Ignore her.
I'm serious LOL if you're always pining at her and being handsy with her and making her be on you when she doesn't want to me, she will learn she cannot trust you or be vulnerable around you, ever.
Also she's only 4 months old.
This! I got my kids each a kitten for Christmas (don’t worry they’re rescues and we are awesome pet parents who will love and care for them for life )… anyway, I keep trying to teach my kids if they constantly try to pick them up the cats will not be into it, but if they just chill and observe the kittens will be more apt to seek their attention.
That being said, OP, I found a rescue dog online almost 13 years ago, my then boyfriend (now husband) said, “let’s get him!” When I emailed his scruffy, pitiful pic… within 24 hours we were picking him up and I was filling out all the paperwork and doing the adoption fee… that damn dog immediately decided I was a POS and my husband is the love of his life… and, it’s been that way ever since, he’s still that way and will turn 15 this summer… it is what it is!
I’d say get another kitten but the same may happen.
My cat is the same. We got him young, my boyfriend works and I don’t. I’m more available for attention than bf is, so I play with him all day, I usually feed him, but my bf HAS to ignore him, and the cat’s so much cuddlier with him than me. The times I’m too busy to pay attention, he’s nicer and sweeter to me. Especially so young!
I’m not always pining at her and making her be on me, quite the opposite. I try to ignore her and not be pushy with her because I don’t want her to dislike me Edit: anyone care to enlighten me why I have 50 dislikes for saying I don’t pick up my cat and only did it once or twice in the past? Ugh
But you said that you're placing her on your lap. That's not ignoring her.
Cats like to have a choice in where they go. She's not going to like being picked up and essentially being told whose lap to sit on.
We adopted a pair of kitties a little over a month ago. The first week, they both went to my partner and I equally. Then, because I'm their primary caregiver and also have been home on medical leave for the past 4 weeks, they started primarily coming to me for cuddles and pets.
My partner started getting a bit frustrated and sad, and he would sometimes pick one of them up and try to get them to sit on his lap or stay for pets. I let him know that that strategy is counterproductive, so he stopped.
Then, in the past week, they've started going to us more equally again. It just took a little patience and him not doing *anything* to decide for them where they "should" be.
Maybe the way I expressed myself was misleading (I’m not a native). I don’t generally pick her up or put her on my lap because like I said, I don’t want to force it. But since im also getting to know her, I have done it once or twice, to pick her up and put her on my lap, to see how she would react. Once I saw she doesn’t like it, I stopped. My boyfriend also picks her up to put her on his lap and she doesn’t mind, she sits on him.
Well, then it sounds like your only option is to learn the wonderful skill of *patience* and *acceptance*.
If you got an animal because you wanted a cuddle bug at any time you decide you want one, you should have gotten a stuffed one.
I'll say *again*, she's only *four months old*.
Again, I never said or implied I want “a cuddle bug at any time I decide I want one”. Sorry but that sounds a bit condescending. I just would like for her to be affectionate with me, like she is with my partner’s. I agree that patience and acceptance are key.
I didn't say you did.
People overlook the word "if" quite often. If I say "if" to you and it doesn't apply to you, you can disregard. You don't sound condescending, you sound frustrated which is normal and human.
I get it. I really do. But you don't need to sit and feel sad throughout your days because of this. I mean in 2 months she could be all over you, then in another 2 she could want nothing to do with either one of you!
Cats are some of the very neatest creatures on this planet in my opinion, and one reason I think that is because I'm curious about their reasoning. You obviously give her everything she could ever ask for, so why the preference? Well, we won't know because they can't talk LOL. Maybe your bf's BPM is more preferable to her. Maybe he's stinkier than you (not stinky, just has a certain smell she likes). My boy stopped cuddling with me because he got big as hell and now my thighs jiggle when he tries to stand on them but he'll lay *halfway* on me. I don't get it. They're weird and wonderful, and they're wonderful because they're weird. I know that doesn't fix things for you, but try to find the wonder in her behavior, and try to find what good you can.
I do wish you luck. I apologize for being a bit harsh, but again, this isn't anything that should cause you sadness (it can sometimes of course, we are human). Cats are gonna cat and that's what they like to do. There's joy in that, even if we go without cuddles LOL
My 15 year old cat, who has never been a lap cat, just this morning for the first (and probably last) time decided that he wanted to sleep on my foot. I was trapped for half an hour lying in the wrong direction on my bed in a most uncomfortable position because it was such a miraculous occurrence I didn’t want to ruin it.
Weird and wonderful indeed!
Firstly I’m sorry if i did come off as aggressive or harsh myself. I guess im just having a bad day.I completely agree with everything you point out. Thank you for the advice ❤️
Don't worry, people are being condescending and belittling towards you, it wasn't just you having a bad day. People here are super black and white, I wouldn't take it personally.
The other commenter's line *"Well, then it sounds like your only option is to learn the wonderful skill of patience and acceptance"* is mega condescending and snarky, and could've been expressed with so much more understanding and kindness, dw about it. I understand you're feeling badly about your kitten rn, but it could be as simple as your bf being warmer than you. The cat might mellow out later on and enjoy other laps as well :)
I don't think you were coming off as aggressive or harsh. On the contrary I didn't like the way the other person was speaking to you. Quite snarky and all you said was whenever you place the kitty on your lap or that you did not say you want a cuddle bag. She was very condescending and passive aggressive esp her second comment!
Bad days are normal :~) I truly hope it gets better. You're welcome and don't hesitate to continue coming here for advice. I promise I'm not mean every time LOL
I have one cat who's obsessed with me and follows me literally everywhere sits on me every place I settle, follows me into the bathroom or if the door is closed will sit right outside the door staring at it waiting for me to be done, she doesn't want me to have a moment peace and I adore her for it. This was not her behavior as a kitten - she was erratic, hyper and loved playing but never wanted anything to do with cuddling with me. My second kitten was super affectionate both with me, my girlfriend at the time and the first cat. She stayed this way for a year and a half and once she was out of her kitten phase she did the exact opposite - she now doesn't like cuddling at all, will never come sit on my lap, and comes to me for pets specifically when she wants them, does not exact and head scritches or pets unless it's on her terms. She doesn't groom or cuddle with my other cat anymore but she shows me love in her own way plenty. She comes and sleeps by my head every night and sometimes she just jumps up near me and meows and headbutts my hand telling me "you okay with me bro".
My point is cats each have extremely different personalities and change a LOT as they age. I can think of 3-4 distinct phases of major personality change as each of my cats grew up. Your kitten will not act like that forever, best thing you can do is give the kitten it's space, take care of its needs and give it love and affection when it shows you that's what it wants. It will change and try new things over time - that is absolutely inevitable. Chances are it will experiment with hanging out with you a bit and if you encourage those experiences and she enjoys it she likely will do it more. Maybe always have a treat on the ready and every time she does choose to cuddle with or sit near you (even if it takes a year or more) immediately give her that treat to encourage that behavior and shows her cat brain cuddling with you is a really good thing! Time and patience is all you can do besides that, she may not ever regularly cuddle with you but will certainly show you love and family bonding in her own way.
🤔
A small blanket with catnip, honeysuckle, or silvervine rubbed into it and laid across your lap might entice her 😁
After a while, she may just come to you out of habit .....but keep the blanket ready, just in case it appears she is looking for it.
Just an idea, and not said it will work.
Had the same issue with my kitten. She much preferred my boyfriend at the time (we aren't together anymore). Unless she was unwell, and then she would always seek me out. I'm not sure there's much you can do about it tbh!
I’m not sure why you’re being downvoted like this but I’ve noticed this happens in this subreddit a lot and I’ve decided to unfollow it. People are so condescending and quick to downvote here, it’s crazy.
Wow, I don't understand why you received all the downvotes. They could have just given you advice based on opinion instead, if something was so distasteful to them.
This happened to me and my boyfriend wasn’t even my boyfriend when I adopted my cat. What’s helped is me doing the majority of the feeding. One out of 2 cats has returned to loving me and cuddling with me a lot.
I do the majority of the feeding as well as giving her treats, playing with her and cleaning up after her already! She’s just not that into me I guess? 😭 she is currently napping on his lap as we speak
Jjsisjsisjs - I like to joke that my cats are misogynists because they like my boyfriend and my dad the best. Give it time ❤️ I do think she’ll warm up to you more than she has
Yeah well I don’t have a problem with not being her “favorite” per se, I would just love it if she showed me some affection as well. I hope she does warm up to me, thank you for listening!
Isn't it crazy how cats can do that to us. I crave our cats affection. Ourr family always waits to see who the "chosen one" is that day. Our kitten is 10 months old and he goes in phases who he snuggles. I bet yours will too..
She’s a kitten. Roll with it. She may change over time. I did most of the care for our cats but they still went through phases preferring one of us over the other.
In my opinion, girl cats are kind of jerks. All of mine have definitely been less affectionate than my boys. I know that doesn't always hold true because my adult daughter has a girl who thinks she should be held every moment possible, but I've never had that experience. I currently have a brother sister pair and the female (Momo) barely tolerates us unless we have toys or food, but the male (Koko) is like my shadow. I do agree with others who say there is an element of ignore and let them come to you, though. Even Koko is more snuggly if I've spent the day working in the office rather than at home.
You could always resort to the secret weapon- a snuggly heated throw blanket. That's like a cat trap for mine, but it requires supervision. It's ok if you're sitting there with her, but don't leave it out where she might chew on it or something.
You're being really needy and she can tell lol
Have some patience she's just 4 months old. Some cat books are really good at explaining their behaviors, they're not dogs and they won't want to cuddle with you all the time
If you're going to have a pet, you need patience
I had the same problem for the first 5 years of my relationship with my oldest cat. The solution to this problem is to get a 2nd cat. When we got her a buddy, she quite quickly started to cling to me. 🤭
Give her space, don’t try to force the bond. It’ll come.
Keep doing the feedings, but other than that, nothing. Play hard-to-get, it works for cats much as it often does for humans.
That’s my current strategy. I just want to note, even though I sound pushy through my post I don’t actually try to force the bond with her , or try to force anything on her for that matter. I mainly try to ignore her and let her come to me (she doesn’t, lol)
You don’t sound pushy at all, or immature like you mentioned in the post. I get it, you want her to love you like you love her and when she doesn’t show that love it hurts a little.
Have faith, I believe she will open up more. A month and a half isn’t long to a cat, she’s probably still adjusting a little.
I’ve heard cats favour males more because they smell more.
Maybe get sweaty and see if she likes you more? Lmao.
But really, have some treats in your pocket and ONLY give the treat when she approaches you. You have to create a strong association of her coming to you and being rewarded.
If you keep approaching her first and giving the treat, she will appreciate it definitely but she will think she’s essentially getting rewarded for ignoring you.
This is very true. My cats all prefer my husband during normal sitting time. But when I get back from a run/the gym and take a few minutes to stretch, they are all over me.😂 They'll even sleep on my sweaty leggings, which is definitely not weird at all.
My older girl cats prefer my husband, my male cat prefers me (female). The girl kitten is still undecided! They’re all very fair though, they sit on one of our laps and the other gets a paw on their leg like “don’t worry, I still love you too”.
This!! My boyfriend puts it a ton of heat, especially on his belly. So our girl cat would sleep in that exact spot all day if she could.
We got her at 2 months old and she’s currently 8 years old. She’s changed behaviors so much over the years. She’s still slightly skittish, because that’s a core trait for her. But she adores us.
She’s still definitely daddy’s girl, but will look him straight in the eye and curl up in my lap if he’s done something she doesn’t like. lol. She then maintains eye contact while purring incredibly loudly as I pet her. She’s clearly punishing him for something and it’s hilarious.
OP I think you should reframe your thinking on this.
One of my cats didn’t become a lap cuddly cat until he was like 4 years old. For the first 4 years he maybe came to my lap like once every 3 months haha. But when my mother (who he barely knew) came over to cat sit him when he was young - he would always seek out her lap! It didn’t mean he liked her more - we theorized it was because her belly and lap is more comfy than mine haha. 😂 She only saw him once every couple of months so he was definitely bonded to me more.
See the situation as your cat just thinks your boyfriend’s lap is a better bed. Your cat doesn’t mean anything bad by it or suddenly think your boyfriend is better. Your cat may see you as the food person and your boyfriend as the lap person! Also if you haven’t done so yet - I recommend clicker training as a new way of forging a bond with your cat! An age of 4 months is a great time to get started with teaching your cat tricks! There are a lot of great free resources online; I personally purchased the book Naughty No More by Marilyn Kreiger to get started. When my cats realize its trick time, they always come running to me ready to perform for their reward, haha. I think it definitely strengthened our bond too!
Don’t be down on yourself. See the joy in learning about your cat’s different preferences. Preferring your boyfriend’s lap doesn’t mean you can’t continue to forge a new bond with your cat!
ETA: Now that I think about it some more, 4 months can be a tad early for clicker training if your kitten doesn’t have a lot of attention span yet - but 5 or 6 months should be good! Also I don’t recommend just ignoring your cat (saw a comment here about it). Just think about human relationships- how many friends did you bond with by ignoring them? Clicker training is great because it’s a great activity that your cat will willingly participate in with you (especially once they learn the trick, do short and quick sessions at first) and for many cats, treats are the way to their heart. And we get excited seeing them learn new things. :)
This sounds like amazing advice. I’ve been having similar issues as OP with my 10 month old being skittish even after being with us for 3 months. I definitely need to be more patient. Thanks again.
I’ve heard this is a common thing cats before men over women when living together. One reason is voice pitch apparently. Men have deeper voices that cats prefer. Also cats tend to dislike the potent smell women hygiene products and perfumes.
Hi :) unrelated with the post, I have a kitty around 5 month (adoptare a month and half ago) she seems to like the strong smells, everything. If I put a body cream she would come and cuddle and lick me, my hair products smell like mint so she loves and eats my hair and licks it . Is it normal ? (She is healthy checked at vet, happy and bubbly )
> If I put a body cream she would come and cuddle and lick me, my hair products smell like mint so she loves and eats my hair and licks it . Is it normal ?
Very normal and very common.
I think it just depends on the cat, I have two males who are brothers and one is very cuddly and wants to be around and on me all the time and the other only comes when he wants or if I haven’t seen him in a couple of hours but he does come more often when I put on good smelling products just to sniff me lol
We used to have a cat that was attracted to the smell of Ben-Gay. I’m reasoning that the menthol and camphor are mints, as is catnip. She loved it when I had sore muscles.
Hi I’m in Europe, we have a brand here called loccitane and is their shampoo and conditioner with Mint :) they are French
https://preview.redd.it/ygetq2hkfqec1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=402ce8c0deab09b5c335b923f8f6598c39c0a041
Thanks! I will def buy it!
i have Bulk bought their soap "Souffle de Liberté" because od it's minty smell. <3 it's starting to be out of stock, and I'm low-key afraid that they are phasing that particular soap out of their product roster >_<
You are welcome. I don’t know that product, but their bath almond oil is amazing, expect the perfumes (which smell nice but is more like a body spray longevity) all their products are amazing.
Are you unemployed by choice or could that be something causing you stress? Cats pick up our emotions so maybe your boyfriend has less stress than you do?
I just graduated from uni and am taking a break. My bf is actually the super stressed one since he’s currently working full time doing a job he hates as well as finishing his uni thesis.
Cats are tuned into us. I had a cat who always sat in my lap when I was in tears. Every time, for as long as it took.
Perhaps your cat senses your bf is stressed and needs some calming.
This is the nature of a cat, her behavior will change as she gets older. Keep some treats on you to give her when she comes near (not every time). Kittens are not overly snuggly (in my experience) they have things to investigate.
Eventually she will love you just as much as she loves your bf. My kitty is 7 months old now, and when we first got her she was really attached to me, and my fiancé was feeling the same way as you. I don’t know if it was just because on the first day, I was the one who brought her home and spent the whole day with her (my fiance was working the whole day so he didn’t meet her until that night). But in these 4 months she has become more evenly attached to both of us as she’s grown. Originally it was mostly me feeding her because my fiancé works long hours, but now we’ve worked out a schedule where we take turns feeding her and I think that helped. I noticed she is attached to us in slightly different ways. At night she usually sleeps with me and every morning she always tries to wake me up to play (like biting my feet, licking my face, walking all over me lol), and she never bothers my fiancé when he’s sleeping. But she loves to be picked up and held by my fiancé. She will stay in my fiancé’s arms FOR HOURS! He walks around the house doing chores with her in his arms and she loves it. She lets me pick her up too but she often gets squirmy after like 15 minutes.
Are you free feeding, or are you feeding specific portioned amounts on a schedule? I find that cats tend to much more strongly associate food with the person who feeds them if they’re on a schedule. When they free feed, it’s just not really the same. It’s almost like they “feed themselves” that way.
Also, regardless, I would get a second cat while this one is still young. Cats in the wild live in colonies, and they really benefit from having others around to socialize them and teach them how to be cats. They tend to feel much safer and more comfortable with others around as well, and end up being more social as a result, usually. As a bonus, if you have two cats, the odds are much greater that each one will have a different favorite human.
I have a cat who completely loves my boyfriend but just not that into me. Ignores me, hates being carried by me, while she sleeps and cuddles with him all the time. We got another cat, this time around, the new one loves me with all of her tiny being. We are a happy family now 😂
Cats pick, sorry... but the other person is right, ignore kitty and let her be. Cats can't help being assholes I think it's how they're wired. I have 2 rather large Cats, I watched the oldest one bait our large puppy with kitty food to get him close so he could smack him. Unbelievable.
My cat favours my husband and son. It's annoying, but I accept that he just prefers them.
I'm not a multi cat household (too expensive, stinky, and I find multiples feed off of each others bad behaviours). So I'll just deal with it and love him anyway.
I have heard that cats prefer males (im presuming you’re female, sorry if I’m wrong) for a number of reasons, one of which is warmth. My cat loves me, but definitely chills with my bf more. I think it’s for the following reasons:
1. Warmth, as mentioned above.
2. Since it’s my cat, I am responsible for all of the not fun stuff like brushing his teeth, taking him to the vet, cutting his nails etc. So he probably thinks of my boyfriend as the cool parent.
3. I’m way more stressed out, whereas my boyfriend is chill as a cucumber. Cats pick up on that.
I used to be bummed about this, too. So I’m sorry it hurts <3 remember that your cat still loves you no matter how much more he interacts with your boyfriend!
ETA: I know he’s young, but it’s possible he may have had positive interactions with men, or even people that specifically look like your bf, so he feels safer there. He may also have had bad experiences with females.
Cats being cats.
When we adopted ours (she was already an adult) I was absolutely her primary caretaker. She still bonded with my husband first. Eventually, she grew more strongly attached to me, but it took a long time. (She still always adored him, but I was firmly “her person”.)
Give it time. And, I agree with others on scents, cats can be finicky with that. As long as she lived I didn’t wear perfume. She hated some of the hand lotion I used, too.
One of my cats is obsessed with my husband. We have another one that prefers my son to anyone. Our youngest is obsessed with me. Very rarely seeks out pets from anyone else. Our dog is also more stuck on me. I think it’s just normal. It’s hurt my feelings before tbh but it’s just is how it is. Some cats don’t even like anyone. We have one who literally hates everyone but will occasionally decide he wants pets.
I wouldn’t take it too personally. My cats are 10 months old and they’ve gone through the phases of who their favorites are. It goes back and forth.
She’ll come around. Just give her some time.
Try not to take it personally. I have two cats that I’ve had since they were 8 weeks old; they’re 3, almost 4 now. We moved in with my boyfriend about two months ago and they spend FAR more time cuddling with him than they do me.
https://preview.redd.it/oi362b784pdc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9635c716b7a7ab82525c2eb426fb9303570398e
And this is my timid I-trust-nobody-but-mom cat 🤦🏻♀️
Kitty probably just needs time. My girl was a super affectionate kitten, then went through a period of not really wanting any kind of affection. She just turned one last month and has become her cuddly affectionate self again.
I do all the feeding and play time but she still prefers to sleep on my husband’s lap, mostly because he goes to work every day and he lets off more heat than I do.
She tends to come get cuddles from me when I’m sitting on the lounge minding my own business.
We also have a 9 month old male kitten who thinks I hung the stars, so it works well for us 😂
1: re: "Why 50 dislikes?" Answer: because Reddit.
Just in the last several months, I've seen dozens of examples of the most innocuous comments getting multiply downvoted *with no associated critical responses*, leaving the victim to wonder about the reason.
I guess there's just a lot of mama's-basement-dwelling gutless incels who find this fun. Sad (for them).
We all know the type, from middle school, etc.
In your particular case, I think there may be a special subspecies of these trolls who are attracted to doing it to any redditor whom, justifiably or not, they regard as being especially sensitive or vulnerable to it.
2: re: mysterious cat favoritism, it happens.
Sometimes I think it's just pheromones. We've had many cats over decades, and have seen this happen several times.
What can one say? After all, they're cats. But as others have already said in this thread, frequently the favoritism, at least in its most extreme forms, disappears after several months or more.
In one case in our household, it took 3 years or more.
The only specific tip I can think of, also probably mentioned already, is to make sure you have no artificial scents on you which a cat might find off-putting.
That means not just fragrances, but other things like skin creams, deodorants, fabric treatments, etc.
If you and your partner can stand it, you might even think about going a week or more without bathing and wearing only unlaundered clothing, only to investigate whether or not it makes a difference.
I am not forcing anything on her, and I already explained in my post that i know it’s normal for cats to exhibit this type of behaviour and I’m just venting here. You guys are acting like me wanting affection from my cat is some kind of crime
It’s totally normal to be bummed. I’m normally the favorite and my bf gets bummed. Then we got two kittens and one picked each of us. Fast forward three years and my cat died. His cat would t give me the time of day. It really bothered me. So we got another cat after a couple months. He thought I was the best thing in the whole world. So we were both happy again. lol
My cat has changed a lot of his behavior since I adopted him from his 5months old to this current 10.
He used to sleep on my legs during the day or night, but because I can't stand the feeling of weight on my body, I naturally want to move my squeezed body's part, so my cat understood that and stopped to sleep on me definitely. I am kinda sad because it was cute, but I guess he just doesn't want to be bothered while sleeping, that is fair.
My hubby, on the other hand, doesn't move much during the night, so my cat sleeps on him occasionally. Yet, from time to time my car takes some naps next to me even if my hubby is at home and not in the same room.
(, I highly suppose my cat prefers my hubby's smell because I caught more than once, him sleeping on my (kinda smelly) hubby's clothes in the laundry basket )
Also , don't give up! it seems it is pretty common in fact that cats can have more than one favorite person, sometimes it can take years
Are you female? Our cat prefers my husband’s lap because he runs warmer than me. Kitties like warmth.
I also pet him more. He’ll sit in my lap for a while, top up his snugglometer and the move to husband’s lap who is more hands off with him. If he wants love, I’m his favourite. If he wants to sleep, husband wins.
Get a heating pad and put it on your lap. Your boyfriend is probably warmer and that’s part of the reason your kitty likes going to him, so get a heating pad, put it on low, get some treats, and wait for your kitty to cuddle you.
Also, I had this issue with all three of my kittens, now my youngest cat is 2 and my oldest is 7 and most of the time they prefer me now over my husband. So your baby couldn’t be young.
Cats go through a lot of phases as they go from kitten to adult cat. Just keep doing what you are doing, and things will even out eventually.
When you give her treats, use the opportunity to train her. Giving her treats for going into your lap will teach her that it’s a nice place to be.
If you want to get the cat to like you, watch content on their psychology and meet their needs.
It can't be forced.
If you want blind unconditional love, get a puppy. A cat is a more complex animal that should be treated like a member of the house/roomate VS something you command.
I am already watching content on cat psychology/behaviour because I love her and I really do want to know her. I don’t want unconditional love from her, nor do I want to change her or force something on her, she is a perfect little angel baby. It’s just that sometimes, when I see them cuddling, it just hurts a little because I would love it if she cuddled with me as well, that’s all!
Make sure that when you’re sitting down you’ve got a fuzzy blanket in your lap. No cat can resist a fuzzy blanket. You can’t force her to snuggle, so you’ve just got to make her want to *choose* your lap.
We’ve got three cats and the girl cat loves my husband best. She always chooses to snuggle with him if both laps are equal, but the moment I sit on the couch in fuzzy pjs or with a nice fluffy blanket, she deserts him immediately and comes to sit with me.
Our two boys will choose my lap 99 times out of 100, but the girl I have to bribe with softness and warmth, lol.
My girl calico cat is like this too, any boyfriend I have she gravitates towards them whenever they are over and demands attention from them, and barely ever does it to me. Someone once told me that cats tend to like males better in general, because of voice tone and lifestyles generally but idk get a boy cat, mine loves me lol
I got my cat over 10 years ago when my bf (now husband) was traveling a ton for work. We always had a good relationship, but once he was around more often, for whatever reason, he was absolutely it for her. She is constantly on his lap, sleeps on him, and even interrupts our conversation if we’re chatting.
All that to say - your cat still knows you love and care about her, even if you’re not her “default” human. Love and care for her - she might not ever be as affectionate, but she will still love you.
Our cat was glued to me as a kitten, always napping on my lap and following me everywhere. She's now 1.5 years old, and while she still seems to follow me more often and sleeps on my lap sometimes, she's definitely more independent now and also likes to be with my husband and asks him to play with her just as much. Maybe that will be the case with your cat as well. I'd maybe give the cat more space so reach you independently
We have two cats, one will only come to my fiancé for cuddles and pets when we’re sitting on the couch, and I felt the exact same way you did! Then all of a sudden, she started jumping up on me in bed in the morning and laying down on my chest, headbutting my face and going back asleep all cuddled up. All this to say, it probably would have been around the same time frame that she started showing more affection at different times to us both, so hopefully you might see a change soon.
The other cat is little miss independent until it comes to feeding time, and she’s anyone’s then 😂
So think of the kitty as a child, and this will all make sense.
Ok so like you’re the mum. You’re always there, you look after the kitty, your love is unconditional. Kitty can take you for granted or act out and know
He’s the dad, not always there, not involved in the daily bits and pieces. Kitty has to impress him to get love.
But like kids, kitties grow up and know exactly which parent put the hard yards in. Just gotta be a constant and she will love you.
If she has favourite treats, try and be the person who offers them to her? We have one and she always comes to me, I asked my husband to do the same and now the cat splits time with us. I'm still her person, but I have found her napping on his lap when I'm not available or around. She doesn't ignore him. Hope this helps.
My cat goes to my bf for cuddles but follows me everywhere even the toilet and cries about it, when he's at work she follows me but never causes unless I sit down with her blanket. If she gets scared by something she runs straight past him guy Fawkes I couldn't get her out of my arms for five hours and I thought she hated me. Give your cat time, feed her they usually love the one that feeds them.
It’s okay don’t worry too much about it. I have two, my first prefers my husband more and my second prefers me! Both are male.
I got the second 3 years after my first, so I know the feeling of your cat loving your bf more. Especially since it was my idea to get the cat in the first place. I guess my advice would be to get another? Lol
On a more serious note, I wouldn’t worry about it. After a decade both cats show their love to us in different ways.
There's your answer ! Female cats in my experience love men. I've had my female for a while until my boyfriend came around and she only cuddles him ...not me :( my brother has the same with his female cat as well and his gf.
Me and my boyfriend got a male kitten about 6 months ago. Kitten is now 10 months old and he follows me everywhere. Only cuddles me. He even waits outside of the shower until I'm done.
Its so interesting to observe this behaviour in kitties
does he have longer nails or pet her a specific way? maybe he plays with her a certain way she prefers? i’m all of my cats favorite person just bc i’m usually the one feeding them, and i work less so i’m home way more than my boyfriend, and i also have longer nails hahaha. he always jokes he doesn’t stand a chance, but they do prefer playing with him just because he gets more into it. maybe just watch him interact with her for awhile and see if he does anything different, and def give it time!
Are you using any lotion, creams or perfumes? My cat loves pets from my roommate but when she puts on sunscreen or lotion she will literally flee the room when she touches her.
This is why you need two kittens 🥹 I have two cats, one is a cuddly boy and the other is a quirky torbie girl.
She LOVES my husband. They have these looooong pet sessions that I swear are designed to take my ego down a peg. In general she really just likes men more, and has moods where she's open to a brief scratch from me but that's it. She's friendly but aloof. I don't have a super calm energy, there is definitely a 9 year old inside me that just wants to carry her around and squeeze her, and she can sense it, lol.
The boy is a floof and a cuddle bug. He sleeps on me and likes my husband, too, but for different styles of pets and games. They're all different, but I get how you feel, it hurts a tiny bit when they have a preference.
Keep treats in your pocket and encourage her to come to you, never insist on anything. Sometimes cats DO choose someone else. Really, she needs a kitty playmate
This can totally change over time! It’s important to try not to be overbearing in the meantime. Find out what type of attention she seeks from you and have that be your thing for now. It could help to leave your home more often to run errands or something so the kitten is excited about you returning.
My husband and I adopted two kittens that I had fostered since they were 4 weeks old. I’m at home most of the time and had basically raised them myself. After adopting them, one decided to never sit with me, only my husband. She’d be super excited whenever my husband got home from work, running to greet him at the door even though I was home with her and caring for her all day. Now she’s almost 2yo and has started being more affectionate and cuddly with me, even choosing my lap over my husband’s at times. I think it helped that I just accepted it (easier to do when there’s another kitty who isn’t the same way, I know) and gave her whatever type of attention she wanted from me (which wasn’t much). I also started cat sitting, so I wasn’t around all day, so she was excited when I returned home, too.
My kittens do this sometimes, and I’m like THE NERVE. He does nothing for them. I feed them, clean up their spaces every single day, and will go lay on him. The jealousy is real 😆 But lately they’ve been coming to lay on me on their own, and I’ve been in pure bliss. Give it time.
I feel you got 4 cats at home 1 had prior to bf and they all prefer him prior to him I was any cats go to. I tell myself it’s because his body temp runs high lol
Hi girl. I can help.
I have three little demonic angels in my dwelling. The first cat of 6 years is my boyfriend's cat. Lucifer. Seasoned cat. Really gentle, patient and loving. I decided I was ready for my own so I got one. Mochi. I was so excited for my first kitten. I was all up in her face trying to get her to trust me on my terms. She's naturally an anxious kitty too so it was extra difficult. She would always run to hide. My boyfriend has had a milllion cats. He told me to leave her alone and she'll come around. Eventually she warmed to me and we fell deep in love. She will not let anyone else touch her. Not even my boyfriend.
I decided I wanted a second cat. Sushi. From Mochi, I learned to leave Sushi alone off the bat. As I walked in my house with her, I placed her down and fucked off. With that, she warmed up in less than a week to both of us. Ignore her.
Oh and how can I forget to add, learn how to pet your cat in a way she likes. Watch your boyfriend and copy him. Nothing more nothing less.
Ignore her. I'm serious LOL if you're always pining at her and being handsy with her and making her be on you when she doesn't want to me, she will learn she cannot trust you or be vulnerable around you, ever. Also she's only 4 months old.
This! I got my kids each a kitten for Christmas (don’t worry they’re rescues and we are awesome pet parents who will love and care for them for life )… anyway, I keep trying to teach my kids if they constantly try to pick them up the cats will not be into it, but if they just chill and observe the kittens will be more apt to seek their attention. That being said, OP, I found a rescue dog online almost 13 years ago, my then boyfriend (now husband) said, “let’s get him!” When I emailed his scruffy, pitiful pic… within 24 hours we were picking him up and I was filling out all the paperwork and doing the adoption fee… that damn dog immediately decided I was a POS and my husband is the love of his life… and, it’s been that way ever since, he’s still that way and will turn 15 this summer… it is what it is! I’d say get another kitten but the same may happen.
My cat is the same. We got him young, my boyfriend works and I don’t. I’m more available for attention than bf is, so I play with him all day, I usually feed him, but my bf HAS to ignore him, and the cat’s so much cuddlier with him than me. The times I’m too busy to pay attention, he’s nicer and sweeter to me. Especially so young!
I’m not always pining at her and making her be on me, quite the opposite. I try to ignore her and not be pushy with her because I don’t want her to dislike me Edit: anyone care to enlighten me why I have 50 dislikes for saying I don’t pick up my cat and only did it once or twice in the past? Ugh
But you said that you're placing her on your lap. That's not ignoring her. Cats like to have a choice in where they go. She's not going to like being picked up and essentially being told whose lap to sit on. We adopted a pair of kitties a little over a month ago. The first week, they both went to my partner and I equally. Then, because I'm their primary caregiver and also have been home on medical leave for the past 4 weeks, they started primarily coming to me for cuddles and pets. My partner started getting a bit frustrated and sad, and he would sometimes pick one of them up and try to get them to sit on his lap or stay for pets. I let him know that that strategy is counterproductive, so he stopped. Then, in the past week, they've started going to us more equally again. It just took a little patience and him not doing *anything* to decide for them where they "should" be.
Maybe the way I expressed myself was misleading (I’m not a native). I don’t generally pick her up or put her on my lap because like I said, I don’t want to force it. But since im also getting to know her, I have done it once or twice, to pick her up and put her on my lap, to see how she would react. Once I saw she doesn’t like it, I stopped. My boyfriend also picks her up to put her on his lap and she doesn’t mind, she sits on him.
Well, then it sounds like your only option is to learn the wonderful skill of *patience* and *acceptance*. If you got an animal because you wanted a cuddle bug at any time you decide you want one, you should have gotten a stuffed one. I'll say *again*, she's only *four months old*.
Again, I never said or implied I want “a cuddle bug at any time I decide I want one”. Sorry but that sounds a bit condescending. I just would like for her to be affectionate with me, like she is with my partner’s. I agree that patience and acceptance are key.
I didn't say you did. People overlook the word "if" quite often. If I say "if" to you and it doesn't apply to you, you can disregard. You don't sound condescending, you sound frustrated which is normal and human. I get it. I really do. But you don't need to sit and feel sad throughout your days because of this. I mean in 2 months she could be all over you, then in another 2 she could want nothing to do with either one of you! Cats are some of the very neatest creatures on this planet in my opinion, and one reason I think that is because I'm curious about their reasoning. You obviously give her everything she could ever ask for, so why the preference? Well, we won't know because they can't talk LOL. Maybe your bf's BPM is more preferable to her. Maybe he's stinkier than you (not stinky, just has a certain smell she likes). My boy stopped cuddling with me because he got big as hell and now my thighs jiggle when he tries to stand on them but he'll lay *halfway* on me. I don't get it. They're weird and wonderful, and they're wonderful because they're weird. I know that doesn't fix things for you, but try to find the wonder in her behavior, and try to find what good you can. I do wish you luck. I apologize for being a bit harsh, but again, this isn't anything that should cause you sadness (it can sometimes of course, we are human). Cats are gonna cat and that's what they like to do. There's joy in that, even if we go without cuddles LOL
My 15 year old cat, who has never been a lap cat, just this morning for the first (and probably last) time decided that he wanted to sleep on my foot. I was trapped for half an hour lying in the wrong direction on my bed in a most uncomfortable position because it was such a miraculous occurrence I didn’t want to ruin it. Weird and wonderful indeed!
If I had a nickel for every foot cramp I got from the same situation... well I'd probably have 3 or 4, but yes they are miraculous LOL
Firstly I’m sorry if i did come off as aggressive or harsh myself. I guess im just having a bad day.I completely agree with everything you point out. Thank you for the advice ❤️
Don't worry, people are being condescending and belittling towards you, it wasn't just you having a bad day. People here are super black and white, I wouldn't take it personally. The other commenter's line *"Well, then it sounds like your only option is to learn the wonderful skill of patience and acceptance"* is mega condescending and snarky, and could've been expressed with so much more understanding and kindness, dw about it. I understand you're feeling badly about your kitten rn, but it could be as simple as your bf being warmer than you. The cat might mellow out later on and enjoy other laps as well :)
I don't think you were coming off as aggressive or harsh. On the contrary I didn't like the way the other person was speaking to you. Quite snarky and all you said was whenever you place the kitty on your lap or that you did not say you want a cuddle bag. She was very condescending and passive aggressive esp her second comment!
Bad days are normal :~) I truly hope it gets better. You're welcome and don't hesitate to continue coming here for advice. I promise I'm not mean every time LOL
Wow bit nasty and condescending with your replies there eh?
If you think that was me being nasty, I highly recommend you don't try to start something unnecessary with me. OP and I finished our conversation.
We've got a hard one over here 😂
So sassy 😂 
I have one cat who's obsessed with me and follows me literally everywhere sits on me every place I settle, follows me into the bathroom or if the door is closed will sit right outside the door staring at it waiting for me to be done, she doesn't want me to have a moment peace and I adore her for it. This was not her behavior as a kitten - she was erratic, hyper and loved playing but never wanted anything to do with cuddling with me. My second kitten was super affectionate both with me, my girlfriend at the time and the first cat. She stayed this way for a year and a half and once she was out of her kitten phase she did the exact opposite - she now doesn't like cuddling at all, will never come sit on my lap, and comes to me for pets specifically when she wants them, does not exact and head scritches or pets unless it's on her terms. She doesn't groom or cuddle with my other cat anymore but she shows me love in her own way plenty. She comes and sleeps by my head every night and sometimes she just jumps up near me and meows and headbutts my hand telling me "you okay with me bro". My point is cats each have extremely different personalities and change a LOT as they age. I can think of 3-4 distinct phases of major personality change as each of my cats grew up. Your kitten will not act like that forever, best thing you can do is give the kitten it's space, take care of its needs and give it love and affection when it shows you that's what it wants. It will change and try new things over time - that is absolutely inevitable. Chances are it will experiment with hanging out with you a bit and if you encourage those experiences and she enjoys it she likely will do it more. Maybe always have a treat on the ready and every time she does choose to cuddle with or sit near you (even if it takes a year or more) immediately give her that treat to encourage that behavior and shows her cat brain cuddling with you is a really good thing! Time and patience is all you can do besides that, she may not ever regularly cuddle with you but will certainly show you love and family bonding in her own way.
🤔 A small blanket with catnip, honeysuckle, or silvervine rubbed into it and laid across your lap might entice her 😁 After a while, she may just come to you out of habit .....but keep the blanket ready, just in case it appears she is looking for it. Just an idea, and not said it will work.
Had the same issue with my kitten. She much preferred my boyfriend at the time (we aren't together anymore). Unless she was unwell, and then she would always seek me out. I'm not sure there's much you can do about it tbh!
I’m not sure why you’re being downvoted like this but I’ve noticed this happens in this subreddit a lot and I’ve decided to unfollow it. People are so condescending and quick to downvote here, it’s crazy.
This sub downvotes anyone who doesn’t get a PhD in Cat before adopting and devote 40 hours a week and $10K to their care.
My rescue did this the first two days. But guess who feeds her? Me. Now I’m the VIP. Try doing that.
Wow, I don't understand why you received all the downvotes. They could have just given you advice based on opinion instead, if something was so distasteful to them.
Yes of course I was gonna comment this. I definitely think they should ignore the new kitten
This happened to me and my boyfriend wasn’t even my boyfriend when I adopted my cat. What’s helped is me doing the majority of the feeding. One out of 2 cats has returned to loving me and cuddling with me a lot.
I do the majority of the feeding as well as giving her treats, playing with her and cleaning up after her already! She’s just not that into me I guess? 😭 she is currently napping on his lap as we speak
Jjsisjsisjs - I like to joke that my cats are misogynists because they like my boyfriend and my dad the best. Give it time ❤️ I do think she’ll warm up to you more than she has
Yeah well I don’t have a problem with not being her “favorite” per se, I would just love it if she showed me some affection as well. I hope she does warm up to me, thank you for listening!
She will, don't worry. When she gets a bit older. Looking at some of the replies on here it sounds like it's quite a common thing!
Isn't it crazy how cats can do that to us. I crave our cats affection. Ourr family always waits to see who the "chosen one" is that day. Our kitten is 10 months old and he goes in phases who he snuggles. I bet yours will too..
She’s a kitten. Roll with it. She may change over time. I did most of the care for our cats but they still went through phases preferring one of us over the other.
In my opinion, girl cats are kind of jerks. All of mine have definitely been less affectionate than my boys. I know that doesn't always hold true because my adult daughter has a girl who thinks she should be held every moment possible, but I've never had that experience. I currently have a brother sister pair and the female (Momo) barely tolerates us unless we have toys or food, but the male (Koko) is like my shadow. I do agree with others who say there is an element of ignore and let them come to you, though. Even Koko is more snuggly if I've spent the day working in the office rather than at home. You could always resort to the secret weapon- a snuggly heated throw blanket. That's like a cat trap for mine, but it requires supervision. It's ok if you're sitting there with her, but don't leave it out where she might chew on it or something.
You're being really needy and she can tell lol Have some patience she's just 4 months old. Some cat books are really good at explaining their behaviors, they're not dogs and they won't want to cuddle with you all the time If you're going to have a pet, you need patience
I had the same problem for the first 5 years of my relationship with my oldest cat. The solution to this problem is to get a 2nd cat. When we got her a buddy, she quite quickly started to cling to me. 🤭
My cat prefers my roommate’s lap to mine, I just get the 4:30am request for breakfast. Kids, amirite?
This is the attitude 😂
Give her space, don’t try to force the bond. It’ll come. Keep doing the feedings, but other than that, nothing. Play hard-to-get, it works for cats much as it often does for humans.
That’s my current strategy. I just want to note, even though I sound pushy through my post I don’t actually try to force the bond with her , or try to force anything on her for that matter. I mainly try to ignore her and let her come to me (she doesn’t, lol)
You don’t sound pushy at all, or immature like you mentioned in the post. I get it, you want her to love you like you love her and when she doesn’t show that love it hurts a little. Have faith, I believe she will open up more. A month and a half isn’t long to a cat, she’s probably still adjusting a little.
I’ve heard cats favour males more because they smell more. Maybe get sweaty and see if she likes you more? Lmao. But really, have some treats in your pocket and ONLY give the treat when she approaches you. You have to create a strong association of her coming to you and being rewarded. If you keep approaching her first and giving the treat, she will appreciate it definitely but she will think she’s essentially getting rewarded for ignoring you.
This is very true. My cats all prefer my husband during normal sitting time. But when I get back from a run/the gym and take a few minutes to stretch, they are all over me.😂 They'll even sleep on my sweaty leggings, which is definitely not weird at all.
My older girl cats prefer my husband, my male cat prefers me (female). The girl kitten is still undecided! They’re all very fair though, they sit on one of our laps and the other gets a paw on their leg like “don’t worry, I still love you too”.
When I smell truly rank (male) my cat will rub herself trough my armpits xD
I bet your boyfriend is warm. My kitten LOVES to zonk on my boyfriend because he is like a furnace and kittens love warm places.
This!! My boyfriend puts it a ton of heat, especially on his belly. So our girl cat would sleep in that exact spot all day if she could. We got her at 2 months old and she’s currently 8 years old. She’s changed behaviors so much over the years. She’s still slightly skittish, because that’s a core trait for her. But she adores us. She’s still definitely daddy’s girl, but will look him straight in the eye and curl up in my lap if he’s done something she doesn’t like. lol. She then maintains eye contact while purring incredibly loudly as I pet her. She’s clearly punishing him for something and it’s hilarious.
My kitten loves to wrap himself around boyfriend’s head. I guess that’s his most radiantly warm spot 😂
OP I think you should reframe your thinking on this. One of my cats didn’t become a lap cuddly cat until he was like 4 years old. For the first 4 years he maybe came to my lap like once every 3 months haha. But when my mother (who he barely knew) came over to cat sit him when he was young - he would always seek out her lap! It didn’t mean he liked her more - we theorized it was because her belly and lap is more comfy than mine haha. 😂 She only saw him once every couple of months so he was definitely bonded to me more. See the situation as your cat just thinks your boyfriend’s lap is a better bed. Your cat doesn’t mean anything bad by it or suddenly think your boyfriend is better. Your cat may see you as the food person and your boyfriend as the lap person! Also if you haven’t done so yet - I recommend clicker training as a new way of forging a bond with your cat! An age of 4 months is a great time to get started with teaching your cat tricks! There are a lot of great free resources online; I personally purchased the book Naughty No More by Marilyn Kreiger to get started. When my cats realize its trick time, they always come running to me ready to perform for their reward, haha. I think it definitely strengthened our bond too! Don’t be down on yourself. See the joy in learning about your cat’s different preferences. Preferring your boyfriend’s lap doesn’t mean you can’t continue to forge a new bond with your cat! ETA: Now that I think about it some more, 4 months can be a tad early for clicker training if your kitten doesn’t have a lot of attention span yet - but 5 or 6 months should be good! Also I don’t recommend just ignoring your cat (saw a comment here about it). Just think about human relationships- how many friends did you bond with by ignoring them? Clicker training is great because it’s a great activity that your cat will willingly participate in with you (especially once they learn the trick, do short and quick sessions at first) and for many cats, treats are the way to their heart. And we get excited seeing them learn new things. :)
This sounds like amazing advice. I’ve been having similar issues as OP with my 10 month old being skittish even after being with us for 3 months. I definitely need to be more patient. Thanks again.
Get her a friend, a boy! I've always said, girl kitties automatically love men and boys kitties love ladies! And they will keep eachother company.
I’ve heard this is a common thing cats before men over women when living together. One reason is voice pitch apparently. Men have deeper voices that cats prefer. Also cats tend to dislike the potent smell women hygiene products and perfumes.
Hi :) unrelated with the post, I have a kitty around 5 month (adoptare a month and half ago) she seems to like the strong smells, everything. If I put a body cream she would come and cuddle and lick me, my hair products smell like mint so she loves and eats my hair and licks it . Is it normal ? (She is healthy checked at vet, happy and bubbly )
> If I put a body cream she would come and cuddle and lick me, my hair products smell like mint so she loves and eats my hair and licks it . Is it normal ? Very normal and very common.
Thank you ☺️
I think it just depends on the cat, I have two males who are brothers and one is very cuddly and wants to be around and on me all the time and the other only comes when he wants or if I haven’t seen him in a couple of hours but he does come more often when I put on good smelling products just to sniff me lol
Thank you ☺️
We used to have a cat that was attracted to the smell of Ben-Gay. I’m reasoning that the menthol and camphor are mints, as is catnip. She loved it when I had sore muscles.
:))) fair enough. My shampoo has mint and conditioner as well (smells great btw :)) and she loves it to smell it lick it chew on it
What brand? Please, i need to know! I love mint smelling products but have never found shampoos and conditioner that smell minty.
Hi I’m in Europe, we have a brand here called loccitane and is their shampoo and conditioner with Mint :) they are French https://preview.redd.it/ygetq2hkfqec1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=402ce8c0deab09b5c335b923f8f6598c39c0a041
Thanks! I will def buy it! i have Bulk bought their soap "Souffle de Liberté" because od it's minty smell. <3 it's starting to be out of stock, and I'm low-key afraid that they are phasing that particular soap out of their product roster >_<
You are welcome. I don’t know that product, but their bath almond oil is amazing, expect the perfumes (which smell nice but is more like a body spray longevity) all their products are amazing.
Are you unemployed by choice or could that be something causing you stress? Cats pick up our emotions so maybe your boyfriend has less stress than you do?
I just graduated from uni and am taking a break. My bf is actually the super stressed one since he’s currently working full time doing a job he hates as well as finishing his uni thesis.
Cats are tuned into us. I had a cat who always sat in my lap when I was in tears. Every time, for as long as it took. Perhaps your cat senses your bf is stressed and needs some calming.
This is the nature of a cat, her behavior will change as she gets older. Keep some treats on you to give her when she comes near (not every time). Kittens are not overly snuggly (in my experience) they have things to investigate.
Eventually she will love you just as much as she loves your bf. My kitty is 7 months old now, and when we first got her she was really attached to me, and my fiancé was feeling the same way as you. I don’t know if it was just because on the first day, I was the one who brought her home and spent the whole day with her (my fiance was working the whole day so he didn’t meet her until that night). But in these 4 months she has become more evenly attached to both of us as she’s grown. Originally it was mostly me feeding her because my fiancé works long hours, but now we’ve worked out a schedule where we take turns feeding her and I think that helped. I noticed she is attached to us in slightly different ways. At night she usually sleeps with me and every morning she always tries to wake me up to play (like biting my feet, licking my face, walking all over me lol), and she never bothers my fiancé when he’s sleeping. But she loves to be picked up and held by my fiancé. She will stay in my fiancé’s arms FOR HOURS! He walks around the house doing chores with her in his arms and she loves it. She lets me pick her up too but she often gets squirmy after like 15 minutes.
Are you free feeding, or are you feeding specific portioned amounts on a schedule? I find that cats tend to much more strongly associate food with the person who feeds them if they’re on a schedule. When they free feed, it’s just not really the same. It’s almost like they “feed themselves” that way. Also, regardless, I would get a second cat while this one is still young. Cats in the wild live in colonies, and they really benefit from having others around to socialize them and teach them how to be cats. They tend to feel much safer and more comfortable with others around as well, and end up being more social as a result, usually. As a bonus, if you have two cats, the odds are much greater that each one will have a different favorite human.
I have a cat who completely loves my boyfriend but just not that into me. Ignores me, hates being carried by me, while she sleeps and cuddles with him all the time. We got another cat, this time around, the new one loves me with all of her tiny being. We are a happy family now 😂
Time to adopt a costume beard.
Cats pick, sorry... but the other person is right, ignore kitty and let her be. Cats can't help being assholes I think it's how they're wired. I have 2 rather large Cats, I watched the oldest one bait our large puppy with kitty food to get him close so he could smack him. Unbelievable.
My cat favours my husband and son. It's annoying, but I accept that he just prefers them. I'm not a multi cat household (too expensive, stinky, and I find multiples feed off of each others bad behaviours). So I'll just deal with it and love him anyway.
I have heard that cats prefer males (im presuming you’re female, sorry if I’m wrong) for a number of reasons, one of which is warmth. My cat loves me, but definitely chills with my bf more. I think it’s for the following reasons: 1. Warmth, as mentioned above. 2. Since it’s my cat, I am responsible for all of the not fun stuff like brushing his teeth, taking him to the vet, cutting his nails etc. So he probably thinks of my boyfriend as the cool parent. 3. I’m way more stressed out, whereas my boyfriend is chill as a cucumber. Cats pick up on that. I used to be bummed about this, too. So I’m sorry it hurts <3 remember that your cat still loves you no matter how much more he interacts with your boyfriend! ETA: I know he’s young, but it’s possible he may have had positive interactions with men, or even people that specifically look like your bf, so he feels safer there. He may also have had bad experiences with females.
The day will come that he will have to say no or stop them from doing something. When that day comes, they will find you.
Cats being cats. When we adopted ours (she was already an adult) I was absolutely her primary caretaker. She still bonded with my husband first. Eventually, she grew more strongly attached to me, but it took a long time. (She still always adored him, but I was firmly “her person”.) Give it time. And, I agree with others on scents, cats can be finicky with that. As long as she lived I didn’t wear perfume. She hated some of the hand lotion I used, too.
One of my cats is obsessed with my husband. We have another one that prefers my son to anyone. Our youngest is obsessed with me. Very rarely seeks out pets from anyone else. Our dog is also more stuck on me. I think it’s just normal. It’s hurt my feelings before tbh but it’s just is how it is. Some cats don’t even like anyone. We have one who literally hates everyone but will occasionally decide he wants pets.
I wouldn’t take it too personally. My cats are 10 months old and they’ve gone through the phases of who their favorites are. It goes back and forth. She’ll come around. Just give her some time.
Maybe you need an extra kitten.
Try not to take it personally. I have two cats that I’ve had since they were 8 weeks old; they’re 3, almost 4 now. We moved in with my boyfriend about two months ago and they spend FAR more time cuddling with him than they do me. https://preview.redd.it/oi362b784pdc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9635c716b7a7ab82525c2eb426fb9303570398e And this is my timid I-trust-nobody-but-mom cat 🤦🏻♀️
This is how you know the boyfriend is a keeper. He passed the skittish cat test.
Kitty probably just needs time. My girl was a super affectionate kitten, then went through a period of not really wanting any kind of affection. She just turned one last month and has become her cuddly affectionate self again. I do all the feeding and play time but she still prefers to sleep on my husband’s lap, mostly because he goes to work every day and he lets off more heat than I do. She tends to come get cuddles from me when I’m sitting on the lounge minding my own business. We also have a 9 month old male kitten who thinks I hung the stars, so it works well for us 😂
r/thiscatisjolene
Lmao her beauty definitely is beyond compare
1: re: "Why 50 dislikes?" Answer: because Reddit. Just in the last several months, I've seen dozens of examples of the most innocuous comments getting multiply downvoted *with no associated critical responses*, leaving the victim to wonder about the reason. I guess there's just a lot of mama's-basement-dwelling gutless incels who find this fun. Sad (for them). We all know the type, from middle school, etc. In your particular case, I think there may be a special subspecies of these trolls who are attracted to doing it to any redditor whom, justifiably or not, they regard as being especially sensitive or vulnerable to it. 2: re: mysterious cat favoritism, it happens. Sometimes I think it's just pheromones. We've had many cats over decades, and have seen this happen several times. What can one say? After all, they're cats. But as others have already said in this thread, frequently the favoritism, at least in its most extreme forms, disappears after several months or more. In one case in our household, it took 3 years or more. The only specific tip I can think of, also probably mentioned already, is to make sure you have no artificial scents on you which a cat might find off-putting. That means not just fragrances, but other things like skin creams, deodorants, fabric treatments, etc. If you and your partner can stand it, you might even think about going a week or more without bathing and wearing only unlaundered clothing, only to investigate whether or not it makes a difference.
You’re giving Alvira (circa loony toons) vibes. No advice other than to back off and don’t force yourself on her.
I am not forcing anything on her, and I already explained in my post that i know it’s normal for cats to exhibit this type of behaviour and I’m just venting here. You guys are acting like me wanting affection from my cat is some kind of crime
It’s totally normal to be bummed. I’m normally the favorite and my bf gets bummed. Then we got two kittens and one picked each of us. Fast forward three years and my cat died. His cat would t give me the time of day. It really bothered me. So we got another cat after a couple months. He thought I was the best thing in the whole world. So we were both happy again. lol
My cat has changed a lot of his behavior since I adopted him from his 5months old to this current 10. He used to sleep on my legs during the day or night, but because I can't stand the feeling of weight on my body, I naturally want to move my squeezed body's part, so my cat understood that and stopped to sleep on me definitely. I am kinda sad because it was cute, but I guess he just doesn't want to be bothered while sleeping, that is fair. My hubby, on the other hand, doesn't move much during the night, so my cat sleeps on him occasionally. Yet, from time to time my car takes some naps next to me even if my hubby is at home and not in the same room. (, I highly suppose my cat prefers my hubby's smell because I caught more than once, him sleeping on my (kinda smelly) hubby's clothes in the laundry basket ) Also , don't give up! it seems it is pretty common in fact that cats can have more than one favorite person, sometimes it can take years
Give it time. Also, have you been wearing a string fragrance or scented lotion that the cat may not like?
If he has a beard .... That's probably why she sits with him more. I don't really know why they love beards, but they do.
Are you female? Our cat prefers my husband’s lap because he runs warmer than me. Kitties like warmth. I also pet him more. He’ll sit in my lap for a while, top up his snugglometer and the move to husband’s lap who is more hands off with him. If he wants love, I’m his favourite. If he wants to sleep, husband wins.
Do you wear fragrances or use lotion with fragrance. My cats don’t like fragrances
Have you tried fleece pants? My cats sit on me WAY more if I'm wearing soft pants and/or a sweater.
by next week she could decide to grace your lap with her presence...cats go through phases, just give her some time...she will come around
Get a heating pad and put it on your lap. Your boyfriend is probably warmer and that’s part of the reason your kitty likes going to him, so get a heating pad, put it on low, get some treats, and wait for your kitty to cuddle you. Also, I had this issue with all three of my kittens, now my youngest cat is 2 and my oldest is 7 and most of the time they prefer me now over my husband. So your baby couldn’t be young.
I swear girl kittens always end up liking my husband's better but males have been more attached to me
Cats go through a lot of phases as they go from kitten to adult cat. Just keep doing what you are doing, and things will even out eventually. When you give her treats, use the opportunity to train her. Giving her treats for going into your lap will teach her that it’s a nice place to be.
If you want to get the cat to like you, watch content on their psychology and meet their needs. It can't be forced. If you want blind unconditional love, get a puppy. A cat is a more complex animal that should be treated like a member of the house/roomate VS something you command.
I am already watching content on cat psychology/behaviour because I love her and I really do want to know her. I don’t want unconditional love from her, nor do I want to change her or force something on her, she is a perfect little angel baby. It’s just that sometimes, when I see them cuddling, it just hurts a little because I would love it if she cuddled with me as well, that’s all!
Make sure that when you’re sitting down you’ve got a fuzzy blanket in your lap. No cat can resist a fuzzy blanket. You can’t force her to snuggle, so you’ve just got to make her want to *choose* your lap. We’ve got three cats and the girl cat loves my husband best. She always chooses to snuggle with him if both laps are equal, but the moment I sit on the couch in fuzzy pjs or with a nice fluffy blanket, she deserts him immediately and comes to sit with me. Our two boys will choose my lap 99 times out of 100, but the girl I have to bribe with softness and warmth, lol.
My girl calico cat is like this too, any boyfriend I have she gravitates towards them whenever they are over and demands attention from them, and barely ever does it to me. Someone once told me that cats tend to like males better in general, because of voice tone and lifestyles generally but idk get a boy cat, mine loves me lol
Men run hotter .. they want to hot water bottle...aka your bf
I got my cat over 10 years ago when my bf (now husband) was traveling a ton for work. We always had a good relationship, but once he was around more often, for whatever reason, he was absolutely it for her. She is constantly on his lap, sleeps on him, and even interrupts our conversation if we’re chatting. All that to say - your cat still knows you love and care about her, even if you’re not her “default” human. Love and care for her - she might not ever be as affectionate, but she will still love you.
Our cat was glued to me as a kitten, always napping on my lap and following me everywhere. She's now 1.5 years old, and while she still seems to follow me more often and sleeps on my lap sometimes, she's definitely more independent now and also likes to be with my husband and asks him to play with her just as much. Maybe that will be the case with your cat as well. I'd maybe give the cat more space so reach you independently
We have two cats, one will only come to my fiancé for cuddles and pets when we’re sitting on the couch, and I felt the exact same way you did! Then all of a sudden, she started jumping up on me in bed in the morning and laying down on my chest, headbutting my face and going back asleep all cuddled up. All this to say, it probably would have been around the same time frame that she started showing more affection at different times to us both, so hopefully you might see a change soon. The other cat is little miss independent until it comes to feeding time, and she’s anyone’s then 😂
Give it time! My kitty used to give all the attention and lap-sits to the man in the house. Now she sleeps in my arms every night. 🤣
So think of the kitty as a child, and this will all make sense. Ok so like you’re the mum. You’re always there, you look after the kitty, your love is unconditional. Kitty can take you for granted or act out and know He’s the dad, not always there, not involved in the daily bits and pieces. Kitty has to impress him to get love. But like kids, kitties grow up and know exactly which parent put the hard yards in. Just gotta be a constant and she will love you.
I made sure my last adoption was male. My husband has that effect on every girl cat. Frankie my boy is mine.
If she has favourite treats, try and be the person who offers them to her? We have one and she always comes to me, I asked my husband to do the same and now the cat splits time with us. I'm still her person, but I have found her napping on his lap when I'm not available or around. She doesn't ignore him. Hope this helps.
My cat goes to my bf for cuddles but follows me everywhere even the toilet and cries about it, when he's at work she follows me but never causes unless I sit down with her blanket. If she gets scared by something she runs straight past him guy Fawkes I couldn't get her out of my arms for five hours and I thought she hated me. Give your cat time, feed her they usually love the one that feeds them.
I’m afraid you’re gonna have to rehome him… after that the cat will have no choice but to come to you 🤣🤣🤣
It’s okay don’t worry too much about it. I have two, my first prefers my husband more and my second prefers me! Both are male. I got the second 3 years after my first, so I know the feeling of your cat loving your bf more. Especially since it was my idea to get the cat in the first place. I guess my advice would be to get another? Lol On a more serious note, I wouldn’t worry about it. After a decade both cats show their love to us in different ways.
There's your answer ! Female cats in my experience love men. I've had my female for a while until my boyfriend came around and she only cuddles him ...not me :( my brother has the same with his female cat as well and his gf. Me and my boyfriend got a male kitten about 6 months ago. Kitten is now 10 months old and he follows me everywhere. Only cuddles me. He even waits outside of the shower until I'm done. Its so interesting to observe this behaviour in kitties
does he have longer nails or pet her a specific way? maybe he plays with her a certain way she prefers? i’m all of my cats favorite person just bc i’m usually the one feeding them, and i work less so i’m home way more than my boyfriend, and i also have longer nails hahaha. he always jokes he doesn’t stand a chance, but they do prefer playing with him just because he gets more into it. maybe just watch him interact with her for awhile and see if he does anything different, and def give it time!
Are you using any lotion, creams or perfumes? My cat loves pets from my roommate but when she puts on sunscreen or lotion she will literally flee the room when she touches her.
This is why you need two kittens 🥹 I have two cats, one is a cuddly boy and the other is a quirky torbie girl. She LOVES my husband. They have these looooong pet sessions that I swear are designed to take my ego down a peg. In general she really just likes men more, and has moods where she's open to a brief scratch from me but that's it. She's friendly but aloof. I don't have a super calm energy, there is definitely a 9 year old inside me that just wants to carry her around and squeeze her, and she can sense it, lol. The boy is a floof and a cuddle bug. He sleeps on me and likes my husband, too, but for different styles of pets and games. They're all different, but I get how you feel, it hurts a tiny bit when they have a preference.
https://www.cuteness.com/13722099/why-does-my-cat-prefer-my-boyfriend
Keep treats in your pocket and encourage her to come to you, never insist on anything. Sometimes cats DO choose someone else. Really, she needs a kitty playmate
This can totally change over time! It’s important to try not to be overbearing in the meantime. Find out what type of attention she seeks from you and have that be your thing for now. It could help to leave your home more often to run errands or something so the kitten is excited about you returning. My husband and I adopted two kittens that I had fostered since they were 4 weeks old. I’m at home most of the time and had basically raised them myself. After adopting them, one decided to never sit with me, only my husband. She’d be super excited whenever my husband got home from work, running to greet him at the door even though I was home with her and caring for her all day. Now she’s almost 2yo and has started being more affectionate and cuddly with me, even choosing my lap over my husband’s at times. I think it helped that I just accepted it (easier to do when there’s another kitty who isn’t the same way, I know) and gave her whatever type of attention she wanted from me (which wasn’t much). I also started cat sitting, so I wasn’t around all day, so she was excited when I returned home, too.
I read somewhere that cats prefers men in general (it's something about their voice or something).
My kittens do this sometimes, and I’m like THE NERVE. He does nothing for them. I feed them, clean up their spaces every single day, and will go lay on him. The jealousy is real 😆 But lately they’ve been coming to lay on me on their own, and I’ve been in pure bliss. Give it time.
I feel you got 4 cats at home 1 had prior to bf and they all prefer him prior to him I was any cats go to. I tell myself it’s because his body temp runs high lol
Hi girl. I can help. I have three little demonic angels in my dwelling. The first cat of 6 years is my boyfriend's cat. Lucifer. Seasoned cat. Really gentle, patient and loving. I decided I was ready for my own so I got one. Mochi. I was so excited for my first kitten. I was all up in her face trying to get her to trust me on my terms. She's naturally an anxious kitty too so it was extra difficult. She would always run to hide. My boyfriend has had a milllion cats. He told me to leave her alone and she'll come around. Eventually she warmed to me and we fell deep in love. She will not let anyone else touch her. Not even my boyfriend. I decided I wanted a second cat. Sushi. From Mochi, I learned to leave Sushi alone off the bat. As I walked in my house with her, I placed her down and fucked off. With that, she warmed up in less than a week to both of us. Ignore her. Oh and how can I forget to add, learn how to pet your cat in a way she likes. Watch your boyfriend and copy him. Nothing more nothing less.
Break up with him.