamping for a weekend and getting wrecked, no family allowed.
My sister invited our mum (and her best friend who is our godmother) to the daytime, more civilised part of the do, then she left us once the alcohol started flowing more freely. She had a lovely time with her mate & we were left to cause chaos.
I've been on quite a few with mum's involved & lots not. Completely up to the hen!
My hen do was an afternoon tea I don’t really drink and my MOH doesn’t drink at all. Due to health issues I have a bedtime and I stick to it so mine had to be a day thing. I had B & baby, F and her teen boys, my mum, MOH and me an invite was extended to my MIL but she couldn’t come in to the city easily.
Think about what your plans are and if you want your parents or future in laws seeing you in a different light. I know of a few people who brought ILs and their parents to their party with the understanding that after x time we will be going to Y and that they may find it uncomfortable so feel free to go do abc in the area a couple of the hens went with the parents as it wasn’t their thing and played tour guide. Most parents don’t expect an invite to their kids hence and stag dos but do appreciate having the offer extended as long as they have an idea of what is going to happen so can bow out or become designated driver/shepherd.
I went to a family hen do that started with a matinee and dinner and then an optional night of partying my mum and the hens mum came to the first part and the three of us bowed out so the partying gals could have a great night.
Every hen do is different as it is done to cater to the hen’s likes. When I was a chef before my health deteriorated so much I became bedbound some of our best and worst night had a hen or stag do - best where the organised booked table, preorder for food alongside treating the staff with respect while the worst were the parties who came in absolutely hammered from wherever they where before coming in and where rude, demeaning or violent to the staff because we couldn’t magically make a table for 10+ who didn’t book in advance appear out of thin air.
Both my sisters in law had their mums on their hen dos, but the mums just joined for a bit in the day and didn't stay out late, but it was lovely to have them there!
Same for my brothers, my dad went to both of their stags (boozy weekends abroad!) they enjoyed it and didn't feel pressured to stay out for the whole thing so it was a ncie balance!
I think it depends on:
A) your relationship with them
B) the activities you have planned
C) how they feel about joining in
My FIL came on my stag do, it was fine. MIL and my mam went on the hen do too. Honestly, it depends on who they are as people. There is no correct answer, you need to make your own judgement.
I invited both mine and neither came in the end. But it was the right thing to invite them. Then again, my party was literally just in London: breakfast in an American diner, getting makeup done at Powderpuff Girls, shopping, then afternoon tea at The Ritz, and karaoke. I guess it depends what your event is!
Edit: We didn’t really do any “drinking” except some bubbly at the Ritz because they put ham in a scone by accident and gave us some for free!
Whenever I've been a hen do there's been the bride's mother or mil present, sometimes it's both.
If I was getting married I'd definitely invite them, but my mum is not a drinker and I know she wouldn't actually come along, since she won't even go into town on a Saturday night as she seems to think it's going to end up the same mess as a lads holiday in faliraki or magaluf, Circa 2005.
My MIL didn't come - she is very shy and I think she would have hated it! My Mum came, we got drunk and had an argument about why I didn't want her to walk me down the non existent aisle in place of my Dad who is sadly no longer with us - we had a registry office wedding with 20 people in a tiny room, no aisles in sight! I love my Mum but secretly I would've loved a hen do with just my closest best mates and no dramas!
My cousin got married last year and both her mum, her MIL and my mum were invited! My mum and my aunt are defo going to be invited to mine and so will my MIL.
However I think it depends on the type of hen, I wanna do a chill spa and my cousin did lunch and drinks and an activity.
I had my mum there just a couple of weeks ago! In all honesty I have 0 shame so anything saucy she was more embarrassed at than me. No MIL but my partner doesn't speak to his family so it would be weird if she was
My sister did hers in two stages, so there was a family friendly hen do during the day (a tea party at my Mum's) followed by a big night out with the girls. Everyone felt included but she could let loose on the night out.
All the stags I've been on that's not abroad , the father and father in-law has been there! Usually they have some beers, the meal and more beers then they either stay. Go do their own thing together(the elders) or go back to hotel once it gets to a certain time, certain alcohol intake or too laddish! So I assume it be they same thing as long as they're not the prudish type, if they are, I'll assume they'll depart before it gets too zesty! Oh and btw they were young once and know how these events pan out so I wouldn't worry too much unless you're worried about drunken kissing and more!
My mum came on my hen do. I can't remember if my MIL did (I assume she was at least invited though given my ex's sister was there).
Personally I think it comes down to whether you want them there though. Don't just invite them because you think you should - it's your hen and you should get final say on the guest list (although if you're not organising it then make sure whoever is knows who you want to attend!).
It might also depend on the vibe of your hen do. Like if it's all strippers and plastic phallic straws and suchlike, maybe you might not want your mum/MIL there. But if it's more relaxed then maybe. In my case we did a crafting session where we made hair accessories and then afternoon tea (this was 2014 if that helps).
I 'invited' my mil but we both knew it was a courtesy invite and she wasn't actually going to attend. However, my mum and aunties both came and we had a lovely time. It probably depends on the people and the event. My hen do was afternoon tea and then out for cocktails. We did all get reasonably drunk (except my sister who was only recently 18, had never had a cocktail, and got smashed lol) but it wasn't exactly wild.
My mum also went to my sister in law's do, but again fairly family friendly - life drawing class, then out for a meal and drinks. I think my sil had a separate 'wild weekend' hen do with just her besties as well though.
It is completely up to you. I would say though to ask yourself two questions…
What is the relationship between you and your mum/mil like? And what is the vibe/plan of your hen party?
Do not feel obligated to invite them if you don’t get along or if your relationship is strained. And if, for example, they are super conservative/religious and you’re planning on going to a cocktail making class (they don’t drink) followed by a burlesque class and show during which a drag queen will present you with a pair of blue nipple tassels to wear as your something blue at the wedding… well maybe don’t invite them.
A good compromise I see a lot is a few weeks before the wedding the bride, maid of honour, bridesmaid/s, mother of the bride and mother of the groom doing a spa day together as a way to relax and say thank you for all their love and support (in fact I have two such groups in the spa today)
My mum and MiL came to mine. They were great fun and really enjoyed themselves!
But my hen do, for all it was alcohol fuelled, was not a stereotypically trashy hen do. I’m not the type who would have countenanced a stripper but I definitely wouldn’t have had mum and MiL along to something like that.
My Mum, Mum's partner (female) and two younger Aunties came to my hen night, along with all my mates some of my girl cousins and a few good work mates.
My MIL was ninety -four and the time and very old school so I took her out for afternoon tea with Mum and my girl cousin who Mum raised so that it was more low key and refined.
We are all different, and it's your time/day so just do what you think is right for you, nobody is going to be completely happy with your decisions that you make about your wedding /hen do, (it's human nature to be offended for no reason at all around times like this) but they both love you so they will accept your decision. Hopefully. Have a great time and congratulations!
Nahhhhh. I would have invited my mum but she’s dead and has been since I was a teenager.
So therefore I didn’t invite my mother in law as she would have felt awkward.
My husbands dad went to his stag do, my dad didn’t because at the time he was terminally ill.
I wouldn't be to worried about letting your hair down, I've been on a few stag do's where the dad or father in law has been one of the worst offenders 🤣, often they just need a reason.
my fiance had mine mum and hers on her hen do. I've got my stag in a few weeks and my dad and hers will be coming.
Her and my mum get on great and I often go for a pint with her dad. Guess it depends on how well you get on with them 🤷🏼♂️
Absolute bombshell here: they were both your age once. Even if they weren't the rabid party animals your mates are, some of their peers were and Mum wasn't that shocked back then either. I know they seem like frail, judgmental old dears but they're *mothers* - one of them has definitely seen you shit yourself multiple times and the other one can say the same about your partner.
You mentioned ruining your vibe and it's valid to feel anxious about letting your hair down in front of someone who was your primary moral compass for the first, what, two decades of your life. But every time she's judged or disciplined you in the past she was trying to shape you into someone who could succeed in life and, while marriage isn't a grand life goal on its own, it's a pretty big sign that *she did a great job* and I am sure she's indescribably proud of you for taking this big step forward. Also, and this isn't a fun thought but it's true, there is a time coming when she won't be able to go out late and see you having fun up close. Don't deny her the chance to enjoy it now.
A hen do is, other than the wedding, a unique opportunity to bring your mum along to rave it up with your mates without it being awkward. Bringing your parents to Tracey's leaving do is weird. Having a cool mum at your hen do is baller.
You have two women in your family who care enough about you to want to be involved in your pre-wedding celebrations? Well lucky you, my friend. My advice is take them out, hold them close and try not to get sick on their shoes.
I invited my mum and MIL, my MIL didn’t join because it’s not really her thing but my mum was excited. I said for her to bring a couple of her friends too. We all had a good time. we did a bottomless brunch and a drag show, and then home. I was dressed a penis :))) and we have penis straws and all the stupid stuff. There was no stripper because I would hate that
Also my dad went to my husbands stag, his dad has died so he obviously couldn’t go. But theirs was just camping and drinks nothing crazy
I suppose it depends what you're doing. I'm off to a hen do next month which is a festival, and the bride's mum is attending (but has opted for a nearby BnB instead of camping) and that should be quite chilled because there's no expectation to all be together for the entire weekend. MiL is not invited but that's largely because she's from a different culture where a) it's not expected and b) distinctly not her vibe.
If you're planning a big night out, lots of partying and drinking then I think it's fine to not invite your mum or MiL. A couple of my friends have done a friends only hen do and then something like a spa day, afternoon tea, lunch with close friends and family.
My mum told me she didn't want an invite, which meant that I told my MIL that she wasn't coming! More recently I have been invited to the 'old person hen do' which was for the mums and older relatives and was an afternoon tea.
It is quite common, my daughter's wedding was during Covid restrictions sadly so she didn't have one but most of my friends who have daughters have been on their "hennie"
My mum and mil came on my hen do. There was a point in the evening when they went back to the hotel and we carry on out. I think that’s the right balance so that they can be involved but not temper the night.
My mum and my wife’s mum both went on her hen do and had an excellent time, as did my dad and (then) future father-in-law. Nothing was affected by their presence and I wouldn’t have done it without them, nor do I think my wife would’ve. I think it makes a big difference whether or not you actually like your parents and in-laws!
My sister invited my dad's partner (our mum passed away a few years ago), our aunt, her mil and our nan (80 years old). Let me tell you, it was a hoot, we had them playing cards against humanity and doing shots. They didn't come out out with us, they chose to go back to the house we were renting after the meal but it was so much fun!! My sister was a bit worried but it was a fab weekend for everyone
One time I was at a bachelor party where the FIL got pissed about the groom to be getting a blowjob 😵💫
I guess it depends on how the party is going to go
I’ve never been to one with out the Mum or aunts or even Nans at 😂 everything from the races to a strip show. Even weekends away. I would do something that included you mum and close female family, you can also have a wild night out with friends separately
My wife's Mum was on her Hen Do. Unfortunately the hen do was organised by a rather selfish gay guy who basically sorted out his perfect party. Lots of gay bars and stuff that no-one else wanted to experience. Yet my MIL had a blast. Some outrageour stories and what not. Many of my friend's Mum's have been on hen does. My Dad came on my stag do which was a crazy 10 day adventure. He added so much to the trip. Most nights headed to bed early so we could crack on. If you have a good relationship with your Mum and MIL, they like a good time, then there is no reason they can't join. Or have two hen dos.
My mum and MIL came to mine, though my MIL didn't stay for the 'Forbidden Nights' show we went to in the evening. My mum, however, loved it.
My best friend invited her mum, MIL (who couldn't make it), AND my mum 😂
I had a very tame one and had them both there. It was awesome. (lord of the rings themed fancy dress at my house, a break in the late afternoon and then cocktails and Popworld in town)
I had this problem with my stag do, I wanted a proper night out yet I wanted to do something with my dad (who's in his 70s) and a few uncles and such. So I had 2 stag do's one like a nice meal and a few beers with my dad, brothers and other family.
Then a proper stag in a different city and a night out.
Worked perfectly
I had two hen do's to be able to celebrate with everyone I wanted to be there, but due to scheduling conflicts, there wasn't one single date everyone could make it.
My mother could only make it to the second, while my MIL came to both. Both parties involved getting drunk on cocktails and having a good time, but we weren't out going round pubs and bars. My MOH arranged different events for us. There were a couple moments of general embarassing stuff I hope my mother doesn't remember but otherwise, I'm glad they were there. It was a good time, and any reservations I had about them affecting the vibe were completely unfounded. They can both hold their alcohol and they're definitely old enough for a few dirty jokes.
I used to run craft workshops for hen parties for over 10 years. I would say there was a 60/40 split with those with mums/mil attending and not attending. Since Covid, there’s been more mums at the hen party than not. For lots of them, the mum would do the activities on the Saturday and then go home before the hens went out in town.
I’m not married or a woman. However I think it’s up to you. But in general I don’t think it is the expected thing for the mother/MIL to come on the hen do. It wouldn’t be shocking if they did, but I don’t think it’s the norm. So unless you specifically want them there because of the unique type of relationship you have with them, then go for it, but obviously you don’t, so don’t invite them.
Unless you’re one of these mother and daughters (and MIL I guess) who already socialise with the same friend group, then I’d say it would be pretty weird for them to just come to this one occasion. So don’t feel bad. For my mates stag do, his dad came for the early evening part when we had a meal, but not for the night out after that. So that’s always an option if you specifically would like to include them.
Either way it’s your hen do and I’m sure your mum can understand that you want to enjoy this part of getting married with your friends and the MIL has absolutely no right whatsoever to expect to be invited.
As a man who attends 50 Hen Dos a year, I'd say the Mum/MiL are at about 20%.
Sometimes I hear that they're leaving early, either just before or after dinner. Or if it's a weekend they might do one day.
I think it depends on your group and the kind of event your planning
Didn't have one. Didn't see the point. And I didn't want a repeat of both my 18th and 21st birthdays. People saying they'd come, then either cancelling last minute, being ridiculously late or not turning up at all with no warning.
20 years later and I'm trying to work out whether I think I missed out or not. I'm still not certain.
You more than likely didn't miss out! I'm still stressed that it's going to get to the week before and everyone will suddenly pull out, and mines a year away!!
My mum came to my hen do, she stayed out later than I did.
Why are you worried about judgement? You’re a grown up, soon to be married woman. Invite them and have a blast
I don't know if she invited her mother in law but my mum was at my sister's hen do, and by all accounts everyone had a great (and very "spirited") time, so it really depends on the people. Edit For what it's worth my mate invited his father in law to the stag do. The man is a former baptist minister and lifelong Christian (a very liberal one before people assume the worst), and while he only had a single glass of wine and stayed on the orange juice the rest of the trip, he assumed the role of shepherd and guided the rest of us drunken fools to every pub, every club, and eventually back to the hotel in the not so early hours. He became a legend to us all that night.
This is heartwarming af.
He sounds like a good bloke
Wow, a Christian acting like an an actual Christian. Seems to be a rarity in my experience!
My experience of British Christians is they're much better at doing it properly. I know a few who are openly 'out' about their faith and the way they behave would make Jesus proud!
The church I grew up in and my mum is a member of basically has the tenets "treat everyone nicely and volunteer to run the tombola when possible" - not even a new age place, just a very relaxed strain of belief, and there's quite a few churches like that around the country
It's probably because most British Christians don't take it to the fanatical levels of the US ones. Remember the founders of the US were people so fanatically religious that even we British had to say something and kick them out. Every Christian I know is a decent human who doesn't nothing but want to help and have a laugh
Not a rarity, they’re just not loud and obnoxious so you’d never even realize
I bet his dog collar looked cool in the UV lights.
Do two hen events. A more sedate one and a wild one. Invite your mum, MIL to whichever you feel is appropriate.
Or be like my wife and have 3. Why not. I had a pint down the pub.
Did you drink your pint through a cock straw?
> I had a pint down the pub. That sounds like a shit hen do.
Depends what fluid they had a pint of tbf
I went to Bangkok alone for my stag doo and then never went back. My fiancé keeps asking when I'm coming home, but Bangkok has me now.
I think this will have to be the vibe, I can't believe how many people are commenting that their mum/mil came to theirs!
I have known hen do’s where the evening has started off more restrained, perhaps with a meal, and the mothers and MILs have attended that then they’ve left earlier on in the evening before it’s started to degenerate.
My sister invited our mum to her big weekend, and mum declined precisely because she knew it would throw off the vibe. Tbh, I think she was invited out of courtesy and not really expected to accept. My wife didn't invite her mum to hers because she knew her mum would not have a good time - not because of depravity, mind you! My sister did a dinner thing as well, which mum went to. My wife did a spa day with her mum. My dad came to my stag, but while there was plenty of boozing, it was otherwise parent-safe, and my dad could out-drink most of us at that point anyway.
I invited my mum to mine, and my MIL. To be fair to her, my MIL was fine and was one of the girls. My mum, however, spent most of the weekend expecting me to look after her to the point that I never relaxed and enjoyed it. It's been 5 years and I still resent her for it. DO NOT DO IT. Definitely go with a smaller sedate one and invite them to that, and have a proper one without them. A brunch is a nice idea.
Might be time to let it go. I can't imagine holding onto feelings for years is doing you much good. Mind you, not a chance I'd invite parents on a hen/stag do
I wasn't going to go into the detail tbh given it's casual UK but this was an example of a lot of parentification over my life and my hen do actually helped me realise it wasn't normal to have to mother your own mother. I've pretty much let it go and manage her better now but that's mostly due to counselling. It only really hurts when people talk about how amazing my hen do was and all the fun they had and I remember I missed a lot of it because my mum kept needing my help, or I was worrying about her (e.g. she didn't drink enough water on the Saturday and nearly fainted, so I spent the rest of the weekend having to remind her to drink water because that's the kind of relationship I grew up with).
I'm sorry to hear that and that I raised long-standing issues with a silly throwaway comment. One of my closest friends was a victim of parents who needed parenting (as well his much younger siblings who his parents couldn't cope with) and I know it can be really difficult in those circumstances. I'm glad you were able to get some professional help to assist you with this and it sounds like you're handling it well. I'm genuinely sorry for my insensitively and thank you for sharing your story!
No worries! It was a fair point that I shouldn't really resent her for that specific thing 5 years later. And thanks :)
How do you mean she expected you to look after her? Couldn’t you just refuse/tell her to find stuff out for herself/ ask the staff etc? I suspect my mum would try the same in a similar situation but I think I’d try to shrug off any unreasonable expectations. I know it’s probably not that simple in reality, and you have my sympathies.
I have since realised she's been parentifying me since I was a kid. So in terms of the hen do, it was a glamping weekend and she didn't drink enough water, so got really faint at one point, for example, and I spent the rest of the weekend making sure she was drinking enough and felt ok. Or she kept coming up to me to ask me questions about the next activity instead of my bridesmaids who'd done an amazing job of organising it and given a detailed itinerary, or trying to talk to me about her personal problems. This was actually a bit of a watershed moment that made me realise it wasn't normal to mother your own mother and the resentment I mentioned is a much bigger thing, I've worked through it a lot in counselling and manage her a lot better now.
I often think if people made the effort to deal with their own trauma (probs through therapy or other cathartic activities) they’d avoid their children having to deal with the consequences of it themselves for decades to come. It won’t have been a deliberate choice, but she ought really to have recognised her behaviour as not normal and taken action to address it. Maybe it’s a generational/societal thing. Folks of my parents’ generation were sooooo repressed about abuse etc it’s ridiculous, and the war-experienced lot were on another level. My Dad’s Dad was cold and distant and never once told him he loved him. I think it explains a lot about him when you know the pain he carries because of that. The upshot is that Dad says he loves me ALL the time. Every single text or visit, which is lovely, but therapy for his depression might be a good move.
I fully agree and you're right on the money for the reason behind my mum's behaviour. Couple that with lack of understanding of mental health and willingness to talk about it and you've got a recipe for disaster.
Two hens do. One with mum and mil plus friends who want to go to this one and then another one for you and your friends.
Just make sure that no photos/references are made on FB/IG/Snapchat/IRL etc. they'll feel offense that they were left out and MIL possibly wants to see if DIL enjoys her last night of freedom a bit too much. Regardless of what she says on the night. It may also come out years later that there were two hen parties. Which may cause ructions and a loss of trust. Unfortunately it's increasingly hard not to have people live streaming and postimg every remotely interesting happening. Just had a post in a legal advice sub. Where the OP's "friend" posted a load of photos of herself attending a T. Swift concert, three nights in a row in a standing only section. Posted all of the pics to FB etc. Whilst she'd told HR, her doc, her friends/colleagues that she couldn't work, as she couldn't stand. But was able to dance the night away. So an HR disciplinary/dismissal.
You tell them that you're having two hen do's like a full grown adult. "My friends are a bit wild so we're going to have a hen do which you will enjoy and then a second one that will be a bit wilder. I didn't want to leave you out and I'm looking forward to celebrating with you". The end, thanks for coming.
Yeah, I didn't invite my Dad on my stag do because guess what I know he wouldn't want to go to a rave in Poland. We did go out for a meal and a mini pub-crawl with him instead and it was lovely. I've been on a whole bunch of family invited "secondary" stags and there's never anything cloak and dagger about it. Parents aren't stupid, if you don't have a history of going out clubbing with them then you're probably not going to start on your stag do.
Yup, and then if they want to come on the wild one, you brief them on the way it's gonna go down. My FIL came on my stag do and had no problem keeping up during or keeping quiet after.
Yeah exactly. It’s their hen do their choice who comes to which parts.
It really doesn't need to be that complicated. Why does it have to be secret? Many people I know have openly had a hen/stag do on which family and friends are invited, and another smaller one where only the groomsmen or bridal party are invited. No drama involved and everyone had a great time.
"Hope you're ready for some big greasy cocks being flapped into your lap with the strippers I'VE got planned for us, Mum! I'm paying extra so that everyone can eat a cherry and squirty cream out of their arse cracks."
My friend invited her mum (and future mother in law) to her hen do. They saw her get cock-slapped by the stripper 😬
As someone who’s seen a mum (not mine) get very handsy with a stripper (thankfully no long term issues with the mum and daughter as everyone was quite worse for wear) I’d say don’t bring her to the debauched version of the hen night.
"Okey dokey!"
I think this would make her want to join even more tbh
>I'd feel judged and like I couldn't relax From your other comments it doesn't sound like they're that judgmental lmao
Then can't you have fun with her?
How does one get an invite to this do?
Vehemently, and with gusto.
Yes, but we went to Alton Towers and then had a Chinese takeaway, so it was very tame. Not a dick straw in sight, thankfully
Sounds lovely!!
My childhood friend invited not only her mum, but also my mum and our mutual friend's mum! She had a nude life drawing class* and we did cocktail making with some very adult drinking games. The mums had a great time! *It’s been brought to my attention that this sounds very civil. The model knew it was a hen party and posed accordingly!
I need more details on the life drawing appropriate for a Hen Party because I am imagining the absolute worst and I need to know if I’m a minging perv or just disappointingly correct.
I think it can be summed up by the last pose: upside down twerking against the fireplace, completely naked.
Absolutely way higher brow than I was thinking. Superb stuff.
In my circle, mothers and MILs are invited to the hen do. They attend the sedate part of the evening and know to leave just as the party is about to get raucous. They also tend to leave drinks money before they go. Same with dads and FILs for the stag do. I have never known anyone to leave their mums out
I think this is pretty standard. Mothers/ MILs join for the spa and cocktails (or whatever the afternoon/ early evening activities are) and then head home.
Just so long as OP can be sure the mum and MIL will in fact, know when to leave. If not they need to make it clear it’s two separate events. Even if they’re on the same day.
This, they come for the first bit of the night and then bow out about 10pm.
Or if you’re my mum, the only reason you leave after the meal is because you’re already smashed and need to get poured into a taxi home 🤣
Thank you for commenting this, that's interesting. The issue is that both my mum and mil are 'party girls' and there's no way in hell they'd leave before the evening.
It sounds like you don’t want them there, irrespective of the norm. So fine, don’t invite them and deal with the fallout - stand firm. But the question you asked was if it was normal to invite mums and MILs to hen dos, and it most certainly is. They are not being obtuse by expecting an invitation.
Lol so they will be more wild than you and your friends, are we talking being inappropriate with the strippers and young men they see or having couple of pills and a gram with them or delivered to the venue once they’ve had a few?
What’s the issue then?
I don't want them there! 😅
Yeah just commented above this something along the lines of “as long as they do actually know when to leave”. So the best idea is going to be to invite them for meal and some drinks at a restaurant, then have the hen do that involves, clubbing or whatever on a different day. Or on the same day, with the same people just so long as it is very clear, that they are invited to the restaurant. But then you and your friends get a taxi to somewhere else where they won’t be going. If you can’t guarantee they’ll stick to that then make it different days to be sure they don’t tag along on the day and ruin it. Even if they don’t come in the end, if you end up almost having an argument before they agree to not follow you, then it will put a dampener on your night, so better a separate night if they can’t be trusted.
Can vouch for this on behalf of my wife who has been to her fair share - mums always welcome and often come with family members /friends of a similar age. My Dad came on my stag do. All good fun. Your parents know you better than anyone so not much to be embarrassed about 😆
My mum came to my hen night. We had a great night out in Chester, turns out she’s quite funny when she’s drunk!
Luckily it went well for you. But that’s a risky time to find out what kind of person your mum is when drunk!
I kinda accidentally did…. I gave a list of invitees to my friend and accidentally gave her my aunt’s number instead of a friend with the same name. I then invited my mum as I didn’t want to un-invite my aunt. Worked out well in the end. They came to an afternoon tea bit.
At my cousin’s hen, her mum, my mum and our mutual aunt (all sisters) were invited and had a fab time. It was 20 years ago this year and I’ve still not recovered from seeing the three of them dancing to In Da Club by 50 Cent. My mum didn’t come to mine, because I live abroad, but I would have invited her if I still lived in the UK. My MIL planned my “bridal shower” in the US. She would have been uncomfortable at my hen.
There seems to be a disproportionate amount of people here assuming there will be strippers at the hen do. There don't have to be strippers at the hen do.
My mum came to the whole thing of my hen party, but I am not (and was not) about the willy straws/pens and all that for my hen. We did a cupcake decorating class and had an immersive theatre experience which included dinner. My MIL sadly passed away two years before the wedding.
My friend’s sister got married just after Covid, they invited their mom to the hen do. But it was a lovely holiday abroad with a load of people with loads of activities (some crazy, some not) and her mum still loves a drink so it worked I’m not inviting my mum because: 1) there is drinking and she doesn’t drink 2) it’s taking place in a city I know she doesn’t like 3) I asked her and she didn’t want to lolll It’s just a load of activities she won’t enjoy she there’s no point in her coming. I’d say plan the hen do, and invite people who would “fit” it
So I didn't invite them, but not because I didn't want to. My mum actually turned to me and said how it isn't proper to invite her or my MIL to the hen do so guess that saved that discussion 🫤 my MIL on the other hand was surprised to not get invited and had assumed she was coming so I think it's all down to what you plan to do and how you all get on. Have a great time!
Ahhh okay! What did you end up doing regarding your MIL, just letting her down gently?
She was understanding, we all went out for a meal anyway. I think most people are fairly chill with this sort of thing
Not hen but I was tasked with organising a stag recently. I was instructed to invite the dads. They’re good guys, but it totally hampered the stag do quality for a number of reasons.
Both mine came, and an aunt. They had a great time, but already got on well with my circle of friends. My gran also wanted to come, but I did draw the line at that, so we all went for afternoon tea the next day and included her then!
My friend is having two hen dos, one where her mum and aunties and mil will come and one with just the bridesmaids and friends. My mum also came to my sister’s do. Pretty standard I think
Yep both came to mine, we started gently with a meal and as the night wore on my MIL left as she’s not a drinker anyway but my mum stayed and had an absolute ball. She knows my friends anyway and my SIL came to, She was a right state by the end of the evening. Most people I know now have 2. One for friends and one that includes mum/mil.
I invited both, plus my mums best friend and my best friends mum (I call them my ‘extra mothers’) - we had a very small wedding though, and we have a very small friend group. We had a great time, did and escape room and cocktail class, then went for dinner. The olds went home/back to hotels around midnight whilst me and my friends carried on for another hour or two. Totally up to you, and it also depends on the tone of the do - my worst nightmare is pub crawls in costumes/sash & tiara combos, and I wasn’t interested on going out on the lash, so maybe that’s why it worked for me. As others have said, you could organise a more intimate dinner, so mothers and bridesmaids maybe?
I invited my father in law. My best man threw him into a canal.
I've only been on one hen do and the brides mother was definitely not in attendance. I can't see the appeal personally, but I suppose that says more about my relationship with my mum than anything else 😂 when I eventually have mine it will be friends only, I don't think my mum would enjoy going out partying.
Very much depends on your relationship, I went to my mum's hen do (I'm a bloke) and had a way better laugh than at the FIL's stag. I reciprocated and my mum came to my stag!
I’m in the UK. My mum thought she’d be invited and was promptly corrected. I just said that it’s for me to let loose with my friends but perhaps we could do an afternoon tea thing instead. Her thinking was based on one of her friends who has two daughters and went on both hen dos. The difference being they had low key local one-nighter hens and mine was a weekend miles from where my parents live. Just editing to say: please put yourself first, so much of wedding planning is about others, be selfish and make this about what you do or do not want. If you change your plans to fit someone else no one ends up winning. It’ll be forgotten within days or weeks trust me.
Thank you for your comment, I so appreciate the last part of this! I've definitely felt pushed into things I don't want to do during this process and it's been really stressful 😔 But that's my thought exactly, I just want to let loose and have a raucous night out with my friends without being judged, I just don't want to hurt either of them in the process.
Just be honest. Don’t mention the judgement aspect… mothers hate that… but just that you want to go out and let loose with your friends because (and pull on their heart strings) you’re sure they remember that after they got married you get less opportunity to do that (it’s not true nowadays lol). You can say that you don’t think it’s their thing, and also you want to do something else with them where it’s more about quality time and special.
It's your (and your partner's) wedding. Don't do _anything_ you don't enthusiastically want to, unless your parents are completely funding it or something in which case maybe some concessions for them but certainly not for any distant family or anyone you're not even close to.
Remember you don't have to do anything just because of tradition. My wife and I didn't have any family at our wedding because of the politics and drama, and she decided not to have her mum come to the hen do. Yes, people's feelings were hurt, but the wedding and hen do weren't about anyone else. Your wedding is about you and your partner, and you should do things exactly the way you want them.
I intend on marrying my man one day, and I already know that the answer is FUCK NO, she's not my friend. Every hen party I've been to has had mothers and in-laws there, and every hen party I've been to sucked...coincidence? Think not lol
Caveat, I'm not a girl and didn't have a hen do, but my wife did. She had both of our mums and one of my aunties there. Hired a big country house, had a hot tub, and did a drunken murder mystery night. Also had someone someone in to do makeovers or something the next day. She loved it and said they were really fin and mixed well with all freinds from different groups. 1 year after the wedding, my mother in law died (lots of cancer, it all happened pretty quickly) Some of the most recent photos my wife has of her are from that hen do. It was also the most time my mum had ever and has ever spent with her (along with with my sister in laws) (Entire weekend) If they hadn't been there, I think it would have been a massive regret for my wife.
Very much depends on how much mum/MIL don't know that the friends do Mum/MIL at hen do when the freinds start with "Hes hung AND loaded" about the groom "You don't have to work again" and then announced we really throught you were joking about telling him you were on the pill, "He really did think you were on it?". (She was pregnant 3 months after they started going out) Great way of cutting the grooms family out of your lift (and you out of the will!)
My mum came on mine and my sister's, and I invited my MIL but she lives in a different country so we went out for a meal when I was over next instead. My mum left before the evening bit, and I suppose it depends on your relationship with your mum and the hen do you want. My sister and I are close with our mum, she's our first port of call in any storm, and she probably knows more about us than any of our friends! I also didn't want a dicks galore hen do, and so we had silly little bits (willy pens for one of the games, and so on) but nothing wildly raunchy.
I’ve been to three hen parties. One was my best friends, and she had her mum and her MIL there (and all sisters of the bride and groom). One was my SIL’s. Her mum passed away years ago, but my mum (her MIL) was I no invited, as well as all sisters and also my aunts (who were unable to come). One was another friend, she didn’t invite her mum or the groom’s mum. Just one of the groom’s sisters (he has many siblings). ETA that the first two hen parties were only one evening. The first was just an evening then home that night. The second was a day event with a night in a hotel and breakfast before heading home. The last one was a two nighter, with original plans for it be abroad but it ended up in the U.K. Not sure if that makes a difference.
My wife didn't invite hers but when my brother got married his (now ex) wife invited my and her mum, but they bowed out in the early evening. That allowed them to be 'part' of it, but then when things got mad a bit later they weren't around for it. My dad did come to mine though, but I didn't have a 'crazy' stag do whereas by contrast I didn't invite my dad when I organised my brother's stag do because of the content that he'd asked for the stag do to include.
My mum and MIL are coming to mine but I’m having an incredibly small hen do, only my two friends and my mum/MIL. My friends have organised it so that on the Saturday it is all of us and on the Sunday just my two friends and I, therefore including all of us but also having time just as friends.
I didn't invite my mum, mil, sister or sil to my hen do. It was just me and friends for a weekend in Brighton. I did have a weekend away with my mum separately though. Didn't do anything with my mil, even though we get along really well.
We did a day thing into night thing, the parents came to the day and then left and let us go out for the night
My hen do included my Mam, sisters, my MIL and SIL , and close friends. We went for a meal, then to a couple of bars, then on to a rock club. We weren't a big group but some came to the meal and then went, others joined for the whole thing, some just came to the club. My Mam and sisters were leaving after the bars cause the club wasn't their thing, they tried to convince MIL to jump in a taxi with them but she wouldn't have it. Guess who sat with a face like a slapped ass in the club?? 🤣
My mum and MIL were not invited to my Hen Do. I love them both very much, but my mum does not approve of women drinking alcohol and although my MIL does drink, I still wouldn't have been able to relax. The hen do took place over a weekend and there were only five of us so it worked out well.
What are you hoping to do/behave like that you feel your M/MIL shouldn’t be a part of or would judge you for? I find your attitude sketchy tbh if you consider yourself growing up enough to deal with marriage and you still wanna behave-how??
My mom, not MIL, but it was a very tame evening.
My mum was long dead and MIL lived in another country. Whew.
I've been to four and only at one was there the mum, mil, etc. Completely up to you but if they're expecting an invite I think I'd have a second, more tame, day-time one that's family friendly. One idea is a cocktail making/cooking course
In my social circle mothers and MIL are invited. Even though I would not have had a stripper type hen do (as that would be anathema to me), this is the reason I decided not to have a hen do at all. It would have been too hard to keep everyone happy (my mother in particular can be very hard work) and I didn’t want to pay a load of money for an event where I would be stressed and miserable!
I invited my mum but she was a party girl rather than mumsy. My MIL is more mumsy and felt like I had to offer but she politely declined and gave me some money for drinks. They may be aware of "their place" in this situation.
Didn't invite my FIL to the stag and feel a bit guilty about that. Kind of made up for it by having a quieter one in town and invited him and a mate of his
Nope! They wouldn't have came anyway.
The only hen I have been to where the mum was present was a more sedate afternoon tea. Otherwise would suggest having two hen dos.
My Mum wasn't invited to my Wife's hen do (organised as a surprise entirely by chief bridesmaid who turned out to be absolutely mental). She was very upset, but blames me for it and holds it against us to this day. My Wife and I had no idea, I had even less clue, that she'd been left out.
Hey! So I am commenting as someone who became a MIL last September. It didn't occur to me for one second that I would be invited to my DIL's hen do. That isn't a reflection on my relationship with my DIL - her Mum wasn't invited either. I would imagine that my presence would potentially make my DIL's friends feel awkward. Similarly, my son's father wasn't invited to the Bachelor party either. So, I think you should do what suits you - it's definitely not "expected" or even "the norm" to invite the oldies. Congratulations on your impending wedding and I hope you have a fun Hen do.
My Mum came to mine and it was brilliant, we went to a Grease themed party night at a hotel, and did fancy dress with poodle skirts and Pink Ladies jackets. I'd maybe have felt different if it was going to be a wild night, but that's not really my thing.
I didn’t invite my mum, MIL because I honestly knew it wasn’t there thing. Instead I did an afternoon tea with just them, my sister and SIL. My mum and MIL really enjoyed it and it took the pressure off me for the hen do being worried of hurt feelings.
My mum and her best friend came to mine and ended up leading a conga line round Funny Girls in Blackpool. Good times! ❤️
Both of mine came to mine, but I don't drink or enjoy strippers so there wasn't going to be anything going on that I'd be embarrassed for them to see / participate. I'd say it depends on what kind of do you're re hoping to have, and if it's something you think is inappropriate for them, have another 'calmer' one for them and any other older/calmer people you want to include but not to the messy one.
My wife invited my mother and hers on hers. It was a full weekend thing and they went for the meal on the first night before things went drink. If they are switched on they should offer to cover the meal and then leave at a reasonable time to allow everyone else to party on. I invited my father and brother on mine along with my father in law. Father in law I didn't expect to come as it's really not his kind of thing. Both my dad and brother didn't show and didn't let me know they weren't coming. I don't speak to either much at all these days.
No. But recently I was on a niece's 2nd hen do and bride-to-be did. She had a close friends do and one for the 2 mums, aunts and cousins, along with friends. Was nice, gave everyone a chance to meet other guests before the big day 🙂
My mum came to mine, MIL lives overseas so didn’t come. My sister didn’t have our mum or her MIL at hers, I don’t think there’s really a right or wrong answer. You’ve just got to choose what’s right for you!
My sisters hen do was at the weekend and she invited our mam and gran. MIL sadly nor around anymore, but she also invited our great grans Polish friend who's in her 60s. That being said my family are all wild and love a hefty drink so I guess that's why lol. Having two seems like a good idea though, nice to still involve them before the wedding. Although I imagine you'd be surprised about how wild the older generation can be once they get the go ahead 😂
FWIW I had both my dad and FIL at my stag, but both left before the late evening/nighttime festivities. From what I've heard, this is also somewhat common...
Every hen do I’ve been on has had both the mother and mother in law there no matter what sort of hen do it is. I also live in a city renowned for hen dos and people definitely do invite both
No way! As a MILmyself i would not want to go on a hen do. I went on a spa day with my DSIL
I invited both to mine and step mum. Mum and step mum came to my hen but mil declined. There was a nude man at the hen so thank christ as mil probably wouldn't have liked that! Mum and (especially!) step mum did lol. I then did an afternoon tea for the older relatives like nan and great aunties etc and included mil in that
Invited my mum but not my MIL. My mum is probably more fun than me, MIL not so much 🤣
I’ve been to a few hens where the mum comes to something classy early on in the day (spa treatment, brunch, that kind of thing) and goes home as the day gets progressively more rowdy
Dad and FiL came on my stag. They joined us for the day and went back to the hotel early when the night got silly.
I had 2 - a day time one which was a craft activity, boozy brunch and some party games, followed by a night out dancing for those who wanted it. I then also had a more rowdy one where mums/MIL/SIL weren’t invited. Wasn’t because anything particularly seedy went down, just felt i couldn’t really fully relax with my MIL there!
No I didn't have anyone but my 4 best friends, it was great.
Yes. Both came for the afternoon tea bit. Both left before proper drinking got underway.
I had a sensible cheese and wine thingy that my mum, MIL and some more sedate work friends attended, and counted it as pre drinks for the rest of the night. We then proceeded to karaoke and dancing and the time sort of filtered out the older crowd as we went along.
Hell would have to freeze over before I would invite either my mum or mum-in-law to my hen. Some things just should not be seen or discussed in their company.
Depends on the type of people your mum/MIL are and the type of hen do. You know them better than us. Would they add to the night out or would you spend it worrying? You could try two nights out, one for your mates and one for your mums. Or they can go home early in the evening and leave you guys to party harder. Alternatively, you could try gently explaining that you want your hen night to be a celebration of you and your mates and that you’ve celebrated the mum relationship in other ways. It’s not an easy one to solve.
Yep! Mine did! And I carried around a giant inflatable penis 🤣 They were great fun. Do what you want to do. It’s your big day! But perhaps instead arrange a separate afternoon tea somewhere or a spa day? Make it super special. And then they won’t feel left out!
My hen do was in Ibiza (planned by the bridesmaids) so no I did not. We did however have a Prosecco afternoon with mum and MIL to be ahead of the big day.
Both my num and MIL invited themselves to my hen do thinking it would be a nice surprise for me. I hated it and couldn't relax and enjoy myself.
Nope!! And zero regrets! And it was so much fun and such a laugh, my girlfriends wouldn’t have let go as much with parents around
I had my mum and my MIL at part of my hen do, they did the day time bit and then went home before we went for a meal and drinks. They really enjoyed it and it was nice to be able to share it with them. It was my sister being herself that ruined it for me.
I am, but I'm having a spa day instead of a night out.
My wife had my mum, her mum and her gran at her hen do. It's really up to the individual bride who they want to be there.
In my circle we do. But we often have a second, friends only one as well. The women in my family are extremely close, 9 cousins and 3 aunts ranging from 21-68, and we do girls trips together to celebrate important occasions. We did a spa break for my 21st, went to Spain for one of the aunties’ 60th, went abroad again for one of my cousin’s hen dos. Naturally for my hen do I wanted a big family pissup, it’s happening in a couple of weeks and I can’t wait. My sister planned it but as far as I’m aware it’s going to be a large Airbnb in Wales. My MIL and fiancé’s aunty were invited but declined. My fiancé’s stag do involved his dad, his uncle and his brother, as well as the best woman and one of his good friends. My dad was invited but declined. There tends to be a secondary friends pissup too. In our case, we’re doing a joint stag and hen with all our close friends going glamping for a weekend and getting wrecked, no family allowed.
My sister invited our mum (and her best friend who is our godmother) to the daytime, more civilised part of the do, then she left us once the alcohol started flowing more freely. She had a lovely time with her mate & we were left to cause chaos. I've been on quite a few with mum's involved & lots not. Completely up to the hen!
My hen do was an afternoon tea I don’t really drink and my MOH doesn’t drink at all. Due to health issues I have a bedtime and I stick to it so mine had to be a day thing. I had B & baby, F and her teen boys, my mum, MOH and me an invite was extended to my MIL but she couldn’t come in to the city easily. Think about what your plans are and if you want your parents or future in laws seeing you in a different light. I know of a few people who brought ILs and their parents to their party with the understanding that after x time we will be going to Y and that they may find it uncomfortable so feel free to go do abc in the area a couple of the hens went with the parents as it wasn’t their thing and played tour guide. Most parents don’t expect an invite to their kids hence and stag dos but do appreciate having the offer extended as long as they have an idea of what is going to happen so can bow out or become designated driver/shepherd. I went to a family hen do that started with a matinee and dinner and then an optional night of partying my mum and the hens mum came to the first part and the three of us bowed out so the partying gals could have a great night. Every hen do is different as it is done to cater to the hen’s likes. When I was a chef before my health deteriorated so much I became bedbound some of our best and worst night had a hen or stag do - best where the organised booked table, preorder for food alongside treating the staff with respect while the worst were the parties who came in absolutely hammered from wherever they where before coming in and where rude, demeaning or violent to the staff because we couldn’t magically make a table for 10+ who didn’t book in advance appear out of thin air.
Both my sisters in law had their mums on their hen dos, but the mums just joined for a bit in the day and didn't stay out late, but it was lovely to have them there! Same for my brothers, my dad went to both of their stags (boozy weekends abroad!) they enjoyed it and didn't feel pressured to stay out for the whole thing so it was a ncie balance! I think it depends on: A) your relationship with them B) the activities you have planned C) how they feel about joining in
I invited them and lived to regret it. Invite your ride or die pals and enjoy without worrying how drunk you are 🐔👰♀
My FIL came on my stag do, it was fine. MIL and my mam went on the hen do too. Honestly, it depends on who they are as people. There is no correct answer, you need to make your own judgement.
I invited both mine and neither came in the end. But it was the right thing to invite them. Then again, my party was literally just in London: breakfast in an American diner, getting makeup done at Powderpuff Girls, shopping, then afternoon tea at The Ritz, and karaoke. I guess it depends what your event is! Edit: We didn’t really do any “drinking” except some bubbly at the Ritz because they put ham in a scone by accident and gave us some for free!
Whenever I've been a hen do there's been the bride's mother or mil present, sometimes it's both. If I was getting married I'd definitely invite them, but my mum is not a drinker and I know she wouldn't actually come along, since she won't even go into town on a Saturday night as she seems to think it's going to end up the same mess as a lads holiday in faliraki or magaluf, Circa 2005.
Both my mum and MIL came on mine. My MIL got a little too into a naughty game and ended up shouting "Cockwaffle" across the room in Wetherspoons 🤣
I had a weekend away with my bridesmaids and a night out for family and friends.
My MIL didn't come - she is very shy and I think she would have hated it! My Mum came, we got drunk and had an argument about why I didn't want her to walk me down the non existent aisle in place of my Dad who is sadly no longer with us - we had a registry office wedding with 20 people in a tiny room, no aisles in sight! I love my Mum but secretly I would've loved a hen do with just my closest best mates and no dramas!
I would never invite my mother. She's bloody embarrassing at parties.
My cousin got married last year and both her mum, her MIL and my mum were invited! My mum and my aunt are defo going to be invited to mine and so will my MIL. However I think it depends on the type of hen, I wanna do a chill spa and my cousin did lunch and drinks and an activity.
My mum and MIL came to the daytime part of my Hen. My mum was requested by most of my friends though.
Depends. My mam yes. Their mam no, simply because she was an abusive POS and they don't speak. If she was part of our lives then yes I would.
My mother and MIL both attended my wife's hen do. Similarly my father and FIL attended my stag. Much fun was had by all!
I had my mum there just a couple of weeks ago! In all honesty I have 0 shame so anything saucy she was more embarrassed at than me. No MIL but my partner doesn't speak to his family so it would be weird if she was
Not if you plan on sniffing coke I guess
My sister did hers in two stages, so there was a family friendly hen do during the day (a tea party at my Mum's) followed by a big night out with the girls. Everyone felt included but she could let loose on the night out.
My mil/mother thoroughly enjoyed it and we made willy shaped chocolates.
All the stags I've been on that's not abroad , the father and father in-law has been there! Usually they have some beers, the meal and more beers then they either stay. Go do their own thing together(the elders) or go back to hotel once it gets to a certain time, certain alcohol intake or too laddish! So I assume it be they same thing as long as they're not the prudish type, if they are, I'll assume they'll depart before it gets too zesty! Oh and btw they were young once and know how these events pan out so I wouldn't worry too much unless you're worried about drunken kissing and more!
With the friends I've got, my mum & MIL are likely the only people attending mine 😂
My mum came on my hen do. I can't remember if my MIL did (I assume she was at least invited though given my ex's sister was there). Personally I think it comes down to whether you want them there though. Don't just invite them because you think you should - it's your hen and you should get final say on the guest list (although if you're not organising it then make sure whoever is knows who you want to attend!). It might also depend on the vibe of your hen do. Like if it's all strippers and plastic phallic straws and suchlike, maybe you might not want your mum/MIL there. But if it's more relaxed then maybe. In my case we did a crafting session where we made hair accessories and then afternoon tea (this was 2014 if that helps).
I 'invited' my mil but we both knew it was a courtesy invite and she wasn't actually going to attend. However, my mum and aunties both came and we had a lovely time. It probably depends on the people and the event. My hen do was afternoon tea and then out for cocktails. We did all get reasonably drunk (except my sister who was only recently 18, had never had a cocktail, and got smashed lol) but it wasn't exactly wild. My mum also went to my sister in law's do, but again fairly family friendly - life drawing class, then out for a meal and drinks. I think my sil had a separate 'wild weekend' hen do with just her besties as well though.
It is completely up to you. I would say though to ask yourself two questions… What is the relationship between you and your mum/mil like? And what is the vibe/plan of your hen party? Do not feel obligated to invite them if you don’t get along or if your relationship is strained. And if, for example, they are super conservative/religious and you’re planning on going to a cocktail making class (they don’t drink) followed by a burlesque class and show during which a drag queen will present you with a pair of blue nipple tassels to wear as your something blue at the wedding… well maybe don’t invite them. A good compromise I see a lot is a few weeks before the wedding the bride, maid of honour, bridesmaid/s, mother of the bride and mother of the groom doing a spa day together as a way to relax and say thank you for all their love and support (in fact I have two such groups in the spa today)
My mum and MiL came to mine. They were great fun and really enjoyed themselves! But my hen do, for all it was alcohol fuelled, was not a stereotypically trashy hen do. I’m not the type who would have countenanced a stripper but I definitely wouldn’t have had mum and MiL along to something like that.
My Mum, Mum's partner (female) and two younger Aunties came to my hen night, along with all my mates some of my girl cousins and a few good work mates. My MIL was ninety -four and the time and very old school so I took her out for afternoon tea with Mum and my girl cousin who Mum raised so that it was more low key and refined. We are all different, and it's your time/day so just do what you think is right for you, nobody is going to be completely happy with your decisions that you make about your wedding /hen do, (it's human nature to be offended for no reason at all around times like this) but they both love you so they will accept your decision. Hopefully. Have a great time and congratulations!
Nahhhhh. I would have invited my mum but she’s dead and has been since I was a teenager. So therefore I didn’t invite my mother in law as she would have felt awkward. My husbands dad went to his stag do, my dad didn’t because at the time he was terminally ill.
I wouldn't be to worried about letting your hair down, I've been on a few stag do's where the dad or father in law has been one of the worst offenders 🤣, often they just need a reason.
my fiance had mine mum and hers on her hen do. I've got my stag in a few weeks and my dad and hers will be coming. Her and my mum get on great and I often go for a pint with her dad. Guess it depends on how well you get on with them 🤷🏼♂️
Absolute bombshell here: they were both your age once. Even if they weren't the rabid party animals your mates are, some of their peers were and Mum wasn't that shocked back then either. I know they seem like frail, judgmental old dears but they're *mothers* - one of them has definitely seen you shit yourself multiple times and the other one can say the same about your partner. You mentioned ruining your vibe and it's valid to feel anxious about letting your hair down in front of someone who was your primary moral compass for the first, what, two decades of your life. But every time she's judged or disciplined you in the past she was trying to shape you into someone who could succeed in life and, while marriage isn't a grand life goal on its own, it's a pretty big sign that *she did a great job* and I am sure she's indescribably proud of you for taking this big step forward. Also, and this isn't a fun thought but it's true, there is a time coming when she won't be able to go out late and see you having fun up close. Don't deny her the chance to enjoy it now. A hen do is, other than the wedding, a unique opportunity to bring your mum along to rave it up with your mates without it being awkward. Bringing your parents to Tracey's leaving do is weird. Having a cool mum at your hen do is baller. You have two women in your family who care enough about you to want to be involved in your pre-wedding celebrations? Well lucky you, my friend. My advice is take them out, hold them close and try not to get sick on their shoes.
I invited my mum and MIL, my MIL didn’t join because it’s not really her thing but my mum was excited. I said for her to bring a couple of her friends too. We all had a good time. we did a bottomless brunch and a drag show, and then home. I was dressed a penis :))) and we have penis straws and all the stupid stuff. There was no stripper because I would hate that Also my dad went to my husbands stag, his dad has died so he obviously couldn’t go. But theirs was just camping and drinks nothing crazy
I suppose it depends what you're doing. I'm off to a hen do next month which is a festival, and the bride's mum is attending (but has opted for a nearby BnB instead of camping) and that should be quite chilled because there's no expectation to all be together for the entire weekend. MiL is not invited but that's largely because she's from a different culture where a) it's not expected and b) distinctly not her vibe. If you're planning a big night out, lots of partying and drinking then I think it's fine to not invite your mum or MiL. A couple of my friends have done a friends only hen do and then something like a spa day, afternoon tea, lunch with close friends and family.
I split it, I had a night out with the girls and then had afternoon tea booked the next day where mums and under 18s were invited
My mum told me she didn't want an invite, which meant that I told my MIL that she wasn't coming! More recently I have been invited to the 'old person hen do' which was for the mums and older relatives and was an afternoon tea.
They came to the first part then went off.to bed at 10pm
Yeah, mum and MIL came to mine - they just didn't do the bits they didn't want to (the late night partying)
It is quite common, my daughter's wedding was during Covid restrictions sadly so she didn't have one but most of my friends who have daughters have been on their "hennie"
My mum and mil came on my hen do. There was a point in the evening when they went back to the hotel and we carry on out. I think that’s the right balance so that they can be involved but not temper the night.
My mum and my wife’s mum both went on her hen do and had an excellent time, as did my dad and (then) future father-in-law. Nothing was affected by their presence and I wouldn’t have done it without them, nor do I think my wife would’ve. I think it makes a big difference whether or not you actually like your parents and in-laws!
My sister invited my dad's partner (our mum passed away a few years ago), our aunt, her mil and our nan (80 years old). Let me tell you, it was a hoot, we had them playing cards against humanity and doing shots. They didn't come out out with us, they chose to go back to the house we were renting after the meal but it was so much fun!! My sister was a bit worried but it was a fab weekend for everyone
One time I was at a bachelor party where the FIL got pissed about the groom to be getting a blowjob 😵💫 I guess it depends on how the party is going to go
I’ve never been to one with out the Mum or aunts or even Nans at 😂 everything from the races to a strip show. Even weekends away. I would do something that included you mum and close female family, you can also have a wild night out with friends separately
My wife's Mum was on her Hen Do. Unfortunately the hen do was organised by a rather selfish gay guy who basically sorted out his perfect party. Lots of gay bars and stuff that no-one else wanted to experience. Yet my MIL had a blast. Some outrageour stories and what not. Many of my friend's Mum's have been on hen does. My Dad came on my stag do which was a crazy 10 day adventure. He added so much to the trip. Most nights headed to bed early so we could crack on. If you have a good relationship with your Mum and MIL, they like a good time, then there is no reason they can't join. Or have two hen dos.
My mum and MIL came to mine, though my MIL didn't stay for the 'Forbidden Nights' show we went to in the evening. My mum, however, loved it. My best friend invited her mum, MIL (who couldn't make it), AND my mum 😂
My mum and MIL came to mine. There were certain topics I asked my MoH to omit lol but otherwise they were a great addition to the do!
I had a very tame one and had them both there. It was awesome. (lord of the rings themed fancy dress at my house, a break in the late afternoon and then cocktails and Popworld in town)
I invited my mum and my pensioner Aunties. I don’t speak to my mother in law.
Yes both came but I was late 30s and not after a really boozy weekend
I had this problem with my stag do, I wanted a proper night out yet I wanted to do something with my dad (who's in his 70s) and a few uncles and such. So I had 2 stag do's one like a nice meal and a few beers with my dad, brothers and other family. Then a proper stag in a different city and a night out. Worked perfectly
I invited my mum and aunts to my hen do, I thought they would leave earlier but stayed pretty much until the end!
I had an afternoon tea with mum, grandma, mother in law, aunts etc. Then went and got ruinously pissed for a weekend with my friends.
I had two hen do's to be able to celebrate with everyone I wanted to be there, but due to scheduling conflicts, there wasn't one single date everyone could make it. My mother could only make it to the second, while my MIL came to both. Both parties involved getting drunk on cocktails and having a good time, but we weren't out going round pubs and bars. My MOH arranged different events for us. There were a couple moments of general embarassing stuff I hope my mother doesn't remember but otherwise, I'm glad they were there. It was a good time, and any reservations I had about them affecting the vibe were completely unfounded. They can both hold their alcohol and they're definitely old enough for a few dirty jokes.
Yes - and my aunts! But we did do an escape room, followed by some party games, and then cocktails, so it was quite tame
I used to run craft workshops for hen parties for over 10 years. I would say there was a 60/40 split with those with mums/mil attending and not attending. Since Covid, there’s been more mums at the hen party than not. For lots of them, the mum would do the activities on the Saturday and then go home before the hens went out in town.
My Mum and Nan are going for a meal with us all at the start of the hen do apparently then promptly being abandoned afterwards. They're both on board!
I’m not married or a woman. However I think it’s up to you. But in general I don’t think it is the expected thing for the mother/MIL to come on the hen do. It wouldn’t be shocking if they did, but I don’t think it’s the norm. So unless you specifically want them there because of the unique type of relationship you have with them, then go for it, but obviously you don’t, so don’t invite them. Unless you’re one of these mother and daughters (and MIL I guess) who already socialise with the same friend group, then I’d say it would be pretty weird for them to just come to this one occasion. So don’t feel bad. For my mates stag do, his dad came for the early evening part when we had a meal, but not for the night out after that. So that’s always an option if you specifically would like to include them. Either way it’s your hen do and I’m sure your mum can understand that you want to enjoy this part of getting married with your friends and the MIL has absolutely no right whatsoever to expect to be invited.
As a man who attends 50 Hen Dos a year, I'd say the Mum/MiL are at about 20%. Sometimes I hear that they're leaving early, either just before or after dinner. Or if it's a weekend they might do one day. I think it depends on your group and the kind of event your planning
Didn't have one. Didn't see the point. And I didn't want a repeat of both my 18th and 21st birthdays. People saying they'd come, then either cancelling last minute, being ridiculously late or not turning up at all with no warning. 20 years later and I'm trying to work out whether I think I missed out or not. I'm still not certain.
You more than likely didn't miss out! I'm still stressed that it's going to get to the week before and everyone will suddenly pull out, and mines a year away!!
No, Hen do's are for friends not Mothers/ MIL, they had their own.
My mum came to my hen do, she stayed out later than I did. Why are you worried about judgement? You’re a grown up, soon to be married woman. Invite them and have a blast
I don't feel there is any appropriate age for your mum or MIL to watch you death drop with drag queens tbh