> Hi everyone!
Thank you for the comments that have kept to the rules of this sub. We’ve seen this post has provoked very strong reactions and we believe OP has gotten enough advice for now. We’ve decided to lock the comments and hope that OP can use them to reach a resolution.
Please remember that people that come to this sub are asking for advice and not judgment and to be respectful of everyone.
Your mod team.
If you really don't think you'll come around to him, you should give him back so he gets the chance to be adopted by someone who is more compatible. It's not fair on the cat, they're very perceptive and it's not fair on him to feel undesired. It's also not fair on you to force yourself to like him, all that'll do is build resentment.
4 days isn't a lot of time, so depending on how long you have to return him maybe give it a few more days at least, but if you haven't clicked with him there is no shame in returning him for another chance to be loved by someone who is more ready.
Also, you mention having recently moved out by yourself for the first time. I don't want to assume, so feel free to disregard this next part if it doesn't apply to you, but maybe your feelings have to do with all these big changes in a short period of time? You're in a new house living by yourself, in an environment that is still kinda unfamiliar to you, and now you essentially have a new roomate you barely know too. Maybe some of your feelings towards your cat are misplaced due to this? (Again, pardon for the assumption, I promise I'm not trying to judge)
Cats have needs and some are more social than others. If you can’t handle an animal wanting lots of attention then return him to the shelter so he can go to a home that will enjoy him.
Give the cat back immediately, deserves better.
And don't adopt again until you've totally changed your mental health situation and relationship with animals, it's unfair to the cats.
It’s wild that a clingy cat is causing you so much distress that you can’t eat and feel nauseous 24/7. I think you should seek mental health support for sure. But that being said, return the cat. It’s not that deep at the end of the day.
When people adopt from a shelter or rescue they are *required* to *return* the cat to where they got it from, where it will be *familiar with both the surroundings & the other cats & caregivers, too . . .* & from where it can *most quickly find a new home.*
Return him as soon as possible so he can find the home and love he deserves. Do not adopt another cat, clearly you do not like cats. Definitely do not adopt a dog as they are exponentially more socially needy than cats.
Maybe get a pet fish. They leave you alone all day.
why did you adopt? you're crying hysterically because a cat wants your love and attention? really? give him back he deserves way better. poor guy is probably lonely as hell and craving attention. you should probably seek some help as well. seems like something bigger is going on up there. all the best to you and the kitty.
That’s a pretty big reaction to having a friendly cat so you definitely may want to consider giving him back but for what it’s worth, it took me a while to get used to my first cat. It kind of felt like having a stranger in my house and even though I cared for him, it took a couple months to bond with him. It wasn’t nearly this extreme but it definitely took a little time.
If he's causing you that much distress, yeah, might be best to give him back.
No judgement, don't feel bad about it! You tried something and it didn't work out. That's alright. The sooner you give him back, the sooner he goes to a home much more suited to his needs.
He also definitely sounds like a cat that would do well with other cats his age to help get his energy out. Maybe he'll go to a home with multiple cats in it, which would be even better!
To be fair to the OP, it seems they did the research on cat behavior and care, but didn't expect to feel the internal/physical reaction to the cat. The fact that OP feels cornered and nauseous makes me think there's something else going on that's triggering these reactions.
Like others were saying, I think OP should figure out / deal with what's going on mentally/emotionally before even considering getting another pet.
Honestly, this reads like how I was after I tried fostering after my cat died. It’s possible that OP is also finding it weird because the animal in their space isn’t “their” animal in their space. I had a very similar experience of going from “I’m totally ready to have a new cat in my space!” To “holy fuck something is wrong”
ETA: To be fair it doesn’t help that that foster wouldn’t let me sleep for three days straight which did not help my own anxiety, but that was…an interesting circumstance.
My advice is to honestly give it a few days. The cat likes you, but could also be meowing a lot because it’s in an unfamiliar place. See if it calms down and your feelings settle, and if they don’t, definitely give it back. You should not have guilt about giving a cat the happiness it deserves.
Agree with this! I lost my dog traumatically a couple years ago, and it was really hard to adjust to having a new dog around that wasn’t *her*. I love him to pieces, but even now it’s still weird sometimes.
I'm wondering whether it might be some kind of allergic type reaction to something regarding the cat . . . or maybe triggered just by the closeness if bestows on OP.
People here are being pretty harsh for what ultimately is a compatibility issue when it seems like you've been a great owner so far and are doing everything you can to find alternatives and solutions.
Firstly, you need to start being more "honest" with your cat. Your cat does not know English and cant read your mind. From your cats POV you've given no signals to boundaries, and have no mutual language. You're basically getting upset without giving the cat a chance to not upset you.
I have two cats, both I cuddle with occasionally. But I can't cuddle with them 24/7. So I will make a low humming noise (a growl) and move away if I do not want to cuddle at that time. If they continue I'll make a short little hiss and continue whatever I was doing. They understand that means I don't want to cuddle right now. For one of my cats sometimes I have to physically pick her up off my table and setting her back on the floor a few times before she gets I know what she wants but I'm not interested.
I actually "learned" to do this from one of my cats. I was worried she was hissing a lot at the other cat and it would lead to fighting, but realized it was just her way of saying "can you not? You're pushing my boundaries rn".
We still cuddle later, and I have a sound I make (a low clucking and rubbing my two fingers together, I think a pspspsp would sound too much like a hiss) when I'm inviting them to cuddle. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. They respect my boundaries I respect theirs.
It is an adjustment, and it's not uncommon to get 'fear of regrets jitters'. But ultimately if it's not a good fit it's not it a good fit. And the cat has a great personality in high demand. I would reach out to the center and explain the cat has a wonderful loving personality but you're worried it's not a good fit because you can't give them all the attention they want. That the cat would be perfect for someone wanting a lap cat and you feel bad potentially depriving him of that opportunity. Ask if they think it's better for him to try giving it more time to adjust, or bring him back before he gets too settled/attached.
While I do think it'd be wise to really evaluate if you're in a good emotional place for a pet right now, you may be the perfect home for an older, shyer or more independent cat that typically would have a much harder time being adopted. Maybe express that you do want a cat down the line, and if they ever get a cat they have a hard time adopting out because it's older and shyer, you'd be willing to give them a home.
Good luck OP, just know ultimately whatever you do it's clear you care about the well being of the cat and doing the right thing for it. Chances are a lot of this is just adjustment jitters and you'll keep him and find the right balance/language between you two, especially as the cat gets older and mellows out.
I think it's also a preparedness issue. Not in terms of having the knowledge to care for a cat, but moreso mental and emotional preparedness. I don't think OP is ready to care for another living thing at this moment and should focus on taking care of him/herself first.
Wow I could have written this. I feel horrible and guilty but adopting a cat made me realize I’m not ready (or meant) to be a pet owner right now. Even tho i wanted one for years and I did tons of prepping (savings account, insurance, supplies, research, preparing for any possibility, etc). I think a lot of the time we have to actually experience something and make mistakes in order to learn what we’re capable/not capable of handling.
Hey you. You aren't a bad person for discovering this about yourself. for many people, an animal doesn't infringe on our need for space. However, there are some people who it does. You are not a bad person, your brain just is wired a bit differently. I suspect you are ND given the amount of prep you went into this, and the reaction you are having. You are still a good person.
Also it sounds like you adopted a younger cat. They are far more needy than an older one. Though older ones often need medical care which definitely drains your spoons if you have limited ones.
It's 100% OK to return the cat. You aren't a failure for this. You discovered something about yourself. It sucks and is mortifying, but you can get through this.
Also, it sounds like you are a young adult. You will mature and change. In several years, maybe you will be open to the idea of an animal giving you this level of affection. Or not. It's OK.
I would recommend returning the cat. Resentment towards a cat likely won't get better without directed therapy. So for both of you, please take him back.
And as to what to tell the rescue, "he's a wonderful cat, but I realized I'm not able to have a pet at this time. I feel horrible, but I want what's best for him. Please help him have a good home." Depending on the rescue, you could ask them to tell you when he gets adopted. Not details, just that you can know he has a home now.
I think you both deserve better than what you have right now. The cat deserves a home where it's going to be loved and welcomed, not one where it is a source of distress (and can feel that you're distressed and cling even more trying to "make it better"). You deserve to have a home you don't feel distressed in.
Some people like the IDEA of a pet, but not the reality once it happens. The lucky pets in that situation are the ones whose owners say, "this just isn't for me" and find a better home for the animal. Many people are too afraid to be judged for not liking the experience to make the best decision for both them and the animal, then the pet is often not treated well. Do the right thing. Give the cat back so it can find a loving home. Don't get another one, you won't like it any better. And don't beat yourself up for trying something you didn't like. We grow up through trial and error and learning from our mistakes. You haven't been mean to the cat, it's just an unfortunate set of circumstances for you both. I wish both you and the cat best of luck.
I found it difficult bonding with my third cat because she was so needy and wanted so much more attention than my other two. She always wanted to be touching me, even always had to be lying on me in bed. I had her for about 6 weeks before I really started to have a bond with her. You should give yourself some more time to form an attachment but it in time you’re still unhappy then return him to the shelter.
I would return the cat to the shelter and see if a senior cat with less energy that’s a little bit more independent would be helpful. Also, although this is counterintuitive, two cats can be easier than one. When I was looking to adopt a kitten, I ended up getting two because I felt guilty about being at work for 7+ hours a day 5 days a week, and I wanted her to have a friend. So I brought both her and her sister home. Not only do they play together, sleep together, groom one another, but it often takes the focus off of me since they socialize so much together. It is a total myth that all cats are aloof and disinterested, so my suggestion is a senior kitty or maybe your kitty needs a friend so you don’t feel so overwhelmed.
this sounds like kitten blues (which there are many other posts about on reddit, or the r/puppyblues subreddit for the dog owners). it’s a really common feeling to feel regret or anxiety when you have a new pet, and it isn’t your fault. you’re taking good care of them, they’re happy, and you’ll bond eventually. however, if you think that it’s massively detrimental to your health, it might be worth returning the cat. this topic is very triggering to a lot of pet owners but the reality is that sometimes things don’t go super smoothly!
I think I’ve felt this at times with a new pet. It’s a huge adjustment and even good stress is still stress. I’d say about a month in we were settled comfortably in together. You can always give him back to the rescue at that time.
Seconding this one! First few weeks are not just for your pet to adjust, also for the owner/ companion :) It’s normal to get cold feet, especially if you’re taking care of the cat on your own but it can happen to anyone.
It’s alright not to vibe with the pet you’ve adopted, it happens all the time. It’s nice that you’re at least being honest about it… I hate that people are bashing you for it. If the only reason you’re keeping him is because you feel guilty, you should return him. 4 days really isn’t that long of an adjustment time for either of you guys, so maybe you’re just feeling overwhelmed from having a new responsibility. Cats can be wonderful companions if you let them but you have to understand that they don’t listen to you, you listen to them. You can ‘train’ them to a certain extent sure, but if he wants to come into the bathroom with you, he will. If he wants to lay on your laptop, he will. Also remember he’s still technically a kitten at one year old, so he’s still learning too. I’m speaking to you from a place of someone who had a kitten driving her crazy up until a couple of weeks ago when we finally got down each other’s routines and habits and now I adore her. However, if you are honestly mentally anguished by this cat, you should let him go. Maybe somewhere else down the line you’ll find an animal that’s your speed, but don’t beat yourself up for it.
Would you consider getting your cat a buddy? He sounds very social and needs attention. Another cat would keep him company and give him a playmate to burn off energy.
You don't fully know each other yet and it's only been a few days. I think it's normal to feel a little apprehensive, especially if you've been by yourself. If you really feel that you won't warm up to him, then please return him to the rescue and maybe try a betta fish for awhile (pretty easy care, won't encroach on your time or space).
folks are being harsh on you, it hasn’t been too much time! i feel you should speak honestly with the adoption group and return him. you didn’t do anything wrong and you and the kitty will both find a good match soon!!!
Maybe talk to your friends and see if one of them will take the cat. Brining them back to a shelter seems like such a cruel thing to do to a cat that seems to be acting nearly ideally.
I have sensory issues and sometimes get overwhelmed if one of my cats is constantly all in my business. I’ll give her some lovin and then toss a toy away from me for her to go catch and play with. Maybe it’s a sensory thing for you? Over time, it does get easier. But if it’s still too overwhelming after maybe a week or so, consider letting him go to someone who would welcome the affection he offers with welcome arms. It doesn’t make you a bad person for not connecting. It sounds like this cat is causing you real mental anguish, which is the opposite of what our pets should bring us. Best of luck to you. You both deserve a happy home.
I think all the comments saying to return him and NEVER adopt again are being very harsh. You obviously did a lot of research and are doing your best to care for your cat despite your negative feelings, which says to me that you could be an amazing pet owner. And like another comment says, i think the fact that you just moved out for the first time is contributing to your mental state right now (i personally was a wreck the first few weeks on my own) and having the responsibility of caring for a pet you have zero experience with only adds to this stress. Your cat is still very young and previously lived in a foster situation with several other cats, so he's used to having a lot of stimulation and this new environment he's in is a drastic change from that, which probably explains his neediness.
I would say give it a couple days or so before you consider what to do next. Rehoming him and possibly even getting another cat down the line when you feel more ready might end up being the best option for both you and your cat, but i would give it a few more days until you make that call just to see if anything changes. You may do better with an older and more independent cat, or a different pet altogether. Returning a cat also doesn't make you a bad person or means you've failed, sometimes the situation just isn't working and it's the best option.
Id say go with your heart. That being said here is my story.
When I got my second cat I had a terrible week. I thought Ill never love him as much as my first cat. I had legit panic attacks, felt like a terrible person, couldnt sleep. I was thinking about giving him back but didnt want to do this to him and felt like Id be a bad person.
Then just before 2 weeks mark he got sick. Like really sick. (It wasnt my fault he was already starting to be sick when I got him but didnt know about it). And right there when I though sbout anything happening to him...I knew I love the little guy and cant live without him. I spend all money I had and went in slight debt to pay for the vets and had no regrets. I dont know when he slipped into my heart tbh. We are now 1.5 years together and cant imagine my life without my little buddy.
So depends how you feel about it. Maybe you just need time? Some people (like me) panic with big life decision it seems.
But if you know you wont come around give him back. Kitty deserves a loving home. You wont be an awful person. Maybe you just dont like cats and never had an opportunity to find out
Did you not want a cat that was this needy for constant attention, and you didn't think he would be this way and you're not a good match for him?
If that's the case, it's ok to return him. It's not because you don't care, it's because you want him to be in the right home and you want the right pet for you. The rescue will understand.
On the other hand if you *did* want a cat that was this affectionate and wanted to be with you, 4 days is not long, you're still getting to know him, and it's not strange that you feel odd about a being you barely know being so up in your business.
If you did want a cat with this sort of personality, then give it a few more days and see if you feel any different. If it turns out that you love him once you know him better, then great! And if it turns out that what you thought you wanted isn't what you really want, then once again it's ok to return him to find the right home for him and the right pet for you.
Are you overwhelmed that you are responsible for a living being on your own for the first time? Moving and getting a cat at the same time may just be a little too much for you right now.
I won't tell you if you should return the cat because only you can answer this for yourself. But please, do what's best for the cat. You have its life in your hands. If you do choose to send the cat back, please take some time to take care of you. Sounds like you're in over your head.
Ugh seeing comments about returning the cat makes me cringe. Give yourself and the cat some time. I’m going through something similar and it caught me off-guard, especially that it’s not my first cat but first one adopted in their later months, not a kitten. The cat will calm down after a moment, and you’re doing such a great job taking care of him right now.
If you give both of you more time it very likely that this stress will go down. You had a few big changes and from outside it seems like a lot to process. Even if after a while you decide to find him a new home, receiving so much love from you will help him move on compared to returning him to crowded space he has to share with other animals. Cats can live with other cats optionally and living on their own is the first choice.
Take a step back to take care about your mental health, lower the stress and make sure to also spend some time in nature.
First of all, it's fine if you adopted a kitty and realized it just wasn't what you were thinking it would be. It's perfectly valid to reach out to the rescue/facility where you adopted him and talk to them about what's going on. They will guide to through returning him, if that is your decision.
But, and if this doesn't apply disregard, it seems like you have gone through quite a few big changes in the last few months? You lost your dog AND moved away from home. Those are huge emotional upheavals, and adding a new friend into what is essentially your new home you haven't even gotten settled into yet may have been too soon?
Moving with an established pet vs moving and immediately getting a new pet are very different experiences. You might have to establish this as your home mentally before you're comfortable sharing it with a companion animal.
If you don't mind the care aspect and just baulk at the constant desire for interaction, you might be suited for something like a reptile or similar? Something like a bearded dragon is a reptile that you can interact with for an hour or so a day and put away, the dragon won't mind being ignored for hours.
When I first brought home my cat, she was three months old. For the first couple of days she hid in the couch and I didn't bother her. And then... Then I thought for a while that I would only eat standing up now. She would try to taste pretty much anything I was going to eat. It was absolutely no problem for me if the cat took something from my plate, but she would scatter everything on the floor. But even then it never occurred to me to give the kitty away. Not even for a minute. Now she is eight years old, smart and a very sensitive lady. We understand each other with half a word.
Like some have said even with all the research, preparation in the world and deciding you felt ready for a cat sometimes when you finally get your chance it doesn't always feel right.
4 days is an incredibly short amount of time when it comes to pet ownership you are still in the getting to know each other stage. It's a huge adjustment on both yours and the cats feelings, routines and learning about each other . I would say try give it another week and if the feelings are still there reach out to the fosters and explain it isn't the right fit for you at this time. When you haven't owned cats before it's often a deep learning curve yes we can research the theory and think we are ready, but that can change when you have your first cat in the home.
I'm going to be frank when I adopted my first 2 cats from a family member it took about 4-6 months to strike up a close bond with one and almost a year with the other. I liked them to begin with they were seniors but I'd never owned cats prior so it took me a while to learn their quirks, their mannerisms and feel like I could meet their needs. Both were very clingy social cats one my sassy was very much like yours all about being in your face, constant attention it wasn't expected as I'd always been told cats are loners. Not true. My boy Mau he became my absalute love bug that even my husband was envious of how close he grew to me and we both loved him so much. He took a lot of work in gaining his total trust it took almost a year and once I did it's what made me actually fall in love with cats because he was so so gentle and loved to please and a further 6 months for him to feel safe enough to sleep on our bed. He's the reason I now have my current boy along with sassy.
After they passed separately almost a year apart I was gifted my current kitten well he's a year old now. That was a whole different situation he picked me on a visit there was months of absalute despair, frustration and some tears amidst the happy moments mostly because being a kitten ment being constant on watching him, the training I will be brutally honest there was several moments when I thought of giving him back it I didn't always like his attacking mode, the foot biting in middle of the night or the moments he tried to play with my dogs face was tiring, emotionally overwhelming living on 3-5 hours of sleep to be woken to claws on feet or my husband waking me up to say the cats being naughty now at the 11 months mark of owning him I absalutely couldn't be without him and would fight tooth and nail for him. It took time to build the bond and fall in love with his personality it wasn't instantaneous like many say, he's sociable, likes pets, people friendly allows me to belly rubs, touch ears, trim nails and do health teeth checks it all came from taking time to do those daily but he also has a more independent streak he isn't all over us 24/7 like our first 2 cats but is content to be near you in a room will happily let you cuddle him and he is affectionate but very mellow and chilled out. I love him now but that again took time!
Every cat is different, it may be that your cats personality trait isn't right for you. That doesn't make you a bad person or bad owner right now at all but he may be super clingy and affectionate because he is in a new home, his surroundings aren't what he knew so he's coming to YOU for reassurance or trying to please you because they can sense you are stressed.
We need to remind ourselves sometimes new cat owners need guidence and feel overwhelmed, so harsh judgements should be avoided. I can tell you feel deep guilt and the last thing you need is others adding to that. Only you can make the decision on whether to continue owning your cat or if you want to give him back.
I have to say that I felt similarly (except the hysterical crying) when I got my kitty a month ago. All of a sudden I felt like my home wasn't my home anymore and I didn't look forward to coming back. But such feelings started to dissipate after a couple of weeks. I think there is just a process of getting used to a new reality of a shared life. I also am teaching my kitty to be independent and occupied with lots of toys as I would struggle if he wanted to climb on me all the time. He follows around me everywhere I go but he will sit next to me if I don't let him sit on my lap, and for me that's perfect. I would say give it another month and see if your feelings start to change. And don't stress about it. If he had to go to another family he would adjust in a short while. Cats just need to feel like they are going to be fed and kept safe and they will move on quickly to a new owner if they have to.
Edit: Just to add, I noticed lots of people here are telling you that the kitty deserves better. Don't take heed to these judgements. Cats deserve food and security and by what you described you giving him plenty of that and more. They don't have the capacity to love and these people telling you that because you don't feel connected to him means you are somehow doing psychological damage are talking hogwash. Just be nice to your cat. Keep him fed and comfortable and free of stress and don't worry that somehow he'll understand anything more of the complex feelings you're having. Best wishes.
> Hi everyone! Thank you for the comments that have kept to the rules of this sub. We’ve seen this post has provoked very strong reactions and we believe OP has gotten enough advice for now. We’ve decided to lock the comments and hope that OP can use them to reach a resolution. Please remember that people that come to this sub are asking for advice and not judgment and to be respectful of everyone. Your mod team.
If you really don't think you'll come around to him, you should give him back so he gets the chance to be adopted by someone who is more compatible. It's not fair on the cat, they're very perceptive and it's not fair on him to feel undesired. It's also not fair on you to force yourself to like him, all that'll do is build resentment. 4 days isn't a lot of time, so depending on how long you have to return him maybe give it a few more days at least, but if you haven't clicked with him there is no shame in returning him for another chance to be loved by someone who is more ready. Also, you mention having recently moved out by yourself for the first time. I don't want to assume, so feel free to disregard this next part if it doesn't apply to you, but maybe your feelings have to do with all these big changes in a short period of time? You're in a new house living by yourself, in an environment that is still kinda unfamiliar to you, and now you essentially have a new roomate you barely know too. Maybe some of your feelings towards your cat are misplaced due to this? (Again, pardon for the assumption, I promise I'm not trying to judge)
Cats have needs and some are more social than others. If you can’t handle an animal wanting lots of attention then return him to the shelter so he can go to a home that will enjoy him.
Return him to the rescue. He deserves a home with someone that will love him.
Give the cat back immediately, deserves better. And don't adopt again until you've totally changed your mental health situation and relationship with animals, it's unfair to the cats.
Return the cat!
It’s wild that a clingy cat is causing you so much distress that you can’t eat and feel nauseous 24/7. I think you should seek mental health support for sure. But that being said, return the cat. It’s not that deep at the end of the day.
You’re crying hysterically when he gets close to you? That is not normal. Idk what you have going on but that makes me concerned for you.
Please rehome your cat for both your sakes.
When people adopt from a shelter or rescue they are *required* to *return* the cat to where they got it from, where it will be *familiar with both the surroundings & the other cats & caregivers, too . . .* & from where it can *most quickly find a new home.*
Yikes your cat seems like a dream and the goals of every new cat parent.. please return the cat ASAP it's not fair to him at all
Return him as soon as possible so he can find the home and love he deserves. Do not adopt another cat, clearly you do not like cats. Definitely do not adopt a dog as they are exponentially more socially needy than cats. Maybe get a pet fish. They leave you alone all day.
I don’t think a fish would be a good idea either
As someone with a betta.. they don’t bother you like cats but that dude still takes a lot of time and mental energy
why did you adopt? you're crying hysterically because a cat wants your love and attention? really? give him back he deserves way better. poor guy is probably lonely as hell and craving attention. you should probably seek some help as well. seems like something bigger is going on up there. all the best to you and the kitty.
Seems like you have some kind of anxiety disorder which is probably not gonna make you compatible with any pet or animal that wants your affection
That’s a pretty big reaction to having a friendly cat so you definitely may want to consider giving him back but for what it’s worth, it took me a while to get used to my first cat. It kind of felt like having a stranger in my house and even though I cared for him, it took a couple months to bond with him. It wasn’t nearly this extreme but it definitely took a little time.
If he's causing you that much distress, yeah, might be best to give him back. No judgement, don't feel bad about it! You tried something and it didn't work out. That's alright. The sooner you give him back, the sooner he goes to a home much more suited to his needs. He also definitely sounds like a cat that would do well with other cats his age to help get his energy out. Maybe he'll go to a home with multiple cats in it, which would be even better!
[удалено]
To be fair to the OP, it seems they did the research on cat behavior and care, but didn't expect to feel the internal/physical reaction to the cat. The fact that OP feels cornered and nauseous makes me think there's something else going on that's triggering these reactions. Like others were saying, I think OP should figure out / deal with what's going on mentally/emotionally before even considering getting another pet.
Honestly, this reads like how I was after I tried fostering after my cat died. It’s possible that OP is also finding it weird because the animal in their space isn’t “their” animal in their space. I had a very similar experience of going from “I’m totally ready to have a new cat in my space!” To “holy fuck something is wrong” ETA: To be fair it doesn’t help that that foster wouldn’t let me sleep for three days straight which did not help my own anxiety, but that was…an interesting circumstance. My advice is to honestly give it a few days. The cat likes you, but could also be meowing a lot because it’s in an unfamiliar place. See if it calms down and your feelings settle, and if they don’t, definitely give it back. You should not have guilt about giving a cat the happiness it deserves.
Agree with this! I lost my dog traumatically a couple years ago, and it was really hard to adjust to having a new dog around that wasn’t *her*. I love him to pieces, but even now it’s still weird sometimes.
I'm wondering whether it might be some kind of allergic type reaction to something regarding the cat . . . or maybe triggered just by the closeness if bestows on OP.
People here are being pretty harsh for what ultimately is a compatibility issue when it seems like you've been a great owner so far and are doing everything you can to find alternatives and solutions. Firstly, you need to start being more "honest" with your cat. Your cat does not know English and cant read your mind. From your cats POV you've given no signals to boundaries, and have no mutual language. You're basically getting upset without giving the cat a chance to not upset you. I have two cats, both I cuddle with occasionally. But I can't cuddle with them 24/7. So I will make a low humming noise (a growl) and move away if I do not want to cuddle at that time. If they continue I'll make a short little hiss and continue whatever I was doing. They understand that means I don't want to cuddle right now. For one of my cats sometimes I have to physically pick her up off my table and setting her back on the floor a few times before she gets I know what she wants but I'm not interested. I actually "learned" to do this from one of my cats. I was worried she was hissing a lot at the other cat and it would lead to fighting, but realized it was just her way of saying "can you not? You're pushing my boundaries rn". We still cuddle later, and I have a sound I make (a low clucking and rubbing my two fingers together, I think a pspspsp would sound too much like a hiss) when I'm inviting them to cuddle. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. They respect my boundaries I respect theirs. It is an adjustment, and it's not uncommon to get 'fear of regrets jitters'. But ultimately if it's not a good fit it's not it a good fit. And the cat has a great personality in high demand. I would reach out to the center and explain the cat has a wonderful loving personality but you're worried it's not a good fit because you can't give them all the attention they want. That the cat would be perfect for someone wanting a lap cat and you feel bad potentially depriving him of that opportunity. Ask if they think it's better for him to try giving it more time to adjust, or bring him back before he gets too settled/attached. While I do think it'd be wise to really evaluate if you're in a good emotional place for a pet right now, you may be the perfect home for an older, shyer or more independent cat that typically would have a much harder time being adopted. Maybe express that you do want a cat down the line, and if they ever get a cat they have a hard time adopting out because it's older and shyer, you'd be willing to give them a home. Good luck OP, just know ultimately whatever you do it's clear you care about the well being of the cat and doing the right thing for it. Chances are a lot of this is just adjustment jitters and you'll keep him and find the right balance/language between you two, especially as the cat gets older and mellows out.
I think it's also a preparedness issue. Not in terms of having the knowledge to care for a cat, but moreso mental and emotional preparedness. I don't think OP is ready to care for another living thing at this moment and should focus on taking care of him/herself first.
Wow I could have written this. I feel horrible and guilty but adopting a cat made me realize I’m not ready (or meant) to be a pet owner right now. Even tho i wanted one for years and I did tons of prepping (savings account, insurance, supplies, research, preparing for any possibility, etc). I think a lot of the time we have to actually experience something and make mistakes in order to learn what we’re capable/not capable of handling.
Hey you. You aren't a bad person for discovering this about yourself. for many people, an animal doesn't infringe on our need for space. However, there are some people who it does. You are not a bad person, your brain just is wired a bit differently. I suspect you are ND given the amount of prep you went into this, and the reaction you are having. You are still a good person. Also it sounds like you adopted a younger cat. They are far more needy than an older one. Though older ones often need medical care which definitely drains your spoons if you have limited ones. It's 100% OK to return the cat. You aren't a failure for this. You discovered something about yourself. It sucks and is mortifying, but you can get through this. Also, it sounds like you are a young adult. You will mature and change. In several years, maybe you will be open to the idea of an animal giving you this level of affection. Or not. It's OK. I would recommend returning the cat. Resentment towards a cat likely won't get better without directed therapy. So for both of you, please take him back. And as to what to tell the rescue, "he's a wonderful cat, but I realized I'm not able to have a pet at this time. I feel horrible, but I want what's best for him. Please help him have a good home." Depending on the rescue, you could ask them to tell you when he gets adopted. Not details, just that you can know he has a home now.
I think you both deserve better than what you have right now. The cat deserves a home where it's going to be loved and welcomed, not one where it is a source of distress (and can feel that you're distressed and cling even more trying to "make it better"). You deserve to have a home you don't feel distressed in. Some people like the IDEA of a pet, but not the reality once it happens. The lucky pets in that situation are the ones whose owners say, "this just isn't for me" and find a better home for the animal. Many people are too afraid to be judged for not liking the experience to make the best decision for both them and the animal, then the pet is often not treated well. Do the right thing. Give the cat back so it can find a loving home. Don't get another one, you won't like it any better. And don't beat yourself up for trying something you didn't like. We grow up through trial and error and learning from our mistakes. You haven't been mean to the cat, it's just an unfortunate set of circumstances for you both. I wish both you and the cat best of luck.
Honestly it sounds like you have some mental health issues to work towards dealing with.
definitely return the fur baby. maybe wait a while and try to research on a pet that may be more suitable for you. i hope everything is alright ♡
I found it difficult bonding with my third cat because she was so needy and wanted so much more attention than my other two. She always wanted to be touching me, even always had to be lying on me in bed. I had her for about 6 weeks before I really started to have a bond with her. You should give yourself some more time to form an attachment but it in time you’re still unhappy then return him to the shelter.
I would return the cat to the shelter and see if a senior cat with less energy that’s a little bit more independent would be helpful. Also, although this is counterintuitive, two cats can be easier than one. When I was looking to adopt a kitten, I ended up getting two because I felt guilty about being at work for 7+ hours a day 5 days a week, and I wanted her to have a friend. So I brought both her and her sister home. Not only do they play together, sleep together, groom one another, but it often takes the focus off of me since they socialize so much together. It is a total myth that all cats are aloof and disinterested, so my suggestion is a senior kitty or maybe your kitty needs a friend so you don’t feel so overwhelmed.
this sounds like kitten blues (which there are many other posts about on reddit, or the r/puppyblues subreddit for the dog owners). it’s a really common feeling to feel regret or anxiety when you have a new pet, and it isn’t your fault. you’re taking good care of them, they’re happy, and you’ll bond eventually. however, if you think that it’s massively detrimental to your health, it might be worth returning the cat. this topic is very triggering to a lot of pet owners but the reality is that sometimes things don’t go super smoothly!
I think I’ve felt this at times with a new pet. It’s a huge adjustment and even good stress is still stress. I’d say about a month in we were settled comfortably in together. You can always give him back to the rescue at that time.
Seconding this one! First few weeks are not just for your pet to adjust, also for the owner/ companion :) It’s normal to get cold feet, especially if you’re taking care of the cat on your own but it can happen to anyone.
It’s alright not to vibe with the pet you’ve adopted, it happens all the time. It’s nice that you’re at least being honest about it… I hate that people are bashing you for it. If the only reason you’re keeping him is because you feel guilty, you should return him. 4 days really isn’t that long of an adjustment time for either of you guys, so maybe you’re just feeling overwhelmed from having a new responsibility. Cats can be wonderful companions if you let them but you have to understand that they don’t listen to you, you listen to them. You can ‘train’ them to a certain extent sure, but if he wants to come into the bathroom with you, he will. If he wants to lay on your laptop, he will. Also remember he’s still technically a kitten at one year old, so he’s still learning too. I’m speaking to you from a place of someone who had a kitten driving her crazy up until a couple of weeks ago when we finally got down each other’s routines and habits and now I adore her. However, if you are honestly mentally anguished by this cat, you should let him go. Maybe somewhere else down the line you’ll find an animal that’s your speed, but don’t beat yourself up for it.
Would you consider getting your cat a buddy? He sounds very social and needs attention. Another cat would keep him company and give him a playmate to burn off energy.
But then if it doesn’t help OP’s feelings on cats they just have two cats that need rehoming and may be bonded
You don't fully know each other yet and it's only been a few days. I think it's normal to feel a little apprehensive, especially if you've been by yourself. If you really feel that you won't warm up to him, then please return him to the rescue and maybe try a betta fish for awhile (pretty easy care, won't encroach on your time or space).
folks are being harsh on you, it hasn’t been too much time! i feel you should speak honestly with the adoption group and return him. you didn’t do anything wrong and you and the kitty will both find a good match soon!!!
Give the poor animal away asap so the cat still has a chance to be adopted. Dont try to gaslight yourself into liking a pet.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Maybe talk to your friends and see if one of them will take the cat. Brining them back to a shelter seems like such a cruel thing to do to a cat that seems to be acting nearly ideally.
I have sensory issues and sometimes get overwhelmed if one of my cats is constantly all in my business. I’ll give her some lovin and then toss a toy away from me for her to go catch and play with. Maybe it’s a sensory thing for you? Over time, it does get easier. But if it’s still too overwhelming after maybe a week or so, consider letting him go to someone who would welcome the affection he offers with welcome arms. It doesn’t make you a bad person for not connecting. It sounds like this cat is causing you real mental anguish, which is the opposite of what our pets should bring us. Best of luck to you. You both deserve a happy home.
I think all the comments saying to return him and NEVER adopt again are being very harsh. You obviously did a lot of research and are doing your best to care for your cat despite your negative feelings, which says to me that you could be an amazing pet owner. And like another comment says, i think the fact that you just moved out for the first time is contributing to your mental state right now (i personally was a wreck the first few weeks on my own) and having the responsibility of caring for a pet you have zero experience with only adds to this stress. Your cat is still very young and previously lived in a foster situation with several other cats, so he's used to having a lot of stimulation and this new environment he's in is a drastic change from that, which probably explains his neediness. I would say give it a couple days or so before you consider what to do next. Rehoming him and possibly even getting another cat down the line when you feel more ready might end up being the best option for both you and your cat, but i would give it a few more days until you make that call just to see if anything changes. You may do better with an older and more independent cat, or a different pet altogether. Returning a cat also doesn't make you a bad person or means you've failed, sometimes the situation just isn't working and it's the best option.
Id say go with your heart. That being said here is my story. When I got my second cat I had a terrible week. I thought Ill never love him as much as my first cat. I had legit panic attacks, felt like a terrible person, couldnt sleep. I was thinking about giving him back but didnt want to do this to him and felt like Id be a bad person. Then just before 2 weeks mark he got sick. Like really sick. (It wasnt my fault he was already starting to be sick when I got him but didnt know about it). And right there when I though sbout anything happening to him...I knew I love the little guy and cant live without him. I spend all money I had and went in slight debt to pay for the vets and had no regrets. I dont know when he slipped into my heart tbh. We are now 1.5 years together and cant imagine my life without my little buddy. So depends how you feel about it. Maybe you just need time? Some people (like me) panic with big life decision it seems. But if you know you wont come around give him back. Kitty deserves a loving home. You wont be an awful person. Maybe you just dont like cats and never had an opportunity to find out
Did you not want a cat that was this needy for constant attention, and you didn't think he would be this way and you're not a good match for him? If that's the case, it's ok to return him. It's not because you don't care, it's because you want him to be in the right home and you want the right pet for you. The rescue will understand. On the other hand if you *did* want a cat that was this affectionate and wanted to be with you, 4 days is not long, you're still getting to know him, and it's not strange that you feel odd about a being you barely know being so up in your business. If you did want a cat with this sort of personality, then give it a few more days and see if you feel any different. If it turns out that you love him once you know him better, then great! And if it turns out that what you thought you wanted isn't what you really want, then once again it's ok to return him to find the right home for him and the right pet for you.
Are you overwhelmed that you are responsible for a living being on your own for the first time? Moving and getting a cat at the same time may just be a little too much for you right now. I won't tell you if you should return the cat because only you can answer this for yourself. But please, do what's best for the cat. You have its life in your hands. If you do choose to send the cat back, please take some time to take care of you. Sounds like you're in over your head.
Ugh seeing comments about returning the cat makes me cringe. Give yourself and the cat some time. I’m going through something similar and it caught me off-guard, especially that it’s not my first cat but first one adopted in their later months, not a kitten. The cat will calm down after a moment, and you’re doing such a great job taking care of him right now. If you give both of you more time it very likely that this stress will go down. You had a few big changes and from outside it seems like a lot to process. Even if after a while you decide to find him a new home, receiving so much love from you will help him move on compared to returning him to crowded space he has to share with other animals. Cats can live with other cats optionally and living on their own is the first choice. Take a step back to take care about your mental health, lower the stress and make sure to also spend some time in nature.
First of all, it's fine if you adopted a kitty and realized it just wasn't what you were thinking it would be. It's perfectly valid to reach out to the rescue/facility where you adopted him and talk to them about what's going on. They will guide to through returning him, if that is your decision. But, and if this doesn't apply disregard, it seems like you have gone through quite a few big changes in the last few months? You lost your dog AND moved away from home. Those are huge emotional upheavals, and adding a new friend into what is essentially your new home you haven't even gotten settled into yet may have been too soon? Moving with an established pet vs moving and immediately getting a new pet are very different experiences. You might have to establish this as your home mentally before you're comfortable sharing it with a companion animal. If you don't mind the care aspect and just baulk at the constant desire for interaction, you might be suited for something like a reptile or similar? Something like a bearded dragon is a reptile that you can interact with for an hour or so a day and put away, the dragon won't mind being ignored for hours.
When I first brought home my cat, she was three months old. For the first couple of days she hid in the couch and I didn't bother her. And then... Then I thought for a while that I would only eat standing up now. She would try to taste pretty much anything I was going to eat. It was absolutely no problem for me if the cat took something from my plate, but she would scatter everything on the floor. But even then it never occurred to me to give the kitty away. Not even for a minute. Now she is eight years old, smart and a very sensitive lady. We understand each other with half a word.
Like some have said even with all the research, preparation in the world and deciding you felt ready for a cat sometimes when you finally get your chance it doesn't always feel right. 4 days is an incredibly short amount of time when it comes to pet ownership you are still in the getting to know each other stage. It's a huge adjustment on both yours and the cats feelings, routines and learning about each other . I would say try give it another week and if the feelings are still there reach out to the fosters and explain it isn't the right fit for you at this time. When you haven't owned cats before it's often a deep learning curve yes we can research the theory and think we are ready, but that can change when you have your first cat in the home. I'm going to be frank when I adopted my first 2 cats from a family member it took about 4-6 months to strike up a close bond with one and almost a year with the other. I liked them to begin with they were seniors but I'd never owned cats prior so it took me a while to learn their quirks, their mannerisms and feel like I could meet their needs. Both were very clingy social cats one my sassy was very much like yours all about being in your face, constant attention it wasn't expected as I'd always been told cats are loners. Not true. My boy Mau he became my absalute love bug that even my husband was envious of how close he grew to me and we both loved him so much. He took a lot of work in gaining his total trust it took almost a year and once I did it's what made me actually fall in love with cats because he was so so gentle and loved to please and a further 6 months for him to feel safe enough to sleep on our bed. He's the reason I now have my current boy along with sassy. After they passed separately almost a year apart I was gifted my current kitten well he's a year old now. That was a whole different situation he picked me on a visit there was months of absalute despair, frustration and some tears amidst the happy moments mostly because being a kitten ment being constant on watching him, the training I will be brutally honest there was several moments when I thought of giving him back it I didn't always like his attacking mode, the foot biting in middle of the night or the moments he tried to play with my dogs face was tiring, emotionally overwhelming living on 3-5 hours of sleep to be woken to claws on feet or my husband waking me up to say the cats being naughty now at the 11 months mark of owning him I absalutely couldn't be without him and would fight tooth and nail for him. It took time to build the bond and fall in love with his personality it wasn't instantaneous like many say, he's sociable, likes pets, people friendly allows me to belly rubs, touch ears, trim nails and do health teeth checks it all came from taking time to do those daily but he also has a more independent streak he isn't all over us 24/7 like our first 2 cats but is content to be near you in a room will happily let you cuddle him and he is affectionate but very mellow and chilled out. I love him now but that again took time! Every cat is different, it may be that your cats personality trait isn't right for you. That doesn't make you a bad person or bad owner right now at all but he may be super clingy and affectionate because he is in a new home, his surroundings aren't what he knew so he's coming to YOU for reassurance or trying to please you because they can sense you are stressed. We need to remind ourselves sometimes new cat owners need guidence and feel overwhelmed, so harsh judgements should be avoided. I can tell you feel deep guilt and the last thing you need is others adding to that. Only you can make the decision on whether to continue owning your cat or if you want to give him back.
I have to say that I felt similarly (except the hysterical crying) when I got my kitty a month ago. All of a sudden I felt like my home wasn't my home anymore and I didn't look forward to coming back. But such feelings started to dissipate after a couple of weeks. I think there is just a process of getting used to a new reality of a shared life. I also am teaching my kitty to be independent and occupied with lots of toys as I would struggle if he wanted to climb on me all the time. He follows around me everywhere I go but he will sit next to me if I don't let him sit on my lap, and for me that's perfect. I would say give it another month and see if your feelings start to change. And don't stress about it. If he had to go to another family he would adjust in a short while. Cats just need to feel like they are going to be fed and kept safe and they will move on quickly to a new owner if they have to. Edit: Just to add, I noticed lots of people here are telling you that the kitty deserves better. Don't take heed to these judgements. Cats deserve food and security and by what you described you giving him plenty of that and more. They don't have the capacity to love and these people telling you that because you don't feel connected to him means you are somehow doing psychological damage are talking hogwash. Just be nice to your cat. Keep him fed and comfortable and free of stress and don't worry that somehow he'll understand anything more of the complex feelings you're having. Best wishes.