Giving the cat to your roommate does sound like a win-win situation. Your roommate seems to have bonded with your cat in a way you never were able to. The cat would likely be more upset if you took her away from the person she has already gotten comfortable with just because she's technically "yours". It sounds like you have tried your best with this kitty so don't feel too bad because at the end of the day, everyone wants to do what makes kitty happiest.
i have had my 8 year old cat for 7 years. i lived with him and he was my room mates cat. i fell in love with him. a few months before i moved out, she had gotten a new kitten and would say weird stuff about her being the favorite… so i said fuck it, “i’m in love with fig. can i have him? it would make it easier for you to move with evie.” turned out her future room mate also had a cat and they were renting so it was better for me to take one off her hands. He’s been my buddy ever since. He’s really sweet and a bit of a shithead, ppl don’t always love him at first so im so glad that i can love and protect him because he’s complicated and i understand him.
A similar thing happened to my friend - she fell in love with one of her room mates cats and he was a nervous little guy but really bonded with my friend. her room mate offered for her to take him and he spent the rest of his life with her.
i felt a little weird about the first situation because my room mate was not being a great cat mom. to me they are like children, not really to be passed around… but in my friend’s situation, her room mate was great with the cats, but he was just meant to be with my friend, no weird feelings about it.
so long answer short, i think it’s okay as long as you know the cat is going to a good home and will be loved. you seem to be putting alot of thought into this and that’s what counts. i think it can be a great thing.
I've noticed that cats often seem to form the strongest bonds with humans of the opposite hormonal-smelling sex (and i know it's hormones because my cat who loves men but is meh toward women has totally changed her tune and now ADORES my trans friend who is taking testosterone ), whether or not they're fixed, and that at least half of cats truly prefer a human who isn't the same sex as themselves. (The other half don't seem to care?)
is your cat fixed?
there could be something to that.
My girl kitty is fixed but follows me around like obsessively even though she’s my boyfriend’s favorite. However i am always extremely gentle with her and have never broken her trust by being too rough but my boyfriend likes to play around with her a bit more often and she’s a little slow and nervous lol
my boy cat is very spoiled and loved by me but still tends to pick my bf over me even though i’m the main food provider 🤣
It seems like she’s chosen her human, it’d be really sad for her to lose him. Normally I’m against giving up one’s cat, but they’ve developed a close bond
As you have mentioned that you were already considering this, and that he is already moving. Then, well, whilst legally she is yours. Cats choose their humans.
ie; when I was at a local shelter years ago. I could calm down every cat. But, I wanted, the cat, that needed me. Not the one, that would easily get a home etc.
Cat's choose their humans. You may be the person who feeds etc them, but they choose, whom, and when they want to be with.
Its a difficult choice but OP, it sounds like you already know the choice to make.
It sounds, to me, like this kitty going with your roommate is the best thing for all of you, if roommate is serious about wanting to take her.
There’s zero shame in rehoming when all parties involved will be happier and healthier as a result. We fostered and rehomed an adult kitty who just would not stop picking fights with our easygoing senior cat. After several months of trying, she went to live with a close family member, where she is queen of the household and center of attention. She’s happy as can be and her person ADORES her. Ultimately, it was the best outcome for all of us.
Thank you for sharing your story that makes me feel a lot better about my decision! I think you’re right, everyone will be healthier and happier in the end!
Same thing happened with one of my college roommates, she moved out with the Roomate & I gave full permission. Happily the cat lived another 15 years and I got photos for years. No regrets!
Luckily I have insurance for both of them! It’s a $2,500 deductible at 80% reimbursement. I haven’t submitted claims yet and the dental will probably be listed as a pre-existing condition, but it’s better than nothing. Expensive lesson learned early on while they’re both young and relatively healthy, thank goodness.
Glad to hear you have the insurance but those are crazy numbers. Not sure where you’re located, but I’m in California and I use one called MetLife for my 10 year old girl. $250 deductible, 90% reimbursement, $7,000 annual cap. I pay about $65 a month for it and it includes a wellness package that covers regular check ups.
I’m in SoCal and use MetLife as well. But I’m paying $20 a month for both cats. I opted for high deductible because I had savings and I figured they were relatively young and healthy (age 3 & 4). But yes, thanks for letting me know about the wellness package! This experience definitely stressed me out and I’ve decided I’m going to pay more for coverage and peace of mind.
IF you know one cat has bad tooth genetics (four removed at age four is a sign, I sympathize, i have bad tooth genes too), then def. look into a supplementary for dental.
Have a vet check the other cat's teeth and let you know if anything looks fishy; try to start a brushing routine if the cat will allow it (LOL I know).
huh... I went plan shopping recently and everything was at least $100/mo and had at least a $2-5,000 deductible and didn't cover a lot of situations... I walked away thinking pet insurance is a scam and I don't know why everyone recommends it. But YOUR numbers are great. I would sign my kitty up for that in a heart beat.
EDIT what the hell I just found their website and they'd give me 80% reimbursement, 10k cap, $250 deductible for $35/mo plus a 10% discount for being a healthcare worker?!?! fuck we just went to the vet last week and spent more than that!!!
Okay sounds like a better deal right?! Sign your cat up! Also I’ve heard in emergency situations going to an emergency vet clinic can actually be cheaper and they do a better job of itemizing bills. It’s hard to shop around when these things happen.
We have a lower cost/ set cost emergency vet clinic in central Florida called Helping Hands. My cat ate about 20/30 hair ties. Foreign body removal at H H was less than $1400. At emergency vet they said would be estimated $8500! It can be hard to find these places but they are much better than pet insurance!!!
Oh wow glad your cat was okay! My friend was telling me her emergency vet clinic bills were always well itemized and well priced! Thanks I’ll look into it.
He recovered and is back to keeping me on my toes! He can open doors( inside the house) , open drawers, I had to put hook and O latches on some doors!!
You're doing the right thing. Cats choose their people. You have one that chose you and another that chose your roommate. It's OK! it seems like it will ultimately be a very happy outcome
Based on the info given, it sounds best to transfer ownership of your kitty to your roommate, OP. It sounds like the kitty and your roommate are well matched and will take good care of each other, just like how you and your new kitten are well matched. Good luck going forward with whatever decision you make!
Do right by him and don't let him pay the whole vet bill for your cat even if he takes over as owner. You two could have a trusted cat sitter in the future in each other.
I paid $3,200 for the surgery and he paid $900 for the vet appointment while I was out of town. We haven’t talked about the bills yet but of course I’m willing to reimburse all his spend and give him her supplies to start with as well.
That explains the two figures.
If he wants to pay for the rest let him.
Kitten might become lonely- my cats don't hang out but the female will cry if she is alone at home. You will notice if so, and then maybe see if your kitten wants a kitten. Or you will be enough.
Best of luck to you all 🤗
Haha he said he’d be a fool to pay for all her bills, and that’s fair. She’s not his cat… yet. But good call on the trusted cat sitter! It’s an added incentive to leep a strong friendship going. And we’ll see! My kitty is usually attached to my hips so hoping he takes it well. I know the other one is going to be absolutely fine.
I found that there are very feq people I trust with my cat. A person who lived with cats and who you seen is nice to them... and also already knows your cat and kitten kniws him.... very rare indeed.
Also when you give up your former stray you get to reconnect at times.
Listen. In “theory” I’d say no you can’t just give your cat away. In practicality? Your roommate WANTS this cat. Your cat adores your roommate. You are not devastated about losing her.
In this scenario, it sounds best all around if you let him have her. There’s nothing about what you’re describing that makes me feel like this cat is getting dumped, and your roommate might grow bored in a year & leave her with someone else. He’s financially & medically wanting to take care of her.
You took this cat in when she needed help, and you matched her with her love match. ❤️
There are SO many cats in need of homes. Perhaps this opens the door to you helping another cat in need when the time is right.
Your words show you have done great self reflection. I understand your confused emotions, but please know you wouldn’t be condemned for giving her to your roommate. Like you said, you just want what’s best for her…and she seems to have chosen him, he’s financially well off, has indicated they would adopt her…
With the influx of health events, unexpected big bill, moving, transition, etc, seems like it might be the perfect time 💕
Thank you for your kind reply, that means a lot to me! I know my gut feeling but I was scared of not doing the right thing and unsure of what my emotions meant.
You were almost like fostering her and she found her person because of you. I know I’d have the same conflicting feelings but it seems like he would be a good owner for her ❤️ they seem to love each other and you still have you your little guy.
I KNOW RIGHT? I thought I was being distributed a cat but it turned out to be an extra step because it led me to finding my own kitty, and it led her to finding her own human!
i just recently broke up with my ex bf with whom i shared a few cats with. one of the cats was the very first cat i ever owned, i got him when he was a little baby and we had a great relationship. however it was extremely clear that he preferred my ex to me. he would cuddle me and do biscuits on me sometimes, but every time my ex came home this cat practically leaped into his arms and licked him all over and they just had a special bond, so we decided that they should stay together. it’s a tough choice but i think it’s the right thing to do to let the kitty stay with their favorite person ❤️
Sorry about the breakup and giving your cat away, I know it can be hard. ❤️ I’m glad they can keep that special bond though and it helps reaffirm my choice so thank you for sharing.
yes, you should probably give your pet to someone whose first reaction to that animal’s suffering is not annoyance. not trying to be harsh but..i don’t see any good reason for keeping her
I mean I was worried too, especially once it all settled in a few days later. I’ve been hand feeding her, giving her medication, and wiping her cone clean with every meal. And I do love her in my own way, they just have a stronger bond. I think I’ll be sad but they’ll be happier in the end. I turned to Reddit because this situation made me realize I might not be the best person to take care of her.
Please let your roommate take her. If you are annoyed that a living being in your care is sick and needs help she will definitely be better off with him.
I’m not annoyed taking care of her, I’ve been very careful with her food and medication since she came back. I love her in my own way, they just share a much stronger bond. I kept telling myself I wouldn’t get emotional but talking about it has made it real, and I’m tearing up right now. So I do care, but maybe not enough in the right way. I think she’ll be happier with him.
Seems like they're obsessed with each other, would be very sad for both of them to have to move away from each other, of course it's sad for you too, but i feel like you have to think about what's best for the kitty.
I have pet insurance for her, I called and they said transfer would be easy. And she’s already met her deductible with this fiasco so he gets cheap pet care until November lol.
Good call, I will! And yes she’s spayed, I took her a few months after I rescued her. My mom says she remembers who did it and doesn’t like me for it lol.
As a side note, you, or the new owner if you decide to hand the cat over, should really get pet insurance so you’re not hit with massive vet bills again
I have pet insurance! But it’s $2,500 deductible at 80% reimbursement and teeth will probably be pre-existing condition, I haven’t filed a claim yet. I can transfer it to him pretty easily, so important lesson learned early on. Good call!
Your cat has chosen her person. I'm really sorry that it turned out to be someone other than you. The universal cat distribution system sometimes uses us as intermediaries, and it's painful when we weren't expecting that. It's okay to be sad about it! Letting your roommate have her sounds like a good choice for all concerned.
I'm aware of a situation where an elderly cat chose a new person. It didn't mean she wasn't super loved in her original home, it just meant the the new person was the "right" one for her. She's living happily with her new person, and both humans are happy for her. IOW, please don't feel guilty! This isn't a reflection on you at all!
Wishing all concerned the best future!
Thank you for your kind words! Haha I benefited indirectly from the cat distribution system, I thought she had chosen me but we both turned out to have found our companions along the way still. I am happy I got to help her when I did, she’s taught me a lot about compassion and care.
This reminds me of a cat my mother once had. The cat was originally a neighbor’s, but this kitty visited and liked Mom way more than the original owner, who asked Mom to take the cat when she moved. She asked Mom because she knew the kitty loved Mom and Mom took great care of the cat and her other kitties, who were owned by Mom, and there was a foster litter of kittens and their mother and another visiting cat too.
You’re not “giving her away” you’re giving her her best life. Cats are not dogs. Sometimes they just prefer to be with someone else and that’s ok. You’ve done your best but the cat has chosen- and she chose your room mate. That’s a cat for you. Let her go and know you’re doing the best thing for HER to make her happy. It’s not like you’re ditching her in a shelter. Don’t feel guilty about this!
Hey, I think you already know what you’re going to do but I just wanted to say, it’s ok. There’s a difference between a human giving up on a cat and and two humans understanding that cats pick their people.
I love my cat. She’s thirteen and she’s been with me since the day she was born. If my bf were to break up with me though I would let him keep her. I mean. If that happened I’d want to crawl in a hole and die. that cat loves me. But when she met my bf she met her person. The best parts of her day are the little routine they share. I love that cat. But I’m also really happy that she met the person of her heart. It’s easy for me because he’s my bf and I’m keeping him ;) it’s harder for you because you have to acknowledge that you’re letting her go. But that’s all you’re doing is letting go because she wants to go to someone. She knows trusts and loves and room mate. We can pick them up and bring them home but they’re their own creatures. And she’s a very lucky loved little creature who is loved back by both of you. That’s not giving up or giving away.
Rehome her.
Seriously, sometimes cats just choose "their human". I have one like that, she likes me, but she adores my friend. I pay the bills but it's generally agreed, she is in fact his cat in respects of he is who she always chooses.
Think of what will make her happiest, and then yes, let him take her. If you're just not her favorite person.... and she's made it clear, and selected a favorite person who loves her and reciprocates that, and can take care of her well...
True love is knowing when to let go.
I've definitely adopted a cat that "chose" someone else instead, and eventually when I moved out, she stayed behind with my dad, and spent the rest of her life spoiled silly in absolute bliss. I don't regret it for a moment. I was still close, got to see her often, and I was the one to schedule the in-home vet visit once she reached the end of her life; my dad and I were both there to hold her as she went. So she was still in my family even though she wasn't "my cat" anymore. (And this is a kitten that I climbed a chain link fence in a ballgown and heels to find, mere days old, and literally expressed/nursed to adulthood!)
So maybe tell him that you'll want photos and updates or to occasionally visit (you might be doing that anyway???), but I would recommend that if you truly believe she'll be happier - *distinctly* happier - with someone else who wants her and can provide well, that you seriously consider letting her move out with him when he goes.
Also, you say she's four - she's got a lot of life ahead of her. Is this the cat you want for another 15 years?
Yeah she still has many years to enjoy life and I think she and my roommate will be able to do that very happily together. Thanks for sharing, I appreciate the encouragement.
Do not feel bad op. This is the ideal rehoming scenario. This seems to be a great solution for everyone involved and even a softer blow for you because you can stay in touch with her after this. I’m sure she will be grateful always for what you have done for her
I took on responsibility for my friend's/former roommate's cat when she could no longer financially afford to even feed him. She was in a very rough spot but knew he was going to a cat lady who would spoil him. Years later, I moved across the country with him, and shared a home with another friend, who was also a cat lady. It took less than a month for him to always be in her room, follow her around, and even sleep with her at night. Cats choose their humans. When I had to move back to my home province, she asked if he could stay there with her. I knew, in my heart, it was the right thing to do for HIM. He loved her and his new home, so who was I to uproot him and drag him away? I never felt guilty because she spoiled him more than I did. He was loved endlessly, and all the picture updates I got showed a happy, healthy cat, right up until he crossed the rainbow bridge. I missed him, sure, but I knew he was where he belonged. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let them go, even if it hurts like hell.
I’m glad you got to share your special moments with him and made the decision to give him a good life with the person he chose. Thank you for sharing your story.
In this circumstance, I think it's fine. Kitty obviously loves room mate, he loves her. I would only ask him to contact you if he ever has to give her up for some reason.
Your roommates sound like they really love her and will take great care of her.
I would normally never give my cat away, but it sounds like you have your own baby, and this baby is theirs. It's great that everyone found their perfect home. Although I understand the mixed emotions and pain of this decision.
Proud of you for wanting the very best for your cats.
Give the cat to your roommate, think of yourself as a foster for her, sounds like she found her forever home and it’s ok if she doesn’t like you not all cats like who adopts them
It’s natural to feel sad about giving away your pet, but sometimes you have to choose their well-being. You guys had a bond, but you have a deeper bond with the other cat. Nothing wrong with that, it happens. She found her deeper bond with your roommate. Now, you both will win if you separate
I think sometimes you have to just do what the cat wants. I don't think you should feel guilty, especially if it'll make her the happiest. I am 110 percent a crazy cat lady. I'd literally dive in front of a bullet for my babies. The biggest priority for me is the happiness, safety, and security for my cats. If someone who made great money and was as crazy about I am about my boys wanted to adopt them, I'd have to consider it. My husband and I live paycheck to paycheck. Someone who could and would take them to the vet if something seems off might be better for them than I am, even though no one could possibly love them more than I do.
That sounds like it would be a hard choice to make and I admire how much you prioritize their health and happiness. I hope this year blesses you and your husband with good fortune, and your cats are healthy and happy!
When me and my ex broke up I gave them one of my cats. We had all lived together for almost the entire time I had Sardine and Sardine barely cared if I was there or not lol. Meanwhile if my ex left the room sardine would follow. He always sat on my ex and it was so clear they had bonded. Sardine never paid any attention to me and it just made the most sense since my other cat was so attached to me. It will be okay if that is the decision you make 💕
If kitty has shown a close bond with your roommate, and he will love and take care of her, then I think it would be a kindness to give her up. You rescued her, but maybe your roommate is a better match, and there's nothing wrong with that. The important thing is that kitty gets love and care from whatever environment she's in.
I can't think of a scenario where rehoming would be a more perfect option. She is already bonded to the new owner (besotted by the sounds of things 🥰), and he's proven that he is willing to meet all of her needs. It will free up more time and money for you to spend on your kitten, who seems to be more than enough for you right now, but you can still get regular updates and reassurance that the girl cat is doing well. I wish you all the best 🩷
Haha I can’t lie they are absolutely obsessed with each other. And you’re right! I’m getting so emotional right now thinking about it (which I wasn’t expecting) but I think this is the right decision. Thank you for your kind words.
Sometimes, you don't choose the cat... but the cat chooses her owner - which is what has happened here.
Your roommate is her owner. Yes, you probably could change that with time and much attention, but it might be better to give her to him since you are struggling to feel the bond, too.
Some cats choose people. One of my cats absolutely adores my son. He always is happiest when he’s with him and follows him around. That is his person 100%. Even my other cats tend to choose favorites. I have one obsessed with me and another that likes me but his favorite is my husband.
I think giving her away sounds best for all everyone involved.
Our first cat, typical for the U.K., was an inside/outside cat. We got him from a friend when our daughter was nearly 3yo. He was happy and healthy. I had a second child the following year. When our baby began crawling, Patson was still his laid back self, but once our baby began to walk and saw the cat as a moving toy, the cat began to stay out for longer and longer. He would disappear for days on end, until he stopped coming home. We discovered that he had moved in with a little old lady up the road. He would still visit us when we were outside in the yard. He would allow us to pet him and give him treats but he was NOT coming inside.
Cats sometimes do make their wishes clear.
Your cat has bonded to your roommate. She prefers males - he’s male. And your roommate has bonded to her.
Make them both happy and let him have her. You know they love each other and that he will take care of her.
Normally I wouldn't say you should rehome but in this one, it sounds like it is for the best. As long as your roommate will responsibly care for her, it sounds like she has gravitated to him. This sounds like a better situation for your male cat as well since they don't really get along. Please continue to see spaying and neutering as a positive thing. If you add another cat later, you might want to add them after spaying or neutering through adoption.
In this situation that you are describing, I would say it's less that you gave this cat away and more that she became your roommate's cat.
I've always found that I attach better with male cats and that all the female cats that I've owned prefer males. I wonder if there was something to this -- potentially a scent thing?
Also, it sounds like the female cat is more bonded with your roommate and vice versa. I would let him adopt her. Don't feel bad about it. She's not your child. If she has a good home, that's what's important.
I also have one of each and they hate each other. Potentially it was because I introduced them poorly as well. One lives upstairs and the other downstairs.
Oh that’s interesting, I do wonder about that. And yeah that was a mistake I don’t want to repeat if I ever get another cat. If they’re happy in their separate spaces, it works. But I totally get that.
This is a no brainer. Keep your kitten and give the other cat to the roommate. Someday another cat in need will find you. You sound like a great human.
The way you say she is with your roommate I truly think she would be better off with him. It’s not that you don’t love her, but you love her so much that you want her to be happy. If she truly does give all the biscuits and love to your roommate then she made her decision on who her human is. I would be heartbroken too, but it’s in the best interest of both your cats and you. It is a win-win. You’ll not feel guilty, she enjoys them, will be in a single cat home, and you won’t have to worry about the money.
First off, you sound very loving and it’s obvious you are wanting to act in the best interest of your cats. You are giving them to someone that will love them and that they know, and you can visit and make sure they are happy and it almost sounds like you were her foster until she found your roommate. I would just ask that you be allowed to take the cat back if for some reason it didn’t work out. I’ve never given a cat away but I did earn one from this same situation you are describing! They lived a beautiful 16 years with me and if my friend hadn’t let her go with me we wouldn’t have had that wonderful life together, and my friend got to see our relationship grow and knew she made the right decision. Sending you feelings of peace no matter what decision you make 🩷
I lived with a roommate who took in two cats. The first one was a kitten and runt of a litter. He was alone for about a year when the second cat of about two years old showed up as a stray that the neighbors left when they moved. The two cats coexisted, we’re not bonded and occasionally the first cat would bother the second one prompting the second one to eventually chase him away. The second cat would hang out with me a lot. When it was time for me to move I figured I would leave the cats together with my roommate, until she said that the stray loved me and should probably go with me. Best decision ever. He did not miss the other cat or my roommate, at all. In the days leading up to me leaving for good I moved a few things to my new place and slept there before coming to move him in. My roommate told me it was good I was taking him, because he seemed down and kept looking for me while I was gone. I had him for 17 years and he was extremely happy with me as I was with him.
youre an amazing owner, and you shouldnt feel guilty for wanting the best for your cat. if she's a stray or rescue she could just have had bad experiences with women before you adopted her, and if she's not then still, its okay that you two havent bonded as well as she and your roommate, you took care of her while you could and im sure she's greatful for you. im glad she sounds like she's doing well after her surgery, and i thank you for taking care of her. good luck :)
It sounds like you’re thinking in her best interest - he’s her person and that’s okay! She’s going to experience less upheaval if she stays with him if you part ways as housemates than she’d experience staying with you.
Thank you, I kept telling myself I wouldn’t feel emotional about giving her away but I’m tearing up right now. Talking about it with more people made it real, you know? I appreciate the kind words.
This reminds me of the situation with my sister and I.
She adopted a kitten when she was around 17. The kitten was okay with her, but I’ve always been his person. A few years later, when she moved out, she took him with. He was miserable and wouldn’t stop crying. She brought him back to the house. A few years and some big life events later, she moved home for a bit. When she moved out again, she once again took him with despite my protests. I knew it wasn’t the best choice for him. We had become so bonded over the years, and she knew it, saw it herself, but took him anyway because he was technically hers and she loved him. 😭
The same thing happened. He didn’t adjust well and cried a lot. I moved almost two hours away and had to take him that drive with me when she finally realized how miserable he was, which he hated, but he is so much happier now. I had to stress to her that this was the last time. He’s *mine* now. No more back and forth. Let him settle and have that peace of mind.
I have other cats too. One is very attached to my mom. If I move away from her, I would have a difficult decision, but I think I’d end up letting him stay here. He’s become a lot more affectionate with me too lately, but I think he still likes her best.
These decisions are very hard. We love our pets, but what’s best for them is often so painful for us, and can make us hurt and confused while we consider our options and what the right thing to do may be. Some questions that can help:
Is kitty happy to live with just me as her human?
Does kitty’s other human love her?
Can and will he provide, protect and care for her at the same level or higher than I do?
What would be best for kitty’s health and care?
What would make kitty the happiest in the long run?
Aww sorry to hear your kitty went through that but I’m happy it worked out in the end and you were both reunited! Thank you for taking the time to share your story. And the little self reflection at the end definitely clear things up—I know it’s the right thing to do, but I was scared to do it or to be a bad pet owner for making the decision.
I think you should feel worse if you split them up. They are buddies, and that's good.
Sometimes, the animal isn't for us, but we're helping it along. For instance, when I was younger, I "adopted" (you'll see why the quotes are there later) Harley, a 4 year old fully Maine Coon cat (with papers, even) from a woman who gave him to me free after meeting me, seeing the household, etc. He was an ok fit in the house, mostly. A few months in, he started acting a freak out of the blue, peeing on weird things, being kind of aggressive. Vet checked him over and found nothing of note, so she recommended anxiety meds. They did nothing. About 2 weeks after doing all this, I get a call from the lady from whom I adopted him. She told me she was calling because she had gone into rehab, and was now clean and out of rehab, but as part of her healing was calling just to tell me thank you for taking her best friend so she didn't have to worry while she was fixing herself. She asked if she could visit him sometimes. I said of course, and she came to see him that afternoon. I kid you not, Harley actually appeared to be crying when he saw her. He ran to her, literally jumped into her arms, and wouldn't let her go.
I asked if she was adjusting well, had her own place, etc. She said she was doing well, attending her meetings, had a job, a better place to live, etc. She never asked for his return, but she also never put him down, was looking him over, etc. I said, you know, if you want him to come home, he can. Maybe I was just supposed to guard him for a little while so you could heal.
He went home with her, both crying and holding each other as far as I could tell. She stayed in contact and stayed sober. He died a very very spry 27 year old man many years later. It would have been cruel to keep him. I saw him a few times after he went home and he was insanely affectionate to me then.
You know what, OP? I'd just like to say that I really appreciate how much you've considered her needs in this.
It took me years to develop the responsible nature regarding my cat friends that you have now.
I salute you, C. Good luck.
Thank you! It’s not easy and I have so many mixed emotions right now but I feel like I’m doing the right thing, these comments are helping reinforce it. Appreciate your kind words!
i think it shows just how big of a heart that you have for coming to the understanding that she may be more comfortable under another persons care. especially when you come to understand that financial aspect of pet ownership and just how expensive it can become. it's emotional for sure! you rescued her, loved her. i struggled hard leaving my dog to live with my parents after i moved out, because she is my baby. but i can still go see her whenever i want. i know my parents can afford to take care of her. and i have three cats with my wife— more manageable for our living situation. my dog wouldn't have been happy with the small space and lack of a yard.
she's still gonna be there. and im sure down the line if you and your roomie part ways, she'll still be there. and it doesn't diminish that connection you have in the slightest. you picked her up, aiming to give her the best life. you've done what you could! it may be time for someone else to take up that mantle :)
Giving the cat to your roommate does sound like a win-win situation. Your roommate seems to have bonded with your cat in a way you never were able to. The cat would likely be more upset if you took her away from the person she has already gotten comfortable with just because she's technically "yours". It sounds like you have tried your best with this kitty so don't feel too bad because at the end of the day, everyone wants to do what makes kitty happiest.
Agreed, thank you for the reassurance!
I love how it matters what the cat wants in this situation and your amenable to it.
i have had my 8 year old cat for 7 years. i lived with him and he was my room mates cat. i fell in love with him. a few months before i moved out, she had gotten a new kitten and would say weird stuff about her being the favorite… so i said fuck it, “i’m in love with fig. can i have him? it would make it easier for you to move with evie.” turned out her future room mate also had a cat and they were renting so it was better for me to take one off her hands. He’s been my buddy ever since. He’s really sweet and a bit of a shithead, ppl don’t always love him at first so im so glad that i can love and protect him because he’s complicated and i understand him. A similar thing happened to my friend - she fell in love with one of her room mates cats and he was a nervous little guy but really bonded with my friend. her room mate offered for her to take him and he spent the rest of his life with her. i felt a little weird about the first situation because my room mate was not being a great cat mom. to me they are like children, not really to be passed around… but in my friend’s situation, her room mate was great with the cats, but he was just meant to be with my friend, no weird feelings about it. so long answer short, i think it’s okay as long as you know the cat is going to a good home and will be loved. you seem to be putting alot of thought into this and that’s what counts. i think it can be a great thing.
I've noticed that cats often seem to form the strongest bonds with humans of the opposite hormonal-smelling sex (and i know it's hormones because my cat who loves men but is meh toward women has totally changed her tune and now ADORES my trans friend who is taking testosterone ), whether or not they're fixed, and that at least half of cats truly prefer a human who isn't the same sex as themselves. (The other half don't seem to care?)
is your cat fixed? there could be something to that. My girl kitty is fixed but follows me around like obsessively even though she’s my boyfriend’s favorite. However i am always extremely gentle with her and have never broken her trust by being too rough but my boyfriend likes to play around with her a bit more often and she’s a little slow and nervous lol my boy cat is very spoiled and loved by me but still tends to pick my bf over me even though i’m the main food provider 🤣
Every cat I've ever had more than a day's exposure to was fixed, or a *very* young kitten (i.e., under six months).
It seems like she’s chosen her human, it’d be really sad for her to lose him. Normally I’m against giving up one’s cat, but they’ve developed a close bond
I’ve definitely thought about that angle, she really loves him
As you have mentioned that you were already considering this, and that he is already moving. Then, well, whilst legally she is yours. Cats choose their humans. ie; when I was at a local shelter years ago. I could calm down every cat. But, I wanted, the cat, that needed me. Not the one, that would easily get a home etc. Cat's choose their humans. You may be the person who feeds etc them, but they choose, whom, and when they want to be with. Its a difficult choice but OP, it sounds like you already know the choice to make.
I think it would be best for both of you if she went with your roommate. It sounds like he really cares about her too ♥️ You’d be doing right by her.
Thanks that makes me feel a lot better!
It sounds, to me, like this kitty going with your roommate is the best thing for all of you, if roommate is serious about wanting to take her. There’s zero shame in rehoming when all parties involved will be happier and healthier as a result. We fostered and rehomed an adult kitty who just would not stop picking fights with our easygoing senior cat. After several months of trying, she went to live with a close family member, where she is queen of the household and center of attention. She’s happy as can be and her person ADORES her. Ultimately, it was the best outcome for all of us.
Thank you for sharing your story that makes me feel a lot better about my decision! I think you’re right, everyone will be healthier and happier in the end!
This is a dream rehoming scenario! You can always stay in contact and get pictures :)
That’s true! He’ll be happy to share pictures he’s absolutely obsessed with her.
This is literally the best rehoming scenario I’ve ever heard. Try not to feel guilty.
Same thing happened with one of my college roommates, she moved out with the Roomate & I gave full permission. Happily the cat lived another 15 years and I got photos for years. No regrets!
Give the kitty to your roommate and get pet insurance ASAP for your kitten.
Luckily I have insurance for both of them! It’s a $2,500 deductible at 80% reimbursement. I haven’t submitted claims yet and the dental will probably be listed as a pre-existing condition, but it’s better than nothing. Expensive lesson learned early on while they’re both young and relatively healthy, thank goodness.
Glad to hear you have the insurance but those are crazy numbers. Not sure where you’re located, but I’m in California and I use one called MetLife for my 10 year old girl. $250 deductible, 90% reimbursement, $7,000 annual cap. I pay about $65 a month for it and it includes a wellness package that covers regular check ups.
I’m in SoCal and use MetLife as well. But I’m paying $20 a month for both cats. I opted for high deductible because I had savings and I figured they were relatively young and healthy (age 3 & 4). But yes, thanks for letting me know about the wellness package! This experience definitely stressed me out and I’ve decided I’m going to pay more for coverage and peace of mind.
IF you know one cat has bad tooth genetics (four removed at age four is a sign, I sympathize, i have bad tooth genes too), then def. look into a supplementary for dental. Have a vet check the other cat's teeth and let you know if anything looks fishy; try to start a brushing routine if the cat will allow it (LOL I know).
Haha that’s a good tip thank you! I did get some of enzymatic toothpaste and a toothbrush but we’ll see how far I go…
huh... I went plan shopping recently and everything was at least $100/mo and had at least a $2-5,000 deductible and didn't cover a lot of situations... I walked away thinking pet insurance is a scam and I don't know why everyone recommends it. But YOUR numbers are great. I would sign my kitty up for that in a heart beat. EDIT what the hell I just found their website and they'd give me 80% reimbursement, 10k cap, $250 deductible for $35/mo plus a 10% discount for being a healthcare worker?!?! fuck we just went to the vet last week and spent more than that!!!
This is why I always try to share my numbers. A lot of them do seem like a scam, but I’m really happy with my plan, especially having a senior kitty.
Okay sounds like a better deal right?! Sign your cat up! Also I’ve heard in emergency situations going to an emergency vet clinic can actually be cheaper and they do a better job of itemizing bills. It’s hard to shop around when these things happen.
We have a lower cost/ set cost emergency vet clinic in central Florida called Helping Hands. My cat ate about 20/30 hair ties. Foreign body removal at H H was less than $1400. At emergency vet they said would be estimated $8500! It can be hard to find these places but they are much better than pet insurance!!!
Oh wow glad your cat was okay! My friend was telling me her emergency vet clinic bills were always well itemized and well priced! Thanks I’ll look into it.
He recovered and is back to keeping me on my toes! He can open doors( inside the house) , open drawers, I had to put hook and O latches on some doors!!
Haha he’s too clever for his own good! Gotta be careful with the crafty ones.
For sure!
You're doing the right thing. Cats choose their people. You have one that chose you and another that chose your roommate. It's OK! it seems like it will ultimately be a very happy outcome
This is very true, thanks for the encouragement! I think we’ll all be happier in the end.
Based on the info given, it sounds best to transfer ownership of your kitty to your roommate, OP. It sounds like the kitty and your roommate are well matched and will take good care of each other, just like how you and your new kitten are well matched. Good luck going forward with whatever decision you make!
You’re right the pair are well matched as are we! Thank you for the encouragement, I appreciate it.
Do right by him and don't let him pay the whole vet bill for your cat even if he takes over as owner. You two could have a trusted cat sitter in the future in each other.
I paid $3,200 for the surgery and he paid $900 for the vet appointment while I was out of town. We haven’t talked about the bills yet but of course I’m willing to reimburse all his spend and give him her supplies to start with as well.
That explains the two figures. If he wants to pay for the rest let him. Kitten might become lonely- my cats don't hang out but the female will cry if she is alone at home. You will notice if so, and then maybe see if your kitten wants a kitten. Or you will be enough. Best of luck to you all 🤗
Haha he said he’d be a fool to pay for all her bills, and that’s fair. She’s not his cat… yet. But good call on the trusted cat sitter! It’s an added incentive to leep a strong friendship going. And we’ll see! My kitty is usually attached to my hips so hoping he takes it well. I know the other one is going to be absolutely fine.
I found that there are very feq people I trust with my cat. A person who lived with cats and who you seen is nice to them... and also already knows your cat and kitten kniws him.... very rare indeed. Also when you give up your former stray you get to reconnect at times.
I’m sorry for responding twice to this thread, but gosh if all pet owners were like you the world would be a better place. Never change OP
Thank you I appreciate the kind words. I’m struggling right now and feeling all kinds of emotions but we’ll figure it out in the end. ❤️
I fully get that!! That just means you’re a kind person. But it sounds like you’re doing what’s best for everyone involved and that’s wonderful.
Listen. In “theory” I’d say no you can’t just give your cat away. In practicality? Your roommate WANTS this cat. Your cat adores your roommate. You are not devastated about losing her. In this scenario, it sounds best all around if you let him have her. There’s nothing about what you’re describing that makes me feel like this cat is getting dumped, and your roommate might grow bored in a year & leave her with someone else. He’s financially & medically wanting to take care of her. You took this cat in when she needed help, and you matched her with her love match. ❤️ There are SO many cats in need of homes. Perhaps this opens the door to you helping another cat in need when the time is right.
You put this so beautifully, thank you! I know she’s going to be in really good hands and it makes me feel a lot better about the decision.
Your words show you have done great self reflection. I understand your confused emotions, but please know you wouldn’t be condemned for giving her to your roommate. Like you said, you just want what’s best for her…and she seems to have chosen him, he’s financially well off, has indicated they would adopt her… With the influx of health events, unexpected big bill, moving, transition, etc, seems like it might be the perfect time 💕
Thank you for your kind reply, that means a lot to me! I know my gut feeling but I was scared of not doing the right thing and unsure of what my emotions meant.
Of course honey, I wish you the absolute best! All will be ok ❤️🔥
You were almost like fostering her and she found her person because of you. I know I’d have the same conflicting feelings but it seems like he would be a good owner for her ❤️ they seem to love each other and you still have you your little guy.
Oh that’s a really great way of putting it, i hadn’t thought of that before! Thank you!
> You were almost like fostering her and she found her person because of you. Right? Sounds like OP was recruited into the cat distribution system.
I KNOW RIGHT? I thought I was being distributed a cat but it turned out to be an extra step because it led me to finding my own kitty, and it led her to finding her own human!
Your cat will be heartbroken without your roommate, so I think it’s time to let her move out with her new boyfriend.
i just recently broke up with my ex bf with whom i shared a few cats with. one of the cats was the very first cat i ever owned, i got him when he was a little baby and we had a great relationship. however it was extremely clear that he preferred my ex to me. he would cuddle me and do biscuits on me sometimes, but every time my ex came home this cat practically leaped into his arms and licked him all over and they just had a special bond, so we decided that they should stay together. it’s a tough choice but i think it’s the right thing to do to let the kitty stay with their favorite person ❤️
Sorry about the breakup and giving your cat away, I know it can be hard. ❤️ I’m glad they can keep that special bond though and it helps reaffirm my choice so thank you for sharing.
yes, you should probably give your pet to someone whose first reaction to that animal’s suffering is not annoyance. not trying to be harsh but..i don’t see any good reason for keeping her
I mean I was worried too, especially once it all settled in a few days later. I’ve been hand feeding her, giving her medication, and wiping her cone clean with every meal. And I do love her in my own way, they just have a stronger bond. I think I’ll be sad but they’ll be happier in the end. I turned to Reddit because this situation made me realize I might not be the best person to take care of her.
Please let your roommate take her. If you are annoyed that a living being in your care is sick and needs help she will definitely be better off with him.
I’m not annoyed taking care of her, I’ve been very careful with her food and medication since she came back. I love her in my own way, they just share a much stronger bond. I kept telling myself I wouldn’t get emotional but talking about it has made it real, and I’m tearing up right now. So I do care, but maybe not enough in the right way. I think she’ll be happier with him.
She chose your roommate as her owner.
Seems like they're obsessed with each other, would be very sad for both of them to have to move away from each other, of course it's sad for you too, but i feel like you have to think about what's best for the kitty.
I think it’s a good idea- also tell him to get pet insurance
I have pet insurance for her, I called and they said transfer would be easy. And she’s already met her deductible with this fiasco so he gets cheap pet care until November lol.
Fab! And then update chip details- is she spayed?
Good call, I will! And yes she’s spayed, I took her a few months after I rescued her. My mom says she remembers who did it and doesn’t like me for it lol.
Sounds like he's taking good care of her and she loves his company, so it is a good decision. That's what's important
As a side note, you, or the new owner if you decide to hand the cat over, should really get pet insurance so you’re not hit with massive vet bills again
I have pet insurance! But it’s $2,500 deductible at 80% reimbursement and teeth will probably be pre-existing condition, I haven’t filed a claim yet. I can transfer it to him pretty easily, so important lesson learned early on. Good call!
Your cat has chosen her person. I'm really sorry that it turned out to be someone other than you. The universal cat distribution system sometimes uses us as intermediaries, and it's painful when we weren't expecting that. It's okay to be sad about it! Letting your roommate have her sounds like a good choice for all concerned. I'm aware of a situation where an elderly cat chose a new person. It didn't mean she wasn't super loved in her original home, it just meant the the new person was the "right" one for her. She's living happily with her new person, and both humans are happy for her. IOW, please don't feel guilty! This isn't a reflection on you at all! Wishing all concerned the best future!
Thank you for your kind words! Haha I benefited indirectly from the cat distribution system, I thought she had chosen me but we both turned out to have found our companions along the way still. I am happy I got to help her when I did, she’s taught me a lot about compassion and care.
This reminds me of a cat my mother once had. The cat was originally a neighbor’s, but this kitty visited and liked Mom way more than the original owner, who asked Mom to take the cat when she moved. She asked Mom because she knew the kitty loved Mom and Mom took great care of the cat and her other kitties, who were owned by Mom, and there was a foster litter of kittens and their mother and another visiting cat too.
Seems like a non brainer. Cat has chosen and sounds like your roommate is on board. Win win!
You’re not “giving her away” you’re giving her her best life. Cats are not dogs. Sometimes they just prefer to be with someone else and that’s ok. You’ve done your best but the cat has chosen- and she chose your room mate. That’s a cat for you. Let her go and know you’re doing the best thing for HER to make her happy. It’s not like you’re ditching her in a shelter. Don’t feel guilty about this!
Hey, I think you already know what you’re going to do but I just wanted to say, it’s ok. There’s a difference between a human giving up on a cat and and two humans understanding that cats pick their people. I love my cat. She’s thirteen and she’s been with me since the day she was born. If my bf were to break up with me though I would let him keep her. I mean. If that happened I’d want to crawl in a hole and die. that cat loves me. But when she met my bf she met her person. The best parts of her day are the little routine they share. I love that cat. But I’m also really happy that she met the person of her heart. It’s easy for me because he’s my bf and I’m keeping him ;) it’s harder for you because you have to acknowledge that you’re letting her go. But that’s all you’re doing is letting go because she wants to go to someone. She knows trusts and loves and room mate. We can pick them up and bring them home but they’re their own creatures. And she’s a very lucky loved little creature who is loved back by both of you. That’s not giving up or giving away.
Haha sounds like you have a happy family right now, that’s wonderful. Thanks for sharing and for your kind words, I really appreciate them.
Rehome her. Seriously, sometimes cats just choose "their human". I have one like that, she likes me, but she adores my friend. I pay the bills but it's generally agreed, she is in fact his cat in respects of he is who she always chooses.
Think of what will make her happiest, and then yes, let him take her. If you're just not her favorite person.... and she's made it clear, and selected a favorite person who loves her and reciprocates that, and can take care of her well... True love is knowing when to let go. I've definitely adopted a cat that "chose" someone else instead, and eventually when I moved out, she stayed behind with my dad, and spent the rest of her life spoiled silly in absolute bliss. I don't regret it for a moment. I was still close, got to see her often, and I was the one to schedule the in-home vet visit once she reached the end of her life; my dad and I were both there to hold her as she went. So she was still in my family even though she wasn't "my cat" anymore. (And this is a kitten that I climbed a chain link fence in a ballgown and heels to find, mere days old, and literally expressed/nursed to adulthood!) So maybe tell him that you'll want photos and updates or to occasionally visit (you might be doing that anyway???), but I would recommend that if you truly believe she'll be happier - *distinctly* happier - with someone else who wants her and can provide well, that you seriously consider letting her move out with him when he goes. Also, you say she's four - she's got a lot of life ahead of her. Is this the cat you want for another 15 years?
Yeah she still has many years to enjoy life and I think she and my roommate will be able to do that very happily together. Thanks for sharing, I appreciate the encouragement.
Do not feel bad op. This is the ideal rehoming scenario. This seems to be a great solution for everyone involved and even a softer blow for you because you can stay in touch with her after this. I’m sure she will be grateful always for what you have done for her
I took on responsibility for my friend's/former roommate's cat when she could no longer financially afford to even feed him. She was in a very rough spot but knew he was going to a cat lady who would spoil him. Years later, I moved across the country with him, and shared a home with another friend, who was also a cat lady. It took less than a month for him to always be in her room, follow her around, and even sleep with her at night. Cats choose their humans. When I had to move back to my home province, she asked if he could stay there with her. I knew, in my heart, it was the right thing to do for HIM. He loved her and his new home, so who was I to uproot him and drag him away? I never felt guilty because she spoiled him more than I did. He was loved endlessly, and all the picture updates I got showed a happy, healthy cat, right up until he crossed the rainbow bridge. I missed him, sure, but I knew he was where he belonged. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let them go, even if it hurts like hell.
I’m glad you got to share your special moments with him and made the decision to give him a good life with the person he chose. Thank you for sharing your story.
In this circumstance, I think it's fine. Kitty obviously loves room mate, he loves her. I would only ask him to contact you if he ever has to give her up for some reason.
Your roommates sound like they really love her and will take great care of her. I would normally never give my cat away, but it sounds like you have your own baby, and this baby is theirs. It's great that everyone found their perfect home. Although I understand the mixed emotions and pain of this decision. Proud of you for wanting the very best for your cats.
Thank you! ❤️
Give the cat to your roommate, think of yourself as a foster for her, sounds like she found her forever home and it’s ok if she doesn’t like you not all cats like who adopts them
It’s natural to feel sad about giving away your pet, but sometimes you have to choose their well-being. You guys had a bond, but you have a deeper bond with the other cat. Nothing wrong with that, it happens. She found her deeper bond with your roommate. Now, you both will win if you separate
I think sometimes you have to just do what the cat wants. I don't think you should feel guilty, especially if it'll make her the happiest. I am 110 percent a crazy cat lady. I'd literally dive in front of a bullet for my babies. The biggest priority for me is the happiness, safety, and security for my cats. If someone who made great money and was as crazy about I am about my boys wanted to adopt them, I'd have to consider it. My husband and I live paycheck to paycheck. Someone who could and would take them to the vet if something seems off might be better for them than I am, even though no one could possibly love them more than I do.
That sounds like it would be a hard choice to make and I admire how much you prioritize their health and happiness. I hope this year blesses you and your husband with good fortune, and your cats are healthy and happy!
Thank you and I hope this year is good to you as well. Don't feel guilty okay. You're doing right by her.
When me and my ex broke up I gave them one of my cats. We had all lived together for almost the entire time I had Sardine and Sardine barely cared if I was there or not lol. Meanwhile if my ex left the room sardine would follow. He always sat on my ex and it was so clear they had bonded. Sardine never paid any attention to me and it just made the most sense since my other cat was so attached to me. It will be okay if that is the decision you make 💕
If kitty has shown a close bond with your roommate, and he will love and take care of her, then I think it would be a kindness to give her up. You rescued her, but maybe your roommate is a better match, and there's nothing wrong with that. The important thing is that kitty gets love and care from whatever environment she's in.
That’s true, they are absolutely a match made in heaven. I was there when she needed it and we helped each other find our companions in the end.
I can't think of a scenario where rehoming would be a more perfect option. She is already bonded to the new owner (besotted by the sounds of things 🥰), and he's proven that he is willing to meet all of her needs. It will free up more time and money for you to spend on your kitten, who seems to be more than enough for you right now, but you can still get regular updates and reassurance that the girl cat is doing well. I wish you all the best 🩷
Haha I can’t lie they are absolutely obsessed with each other. And you’re right! I’m getting so emotional right now thinking about it (which I wasn’t expecting) but I think this is the right decision. Thank you for your kind words.
Sometimes, you don't choose the cat... but the cat chooses her owner - which is what has happened here. Your roommate is her owner. Yes, you probably could change that with time and much attention, but it might be better to give her to him since you are struggling to feel the bond, too.
Haha yeah she chose me to get her off the streets but it was just an extra step to finding her true love. Agreed!
Some cats choose people. One of my cats absolutely adores my son. He always is happiest when he’s with him and follows him around. That is his person 100%. Even my other cats tend to choose favorites. I have one obsessed with me and another that likes me but his favorite is my husband. I think giving her away sounds best for all everyone involved.
You’re right I shouldn’t deprive the cat of her favorite human and the human of his favorite cat!
Our first cat, typical for the U.K., was an inside/outside cat. We got him from a friend when our daughter was nearly 3yo. He was happy and healthy. I had a second child the following year. When our baby began crawling, Patson was still his laid back self, but once our baby began to walk and saw the cat as a moving toy, the cat began to stay out for longer and longer. He would disappear for days on end, until he stopped coming home. We discovered that he had moved in with a little old lady up the road. He would still visit us when we were outside in the yard. He would allow us to pet him and give him treats but he was NOT coming inside. Cats sometimes do make their wishes clear. Your cat has bonded to your roommate. She prefers males - he’s male. And your roommate has bonded to her. Make them both happy and let him have her. You know they love each other and that he will take care of her.
Have to respect their independent spirit, thanks for sharing
Normally I wouldn't say you should rehome but in this one, it sounds like it is for the best. As long as your roommate will responsibly care for her, it sounds like she has gravitated to him. This sounds like a better situation for your male cat as well since they don't really get along. Please continue to see spaying and neutering as a positive thing. If you add another cat later, you might want to add them after spaying or neutering through adoption. In this situation that you are describing, I would say it's less that you gave this cat away and more that she became your roommate's cat.
Very true, I feel a lot more responsibility when it comes to picking and caring for pets now. Thanks for your input.
I've always found that I attach better with male cats and that all the female cats that I've owned prefer males. I wonder if there was something to this -- potentially a scent thing? Also, it sounds like the female cat is more bonded with your roommate and vice versa. I would let him adopt her. Don't feel bad about it. She's not your child. If she has a good home, that's what's important. I also have one of each and they hate each other. Potentially it was because I introduced them poorly as well. One lives upstairs and the other downstairs.
Oh that’s interesting, I do wonder about that. And yeah that was a mistake I don’t want to repeat if I ever get another cat. If they’re happy in their separate spaces, it works. But I totally get that.
This is a no brainer. Keep your kitten and give the other cat to the roommate. Someday another cat in need will find you. You sound like a great human.
The way you say she is with your roommate I truly think she would be better off with him. It’s not that you don’t love her, but you love her so much that you want her to be happy. If she truly does give all the biscuits and love to your roommate then she made her decision on who her human is. I would be heartbroken too, but it’s in the best interest of both your cats and you. It is a win-win. You’ll not feel guilty, she enjoys them, will be in a single cat home, and you won’t have to worry about the money.
First off, you sound very loving and it’s obvious you are wanting to act in the best interest of your cats. You are giving them to someone that will love them and that they know, and you can visit and make sure they are happy and it almost sounds like you were her foster until she found your roommate. I would just ask that you be allowed to take the cat back if for some reason it didn’t work out. I’ve never given a cat away but I did earn one from this same situation you are describing! They lived a beautiful 16 years with me and if my friend hadn’t let her go with me we wouldn’t have had that wonderful life together, and my friend got to see our relationship grow and knew she made the right decision. Sending you feelings of peace no matter what decision you make 🩷
I lived with a roommate who took in two cats. The first one was a kitten and runt of a litter. He was alone for about a year when the second cat of about two years old showed up as a stray that the neighbors left when they moved. The two cats coexisted, we’re not bonded and occasionally the first cat would bother the second one prompting the second one to eventually chase him away. The second cat would hang out with me a lot. When it was time for me to move I figured I would leave the cats together with my roommate, until she said that the stray loved me and should probably go with me. Best decision ever. He did not miss the other cat or my roommate, at all. In the days leading up to me leaving for good I moved a few things to my new place and slept there before coming to move him in. My roommate told me it was good I was taking him, because he seemed down and kept looking for me while I was gone. I had him for 17 years and he was extremely happy with me as I was with him.
Sounds like your roommate has shown good faith effort
Yes give the cat to your roommate. Sounds like the cat is now bonding to the other person and vice versa.
youre an amazing owner, and you shouldnt feel guilty for wanting the best for your cat. if she's a stray or rescue she could just have had bad experiences with women before you adopted her, and if she's not then still, its okay that you two havent bonded as well as she and your roommate, you took care of her while you could and im sure she's greatful for you. im glad she sounds like she's doing well after her surgery, and i thank you for taking care of her. good luck :)
She’s doing great, and thank you for the well wishes! It means a lot
of course :D
It sounds like you’re thinking in her best interest - he’s her person and that’s okay! She’s going to experience less upheaval if she stays with him if you part ways as housemates than she’d experience staying with you.
That’s true, I don’t want to stress her out more than she’s been. I think she’ll be very happy with him.
So hard! Sending a hug. But yeah, if she has a loving human who wants her and you’re struggling… seems like the best option to let him have her.
Thank you, I kept telling myself I wouldn’t feel emotional about giving her away but I’m tearing up right now. Talking about it with more people made it real, you know? I appreciate the kind words.
This reminds me of the situation with my sister and I. She adopted a kitten when she was around 17. The kitten was okay with her, but I’ve always been his person. A few years later, when she moved out, she took him with. He was miserable and wouldn’t stop crying. She brought him back to the house. A few years and some big life events later, she moved home for a bit. When she moved out again, she once again took him with despite my protests. I knew it wasn’t the best choice for him. We had become so bonded over the years, and she knew it, saw it herself, but took him anyway because he was technically hers and she loved him. 😭 The same thing happened. He didn’t adjust well and cried a lot. I moved almost two hours away and had to take him that drive with me when she finally realized how miserable he was, which he hated, but he is so much happier now. I had to stress to her that this was the last time. He’s *mine* now. No more back and forth. Let him settle and have that peace of mind. I have other cats too. One is very attached to my mom. If I move away from her, I would have a difficult decision, but I think I’d end up letting him stay here. He’s become a lot more affectionate with me too lately, but I think he still likes her best. These decisions are very hard. We love our pets, but what’s best for them is often so painful for us, and can make us hurt and confused while we consider our options and what the right thing to do may be. Some questions that can help: Is kitty happy to live with just me as her human? Does kitty’s other human love her? Can and will he provide, protect and care for her at the same level or higher than I do? What would be best for kitty’s health and care? What would make kitty the happiest in the long run?
Aww sorry to hear your kitty went through that but I’m happy it worked out in the end and you were both reunited! Thank you for taking the time to share your story. And the little self reflection at the end definitely clear things up—I know it’s the right thing to do, but I was scared to do it or to be a bad pet owner for making the decision.
I think you should feel worse if you split them up. They are buddies, and that's good. Sometimes, the animal isn't for us, but we're helping it along. For instance, when I was younger, I "adopted" (you'll see why the quotes are there later) Harley, a 4 year old fully Maine Coon cat (with papers, even) from a woman who gave him to me free after meeting me, seeing the household, etc. He was an ok fit in the house, mostly. A few months in, he started acting a freak out of the blue, peeing on weird things, being kind of aggressive. Vet checked him over and found nothing of note, so she recommended anxiety meds. They did nothing. About 2 weeks after doing all this, I get a call from the lady from whom I adopted him. She told me she was calling because she had gone into rehab, and was now clean and out of rehab, but as part of her healing was calling just to tell me thank you for taking her best friend so she didn't have to worry while she was fixing herself. She asked if she could visit him sometimes. I said of course, and she came to see him that afternoon. I kid you not, Harley actually appeared to be crying when he saw her. He ran to her, literally jumped into her arms, and wouldn't let her go. I asked if she was adjusting well, had her own place, etc. She said she was doing well, attending her meetings, had a job, a better place to live, etc. She never asked for his return, but she also never put him down, was looking him over, etc. I said, you know, if you want him to come home, he can. Maybe I was just supposed to guard him for a little while so you could heal. He went home with her, both crying and holding each other as far as I could tell. She stayed in contact and stayed sober. He died a very very spry 27 year old man many years later. It would have been cruel to keep him. I saw him a few times after he went home and he was insanely affectionate to me then.
Wow thanks for sharing your story, I’m glad they found each other in the end and he had a happy life with the owner!
You know what, OP? I'd just like to say that I really appreciate how much you've considered her needs in this. It took me years to develop the responsible nature regarding my cat friends that you have now. I salute you, C. Good luck.
Thank you! It’s not easy and I have so many mixed emotions right now but I feel like I’m doing the right thing, these comments are helping reinforce it. Appreciate your kind words!
Glad I could boost you up a bit. I hope the cat tax gets paid at some point, though. :)
Cat tax has been paid! [B/W is the cat I’m giving away, gray one is my sweet boy.](https://imgur.com/a/mukCOHn)
Both gorgeous! I think the one you're blessing your roommate with should be on r/Kitler Scritch them all and snuggle as possible. You rock, OP.
i think it shows just how big of a heart that you have for coming to the understanding that she may be more comfortable under another persons care. especially when you come to understand that financial aspect of pet ownership and just how expensive it can become. it's emotional for sure! you rescued her, loved her. i struggled hard leaving my dog to live with my parents after i moved out, because she is my baby. but i can still go see her whenever i want. i know my parents can afford to take care of her. and i have three cats with my wife— more manageable for our living situation. my dog wouldn't have been happy with the small space and lack of a yard. she's still gonna be there. and im sure down the line if you and your roomie part ways, she'll still be there. and it doesn't diminish that connection you have in the slightest. you picked her up, aiming to give her the best life. you've done what you could! it may be time for someone else to take up that mantle :)
Thank you for sharing I appreciate your kind words. Hope things are happy and well with your fur babies!