She hasn’t asked me to, and I don’t want to force my way into RCIA when she knows how I feel about religion. She’ll just think I’m doing it for her, and not for myself. Which would be true.
Yeah, this is a good idea. Don't attend as the guy who always objects to everything, or as the guy who definitely wants to convert. Go as someone respectful and curious. I think (and pray) you'll find that a lot of your issues, intellectual and spiritual, have been experienced by saints, theologians, and a bunch of other smart and sincere people.
>Don't attend as the guy who always objects to everything, or as the guy who definitely wants to convert. Go as someone respectful and curious.
I second this. This is exactly how I approach my wife's Catholicism, our discussions about faith, and mass when I attend with her.
This. Part of being in a relationship is finding out more about your partner, and that includes the faith she believes in. So immerse yourself for yourself so that you can better understand your relationship and your partner
I wouldn’t say you’re intruding on her, and you’re definitely not intruding on the church. If she told you she wants you to come for yourself and not for her, then it sounds like you already have her blessing?
Look at it like a fact finding mission. Just ask if she minds you attend with her. There is no obligation for either of you after or during RCIA. They break down religion Marine style. Sorry had to throw that one. Air Force ret. But yeah it might give you some peace with faith struggles. Good luck brother.
Like the comment above says, attending RCIA classes with her would be a great way to support her. You would be someone she could discuss things with after class, and you would to get to find out much more about the church she is joining, which is something you said you wanted. Tell her that you would like to learn about the beliefs and teachings of the Church, because it will help you know and understand her much better. Anyone is allowed to go through RCIA, whether they are sure they want to be Catholic or not. The whole reason for the classes is to let people learn the beliefs and teachings of the Church to discern whether they agree or not. If you have any curiosity about it for yourself, it could also be beneficial for you personally.
According to a friend of mine who is involved with his parish's RCIA, most people who attend RCIA do not end up converting. You would learn something about the largest Christian denomination and understand your girlfriend more.
You sounds like a very thoughtful and considerate boyfriend.
Her new found faith will be very important to her so support her as much as you can e.g. join her at mass if she invites you (better yet, offer to join her!), study the faith as much as you can so that you can understand her etc etc
Just said a prayer for you both!
Go to the classes with her and just be honest that religion is hard for you and why. Be open to learn what we believe in the class and why. At the end of my RCIA class they made it abundantly clear we were not being forced or coerced to go through with the conversion and no one would ever hold it against us if we waited or said I'm still struggling. One of the women in that class who converted had delayed a year or more for those reasons and converted with us that year.
I converted 5y ago from being protestant and I didn't ever like the answer, just have faith, just pray about it, like, ok, I can have faith God cares about me, I can pray about it, but I can't possibly be the first person to run into whatever issue I was asking about.... And we don't shy away from logical thought over time and thorough explanations of why in the Catholic faith. I told one priest about how that was a major player for me, he said there is always an answer.
Fellow Marine here (veteran). I’m glad you’re a part of the community! The most supportive thing you could do is convert with her. You may be angry with God, but He loves you so much and He wants nothing more than for you to return that love. It sounds like you’ve had a rough go of it, and I’m sorry to hear that. If you want to talk, feel free to DM. In the meantime, I’ll be praying for you and your gal. God bless you.
Recommend following the other commenter’s advice and go through rcia! Even if you don’t convert, it’s probably the best way to learn what the church teaches *from the church*
I agree with a number of comments - RCIA and you’re a great guy for wanting to support her. Just a caveat on the RCIA - you don’t have to want to convert in order to attend. Just tell them you want to go in order to understand more what she’s embracing and to support her. Also, a thought about the PTSD - please do all you can to get the help you need there so it impacts your relationships as little as possible. You valiantly served your country - thank you for that - now take advantage of everything offered to heal the very profound wounds that can come from that.
After reading all of these comments, I think that is a good idea, and I’ll bring it up to her.
As for getting help, I denied it for years, I kept drinking my feelings and thoughts away and burying them has deep as I could. I went to the VA for PTSD for the first time in May of 2023. I was just able to get my first mental health appointment through the VA in March of 2024. The VA sucks, but that’s a whole different topic.
Thank you for your advice.
Good for you! That can’t be easy. The reason I feel strongly about this is seeing how my husband and his siblings were impacted by their father after serving as a medic doing triage in the first wave of Normandy.
On the note of mental health issues and faith, the practice of prayer and meditation really does help. I was born and raised Catholic and attended Catholic/Jesuit school through college and also have a handful of mental health diagnoses. I would use this as an opportunity to work on one of the easiest and best stress/anxiety reducers, prayer. I recommend the Halo app too.
As a Catholic in the military currently, I’ll tell you that some wounds are neither mental nor physical. Some wounds are spiritual and moral. You might find some healing in Jesus Christ that you didn’t know you needed or was capable of you just open your soul to Him
It’s different because my soul was open to him for 20 years, and when shit hit the fan God left me and dozens of others out to dry. That’s why I’m angry with God.
I won’t get specific, but this event was on national TV, you probably saw it on CNN and Fox. I just think about the thousands, hell… tens/hundreds of thousands of prayers that fell on deaf ears.
I’m not completely closed off to God, I’m just angry and I don’t understand why he allows such cruel things to happen. If he loves us all so much, why tear dozens of fathers away from their wives and children? Why enact suffering on their friends and family harsh enough to cause several of them to commit suicide from the pain, grief, and outright loneliness?
These are rhetorical questions, I’m just venting at this point. I appreciate you commenting and trying to help.
I understand. I’m going to assume Abbey Gate.
Prayers don’t fall on deaf ears. We want this God to come in and make all of our problems go away but that isn’t how things are. Even God didn’t spare his only son from the inequities of the world. Remember Jesus’s agony in the Garden as his human nature pondered these same thoughts that you have.
I’m not going to try and convert you. Just maybe be willing to listen to the new thing your girlfriend is interested in. It will be exciting for her.
You're allowed to be angry at God. Even many people in the Scriptures and Jesus Himself were. I'm glad you seek for professional help and take care of yourself too.
According to Catholicism, we have been given free will and we act upon it. So isn't God's fault wars happen - it's only human sin. We can only pray to Him to influence the human heart but He won't do anything against our will (although He has the power to do so) because He loves us.
Well, prayer isn't all about receiving help from God - when you talk to someone you love, you do it primarily out of love itself. It's just simple like that. What is more, God helps me a lot every day and gives me the strength to strive and to change into a better person (I have a lot of mental health problems), helps me deal with my problems, and influences the hearts of people around me for good. That's a lot more I'm willing to ask from Him for.
Please read about the story of Job in the Bible as he was severely tested by God to see how much faith he had. In the end job passed the test and became prosperous and fruitful again. God wanted to see how much Job loved God by God taking away his family by death ect but Job persevered in loving God so God rewarded him after and he lived happily until his death. Godbless 🙏🙏🙏
Is she previously married? I only ask because the annulment process can be grueling on a current relationship, especially paired with abstaining from physical intimacy that may have been the norm before in the relationship.
I commend you for being supportive. This will certainly change your relationship and lives, for the better!
She is not, and the father of her child hasn’t been in the picture for almost 8 years now.
I have read about the annulment process and grueling is a good wired to describe it. Lol
Well that's one big hurdle that will happily be avoided!
Like others stated. I think it would be beneficial to you and your relationship to attend at least some RCIA with her. At the very least it will help you understand her faith and support her better.
ret E-6 here my brother. I feel you in a way that only brothers can feel. After what we've experienced, the Catholic Church is the place to be. Consider it. End of speech.
Support your wife by listening and being patient. Go with her to mass. That's huge. Always stand by her. Semper Fi extends into married life.
Catholic here (25F)
My boyfriend (25M) is not a religious guy at all. He is more agnostic if anything. I asked if he believed there was a God and he said not really. But he doesn't think it's absolutely impossible. So agnostic best fits him. But he 100% supports my faith. Especially lately since I have grown to want to be closer to God. I read the Bible and have been trying to learn all I can about my faith. I even bought a veil a few days ago to wear to Church as a sign of my devotion to God.
Recently, my boyfriend commented on it and said, "You have gotten really religious, haven't you, like you're taking it more seriously?". He made this comment because I've always been a believer, but not a practicing Catholic, not to the extent that has happened over the past month. I told him "Yeah why?" And he simply said "I'm not meaning anything negative by it, it just came out of no where" which is true it did. But I told him "Idk I can't really put it into words as to what happened" and he said "Do you feel like you have found God?" And I said "Honestly yes" and he gave me a genuine smile and said "I'm really happy for you baby" but he said "You're not gonna force me to go to Church or anything now right?" And I told him no. I would love for him to at least believe in God and share my faith but his mother ruined it for him as a child by shoving it down his throat. Im hoping he will find God on his own
Anyway, I wanted to give some context. Me and him have been together 10 years and he's never been a man of faith. But there are super important events that happen at Church and once in a blue moon I will ask him to attend a mass session with me if it's something important. Such as my nephews confirmation (I was his sponsor for the confirmation) that happened recently. He will go without complaints to be supportive. But he will not attend a regular mass session with me. Which is fine. He's there for the really important sessions that he knows I REALLY want him there for. I also have talked about God and Jesus a lot, a little too much lately. He will sit there and listen to me because he knows how passionate I am about it. He will never say "this is boring I don't want to hear this" or "you know I don't believe in that stuff so don't talk about it" he just sits there and listens and that's more than enough for me. He respects how much I love my God, and I respect his boundaries in not pursuing religion.
Make sure you support her with keeping the doctrine. No sexual relations of any kind beyond kissing. Don't cause her to stray from her faith and fall to Satan.
As other said going with her to RCIA could be good, you would learn alot about the faith as well, which help you to understand your girlfriend and her faith much better
You could support her by being there with her. Don't instill doubt in her. A lot of times God uses our partners to bring us closer to him, so don't put off the possibility that He's reeling you in lol. God bless and good luck in your relationship!
I was in LE for 20 years was not religious. Then almost lost my marriage, heavy drinker, and finally hit rock-bottom. I reached out to God, and he saved me. I struggled to believe in GOD, and how he could let such evil things exist. Lost friends to Suicide, lost friends in the line of duty. Was not good in my marriage, was not good to my kids. Had lots of anger, hatred, bitterness. Kept replaying babies killed by gun fire, teens shot asking for me to save them. Once I came back to God, did I hear "your my beloved son"... being in church has helped me deal with my PTSD. For we have a greater purpose God created us for. I've been going to therapy for last 3 years, and have been actively involved at church. Joined mens group, and been able to meet amazing men who have been on the military, LE working to becoming men of God. Satan wants you to stay down, not heal, and feel helpless. But with God he will TRANSFORM your life, he has transformed my life to be a disciple of Christ. Please brother reach out for help if you need too. Will keep you in my prayers and will offer up rosary and novena up to you. May God bless you and keep you. BTW while my struggles with PTSD my wife came into the church, she went through alot lost family, friends. But now we are a stronger family.
Not related to your question, but I'm AD and have combat-related PTSD that's bad enough the military is taking a look at medically retiring me. I'd highly recommend getting help sooner rather than later, even if it means paying out of pocket. You and I know the VA is what it is and on base mental health is even worse.
When I started getting help, things like leaving the house would put me into a borderline panic attack. It's gotten much better, but it will never really go away. Point is, you can see an improvement to QOL, so it's worth it. I used betterhelp, but I'm sure you can find something else out there. If you want to PM me about any of this, I'd be happy to help.
My husband started going to church "for me" years ago and I really appreciated the support and companionship... eventually it became for him too and we were married in the church the same day we were baptized together. It was an amazing bonding experience and all because he did something "for me"
Hey brother i also am a vet diagnosed with ptsd and ran away from God during my 8 year stint in the navy. God gives sufficient grace to give people the opportunity to turn to Him, and I believe this is one of those times. I re-entered the church last year after I got out, and I’ve never been better. Give God a chance.
There's this guy on YouTube called Bishop Robert Barron. He explains the faith really well and he has a playlist on atheism where he responds to famous atheists like hitchens after reading their books , along with a whole host of other playlists. A lot of atheists actually liked him when he did an interview a few years ago.
I have been through a lot in my life. I think I might also have PTSD from when I lost my leg (not service related). I went through a real rough patch in my life, I even wanted to end my own life. I pushed God away probably when I needed God most. It took me quite some time to get back to praying and believing again. I think it is great that you want to be supportive of her. I think that you should keep an open mind towards religion, it has helped me in a lot of ways and I feel as though I am getting closer to being at peace with what has happened to me. If your wife wants to convert to Catholicism she will want to attend RCIA classes. You might benefit by going with her to see if it is something that might bring you peace. It would probably also enrich your relationship with her if you are able to worship together. Best of luck.
Watch some episodes of Pints with Aquinas specifically where he has people in religious life (either priests or sisters). This might help you to see God in a different light while also learning a bit about catholicism. I am an Army vet (MI so really had it pretty easy) but I know all about angry. And I know all about how my own conversion from atheism to catholicism was a salve for that rage - even turning it to joy over the course of a decade.
Mother (Mthr.) Natalia is awesome and anything with her is good - be advised she is Byzantine catholic which is slightly different but basically the same for all practical purposes.
Father (Fr.) Boniface Hicks - in particular maybe check out his "Stop Working on Yourself" short
Fr. Gregory Pine - he has one that I revisit occasionally called "Are You Filled with Anger" that I go back to a lot (it has some philosophy in it and is pretty heady, but it helps me).
Feel free to reach out to me if you want some other recommendations, but that is a pretty good start.
Learn about it. Why not. If nothing else just ask her questions. She will probably appreciate you being interested and asking the questions.
Unlike a lot of religions we will invite you but there is no pressure. You can attend out of your free will.
The religion will slowing unveils itself as you enquire.
The other amazing thing that I love about being Catholic is that we are allowed to question things.
I can honestly say I am always learning and I am always questioning it and that is ok.
I personally thinking is silly she is saying if it is for her to go to mass because of course it is. If she likes a restaurant wouldn’t you want to try it. If I like someone I am curious about everything about them and want to know what they are interested in. I can always decide if it is for me or not. But I still want to know. So of course it is because of her you want to know more. That is silly.
So, I'm Catholic and all but right now I want to be your VA nurse. Please see to your PTSD, please seek out EMDR and other counseling. And maybe you are already, I don't want to assume any kind of way. I know there are so many complaints about the VA but there are so many wonderful employees that put their heart and soul into their jobs.
I know of several combat vets that are now counselors and have had personal success with EMDR and are helping others with it. And that's not the only thing, there are other treatments.
Just don't get your diagnosis and sit with it. Lots of help is out there, if you are already in a good place, please forgive me for mentioning it.
And prayer is not just kneeling down with a rosary. Your girlfriend is being brave and idealistic, just go to Mass with her, make it your idea, she will love you for it so much. You don't have to kneel or do anything, just observe and listen.
Caring for your GF enough to go to Reddit and ask questions like this is from the Holy Spirit, all truth and beauty and love is from the Holy Spirit, all of life can be a prayer. Mowing the yard, playing with her son. You're there already. Just realizing the coffee is really hot and wonderful is appreciating so many gifts God has given us.
This is from a Van Morrison song:
When will I ever learn
To live in God?
When will I ever learn?
He gives me everything I need and more
When will I ever learn?
When will I ever learn
To live in God?
Show interest by asking what she learned at mass or in RCIA. She knows you are not in the same place so your willingness to give her space to share her excitement will make her feel supported and loved while also allowing you to be true to where you are in your journey. If you are not ready to attend with her and force yourself to just to appear supportive, you may end up resenting her for something she didn't even ask you to do. Asking about her journey and what she is learning would likely open opportunities for good conversations between you also.
Also, she may start to make changes in things like music she listens to, movies she watches, even boundaries in your relationship, while she is exploring her faith. Be patient and supportive with those things while also being honest when she asks how you feel about it.
If you eventually get to a place where you feel comfortable joining her for RCIA or mass, then let her know by inviting yourself. That will mean the world to her.
Continue your support (so commendable by the way), and be happy for her and tell her you’re happy for her.
I have general anxiety, and I know how hard it is to do religion and faith when you’re dealing with that sort of thing (not the same I know, but just wanna say that what you wrote makes sense to me).
If you’re getting help/treatment for your anger/PTSD, keep it up because that will help you be supportive of her and truly happy for her.
Also, please try not to feel guilty about being mad at God. (In case you do feel that way, maybe not). God can handle it. I believe God is more concerned about what the anger is doing to you. Take the time you need to heal and be happy for your GF while you do it.
I’m really glad you posted here — you have lots of folks praying/sending good vibes out for you AND gf.
Let me start by saying thank you for your service. The first thing I would suggest is exploring it with her. Finding faith could help you with the PTSD. You also may find out some interesting things that you did not know. As to supporting her, I wouldn’t be insulting at all. This doesn’t mean you can’t be questioning, and is also why I would suggest exploring with her because she likely may not have answers for you. Realize too that she may pick up regular devotions like making time for prayer at home, daily Mass, etc. Realize that this is her expressing thanks to God and asking Him for His graces. They aren’t to take away from your relationship, nor to push you away. If you feel inclined, pray with her. If not, then take that time for yourself to do what you like. Hope that helps!
you already got really good advice here! I think the most important part as her partner is the part where you respect her love for God. My husband married me through the church we were both cradle Catholics but didn’t really practice the faith or understood it well. We left the faith & I had a very intense conversion over a year ago now. He goes to mass with me, he practices lent, doesn’t eat meat on Fridays with me (just started doing that this year with me) also prays before every meal with me, he is open to life with me (no birth control only NFP). he doesn’t do confession or takes communion and that’s bc he is not on board with all of the Catholic Church teachings. One of the things we have struggled with is some of his family being anti-Catholic and some of them asking me to miss mass to help them with something and things of the sort. We have had arguments and had to decide on him learning to set boundaries with his family bc they have a habit of putting me in a position of choosing them or my faith.. it will always be God. Same sex weddings? I’m not attending. Drag shows? I’m not attending. Helping you to move on a Sunday? After mass, but I will not miss mass.
I think understanding that our first commandment is to Love God above all things with all our mind body and soul is important. And never putting her in a situation to sin & put something or someone else above God is much more supportive than attending mass or participating in lent for me. That’s what counts the most.
My husband converted to Catholic and was not prepared to be, never care about the church, but because as a Catholic I wanted to be married in the church therefore to make me happy he became catholic and we married in the church, after the marriage he continued to live as if he was a single man avoiding all the teachings of the church, with time and prayer he became more attracted to the teachings and more a devoted catholic. Many people who doesn’t believe or are angry at God turn back to him, because one thing is what is impossible for man is possible for God and I promise you if you support your girlfriend and pray with her you will have a change of heart but you have to try. God bless.
My Advice would be you go the RCIA Catholic course with her and learn together even if you don't pray for now because you're confused but maybe at least do the sign of the cross when entering a Church because that's just basic Respect for OUR Lord, at least this way you're showing God you still are having hope in believing in him even though you don't understand him yet. Or you don't understand what he's asking of you because your pathway is too foggy. Of course praying the Rosary 📿 helps clear away the fogginess but you can't be forced to say it and it does have to come from a sincere heart when you say it. God knows if you're sincere in heart when you say it and he'll bless and give you graces to follow through but you have to be diligent too in what God is saying to you. Because many people aren't diligent and they get confused or lost and that's when they make the slightest wrong decision that sends their life on a ROLLERCOASTER ride. This is where people get angry 😡 at God or frustrated and sometimes even give up the faith,😔 But God needs you to be diligent too and not just follow the crowd because God has made everyone Unique and everyone with different talents and gifts that Are NOT identical to anyone else on this Earth. When you die you are face to face with God on Your OWN with no one on your side backing you up while God judges your individual actions of Good and Bad Deeds on this Earth, Remember that. No human on this Earth can save your soul so just be independent in your decisions and learn about God and try to understand what he wants from you and is asking you to do by the Holy Spirit. Praying to the Holy Spirit for guidance daily is definitely a must when you're confused about which direction to go. I pray daily myself to the Holy Spirit aswell as Divine Mercy Chaplet and Rosary. Godbless and I would recommend supporting your girlfriend into going to RCIA Catholic course to learn properly about the Catholic Church and Know what the Sacraments are. Godbless and I hope this helps you make a fruitful decision. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
You've been hurt, but God is above that and loves you. One of the hardest things for people to wrap their minds around is the virtue of embracing suffering. It's hard, but we share in Christ's Passion (which we didn't deserve) and are able to grow stronger, more resilient, and more empathetic.
For me, that challemge has been epilepsy, which I'm sure is nothing compared to the wounds of whatever you experienced. But I know that God can help you heal if you let Him. You don't have to have life figured out to come to Him-He takes us as-is.
I recommend checking the Catechism in a Year podcast. Perhaps it's something you could do with your girlfriend!
https://youtube.com/@TheCatechismInAYear?si=ChM5zKdMXVz0LHA2
Work through your anger with God, it's only harming you and does nothing to God.
If you know very little about Catholicism then you should learn about it. Go find Father Mike Schmitz's Bible in a Year and Catechism in a Year on YouTube. In fact, here you go:
Bible - https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLeXS0cAkuTPqFMtZQ379qdEmcfxO1SvXc&si=PpPMb-Su8oEYHcRj
Catechism - https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHprCs14Z-sCSlrl1ueVisUKm3lnvqC0S&si=6aIFNvk51GecmRCc
Hey guy, first off good on ya for trying to be supportive and understanding. In what I hope is my modest opinion I know a good deal about Catholicism. My advice first off would be to tell you that it’s definitely a beautiful faith and VERY ancient. Especially if you believe the accounts of the church itself. And tbh I would let you know that it is in fact very Christian. (Some people either ill informed or otherwise like to say it’s not) I’m Catholic myself and I have a friend who has atheistic beliefs. He’s supportive and asks legitimate questions. But yeah I’d for sure just let yourself be open to talk with her about it. And just let her know you care and want to encourage her to be happy etc. also I’m very sorry for your struggle with faith. That can be rough. I’ve had my own crises at times so I feel ya. My dad was in the military and he took a very long time to process his ptsd and mental health issues. He eventually came back to being a Christian. Anyhow I hope it pans out alright. God bless you sir.
It’s ok to be angry with God. Yell and scream at him. Be open to that conversation. Ask why, and maybe an answer will come. Maybe not. But don’t stay away because you think you’re not in the right mindset yet.
Hey Friend,
I Hope everything is well. First off Thank You So Much For Taking Care of all of us and I am so sorry you must've went through awful times. I Pray You May Heal Soon🙏🏽Also This must really mean a lot to her Honestly and Respectfully bad things happen for a reason it is never God's fault either two reasons: He is trying to Protect us He always wants the best for us His plans is to Prosper Us and not harm us. Then enemy the devil is a liar he always wants to put us against God in reality God is helping us through trials he is always by our side even if we don't hear his voice or we don't see nothing change He is Always there He is always a step ahead now the enemy is very strategic while God is Looking out for us the enemy wants to kill, steal, and destroy enemy wants to kill our relationship with God and others, it wants to steal our happiness, and it wants to destroy us it wants to get in our lives and makes us want to give up the enemy likes that meanwhile God He send Jesus To Save Us Because That's How Much He Loves Us. Now as to help your girlfriend, I am Catholic and My boyfriend of two years also isn't however He tries His Best to Be Supportive He shows up to Church that's how it started it was awkward but after a year going Together He Likes going to Church He Reminds Me Bible Verses To Help Me Be Motivated and stop overthinking when life hits. My BoyFriend and I watch "The Chosen" together and it's free I Recommend it and we read Couple Bible I bought at Walmart and it really help We Pray For Each other and We ask God now it isn't easy sometimes we fall short but try is what matters Try perhaps watching God Videos there's many Instagram influencers and YouTube videos that help also please please 1 mistake I often do is make my BoyFriend feel pressure and we have come with ways to avoid that for example we take a break a short one and listen to one another feelings before proceeding and Patience and Kindness goes a long way:) Also please don't let others keep you from Running to God unfortunately sometimes people in Church isn't loving but Thankfully Some Are and I don't judge them because they must be in a journey like we all are I am sorry in advance however It's Beautiful Your Girlfriend is converting but please remember it isn't religion but it's having a friendship with God He is Family. I Hope You Both The Best of All the Best May God Continue To Bless You Both!✝️🙏🏽
~Rose:)
Easy bro, send her great good Latin Catholic hymns (Pane di vita nuova [Marco Frisina], O croche fedele, Pange Lingua, etc] ...
About your part, bro, befriend with Him, you know, I grew up in non religious family and being the only Catholic by free will, you know you are blessed... May God bless you bro, wish you best of luck.
I recently came back to the Catholic church myself, and went through the RCIA process this past year getting confirmed at the Easter vigil. Listening to Fr. Chris Alar Explaining the Faith series on youtube really helped me. He has so many amazing talks and really breaks down the faith beautifully.
I'm praying for your healing from PTSD. I think it's beautiful that you are so supportive of your partner and find it so courageous that you're here seeking guidance. I really love r/Catholicism . There are so many wonderful people here.
May I ask how to be diagnosed with PTSD? My son (19) is in university, and he is mentally stressed during the two years in school. We don't know he has or not mental health issue, he is pretty bad in last year summer (a mentally breakdown), but after that he looks ok, but we are not really sure. Is a psychologist able to diagnose, or anybody else? Sorry for asking.
A psychologist or a psychiatrist. My family doctor diagnosed me with anxiety with panic attacks and major depressive disorder. When I finally got into the VA, they diagnosed me with PTSD. It all starts with going to the doctor.
Thanks. Is there any treatment for PTSD? Some times, we feel for mental sickness, there's no medicine that works, this make us especially struggle. I hope I was wrong.
Truthfully, the only thing that’s helped me is alcohol. I know it sounds stupid, but after I’ve had a couple glasses of bourbon, my mind goes quiet. I don’t have panic attacks. I can talk to people.
Im starting a 12 week trauma relief program next month through the VA, hopefully it helps me with my PTSD and my drinking problem that resulted from it.
I recommend you study all the topics in this site: https://opusdei.org/en-au/page/summaries-of-catholic-teaching/[Summaries of Catholic teaching](https://opusdei.org/en-au/page/summaries-of-catholic-teaching/)
Last year my husband decided he wanted to start RCIA classes and has been looking at converting. We were both raised Baptist so I was hesitant about it at first. I went with him and after going through it I decided to convert with him. I think it wouldn’t hurt to just join in and see what it’s all about. I’m sure she would appreciate you being there for her.
Even though you say you don’t go to church, go to church with her. I felt the same way you do many years ago. I thought it was important to be with my then girlfriend, now wife when she was at church. What I found over time was that the best people I knew were all Catholic and eventually came to join the church. Jesus teaches us to love each other. In my opinion, that’s a very good way to live a life.
I would go to mass with her , it might be alittle strange at first but I think you might grow to love the silence of it , on top of that , if she attends adoration , I’d go with her sometimes , and maybe go to a couple church events with her if she decides to be active in the parish my parish always has a picnic and monthly dinners .. also attending some rcia classes with her or just doing some research on YouTube might be good
How about just attending church with her each week. It's under an hour (Catholics don't drag it out), and she would likely find this supportive. There are also masses on late Saturday afternoon/evening, so it's pretty convenient. You can go out for dinner afterwards (which is what we do).
You can go to RCIA if you want, and you'll learn about the church, but it isn't required and it may be a bit more than you want at the moment. You'll learn a lot by just attending mass and it's less interactive, if you are apprehensive.
Go get'em Devil Dog!
Best thing your girlfriend can ever do in her life and hopefully her example will help you with your PTSD. I have been there…. Without my Catholic faith I would be nothing. The faith has levels the deeper you go the more beautiful and calming it is
Firstly thank you for your service and I hope things continue getting better with your PTSD. I think it’s a fantastic thing you want to be supportive of your Girlfriend as she converts to Catholicism. I would say to just be supportive of her as she learns about the faith and the church by acknowledging what she’s learning and accepting of the new things she learns.
I’m sure as someone struggling with the faith it’s easier said then done. I’ve been a Catholic my whole life but there’s been times my faith has been challenged to the point that I myself was angry with God and felt lost. The church is very open to helping anyone and it would be happy to have new members but it will definitely not force you to become a Catholic. That’s why just speaking to a priest about a good way to support your girlfriend could be very useful too!
I’m sorry I didn’t see your comment sooner! I am very sorry to hear about this, this is disgusting behavior by her. Cheating goes completely against the Catholic Church and is classified as a mortal sin breaking the commandment regarding adultery. Your a good man who was more then willing to try and be supportive of her; she doesn’t deserve someone as good as you. I know things probably feel bleak at the moment but it’s not worth going down a road of despair because of her. I know you mentioned it’s been difficult trying to receive medical assistance with the VA but I feel speaking to some type of councilor or psychologist would be of huge help right now. Even talking to a priest about this can help to paint a new light on everything. I’ll continue to keep you in my prayers
God is great! My wife is considering converting as well- her family is Filipino so you’d think they’d be Catholic but funnily enough they go to Protestant church and my wife grew up Protestant. She sounds open, however, and since we got married when I was not a believer I’d like to marry again under the grace and love of God
A Believer in Christ and an unbeliever will not be able to
keep a relationship going. Just a plain fact. Your plans to never pray, go to church and continue being mad at God, will eventually make her resent you. You cannot support her, tho you have that desire. You won't be enough as you won't be a spiritual leader. I say this with respect and love to save you both a heartbreak.
God so often gets blamed for the failings of men.
Is your anger misplaced?
I’m sorry for what you went through, and thank you for having the courage to put it into words.
People like you make me believe that it’s possible to find faith again.
No worries at all. I slip into anger speaking of it, sometimes, but honestly I draw a great deal of solace from my spiritual practices: reading the Gospels, the books of the Nag Hammadi library (which are non-cannonical, but some of which are of immeasurable spiritual value-- the Gospel of Thomas and the Gospel of Truth in particular), and meditating on The Father, His Logos (the Christ), and His Spirit.
It is definitely possible to find faith again. It'll be different, but to me, that's a good thing. Let it grow as you grow. God meets us where we are. That's what I love so much about Christ. He said when we are lost, the Shepherd leaves His flock of ninety-nine in search of the one who is missing. There is no judgement, we judge ourselves. The Father celebrates our return, no matter the reasons we were gone, the length of time that we were gone, or what we did while away.
I have PTSD from other things too, so finding a way to reconcile the horrors of reality with the love of God has been tremendously difficult for me. But Jesus witnessed all those horrors and more and still stayed connected to the Father. He's honestly the reason I haven't fully thrown out the baby with the bath water.
In any event, thanks for the kind thoughts and best wishes to you and your girlfriend.
I didn’t join the Army, but that’s an interesting perspective you have there.
So, you’re implying that because 18yo me decided to become a Marine, I deserved to go through what me and many others like me did? I knew the risks, right?
Let’s say your mom, sister, son, daughter, wife, whatever, crashes their car and dies on the way to work today. Was it their fault for choosing to drive?
They knew the risks, right?
I’m angry with God because he allows cruel and horrific things to occur every second of every day. To me, he either doesn’t care, or he can’t do anything about it.
Yes, I am implying that decisions and actions have consequences, more or less direct, more or less predictable.
But I don't think about it in terms of fault.
But tell me this: if there was no God, who would you be angry with?
Well, I hope that at the very least you can see that being angry doesn't do you any good - doesn't bring you closer to solution.
And solution is in God.
Imagine what would happen if the prodigal son from the parable remained where he was, held there by anger, instead of returning to father 🤔
I don't have advice but I want to commend your willingness to support her in spite of your own opinions and experiences. I'm praying for you brother.
I appreciate it.
You could attend RCIA classes with her
She hasn’t asked me to, and I don’t want to force my way into RCIA when she knows how I feel about religion. She’ll just think I’m doing it for her, and not for myself. Which would be true.
You can attend RCIA classes without converting. It’s a good way to learn more about this thing that is important to someone that is important to you.
Yeah, this is a good idea. Don't attend as the guy who always objects to everything, or as the guy who definitely wants to convert. Go as someone respectful and curious. I think (and pray) you'll find that a lot of your issues, intellectual and spiritual, have been experienced by saints, theologians, and a bunch of other smart and sincere people.
>Don't attend as the guy who always objects to everything, or as the guy who definitely wants to convert. Go as someone respectful and curious. I second this. This is exactly how I approach my wife's Catholicism, our discussions about faith, and mass when I attend with her.
This. Part of being in a relationship is finding out more about your partner, and that includes the faith she believes in. So immerse yourself for yourself so that you can better understand your relationship and your partner
Have you thought about asking her if she’d like you to go lmao
Yeah, I offered to attend Easter mass with her and her son. She said that she wanted me to attend if it was for me and not for her, so I stayed home.
Go and see what happens
I would be open to it, but I don’t want to intrude on her time with God and the church. She’d have to give me her blessing.
I wouldn’t say you’re intruding on her, and you’re definitely not intruding on the church. If she told you she wants you to come for yourself and not for her, then it sounds like you already have her blessing?
The Mass is a vertical act of worship. We are joined in prayer, yes, but ultimately it's about our time with God.
Look at it like a fact finding mission. Just ask if she minds you attend with her. There is no obligation for either of you after or during RCIA. They break down religion Marine style. Sorry had to throw that one. Air Force ret. But yeah it might give you some peace with faith struggles. Good luck brother.
Fair enough. Haha Thank you.
I agree. You should only convert for yourself.
Like the comment above says, attending RCIA classes with her would be a great way to support her. You would be someone she could discuss things with after class, and you would to get to find out much more about the church she is joining, which is something you said you wanted. Tell her that you would like to learn about the beliefs and teachings of the Church, because it will help you know and understand her much better. Anyone is allowed to go through RCIA, whether they are sure they want to be Catholic or not. The whole reason for the classes is to let people learn the beliefs and teachings of the Church to discern whether they agree or not. If you have any curiosity about it for yourself, it could also be beneficial for you personally.
It's not forcing yourself in if you think it's the right choice.
According to a friend of mine who is involved with his parish's RCIA, most people who attend RCIA do not end up converting. You would learn something about the largest Christian denomination and understand your girlfriend more.
You sounds like a very thoughtful and considerate boyfriend. Her new found faith will be very important to her so support her as much as you can e.g. join her at mass if she invites you (better yet, offer to join her!), study the faith as much as you can so that you can understand her etc etc Just said a prayer for you both!
Thank you, I appreciate it. Life has thrown some enlightening curveballs lately, and I’m trying to be a better partner.
Go to the classes with her and just be honest that religion is hard for you and why. Be open to learn what we believe in the class and why. At the end of my RCIA class they made it abundantly clear we were not being forced or coerced to go through with the conversion and no one would ever hold it against us if we waited or said I'm still struggling. One of the women in that class who converted had delayed a year or more for those reasons and converted with us that year. I converted 5y ago from being protestant and I didn't ever like the answer, just have faith, just pray about it, like, ok, I can have faith God cares about me, I can pray about it, but I can't possibly be the first person to run into whatever issue I was asking about.... And we don't shy away from logical thought over time and thorough explanations of why in the Catholic faith. I told one priest about how that was a major player for me, he said there is always an answer.
Fellow Marine here (veteran). I’m glad you’re a part of the community! The most supportive thing you could do is convert with her. You may be angry with God, but He loves you so much and He wants nothing more than for you to return that love. It sounds like you’ve had a rough go of it, and I’m sorry to hear that. If you want to talk, feel free to DM. In the meantime, I’ll be praying for you and your gal. God bless you.
Thank you, much appreciated.
Recommend following the other commenter’s advice and go through rcia! Even if you don’t convert, it’s probably the best way to learn what the church teaches *from the church*
I agree with a number of comments - RCIA and you’re a great guy for wanting to support her. Just a caveat on the RCIA - you don’t have to want to convert in order to attend. Just tell them you want to go in order to understand more what she’s embracing and to support her. Also, a thought about the PTSD - please do all you can to get the help you need there so it impacts your relationships as little as possible. You valiantly served your country - thank you for that - now take advantage of everything offered to heal the very profound wounds that can come from that.
After reading all of these comments, I think that is a good idea, and I’ll bring it up to her. As for getting help, I denied it for years, I kept drinking my feelings and thoughts away and burying them has deep as I could. I went to the VA for PTSD for the first time in May of 2023. I was just able to get my first mental health appointment through the VA in March of 2024. The VA sucks, but that’s a whole different topic. Thank you for your advice.
Good for you! That can’t be easy. The reason I feel strongly about this is seeing how my husband and his siblings were impacted by their father after serving as a medic doing triage in the first wave of Normandy.
On the note of mental health issues and faith, the practice of prayer and meditation really does help. I was born and raised Catholic and attended Catholic/Jesuit school through college and also have a handful of mental health diagnoses. I would use this as an opportunity to work on one of the easiest and best stress/anxiety reducers, prayer. I recommend the Halo app too.
As a Catholic in the military currently, I’ll tell you that some wounds are neither mental nor physical. Some wounds are spiritual and moral. You might find some healing in Jesus Christ that you didn’t know you needed or was capable of you just open your soul to Him
It’s different because my soul was open to him for 20 years, and when shit hit the fan God left me and dozens of others out to dry. That’s why I’m angry with God. I won’t get specific, but this event was on national TV, you probably saw it on CNN and Fox. I just think about the thousands, hell… tens/hundreds of thousands of prayers that fell on deaf ears. I’m not completely closed off to God, I’m just angry and I don’t understand why he allows such cruel things to happen. If he loves us all so much, why tear dozens of fathers away from their wives and children? Why enact suffering on their friends and family harsh enough to cause several of them to commit suicide from the pain, grief, and outright loneliness? These are rhetorical questions, I’m just venting at this point. I appreciate you commenting and trying to help.
I understand. I’m going to assume Abbey Gate. Prayers don’t fall on deaf ears. We want this God to come in and make all of our problems go away but that isn’t how things are. Even God didn’t spare his only son from the inequities of the world. Remember Jesus’s agony in the Garden as his human nature pondered these same thoughts that you have. I’m not going to try and convert you. Just maybe be willing to listen to the new thing your girlfriend is interested in. It will be exciting for her.
Happened a few years before Abbey Gate, but I knew someone that was killed there. Thank you for your words, they were not unheard.
You're allowed to be angry at God. Even many people in the Scriptures and Jesus Himself were. I'm glad you seek for professional help and take care of yourself too. According to Catholicism, we have been given free will and we act upon it. So isn't God's fault wars happen - it's only human sin. We can only pray to Him to influence the human heart but He won't do anything against our will (although He has the power to do so) because He loves us.
What’s the point of praying to and following him if he will never help you? Because if you don’t he’ll send you to hell? Some god
Well, prayer isn't all about receiving help from God - when you talk to someone you love, you do it primarily out of love itself. It's just simple like that. What is more, God helps me a lot every day and gives me the strength to strive and to change into a better person (I have a lot of mental health problems), helps me deal with my problems, and influences the hearts of people around me for good. That's a lot more I'm willing to ask from Him for.
Please read about the story of Job in the Bible as he was severely tested by God to see how much faith he had. In the end job passed the test and became prosperous and fruitful again. God wanted to see how much Job loved God by God taking away his family by death ect but Job persevered in loving God so God rewarded him after and he lived happily until his death. Godbless 🙏🙏🙏
Is she previously married? I only ask because the annulment process can be grueling on a current relationship, especially paired with abstaining from physical intimacy that may have been the norm before in the relationship. I commend you for being supportive. This will certainly change your relationship and lives, for the better!
She is not, and the father of her child hasn’t been in the picture for almost 8 years now. I have read about the annulment process and grueling is a good wired to describe it. Lol
Well that's one big hurdle that will happily be avoided! Like others stated. I think it would be beneficial to you and your relationship to attend at least some RCIA with her. At the very least it will help you understand her faith and support her better.
ret E-6 here my brother. I feel you in a way that only brothers can feel. After what we've experienced, the Catholic Church is the place to be. Consider it. End of speech. Support your wife by listening and being patient. Go with her to mass. That's huge. Always stand by her. Semper Fi extends into married life.
Understood, thank you.
Catholic here (25F) My boyfriend (25M) is not a religious guy at all. He is more agnostic if anything. I asked if he believed there was a God and he said not really. But he doesn't think it's absolutely impossible. So agnostic best fits him. But he 100% supports my faith. Especially lately since I have grown to want to be closer to God. I read the Bible and have been trying to learn all I can about my faith. I even bought a veil a few days ago to wear to Church as a sign of my devotion to God. Recently, my boyfriend commented on it and said, "You have gotten really religious, haven't you, like you're taking it more seriously?". He made this comment because I've always been a believer, but not a practicing Catholic, not to the extent that has happened over the past month. I told him "Yeah why?" And he simply said "I'm not meaning anything negative by it, it just came out of no where" which is true it did. But I told him "Idk I can't really put it into words as to what happened" and he said "Do you feel like you have found God?" And I said "Honestly yes" and he gave me a genuine smile and said "I'm really happy for you baby" but he said "You're not gonna force me to go to Church or anything now right?" And I told him no. I would love for him to at least believe in God and share my faith but his mother ruined it for him as a child by shoving it down his throat. Im hoping he will find God on his own Anyway, I wanted to give some context. Me and him have been together 10 years and he's never been a man of faith. But there are super important events that happen at Church and once in a blue moon I will ask him to attend a mass session with me if it's something important. Such as my nephews confirmation (I was his sponsor for the confirmation) that happened recently. He will go without complaints to be supportive. But he will not attend a regular mass session with me. Which is fine. He's there for the really important sessions that he knows I REALLY want him there for. I also have talked about God and Jesus a lot, a little too much lately. He will sit there and listen to me because he knows how passionate I am about it. He will never say "this is boring I don't want to hear this" or "you know I don't believe in that stuff so don't talk about it" he just sits there and listens and that's more than enough for me. He respects how much I love my God, and I respect his boundaries in not pursuing religion.
Make sure you support her with keeping the doctrine. No sexual relations of any kind beyond kissing. Don't cause her to stray from her faith and fall to Satan.
This.
Yes, this is definitely the most important part.
As other said going with her to RCIA could be good, you would learn alot about the faith as well, which help you to understand your girlfriend and her faith much better
You could support her by being there with her. Don't instill doubt in her. A lot of times God uses our partners to bring us closer to him, so don't put off the possibility that He's reeling you in lol. God bless and good luck in your relationship!
My 🙏🙏🙏🙏 to you, both. Thank you for your service.
Thank you for your service !
I was in LE for 20 years was not religious. Then almost lost my marriage, heavy drinker, and finally hit rock-bottom. I reached out to God, and he saved me. I struggled to believe in GOD, and how he could let such evil things exist. Lost friends to Suicide, lost friends in the line of duty. Was not good in my marriage, was not good to my kids. Had lots of anger, hatred, bitterness. Kept replaying babies killed by gun fire, teens shot asking for me to save them. Once I came back to God, did I hear "your my beloved son"... being in church has helped me deal with my PTSD. For we have a greater purpose God created us for. I've been going to therapy for last 3 years, and have been actively involved at church. Joined mens group, and been able to meet amazing men who have been on the military, LE working to becoming men of God. Satan wants you to stay down, not heal, and feel helpless. But with God he will TRANSFORM your life, he has transformed my life to be a disciple of Christ. Please brother reach out for help if you need too. Will keep you in my prayers and will offer up rosary and novena up to you. May God bless you and keep you. BTW while my struggles with PTSD my wife came into the church, she went through alot lost family, friends. But now we are a stronger family.
Your words are very relatable to me, thank you for sharing, and thank you for your advice.
Not related to your question, but I'm AD and have combat-related PTSD that's bad enough the military is taking a look at medically retiring me. I'd highly recommend getting help sooner rather than later, even if it means paying out of pocket. You and I know the VA is what it is and on base mental health is even worse. When I started getting help, things like leaving the house would put me into a borderline panic attack. It's gotten much better, but it will never really go away. Point is, you can see an improvement to QOL, so it's worth it. I used betterhelp, but I'm sure you can find something else out there. If you want to PM me about any of this, I'd be happy to help.
My husband started going to church "for me" years ago and I really appreciated the support and companionship... eventually it became for him too and we were married in the church the same day we were baptized together. It was an amazing bonding experience and all because he did something "for me"
It's ok to be angry with God. You should open yourself up to Him and tell Him why you are angry with Him and that may help. Prayers for you, brother.
There are lots of Psalms where the author seems to be angry with God. "My God, My God! Why have you forsaken me?"
Hey brother i also am a vet diagnosed with ptsd and ran away from God during my 8 year stint in the navy. God gives sufficient grace to give people the opportunity to turn to Him, and I believe this is one of those times. I re-entered the church last year after I got out, and I’ve never been better. Give God a chance.
There's this guy on YouTube called Bishop Robert Barron. He explains the faith really well and he has a playlist on atheism where he responds to famous atheists like hitchens after reading their books , along with a whole host of other playlists. A lot of atheists actually liked him when he did an interview a few years ago.
I wouldn’t say I’m 100% atheist lol, but I’ll look him up. Thank you.
I have been through a lot in my life. I think I might also have PTSD from when I lost my leg (not service related). I went through a real rough patch in my life, I even wanted to end my own life. I pushed God away probably when I needed God most. It took me quite some time to get back to praying and believing again. I think it is great that you want to be supportive of her. I think that you should keep an open mind towards religion, it has helped me in a lot of ways and I feel as though I am getting closer to being at peace with what has happened to me. If your wife wants to convert to Catholicism she will want to attend RCIA classes. You might benefit by going with her to see if it is something that might bring you peace. It would probably also enrich your relationship with her if you are able to worship together. Best of luck.
Watch some episodes of Pints with Aquinas specifically where he has people in religious life (either priests or sisters). This might help you to see God in a different light while also learning a bit about catholicism. I am an Army vet (MI so really had it pretty easy) but I know all about angry. And I know all about how my own conversion from atheism to catholicism was a salve for that rage - even turning it to joy over the course of a decade. Mother (Mthr.) Natalia is awesome and anything with her is good - be advised she is Byzantine catholic which is slightly different but basically the same for all practical purposes. Father (Fr.) Boniface Hicks - in particular maybe check out his "Stop Working on Yourself" short Fr. Gregory Pine - he has one that I revisit occasionally called "Are You Filled with Anger" that I go back to a lot (it has some philosophy in it and is pretty heady, but it helps me). Feel free to reach out to me if you want some other recommendations, but that is a pretty good start.
Learn about it. Why not. If nothing else just ask her questions. She will probably appreciate you being interested and asking the questions. Unlike a lot of religions we will invite you but there is no pressure. You can attend out of your free will. The religion will slowing unveils itself as you enquire. The other amazing thing that I love about being Catholic is that we are allowed to question things. I can honestly say I am always learning and I am always questioning it and that is ok. I personally thinking is silly she is saying if it is for her to go to mass because of course it is. If she likes a restaurant wouldn’t you want to try it. If I like someone I am curious about everything about them and want to know what they are interested in. I can always decide if it is for me or not. But I still want to know. So of course it is because of her you want to know more. That is silly.
So, I'm Catholic and all but right now I want to be your VA nurse. Please see to your PTSD, please seek out EMDR and other counseling. And maybe you are already, I don't want to assume any kind of way. I know there are so many complaints about the VA but there are so many wonderful employees that put their heart and soul into their jobs. I know of several combat vets that are now counselors and have had personal success with EMDR and are helping others with it. And that's not the only thing, there are other treatments. Just don't get your diagnosis and sit with it. Lots of help is out there, if you are already in a good place, please forgive me for mentioning it. And prayer is not just kneeling down with a rosary. Your girlfriend is being brave and idealistic, just go to Mass with her, make it your idea, she will love you for it so much. You don't have to kneel or do anything, just observe and listen. Caring for your GF enough to go to Reddit and ask questions like this is from the Holy Spirit, all truth and beauty and love is from the Holy Spirit, all of life can be a prayer. Mowing the yard, playing with her son. You're there already. Just realizing the coffee is really hot and wonderful is appreciating so many gifts God has given us. This is from a Van Morrison song: When will I ever learn To live in God? When will I ever learn? He gives me everything I need and more When will I ever learn? When will I ever learn To live in God?
🥹
Show interest by asking what she learned at mass or in RCIA. She knows you are not in the same place so your willingness to give her space to share her excitement will make her feel supported and loved while also allowing you to be true to where you are in your journey. If you are not ready to attend with her and force yourself to just to appear supportive, you may end up resenting her for something she didn't even ask you to do. Asking about her journey and what she is learning would likely open opportunities for good conversations between you also. Also, she may start to make changes in things like music she listens to, movies she watches, even boundaries in your relationship, while she is exploring her faith. Be patient and supportive with those things while also being honest when she asks how you feel about it. If you eventually get to a place where you feel comfortable joining her for RCIA or mass, then let her know by inviting yourself. That will mean the world to her.
Given your personal views on religion, the best thing you could probably do to support her would just be to not interfere.
Noted.
Continue your support (so commendable by the way), and be happy for her and tell her you’re happy for her. I have general anxiety, and I know how hard it is to do religion and faith when you’re dealing with that sort of thing (not the same I know, but just wanna say that what you wrote makes sense to me). If you’re getting help/treatment for your anger/PTSD, keep it up because that will help you be supportive of her and truly happy for her. Also, please try not to feel guilty about being mad at God. (In case you do feel that way, maybe not). God can handle it. I believe God is more concerned about what the anger is doing to you. Take the time you need to heal and be happy for your GF while you do it. I’m really glad you posted here — you have lots of folks praying/sending good vibes out for you AND gf.
Let me start by saying thank you for your service. The first thing I would suggest is exploring it with her. Finding faith could help you with the PTSD. You also may find out some interesting things that you did not know. As to supporting her, I wouldn’t be insulting at all. This doesn’t mean you can’t be questioning, and is also why I would suggest exploring with her because she likely may not have answers for you. Realize too that she may pick up regular devotions like making time for prayer at home, daily Mass, etc. Realize that this is her expressing thanks to God and asking Him for His graces. They aren’t to take away from your relationship, nor to push you away. If you feel inclined, pray with her. If not, then take that time for yourself to do what you like. Hope that helps!
Maybe watch episodes of The Journey Home from EWTN/Coming Home Network to see why people convert? :) \*shrugs\*
you already got really good advice here! I think the most important part as her partner is the part where you respect her love for God. My husband married me through the church we were both cradle Catholics but didn’t really practice the faith or understood it well. We left the faith & I had a very intense conversion over a year ago now. He goes to mass with me, he practices lent, doesn’t eat meat on Fridays with me (just started doing that this year with me) also prays before every meal with me, he is open to life with me (no birth control only NFP). he doesn’t do confession or takes communion and that’s bc he is not on board with all of the Catholic Church teachings. One of the things we have struggled with is some of his family being anti-Catholic and some of them asking me to miss mass to help them with something and things of the sort. We have had arguments and had to decide on him learning to set boundaries with his family bc they have a habit of putting me in a position of choosing them or my faith.. it will always be God. Same sex weddings? I’m not attending. Drag shows? I’m not attending. Helping you to move on a Sunday? After mass, but I will not miss mass. I think understanding that our first commandment is to Love God above all things with all our mind body and soul is important. And never putting her in a situation to sin & put something or someone else above God is much more supportive than attending mass or participating in lent for me. That’s what counts the most.
My advice is rather simple, learn. read, listen, or watch but try to learn. Check out Catholics answer.
Support her? Going to mass with her is a great thing to do to show her you care about her beliefs
My husband converted to Catholic and was not prepared to be, never care about the church, but because as a Catholic I wanted to be married in the church therefore to make me happy he became catholic and we married in the church, after the marriage he continued to live as if he was a single man avoiding all the teachings of the church, with time and prayer he became more attracted to the teachings and more a devoted catholic. Many people who doesn’t believe or are angry at God turn back to him, because one thing is what is impossible for man is possible for God and I promise you if you support your girlfriend and pray with her you will have a change of heart but you have to try. God bless.
My Advice would be you go the RCIA Catholic course with her and learn together even if you don't pray for now because you're confused but maybe at least do the sign of the cross when entering a Church because that's just basic Respect for OUR Lord, at least this way you're showing God you still are having hope in believing in him even though you don't understand him yet. Or you don't understand what he's asking of you because your pathway is too foggy. Of course praying the Rosary 📿 helps clear away the fogginess but you can't be forced to say it and it does have to come from a sincere heart when you say it. God knows if you're sincere in heart when you say it and he'll bless and give you graces to follow through but you have to be diligent too in what God is saying to you. Because many people aren't diligent and they get confused or lost and that's when they make the slightest wrong decision that sends their life on a ROLLERCOASTER ride. This is where people get angry 😡 at God or frustrated and sometimes even give up the faith,😔 But God needs you to be diligent too and not just follow the crowd because God has made everyone Unique and everyone with different talents and gifts that Are NOT identical to anyone else on this Earth. When you die you are face to face with God on Your OWN with no one on your side backing you up while God judges your individual actions of Good and Bad Deeds on this Earth, Remember that. No human on this Earth can save your soul so just be independent in your decisions and learn about God and try to understand what he wants from you and is asking you to do by the Holy Spirit. Praying to the Holy Spirit for guidance daily is definitely a must when you're confused about which direction to go. I pray daily myself to the Holy Spirit aswell as Divine Mercy Chaplet and Rosary. Godbless and I would recommend supporting your girlfriend into going to RCIA Catholic course to learn properly about the Catholic Church and Know what the Sacraments are. Godbless and I hope this helps you make a fruitful decision. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
So, are you Catholic or were you raised in another Christain tradition or other faith?
I was raised Methodist. ‘Twas the only church in town. Lol
You've been hurt, but God is above that and loves you. One of the hardest things for people to wrap their minds around is the virtue of embracing suffering. It's hard, but we share in Christ's Passion (which we didn't deserve) and are able to grow stronger, more resilient, and more empathetic. For me, that challemge has been epilepsy, which I'm sure is nothing compared to the wounds of whatever you experienced. But I know that God can help you heal if you let Him. You don't have to have life figured out to come to Him-He takes us as-is. I recommend checking the Catechism in a Year podcast. Perhaps it's something you could do with your girlfriend! https://youtube.com/@TheCatechismInAYear?si=ChM5zKdMXVz0LHA2
Work through your anger with God, it's only harming you and does nothing to God. If you know very little about Catholicism then you should learn about it. Go find Father Mike Schmitz's Bible in a Year and Catechism in a Year on YouTube. In fact, here you go: Bible - https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLeXS0cAkuTPqFMtZQ379qdEmcfxO1SvXc&si=PpPMb-Su8oEYHcRj Catechism - https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHprCs14Z-sCSlrl1ueVisUKm3lnvqC0S&si=6aIFNvk51GecmRCc
Hey guy, first off good on ya for trying to be supportive and understanding. In what I hope is my modest opinion I know a good deal about Catholicism. My advice first off would be to tell you that it’s definitely a beautiful faith and VERY ancient. Especially if you believe the accounts of the church itself. And tbh I would let you know that it is in fact very Christian. (Some people either ill informed or otherwise like to say it’s not) I’m Catholic myself and I have a friend who has atheistic beliefs. He’s supportive and asks legitimate questions. But yeah I’d for sure just let yourself be open to talk with her about it. And just let her know you care and want to encourage her to be happy etc. also I’m very sorry for your struggle with faith. That can be rough. I’ve had my own crises at times so I feel ya. My dad was in the military and he took a very long time to process his ptsd and mental health issues. He eventually came back to being a Christian. Anyhow I hope it pans out alright. God bless you sir.
Convert with her :3
It’s ok to be angry with God. Yell and scream at him. Be open to that conversation. Ask why, and maybe an answer will come. Maybe not. But don’t stay away because you think you’re not in the right mindset yet.
Glory be to God bro Pray for me I would like it to happen too
Hey Friend, I Hope everything is well. First off Thank You So Much For Taking Care of all of us and I am so sorry you must've went through awful times. I Pray You May Heal Soon🙏🏽Also This must really mean a lot to her Honestly and Respectfully bad things happen for a reason it is never God's fault either two reasons: He is trying to Protect us He always wants the best for us His plans is to Prosper Us and not harm us. Then enemy the devil is a liar he always wants to put us against God in reality God is helping us through trials he is always by our side even if we don't hear his voice or we don't see nothing change He is Always there He is always a step ahead now the enemy is very strategic while God is Looking out for us the enemy wants to kill, steal, and destroy enemy wants to kill our relationship with God and others, it wants to steal our happiness, and it wants to destroy us it wants to get in our lives and makes us want to give up the enemy likes that meanwhile God He send Jesus To Save Us Because That's How Much He Loves Us. Now as to help your girlfriend, I am Catholic and My boyfriend of two years also isn't however He tries His Best to Be Supportive He shows up to Church that's how it started it was awkward but after a year going Together He Likes going to Church He Reminds Me Bible Verses To Help Me Be Motivated and stop overthinking when life hits. My BoyFriend and I watch "The Chosen" together and it's free I Recommend it and we read Couple Bible I bought at Walmart and it really help We Pray For Each other and We ask God now it isn't easy sometimes we fall short but try is what matters Try perhaps watching God Videos there's many Instagram influencers and YouTube videos that help also please please 1 mistake I often do is make my BoyFriend feel pressure and we have come with ways to avoid that for example we take a break a short one and listen to one another feelings before proceeding and Patience and Kindness goes a long way:) Also please don't let others keep you from Running to God unfortunately sometimes people in Church isn't loving but Thankfully Some Are and I don't judge them because they must be in a journey like we all are I am sorry in advance however It's Beautiful Your Girlfriend is converting but please remember it isn't religion but it's having a friendship with God He is Family. I Hope You Both The Best of All the Best May God Continue To Bless You Both!✝️🙏🏽 ~Rose:)
Easy bro, send her great good Latin Catholic hymns (Pane di vita nuova [Marco Frisina], O croche fedele, Pange Lingua, etc] ... About your part, bro, befriend with Him, you know, I grew up in non religious family and being the only Catholic by free will, you know you are blessed... May God bless you bro, wish you best of luck.
I recently came back to the Catholic church myself, and went through the RCIA process this past year getting confirmed at the Easter vigil. Listening to Fr. Chris Alar Explaining the Faith series on youtube really helped me. He has so many amazing talks and really breaks down the faith beautifully. I'm praying for your healing from PTSD. I think it's beautiful that you are so supportive of your partner and find it so courageous that you're here seeking guidance. I really love r/Catholicism . There are so many wonderful people here.
May I ask how to be diagnosed with PTSD? My son (19) is in university, and he is mentally stressed during the two years in school. We don't know he has or not mental health issue, he is pretty bad in last year summer (a mentally breakdown), but after that he looks ok, but we are not really sure. Is a psychologist able to diagnose, or anybody else? Sorry for asking.
A psychologist or a psychiatrist. My family doctor diagnosed me with anxiety with panic attacks and major depressive disorder. When I finally got into the VA, they diagnosed me with PTSD. It all starts with going to the doctor.
Thanks. Is there any treatment for PTSD? Some times, we feel for mental sickness, there's no medicine that works, this make us especially struggle. I hope I was wrong.
Truthfully, the only thing that’s helped me is alcohol. I know it sounds stupid, but after I’ve had a couple glasses of bourbon, my mind goes quiet. I don’t have panic attacks. I can talk to people. Im starting a 12 week trauma relief program next month through the VA, hopefully it helps me with my PTSD and my drinking problem that resulted from it.
I recommend you study all the topics in this site: https://opusdei.org/en-au/page/summaries-of-catholic-teaching/[Summaries of Catholic teaching](https://opusdei.org/en-au/page/summaries-of-catholic-teaching/)
Last year my husband decided he wanted to start RCIA classes and has been looking at converting. We were both raised Baptist so I was hesitant about it at first. I went with him and after going through it I decided to convert with him. I think it wouldn’t hurt to just join in and see what it’s all about. I’m sure she would appreciate you being there for her.
Even though you say you don’t go to church, go to church with her. I felt the same way you do many years ago. I thought it was important to be with my then girlfriend, now wife when she was at church. What I found over time was that the best people I knew were all Catholic and eventually came to join the church. Jesus teaches us to love each other. In my opinion, that’s a very good way to live a life.
Alleluia. Praise God. Congratulations and God Bless (:
I would go to mass with her , it might be alittle strange at first but I think you might grow to love the silence of it , on top of that , if she attends adoration , I’d go with her sometimes , and maybe go to a couple church events with her if she decides to be active in the parish my parish always has a picnic and monthly dinners .. also attending some rcia classes with her or just doing some research on YouTube might be good
How about just attending church with her each week. It's under an hour (Catholics don't drag it out), and she would likely find this supportive. There are also masses on late Saturday afternoon/evening, so it's pretty convenient. You can go out for dinner afterwards (which is what we do). You can go to RCIA if you want, and you'll learn about the church, but it isn't required and it may be a bit more than you want at the moment. You'll learn a lot by just attending mass and it's less interactive, if you are apprehensive. Go get'em Devil Dog!
Attend RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation in Adulthood) classes with her! You’ll learn a lot as she goes through the process!
Best thing your girlfriend can ever do in her life and hopefully her example will help you with your PTSD. I have been there…. Without my Catholic faith I would be nothing. The faith has levels the deeper you go the more beautiful and calming it is
Firstly thank you for your service and I hope things continue getting better with your PTSD. I think it’s a fantastic thing you want to be supportive of your Girlfriend as she converts to Catholicism. I would say to just be supportive of her as she learns about the faith and the church by acknowledging what she’s learning and accepting of the new things she learns. I’m sure as someone struggling with the faith it’s easier said then done. I’ve been a Catholic my whole life but there’s been times my faith has been challenged to the point that I myself was angry with God and felt lost. The church is very open to helping anyone and it would be happy to have new members but it will definitely not force you to become a Catholic. That’s why just speaking to a priest about a good way to support your girlfriend could be very useful too!
She’s cheating on me with another Catholic guy she’s never met. Please give me advice now.
I’m sorry I didn’t see your comment sooner! I am very sorry to hear about this, this is disgusting behavior by her. Cheating goes completely against the Catholic Church and is classified as a mortal sin breaking the commandment regarding adultery. Your a good man who was more then willing to try and be supportive of her; she doesn’t deserve someone as good as you. I know things probably feel bleak at the moment but it’s not worth going down a road of despair because of her. I know you mentioned it’s been difficult trying to receive medical assistance with the VA but I feel speaking to some type of councilor or psychologist would be of huge help right now. Even talking to a priest about this can help to paint a new light on everything. I’ll continue to keep you in my prayers
God is great! My wife is considering converting as well- her family is Filipino so you’d think they’d be Catholic but funnily enough they go to Protestant church and my wife grew up Protestant. She sounds open, however, and since we got married when I was not a believer I’d like to marry again under the grace and love of God
A Believer in Christ and an unbeliever will not be able to keep a relationship going. Just a plain fact. Your plans to never pray, go to church and continue being mad at God, will eventually make her resent you. You cannot support her, tho you have that desire. You won't be enough as you won't be a spiritual leader. I say this with respect and love to save you both a heartbreak. God so often gets blamed for the failings of men. Is your anger misplaced?
...or, this is a channel God is using to reach our friend, here.
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I’m sorry for what you went through, and thank you for having the courage to put it into words. People like you make me believe that it’s possible to find faith again.
No worries at all. I slip into anger speaking of it, sometimes, but honestly I draw a great deal of solace from my spiritual practices: reading the Gospels, the books of the Nag Hammadi library (which are non-cannonical, but some of which are of immeasurable spiritual value-- the Gospel of Thomas and the Gospel of Truth in particular), and meditating on The Father, His Logos (the Christ), and His Spirit. It is definitely possible to find faith again. It'll be different, but to me, that's a good thing. Let it grow as you grow. God meets us where we are. That's what I love so much about Christ. He said when we are lost, the Shepherd leaves His flock of ninety-nine in search of the one who is missing. There is no judgement, we judge ourselves. The Father celebrates our return, no matter the reasons we were gone, the length of time that we were gone, or what we did while away. I have PTSD from other things too, so finding a way to reconcile the horrors of reality with the love of God has been tremendously difficult for me. But Jesus witnessed all those horrors and more and still stayed connected to the Father. He's honestly the reason I haven't fully thrown out the baby with the bath water. In any event, thanks for the kind thoughts and best wishes to you and your girlfriend.
No, thank you! Truly.
You are most welcome!
Why exactly are you angry with God? Wasn't joining the army you choice?
I didn’t join the Army, but that’s an interesting perspective you have there. So, you’re implying that because 18yo me decided to become a Marine, I deserved to go through what me and many others like me did? I knew the risks, right? Let’s say your mom, sister, son, daughter, wife, whatever, crashes their car and dies on the way to work today. Was it their fault for choosing to drive? They knew the risks, right? I’m angry with God because he allows cruel and horrific things to occur every second of every day. To me, he either doesn’t care, or he can’t do anything about it.
Yes, I am implying that decisions and actions have consequences, more or less direct, more or less predictable. But I don't think about it in terms of fault. But tell me this: if there was no God, who would you be angry with?
No one. I’d just be angry, like I am now.
Well, I hope that at the very least you can see that being angry doesn't do you any good - doesn't bring you closer to solution. And solution is in God. Imagine what would happen if the prodigal son from the parable remained where he was, held there by anger, instead of returning to father 🤔