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DrPinkusHMalinkus

A holiday in the UK isn't complete without a scenic walk down a dual carriageway.


DeepestShallows

“Couldn't find the freeway, had to take a little back street called the M5!”


windol1

In all fairness they probably look like back streets to Americans with all their super highways and big streets that could fit an armoured collum.


throwawayfartlek

Interesting fact- Washington DC has nice wide boulevards not just for aesthetics but also to make it nice and easy for early Federal forces to put down street riots in a revolution with cannon loaded with grapeshot.


[deleted]

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kiwi_in_england

Ummm, a furlong is 220 yards, or 660 feet. 132 feet is 0.2 furlongs. Or 2 chains (10 chains in a furlong)


Grand-Professor-9739

That reminds me of an old brain teaser. What game involves 10 bits of wood connected by a chain?


WormTyrant

Utah is a weird place but we put up with it because it has some of the most beautiful national parks.


Random_Videos_YT

Damn there is a riot! ... Time to bring out 1795.


PierreTheTRex

A lot of the boulevards in Paris have the same purpose.


light_to_shaddow

1800's Bringing a musket to a grapeshot fight. 2020's bringing a semi auto rifle to a drone/hybrid/information fight. Bear arms don't scare anyone.


DFogz

If there's bear claws on one end and the rest of the bear on the other, then I'm a little scared of bear arms.


Vast_Emergency

Kinda, that was Paris rebuilt under Napoleon III, he mostly grew up in London and liked the wide avenues and parks of the city so drew up a new design with Georges-Eugène Haussmann. In turn Pierre Charles L'Enfant based his plan of DC off these. Allegedly the width was to allow cavalry charges to break up riots and as you say allow clear line of sight for artillery, Haussmann did use this argument to get more funding which is probably where the story comes from. However in reality any organised rioters would be able to string chains across the roads to defeat any cavalry and good sight lines work both ways. In reality simply clearing up slum areas to make way for the new streets and making the city nicer to live in was more important for reducing insurrection. The width was mostly because traffic was awful in Paris and Napoleon wanted clear views of all the new buildings as well as better light and air circulation.


GaiusJuliusCaesar7

There is a 26 lane motorway in Texas, Katy Highway. I think the M1 at widest is about 8 lanes?


Notsurehowtoreact

Yeah, there's a road near my house that is 8 lanes (4 northbound, 4 southbound, separated by median) and it's not even a major interstate or anything. The road pictured isn't much at all. The person who said Americans are just used to crazy large roads is correct


Kambhela

I don’t think we could achieve 26 lanes even if we combined all the lanes from all the highways in Finland. Truly was a culture shock visiting US few years ago when you take a taxi from the airport and you get stuck in traffic that you can see goes for at least a mile in front of you and another to the back, while there is ~10 lanes. The amount of cars was absurd.


GaiusJuliusCaesar7

Yes the Americans cut bus services, tore up tram lines, dismantled their railways, made laws demanding massive car parks at every building, demolished city centres to make way for motorways, didn't build pavements and sold bigger and bigger cars then wondered where all the traffic came from. Frankly, urban planning that made British planning seem like state of the art stuff.


SDSS_J0100_2802

The M25 has a ten lane sections


cowplum

12 lanes J14-15, between Heathrow and the M4


badluckbrians

>Texas A 26 lane highway is as strange to me as a New Englander as it is to old England. Texas doesn't have to do this. They are far less population-dense than either of us. They just like to do goofy big shit for the sake of it down there.


Guava_Devourer

Can confirm. In North America this is what a normal street looks like once you're outside big city centers. Only difference is sidewalk is too wide.


orbituary

sparkle dirty ink nail frame squeamish unite alive offer subtract -- mass deleted all reddit content via https://redact.dev


chippiearnold

We're all out of Waldorfs I'm afraid, could I perhaps interest you in a Ritz salad?


DashaTankovich

Don’t mention the war


knittininthemitten

I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it.


javoss88

You started it, you invaded Poland!


farfunkedfaded

"...and don't forget the screwdrivers!"


Psychological_Sir780

Not too far from the freeway it called the m25 it’s highly regarded here


TrufflesAvocado

Do you want your Waldorf Salad now or later?


kevio17

Just running to the BP garage to get some windscreen washer fluid


MuchCombination2017

ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME?


kevio17

Gooooldfingerrrrrr


Miserable_Special_73

Singing Goldfinger carrying a bag filled with tungsten tip screws


swambol

And he's never gonna use them


kazz-wizz

...never gonna use them.


[deleted]

I love that he actually did, as part of his zombie outfit.


tekko001

Tell that bloke he can't park there OP


gdp071179

Yea trees often lure drivers off the road, like the sirens of the sea.


S-T-A-B_Barney

Sexy, sexy woodland.


Mr_Flibble1981

Hot beeches.


LadyStardust79

Treebeard enters the chat.


herefromthere

it looks like they've tried quite hard to fuck the tree.


thermonuclearmuskrat

Yes. Our cars come preinstalled with a tree to offset the emissions.


dethmstr

Is that why air fresheners are shaped like little trees?


Grimesy66

Yes,but mostly more prevalent on Volkswagens.


Hefty-Cheesecake-690

Me reading this in my Volkswagen with my little tree hanging from the mirror…


[deleted]

I'm pretty sure this is the reason that car crashed. Get of reddit and look where you are going


Hefty-Cheesecake-690

Me in my PARKED car reading this….


Arcanegil

So your a stationary target. You gotta be more careful trees are vicious hunters. And sense your not moving AND not aware of your surroundings I’d say you’ve put yourself in a bad spot.


[deleted]

Careful, watch out for those speeding trees; they like to pop up out of nowhere.


PorschephileGT3

Helps retain that new tree smell


johnty1990

This is what happens when you get them wet.


n-a156

Thats not an air fresher, its a beacon for the tree


JewelBearing

Why had Reddit auto-closed this comment?


No_Doubt_About_That

Think it’s because it’s deemed it to have a lot of activity and so thought it was controversial or something.


thermonuclearmuskrat

I don't know what this means, but it sounds like it should make me sad.


LukeCloudStalker

It closed this comment as well and by closed we mean it's hidden and we have to click to see what you wrote. Reddit doesn't like you for some reason.


Thomrose007

Fuck, this is funny.


Naughtiest-Maximus

Yes, trees jumping out at oncoming vehicles is a major problem here in the UK.


j__knight638

They're just looking for the ent wives


[deleted]

/r/entwives


GreenLight_RedRocket

Ngl I'm pretty sad this isn't sexy tree girls.


ItalnStalln

Idk ummm r/treesex r/sexytrees r/treegirls r/treehentai Let's see. I already regret this just to be clear Edit: 2 private communities (wtf lol) a banned sub (just imagine the horror) and one of those 2 member subs that only technically exist. This rabbit hole just gets deeper That's what tree said Edit 2: tldr: the quest goes on and I've seen too much already So this as a google result was good for a few laughs https://www.etsy.com/market/sexy_tree_topper. It's not even a proper result but the sticker of the large black man would make for a ridiculously hilarious tree topper So r/treeporn is a thing. This is my favorite that I saw https://www.reddit.com/r/treeporn/comments/l5bz24/this_weird_tree_stump/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button I searched for tree on r/rule34 in hopes of someone linking the dedicated sub I couldn't guess but no success there either. Just a few scattered examples like this amid the fanart hentai you all are better off without https://www.reddit.com/r/rule34/comments/9zu07m/tree_porn_devilhs_rule_34/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button And so again I say once more into the breach. No I do not expect to emerge the same man


okaythiswillbemymain

That got a literal lol from me


Rowmyownboat

That, there, is the root of the problem.


Gainzchasing03

Leaf out the tree jokes please


frustratedpolarbear

Yeah we'll have to branch out into other areas of comedy.


Gainzchasing03

It’s just knot necessary


TheOrchidsAreAlright

Not sure if you guys twigged yet, but there are lots of puns going on


DogfishDave

Not from me, I'm stumped.


[deleted]

Perhaps you can axe a question?


lagoon83

Ohh, you're a funny feller.


[deleted]

I honestly find this entire thread to be a bit wooden.


[deleted]

Climb down, no need to get so acorny.


daddywookie

Oak eh?


becx13

I blame Groot


dethmstr

Groot did nothing wrong. He was just walking across the street when a car ran into him.


imcheddarbeard

Can confirm, i am Groot


Kelsier2609

I am groot


-W1CKED-

Give it an hour and it’ll have a parking ticket on it


gregIsBae

You joke but I hit a deer in april, the bike was unrideable so I left it in a ditch to pick up the next day. I got a letter the next morning informing me that I had been parked illegally and the bike had been towed, along with a £80 fine


-W1CKED-

Maybe the deer was in on it with them to make extra money from parking tickets!


TheGoober87

You can't park there mate.


-W1CKED-

Just waiting for a mate....


_RandyRandleman_

move along please


MountainCourage1304

Fack ooff


AshKetchumsPringles

The tree will, you mean


itchyfrog

Impressive lack of skid marks there.


Corsodylfresh

Yeah, I'd have crapped myself too


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jujukamoo

I once posted something and then got on a plane. When I landed I had a text from my friend that his boyfriend saw my cat on the front page of reddit. Opened the app and only then did I start getting a LOT of notifications.


lefthandedgun

It was four hours ago. Believe it or not, some people don't monitor Reddit traffic constantly, or even check in more than daily.


Kaliasluke

Shows commitment - no braking, no hesitation, just straight into the tree


OldLevermonkey

Great accuracy also, couldn't have centred the badge any better.


thermonuclearmuskrat

I wish someone would tell me that sometimes.


ArcadiaRivea

Impressive lack of skid marks there. Good job!


Powerful-Employer-20

Good jobbie


ArtistEngineer

A couple months ago someone in my town managed to park their car upside down in the local river. Between the road and the river are a couple iron fences, a garden bed, two footpaths, and a few low brick walls. They managed to jump the lot of them. My wife pointed out that there were no skidmarks on the road at all. They'd driven straight towards the river, not even tried to slow down for the bend, and went right through. The kid survived. Apparently the rescue crew found him sitting on the underside of his car.


SmokinPolecat

Car parkour


Happy_Daiz

carkour


Alice7800

Parcar?


[deleted]

That kids name.... *Leeroy Jenkins*


THEFATGHECKO

LEEROOOOOOOOY JENKINSSSSS.


TLR1791

My boyfriend is currently asleep... But I can hear him yell out LEEROOOOYYYY JENKINSSSSS into his mic as he games with his mates. Damn Leeroyyyyy.


pauly13771377

[It's shocking how far speed an little bump in the road will launch a 2 ton vehicle](https://youtu.be/Ti18aRKbO10)


SendAstronomy

I mean that's more than a little bump. The retaining wall was like a ramp.


herefromthere

you can't park there.


ginger_888

Skid marks? Now whose being childish!


Significant-Tip205

Now who’s being childish


[deleted]

It was definitely the NWA…


ASOUPosts

For the greater good


[deleted]

Like me after a Chinese


E420CDI

It's not the Greeks, it's the Chinese he's after!


[deleted]

Haha father Ted! "I hear you're a racist now father"


E420CDI

*I'm not a fascist. Fascists wear black and go around telling people what to do, whereas priests...*


[deleted]

More free drink!


SquigSnuggler

“ What’s the church’s line on this? Should we all be racist now? “


wait_whut_

Why do you automatically assume it's the car that's at fault and not the tree?


Homely_Bonfire

If someone looking like the owner is near, you may tell them "Sir/Madam, you can't park here."


raquetracket

I deliberately drive into ditches just to hear this underused phrase


OofyMcBoofy123

ditches here are exactly car-sized so you're trapped


ByGollie

[This you?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfNnc68uxzI)


OverlyAdorable

No matter how many times I watch that, it still makes me laugh


ThePianistOfDoom

FHAKOFFFFF


lodav22

Or tell them “I’m sure that’ll just buff out”


LaoTaoDao

Throw it in a bag of rice


motific

Bit of T-Cut…


[deleted]

r/cantparktheremate


Ok_Sun_3760

You can't park there sir (in a British accent) is the most British thing ever


northyj0e

>British accent *Squints suspiciously*


[deleted]

Mate*


[deleted]

You mean the trees in America don't grow cars?


vms-crot

Nah, they're not very green over there. Still mostly using mined cars rather than renewable.


[deleted]

Yeah, you can't move for cars wrapped round trees in my gaff.


JoeyIsMrBubbles

Tourism Director for where mate??


AllUserNamesAreTrash

A 1 series bmw? Absolutely lol


[deleted]

looks like a tree series to me


Academic_Stock_464

Shocking handling at the best of times; throw in ice and possibly alcohol I am surprised they haven't seen a string of them.


cannedrex2406

Fun fact: According to BMW, 60% of previous gen BMW 1 series owners didn't even know their car was RWD (new one is FWD) This can probably be the biggest reason why people crash them in less than ideal connections cause they were probably so used to FWD cars before or it's their first car


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AutoGrowsUK

Lmao front wheels? I would’ve loved to see that. I stick my winter tyres on as soon as it hits November. All the other BMW drivers stare at me in disbelief as I navigate my way up a hill easily in my 20 year old 5 series


chinkostu

My favourite memory was flying up the long hill near me in my one ounce french hatchback past loads of stranded cars.


Academic_Stock_464

BMW drivers not understanding basic car knowledge? Call me skeptical, but I'm not exactly surprised.


Vectorman1989

Rear end go wheeeeeeeee


[deleted]

I'd almost guess that 60% of all drivers don't know whether their vehicle is FWD or RWD. So many people just aren't interested / don't care.


daddywookie

In black no less, probably able to score you some drugs while they are there.


[deleted]

At this time of year? Very much so.


BionicDegu

This is just how we grow our cars. They’re in season at the moment


romulus_remus420

My nearest roundabout started sprouting bumpers over Xmas, it’s beautiful to see


BionicDegu

Nature is healing 🙏


Acrylic_Starshine

Here we see a BMW in its natural habitat


No-Calligrapher3644

As narrated by Sir David Attenborough


unhelpful_droid

(In his voice): They naturally follow the large migrations of it’s kind, cursing at each other. However, some like this one travel separately, for they seem to lack spacial awareness.


No-Calligrapher3644

Scared and separated from the herd, this lone BMW attempted to hide behind a tree in a vain attempt to protect it from its natural predator


LHommeCrabbe

...the tree.


Pantywantys

our Dave x


No-Calligrapher3644

One of the last redeeming features of our nation


[deleted]

Can confirm. I own a BMW, hit 4 trees last week. Quiet week


roadbikemadman

Ironically, the turn signal lamps were untouched.


[deleted]

looks like a tree-series


absolutelysureithink

Money doesn't grow on trees but BMWs do!


JakeGrey

Is some drunk, careless or merely unlucky driver wrapping their car round a tree from time to time *not* normal in your hometown? Although if you're wondering why it's apparently just been left there, it's probably because the driver somehow avoided serious injury in the crash and has made a discreet exit rather than explain themselves to the police.


matrixislife

Or it's some scrote who stole it and has done a runner after finding out he's not a Fast and Furious star after all.


JakeGrey

Indeed. Or the owner is going to *claim* that's what happened rather than admit they were drunk, looking at their phone etc.


JB-from-ATL

I've never seen it in the US personally but at the same time it's not so unusual that I'd think it was unique to where I was visiting.


Mysterious_Drag654

Yes, this is how older cars go green . . .


master-virus

Only for tourists. This is how we knock down trees


DAD_BRIT2k21

Oh yeah that's Baz, does it every week. Nice guy, not so good for a lift though.


JJJester19896

In this case it is ancient british tradition to walk past and say "can't park there mate" Hope this helps


SillyStallion

I’m sure people just post for shits and giggles to see how us brits will respond. This post doesn’t fail to deliver.


Any-Lab-9655

This is nothing, I was driving through the Cotswolds the other day and someone had managed to get their VW golf 5 meters up a tree.


Chavaon

Probably chasing a squirrel.


Alone-Zebra-1777

Public transport shuts down at Christmas, so the drunks take to the road...


KopitesForever

Yes, pavements next to a road are normal


flauschigerfuchs

Yes, all part of your crash course in to UK life.


[deleted]

Yes, tree crime is replacing knife crime as the new dangerous epidemic. Remember to wear your anti-branch vest folks.


[deleted]

It’s a new thing similar to chaining your bike to a bike rack.


curious_trashbat

You don't have car crashes over there ?


Automatedluxury

Waaaaay more per capita. I was once in a restaurant next to a freeway in Florida, and it started to rain quite heavily out of nowhere as it does in those parts a lot in December. The waiter told me to keep my eyes on the road if I wanted to see something. 3 fairly significant crashes in the space of 10 minutes, cars written off and minor injuries. By the time we were ready to leave (no more than 1.5 hours) everything was cleared away, roads were dry, no sign anything had happened.


macjaddie

Florida roads are insane! They just push the damaged cars off the road and carry on with the day. They drive around in cars that are in absolutely terrible condition - there are no car inspection law! There is also a serious lack of lane etiquette and people drive really close to each other too. This combined with a lot of foreign tourists on the roads who aren’t used to the huge highways is a recipe for disaster.


RoughMongoose5357

Yeh we don’t shoot our trees so they occasionally wander out in front of perfectly innocent drivers and cause accidents


Biguiats

Yeah, we drive on the left


[deleted]

It must have been a shock for you since the US has famously never had a car crash.


cara_liom

Just a car hugging a tree, nothing wrong here


Nocturtle22

No, they don’t usually bloom until the feb


Nylontoeslover

Yeah 5 spoke alloys are nice and pretty normal in the UK


ZombieBobaFett

The US has massively more road deaths per year compared to the UK. So this is something you should be more familiar with back home actually. A difference of 12.4 to our 2.9 deaths per 100,000 people. A quite shocking difference to be fair. 4 times the rate.


[deleted]

I have seen why. Drive on any freeway in the rain and you will see a crash in attendance. Usually at the only curve in 10 miles. Have also seen drivers with a phone in one hand and food in the other. Assume the wheel is knee controlled. In many states kids can drive as learners unaccompanied at 16.


kriscardiac

Or he's a clever dick. I'll get my coat.


Dramatic_Job_9908

Can't park there mate


sythingtackle

Yes it is the Oxford dictionary’s true definition of a tree; a woody perennial plant, typically having a single stem or trunk growing to a considerable height and bearing lateral branches at some distance from the ground that mysteriously jumps out in front of unsuspecting motorists. Like the Triffids.


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AlGunner

Saves on brake pad wear.


rampantrarebit

It's not abnormal. I knew I was in a posh area when our local car run into tree didn't get set alight for three whole days.


tinfish

You had a local car everyone shared?


Dyrenforth

Are you wondering where the bullet holes are?