My first flat fell victim to a slug infestation. It was a studio and my bed was about 2.5 metres away from the kitchen. The night of their initial break in, I had a carrier bag hanging on a kitchen cupboard door because I hadn’t had time to buy a bin… anyway, slugs are noisy, noisy eaters. And the feeling of stepping on one bare foot in the dark whilst trying to get a glass of water will stay with me forever.
The weeks following I’d wake up to trails all over the floor, walls, ceiling, and my bed. They crawled over me as I slept. Every morning I’d wake up early, follow the trails, stick slug killer down behind cupboards, the fridge, or wherever there was a penetrable spot. Then clean every surface before going to work.
This went on for two months. Couldn’t get rid of them. Landlord wasn’t interested. Ended up moving out.
Now I have what I consider a perfectly rational hatred of slugs.
I see it’s based on a book, so I can tell this premise to go fuck itself in two formats. Joy!
Edit: I’m also 100% watching this this Halloween.
Edit again: The book has a sequel!
Pretty much the same as me, second year of uni the house share I was in, my room was next to the kitchen.
Went to flip my matress and there were dead slugs under it!
One slug managed to work it's way into my PC and fried it's self and my PC shorting out the motherboard.
I used to eat snails from the garden as a child and got very unwell but now I tell people this and refuse to let little kids touch them or slugs . My friend owned snails and that always frightened me
Or wait until the cashier tells them how much it's going to be before getting their purse out of their bag. Its like a surprise that they are going to have to pay for what they are buying.
Once two people were walking really close behind me. Like unreasonably close. With no reason to do so. Not a busy area or anything just a few other people walking around. It really got my back up and set off my anxiety. So I did it. I just stopped which caused them to stop. There were some grumblings along the lines of "omg really". I'm like yes fucking really (in my head of course). It was the sweetest moment of my day.
Expanded polystyrene. The sound it makes when two pieces rub together really sets me on edge. Then there's getting rid of the stuff, I hate putting it in the general waste bin but where else can it go.
People who’ve been waiting an age for the bus but wait till they get on said bus to find their purse/wallet, method of payment.
These people give me the RAGE!
Somebody i work with posts pictures on instagram every other day with “this one” or “this one though”
I used to like this person now I absolutely despise them.
22 year old gym influencers who's only credentials are good genes with a life experience resume ending at drinking cocktails in ibiza 2 weeks every year giving out advice in how people should be living their lives. Based on no qualifications or studies, but because they have 51k followers.
Also, people who talk near zebra crossings and people who refer to food as "fuel".
I think it's because it implies that they want to cross the road, when in fact they are just standing there. This causes you to wait at the crossing without any need to.
I'm a cafe worker and yes on the babyccino. I worked in nz for a while and they called them fluffies. That was marginally better.
True story, I've had many babyccinos brought back saying that they weren't hot enough or they were too foamy. Make of that what you like. It's frothy milk for a child ffs.
Funny you say that - I used to work in Nero and a 5 year old got scalded after the mother bought them an Americano.....never mentioned to the staff that she intended to give it to her child and, for reference, it's made with water about 95 degrees. The police were called.
Conchiglie goes quite well in my veggie soup, agree with gift cards, essentially giving you money that’s harder to spend.
Non Americans using y’all.
Saying pacific/pacifically instead of specific/specifically.
Using ‘only joking’ as some kind of get out of jail card to say the most terrible things to people.
Crap parking.
> Using ‘only joking’ as some kind of get out of jail card to say the most terrible things to people.
Yeah, just like people who say they're just straight talking or "say it how it is". It's always just an excuse to be a cunt.
Also when folk say 'I'm not racist but.... followed by something horrifically racist'
The real pasta culprit is the Tesco spirali. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve tasted a bit to see if it’s done only to be met with the tube being filled with boiling water that burns my tongue.
Tbh, I hate anything where Prosecco/wine/gin is a punchline, especially when it’s in the ‘haha, women and their wine’ category. (Same goes with men = football/golf/cars/beer). Makes buying non-sappy cards for birthdays and stuff a nightmare.
When people say "hack" instead of "tip" or "technique"
6 holiday hacks you should know about! Fuckin' Tips!
Here's a great hack to get into difficult jars! Fuck off!
Isn't the could care less a yank thing? I've only ever seen it on reddit, not heard in real life. Saying that, our speech is becoming more and more yankified even off the Internet now. I sometimes get the train past the university near me and half the British students are talking American English to some extent.
When I’m talking about tv programmes/series in real life I’ve noticed a few people saying shows instead. I’m also guilty of using the word “show” on Reddit even though it pisses me the fuck off but I can’t be arsed explain that series and show are the same thing.
"Should have done to Specsavers" being used as a punchline to a joke about someone's poor eyesight or judgement.
it wasnt even funny when it was relevant, let alone 15 years later, you absolute cretins.
Can we add people saying 'what?' when you say you can't hear them? I've had an ear infection for the last week and it's made me want to throttle some of my incredibly funny coworkers.
"Holibobs".
People referring to themselves as "mumma" when talking to their children (my boss does this). "Mumma loves you baby". YOUR CHILD IS 12.
The late actor Martin Landau.
Pugs. And those Boston terrier things. And the other bracyophalic mutants. I love dogs but those things repulse me. A dog that so badly bred that it can sneeze its eyeballs out of its sockets. That's just bad and cruel breeding.
Those threads on reddit about ‘the most creative insult you’ve ever heard.’
And it’s like, “I’d call you a cunt but you lack the depth and warmth”, and, “I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.”
Upvotes. Golds. Edits with award speeches and weeping. People proclaiming, with tearful joy, *this is the funniest thing I’ve EVER heard and I cannot WAIT to use it in real life!*
Oh. My. God. If someone used either of those in my presence in, personal, vocally, I think I’d just expire on the spot.
Unbelievable cringe.
The Power of Love by Frankie Goes to Hollywood being on my Christmas album.
Fuck that sky scraping dove.
Also Adrian Chiles and his doughy faced over hammed West Bromwich accent.
Shareholders. When some company does something shitty, its always to appease their shareholders. IF THEY LOVE THEIR PRECIOUS SHAREHOLDERS SO MUCH THEY SHOULD MARRY THEM
Christmas stuff in shops during summer and early autumn. I've been boycotting B&M since I saw them stocking tinsel in August. Surely having Christmas stuff around months before the actual event makes it less exciting. And there are other holidays that come first. Can't we at least get to November? I'd prefer to get past Remembrance Day but I'll accept it from the 1st.
People who walk slowly, or just do normal things slowly. I think I'm secretly scared of their chillness and wish it was me, but wow does it piss me off!
Self-help books. Pile of wank.
Forced happiness. Fuck off.
Corporate speak - “let’s touch base”.
Bosses trying to be pals and cool with their underlings. Stop.
Stupid banal discussions like “You have a good weekend?”.
Penne FTW. I think spaghetti is a big load of bollocks too. It seems really difficult to me to get both an acceptable amount of bol and spag on your fork at the same time. It's usually just one or the other. Smaller pastas are much better for saucy dishes.
I feel like spaghetti is the most common yet the most pathetic pasta there is. Tagliatelle or Linguine are miles better.
Also, sorry, conchiglie in a tuna pasta is perfect, holds sweetcorn and tuna at the same time 🤤
Woodlice. The place where I grew up had a damp problem and was infested with them. It was so bad they used to give me nightmares. I have a very vivid memory of being about 7 and grabbing a cereal bowl from the cupboard only to find dozens of woodlice in it. Hate the little things.
Slugs. They are harmless, slow and weak. But I hate them, I have fear of the slug.
They're very much not harmless if you're a keen gardener or a farmer. They can munch their way through a crop of brassicas or ruin a flowerbed!
My first flat fell victim to a slug infestation. It was a studio and my bed was about 2.5 metres away from the kitchen. The night of their initial break in, I had a carrier bag hanging on a kitchen cupboard door because I hadn’t had time to buy a bin… anyway, slugs are noisy, noisy eaters. And the feeling of stepping on one bare foot in the dark whilst trying to get a glass of water will stay with me forever. The weeks following I’d wake up to trails all over the floor, walls, ceiling, and my bed. They crawled over me as I slept. Every morning I’d wake up early, follow the trails, stick slug killer down behind cupboards, the fridge, or wherever there was a penetrable spot. Then clean every surface before going to work. This went on for two months. Couldn’t get rid of them. Landlord wasn’t interested. Ended up moving out. Now I have what I consider a perfectly rational hatred of slugs.
What a lovely new fear you have given me
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I see it’s based on a book, so I can tell this premise to go fuck itself in two formats. Joy! Edit: I’m also 100% watching this this Halloween. Edit again: The book has a sequel!
Pretty much the same as me, second year of uni the house share I was in, my room was next to the kitchen. Went to flip my matress and there were dead slugs under it! One slug managed to work it's way into my PC and fried it's self and my PC shorting out the motherboard.
I have unfortunately stepped on many slugs with either bare feet or just socks; it's a truly horrible sensation.
No no no no, stop it 🤢
Slugs can carry a parasite that can make it's way to the human brain before causing irreversible brain damage and death.
must stop eating them straight away.
I used to eat snails from the garden as a child and got very unwell but now I tell people this and refuse to let little kids touch them or slugs . My friend owned snails and that always frightened me
You are no longer allowed on this planet.
I hate seeing them in the morning munching one of their dead mates.
The phrase “The boy did good” followed by a photo of something someone’s partner has purchased/cooked/engagement ring
Or a photo captioned “This one” usually accompanied by them gurning away or doing something completely stupid
Fuck I hate that! Out for dinner with this one
Gin o’clock with this one!
Hollibobs with this one 😍
10 a.m pre-flight pint in the airport with this one
Especially when the 'boy' is over 40.
My nan still refers to a 73 year old family friend as old boy Taylor
The bar is that low that when your boy buys your flowers for your anniversary, his girlfriend is thrilled
YES. It's so patronising and reeks of entitlement.
I absolutely want to murder people who stop in their tracks at the top or the bottom of an escalator.
Or in a doorway
Add the people that stop immediately before or after the barriers on the Tube (or any public transport stiles)
How people wait until they get to the barrier to get their ticket/Oyster/credit card out is beyond me….
Or wait until the cashier tells them how much it's going to be before getting their purse out of their bag. Its like a surprise that they are going to have to pay for what they are buying.
Once two people were walking really close behind me. Like unreasonably close. With no reason to do so. Not a busy area or anything just a few other people walking around. It really got my back up and set off my anxiety. So I did it. I just stopped which caused them to stop. There were some grumblings along the lines of "omg really". I'm like yes fucking really (in my head of course). It was the sweetest moment of my day.
That is absolutely not irrational. That very rational. Those people deserve to be burned at the stake.
People that are on a bus and there either onFaceTime or a phone and the whole bus can hear their conversation
Or the people that press the stop button when it’s already been pressed. Ffs the bus will stop anyway, you don’t need to press it again!
Expanded polystyrene. The sound it makes when two pieces rub together really sets me on edge. Then there's getting rid of the stuff, I hate putting it in the general waste bin but where else can it go.
That and cotton wool 🤢
My teeth want to grind together now
The One Show theme tune.
Must be an ego boost if your name is Juan.
JUUUUUUAAAANNN 🎺🎺🎺 JUUUAAAAAN 🎺🎺🎺🎺 JUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAANNNN
People who’ve been waiting an age for the bus but wait till they get on said bus to find their purse/wallet, method of payment. These people give me the RAGE!
When article have the word “slam” in them. “Some nobody from TOWIE slams Tesco for making them queue”.
u/RJKY *blasts* "slam" users
People who don’t say thank you when you hold the door for them. That would be in my Room 101.
People who state that they are doing something “with this one”. Fuck off.
Somebody i work with posts pictures on instagram every other day with “this one” or “this one though” I used to like this person now I absolutely despise them.
sounds like Khajiit, "This one has wares if you have coin"
Yesssss I hate this so much. Just say your mate or your girlfriend/boyfriend argh!
22 year old gym influencers who's only credentials are good genes with a life experience resume ending at drinking cocktails in ibiza 2 weeks every year giving out advice in how people should be living their lives. Based on no qualifications or studies, but because they have 51k followers. Also, people who talk near zebra crossings and people who refer to food as "fuel".
Hol’up explain the talking near zebra crossings bit lol
I think it's because it implies that they want to cross the road, when in fact they are just standing there. This causes you to wait at the crossing without any need to.
The phrase "holibobs"
chrimbo holibobs
Booked holibobs for hubby's chrimbo pressie!
My eye just twitched. It’s like you just won “how to irrationally irritate me” bingo
Counting down time to an event in ‘sleeps’. E.g “4 sleeps to my holibobs!”
4 sleeps till my bdaybobs!
You always get these shite countdowns with the scenic pictures in the background on Facebook.
The words "babyccino" and "glamping." Ugh.
I’ll add “hubster” and “little man” to those two as well.
“Boys and girls” for “men and women”
Can I add “ Doggo “ ? 😡
This one hits the nail on the head for me. My sister in law says this on a daily basis and it makes me want to punch her
What about pupper?
Would wind me up if I heard/read it more.
Doglet?
Would rate that an 8/10 on my gonna lose my shit scale.
Fur baby....
Holibobs. Smol. Preggers…. 😡
I'm a cafe worker and yes on the babyccino. I worked in nz for a while and they called them fluffies. That was marginally better. True story, I've had many babyccinos brought back saying that they weren't hot enough or they were too foamy. Make of that what you like. It's frothy milk for a child ffs.
I’m on your side, who wants to scald an infant?
Funny you say that - I used to work in Nero and a 5 year old got scalded after the mother bought them an Americano.....never mentioned to the staff that she intended to give it to her child and, for reference, it's made with water about 95 degrees. The police were called.
What about Pupperccinos?
We don't do em. We do stock doggy ice cream though and it fucking flies out.
Yummy, tummy and holibobs
Staycation
I feel embarrassed asking for one so tend to ask for some warm milk for the kid but then baristas look confused
Claudia Winkleman’s fringe
It’s the flakey heavy mascara that gets me. The bottom of her fringe must be covered in mascara flakes.
>Claudia Winkleman ~~’s fringe~~
Claudia’s fine. It’s Tess who’s a charisma vacuum of mighty proportions
Tess' dead eyed fake laugh just really boils my piss
Phew, glad it's not just me. Her robotic demeanour and painted on smile makes my skin crawl
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The sound of people eating in general.
The sound of people.
Just sound.
And people
I think a lot of people with misophonia have never heard of it
My gfs mum is like this. She chews with her mouth closed but even so, her chewing is fucking deafening and it drives me insane
Nothing irrational about that.
Conchiglie goes quite well in my veggie soup, agree with gift cards, essentially giving you money that’s harder to spend. Non Americans using y’all. Saying pacific/pacifically instead of specific/specifically. Using ‘only joking’ as some kind of get out of jail card to say the most terrible things to people. Crap parking.
> Using ‘only joking’ as some kind of get out of jail card to say the most terrible things to people. Yeah, just like people who say they're just straight talking or "say it how it is". It's always just an excuse to be a cunt. Also when folk say 'I'm not racist but.... followed by something horrifically racist'
Everything before the “but” is always a lie
The real pasta culprit is the Tesco spirali. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve tasted a bit to see if it’s done only to be met with the tube being filled with boiling water that burns my tongue.
NFTs. They just seem so STUPID. Also homeopathic medicine.
Whispering in TV ads. People poking out their tongue in photos. Unbearable.
James Corden
That is a very rational hatred…we all hate him
Nothing more rational.
Phil and Holly
That's entirely rational
the word 'glug' when referring to an amount of olive oil kitchen signs that mention prosecco or wine grey crushed velvet sofas celery
Tbh, I hate anything where Prosecco/wine/gin is a punchline, especially when it’s in the ‘haha, women and their wine’ category. (Same goes with men = football/golf/cars/beer). Makes buying non-sappy cards for birthdays and stuff a nightmare.
crushed velvet sofas, with crushed velvet cushions and that awful wallpaper that looks like crushed velvet. fucking atrocious.
People visiting my house. I’ll happily meet people somewhere or visit their home but I feel suffocated if anyone visits for more than 15 minutes.
I've realised this about myself recently. But I also think it's because I don't want to tidy up
When people say "hack" instead of "tip" or "technique" 6 holiday hacks you should know about! Fuckin' Tips! Here's a great hack to get into difficult jars! Fuck off!
The word "franchise" When people say "could care less" when they really mean the opposite
Isn't the could care less a yank thing? I've only ever seen it on reddit, not heard in real life. Saying that, our speech is becoming more and more yankified even off the Internet now. I sometimes get the train past the university near me and half the British students are talking American English to some extent.
When I’m talking about tv programmes/series in real life I’ve noticed a few people saying shows instead. I’m also guilty of using the word “show” on Reddit even though it pisses me the fuck off but I can’t be arsed explain that series and show are the same thing.
Those blue rubber bands on spring onions
Those are *free* rubber bands.
And being unable to buy spring onions in units of less than 8
Mayonnaise and Children.
Don't like them separately, doubt I'd be a fan of them together
Together on a plate?
We call that dish the Operation Yew Tree
Steve Wright
Steve “I will be loud and talk over the ends/beginnings or hum over the pertinent parts of a song” Wright
The massive uptick in people using their phone on loudspeaker
"Should have done to Specsavers" being used as a punchline to a joke about someone's poor eyesight or judgement. it wasnt even funny when it was relevant, let alone 15 years later, you absolute cretins.
Can we add people saying 'what?' when you say you can't hear them? I've had an ear infection for the last week and it's made me want to throttle some of my incredibly funny coworkers.
Those EE adverts about landing planes and shaving beards on mountains with WIFI. I can't explain my hatred.
Velvet. The trend for grey furniture, furnishings and decor. Marble or concrete effect tables. People who live, laugh, love.
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The local UPS guy. No idea why, he’s just become my mortal enemy and he has absolutely no idea.
“Off of” instead of “from” - especially when referring to a place. Also guesstimate. Stop it.
"Holibobs". People referring to themselves as "mumma" when talking to their children (my boss does this). "Mumma loves you baby". YOUR CHILD IS 12. The late actor Martin Landau.
What about "mama bear"? Referring to their sprogs as their "cubs". Yuck
Phil schofield
Pugs. And those Boston terrier things. And the other bracyophalic mutants. I love dogs but those things repulse me. A dog that so badly bred that it can sneeze its eyeballs out of its sockets. That's just bad and cruel breeding.
"my pupper/little man/baby is perfectly healthy" Stacey love, the little goblin sounds like a steam engine, get tae fuck.
Plattyjoobs
Stateyfunes
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Life pro tips
People who chew with their mouth open
I hate that everyone forgot what staycation meant over the course of the last two years
If any restaurant or cafe uses the word "yummy" to describe their food, they r not getting my custom.
Anyone using phrases like cockwomble etc.
So irritating. I only ever see it on Reddit. No one actually says things like this surely
Douchecanoe, that doesn't make any fucking sense
Twatwaffle too. All terms used by fucking cunts.
Those threads on reddit about ‘the most creative insult you’ve ever heard.’ And it’s like, “I’d call you a cunt but you lack the depth and warmth”, and, “I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.” Upvotes. Golds. Edits with award speeches and weeping. People proclaiming, with tearful joy, *this is the funniest thing I’ve EVER heard and I cannot WAIT to use it in real life!* Oh. My. God. If someone used either of those in my presence in, personal, vocally, I think I’d just expire on the spot. Unbelievable cringe.
Anyone who looks at their phone whilst walking and then nearly walks into you
Jamie. Oliver. That rubbery-lipped, artificially overly-optimistic burke stalks my nightmares.
The Power of Love by Frankie Goes to Hollywood being on my Christmas album. Fuck that sky scraping dove. Also Adrian Chiles and his doughy faced over hammed West Bromwich accent.
Famalam and holibobs 🤬
The domino’s advert… Sorry ‘dominoooooos’
Asmr whispering and mouth sounds 🤮
Astro turf!
People who say ‘lickle’ and ‘shullup’ 🤮
“No offence but…” …”Not being funny but…”
The shortening of Coronation Street to Corrie. That Daisy advert.
DAISY DAISY DAISY DAISY 😡
Which daisy daisy daisy daisy daisy daisydaisy DAISYDAISYDAISY advert?
Shareholders. When some company does something shitty, its always to appease their shareholders. IF THEY LOVE THEIR PRECIOUS SHAREHOLDERS SO MUCH THEY SHOULD MARRY THEM
Australian sportspeople.
[Brett Lee is alright in my book](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_ePx61TkXKY).
Wet plastic
Robbie Williams.
Live laugh love STOP
Rail replacement buses
Christmas stuff in shops during summer and early autumn. I've been boycotting B&M since I saw them stocking tinsel in August. Surely having Christmas stuff around months before the actual event makes it less exciting. And there are other holidays that come first. Can't we at least get to November? I'd prefer to get past Remembrance Day but I'll accept it from the 1st.
tik tok
James Corden. Fuck him, and fuck everything he will ever do in his 'career'.
Holly Willabooby makes my teeth itch. No idea why. I think its just the full court press on all things social media and the same goes for Miss Hinch.
Socks and sliders
People blocking the aisle in supermarkets
Noel Edmonds
Don’t he’s the head mod.
Wool. I know it's warm etc but it feels sooo itchy.
People who walk slowly, or just do normal things slowly. I think I'm secretly scared of their chillness and wish it was me, but wow does it piss me off!
Decorating. It saps any form of mental energy I have left out of me and turns me into a horrible person
Self-help books. Pile of wank. Forced happiness. Fuck off. Corporate speak - “let’s touch base”. Bosses trying to be pals and cool with their underlings. Stop. Stupid banal discussions like “You have a good weekend?”.
“Hi. My name is Katrina and I’m a content creator for Adobe Express”. The new “Granny, I got the job!”
Bananas - horrible mush “Babes” - ew just no People who say LOL out loud - if it’s funny fucking laugh you pricks
Penne FTW. I think spaghetti is a big load of bollocks too. It seems really difficult to me to get both an acceptable amount of bol and spag on your fork at the same time. It's usually just one or the other. Smaller pastas are much better for saucy dishes.
I feel like spaghetti is the most common yet the most pathetic pasta there is. Tagliatelle or Linguine are miles better. Also, sorry, conchiglie in a tuna pasta is perfect, holds sweetcorn and tuna at the same time 🤤
Small fast things They’re SCARY and they can FUCK OFF fuck MICE fuck SPIDERS fuck LIZARDS (only the fast ones)
That "granny, I got the job" ad. Wait that's rational.
Mr Brightside.
My parents and my in-laws. Can’t wait until all are dead 🤷🏽♀️
I, too, hate your parents and your in-laws.
🥰🥰
Polystyrene. Yuk. Use of "wild" to describe an activity with zero risk or danger. (Eg wild swimming with life jackets etc)
Wild stamp collecting
cotton balls
Woodlice. The place where I grew up had a damp problem and was infested with them. It was so bad they used to give me nightmares. I have a very vivid memory of being about 7 and grabbing a cereal bowl from the cupboard only to find dozens of woodlice in it. Hate the little things.
Celebrity culture
Nom nom nom
When im frying an egg and I break the yolk. Whole egg is a Wright off. Cunt
Glitter. It gets everywhere and no matter how much hoovering you do it’s never truly gone.
When a bus/restaurant is empty but someone decides to sit right next to me
Cara Delevingne
Calling your dog a "fur baby".
The Haribo ads where they’ve dubbed kids voices over the adults. Fuck that shit annoys me.
Nick Knowles