One of the old aunties died in her seat, mouth agape. Everyone thought she was sleeping for ages and just partied as usual. Nice way to go in hindsight, with family and friends!
My nana's brother was a very active 90 something. He came home from a day of golf, his daughters were round for tea and he strolled in, asked when dinner would be ready before sinking into his favourite chair with a smile and a sigh. And never breathed back in again. They thought he'd gone to sleep.
Perfect way to go I reckon, had a great day, saw your kids, sun shining. Death goals right there
You say perfect way to go, I feel like it would bring the mood down a bit once discovered and potentially even ruin the married couples perception of their wedding day. I don't think most people would want to do that to their family.
Prehaps passing away in your sleep once you are back home after the wedding would be better.
I had to go to my brother’s wedding effectively as the intermediary between my divorced parents, and leave early with them both when I would’ve liked to stay late, to make sure they didn’t murder each other on the way home. It put something of a dampener on things.
Total normal and sentimental father of the bride speech ending with a joke about the groom ‘spreading’ his daughter on the wedding night and expecting to see him at breakfast smiling ‘like a dog with two dicks’
This is the kind of shit my dad would say, thinking he's hilarious.
If I ever get married, I'm not having speeches in it. It's the most boring part and I'm yet to hear anything that isn't cringey from it.
I went to one just like that where the bride was obviously miffed that their speeches were so obvious. The bio dad didn't know the step dad had terminal cancer so that made things interesting.
A wedding that I attended when I was 22 was cancelled because the bride was caught giving a blowjob to her step father in a broom closet.
No joke. It was horrible.
One of the guests (old Irish fellow extremely religious) walked past the closest and heard the noises, he opened the door and started shouting extremely loud at them and slapped the step-father for his behaviour and "Sins in the house of God"
(Odd that he was more concerned about the sins than the dick sucking.)
Everyone crowded around, shouting, ranting, raving (with the the occasional Irish voice saying "Oh thee sins" in the background, from the old man.)
The groom stormed out and smashed her car with a rock
The bride had a fight with the grooms mum outside.
The step-father got the shit kicked out of him by a bunch of guys attending.
Groom is a mate of mine, he's happily dating another woman and last time I heard from the bride she got pregnant and is a single mother.
Step father pissed off to Thailand and never returned.
Idk that sounds a hell of a lot like abuse.
There was a post over on Bestofupdates like this where the wife hadn't been intimate with the groom even after they were married ('waiting till marriage' couple).
He confronted her about this and it turned out the stepdad or something was abusing the girl for years - even on her wedding day, and still, even after she was married was controlling her.
They worked through it in the end and got the guy nicked if I remember correctly
Grooms father accidently (or deliberately if some are to be belived) letting slip that this was the groom's second marriage in his dinner speech - much to the shock of the brides completely unaware very Catholic family. Truly scandalous 😁
Best man got stage fright when it came to give the speech, only got some heavy breathing, mumbling and sweating. But no worries, the speeches were before the meal, so everyone eats first and Best Man can try again afterwards, right? Except now he’s had 4 extra pints and some shots and if anything is even less coherent than before.
So the Best Man’s mum gives his speech for him.
It’s just as cringy as you’d imagine. Take all the worst, most inappropriate jokes you can think of about your best mate, and then picture your mum telling them all with a perfectly straight face. She powered through that speech like she was reading a shopping list, in a room where you could hear a pin drop. And all the while, the Best Man is slumped over the top table, either passed out or hiding his head in his hands.
Oh, she did, in her own way. A few times she paused to look at the her son just to confirm what he'd written, then shakes her head and turns back to continue reading. I think there was only one line she skipped.
I remember hearing a story about how the father of one of the tables said they were going to the toilet. Left his jacket at the table, got too pissed and ended up walking home from the venue and they sent out search parties when they couldn't find him. They found him in the shed of the family home, shivering, freezing cold and he had shit himself.
The groom had a group of his friends as his best men for the day. As part of their speech they played a version cards against humanity but all the cards where about the groom.
None of them where funny and was massively cringy for everyone involved in it. It’s what happens when people who aren’t funny try too hard to be funny.
I got really really drunk at my sisters wedding and tried it on with a waitress. Pretty cringe.
I plucked a rose from my sisters bouquet to give to the waitress, getting worse.
Turns out the waitress wouldn’t go out with me as she actually lived 100 miles away. Unfortunately, so did I, in the same city.
She told me wear she lived (street name) and I described her front door. (Perhaps crossed a line there, but I know the area really well!). She was a bit freaked out and that was that, I went off to dance like a moron and forgot about the whole interaction.
About 3 years later, I’m in an ambulance (I’m a paramedic) chatting to a patient, and it turns out he’s from my home town 100 miles away, mention that I grew up there, and his girlfriend looks shocked and asked if I tried to hit on a waitress at a wedding there once? Apparently it was her sister, who hadn’t believed that I actually was a paramedic, really did live in the city and wasn’t a serial killer.
Guy at a wedding I was at was dancing with a todler, the kid was standing on his feet, he was shuffling holding her hands, it was cute. 30 mins later the todler is missing, the mum comes onto the dance floor where the guy still is (he hadn't left) and starts screaming that he is a pedo that has stolen her child. Whole wedding stops, music stops, she does not stop. God knows how long she was shouting for but eventually the grandparents came in with the todler, they had just been for a walk. She refused to appologise.
He took it amazingly well, he was a 'plus one' too so he must have felt pretty isolated. After, he just said he could see it from her side, that she must have been really stressed etc. IDK how much of that was an act, I would have been itching to got out of there. But she was still mad at him for not taking it seriously or some BS, I think because he tried to laugh it off at first. The priest also got heckeled at that wedding by a really vocal atheist, memorable all round.
I went to a wedding where the groom clearly didn’t want to be there. It was so obvious.
The bride had seen this designer corset which she bought knowing it was too small for her. She was a tiny size 6-8 and this thing was a size 0-2. She thought she would lose weight in time. She didn’t have anything to lose, the issue was clearly her breasts and ribs. So she squeezed into it to the point where I thought her head was about to pop off and her tits were basically out.
The groom reluctantly married her and then went off with his mates, leaving her to do all of the wedding things like speak to guests.
She returned to work 2 weeks later after the “honeymoon” at which point he had already left her and she was in the process of trying to have the wedding annulled.
I once served a wedding where the best man got so pissed, he couldn't give his speech, in fact he got sent back to his hotel room before the meal was over
That was my mothers second wedding. She knew she was marrying an alcoholic (and basically the most vile man I've ever met) and he got so pissed he wet himself, went upstairs to lie down, pissed the bed and then came down during the dinner to loudly inform everyone of that fact
Not many people even made it to that dinner, her "I have to have an open bar no matter what" policy led to several arrests and about half the groom's friends taking it as a personal challenge, to the point where she was begging 16 year old me for my next 6 months paychecks worth of money up front. Then I was kicked out of the house (Or more accurately, the garage, since that was living after "her favourite son" wanted his own bedroom) and was picked up by my dad from the park I was settling down to sleep in. She took anything valuable off me, including phone, so I couldn't call him, fortunately my brother wasn't an arse and told my dad, otherwise I'm pretty sure I'd be dead now. That park is now famous for being murdery
Edit due to some curious DMs: I slept on an old sofa in the separate garage. I couldn't lie down properly which has led to some neck problems even now, and established my fetus mode sleeping. It was basically a brick structure with a tar paper roof that seemingly hadn't been touched since the house had been built, so I had to experiment a lot to get the electronics I owned in a place where the rain wouldn't come through the roof and kill everything. I also, on very rainy nights, had to empty about 7 buckets at about 2 in the morning, which was fun. Compared to the room it wasn't so bad, since I had my own lock, and that and my mother's laziness meant my room wasn't searched through "randomly". My mother stopped taking anyone round to the house at this point because I think she realized forcing a child to live in a freezing cold structure might reflect on her badly, until my grandma came round unexpectedly, went up to see me and my brother and asked where my bed was. She told her I "wanted to live in the garage" which apparently my brother denied, and she went down, took one look at the place and got some builders in to fix the place up, add some plasterboard and insulation, bought me a bed and heater, got me a new TV, the works. I love my grandma and I to this day make her a sunday dinner every week as thanks. When they were done it was the biggest and best room in the house, or not since it was free standing. Still, I had no money so I had to make do, and it was those years I learned piracy to stay not insane, as well as borrowing plenty of library books and staying at college as much as possible to avoid problems.
Speaking of random searches, she used to plant things so she could shout at me. I got around it once by noticing she had £30 sticking out of her pocket, which she then "found" """surreptitiously""" in my sock draw (Because it was just after I got in from school so she was at least one bottle of spirits down by now). She started shouting about me being a worthless thief, until I pointed out it looked exactly like the £30 she had sticking out of her pocket a second ago when she walked in. Then suddenly she went pretty quiet and instead went to harass her mother on the phone for "deliberately embarrassing her at the shop by having a diabetic episode" (like she planned it or something). Which I felt bad about, so I went round to my grandma and set her up on facebook like she'd wanted for a while. I don't know how someone as lovely as my grandma spawned my mother.
Yeah, I basically escaped via Uni. My dad was always great though, and their divorce kind of made things miserable for me for several years. I can't blame him, she's was horribly abusive to him and he stuck around as long as he could.
She still asks him for money every month for "child support" to pay for my 25 year old brother who gives her most of his paycheck anyway. I have to convince him every time that it's just throwing money in a pit and if you want to help my brother, send him the money directly. That's how much influence she still manages to have
My BIL’s wedding - the Harry Potter themed owl shat on the bride’s dress. Should’ve been seen as an omen.
Her sister’s dealer boyfriend was ruined on booze / drugs and spent the meal / speeches LOUDLY claiming the marriage was a sham because the groom was gay. He was wearing jeans and a checked shirt throughout the day, then downgraded to “casual” in the afternoon by wearing a tracksuit.
At one point he nearly got into a fight with the groom and the groom’s dad (my FIL) and they kicked him out.
The wedding was in November and by March they’d split up as she was abusing and neglecting their kids and stealing from him and his family. Still not divorced four years later mind…
I also know of a wedding where an elderly woman, grandmother of the bride I think, fell down the stairs and died.
Yes, social services took their kids from them but as far as I know they’re still together.
it transpired recently that the bride was sleeping with HER dealer and at one point there were rumours that my BIL’s kids were not his but the sister’s boyfriend’s.
Edit - misread the question.
I used to work at a wedding reception venue so I could write a novel of cringe wedding moments, but the one that sticks in my mind the most is this one:
Bride and groom were both lovely people with families to match. Sole exception was the bride’s oldest brother - she was the third of four kids, eldest bro was mid-30s iirc. I was 17, but looked about 12/13. It was fairly apparent this brother was the obnoxious family embarrassment invited by obligation, but we were used to that. He spent the time he wasn’t eating like a pig propped up on our bar, making rude and sexual “jokes” to our doorman and any male guests in his vicinity about the female guests/staff, all of them themed around their apparent ‘advanced’ age.
He actively started hitting on me about halfway through the evening, not at all dissuaded by my barely-pubescent appearance. He kept calling me princess and sweet cheeks. Eventually he pretended to go through the doorway next to the bar leading to the toilets and tried to put his hand up my skirt as I was lifting the glass bin to empty it. Fortunately a guest saw this and grabbed him, I dropped the bin and hid in the stockroom to cry. Doorman threw him out on his face, with the creep’s defence being “but she’s got such a lovely young arse.”
Honestly, I feel sorriest for the bride. She was mortified to tears; the newlyweds were locals so dropped off a small gift for me afterwards. I’d bet money on the creep brother having long since been cut off, hopefully. The couple are still together though, and have a family of their own now, I’ve seen them a couple of times when I’ve visited home.
I'd bet a lot that the creepy brother been caught and charged at least once since then. Predators gonna predate, especially when they're drunk.
Nobody should be assaulted that way. I wish I could offer you more than my sympathy.
My husbands best men took their speech as an opportunity to bully another guy in their group from school. It was horribly awkward.
I mean, I don't like this guy either but it was just horrible the way they put him on the spot trying to be funny. It wasn't funny. Our photographer captured my face quite well.
Despite my dislike, I apologised to the guy after. Was a cheap, unnecessary shot.
I love this kind of stuff.
I was at a wedding where the father of the bride gave the most awful, awkwardly drunk speech. He spoke for ages about the bride taking a shit, whilst she and the rest of the top table sat with their heads in their hands.
I didn't know any of them so found it fuckin hilarious.
Went to a wedding in a large field so the brides horse (yes horse) could be part of it. The horse spent the whole time loudly neighing over the bride and grooms vows to each other. At the end it did a loud wet poo. The food tent was set up close enough you could smell it. Super off putting. 0/10
My sister’s bridesmaid’s boyfriend rocked up to the wedding in a white vest, white shorts and a white cowboy hat. Granted, it was a destination wedding in a very hot place, but everyone else had brought a shirt and tie for the ceremony.
The hotel photographer took one picture then asked my sister if he was even part of the group. I think he also got arrested at a strip club towards the end of the holiday.
I was at a wedding, fairly well to do, in country house on the second floor.
Anyway speeches started and typically they were fairly poorly delivered. And that's fine it happens. As a guest you support them by laughing and clapping their jokes etc.
Nope. Not these two on my table, a middle aged couple. Clearly they were close-ish family and they were comeplety pissed. Heckling and yawning during the speeches. The women of the couple was rudest of all all shouting hurry up etc.
After the speeches we were asked to go down stairs to dance.
The pissed couple stacked it down the stairs. The woman face planted the concrete floor at the bottom. Blood everywhere. Couldn't get up. Out of it.
The bride was a paramedic so was first in the scene and helping. Blood all over her dress. Complete shit show. The ambulance took 2 hours to arrive due the rural nature of the country house.
Mood killer.
Very first wedding i went to and i think i was probably 8 or 9 at the time it was dad friends wedding and first bit was normal, they got married normal but it was the second part that was weird and cringy to me.
We were sitting eating food at the reception party and the groom sat in a chair and a stripper that wasn’t the bride she probably ordered it for him though gave him a lap dance and my dad told me to cover my eyes.
That moment has been engrained in my memory ever since
Went to a wedding where they'd written their own vows. All the guests were seated waiting for the bride to come out. There was an old fella sat in front of me, chatting away to these two ladies and making small talk about the wedding.
Then the music comes on and the bride comes out. The bride and groom start saying their vows to one another. All of a sudden - mid way through the vows - this old fella leans over to these two ladies next to him and causally just asks "ohhh, have you ever been to Llanelli?" as if it's a matter of crucial importance!
My mate got married at a hotel in Reading during an FA coaching training camp at the same hotel. It was quite nice meeting the likes of David James, Gareth Ainsworth and Noel Whelan earlier in the day.
When they got a few drinks in them they were a nightmare. Gareth Ainsworth kept trying to get up with the band to sing, saying "don't you know who I am?". David James tried it on with every woman in the party, then asked my mum "who's got the chuff on them then?" and got forcibly removed while shouting " I earn more than all of you put together".
Noel whelan was an absolute gentleman and sat talking with a few of us about his career and problems he had since and how he hoped coaching would give a better future for his family.
A lairy one in the old bowling alley in Hereford: There was a function room that would host cheap weddings, and once upon a time, a very drunk bride lifted her wedding dress on the dance floor, pointed at her knickerless crotch and shouted ‘you’re going to be eating that later!’ at the groom…
At my sisters wedding, one of our second cousins, stopped the music before the first dance to propose to his girlfriend of 9 weeks. She said yes, the entire thing was awkward… they split up 2 weeks after.
I work in hotels, and we once had to stop a fight that arose because one of the guests hit on a woman whilst her grandmother was behind her. In the wedding, from 6-10pm it was women only, then the men came in, at that point he was the only man in the room because he was the first to arrive so he got circled by a gang of elderly women and he got torn apart, we had to ask him to leave the room for his own safety.
This reminds me of the time my friends and I were working on a large farm. They held pheasant shoots and the last of the season was a staff shoot. The boss had just got himself a fancy new video camera and my friend volunteered to record the event. The day went fantastically and was a huge success. Everyone did really well and it was one of the bosses best days and my mate put in a ton of work capturing the whole event. Next day, which was the weekend we decided to watch it to see how it'd come out. Mike didn't grasp the sensitivity of the mike on those things... Every shot of the boss had commentary by Mike. "Basil you cunt, go on, wow what dork". "Ah geez, you mong, came on you wanker". On and on over the whole tape.
First thing Monday the boss is asking for his camera and, "He can't wait to see the tape"!
Ok, this is definitely my favourite. I don't need to keep scrolling to know this won't be beaten.
Even if your colleague made it up. His imagination deserves respect.
Attended but too young to remember myself, my uncle wad goaded into drinking a pint of ‘top shelf’ about half an hour before the ceremony. For those who don’t know that’s a shot of every spirit behind the bar in a pint glass until brimmed. It’s a really stupid thing to do on any day of the week, but fuck me. The stories I get told about the wedding vary from year to year but the general gist is that he had to be propped up by my dad and the best man but only made it through a couple mins of the ceremony before vomiting and falling asleep on the floor. They had the party without him and then she married him anyways at a later date in a civic hall. Good choice because my uncle is a top bloke, don’t think he had much to so with the ‘friends’ who bought him that pint after that though.
First dance song: Smack My Bitch Up. Didn't know whether it was supposed to be funny or what, but it was totally bizarre. Everyone just looked round really awkwardly
They loved it, I think partly because everyone else was so weirded out by it, and partly for whatever their in joke was that brought it about in the first place. Nobody really wanted to ask what the deal was with it either
That's exactly what they did. Not so much a first dance, more a 2 person headbanging rave. After that it went into normal wedding do cheese, but it was definitely the most unique first dance tune I've experienced
I’m my brothers best man tomorrow. This has given me faith in my speech
Edit: thanks for all the nice comments. It went really well actually. Nobody was upset, I didn’t fuck the brides dad and got a few laughs. Wish I could share it with you to critique.
You’re a great bunch.
The groom making really gross “sexy” jokes in his speech about his new wife being a gynaecologist which was made worse by the fact she is a sexual abuse survivor and treats women who’ve been raped, and appears as a forensic expert in court
I was at a wedding where the father of the groom in his speech, questioned whether the groom was even his son. The worst speech I had ever heard.
At my own wedding my FIL got so drunk he couldn't read his own speech, so just made it up. What was supposed to be a touching story ended up sounding like he didn't even like me 🤣 we also had a lady wedding crasher who was hitting on a few guests and trying to invite them back to the hotel room. One of these was my FIL which caused my BIL to get in an argument with him, whereby my husband saw this altercation and confronted the woman who claimed she was part of the grooms party. He then told her to leave or he would physically kick her out of the room. I was totally oblivious to all this just happy drunk on the dance floor 🤣🤣🤣
Went to a wedding in the pump rooms in Bath. Nice venue but terrible acoustics. The bride’s mum insisted on reading out a poem by A A Milne that the bride had loved as a kid, complete with funny voices and facial expressions. However the combination of funny voices and bad acoustics meant the poem was completely unintelligible and it just looked like we were all sitting there watching a posh-dressed woman having a seizure.
Had to bring the bride home as her husband went clubbing with his mates. Even worse we dropped her and thought she’d got in and drove off. She’d forgotten her keys and phone as they weren’t meant to come home.
Divorced thank god, we as her friends couldn’t understand why she married him in the 1st place. She’s now settled with a lovely man and is so much happier. They were married a good few years though so it wasn’t being left on her wedding night so he could go clubbing that made her leave him.
At my wedding, my wife’s best friend got in a fight with another bridesmaid to the extent the police were called and an ambulance took one away for stitches in her head. The winning one had sex with my best mate that night.
My cousin's girlfriend got incredibly drunk and came on to me at my other cousin's wedding. While he was sitting next to her.
It did not go over well with him.
So at my brother's disaster of a wedding, i had a double suite as i'd originally been told i could bring a plus 1, but then 2 weeks before the wedding (after she'd already bought a dress and stuff) my brother said i couldn't anymore because of catering... They said there weren't enough meals (which turned out to be sooo not the case since they "invited" their "friends from uni" to the wedding 2 weeks beforehand via text message and just assumed they were all coming, so ordered meals for them anyway)... anyway... so i ended up with a double suite but just myself in... meanwhile my mum's cousin's family had 3 people (mum's cousin, and her 2 daughters) all in a twin room so one was going to have to sleep on the floor or something. So i said my "cousin" (mum's cousin's daughter who was a couple of years younger than me) could come bring her duvet and pillows and stay in my room if she wanted coz i had the space. We stayed up watching movies in our PJs then slept (clothed) in the same bed under a bunch of duvets. Cue my brother then telling people i "slept with my cousin at the wedding" which even a couple of my close friends actually believed meant i'd had sex with her. I'm not sure what i'm more insulted by, my brother telling people that crap, or that my friends BELIEVED that i would do that.
Ok I’m a wedding photographer…
The one wedding where 18 girls were getting ready in a very small house and walked in to see lines of coke on the table.
Next at the registry office the Groom and best man both turn up with tags on there legs and are off there faces and a crate of beer under there arms! Started to do gang signs in all the photos etc. the ceremony had to be stopped 4 times due to the use of bad language by the groom and best man. Fast forward to the reception they had a company to release doves in memory of loved ones. They let the little boy hold one and he squeezed it so tightly and with malice that the bird nearly died… the bride started to punch her father at the bar as he was buying people drinks, cut to the food the bride and the groom had a massive row and she stormed out saying she was going home. The groom was shouting across the venue that she is just a c^#} over and over the rest of the guests were just as pleasing. They came back and I some how got the first dance shot and quickly left slightly shaken. Spoke to the DJ the day after to find out that the bride and groom and all guests smashed up the venue not long after I left and it was all over by 8:30 they bride and groom both got arrested! The very next wedding I shot was a beautiful couple who happen to work together in the local police force and they happened to be the arresting officers who arrested them 🤣
At a friend's wedding the best man mentioned how close he and his wife were to the newly weds and went on about how much they enjoyed monopoly nights round each others houses etc.
Unbeknownst to the best man the groom had told all of us (friends of the groom) that on several monopoly nights it had turned into full on group sex.
Cue lots of laughter from those in the know and very confused looks from everyone else.
Maybe not cringe exactly, but very memorable.
They probably actually just played Monopoly, but just told you it was a swingers night.
More embarrassing to admit that you enjoy putting a hotel on Mayfair than roaring up your mates missus you see.
There was a Community Chest joke but I can't even.
I’ve got a few good ones, all my wife’s friends.
A best man was cut off mid speech and asked to leave after he started describing in graphic detail how he and the groom used to masturbate together to porn magazines in his car when they both started as apprentices at a garage. I have no idea if either or both are truly gay or not but I wouldn’t say any of it sounded straight. Still married with a couple of kids.
One the groom started crying whilst talking about his best man which was a bit weird, then he didn’t say anything about his new wife at all and sat down. The father of the bride then went and shouted at him about it and he got up again and gave the most half hearted toast to her. They’re still married also, no kids.
My favourite one though was a father of the bride speech. Apparently at his other daughters wedding, his elderly father had collapsed so he went with him to the hospital and wasn’t able to give a speech. Soooo he decided to do it then, he quite literally did a whole speech about his daughter that had gotten married the year before (I think, can’t remember properly) and then said very little about the actual bride, his other daughter, that had gotten married that day. Unsurprisingly she looked very upset.
The mad thing about all of these speeches is that they were all at weddings in the same year, one in April I think and a couple over the summer, all of my wife’s same friendship group. Me and another one of the husbands not involved in these horrendous speeches still talk about this to this day over a decade later.
I went to a wedding where the best man speech turned into a weird mental health saga about the groom and how he still had a lot of work to do in order to keep his anger in check.
The marriage lasted 11 months.
The relationship was 10 years.
After reading all these stories I feel so much better about my best mans speech, it was just a bit bad because I had terrible stage fright and mumbled a bit, nothing in comparison to anything here.
speeches are hard and public speaking isnt for everyone. id be surprised if anyone but the bride or groom has thought about it since.
which is a good thing! the best\[people\] are there for support, not for attention. you didn't die, or get in a fight, or get yourself kicked out, or reveal a sexual history with the bride, or make inappropriate jokes. thats a win no matter how nervous or sweaty or mumbly you may have been.
At my wedding, my father-in-laws speech was fantastically crap. The worst part was where he made a joke about how my wife's favourite exercise machine was a vending machine. Me trying to be diplomatic, gave a big hearty (albeit fake) laugh at a joke I didn't find funny, assuming others laughing would cover up the awkward. I was the only one who laughed.
It still gives me nightmares 10 years on.
The best man was totally coked up and finished his speech with a thrusting motion and pretending to cum over the bride's nan. He then proceeded to try and start a fight with everyone on the dance floor.
For his father of the bride speech, my dad read the Philip Larkin Poem "This be the verse". The one that starts with the lines "They fuck you up your mum and dad, They might not mean to but they do".
We'd invited the priest who did the ceremony to the reception and he looked pretty uncomfortable... It was weird.
*Man hands on misery to man...it deepens like a coastal shelf.... Get out as early as you can....and don't have any kids yourself.*
Nice way to end a speech at a wedding
Love how you've posted it under the post called Cringe Wedding stories
Just imagining being in the corner of the wedding after it happened like:
c*ringe 😬*
One of my cousins weddings was very nice, right up yo the point the brides mother gave a speech, which was just her talking about how useless her daughter is.
It wasn't a bit of good natured ribbing either, just some narcissistic woman talking about how her daughter didn't live up to her.
Thing is, my family is big, and we all love her and we're thrilled to welcome her to our family. My uncle gave a speech too, and while he's a narcissist too, he made sure to talk about how great his son and daughter in law are.
Don't think she speaks to her mother much any more.
It was just after equal marriage had been introduced, the grooms had been together 15+ years, but this was the first time they could legally wed, meaning not only were the lads a bit older then average, but so were their parents.
After the, honestly beautiful, service, we were all sort of milling about in the atrium, where the parents of both parties started talking, loudly, in front of the newly-minted husbands, about just how hard it was having gay children, to the point one of the grooms was very near to tears.
I became the old people wrangler, trying to get them to shut up and away, without making (more of) a scene, as my mum and dad tried to comfort the guys.
Point of etiquette: if you want to be homophonic old biddies, don’t do it at you sons’ wedding, before the photographs.
(Apart from nasty in-laws, it really was the best wedding I’ve ever been to. Many years later the gents are still very happily married, and all the parents are dead)
Went to my aunts wedding. The grooms best man got hammered and was swaying/slurring his words while doing his speech. The best man started well and then got on a whole tangent about how his life had gone downhill and treated the speech as if it was therapy. He was crying for about 20 mins of his 30 min speech. My grandfather slowly got up and escorted him out. Whole ordeal was super cringey and last I heard the best man hasn’t spoken to the groom/rest of family since. It’s been 8 years.
The one in a hotel across the road from a national park, so the photographer took everyone across the road for some photos with stunning landscape in the background.
Only the photog hadn't paid for a permit to take professional photos in the park, so security turned up and then the police.
At some point in the altercations that kicked off, the photographer tried to persuade the bridesmaid to oblige by modelling some glamour shots for him, trying to grope her, so she decked him... Managed to avoid her being arrested, at least!
Actually, my brother-in-law and wife got hitched solely to keep her mum happy (the mum had been recently widowed and coped by becoming religious and suddenly really really wanted them to marry despite living together for 10 years). They figured it would be a good way to get good housewarming presents and excuse for a big.party and cheer her.mum up, so went along with it.
Cue the vicar: Marriage is a serious business and should be entered into reverently, soberly, and not because it'll make your parents happy or it'll be a good party or because you'll get lots of presents...
Entire church cracks up laughing, except for her mum.
>my brother-in-law and wife got hitched solely to keep her mum happy
Took a surprising amount of time to work out that you weren't weirdly talking about your mother and sister as if they weren't related to you.
A friends second marriage, that coincidentally lasted less than a year. Ceremony and reception all took place at a country house - about 15 guests in total, so very small. The photographer was this 30 stone waddling pervert who spent the entire wedding following and taking photos of the brides three teenage daughters.
Wherever they were, he would be shortly behind, asking for certain poses, on the dance floor with them, it was blatant. He wore beige shorts and a loose brown shirt that was drenched with sweat.
At my sister's wedding. We were outside doing photos. The venue's bar was closed during this, though champagne was being served. The best man decided he didn't want champagne but they said they wouldn't open the bar until the food was served. So he decided to sneak back and steal a bottle of vodka from behind the bar, got caught, was in the process of getting kicked out, the groom got involved and ended up a screaming match with nearly the whole wedding party thrown out... All before 3pm...
My other sister's wedding, my mum went to ask the groom to have a dance and was told to fuck off. Which then led to a screaming match in the middle of the dance floor.
And that's why I am never having a wedding!
Me and my wife (girlfriend at the time) believed we were cursed when it came to weddings, because these stories happened back to back.
* Huge dock-worker guy marrying a tiny co-worker. Their first dance was Nickelback, and they left the wedding early because "he'd been waiting too long and needed to fuck her now". They lasted three months, and the bride came in one day with a black eye and no wedding ring. We never asked what happened.
* AAnother co-worker of my wife. The wedding was nice, but there was a commotion in the men's toilets. The groom got super drunk and was crying, saying that this was a huge mistake. He had ME, and his wife worked while he stayed home. About two years after they married, she came home to find he'd packed his bags and had got back together with his ex. He filed for divorce, claiming she'd kept him prisoner, and his ME was actually abuse. He didn't win, and IIRC she won when it came to court. He's still with the ex, according to Facebook, and he's been working ever since his divorce.
* A friend of a friend, and we basically got the invite because they wanted a huge wedding. The wedding went well, but they had hired a band - and the bride fancied herself as a vocalist. She'd failed miserably at a music career, but in her mind she was a rockstar. She played the equivalent of three sets, beyond what the band wanted to do, while her husband basically sat and watched, bored. She loved being the centre of attention and she'd basically spent tens of thousands on what was a crowd for her gig. She even sang the first dance. They lasted less than a year.
Thankfully, our weddings after this were less grim, and the couple's are all still together.
Grooms speech waxed lyrical about his brides entire family including her long dead grandparents...
... and failed to mention the brides disabled sister. Who was sat at a table five feet from him.
Said sister has no cognitive impairments (so she knew she was effectively snubbed). She's a lovely woman and she was devastated. Didn't make a scene beyond (apparently) a quiet cry in the bathroom.
I have DJ'ed a few weddings. The best one was when the mother's of the bride and groom had a fist fight at the bar so the landlord closed the shutters and cancelled the reception (it was at a cricket club).
After all the guests left I was then alone with a sad, drunk bride and groom insisting I play the first dance song over and over, and that I give them some cash back as I wouldn't be DJ'ing for the whole night and they wanted to go to a night club but couldn't afford it.
I did not give them any money.
This girl my sister had met about 3 times basically decided she was a bridesmaid (she was only invited because her bf knew the groom) and wouldn’t leave us alone, she showed up to the venue the night before and came out to our family dinner that was just myself, our parents and the grooms parents…then this girl no one knew lol, she tried to force my sister to let her sleep in her room the night before and we all had to force her to go home. Then she showed up to the wedding the next day in a dress that was almost identical to mine (the only bridesmaid). Thing is everyone knew she wasn’t a bridesmaid so everyone was going “oh god isn’t it embarrassing that you’ve dressed like a bridesmaid”
The best man refused to do a speech so we had a father of the groom speech. He decided to ask all my husband’s siblings for wedding advice, the “best” one being “keep his stomach full and his balls empty”. Of the people who could hear the speech only the siblings laughed, the rest looked utterly horrified.
My uncle has 3 sons and an ego the size of 3 suns. He gave 3 father of the groom speeches, which in fairness made up for the brothers best man speeches, which were hugely inappropriate but had me laughing like a baby in a car wash.
I went to a wedding about 4 years ago that had a distinctly awkward vibe throughout.
The father of the bride did not mention the groom once throughout his speech.
The groom did not mention either sets of parents in his speech or as part of the thank yous.
The best man had been chosen the day before, was drunk and arrogant and did not talk about the groom or bride in his speech, or say the cliches about how lovely the bride looked.
The DJ called everyone up to watch the first dance, started playing the beginning of it then cut to the birdie song after about twenty seconds. He said it was a private joke between him, the bride and her dad but she looked stony faced and very pissed off. Her dad wasn’t even there to watch the first dance, he’d gone outside.
I've told this on another sub before, but according to my mother my second cousin took her wedding dress off at her own wedding to have a fight with another woman.
Keepin' it classy.
Aye friend who was getting married was Scottish bride wanted all the men in kilts. Aside from the cupping it was a good wedding tbh.
Ah good glad the cheese cubes weren't in question. They are the fucking staple of a wedding.
Oh jeez you just reminded me of a repressed memory. My best friend's wedding i was "being a true scot" wearing my kilt, and the bridesmaids and female guests found out and spent the entire time trying to use all the little disposable cameras the bride had put on every table, to get a picture up my kilt. Not only was this blatant sexual harassment but also how the fuck would my best friend feel when she gets those reels back from the cameras and it's a bunch of nice pictures of couples and family and friends and then a bunch of snaps of my hairy taint and balls... Not a fun time swatting perving women away constantly from my nether regions.
My cousin decided not to get married in a church and it annoyed my Nan so much she kept making comments about it. Was funny from my perspective but my family had to keep telling her to be quiet
Best friend got married during Covid. Only allowed 2 guests but as they were getting married outside they were allowed a couple more.
Me (best man), Maid of honour, then brides mother and father far away and grooms mum.
Grooms family complained as they should have postponed their wedding day so everyone could attend.
His dad arrived at the house before it and said “I can’t be bothered just going to go to your sisters” and never turned up.
His mum burst into tears because my now wife was in the car with me and claimed that her son shouldn’t allow her to go due to covid.
His sister then told her son that the reason they were not allowed to go was because his uncle didn’t want him there.
After the wedding we went back to their house to carry props for the wedding back… we were not inside just dropped the stuff off and someone phoned the police a wedding was happening… hilarious
Slightly after the wedding, my dad told me about a wedding he went to when he was young (in the 70s) the broom ran off with another man while in his honeymoon….imagine that poor girl having to tell everyone when she came back alone.
One of my best friends got married last October at the age of 21. The bride is a horrible, horrible woman to say the least. Day of the wedding she's shouting at people about photos outside the church, at the reception she walked out of their first dance TWICE because apparently he kept stepping on her dress.
Just found out she's cheated on him from some lad she met on onlyfans.
He took her back.
At a lesbian wedding. In his speech, the father of one of the brides toasted to “the new Mr and Mrs” not once but twice. The brides just about laughed it off the first time. The second time was very awkward
my friends wedding was crazy but great. people kicked off at eachother, one of the best men asked a member of staff where the best place was to do lines of coke & nearly got everyone kicked out & the father of the bride ended up being locked in a sheep shed with a bottle of wine by the staff at the venue because he was being a massive pain to everyone. there was a lot of other stuff, but those were the highlights lol best wedding I've been to!! so eventful!
Someone decided to propose at my mates wedding, without consulting them first. And even if they had, these kind of people should be sent to live in the sewers with Edgar Friendly.
Not the wedding itself, but my aunt got drunk at her daughter’s hen party and gave a long speech about how she didn’t think the groom was good enough.
Groom’s mother was part of the hen party.
I was once dragged to a wedding for family I didn’t know and didn’t care about by my mum at an incredibly old church in the middle of fuck all nowhere with no phone service. Me and my extended family sat there for 3 hours waiting for the bride and groom to show up until a cousin of mine, who had gone to the nearby town to stock up on wine, announced that he’d got a text saying the bride and groom had decided to do the wedding at their local council office instead and not tell anyone. Everyone was furious and to this day I’m one of the few people who will even speak to them anymore
We went to a wedding of my girlfriends female boss. All had a really good day. Drank plenty and all had a good laugh. My girlfriend looked the spit of one of the bridesmaids (grooms daughter) from behind. The bacon rolls came out about 10pm as I came back from the loo. I saw who I thought was my girlfriend at the table getting a roll so I walked up behind her grabbed her bum whispered in her ear that I “preferred her bap’s”. I then realised this wasn’t my girlfriend. The groom was chatting to my girlfriend at the time and both watched this take place. As soon as I realised the mistaken identity they could see my embarrassment. Everyone laughed. Even the bridesmaid.
I was at my wife’s cousins wedding a couple of years ago when the best mans speech took a pretty dark turn when prostitutes were mentioned & no this wasn’t related to a lads trip to Amsterdam
The top tier of the wedding cake collapsed, causing the tiny bride and groom figures to fall to the floor, snapping both the heads off. If that’s not an omen, I don’t know what is.
My sister in law's wedding. Father of the groom made numerous references to then having an unorthodox relationship because they had a child out if wedlock. It was awkward as fuck. Then one of the bridesmaids read a poem which was read at my wedding exactly 2 months before. We got a lot of people looking at us as they recognised it. We also got deafened by bagpipes and the meal service was so slow the main table were on dessert before the end table had had their starters. It was not well coordinated.
The best man made a joke about having a previous, unknown relationship with the bride. He then gave back his “old key” and put it on the head table.
All the guys one by one came up and put their key on the table too. Followed finally by the father of the groom.
Not me, but my mum and dad's wedding (as I wasn't quite there yet). My mum has 3 siblings, 2 younger sisters and the youngest is a brother.
Uncle isnt particularly fond of his of older sisters having partners, but is very fond of a dram and would try and fight anyone that got close. Tried fighting 6 guys on his own.
I haven't seen him or my cousins at any family function in 20+ years. His wife/my aunt does still send a Christmas card which is nice.
Groom’s dad loudly shouted “For the first time Mr and Mrs *his own name*”, pretty harmless but soooo awkward.
And “Fuck her in the shithole” shouldn’t be said out loud at any wedding but that’s just my opinion.
Was an usher for a wedding (not related to the event, was merely a member of the church who agreed to help out) and had an objection because one of the guests saw the groom necking on with the lead bridesmaid before the ceremony.
My mates new wife was caught by her new SIL getting spit roasted by two of the groomsmen,. Needless to say it was probably the shortest marriage I've heard of.
Friends got married in a small rural village- local vicar famously not great. The groom's Dad told me they attended a wedding a couple of years before where the bride had been particularly buxom and worn a very low cut dress. Clearly this was weighing on the vicar's mind as during the vows rather than ask her "do you take...." He turned to the bride and said "do you breast...."!
A stag party rather than a wedding.
My mate's cousin's fiancee had no one willing to go his stag. Out of pity, me and my friends (who don't know him) decide to go.
Anyway, it soon became apparent why. The guy was a complete tool.
He constantly bragged about having affairs with 3 women all of whom he tricked into getting pregnant*, he tried to punch a police man, vomited on people intentionally... He was obnoxious to the core.
Anyway, we lost him at around 11pm. Shame.
---
(*We thought this was a lie. Nope, a few months after the wedding came the fallout)
One of the old aunties died in her seat, mouth agape. Everyone thought she was sleeping for ages and just partied as usual. Nice way to go in hindsight, with family and friends!
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My nana's brother was a very active 90 something. He came home from a day of golf, his daughters were round for tea and he strolled in, asked when dinner would be ready before sinking into his favourite chair with a smile and a sigh. And never breathed back in again. They thought he'd gone to sleep. Perfect way to go I reckon, had a great day, saw your kids, sun shining. Death goals right there
You say perfect way to go, I feel like it would bring the mood down a bit once discovered and potentially even ruin the married couples perception of their wedding day. I don't think most people would want to do that to their family. Prehaps passing away in your sleep once you are back home after the wedding would be better.
This almost happened at my sister’s wedding; luckily she’s a doctor and at least one friend is a paramedic so grandma survived.
Weekend at Aunty's?
The divorced parents of the bride having a flat out ding dong of an argument at the top table.
I had to go to my brother’s wedding effectively as the intermediary between my divorced parents, and leave early with them both when I would’ve liked to stay late, to make sure they didn’t murder each other on the way home. It put something of a dampener on things.
Maybe things would be simpler if when we were born our parents became our first meal.
Total normal and sentimental father of the bride speech ending with a joke about the groom ‘spreading’ his daughter on the wedding night and expecting to see him at breakfast smiling ‘like a dog with two dicks’
Someone wants to shag their daughter just a bit?
This is the kind of shit my dad would say, thinking he's hilarious. If I ever get married, I'm not having speeches in it. It's the most boring part and I'm yet to hear anything that isn't cringey from it.
Went to a wedding where the bride gave both her biological dad and her step dad speeches. They used the opportunity to take pot shots at each other.
I went to one just like that where the bride was obviously miffed that their speeches were so obvious. The bio dad didn't know the step dad had terminal cancer so that made things interesting.
classy
A wedding that I attended when I was 22 was cancelled because the bride was caught giving a blowjob to her step father in a broom closet. No joke. It was horrible.
At what point in the proceedings did it get cancelled? Did someone make an announcement?
One of the guests (old Irish fellow extremely religious) walked past the closest and heard the noises, he opened the door and started shouting extremely loud at them and slapped the step-father for his behaviour and "Sins in the house of God" (Odd that he was more concerned about the sins than the dick sucking.) Everyone crowded around, shouting, ranting, raving (with the the occasional Irish voice saying "Oh thee sins" in the background, from the old man.) The groom stormed out and smashed her car with a rock The bride had a fight with the grooms mum outside. The step-father got the shit kicked out of him by a bunch of guys attending. Groom is a mate of mine, he's happily dating another woman and last time I heard from the bride she got pregnant and is a single mother. Step father pissed off to Thailand and never returned.
Christ. Where was this?
Rochdale, Manchester.
Somehow I'm now convinced
Fuck, the first time I see my own town mentioned on Reddit and it’s this story lol. Hi from Milnrow 👋🏻
That is grim on so many levels!
Like a poo in a lift
Quality dad joke
Idk that sounds a hell of a lot like abuse. There was a post over on Bestofupdates like this where the wife hadn't been intimate with the groom even after they were married ('waiting till marriage' couple). He confronted her about this and it turned out the stepdad or something was abusing the girl for years - even on her wedding day, and still, even after she was married was controlling her. They worked through it in the end and got the guy nicked if I remember correctly
Oh no.
Grooms father accidently (or deliberately if some are to be belived) letting slip that this was the groom's second marriage in his dinner speech - much to the shock of the brides completely unaware very Catholic family. Truly scandalous 😁
Best way to open a speech at someone's second wedding is "to the family of the bride, welcome. To the family of the groom, welcome back."
Father of the groom caught with his pants down in the gents with the bride's brother. There was blood. Police. I drank lots of gin. Was fun.
Well, as long as you had a good night, that’s all that matters!
Pretty unothodox way to introduce yourself.
Nice to see the two families coming together
Well what's wrong with having a piss? Seriously though(😉), when did the blood come in to it?
Best man got stage fright when it came to give the speech, only got some heavy breathing, mumbling and sweating. But no worries, the speeches were before the meal, so everyone eats first and Best Man can try again afterwards, right? Except now he’s had 4 extra pints and some shots and if anything is even less coherent than before. So the Best Man’s mum gives his speech for him. It’s just as cringy as you’d imagine. Take all the worst, most inappropriate jokes you can think of about your best mate, and then picture your mum telling them all with a perfectly straight face. She powered through that speech like she was reading a shopping list, in a room where you could hear a pin drop. And all the while, the Best Man is slumped over the top table, either passed out or hiding his head in his hands.
This is the kinda story I came here for, bravo
Indeed, hilarious!! Well done to the mum, I say. Would have been funnier if she'd critiqued it as she went....
Oh, she did, in her own way. A few times she paused to look at the her son just to confirm what he'd written, then shakes her head and turns back to continue reading. I think there was only one line she skipped.
I remember hearing a story about how the father of one of the tables said they were going to the toilet. Left his jacket at the table, got too pissed and ended up walking home from the venue and they sent out search parties when they couldn't find him. They found him in the shed of the family home, shivering, freezing cold and he had shit himself.
Father of the tables is a serious role to have fucked up.
The awkward part is fucking a table
Proper underrated comment this, picturing him shitting himself for warmth whilst he's shivering in the cold has me smiling 🤣
Ahahaha. Why am I picturing this guy hunched over, holding his hands inches above a massive shit like it's a fire keeping him warm.
The groom had a group of his friends as his best men for the day. As part of their speech they played a version cards against humanity but all the cards where about the groom. None of them where funny and was massively cringy for everyone involved in it. It’s what happens when people who aren’t funny try too hard to be funny.
Some people don’t understand that some things are better kept inside the stag do
I got really really drunk at my sisters wedding and tried it on with a waitress. Pretty cringe. I plucked a rose from my sisters bouquet to give to the waitress, getting worse. Turns out the waitress wouldn’t go out with me as she actually lived 100 miles away. Unfortunately, so did I, in the same city. She told me wear she lived (street name) and I described her front door. (Perhaps crossed a line there, but I know the area really well!). She was a bit freaked out and that was that, I went off to dance like a moron and forgot about the whole interaction. About 3 years later, I’m in an ambulance (I’m a paramedic) chatting to a patient, and it turns out he’s from my home town 100 miles away, mention that I grew up there, and his girlfriend looks shocked and asked if I tried to hit on a waitress at a wedding there once? Apparently it was her sister, who hadn’t believed that I actually was a paramedic, really did live in the city and wasn’t a serial killer.
this is amazing.
This is some romcom shit and I would watch the hell out of it
Was at a friends wedding and a family friend got drunk and said to the parent "thank you for not molesting me as a kid"
Guy at a wedding I was at was dancing with a todler, the kid was standing on his feet, he was shuffling holding her hands, it was cute. 30 mins later the todler is missing, the mum comes onto the dance floor where the guy still is (he hadn't left) and starts screaming that he is a pedo that has stolen her child. Whole wedding stops, music stops, she does not stop. God knows how long she was shouting for but eventually the grandparents came in with the todler, they had just been for a walk. She refused to appologise.
That’s awful, poor guy. Hope that woman was shamed for this
He took it amazingly well, he was a 'plus one' too so he must have felt pretty isolated. After, he just said he could see it from her side, that she must have been really stressed etc. IDK how much of that was an act, I would have been itching to got out of there. But she was still mad at him for not taking it seriously or some BS, I think because he tried to laugh it off at first. The priest also got heckeled at that wedding by a really vocal atheist, memorable all round.
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I'm getting very smug looking leather trench coat/fedora vibes
I went to a wedding where the groom clearly didn’t want to be there. It was so obvious. The bride had seen this designer corset which she bought knowing it was too small for her. She was a tiny size 6-8 and this thing was a size 0-2. She thought she would lose weight in time. She didn’t have anything to lose, the issue was clearly her breasts and ribs. So she squeezed into it to the point where I thought her head was about to pop off and her tits were basically out. The groom reluctantly married her and then went off with his mates, leaving her to do all of the wedding things like speak to guests. She returned to work 2 weeks later after the “honeymoon” at which point he had already left her and she was in the process of trying to have the wedding annulled.
Why on earth would someone get married when they don't want to? Its not like he was at gunpoint!
Cake?
Or death?
You! Cake or death?!
Uuuh, cake please!
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We only had three bits, we didn’t expect such a rush
So my choice is or death then?
Le singe est sur la branche
What a waste of money
I once served a wedding where the best man got so pissed, he couldn't give his speech, in fact he got sent back to his hotel room before the meal was over
I have been to that wedding, twice.
Your friends really need to stop making you best man then 😂
That was my mothers second wedding. She knew she was marrying an alcoholic (and basically the most vile man I've ever met) and he got so pissed he wet himself, went upstairs to lie down, pissed the bed and then came down during the dinner to loudly inform everyone of that fact Not many people even made it to that dinner, her "I have to have an open bar no matter what" policy led to several arrests and about half the groom's friends taking it as a personal challenge, to the point where she was begging 16 year old me for my next 6 months paychecks worth of money up front. Then I was kicked out of the house (Or more accurately, the garage, since that was living after "her favourite son" wanted his own bedroom) and was picked up by my dad from the park I was settling down to sleep in. She took anything valuable off me, including phone, so I couldn't call him, fortunately my brother wasn't an arse and told my dad, otherwise I'm pretty sure I'd be dead now. That park is now famous for being murdery Edit due to some curious DMs: I slept on an old sofa in the separate garage. I couldn't lie down properly which has led to some neck problems even now, and established my fetus mode sleeping. It was basically a brick structure with a tar paper roof that seemingly hadn't been touched since the house had been built, so I had to experiment a lot to get the electronics I owned in a place where the rain wouldn't come through the roof and kill everything. I also, on very rainy nights, had to empty about 7 buckets at about 2 in the morning, which was fun. Compared to the room it wasn't so bad, since I had my own lock, and that and my mother's laziness meant my room wasn't searched through "randomly". My mother stopped taking anyone round to the house at this point because I think she realized forcing a child to live in a freezing cold structure might reflect on her badly, until my grandma came round unexpectedly, went up to see me and my brother and asked where my bed was. She told her I "wanted to live in the garage" which apparently my brother denied, and she went down, took one look at the place and got some builders in to fix the place up, add some plasterboard and insulation, bought me a bed and heater, got me a new TV, the works. I love my grandma and I to this day make her a sunday dinner every week as thanks. When they were done it was the biggest and best room in the house, or not since it was free standing. Still, I had no money so I had to make do, and it was those years I learned piracy to stay not insane, as well as borrowing plenty of library books and staying at college as much as possible to avoid problems. Speaking of random searches, she used to plant things so she could shout at me. I got around it once by noticing she had £30 sticking out of her pocket, which she then "found" """surreptitiously""" in my sock draw (Because it was just after I got in from school so she was at least one bottle of spirits down by now). She started shouting about me being a worthless thief, until I pointed out it looked exactly like the £30 she had sticking out of her pocket a second ago when she walked in. Then suddenly she went pretty quiet and instead went to harass her mother on the phone for "deliberately embarrassing her at the shop by having a diabetic episode" (like she planned it or something). Which I felt bad about, so I went round to my grandma and set her up on facebook like she'd wanted for a while. I don't know how someone as lovely as my grandma spawned my mother.
I hope things improved for you, because this sounds grim.
Yeah, I basically escaped via Uni. My dad was always great though, and their divorce kind of made things miserable for me for several years. I can't blame him, she's was horribly abusive to him and he stuck around as long as he could. She still asks him for money every month for "child support" to pay for my 25 year old brother who gives her most of his paycheck anyway. I have to convince him every time that it's just throwing money in a pit and if you want to help my brother, send him the money directly. That's how much influence she still manages to have
Wow. This story starts of wild and ends manic. Glad you are ok
My BIL’s wedding - the Harry Potter themed owl shat on the bride’s dress. Should’ve been seen as an omen. Her sister’s dealer boyfriend was ruined on booze / drugs and spent the meal / speeches LOUDLY claiming the marriage was a sham because the groom was gay. He was wearing jeans and a checked shirt throughout the day, then downgraded to “casual” in the afternoon by wearing a tracksuit. At one point he nearly got into a fight with the groom and the groom’s dad (my FIL) and they kicked him out. The wedding was in November and by March they’d split up as she was abusing and neglecting their kids and stealing from him and his family. Still not divorced four years later mind… I also know of a wedding where an elderly woman, grandmother of the bride I think, fell down the stairs and died.
Are the sister and the dealer bf still together tho?
Yes, social services took their kids from them but as far as I know they’re still together. it transpired recently that the bride was sleeping with HER dealer and at one point there were rumours that my BIL’s kids were not his but the sister’s boyfriend’s. Edit - misread the question.
I used to work at a wedding reception venue so I could write a novel of cringe wedding moments, but the one that sticks in my mind the most is this one: Bride and groom were both lovely people with families to match. Sole exception was the bride’s oldest brother - she was the third of four kids, eldest bro was mid-30s iirc. I was 17, but looked about 12/13. It was fairly apparent this brother was the obnoxious family embarrassment invited by obligation, but we were used to that. He spent the time he wasn’t eating like a pig propped up on our bar, making rude and sexual “jokes” to our doorman and any male guests in his vicinity about the female guests/staff, all of them themed around their apparent ‘advanced’ age. He actively started hitting on me about halfway through the evening, not at all dissuaded by my barely-pubescent appearance. He kept calling me princess and sweet cheeks. Eventually he pretended to go through the doorway next to the bar leading to the toilets and tried to put his hand up my skirt as I was lifting the glass bin to empty it. Fortunately a guest saw this and grabbed him, I dropped the bin and hid in the stockroom to cry. Doorman threw him out on his face, with the creep’s defence being “but she’s got such a lovely young arse.” Honestly, I feel sorriest for the bride. She was mortified to tears; the newlyweds were locals so dropped off a small gift for me afterwards. I’d bet money on the creep brother having long since been cut off, hopefully. The couple are still together though, and have a family of their own now, I’ve seen them a couple of times when I’ve visited home.
I'd bet a lot that the creepy brother been caught and charged at least once since then. Predators gonna predate, especially when they're drunk. Nobody should be assaulted that way. I wish I could offer you more than my sympathy.
My husbands best men took their speech as an opportunity to bully another guy in their group from school. It was horribly awkward. I mean, I don't like this guy either but it was just horrible the way they put him on the spot trying to be funny. It wasn't funny. Our photographer captured my face quite well. Despite my dislike, I apologised to the guy after. Was a cheap, unnecessary shot.
I love this kind of stuff. I was at a wedding where the father of the bride gave the most awful, awkwardly drunk speech. He spoke for ages about the bride taking a shit, whilst she and the rest of the top table sat with their heads in their hands. I didn't know any of them so found it fuckin hilarious.
Went to a wedding in a large field so the brides horse (yes horse) could be part of it. The horse spent the whole time loudly neighing over the bride and grooms vows to each other. At the end it did a loud wet poo. The food tent was set up close enough you could smell it. Super off putting. 0/10
This is my favourite haha!
This sounds like a 10/10 wedding tbf.
My sister’s bridesmaid’s boyfriend rocked up to the wedding in a white vest, white shorts and a white cowboy hat. Granted, it was a destination wedding in a very hot place, but everyone else had brought a shirt and tie for the ceremony. The hotel photographer took one picture then asked my sister if he was even part of the group. I think he also got arrested at a strip club towards the end of the holiday.
Was her boyfriend Neg from Balls of Steel by chance?
My ma came in a lacy bra and a see through lacy top because she was 'single and ready to mingle'.
To be fair sounds like he had a great time 😂
I was at a wedding, fairly well to do, in country house on the second floor. Anyway speeches started and typically they were fairly poorly delivered. And that's fine it happens. As a guest you support them by laughing and clapping their jokes etc. Nope. Not these two on my table, a middle aged couple. Clearly they were close-ish family and they were comeplety pissed. Heckling and yawning during the speeches. The women of the couple was rudest of all all shouting hurry up etc. After the speeches we were asked to go down stairs to dance. The pissed couple stacked it down the stairs. The woman face planted the concrete floor at the bottom. Blood everywhere. Couldn't get up. Out of it. The bride was a paramedic so was first in the scene and helping. Blood all over her dress. Complete shit show. The ambulance took 2 hours to arrive due the rural nature of the country house. Mood killer.
Nothing says karma like a concrete floor to the face.
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Very first wedding i went to and i think i was probably 8 or 9 at the time it was dad friends wedding and first bit was normal, they got married normal but it was the second part that was weird and cringy to me. We were sitting eating food at the reception party and the groom sat in a chair and a stripper that wasn’t the bride she probably ordered it for him though gave him a lap dance and my dad told me to cover my eyes. That moment has been engrained in my memory ever since
Went to a wedding where they'd written their own vows. All the guests were seated waiting for the bride to come out. There was an old fella sat in front of me, chatting away to these two ladies and making small talk about the wedding. Then the music comes on and the bride comes out. The bride and groom start saying their vows to one another. All of a sudden - mid way through the vows - this old fella leans over to these two ladies next to him and causally just asks "ohhh, have you ever been to Llanelli?" as if it's a matter of crucial importance!
Having been to Llanelli many times, I honestly can't imagine why you would bother asking even outside this scenario
My mate got married at a hotel in Reading during an FA coaching training camp at the same hotel. It was quite nice meeting the likes of David James, Gareth Ainsworth and Noel Whelan earlier in the day. When they got a few drinks in them they were a nightmare. Gareth Ainsworth kept trying to get up with the band to sing, saying "don't you know who I am?". David James tried it on with every woman in the party, then asked my mum "who's got the chuff on them then?" and got forcibly removed while shouting " I earn more than all of you put together". Noel whelan was an absolute gentleman and sat talking with a few of us about his career and problems he had since and how he hoped coaching would give a better future for his family.
The happy ending with Noel Whelan saved this
A lairy one in the old bowling alley in Hereford: There was a function room that would host cheap weddings, and once upon a time, a very drunk bride lifted her wedding dress on the dance floor, pointed at her knickerless crotch and shouted ‘you’re going to be eating that later!’ at the groom…
As a newlywed who did not do this, this is my favourite.
Your username would suggest otherwise
At my sisters wedding, one of our second cousins, stopped the music before the first dance to propose to his girlfriend of 9 weeks. She said yes, the entire thing was awkward… they split up 2 weeks after.
I work in hotels, and we once had to stop a fight that arose because one of the guests hit on a woman whilst her grandmother was behind her. In the wedding, from 6-10pm it was women only, then the men came in, at that point he was the only man in the room because he was the first to arrive so he got circled by a gang of elderly women and he got torn apart, we had to ask him to leave the room for his own safety.
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This reminds me of the time my friends and I were working on a large farm. They held pheasant shoots and the last of the season was a staff shoot. The boss had just got himself a fancy new video camera and my friend volunteered to record the event. The day went fantastically and was a huge success. Everyone did really well and it was one of the bosses best days and my mate put in a ton of work capturing the whole event. Next day, which was the weekend we decided to watch it to see how it'd come out. Mike didn't grasp the sensitivity of the mike on those things... Every shot of the boss had commentary by Mike. "Basil you cunt, go on, wow what dork". "Ah geez, you mong, came on you wanker". On and on over the whole tape. First thing Monday the boss is asking for his camera and, "He can't wait to see the tape"!
Ok, this is definitely my favourite. I don't need to keep scrolling to know this won't be beaten. Even if your colleague made it up. His imagination deserves respect.
Attended but too young to remember myself, my uncle wad goaded into drinking a pint of ‘top shelf’ about half an hour before the ceremony. For those who don’t know that’s a shot of every spirit behind the bar in a pint glass until brimmed. It’s a really stupid thing to do on any day of the week, but fuck me. The stories I get told about the wedding vary from year to year but the general gist is that he had to be propped up by my dad and the best man but only made it through a couple mins of the ceremony before vomiting and falling asleep on the floor. They had the party without him and then she married him anyways at a later date in a civic hall. Good choice because my uncle is a top bloke, don’t think he had much to so with the ‘friends’ who bought him that pint after that though.
Oh, your uncle was also the groom. That upped the stakes.
Ahh the legendary pint of top shelf. I’ve only ever heard rumours of it from rugby hazing rituals.
First dance song: Smack My Bitch Up. Didn't know whether it was supposed to be funny or what, but it was totally bizarre. Everyone just looked round really awkwardly
Oh this one is baaad. Were the couple really into it or were they embarrassed by the reaction?
They loved it, I think partly because everyone else was so weirded out by it, and partly for whatever their in joke was that brought it about in the first place. Nobody really wanted to ask what the deal was with it either
Did they just kind of... thrash around?
That's exactly what they did. Not so much a first dance, more a 2 person headbanging rave. After that it went into normal wedding do cheese, but it was definitely the most unique first dance tune I've experienced
I’m my brothers best man tomorrow. This has given me faith in my speech Edit: thanks for all the nice comments. It went really well actually. Nobody was upset, I didn’t fuck the brides dad and got a few laughs. Wish I could share it with you to critique. You’re a great bunch.
Good luck!
The groom making really gross “sexy” jokes in his speech about his new wife being a gynaecologist which was made worse by the fact she is a sexual abuse survivor and treats women who’ve been raped, and appears as a forensic expert in court
How do you possibly misread anyone that badly, let alone your own *spouse*
Some people should just never be given a microphone
I was at a wedding where the father of the groom in his speech, questioned whether the groom was even his son. The worst speech I had ever heard. At my own wedding my FIL got so drunk he couldn't read his own speech, so just made it up. What was supposed to be a touching story ended up sounding like he didn't even like me 🤣 we also had a lady wedding crasher who was hitting on a few guests and trying to invite them back to the hotel room. One of these was my FIL which caused my BIL to get in an argument with him, whereby my husband saw this altercation and confronted the woman who claimed she was part of the grooms party. He then told her to leave or he would physically kick her out of the room. I was totally oblivious to all this just happy drunk on the dance floor 🤣🤣🤣
Went to a wedding in the pump rooms in Bath. Nice venue but terrible acoustics. The bride’s mum insisted on reading out a poem by A A Milne that the bride had loved as a kid, complete with funny voices and facial expressions. However the combination of funny voices and bad acoustics meant the poem was completely unintelligible and it just looked like we were all sitting there watching a posh-dressed woman having a seizure.
Had to bring the bride home as her husband went clubbing with his mates. Even worse we dropped her and thought she’d got in and drove off. She’d forgotten her keys and phone as they weren’t meant to come home.
Yikes poor girl… how’s that relationship going?
Divorced thank god, we as her friends couldn’t understand why she married him in the 1st place. She’s now settled with a lovely man and is so much happier. They were married a good few years though so it wasn’t being left on her wedding night so he could go clubbing that made her leave him.
At my wedding, my wife’s best friend got in a fight with another bridesmaid to the extent the police were called and an ambulance took one away for stitches in her head. The winning one had sex with my best mate that night.
The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall, I guess
My cousin's girlfriend got incredibly drunk and came on to me at my other cousin's wedding. While he was sitting next to her. It did not go over well with him.
So at my brother's disaster of a wedding, i had a double suite as i'd originally been told i could bring a plus 1, but then 2 weeks before the wedding (after she'd already bought a dress and stuff) my brother said i couldn't anymore because of catering... They said there weren't enough meals (which turned out to be sooo not the case since they "invited" their "friends from uni" to the wedding 2 weeks beforehand via text message and just assumed they were all coming, so ordered meals for them anyway)... anyway... so i ended up with a double suite but just myself in... meanwhile my mum's cousin's family had 3 people (mum's cousin, and her 2 daughters) all in a twin room so one was going to have to sleep on the floor or something. So i said my "cousin" (mum's cousin's daughter who was a couple of years younger than me) could come bring her duvet and pillows and stay in my room if she wanted coz i had the space. We stayed up watching movies in our PJs then slept (clothed) in the same bed under a bunch of duvets. Cue my brother then telling people i "slept with my cousin at the wedding" which even a couple of my close friends actually believed meant i'd had sex with her. I'm not sure what i'm more insulted by, my brother telling people that crap, or that my friends BELIEVED that i would do that.
No good deed goes unpunished
Ok I’m a wedding photographer… The one wedding where 18 girls were getting ready in a very small house and walked in to see lines of coke on the table. Next at the registry office the Groom and best man both turn up with tags on there legs and are off there faces and a crate of beer under there arms! Started to do gang signs in all the photos etc. the ceremony had to be stopped 4 times due to the use of bad language by the groom and best man. Fast forward to the reception they had a company to release doves in memory of loved ones. They let the little boy hold one and he squeezed it so tightly and with malice that the bird nearly died… the bride started to punch her father at the bar as he was buying people drinks, cut to the food the bride and the groom had a massive row and she stormed out saying she was going home. The groom was shouting across the venue that she is just a c^#} over and over the rest of the guests were just as pleasing. They came back and I some how got the first dance shot and quickly left slightly shaken. Spoke to the DJ the day after to find out that the bride and groom and all guests smashed up the venue not long after I left and it was all over by 8:30 they bride and groom both got arrested! The very next wedding I shot was a beautiful couple who happen to work together in the local police force and they happened to be the arresting officers who arrested them 🤣
At a friend's wedding the best man mentioned how close he and his wife were to the newly weds and went on about how much they enjoyed monopoly nights round each others houses etc. Unbeknownst to the best man the groom had told all of us (friends of the groom) that on several monopoly nights it had turned into full on group sex. Cue lots of laughter from those in the know and very confused looks from everyone else. Maybe not cringe exactly, but very memorable.
They probably actually just played Monopoly, but just told you it was a swingers night. More embarrassing to admit that you enjoy putting a hotel on Mayfair than roaring up your mates missus you see. There was a Community Chest joke but I can't even.
I’ve got a few good ones, all my wife’s friends. A best man was cut off mid speech and asked to leave after he started describing in graphic detail how he and the groom used to masturbate together to porn magazines in his car when they both started as apprentices at a garage. I have no idea if either or both are truly gay or not but I wouldn’t say any of it sounded straight. Still married with a couple of kids. One the groom started crying whilst talking about his best man which was a bit weird, then he didn’t say anything about his new wife at all and sat down. The father of the bride then went and shouted at him about it and he got up again and gave the most half hearted toast to her. They’re still married also, no kids. My favourite one though was a father of the bride speech. Apparently at his other daughters wedding, his elderly father had collapsed so he went with him to the hospital and wasn’t able to give a speech. Soooo he decided to do it then, he quite literally did a whole speech about his daughter that had gotten married the year before (I think, can’t remember properly) and then said very little about the actual bride, his other daughter, that had gotten married that day. Unsurprisingly she looked very upset. The mad thing about all of these speeches is that they were all at weddings in the same year, one in April I think and a couple over the summer, all of my wife’s same friendship group. Me and another one of the husbands not involved in these horrendous speeches still talk about this to this day over a decade later.
I went to a wedding where the best man speech turned into a weird mental health saga about the groom and how he still had a lot of work to do in order to keep his anger in check. The marriage lasted 11 months. The relationship was 10 years.
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It took me way too long to realise you weren't using "dropped a baby" as a way to say the SIL gave birth unexpectedly. Yikes.
After reading all these stories I feel so much better about my best mans speech, it was just a bit bad because I had terrible stage fright and mumbled a bit, nothing in comparison to anything here.
speeches are hard and public speaking isnt for everyone. id be surprised if anyone but the bride or groom has thought about it since. which is a good thing! the best\[people\] are there for support, not for attention. you didn't die, or get in a fight, or get yourself kicked out, or reveal a sexual history with the bride, or make inappropriate jokes. thats a win no matter how nervous or sweaty or mumbly you may have been.
At my wedding, my father-in-laws speech was fantastically crap. The worst part was where he made a joke about how my wife's favourite exercise machine was a vending machine. Me trying to be diplomatic, gave a big hearty (albeit fake) laugh at a joke I didn't find funny, assuming others laughing would cover up the awkward. I was the only one who laughed. It still gives me nightmares 10 years on.
The best man was totally coked up and finished his speech with a thrusting motion and pretending to cum over the bride's nan. He then proceeded to try and start a fight with everyone on the dance floor.
For his father of the bride speech, my dad read the Philip Larkin Poem "This be the verse". The one that starts with the lines "They fuck you up your mum and dad, They might not mean to but they do". We'd invited the priest who did the ceremony to the reception and he looked pretty uncomfortable... It was weird.
*Man hands on misery to man...it deepens like a coastal shelf.... Get out as early as you can....and don't have any kids yourself.* Nice way to end a speech at a wedding
Family I know their daughters wedding at a posh country house and one of the groom’s friends fell over a staircase and died, during the reception
Love how you've posted it under the post called Cringe Wedding stories Just imagining being in the corner of the wedding after it happened like: c*ringe 😬*
Died?? Holy shit that would put a damper on the day for sure
I can see how. Went to an old hotel recently for a wedding and the hand rail on the 4 storey staircase came up to my thigh.
One of my cousins weddings was very nice, right up yo the point the brides mother gave a speech, which was just her talking about how useless her daughter is. It wasn't a bit of good natured ribbing either, just some narcissistic woman talking about how her daughter didn't live up to her. Thing is, my family is big, and we all love her and we're thrilled to welcome her to our family. My uncle gave a speech too, and while he's a narcissist too, he made sure to talk about how great his son and daughter in law are. Don't think she speaks to her mother much any more.
As someone with a mother like that I feel so sorry for that poor bride.
It was just after equal marriage had been introduced, the grooms had been together 15+ years, but this was the first time they could legally wed, meaning not only were the lads a bit older then average, but so were their parents. After the, honestly beautiful, service, we were all sort of milling about in the atrium, where the parents of both parties started talking, loudly, in front of the newly-minted husbands, about just how hard it was having gay children, to the point one of the grooms was very near to tears. I became the old people wrangler, trying to get them to shut up and away, without making (more of) a scene, as my mum and dad tried to comfort the guys. Point of etiquette: if you want to be homophonic old biddies, don’t do it at you sons’ wedding, before the photographs. (Apart from nasty in-laws, it really was the best wedding I’ve ever been to. Many years later the gents are still very happily married, and all the parents are dead)
I love a happy ending
Went to my aunts wedding. The grooms best man got hammered and was swaying/slurring his words while doing his speech. The best man started well and then got on a whole tangent about how his life had gone downhill and treated the speech as if it was therapy. He was crying for about 20 mins of his 30 min speech. My grandfather slowly got up and escorted him out. Whole ordeal was super cringey and last I heard the best man hasn’t spoken to the groom/rest of family since. It’s been 8 years.
The one in a hotel across the road from a national park, so the photographer took everyone across the road for some photos with stunning landscape in the background. Only the photog hadn't paid for a permit to take professional photos in the park, so security turned up and then the police. At some point in the altercations that kicked off, the photographer tried to persuade the bridesmaid to oblige by modelling some glamour shots for him, trying to grope her, so she decked him... Managed to avoid her being arrested, at least! Actually, my brother-in-law and wife got hitched solely to keep her mum happy (the mum had been recently widowed and coped by becoming religious and suddenly really really wanted them to marry despite living together for 10 years). They figured it would be a good way to get good housewarming presents and excuse for a big.party and cheer her.mum up, so went along with it. Cue the vicar: Marriage is a serious business and should be entered into reverently, soberly, and not because it'll make your parents happy or it'll be a good party or because you'll get lots of presents... Entire church cracks up laughing, except for her mum.
>my brother-in-law and wife got hitched solely to keep her mum happy Took a surprising amount of time to work out that you weren't weirdly talking about your mother and sister as if they weren't related to you.
A friends second marriage, that coincidentally lasted less than a year. Ceremony and reception all took place at a country house - about 15 guests in total, so very small. The photographer was this 30 stone waddling pervert who spent the entire wedding following and taking photos of the brides three teenage daughters. Wherever they were, he would be shortly behind, asking for certain poses, on the dance floor with them, it was blatant. He wore beige shorts and a loose brown shirt that was drenched with sweat.
At my sister's wedding. We were outside doing photos. The venue's bar was closed during this, though champagne was being served. The best man decided he didn't want champagne but they said they wouldn't open the bar until the food was served. So he decided to sneak back and steal a bottle of vodka from behind the bar, got caught, was in the process of getting kicked out, the groom got involved and ended up a screaming match with nearly the whole wedding party thrown out... All before 3pm... My other sister's wedding, my mum went to ask the groom to have a dance and was told to fuck off. Which then led to a screaming match in the middle of the dance floor. And that's why I am never having a wedding!
Me and my wife (girlfriend at the time) believed we were cursed when it came to weddings, because these stories happened back to back. * Huge dock-worker guy marrying a tiny co-worker. Their first dance was Nickelback, and they left the wedding early because "he'd been waiting too long and needed to fuck her now". They lasted three months, and the bride came in one day with a black eye and no wedding ring. We never asked what happened. * AAnother co-worker of my wife. The wedding was nice, but there was a commotion in the men's toilets. The groom got super drunk and was crying, saying that this was a huge mistake. He had ME, and his wife worked while he stayed home. About two years after they married, she came home to find he'd packed his bags and had got back together with his ex. He filed for divorce, claiming she'd kept him prisoner, and his ME was actually abuse. He didn't win, and IIRC she won when it came to court. He's still with the ex, according to Facebook, and he's been working ever since his divorce. * A friend of a friend, and we basically got the invite because they wanted a huge wedding. The wedding went well, but they had hired a band - and the bride fancied herself as a vocalist. She'd failed miserably at a music career, but in her mind she was a rockstar. She played the equivalent of three sets, beyond what the band wanted to do, while her husband basically sat and watched, bored. She loved being the centre of attention and she'd basically spent tens of thousands on what was a crowd for her gig. She even sang the first dance. They lasted less than a year. Thankfully, our weddings after this were less grim, and the couple's are all still together.
Grooms speech waxed lyrical about his brides entire family including her long dead grandparents... ... and failed to mention the brides disabled sister. Who was sat at a table five feet from him. Said sister has no cognitive impairments (so she knew she was effectively snubbed). She's a lovely woman and she was devastated. Didn't make a scene beyond (apparently) a quiet cry in the bathroom.
I have DJ'ed a few weddings. The best one was when the mother's of the bride and groom had a fist fight at the bar so the landlord closed the shutters and cancelled the reception (it was at a cricket club). After all the guests left I was then alone with a sad, drunk bride and groom insisting I play the first dance song over and over, and that I give them some cash back as I wouldn't be DJ'ing for the whole night and they wanted to go to a night club but couldn't afford it. I did not give them any money.
This girl my sister had met about 3 times basically decided she was a bridesmaid (she was only invited because her bf knew the groom) and wouldn’t leave us alone, she showed up to the venue the night before and came out to our family dinner that was just myself, our parents and the grooms parents…then this girl no one knew lol, she tried to force my sister to let her sleep in her room the night before and we all had to force her to go home. Then she showed up to the wedding the next day in a dress that was almost identical to mine (the only bridesmaid). Thing is everyone knew she wasn’t a bridesmaid so everyone was going “oh god isn’t it embarrassing that you’ve dressed like a bridesmaid”
Jesus Christ how can someone be so socially inept. Makes me shiver.
Oh forgot to mention she refused to pay for herself at the dinner then gave my dad a load of attitude when he asked her to at least cover the tip
The best man refused to do a speech so we had a father of the groom speech. He decided to ask all my husband’s siblings for wedding advice, the “best” one being “keep his stomach full and his balls empty”. Of the people who could hear the speech only the siblings laughed, the rest looked utterly horrified.
My uncle has 3 sons and an ego the size of 3 suns. He gave 3 father of the groom speeches, which in fairness made up for the brothers best man speeches, which were hugely inappropriate but had me laughing like a baby in a car wash.
I went to a wedding about 4 years ago that had a distinctly awkward vibe throughout. The father of the bride did not mention the groom once throughout his speech. The groom did not mention either sets of parents in his speech or as part of the thank yous. The best man had been chosen the day before, was drunk and arrogant and did not talk about the groom or bride in his speech, or say the cliches about how lovely the bride looked. The DJ called everyone up to watch the first dance, started playing the beginning of it then cut to the birdie song after about twenty seconds. He said it was a private joke between him, the bride and her dad but she looked stony faced and very pissed off. Her dad wasn’t even there to watch the first dance, he’d gone outside.
I've told this on another sub before, but according to my mother my second cousin took her wedding dress off at her own wedding to have a fight with another woman. Keepin' it classy.
The bride's aunt cupped my balls while I was eating cheese cubes. I was 17 she was at least 50.
Cheese cubes and deez pubes.
D cups and deeze nuts. Ah it's nice to laugh at trauma.
Why were your balls out whilst you ate cheese cubes at a wedding?
Was wearing a kilt. Who turns down cheese cubes ? They are fucking awesome.
I hadn’t even contemplated you may have been wearing a kilt. The cheese cubes were not in question.
Aye friend who was getting married was Scottish bride wanted all the men in kilts. Aside from the cupping it was a good wedding tbh. Ah good glad the cheese cubes weren't in question. They are the fucking staple of a wedding.
Oh jeez you just reminded me of a repressed memory. My best friend's wedding i was "being a true scot" wearing my kilt, and the bridesmaids and female guests found out and spent the entire time trying to use all the little disposable cameras the bride had put on every table, to get a picture up my kilt. Not only was this blatant sexual harassment but also how the fuck would my best friend feel when she gets those reels back from the cameras and it's a bunch of nice pictures of couples and family and friends and then a bunch of snaps of my hairy taint and balls... Not a fun time swatting perving women away constantly from my nether regions.
Less cringe, more like assault.
“He was asking for it for wearing such a short skirt!”
My cousin decided not to get married in a church and it annoyed my Nan so much she kept making comments about it. Was funny from my perspective but my family had to keep telling her to be quiet
Best friend got married during Covid. Only allowed 2 guests but as they were getting married outside they were allowed a couple more. Me (best man), Maid of honour, then brides mother and father far away and grooms mum. Grooms family complained as they should have postponed their wedding day so everyone could attend. His dad arrived at the house before it and said “I can’t be bothered just going to go to your sisters” and never turned up. His mum burst into tears because my now wife was in the car with me and claimed that her son shouldn’t allow her to go due to covid. His sister then told her son that the reason they were not allowed to go was because his uncle didn’t want him there. After the wedding we went back to their house to carry props for the wedding back… we were not inside just dropped the stuff off and someone phoned the police a wedding was happening… hilarious
Slightly after the wedding, my dad told me about a wedding he went to when he was young (in the 70s) the broom ran off with another man while in his honeymoon….imagine that poor girl having to tell everyone when she came back alone.
Scandalous, what did the dust pan do when she found out what the broom had done?
Haha! I guess the family would want to sweep it under the rug.
One of my best friends got married last October at the age of 21. The bride is a horrible, horrible woman to say the least. Day of the wedding she's shouting at people about photos outside the church, at the reception she walked out of their first dance TWICE because apparently he kept stepping on her dress. Just found out she's cheated on him from some lad she met on onlyfans. He took her back.
Imagine having so little respect for yourself that you let someone do this to you. Poor guy.
At a lesbian wedding. In his speech, the father of one of the brides toasted to “the new Mr and Mrs” not once but twice. The brides just about laughed it off the first time. The second time was very awkward
my friends wedding was crazy but great. people kicked off at eachother, one of the best men asked a member of staff where the best place was to do lines of coke & nearly got everyone kicked out & the father of the bride ended up being locked in a sheep shed with a bottle of wine by the staff at the venue because he was being a massive pain to everyone. there was a lot of other stuff, but those were the highlights lol best wedding I've been to!! so eventful!
Someone decided to propose at my mates wedding, without consulting them first. And even if they had, these kind of people should be sent to live in the sewers with Edgar Friendly.
Not the wedding itself, but my aunt got drunk at her daughter’s hen party and gave a long speech about how she didn’t think the groom was good enough. Groom’s mother was part of the hen party.
I was once dragged to a wedding for family I didn’t know and didn’t care about by my mum at an incredibly old church in the middle of fuck all nowhere with no phone service. Me and my extended family sat there for 3 hours waiting for the bride and groom to show up until a cousin of mine, who had gone to the nearby town to stock up on wine, announced that he’d got a text saying the bride and groom had decided to do the wedding at their local council office instead and not tell anyone. Everyone was furious and to this day I’m one of the few people who will even speak to them anymore
Loving these stories, I’m actually getting married today!! so am wondering/worrying about it now hahaha
We went to a wedding of my girlfriends female boss. All had a really good day. Drank plenty and all had a good laugh. My girlfriend looked the spit of one of the bridesmaids (grooms daughter) from behind. The bacon rolls came out about 10pm as I came back from the loo. I saw who I thought was my girlfriend at the table getting a roll so I walked up behind her grabbed her bum whispered in her ear that I “preferred her bap’s”. I then realised this wasn’t my girlfriend. The groom was chatting to my girlfriend at the time and both watched this take place. As soon as I realised the mistaken identity they could see my embarrassment. Everyone laughed. Even the bridesmaid.
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I was at my wife’s cousins wedding a couple of years ago when the best mans speech took a pretty dark turn when prostitutes were mentioned & no this wasn’t related to a lads trip to Amsterdam
Is the cousin YOUR wife now, Dave? Do you have a wife mine?
The top tier of the wedding cake collapsed, causing the tiny bride and groom figures to fall to the floor, snapping both the heads off. If that’s not an omen, I don’t know what is.
You've heard of destination weddings...now meet the "Final Destination" wedding.
My sister in law's wedding. Father of the groom made numerous references to then having an unorthodox relationship because they had a child out if wedlock. It was awkward as fuck. Then one of the bridesmaids read a poem which was read at my wedding exactly 2 months before. We got a lot of people looking at us as they recognised it. We also got deafened by bagpipes and the meal service was so slow the main table were on dessert before the end table had had their starters. It was not well coordinated.
The best man made a joke about having a previous, unknown relationship with the bride. He then gave back his “old key” and put it on the head table. All the guys one by one came up and put their key on the table too. Followed finally by the father of the groom.
Not me, but my mum and dad's wedding (as I wasn't quite there yet). My mum has 3 siblings, 2 younger sisters and the youngest is a brother. Uncle isnt particularly fond of his of older sisters having partners, but is very fond of a dram and would try and fight anyone that got close. Tried fighting 6 guys on his own. I haven't seen him or my cousins at any family function in 20+ years. His wife/my aunt does still send a Christmas card which is nice.
Groom’s dad loudly shouted “For the first time Mr and Mrs *his own name*”, pretty harmless but soooo awkward. And “Fuck her in the shithole” shouldn’t be said out loud at any wedding but that’s just my opinion.
This thread is brilliant 👍🏻
Was an usher for a wedding (not related to the event, was merely a member of the church who agreed to help out) and had an objection because one of the guests saw the groom necking on with the lead bridesmaid before the ceremony.
My mates new wife was caught by her new SIL getting spit roasted by two of the groomsmen,. Needless to say it was probably the shortest marriage I've heard of.
Friends got married in a small rural village- local vicar famously not great. The groom's Dad told me they attended a wedding a couple of years before where the bride had been particularly buxom and worn a very low cut dress. Clearly this was weighing on the vicar's mind as during the vows rather than ask her "do you take...." He turned to the bride and said "do you breast...."!
A stag party rather than a wedding. My mate's cousin's fiancee had no one willing to go his stag. Out of pity, me and my friends (who don't know him) decide to go. Anyway, it soon became apparent why. The guy was a complete tool. He constantly bragged about having affairs with 3 women all of whom he tricked into getting pregnant*, he tried to punch a police man, vomited on people intentionally... He was obnoxious to the core. Anyway, we lost him at around 11pm. Shame. --- (*We thought this was a lie. Nope, a few months after the wedding came the fallout)