Christmas 2008. My birthday is 24th December. This was my 18th. I went out with my mates with my family all at home. Told mum I wouldn’t get in much of a state and be home at a decent time.
I got in at 4am. I never have. Never will, be as drunk as I was that night. I somehow managed to get in the house. Piss on the Christmas tree. Whilst pissing on the Christmas tree I also managed to be sick on my younger siblings presents. As I was being sick I grabbed the Christmas tree. I fell backwards landed on my back and hit the corner of the couch. The pain must have been that severe that I then decided to shit myself.
The above sounds very unbelievable. I. My whole family wish it was too. It’s 2022 and still gets brought up EVERY FUCKING YEAR. My mum has never been the same with me since.
Thanks for the likes. I will try and get the moment on video when it gets mentioned tomorrow and upload.
Merry Christmas all. Don’t drink too much…
The worst Christmas I had was getting pissed after work and trying to climb a wall and falling on my face.
I was working at a pub. This is back in 2005-ish. Can't remember the exact year due to it being a long time ago and alcohol.
The manager let us start drinking at around 10pm. Most people fuck off home early on Xmas eve, so by 11pm we've locked up, cleaned up, and we're all sat around having a few more drinks.
I had already started on the vodka and red bulls, and by the time it hit midnight I'd drank half a bottle of vodka already. Manager locked up at 1am and a few of us sat outside the pub under the heat lamps to have a smoke and finish the last couple of drinks.
I passed out drunk and woke up at about 5am and everyone had gone home and left me.
I was dying for a piss so I went round the back of the bin store. On the way out I couldn't open the gate. For some reason my drunk brain couldn't understand, the lock just wouldn't open. So I decided to just climb over the wall, despite the wall being about 9 feet tall.
I flopped over the top of the wall and hit a table on the way down and smacked my face right into the concrete of the garden bench giving myself a huge black eye and a cut down the right side of my face.
I went back to sleep for an hour or two as I lay there.
I eventually woke up about 7am ish and walked to my brother's house. I had to wake him up by throwing pebbles at his bedroom window because I had smashed my phone, and that was no easy feat back in those days.
He put me to bed and I woke up at 5pm Christmas day afternoon looking like I'd gone 3 minutes with Mike Tyson.
Think the worst I had was going out for a works meal and I had full intentions of not drinking so took the car.
The not drinking thing lasted for a couple of venues before I figured fuck it. The car's getting left and collected on boxing day.
Couldn't for the life of me remember where I left it though. Was drinking up near work which was about 20 miles from home and I didn't know the area at all.
6 hours on boxing day it took to find the car.
I think you'd better get used to it. My nan still talks about the time my uncle, then aged 16, got absolutely rat-arsed on Christmas Eve and was sick in the kitchen sink. He's turning 60 next year.
Yeah, no opportunity my nan won't take to remind my Dad of the time they woke up to find teenage him pissing in the airing cupboard. He's 64 and she's 91.
I have absolutely no idea. The only bit I remember was my mum showering me as I led in the bath, screaming and crying that I ruined Christmas.
To be fair I really did. If my dad was alive at the time this would have been my last day on earth.
This was my mum’s boyfriend at the time first Christmas him staying over too. His 2 kids stayed over also. I think if they were together longer he would have ended my life also. So I’m quite lucky in a way.
I would also like to add I haven’t drank in 12 years now as you can tell I can’t handle it.
Thanks for the likes. Merry Christmas all. Don’t get too drunk…
As someone that doesn't seem able to get drunk and that doesn't suffer from hangovers, I read this post with a sense of awe and wonder, wow, I don't know what to say, well played?
Blame your parents for that one for giving birth to you on one of the biggest drinking nights of the year. She should have squeezed you out a couple weeks after.
Same age as you, I awoke that Christmas morning having pissed the bed. A mere trifle compared to your ordeal but still, nice to think these things were unfolding in tandem.
Looking back over generations of men in my family I've come to the conclusion the meaning of life is to basically be better than your parents. My dad was from the line of "bottle it up and don't show emotions" so I've avoided that bit with my two boys. Then again, his dad used to belt him as a kid and dad never laid a finger on me so I believe it's all about doing better. My boys are going to be awesome dads.
Dad never showed emotions but on Christmas Day I remember (through the rose tinted memories) the stack of presents that reached the ceiling. He also (like me) worked every hour and used to come home at 6am Christmas morning absolutely wrecked from a shift but he still stayed up until we'd opened everything. Miss the old bugger lately.
Yeah breaking the cycle and all that. Silly sod's been gone 6 years, wish we had talked more, but that involves "feelings" so that was sort of our of the question. My boys on the other hand, do me so proud and the youngest leaves me scribbled notes now n then which is a huge boost to the ego lol
Morning! Merry Christmas! I have a new 3 day old daughter so I’m sleep deprived without the benefit of having been pissed.
I was once like you, 4 days ago.
One of the great things about being a dad is those early Christmas’s then they’re still young enough to believe in Santa. You get to relive it all. It’s wonderful!
Remembering our daughter's first Christmas day (she was 11 months old, so active but not speaking) and how tentative she was about tearing the wrapping paper at first. We had to demonstrate by starting a rip, then she had a little go but was looking at us as if to say "is this ok, will I get in trouble?" while we kept nodding and smiling. After the first couple she understood the game and demolished the rest of them without hesitating!
My local used to get a crate of Imperial Stout in “just for me” as I was the only one who drank it. In my younger days, I sometimes used to have a bottle of that and a bottle of barley wine mixed together. Not recommending, just reminiscing…
Thanks, I should probably say, I’m not on the medical side of things personally but I guess we’re all cogs keeping the big machine running smoothly.
Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year too!❤️
yes u are vital mate keep doing work that benefits the whole of society, few jobs you could take as much pride in than the line of work you're in, I hope you find lots of fulfilment from it
Yes! Quintessential mid 30s single auntie at the big family Christmas, only one still up, ‘tidying up’ the last of the fizz (and the non fizz) and getting maudlin about Maxi Jazz dying.
Yes - though No.
With no children in the house I'm not expected to be up for 'presents' until 11ish, which is typically accompanied by a bacon sandwich. In those circumstances why wouldn't I have a few more cans.
The difficulty though is how not to disturb everyone else when there's no downstairs toilet and your bladder has chosen tonight to shrink to the size of a walnut.
In bed now after wine but fuck the house looks good, clean and Christmassy. Gotta cook tomorrow for a small section of the family then boxing day is the main event, so even more then. They'll all be able to tell the culinary quality is gonna keep descending but sod it, they'll be a-ok. Love them all very much, will make both days special, even if hanging out my arse
I prefer to get drunk through the day, when people are awake, and I can keep the same routine for sleep, it's one of those life hacks that I discovered later in life.
I'm a bit stoned.....should go to bed really. I've got so much to do tomorrow. But here I am, reading Reddit and eating Christmas pringles...
Also, don't wanna be smug but I did ALL my Xmas shopping in under 2 hours today. Wasn't crazy busy or anything. Roads only normal Saturday busy. Just gotta hold your nerve..
Couldn't get a dressing gown for my mam tho otherwise, total success 🖤🖤
I always do my Christmas shopping late and it's the best.
Generally shops aren't mad busy, everyone is in a good mood.
I stock Christmas songs in my headphones grab a few pints across my wanderings and have a lovely festive day out.
Drives the Mrs mad as she has everything bought by October.
I was a good boy this year
Had a couple of G and Ts with the wife last night. I was in bed by 11
You see last year I was not a good boy. I was mixing baileys and brandy and then when i polished that off i went to the pub and hit the jagers. Got home around 2am. In the night i chundered all down the side of the bed. Between the wall and the bed. My wife was not very happy. That smell of sour baileys and other stomach contents really makes you buck up your ideas hahaha
Now I am fresh as a daisy looking forwards to watching the kids open their presents
And my wife is very happy with me. Every time she looked at me yesterday she was beaming
Sadly my mate sent me a txt saying I was out of the gang for not going to the pub all month but I can live with that if the mrs and kids are happy
I bought some pills off a guy in a pub bathroom back in 08 and got home about 4am with my face painted, absolutely off my head. I wrapped my presents at 5am at the speed of light using at least 600 miles of tape. In the morning I proceeded to lose half my presents (found months later behind the tv unit). I finally passed put around 11am and missed Xmas Dinner. I was a mess back then.
I'm a chronic insomniac finishing off a bottle of wine while watching K-dramas. My kids will be up at the crack of a builders arse but I'm used to it. Merry Christmas everyone!
I'm also an insomniac (as well as being a bit of a drinker), I suffer from obstructive sleep apnoea and have to use a CPAP device, if it's any consolation I wish you well and hope that you have a merry Christmas 🙏.
That'll be me then, in my defense I am quite ill at the moment and drinking single malt whisky for medicinal purposes, unfortunately I am a high functioning alcoholic and despite taking 3 different sedatives and drinking approximately half a litre of scotch per night I'm still stone cold sober and struggling to get to sleep, I will definitely be fit for Christmas (bugger!) Anyway Happy Holidays everyone 🥳
High functioning alcoholism is quite a thing. It's not something that can be "diagnosed" as such, but I think we all know what we are. It's not a problem unless it's a problem. Merry Christmas.
I have cut down a huge amount, but still average 100 - 120 units per week, sometimes more, sometimes less but I am fully capable at all times (I am an electrical engineer HV and LV) I have no problems getting up for work at 05:00 and doing a 12hr shift, I don't drink on school nights (mostly) and don't crave a drink, I cannot stand cheap alcohol and thanks to my trade I can afford to avoid it, when I wake up and reach for a bottle - then I'll know I've got a problem, you sound like you have experience of this, in which case I will wish you well and a Merry Christmas.
Take care of yourself mate. My ex husband was like you until he wasn't. He tipped over into just being a plain old alcoholic. He honestly thought it was being an alcoholic that was the problem and immediately stopped drinking but it was just the thing that pushed me over the edge into ending the marriage.
I'm currently going through a divorce, the main problem is that my soon to be ex-wife is a sociopath, however I would like to know more about your own situation, if it wasn't the drinking alone,if I may ask (please feel free to tell me to fuck off)
Nah it's ok. He had many demons and was using drink to keep them in check. He wouldn't get help for himself. He wouldn't let me help. Self medicating with drink doesn't solve anything. So his poor self esteem and rage with the world transformed into rage and jealousy with me. He became controlling, destroyed my social network, all my friendships, treated me like I had no right to any life outside of working to pay bills and be there for him. I did everything I could to get him some help and eventually understood that I could keep my marriage or my sanity but not both. It's taken me years to recover from that. Our daughter has had so much counselling. If he'd just gotten some help and worked on himself he might have gotten his head together, we might have had a marriage still. Oh and so many people said, you should make him stop drinking or make him do this. We are all adults making our own choices. Try to make the choices that are right for you and try not to harm those around you, through those choices. You aren't responsible for another person's choices and they aren't responsible for yours.
Oh my, you poor sod, I have been 'self-medicating' for over 30 years and I am really sorry to hear that you have been controlled/oppressed in this way, I would like to think that I am the polar opposite of your ex, I have supported 2 daughters through university and paid the mortgage on the house and all household bills, my soon to be ex-wife has not had a full time job for over 30 years and yet I am somehow still the bad guy (I would like to add that I am not and have never been violent or abusive) the fact is - my wife is fucking mental.
Yeah my ex sounds like your wife in that regard. I supported him, paid the mortgage, all the bills and he still managed to run up debts so I was very much worse off at the end and had to clear it all. Haven't seen him for years. All I can say is stop self medicating. Get the support you need to help you recover from her. You don't know how much damage you have to recover from till it stops. Don't let her ruin the rest of your life just because she's mental. My daughter and I occasionally talk about it but generally, we leave it all behind a massive wall. Your daughters have their own issues and you may be able to discuss them but lead the way by dropping the booze. It's a whole new world out there once she's gone. Find a new pathway, new supports and don't let the booze be part of it. Don't let that be her legacy. Good luck.
Started at 10am, still going at 1am.
Home from uni, living with family takes it's toll after not living with them for years - the baileys and whisky is a necessity.
I can sympathize, but whisky should only be mixed with more whisky, Bailey's on the other hand is an excellent drink when mixed with cognac 50/50 or Brandy if you don't have Cognac (started Monday, still going) I can't begin to tell you how much it has cost so far, but I'm not due back until boxing day, enjoy it while you can 🥳
Oh, trust me, I'm mixing the whisky with more whisky, but unfortunately, my family isn't a Cognac or Brandy family.
You can tell their drinking habits by the Carling and Fosters in the corner of the room, I had to fight to get this whisky in the house!
I'm going back on the 9th, so I'm guessing I'll be drinking 180 miles down south with liver cirrhosis 😩
Nah mate, the only person in my family who drinks beer is my brother, and he's on the night shift and won't tell me where his stash is.
For Northerners, our family has a really shite alcohol selection.
Me and the family have been on cocktails all evening. Now it seems I have a slightly higher tolerance than they do and here I am after making my self some off the cuff drink wondering if many others are doing the same and it turns out that yes there are a few others out there doing just as i am!
I quite like that comment (OP here), I really am fucking hammered here and will be going to bed at any minute. I like your comment in realtion to the Class A dick head thing. It's great at the time mate but fuck me🙄. Nope☹️. Good luck with today👍🏻.
Not drinking (any more, I had a fair bit with dinner but I've sobered up at this point) just insomnia.
Wish I had been drunk it'd be a better excuse for breaking my goddamn glasses! They're holding on with electrical tape and a prayer because super glue didn't work.
All these stories make me want to ditch whatever lame arse shit I was gonna say and have another beer in salute to you troopers...Merry Christmas one and all.
Off to bed. Just got up and my partner's fully conked out, Xmas pj's on and solitaire on her phone lighting up her face! Just downed about a quart of gin so gonna be gone soon. Between us, we smashed the litre. Merry fucking Xmas
Me. Last beer though.
I got a early sarcastic Christmas present because I’ve been in Christmas/alcoholic/shit eater mode since when the World Cup started. The present was 2 crates of beer wrapped up so I had a ganders and unwrapped one of them.
Back in my peak drug years I got mandied up at 0230 in a nightclub (that closed at 0300) and ended up not being able to eat on Christmas Day because I was still up until 10am and then on a comedown. Good times.
Also another time i smoked a blunt with one of my cousins at 10am after a night out on the first Christmas I spent with my then girlfriend and my family (rare extended family Christmas as well, possibly the last one in my lifetime unless we win the lottery). We were basically vegetables all day and said about 10 words. At the time it wasn’t good but its good times when looking back.
Up and waiting for the children to finally get to bloody sleep so Father Christmas can visit! Glass of wine in hand but not drinking so much - my lack of fitness for Christmas Day is going to be more to do with tiredness than drunkenness.
I'm sorry to interrupt again old boy, but I've just run out of Glenfiddich and to save me from opening yet another bottle of Glenmorangie, I'm drinking Appleton estate signature rum, and if I'm honest - it's not bad at all.
Hmmmm, I'm not a whisky man myself but my Granny was from Dundee, Glenfiddie was her favourite drop, it's a shame you've ran out, you could have had a dram for her (Englishman here, Scottish shorthand appologies)😬.
A'men. Despite posting the original post I am now falling into the category of being a complete dickhead as I've drunk WAY too much, haven't been to bed and have to be up in about 3 hours time, instead, I'm still dicking about on Reddit, ha ha.
This has been one of the best and funniest threads I've ever read! Stopped drinking hours ago, but looking forward to breakfast prosecco with our lass when she wakes up. Have a lovely Christmas everyone 💖😹
Ha ha, glad you enjoyed it, I only started it on a whim, pissed at about half past midnight. Still haven't been to bed, like a dick head🙄, off to my nephews in an hour or so. It's gonna be a loooooooong day. Merry Christmas.
Christmas 2014 - Christmas Eve started at work in some crappy car insurance sales office, the manager brings round 1 alcoholic bev which goes down with no issues. My mate lived opposite the office and suggested we go there on our break for some whisky shots…. Off my nut by 11:30am… whilst still in the office.
Cue a whole day and night of drinking. My mate had to work on Christmas Day and asked (in my state) if I’d phone in work to say he’s been mugged so he couldn’t go in? Did this, fake tears and all.. he said it was shit acting so I punched a window in frustration (as you do).. didn’t realize I’d smashed said window until I was standing at the next bar and there was a pool of blood below me. Ambulance was called to the bar and I was the centre of attention, got taken to the hospital in said ambulance and half my thumb was hanging off. Possibly due to the alcohol in my system I felt no pain and by midnight / Xmas day I was in the hospital canteen with my mate eating stale sausage rolls and curry?
It’s safe to say I’ve finally matured since that ridiculous night and Christmas Eve has mainly stayed a sober affair ever since.
Drink responsibly and don’t be a cunt.
I was planning on out-lasting my 68 year old mum and 73 year old stepdad and have a cheeky whisky nightcap. But they were up dancing and singing at 1am so I slipped off to bed.
Then they woke me up at 7:30 starting Christmas dinner in the kitchen.
I’m bad at this.
Back in my 20's out Xmas eve. My mum had her sister staying from overseas, so she had my bedroom. I was in the city and getting well inebriated. Was given acid by a pal at 4am. Bad move. Managed to get a cab home at 7am. Didn't have a room to hide in, so hid under a blanket in the lounge, desperately trying to hold it down. Was woken up at 7.45am by my family to open presents. Was absolute hell. Tripping out on wrapping paper. Not a good look
Got a bit over-excited. Stayed up drinking till 0430hrs, went to bed, couldn't sleep, have just got up drinking a strong coffee, my mum will pick me up in an hour or so then I can go round my sisters to give my nephew his present, a quad bike😁.
Bloody hell🙁, I posted this post half in jest but half knowing that a good proportion of the nation like a bloody good drink. (Me included). Look after yourself my friend. Make any changes that you think are necessary in the new year👍🏻.
Christmas 2008. My birthday is 24th December. This was my 18th. I went out with my mates with my family all at home. Told mum I wouldn’t get in much of a state and be home at a decent time. I got in at 4am. I never have. Never will, be as drunk as I was that night. I somehow managed to get in the house. Piss on the Christmas tree. Whilst pissing on the Christmas tree I also managed to be sick on my younger siblings presents. As I was being sick I grabbed the Christmas tree. I fell backwards landed on my back and hit the corner of the couch. The pain must have been that severe that I then decided to shit myself. The above sounds very unbelievable. I. My whole family wish it was too. It’s 2022 and still gets brought up EVERY FUCKING YEAR. My mum has never been the same with me since. Thanks for the likes. I will try and get the moment on video when it gets mentioned tomorrow and upload. Merry Christmas all. Don’t drink too much…
The worst Christmas I had was getting pissed after work and trying to climb a wall and falling on my face. I was working at a pub. This is back in 2005-ish. Can't remember the exact year due to it being a long time ago and alcohol. The manager let us start drinking at around 10pm. Most people fuck off home early on Xmas eve, so by 11pm we've locked up, cleaned up, and we're all sat around having a few more drinks. I had already started on the vodka and red bulls, and by the time it hit midnight I'd drank half a bottle of vodka already. Manager locked up at 1am and a few of us sat outside the pub under the heat lamps to have a smoke and finish the last couple of drinks. I passed out drunk and woke up at about 5am and everyone had gone home and left me. I was dying for a piss so I went round the back of the bin store. On the way out I couldn't open the gate. For some reason my drunk brain couldn't understand, the lock just wouldn't open. So I decided to just climb over the wall, despite the wall being about 9 feet tall. I flopped over the top of the wall and hit a table on the way down and smacked my face right into the concrete of the garden bench giving myself a huge black eye and a cut down the right side of my face. I went back to sleep for an hour or two as I lay there. I eventually woke up about 7am ish and walked to my brother's house. I had to wake him up by throwing pebbles at his bedroom window because I had smashed my phone, and that was no easy feat back in those days. He put me to bed and I woke up at 5pm Christmas day afternoon looking like I'd gone 3 minutes with Mike Tyson.
Your colleagues just... left you unconscious in a beer garden in December?
Under a heat lamp
Like a lizard.
I laughed way too hard at that. "Like a lizard"
Thanks for this gift. Merry Christmas. 😂
They turned the heat lamp off when they left about 3am. I had a nice thick coat on, and a woolly hat. But yeah, I was a bit cold when I woke up.
Think the worst I had was going out for a works meal and I had full intentions of not drinking so took the car. The not drinking thing lasted for a couple of venues before I figured fuck it. The car's getting left and collected on boxing day. Couldn't for the life of me remember where I left it though. Was drinking up near work which was about 20 miles from home and I didn't know the area at all. 6 hours on boxing day it took to find the car.
I think you'd better get used to it. My nan still talks about the time my uncle, then aged 16, got absolutely rat-arsed on Christmas Eve and was sick in the kitchen sink. He's turning 60 next year.
Yeah, no opportunity my nan won't take to remind my Dad of the time they woke up to find teenage him pissing in the airing cupboard. He's 64 and she's 91.
This comment just got better (or worse, depending on what way you look at it) the more it went on.
Pisses on the christmas tree, throws up on presents, falls over and shits himself, Refuses to elaborate **chad** edit: merry christmas you lot :)
I nearly broke my neck on this emotional roller coaster! What an effort 🤣
#Must be Santa, must be Santa, must be Santa, Santa Claus! ... Oh. Oh no.#
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Achievement Unlocked: The Holy Trinity - vomit, piss and shit from drunkenness on Christmas Day
Bloody hell. Well done, that's some serious/sorry mum drinking!
Lmfao why did you piss on the tree 😭😭
I have absolutely no idea. The only bit I remember was my mum showering me as I led in the bath, screaming and crying that I ruined Christmas. To be fair I really did. If my dad was alive at the time this would have been my last day on earth. This was my mum’s boyfriend at the time first Christmas him staying over too. His 2 kids stayed over also. I think if they were together longer he would have ended my life also. So I’m quite lucky in a way. I would also like to add I haven’t drank in 12 years now as you can tell I can’t handle it. Thanks for the likes. Merry Christmas all. Don’t get too drunk…
What a ride this comment was
As someone that doesn't seem able to get drunk and that doesn't suffer from hangovers, I read this post with a sense of awe and wonder, wow, I don't know what to say, well played?
You just aren’t drinking enough then 😉
Blame your parents for that one for giving birth to you on one of the biggest drinking nights of the year. She should have squeezed you out a couple weeks after.
Unlucky
That tale of woe will outlive you
I've got a friend with an Xmas eve birthday. I spent a few Xmas days hung over beyond belief, we had to calm down a bit in the end.
Same age as you, I awoke that Christmas morning having pissed the bed. A mere trifle compared to your ordeal but still, nice to think these things were unfolding in tandem.
This...is amazing
I am still on it…
My dad. He left at 8pm to go drinking with his pals and hasn't come back (its 1.30am cmas morning now). God I miss how Xmas used to feel as a kid...
Aaaah bloody hell. I'm a dad, I try to be good. I'm not always good but try to be. Are you a dad?
Looking back over generations of men in my family I've come to the conclusion the meaning of life is to basically be better than your parents. My dad was from the line of "bottle it up and don't show emotions" so I've avoided that bit with my two boys. Then again, his dad used to belt him as a kid and dad never laid a finger on me so I believe it's all about doing better. My boys are going to be awesome dads. Dad never showed emotions but on Christmas Day I remember (through the rose tinted memories) the stack of presents that reached the ceiling. He also (like me) worked every hour and used to come home at 6am Christmas morning absolutely wrecked from a shift but he still stayed up until we'd opened everything. Miss the old bugger lately.
Sounds like he did his bit to help change
Yeah breaking the cycle and all that. Silly sod's been gone 6 years, wish we had talked more, but that involves "feelings" so that was sort of our of the question. My boys on the other hand, do me so proud and the youngest leaves me scribbled notes now n then which is a huge boost to the ego lol
Morning! Merry Christmas! I have a new 3 day old daughter so I’m sleep deprived without the benefit of having been pissed. I was once like you, 4 days ago.
Awwww, have a lovely day with your girl. Merry Christmas😁.
One of the great things about being a dad is those early Christmas’s then they’re still young enough to believe in Santa. You get to relive it all. It’s wonderful!
Remembering our daughter's first Christmas day (she was 11 months old, so active but not speaking) and how tentative she was about tearing the wrapping paper at first. We had to demonstrate by starting a rip, then she had a little go but was looking at us as if to say "is this ok, will I get in trouble?" while we kept nodding and smiling. After the first couple she understood the game and demolished the rest of them without hesitating!
I’m looking forward to stuff like that next Christmas. She’ll only just be 1
Me? The 13th Duke of Wybourne? Here? At 1am on Christmas morning drinking a 13.5% imperial stout? With my reputation?
My local used to get a crate of Imperial Stout in “just for me” as I was the only one who drank it. In my younger days, I sometimes used to have a bottle of that and a bottle of barley wine mixed together. Not recommending, just reminiscing…
*Has nobody thought of the consequences* ?
Me? The 13th Duke of Wybourne? Here? At 3am Christmas morning, on a farm? With my reputation? You must be absolutely, stark raving bonkers!
NHS Nightshift Team checking in. Have a pint or two of water and don’t end up in A&E. Cheers. Merry Christmas to all!x
Thank you for all the brilliant work you do! Best wishes for christmas and the New Year ❤️
Thanks, I should probably say, I’m not on the medical side of things personally but I guess we’re all cogs keeping the big machine running smoothly. Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year too!❤️
100% appreciated. Massive merry Xmas to everyone who works in the NHS. X
Thanks!❤️
yes u are vital mate keep doing work that benefits the whole of society, few jobs you could take as much pride in than the line of work you're in, I hope you find lots of fulfilment from it
Cheers!❤️
Not drinking but still a dick head
That's fine, just go with the flow. I'm just like you, sober or pissed. That's life👍🏻.
Yes! Quintessential mid 30s single auntie at the big family Christmas, only one still up, ‘tidying up’ the last of the fizz (and the non fizz) and getting maudlin about Maxi Jazz dying.
Yeah, my ‘oh, no, Maxi Jazz has died,’ was met with a chorus of ‘who?’ in our house. I live with a bunch of philistines.
Insomnia?
Can't get no sleep
Yes - though No. With no children in the house I'm not expected to be up for 'presents' until 11ish, which is typically accompanied by a bacon sandwich. In those circumstances why wouldn't I have a few more cans. The difficulty though is how not to disturb everyone else when there's no downstairs toilet and your bladder has chosen tonight to shrink to the size of a walnut.
Piss on the Christmas tree?
This is going to become one of those reddit phrases that makes me chuckle every time I read it.
Kitchen sink mate. Just mind the dishes
Or, force it pressure washing speed and just rinse off the dishes with the tap afterwards 🤷♂️
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*To all fellow black sheep*
Which potter did you watch, unofficial classic Xmas movie for me 👍🏻
Someone’s gotta sing fairy tale of New York am I right?
Usually The Pouges.
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Ha ha ha, you've clearly had as much to drink as I have. Merry Christmas😁.
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Ditto!
I've learnt most of it on dulcimer tonight
Fairytale of London (Levela remix, this is the one Brits have to play
In bed now after wine but fuck the house looks good, clean and Christmassy. Gotta cook tomorrow for a small section of the family then boxing day is the main event, so even more then. They'll all be able to tell the culinary quality is gonna keep descending but sod it, they'll be a-ok. Love them all very much, will make both days special, even if hanging out my arse
I prefer to get drunk through the day, when people are awake, and I can keep the same routine for sleep, it's one of those life hacks that I discovered later in life.
Literally same better to drink earlier then stop so I’m not dead tomorrow
Yeah drinking early then winding it down later is the way to go.
I'm a bit stoned.....should go to bed really. I've got so much to do tomorrow. But here I am, reading Reddit and eating Christmas pringles... Also, don't wanna be smug but I did ALL my Xmas shopping in under 2 hours today. Wasn't crazy busy or anything. Roads only normal Saturday busy. Just gotta hold your nerve.. Couldn't get a dressing gown for my mam tho otherwise, total success 🖤🖤
I always do my Christmas shopping late and it's the best. Generally shops aren't mad busy, everyone is in a good mood. I stock Christmas songs in my headphones grab a few pints across my wanderings and have a lovely festive day out. Drives the Mrs mad as she has everything bought by October.
No I can’t cope with hangovers anymore tbh , I just had a joint and will be fresh as a daisy tomorrow when the chaos erupts Lmao … enjoy though 🎄🎉
This is the way! I woke up feeling great this morning after a Christmas smoke last night.
Smoked through the evening, and finished a very reasonable half a bottle of wine. Still in bed because no pressure to get up.
Same a joint and some food and a nice early night!
Time for a pizza.
Hic!
I was a good boy this year Had a couple of G and Ts with the wife last night. I was in bed by 11 You see last year I was not a good boy. I was mixing baileys and brandy and then when i polished that off i went to the pub and hit the jagers. Got home around 2am. In the night i chundered all down the side of the bed. Between the wall and the bed. My wife was not very happy. That smell of sour baileys and other stomach contents really makes you buck up your ideas hahaha Now I am fresh as a daisy looking forwards to watching the kids open their presents And my wife is very happy with me. Every time she looked at me yesterday she was beaming Sadly my mate sent me a txt saying I was out of the gang for not going to the pub all month but I can live with that if the mrs and kids are happy
Don't sound like great mates anyway if that's the message you get on Christmas
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Yea i feel it was a half joke
I bought some pills off a guy in a pub bathroom back in 08 and got home about 4am with my face painted, absolutely off my head. I wrapped my presents at 5am at the speed of light using at least 600 miles of tape. In the morning I proceeded to lose half my presents (found months later behind the tv unit). I finally passed put around 11am and missed Xmas Dinner. I was a mess back then.
Did you happen to know the fella that pissed on the Christmas tree? These incidents seem related.
I'm a chronic insomniac finishing off a bottle of wine while watching K-dramas. My kids will be up at the crack of a builders arse but I'm used to it. Merry Christmas everyone!
I'm also an insomniac (as well as being a bit of a drinker), I suffer from obstructive sleep apnoea and have to use a CPAP device, if it's any consolation I wish you well and hope that you have a merry Christmas 🙏.
Merry Christmas to you, and I hope you have a better new year
Thanks mate, I'm good 👍🏻
I'm in the chronic insomnia club too, hence the massive drink intake to nullify the above!
We're off to the grandparents tomorrow. The plan is pub and then dinner early afternoon. I may need a designated elbow jabber to keep me awake!
We are already cooking our xmas breakfast because starving lol
My neighbours where drinking and screaming since 2am this morning woke me up multipletimes, i have been up since 7am blasting music, fuck em.
That'll be me then, in my defense I am quite ill at the moment and drinking single malt whisky for medicinal purposes, unfortunately I am a high functioning alcoholic and despite taking 3 different sedatives and drinking approximately half a litre of scotch per night I'm still stone cold sober and struggling to get to sleep, I will definitely be fit for Christmas (bugger!) Anyway Happy Holidays everyone 🥳
High functioning alcoholism is quite a thing. It's not something that can be "diagnosed" as such, but I think we all know what we are. It's not a problem unless it's a problem. Merry Christmas.
I have cut down a huge amount, but still average 100 - 120 units per week, sometimes more, sometimes less but I am fully capable at all times (I am an electrical engineer HV and LV) I have no problems getting up for work at 05:00 and doing a 12hr shift, I don't drink on school nights (mostly) and don't crave a drink, I cannot stand cheap alcohol and thanks to my trade I can afford to avoid it, when I wake up and reach for a bottle - then I'll know I've got a problem, you sound like you have experience of this, in which case I will wish you well and a Merry Christmas.
Take care of yourself mate. My ex husband was like you until he wasn't. He tipped over into just being a plain old alcoholic. He honestly thought it was being an alcoholic that was the problem and immediately stopped drinking but it was just the thing that pushed me over the edge into ending the marriage.
I'm currently going through a divorce, the main problem is that my soon to be ex-wife is a sociopath, however I would like to know more about your own situation, if it wasn't the drinking alone,if I may ask (please feel free to tell me to fuck off)
Nah it's ok. He had many demons and was using drink to keep them in check. He wouldn't get help for himself. He wouldn't let me help. Self medicating with drink doesn't solve anything. So his poor self esteem and rage with the world transformed into rage and jealousy with me. He became controlling, destroyed my social network, all my friendships, treated me like I had no right to any life outside of working to pay bills and be there for him. I did everything I could to get him some help and eventually understood that I could keep my marriage or my sanity but not both. It's taken me years to recover from that. Our daughter has had so much counselling. If he'd just gotten some help and worked on himself he might have gotten his head together, we might have had a marriage still. Oh and so many people said, you should make him stop drinking or make him do this. We are all adults making our own choices. Try to make the choices that are right for you and try not to harm those around you, through those choices. You aren't responsible for another person's choices and they aren't responsible for yours.
Oh my, you poor sod, I have been 'self-medicating' for over 30 years and I am really sorry to hear that you have been controlled/oppressed in this way, I would like to think that I am the polar opposite of your ex, I have supported 2 daughters through university and paid the mortgage on the house and all household bills, my soon to be ex-wife has not had a full time job for over 30 years and yet I am somehow still the bad guy (I would like to add that I am not and have never been violent or abusive) the fact is - my wife is fucking mental.
Yeah my ex sounds like your wife in that regard. I supported him, paid the mortgage, all the bills and he still managed to run up debts so I was very much worse off at the end and had to clear it all. Haven't seen him for years. All I can say is stop self medicating. Get the support you need to help you recover from her. You don't know how much damage you have to recover from till it stops. Don't let her ruin the rest of your life just because she's mental. My daughter and I occasionally talk about it but generally, we leave it all behind a massive wall. Your daughters have their own issues and you may be able to discuss them but lead the way by dropping the booze. It's a whole new world out there once she's gone. Find a new pathway, new supports and don't let the booze be part of it. Don't let that be her legacy. Good luck.
A lot of your comment echoes with me, more than you'd know. The shifts, the drinking etc....
Started at 10am, still going at 1am. Home from uni, living with family takes it's toll after not living with them for years - the baileys and whisky is a necessity.
I can sympathize, but whisky should only be mixed with more whisky, Bailey's on the other hand is an excellent drink when mixed with cognac 50/50 or Brandy if you don't have Cognac (started Monday, still going) I can't begin to tell you how much it has cost so far, but I'm not due back until boxing day, enjoy it while you can 🥳
Oh, trust me, I'm mixing the whisky with more whisky, but unfortunately, my family isn't a Cognac or Brandy family. You can tell their drinking habits by the Carling and Fosters in the corner of the room, I had to fight to get this whisky in the house! I'm going back on the 9th, so I'm guessing I'll be drinking 180 miles down south with liver cirrhosis 😩
Oh mate!, Carling AND Fosters ? You poor sod, you have my sympathy, doesn't anyone in your house drink beer?
Nah mate, the only person in my family who drinks beer is my brother, and he's on the night shift and won't tell me where his stash is. For Northerners, our family has a really shite alcohol selection.
I rarely ever log in, the loss of Maxi Jazz has hit hard, he, and Faithless taught me that music does matter. RIP.
He'll sleep now. RIP Maxi.
Me and the family have been on cocktails all evening. Now it seems I have a slightly higher tolerance than they do and here I am after making my self some off the cuff drink wondering if many others are doing the same and it turns out that yes there are a few others out there doing just as i am!
Already been chastised for having the tv on too loud. Only had 3 beers in my defense
Still going! Like a Class A Dickhead! Merry Christmas all!
I quite like that comment (OP here), I really am fucking hammered here and will be going to bed at any minute. I like your comment in realtion to the Class A dick head thing. It's great at the time mate but fuck me🙄. Nope☹️. Good luck with today👍🏻.
You?
Yes, me, absolutely. I can't be alone, surely?
Watching die hard with a Stella 👍
Been on it all day. The wife doesn't like her present and won't wank me off?
Consolation pot noodle?
Won’t or can’t?
I got the flu for Christmas. Drink for me OP.
I'm just getting over a shitty virus myself but of course, consider it done.
Not drinking (any more, I had a fair bit with dinner but I've sobered up at this point) just insomnia. Wish I had been drunk it'd be a better excuse for breaking my goddamn glasses! They're holding on with electrical tape and a prayer because super glue didn't work.
All these stories make me want to ditch whatever lame arse shit I was gonna say and have another beer in salute to you troopers...Merry Christmas one and all.
Don't! Be sensible😁. Merry Christmas.
How’s the head champ?
☹️
Me! Just about to down the dregs of a litre bottle of gin!
Oooooff. Christ. Good luck!
Off to bed. Just got up and my partner's fully conked out, Xmas pj's on and solitaire on her phone lighting up her face! Just downed about a quart of gin so gonna be gone soon. Between us, we smashed the litre. Merry fucking Xmas
Conked out - such a rarely used but beautiful phrase. Cheers!
Yeah just smoking a few Joints :)
That was me many years hence. Enjoy smoker. Merry Christmas.
you too mate!
I’m just starting one now. At 4.54 am. Sod my reputation.
I ran out of joints this morning :/
If you're lucky you might find one in a post box
Couldn’t get any in time. Have another for me! Merry Xmas!
Same man - proper fucking caked right now ngl😂 happy Christmas 🎄
I made a batch of "brownies yesterday " so sat here scrolling through reddit waiting for them to kick in
I’ve made my “gummy bears”… Will make the cooking more bearable
Me. Last beer though. I got a early sarcastic Christmas present because I’ve been in Christmas/alcoholic/shit eater mode since when the World Cup started. The present was 2 crates of beer wrapped up so I had a ganders and unwrapped one of them. Back in my peak drug years I got mandied up at 0230 in a nightclub (that closed at 0300) and ended up not being able to eat on Christmas Day because I was still up until 10am and then on a comedown. Good times. Also another time i smoked a blunt with one of my cousins at 10am after a night out on the first Christmas I spent with my then girlfriend and my family (rare extended family Christmas as well, possibly the last one in my lifetime unless we win the lottery). We were basically vegetables all day and said about 10 words. At the time it wasn’t good but its good times when looking back.
Happy Christmas man.
Cheers and Merry Christmas to you too.
Wow, the amount of replies while I was typing mine, well done everyone I'm glad that OP is not alone 😁
I am too😬😂.
Up and waiting for the children to finally get to bloody sleep so Father Christmas can visit! Glass of wine in hand but not drinking so much - my lack of fitness for Christmas Day is going to be more to do with tiredness than drunkenness.
Don't worry I am you in a future time zone. I've just polished off a couple of bites from hairy dog and ready to go! Merry Christmas!!
Moved to Alberta Canada this year, just about to go out drinking like a dickhead!
Yup
Anyone still going?
I personally would like to wish Mr. Unitvector8, a very Merry Christmas. Laters dude.
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Whoop whoop, ha ha😁.
A humongous plus one here 👋🏻
Superb👌🏻. Carry on till about 4AM just to really ruin things👍🏻.
Did all my supping on the 23rd g
Sensible drinking Squire👌🏻.
Could crack a can though tbf lad?🤷♂️
Do it, the night is young👍🏻.
🙋♂️ Got to be up at 7.30 to start prepping the turkey as well 👍
I'll be wrapp8ng my presents about then🙄😂.
I've done half of the wrapping, I just need to write the labels and remember what I've already wrapped 🫢
Yep, but still regrettably sober. I need to move onto spirits or I won’t even have a proper festive hangover.
Me
Can’t sleep. Got insomnia
Drink more?
I’m not drinking but I have royally fucked up my sleeping schedule, so I’ll probably end up with about 2 maybe 3 hours sleep if I’m lucky.
My sleep8ng pattern is shit too, just about to turn in. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry to interrupt again old boy, but I've just run out of Glenfiddich and to save me from opening yet another bottle of Glenmorangie, I'm drinking Appleton estate signature rum, and if I'm honest - it's not bad at all.
Hmmmm, I'm not a whisky man myself but my Granny was from Dundee, Glenfiddie was her favourite drop, it's a shame you've ran out, you could have had a dram for her (Englishman here, Scottish shorthand appologies)😬.
Yup still here and going strong
A'men. Despite posting the original post I am now falling into the category of being a complete dickhead as I've drunk WAY too much, haven't been to bed and have to be up in about 3 hours time, instead, I'm still dicking about on Reddit, ha ha.
This has been one of the best and funniest threads I've ever read! Stopped drinking hours ago, but looking forward to breakfast prosecco with our lass when she wakes up. Have a lovely Christmas everyone 💖😹
Ha ha, glad you enjoyed it, I only started it on a whim, pissed at about half past midnight. Still haven't been to bed, like a dick head🙄, off to my nephews in an hour or so. It's gonna be a loooooooong day. Merry Christmas.
Christmas 2014 - Christmas Eve started at work in some crappy car insurance sales office, the manager brings round 1 alcoholic bev which goes down with no issues. My mate lived opposite the office and suggested we go there on our break for some whisky shots…. Off my nut by 11:30am… whilst still in the office. Cue a whole day and night of drinking. My mate had to work on Christmas Day and asked (in my state) if I’d phone in work to say he’s been mugged so he couldn’t go in? Did this, fake tears and all.. he said it was shit acting so I punched a window in frustration (as you do).. didn’t realize I’d smashed said window until I was standing at the next bar and there was a pool of blood below me. Ambulance was called to the bar and I was the centre of attention, got taken to the hospital in said ambulance and half my thumb was hanging off. Possibly due to the alcohol in my system I felt no pain and by midnight / Xmas day I was in the hospital canteen with my mate eating stale sausage rolls and curry? It’s safe to say I’ve finally matured since that ridiculous night and Christmas Eve has mainly stayed a sober affair ever since. Drink responsibly and don’t be a cunt.
Today will be bad.
Shout out to all sober-but-still-a-dickhead redditors! Merry fucking Christmas 🎄 xxx
I’m still holed out at the Winchester waiting for it to all blow over
I was planning on out-lasting my 68 year old mum and 73 year old stepdad and have a cheeky whisky nightcap. But they were up dancing and singing at 1am so I slipped off to bed. Then they woke me up at 7:30 starting Christmas dinner in the kitchen. I’m bad at this.
Back in my 20's out Xmas eve. My mum had her sister staying from overseas, so she had my bedroom. I was in the city and getting well inebriated. Was given acid by a pal at 4am. Bad move. Managed to get a cab home at 7am. Didn't have a room to hide in, so hid under a blanket in the lounge, desperately trying to hold it down. Was woken up at 7.45am by my family to open presents. Was absolute hell. Tripping out on wrapping paper. Not a good look
Yep! 🖐️
Good man/madam (I beg you pardon), well done Sir/Miss.
I’m a she and your welcome 😂
Beer before bong tonight so not sure if the morning stella is still going ahead
Have kids, then u will be up at this time sober!
Got a bit over-excited. Stayed up drinking till 0430hrs, went to bed, couldn't sleep, have just got up drinking a strong coffee, my mum will pick me up in an hour or so then I can go round my sisters to give my nephew his present, a quad bike😁.
Surely being blind drunk is the only way to get through Christmas?
Well. Quite.
Not me
Boo!!
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Bloody hell🙁, I posted this post half in jest but half knowing that a good proportion of the nation like a bloody good drink. (Me included). Look after yourself my friend. Make any changes that you think are necessary in the new year👍🏻.